Answers by I.A.

S
Now that's What I Call Presence of Mind!!!!! - Real Answers
Not only our technical knowledge helps, but also the presence of mind and the right answer at right
time. Even if u don't know the answer for a question just confuse the questioner!!!!
Questions and the Answers given by Candidates, oh sorry they are IAS Officers now.
1Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
2Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)
3Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other
hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
4Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for
IES)
5Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Problem, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
6Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as
that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
7Q. What looks like half apple?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)
8Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
9Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.
10Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)
11. Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.
Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is one
really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or
Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he
thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

Appreciate Things U Hav

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express
purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for
everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.
"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Aur Batao Syndrome

Guess we all r suffering frm it..
Conversation between 2 software engg Friends:
Sw1---hello
SW2---hi
Sw1---hey h r u???
SW2---m fine!!! Wht abt u???
SW1---m fine too
SW2---cool
SW1---so howz life???
SW2--gud
SW1--hmmmm
SW1--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other side)
SW2--hmmm everything as usual
SW2--so wht else???
SW1--nothing much
SW2--ok
SW2--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other side)
And it goes on like this until they give up
Are u also having such conversation with ur frnds,

then I guess u r also suffering from aur batao syndrome It means ur life is all screwed up following the
usual monotonous routine.
Probably u need a change in ur life something which is exciting,something which is adventurous,
something which really makes u feel gud
Correct????
yeh sab to thik hai
AUR BATAO :-)

Conversation
This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off
the coast of Newfoundland:
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP
IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT
YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE-FIVE
DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE
SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Criminal N Punishment Puzzle

4 criminals are caught and are to be punished.
The Judge allows them to be freed if they can solve a puzzle.
If they do not, they will be hung. They agreed.
The 4 criminals are lined up on some steps. They are all facing in the same direction. A wall seperates
the fourth man from the other three.

So to summarise :Man 1 can see men 2 and 3.

Man 2 can see man 3.
Man 3 can see none of the others.
Man 4 can see none of the others.
The criminals are wearing hats. They are told that there are two white hats and two black hats. The men
initally don't know what colour hat they are wearing. They are told to shout out the colour of the hat
that they are wearing as soon as they know for certain what colour it is.
They are not allowed to turn round or move. They are not allowed to talk to each other. They are not
allowed to take their hats off.
Who is the first person to shout out and why?
PS: There is no trick to the question, just logical deduction.
Ans : Scroll down.

The solution to the puzzle

The man who calls out is Number 2.

Why?
After a short time, Number 1 has not shouted out what colour hat he is wearing.
Because of this number 2 knows that he cannot be wearing the same colour hat as the person in front of
him. If he was then number 1 would see two black hats and would therefore know that his hat must be
white.

Armed with the knowledge that :He isn't wearing the same colour hat as the man in front. The man in front is wearing a black hat.
number two can confidently shout out that the hat he is wearing is white. Easy wasn't it!

Call Centre Comedy

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
Customer:
"I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you
help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------Samsung Electronics
Caller:
"Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator:
"I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller:
"On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax
machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
---------------------------------------------------------------------RAC Motoring Services
Caller:
"Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling inAustralia ?"
Operator:

" Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------Directory Enquiries
Caller:
"I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator:
"I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller:
"Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
---------------------------------------------------------------------Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:
"Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller:
"Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".
---------------------------------------------------------------------On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
---------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support:
"I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer:
"OK".

Tech Support:
Customer:
Tech Support:
Customer:
Tech Support:

"Did you get a pop-up menu?".

"No".
"OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
"No".
"OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".

Customer:

"Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

---------------------------------------------------------------------"OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button

Tech Support:
displayed?"
Customer:

"Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system
clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".
----------------------------- ------------------------------------------There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should
have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was
transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk
employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination
without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record
these conversations!):
Operator:

"Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller:
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator:
"What sort of trouble??"
Caller:
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator:
"Went away?"
Caller:
"They disappeared."
Operator:
"Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller:
"Nothing."
Operator:
"Nothing??"
Caller:
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator:
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller:
"How do I tell?"
Operator:
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller:
"What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator:
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller:
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator:
"Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller:
"What's a monitor?"
Operator:
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that
tells you when it's on??"
Caller:
"I don't know."
Operator:
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.
Can you see that??"
Caller:
"Yes, I think so."

Operator:
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller:
"Yes, it is."
Operator:
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged
into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller:
"No."
Operator:
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller:
"Okay, here it is."
Operator:
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller:
"I can't reach."
Operator:
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller:
"No."
Operator:
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller:
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator:
"Dark??"
Caller:
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller:
"I can't."
Operator:
"No? Why not??"
Caller:
"Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller:
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator:
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you
got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller:
"Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator:
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator:
"Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

Check Ur Knowledge
Discover how well you know the opposite sex -- and how well you know yourself. Write the numbers
1-30 on a piece of paper. Then write "true" or "false" next to the number for each of these thirty
questions.
1. Women's language is more direct than men's. T/F
2. Men seek assistance from others more than women. T/F
3. Women try to change others more than do men. T/F
4. Men are more jealous than women. T/F
5. Women boast about their successes more than do men. T/F
6. Respect is a major issue in the female world. T/F
7. Men need more "space"--private time--than do women. T/F
8. Women respond better to stress than do men. T/F
9. Men seek approval from others more than do women. T/F
10. Winning through intimidation is a male skill. T/F

11. Women are more decisive than men. T/F

12. Men like to give orders more than do women. T/F
13. Women are more apologetic than are men. T/F
14. Men tend to joke and tell stories more than women. T/F
15. Women usually dominate public discussions. T/F
16. Men accept words at face value more than women. T/F
17. Women take more physical risks than men. T/F
18. Men talk about their feelings more than women. T/F
19. Women, more than men, are worriers. T/F
20. Men would rather talk about things than people. T/F
21. Women avoid verbal confrontation more than men. T/F
22. Men nag, repeating their requests, more than women. T/F
23. Women interrupt others more than men. T/F
24. Men gossip about others as much as do women. T/F
25. Women want to "get married"--and stay that way--more than men. T/F
26. On average men talk on the phone more than women. T/F
27. Women are more facially animated than men. T/F
28. A man's posture leans toward others more often than does a woman's. T/F
29. Women have about one-tenth as much testosterone as men. T/F
30. Men talk about health matters more than women. T/FWhat's Your Score?
Answers
1. False
11. False
21. True
2. False
12. True
22. False
3. True
13. True
23. False
4. False
14. True
24. False
5. False
15. False
25. True
6. False
16. True
26. False
7. True
17. False
27. True
8. True
18. False
28. False
9. False
19. True
29. True
10. True
20. True
30. False
How many correct answers did you get?
28-30 correct . . . . . . Excellent
25-27 correct . . . . . . Good
21-24 correct . . . . . . Fair
Less than 20 . . . . . . Keep working on it.

Communication Blunders
From : Managing Director
To : Vice President
"Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock. This is something which we
cannot see everyday. So let all employees line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark the
occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we
will not be able to see it very well and in that case the employees should assemble in the Canteen."

From : Vice President

To : General Manager
" By order of the Managing Director, there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock tomorrow
morning. If it is raining we will not be able to see it in our best clothes, on the site. In this case the
disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is something we cannot see
happening everyday."
From : General managers
To : Industry Managers
" By order of the Managing Director, we shall follow the disappearance of the sun in our best clothes,
in the canteen at nine o' clock tomorrow morning. The Managing Director will tell us whether it is
going to rain. This is something which we cannot see happen everyday."
From : Industry Managers
To : Location heads
" If it is raining in the canteen tomorrow morning, which is something that we cannot see happen
everyday, the Managing Director in his best clothes, will disappear at nine o'clock."
From : Location heads
To : Marketing Executives
" Tomorrow morning at nine o'clock, the Managing Director will disappear. It's a pity that we can't see
this happen everyday."

Cow is a Successful Animal

Essay by a IAS candidate, a bihari
"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4-footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but
will do so when he is got child]. He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has
got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use.
More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such
attachment] What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so
forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because
he is of lazy species., Also his other motion.. [gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for
making flat cakes[like Pizza ], in hand , and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth
whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only
attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing
his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly
proceed with great velocity forwards.
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end
of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies, which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he
gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At
night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts ... His eyes and nose are like his
other relatives.

This is the cow.....

Movie dialogues... v/s...reality!!!

1) Baaziger:
"Kuch pane ke liye bhi kuch khona padta hai, aur kuch pa kar khone wale ko Baziger kehte hain".
Bhaji Ghar:
"Pet bharne ke liye kuch khana padta hai , aur kuch khane ki cheezien bechne wali jaga ko Bhaji Ghar
kehte hain."
2) Mohabbatien:
"Ek ladki thi dewani si , Ek ladke pe woh marti thi , nazren jhuka ke , sharma ke , galion se guzrti thi ,
chori chori chupke chupke chitthiyan likha karti thi, kuch kehna tha shayad us ko , jane kis se darti
thi,jab bhi milti thi mujh se , mujh se poocha karti thi, yeh pyar kaise hota hai , yeh pyar kaise hota hai ,
aur main sirf yahi keh pata tha"
Musebatien:
"Ek ladka tha pagal sa, ek moti pe woh marta tha ,
nazrien chupa ke, dar dar ke , date pe jaya karta tha , kuch kehna tha sayad us ko , magar us moti se
darta tha , jab bhi milta tha bechara mujh se mujh se poocha karta tha , " main chutkara kaise paoooon,
main chutkara kaise paooon", aur main sirf yahi keh pata tha ("abe to aise lafron main padta hi kyun hai
)"
3) Darr:
"kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Kiran"
Marr:
woh: "kkkkk" , samne wala: "kya bhai" , woh: "kkkkkkkk", samne wala : "kya bhai kya ho gaya", woh:
"kkkkkkk", samne wale ne thappad laga di, "kya kab se kkkkkkkkkk kar raha hai be"
4) Kuch Kuch hota hai:
"Pyar dosti hai , agar woh meri sab se acchi dost nahi ban sakti to main us se pyaar kar hi nahi sakta"
Kuch Kuch Zaroor ho raha hai:
"Date bahaut zaroori hai , agar woh mere saath date par nahi aa sakti , to main us se pyaar kya pyaar ka

abba bhi nahi kar sakta" (Samajhti kya hai apne aap ko)"
5)Kante:
"Ek din hum sab ko narakh main to jana hi hai , yeh kam karo aur lambi gadi main jao nahi to pedal"
Chante:
"Ek din hum sab ko date par to jana hi hai , ek kam karo , GF ko bus main bithao , aur khud jao pedal
(Paise bacaho)
6)Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum:
"Parampara Dad, Parampara , pehle aap gaye the phir bhaiya gaye the aur ab mujhe jana chahiye"
Kabhi tum Kabhi hum:
"Parampara Dad , Parampara, pehle aap date par jate the , phir bhaiya jane lage , ab main bhi jaooon
ga"

Do Not b Bothered Abt Others Word

Allow me to tell you a short story....... .......
A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why
neither of them ride on the donkey? "Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey.
He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family.
How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got
down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the
donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He
commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you."
Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their
shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a nar row bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled.
They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will
everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

Don't copy if you can't paste

Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training.
Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly
approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were
spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his
sermon.
As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head.
It was a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were
spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall
the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste

Funny leave letters !

1. A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an
accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am
applying for the post."
2. An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along
with my wife. please sanction me one week leave"...
3. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I have to go to the cremation ground
and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
4. A student had written a leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am
suffering from head-ache. I request you to leave me today"
5. One more leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school"
6. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for
the day.

7. Another leave letter written to Administration dept: As my mother-in-law has expired and I
amresponsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.
:::::::::::: ::::::::: :::PUZZLE: ::::::::: ::::::::: ::::
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.
One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.
Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took
the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.
He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a
single banana peel at one corner of the room.
The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's
amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the
conductor didn't stop the bus.
Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the
spot.
Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge
took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the
same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single
banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given
to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he
returned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor,
remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and
died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same
judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set
an example and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same
electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel
at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This
time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??
Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read
the puzzle once again. Still you couldn't, Then see below....... ..

think hard

common yaar........ ..

tired....

wanna know the answer????

ok........ there is the Answer...... ......

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through
him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and
he died!!!!!!!!
Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity ???

Funny Puzzle
Once a man was driving his car through the thar desert. His car's registration number is "rjd 007". As
he was driving,a cactus got stuck into one of his tires.so the tire gets punctured and some how the
letter"d" in the rjd also falls off.so now he has two problems.
1.THE FALLEN LETTER "D"
2.TIRE PUNCTURED.
What does he do?......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..

He runs 5 or 6 rounds around the car.so he becomes "TIRED".He takes the "D' from 'TIRED' and puts
the "TIRE" in the car.

Q. How do u make a flying cobra land?

Just say "NAGALAND".
Q. What do you call a lonly banana?
A'Kela'

Heightz in OrKuT
HEIGHTOF ISOLATION:?
Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:?
Two persons fighting through scraps.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: ??
Receiving no scraps for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: ?
The scrap server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: ?
A person sending scraps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:?
A person sending scrap to himself.
HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION: ?
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match .
HEIGHT OF REPETITION:?
Forwarding an scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded back to you By some one in
the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:?
U r swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?" instead of shouting "HELP" when u are unable
to swim

GOD's Boxes
I have in my hands two boxes, Which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box, And all your joys in the gold."
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes, Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day, The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole, Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused, "I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said, "My child, they're all here with me.."
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes, Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, The black is for you to let go."
We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you are thinking of them and that they are a joy in
your life.
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see, Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

GREAT TRUTHS
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're
down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers
to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that
come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*
Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short............

Hindi Meanings
CRICKET : Gol guttam lakad battam de danadan pratiyogita
CRICKET TEST MATCH : Pakad dandu, maar mandu, de danaadan pratiyogita
TABLE TENNIS : Lakdi ke phatak shetra pe Le takaatak de takaatak
LAWN TENNIS : Harit Ghaas par Le tada tad, de tada tad
LIGHT BULB : Vidyut Prakashak Kanch golak
TIE : Kanth Langoti
MATCH BOX : Ragdampatti Agni Utpaadan Peti
TRAFFIC SIGNAL : Aavat Jaavat Suchak Jhandaa
TEA : Dugdh Jal Mishrit Sharkara Yukt Parvatiya(pahaadi) Booti
TRAIN : Sahasra Chakra Louh Path Gaamini
ALL ROUTE PASS : Yatr Tatr Sarvatr Gaman Aagya Patr
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Loh Path Gamini Suchak Yantra
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Agni Rath Aava Gaman Soochak Pattika
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Louh path gaamini aawagaman suchak yantra
RAILWAY STATION : Bhabhka Adda
BUTTON : Ast Vyast Vastra Niyantrak
MOSQUITO : Gunjanhaari Manav Rakt Pipasu Jeev
CIGERETTE : Shweta patra mandit dhumra shalakha praveen.

Historic Letter
Okhil Babu's letter to the Railway Department:
"I arrived by passenger train in Ahmedpur station and my belly was too much swelling with jackfruit. I
therefore went to bathroom. While emptying this nuisance, guard made whistle blow for train to go off
and I ran with 'lotah' in one hand and 'dhoti' in the next. I fell over and exposed all my shocking to man
and female women on platform. Finally, I left Ahmedpur station.

This is too bad, if a passenger has to make dung, why that dam guard cannot wait train five minutes for
him. I therefore pray your honour to make a big fine on that guard for the public sake. Otherwise, I am
going to maka a big report to papers."
Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display
at the Railway Museum in New Delhi .
It was also reproduced under the caption "Travelers Tales" in the Far Eastern Economic Review. Any
guesses why this letter was of historic value?
It apparently led to the introduction of toilets on trains.

History Lesson
Have a history teacher explain this----- if he can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'

Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot; he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe

Humerous
01.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. Even US has got debts), where did all the
money go? (weird)
02.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
03.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)
04.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole
airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
05.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
06.Can you cry under water? (let me try)
07.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think
they meant something else)
08.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
09.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
11.What does OK actually mean?
12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)
13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)
14.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
15.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can

somebody help)
16.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes U can)
17.Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)
18.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear
it? (got to think scientifically)
19.If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (I don't have
a change to try)
20.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)
21.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is
nice?)
22.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast
on any road? (stupid, break the law)
23. If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you
money?
24. If it's zero degrees outside today, and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it
going to be?
25. If pro is the oppsite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
26. If you drop a chameleon in water, will it turn clear?
27. If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
28. Is it possible to be totally partial?
29. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
30. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
31. If all the world is a stage where is the audience sitting?
32. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
33. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
34. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
35. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
36. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

37. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
38. When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?
39. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
40. Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
41.If lawyers are debarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dry cleaners depressed?
42. Why is it if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them but if
they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
43. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
44. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
45. I thought how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on
me ....they are cramming for their final exams.
46. I thought how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do
Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
47. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? Are we supposed to write to them?
Why don't they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailman could look for them while
delivering the mail?
48. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If Born in Plane
If a child is born on an airplane, what's his place of birth and citizenship?
by Julia Layton
In a mid-air drama this weekend, a woman gave birth to a child onboard a British Airways jet flying
from London to Boston. The pilot received permission to land in Nova Scotia when it became clear
there was a delivery in progress, but the baby was born before the plane could land. As far as what goes
on this child's birth certificate next to "Place of Birth" and of what country this child can claim
citizenship, it all depends on who you ask. In this case, we've got a mother described by the British
Airways crew as Egyptian and traveling on a U.S. passport, and a plane that took off in Britain bound
for the United States that landed in Canada. So where is this child from? Almost every country in the
world, as well as the United Nations, has procedures and recommendations for how to properly classify
the geographic details of an in-air birth. The United Nations considers a child born in-flight to have
been born in the airplane's registered country. Some countries point to the city where the child first

disembarked the plane as the place of birth, and to the airplane's registered country as the place of
citizenship. Of course, citizenship and birthplace are two different topics -- citizenship is typically a
larger issue and may require some paperwork, while writing a child's birthplace on a birth certificate is
often a less legally significant consideration.
For simplicity's sake, we'll focus here on U.S. documentation procedures, which vary from state to state
and even from county to county. The state of Texas offers excellent details on how to document an inair birth on a plane bound for Texas, even if the birth takes place over, say, Australia. Using a Texas
birth certificate, you fill in the county and city of birth with the county and city where the child was
first removed from the plane, and you should include a citation of where the birth shows up in the
aircraft's flight log. For the location of the structure where the birth occurred (which is typically the city
and county of a hospital), the county should be "In flight," and the city should be the name and flight
number of the aircraft and the latitude and longitude coordinates of the point over which the child
entered the world.
Filing the physical birth certificate is another area that gets complicated when the birth is at high
altitude. According to U.S. law, if you were looking for the birth certificate for a child born on a U.S.registered plane (or ship), you'd have to figure out if the vessel was heading away from the United
States or toward it when the birth occurred. For an outbound flight, you'd likely find the birth certificate
stored at (or accessible through) the U.S. State Department. If the flight was inbound and landed
somewhere in the United States after the birth, you would contact the county where the plane landed to
find the record.
Considerations of citizenship, like birthplace, vary depending on which governing body you contact for
an answer. U.S. authorities would tell you that if a child's parents are both citizens of the United States
and at least one parent has resided in the United States before the child's birth, the child is
automatically a U.S. citizen regardless of the altitude of the birth. The same applies to a case in which
one parent is a U.S. national and the other is a U.S. citizen who lived in the United States for at least a
year before the birth. Many countries also grant automatic citizenship to a child born on a vessel that is
registered to that country, so it's likely that an in-air birth could result in dual citizenship.
According to British Airways, which prohibits women from traveling in the last month of pregnancy,
in-air births are rare. But they do happen: The airline's Web site reports about one delivery per year
onboard a British Airways flight. Crew members are trained in birthing procedures in case one of their
pregnant passengers can't wait until the plane lands.

If U R Indian
1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.
3. You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and
making a peculiar noise like,tshick-tshick-tschick-tschick.
4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
5.You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to mark up.
7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.
8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam).
9.All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"
11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or
new couch.
14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things
because of what the other "Uncles and Aunties" will think.
15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions,which never happen.
16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with some
household items).
20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than
15 minutes).
21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
23. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.(And they prefer it that way).
24. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
25. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
26. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are
travelling by bus, train or plane.
27.If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with
whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
28. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
29. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
30. You call an older person you never met before "uncle.
31.When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a
distant cousin.
32. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two
decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
33. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
34.It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
35. All your Tupperware is stained with food color."
36. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
37. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
38.You have really enjoyed reading this mail.
forward it to as many Indians as possible.

Inspirational
Man can live about forty days without food,
About three days without water,
About eight minutes without air,
But only for One second without hope.
Challenges are high, The Dreams are new,
The World out there is waiting for you.

Dare to dream, Dare to try

No goal is too distant. No star is too high
Just Get Going.
I can teach anybody
How to get what they want out of life.
The problem is that
I cant find anybody who can tell me what they want.
Anyone can give up.
Its the easiest thing in the world to do.
But to hold it together,
When everything seems like falling apart;
Thats true strength.
People will forget what you said.
People will forget what you did.
But people will never forget,
How you made them feel.
As we sail through life,
Dont avoid storms and rough waters.
Just let it pass.
Just Sail
Always remember,
Calm seas never make skillful sailors.

Insults Thoughts
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating
"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame
them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

Interesting Lines
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
Born free taxed to death.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

I love being a writer... What I can't stand is the paperwork.

A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray And the blinking red light.
The hardest part of skating is the ice.
My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the
genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll Believe you. But if you tell him a park
bench has just been painted, He has to touch it to be sure.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
Someday is not a day of the week
Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to Itch.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat Tire, the next morning you will have
a flat tire.

O'Brien's Variation Law:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster Than the one you are in now.
Bell's Theorem :
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters :
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are With someone you don't want
to be seen with.
Willoughby's Law :
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Zadra's Law of Biomechanics :
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Breda's Rule :
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle Arrive last.
Owen's Law :
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask You to do something which will last
until the coffee is cold.
Howden's Law :
You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the Mailbox.
Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
Hot glass looks same as cold glass.

One of the best interviews!!

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao
Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good
college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap
actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly
speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and
football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd

year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6,
good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In
fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in
Maharashtra) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at
Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms!
(Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and
many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very
soon they are coming up with a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in
assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench.

Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how
to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words
like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that
pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to
overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments.
Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West
Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have
many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never
entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS .

Jobs
* Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives
you job security.
* If you can stay calm, while all around you are in chaos ...then you probably haven't completely
understood the seriousness of the situation.
* If at first you don't succeed, try management.
* Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
* TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
* We waste time, so you don't have to.
* Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
* Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
* A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

* INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

* Succeed in spite of management.
* Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
* Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

Why Do We
*Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
*Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
*Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the
paint is wet?
*Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
*Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
*Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
*Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
*Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
*Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
*If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
*Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
*Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
*Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have
materialized?
*Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner,then reach down,
pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
*Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
*How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
*When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for
doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you

stupid idiot?"
*Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage
to knock something else over?

Lateral Thinking
I bet u can't answer them
This puzzle is called 'Lateral Thinking'...
Just Check This Out !!!!
Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.

1.

man
-----------board

Ans. = man overboard

stand
2. -----------i
Ans. = I understand
OK?.... Got the drift? Let's try a few now and see how you perform?
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
Ans. = reading between the lines
4.

r
road
a
d

Ans. = cross road

5.

cycle
cycle
cycle

Ans. = tricycle
0
6. -----------M.D.
Ph.D.
Ans. = two degrees below zero.
knee
7. -----------light
Ans. = neon light (knee-on-light)
8.

ground
--------------feet feet feet feet feet feet

Ans. = six feet underground

9.

he's X himself

Ans. = he's by himself

10. ecnalg
Ans. = backward glance
11. death ..... life
Ans. = life after death
12. THINK
Ans. think big !!

And the last one is real good............

13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....
Ans. long time no 'C' (see) !!

Love Letter
This is a love letter from a boy to a girl....
However, the girl's father does not like him and wants them to stop their relationship...... and so.. The
boy wrote this letter to the girl.. He knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..
1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help me.
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."
So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to " READ
BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13 (Odd No. s) go read it once again but
the Odd Number lines ....

Maths

1x8+1=9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And finally, take a look at this symmetry:
1x1=1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321

Intersting Answers

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you
like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.- Alan, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have
something to say if you listen long enough.- Lynnette, age 8
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.- Pam, age 7
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.- Anita, age
9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?- Kevin, age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.- Ricky, age 10

Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors!!!!

An Interesting Story
Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem!
This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-Care
Executive. Pls read on.....
A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:
'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I
sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after
dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family
votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact
that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.....
You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I
get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this

question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get
vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac President was
understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.
The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine
neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car
and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came
back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The
second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to
start.
Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice
cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And
toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses,
time to drive back and forth etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The
answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at
the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a
different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.
Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the
answer: "vapor lock".
It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to
cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock
to dissipate.
Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we
find the solution, with cool thinking.
Don't just say it is " IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincere effort.... Observe the word
"IMPOSSIBLE" carefully... .
Looking closer you will see, "I'M POSSIBLE"...
What really matters is your attitude and your perception.

Perfomance v/s Position

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in
sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the
Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden
staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow,
pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the
Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden
staff?"
"Results," shrugged Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."
Moral: It's Performance, Not Position that Counts ....!!
KeEp SmiLinG Change is the only thing that will never change.... So, better adapt to it.

Nursery Rhymes...v/s. ...Politicians

Laloo Bhai bihari
Went up the pahari
To fetch a bail for court order
Laloo fell down
And lost his crown
But Rabri reigned thereafter.
********
Laxman laxman
Yes pappa
eating money
no pappa
telling lies
no pappa
open yr drawer
ha ha ha
********
samata party is falling down
falling down
falling down
samata party is falling down
falling down
falling down
my fair jaitley (jaya)

*********
Wha Wha Black Sheep
Have you pulled the wool?
Yes sir, Yes sir,
Three bags full.
One for my father,
One for my dame,
And one for the CBI
Crying in the lane.
*******
Little Miss Bharti,
Did a Maha-arti,
So the BJP would always hold sway.
There came a big BSP With Mayavati its USP.
And frightened Miss Bharti away.
********
Little Lal Advani
Sat with his TV vahini
Taking his party's rai
He stuck out his thumb,
hoping to pull out the plum,
And said, 'Can I have a slice of Vaj-pie?'
********
Batsman-bowler sat on the ball.
Batsman-bowler had a great fall,
All the bookies' cookies,
All the bribers' men,
Couldn't put Indian cricket together again.
********
Bankers and ministers
Sold for a penny
All the swindlers are so many
The envy's green
And the CBI red's
Nail them all, and get
their head, head, head.
**********

Presence of Mind

John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy
told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his
manager what to do.
John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only
half a kilo of butter."
As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, So he added,
"And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble
earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet,
and I like it a lot.
Which place are you from?"
John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."
"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.
John replied, "Which team did she play for? "

Punjabi Translation: nursery rhymes..

I - Original:
'Pussy cat Pussy cat, where have you been?'
'I have been to London to see the Queen'
'Pussy cat Pussy cat what did you there?'
'I frightened a little mouse under the chair!'
Punjabi Translation:
'Mano Billi, Mano Billi, kithe gai si?'
'Rani Ji nu milan main vilayat gai si'
'Ki chan chareya tu othe ja ke?'
'Ghar wapis aa gai main chuhe kha ke!'
II - Original
'Baa Baa Black sheep have you any wool?'
'Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
One for the master, one for the dame, And one for the
little boy who lives
down the lane.'
Punjabi Translation:
'Kali Bhed, Kali Bhed, hai kucch unn?'
'Haan bhai,Haan bhai, Tin pandan gin, Ek tere waste,
ek teri woti lai Ek us

munde lai jehra khara raste'.

III - Original
Humphty Dumphty sat on a wall,
Humphty Dumphty had a great fall,
All the kings' horses, all the kings' men Couldn't put
Humphty Dumphty together again
Punjabi Translation:
Baba Karnail Singh baitha si Dukaan te'
Baba Karnail Singh diggya dhadam se,
Pind de log phir aa ke kehan lagge,
Baba Karnail Singh te gaya hun kaam se.

Answer honestly b4 scrolling down.

Which Haunted room you choose determines your attitude:
One day, you get lost in the wilderness while travelling. It gets dark and you have no choice but to
seek refuge in a small hut nearby. The owner tells you all his rooms are haunted. Which room will you
choose?
(it is going to be very interesting. . ha ha haha) The room where:
Room (A)
A human head stares at you maliciously from outside your window
Room (B)
The bathroom door creaks open and close, and there are sounds of a woman sighing
Room (C)
The bed starts rocking violently whenever you try to sleep on it
Room (D)
A headless ghost sits at the foot of your bed when you awake in the middle of the night
MAKE ONE COMFORTABLE CHOICE BEFORE YOU
EXPLANATION. IT'S QUITE AN INTERESTING

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE

ANSWER...... ...
Scroll down for explanation

A) A human head stares at you maliciously from outside your window.

Explanation: You need a lot of private space and are more suitable to work alone. You look for
stability i.e. a job that is not easily affected by external factors and provides steady income.
E.g. Doctor, lawyer, SOHO, teacher, administrator.
B) The bathroom door creaks open and close, and there are sounds of a woman sighing.
Explanation: You prefer a stable job that does not require you to run around or meet people. You are
willing to be subjected to pressure from your bosses if that lets you sit in an air-conditioned office all
day.
E.g. Civil servant, engineer, computer engineer, accountant.
C) The bed starts rocking violently whenever you try to sleep on it.
Explanation: You are an active person who cannot sit still and does not like to be restrained. You are
easily adaptable to a job which is full of changes and not routine.
E.g. Marketing, insurance, sales, delivery man,chauffer.
D) A headless ghost sits at the foot of your bed when you awake in the middle of the night.
Explanation: You suit jobs that need you to meet people, especially large crowds. Your job will depend
on these people, but you will not know who they are.
E.g. superstar, politician, PR, counter/frontline sales.

Ramayana by Bill Gates...

When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from Vajpayee. After returning 2 US
he wrote it in his personal Diary which has been recently found (courtesy PTI). These are excerpts from
his diary:
Ramayana by Bill Gates...
LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he
EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana.
RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only
PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess C ta.
12 years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor. However, Queen
CIE/CAE(Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND,
took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid and insisted that her son Bug-rat be
INSTALLED and that RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years. At this cruel and
unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he CRASHED like unstable version of AI
MSN does in intel.
RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and C ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man also resolved on
LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of

RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM, she proposed that he should marry her.
RAM, politely declined, perceiving C ta to be his SOURCE CODE. She hastened to kill her but LSIman cut her inportant PERIPHERALS. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van,
moved by TRAN-SIS TOR s plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED
himself to form a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, RAM shot the deer, which,
with his last breath, cried out for LSI-man in voice of RAM s SOUND CARD. Fooled by this
VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, C ta urged LSI-man to his brothers aid. Catching the opportunity, RAWvan DELINKED C ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.
------------ --------- ---INTERVAL- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing C ta all over the forest. They made friendship
with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR Akshat sorry... SU-greev and his powerful co-processor
Ha-NEUMAN. who agreed to help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful
SEARCH techniques learnt in CS130 to FIND the missing C ta. His PROGRAMMERS SEARCHED
all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to EXCITE the birds and animals not to forget
the WEBCRAWLERS (Insects) and tried to INFOSEEK something about C ta. Some of them even
shouted YAA-HOO but they all ended up with NO FOUND MESSAGES Google, Lycos nothing was
left untouched. The only thing they forgot was to mail iitcse01 & get PTI s help. Ha-NEUMAN then
devised a RISCy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED.
Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. Ha-NEUMAN found C ta under a brown
- green (as Brahma will call it) TREE STRUCTURE Ha-NEUMAN used the LOGIN ID (ring) to
identify himself to C ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, C ta asked him to send STATUS_OK
MESSAGE to RAM.
Meanwhile all raakshasa BUGS around C ta captured Ha-NEUMAN to DELETE him using everything
including Ctrl-Alt-Del. But Ha-NEUMAN spread chaos by spreading VIRUS Fire. Ha-NEUMAN
pressed ESCAPE from LAN-kaand & conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev.
RAW-wan decided to take RAM head-on. One of the RAW-wan s SUN almost DELETED LSI-man
with a Brahma -astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-Xgradients and REFORMATTED
LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and wiped out RAW-wan s presence
on earth. Later, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS
to all USERS and everyone lived happily ever after, playing & enjoying AOE.
Please take this mail as Fun..

SMS
Asman ko neend aye to sulaau kahan,dharti ko maut aye to dafnao kahan, Sagar men lehar aye to
chupao kahan,jab teri yaad aye to jau kahan!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Kitna bebas he insan kismat ke aage,Kitne dur he sapne hakikat ke aage,Koi ruki hui dhadkan se
puchhe, Kitna tadpta hai dil MOHABBAT ke aage.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Woh raate kuch or hogi.Woh baate kuch or hogi.Unke aane ke bad woh mulakaten kuch or hogi.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Jo teer bhi atahe khali nahi jata mayush mere dar se savali nahi jata kantehi kiya karte he phoolo ki
hifazat . Phoolo ko bachane mali nahi jata.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Aankho ko aankho ka pata na hota agar..!Dil ko dard ka ehsaas na hota agar..!Kitna hasin hota zindagi
ka ye safar..! Milkar yun bichhadna na hota .
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Jn hi mujk zindgi se pyari, jaan ke liye kar du kurban yari, jaan ke liye tod do dosti tumari, Ab
tumse kya chhupana dost, Tum hi to ho JAAN hamari.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Bahot rona pada hame apko hasane ke vaste. Hum khud hi jal gaye ek chirag jalane ke vaste.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Sham ki tanhai me kho na jana, Kisi ki masti me doob na jana,Milegi zarur kal manzil tumhe,Apni
manzil ko pa kar hum ko bhul na jana.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Zulfon KoF_il_ K_r,J_b KoiMehboob_. .K_b_r P_rRoti H_i,T_b MehshoosHot_ H_i Ke..Mout
Bhi....Kitni H_seenHoti H_i.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
....Ankho ki Awz kuch Aur hoti hi,snso ki Ag kuch Aur hoti hai,...kaun chahta hai,Apnose
bichadana majburi yo ki baat kuch aur hoti hi...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Sabhi Nagme Saaz me Gaye nahi Jaate,sabhi log Mahafil me Bulaye nahi jaate,Kuch Paas Raha ker bhi
Yaad nahi Aate, kuch dur raha ker bhi Bhulaye nahi jaate.....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Jan me ROSE Feb me PROPOSE March me GIFT April me LIFT May meCHATING June me
DATING July me MIS U Aug meKIS U Sep me ANGER Oct me DANGER Nov me LEFT Dec me
NEXT
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Har bat se inkar nahi hota Har raste par intazar nahi hota you to najar milti hai sabse lekin har chahere
se pyar nahi hota......!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dil tod diya mera, chita bhi jala dena, kafan na mile to duppata odha dena, koi puche ke rog kya tha, to
NAZAR JUKA KAR MOHABBAT BATA DENA,!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dard gairo ko sunane ki jarurat kya he, Apne sath auro ko rulane ki jarurat kya he, Waqt yuhi kam he
mohabat ke liye, ruthkar Waqt gawane ki jarurat ana tha.!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Sirf yaadon ka silsila reh gaya,khuda jane unse hamara kya rishta reh gaya,ek chand chup gaya jane
kahan,ek sitara use dhundta reh gaya
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Sapne to sirf sapne hote hai,apne to phir bhi apne hote hai,tum chaho to sapno ko apna banao,magar
apno ko kabhi sapna mat banao...!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dosti ke nam pe diwane chale aate hai. Shama ke piche parwane chale aate hai. Tumhe yaad na aayee
khair.Aana meri MAUT PAR. Us DIN TO BEGANE BHI CHALE AATana tha.!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Gam me hasne valoko kabhi rulaya nahi jata, Lehro se pani ko kabhi hataya nahi jata, hone vale ho jate
he khud hi dil se apne , Kisiko kehkar apna baE HAI..,
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Zamana gujar gaya hatho ko milaye huye. Muddat ho gayi nazaro ko milaye huye. Din.Rat nikal gaye
yado me khoye huve.Ab kab samne aaoge yaar muskurte huye.?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Sajane ke liye hum bhi sajate magar hamari saj bewafa thi gana to hum bhi gate magar hamari awaj
bewafa thi banane ke liye hum bhi banate TAJ MAHEL magar hamari mumtaj bewafa thi.!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Ek shaam AATI hai,tumhari yaad lekar,ek shaam jaati hai tumhari yaad lekar,humko uss shaam ka
intezaar hai,jo aaye tumhe saath lekar....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Longest is mother's love. Shortest is other's love. Sweetest is Lover's love. But.. Strongest is friend's
love..!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Jo teer bhi atahe khali nahi jata mayush mere dar se savali nahi jata kantehi kiya karte he phoolo ki
hifazat . Phoolo ko bachane mali nahi jata.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dost kabhi dosto se khafa nahi hota. Dil milkar kabhi juda nahi hota! Bhula dena hamari kamiyo ko
kyoki insaan kabhi khuda nahi hota!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Inn ankho me Aansu aaye na hote,agar wo piche mudkar muskraye na hote,unke jane ke bad ye gum
hota hai,kash wo jindgi me aye hi na hote.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Sapno se dil lagane ki aadat nahi rahi, har waqt muskurane ki aadat nahi rahi, yeh soch ke ki koi
manane nahi aayega, ab hamein ruth jane ki aadat nahi rahi.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dilse tera khayal na jaye to kya karu,tuhi bata tu yad aaye to kya karu hasrat yeh hai ki ek nazar dekh

lu tuje,kismat magar woh din na laye to kya karu.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Koi ni dhadkan na ame diwana bani gaya, Prem na aasu thi ame bhinjai gaya,koine kadar kya che
amari,Ame to bus yaado saathe ramta rahi gaya.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Meray alfazo ko jooth mat samjna,yaad ati hai bahut jald milne ki dua karna,ji rahehe he tumhare
nampe mar jau to bewafa mat samjna..?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Kisine dil ko is kadar choo liya ke hum kisi aur ko choo na sake , hum to chale the dost banane, aap to
dhadkan ban gaye.!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Khamosh se tum rehne lage ho, Intezar kisi ka karne lage ho, Yakeenan kisi se hui hai mohabbat, Bina
baat hi muskura ne lage ho...!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Zindagi kisi ki Amanat nahi hoti.Amanat me kabhi Qyamat nahi hoti.Dil ko sambhal ke rakhana dost
ISHQ ki jail me kabhi jamanat nahi hoti.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Na chahat hai sitaroki,na tamanna hai najaroki,Na arju hai jannat ki,Na khwaish hai baharon ki,aap
jaisa ek dost mil jaye to kya jarurat hai haazaron ki
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Rat ki suruat nind se hoti he, nind ki suruat sapno se hoti he, sapno ki suruat apnose hoti he ,apno ki
suruat AAP SE HOTI HE.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Aankhe kholu to chehra uska ho Aankhe bandh karoo to sapana uska ho mar bhi jaoo to koi gam Nahi
agar kafan ke badle dupatta uska ho
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Kitna bhi chaho na bhool paoge hamay, jitni door jaoge najdik paoge hamey. Mita sakte ho to mita do
yaaden meri, magar kya sapano se juda kar paoge hume?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Be hath felau mara tari khudae dur nathi ..pan hu mangu ne tu apide a vat mane mane manjur nathi..!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Zindgi sabko mile zaruri to nahi, mohhabat sabko mile zaruri to nahi, Kuch log bahut yaad aate hain
zindgi me,Woh bhi hume yaad kare zaruri to nahi !!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
If care is a wave i give you sea,if respect is leaf i give you tree, if trust is planet igive you galaxy, if
frindship is life i give you myself.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Diwali ke subha avser pe bhagvan apko tata ka status, ambani ki dolat, manmohan sign ki dhirag laden
ki himant, bush ki takat, or bill-gates ki income de.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dosti shayad zindgi hoti hai, Jo har dil mein basi hoti hai,
Waise to jee lete hai sabhi akele magar, Phir bhi zarurat inki har kisi ko hoti hai..
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Tanha ho kabhi to mujko dhundna, duniya se nahi apne dil se puchna, Aas pas hi kahi basey rahte hai
ham, yaado se nahi - saath guzare lamho se puchna.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Khahish Hi Nahi Alfaaz Ki... Chahat Ko To Zarurat Hai Bas Ehsaas Ki... Paas Hote To Manzar Hi Kya
Hota... Door Se Khabar Hai Hume Aapki Har Saans Ki.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dil jeet le wo zigar hum bhi rakhte hai, katl kr de wo nazar hum b rkhte hai,
aapse wada hai hmara hamesha muskrane ka, Vrna ankho me samandar hum b rakhte hai
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Pyar aa jata hain ankhon mein rone se pehle,har khwab tut jata hai sone se pehle,Ishq hai Gunnah yeh
toh samajh gye,kaash koi rok leta yeh GUNAH hone se pehle.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Log mohabt ko khuda ka nam dete hai,agr koi krta hai to ilzam dete hai,kehte hai ki pathardil roya nahi
karte,to pahado se jharne kyon gira karte hain..!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Baat-Baat Pe Sataya Nahi Karte, Samjhi Hui Baton Ko Samjhaya Nahi Karte, Karte Hain Jin Dosto Se
Hum Pyar Itna. Unhe Hum Unki Ehmiyat Samjhaya nahi karte.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Dost k liye dosti hai ek Afsana milna bichadna hai ye Dastoor purana fir bhi sanjoye rkhna milneka
Bahana taki barkrar rhe HAMARA DOSTANA...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Zindagi me Rah kaisi bhi ho Gujar jaynge,Ek din ham chupke se mar jayenge,Aaj rehte hai dosto ke dil
me Yad ban ke,kal ansu ban ke ankho sE nikal jayenge
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Har pal ne kaha ek pal se... Pal bhar ke liye aap mere samne aa jao...
pal bhar ka saath kuch aisa ho... ki har pal tum hi yaad aao...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Kahenge jo ye to pyaar de denge, zindagi bitane ki raah de denge,
banega jo meri zindagi ka sangeet, jo dil ko pasand geet de denge,
chha jayegi jab chehre pe udasi, apne hontho ki hansi de denge,
haarenge jo kabhi bhi zindagi ki baazi, zindagi ko shaan de aisi jeet de denge.

Service
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked
a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was
walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I
need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, " and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T
IDIOTS IN SERVICE
This week, My phone went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be
out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the
pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?"
I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also
requested that we report future outages by email. I asked him, "Does YOUR email work without a
telephone line?"
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my
name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction
unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being
hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything
in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know? " He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an
intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?"

IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on.
IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys
had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to
unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which he
replied, "I know - I already got that side."

Shayarie
Pyar karnay ka koi saleeqa nahi hota!
wafa nibhanay ka koi tareeqa nahi hota!
pyar to woh hai jo ankhon say dil main utray!
ahsas dilay pyar ka koi kisay, aisa nahi hota!
jo raz-e-dil kahna ho kabhi sanam say!
khat hi likha jay, yeh zaruri nahi hota!
Bedard zamana kya jane kya dard ki zillat hoti hai.
Dil de ke mujhey malum huva ke kya cheez mohabbat hoti hai
Tum na mano ye haqikat hai.
Dosti insan ki zarurat hai.
Kisi din aao hamari mehfil me,
Jan jaoge zindagi kitni khubsurat hai. ...
Tasvir apki jo Dil mein basi,
Sanse hamari jo Aapse judi hai.
Dil na todna, Tasvir toot jayegi.
Saase na rokna, jaan chali jayegi ...
Pyar manga thaa apse
yeh gussa kyu aya hai
mangi thi thodi tanhai
yeh judai ka sama kyu chaya hai
Mohabbat Karne Waale, Na Jeete Hain Na Marte Hain
Phoolon Ki Chaah Mein, Kaanton Par Se Guzarte Hain
Yoon To Hamesha Hothon Par Hansi Rehti Hai sabke
Par Shaayari Mein Na Jaane Kyon, Dil Ke Dard Ubharte Hain.
Aaye bhi to na ho saka, deedar yaar ka
Rastay main hi thahra, paigham pyar ka
Tasalli hum nay khud ko kuch is tarah diya
Ab aaye to phir na chorengay hum daamun yaar ka

jaanay walay ko kaho, aaj is tarah jayain

her dil ko lagay chott, her aankh bhar aayain
tore kay khwab mere
woh apni duniya basanay chalay
mere gham kay saaye main
woh apni khushiya mananay chalay
is dil ko tore kar
kaheen aur dil lagaanay chalay
bujha kay duniya meri
woh apni shama jalanay chalay
Unki muskurahat ka suraj,
Meri zindagi mein roshani.
Iss tarha hum barbad huie,
Ho gayi suraj se dushmani
Dil ke is aangan mein patjhad ka mausam aaya hai
jab bhi peeche mudhkar dekha tujhko hi khada paya hai
tanhai ke is aalam mein jaaye to jaaye kahan
aankhon se askhon ke roop mein tera pyaar chalak aaya hai
is zindagi ke safar mein kabhi to phir milenge
na mil sake kabhi to yahi bas dua karenge
hoonton par sada tere muskan bani rahe
isi tamanna ke saath duniya ko alvida kah denge
Roothe jo zindagi to mana lenge hum,
Mile jo gum to nibha lenge hum...
Bus tum rehna saath hamare,
Pighalte aansuon me bhi muskura lenge hum
Is zamane se bahut alag ho aap,
Woh khuskismat hai jiske paas ho aap....
Hamare liye woh waqt hi haseen hai,
Jab hume yaad kar dil se muskura lete ho aap... ...
Hotho pe dil ke tarane nahi aate,
sahil pe samundar ke fasane nahi aate,
neend main bhi khul uthte hai palkein,
aankhon ko khwab chupane nahi aate. ...
Dil kabhi na lagana hamesha dard paoge.
Biti baate yaad karke rote hi jaoge.
Karna hi hai to gaheri karo dosti
hamesha Umeed se dugna paoge
gulshan ki faqat phoolon se nahi,
kaaton se bhi zeenat hoti hai.

jeene ke liye is duniya main

khushi ke saath gham ki bhi zarurat hoti hai. ...
Har raat chandni raat nahi hoti,
Har dost me aap jaisi baat nahi hoti,
Na jaane khuda kaun si saza de raha hai,
Jo aaj kal aapse baat nahi hoti. ...
aapko kabhi koi gham na ho..
apki ankhe kabhi ansuo se nam na ho..
apko mile roj-roj naye-naye girl friend
jiski umer 60 sa kam na ho ...
Meri Dosti ka hisaab jo lagaoge,
Meri Dosti ko behisaab paoge,
paani ke bulbule si hai meri dosti,
Zara si Thes lagi toh Dhoondhte reh jaaoge
Aa kr meri majaar pr jo tune muskra dia,
Bijli chamk uthi sara badn jla dia,
pucha drd-e-ishq ka majara,
Ab aae hai puchne jab khak me mila dia?
Aaj kuch kami hai tere bagair,
na rang hai na roshni hai tere bagair,
waqt apni raftar se chal raha hai,
bas dhadkan thami hai tere bagair ...
Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai

Smart Sentences
1. God is real, unless declared integer
2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
3. Death is hereditary.
4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
11. Well done is better than well said.
12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Ultimate Truth
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock!
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success..... ... is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk ..
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich..... which never works.
If at first you don't succeed.... Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the
buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
As soon as you mention something... ... if it is good, it is taken.... If it is bad, it happens.

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late...... the bus is still late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper
rate.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen....... If you have a pen, you don't have paper...... if you have
both, no one calls.
Especially for engg. Students---- If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
All PMT buses are crowded. Corollary--- -- PMT buses in opposite direction always go empty.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which
you get in will be crowded than the other.
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the nonsmoker ............ ...

Values
Taking control of your life is getting in touch with your values, setting meaningful goals and
identifying your vision. To be in control of where life is taking you means being more productive,
dealing more effectively with stress, having the ability to solve problems, handing change and
developing healthy optimism. Start with these 7 steps and you are on your way.
1. Get in touch with your values:
When we feel like we are working hard but not getting anywhere it is probably because our priorities
are not aligned with our values. To begin identifying your values ask yourself these questions:
What is important to me? Wisdom, freedom, happiness, equality, security, self-respect, romantic
love, money, power, comfortable living, fresh air, beauty, controlling others, etc. Rate these values.
Who is important to me?
What or who is most important? Be honest with yourself.
What do I need to do to feel good about myself?

 How would you feel if someone you respect knew this was one of your
values?
Would you stick by this value?
Is it who you are?
How is this value affecting your life?
Make a list of your 10 top values. Of that 10 choose 4 and of the 4 choose your top two. From this
exercise you will see where you need to focus your time and effort.
2. Decide what motivates you:
If tomorrow you knew you could do anything and not fail what would you do? Is there something you
are passionate about but are afraid of trying? If you have no idea what your passion is spend some time
reflecting on it. To start, write down the types of activities you like to do and the types of activities
(hobbies) that make you feel good when you do them. What are your special skills and talents ? Don't
be shy ? Usually if it's something we like to do we are probably good at it. What inspires you?
3. Set Goals:
In order to get what you really want you must start by setting goals. Goals fuel your intent and make
your desires concrete. Start by writing the goals for this year in area of personal relationships, work,
health, finances and spirituality. List five goals in each category (add more categories if you like). Then
break them down into monthly and then weekly goals. Focusing on what you intend in your life will
bring it to reality. You create your life? So start now by setting your goals.
4. Take Action:
Goals are worthless without action. If you have written long-term and short-term goals and prioritized
them, you have a plan of action. Just take it one step at a time and do something everyday that takes
you closer to where you want to be. Remember however, to live in the present and be thankful for what
you have now, enjoying the journey toward your goals.
5. Manage Your Time:
We all have the same amount of time to use in a day. Why do some people a lot done while others do
very little? You have complete control of how much time you spend productively and how much you
waste. Plan your days and prioritize your time to get the most out of the time you have. Use timewasters like standing in line or waiting in a doctor's office to catch up on reading or something else that
is important to you.
6. Do What Needs to be Done:
Do what has to be done to get to where you want to go. Whether it is a mundane task or internal work,
putting it off gets us nowhere. You are either going forward or falling behind; there is no such thing as
standing still. Sometimes when we work on ourselves we stop when we get to a place that we need to

change. Change can be difficult when we have to step out of our comfort zone. The more change is
needed the more difficult it is.
7. Self-discipline:
Self-discipline is the final step that takes all that we have learned and puts it into action. This is a trait
that for most of us has to be developed. To reach our goals we must visualize them as already being
accomplished and have faith that we can reach them. When you believe in and trust yourself and have
enough desire, self-discipline comes easily.

Vande Matram Song

Vande maataram (8)
sujalam suphalam malayaja sheetalam
shasyashyamalam maataram, vande
sujalam suphalam malayaja sheetalam
shasyashyaamalam maataram, vande maataram !!
vande maataram (8)
shubhra jyotsna pulakitayaaminim
phulla kusumita drumadalashobhinim
suhaasinim sumadhurabhaashhinim
sukhadaam varadaam maataram
vande maataram (8)
(sapta koti kantha kalakalaninaada karale
nisapta koti bhujaidhruta karakarvale) 2
abalakeno maa eto bale
bahubaladhaarinim namaami tarinim
ripudalavarinim maataram, vande maataram !!
vande maataram (8)
tvam hi durga dashapraharanadhaarini
kamala kamaladala vihaarini
vaani vidyaadaayini, namaami tvam
namaami kamalam amalam atulam
sujalam suphalam maataram
shyamalam saralam susmitam bhooshhitam
dharinim bharanim maataram, vande maataram !!

Meaning of the Song:

Mother, I bow to thee!
Rich with thy hurrying streams,
bright with orchard gleams,
Cool with thy winds of delight,
Dark fields waving Mother of might,
Mother free.
Glory of moonlight dreams,
Over thy branches and lordly streams,
Clad in thy blossoming trees,

Mother, giver of ease

Laughing low and sweet!
Mother I kiss thy feet,
Speaker sweet and low!
Mother, to thee I bow.
Who hath said thou art weak in thy lands
When the sword flesh out in the seventy million hands
And seventy million voices roar
Thy dreadful name from shore to shore?
With many strengths who art mighty and stored,
To thee I call Mother and Lord!
Though who savest, arise and save!
To her I cry who ever her foeman drove
Back from plain and Sea
And shook herself free.
Thou art wisdom, thou art law,
Thou art heart, our soul, our breath
Though art love divine, the awe
In our hearts that conquers death.
Thine the strength that nervs the arm,
Thine the beauty, thine the charm.
Every image made divine
In our temples is but thine.
Thou art Durga, Lady and Queen,
With her hands that strike and her
swords of sheen,
Thou art Lakshmi lotus-throned,
And the Muse a hundred-toned,
Pure and perfect without peer,
Mother lend thine ear,
Rich with thy hurrying streams,
Bright with thy orchard gleems,
Dark of hue O candid-fair!
In thy soul, with jewelled hair
And thy glorious smile divine,
Lovilest of all earthly lands,
Showering wealth from well-stored hands!
Mother, mother mine!
Mother sweet, I bow to thee,
Mother great and free

Voice Advice
1. A Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely
BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD

After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had
the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even
after you pray, if you are still in Darkness "
Please PAY your ELECTRICITY BILL.

Don't Try to Please Everyone

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man
walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was
walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed
some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
They decided they both would walk. Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid
to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey!

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor
donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right so they decided to carry the donkey. As they
crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose wat u hav.

Worth reading..........
I ran into a stranger as he passed by. "Oh, excuse me please" was my reply. He said, "Please excuse
me too;wasn't even watching for you." We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way
and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told, how we treat our loved ones, young and old. Later that day,
cooking the evening meal, my daughter stood beside me very still. When I turned, I nearly knocked
her down. "Move out of the way," I said with a frown. She walked away, her little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken. While I lay awake in bed,God's still small voice came to me
and said, "While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the children you love, you
seem to abuse. Look on the kitchen floor, you'll find some flowers there by the door. Those are the
flowers she brought for you. She picked them herself,pink, yellow and blue. She stood quietly not to
spoil the surprise,
And you never saw the tears in her eyes." By this time, I felt very small and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by her bed; "Wake up,little girl, wake up," I said. "Are these the flowers you
picked for me?" She smiled, "I found 'em,out by the tree. I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like'em, especially the blue." I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry for the way I acted today; I
shouldn't have yelled at you that way." She said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway." I said,
"Daughter, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
Are you aware that: If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to
think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family - an unwise investment indeed.
So what is behind the story?
You know what is the full word of = family? FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER, (I) (L)OVE
(Y)OU !
It is worthwhile to share more time with them as they are getting older.
If you feel this is very good message then only send it your friends otherwise forget.

Work-O-holics
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the
door.
"Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
"Yeah sure, what is it?"
"Daddy, how much do you make an hour?" "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a
thing?" the man said angrily.
"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?", pleaded the little boy.

"If you must know, I make $35 an hour."

"Oh, "the little boy replied, with his head down.
Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I please borrow $10?"
The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a
silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. I work
long hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish behaviour."
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. After about an hour or so, the man had
calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. May be there was
something he really needed to buy with that $10 the man went to the door of the little boy's room and
opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" he asked.
"No Daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on your earlier," said the man. "It's been a long day, and I
took out my aggravation on you. Here's that $10 you asked for."
The little boy sat straight up, smiling, "Oh, thank you Daddy!" he yelled.
Then reaching under his pillow he pulled out some money. The man, seeing that the boy already had
money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money.
"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.
"Daddy, I have $35 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would
like to have dinner with you."
Share this with someone you like. But even better, share some $ worth of time with someone you love
and care. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip
through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to
ourhearts

BE KIND ANYWAY......!
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Suceed Anyway
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got
anyway
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway;
Written By Mother Teresa

Wishful Thinking

Hi ! Just go through............... wishful thinking!!!!

You have to answer quickly as the first answer that comes to mind is the one to take. Ready? GO!
1. Which is your favourite animal amongst these 3?
a. cat????? b. bird???? c. dog????
2. What's your favourite colour?
a. pink.???? b. white???? c.black????
3. The name of a person of the same sex.
4. The name of a person of the opposite sex.
5. Do you prefer the mountains or the beach?
6. Do you prefer sunrise or sundown?
7. Your preferred number between 1 to 10.
8. Your favourite plant is:
a. red rose?? b. fern?? c. dead plant
9. Your favourite season is:
a. spring??? b. winter??? c. summer
10. Now make 2 wishes.....
RESULTS:
1. a. cat:?you love yourself more than anything
b. bird:?you love to hear yourself talk
c. dog:?you let others come first.
2. a. pink :?you are an extrovert
b. white:?you are a classic
c. black :?you live on a tight rope
3. The name is your good luck charm
4. You become very, very close to this person
5. Mountains : a marriage that has everything
Beach : a very calm marriage
6. Sunrise : you are a morning person and you do alot of things
Sundown : You are a romantic & you change partners quite happily
7. The number that you chose is the number of months it will take you to meet the love of your life
8. Red rose : a good life, but sometimes thorny
Fern
: a predictable and sure life
Dead plant: you are sick!!
9. Spring:?You're a romantic
winter: you're a sweet talker
summer: You have a bit of everyone in you.
10.If you send this e-mail to 1 person, your wishes will come true in one year! 5 persons, your wishes
will come true in 2 weeks 10 people or more, the wishes will come true in 2 days!!
YOU HAVE 45 MINUTES!!!

Why Do Women Cry?

Hope u all like it, the way i liked it!
"Why are you crying?" he asked his mom. "Because I'm a woman she told him. "I don't understand," he

said. His mum just hugged him and said, "And you never will".......
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women cry for
no reason" was all his dad could say.....
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to GOD; when GOD got on the phone, the man said "GOD, why do women cry
so easily?" GOD said....
"When I made women she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of
the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort....
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her
children......
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up and take care of her
family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.......
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has
hurt them very badly......
This same sensitivity helps her make a child's boo-boo feel better and shares in their teenagers anxieties
and fears.......
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his
heart.......
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths
and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.....
I gave her a tear to shed, It's hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed. It is her only weakness....
It's a tear for mankind."
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs
her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to herheart, the
place wherelove resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is
the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows and the beauty of a woman with passing
years- only grows!

Who is It?
Hi pal! If U R in a mere confusion ...whether U R in love or not.....this short poem may help you...
You can always change the word HER->Him and SHE->HE.

If you like to get out from a noisy party and walk together outside only with her, you are in love with
her.
When you are together with her, you pretend to ignore her. But when she is not around you, you might
look around to find her. At that moment, you are in love.
Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to
her. Then, you are in love with her.
When you look at a group picture, you might rather look for her (to know who was next to her or how
she look like in that picture) than look for yourself. Then, you realize that you are in love with her.
You have to hook out your telephone line for your busy study, but you can not do it for one phone call
from her. Then, you are in love with her.
If you are much more exciting for one short e-mail from her than other many long e-mails, you are in
love with her.
When you find yourself who can not erase full of messages in you answering machine for one message
from her, you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of her. Then, you are in
love.
You keep telling yourself, "She is just a friend", but you realize that you can not help avoiding the
special attraction from her. At that moment, you are in love with her.
While you are reading this mail, if someone appear in your mind, then u are in love with him/her
Let me know who is She/He!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..

Dude with Attitude - A true story.

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something
positive to say: When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "if I were any better,
I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the
positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get
it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today.You can
choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood."
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose
to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point
out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," Michael said.
"Life is all about choices.When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.You choose how
you react to situations.You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or
bad mood.The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."
I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business.
We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a
communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released
from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were
any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had
gone through his mind as the accident took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born laughter,"
Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to
live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
Michael continued, "...The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But
when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I
got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic
to anything."
"Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep
breath and yelled, "Gravity."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."
Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from
him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough
trouble of its own." After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Which tree did you fall from.

They say the nut doesn't fall far from the tree...
What tree did YOU fall from?
Find your birthday and then find your tree's meaning below...
Dec 23 to Jan 01 -----Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 ------Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 -----Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 -----Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 -----Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 -----Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 -----Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 ----Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 ----Lime Tree
Mar 21 ----------------Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 ----Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 -----Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 -----Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 -----Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 -----Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 -----Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 -----Ash Tre
Jun 04 to Jun 13 -----Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 -----Fig Tree
Jun 24 ----------------Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 -----Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 ------Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 ------Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 -----Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 -----Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 -----Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 -----Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 -----Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 -----Lime Tree
Sep 23 ----------------Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 ----Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 ----Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 ----Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 ----Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 ----Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 ----Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 -----Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 -----Fig Tree
Dec 22 ----------------Beech Tree
APPLE TREE(the Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura,

flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender
partner, very generous, scientific talents, philosopher with imagination.
ASH TREE(the Ambition) - uncommonly attractive vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for
criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with its fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and
trust- worthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership
very seriously.
BEECH TREE(the Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good
organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable,
splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)
BIRCH TREE(the inspiration) -vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not
like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of
imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
CEDAR TREE(the Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health, not
in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, wants to impress
others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick
decisions.
CHESTNUT TREE(the Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense
of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due
to a lack of self-confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood loves only once, has
difficulties in finding a partner.
CYPRESS TREE(the Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, happy
content, optimistic, needs enough money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover
which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.
ELM TREE(the Noble-mindedness) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends to not
forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, tends to an allattitude and making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
FIG TREE(the Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self- willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or
arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of butterfly, good sense of humor, likes
idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.
FIR TREE(the Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful,
moody, stubborn, tends to egotism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very
ambitious,talented, industrious, uncontented lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
HAZELNUT TREE(the Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to
make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and
tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.
HORNBEAM TREE(the Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste,
tends to egotism, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads reasonable, disciplined life, looks for
kindness, an emotional partner and acknowledgment, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with

her feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of it's desisions very consiencious.
LIME TREE(the Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and
labor, tends to laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but
not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous, loyal.
MAPLE TREE(Independence of Mind) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy
and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-respect, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, many
complexes, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
OAK TREE(the Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does
not love changes, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.
OLIVE TREE(the Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids
aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, emphatic,
free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
PINE TREE(the Particular) - loves agreeable company very robust, knows how to make life
comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its
passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, many disappointments until it finds its ideal, trustworthy,
practical.
POPLAR TREE(the Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, no self-confident behavior, only courageous
if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity,
artistic nature, good organizer, tends to philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership
seriously.
ROWAN TREE(the Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egotism, likes to draw
attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good
taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
WALNUT TREE(the Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive,
noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult
and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and
passionate, no compromise.
WEEPING WILLOW(the Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic,
loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be
influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes
an anchoring partner.
Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are
going. Life is not a race... but a journey to be savored!
ENJOY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SURE OK!!!!!!!!

TENSION:

The moment you are in tension

you will lose your Attention
then you are in Total Confusion
and you'll feel Irritation
then you'll spoil Personal Relation
ultimately, you won't get Cooperation
then you'll make things Complication
then your BP may also rise caution
and you may have to take Medication
instead, Understand the Situation
and try to think about the Solution
many problems will be solved by Discussion
which will work out better in your Profession
don't think its my free Suggestion
it is only for your prevention
if you understand my Intention
you'll never come again to Tension !!!

Temper
What a great way to teach a lesson! Make sure everyone reads to the bottom.
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that
every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nailinto the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to
control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was
easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence....
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all, he told his father about it and the father
suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days
passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well my son, but
look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.When you say things in anger, they
leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many
times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are a very rare jewel indeed. They make you smile
and encourage you to succeed.They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to
open their hearts to us.
Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means
sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a
circle of friends.
YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED!

Now send this to every friend you have!! And to your family. This was sent to me by a friend, and is
now passed on to YOU. Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your fence.

English is a stupid language

Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find
That Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea
Nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch

It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

New Calender
NEG FRI FRI FRI THU WED TUE
8
7
6 5
4
3
2
16
15 14 12 11 10
9
23
22 21 20 19 18 17
32
30 28 27 26 25 24
39
38 37 36 35 34 33
1. This is a special calendar for handling rush jobs. All rush jobs are needed yesterday. With this
calendar, a job or project can be ordered on the 7th and delivered on the 3rd.
2. Many companies set Friday deadlines, so there are three Fridays in every week. This is also
beneficial for those persons who are paid on Fridays.
3. There are eight new days added to each month, to allow for month-end panic jobs.
4. There is no 1st of the month, thus avoiding late delivery of the previous month's last-minute panic
jobs.
5. Monday morning hangovers are abolished, along with non-productive Saturdays and Sundays.
6. A new day -- Negotiation Day -- has been introduced keeping the other days free for uninterrupted
panic.

Quick Wit:
7 things to do to when your ISP goes down
1. Dial 911 Immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

Somebody
Hi,
This is some stuff that you must read.
> -somebody is very proud of you.
> > -somebody is thinking of you.
> > -somebody is caring about you.
> > -somebody misses you
> > -somebody wants to talk to you.
> > -somebody wants to be with you.
> > -somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.

> > -somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
> > -somebody wants to hold your hand.
> > -somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
> > -somebody wants you to be happy.
> > -somebody wants you to find him/her.
> > -somebody is celebrating your successes.
> > -somebody wants to give you a gift.
> > -somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
> > -somebody hopes you're not too cold, or too hot
> > -somebody wants to hug you.
> > -somebody loves you.
> > -somebody admires your strength.
> > -somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
> > -somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
> > -somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.
> > -somebody thinks the world of you.
> > -somebody wants to protect you.
> > -somebody would do anything for you.
> > -somebody wants to be forgiven.
> > -somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.
> > -somebody wants to laugh with you.
> > -somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.
> > -somebody is praising God for you.
> > -somebody needs to know that your love is unconditional.
> > -somebody wants to tell you how much they care.
> > -somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
> > -somebody wants to hold you in their arms.
> > -somebody wants YOU to hold them in your arms.
> > -somebody treasures your spirit.
> > -somebody wishes they could STOP time because of you.
> > -somebody praises God for your friendship and love.
> > -somebody can't wait to see you.
> > -somebody loves you for who you are.
> > -somebody loves the way you make them feel.
> > -somebody wants to be with you.
> > -somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
> > -somebody's glad that you're his/her friend.
> > -somebody wants to be your friend.
> > -somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.
> > -somebody is wishing that you noticed him/her.
> > -somebody wants to get to know you better.
> > -somebody wants to be near you.
> > -somebody misses your advice/guidance.
> > -somebody has faith in you.
> > -somebody trusts you.
> > -somebody needs you to send them this letter
> > -somebody needs your support.
> > -somebody needs you to have faith in them.
> > -somebody will cry when they read this.

> > -somebody needs you to let them be your friend.

> > -somebody hears a song that reminds them of you
>>
> > U R not alone! Somebody somewhere is always for U... Life is to live..
So Dear Friend, Let's live life to the fullest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact
us.
* Some people kiss with their eyes closed. Too bad they marry the same way.
* Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
* A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd
stayed single.
* The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
* If it's free, it's advice; If you pay for it,it's counseling.
* The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.
* If your wife wants to learn to drive,don't stand in her way.
* Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
* When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.
* Advertisement: Guitar, for sale, cheap, no strings attached.
* I AM in shape... Round is a shape.
* Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."

Smile for U
Smiling is infectious; you catch it like the flu, When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too.
I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin When he smiled I realized I'd passed it on to him.
I thought about that smile then I realized its worth, A single smile, just like mine could travel round the
earth. So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected Let's start an epidemic quick, and get the
world infected!
Keep the smile going by sending this on to a friend.
Everyone needs a smile!!!

Simple vs Real
A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his
address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and
clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so
long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your
problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps
himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it's
not a friendship until after u've had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for
you!
A simple friend will read and throw this letter away. A real friend will keep sending it until he's sure it's
been Received.
Pass this on to anyone you care about....if you get it back you have found your true friends.

Haseen Dhokha
Upar wale pe hume itna bharosa hai
Jitna apne aap par nahi
Khushiya to kuch der ki mehman hein
Jo fir chali jaayegi kahi
Yeh tanhayi aur akelapan
Jis ke sahare ji rahe hein hum
Jis din hume chhod kar chhale jaaye yeh gum
Is zindagi ko zindagi nahi,
Ek haseen dhokha kahenge hum!

Shaadi Ke Phele Aur Baad

Shaadi ke pehle - Agar Tum Na Hote
Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote
Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai
Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi

Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap
Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran
Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss :)
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss :(
Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani
Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma
Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhie Kabhie
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky
Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Sayings
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
Respect for self Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a
second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve
immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for
each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Remember
Hello
We often think why friends keep forwarding mails to us without
writing a word, maybe this could explain why..
When you have nothing to say,
Still want to keep contact,
Guess what you do,
You forward mails!!!!
When you have something to say,
But don't know what,
But don't know how,
Guess what you do,
You forward mails!!!!
When you have something to say,
But don't know why,
Guess What you do,
You forward mails!!!!
When you are still remembered,
When you are still important,
When you are still loved,
When you are still cared,
Guess what you get,
A forwarded Mail !!!
So dear friend, next time u get my mail, don't think that I have sent u a mail, but I've remembered you.

A Company Memo
Notice: Our company requires no further physical fitness programs.
Everyone gets enough exercise:
jumping to conclusions,
beating around the bush,
running down the boss,
going around in circles,
dragging their feet,
dodging responsibility,
passing the buck,
climbing the ladder,
wading through paperwork,
pulling strings,
throwing their weight around,
stretching the truth,
bending the rules,
and pushing their luck!

Prison Vs Work !!
In PRISON You get three meals a day
At WORK You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it
In PRISON You get time off for good behavior
At WORK You get rewarded for good behavior with more work
In PRISON A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
At WORK You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself
In PRISON You can watch TV and play games
At WORK You get fired for watching TV and playing games
In PRISON You get your own toilet
At WORK You have to share
In PRISON They allow your family and friends to visit
At WORK You cannot even speak to your family and friends
In PRISON All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required
At WORK You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to
pay for prisoners
In PRISON You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out
At WORK You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
In PRISON There are wardens who are often sadistic
At WORK They are called supervisors
In PRISON You have unlimited time to read jokes
At WORK You get fired if you get caught
NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

Practice
* Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen
so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the
stain and check that it has gone.
* High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure
in your veins.
* Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply
running a little slower and letting someone else win.
* Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and

within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your loft.

* Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.
* X File fans. Create the effect of being abducted be aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll
invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously
'erased'.
* A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara
desert.
* Convince neighbors that you have invented a 'SHRINKING' device by ruffling your hair, wearing a
white laboratory coats and parking a JCB digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and
flicker the lights in your house during the night and replace the JCB unseen, with a Tonka toy of the
same description. Watch their faces in the morning!
* Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey.
You drive the things like dodgem cars anyway, so it may as well look like one.
* Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the
microwaves are escaping and it is time to have he oven serviced.
* A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going
back to sleep.

Interesting Article for every Indian to go through

The population of this country is 90 crores 17 crores are retired. That leaves 73 crores to do the work.
There are 24 crores in school, which leaves 49 crore to do the work. Of this there are 20 crores
employed by the Central government,leaving 29 crores to do the work. 3 crores are in the Armed
Forces, which leaves 26 crores to do the work. Take from the total the 18 crores people who work for
State and Governments and that leaves 8 crores to do the work. Total unemployed are 6 crores that
leaves 2 crores to do the work At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals, leaving
80,00,000 to do the work Now, there are 79,99,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do
the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes Lets get to work.........of
forwarding this email to other Indians like us !!!!

The Pit
A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out.
A subjective person came along and said, "I feel for you down there."
An objective person walked by and said, "It's logical that someone would fall down there."
A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into pits."
A mathematician calculated how he fell into the pit.
A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.
An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.
A self-pitying person said, "You haven't seen anything until you've seem my pit."

A fire-and-brimstone preacher said, "You deserve your pit."

A Christian Scientist observed, "The pit is just in your mind."
A psychologist noted, "Your mother and father are to blame for your being in that pit."
A self-esteem therapist said, "Believe in yourself and you can get out of that pit."
An optimist said, "Things could be worse."
A pessimist claimed, "Things will get worse."
God, seeing the man, took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit.

Never Marry a Girl From IIT

The contents and intents of this following is not inspired from any body in real and it could be just
coincidental! There is a general feeling in the public that IIT students are found unassumingly lost in
thought almost all the time. And girls fare no better in this respect. So let us see what a Non IITain may
face when he marries a girl from this campus.
SCENE: First night of the marriage.
CHARACTERS: IIT Bride and Non IIT Groom.
The Groom approaches the Bride and proposes to kiss her. So let us see what would be her reaction...
GIRL FROM DEPT OF PHYSICS:
Well kissing is relative. You can kiss me with respect to me or with respect to you. First define how
you are going to kiss. You can kiss me by treating me in the same reference frame as you are or treating
me in a different inertial frame by producing waves of motion through your lips. How do you prefer?
The guy faints
GIRL FROM DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Kissing is fine. You can kiss me provided you satisfy the following conditions:
Necessary conditions: You should be close to me by a distance delta where delta is greater than zerO
and the limit for delta tends to zero and you satisfy the closure property.
Sufficient conditions: You should have lips. Where the number of lips is neither more than two nor less
than two. You can also kiss by defining your hand to be me if and only if you satisfy the above
conditions.
The guy goes mad.
GIRL FROM CS(Computer Science):
You want to kiss me. That is fine I assume that you know the algorithm for that very well. But you
have to complete the process within 56.22 seconds or else connection will be timed out. To optimize
the timing lets do parallel processing. As we have to discuss about our future and other things, let us

do the process of discussion foreground and why can't you put the process of Kissing background?
The guy applies for divorce.
GIRL from EE(Electronics Engineering):
So you would like to kiss me. The process of kissing is an age old communication process. The
information content of the signal transmitted from one pair of lips to the other is more if the
probability of the event (of kissing) is less. Hence take care. If you want a successful communication
between us, you should kiss me less often. If the information content is to be infinite, you should never
kiss me at all!
The guy is found hanging from fan next day.

Moving Thoughts
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally
meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door
that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then
walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what
we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in
return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a
minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a
lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who
makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes
your heart smile.
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your
dreams and hug them for real!
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have
only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow
to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried,
for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a
smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten
past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that
when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Please send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your
life in one way or another, to those who make you smile when you really need it, to those that make
you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, to those who you want to let them know
that you appreciate their friendship. And if you don't, don't worry, nothing bad will happen to you, you
will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message.

Money Isn't Everything

It can buy a House
But not a Home.
It can buy a Bed
But not sleep
It can buy a Clock
But not Time.
It can buy you Food
But not an Appetite.
It can buy you a Book
But not Knowledge.
It can buy you a Position
But not Respect.
It can buy you Medicine
But not Health.
It can buy you Blood
But not Life.
It can buy you Insurance
But not Safety.
So you see, Money Isn't Everything.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend,
and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
A truer Friend than me you will never find.
Cash only please.

The Winner
I was watching some little kids play soccer. These kids were only five or six years old, but they were
playing a real game - a serious game - two teams, complete with coaches, uniforms, and parents. I

didn't know any of them, so I was able to enjoy the game without the distraction of being anxious about
winning or losing - I wished the parents and coaches could have done the same.
The teams were pretty evenly matched. I will just call them Team One and Team Two. Nobody scored
in the first period. The kids were hilarious. They were clumsy and terribly inefficient. They fell over
their own feet, they stumbled over the ball, they kicked at the ball and missed it but they didn't seem to
care. They were having fun.
In the second quarter, the Team One coach pulled out what must have been his first team and put in the
scrubs, except for his best player who now guarded the goal.
The game took a dramatic turn. I guess winning is important even when you're five years old - because
the Team Two coach left his best players in, and the Team One scrubs were no match for them. Team
Two swarmed around the little guy who was now the Team One goalie. He was an outstanding athlete,
but he was no match for three or four who were also very good. Team Two began to score. The lone
goalie gave it everything he had, recklessly throwing his body in front of incoming balls, trying
valiantly to stop them.
Team Two scored two goals in quick succession. It infuriated the young boy. He became a raging
maniac - shouting, running, diving. With all the stamina he could muster, he covered the boy who now
had the ball, but that boy kicked it to another boy twenty feet away, and by the time he repositioned
himself, it was too late - they scored a third goal.
I soon learned who the goalie's parents were. They were nice, decent-looking people. I could tell that
his dad had just come from the office - he still had his suit and tie on. They yelled encouragement to
their son. I became totally absorbed, watching the boy on the field and his parents on the sidelines.
After the third goal, the little kid changed. He could see it was no use; he couldn't stop them.
He didn't quit, but he became quietly desperate futility was written all over him. His father changed
too. He had been urging his son to try harder - yelling advice and encouragement. But then he changed.
He became anxious. He tried to say that it was okay - to hang in there. He grieved for the pain his son
was feeling.
After the fourth goal, I knew what was going to happen. I've seen it before. The little boy needed help
so badly, and there was no help to be had. He retrieved the ball from the net and handed to the referee and then he cried. He just stood there while huge tears rolled down both cheeks. He went to his knees
and put his fists to his eyes - and he cried the tears of the helpless and broken-hearted.
When the boy went to his knees, I saw the father start onto the field. His wife clutched his arm and
said, "Jim, don't. You'll embarrass him." But he tore loose from her and ran onto the field. He wasn't
supposed to - the game was still in progress. Suit, tie, dress shoes, and all - he charged onto the field,
and he picked up his son so everybody would know that this was his boy, and he hugged him and held
him and cried with him. I've never been so proud of a man in my life.
He carried him off the field, and when he got close to the sidelines I heard him say, "Scotty, I'm so
proud of you. You were great out there. I want everybody to know that you are my son." "Daddy," the
boy sobbed, "I couldn't stop them. I tried, Daddy, I tried and tried, and they scored on me." "Scotty, it
doesn't matter how many times they scored on you. You're my son, and I'm proud of you. I want you to
go back out there and finish the game. I know you want to quit, but you can't. And, son, you're going to

get scored on again, but it doesn't matter. Go on, now." It made a difference - I could tell it did.
When you're all alone, and you're getting scored on - and you can't stop them - it means a lot to know
that it doesn't matter to those who love you. The little guy ran back on to the field - and they scored two
more times - but it was okay.
I get scored on every day. I try so hard. I recklessly throw my body in every direction. I fume and rage.
I struggle with temptation and sin with every ounce of my being - and Satan laughs. And he scores
again, and the tears come, and I go to my knees - sinful, convicted, helpless. And my Father - my
Father rushes right out on the field - right in front of the whole crowd - the whole jeering, laughing
world - and he picks me up, and he hugs me and he says, "John, I'm so proud of you. You were great
out there. I want everybody to know that you are my son, and because I control the outcome of this
game, I declare you - The Winner."
- Author Unknown

The Miss World Deception...

Says someone:
I caught a small part of the re-run of the Miss World 2000 contest today, when some of the semifinalists were being interviewed by Jerry Springer. The ones I watched were Miss(s) Turkey, Kenya,
Ukraine, Kazakhstan and India. If I had been the judge I would have thrown the book at Priyanka
Chopra, the Miss India.
She met each of Jerry Springer's questions with an elaborate answer peppered with long and winding
words, which included a combination of the following..."expectation, world at my meet, stepping stone
to success, woman-power, beautiful country, culture, tradition"... as if she had mugged up a book titled
"Correct Answers to Miss World Interview Questions" and was egurgitating them on cue. She was
irritatingly confident and totally lacking in spontaneity. And, if you closed your eyes, she could have
been anyone... Yukta, Diana, Lara...the same answers, the same words, just more irritating.
In contrast, Miss Ukraine was genuinely funny. When Jerry Springer asked her what she thought she
would be 10 years from now, she said, "27 years". That was spontaneous and required guts. In
contrast, Priyanka would have said "Ten years from now, I will be in a position to have done good for
my country, by representing it in various forums and highlighting our tradition and culture, which is
the oldest and most versatile in the world (dancing around trees half naked in Hindi films). (Pause for
applause...). I will have served the country by being an ambassador of peace and harmony (and
watches and clothes and perfumes for which I will be paid tons of money)." I didn't bother about the
rest of the contest. But I did hear about the Mother There is a boo-boo; When she was asked, which
living person she would like to emulate, she answered on cue, "Mother Theresa". Seriously, who do
you think sounds more convincing?
Miss Kenya, who said that Mariah Carey was her role model (honest), or Miss India who said that
Mother Theresa was her role model (false). As with most things in our country, we are dishonest and
untruthful even in these contests, knowing fully well that the Western world does not understand the
deception behind the use of Mother Theresa's name. Mother Theresa, my foot; I am sure that the
contestants would run miles away if a leper came even six feet near them, forget about working with
the Missionaries of Charity. When Aishwarya and Sushmita won their crowns respectively, it was a

unique situation. After Reita Faria in 1966, no Indian had won a Miss World or Miss Universe title
and it felt good. Since then however, the Femina people have started mass producing these winners,
who all look, talk and behave in the same unnatural and hypocritical manner.
Frankly the real winners are Femina and all the people who handle various aspects of the contestants'
grooming. An industry that works with clockwork precision with the fashion designers designing their
clothes, the dental surgeon working on their teeth, the body specialist fine tuning their diets and
exercise schedules and the diction specialist teaching them how to answer and what to answer. I
suspect that just like for the IIT-JEE and medical CAT exams, they probably go through all possible
questionsthat can be asked along with the expected answers. As with these entrance exams, we have
"cracked" the system of the Miss World and Miss Universe contests and so we keep winning. At the
end of it all though, it's a pity. After becoming Miss Worlds and Miss Universes most of them by and
large eventually gravitate into the film and glamour industry...because they have become good for
nothing else.

Marketing translations !!!

In marketing these are the translations .
Want to propose a girl
Just do it - Nike
Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best - BPL.
If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.
If you are going to propose to a girl
Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.
If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
Take it easy - Limca.
Girl says NO !
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.
Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do - Daewoo.
If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriend
Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.
If you love someone
Go get it - Visa power.
Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl
Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.

Not satisfied with your date

Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.
A guy having a number of girl friends
The Complete Man - Raymonds.
For those lost in love
Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.
For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one
Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Exel

There was Life Before The Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut- you did with a pocket knife
Paste- you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead!

Do u want leave still?

A guy Asks his boss
Employee: Boss can I have the day off tomorrow?

Boss: So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year
available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving
261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170
days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for
23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another
46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave.
This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your
available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves
only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you are going to take that day off!

Hmm..Justified!
Story about two ladies
Two sari-clad ladies went out to do some shopping. One of them is known as Lady Mathematical (LM)
and the other one as Lady Logical (LL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from their homes.
LL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
LM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
LL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
LM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
LL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
LM: It is not working.
LL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster
too.
LM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
LL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow
both of us.
So the man decided to go after Lady Logical. Lady Mathematical arrives home and is worried because
Lady Logical has not yet arrived. Finally, lady Logical arrives.
LM: Lady Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
LL: The only logical thing to happen. When he followed me, I started to run as fast as I could.
LM: So what happened?
LL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.
LM: And what else?
LL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
LM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
LL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted up my sari.
LM: Oh, lady. What did the man do?
LL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
LM: Oh, no! What happened then?
LL: Isn't it logical? A lady with her sari up can run faster than a man with his pants down

Jobees
Applying for that job??? WEllll,, heres some jobeese langauge for ya'll!

Be careful! Words can be deceiving.....:-)

How to interpret employment ads:
"Competitive Salary"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"Join Our Fast Paced Company"
We have no time to train you.
"Casual Work Atmosphere"
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
"Must be Deadline Oriented"
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"Some Overtime Required"
Some time each night, some time each weekend.
"Duties will Vary"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"Must have an Eye for Detail"
We have no quality control.
"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience"
You will need to replace three people who just left.
"Problem Solving Skills a Must"
You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"Requires Team Leadership Skills"
You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.
"Good Communication Skills"
Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.
Just Joking

How One Vote Changed History

In 1776 - one vote made English the official language of America instead of German.
in 1845 - one vote brought Mexican Texas into the American Union.
in 1868 - one vote prevented Andrew Jackson from being impeached.
in 1876 - one vote elected Rutherford Hayes as U.S. president.
in 1876 - one vote changed France from a monarchy to a republic, and
in 1923 - one vote gave Adolf Hitler the leadership of the Nazi party.

For women - by one vote, American women won the right to vote.
For Chinese - by one vote, England declared war on China so it can sell opium to Chinese unimpeded
by the Chinese government.

Amazing Indian
It's incredible! But true. An Indian boy in his twelfth standard has disproved Einstein's "Theory of
Relativity". Shocked??? Read on..
Sudarshan Reddy has theoretically proven the existence of a sub-atomic particle which can travel at
speeds greater than that of light, thereby challenging one of the fundamental postulates of the "Theory
of Relativity". In his recent research paper submitted to the "Institute of Advanced Physics (IAP)" at
Trieste, (Italy) Sudarshan has proved the existence of a class of sub-atomic particles called 'leptons',
which can travel faster than light. The international physics community has been shell shocked by this
discovery.
Dr.Massimo Martelli, President of the IAP has this to say about the paper submitted by Sudarshan :
"After a long, careful and critical analysis, I can confidently say that Sudarshan 's research paper show
a tremendous leap in our understanding of physics as his investigation mounts up on 'leptons'. His work
builds substantially on the work of Einstein and others in the field of relativity.
When physicists from Princeton University tried to measure Sudarshan's IQ with an IQ-meter (at the
American embassy in Delhi), the meter broke down, simply because it was not calibrated to measure
such high IQ. This was reported in 'Times of India'.
Prof.Carl Uppsala, Chairman of the Nobel sub-committee for physics has confirmed that Sudarshan has
been shortlisted for the Nobel prize in physics for the year 2001.
Sudarshan, incidentally, is the brother of Madhu Reddy, the Indian whiz kid who developed an
operating system superior to Microsoft Windows. We should all be very proud of these boys.
Please forward this email to as many Indians as you can. Regards

Me
When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
The way you did today;
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you;
And each time that you think of me,

I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand;
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.
She said my place was ready,
In heaven far above;
And that I'd have to leave behind,
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye;
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do;
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad;
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while;
I'd say good-bye and kiss you,
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be;
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow;
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home;
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity,
It's all I've promised you;"

Today your life on earth is past,

But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last;
And since each day's the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true;
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven,
And now at last you're free;
So won't you come and take my hand,
And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart;
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Husband & Wife

This is for ur entertainment
Importance: High
A man wants to have a WIFE because she can make his life:
W Wonderful
I Interesting
F Fascinating
E Extraordinary
But a woman will have to be extra careful in finding a HUSBAND, because he might be:
H Hopeless
U Unaccountable
S Senseless
B Boring
A Authoritative
N Nuisance
D Discriminative
Why does a man want to have a WIFE? Because she can provide

W Washing
I Ironing
F Food
E Entertainment FREE OF CHARGE!!!!
Why does a woman wanna have a HUSBAND? Because he is expected to:
H House her
U Understand her
S Share everything with her
B Buy anything for her
A and
N Never
D Demand anything from her!!!!!!!!

Be Honest
Interesting if you're honest!
Here's an interesting psychology-type test...Give it a try...and keep scrolling for all the
instructions...My score is in the subject box.
Now don't cheat :)
Don't peek but begin the test as you scroll down and answer.
Answers are for who you are now...not who you were in the past.
Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of
the major corporations today. It helps them get a better insight concerning their employees and
potential employees.
It's only 10 simple questions, so... grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers. Make
sure to change the subject of the e-mail to read YOUR total when you are finished.
Make sure to put YOUR score in the subject box.
Ready??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------Begin...
1. When do you feel your best?
(a) in the morning
(b) during the afternoon & early evening
(c) late at night

2. You usually walk

(a) fairly fast, with long steps
(b) fairly fast, with short, quick steps
(c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
(d) less fast, head down
(e) very slowly
3. When talking to people you
(a) stand with your arms folded
(b) have your hands clasped
(c) have one or both your hands on your hips
(d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
(e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair
4. When relaxing, you sit with
(a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
(b) your legs crossed
(c) your legs stretched out or straight
(d) one leg curled under you
5. When something really amuses you, you react with
(a) a big, appreciative laugh
(b) a laugh, but not a loud one
(c) a quiet chuckle
(d) a sheepish smile
6. When you go to a party or social gathering you..
(a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
(b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
(c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. You're working, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted. Do you:
(a) welcome the break
(b) feel extremely irritated
(c) vary between these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
(a) red or orange
(b) black
(c) yellow or light blue
(d) green
(e) dark blue or purple
(f) white
(g) brown or gray
9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie:
(a) stretched out on your back
(b) stretched out face down on your stomach
(c) on your side, slightly curled

(d) with your head on one arm

(e) with your head under the covers
10. You often dream that you are
(a) falling
(b) fighting or struggling
(c) searching for something or somebody
(d) flying or floating
(e) you usually have dreamless sleep
(f) your dreams are always pleasant
POINTS:
1.
(a) 2
(b) 4
(c) 6
2.
(a) 6
(b) 4
(c) 7
(d) 2
(e) 1
3.
(a) 4
(b) 2
(c) 5
(d) 7
(e) 6
4.
(a) 4
(b) 6
(c) 2
(d) 1
5.
(a) 6
(b) 4
(c) 3
(d) 5
(e) 2
6.
(a) 6
(b) 4
(c) 2

7.
(a) 6
(b) 2
(c) 4
8.
(a) 6
(b) 7
(c) 5
(d) 4
(e) 3
(f) 2
(g) 1
9.
(a) 7
(b) 6
(c) 4
(d) 2
(e) 1
10.
(a) 4
(b) 2
(c) 3
(d) 5
(e) 6
(f) 1
Now add up the total number of points.
OVER 60 POINTS:
Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who
is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like but don't always trust
you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.
51 TO 60 POINTS:
Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who's
quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome,
someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy
being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.
41 TO 50 POINTS:
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical and always interesting, someone who's
constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They
also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help
them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS:
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented,
but modest... Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal
to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you
realize it takes a lot to shake your trust on your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get
over it if that trust is ever broken.
21 TO 30 POINTS:
Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow
and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur
of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually
decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.
UNDER 21 POINTS:
People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always
wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or
anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think
you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Main aur meri tanhayi

Main aur meri tanhayi
aksar ye bate karte hai
ke US mein hota to aisa hota
aur India mein hota to waisa hota
main Client-Server pe hota
aur tum IBM pe hoti
mere |Screens| pe tum hasti aur
mere |Reports| pe hairan hoti
tumhare |Session| pe main hasta
aur |speed| pe ro deta
phir dono ICQ mein jate
aur GOTU khate... ( GOTU : Ghee Onion Tomatto Uttapam)
magar aaj ye alam hai
ke na Project hai aur na hi PC hai
magar ye dil hai ki kah raha hai
ke |Future| yahi hai yahi kahi hai.....
Main aur meri tanhayi .......
aksar ye bate karte hai.....

Kabhi Kabhi mere dil mein yeh khayaal aata hai

Kabhi Kabhi mere dil mein yeh khayaal aata hai
ki y2k main na ghuse hote to
client/server pe ho bhi sakte the,
magar yeh ho na saka, magar yeh ho na saka,
aur ab yeh aalam hai ki project nahi
jobs ka scope bhi nahain.

guzaar rahi hai kuch is tarah se zindagi jaise,

ise kisi client -interview ki aarzoo bhi nahi,
na koi kaam, na koi manzil, na break kaa surag,
inhi aandhero mein rahe! jaaonga kho-kar,
mein jaanta hu ki main consultant hoon , magar yun hi.
Kabhi Kabhi mere dil mein yeh khayal aata hain..

God & Computer

Brahma : Systems Installation
Vishnu : Systems Support
Lakshmi : Finance and Accounts consultant (SAP)
Shiva : DBA (crash specialist)
Ganesh : Documentation specialist
Narada : Data Transfer
Brihaspathi : Chief Information Officer.
Yama : Re-Organisation Consultant
ChitraGupta : Personnel Records
Apsaras : Downloadable Viruses
Devas : Y2k Programmers
Surya : Solaris adminstrator
Rakshasas : In house Hackers
Ram : Hardware Support - single user specialist
Lakshman : Support software and Backup
Ravan : Internet Explorer - WWW
Hanuman : RS6000
Vali : Windows 98
Sugreeva : Win 95
Angadh : Win 3.1
Jambhuvan : DOS
Vishwamitra : Sr.Manager Projects
Hastinapur : Silicon Valley
Arjun : Lead Programmer (all Companies are Vying for him)
Abhimanyu : Trainee Programmer
Draupadi : Web server - free access (Shareware)
Bhima : MAIN FRAME
Duryodhan : Microsoft product written in VB
Shakuni : Bill Gates
Karna : Contract Programmer
Shikandi : Steve Jobbs 100
Kauravas : Microsoft Service Packs and Patches

Upgradation from Girl Friend to Wife !!

Hi

Just read carefully below the problem faced by one of our friend, a Software Engineer Popat Lal
Makhani , while upgrading GirlFriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
Hence I request you all to be very very careful and think twice before upgrading GirlFriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0. as this causes more problems than anything in your life. I wish you all the best...... The letter starts
here.........
Software Engineer writes ..............
Subject : Upgrade from a girlfriend to a wife
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began
unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this
phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other
programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Smoking 10.3, Boozing 2.5 and Saturday Night Pubs 5.0 no longer run, crashing
the system whenever selected.
I can not keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite
applications like Night Club 4.3, Dance 'n' Drunk 2.0 and Bachelor Party 7.77. I am thinking about
going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the UN-install does not work on this program.
Once I tried to uninstall Wife 1.0 but got this error "General Protection Fault in module House
Security. The Uninstallation will abort."
Can you help me, please!!!
Reply from Tech. Support
Dear Software Engineer,
Ref : Upgrade from a girlfriend to a wife
This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0. to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a
UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is actually an OPERATING SYSTEM and
designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to UN-install, delete, or purge Wife 1.0 from the system
once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some
have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support" which was given to you at the time of
registration with Wife 1.0. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having
Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults (GPFs). The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
Infact I would suggest u to use this command everytime Wife 1.0 crashes on your system. Wife 1.0 is a
great program, but requires very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve
the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0 or Movies 4.5 which will
improve the performance of Wife 1.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Visual Secretary With

Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
damage to the operating system. Recent Survey says that Add-On softwares like Visual evening gown
2.0, Diamond Necklace 3.0, Cruise 1.0 are the best Third Party tools that supports Wife 1.0 program to
run smoothly and effectively.
Best of luck.
Tech Support.

Is it true???
Geography of a woman....
Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa. She is half discovered, half wild.
Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America. Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan. Very hot, wise and beautiful.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France. She is half destroyed after the war but still
desirable.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany. She lost the war but not the hope.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future.
After 70, they become Siberia. Everyone knows where it is , but no one wants to go there.
Geography of a man...
A man's life can be described as a train on a railway track.
When they are 20, Every station they want to stop.
When they are 30, They can only stop at one station.
When they are 40, They want to stop but they are not allowed to stop.
When they are 50, They want to stop but they cannot stop.
When they are 60, They can't even start. How to stop?

Friends......
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live
without you." - Winnie the Pooh
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." - Charles Caleb
Colton
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me
and be my friend." - Albert Camus.
"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."
"Friends are the Bacon Bits in the Salad Bowl of Life."

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies." - Mencius

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." -Stone Temple Pilots
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay." -DaveMatthews Band
"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch
them."
"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't
say."
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other
everywhere." - Tim McGraw
"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great
life." -Lee Iacocca
"Hold a true friend with both your hands." -Nigerian Proverb
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have
forgotten the words." -unknown

Definations
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and later kills you with his bills.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Rumour : News that travels faster than the speed of sound.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Dictionary : The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
Marriage : An agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and woman gains her masters.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Optimist : A person who starts taking a bath incase he accidentally falls into a river.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Etc : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done
together.
IT Professional : One who is paid for sending and receiving such jokes!

Cool Resume
Hope u wiil enjoy this read it and pass it on to hrd depat. Here's one Cooool resume !!!
RESUME:
Name: Pakya Bhai Supariwala
Objective: To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)
Education: MS (Criminal Sciences)Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful
(VPISU), August 1996.
Thesis: "On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts" BS (Crime
Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
Coursework: Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device
Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design
Work Experience: Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna,Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry and mint flavors (Patent 007,13,666)
Summer Internship: Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan, Associates,Bombay, June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta collections
Honors:
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
References:
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof.,Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi

* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai

Choice
Hai ,
This is very very very.. good . Just read.
Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle. You pushed open the door, in front of
you were 7 small beds to the right of the hut, and another 7 small chairs surrounding a small round
table. In the middle of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit in it.
There are:
a. apple
b. banana
c. strawberry
d. peach
e. orange
Which fruit will u choose?
Your choice reveals about u!
test results : Please SCROLL DOWN
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
a. if you chosen apple: that means you are a person who loves to eat apple
b. if you chosen banana: that means you are a person who loves to eat banana
c. if you chosen strawberry: that means you are a person who loves to eat strawberry
d. if you chosen peach: that means you are a person who loves to eat peach
e. if you chosen orange: that means you are a person who loves to eat orange

I bet you are hunting for me to Kick me.....well well... take it sportive yaar.. everything is there in the
game..!!
Stay cool.. and .... Have a nice time..

Wonders in chemistry!!
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam Edenwarden
Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; isotopes vary from 40 - 200 kg
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface usually covered with thin painted film
2. Boils at room Temperature
3. Freezes without any known reason
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states, ranging from metals to common ore
6. Ductile
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of
expensive substances
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
COMMON USE - Highly ornamental
TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
POTENTIAL HAZARDS
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as
specimens do not come into direct contact with each other
WARNING - Prolonged exposure to this element can cause severe financial hemorrhaging and mental
distress.

Live The Life At Fullest

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain
lapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
Butterflys erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun
Into the fading night?
You better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done,
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow
And in your haste,
not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away...
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Change Ur Thinking
Hi...

A great note for all to read it will take just 180 second to read this and change your thinking.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his
bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's
only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on
end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military
service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by
describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed
began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the
activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and
swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm
amidst flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of
the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite
detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man
couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it
with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find
the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened
and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other
man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and
after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside.
Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it for himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the
window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such
wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even
see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared
grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all
the things you have that money can't buy. " Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."
The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on. Do not keep
this letter. Do not send money. Just forward it to your friends to whom you wish good luck. You will
see that something good happens to you.

Care while u E-mail

It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes
unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in
Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he
reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow
checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a
dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Know The Place by Car Driving

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window -----Sydney
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn-----Japan
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator---- Boston
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror -----New York
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat ---Italy
One hand on horn, one hand greeting, one ear on cell phone, one ear listening to loud music, foot on
accelerator, eyes on female pedestrians, conversation with someone in next car --------Welcome to
India

Good Books !!
New Releases - Cricketer's Books
1. How to lose a winning match - Md.Azharuddin
2. Century in 50th over - Saurav ganguly
3. Straight to the fielder - Rahul Ddravid
4. Fighting single handed - Sachin Tendulkar
5. Keep going - Ajay Jadeja
6. Why not bowling - Nayan Mongia
7. Fielding tips - Anil Kumble
8. Bowling at slog - J.Srinath
9. Not in mood - Ajit Agarkar
10. Batting my style - Venkatesh Prasad
11. Old is gold - Robin Singh
12. Not more than fifty - Ramesh
13. Summer holidays - Nikhil Chopra, Khurasia
14. Next match is on Sunday - Anshuman Gaekwad
Other books of wide interest (Best Sellers, Recommended for the Library)
1. The confessions of an Angel - Monica Lewinsky !

2. Inside White House - A true Story - Kenneth Starr

3. How to be a Loyal Spouse - Bill Clinton
4. Fighting back Terrorism: A struggle - ISI of Pakistan
5. Promoting Communal hormony - Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP)
6. Learn English in 60 Days - Kapil Dev
7. Learn Hindi in 60 days - Sonia Gandhi
8. Hindi Seekho 30 dinon mein - Deve Gowda
9. Virtues of celebecy - Nelson Mandela
10. Nuclear Non-prolification - A Strategy - Atomic Energy Dept. China
11. Kashmir - Paradise on Earth - Dept. of External Affairs, India
12. Secularism At Its Best - Home Ministry, Pakistan
13. Population Control-Some Policy Measures - Laloo Prashad Yadav
14. Fighting Back Corruption - Laloo Prashad Yadav & Mulayam Singh Yadav
15. Epitome of Humbleness- An autobiography - TN Seshan &g! t;
16. A Crash Course in Politics - Rabri Devi
17. Challenges of Coalition Government - Kumari Jayalalitha
18. Linguistic Diversity in TamilNadu - Kumari Jayalalitha.
19. Farratedaar Englishwa Bolna tatha Padhna seeko 30 Deeno mein - Laloo Prashad Yadav
20. How to make Nuclear Bomb - A simple guide for dummies - Pakistan atomic energy department.

Love
HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!!!!!! A WONDERFUL STORY
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard.
She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come
in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!" The woman went out and invited the men in.
"We do not go into a House together," they replied. "Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said
pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with
your husband which one of us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he
said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own
suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be
our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our
guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him.
Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"
The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've
stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love,
there is also Wealth and Success.....!".
MY WISH FOR YOU...
Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.
Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it.
Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength.
Where there is fear, I wish you love, and courage.
You have two choices right now:
1. Click this off
2. Invite love by sharing this story with all the people you care about.
I hope you will choose #2. I did. Peace to you my friend.

10 Steps To Success
1. Self -Belief: Success is begins in the mind. One has to be a believer, first, if one wishes to be an
achiever. Never under-estimate yourself. You have no idea how often can you surprise yourself. So to
begin with, let's get in the belief, "I Can."
2. Clarity of Vision: There is no point running around without knowing where one wants to reach. you
must get your job cut out. Greatest achievers in the world have been visionaries. Know exactly what
you are best at and give it your best shot.
3 Setting the Right Goals: The goals should be realistic .The goals should be achievable ,and yet
challenging enough - neither too easy nor too difficult -something in the middle.
4: Be focused: If the sun's rays are focused on a piece of paper with a lens, the intensity of the
concentrated energy burns the paper. Focus on your objective will enhance the intensity of the effects
of your efforts.
5. No Short Cuts to Success: There are no short cuts to success. Divide youroverall goals into smaller
targets. Divide your monthly plans into weekly and weekly plans into daily plans and see how simple

can things be.

6. Take Risks: Without any risk no progress is possible. Life comes to a stable standstill. People who
take chances are the people who get ahead in life .The only way to reduce risk is to take risks.
7. Take the Initiative: People who take the initiative make the most of their lives. Proactive people do
not wait for success to happen; rather they make it happen .As they say, 'JUST DO IT'.
8. Never Hesitate to Struggle: No one has ever climbed a mountain just by looking at it. Struggle, hard
struggle, is a key to success.
9. Own Responsibility: Failure to hit the bull's eye is never the fault of the target. People, who own
complete responsibility of their lives, are the people who make the most of it.
10. Never Give Up: Many people who failed in life, where those who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up. Success demands extra-ordinary amount of perseverance. Never,
never, give up.

24 Things To Always Remember

Your presence is a present to the world.
You are unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You will make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.
Do not put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal and you prize.
Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets.
Do not take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.
Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot ... goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasure are people together.
Realize that it is never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have hearth and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a start.
AND DO NOT EVER FORGET ....FOR EVEN A DAY HOW VERY SPECIAL YOU ARE !

Did You Know?

Coca-Cola was originally green.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the
conveyor belt.
1/4 of LA is taken up of automobiles
The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
2 out of 5 people live in China or India
Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
The city with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
The most commonly used password on computer systems is "password."
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments
Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show?
A. No theme song.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace.
Q. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
A. Honey
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.

Wanted Wives
Life without a laugh is like cold without a cough ha, ha ! Jus kidding, but have a look some hilarious
lines that are sure to send you into ruptures of laughter.
The Funniest Matrimonial Ads
FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor.

Please send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and
smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has
own house, car and successful career!
ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of
my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic
logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information
and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
Compatibility could be an issue.
BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.
POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and
to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share
our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a
civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)
CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The
person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence
to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and
jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained.

Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any
kind whatsoever.
PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in
the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she
absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!
BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
SHAAYAR
Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda ho jaayeh, Kya bahaana
shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey sarey sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ......... Kyoon key yaroo ub
khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.
ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making
unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as
possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
SHIRABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who
drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who
can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be
ample.

USA & USSR

The cold war between US and USSR resulted in a system where if USA launched a Nuke-loaded
missile, USSR's satellite were capable of informing the USSR army in 3 seconds, and in less than 45
seconds USSR would launch its counter-missile. US knew that and therefore never attempted to launch
one.

INDO-PAK War......
Pak army decides to launch a Nuke-missile towards India... Since the army is running the country, they
don't need any permission from their government, and promptly launch the missile. Indian technology
is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, the Indian army detects it and decides to launch a missile in
retaliation. But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the
Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok
Sabha session after three days. When the LS meets, there are several walk-outs and severe protests by
the opposition, so it is adjourned indefintely. However, the President asks for a quick decision. The Pak
missile, meanwhile, failed to take off due to unknown reasons. Their attempts for a launch are still on.

Meanwhile, the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because an outside party withdraws
support. The President asks the PM to prove majority next week. The ruling party is unable to get a
confidence vote, and a caretaker government is installed. The acting PM decides to permit the armed
forces to launch the Nuclear Missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker Government
cannot take such a decision because elections are at the door and this decision will affect the swing of
votes in the election. A public interest litigation (PIL) is filed in the supreme court of India, alleging
misuse of power by the Election commission. Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says
acting PM is authorized to take this decision. In between all this, one of the Pak missiles successfully
takes off, and falls 367 miles away from the target. The Missile falls on a government building at 11:00
AM. But since no employees have reached work, there are no casualties.
The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China. US condemns use of a nuclear
missile by Pakistan, and offers to send its seventh fleet to the Indian Ocean. The Indian government,
wary of the move, declines. Finally, the Indian government decides to launch a nuclear missile, after
convening an all party meeting. It's been three months since the army first sought permission. Prohumanity, anti-nuclear activists come on board against the government's decision. Human chains are
being made in New York, LA and Washington for peace. Indians are sending protest email requesting
that it be "forwarded to as many Indians as possible".
On the Pakistan side, missiles keep failing. At times they fail to take-off, at other times the payload gets
detached from the missile during flight. Some missiles deviate from target due to high-speed winds
blowing over Rajasthan, and have to be neutralized by Pakistan, as these missiles are now moving
backwards towards Karachi. Finally, a missile smuggled from USA is used. The Pakistan army is
unable to understand its software, so it hits its original destination Russia. Russians successfully
intercept the missile and in retaliation, launch a Nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hit the
target and creates havoc. Pakistan cries for help. It asks for loans from IMF and the world bank. India
expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of soap. The War
ends
PS: can anybody enlighten me as to why soap? ( to clean their stinking country??)

US 100 Years Ago

* Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.
* Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City
cost eleven dollars.
* There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
* The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
* Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, & Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a
mere 1.4 million residents, california was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
* The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
* The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour. The average US worker made between $200 and
$400 per year.
* A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian
between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
* More the 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.
* Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools,
many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard".

* Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
* Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
* The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been
admitted to the Union yet.
* The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a
handful of ranchers and their families.
* Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According
to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach
and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
* Punch-card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern
computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.

How to Find Success

Rabbi Harold Kushner tells a wonderful story about a bright young man who was a sophomore
Stanford pre-med student. To reward him for having done so well in school, his parents gave him a trip
to the Asia for the summer. While there he met a guru who said to him, "Don't you see how you are
poisoning your soul with this success-oriented way of life? Your idea of happiness is to stay up all
night studying for an exam so you can get a better grade than your best friend. Your idea of a good
marriage is not to find the woman who will make you whole, but to win the girl that everyone else
wants. "That's not how people are supposed to live," the sage admonished. "Give it up; come join us in
an atmosphere where we all share and love each other." The young man had completed four years at a
competitive high school to get into Stanford, plus two years of pre-med courses at the university. He
was ripe for this sort of approach. He called his parents from Tokyo and told them he would not be
coming home. He was dropping out of school to live in an ashram (a spiritual retreat). Six months later,
his parents got a letter from him: "Dear Mom and Dad, I know you weren't happy with the decision I
made last summer, but I want to tell you how happy it has made me. For the first time in my life, I am
at peace. Here there is no competing, no hustling, no trying to get ahead of anyone else. Here we are all
equal, and we all share. This way of life is so much in harmony with the inner essence of my soul that
in only six months I've become the number two disciple in the entire ashram, and I think I can be
number one by June!"
It's not always about achievement -- doing more and doing it better than anyone else. In our highlycompletive world, it is good to remember that success actually begins with doing the RIGHT thing.
Miss that, and nothing else matters.
One man put it like this: "I spent my life frantically climbing the ladder of success. When I got to the
top I realized it was leaning against the wrong building." Even if he got to the top first, it made no
difference. There is no merit in being first to arrive at the wrong place.
Do you know what one difference between efficient and effective is? One who is efficient does the
thing in the best possible way; one who is effective does the best possible thing. More important than
efficiency is effectiveness. More important than climbing high on the ladder is climbing the right
ladder.
Passing Thought
Blessed are those who accomplish...the right thing. Blessed are those who scale the mountain and,
whether or not they even make it to the top, they know they chose the right path. These people will

have found success.

Tamil Meaning
'Gopura Vasalile' : US Embassy entrance
'Kadalora Kavithaigal' : Songs on Marina Beach after getting the visa
'Mouna Raagam' : At home after visa got rejected
'Varumayin Niram Sivappu' : Bench without salary
'Gentleman' : Company paying full salary on Bench
'Adimai Penn' : Female TCS Employee
'Minsarakkanavu' : Green card
'Valve Mayam' : Rejected H1B Visa.
'Marubadium' : Apply again.
'Enga ooru pattukkaran' : Enga ooru Bodyshopper.
'Velaikkaran' : Programmer.
'Ejaman' : Project Manager.
'Kaithy Kannayiram' : TCS employee.
'Oru kaithiyin Diary' : Biodata of TCS employee.
'Saval' : TCS bond.
'Savalukku Saval' : Breaking TCS Bond.
'Aayirathil oruvan' : Assembly programmer.
'Vaitheki kathirunthal' : Bench period.
'Sakala kala vallavan' : Bill Gates.
'Engeyo ketta kural' : Eppavo oruthadavai run panna program.
'Alaigal oiyvathillai' : Jumping from company to company
'Nallavanukku nallavan' : Company paying full salary in Bench.
'Padikkatha Methai' : Year2000 programmer.
'Pattikada Pattanama' : mainframe aa Client Servar a
'Neerum Neruppum' : Microsoftum IBMum.
'Billa' : Bodyshopper.
'Ethirneechal' : Asking for increment.
'Antha 7 Natkal' : Time period between getting the H1B paper and landing in US.
'24 manineram' : Waiting period in US Embasy for stamping.
'tic tic tic' : First day in client's place.
'Parthal pasi theerum' : surfing web sites
'Anbe vaa' : Projectee vaaa.
'Nerukku Ner' : Sun Microsys Vs Microsoft
'Server Sundaram' : After Year2000, Y2K Programmers Nelamai.
'Suryavamsam' : Hierarchy
'Enakul Oruvan' : Data Encapsulation
'Petralthaan Pillaiya' : Sub Class inherited from a class created by others
'Raman Ethanai Ramanadi' : Polymorphism
'Makalai Petra Makarasi' : Super most Class (Object)
'Punnagai Mannan' : Doesn't understand what the client says
'Thiruda Thiruda' : Code stealer
'Adimai Changili' : TCS Bond
'Pasi : Bench without salary

Risks
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose fellings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowed is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken. Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks
nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they
cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, or live. Chanined by their attitudes, there are slaves, they have
forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.

Poem
This poem was written by an employee working in WIPRO for a poem contest. No wonder he got the
First Prize!!!!
Bcos of this economic slowdown
We Engineers's have to keep our heads down..
Where ever we go, our face wears a frown..
Not knowing when we'll be thrown down !!!!!!!!
Mails from girlfriends have slowed down
We've lost from our heads, the valuable IT crown
Dreams once soared to the height of the moon
Now searching for a job in the hot noon !!!!!!!
New house, new cars, all dreams are shattered
"I knew this wud happen" a father-in-law muttered
Our frequent flier miles are badly hit
Foreign visit boasts have gone down a bit !!!!!
Engineer's were once the preferred bridegroom
Now there's no scope for even being a groom
Never forget the days when we used to fly so high
Coz the only thing now left in life is to sigh !!!!!!!!
Don't worry for whatever happened to IT
Now you got a better option not to declare IT*
Drop all the courses from NIIT,
Terrorism, Attacks served as hot tea, You've a better option now in LTTE.

Panchatantra

There was a software engineer, who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a
tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by
his childhood story of the lumberjack and axe, he started praying for the river Goddess. River Goddess
wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that
he lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She picked up a
match box and asked "Is this your computer ?". Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer
awareness, "No" replied the engineer. Then she picked up a pocket sized calculator and asked if that
was it. Annoyed by this, the engineer said "No, not at all" and also thought of educating the Goddess
about computers. Then she picked up his Pentium and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no
option, sighed and said "Yes !" and took his machine. The Goddess was happy for his honesty and was
about to give the previous objects also to him. But even before she could make the offer, the engineer
asked the Goddess," Don't you know that you should show me some better computers, before bringing
up my own ?" Goddess, apparently angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first
two things I showed you were Millennium and Trillennium,the latest computers from IBM" and
disappeared. The Pentium followed her.
Moral: If you don't know much, better keep quiet.
Conclusion: Hardware develops faster than a software engineer.

One liner
Here are some good one liners. Enjoy
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
..................................................................
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
..................................................................
Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect...... so why practice?
..................................................................
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
..................................................................
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
..................................................................
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
..................................................................
Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.
..................................................................
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
..................................................................
Save water. Shower with your girl friend.
..................................................................
Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.
..................................................................
Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
..................................................................
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

..................................................................
The wise never marry. and when they marry they become otherwise.
..................................................................
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
..................................................................
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
..................................................................
Love is photogenic It needs darkness to develop
..................................................................
"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep
..................................................................
There should be a better way to start a day. Than waking up every morning
..................................................................
"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk !
..................................................................
"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours !
..................................................................
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
..................................................................
When two's company, three's the result !
..................................................................
A dress is like a barbed fence It protects the premises without restricting the view
..................................................................
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you
forget, the less you know So.. why learn.
..................................................................
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work
station.... what more can I say........
..................................................................

Life
There are two ways to look at every situation in life:
Is the cup
half empty?

Or is the cup
half full?

It is amazing how our perception can be changed by our attitude.

For example, think about God and then look at these letters.
N-O-W-H-E-R-E
You can assume that God is NO WHERE.
Or you can believe that God is NOW HERE !
Follow this advice and you can improve your life:

Always remember that you are loved, even when it doesn't seem like it.
Believe in yourself and your values. Don't sell out when things go wrong.
Don't let anything get you down; always bounce back up.
Set goals for your future and never settle for anything less.
Realize that there are others in the world with much bigger problems than you.
Appreciate the good things in your life, and be thankful for the time you have with your loved ones.
Spend more time with your family and friends.
Appreciate the simple things in life, and don't get caught up in material things.
If you follow that advice you can't go wrong!
So the next time you're looking at a situation in your life:
Is the cup
half empty?

Or is the cup
half full?

Be an optimist and see the cup as being half full. Before long, your attitude will rub off on others. You
can make the world a better place by simply making yourself a happier person.
If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours. Here's one to get you started.
Have a terrific day!

Lateral Thinking
This is probably the best known and most celebrated of all lateral thinking puzzles. It is a true classic.
Although there are many possible solutions which fit the initial conditions, only the canonical answer is
truly satisfying.
1 There is a man that lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down
to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only
travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! WHY?
2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the
hospital.When he arrives the surgeon says "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son!" How can this be?
3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, jumper, gloves and balaclava. He is walking
down a black street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off

too but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?
4. Title : The Elder
Twin One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her elder twin brother,Terry, celebrated
his birthday. Why?
5. Title : Manhole Covers
Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?
This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle which can be solved by lateral thinking
techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for
prospective employees.
6. Title : The Deadly Party
A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who
drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?
7. Title : Heaven
A man died and went to Heaven. There were thousands of other people there. They were all naked and
all looked as they did at the age of 21. He looked around to see if there was anyone he recognized. He
saw a couple and he knew immediately that they were Adam and Eve. How did he know?
8. Title : Trouble with Sons
A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they
were not twins. How could this be so?
9. Title : The Man in the Bar
A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points
it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.
This puzzle has claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and
yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like
the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.
***********************************************************************************
*******************************************************
ANSWER
***********************************************************************************
*******************************************************
1) The man is very very short and so can only reach half way up the lift buttons! However, if it is

raining then he will have his umbrella with him and so can press the higher buttons with it.
2) The surgeon is the boy's mother.
3) It was day time.
4) At the time she went into labor, the mother of the twins was travelling by boat. The older twin,
Terry, was born first early on March 1st. The boat then crossed a time zone and Kerry, the younger
twin, was born on February the 28th. Therefore, the younger twin celebrates her birthday two days
before her older brother.
5) A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round
manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers
should be round.
6) The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man drank the punch, the ice was fully
frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.
7) He recognized Adam and Eve as the only people without navels because they were not born of
women, they had never had umbilical cords and therefore they never had navels. This one seems
perfectly logical but it can sometimes spark fierce theological arguments.
8) They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets etc.)
This puzzle stumps many people. They try outlandish solutions involving test-tube babies or surrogate
mothers. Why does the brain search for complex solutions when there is a much simpler one available?
9) The man had hiccups. The barman recognized this from his speech and drew the gun in order to give
him a shock. It worked and cured the hiccups - so the man no longer needed the water.
This is a simple puzzle to state but a difficult one to solve. It is a perfect example of a seemingly
irrational and incongruous situation having a simple and complete explanation. Amazingly this classic
puzzle seems to work in different cultures and languages.

Funny Medical Terms

Artery......................The study of paintings.
Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Cat Scan.....................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
Coma........................A punctuation mark.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.......................Not a friend.
Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.

Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.

Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Tumor.......................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
Varicose....................Near by

Funny Cricket
"Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero." Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar
at Madras 1983.
Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no. 4 for that test. But,
Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for
Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. And he thought there would be less pressure!
%%%%%%%%
Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv missed a superb outswinger, and
Thomas said "It's red, round and weighs about 5 ounces." Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the
ground for a 6 and replies, "Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"
%%%%%%%
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman
Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and
apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". The reply is classic Trueman, "Not
you son, Your mother should've!"
%%%%%%%
Then there's this wicketkeeper who quitely asked the new batsman:"So how's your wife, and my kids?"
Guess who.........Rod Marsh....to Ian Botham!!
%%%%%%%
New Zealand vs South Africa: Daryll Cullinan was batting, attempting a comeback from a complete
bamboozling from Warne in earlier games. Cullinan played the first ball from Chris Harris very
carefully back down the pitch, and keeper Parore yelled out "Well bowled Warnie!"
%%%%%%%
Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match, Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aus
captain has plenty of close in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket. Fredie finds this
objectionable. 'Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!"

%%%%%%%
The best one (Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird) "Bomber"
Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to
bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous
words describing an equally inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for
further negotiations!" Incidentally , Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton "He was the
only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time." Anyway, when Wells
played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of
horrors.......both got injured. *Both* opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a
ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the
melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had *all four* running. Due to the
confusion and constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually, *all* of them ran to the same end. Note - at
this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the
fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other
end. Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them "One of you
buggers is out. I don't know which. *You* decide and inform the bloody scorers!".

Funny Ads
If you want someone.Go get it.(Visa power)?
Want to propose to a girl.Just do it (Nike)?
Before going to propose to a girl.Believe in the best (BPL)?
Not satisfied with your dates..Yeh dil mangey more (Pepsi)?
A guy having a number of girl friends Complete Man (Raymonds)?
If you are going to propose to a girl, chances are..50-50 (Britannia)?
Those who succeed in love always say.We dream because we do (Daewoo)?
A smart girl having a number of boyfriends.. Yeh hai hamara suraksa chakra (Colgate)?
If a girl slapped U when U proposed to her..Take it easy (Limca)?
If U get married to a girl of your mother's choice.Jiyo mere lal (Brooke Bond)?

Facts
These are some wierd facts, which some of us might not have heard before:
:- A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
:- A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.
:- A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
:- Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
:- The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
:- A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the
bottom of the glass to the top.
:- A person cannot taste food unless it is mixed with saliva. For example, if a strong-tasting substance
like salt is placed on a dry tongue, the taste buds will not be able to taste it. As soon as a drop of saliva
is added and the salt is dissolved, however, a definite taste sensation results. This is true for all foods.
Try it!
:- A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.
:- George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.
:- A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

:- Every person has a unique tongue print.

:- Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
:- On an average, 12 newborns are given to the wrong parents daily.
:- Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate effects a dogs heart and nervous system, a few ounces enough
to kill a small sized dog.
:- Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton. Before the 1950's, it was made from the stem
and leaves of a marijuana plant.
:- Most lipstick contains fish scales.
:- Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing
the shark to explode.
:- Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
:- Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
:- Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
:- The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is
318,979,564,000.
:- Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower', because in the time when all original
print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case
that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
:- There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
:- There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
:- Leonardo Da Vinci took 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
:- Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves.
:- Bubble gum contains rubber.
:- Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
:- Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to
begin with.
:- Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
:- Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public
libraries.