Say, You worked so hard!

When our kids impress us, our praise falls into one of several categories:
1.
2. Youre a great runner. (praise that focuses on personal traits)
3. Wow! (any other type of positive encouragement)
Which one will most encourage your child to love learning, relish a challenge,
and work harder in school? Number 1, called process praise. It matters even
when baby is just a year old.

be as talented or smart as everyones been telling them. They avoid challenges,

fearful that they wont look smart.

Growth mindset
Kids with a growth mindset believe that intelligence can be cultivated: the more
learning you do, the smarter you become. These kids understand that even

Why some kids persevere

Carol Dweck of Stanford has been studying motivation and perseverance since
whereas others who are no more skilled continue to strive and learn? she
wondered in an article in
.
It depends, she discovered, on the students beliefs about why they failed:
why they didnt get this math problem right or perform that piano piece well.
And the way children are praised has a profound role in creating those beliefs.
Children fall into one of two categories:

their innate talent or smarts

Those with a growth mindset, who believe their successes are a result
of their hard work

What ushers kids into a growth mindset? Process praise.

Mindsets form early

Even 4-year-olds have settled into one of these two mindsets. In her book
Mindset, Dweck writes about an experiment she conducted:
We offered four-year-olds a choice: They could redo an easy jigsaw puzzle or they
could try a harder one. Even at this tender age, children with the fixed mindset
the ones who believed in fixed traitsstuck with the safe one. Kids who are born
smart dont make mistakes, they told us.

as they progress through school and through life.

Fixed mindset
Kids with a fixed mindset believe that you are stuck with however much
intelligence youre born with. They would agree with this statement: If you have
to work hard, you dont have ability. If you have ability, things come naturally to
you. When they fail, these kids feel trapped. They start thinking they must not

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As toddlers, boys hear process praise more frequently than girls. Twenty-four
percent of the praise boys hear is process praise. For girls, its 10 percent.

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witnessing an impressive baby act is to give person praise: Wow, youre so good
at that! (Even if I wish she werent quite so good at that. As in, Wow, how did
you climb up onto the toilet, pull yourself over to the counter, sit down with
your feet in the sink, turn on the faucet, and help yourself to a little soap?)
Im not alone. About 85 percent of parents with young children Dweck surveyed
agreed with this statement: It is necessary to praise childrens ability when they
perform well on a task to make them feel that they are smart. Dweck thinks this
sentiment might be why most parents, even those who have a growth mindset
themselves, tend to give person praise.

Give brain lessons

Teach your child that the brain is like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger
it gets. The way you exercise it is by practicing skills and learning new things.
Its never too late to rewire the brain. Middle-schoolers and college students
this lesson.

Toddlers

Praising the process

Do this less!

Two ways to plant a growth mindset

Do this more!

Praising the person

Good running!

Youre so good at that!

Good try.

Youre so smart.

I like how you covered

your mouth.

Good girl.
Big boy.

You did a good job drawing. Youre a good artist.

School-age

You worked so hard!

Youre so smart.

That seemed easy for you;

lets work on something
more challenging.

Youre so talented at this.

I like the way you

approached that problem.

Wow, you got an A without

even studying.

Other praise:
but its still positive encouragement.
Quotes from Dwecks studies

ZERO TO FIVE

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Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science

(and What Ive Learned So Far)

Tracy Cutchlow
Photos by Betty Udesen