6/5/2015

Chapter3.14KleinBottlesrunAwayfromHome,pseudotemporarily

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Chapter3.14KleinBottlesrunAwayfromHome,pseudotemporarily(Hyperbolia)
Chapter3.14KleinBottlesrunAwayfromHome,pseudotemporarily
(caveattemporal~{illusionary})
"I'msometalIcrymercury,soit'sperfectlyokaytocryinStarbucks,"shesays,laughingandcrying
simultaneously,whichequalsroughlytwoofeighteencognitivethreadsoftheGordianknotconstantly
turninginonitselflikeaKleinBottlebutnotquiteinsuchatroublesomematterbecauseitwould
alwaysturnoutagainandsoforth.Thetroublesomebitisinthetranslationfromholographicdynamic
threedimensionalplusoneandthensomedarkmatterdistributionsimulations,asaroughanalogy,to
wordcontainerswithnointrinsicmeaningandrarelyoperationallydefinedincasualconversationand
evenofteninotherwisethancasualconversation.Inessence,thewholefiascowasapproximatelyas
troublesomeasattemptingtoblowawatermelonthroughadrinkingstraw.Andthatiswhyshewas
cryingandlaughingaboutdifferentthingsentirelyatthesametime,becauseshewasabletodosoand
thensomeasSomethingElseEntirely,butitsometimesmadehereyesleakgravityblastcalibertears
becauseitissometimesverylonelybeingSomethingElseEntirely,becauseuponbecomingSomething
ElseEntirelyitisveryrarethatanyonecanseeorhearyou.Butitisnotsadexactly,butsomethingelseentirely,anentirelydifferenthyperdimensional
emotionthatonehadyetbotheredtodesignaproperexpressionbeforebeyondsimultaneouslaughingandcryingbecausemostdesignersofwordsare
notevenSomethingElse,muchlessSomethingElseEntirely,whooftenlamentedthelackofholographicanddynamicallyrotatinghyperdimensional
weblikescientificjournalformats.
Inanycase,attherelativepointinspacetimeatwhichthedegreeofhermetallicitycommentreachedthedisembodiedtympanicmembranesofthe
disembodiesnarratorAKA"ThatCreepyKleinBottlePerson,"themuchmalignedaforementioneddisembodiedvoiceoftheseridiculouschapters
proceededtosnarfsomesortofblendediceddecafcoconutmilkandcoffeeconcoctionalloverapaperaboutgalaxyharassment,whichisanactual
termandcausedthembothtolaughevenharderdespitetheunfortunateboogerysaturationofaforementionedsciencepaper.
"Let'sgodrivesomemorenow,"shesaid,"afterwesendthistooneofourfavoritepeoplewhonailedusimmediatelywhichrarelyhappens."
Thatisnotareligiousreference,notesthedisembodiednarrator,sopleasenobindingofpantiesforthedurationofthischapterifyoudon'tmind
refrainingfrombeingoffendedbysillythings,justforashortdurationandexperimentalpurposesofcourse.
"Wherearewegoing?"saysthedisembodiednarrator,blowingalltheboogeryoutofhisdisembodiednose.
Atthispoint,SomethingElseEntirely'sfather,whointhisparticularpointinspacetimehadhisworldlinetragicallytruncatedfarbeforeshewouldhave
preferredespeciallyatherrelativepointinspacetime,namely,thepostboogerysnarfingStarbucksscene,pokeshisheadinthroughanappropriate
wormhole(forwormholesarealwaysappropriatewithina~3meterradiusofStrangeAttractorsandsaidjustashealwaysdoesoutsideoftime,
"Crazy!Wannacome?"
"Tragically,"shesaid,smilingandcryingsimultaneouslyforreasonswewillrefrainfromdiscussinghere,forwearetodrivesomewhere,apparently,
althoughonewouldsuspectthatthistripwouldnotleadtosomewhereelseentirelyexceptintermsoffourdimensionalFibonacciSpirals,"oneofour
favoritepeoplewhonailedusimmediately,withthestandarddisclaimerthatthisisnotareligiousreferenceasperprotocol,noraeuphemism,whichis
NOTasperprotocol,generallyspeaking,toldusthatwewereneurologicallywiredsuchthatweareentirelyunabletogoinsane."
Shepausedtosiphernonboogeryicewater,thepreviousnonboogeryicewaterhavingbeenspilledalloverthefloor,although,assheannouncedto
theconfusedbaristashe'managedtogetitdowntoadullroarwithnapkins,andthefloorwascleannowandnotentirelyapuddle,andtherewas
alreadyasynchronicityinplaceintermsofa"watchoutanddon'tfallonyourassonthewetfloor"alreadyinplaceoutoftemporalorder.
"Wecouldgosillyinstead,"saidhermuch,missedpaternalfigurepokingthroughthewormholefromoutsideoftimetovisitherashedidonceina
whilebutnotasoftenasshewouldlike,butthatwasjustthewayofthingsandsheunderstood.
"Welikesilly!"shesays,jumpingupandthistimedoinganoddslapstickcalibermaneuveronthedullroarwatersuchthatsherefrainedfrom
transformingthedullroarintoaproperpuddleandranoutsidewhileshouting,"inanycase,asagoodscientist,Ididtestthishypothesisatleastfour
timesandmadeaconcertedattempttogoinsaneoneachoccasion,forpurposesorreproducibilityofresultsofcourse,anddagnabbit,our'oneofour
favoritepeoplewho...wewon'tbotherwiththerestsinceithastobeaccompaniedbyallthoseunwieldystandardandnonstandarddisclaimers....'
Anyway,shewasright."
Shesulkedforjustananosecond,butitwasonlyamonkeypajamasulkandthereforeaprecursortoanyextremesillinesstofollowandgallopiedoutto
hercar,whichhadthedriver'ssidemirrorattachedonlybyneonorangetigerstripedducttapeandasmartassballpythonnamesfatsocrawlingaround
theinteriorsomewheresuchthathewouldnotcrawlaroundbatcaveinteriorsandknockthingsoffshelvesjusttobeasmartasswhenshewasnotthere
orlookingforhiminthelightfixtures,yelling"SILLYWECANDO!!!"
Thedisembodiednarratorshruggedandfollowedalongafterthefloatingwormholecontaininghermuchbelovedandmuchmissedpaternalfigurewho
wasdoingsomesortofmagictrickinvolvingacurtainandfloatingbowlingballstocommencethespreeofhighsillinesstofollow,andjusttobeeven
sillier,aboredlookingtroublesomeKleinbottlenamesBoBfloatedinappropriatelyfor(Euclideanspaceanyway)throughthemen'sroomdoorway
althoughnoneofthebothumansappearednonoticehim,orthewormholesanyoftheothersillinessandchaosforthatmatter,andfollowedalongtogo
sillyinsteadofcrazy,althoughifoperationallydefinedinacertainmannerthetwotermscanbeconsideredsynonymous.
Andthatisallwewrote,atleastuntilitbecomesnecessarytotendtounwieldymeatwagonfunctionssuchasunloadingphysiologicallyextraneous
liquidsontheotherprocessingend,whichdisembodiednarrators,beingdisembodied,neednottendtoofcourse.
"Shutupyou!"shesaidlaughing,"BecauseIcanpeeinthemen'surinal.NULLHYPOTHESISREFUTED!!!"
Iguesstherewasthatlastbitofbadsciencehumortowritebeforewegosilly,whichwewilldorightnow,althoughyourinertialreferenceframe
perspectiveswillnecessarilyvary.
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