COUNCIL OF THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA 
COMMITTEE ON TRANSPORTATION & THE ENVIRONMENT
MARY M. CHEH, CHAIR 
 
 
MEMORANDUM

TO: Members of the Council of the District of Columbia

FROM: Councilmember Mary M. Cheh
DATE: May 20, 2015
SUBJECT: The District’s Fiscal Year 2016 Budget

Tomorrow, members will begin a joint discussions of the Fiscal Year 2016 budget.
As I am currently out of the country and will not be able to attend in person, I
wanted to offer a brief synopsis of the budget recommendations from my office. The
recommendations are divided into Committee and Non-Committee proposals, as
detailed below.

Committee Recommendations

1. Transfer $500,000 million from the District Department of Transportation to

the Commission on Arts and Humanities. This transfer will be used for an
innovative, progressive, and transformative production of Tennessee Williams’ A
Streetcar Named Desire. The initial rollout for this show called for an opening
performance at Rock & Roll Hotel on H Street, NE with planned expansion
performances at 37 theaters across the District. After hearing concerns about the
performers receiving only three and a half years of rehearsal time—and after the
original director had to be let go in the face of accusations that he only got the job
because of inappropriate gifts from his uncle—the Committee eventually reduced
the production’s scale to include theaters between Georgetown and Union Station.
The method of payment for attending the show will be determined at a later date.
The date for opening night: “Coming Soon.”

2. Provide the D.C. Taxicab Commission with $350,000 and 6.0 FTEs to
establish a new service for elected officials. Sadly, officials elected by District
residents have demonstrated severe difficulty in parking—or, at least parking
legally.1 The newly created Eleanor Holmes Norton Office of Parking and Driving
will help the District’s elected representatives learn to traverse the city without
running afoul of signs, meters, and proper procedures.

                                                            
1 Sadly, the existence of this Instagram account is not a joke: https://instagram.com/councilgram/.

1350 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, N.W., SUITE 108 
▪ WASHINGTON, DC 20004 ▪
3. Transfer $1.5 million from the Department of General Services—what’s
another million and a half, anyway—to the District Department of Transportation
to conduct a study. It has recently come to the Committee’s attention that DDOT
has had issues in implementing previously conducted studies. Despite extensive
work being done to study traffic calming measures on Maryland Avenue, the agency
is about to initiate another study. Additionally, despite conducting a study in 2013
on a 16th Street Bus Lane, DDOT will shortly begin a new study on the topic. To
assist in reducing redundant redundancies, the Committee recommends that the
funds be used for DDOT to study these studies. This endeavor will help keep the
agency busy because the Committee has no doubt that two years from now they will
scrap the study on studies and conduct a new study that studies the study on
studies in a rather studious manner.

4. Allocate $1.5 million to the District Department of Transportation for a study

on a dedicated skateboard lane, a dedicated horseback lane, and a dedicated Slip-n-
Slide lane on 16th Street, NW. Traffic congestion on 16th Street has become
atrocious—cars are backed up for miles, long lines of commuters wait for buses that
are full, and good luck if you think it is safe to ride a bicycle through that mess. A
literature review of DDOT’s many 16th Street studies has revealed to the Committee
that there is no efficient way to use this Street for traditional modes of transport.
The Committee believes it is time to think outside of the box to find solutions for the
traffic-weary people of 16th Street, so the Committee asked its 11-year old brother
what he would do.

Non-Committee Recommendations

1. Transfer $55,000 to the Council’s Office of Legislative Services. It has

become clear that Congressional Republicans believe that the District and its
elected Council cannot be trusted with governing the city. Obviously, we have no
idea what we’re doing—just look at our history of 20 years of balanced budgets
while Congress is obviously doing a superior job with finances. As a result, the
Council should make a practice of submitting all of our activities to Congress. The
$55,000 will cover a new FTE whose job it will be to transmit all office supply orders
to Congress for review.

2. Transfer $250,000 from the Film Incentive Fund to the Office of Cable
Television for the purchase of body cameras to be worn by Councilmembers. Footage
will be reviewed and edited by 2.0 FTEs, and, to further promote transparency, the
content of the recordings will be televised on Channel 13 in hour-long segments
under the title Keeping up with the Kouncilmembers.

3. Allocate a yet-to-be determined sum for needed reforms to the Council’s

structure. The current 13-member Council does not have enough seats for all of
Mayor Bowser’s former staff and campaign aides. Therefore, at least $50,000

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should be set aside to study exactly how many members of her retinue aren’t
currently otherwise employed by the administration and to increase the number of
Councilmembers accordingly.

no effect on voter turnout. Because, you know, it has been so great recently.
calendar. Having an election date that varies from year-to-year will certainly have
recommends that the Board of Elections sync the primary date to the lunar
and continue to make elections a part of the news cycle, the Committee
believe that an election is always held on the same date. To enhance voter turnout
special elections held in recent years, District residents have little reason to
primary date has been altered in the past, in conjunction with the high number of
implementing a new primary date. Considering the frequency with which the
4. Provide the District of Columbia Board of Elections with $375,000 for

5. Provide $10 to the Office of the United States Attorney for the District of
Columbia for the purchase of a dictionary and a map. The former U.S. Attorney for
the District previously insisted that “there is there there” about a former elected
official. Given his subsequent resignation and the lack of relevant activity by his
office, the Committee is now concerned that the Office somehow lost the “there.”
The Committee recommends that the Office use these state-of-the-art tools to finally
determine where exactly is the there. There there, Ron Machen. There there.

6. Transfer $50,000 for rental fees to Events DC. The Mayor and the Attorney
General are in a Vulcan death grip over which office is really, really the most
powerful and important. Therefore, the Committee recommends this transfer to
cover the cost of renting R.F.K. Stadium. There, the Mayor and the Attorney
General shall duel for supremacy. To keep costs low, the Archives is instructed to
pull up the details of the Hamilton/Burr duel and the parties shall follow that
protocol. Although the total cost for renting the stadium is $1,000,000, ticket sales
are expected to total ~$950,000. The Committee is awaiting certification from the
Office of Revenue Analysis on whether the cost may be reduced even further by
using the new Office of Film, Television, and Entertainment to offer District
residents a pay-per-view option.

7. Transfer $500,000 to the Department of Employment Services. Members

sometimes leave the Council unwillingly as a result of criminal prosecutions,
illness, lost elections, and so on. Former members may not be prepared for a change
in their status, as they lack employable skills or reasonable job prospects. The
Committee is recommending the fund for DOES to develop a program for post-
Council job training. Programs shall include workshops on punctuality, listening to
others, coping with everyday tasks without staff assistance, anger management,
and using a copy machine.

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The Committee apologizes if this memo is not funny. If that is the case, the
Committee recommends that the reader participate in some recently-legalized
activities and then revisit this memo. The reader may then find it to be, like, totally
the funniest thing ever.

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