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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014

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ALLWRITEFICTIONADVICE
A D V I CEONCR EA TI V EWR I TI NG

SAT URDAY,26APRIL2014

DialogueDilemmasPart2
Technicalities
Inpart1ofDialogueDilemmaswelookedatthe
groundrulesforcreatingmultifunctional,realistic
dialogue.
Butwhataboutthenittygritty,thetechnicalsideof
creatingdialogue?Wheredoyoustartanewlineof
dialogue?Whataboutinternalthoughts,howshould
theybepresented?Howdoyoucorrectlysetout
dialogue?Whataboutquotationmarks?
Thesequestionsallrelatetothetechnicalsideof
writingdialogue,thethingsyouhavetogetright.
Unlikealotoffictionwriting,therearenobendingrules
wheredialogueisconcerned.
Thefirstthingthatallwritersshouldlearnishowto
correctlyformatdialogue,i.e.setitoutcorrectly.
DialogueFormatting
Itsimportantthatyouclearlydenotewhoisspeaking
foryourreader,sodialoguemustalwaysbeclear.
Therearestilllotsofwriterswhodontusethis
correctly.
Firstly,wheneveracharacterspeaks,alwaysstarta
newparagraph.Dontmaketheclassicmistakeof
taggingonecharactersdialogueontothesamelineas
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2014_04_01_archive.html

A LL WR IT E FICT ION
A DVICE

IsBackstoryNecessary?
CreatingLastingImages
TrustYourMemories
ReadingYourMSSOutLoud
SortingFactfromFiction

WE LCOME T O A LL WR IT E

Soyou'veembarkedonyour
fictionwritingjourney.
It'soneofthehardestthingsto
docreateawhole,believable
worldforotherpeopletoenjoy,
especiallyifyou'renewto
writing.It'salsooneofthe
loneliestjobs,especiallywhen
thereisnohelporadviceor
support...sorightheretherewill
behandyarticles,examplesand
simplestepbystepguidesto
helpmakethecreativeprocess
thatmucheasier.

FE BR UA R Y FE MME S
FA T A LE S

Thisnewdeliciouslydark
anthologyisoutnow,witha
rangeofstunningfemalewriters
toscareanddelightinequal
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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014

anothercharactersdialogue.Forinstance:
Itsgettingdark.Weshouldmakecampsoon,David
said.Butwerenotfarfromthesettlement,arewe?
Janeasked.
Thisisconfusingforthereaderandgrammatically
incorrectbecauseJanesdialogueshouldnotappear
taggedontotheendofDavids.Remember,anew
paragraphdenotesanewlineofdialogue:

measure.Iamprivilegedto
haveeightshortstories/poems
publishedinthisbook,soifyou
likeyourdamesalittledarkand
dangerous,thisisthebookfor
you.

NOW A VA ILA BLE ON

A MA Z ON

Itsgettingdark.Weshouldmakecampsoon,David
said.
Butwerenotfarfromthesettlement,arewe?Jane
asked.
Thesameconceptappliesformultiplecharacters
talkingwithinascene.Eachonestillneedsanewline.
Forinstance:

FebruaryFemmesFatalesThe
Book

IknewhewasshiftythemomentIsawhim,Johnsaid.
Butyoudontevenknowhim,Paulsaid.
Hesjustmakingassumptions,asusual,Gran
muttered.Likehealwaysdoes.
Johnrecoiled.Thatsnottrue!
Youcanseethateachtimeacharacterspeaksthere
isanewlinethatshowsthereader.Thereisno
confusionwhichcharacterisspeakingandwhen.

WIS E WOR DS ...

Writingislikebeingmarried
youhavetoworkhardat
maintaininghappinessand
equilibrium,butinvariablyone
alwaysendsupinthedog
house.

A BOUT ME

Butwhatifyouneedthecharactertoperformanaction
whileinconversation?Orperhapstheymayhavea
longsectionofdialogue.Howdoyoutacklethis?
Writersuseanactioninterjection.Thatmeansyoucan
inserttheactionwithinthesameparagraphasthe
dialogue,becausethisdenotesthecharacterisstill
speakingwhileperformingtheaction.
Itdoesntmeanyouhavetostartanewparagraphfor
thecharactersaction,unlessthecharacterhas
finishedspeakingcompletely,nordoyouneedtomake
anewlinetocarryonthecharactersdialogueafterthe
action.
Thiscanbeaconfusingconcept,soIwilldemonstrate
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A J HUM PA GE
UNIT E DK INGDO M

I'vebeenwritingfor
over25yearsand
startedoutinthe
publishingindustry.I've
publishedarticles,studyguides,
poems,flashfiction,short
storiesandanovel.Ialsowork
fulltimesoI'mALWAYS
working.
V IEW MY CO MPL ETE PR O F IL E

BLOOD OF T HE FA T HE R

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014

withanexampleofincorrectdialoguestructure:
Imreadywhenyouare,Jakesaid.
Weshouldsneakintothetownatnightfall,Davidsaid.
Itwillbeeasierforus,lesschanceofusbeing
spotted.
Herubbedfrostfromhiseyes,blinkedafewtimes.
Firstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmtoshelter.
ItsclearfromthisexamplethatsplittingDavids
dialogueandtheactionhasmadeitconfusingforthe
reader,becauseitsnotentirelyclearwhoissaying
Firstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmtoshelter.Did
DavidsayitordidJake?Anditsnotclearwhois
performingtheaction,either.

NowavailableonAmazonKindle
UKandUS

BLOOD A ND GUT S
A NT HOLOGY

Theideahereistogivethereaderclarityandavoid
ambiguity,soifyoukeepthecharactersactionwithin
thesamesentenceasthedialogue,youavoid
confusion:
Imreadywhenyouare,Jakesaid.
Weshouldsneakintothetownatnightfall,Davidsaid.
Itwillbeeasierforus,lesschanceofusbeing
spotted.Herubbedfrostfromhiseyes,blinkeda
fewtimes.Firstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmto
shelter.
Thisversionisgrammaticallycorrectanditsstructured
properly.ItsclearwhoisspeakingDavidandthe
narrativeshowshimperforminganactionbeforehe
continuesspeakingagain.Thedialoguehasbeen
enhancedbyanactioninterjection.

YOUASCAREDYCAT?Now
availableatAmazon

FE BR UA R Y FE MME S
FA T A LE S S T OR IE S

DialoguePunctuation
Punctuationisoneofthosethingsthatnotallwriters
fullyunderstand.Therearesomeselfpublishedwriters
whohavemadesometerribleerrorswhenitcomesto
dialoguepunctuation,writerswhohaventtakenthe
timetolearnthecraftofwriting.
Itmeanstheyoftentheymissthebasicsofdialogue
punctuation,thingslikemakingsurethatthefirstword
ofalineofdialogueiscapitalised.Evenifitisntthe
firstwordofthesentence,thefirstlettermustalways
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becapitalised:
Jonsaid,Makemeastrongblackcoffee
Evenfictionnonexpertswillspotthesebasicerrors.
Oneisonetoomanyandspoilsthereading
experience.
Placecommascorrectly
Ifyouareusingatagsuchashesaid/shesaidin
ordertoidentifythespeaker,thenyoumustinserta
commadirectlyafterthelastwordofdialogue,asthis
denotesaprotractionofthespeaker,forexample:
Ineedtogetanewcellphone,shesaid.

VisittheFeardomclickthepic

Ishouldhaveknown,hesaid.
Thecommasafterphoneandknownshowthe
extensionofthespeakingcharacter.Ifthereareno
tags,however,thenitssimplyamatterofendingthe
dialoguewithafullstop.
Ineedanewcellphone.

FOLLOW BY E MA IL

Emailaddress...

Submit

S T YLIS H BLOGGE R A WA R D

Sometimesyoumightseeaninterjectionofaspeech
tag,oracombinationoftagandaction,withinthe
dialogue.Thispausesthesentence,beforethe
dialoguecontinuesafterthespeechtagoraction.For
instance:
Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid,and
wellbestrollingdownMontmartre.
Youllnoticethatthecontinuationofthedialogue,and
wellbestrolling,alsobeginsinlowercaserather
thanbeginningwithacapitalletter.Thisisbecausethe
secondpartofthedialogueisaprotractionofthe
sentence.Theshesaidisaninterjectionbetween
clauses.
Youcandothesamewithanadditionalaction,for
instance:

BLOG A R CHIVE

2015(8)
2014(46)
December(2)
November(5)
October(2)
September(4)

Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid,
adjustingherglasses,andwellbestrollingdown
Montmartre.

August(4)

Thesamesentencecanbestructuredusingafullstop

May(5)

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July(4)
June(4)

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014

instead.Butratherthangivingapauseinthedialogue,
itgivesaclearindicationoftheendofthedialogue.
Andthistime,thesecondpartofthedialoguestarts
withacapitallettertoshowanewsentence.
Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid.Well
bestrollingdownMontmartre.
Again,thesameconventionappliesifyouwanttoadd
actionafterthespeechtag.

April(3)
DialogueDilemmasPart2
DialogueDilemmasPart1
HowtoAvoidBadWriting
Part3
March(5)
February(4)
January(4)

Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid.She
adjustedherglasses.Wellbestrollingdown
Montmartre.

2013(49)

Becarefultoplacecommasandfullstopscorrectly.
Again,itsworthreiteratingthatthesewillbespottedby
agents/publishers,editorsandreaders.

2010(32)

2012(48)
2011(50)

T WIT T E R

InPart3wellcontinueourlookatthetechnicalitiesof
correctlyformattingandpunctuatingdialogue,sothat
youavoidanydialoguedilemmas.
Nextweek:DialogueDilemmasPart3

YoucanfindmeonTwitter:@AJ
Humpage

FOLLOWE R S

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SUNDA Y, 20 A PR IL 2014

DialogueDilemmasPart1
GroundRules
Dialogueisstraightforwardifyouknowhowtodoit
properly,andshouldntpresentanyproblems,butlately
Iveseenmanyselfpublishedbooksthatuseincorrect
orbadlystructureddialogue.Writersarestillgettingit
wrong.
Ifyouwanttogodowntherouteoftraditional
publishing,i.e.findinganagentorpublisher,thenits
paramountthatthesillymistakesfoundalloverself
publishedworkisntapparentwhenyousubmittoan
editorforscrutiny.
Dialogueshouldbecorrectandproperlystructured,
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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014

whichmeanswritersshouldbeawareofgroundrules.
Onceyouknowthosegroundrules,youcan
concentrateonthetechnicalityofconstructing
dialogue.
Movethestoryforward
Firstly,dialogueisnecessarytomovethestory
forward.Thatmeansitshouldbeconcise,itshouldget
tothepointandrelaypertinentinformationtothe
readeraspartofthecontinuingstoryarc.
Dialogueshouldneverturnintoaninfodumpinother
words,dontfillyoursceneswithhugechunksof
dialoguerelayingbackstoryorunimportantdetails.This
canputyourreaderoff,plusitmeansthestoryarchas
lostfocus.
Heresasimpleexamplecommontomanywriters
thedialoguebackstory/infodump:
Amystaredatthegreyslime.Wellneedtoget
samplesofthisstuff.
IknowallaboutmolecularbiologybecauseIstudiedit
atuniversityandIspentseveralyearstraininginthe
field,Dansaid.ThatmeansImwellqualifiedto
assessthissituationwithmyexperience,Iveworked
withmostofthetopbiologists

Chapter&NovelLengths
Justhowlongshouldachapterbe?
Whatsthebestlength?And
doesanovelhavetofitintoa
setamountofwords?Theseare
justtwoo...
Flashbacks
Whatisaflashback?Flashbackis
oneofthoseusefultoolsthata
writercanusetoenhancea
story.Itenrichesand,ina
sense,nourish...
Subplots
Imoftenaskedbynewwriters
howsubplotsshouldevolve.
Somewritersfindsubplots
difficulttogettogripswhile
othersareputofftry...

WOR K S OF A J HUMPA GE

http://ajhumpage.blogspot.com
ThrillersChillers'n'Killers

SHA R E IT

Thisisenoughtosendthereadertosleep.The
informationaboutDanandhisqualificationsand
experienceisntnecessaryindialoguebecauseit
soundstoostiltedandfeigned.Backgroundinformation
shouldbesprinkledthroughthenarrativeaspartofhis
characterisation.
Thedialoguecouldbewrittenlikethisinstead:
Amystaredatthegreyslime.Wellneedtoget
samplesofthisstuff.
Iagree,Dansaid.Icanrunseveraltestsbackatthe
lab,seeifwecanextractsomeDNAandfindoutwhat
creaturethiscamefrom.

T R A NSLA T E

SelectLanguage
Translate

Thesecondexampleismoreconciseitgetstothe
pointandmovesthestoryforward.

Poweredby

Realism

S E A R CH T HIS BLOG

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014

Theotherthingtorememberisthatdialogueshouldbe
realistic,toapoint.Ineverydaylife,conversationscan
dragonaboutperipheral,unimportantstuffandoften
filledwithstrangepausesandlotsofumsetc.They
maysayEroreh?alot.Theyespeciallysay,you
knowandlikeaswell.Forexample:
Hewaslike,youknow,reallyfriendlyandeverything,
and,well,IreallylikedhimandIwishedIdgivenhim
mynumber,youknow?
Thedialoguecanstillretainasenseofrealism,but
withoutthecolloquialisms.Thesearethethingsyou
leaveout.Forexample:

Search

STATS

PA GE VIE WS LA S T MONT H

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HewasfriendlyandIreallylikedhim.IjustwishId
givenhimmynumber.
Anotherimportantgroundruleistousecorrect
dialoguetags.Hesaidandshesaidbecomealmost
invisibletothereaderafterawhilehowever,writers
shouldntrelyonthemtooheavily.Instead,structure
sentencessoyoudontalwayshavetousethem.
Thesameruleappliesfortheuseofmoredescriptive
tagssuchasshewhinedorhecriedetc.Many
writersstillusethese,wheninrealitytheyrerarely
requiredifyouvegotsentencestructuresright.For
example:

AJ Humpage
Author and artist

Follow

Whydidyoudoit?shewailed.
Theuseofshewailedisunnecessaryandweakens
thedialogue.Thewaytocutouttheneedforthemisto
insertnarrativeinordertoshowcharacterthe
emotions,forexample:
Tearsfellacrosshercheeks.Hervoicepitched.Why
didyoudoit?
Thisversionremovestheneedforsillydialoguetags
andshowsthereaderthatthecharacterisemotional
simplybymentioningthetearsandpitchedvoice.Its
thateasytostepawayfromthehabitofunnecessary
dialoguetags.
DialogueLength
Anothersimilarmethodtotheexampleaboveistoadd
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characteractionsinbetweendialoguetoaddatouchof
realism.Ifyoufindthatyouvewrittenaparticularlylong
sectionofdialogue,thencharacteractionshelpsbreak
upthedialogueintomanageablesections,forexample:
ItwasonlywhenIgottothebedroomthatInoticed
shedgone,Dansaid.Ineverheardathing,notthe
dooropeningorthestairscreaking,absolutelynothing,
butIguessyoudontwheninadeepsleep.Herubbed
histemples.NowIfeelsoterriblethatIdidntwake,I
couldnthelpher
Youcanseethattheinsertionofactionbreaksthe
lengthofdialogueandhelpspacethesentences.Its
notamust,buttheyreagoodwaytoslipinlittle
snippetsoftone,tensionandemotion,andtheyalso
allowthereadertopausebrieflybeforecontinuing.
Varythedialoguelengths,givethempace.Contraryto
badadviceoutthere,noteverysentenceneedstobe
shortandtothepointinthebeliefthatreaders
attentionspansdemandit.Thatsprettydemeaningto
yourreader.Longersectionsofdialoguearejust
acceptableasshortones.Justmakesureyoupace
themandaddcharacteractionstobreakthemupand
maketheminteresting.
Dialect
Thisseemstobotheralotofwritersbecausethey
assumethattheyhavetogivetheircharactersavariety
ofaccentstomakethecharactermorerealmeaning
theyhavetowritedialogueusingthataccent.
Thisisnotabadthing,ifusedcorrectlyandsparingly,
butthedownsideisthatyoucouldconfusethereader
ifitsusedtoomuch.Readingitwillbecomeachoreit
willputthereaderoff,andyourcharacterwillsound
likeacaricature.
Theruleisalwaysaboutbalance.Usedialect,butdont
letitovershadowthedialogue.Lessissometimes
more.
Grammar
Unlikeyournarrative,whichmustalwaysbe
grammaticallycorrect,dialogueistheexception.It
doesnthavetobegrammaticallycorrect,especially
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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014

withcharactersusingdialectorslang,becausethis
formspartofthecharactersvoiceanditretainsahint
ofrealismofactualspeech.
Thatsaid,aswithdialects,dontoverdoit,otherwiseit
becomesannoyingtothereader.Keepabalanceand
dontletitovershadowtherestofthedialogue.
So,thosearethegroundrules.Thethingtoremember
withdialogueisthatitismultifunctionalitdoesmany
thingsallatonce.Dialoguesetsthescene,itimparts
pertinentinformation,itforeshadows,itenables
characterisationandrealismanditmovesthestory
forwardaspartofthestoryarc.
Nextweekwelllookatthetechnicalaspectsof
dialoguestructure,andmoreimportantly,howtoformat
dialoguecorrectly.

Nextweek:DialogueDilemmasPart2
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SAT URDAY,12APRIL2014

HowtoAvoidBadWritingPart3
Inthefinalinstalmentofhowtoavoidbadwriting,well
takealookatafewmorecommonerrorsthatwriters
haventyetunderstood,orhavechosentoignoreat
theirownperil.
Therearequiteafew,butIvehighlightedtheonesthat
cropupallthetimeinnarrative,commonerrorsthat
canbeandshouldbeavoided.
Adverbs
Oneofmanythingsthatdrivemecrazyistheuseof
toomanylyadverbs(althoughtheyrenottobe
confusedwithadjectivesthatendinly).
Adverbsareusedtomodifyaverb,anadjective,or
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anotheradverb.Theyrewordsthatdontreallybelong
inthenarrativethatsnottosayyouhavetoeliminate
alltracesofthem,becauseyoudonthavetogothat
far.Someareneededatcertainpointsandcanbe
useful,butonthewhole,manyareunwelcome.For
example:
Shelookedupathimlovingly,hisfacesofetchingly
constructed
Thisisthekindofstufffoundinalotofromancestyle
novels,anditsawful.Theuseofadverbsweakensthe
sentence.Itseemsasthoughmanywritershaveleft
theircreativitybehindtheydontconsiderthepower
andstrengthofthewordsintheirsentencestructures.
Theuseofadverbsalsoincludesthembeingusedas
dialoguetags,too.Onceagain,theyweakenthe
dialogueinthesamewayadverbsweakennarrative.
Oh,Ididntseeyouthere,shesaid,falteringly.
Thissentenceisbetter:Shefaltered.Oh,Ididntsee
youthere.
Yourplaceormine?hewhisperedlustily.
Thissentenceisbetter.Hisvoicebrimmedwithlust.
Yourplaceormine?
Adverbsareuniversallyhated,simplybecausetoo
manywillmakeyournarrativelookasthoughaten
yearoldwroteit.Andnotonlythat,buteditorshate
them.Soifyouareouttoimpresseditorswithyour
writingskills,firstmakesurethatyouhaventlittered
yournovelwithadverbs.
HangingParticiples
Myabsolutefavouritethingtohateaboutfictionwriting.
IdetestseeingthesewheneverIcritique,somuchsoit
makesmebreathfire.AndifIhatethemsomuch,
imaginewhatagentsandeditorsthinkaboutthem
Neverstartasentencewithahangingparticiple.Ifyou
wanttocreateambiguity,oryouwanttoconfusethe
readerifyouwanttoweakenthesentencestructure
andmakeitlooklikeyour7yearoldniecewroteit,or
youwanttomakeyourpotentialagentchokeonhis
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coffeewithyourlazywriting,thengoaheadandhang
yourparticiples.
If,ontheotherhand,youwanttoachieveacorrect,
tightandunambiguoussentencestructure,thenavoid
startingyoursentenceswiththem.Ifyourenot
convinced,takealookatthesebeauties:
Carryinghercoffee,shestormedintoDereksoffice.
Turningfromthedoor,hesawtheshadowinthe
corner.
Reachingforherphone,sheknewshehadtocallher
mother.
Thereisnothingremotelygoodabouttheseexamples.
Andstillwritersstarttheirsentenceslikethis.
Instead,takethetimetoreadwhatyouhavewritten,
learntospotadverbsandhangingparticiples.Learnto
becreativewithsentenceslearntocareaboutwhat
youwrite.
Flatnarrative
Anothercauseofbadwritingisflatnarrative(telling,
notshowing).Thisisdowntoeitherthewriterisntthat
confidentaboutwritingdescriptivescenes,theyre
afraidandnotsureaboutthem,ortheyvebeen
advisedthattoomuchdescriptionspoilsthestory.
Thereseemstobealotofcontradictoryadviceabout
howdescriptivenarrativeshouldbe.Ononehandthere
arethosethatlovedescription,becausewhenproperly
useditbuildsapictureforthereader.Thenonthe
otherhand,thereisasturdycontingentofantinarrative
folkswhoareadvisingwriterstokeepitsimple.
Ipersonallythinkbalanceisimportant.Thinkof
descriptionasthecementbetweenyourbuilding
blocks.Withoutit,thereisntmuchsupport.Itsthat
simple.
Thosewhoadviseagainstbeingdescriptivearenot
helpingwriterstheyrehinderingthecreativeprocess.
Descriptivenarrativeisamustallyouhavetodoasa
writeriskeepthebalancebetweensoundingflatand
boring,orbeingcolourfulandevocative.
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Noteveryscenewillrequirelotsofdescription,butyour
keyscenes,thosethatarerelevantandneed
atmosphereandtone,sensesandsurroundingsetc.,
aretheretohelpthereaderbuildamentalpicture,and
dorequireit.
Heresanexample:
Helookedaheadthroughtheforest.Therewasnoone
around.Thecoastwasclearandhemadehisway
backtothefarmhouse.
Whilethereisnothingessentiallywronghere,there
isntmuchforthereadertoworkwith.Thenarrativeis
flat.Itstellingratherthanshowing.And,surprisingly,
somepeopleadvocatethissimplisticapproachto
description.Thatsfine,butletscompareitwithsome
descriptiveelementsadded:
Helookedaheadthroughtheforest,sensespricked.
Therewasnoonearoundandnosound,exceptfor
muffledheartbeatinhisears.Silencecoiledbetween
barrenbranchesandsweptlowacrossthesnow.
Cautious,hemadehiswaybacktothefarmhouse.
Thissecondexampledoesntoverpowerwith
description,howeverthistimethereareenough
snippetsofinformationtohelpthereadervisualisethe
scene.Itsbalanced,andthatswhatwritersshouldbe
lookingfor.
Badwritingdisappearswithexperience.Themoreyou
write,thebetteryoubecome.Thebetteryoubecome,
themoreexperiencedyoubecomewitheditingand
spottingyourownerrors,sothereisnoexcuseforbad
writingonceyouhavegainedsomeexperience.

Nextweek:DialogueDilemmas
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