Beveridge Family News
Volume 4, Issue 1
Area Couple Faces Inexorable March of Time at
Flower Girl’s Wedding
PITTSBURGH, PA -- After thirteen years
of marriage and two children, it has been
increasingly difficult for Warminster resi-
dents Mike and Kathy Beveridge to main-
tain the illusion that they are still young
and cool. This October, the last tattered
shreds of their youth were scattered to the
winds of Pittsburgh, PA as they attended
the wedding of cousin Jill Marincic—the
flower girl for their own wedding in 1995.
Indeed, the trip from their Warminster
home to western Pennsylvania was like a
trip back in time for the rapidly aging cou-
ple, as they attended the ceremony at the
Church of the Assumption in Avalon, PA
and the reception at the Embassy Suites in
Coraopolis, PA— the same venues that
hosted their own wedding events.
“Assumption has been the Welsh fam-
ily parish for generations, so it was the
only place for Jill’s wedding,” noted proud
mother of the bride (and aunt to Kathy and
Mike) Maureen Marincic. “And we had so
much fun at the Embassy Suites the first
time that we had to do it again. Plus, we
were hoping to convince Mike and Kathy
that they were back at their own wedding
so they would pay for it. They’re so addled
with old age, we thought they might fall
for it.”
Beveridge Family News
Online Extras
See exclusive footage of the Beveridge and
Welsh cousins shaking their groove things!
Visit www.youtube.com, enter “BevFamNews”
into the Search box, and click Search.
[Special thanks to Paul and Kathy Driscoll of D3
Media for the video conversion and A/V geek
stuff: www.d3media.net.]
Holiday Edition December 2008
Despite their rapidly deteriorating
faculties, the Beveridges were able to note
the differences between their own wedding
and their cousin’s. “So much has
changed,” a wistful Kathy commented. “At
our wedding, Jill was a cute, slightly crazy
young girl in a green dress. Today, she’s a
cute, slightly crazy young woman in a
white dress.” Husband Mike also noted the
differences between then and now. “All
the same people that were at our wedding
are here, except they all look really old,”
he pointed out. “Except Kath and me. We
still look exactly the same.”
As the evening went on, however,
Mike was forced to admit that times had
changed for him and his lovely bride as
well. “I was talking to Mike and Kathy at
the reception, and they were telling me
about how their wedding preparations
were so frantic and how all weddings are
the same that way,” recalled Jill. “I totally Siblings Colin and Keenan grudgingly pose with
agreed, and I told them how I was con- middle-age parents Kathy and Mike Beveridge.
stantly checking Google Maps so I could
text updated directions to guests, and how middle age. He said he was having fun
I ran up my cell phone bill while uploading watching us dance and he was going to ask
digital photos to my Facebook page.” for a copy of the videotape. I said ‘What’s
“I asked Mike if he had the same a videotape, Dad?’ That’s when he started
problems before his wedding, and he just drinking a lot.”
stared at me for like a minute. Then he said As the reception came to a close Vic
‘yeah, now why don’t you get in your Marincic, father of the bride and uncle of
rocket car and go back to your own planet, the kvetching couple, offered some valu-
freak.’” able advice to help them keep their per-
The future shock continued as the recep- spective. “They think they feel old now?”
tion progressed. “All my younger cousins he pointed out. “Wait till their kid’s the
ran out to the dance floor, and Mike and I one getting married.”
went with them,” Kathy noted. “But we
didn’t recognize any of the songs. These
kids today don’t appreciate the old musical Warm wishes for a happy
standards—you know, like Billy Idol and and healthy new year from
the B-52’s.”
To add insult to injury, the most en- the Beveridge Family!
thusastic supporters of the new-fangled
music were Mike and Kathy’s own chil- Kathy, Mike
dren. Along with their cousins Henry and Colin, and Keenan
Aidan Welsh, Colin and Keenan were right
in their element on the dance floor [see 1195 Dager Road
Online Extras, inset]. “I was having fun Warminster, PA 18974
dancing and my dad starts complaining
about how the music is too loud,” nine- 215-441-4827
year-old Colin recalled. “I told him to
lighten up, and he said he was sorry and michael.beveridge@aacr.org
that he was having a hard time adjusting to kathleen.beveridge@comcast.net
Page 2
Area Woman Gets Back to Nature with
Backyard Garden
WARMINSTER, PA -- One of the
buzzwords of 2008, a “locavore” is a
person committed to obtaining as much
of her food from local sources as possi-
ble. Local greenthumb Kathy Beveridge
spent the summer of 2008 transforming
into a “loco-vore,” which is a person
crazy enough to try to grow it all herself.
Beveridge was inspired to her green
calling by Barbara Kingsolver’s book
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, which es-
poused the many benefits of home-
grown produce. In early May she put her
plan into action, digging out a large sec-
tion of the backyard with the grudging
assistance of her husband, Mike.
Responding to allegations that he was
not entirely supportive of the project,
Mike insisted that his reservations re-
lated only to the timing. “Hey, I love the
garden idea,” he stated in a recent inter-
view. “There’s only one thing I love
more than eating vegetables, and that’s
eating vegetables that I had to crawl
through the dirt to pull out. But she
started digging the garden the week be-
fore our party for Colin’s First Com-
munion, and I just thought that maybe
we should be spending that time scrub-
Beveridge Family News
bing the toilets and making meatballs for
40 people, not digging a 300-square-foot
shallow grave next to the back porch.”
Mike’s objections intensified later in
the summer when, with her seeds on the
cusp of sprouting, Kathy left town for
four weeks to pursue her Master’s
coursework on the campus of the Uni-
versity of Notre Dame. “Hey, it’s bad
enough she left me to raise her kids,” he
pointed out, “but this time she had me
looking after the garden, too. I mean, the
kids aren’t that hard; you just put some
food out once in a while. But I had to
wake up early every morning to water
the damn squash. The only bright side is
that I don’t have to put the squash
through college.”
Despite the work involved, the family
did enjoy the benefits of the garden
while Kathy was away. “Keenan wanted
peas with dinner one night,” Mike re-
called, “so I go outside, get down on my
knees, and start pulling pods off the lat-
ticework. Then I bring them inside, shell
them, wash them off, and steam them.”
“An hour later I had three tablespoons
of peas to put on his plate,” Mike noted.
“He took one bite and said ‘I like the
kind we usually eat.’ Now I know why
that Green Giant is always so jolly.”
Despite her husband’s complaints,
Kathy was transformed by the experi-
ence. “This year, the Woman’s National
Farm and Garden Association had its
Annual Meeting in Philadelphia,” she
pointed out. Eighty women from the
WNFGA gathered at my friend Jenny
Carey’s house for dinner, and we fed
them all with salads made with spinach
and lettuce from my very own garden. It
Top left: Green thumber Kathy
Beveridge. Left: Kale, peppers, car-
rots, lettuce, and peas still flourishing,
despite brown thumber Mike
Beveridge’s best efforts.
December 2008
Keenan Beveridge, living off the fat of the land.
was delicious, and the fact that I grew it
myself made it even better. The only
problem with the garden was that it
wasn’t big enough, but we’ll fix that
next year when we double the size.”
When pressed for comment, Mike
indicated that his wife would expand the
garden “over my dead body.” When told
of his statement, Kathy agreed that it
was “a great idea. I’ve always heard that
uncooperative husbands make the best
compost.”
Couple on Facebook
Lacking Virtual,
Actual Friends
CYBERSPACE — Area residents Kathy
and Mike Beveridge, in a desperate and
sad attempt to remain “hep” despite their
advancing age [see related story, page
1], have both set up pages on Facebook,
the social networking site. Unfortunately
for them, social networking requires that
they have a network.
Kathy, Executive Director of the
Bucks County Women’s Fund, focused
her page on this worthy non-profit,
while Mike, an insufferable egomaniac,
has devoted his page to himself. Sadly,
both pages are in need of friends (not
surprisingly, in Mike’s case).
Family and friends with their own
Facebook pages are encouraged to send
a Friend request. Search for “Bucks
County Women’s Fund” or “Mike
Beveridge.” Please.
December 2008
Area Youth Thrills Baseball Fans with Arm, Bat
WARMINSTER, PA -- After enjoying the
ride of a lifetime that culminated in his
winning the Warminster Baseball Rookie
League championship last year, local phe-
nom Colin Beveridge had great expectia-
tions as he began his first Intermediate
League season. Like many superstars,
however, he struggled in his sophomore
campaign, but he also managed to provide
his fans with several memorable moments.
Colin’s biggest challenge was handling
the transition from the pitching machine to
live kid-pitching. The variation in speed
and location from pitch to pitch threw off
his timing, and he struggled at the plate as
the season began. “I tried to help him as
much as I could,” recalled dad and biggest
fan Mike Beveridge. “Every weekend we
went to the diamond down the street and I
pitched to him. The problem was, the nine-
year-olds he was facing in games were
much better than I was.”
Despite his struggles, the move to kid-
pitching gave Colin the opportunity to
realize a lifelong dream. “He’s wanted to
pitch in a real game since he started play-
ing tee-ball,” said proud mom Kathy
Beveridge. “Before this, the only chance
he got to pitch was in backyard wiffle ball
Local Boy Now Holds Pants Up with Purple Belt
WARMINSTER, PA -- Local ninja Keenan
Beveridge continued his march toward black
belt excellence this past November by earn-
ing his purple belt in front of a packed house.
The star pupil impressed family and onlook-
ers by performing a flawless kata routine in
sync with his other classmates, prompting his
parents to wonder if he was leading a double
life.
“The kid was amazing. He followed Sen-
sei Joe’s instructions with laser precision and
performed a ten-step routine from memory,”
marveled shocked mother Kathy Beveridge.
“And yet he couldn’t remember to turn off
the bathroom light if his life depended on it.”
After modeling his new accessory, Keenan
announced that he was moving to the inter-
mediate class to begin his black belt pursuit
in earnest. “I am committed to achieving my
goals,” he stated in a recent interview, “and I
will follow the black-belt principles of Mod-
esty, Courtesy, Integrity, Self-Control, Perse-
verance, and Indomitable Spirit.”
“Yeah, those are great principles,”
Beveridge Family News Page 3
SPORTS
games, but the only pitches Mike taught ball. “I’d like to be a Major League player
him were backdoor screwballs and other someday,” the wunderkind said. “Or
junk that never worked anyway.” With maybe a coach, so I can help teach people
such a questionable teacher, it was no sur- the basic skills of baseball. You know,
prise that Colin struggled with his control people like my dad.”
on the mound. “Yeah, he ‘hit the bull’
quite a bit those first few games,” Mike
admitted. “For a while, the only safe place
to stand in the batter’s box was on the
plate.”
However, Colin’s hard work paid off in
spectacular fashion as the season entered
its final third. In one game, Colin took the
mound in the bottom of the last inning in a
tie game knowing that giving up a single
run meant losing. He responded by striking
out the side to preserve the tie. In another
dire situation, he came to the plate in the
last inning with the bases loaded and his
team trailing by four and launched a ma-
jestic game-tying grand slam. “I always
told him, ‘Swing hard in case you hit it,’”
Mike said. “He went against my own hit-
ting style by opening his eyes, but it
seemed to work for him.”
Energized by Colin’s performances, his RHP Colin Beveridge set to unleash a devastating
teammates went on to win both games in fastball, a pitch with so much movement that
extra innings, and Colin came out of the hitters don’t know where it’s going. Unfortunately,
season with an even greater love for base- neither does Colin.
agreed confused father Mike Beveridge. “I ing the sign on our fridge wasn’t the way
was thinking of asking Sensei to add a few to reach the widest audience. It’s too bad,
more principles to the list, like ‘Brush because it really is a great ad. In fact, I
Your Teeth When You’re Told’ or ‘Put think it’s a haiku.”
Your Clothes in the Hamper.’ The kid can Undaunted, Keenan vowed to press on
break a board with his palm, but appar- in his quest to share black belt excellence
ently his plate is too heavy to carry to the with the world. “Keen will make his mark
sink after dinner. Maybe he should wear on the world someday,” Mike predicted,
the purple belt around the house.” “and when people think of him, they will
Despite his parents’ frustration, Keenan always remember that he was very kung
has shown flashes of industriousness since fuey. Very kung fuey, indeed.”
receiving his new belt. Hoping to open his
own dojo and teach kung fu to a new gen-
eration of students, he wrote and posted
the following ad:
Want to learn how to do kung fu?
Meet Keenan
Is very kung fuey
The young sensei’s optimism was tested
when he received no takers after several
weeks. “I tried to explain that with the
economic slowdown, families were scaling
back on their discretionary spending,”
Kung fu master Keenan Beveridge’s call for
Kathy stated. “Plus, I told him that hang-
disciples.
Page 4 Beveridge Family News December 2008

Hats Off to Local Boy on Return to Soccer Glory
WARMINSTER, PA – When Keenan
Beveridge first signed up to play for the
Fireballs in the under-nine Rookie
League of the Warminster Soccer Club,
fans saw several obstacles standing be-
tween him and success.
First, Beveridge’s initial foray into the
world of youth soccer, as a five-year-old
back in the fall of 2006, was not a
smashing success [See “Rookie Athlete
Takes Soccer World by Storm,”
Beveridge Family News, 2006]. Al-
though he showed flashes of brilliance in
that first season, Keenan’s major preoc-
cupations were the color of his uniform
and getting his snack after every game.
Second, he rejoined the league after a
year layoff, after which he was bound to
be rusty. “Actually, he held out as part
of a contract negotiation,” recalled
Keenan’s agent and father, Mike. “It
wasn’t until halfway through the season
that we realized he wasn’t under con-
tract, and by then it was too late to join a
team.”
Third, on the first day of practice
SPORTS
Unfortunately for Keenan and his in her defense. “Hey, no need to ques-
team, the objective of soccer is to score tion it. I paid the registration fee, and my
more goals than the opponent, which kid is getting a trophy. End of story.”
means that good defense is essential to
success. Despite their heroic efforts, the
defensive players were unable to over-
come their coach’s bad mojo, and the
Fireballs struggled to protect leads.
“You score seven goals in a game, you
figure you have a good shot at winning,”
noted a despondent Coach Steve. “But
when Mike is your last defense, pretty
soon you realize that no lead is safe.”
With their exciting brand of quick
strike soccer, the Fireballs overcame
early-season struggles to finish with a 5-
7 record. While their goal of a champi-
onship may have eluded their grasp,
Keenan and his teammates were excited
to achieve a more important goal. “I got
a trophy!” he shouted joyfully at the
end-of-season celebration. “It lights up
and everything! This is way cool!”
When asked how a 5-7 team could
have earned a trophy, Kathy was fierce Keenan Beveridge and his hard-earned trophy.

Area Coach on the Hot Seat after

Keenan’s father and former agent, Mike,
was drafted into an assistant coaching
role by head coach Steve McDevitt.
Given Mike’s infamous history as a head
basketball coach [see related story, in-
set], soccer fans could see things ending
badly for Keenan as well as his team.
Despite the long odds against him,
Keenan electrified the soccer world with
a breakthrough performance. Placed on
the front line in his first season of eight-
on-eight soccer, he ranked among the
team leaders in scoring with nine goals
on the season. The highlight came mid-
way through the season when he tallied
a hat trick to lead his team to victory.
“I had full confidence that Keenan
would have a great season,” recalled
proud mother Kathy Beveridge. “He had
two more years of maturity since his last
soccer experience, and his karate pro-
gram kept him in good shape during his
layoff. And since Coach Steve had Mike
working with the defense, I figured it
would hard for him to screw up the of-
fense.”
Consecutive Winless Seasons
WARMINSTER, PA -- Youth basket-
ball coach Mike Beveridge began prepa-
rations for his third season at the helm of
his son Colin’s team while still search-
ing for his first career victory, despite
rumblings that his job may be in jeop-
ardy. Beveridge already made conces-
sions to keep his job as last year’s numb-
ing campaign stumbled to a close, agree-
ing to be stripped of his general manager
role so he could concentrate on coach-
ing. As training camp began in early
December, however, it looked as though
he might also be stripped of his father
role. Unnamed sources within the family
have confirmed rumors that superstar
Colin will demand a trade to a new fam-
ily if the upcoming season begins the
way the last two ended.
Despite his son’s mutinous intentions,
Beveridge refused to dwell on the con-
troversy or his 0-28 record as a head
coach, preferring instead to remain posi-
tive during a recent press conference
after the team’s first practice. “Look,
Colin just wants to win. We all just want
to win,” he pointed out, responding with
“Next question” when reporters asked
him if he had any idea how to win. “I’m
actually happy to not have to worry
about the general manager responsibili-
ties, and if I give up my father position
that just frees me to me focus on coach-
ing to the best of my ability. And hey,”
he noted, “at least I still get to keep my
husband job, right?”
When asked to comment, family CEO
Kathy Beveridge stated that “Mike is my
husband at the moment, and there are no
immediate plans to change that. How-
ever, we will be evaluating the entire
organization after the season is over.”
December 2008 Beveridge Family News Page 5

Local Boy Teaches Self to Ride Bike:

Father No Longer Needed
WARMINSTER, PA – Keenan Beveridge
just couldn’t wait any longer.
After receiving a new two-wheeler bike
last Christmas while his old bike still had
training wheels, he languished for months
watching his brother ride up and down the
street. He had been itching to learn how to
ride on two wheels, but bad weather, bas-
ketball coaching, and family commit-
ments on the weekends had prevented his
father, area resident Mike Beveridge, from
teaching him. One Friday afternoon in
February, while waiting for Mike to get
home from work, Keenan decided to take
matters into his own hands.
“He’s out on the sidewalk twitching like
he’s about to explode,” recalled proud
mother Kathy Beveridge. “Suddenly, he
runs up to the garage, pulls out the bike,
and asks me to help him get on. He falls
once, gets back on, wobbles, and then he
just takes off down the street. It was
amazing.”
Mike was slightly less excited by the
news, taking Keenan’s personal victory as
a vote of no-confidence in his abilities as a
dad. “Running behind the bike is what the
dad does,” he lamented. “And since he
won’t need to tie a necktie for another six
or seven years, he basically has no use
for me now. It was hard enough to get
him to put his clothes in the hamper be-
fore, but now he’s got no incentive to do
what I say.”
Kathy was more sympathetic in her
assessment. “He’s a little older than
Colin was when he first learned to ride,
and his bike is a little smaller than
Colin’s, so it fits him better. Even if he
had waited for Mike it would have been
a quick lesson anyway. Mike does a lot
of important things for the boys. Nothing
specific comes to mind at the moment,
but I’m sure there’s got to be some-
thing.”
Despite his wife’s reassurances, Mike
refused to be convinced. “They don’t
need me at all. And Kath doesn’t have
much use for me, either. As soon as they
invent a tool to open jars and kill spiders,
she’ll drop me like a bad habit.”
When told of Mike’s comments, Kathy
was intrigued. “A tool to open jars? And
kill spiders? Have you seen this tool?
Where can I order one?” Keenan Beveridge, leaving his father in the dust.

Area Youth Takes Up Violin in Attempt to Enhance Sad Face

WARMINSTER, PA -- Increasingly frus-
trated by the failure of his sad face to have
any effect on his parents’ decisions regard-
ing bedtime and extra dessert, local youth
Colin Beveridge has resorted to a fiend-
ishly clever strategy—learning the violin
so that he can provide a melancholy
soundtrack to his pleading.
For over a year Beveridge—along with
his brother, Keenan—had seen his puppy-
Keenan and Colin’s puppy-dog eyes. Left: Without violin, totally hilarious. Right: With violin, heart-
breakingly sad.
dog-eyed pleas inspire laughter instead of
tears in his parents [see “Local Urchins’
Sad Faces Unintentionally Hilarious to
Parents,” Beveridge Family News, Decem-
ber 2007]. Hoping that the sound of his
violin strings could pull their heartstrings,
Colin signed up for lessons at Willow Dale
Elementary School and began practicing
every day.
After two months he found that he truly
enjoying playing, “especially the sad
songs. In fact, I’m working on an original
composition,” Colin noted excitedly after a
recent practice. “It’s called ‘Can I
Pleeeeeease Have a Cookie?’”
“I think Colin’s sad music will really
make my puppy-dog eyes look even sad-
der,” noted Keenan, who has begged al-
most daily since Thanksgiving for a Nin-
tendo Wii video game for Christmas, only
to rebuffed each time. “If that doesn’t
work, we’ll find a doctor to transplant
actual puppy dog eyes into our heads.”
Despite the boys’ efforts, a recent inter-
view with their parents did not provide
encouraging news. “Yeah, the violin
makes pretty sad music, but those faces
they make are freaking hilarious,” noted
the boys mother, Kathy. “He’s getting
better every day, but if he wants to stay up
for five more minutes at bedtime he needs
to take up a sadder instrument, like maybe
the cello.”
Page 6 Beveridge Family News December 2008

Area Phillies Fan Uncertain How to Cope with

World Series Victory
PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The Philadel-
phia Phillies are the 2008 World Cham-
pions of baseball—a development that
local resident and lifelong fan Mike
Beveridge is having trouble compre-
hending.
“The end of the baseball season is
usually an emotional time, but this time I
have a feeling that I can’t identify,”
Mike recalled in late October, after the
Phillies defeated the Tampa Bay Rays in
five games to claim only its second
world championship in the 125-year
history of the franchise. “It’s not depres-
sion or anger or even despair. I guess I
would describe it as ‘un-disappoint-
ment.’ It feels neat; kind of tickles in-
side.”
Beveridge had become very familiar
with depression, anger, and despair dur-
ing the 28 years since the Phillies won
their last title, enduring 26 seasons of
But the Phillies’ thrilling victory, de- not sure what to think about that; seems
mediocrity and two seasons of playoff
livered by a core group of players all like a dangerous idea to put in a kid’s
heartbreak. The low-water mark came in
entering their prime, have raised the head.”
1993, when the Phillies took a 6-5 lead
possibility of a scenario that their fans When asked if she shared her hus-
into the bottom of the ninth inning of
had never imagined: sustained excel- band’s concern that a small taste of suc-
Game 6 of the World Series, only to see
lence. “My son Colin is nine years old,” cess would leave their son unprepared
their season end on the second-ever Se-
Mike stated on October 31, the day two for the inevitable disappointments of life
ries-clinching walk-off home run in
million people descended on Broad as a sports fan, Kathy Beveridge was
baseball history. “I always assumed
Street for a championship parade, “and confused. “Disappointment? I’m not
that’s what the playoffs were for,” Mike
in his entire living memory the Phillies sure what you mean,” she said, with a
noted. “To break the monotony of disap-
have been great. A victory like this glowing smile on her face. “I’m a
pointing seasons with occasional glim-
could teach him that all good things are Steelers fan.”
mers of false hope.”
possible in life if you just believe. I’m
Top: The front page of
the Philadelphia Inquirer
on October 30, the
morning after the
Phillies confounded
fans everywhere by
winning the 2008 World
Series.
Far left: Mike, Keenan,
and Colin Beveridge
sporting their rally hats
on the Series-clinching
night of October 29,
Inexplicably, the hats
worked. Left: Colin
Beveridge celebrates
the Phils’ clinching of
the National League
East, an improbable
event that sparked an
impossible run.