WHY

ME?

Vasan Sri

When a disaster or misfortune or tragedy strikes us,
we cannot accept it easily. We ask " Why Me?" or "why
this should happen to me?" ----We disbelieve the
occurrence in the first place; we deny the event or
situation....This is called "denial phase" by
psychologists....we pass through this and come to terms
with the new or altered situation. We learn to accept
the situation or limitation. From denial phase we move
on to acceptance phase.
When we accept the new situation as perfectly normal
or rare abnormality and then we also learn that such
things happen to many people in this complex world
with our complicated human body and mind , we can
evaluate our situation with certain calmness...Here
statistics helps---"One in 5000 will get -------- before

they reach 60 years" or similar words. Our friends and

well-wishers talk to us and help us to understand and
give plenty of suggestions...{ Often we are overloaded
with suggestions and meaningful advice; When I was
recently hospitalized for a day, I started receiving
phone calls every five minutes from friends and
relatives giving essentially the same
suggestions...what I should do and should not do for
the next 6 months...I was astounded by the medical
knowledge and nutrition details available in the public
domain ---through word of mouth ,not internet!...]

Then comes the rebuilding phase...yes, we face this
misfortune or limitation [physical or mental or even
'spiritual' ] with calmness and a sense of resignation
,and chalk out a strategy [long term plan] to rebuild
our lives in the new or altered situation. Here again
friends , relatives and support groups ['alcoholic
anonymous' or similar groups] or church groups help to

gain mental and physical strength....The rebuilding

phase is a long one--protracted, with many detours and
deviations--and could run for a year or longer....Some
battle with this phase for decades.
The most important phase , --" the tough bridge to
cross" --is , however, the "WHY ME?" stage---the denial
stage with disbelief in the occurrence of the event .
We all go through this.. Gain the mental strength to
cross this bridge. A friendly talk with your neighbor
or friend or just a note from someone can help you to
"accept the situation" as it is.
In Eastern societies, faith in God , faith in
humanity or resigning to 'fate'--help one to accept the
situation or what "Life has handed down to me". In
Western society, with its cultural setting of
individuality, self-esteem and less faith in a
"superpower" or "god", makes them more vulnerable to
succumb to feelings of hopelessness or depression ,
compounded by loneliness---and to slip into serious

mental conditions. Medical persons--your family

physician or health care provider or even a pharmacist
or a paramedic or a trained nurse---could help one to
cross the bridge of " Why Me" stage. [My father, some
60 years ago, gained much by talking to a pharmacist ,
a kind old man, to manage his hypertension and
diabetes, when reliable drugs were not known and the
nice family doctor could not help much.] At this
rebuilding stage, you try several means to get back on
the life's track: "living one day at time";
volunteering, pastimes and hobbies; taking a vacation
or retreat in a quiet place; yoga and meditation and so
on.
As for me, I derive my inspiration to go on with my
life ,with some limitations, by reading great works of
self-help and literary value. For instance, R W
Emerson's essay "self-reliance" and H W Longfellow's
poem "Psalm of Life" have been constant source of
strength to cross "Why Me" bridges. There are ,of

course, many more poems and works of modern times too.

[ You may still read Emerson's essay and Longfellow's
poem with much profit today.]
Note: I was triggered into writing this essay after the
incidents of some of my friends losing their eye sight
suddenly due to glaucoma.
If you have some more suggestions, please write to me:
nenmelisrinivasan@gmail.com
------------------------xxx-----------------------