Florida Ballot

(statewide choices)
Governor
Attorney
General
US Representative
Congressional Districts (featured, 15)
State Representative State Senator
House Districts
(featured, 63)
Senate districts
(featured, 22)
Chief Financial
Officer
Commissioner
of Agriculture
Rick Scott:
Florida is his personal fleshlight.
He paid $83 million for it,
so he has ongoing plans for his semen
Charlie Crist:
With the Bushes, helped
fuck Florida education;
i.e., the lesser evil
hes cool with Mary Jane
Other Candidates (in case you want to
vote your heart):
Farid Khavari: would be a pragmatic choice
Glenn Burkett: his campaign website sells vitamins and has
testimonials, RUN!
Adrian Wyllie: tea party guy, wants more guns in Florida like
theres no issue with that
Others: couldnt find anything comprehensive on the other
candidates, but youll see there names on the ballot too
---in reality, none of these candidates have a chance because
most voters are uninformed---
Alan Cohn:
Former journalist, seems level-headed;
platforms on renewable energy and some
other standard democrat/politician stuff
Dennis Ross:
Current rep, seems proactive in legislation
efforts to back legitimize his participation in the
near-insane repetitive attempts to repeal
ACA/Obamacare
My red flags for this incumbent, however,
are his favorable NRArating, his opposition to
womens right to choose, and hate for gay people
Pam Bondi:
Current AG; positive credentials include pill mill
thrill kill and consumer activism.
She has also used the office to advance the
conservative agenda, including repeal of
ACA/Obamacare stipulations, fighting to
maintain ban on same sex marriage, and fought
to keep the marijuana initiative OFF the ballot.
Do like Floridas supreme court, and tell her to
fuck off.
George Sheldon:
Decided to identify himself as the
anti Pam Bondi, and wants to model
his service after Bob Butterworth (the
guys who sued and won against the
tobacco industry while AG of FL).
Abetter option than Bondi, but my
pick is the other guy.
Bill Wohlsifer:
Please make him attorney general
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do you see me using pleasantries?
This is serious business.
Hes a true libertarian candidate: anti prison-industrial complex,
dismiss appeals attempting to reinstate ban on same sex marriages,
supports a hemp industry in FL, reschedule cannabis as 2 or 3 (currently 1),
demilitarize police forces (albeit in a bureaucratic manner)
This is who we want deciding what position FL takes in legal proceedings
Mark Danish vs. Shawn Harrison REMATCH
Danish unseated Harrison in 2012 by a small margin, so this
is a tap of the replay button. They both think infrastructure development
is key to economic development, but Harrison wants to fund it while
cutting taxes because piss-down economics obviously worked for Kansas
Contentious districts in Tampa Bay area (6069):
Narain vs. Santiago (61); Grant vs. Steinberg (64, primary playing out in general
election); Zimmermann vs. Sprowls; Grizzle vs. Ahern (66); Sarnoff vs. C. Latvala (67);
Dudley vs. Young (68); Orsini vs. Peters (69)
Find your State House District on flsenate.gov
Jeff Brandes vs. Judithanne McLauchlan
Brandes kind votes along the lines of tea party ideological idiocy rather
than the pragmatism he claims. Both candidates publicly support
legalization of medical marijuana, but Brandes thinks voters should NOT
have a say, but rather the legislators should debate it for them. I took issue
with this principle (wealthy prick thinks the proletariat are not capable of
making big boy decisions). Id go for McLauchlan, the fairer income earner,
on this one, but its not my voting district.
Contentious districts in Tampa Bay area (20, 22, 24):
J. Latvala vs. Caso the Gun Nut (20); Lee vs. write-in opposition (24)
Possible contentious district in Tampa Bay area (13):
Jolly defeated Sink in special election, status unknown for
general election (13).
Find your US Congressional District on flsenate.gov
Ballot Measures (amendments, most click yes without reading any of it):
1. Water and Land Conservation (Environment) Decision to fund a trust fund for
conservation efforts. Notes no expected change in state revenues as a result.
2. Use of Marijuana for Certain Medical Conditions (Pot) Your physician can write
you a prescription. Pharmaceutical has been campaigning hard against this in many
states over the years. This seems to be a required step toward recreational use, only vote
no if you are fucking miserable prick. (editorial note: I actually do not smoke the green
stuff myself)
3. Prospective Appointment of Certain Judicial Vacancies (Judiciary) So like, theres
a day when we have two governors, and this is supposed to sort how who can appoint a
judge when.
Jeffrey Atwater vs. William Rankin:
I do not see evidence of remarkable differences between
these candidates. The CFO manages state assets (tax
income and state expenditures). Atwater, the incumbent,
has moved FL toward transparency and has aggressively
pursued fraud cases against state contracts. Rankins
platform agrees with such policies and wants to push
harder against insurance companies (his campaign accuses
Atwater of being too weak and a lapdog of Scott). This is
like choosing your accountant, and I do not see a strong
case to switch accountants. Do note that Atwater did not
oblige Rankins request for a public debate, yet Atwater
may consider a gubernatorial run in 2018, and that does
seem a little fishy or underhanded because Rankin didnt
have the campaign contribution to make that issue more
public.
Adam Putnam vs. Thaddeus Hamilton:



This is tricky, the Commissioner of Agriculture puts hands in
many pots these day (including consumer watchdoggery,
school meals, charities, wildfires, etc.). The incumbent,
Putnam, has functioned well at his duties, but he is against
marijuana legalization and nonviolent criminal clemency,
which matters because cabinet members vote on state policy
issues like that. Putnam has also refused federal money to
help manage Florida water supplies. Hamilton is on the
opposite side of those issues, and he has a fucking boatload of
experience in the USDA. Call it as you wish.
A guide to your ballot, with objectively
biased but limited analysis and cursing