Huh???

Blah…Blah
…Blah…

Arvi Balseiro

1
The intent of the message received…

The intent of the message sent 2

The Unpredictable Nature of Schooling

Handling difficult situations and

managing people requires effective
communication skills. 3
 Communication
Counts!
Outcomes
> What communication is and how the
process operates as a system.. verbal and
nonverbal communication

> What active listening techniques

promote effective communication

> How you send and process

information… preferred communication
style

> What communication techniques can

be used when handling difficult situations

> What behavior patterns get in the way of

the communication process 4
 What is
Communication?

9Accidental

9Expressive

9 Rhetorical
5
Communication
is Powerful!
9 Dynamic… The
process is constantly
in a state of change.
9 Continuous… The
communication
process never stops.
9 Irreversible…Once
we send a message,
we cannot undo it.
9 Interactive…We are
constantly in contact
with other people and 6
with ourselves.
The Power to Maneuver Ideas

Added to
other ideas

Set into categories

Ideas are examined

Vague impressions become reality

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 Communication
Environment
Source Receiver
Channel for
Culture Culture

Communication Skills NOISE Communication Skills

Physical State Physical State

Emotional State Emotional State
Messages & Experience
Experience
Feedback Attitudes
Attitudes
Memory Memory

Expectation Expectation

Noise Noise

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 Verbal Communication…
Words Have an Impact

There are words whose effects are subtle

and unperceived; there are words that
comfort and words that pain; that support
and that undermine; words that inform and
that mislead; that foster rationality and that
impede it; words that divide and words that
unite.
Thomas L. Nilson
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 Carefully Choose Your
Words…Communication Blurps

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important

part of your life.” Brooke Shields during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: “ I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we
would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
would not live forever.” Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA
contest
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 Carefully Choose Your
Words…Communication Blurps
“ If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning,
when they wake up dead, there will be a record.” Mark
Fowler, FCC Chairman

“ Your food stamps will be stopped effective March

1992 because we received notice that you passed
away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there
is a change in your circumstances.” Department of
Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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 Carefully Choose Your
Words…Communication Blurps

“ It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment.

It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing
it.”
Al Gore, Vice President

“ The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A

genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Joe
Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst

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 Words Chosen…
What You Say…

• Tip: The best way to keep your message focused is

to determine up front exactly what you want to
accomplish. Having a clear objective will help you
throughout your talk.

• Tip: Capture the listener’s interest. Grab his/her

attention so the listener is willing to set aside other
thoughts and distractions for a while.
Tell the listener how this discussion impacts him/her;
or, if you are talking to a parent, how the discussion
impacts his/her child. 13
 Words Chosen…
What You Say..

• Tip: State your central point early on. Keep it simple and
straightforward. Offer supporting points that provide the
information that you want to get across to the listener. To
hold the listener’s attention, supporting points should be well
organized and presented logically and clearly. Possible
ways to order supporting points are:
Cause and effect
Chronological order
Most important to least important
Simple to complex

• Tip: Illustrate your points with relevant information that

appeals to the listener’s communication preference style.
Try using personal experiences, examples and facts. 14
Tone of Voice…How You Say It..
Paravocalics
VOLUME
RATE

STRESS
PITCH PAUSE

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 Tone of Voice…How You Say It..

Varied Voices

‰ Firm and Fair Voice…used as a positive, but firm way

to communicate your message. It is a “no questions asked”
voice that gives directions and receives attention.
“We must always strive to ensure we are delivering
the mission of our school… character first.”

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 Tone of Voice… How You Say It..

Varied Voices

‰ Animated Voice… used when you are being playful,

getting your faculty excited, or just having fun.

“Great job! I was thrilled in the manner in which you

elicited higher order responses from your students!”

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Tone of Voice…How You Say It..

Varied Voices
‰ Limit-Setting Voice:

“I cannot
discuss another
child with you.”

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Listening Plays a Vital Role in
the Communication Process

Yet…our ability to listen is often challenging

¾ Staying tuned in despite the volume of

information
¾ Discussing complex and important issues
with people whose vocabulary and frames of
reference are different from yours
¾ Interacting with others who have different
backgrounds
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 What is Effective/Active
Listening?

Active Listening is a process in which the

listener…

¾ Takes active responsibility in understanding

the content and feeling of what is being said
¾ Uses appropriate body language to show
that he/she is listening
¾ Checks with the speaker to see if he/she
heard what the speaker intended to
communicate 20
 Elements of Effective/Active
Listening
• Content: The subject the speaker is addressing.

• Feelings: The emotions the speaker has when

discussing the subject.

• Process: The manner in which the speaker delivers the

subject matter.

• Clarification: The ability of the individual listening to

ask questions and to seek understanding of the subject
matter.
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 Barriers to Active Listening
• Making advance assumptions
about the subject
• Mentally criticizing the speaker’s
delivery
• Getting over stimulated
• Listening only to the facts
• Overreacting to certain words or
phrases
• Withdrawing
attention/daydreaming
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Methods for Improving Listening
Skills
• Try to understand the intent
and listen for main points.

• Concentrate on the
message, not the person.

• Listen now… clarify later.

• Ask open-ended questions

to draw out the person’s
issues or concerns.

• Analyze your reactions as

you listen.

• Use appropriate body

language. 23
 Nonverbal
Communication

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Sources of Nonverbal Signs

Neurological Programs: Innate,

automatic nonverbal reactions to
stimuli…Reflexive

Cultural and Intercultural Behavior:

Learned in the same way as spoken
language…Reflective

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Categories of Nonverbal Communication

Ge li cs
s tic oca
s rav
Pa
Fac f acts
s is A rti

SELF s
Ocalics Physical Characteristic

Hapti
cs
c t ics
a Pr
Olf ox
s
r ic

em
to

ic
us

s
G

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 The degree to which the
communication is effective
depends on the communicators’
mutual understanding of the
signals being used….

27
The intent of the message received…

I am confident that your

daughter is placed in the
right class.

= I have it under control and the

wiring for the new technology
will be in place for the start of
school.

I believe this new program

will provide greater results
for our students.
The intent of the message sent 28
 y Vi
r su
ito al
ud
A

Communication Style
Preferences
Ki
ne

l
st

ita
he

D ig 29
tic
 What is Your Preferred
Communication Style?

• Auditory Mode……………………

• Visual Mode………………………

• The Kinesthetic/Tactile Mode…

• Digital Mode………………………
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Preferred Communication Styles…
Auditory Mode
“I hear what you are
saying.” or

“It certainly sounds like

she was upset!” or

“ Tell me about it.

Let’s talk!”

“ Listen to me…”

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Preferred Communication Styles…
Visual Mode

Don’t forget to
write me a big
note about that!

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Preferred Communication
Styles…
Kinesthetic/Tactile Mode

Demonstrative….doers…prefer
movement in their
interactions…rely on their
emotions and use statements
such as “ I feel this is the best
solution.”

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Preferred Communication
Styles…
Digital Mode

Show me the
facts and
research.

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 Remember… Parents & Students
Have Preferred Communication
Styles Too!
• Auditory Mode……………………

• Visual Mode………………………

• The Kinesthetic/Tactile Mode…

• Digital Mode………………………

Remember…To discover someone's primary mode:

> Listen to the verbs they use

> Watch their eye movements during a discussion
> Observe their behavior
> Ask how they prefer to receive new information 35
 Remember… Parents Have
Preferred Communication Styles
Too!
• Auditory Mode…. Wine and Cheese, Parents’
Night, Town Meetings, Curriculum Methodology and
Research Inservices, monthly parent meetings

• Visual Mode… “What’s Up” weekly newsletter,

Website, PowerPoint presentations, student
generated quarterly newspaper

• The Kinesthetic/Tactile Mode… Hands-on

curriculum implementation strategies seminars,
Beautification Day

• Digital Mode…Printed research & statistics

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 Even Despite Your Best Efforts
to Communicate Effectively by..
• Carefully choosing
your words,
• Using an appropriate
tone of voice,
• Actively listening,
• Using appropriate non-
verbal and
communication cues,
• Recognizing the
preferred
communication
styles….
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You May Still Have
Conflict!

38
 Communication Counts…
When Handling Difficult Interactions
• Conflict may arise
when:
> Goals and objectives
may conflict
> People have different
personal or work styles
> There is confusion
about roles and
responsibilities
> People have different
opinions about issues
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 Action Steps for Addressing
Conflict Constructively

1. Establish Mutual Involvement

2. Present Your Perspective of the Issue
and its Impact
3. Seek to Understand the Other
Person’s Point of View
4. Decide on an Appropriate Plan of
Action
5. Express Your Appreciation for the
Other Person’s Efforts 40
1. Establish Mutual Involvement
• Briefly describe the
issue

• Establish the
person’s stake in
the issue

• State your positive

intentions
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 2. Present Your Perspective of
the Issue and it’s Impact
• Explain the what,
who, when, and
where of the issue as
you see it
• Describe the impact
of the issue
• Make observations
factually, objectively
and non-judgmentally

42
3. Seek to Understand the Other
Person’s Point of View

• Ask Questions to
bring out critical
issues
• Listen until you
understand
completely
• When appropriate,
offer an apology

43
Effective Communication…

Don’t Let Behavior Patterns Get

in Your Way!
 The “Intimidator”

Characteristics:
• Speaks with authority
• Dominates, intimidates
others
• Can be hostile and
belligerent
• Pushes others around
• Doesn’t seem to take a
breath 45
The “Brick Mason”

Characteristics:

• Builds emotional walls between self and others

• Avoids conflict
• Remains silent or says little
• Changes the subject

46
 The “Historian”
Characteristics:
• Has a long, detailed
memory
• Keeps score of past
problems, grievances
• Recounts events from the
past whether they apply or
not
47
 The “Magician”
Characteristics:
• Expects problems to disappear into thin
air
• Refuses to address issues
• Hides behind higher goals that may be
politically correct
• Waves the flag of equality, service, etc.

48
 The “Quibbler”
Characteristics:

• Argues point by point

• Finds a weakness in each
statement
• Cross-examines others, often
focusing on irrelevant details

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Who Are You?

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 The “Brick Mason”
Suggestions:
• Begin by describing your perspective of the
problem and its impact
• Ask directly about the other person’s silence or
reluctance to discuss the situation
• Acknowledge that it may be difficult to share
feelings
• Validate, support and affirm the other person’s
reaction
• Create a safe and comfortable environment; show 51
your willingness to be supportive
 The “Historian”
Suggestions:
• Check your understanding of what the other
person has said as a way of bringing closure to
discussions of past events and defining current
issues
• Stay “now” and “future” focused; don’t get
drawn into rehashing the past
• Respond with yes, and … statements to
validate the past issues raised while focusing
on real concerns. 52
 The “Magician”
Suggestions:
• Ask specific, sometimes closed
questions to crystallize your
understanding
• Try to identify the underlying reasons for
the other person’s behavior
• Describe the problem’s impact in terms
of factors that are important to the other
person
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 The “Quibbler”
Suggestions:

• Don’t get drawn into the question and answer format

• Change the pace by using silence and slowing your
speech
• Ask questions of the other person to refocus the
discussion
• Make observations; use specific facts; choose your
words carefully
• Do your homework…plan and prepare for the discussion
54
 The “Intimidator”

Suggestions:
• Meet the other person’s intensity with your own
serenity and calm demeanor
• Allow enough time for the person to exhaust his
or her argument and to blow off steam
• Use brief pauses as opportunities to “jump in”
• Be secure when presenting your perspective
• Use the other person’s name to get his or her
attention 55
4. Decide on an Appropriate Plan of Action

• Agree on the issues

to be addressed
• Share responsibility
for carrying out the
plan
• Document what
you’ve agreed to,
especially if the
solution is a long-term
one

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5. Express Your Appreciation for the Other
Person’s Efforts

• Thank the Other

Person for His/Her
Time and Effort

• Provide Feedback

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Build Trust and Rapport
 Admit when you don’t know the answer…Strength
grows from vulnerability
 Empower…not micromanage
 Authentic, open communication
 Respect confidentiality
 Have a playful spirit
 Be a person of your word.. Dependability creates
trust.
 Be an “active” listener 58
Where Do We Go From Here?

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