Al-Ihya Foundation

Bedroom Etiquettes
Subtitle?
Allh Almighty says:

They are coverings for you and you are coverings for them; Allh knows that you were
deceiving yourselves (in this respect), so He accepted your penance and forgave you; so
cohabit with them and seek what Allh has destined for you (2:187)
The Prophet of Allh (allAllhu layhi wa sallam) has said:
Having intercourse (with ones wife) is an act of charity. They said, O Messenger of Allh
(allAllhu layhi wa sallam), if one of us does so to fulfil his desires, is there reward in
that? He (allAllhu layhi wa sallam), said, Do you not see that if he does it in a arm
way he will have the burden of sin? So if he does it in a all way, he will have a reward for
that.(Narrated by Muslim, 1674)

Before one intends to have intercourse with his wife, the husband should ensure that
his wife is not in the state of menstruation. It is therefore necessary for him to ask her
and it is also the duty of the wife to inform her husband of her state. It is arm to
have intercourse while the wife is menstruating. Allh Almighty says:

And they ask you the decree concerning menstruation; say (O Beloved), "It is an impurity,
so stay away from women at such times, and do not cohabit (have intercourse) with them
until they have cleansed themselves; so when they have cleansed themselves, cohabit with
them the way Allh has determined for you"; indeed Allh loves those who repent profusely,
and loves those who keep clean. (2:222)

Many women (due to shyness) do not inform their husbands that they are in state of
menstruation; this is particularly so if it is on the first night of their marriage. In some
instances even after having been informed, the husband is insistent upon intercourse..
This should clearly against the prohibition by Allh and should therefore never
happen.

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Husbands should not only be aware of the state of their wives but should also be so in
respect to their feelings etc. . Many are only concerned about themselves, and do not
consider whether the wife is ready to have an intercourse (for example, she may be ill)

1. When one of you goes in unto his wife, let him be covered, for if he is not covered, the
angels feel shy and depart. Tthen if they have a child, Shayn will have a share of him. (alTabarn in al-Mu'jam al-Awsa)
2. When one of you goes in unto his wife, let him be covered and not naked like donkeys.
(al-Bayhaq)
3. When a man holds his wifes hand (to delight her) then for him are written 10 rewards. If
he places his hand (out of love) on her neck for him are written 10 rewards, and when he
cohabits with her then it is better than the world and what is in it. (Ghunya al-libn)

When the husband intends to have intercourse, he should be gentle with his wife.
Satisfying ones wife is very important and engaging in sexual intercourse quickly
and hastily is not the correct manner.
Before undressing, the couple should make Wu, pray 2 Rakt of prayer (to thank
Allh Almighty) and then husband should recite the following:
1. Bismillhil aliyyil Adhm, Allhu Akbar, Allhu Akbar
2. Surah Ikhls once.
3. When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the brides
forehead and pray:

Bismillh, Allhumma Jannibnas al-Shayn wa Jannib al-Shayn m Razaqtan
According to a Prophetic narration, if a husband was to pray the above prayer before
intercourse, and child was conceived, Allh will protect the child from the devil. (alBukhr)

Both should make good intentions (for example, fulfilling the rights of the partner,
having pious children etc.)
Both should apply perfume/fragrance and smarten their appearances.
They should then engage themselves in kind talk and foreplay (cuddling, kissing,
undressing each other, caressing the breasts etc) in order to arouse each other.
You are also allowed to touch each others private parts and if it is done with a good
intention then it will become an act of reward.
It is permissible to have intercourse in whatever position is desired, from behind or
from the front, on the condition that the intercourse takes place in the vagina;the place

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from which a child is born. The Prophet of Allh (allAllhu layhi wa sallam) has
said, From the front or from the back, so long as it is in the vagina. (al-Bukhr).
It is not permissible (arm) for the husband under any circumstances whatsoever to
have intercourse with his wife in her back passage (anal). According to the Aadth,
such a person is cursed.
It is Mustaab that Ghusl al-Janbat is performed shortly after sexual intercourse; the
sooner the better. Also, if one would like to have sexual intercourse more than once in
a night, it is better that after each time, Ghusl is performed. However, if this is not
feasible, it is recommended that one should do Wu before every act.
One should avoid having intercourse standing up (like animals) or in a sitting position
(which is not healthy for the body)
The most appropriate and befitting manner is where the wife is lying on her back and
the husband is on top of her.
One should not face the Qiblah during intercourse.
One should be covered (using a cloth/blanket/sheet)..
The spouses are allowed to touch any part of each others body. But one should not
look at the privates whilst engaged in intercourse. This causes weakening of the
eyesight
There is no harm in kissing the breasts; again with a good intention it will become an
act of reward. But one should be careful that if milk is released it does not go down
the throat. Though drinking wifes milk is arm, it will not affect the marriage.
One should not talk during intercourse. It is feared that the child conceived during the
act may become dumb or may have speech problems.
During the intercourse, the husband and wife should not think of someone else except
their spouse. To do so is a grave sin.
One should not drink water immediately after intercourse.
If after intercourse (before bathing) one is in need of eating, then he or she should at
the very least wash the mouth and hands thoroughly and then eat food.
Both should take care of the others sexual needs. This is so that they are not attracted
to others by their sexual needs not being met.
There is no prescribed time for intercourse, though the physicists say the latter part of
the night (before Fajr) is the best time.
One should not have intercourse on a full or on an empty stomach.
One should avoid having intercourse on 14th and 15th of each lunar month or during
the time of Adhn.
When ejaculation takes place, the husband should seek refuge in Allh from the devil
(in his mind; not verbally).
The husband should not move immediately away after ejaculation, because it takes
time to fulfil the wifes sexual need and desires. Rather the husband should remain
engaged in the act.
After the intercourse, the spouses should clean their private parts using a separate
cloth.
The man should also relieve himself by urination so that no semen remains inside his
private part.
One should not immediately use cold water to bathe, as the body becomes warmer
during intercourse. Rather one should relax or lie down for 10 minutes and thereafter
bathe.
There is no harm for both spouses to have a shower or to bathe together.

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If the wife is menstruation then it is totally forbidden to have intercourse with her.
This is from those sins that has been ruled to be a major sin. During menstruation it
is prohibited for the man to touch his wife anywhere between the navel and the knee
except through a barrier like a cloth etc.
When the wife is in a state of menstruation the husband can touch and play sexually
with his wife as long as he does not touch her between the navel and knees.
It is not permissible for a man to have intercourse with his wife until the menstrual
bleeding has stopped and she has made Ghusl.

What occurrences make it obligatory to perform Ghusl

There are five occurrences that make it obligatory for a person to perform Ghusl, namely:
1. The ejaculation of sperm.
2. To have a wet dream (nocturnal emission).
3. The head of the penis entering the vagina, whether this be in a state of lust or not,
resulting in an orgasm or not
4. To become clean from the menstrual pause (period).
5. To become clean from blood after child birth.
Three obligatory aspects of Ghusl
There are three obligatory aspects in bathing are:
1. To wash the mouth in a manner that every single part of the inside of the mouth from
the lips to the throat is cleaned with water. Water must reach the gaps in between
teeth, the gums, all the sides of the tongue and the edge of the throat. If one is not
fasting then he/she must gargle so that the water clearly reaches all parts. If there is
anything stuck in between the teeth, it is absolutely necessary to remove the morsel
unless it is impossible to remove it or doing so would cause serious pain. Without
doing so invalidates the Ghusl and consequently any Salh subsequently performed.
2. To wash the nose. This requires water to be sniffed up into both nostrils until the
water reaches the hard bone; not even a hair or its equivalent size should remain dry.
If the nose is pierced then the water must reach the hole as this is also necessary. It is
also necessary to remove any dry mucus to allow water to reach the skin
3. To wash every single part of the body. Requiring water the entirety of the body,
including the soles of the feet; ensuring that every hair and every pimple is washed.
Even if one strand of hair or its points equivalent remains dry the Ghusl will not
count.

May Allh Almighty enable us to spend our lives in accordance with the teachings of the
Holy Quran and the Prophet (allAllhu layhi wa sallam), mn.