HKDSE Writing Analysis

2009 CE Task 2 Q2 variation

HKDSE Format :
1. Learning English Through Debating
You are the leader of the school debating team. Last week your school has held a consultation
discussing whether detention system should be pulled down. The school organized a debate with the
motion Detention system is good for the school. You are the affirmative side and write down the
speech for the first speaker.
2. Learning English through Workplace Communication
Your school recently was asked to reconsider the detention system. The principal
is now consulting the ideas from different parties. On behalf of Discipline and
Guidance Committee, you are now writing a proposal to the principal stating
whether detention is a good idea or not.
Keywords of the writing question 2:
_________________________________________________________________________________

Genre of the writing:

_______________________________________________________________

Your tasks of the writing:

Organization

Paragraph 1
Paragraph 2
Paragraph 3
Paragraph 4
Paragraph 5

Positive sides of the proposal:

Negative sides of the proposal:

Stance :

Introduction :

2009 Sample Essay Analysis

Dear Principal,
I am writing to express my views on the suitability of detention as a form of
punishment. Though many pose the outcry against detention, I would like to
raise my supportive hand for detention as adequate.
Concerning the punishment effect, no one dare deny the power of detention.
After the whole school day, everyone has already got exhausted with the tight
schedule. Not an extra second do they want to stay behind and have revision.
Detention only means suffering period in our minds, not to mention doing some
extra exercises and revision during detentions. Obviously, it serves the function
of punishment.
When taking our benefits from the punishment into account, what we can
gain from detention cannot be neglected. Not only will we be allowed to have
self-reflection for what we have done wrong during the silent period, but we can
also cherish the extra time for doing revision and exercises. We can focus on our
study attentively under the supervision of teachers. We may raise questions
when we encounter difficulties at once so that our teachers can offer us help
immediately. In fact detention is just an additional private tuition to the students
being punished.
Some of my classmates claimed that this deprive them of the freedom and
human rights. Nevertheless, it is just an excuse. As we all know, criminals need
to be jailed in society. Likewise, giving detention for the students violating the
school rules is undeniably reasonable. School is the miniature of society. No one
wants punishment and that is why it is called a punishment.
Overall speaking, detention is workable, beneficial, sensible and therefore
suitable for being a punishment means.

Yours sincerely,
Chris Wong
(276 words)