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How To Make Sex Last Longer

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How To Make Sex Last Longer

2007 Ver sio n

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"I believe God gave us our sex organs to bond us together in pleasure within our
marriage. And through this incredible pleasure, to keep us faithful to each other..."
Naura Hayden, author of HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME

Sex is a subject hedged about with taboos. Unfortunately, people are all too often
embarrassed and ashamed to discuss that which should be one of the most
pleasurable experiences of human life.
Sex matters more than most individuals will admit. Yet, the only "lessons" we get
as young men becoming sexually awake are anecdotes in the school playground,
the mythology of conquests and improbable sexual feats from our peers and
technical rudiments (if you are lucky) from, usually, reluctant (and possibly inept)
parents. It's crazy, but it's true.
Great sex is transcending, a mind-bendingly satisfying experience for both players.
However, most men suffer from a severe handicap; we are easily aroused and too
easily pleased. In a word, we are inclined to come too quickly to satisfy our lovers.
A fit young man can probably jack off in a matter of seconds however; women
rarely reach a worthwhile orgasm in under a quarter of an hour or so.
This is not a hard and fast rule (and isn't every word or phrase a double entendre
when you're writing about sex!) and we all know instances where a back seat of the
car quickie has had a women as quickly aroused and sated as you were. But
"planned" bedroom intercourse is rarely so straight forward. In spite of our
"problem" - and notwithstanding what feminists say - even these days it's usually
up to the man to orchestrate lovemaking to a successful conclusion - for both
parties.

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Now I'm not a doctor, a psychologist or any other kind of sexologist or therapist, but
I am a writer who has been around the block a few times and have probably read
more than most people on this topic as well as completed numerous, dedicated
"field studies".
I recall one long session with what I took to be a slow-starter rather than a frigid
partner and trying patiently to bring her to a wrenchingly good orgasm. I wouldn't
say I was broom handle hard all the time, but I kept going for three hours and I still
couldn't bring her off to my satisfaction although she seemed pleased enough.
These methods of making sex last longer are just that and they'll help you sustain
an erection which will help your lover reach fulfillment. However there are no
guarantees that the latter will happen. That, as they say, is a different ball game.
Since I was in my late thirties and already suffering from a poor "recovery rate", the
challenge was to achieve this grand climax - particularly hers - with just one
erection! Ironically, being able to "keep it up" without coming is not a problem that
goes away as you get older. The older a man gets the worse the problem can
become, not least because his "recovery" time is so much longer.
In other words, if he doesn't get it right first time his partner may have to wait for
satisfaction until the next session. This could mean later in the day, the next day,
after a sleep or a meal, or whatever it takes to bring his penis to attention again!
But that's enough history and theory. Time for some action!

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The various techniques for slowing a man down and delaying ejaculation fall into
the following categories.
1. Start later, associated with which is the "tease" technique and the use of
artificial stimulators to excite the woman.
2. Squeeze technique and use of pressure points to diminish excitement.
3. Mental distraction.

Let's start with Point 3, which I take to be the least effective although most likely
the best known method. Most experts in this particular field advise counting (rather
like counting sheep in order to fall asleep) or listing. In other words, you force
yourself to run through a topic such as birth-dates or the names of the players on
your favorite sports team that is inane with absolutely no sexual content. The
theory is that this inane content will turn you off and stop you from reaching climax
too quickly. It's hard work and has a high failure rate but worst of all, you feel daft
doing it!
Point 1, which is starting later and teasing, can be much more interesting. I
suppose men have a tendency to rush headlong in because that is the nature of
the beast. I remember saying to my ex-wife, who was sitting on top of me at the
time, that she wasn't to worry that I'd just come after only about two minutes of
grinding because I'd be back up again in a minute. Sure enough, being just 22
years old, I was. Unfortunately, session two was an action replay of session one
and so it went on - me to exhaustion, her to exasperation. The marriage lasted
eight months!

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Ideally you don't just want to hold off coming so your woman comes with you,
sucking it out of you so to speak. It is much, much more satisfying to be able to
"ride" a woman so you stay hard for the next orgasm, or round of orgasms. It isn't
easy and it will take some practice, but I promise you will enjoy your "studies"!

Start later then, is my way of saying that one way of curing what the specialists
used to call "praecox ejaculation" (coming too soon) is to spend time, much more
time, in foreplay. This could be kissing and caressing, playing with her breasts and
genitalia, particularly the clitoris, or oral sex. However you should bear in mind that
if premature ejaculation is the problem, oral sex of you by her is more likely to
aggravate rather than aid the problem! To fully take advantage of oral stimulation
to achieve longer lasting sex, it is you who should be pleasing your partner.

One other way to drive your partner to satisfaction and ever closer to the brink is
using "sexual aids", particularly the dildo or vibrator. I've worked with four sorts of
artificial stimulators:
1. The Pifco massager that clearly should not be used in the wet genital area
as it plugs into an electrical outlet.
2. A long thin pink doppelganger of a penis, fitted with a small electric motor
so it vibrated.

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3. A black telegraph pole of a dildo again fitted with a small electric motor so
it vibrated.
4. A cucumber.
There is also a wide range of other types of artificial stimulators that can be utilized
to drive your lover past the brink of passion. In addition to the toys mentioned
above, there are countless other models available - from basic phallic shaped
rubber or hard gel types to complex rotating, vibrating types that even have clitoral
stimulators. Also of particular interest are vibrating balls that can be inserted during
oral sex or used to stimulate the clit, as well as other types of aids to maximize her
sexual pleasure.
I feel that you should throw any prejudices you have against these sorts of things
out the window. Of course your girlfriend may laugh or she may even balk at the
idea, but they soon enter into the spirit of the thing - or rather the other way round.
What matters is that dildos work and they let you off the hook for a while. When
you do get involved with your own John Thomas, your woman is several steps
ahead and eager for a bit of hot flesh and blood - yours...and isn't that what matters
most?
As for the cucumber, that was a bit of "vegetarian sex" introduced for a giggle. I
thought it would turn into a disaster, that we would both fall about laughing, or that
it would be too big and we'd have to stop. However, the idea of it and the ridges on
the cucumber proved a real turn on. Women stretch more than you think and they
like being stretched. But fortunately for us, they still prefer hot, hard flesh and
blood!

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The benefits of teasing came to me relatively late in life, after I read "HOW TO
SAIISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME", a quote from which kicked off this report.
Author Naura Hayden writes.

"... Slowly, very slowly, work up to her breasts. But don't touch her nipples - yet!
Create a desire. Make her sweetly suffer with wanting something so badly and not
being able to get it when she wants it ... Deliberately don't touch her nipples for a
few minutes. Deliberately tease her. And after a few minutes, just softly take your
fingers and hardly touch at all...the soft tease of your fingers makes her want more.
The fact that you're holding back... creates a divine itch ... and the more it itches
the more she wants you to satisfy that itch."
Assuming a hard on, you then direct your attention to her fanny, but keep on with
the same tease technique, gently rubbing her clitoris with the tip of your prick,
which you hold in your hand "...you are letting her know what you could do inside her with it, but you're choosing
not to."
When you do start to insert (by which time your partner should be begging you to
do so) you insert just a half inch or so and withdraw. Keep this up for a good while,
then go deeper, perhaps an inch, then more, but never all the way in.

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Why? Because full insertion rams your body against the clitoris, which is where
most amateurs start and end. This is what Hayden calls the ineffective BIG BANG
style of lovemaking.
Eventually when using this tease technique, a woman will come and if you can
hang in there, she should come more than once.

She could come anywhere

between two and three times according to Hayden. My own best record in an
afternoon session of lovemaking is making my lover climax a dozen times and
coming three times myself.
The mistake I made with the tease technique was letting my partner know I was
reading the book and in fact sharing the advice with her. It worked well enough, but
thereafter there was always a feeling that I'd gotten to page 13 (or whatever) and it
became a bit of a turn off, at least with that partner!
And so we get to Point 2, arguably the most effective technique of all.
The more familiar technique involves squeezing, gently, the underside of the penis
just below the head or glans. You place your thumb on top of the erect penis, just
below the coronal ridge and your forefinger then locates the point where the ridge
splits. You squeeze the shaft just below that point.
Now I find three problems with this technique. One is that you need to have access
to your plonker. If it's inside your woman, bursting to blow, pulling it out and giving
it a quick squeeze may not be practical or desirable.
A way around this dilemma is to get the woman to do the cooling off squeezing for
you, building it into your lovemaking repertoire. Woman on top may be your best
choice here.

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The second criticism is that it's a bit mild as a "stop" technique; it doesn't, for me at
least, always work. The third drawback is that you are likely to lose between 10
and 30 per cent of your erection. Far better and much more effective, is the advice
detailed in "THE TAO OF LOVE AND SEX", The Ancient Chinese Way to Ecstasy.
I'll leave you to locate these books and bone up on the finer points, but the gist of
the technique is this:
Having gained a serious quality thumper and being on the verge of giving it all
away, you locate a special pressure point, "Using the fore and middle fingers of his
left hand, he presses at the point between his scrotum and his anus for three to
four seconds. At the same time he takes a deep breath."

You can practice this in the privacy of your own home while alone if you wish.
The Chinese call this the technique of a thousand thrusts. Well I don't know about
a thousand, but I went through a phase of experimentation with this technique
where I didn't come at all for several sessions, merely engineering a good number
of orgasms for my partner.
I ended up feeling like shit and suggest you take to heart the advice also contained
in the book. It recommends that only older men - they say over 40, I say older, but
it depends how vigorous you are - should carry their load away with them, so to
speak on any continuing basis.

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Just as with the coronal ridge pressure technique, you may find a slight loss of
erection. It's a matter of how hard and for how long you press. Trial and error is
called for and again you can practice on your own, before the event, so to speak.
Using this Chinese pressure technique, you will find that rear entry positions are
best because it leaves your hand free to press that vital point between your bum
hole and the root of your penis. Rear entry is also, generally, a very exciting
position for a man and encourages a feeling of control that is an essential part of
good technique.
When I say rear entry I mean "doggie" position with the woman kneeling, facing
away, and the man kneeling between her parted legs; rear entry lying down, like
"spoons" is not what is called for here. However, most beds are too soft and too
unsupportive for long-lasting controlled lovemaking in the kneeling doggie style.
I discovered that one of the best ways to handle this problem was to stand facing
the side of the bed, and have my partner kneel, facing away from me, on the edge
of the bed. I could then use one hand to stimulate her clitoris, and the other hand I
placed on her neck or the curve of her waist, to rhythmically "rock" her body
against my erection. It's a "hydraulic" effect that can be as fast or slow as you both
please, as she comes.
Having your feet planted firmly on the floor gives you a great feeling of control, and
feeling herself being taken slowly, ecstatically out of control is a great turn-on to a
woman. There are just two provisos; you need to get the relative heights right for
proper entry and movement - you might have to stand on a stool, or have your
partner kneel on a folded duvet or whatever.

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Also, a bed with too springy edges can cause slippage. It won't help your case if
your partner tumbles to the floor in mid act!

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Recom mend ed Readin g

THE TAO OF LOVE AND SEX,
By Jolan Chang,
Wildwood House,
1977 (ISBN 0 704501880).
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME,
By Naura Hayden,
Bibli O'Phile Publishing Company (USA),
1982 (ISBN 094210401 3).
THE ILLUSTRATED MANUAL OF SEXUAL MDS,
By Evelyn Rainbird,
Minotaur Press (USA), 1973.
GOOD VIBRATIONS,
BY SUZIE HAYMAN,
PIATKUS,
1992 (ISBN 0 7499 1111 5).

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