TheWhoOfWhoYouAre

Jan8,2015

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Likemostchildren,Iwastaughtthatlyingisbad.WhenIwaseightyearsold,however,IwishedIhad
beenliedto.SomeonetoldmehowshewishedIhadneverbeenborn,thatmymereexistenceruinedher
day,andifitwereuptoher,Iwouldbeobliteratedfromherlife.WhenIcomplainedtoafamilyelder,I
wastoldthatIshouldappreciatethispersonshonesty,becauseIknewexactlywhereIstoodwithher.
Eversincethen,Idecidedthathonestywasatadoverrated.
Thesedays,manyofussearchforhonestyintheformofauthenticity.Wewanttobetruetoourselves,
andalsoletpeopleintoourprivateworld,andseeusforwhoweare.Forthoseofuswhohaveworntheir
personaewell,perhapsfordecades,thethoughtofdroppingthemaskandauthenticallyconnectingcanbe
scary,yetexhilaratingwiththepromiseofanewparadigm.Embracingthevulnerabilityofconnectionis
treadingnewwaterformany.Butjustwhoareweanyway?Whoisthewhoofwhoweare?Andis
honestyorauthenticityalwaysthebestpolicy?
Lastweek,areaderposedaninterestingquestionaboutthenameofmycoachingbusiness,MakeTheBest
OfYou.Heasked,Whataboutpeoplewhoarereallygoodatbeingbad?Howdoyousuppresswhatis
badandenhancewhatisgood?
Itsactuallyaquestiononmyownmindthesedaysaboutmyself.Ijustagreedtotakeoveraweekly
Torahclassforwomenatmysynagogue.Thewomanwhohasbeenteachingitforthelastfewyearsisa
brilliantandrenownedprofessionalspeaker,whoismovingoutofstatetostartherowncenter.
Nervousaboutfillingherverybigshoes,andanxiousaboutwhetherIamuptothetask,Icalmmyselfby
rememberingthatintheworldofspeaking,thereisatruismthatcharactertrumpstalent,andIcertainly
knowIhavecharacterevenifIinsecureaboutmytalent.Theproblemisthatsomeaspectsofmy
characterarefarfrompolishedandinfact,arenotsonice.Whetheritsmysarcastic,judgmental,or
impatientself,Iamprettygoodsometimesatbeingalittleawful.Forbetterorworse,thesequalitiesshow
upaspartofmyauthenticself.

Authenticityissaidtobethehallmarkofagoodteacher/speaker,sinceitfostersconnectionbetweenthe
listenerandtheyouofwhoyouare.So,doIliftthecurtaintorevealthewholeenchiladame?Andis
authenticityreallynothingmorethantakemeasIam?
Conversely,whataboutthenotsoniceaspectsofotherpeoplespersonalities?DoIputonafakesmile
andendureit,or,inhonoringmyauthenticity,doItellthemexactlywhatIthink,hopingtheywilladmire
myhonestyandbegratefulforknowingwheretheystand?IamtakingacoursecalledTeachingFor
Transformation,givenbyDr.MariaSiroisattheWholebeingInstitute.AndIlearnedthatauthenticityis
notabeallandendallconcept;ratheritisoneprongofthree(authenticity,integrity,and
servant/leadership)thatcompriseastateofwholeness.
Thus,wholenessisnotadisconnectedandselfcenteredstateofbeing.Itisaunifyingforcebasedon
connectionandinterconnection.Sowhilewecanmanifestandleadfromanyaspectofourselves,eventhe
negativeones,andstillbewithintheparametersofauthenticity,wholenessasksusnottodothat.
Authenticitytellsustolookwithin.Wholenessasksustoconsiderthebiggerpictureandtheexternal
impactwearechoosingtomake.
Authenticityacknowledgesmultipleauthenticandsometimesincompatiblerealities.Wholenessasksusto
choosewhichofthoserealitieswewanttomakeoperationalinanygivenmoment.
InthisweeksTorahportion,Shemos,MosesfamouslyencounterstheBurningBush:
TheangeloftheLordappearedtohiminablazingfirefromthemidstofabush;andhelooked,and
behold,thebushwasburningwithfire,yetthebushwasnotconsumed.SoMosessaid,Imustturnaside
nowandseethismarveloussight,whythebushisnotburnedup.WhentheLordsawthatheturnedaside
tolook,Godcalledtohimfromthemidstofthebushandsaid,Moses,Moses!Andhesaid,HereI
am.
Somecommentatorsfocusonthefactthatitwasalowlythornbush,thusemphasizingtheattributeof
humility,marvelingthatGodwouldappearinsomethingsoinconsequential.Othersinterpretthe
blazingfirethatdoesnotconsume,tomeanthatevenwhenourenemiestrytodestroy,obliterateand
burnus,theJewishpeoplewillneverbetotallyconsumedbythefireofhatred.
TheseviewsfocusononeaspectortheotheroftheBurningBush.WhatIfindmostfascinating,however,
istheparadoxofit,theexquisiteharmonyoftotallyincompatiblerealitiesaburningbushthatisnot
beingconsumed.WaltWhitmansaid,Icontainmultitudes.Andthus,weareallburningbushes.Weall
containwithinustheparadoxofmultipleandincompatiblerealitiesthatformoneholisticwhole.Said
PeterParker,Incertaincircumstances,truthisnotfoundbysplittingtheworldintoeitherorbutby
embracingitasbothand.
Ifyouareonlyabushoronlyfire,thenyouareactingfromonlyoneperspective,andyouaremissingthe
wholenessofbeingaburningbush.Somesituationscallforquiethumilityandsomeforblazingfire.Itis
alloneauthenticyou,butthepointistoknowwhentobewhat,andhowyoucanactfromyourhighest
self.Itistheprongofintegrity
MoseswantedtoserveGodand,atthesametime,hewasalsoterrifiedthathewasnotuptothetask.He
hadtwoauthenticselvesgoingon,twochoicestomake.Mosesembracedhisfear,acknowledgedits
authentictruthandthenactedfromtheselfthatwantedtoserveGod.Thatiswhenhesteppedintohis
ultimatepowerasservant/leader.
Andsoauthenticityisnotaboutbeinganopenbook.Norisanexcuseforcausingpainandsuffering.
Authenticity,saysScottEdmundMiller,istheactofopenlyandcourageouslyseeingwhatneedstobe

seen,sayingwhatneedstobesaid,doingwhatneedstobedone,andbecomingthatwhichyouareintent
onbeing.
Sobeauthentic.Byallmeans,bewhoyouareinyourfullparadoxicalmultitudinousself.Butremember,
thatinthewhoofwhoyouare,thereisalwaysachoice.Inyourquestforauthenticitybeguidedby
integrityandbeinspiredbyservant/leadership.Bemindful.Bekind.Andbewhole.