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Lindsay Philpott
Cosmin Ritivoiu
Marriage and Family
11 February 2015
Courtship and the Fifth Commandment
The fifth commandment says, Honour [sic] thy father and thy mother: that thy days may
be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee (Exodus 20:2). God gives his
children the responsibility that they should honor and respect their parents, with the promise that
their days will be long upon the earth. Not only does it mean that children should honor, respect,
and take care of their parents, but it also means that they should gladly and willingly take counsel
from them as well.
Parents have spent themselves so much on their children, and given so much of their time
to them. It makes sense why God would tell his people that they should honor and respect their
parents them. However, this commandment means much more than that. In Adventist Home,
page 293, it says,
The fifth commandment requires children not only to yield respect, submission,
and obedience to their parents, but also to give them love and tenderness, to
lighten their cares, to guard their reputation, and to succor and comfort them in
old age.
Here children are to be to their parents essentially what they were to themparents should be
able to depend on their children when they get older.

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In light of being respectful and obedient, parents have had a lot more life experiences,
and they will be able to give good advice, especially when their children havent experienced
what they have. Their children should be willing to listen to their counsel, as they will never
gain more valuable lessons than from them. Ellen White says, If you are blessed with Godfearing parents, seek counsel of them. Open to them your hopes and plans; learn the lessons
which their life experiences have taught (White 73).
Since it would be wise for children to take counsel from their parents, they would
especially do well to take counsel from them when it relates to courtship. There are many crucial
decisions to be made, and since parents have gone through that process, it would be wise to ask
and receive counsel of them. In Christian Education, page 228, it says,
If there is any subject which should be carefully considered, and in which the
counsel of older and more experienced persons should be sought, it is the subject
of marriage; if ever the Bible was needed as a counselor, if ever divine guidance
should be sought in prayer, it is before taking a step that binds persons together
for life.
Ellen White highly suggests that the most important time to seek counsel would be when one is
considering courtship.
In the Bible, there is a wonderful example of this. It is that of the story of Isaac and
Rebecca. Abraham was getting old, and so he called his most trusted servant to him. He made
him promise that he would find a wife for Isaac that was not out of the daughters of Canaanites,
but from his own relatives. Abraham wanted Isaac to have a God-fearing wife.

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When this story happens, Isaac is 40 years old. He trusted his fathers wise judgement in
choosing a wife for him. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted
off the camel. For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh [sic] in the field
to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered
herself. And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into his
mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was
comforted after his mother's death.
Isaac was perfectly contentedeven at 40 years of ageto let others more experienced
than he choose the best companion for him.
In the same way, young people should also respect the counsel and advice that their
parents give them, especially in relation to courtship. In Letters to Young Lovers, page 36, Ellen
White says,
Give yourself sufficient time for observation on every point, and then do not trust
to your own judgment, and let the mother who loves you, and your father, and
confidential friends, make critical observations of the one you feel inclined to
favor. Trust not to your own judgment, and marry no one whom you feel will not
be an honor to your father and mother, one who has intelligence and moral worth.
When it comes to this situation, parents will be able to see and make observations that their
children cannot see, and would be wise for them to listen.
As one can see from the fifth commandment, children should honor and respect their
parents. But it also includes honoring and respecting their counsel as well. Courtship is an
important time when many decisions have to be made, and it would be wise if in every step of

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the way one seeks counsel and guidance from their parents. Those who contemplate this step
should solemnly and prayerfully consider its importance and seek divine counsel that they may
know whether they are pursuing a course in harmony with the will of God (AH 70). Let each
seek all they can to gratefully receive their parents counsel to them!

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Works Cited
The King James Study Bible: King James Version. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995. Print.
White, Ellen Gould Harmon. The Adventist Home. Nashville: Southern Pub. Association, 1952.
Web. 8 Feb. 2015.
Christian Education. Battle Creek, MI: International Tract Society, 1893. Web. 8 Feb.
2015.
Letters to Young Lovers. Mountain View, CA: Pacific Pub. Association, 1983. Web. 8
Feb. 2015