Documenti di Didattica
Documenti di Professioni
Documenti di Cultura
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two
days later his teacher phoned his mother to
tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never
called you once when he misbehaved."
Stop Sign
A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the
man if he knew why he was pulled over.
The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with
my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."
Dead Bird
Atif and Goher were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Goher says, "Aww, Atif,
look at the dead bird."
Who Is Stupid?
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her
class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think
you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Innocent Girl
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in
school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your
teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
Businessman
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful
office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the
businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal
working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Wake Up!
A teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping
way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor,
"Hey wake that student up!"
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"
Easy Eggs
One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in
line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked kind of
harassed. After I gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs.
Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for
you."
With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open onto my plate and handed it back
to me.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl,
but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to
try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know
if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
Millionaire
A woman proudly told her friend, "I'm responsible for making my husband a
millionaire."
"A billionaire."
Online Banking
TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online
banking?
TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our
service to connect to online banking.
TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack.
Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.
CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the
computer?
1 KG Dhoodh
Sardar milk shop per jaker 1 kilo bhains ka dhoodh de do,
Shopkeeper : Tumhara bartan chota hai.
Sardar : Acha phir aisa karo, bakri ka he de do.
Mother Tongue
A sardar was helping his son in filling his admission form, Son asked to Sardar
"Baapu mother tongue walay box main kya likhna hai?"
Sardar : Likh de puttar "Very Long"
Shaadi Ka Khat
Pathan : Maine khat likha tha ke meri Shaadi per Aana, tum kyun nahi aye?
2nd Pathan : Mujhay khat mila he nahi.
1st Pathan : Maine likha tha, khat milay ya na milay tum zaroor aana.
Pathan Proposing
Pathan proposing a girl...hi darling kya mujse shadi kro ge.
girl...tameez say baat kro
Last chance
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom
is made to sit on the horse?
Man: No
It really works
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw
in a penny.
Gabbar ka khauf…
Maa apne bete se kehti: Beta so ja warna gabbar
aa jayega.
Ek gharwali aur.....
Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiya aayengi.
Railway Accident!
Once a young mas was asked in an interview “Did
you ever meet any Railway accident?
Learning tenses
Once the teacher was teaching tenses.
Poor neighbour
Son to his mother “The people next door must be
poor.”
Medical College
Two friends are walking through a garden.
Faithful dog!
Buyer to seller: Is your dog faithful?
Jin!
Jinn: Kya Hukam hai merai Aaqa
Aaqa : Mulk ka sara maal meray account mey daal do
Jinn: Aaqa Hukam karin Bakwaaas na karain Mey Jinn hu Zardari nah
English!
Laloo parsad yadav, 1 month America mein Bush se english ki training le ker
wapis aaya.
1 din phone aya
Laloo jee says: Who is speaking?
Jawab aya: Hum sasura bushwa bol raha hoon.
Subject!
Man : my wife is too good.
She can talk on any subject for hours.
Friend : Ahh!!! My wife is better,
She does not even need a subject to talk about.
Easyload!
A man saw a snake on the bed of his mother-in-law (Saas).
He asked snake:Please Meri Saas ko Das lo.
Snake replied: Abey kia loon? Main issi se tau apna zeher "Easyload" karwata
hoon!
Sala Sa Law!?
Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere laakhoon rupaye
phase huye hain.
Peace on earth!
What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
Car Indicator!
Sardar driving a jeep in jungle,
Light Bulb!
Two factory workers are talking.Woman: I can make the boss give me the day
off.
Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Boss: You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to
take the day off.The man starts to follow her and the boss says: Where are you
going?
The man says: I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.
Nobel Prize
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the
middle of a huge field of grass.He pulls the car over to the side of the road and
notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah
excuse me sir, but what are you doing ?” Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel
Prize.”
Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are outstanding in their
field.
What about you?
Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class.
What about you?
Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand English and reply.
The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the
monkey.
Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Tying their belts”
plane-crash.jpg
Officer: “Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “All were sleeping”
Banta promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled santa
out.
When the medical director became aware of banta’s heroic act, he immediately
ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be
mentally stable.
When he went to tell banta the news he said, “Banta, I have good news and bad
news. The good news is you’re being discharged because since you were able to
jump in and
Save the life of another patient, I think you’ve regained your senses. The bad
news is santa, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the
bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Then banta replied, “He didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry.”
Little Preeto
Little Preeto came running into the house after school one day, shouting, “Daddy!
Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!”
“That’s great, sweetheart,” said her daddy. “Come in to the living room and tell
me about it.”
Manch wala sardar phir bola kutta, kutte ke oper 2 kute, unke oper 3 kutte, unkey
oper 4 kutte
Audience sardar pareshan hokar bola, bhai ye kaun sa sher hua? Manch wala
sarda bola, abe tu sher mat sun tu balancing ko dekh….
Naik Kaam!
Beta Maa se: Maa, aaj maine bahut naik kam kiya.
Beta: Bahut dikkat hui maa. Woh aurat road hi nahi paar karna chah rahi thi!
No Disc
Sunny: Kal movie dekhi, usme na koi scene tha, na koi aawaz.
Sunny: NO DISC
Malik:- Abe sale nokar ke bachche maine tujhe machcher marne ko kaha abhi tak
tune mare nahi. Woh ab bhi gun-guna kar rahe hai
Alsi nokar:- Malik machcher toh maine maar diye. Yeh toh unki bibi hai jo
vidhva ho kar ro rahi hai.
I don't know...
Ek aurat apne beta ko doctor ke pass le jaati hai aur bolti hai mera beta bike se gir
gaya.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated
that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said,
“When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you
ask him!”
I am going
Santa: I am going ka matlab batao.
Flash News
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars
have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
Sardar's Wish
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his
sleep not screamin like all the passengers in the
car he was driving..
Post it!
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This
Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
It's raining
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining. Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.
Race
Sardar- why r all these people running?
Population
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
Right now, said Sheeda, after a moment's calculation, there is myself, my cousin
Basheera, my next door neighbor Karam Deen, and the entire kabaddi team from
the village. That makes eight
Bush paused. I must tell you, Sheeda that I have one million men in my army
waiting to move on my command.
Well, said Sheeda, we have all had a long chat over a couple of days and decided
there is no way we can feed two million prisoners!!.
IT Company
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
The door
After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have
an... opening for you...! "
Applicant:
What is it?
Interviewer:
12 Cards
Girl:
Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper:
Oh sure..!! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl:
Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot
answer"
BOSS:
Biker
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"