Effective Communication

Improving Communication Skills in Business and Relationships

Effective communication helps us better understand a person or situation and enables us to resolve
differences, build trust and respect, and create environments where creative ideas, problem solving,
affection, and caring can flourish. As simple as communication seems, much of what we try to
communicate to othersand what others try to communicate to usgets misunderstood, which can
cause conflict and frustration in personal and professional relationships. By learning these effective
communication skills, you can better connect with your spouse, kids, friends, and coworkers.
What is effective communication?
In the information age, we have to send, receive, and process huge numbers of messages every day. But
effective communication is about more than just exchanging information; it's also about understanding the
emotion behind the information. Effective communication can improve relationships at home, work, and in
social situations by deepening your connections to others and improving teamwork, decision-making, and
problem solving. It enables you to communicate even negative or difficult messages without creating
conflict or destroying trust. Effective communication combines a set of skills including nonverbal
communication, attentive listening, the ability to manage stress in the moment, and the capacity to
recognize and understand your own emotions and those of the person youre communicating with.
While effective communication is a learned skill, it is more effective when its spontaneous rather than
formulaic. A speech that is read, for example, rarely has the same impact as a speech thats delivered (or
appears to be delivered) spontaneously. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and
become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and
spontaneous your communication skills will become.
Effective communication skills #1: Listening
Listening is one of the most important aspects of effective communication. Successful listening means not
just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding how the
speaker feels about what theyre communicating.
Effective listening can:

Make the speaker feel heard and understood, which can help build a stronger, deeper
connection between you.

Create an environment where everyone feels safe to express ideas, opinions, and feelings, or
plan and problem solve in creative ways.

Save time by helping clarify information, avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.

Relieve negative emotions. When emotions are running high, if the speaker feels that he or she
has been truly heard, it can help to calm them down, relieve negative feelings, and allow for real
understanding or problem solving to begin.

Tips for effective listening

If your goal is to fully understand and connect with the other person, listening effectively will often come
naturally. If it doesnt, you can remember the following tips. The more you practice them, the more
satisfying and rewarding your interactions with others will become.

Focus fully on the speaker, his or her body language, and other nonverbal cues. If youre
daydreaming, checking text messages, or doodling, youre almost certain to miss nonverbal cues
in the conversation. If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words
over in your headitll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns, by saying something
like, If you think thats bad, let me tell you what happened to me. Listening is not the same as
waiting for your turn to talk. You cant concentrate on what someones saying if youre forming
what youre going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that
your minds elsewhere.

Avoid seeming judgmental. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you dont have
to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your
judgment and withhold blame and criticism in order to fully understand a person. The most difficult
communication, when successfully executed, can lead to the most unlikely and profound
connection with someone.

Show your interest in whats being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure
your posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments
like yes or uh huh.

Effective communication skills #2: Nonverbal communication

When we communicate things that we care about, we do so mainly using nonverbal signals. Wordless
communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye
contact, posture, the tone of your voice, and even your muscle tension and breathing. The way you look,
listen, move, and react to another person tells them more about how youre feeling than words alone ever
can.
Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you connect with others,
express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships at home and
work.

You can enhance effective communication by using open body languagearms uncrossed,
standing with an open stance or sitting on the edge of your seat, and maintaining eye contact with
the person youre talking to.

You can also use body language to emphasize or enhance your verbal messagepatting a friend
on the back while complimenting him on his success, for example, or pounding your fists to
underline your message.

Tips for improving how you read nonverbal communication

Practice observing people in public places, such as a shopping mall, bus, train, caf,
restaurant, or even on a television talk show with the sound muted. Observing how others use
body language can teach you how to better receive and use nonverbal signals when conversing
with others. Notice how people act and react to each other. Try to guess what their relationship is,
what theyre talking about, and how each feels about what is being said.

Be aware of individual differences. People from different countries and cultures tend to use
different nonverbal communication gestures, so its important to take age, culture, religion,
gender, and emotional state into account when reading body language signals. An American teen,
a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, are likely to use nonverbal signals
differently.

Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Dont read too much into a single
gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you receive, from eye contact to
tone of voice to body language. Anyone can slip up occasionally and let eye contact slip, for
example, or briefly cross their arms without meaning to. Consider the signals as a whole to get a
better read on a person.

Tips for improving how to deliver nonverbal communication

Use nonverbal signals that match up with your words. Nonverbal communication should
reinforce what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, but your body language says
something else, your listener will likely feel youre being dishonest. For example, you cant say
yes while shaking your head no.

Adjust your nonverbal signals according to the context. The tone of your voice, for example,
should be different when youre addressing a child than when youre addressing a group of
adults. Similarly, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person
youre interacting with.

Use body language to convey positive feelings even when you're not actually experiencing
them. If youre nervous about a situationa job interview, important presentation, or first date, for
exampleyou can use positive body language to signal confidence, even though youre not
feeling it. Instead of tentatively entering a room with your head down, eyes averted, and sliding
into a chair, try standing tall with your shoulders back, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and
delivering a firm handshake. It will make you feel more self-confident and help to put the other
person at ease.

Effective communication skills #3: Managing stress

In small doses, stress can help you perform under pressure. However, when stress becomes constant
and overwhelming, it can hamper effective communication by disrupting your capacity to think clearly and
creatively, and act appropriately. When youre stressed, youre more likely to misread other people, send
confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior.
How many times have you felt stressed during a disagreement with your spouse, kids, boss, friends, or
coworkers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly relieve stress and
return to a calm state, youll not only avoid such regrets, but in many cases youll also help to calm the
other person as well. Its only when youre in a calm, relaxed state that you'll be able to know whether the
situation requires a response, or whether the other persons signals indicate it would be better to remain
silent.
Quick stress relief for effective communication
When stress strikes, you cant always temper it by taking time out to meditate or go for a run, especially if
youre in the middle of a meeting with your boss or an argument with your spouse, for example. By
learning to quickly reduce stress in the moment, though, you can safely face any strong emotions youre
experiencing, regulate your feelings, and behave appropriately. When you know how to maintain a

relaxed, energized state of awarenesseven when something upsetting happensyou can remain
emotionally available and engaged.
To deal with stress during communication:

Recognize when youre becoming stressed. Your body will let you know if youre stressed as
you communicate. Are your muscles or your stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands
clenched? Is your breath shallow? Are you "forgetting" to breathe?

Take a moment to calm down before deciding to continue a conversation or postpone it.

Bring your senses to the rescue and quickly manage stress by taking a few deep breaths,
clenching and relaxing muscles, or recalling a soothing, sensory-rich image, for example. The
best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses: sight, sound, touch, taste,
and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that
are soothing to you.

Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to relieve
stress when communicating. When you or those around you start taking things too seriously, find
a way to lighten the mood by sharing a joke or amusing story.

Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, youll be able to find a
happy middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. If you realize that the
other person cares much more about something than you do, compromise may be easier for you
and a good investment in the future of the relationship.

Agree to disagree, if necessary, and take time away from the situation so everyone can calm
down. Take a quick break and move away from the situation. Go for a stroll outside if possible, or
spend a few minutes meditating. Physical movement or finding a quiet place to regain your
balance can quickly reduce stress.

Effective communication skills #4: Emotional awareness

Emotions play an important role in the way we communicate at home and work. Its the way you feel,
more than the way you think, that motivates you to communicate or to make decisions. The way you react
to emotionally driven, nonverbal cues affects both how you understand other people and how they
understand you. If you are out of touch with your feelings, and dont understand how you feel or why you
feel that way, youll have a hard time communicating your feelings and needs to others. This can result in
frustration, misunderstandings, and conflict. When you dont address whats really bothering you, you
often become embroiled in petty squabbles insteadarguing with your spouse about how the towels
should be hung, for example, or with a coworker about whose turn it is to restock the copier.
Emotional awareness provides you the tools needed for understanding both yourself and other people,
and the real messages they are communicating to you. Although knowing your own feelings may seem
simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. But your ability
to communicate depends on being connected to these feelings. If youre afraid of strong emotions or if
you insist on communicating only on a rational level, it will impair your ability to fully understand others,
creatively problem solve, resolve conflicts, or build an affectionate connection with someone.
How emotional awareness can improve effective communication

Emotional awarenessthe consciousness of your moment-to-moment emotional experienceand the

ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately is the basis for effective communication.
Emotional awareness helps you:

Understand and empathize with what is really troubling other people

Understand yourself, including whats really troubling you and what you really want

Stay motivated to understand and empathize with the person youre interacting with, even if you
dont like them or their message

Communicate clearly and effectively, even when delivering negative messages

Build strong, trusting, and rewarding relationships, think creatively, solve problems, and resolve
conflicts

Effective communication requires both thinking and feeling

When emotional awareness is strongly developed, youll know what youre feeling without having to think
about itand youll be able to use these emotional cues to understand what someone is really
communicating to you and act accordingly. The goal of effective communication is to find a healthy
balance between your intellect and your emotions, between thinking and feeling.
Emotional awareness is a skill you can learn
Emotional awareness is a skill that, with patience and practice, can be learned at any time of life. You can
develop emotional awareness by learning how to get in touch with difficult emotions and manage
uncomfortable feelings, including anger, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and joy. When you know how to
do this, you can remain in control of your emotions and behavior, even in very challenging situations, and
communicate more clearly and effectively. To learn more, see our Emotional Intelligence Toolkit.
More help for effective communication

How To Make Friends: Tips on Meeting People and Building Friendships

Fixing Relationship Problems with Humor: Using Laughter and Play to Build and Maintain
Successful Relationships
Conflict Resolution Skills: Building the Skills That Can Turn Conflicts into Opportunities
Relationship Help: Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying

5 Characteristics of Successful Salespeople (Part 1 of 6)

By Canadian Professional Sales Association (CPSA)
CATEGORY: SALES MANAGEMENT/LEADERSHIP, RECRUITMENT/SELECTION
View more sales articles from CPSAs Knowledge Centre.
So why is it so difficult for sales managers to recruit and retain highly productive, professional
salespeople if sales is such an attractive proposition? Whenever sales managers get together at
company meetings, improving sales force effectiveness and high turnover rates amongst the sales

force are invariably the topics for discussion. While examining their sales forces and reading articles in
Sales and Marketing Management magazine, they seem to accept that 80% of all sales are made by
only 20% of the sales force. The high turnover amongst less productive salespeople is accepted as a
necessary burden for managing the sales force. This is not so.
Research has shown that 55 per cent of people engaged in selling are in the wrong profession.
Another 20-25% have the essential attributes to sell, but they should be selling something other than
what they are currently selling. This last group have the potential to be highly successful in some
cases, but they are only marginal performers in their present sales positions.*
So, what does it take to be a successful salesperson? Some experts believe that a persons attitudes,
personality, and work methods (together classified as their approach to work) are virtually the entire
basis for professional success. Common sense dictates that a persons approach to work plays an
important role in their performance on the job.
By the very nature of the work itself, successful salespeople possess a unique set of personality
attributes that enable them to succeed. Mediocre sales performance cannot be disguised as a
salespersons success or failure is revealed immediately by the bottom line results. It takes a special
kind of individual to succeed in sales. There are five key qualities that are essential for success:
1. Empathy
2. Focus
3. Responsibility
4. Optimism
5. Ego-drive
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to identify with customers, to feel what they are feeling and make customers feel
respected. Empathy is NOT sympathy, which involves a feeling of loyalty with another individual. It is
more than understanding their concerns from an objective standpoint. A salesperson showing
empathy can gain trust and establish rapport with customers by being on their side and not appearing
judgmental. Empathy allows the salesperson to read the customers, show concern, and clearly
demonstrate his or her interest in providing a proper solution.
What to look for in good performers:
Ability to identify and react accurately to the behaviour and emotions of customers
Identify other peoples feelings/frustrations objectively without necessarily agreeing with them
Ability to establish rapport easily and put people at ease in their presence
Good listening skills
Curiositythe candidate asks questions that require more than a yes or no answer
Poor performers:
Experience difficulty in establishing rapport with a wide variety of people

Experience difficulty in adapting their personality style to others with different or non-complimentary
styles
Have difficulty recognizing and responding to subtle verbal, non-verbal and behavioural cues
Focus
A person with focus is internally driven to accomplish goals and can stay attentive to one topic.
Focused individuals are more demanding of themselves than other people and they are selfmotivated. They are able to organize themselves and recognize what needs to be done in order to
achieve their goals.
In a salesperson, focus produces best results when it is balanced with empathy. You then see a
person who listens and identifies with the customer while keeping focused on set goals, and who is
able to translate these goals into solutions for the customer.
What to look for in good performers:
Are goal-orientated and have the ability to articulate their goals clearly and assign timelines
Do not depend upon the sales manager for direction or guidance
Possess the self-discipline and conscientiousness to service customers and develop the business
from that customer on successive sales calls
Clear, direct answers to interview questions
Poor performers:
Need to have performance objectives/standards defined for them and need occasional reminders of
what those objectives are
Need structure and external assistance from a manager to keep them from being distracted and "on
track with their objectives
Are anxious about things being performed according to the rules or established procedures
Tend to get distracted and involved in behaviours and relationships that do little towards meeting
long-term objectives
Responsibility
A person with a strong sense of responsibility does not place blame on other people when placed in a
difficult situation. This type of person, referred to as an agent, gets things done and when obstacles
arise, accepts any errors or omissions that have occurred. He or she does not get defensive nor do
they try to blame the situation on circumstances or on other people by making statements such as,
Its not my fault boss that consumer confidence has declined due to terrorism and the war in
Afganistan. Sales managers should strive to hire agent-type representatives.
What to look for in good performers:
Possess an appropriate sense of urgency, as exemplified in the need to see the sale progress and to
bring situations to a resolution
Anticipate consequences and evaluate alternatives before acting

Tend to not have excuses for a situation and take action when situations require action
Maintain a positive outlook towards situations and peopletends to admire, and not to criticize a lot
Can accept valid criticisms and suggestions for performance improvement
Poor performers:
Tend to blame people, circumstances and other external factors for why something did not succeed or
why something was not completed
Are comfortable with the status quo and perform only what is required of them
Fail to go above and beyond what is required to meet customer expectations
Optimism
A salesperson with a healthy amount of optimism can be described as someone who is slow to learn
helplessness. This person has persistencea trait that is critical in the sales world because of the
frequency of rejections salespeople experience. In the face of failure, some people throw their hands
up in the air and resign themselves to the disappointment because they feel helpless to change the
situation. Others, however, see themselves as being more resilient and that a customers refusal is
NOT a rejection of themselves personally, but of the opportunity being offered. Salespeople who
possess a large amount of optimism like themselves and when they encounter failure, although
disappointed, it does not destroy their positive view of themselves. They consider themselves still in
the running and able to turn the situation around. They believe that they can make things better by
using a different approach, or by trying again.
What to look for in good performers:
Initiative and the ability to focus on opportunities and solutions
Focus on what can be done as opposed to what cannot be accomplished
Refusal to allow rejection on one sales call to affect their ability to perform on the next
Persistence in forcing an important issue even in the face of possible rejection
Poor performers:
Experience paralysis when faced with setbacks, problems or obstacles
May suffer from inconsistent performance, or have a sales track record filled with peaks and valleys
Ego-drive
Ego-drive is similar to optimism in that both traits require persistence. But ego-drive is persistence for
the purpose of succeeding and above all winning. Its all about competitiveness. When a person
hangs in there with fists clenched and a teeth gritting appetite to succeed at his or her goal, you see a
powerful ego-drive. This person is self-motivated and a self-starter with clear ideas of what he or she
wants to achieve.
What to look for in good performers:
Enjoy competitiveness and constantly look for ways to measure themselves against their peers
Possess leadership qualities and is not afraid to exert pressure to influence others

Enjoy sales as a profession for it provides personal gratification and ego enhancement
Determined to win and willing to take risks
Poor performers:
Rely on manipulation instead of trust and rapport for results
Possess a win-at-all costs attitude often at other peoples expense
Find minimal personal gratification in making a sale
*Herb Greenberg, Harold Weinstein and Patrick Sweeney. How to Hire & Develop Your Next Top
Performer: the five qualities that make salespeople great. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2001, pp. 9.
Click here to read part two, "How to Determine How Many Salespeople you Need for Your Sales
Team"