["This year, I am going to love myself.

" Photo of a fireworks display at seaside]

Still in need of a New Year's Resolution? Why not love yourself for a change? Just
be sure to stick to this one!
First of all, self-love is not that easy as some of you may think. We live in a
society where everyone is practically taught from childhood on to hate
themselves. We have the media right on our necks about how we should look,
how we should dress, how we should behave, how we should talk, frankly, the list
goes on. It's not just the media and the people behind them, it's also that almost
everyone is being greatly influenced by what the media says. Our society puts up
unrealistic standards and it is expected of us to abide by these rules to be
acceptable and doing so is just impossible. We've been taught that self-love is
taboo and the act of self-love may be selfish when in truth, it is nothing like it.

["Our happiness should rely on ourselves." A photo of a group of tulips]

Now, lets move on to the scientific side of self-acceptance and self-love. In a
study, it showed that there is a strong correlation between self-esteem and
happiness (Baumeister, et al 28-29) (
x
). It is noted that people with high

self-esteem have lesser tendencies to be depressed. In a psychology article, it is

noted that general satisfaction over one's life is not determined by the career,
money, or interpersonal relations, rather it was more of if they accepted
themselves (Myers)(
x
). People who have good inclinations towards themselves
feel good about life in general. A path model based from a research showed that
there are direct and indirect effects of psychological well-being on happiness
(Dogan, Totan, and Sapmaz 38-39)(
x
).

["Happiness is a Choice, do what you want to do!" Photo of a wooden bridge

leading to the woods]
It's time that we understand that we can put matters to our hands. Happiness is a
choice which means it is entirely up to us to be happy with what we have or be
miserable about what we want to have. This is a very crucial step. The key here is
to do what YOU want to do. You want to dye your hair? Sure, do it! You want to
wax your legs, sure thing darling! That's your body, do what you want to! Of
course, there will be times when we'd still compare ourselves with what others

have and once we've seen that others have it better than we do, we'd go spiraling
back into self-pity and self-hate.
Now I'm telling you about self-love and self-acceptance not because I have
perfected the art of loving one's self but because I am like you who tried to put
up to everyone else's expectations but mine. I hopelessly aimed to match up to
the society's idea of a girl. However, I had an epiphany once and I never looked
back again. It was when I was at my lowest point, I just graduated university and
just months in, I was not accepted for regularization at where I was working and
I was jobless. I somehow stopped contacting my friends, I don't even go online to
chat with them. I hated using any form of social media sites because every time I
see my friends' posts about how happy they are with their work, I feel much
sadder. I was at a point where I was so ashamed of myself, I hated myself for not
holding on to a good paying job just like how a good daughter should.

["(On self-hatred)Like some kind of bad curse, it should be broken." Photo of

dead trees in a foggy woods]
One day, after so much crying over how pathetic my life is, I sat down and just
thought about the whole situation. I figured I can't just give up and there must be
something I should do to change my situation. I figured that it has not been the
first time that something like this has happened to me. It's almost like a recurring
event for me, I fail - I compare myself to others - I lose hope. It's like a cycle and
that's when I thought that like some kind of bad curse, it should be broken.
While I try to look for a new job, I used my time to get to know about myself
because for the longest time, I have put up to others' expectations except mine.
So I've listed down things I have wanted to do, and I aim to do every one last
thing in it. I've always wanted to paint so I bought supplies and just painted
away. I may not be that good at painting but I enjoy it so I keep doing it anyway.
Every now and then I get spells of self-doubt. It's okay to be off-track for a while
as long as you keep coming back. So if by any chance you've decided to take on
the task of self-love and self-acceptance, there may be times when you'll have a
bit of a hiccup and maybe a part of you reverts back to the self-hating version of
yourself as it happens to me, then I am going to share with you something I did.
I made motivational posters/wallpapers. They have been much help to me when I
am feeling down. What makes these work is if you try to internalize what they're
saying like a mantra and just read them when you're feeling a bit off. I strongly
suggest that you make your own motivational posters, it's a very liberating
experience and very much engaging. There is something about
you
telling
yourself
that its okay. We are somehow inclined to believe in what we are saying.

[Be a dreamer. Dream of the impossible and make them come true. Find
something youll look forward to always. Set a never-ending list of goals. Tick
something off that list each day. Find your purpose. Work towards achieving what
you have always dreamed of. Enjoy the moment. Dream again. Photo of sunset
as seen through some grass.]

[You are amazing and wonderful, always remember that. You are strong,
beautiful, and intelligent. Its okay to be different. You got your own path. Hang
on to your dreams and make them come true. You got to believe in yourself, you
can do it. Its okay if you venture on your own. Its okay not to have what others
have. Its okay to hope, but all you need is to have faith in yourself. No one can
define your worth but you. Love and accept yourself. You are a gem and if
someone cant see that in you then might as well leave them behind. You are
great. You only need yourself and your aspirations in order to be happy. Never
forget that you are extraordinary. Believe it. Live by it. Photo of a sunset
reflecting over a lake surrounded by a forest]

[You are amazing, just as you are. Its okay to be sad. Its okay to be happy. Its
okay to be alone. Its okay to feel lonely and desire company. Its okay to be
different. The world may never agree but that does not mean you cant exist
because you are here, alive. Never let anyone tell you how you should be and
what you should be doing. Your path is different from everyone else and you can
go whichever way you want. Dont copy others because there is a great path set
out for you to discover. It may be dark and cold sometimes. Its just a matter of
enjoying your journey and making discoveries about yourself and your resilience.
You are stronger that you think. You have come this far. It is okay to pause for a
while as long as you keep coming back. You will meet people along the way and
most of them will only stay for a while. You might meet someone wholl stay with
you even if it gets difficult but things could change and youll be venturing on
your own again. Its fine too. You might get hurt in the end but at least you had a
great journey. Photo of clear sky behind some twigs and leaves.]

[You dont need anyone but yourself to be happy. Happiness is in what you do,
how you choose to be, and not in the people youre or youre not with. You are
beautiful. You are amazing. You dont need anyone to feel loved. Love yourself.
You deserve it. Consider this day the greatest day of your life, when you finally
learned to love and accept yourself, and know that you would do great even
without the people you thought you cant live without. People come and go
sometimes and youll only have yourself. Trust yourself. Theres an infinite list of
possibilities and you get to choose. You are extraordinary. You define your own
worth. You can do anything. You can be everything that you want to be. Define
yourself and live your life however you want it. Photo of a starry night sky seen
through some trees ]
Now, if you have decided to pursue self-love, take this as your first assignment.
Tell yourself these: "I love you." Just three simple words but trust me, it does
wonders.
Now once you've done that, for your second assignment, get a piece of paper or
whatever logging device you have and list down all the things that you want to
do. One by one, do something from that list. What's stopping you? If there is,
address that and live a life to your expectations. What is it that you've always
wanted to do? Do that. And remember, no matter what you're set out to do, if

you think it will be good for you, do it. Do things on your own accord. Own your
decisions. Love yourself and be happy!
Link Love:
Psychology and self-esteem
50 things everyone should know how to do
Motivational poster/wallpaper
- public domain images
- free photo editor
What do you want to do?
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- share your poems
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