Life

Skills Curriculum

Introduction to Life Skills ................................................................................................... 2
Developing Decision Making Skills ................................................................................... 10
Importance of Communication Skills ................................................................................ 16
Practicing Assertiveness Attack and Avoid .................................................................... 23
Passive, Assertive and Aggressive .................................................................................... 28
Personal Relationships ..................................................................................................... 35
Dreams as Inspirations .................................................................................................... 43


Introduction to Life Skills

This session helps kickstart the Life Skills module with a creative way to define life skills.
Mentees first understand through a role play some of the risks they face as young people.
They then identify the skills necessary to lead a healthy and successful life.

Goals
By the end of the session Mentees will:

Be able to identify key life skills

Be able to list some risks that might be faced by young people in the
community

Be able to identify the link between information and behaviour

change.

Art materials

Pens

Paper

Copies of the bridge model

Materials

Schedule

People

Time required for activity: 90 minutes

Mentor & Mentee pairs

Lets get active Bridge Model Roleplay (40 minutes)

Invite the mentees to either read or even perform the role play given
in this handout. The situation given here could be very similar to what
mentees find in their communities. Kannada version follows the
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English version.

Nita dropped out of school at 16 to get married to her
boyfriend. She has been advising her friend, M eena, to stay
in school and to avoid getting involved with boys and so on,
till she finishes her education
Despite her friends warning, Meena became involved with a
boy and has eloped and got married. She comes to break the
news to her friend.

Nita is sitting outside her house. She is rocking her baby in
her arms. As she sits alone with the baby, she talks about
how tired she has been taking care of the baby. She says,
Oh, my babyhow troublesome you are!
Keeping me up all night! Wont you ever settle down?

Nita sees Meena approaching and welcomes her warmly.
Meena sits down and enquires about the h ealth of the baby.
Nita tells her that the baby has been sick and has yet to sleep
through the night. The friends chat for a moment before Nita
comments that it is odd to see Meena like this during a
school day. Nita asks Meena why she is not in school, but
Meena avoids the topic by asking Nita about Nitas husband,
Raju. Nita responds by saying that she has not heard from
him since the birth of their baby. She has heard that he has
now gone to Bangalore for work, but he has never
come to see her or the b aby. Nita reminisces that she too
could have gone to the Bangalore for her higher studies
her marks in exams were so high.

She reminds Meena of how important it is to avoid these
boys and stay in school. Now she has a baby and no proper
education even, to support herself and the b aby.

Nita asks again why Meena is here on a school day. M eena
says, Do you remember the advice that you are always
giving me? Nita responds: Dont make the same mistakes I
madeforget these boys until you are finished with your
studies. I told you that if you do become involved with any
boy, do not get married till you have finished with your
studies.

Nita becomes suspicious and says in agitation: Ah! But
come on, my friend, what are you really doing here? Are you
in trouble?

What is it?

Meena, now in tears, confesses that she h as gotten married
to Venu, a boy who used to hang around outside her college
a lot. Nita becomes angry.
She reminds Meena of all the advice she has given her; she
reminds M eena of the example of her own life. Meena says
in protest, But he loves me! He h as promised never to leave
me ever! Nita reminds Meena that Raju had promised her
the same thing. Nita asks Meena why she got married
despite all her warnings. M eena says that Venu threatened
to leave her if she did not get married immediately. He said
it was the only way to show him that she loved him. She did
not know what to do.

Referring back to the role play, ask leading questions to invite the
participants to explore the situation. Some examples might be:

1. Is this a realistic situation? Have you seen this happen in our
community?
2. Do you think Meena understood the risks of getting married with
Venu?
3. If she understood what could happen and had all of the
information, why did she get married anyway?
4. What were some of the things Venu said to pressure Meena?
5. Did Meena have good reasons for not listening to the advice Nita
gave her?
6. What will happen to Meena now? What do you think will happen
between her and Venu?

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Lets learn discussing risks(20 minutes)

Mentors and mentees should sit together and discuss what other risks
young people face in their community.

What are risks?

Risks or risky behaviours are those actions that young people may
become involved in that will prevent them from going on to live a
happy, healthy and fulfilling life. Young people frequently find
themselves facing a variety of risky situations including stealing,
forming bad company, misuse of drugs and alcohol and placing
themselves at risk from sexually transmitted d iseases.

These risks will vary from community to community, so it is important
for young people to identify risks that are specific to their youth group

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Lets get active creating bridges (20 minutes)

Using the poster paper and creative materials, mentors and mentees
7

should draw a picture of a river, with two banks on either side. On the
right hand bank write Positive, healthy life

Place the risks that you have identified in the water of the river.
Once the picture has been drawn and the risks identified, mentors and
mentees should think about what knowledge young people already have
to help them tackle risks. Try to think beyond school knowledge and
think about community and cultural beliefs and practices. Put any ideas
mentors and mentees think of into the left hand bank.

Now mentors and mentees should discuss how they plan to cross the
river of risks.
Currently the poster shows that mentees have identified the risks in their
community and that they have the knowledge to set them on their way
to a successful and happy life. But even though people know the risk and
have the knowledge about these dangers, that does not mean that they
do not engage in risky behaviors. Ask mentees to think about what skills
we need to put our knowledge into practice? How do we need to get
across the water safely? Every skill identified should be written down
between the two banks of the river.

Lets Remember - Life Skills: The Tools to a Happy Life

(10 minutes)

Mentors and mentees should discuss if they know what a life skill is.
If mentees are unable to identify what a life skill is, mentors should
explain that these are the skills that we have identified that helped
them to cross the river of risks safely and the skills that we need to

bring about behavioural change and achieve the goal of a positive
and happy life.

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References:
Peace Corps, Life Skills Manual, Publication M0063. 2001.
Accessed online at

http://multimedia.peacecorps.gov/multimedia/pdf/library/M0063_lifeskillscomplete.pdf

Developing Decision Making Skills

This session is an introduction to decisionmaking skills. The exercise invites mentees to
create one possible framework to explore when making decisions. Mentees will step into
the shoes of individuals facing different situations, and think about how they will use this
framework to make decisions. Finally, they will identify situations in their own lives where
they can make better decisions.

Goals

By the end of the session Mentees will:

Have understood the processes involved in decision making.

Have understood the importance of good decision making skills and

the consequences of actions taken.
Have practised decision making and problem solving skills.

Video clipping

Scenario Cards

Pens and rough paper

Materials

Schedule

Time required for activity: 90 minutes

Lets share experiences (10 minutes)

Mentors encourage mentees to share experiences of decisions
that they have taken in the past, decisions that were made for
them in the past, any decisions they are taking currently and any
decisions they plan to make in the future

Mentees write them down on a sheet of paper for later reference

10

Lets watch a video (15 minutes)

Mentors and mentees watch the video clipping at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSnPjiLEA2Y&feature=emshare_video_user

After the video , mentees

o identify the circumstances where decisions were made
o deliberate on those decisions and discuss both positive
and negative consequences

Lets learn (20 minutes)

Process of decision-making

Mentors introduce the topic of process of decision-making.
Mentors provide a 1-line explanation for each step. Mentees
then identify whether each decision making process step was
followed by characters in the video. The steps are as follows:
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o

Take some time out.

Define the problem. Think about the situation.
Seek advice from others.
Listen to the advice given.
Consider family values and personal values.
Consider cultural practices and religious beliefs.
Consider all of the options or alternatives available.
Imagine the consequences and possible outcomes of each
option.
Consider the impact of actions on other people.
Choose the best alternatives.
Make the decision.
Act on the decision.
Accept responsibility for your actions.

11

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Mentors bring up the experiences shared by mentees in the first
activity and ask them to explain which of the steps they used and
which they think they should have used to improve their
decisions. Mentors help mentees understand that following
these steps are the key to making good decisions

Lets get active case study on decision-making (20 minutes)

Mentors and mentees choose one of the scenarios presented
below as a case study

Mentees think critically about what they would do in such a

situation. They are encouraged to follow the steps learned.
Mentees take 10 minutes to think about the situation. They must
then share their decision and the process they followed.

Mentors use the flip card for the same scenario to discuss some
of the positive and negative consequences for the decisions.
Mentors can focus on what mentees had not thought about
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during the role-play.

1. One day Gita is walking home from school with her friends. One
of her friends tells her that she has a copy of the answers for the
upcoming grade 10 class exam. She offers a copy to Gita. What
should Gita do and why?

2. Veena is a 15yearold girl living in a small town. Veena is taking
care of four younger siblings, and cannot find money for food.
Veena has a friend near the market who has been offering her
nice gifts and buying some food for her. Recently, he has
suggested that Veena should meet him alone. What should
Veena do and why?

3. Sarah is an 18 year old girl. She has just completed her studies at
school and wants to continue on to pursue her studies at college.
One day she dreams of being a secretary in a large office in town.
However the other day her parents approached her with an offer
of marriage from a boy in the village. Sarah doesnt want to upset
her parents, but she is also scared that getting married will mean
that she is unable to continue her studies. What should she do
and why?

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13

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Lets Remember (10 minutes)

1. Mentors emphasize the point that is important to accept
responsibility for your actions.

Young people should learn early that each of their actions comes
with a consequence; and that, after being given the opportunity

to make a decision and choose, they must accept responsibility
for the choices they make. This is the very essence of what it
means to be an adult.

2. Mentors emphasize that very often there is no clear right or
wrong answer. It is important to be aware of the fact that each
decision will have its positive and negative consequences.

3. Mentors emphaize that the key to good decision-making is to
follow right decision-making process.

Lets share experiences (5 minutes)

Mentors share any experiences of decision making that they
made in the past, what process they followed, and what they
learned

14

Step 5

Lets pledge 20 minutes)

Practicing in life

Mentors briefly explain how everyday decisions in the personal,
academic or professional life can shape the path of one's life.

Mentors ask mentees to identify 3-5 decision areas for

themselves across personal, academic and professional life.

Mentees write down 2-3 line statements on where they would

like to take different decisions. They name one more person who
can keep them accountable .
o I would like to take better decisions
A. In my Personal life, in the areas of ________

like hobbies, personal habits (grooming,

sleeping, eating, exercising etc), friends,
personal relationships (caring, jealousy,
fight, possessive etc)

B. In my Academic life, in the areas of ________

like study habits, study interests (favourite

subject, participating in competitions etc),
spoken English, future academic choices,
homework, exams

C. In my Professional life, in the areas of ________

(to be dealt minimally as mentees will not

understand) like career choices,
preparation to accomplish the chosen
career, building competency

Mentors must keep the mentees responses for future follow-up

with them

References:
Peace Corps, Life Skills Manual, Publication M0063. 2001.
Accessed online at
http://multimedia.peacecorps.gov/multimedia/pdf/library/M0063_lifeskillscomplete.pdf

15

Importance of Communication Skills

This session is useful as an introduction to the idea of good communication. Mentees will
learn about good and bad listening skills and can then move onto exercises that practice the
good communication skills they have discussed.

Objectives

By the end of the session Mentees will:

Have known the need of public speaking.

Have realised that communication is more than just speech.

Have identified what is effective communication and why it is

important to communicate effectively both as a speaker and listener.

Video clipping

Pens and rough paper

Match sticks

Materials

Schedule

People

Time required for activity: 90 minutes

Mentor and Mentee/s

Lets share experiences (5 minutes)

Mentors encourage mentees to talk about what they know about
16

communication skills

Mentees write them down on a sheet of paper for later reference

Lets watch a video (15 minutes)

Mentors and mentees watch the video clipping at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiQ1t3iRLu8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZnhz1pnlM8.

Discuss
o What could have been the outcome if there was an
effective communication
o What emotions could be inferred from the body language

Lets get active speak listen - draw game (25 minutes)

Mentors think of two figures (each of them should be able to be
drawn with max. 10 match-sticks)

Mentors then describe to the mentees the way to draw the

figure without looking at how they are doing it

Mentees listen and use the match sticks to draw the figure.

Mentors can use below example as food for thought.

o Attempt 1
A. Mentor describes the first figure.
B. Mentees do what is told and are not allowed to
ask questions during the activity.
o Attempt 2
A. Mentor describes the other figure
B. This time mentees get the opportunity to ask

17

questions whilst they are working

Once complete, repeat the activity after reversing roles so that

both partners get a chance to listen as well as to instruct.

When the game is over, sit down in your mentor-mentee groups

and think about what the game meant using the following
questions as prompts:
1. Consider the drawing: which way was easiest to draw
the picture, the first or second time
2. How did it feel to try following directions when you
couldnt ask questions about them?
3. How did it feel to give directions to people and not
know whether they were understood?
4. What difference did it make to be able to talk to each
other while the drawings were being made?
5. What difference did it make to have a little more time
to work on the drawings?
6. What are some examples from real life of why its
impossible to communicate if one person is doing all the
talking and the other person cant say anything?

This exercise demonstrates

o The importance of good communication and also the two
way process of communication.
o It is important to listen when communicating and whilst
speakers need to be clear in what they are stating,
listeners also need to be able to concentrate in order to
effectively respond to what is being said.

Lets get active Jabber-Jabber game (15 minutes)

Mentors consider the emotions below:

18

Mentors write these emotions onto separate pieces of paper and
place them in a pile upside down. Mentors and mentees must
express these emotions to one another. However, they can only use
the words Jabber Jabber and must try to express these statements
through their body language only.
Mentees spend ten minutes or so acting out these emotions and any
others they can think of to one another. The other partners in the
group should try to work out what emotion the actor is trying to
enact.
After mentees have finished acting out the emotions, consider what
the exercise meant. In particular:

Was it easy to understand what emotion the person was trying to

get across, even though they could only use the words Jabber
Jabber?

If yes, why?

What did the exercise show about communication?

After having completed these two exercises, why do you feel that
communication is such an important life skill?

19

This exercise helps to understand

o importance of body language in communication
o emotions can be expressed through body language

Lets learn - Public Speaking (15 minutes)

Public Speaking is face-to-face speaking between individuals or a
group of people. For e.g., giving a job interview, TV / chat shows,
media interviews, debates in college

To be a successful person, one needs to improve his/her public

speaking skills. Mentors explain the tips to give effective public
speeches with proper body language. Mentors and mentees go
through them thoroughly.

Tips to incorporate appropriate body language into your

speeches
1. Start with eye contact - try on an individual listener for five
to ten seconds.
2. Smile!
3. Express emotion with your facial muscles.
4. Avoid distracting mannerisms like lip biting, key jingling,
and hands in pockets or behind the back.
5. Telling a story? Highlight the action verbs and look for ways
to act out one or more parts. Speaking about marathon
running? Run a few steps.
6. Stay true to your personality. Dont copy gestures from a
book or other speaker, but respond naturally to what you
feel and say.
7. Make gestures convincing. Every hand gesture should be
total body movement that starts from the shoulder never
from the elbow. Half-hearted gestures look artificial.
8. Vary your speaking position by moving from one spot on the
stage to another. For example, walk to the other side of the
stage as you move to a new topic or move toward the
audience as you ask a question.

(Source:
http://www.toastmasters.org/MainMenuCategories/FreeResour
ces/NeedHelpGivingaSpeech/TipsTechniques/GesturesGetMovin

20

g.aspx)

Tips for Public Speaking

Being nervous before giving a speech is natural and even
beneficial, but too much nervousness can be damaging.
1. Know your material. Pick a topic you are interested in.
Know more about it than you include in your speech. Use
humour, personal stories and conversational language
that way you wont easily forget what to say.
2. Practice. Practice. Practice! Rehearse out loud with all
equipment you plan on using. Revise as necessary. Work
to control filler words; Practice, pause and breathe.
Practice with a timer and allow time for the unexpected.
3. Know the audience. Greet some of the audience
members as they arrive. Its easier to speak to a group of
friends than to strangers.
4. Know the room. Arrive early, walk around the speaking
area and practice using the microphone and any visual
aids.
5. Relax. Begin by addressing the audience. It buys you time
and calms your nerves. Pause, smile and count to three
before saying anything. ("One one-thousand, two one-
thousand, three one-thousand. Pause. Begin.) Transform
nervous energy into enthusiasm.
6. Visualize yourself giving your speech. Imagine yourself
speaking, your voice loud, clear and confident. Visualize
the audience clapping it will boost your confidence.
7. Realize that people want you to succeed. Audiences
want you to be interesting, stimulating, informative and
entertaining. Theyre rooting for you.
8. Dont apologize for any nervousness or problem the
audience probably never noticed it.
9. Concentrate on the message not the medium. Focus
your attention away from your own anxieties and
concentrate on your message and your audience.
10. Gain experience. Mainly, your speech should represent
you as an authority and as a person. Experience builds
confidence, which is the key to effective speaking. A
Toastmasters club can provide the experience you need
in a safe and friendly environment.

21

(Source: http://www.toastmasters.org/tips.asp)

Lets get active speech (15 minutes)

Mentees prepare and give a 3-minute speech on a chosen topic.

They can take up to 10 minutes for preparation. Speech can be
in a language mentees are comfortable with. Few samples for
topics -
o What do I like about the place I live in?
o I am a popular film star. Today on TV, I have to say few
words about my journey in the film industry.

Post speech, mentors appreciate mentees for their effort and

give feedback on how it could have been improved. Criteria for
feedback can be chosen from the above tips.

Lets Remember (10 minutes)

4. It is important to listen when communicating and whilst
speakers need to be clear in what they are stating, listeners also
need to be able to concentrate in order to effectively respond to
what is being said

5. The body language is also a part of communication

6. Public speaking skill helps to communicate effectively
irrespective of the size of audience
Lets pledge
Mentors give topics for subsequent speeches. Topics that require
information gathering by mentees is suggested. Mentees prepare and
give speech in the following meetings (minimum of 3 speeches, one
speech per meeting, duration 5-minutes each).

References:
Peace Corps, Life Skills Manual, Publication M0063. 2001.
Accessed online at
http://multimedia.peacecorps.gov/multimedia/pdf/library/M0063_lifeskillscomplete.pdf

22

Practicing Assertiveness Attack and Avoid

This session can be used as an introduction to the idea of assertiveness. This concept may
be foreign to most mentees, so it may be necessary to spend a few sessions simply focusing
on defining the terms assertive, aggressive, and passive. This session is the beginning
of the creation of these definitions.

Goals

By the end of the session mentees will:

Be able to identify the differences between attacking and avoiding
behaviour.

Materials

Schedule

Be able to identify behaviour that indicates attacking and avoiding

behaviour.

Have identified attacking and avoiding aspects of their own

behaviour.

Have realized how good communication skills can help to protect us

from engaging in risky behaviours.

Video clipping at

Pens and rough paper

Bindi stickers (3 colours)

Chart paper

Time required for activity: 90 minutes

Lets share experiences (20 minutes)

Sharing experiences involves an activity called "Statues of Power".

Note for Mentors: The exercise may inspire strong reactions, so you should
monitor the mentees closely and be aware of this possibility. You may need
to speak to mentees who display strong reactions separately.

23

Statues of Power: This exercise is meant to stimulate some of the emotions

associated with power and how these emotions affect us.

Mentors encourage mentees to think of a past experiences where
they felt powerless or saw someone powerless .

The mentee/s must produce a tableau (frozen image) showing one

person in a position of power and the other in a powerless position.
Allow the mentee/s a few minutes to prepare their first tableau (If
you have only one mentee, let them show the two roles in
succession). Then ask the mentee/s to change roles so that the
powerful figure becomes the powerless one and vice versa and
prepare a second tableau.

Mentors ask mentees to express what they are feeling about each
statue/tableau (powerless and poweful) in one word. (Hint - words
like proud, scared, humble, and so forth)

Mentors ask mentees which of the two positions felt more familiar
to them?

Lets watch a video (15 minutes)

Mentors and mentees watch the video clipping at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4iEdMMjqdA

And discuss
o Who was powerful and powerless in the video?
o The emotions associated with power (powerful and powerless).
How do these emotions affect us?

Lets get active Attack and Avoid game (40 minutes)

This exercise shows how different reactions can be understood as attacking or
avoiding behaviour.
It also helps mentees in identifying attacking and avoiding aspects of their
own behaviour.

Mentors read out actions to mentees. Mentees can write it out on

their individual sheets of paper.

Mentees listen to the actions read out.

24

o If they think they do this action often, they should stick a green
sticker in front of the word or phrase.
o If they think they do this action sometimes, they should stick
orange sticker in front of the word or phrase.
o If they think they never do an action you mention, they should
stick red sticker in front of the word or phrase.
NOTE: Do not mention that these actions come under two categories
of behaviour. Just read the words out in a list.
Attacking Behaviours

Avoiding Behaviours

Nagging

Withdrawal

Shouting

Sulking in silence

Persisting (I am right!)

Saying that you are being unfairly treated

Revenge (Ill get back at you)

Talking behind someones back

Warning (If you dont)

Feeling ill

Interrupting

Being polite but feeling angry

Exploding

Feeling low and depressed

Sarcastic

Not wanting to hurt the other person

Insulting

Trying to forget about the problem

Correcting

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25

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Once the activity is done, mentors now point out that the behaviours
here come under two categories. Mentors list out which words come
under which category. Mentees also arrange the actions as mentors
list out the categories.

Mentees then reflect on which set of behaviours they engage in more

often than others.

Mentors brainstorm on the word attack and then the word avoid.
Mentees call out what each word means for them. There may be good
and bad feelings expressed about each word. These can be noted on
the chart or board. Mentors ask mentees to think of one personal
reason why they would behave in an attacking or avoiding way.

Mentees think about how attacking or avoiding could be

expressed. What would they say? How would they say it? How would
they say it with their bodies? Note some of these ideas on the chart or
board.

Lets learn changing behaviours (15 minutes)

Body language, facial expression and voice/tone is essential to
changing how our behaviour is interpreted.

An example of avoiding behaviour might be, Where are you going?
said in a soft, uncertain way. This indicates that the person is
expecting an angry answer. The body language while saying this might
be hunching the shoulders

Mentors ask mentees how the same phrase could be said in an
attacking way

26

If mentees are unable to answer, suggest that Where are you going?
said while looking straight at the person with a big smile and speaking
with a strong, certain voice, will be interpreted more positively.

Try other examples, like What time are you coming back? or What
are you doing? and so forth

Lets remember (15 minutes)

Mentors ask mentees to point out what can help recognize and
predict the behaviour of others (as warning signs)?

Answer: Tone of voice, body language, gestures.

Mentors ask mentees to explain the warning signs to recognize

that they are embarking on attacking or avoiding behaviours?
Answer: Actions from Attack & Avoid game
Allow mentees to think and respond to how one can alter their
pattern of reacting and begin to learn a new response?
Answer: Change body structure, tone of voice, facial expressions.

Lets pledge (10 minutes)

For the next week mentees must record instances when they
used attacking or avoiding behaviour.

Mentees must also note down where they were able to change
things.

Stress that these situations should be written out authentically.

Mentees must have a friend vouch for their behaviour.

References:
Peace Corps, Life Skills Manual, Publication M0063. 2001.
Accessed online at
http://multimedia.peacecorps.gov/multimedia/pdf/library/M0063_lifeskillscomplete.pdf

27

Passive, Assertive and Aggressive

This session focuses on more specific definitions for passive, assertive, and aggressive.
Mentees practice assertive behaviours in role-plays.

Goal

Materials

Schedule

By the end of the session Mentees will:

Be able to understand the words passive, assertive, and
aggressive.
Be able to identify passive, assertive, and aggressive behaviours.
Be able to practice assertive behaviours.

Video

Pen and paper

Time required for the activity: 90 minutes

Lets share experiences (15 minutes)

Mentors encourage mentees to reflect on the follow-up exercise given

to mentees in the last activity.

Mentee share the attacking and avoiding aspects of their own

behaviour, which they identified through the week.

Mentees also share if they were able to change such behaviours after
they noticed it. How did they change it?

Lets watch a video (15 minutes)

Mentees watch the video at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=PyG2j
tA_rd8#t=24s
28

Mentees point out attacking and avoiding behaviours displayed by the

characters.

Step 1

Lets learn Passive, Aggressive & Assertive behaviour (30 minutes)

Mentors review the description of attacking behaviour. Mentors
ask mentees to recount examples of attacking behaviour.

Mentors explain that such attacking behaviour is called

Aggressive.

When mentees have understands the connection between

attacking and aggressive, mentors review the description of
avoiding behaviour. Mentors ask mentees to recount examples of
avoiding behaviour.

Mentors explain that avoiding behaviour is called passive

behaviour.

Mentors ask mentees which type of behaviour is better:

o Are either of them the best type of behaviour?
o Is there another way to act?
o What would be a better approach for interactions with
each other?

Mentors allow the answers to these questions to lead to the idea

of assertiveness. Mentors ask probing, open-ended questions to
take the exploration to the maximum length possible before
supplying any answer.

Mentors tell mentees that it is not necessary for someone to be

in the powerful or powerless positionin other words, it is not
necessary to attack or avoid. Instead, it is possible to reach a
balance between those two behaviours. This type of behaviour
assertive.

Mentors ask mentees to define assertive behaviour.

At the end, mentors go over the formal definition of the words:

29

Passive Behaviour
Giving in to the will of others; hoping to get what you want
without actually having to say it; leaving it to others to guess
or letting them decide for you
Taking no action to assert your own rights
Putting others first at your expense
Giving in to what others want
Remaining silent when something bothers you
Apologizing a lot
Acting submissivefor example: talking quietly, laughing
nervously, sagging shoulders, avoiding disagreement,
Hiding face with hands

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Assertive Behaviour
Telling someone exactly what you want in a way that does
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Standing up for your own rights without putting down the
rights of others
Respecting yourself as well as the other person
Listening and talking
Expressing positive and negative feelings
Being confident, but not pushy
Staying balancedknowing what you want to say; saying I
feel not I think; being specific; using
I statements; talking facetoface with the person; using

30

body language that shows you are standing your ground

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Standing up for your own rights with no thought for the other
person
Putting yourself first at the expense of others
Overpowering others
Reaching your own goals, but at the sake of others
Dominating behavioursfor example: shouting, demanding,
not listening to others; saying others are wrong; leaning
forward; looking down on others; wagging or pointing finger
at others; threatening; fighting.

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31

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Lets get active assertiveness role-plays (45 minutes)

Mentees act out role plays based on the scenario cards.
Mentees first read and understand the scenario. Mentee/s
assign themselves roles and practice acting out a 3-5 minute
scene.

When preparing for this, mentors ask mentees to think back

to the definitions of passive, aggressive and assertive and
how body language can be used to communicate these
behaviours.

There are two role plays. Each mentee should take the role
of the person who responds assertively in atleast one.

Mentors help mentees understand the situation being

spoken about in the role play and help them come up with
dialogues.
Case 1
Sheila and Rani are best friends in the Sardar Patel
Vidyalaya.. They both study in Std 10. They have been put in-
charge of managing the budget for their annual class picnic.
They have to use this money to buy food and drinks for the
students for the day. Sheila has been wanting to buy the new
song cassette for the latest Hindi movie . She suggests to
Rani that they take out Rs.50 from the money they collected
and go purchase that cassette. She tells Rani that no one will
know that less money has been spent for the picnic, because
they can lie and put higher prices for the items they buy in
their accounts. Rani does not want to steal money this way.
32

How should she respond to Sheila?

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Arjun and Meera are good friends. Arjun is a very friendly
boy and is popular with all the girls in the college. He has
been paying special attention to Meera over the last one
week. He approaches Meera with the suggestion that they
bunk class and go for a movie, and then go spend sometime
in the park near the movie theatre. Meera knows that Arjun
has started smoking in the last one month, and does that
frequently after school. Arjun keeps telling Meera that it is
cool to break the law in college and to smoke.Meera
doesnt feel comfortable going with Arjun. How should she
respond?

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33

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After mentees act out the role plays, mentors identify the
behaviours that were coming across.
Mentor give ideas for improvement while appreciating what
mentees have done. If necessary, mentees redo the role-play
until assertive behaviour is clearly seen.

Lets remember (5 minutes)

A powerful way to reinforce the ideas from this session is for

mentees to get back into the Statues of Power pairs and to
position themselves into their attacking or avoiding roles.

When mentees are ready, suggest that each pair move from
the attacking or avoiding stance to a more assertive posture.

Point out the transformation from positions of

powerlessness and power to positions of equality and mutual
empowerment.

Lets pledge (10 minutes)

For the next week mentees try out 2 instances when they used
assertive behaviour.

Stress that these situations should be practiced authentically.

Mentees must have a friend vouch for their behaviour.

References:
Peace Corps, Life Skills Manual, Publication M0063. 2001.
Accessed online at
http://multimedia.peacecorps.gov/multimedia/pdf/library/M0063_lifeskillscomplete.pdf

34


Personal Relationships

Realizing ones self-worth and the value of personal relationships is critical to our success.
In this module, the mentees will be encouraged to think about and share the strengths and
challenges of their personality, value their personal relationships and identify their role
models. It involves encouraging the mentees to imbibe the positive traits and deal with the
challenging ones to enhance their self-esteem. Mentees will also be guided to create their
network map of family members and friends that they can access as and when required.


Goal
By the end of the session mentees will:
Have identified their strengths and challenges

Materials

Schedule

Have learned the value of building relationships that can lead to

success in personal and professional life.

Have learned how to manage their personal relationships

Have learned how to create personal connections and circles

Video clipping at

Pens and paper

Activity time: 90 minutes

Lets watch a video (15 minutes)

o Mentors and mentees should watch the video at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opWmN14nNKI
o Mentors must ask mentees what positive and challenging
qualities they observed in the video.

35

Lets get active - fill the Bucket of qualities (30 minutes)

Mentor encourage mentees to think about the positive and
challenging qualities in themselves and others.

Mentees list the qualities inside 3 Buckets of Qualities listed in

the Appendix
o What I like in others? Circle which of these qualities you
would like to emulate.
o What I dislike in others?
o The strength and challenges of my personality

Mentors might have to help mentees in identifying their

strengths and challenges. Mentors can use the following
examples from everyday life to help mentees identify strengths
and challenges:

o Do you get up on time for school each morning? (Based
on the response, punctuality can be listed a strength or
challenge.)
o Do you help your friends or family members in their
tasks? (Based on the response, helpful attitude can be
listed a strength or challenge.)
o Do you boast too much about help you may have offered?
(Based on the response, humility can be listed a strength
or challenge.)
o Do you listen or get angry when people give you advice?
(Based on the response, accommodation and flexibility
can be listed a strength or challenge.)
o Do you make time for doing your homework? (Based on
the response, commitment can be listed a strength or
challenge.)
o Add any others

Mentors make mentees aware that each one has strengths and
challenges in themselves. It is important to value people despite
these. It is important to value family members and people in
ones social circle as each connections has something to offer.

36

Mentors talk to mentees about the importance of developing a

sense of honor in their personal qualities. Emphasize that with
these qualities mentees can contribute a lot to their families and
community. Also mention that since mentees are now aware of
the challenges in their personality they can work on addressing
them. Mentees should not see the challenges as obstacles but
merely as traits that they can manage with some degree of
awareness and effort.

Lets get active finding common qualities (30 minutes)

After the mentees have listed their strengths and weaknesses ask
them to look for common traits among the three buckets. Help
the mentees to understand that like themselves, their friends
and family members possess both positive and challenging
qualities. Make them understand that it is important to realize
this, learn from the strengths of others and accept their
weaknesses.

Ask the mentees to list the names of people (some of their

friends, and family members) who according to them have
positive and challenging qualities. What would they like to learn
in particular from those people?

Make them aware that one can realize the worth of a

relationship, only when he/she thinks of what to contribute to a
relationship rather than thinking of getting benefitted from it.

TIP FOR MENTOR

Note: Mentees may not be very comfortable in building relationships
and sometimes may suffer from low self-esteem. This segment will help
to create relatedness and trust through communication. Emphasize that
each of us brings something unique to the table; dont always think
about how you can benefit from a relationship but see what you can
contribute. This will help to build self-esteem. Creating relationship, a
network, a community helps individuals to be happy and successful. Its
like a safety net created not for any specific purpose but one can
always fall back on it if required. Communications skills from the life
skills curriculum can be used here.

37

Lets learn : Building a network of relationships (5 minutes)

Mentors talk about the importance of building, improving and
sustaining good network of relationships.
Mentees can view these connections as a safety net that they
can fall back on when required.
Mentees should not see the network as a source of only
receiving advice and help but should also contribute based on
their individual strengths.
The network of relationships can be on personal, education,
career and friendship fronts.

Lets get active: network pie (30 minutes)

Mentors explain the network of relationships in Appendix 2.

Mentors explain what the different name and qualities mean.

Mentees draw out a blank picture with similar headings. They

add names of friends, family, community (including mentors!) to
this picture according to what they want to learn from each
person. And what quality they will learn from.

Mentees also write what quality of theirs they will share with
their network in each aspect.

Lets pledge (10 minutes)

APPENDIX 1

Mentees must approach atleast 2-3 people they have identified in

their network in the coming week. They must start working on
building the skill they admire through this relationship/person. They
should narrate their efforts to mentors in the following meeting.

38

39

40

41

APPENDIX 2

42

Dreams as Inspirations

There can be no greater inspiration than the opportunity to pursue ones dream.
In this session, mentees will be encouraged to think about and share their dreams. Dream is
defined here as goal that is very dear to the mentee; something that they may consider
challenging but is still inspiring for them. This could be an ongoing activity, with a timely
guidance from the mentor to the mentees.

Goal
By the end of the session mentees will:
Have thought about his/her dreams and will have shared it with
the mentor

Materials

Schedule

Have learned to identify actionable goals and activities to achieve

these dreams

Video clipping

Pens, markers and paper

Blank chart paper

Activity time: 90 minutes

Lets watch a video (10 minutes)

o Mentors and mentees should watch the video at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRRKJmQtzVg (watch
maybe 4-5 minutes of the entire thing you can fast
forward to the end when Nik Wallenda completes the task)
o Mentors ask mentees to share their thoughts after
watching the video.
o After mentees share initial thoughts, prompt them: Did
you think this was possible?, Why do you think Nik was
able to do this?.
o Help mentees identify that the sky is the limit (in this case

43

literally!) when we set up mind to do something. It is

having a dream which inspires and drives us that is most
important.
o Ask mentees to speak about their understanding of the
word dreams. Let them brainstorm and share. Your input
can be on the lines that : Dreams are an individuals
inspiration to accomplish some goals in his/her life. The
dream can be related to personal, academic or
professional goals.
o Help them understand the importance of using a mentees
dreams as an anchor during the course of the mentorship.
The mentor can refer to the mentees dream to inspire and
encourage him/her to undertake or avoid certain actions.

Lets share (15 minutes)

Ask mentees to take 5 minutes to think about their dreams, and
then share it with you. Allow them to share it uninterruptedly, in
whatever form/way they are able to. Mentors can ask mentees
why these dreams are dear to them, and what inspired them to
value such a dream.

TIP: For many mentees the opportunity to think about and
express their dream may be new. This could possibly be the first
time that someone has asked them about their dreams. Their first
response may be that they have never thought about it. Some
mentees may also provide a general response, that they have not
really thought about achieving (E.g I want to be a doctor/IAS
officer/police officer). At this stage, DO NOT counter the mentee
saying these not achievable or vague. Through the session, we
will help them make the aspirations more actionable, realistic and
time-bound.

After the mentees share their dreams, tell mentees that dreams
are closely linked to the future. Prompt them to think more
about the future, by answering some/all of these questions:
Where do you see yourself 5 years from now
describe your life?
If anything were possible, what would you ask for?
44

If a genie grants you a wish what would that be?

What is something that you find exciting and look

forward to?
What achievement will enhance your sense of
accomplishment in life?

Wrap up this discussion by reinforcing the importance of defining
our dreams. Tell mentees that verbalizing and sharing dreams will
make mentees own their dreams. We tend to identify with and
commit to our dreams more closely if we have an opportunity to
talk about it
Lets learn how to make my dreams a reality? (20 minutes)

Prompt mentees to discuss how their dreams can be made true.
They may share some general thoughts like I have to work hard,
I must stay focused, I should not give up.
Validate all of the mentees ideas. Tell them these are all true.
In addition, share with mentees that dreams can become a reality
when we break it down into goals. This may be a new word for
mentees. Ask them what they understand by a Goal.
Lead them to understand that a GOAL is something an
outcome or a result, that we try to achieve, which will helps us
move closer to realizing our dreams.
A dream, though inspiring, may also appear challenging and
intimidating. Nik Wallenda would have been simulataneously
inspired and frightened by the thought of crossing the Grand
Canyon using a tightrope! Ask mentees to brainstorm What
goals did Nik Wallenda set-up to achieve his dream?
E.g: Understand the geography of the Grand Canyon, Build
balance in windy weather.
After mentees have identified goals, introduce them to the idea of
SMART goals. How will we know if a Goal will help us achieve our
dream? A Goal should have the following features to be effective

S Specific A goal should be clear, not vague

o I want to study well
o I want to pass 9th standard with a distinction in every
subject
Ask mentees which of these goals is specific? Translate it into the

45

relevant language orally if necessary.

M Measurable How will we know if we have achieved a goal?

A goal should have some clear way of measuring it
o I want to improve myself
o I want to get angry or shout at others fewer than 2 times
a week
Ask mentees which of these goals is measurable?

A Attainable realistic. This does not mean we choose goals

that are easy, or that we dont push ourselves, but we must also
not choose something that is impossible/illegal/harms others
o I want to be able to speak atleast 5 sentences in English
to describe myself by 6 months
o I want to be able to build a big house by the end of the
year
Ask mentees which of these goals is attainable?

R Relevant does the goal matter? Sometimes we can choose

goals that are specific, measurable and attainable. But they do not
help us improve or grow in life.
o I want to have 5 career options by the end of the year
o I want to be the fastest person in having a bath in my
Home
Ask mentees which of these goals is relevant?

T Timebound there should be a timeline/calendar or deadline

by which the goal should be achieved.
o I want to be able to spell longer words by the end of 5
months
o I want to improve English
Ask mentees which of these goals is time-bound?

Wrap-up the discussion by asking mentees to state what they

understand by Goals, why Goals are important according to them and
also what characterizes good goals.

46

Lets get active - creating goals (20 minutes)

Having understood dreams and goals, now mentees should select
some dreams and set out actionable goals for those dreams.

Mentors help mentees to identify, prioritize and choose some

dreams from their dream chart.

Now encourage them to set 3-5 goals to achieve those dreams.

E.g if their dream is I want to be able to take care of my family
when I finish my education, encourage them to think of the
smaller goals they need to achieve to make this happen. These
could include
Goal 1 - Completing secondary school with distinction
Goal 2 Being able to independently write a resume in English
and speak in a job interview in English
Goal 3 Securing a job after graduation that helps me take care
of my mother and father, and provide for my sisters education

As much possible, leave mentees to come up with goals

themselves. Do not make the goals for them. When they set-up
goals, use the framework of SMART goals to help them improve
their goals.

Lets get active activities to achieve my goals (20 minutes)

With the goal set, now encourage mentees to think through
specific activities that they will do regularly to achieve atleast 1 or
2 most immediate goals.

Following with the example, the most immediate goal could be

on academic performance. Make the mentee brainstorm all the
activities they are committing to doing for this goal. Activities
should also follow the SMART rule. Make them also write out
activities for all their remaining goals.

To get this to stick/remain with the mentee for long, use the
simple goal and activity planner at the end of the session to make
the mentee write out their final goals and activities, with
47

timelines.

Once they complete a goal and ready to move to the next one,
they can join the in between path with a thick line.

Imagining taste of success

As a last step, ask the mentees to think of how they will
celebrate their achievement of goals and dreams. This will help
them start with a positive mindset!


References: Ongoing trainings for mentors - Twelve Interactive Sessions for U.S
Department of Education Mentoring Programs (2006), Mentoring Resource Centre

48

References: Ongoing trainings for mentors - Twelve Interactive Sessions for U.S
Department of Education Mentoring Programs (2006), Mentoring Resource Centre

49