Domestic Violence:

Focus Groups from the Survivors' Perspective

Sophia F. Dziegielewski Katharine Campbell Barbara F. Turnage

ABSTRACT. As our communities and families are faced with the growing problem of violence, more
information is needed as to what women in abusive relationships see as challenges that prevent or delay
leaving. To address the issue in the brief therapeutic environment, 14 women in counseling for abuse
agreed to participate in three task groups and were asked to identify and rank-order the challenges they
faced that could prevent them from leaving. Group one included women who had a desire to leave but
were not sure they could. Group two consisted of women working on a case plan but who still had
concerns; and, the third group contained women who had left the relationship and were expecting not to
return. Overall, when analyzing and comparing these groups, all women (regardless of the stage of
leaving) expressed similar challenges and concerns. Major themes presented in all groups included:
limited resources (e.g., money, shelter, day-care and medical expenses), fears (e.g., fear of being killed,
retaliation, being alone, making the wrong choices, the unknown), commitment to the relationship,
concern for children, love for the abuser and other emotional issues. These challenges are discussed and
specific applications to facilitate practice are made. [ [Article copies available for a fee from The Haworth
Document Delivery Service: 1-800-HAWORTH. E-mail address: <docdelivery@haworthpress.com> Website:
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KEYWORDS. Domestic violence, task groups, women and abuse

Domestic violence has reached epidemic proportions, affecting almost all aspects of
American culture (Basile, 2002; Hong, 1997). Over the years, issues surrounding domestic
violence have made their way from the silence of the home to the neighborhoods, the
schools, the health-care settings and, consequently, to various social service organizations
(Barnett & LaViolette, 1993). The problems that surround domestic violence are not new to
this society and in 1882 Maryland became the first state to make wife-beating a punishable
crime (Hong, 1997). Prior to Maryland's innovative act, however, English Common Law
allowed for a man to beat his wife as long as the weapon used was no bigger than the
abuser's thumb (Davis, 1995).
Today, domestic violence remains a significant problem for this society even in light of
laws that have been passed to alleviate abuse suffered by women in the context of domestic
violence (Arias & Pape, 1999; Busch & Valentine, 2000; Ebell, 2004; Sackett & Saunders,
1999). Faced with the rapid growth of violence in America, society can no longer ignore
the brutal statistics that have accumulated over the past few years (Anderson, 1997).
Updike (1999) noted "the number of women killed each year in domestic violence
incidents remains distressingly high" (p. 37). She reported that in 1996, one of every 326
women in America experienced domestic violence (Updike, 1999). Also in 1996, 3.6
women were killed every day as a result of domestic violence. "The Bureau of Justice
Statistics [in] 1995 [also] estimated that a woman is assaulted every 9 seconds in this
country and is six times more likely to be physically assaulted by her husband than by a
stranger" (Busch & Valentine, 2000, p. 85). Increasingly, abuse within the family is being
recognized and confronted as a vital issue of health and safety (Basile, 2002).
To date, research on domestic violence is extensive, yet more research is needed that can
help practitioners identify the barriers that victims encounter when trying to leave abusive
relationships. Listening to those who have experienced domestic violence can enhance
understanding of the context in which a woman leaves an abusive relationship. Based on

this premise, 14 abused women were asked to identify the challenges that either hinder or
enable them to leave an abusive relationship. In the helping profession, the intervention
process always needs to start where the client is. Practitioners who are aware of potential
problem areas experienced by previous survivors are better able to understand the complex
factors that perpetuate the patterns of domestic violence. Therefore, increased knowledge
and recognition of potential barriers to leaving can assist in planning professional helping
strategies.
WHY DO WOMEN STAY?

Understanding what makes it difficult for a woman to leave an abusive relationship

begins with identifying the factors surrounding the abuse they endure (Farr, 2002;
Williams, 2003). Campbell (1999) explored this phenomenon by addressing a woman's
physical and mental health responses to abuse. In her three-year longitudinal study, 234
women from a major metropolitan area in the Midwest identified the physical effects of
abuse including, but not limited to, injury, chronic pain, digestive problems, eating
disorders, mental health problems, and numerous sexual dysfunctions. Overall, study
measurements showed women who were no longer in abusive situations achieved better
health than those who were encountering abuse did (Campbell, 1999). Furthermore, women
who endured abuse throughout the study had higher depression and stress scores, poorer
health, lower self-esteem and self-concept than participants who had left their abusive
relationship. The results of this study support that staying in an abusive relationship over
time can affect a woman's physical as well as emotional and mental health.
In another study, Lemport (1996) explored why women leave violent relationships.
Lemport (1996) identified the factors that 32 abused women utilized to cope with the
violence they endured. In taped, open-ended interviews, she noted how these women often
held conflicting beliefs about their partner. For example, a woman might believe her
partner was her sole source of love while simultaneously believing her partner was the
most dangerous person in her life. These women explained that generally the violence
began early in the relationship through emotional abuse. In addition, it was not uncommon
for these women to achieve harmony between the abuse and reality by redefining the
situation, thereby creating a "face-saving" strategy. For many of the women, attempts to
save face included accepting part of the blame for the abuse inflicted on them. These
women would not only avoid telling significant others about the abuse, they also hid the
violence from strangers. The reported strategies used to contain the violence included:
problem-solving strategies such as rationalization, minimizing, and self-blame. To increase
self-preservation, strategies such as fantasies of murdering the abuser or committing
suicide also were formulated (Lemport, 1996).
According to Turnage, Jacinto and Kirven (2003), the contribution of reality therapy for
domestic violence survivors is that it allows for forgiveness for the many occurrences of
abuse they have endured. The practitioner leads the domestic violence survivor through the
self-forgiveness process, such as examining their feelings about this emotional wound. The
reality therapist allows the person to concentrate on the "here and now," placing emphasis
on future healthy relationships and not dwelling on the negative painful relationships of the
past. Therefore, self-forgiveness was facilitated through the use of four reality-based
questions:
1.
2.
3.
4.

What do you want?

What are you doing to get what you want?
How will you know if what you are doing is working?
What will you do once you get what you want?

In adapting this therapy, the domestic violence survivors are able to accept responsibility
for their activity in the relationship, work through the destructive anger, let go and move
forward toward healthier relationships (Turnage, Jacinto, & Kirven, 2003).
In another study, Davis and Srinivasan (1995) conducted nine focus groups with threeto-10 women per group (n = 55). Participants were asked, "What helps battered women get
out of abusive relationships and survive and grow once they are outside these
relationships?" In their analysis of the focus groups, a number of themes were noted in
regard to domestic violence shelters. These researchers found that shelters were important
in providing a safe place to go for escape, while providing emotional support and vital
information that the woman would need to help her stay away from the abusive
environment.
According to Chronister and McWhirter (2003), it is important to provide a useful
framework for understanding the effects of domestic violence on the battered women's
career-related experiences and behaviors. This perspective utilizes Bandura's (1986) social
cognitive theory and applies it to educational interest formation, and performance and
persistence in career pursuits.
These previous studies help to highlight the importance of understanding the physical
and psychological challenges and coping strategies needed to help overcome the obstacles
abused women must face. Therefore, building on information gathered from these previous
studies, the purpose of this practice-based research is to examine whether the stage of
leaving would affect the woman's perception of her identified concerns or barriers to
leaving. Agenda-based focus groups were chosen because they are easy to conduct and
allowed for exploration of the topic, as well as providing an opportunity to collect data
from group interaction (Morgan, 1988; Wilkinson, 1999). Each group was asked to identify
and rank-order what they saw as the top five challenges or barriers to overcoming abuse.
METHODOLOGY
Participants

To examine the obstacles that women face in leaving an abusive relationship, 14 women
in counseling for domestic violence were asked to participate in three task groups. The
participants came from three domestic violence shelters and one transitional residence
facility in an urban community in a Southern state. Five of the participants were between
the ages of 18 and 25, and four were between the ages of 26 and 35. Of the remaining five
participants, three were between 36 and 45, and two were between 46 and 55. In regard to
ethnicity, seven were European American, three were African American, three were
Hispanic, and one was European American/Hispanic. Group two consisted of only minority
participants, and there was at least one minority individual in each of the other two groups.
The majority of the participants were college-educated women (n = 11). Of the remaining
three participants, one graduated from high school and two were high school dropouts.
The length of the abusive relationship that pushed group members to seek assistance varied
greatly. Participants reported being in abusive relationships for the following amounts of
time: several weeks (n = 2); two-to-eight weeks (n = 1); six months-to-one year (n = 4);
one-to-three years (n = 4); three-to-six years (n = 1); and longer than six years (n = 2).
Further, each participant had been involved in an abusive relationship prior to this one. A
majority of the participants (n = 8) reported that they had been in more than one abusive
relationship, with four participants reporting three or more abusive relationships. In
addition, 11 of the 14 participants reported being abused as a child by various perpetrators.
Procedures

Initial referrals to participate in the practice-based research group were made by the
counselor the individual was seeing at the shelter or transition facility. As part of the
referral process, the stage of leaving that the female was experiencing was identified. Since
all 14 participants were familiar with the group facilitator, open discussion of where they
were in the leaving process and whether they were interested in participating in this
practice-based research effort evolved quickly. After this initial interview, specific group
placement was determined by the social worker. Each participant was assigned to one of
three groups. Group one (6 participants) included women who had a desire to leave but
were not sure they could. Group two (4 participants) consisted of women working on an
exit plan but still had concerns; and the third group (4 participants) contained women who
had left and were expecting not to return.
Each of the focus groups lasted one and one-half hours, and the same safe-house site was
used for each group. Prior to the start of the group, permission was obtained to audiotape
group comments to ensure accuracy of documentation of responses. Also, to protect the
privacy of each participant, it was agreed that all individual comments would not be linked
to the participant's demographic information. Before the audiotape was activated,
participants were asked not to address anyone by their name so all participants could
remain anonymous. Each group began with the gathering of demographic information after
which the group leader posed the research question and began the audiotape.
The agenda for each session focused on having the group identify what were believed to
be the five greatest challenges they faced when leaving their abusive relationship. Once the
five challenges were identified, group participants individually ranked them from most
important to least important. The group leader only served to clarify information and sum
up the ranking of challenges.
Although each group's answers to the research question varied slightly, the themes
remained consistent (see Table 1). The participants in Group one seemed to struggle the
most in terms of leaving the abusive relationship. In the session, this group identified the
greatest concern as how best to handle and deal with their children. In reference to living
without the abuser, Group one also expressed concerns about not having enough money
and resources. Included in Group one's financial concerns were not having money to live
on, paying for daycare, and paying for doctor/medical expenses. Also, to be successful in
leaving, these women believed it was crucial to anticipate what their abusive partner was
thinking and planning. This was especially important in the area of finances, as oftentimes
the abuser would either take the couple's money or plant self-doubt about survival
financially without him. A member of Group one stated, he would constantly ask, "How are
you going to [financially] make it without me?" Another stated, "We have a joint checking
account but he holds the checkbook and writes all the checks." For these group members,
economic resources were primary factors in why they feared leaving the abusive
relationship.
In Group two, where the women appeared to be having a moderate degree of success in the
program and had actually left the abusive relationship, the greatest challenge identified was
the fear of being alone and their confidence in their ability to support themselves and their
children (see Table 1). Also ranked high by this group was the fear of possible retaliation
and manipulation by their abuser. That is, members of this group saw retaliation and
manipulation as critical factors that may result in them returning to the abusive relationship.
Similar to the first group, these group members believed that active problem-solving that
involved carefully planning potential problems in leaving and staying away needed to be
addressed before, during and after the issues arose. All of the women in this group said that
knowing what to expect and what to do about it was critical to their gaining confidence that
the plan they had developed to make it on their own would work.

TABLE 1. Task Group Rankings of Top Five Challenges to Leaving

Task Group 1

Task Group 2*

Task Group 3

Children

Fear of Being Alone (comfort)

Retaliation and Manipulation
by the Abuser

Financial

Money and
Resources
Fear of the Unknown Lack of Resources

Fear of Being Alone

Guilt and Self-blame Pride/Commitment to

Relationship
Love for the Abuser Love for the Abuser

Children

Lack of a Support System

Unsure of Self

*One reason why the participants in group two did not mention children as a challenge to leaving may be
related to the fact that none of the women in this group had children.

In the third focus group, the participants had already left the abusive relationship and had
stayed away a period of at least several months. The greatest challenge identified by these
participants was that of being financially able to manage their affairs without the assistance
of the abuser. In addition, these women also reported that they were very unsure of
themselves and feared failure. Several of the women reported that although they did not
plan to return, their greatest regret was that they had ended the relationship and could not
figure out a way to make it work. Furthermore, since they no longer had the abuser to assist
them, they often felt alone. In terms of a support system of family and friends, these women
agreed that so much of their support system had become estranged while in the abusive
relationship. These women reported that they were unsure how to rebuild relationships in
this area. They also said that often they felt alone and wished that they had a stronger support system to help them make it through the rough times ahead. These women all agreed
that a support group of women, that could become their new friends, would be beneficial in
helping them to maintain contact and develop a "mutually aware" support system. Many
times these women stated that family and friends often tried to be helpful but did not really
understand the feelings the woman was experiencing. When discussing the potential of
another relationship, several of the women reported fears that once again they would be
tricked by what initially starts out as "love" and "caring." Two of the women said that to
avoid this they would just stay alone.
In summary, all of the clients were active in the focus group discussion. Throughout the
focus group, several reoccurring themes emerged. First, each group ranked the need for
supportive resources among the top three challenges to leaving an abusive relationship.
Economic oppression has deep roots in our culture, and has often been used as a common
threat employed by abusers (Christy-McMullin, 2002; Farr, 2002; Kocot & Goodman,
2003). According to Barnett and LaViolette (1993), economic fears are real in that women
today represent two-thirds of all poor adults. These authors go on to remind us that the
average female college graduate today earns less than a man with a high school diploma,
and this could make supporting a family very difficult. Women who want to leave abusive
relationships often fear having limited resources, which will limit their options for
survival and success. In each of the focus groups, and at each stage of the leaving process,
this same economic concern continually reemerged.
Another challenge noted by all three groups was fear. Similar to Logan, Nigoff, Walker,
and Jordan (2002), fear was defined broadly. Types of fear noted included: fear of the
unknown, fear of abuser taking the children, fear of being alone, fear of retaliation, fear of
the abuser harming himself, fear of making it on their own, and fear that they would make
poor choices. Schmidt (1995) notes that when counseling women escaping abusive
relationships, the prominence of addressing this problem is central to the intervention
process. Schmidt suggests that abused women must learn to escape feeling overwhelmed
and learn to take chances. One participant described a fear of her abuser finding and
retaliating against her, as "I was scared because every time I would leave him he found me
and it got worse, and worse, and worse; until he stabbed me." She continued on by stating
that even when she escaped the fear of his getting her and retaliating, a new fear emerged
and now it was whether she could make it on her own. "I get to the point where I ask where

am I going, and how am I going to do this. I am afraid and I know I am real weak and I find
myself wanting to run back." Another client stated that "my fear is that if I do this or if I do
that, he's gonna find me. He's gonna find me because he always does." It is critical for
practitioners, friends, and family members to realize that this fear can be very real as,
according to the research, 70 percent of domestic violence victims who are killed by their
abusers die while trying to leave (Berlinger, 1998; Farr, 2002; Stroshine & Robinson,
2003). As a result, the decision to leave can indeed be life-threatening and threats should be
taken seriously.
An additional issue addressed in Group one and two was that of commitment to the
relationship. As participants in Group three had already decided to end their relationship,
they did not rank commitment to the relationship as important. In the third group, however,
several women appeared to still mourn the loss of the relationship and feared making a
commitment to another relationship for fear that similar events might occur.
In each of the focus groups, regardless of the stage of leaving, most participants discussed
how they feared being labeled an "abused woman" and having a "failed marriage."
Furthermore, similar to the ideas postulated by Goodkind, Gillum, Bybee, and Sullivan
(2003), these participants stated that family, friends and support systems also held negative
stereotypes of them that made rekindling or fostering new relationships with them difficult.
Several women reported being told: "You got yourself into this situation, so deal with it"
and "It is your responsibility to keep your marriage or relationship intact, no matter what
the sacrifice." The women in this group expressed fears similar to those of women
depicted by Walker (1979). Walker (1979) stated that the women she interviewed believed
and "had been trained from early childhood not to leave [an abusive relationship]. [They
believed] marriage is forever" (p. 146).
Therefore, the decision to terminate a violent relationship is made more difficult by
society's expectations (Stroshine & Robinson, 2003; Walker, 1979). One woman in the
group stated that she made excuses for her partner's behavior and stayed because she had
made a commitment to the relationship. She believed others would not understand her
leaving, as they did not know the private "happenings" she was experiencing that caused
her to want to leave. This individual's beliefs are related to the concept of responsibility
(Anderson, 1997; Gillespie, 2002). According to Gilligan (1993), many abused women feel
intense responsibility, including for the success of their relationship, and will forsake their
own needs to comply with what they believe is right or expected.
Another challenge noted in two of the three groups was how to best handle and address
the needs of their children (Gillespie, 2002; Lom- bardi, 2002). In the second group, this
concern was not ranked as a priority but no children had resulted from the relationships. Of
the women with children from the relationship, several issues surfaced. First was the fear of
becoming a single parent and how, if they left, the children would not have a father figure
around to help raise them. Others reported that the children did not want to leave their
father, causing the participants to fear the possibility that separation from the abuser would
hurt the child's emotional development. One client explained how the abuser would be "so
wonderful to the children" and how whenever she would think about leaving, "he suddenly
turns into this super dad."
Other related concerns included fear of the abuser taking the children away, problems
finding day-care, the children's resistance to leaving, and aggressive acts by the child or the
abuser designed to make the woman stay. Similar to Buel (1999), this practice-based group
found that some of the abused women believed it was vital and represented the child's best
interest to have both parents in the home, particularly if the abuser did not physically
assault the children.
The presence of children within an abusive home made women more uncomfortable about
leaving (Goodkind, Sullivan, & Bybee, 2004). For women in abusive relationships, at
times children were noted as a reason to stay in the relationship; and at other times, a
reason to leave. One client spoke about her 15-month-old child who "already says 'come
here bitch' because she heard her daddy say it so much. "Every time she says it, I just look

at her, it hurts because her daddy is her world." Another participant stated that her child
provided the grounds for leaving the relationship. When the woman was pregnant with
twins, the child watched the abuser punch her in the stomach. Afterwards, one of the twins
died because of injuries related to the abuse and the woman cried, saying, "I loved him but
I couldn't stay because of my child."
Both Group one and two ranked love of the abuser as an important reason for staying in
the relationship and noted a desire for the abuser to grow and change. Although Group three
did not rank it as an issue, the women noted that love for the abuser was no longer strong
enough to keep them in the relationship. One participant stated, "I figured that he would
change, I really loved him, I really wanted that." Similar to Anderson (1997), these
participants reported that the intensity in these relationships made it difficult to leave. "It
was so incredible when we were alone, he treated me like a queen, and later he would hit
me and use the passion against me." In abusive relationships, violence generally starts
slowly and infrequently and then escalates over time (Barnett & LaViolette, 1993; Hong,
1997). These women can become trapped in the passion and may begin to identify with and
psychologically join with the abuser (Berlinger, 1998; Campbell, 1999). For example, one
participant tells how she could not leave because it "felt like all they had was each other"
and that she felt that "he needed me."
The remaining challenges noted that could block leaving were those which the women
described as emotional issues. Participants noted the importance of several factors such as
pride, guilt, self-blame, and self-esteem. Anderson (1997) described the emotional turmoil
that women experience as: "It was as though I had this secret nightmare, sucking the very
lifeblood out of me" (p. 71). The secret these women carry with them becomes the shame
that binds them to their partner and their shared secret (Gillespie, 2002; Stroshine &
Robinson, 2003).
The research has shown "that psychological abuse may be just as detrimental, or more
detrimental, than physical abuse" (Sackett & Saunders, 1999, p. 105). The scars left by
psychological abuse become the shame that binds the abused to the abuser (Gillespie,
2002). Although physical abuse was related to women's intentions to end their abusive
relationships, Arias and Pape (1999) reported that psychological abuse was a significant
predictor. These authors concluded that the larger the levels of psychological abuse, the
greater was the abused woman's resolve to leave the abusive partner (Arias & Pape, 1999).
One participant was discussing the emotional abuse that she had endured over the years
and said, "You cannot take it anymore when you say to yourself that every time something
goes wrong you get to the point where you actually believe you were doing something
wrong." Another participant talked about how the emotional aspects of the relationship
took much of her energy, so much that she noted how "it was not until I was put on antidepressants that I was able to gain enough energy to see a way out." A total of three of the
six participants in Group one reported that they were placed on anti-depressants at some
point due to the relationship violence. Schmidt (1995) explains this as "energy needed to
reach out for help and safety is often used in worrying about when the next violent episode
will occur and how to minimize the damages" (p. 20).
Many of the participants discussed how the abuse "was all they knew." One woman
stated, "Once you get so used to something you don't know better." Another woman
reported that "I always felt that if something went wrong it was my fault, just because of
who I am, that's all I deserve, that's all I know." For those who did gain the strength to
reach out, many felt that the reactions they received were mixed. A participant stated,
"There [are] a lot of people who have never been in this situation and why don't you just
leave is the first thing out of their mouths. And, if you don't leave the first time, well then
it's your fault, you must enjoy being beaten."
CONCLUSION

Domestic violence remains a problem in our culture that is more than an issue of private
family life and can affect all aspects of community life. For women who are survivors of
abuse, there are many barriers to leaving that may seem beyond their control. Overall,
research regarding the reasons why women stay or return to abusive relationships is limited. While some research has been done on how women respond to battering and the
strategies women develop for survival, research has been limited on identification of the
challenges faced when leaving the abusive relationship. The women in each focus group
shared valuable information and insight through reoccurring themes. These women had
many issues to address such as fears of being killed, of being alone, of retaliation, of
making the wrong choices, of not being able to make it on their own, or a general fear of
the unknown. In counseling, "starting where the client is" involves helping these women to
identify these fears. Once identified, each fear needs to be examined in terms of problemsolving strategy, outlining how it can best be addressed.
In addition, children, motherhood, and issues concerning child rearing play a significant
role for the women and, when not addressed, could impair leaving. Services to assist
abused women must also include services for their children in terms of counseling and
concrete services such as day-care, schooling and preparation for becoming a single parent
(Bui, 2003; Lombardi, 2002; Stroshine & Robinson, 2003). These women need both
emotional and economic support (Buel, 1999; Busch & Valentine, 2000; Christy-McMullin,
2002; Michalski, 2004). Living in abusive relationships is escalating to pandemic
proportions (Ely, Dulmus, & Wodarski, 2004). Therefore, the more we can learn about the
challenges that women face in the leaving process, the greater the hope for future
intervention success.
As a final point, it is hoped that identifying these factors and their importance at each
stage of leaving the abusive relationship will serve as a basis to help social workers,
counselors and other professional helpers identify the most common issues abused women
face. Once identified, the client may need assistance to individual plans that help address
problems and obstacles that might otherwise seem beyond their ability. If properly utilized,
these women's voices can speak for those who remain in the situation, providing hope and
successful plans that can show others there is a way out of an abusive relationship.
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