Lesson2of7learntocommunicateeffectively

WhyListeningisGoodFor
You
ByDr.JamesJ.Lynch
CondensedfromTheLanguageof
theHeart,inReadersDigest
8/96,pp.122124

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Thisreprintisoneofaseriesonsevencommunicationskills.Learning
tousethemisthesecondof7Lessonsforpeopleseekinghighnurturance
relationshipsandfamilies.NotetheuniqueLesson2guidebook,
Satisfactions7relationshipskillsyouneedtoknow(Xlibris.com,2nded.,
2010).Youfeelsatisfiedwhenyourcurrentneedsaremet.
ThetermempathiclisteningwascoinedbyStephenCovey,insightful
authorofSevenHabitsofHighlyEffectivePeople.HedidsoafterDr.
Lynch'sbookwaspublishedin1986.
Dr.Lynch'sresearchfocusedon"hypertensives"TypeApeoplewithsignificantlyhigh
bloodpressureandothertraits.Myclinicalexperiencesuggeststhatsuch"driven"menand
womenareusuallyruledbyafalseselfanddon'tknowitorwhatitmeans.
CouldyoubeaTypeAperson?
Thehilightsandlinksherearemine.PeterGerlach,MSW
WhyListeningisGoodForYou

Wetaketalkingforgranted.Thoughyoumayoccasionallyfeelyourhandsgrowcoldbefore
givingaspeech,youoftentalkwithoutrecognizingtheconcurrentchangesthatoccurinyour
body.
Butafter20yearsofresearch,mycolleaguesandIhavediscoveredthatallcommunication
involvesourbodies,sometimesprofoundly.Whilewespeakwithwords,wealsospeakwith
everyfiberofourbeing.This"languageoftheheart"isintegraltothehealthandemotionallife
ofallofus.
Wefoundthatevenapleasantchatabouttheweathercanaffectthecardiovascular
system,particularlybloodpressure.Thetraditionalwayoftakingbloodpressurewitha
stethoscopemeantthatthepatienthadtokeepsilent,andthissilencepreventedclinicians
fromdiscoveringthelinkbetweencommunicationandbloodpressure.
Thebreakthroughinourstudiesoccurredin1977,whenwemetEd,atypicalhypertensive
patientwhocametotheUniversityofMaryland'sPsychophysiologyCenterfortreatment.We
hookedupEdtoanewcomputerthatcouldcontinuouslymonitorbloodpressure.Wefound
thathispressureimmediatelyincreasedeverytimehespoke,evenifhewasdiscussingthe
mostneutraltopic.WhatwasmoresurprisingwasthatEdwasunawareofthesechanges.
Thisfindingsointrigueduswebegantestingothers.Theresultswerethesame.Blood
pressureandheartrateroserapidlywheneverpeopletalked.Weaskedstudentstoreadaloud
fromablandtext.Theirbloodpressureandheartrateroserapidlyeverytime.Wetestedeight
deafmutevolunteers.Whenthesepeoplesigned,theirbloodpressurealsoincreased.This
confirmedoursuspicionthatitwastheactofcommunication,notjusttalking,thatledtothese
changes.
WhenIlecturedonourresearch,Iwouldaskvolunteerstocomeupandtalkonany
subject,whileacomputermonitordisplayedtheirbloodpressurechangesonascreen.One
youngphysicianannouncedproudlythathejoggedfivemilesadayandwouldsurelybeatthe
machinethenturnedindisbeliefasheheardtheaudiencelaugh,andsawhisbloodpressure
shootupwheneverhespoke.
ForpeoplelikeEdwhowerehypertensive,therisecausedbytalkingwasmuchgreater
thanforhealthypeopleoftenwellintothedangerzone.Howdohypertensiveshandlethis?
Afterall,mostdonotdropdeadduringsocialencounters.Otherstudiesshowthatthey
subconsciouslymaintaindistanceintheirrelationshipsandminimizewhatcanbeforthem
"lethaldialogues."
Whatmakesthecardio
vascularsystemofhypertensivessovulnerabletoverbal
communication?Thoughthehypertensiveswestudiedappearedoutwardlycalm,manytended
totalkintenselyandbreathlessly,interruptingandspeakingoverotherpeople.Thiskindof
speechistypicalofTypeAbehavioranimpulsive,harddrivinglifestylelinkedtoincreasedrisk
ofheartdisease.
Mostnormaltalkisaseesaw.Therisingofbloodpressurewhenonetalksisbalancedbya
rapidloweringofpressurewhenonelistens.Buttherhythmisoutofsyncinhypertensives.
Theyfrequentlyfailtolistentheyareonguard,defensive.Sotheirpressurestaysup.
Thebenefitsoflisteningareseeninthe"orientingreflex,"discoveredbyPavlov.Whena
doghearsasoundorseesmovement,itwillstopallactivityandcockitshead.AnotherRussian
scientist,E.N.Sokolov,noticedthatthedog'sheartrateslows.
Asimilarresponseoccursinpeopletooanditlowersbloodpressure.Oneexperiment
chartedhumanpressureduringthreeactivities:readingoutloud,staringatablankwall,and
watchingfishinatank.Bloodpressurewashighestwhenthepeoplespoke.Butitwaslowest
whentheywatchedthefish,ratherthanwhentheysimplysatandrelaxed.Whetherwatching
fishorlisteningtoanotherperson,attendingcalmlytotheworldoutsideyourselfhelpslower
bloodpressure.WhenIgothypertensivestolistenundefensively,theirbloodpressureoftenfell
dramatically.
Whydosomepeoplefindtalkingsostressful,andlisteningsodifficult?Itestedsome
healthynewborns.Whentheycried,theirbloodpressureoftendoubled.Webeganthinking
aboutpressuresurgesinhypertensivesassimilartothechangeswhenababycries.Though
calmonthesurfacewhiletalking,theirbodiesarescreamingtobeheard.Forthesepeople,
communicationbecomesadesperatebuthiddenstruggle.Insidetheiradultbodiesisababy
crying,terrifiedbecausenoonecanhearit.
Statuscancompoundthecommunicationproblem.Manypatientstoldustheirpressurewas
alwayslowerwhentheytookitathomethanwhentheirdoctorstookit.Couldthedoctor'shigh

socialstatusbeafactor?Totesttheidea,werecruited40medicalstudents,andhadtheir
bloodpressuretakenwhiletheywerequiet,andwhilespeaking.Forhalfthestudents,our
researcherdressedinbluejeansandsaidhewasagraduatestudent.Withtheotherhalf,he
woreawhitelabcoatandsaidhewasaninternist.Thosewhospoketothe"doctor"registered
higherbloodpressurereadings.
Theimplicationsarefarreaching.Isthehigherriskofhypertensionamonglowincome
Americansdue,atleastinpart,totheirstatusinsociety?Aretheyfrequently"talkingup"and
raisingtheirbloodpressure?
Wespeakbillionsofwordsinourlives,andlistentobillions.Ourrelationshipswithothers
constituteakindof"socialmembrane"thatsurroundsus.Hypertensivepeopleseemtoo
sensitivetothis,tooresponsivetoit.Theirhighbloodpressurereflectsthischronichyper
vigilance.Bycontrast,patientswhoareschizophrenicwithdraw.(Ofallthegroupswetested,
schizophrenicshadthelowestbloodpressureandtheleastchangewhentheytalkedtheir
dialoguehadalltheearmarksofpseudotalk,lackinginheartfeltcommunication.)
Sohowcanweenjoyconversationyetkeepbloodpressuredown?Bylisteningmore,by
breathingregularlywhiletalking,byalternatingbetweentalkingandpayingattentiontowhatthe
otherpersonissaying.Butwhatcanhypertensivesdo?Treatmentsthatteachthemtofocuson
theirrelationshipsandhowtocommunicateinarelaxedwaycanbeastarttowardhealth.
Wecanunderstandandcopewithillnessonlywhenweviewourselvesaspartofa
complexworldbeyondtheconfinesofourownindividualskin.Theresponseofourhearts,
bloodvesselsandmuscleswhenwecommunicatewithspouse,children,friendsand
colleaguesisasvitaltoourcardiovascularhealthasisexerciseordiet.
LearnmoreaboutcommunicatingmoreeffectivelybystudyingLesson2here.Toseeifyouneed
todothat,takethisquiz.
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