Bridges, William (1980). Transitions: Making sense of lifes changes.

Strategies for
coping with the difficult, painful, and confusing times in your life. Cambridge: Da
Capo Press
Humans change every ten years or so: mentally, physically, and spiritually. We mature and age,
have unimaginable new challenges, find new interests, and are beat down or lifted by outside
events. In essence we become a new person every decade or so. You at the age of 10 is radically
different from you at the age of 20. Ages 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, and 80 may generally display the
same degree of change.
How can a family, marriage, and a commitment survive this? In many other parts of the world,
rituals and strong community and family ties guide people with shared experiences and with
mentoring from the wisdom of the elderly. In the western culture these ancient bonds are
extremely weakened. Only through religion, love, empathy, negotiation, and patience can we
persevere. We are all in the same boat. Here are some of the harder transitions we may have to
go through, if we live long enough:
Transitions for Humans:
1) During childhood (Divorce of parents, loss of sibling, illnesses, and death of pets)
2) End of childhood (new identity, menses, puberty, grandparents die, youth rebel against
religion)
3) Becoming adult (new independence, rebel against religion, accidents and suicides take
our precious young, marriages, divorces, babies are born, friends, family and children
may die)
4) From Young adult to Mature adult (divorces, marriages, babies are born)
5) Mid-life (crisis or turning points, deaths of parents, divorces, new careers, health
problems start, health problems increase, you realize your mortality)
6) Retirement (smelling the flowers, contemplation, depression, more health problems as
body ages, friends and loved ones dying, turning toward religion more)
7) Elderly, Growing old aint for sissies Betty Davis.

When faced with a Transitions of loved ones:

Never take responsibility for anothers transitions. You have your hands full with your own
life. All you can do is listen and offer a safe place. You can not make it better, because if you do,
you have created an invalid, who can not fix their own problems. Do not turn your back on
someone in transition either. Just have patience.

Transitions types:
1) Relationships (Beginning, disillusionment, growing apart, ending)
2) Depression (Disengagement of the world, no transition, just an emptiness or a dislike of
the world. You are on the wrong path, in the wrong place, you need a transition, before
you become addicted to the depression)
3) Change in housing (moving, buying a house, renovating, losing a house)
4) Change in personal life (marriage, baby, death of a loved one, growing up, aging, illness,
weight change, sexual activity change)
5) Change in education or career (graduation, new school, new job, promotion, fired)
6) Inner changes ( epiphany, change in self-image, new dreams, loss of old dreams)

Transitions stages:
1) Ending, can be sudden or slow
2) Confusion and distress
a. disorientation, mental instability
b. detachment
c. disengage and withdrawal, emptiness
d. dormant fertility and neutral zone (just breath)
3) New beginning with failure, start over again and again, new beginning, new you

Chaos is not a mess, but a primal state of pure energy. It is more than we can handle, so we
enter transitional modalities. In our society, we must find our way alone.

Past traditional rituals handled transitions for:

1) Coming of age (new identity, vision quest, new names, ceremonies)
a. Going from dependency to independence
2) Death (funeral ceremonies, prescribed economics, shared experiences)
3) Marriage (formal ceremonies, economics, shared increase or decrease in family)
4) New baby (Naming ceremonies, religious rituals, childbirth customs)
5) Beginning or ending a job or occupation (levels of achievement, stages of wisdom)
6) Becoming elderly (respect, wisdom, and power)

How to handle a transition in western societies: (Step by Step)

1) Take your time (make few life decisions during this time)
2) Arrange temporary stability
3) Examine causes when able to do so quietly
4) Pamper yourself, do not do things to numb or hurt yourself
5) Explore carefully
a. study and learning time
b. examine the world and yourself
c. enjoy fertile emptiness (can find meditation)
d. write, paint, do crafts, travel
e. Get to know yourself (notice what you really like and dislike as a new person)
6) Do, act, become, spread your wings, expect failures and learn from them, but do not look for
results. It is a process more than a goal.