workzine

the December 2009

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Price : free for the taking

8
10 Idle Thoughts of a
A Splash guilty lawyer
Bee’s Thoughts
and a dash
Ernest Bazanye
22
Album Review:
26 Troubadour’
Count Your Blessings
Xiona
Darlkom

20
The Truth About Climate
Change
rhinorck

16

Deck the halls...

10things I hate about christmas
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ISBN 978-9972-695-76-5

9 993726 993726
 ice
breakers
get the party started!
theworkzine
The Shrink Is in
rhinorck
6

Business Watch
Yusuf Mulinya
11

Drunken Medics
Linda Lillian
11

Bloody Tomato Sauce

Ivan Mugisha
11

The WorkZine
rocking you from the desk

Editor: Abid Were

workzine@gmail.com

Editor: Raymond Kukundakwe

krays_ug@yahoo.co.uk

Designer: Cistech Solutions

http://www.cistech.ug

The WorkZine is a tri-weekly publication aimed at the working class corporate crony like you. Yes, you.

To advertise please contact either of the edotors listed above or visit our visit our website at
www.workzine.com
The Shrink Is In
I like to think of myself as a shrink, infact one of the subjects I wish to study one
day is that of Psychology. I have a desire to understand how other people feel about
things and of late it’s brought me into conflict with the world.

have spent much of this year trying to understand life and death and making a choice as

I to what they should mean to me. I think all human beings should engage in an attempt to
comprehend the meaning of Liberty, because sadly while many of us may think we are free,
our minds are still shackled by the indoctrination we endure as children..

Life, has no meaning. No. There is no one above the sky, at least, we haven’t met anyone up there
yet. . I am sorry to report that despite whatever fantasies we may have as regards our importance
in the universe, we are nothing more than a bunch of primates in the process of evolution.
Those of us predisposed to scientific fact will know that as far as humanity is concerned, the earth
is about 4 billion years old, the universe, a staggering 13 billion years old. By the most conserva-
tive estimate, that of Sir Francis Crick of the DNA fame, humanity has been around for approxi-
mately 100,000 years at the most. The palaeontologists, the people who comb the pages of time
trying to piece together what the earth has been like through the ages, report that over 90% of the
species of life that have ever lived are no more. Those who study the stars have brought irrefut-
able evidence that our earth is an infinitesimal speck in the vast mystery that is the universe. The
evidence is strong that the sun, the very thing that makes life possible on earth will die in a couple
of billion years from now. Biologists say that the species that will watch our sun die will be as
 theworkzine

different from us as we are from amoeba. Truly appreciating these facts should be enough to humble even the most
egomaniacal bastard on the planet. The message from history is simple; we must evolve or die out.

So what is it that makes us so unique from all other life on earth? Is it the fact that a huge swathe of humanity be-
lieves that around 3000 years ago, as far as we can tell, a certain tribe of bumbling primates was visited by a divine
being of irrefutable power and sovereignty and granted favour and leave to rule the earth? Or that the same being
or another one entirely different appeared to another bunch of primates and told them that they had leave to spread
their message to the ends of the earth at any cost? Or is the truth in fact that we are just like any other species trying
to make sense of our brief and meaningless existence as a footnote in the history of the universe? Why do we think
we are so different from ants?

I don’t know the truth, I have the humility to realise that I know nothing for sure and that to seek to impose my
views on any other individual is to deny them the Liberty of using their minds to answer what truly are metaphysical
questions. I have heard it said that we, as humanity, know less and less about life, the universe and everything than we
did a century ago and the beauty of that fact is that we know less and less about more and more. Life is not defined
by manmade boundaries but purely in the way you choose to perceive it; if your religion helps give you a definition
of it, then so be it, simply reserve my right to have my own definition of it.
The point of all this drivel is simply to impress upon you the fact that your life and the world you live in is yours to
mould. Only you have the ability to change and impact the world you live in, first by understanding your place in it
and realising that there is no limit to your potential.

So life to me is nothing more than a process of evolution and my part in it is to do my bit as far as the survival
of our species is concerned while taking some sort of meaning from it. I choose to do this by putting down my
thoughts for posterity; by teaching the younger generation that if we are to survive as a species we must work
together. I’m off to get drunk and hopefully interesting things will happen after that. Have yourselves a merry
christmas and a happy new year my fellow primates.

@rhinorck<Your editor is intensely depressed but he

hopes to get over it soon. Infact, he’s probably heading for
a pint after he sends this damn zine.>

www.workzine.com 7
Idle Thoughts of
a Gulity Lawyer
“After being in the field for a year and a half, I now know that it’s the
commercial law that pays. I know that I will not touch litigation with
a long 2,000,000 inch pole because I know with our judicial system it
will be several years before I receive a verdict”

I
knew that I wanted to be a lawyer at the age of
12. Before that, I had always wanted to be a doc-
tor since the whole idea of me being able to “heal”
another human being fascinated me. But a conver-
sation with my mom one evening on the drive home
from school when I was in p.6 made me change my
mind. She kinda hinted that my dad would be re-
ally proud of me if I took after him. And a few years
after that, those monthly “thingys” we women face
kind of drove it home…I cannot stand the sight of
blood (sorry for being gross, but I had to explain
it). Law is a sort of tradition in my family, my father
is a lawyer, so is my sister, my uncle, my aunt and
several cousins-but we did not plan as a family to be
lawyers, somehow it just happened.
When I was younger, the main reason I wanted to do law
was help the poor and the innocent. This was obviously way
way waaay before I entered a law lecture room, because I
look back now and I never took any human rights classes
while at university. All the subjects that had a human face
to them, such as constitutional law and administrative law, I
only did because they were compulsory. Before law school I
had all these ideas of what a lawyer should be and what sort
of cases people should take, all these ideas obviously shaped
by all those John Grisham novels I love to read. But now, to
be honest, after six years of studying law, two degrees down
and me being an enrolled advocate, all I can think about is
money, money, money. I want to do syndicated loans, and
reorganizations on insolvent companies, leasing, company
formation, deal with dominant companies and how to con-
trol them…. I only think about the money.
After being in the field for a year and a half, I now know
that it’s the commercial law that pays. I know that I will not
touch litigation with a long 2,000,000 inch pole because I
know with our judicial system it will be several years before
I receive a verdict and any pay from a client, unless it’s a big
corporate client who you can constantly keep billing for your
expenses. I realize that in the little time I have been part of
the working class, the only litigation I have done is when I’m
helping out a friend, or when I have to assist one of the more
senior advocates in my firm to adjourn a case when they can-
not make it to court.
www.workzine.com
theworkzine
I realize that my outlook on my profession makes
me seem greedy, and selfish, and trust me there are
so many times when I feel exactly that way. But I
think that after six years of sweating it out in three
different law schools, someone [read: client] has
got to pay me for all that stress I went through!
Okay. Now I feel just plain mean. But i hope
it is not selfish to just want to succeed and be a
superb lawyer in the area I have chosen, which is
Corporate Finance Law. I must admit that one
of the reasons I chose Corporate Finance Law
was because I felt that the human rights law area
is saturated with lawyers who really have a huge
interest in protection and advocating for the rights
of those who really cannot do it for themselves.
But the major reason, which I am really ashamed
to admit, was obviously the money. And now that
I am writing about it I feel really bad.
It’s not that I am not interested in helping those
who cannot help themselves, but I am interested
more in something that appeals to me–companies,
and all the stuff that comes with them. In my free
time (and sometimes when I’m busy), I give to the
disadvantaged, and I have no issues with taking on
any number of pro bono cases. In any event when
I have to, I will defend any client to my death!!!!!
But it is not something I would want to do every
hour of my working day because honestly my pas-
sion is corporate finance and obviously the money,
actually making lots and lots of money so I can
retire young.
I hope my thoughts do not give anyone a wrong
view of the legal profession because I only speak
for myself. The majority of my peers would probably
disagree with me; it’s just that for me it’s honestly all
about the money. Does this make me a mean bad per-
son?? I don’t know, maybe you guys will tell me.
Bee <The writer is obviously a lawyer and her
services are available to the highest bidder>
9
theworkzine

a splash and a dash! So I leapt up off my desk k note, and said, “Give me and empty their pockets. There was

I
am a busy man. A very
busy man. I don’t have time
for malarkey, codswallop, or
any of the many varieties of
nonsense others in the media
are constantly getting up to. I
am a busy man. Silina budde
bwakuwankawanka, to put it
succinctly.
I should translate that Lu-
ganda phrase for the benefits
of readers in Burundi, but
there might be kids reading
and wankawanka sounds like
it could turn out to mean
something filthy.
A few minutes ago I was
struck by thirst. I decided to
slake that shit with a Splash.
(Buy Uganda, Buy Quality).
(I am very agile for my age)
and sprinted out of the office
(my age is 44, thank you for
asking). Up the staircase I
ran, down the corridors I
flew, through the alleyway I
rocketed, past Vision Voice
Radio and out of the door
I torpedoed, headed with
conviction and single-mind-
edness of a guided missile to
the container that sits hid-
eously outside our beautiful
new office building.
There are no canteen fa-
cilities in our office building
because it is beautiful. Too
beautiful for our administra-
tion to permit any chance of
rats and roaches.
I got to the container, handed
the rude woman there a five
Splash, you balding witch!”
With her, I have learnt to
practice pre-emptive rude-
ness.
She gave me my change and
I jetted back to my desk at
similar speed and following
a trajectory similar to the
one exhaustively described
already.
Only when I got back to my
desk I could not find the
Splash anywhere.
I thought to myself, “Mr
Bazanye, you have finally lost
it.”
The Splash, not my mind.
This mind is so big it cannot
be misplaced.
I could honestly not remem-
ber. I was about to get all
my colleagues to stand up
going to be some fracas in this office,
I swear, until sanity (other peoples’
sanity) prevailed and someone sug-
gested I go back to the rude woman.
I had to eventually walk back, at
more sober and sedate pace this time,
to the container to get the Splash
I had bought and left lying on the
counter. The rude woman snorted at
me as she handed it over.
If there is a point to this whole story,
I hope you find it soon.
Ernest Bazanye <The writer
“shovels coal for Satan”, some-
times, he also writes funny stuff
and likes Guinness >

Know Your Rights

The Employment Act 2006

Did you know that in case of an body to a place of burial as notified by

employee dying during the term of that employee’s next of kin.
a contract of service his or her heirs
@Jaqa
or legal representatives shall be
entitled to the wages and any other
remuneration due to the employee
at the date of death?
Where an employee dies while at
work or travelling to his or her
place of work, the employer shall be
required to transport the employee’s

10 www.workzine.com

Business Watch:
The Next Credit
Crunch
Just as you thought you had had enough of the credit crunch,
you stumble upon this article. This article predicts yet another
credit crunch. This time, it will not be about bad decisions big
people in big banks made. It will be about bad decisions small
people in small businesses are making, which collectively will
tip, and have a big impact.
We are going to experience what I should coin ‘The Supplier Credit
Crunch’.
This crunch is greatly going to affect the so-called big super-mar-
kets, leading to the collapse of the Supermarket model. And what is
the supermarket model?
Let me begin with a small background that describes the super-
market model.
These businesses, the supermarkets, largely thrive on the fact that
they are able to obtain huge supplier credit. They invest heavily in
premises to obtain shelf space and parking space for the potential
thousands of customers, possibly in more than one location. They
further invest in state of the art IT systems to ensure accurate
tracking of the thousands of items they will be dealing in. These IT
systems include barcode scanners, point of sale systems, security
systems, and fully integrated inventory management information
systems.
They then finance their businesses purely on supplier credit. A basic
study of supplier credit will let you know that it’s the cheapest form
of credit available to a business. All the supermarkets do is guaran-
tee suppliers that they have the perfect location and are thus capable
of attracting many customers thus promising suppliers big business.
The suppliers quickly sign supply contracts with these supermar-
kets, availing goods on free credit ranging between 30, 60 and 90
days.
The Supermarkets open, the customers stampede through the
www.workzine.com
theworkzine
Barefoot Power
Barefoot Power is a social entrepre-
neurial business. We design and manu-
facture technology products specifically
for poor people that have the potential
to reduce poverty in developing coun-
tries.
We believe that energy access is one
of the key building blocks of economic
development. Our first area of focus,
therefore, is on the most basic use of
electricity - lighting.
Over US$10 billion is spent each year
on kerosene for lighting in the homes of
the poor in developing countries (see
Lighting Africa and the Lumina Project).
Our mission is to help poor families to
stop spending their scarce cash by giv-
ing them a better and cheaper option.
We are declaring war on kerosene!
To do this, we have developed a range
of affordable quality lighting products
and initiated their mass manufacture.
We aim to establish an efficient grass-
roots distribution network to supply the
poor with these and other 21st century
technology products.
If you’re interested in any of our prod-
ucts are, please contact :
BaseTechnologies
P.O. Box 11373
Kampala Uganda
+256773709612
beccas@barefootpower.com
www.barefootpower.com
11
theworkzine
doors, and as they promised their
suppliers, big business flows in. As
more items are taken off the shelves
by the customers, more are added on
by the suppliers. Everyone seems to
be happy.
However, here is the trouble, and let
me illustrate this with an example.
Suppose Supplier X signed a con-
tract to supply Tinned food to a
large supermarket Y-Mart, and in
turn the supermarket agrees to pay
each invoice of goods supplied after
say 30days. On day 1, supplier X de-
livers goods worth Shs.5m, payable
on day 30. Since the supermarket
he takes on bank credit
which charges 24% interest
per annum, and at worst
goes to a money lender
who charges 24% per
month.
is generating good business, these
goods are taken off the shelves in an
instant, thereby requiring the sup-
plier to avail more goods. Supplier
X at the end of the week delivers
more goods worth Shs.7m, and this
invoice will be paid on day 37. the
cycle goes on and on, until the sup-
plier realises after 30 days that he
has over 5 invoices outstanding to-
talling to over Shs.30m, and yet only
the first invoice of Shs.5m is due to
be paid. The bubble starts growing.
Usually at this point, the supplier
realises he needs to re-finance his
business to keep up with the de-
12 www.workzine.com
mands of the supermarket, and at out due diligence on behalf of
best he takes on bank credit which members, give credit ratings
charges 24% interest per annum, to supermarkets, negotiate
and at worst goes to a money lend- favourable payment terms
er who charges 24% per month. To and generally act as a pressure
add insult to injury, Y-Mart, the group which keeps these large
supermarket, refuses to honour supermarkets’ greed in check,
its obligation of the 30 days and to save us from the looming
instead decides to pay after 45 Supplier credit crunch.
days, despite the thousands of
complaints from the supplier. The Yusuf Mulinya
supermarkets seem to use their big Edge Consult Ltd
names to play dirty. The bubble
grows further, until the supplier
cannot handle it and either closes
shop, or halts his supplies.
In a nutshell, this is the ‘best prac-
tice’ throughout the supermarket
industry. It is frightening to note
that billions of shillings worth of
goods are outstanding in these
supermarkets, and yet this goes on
unregulated. What is even more
frightening is that suppliers agreed
to give this kind of credit without
any sort of due diligence. How
does one allow a supermarket to
hold Shs.30m worth of stock with-
out any credit checks or collateral,
yet your bank will not give you
Shs.30m without checking your 3
year audited financial statements
and asking for collateral? These are
the bad decisions small businesses
are making which are going to have
a big impact.
One can only hope that the rem-
edy for this is for suppliers to form
an association that holds their
interests at heart. This association
should, among other things, carry
randomness is back
{Friends}
1. Friends don’t let friends sleep with each other... or touch each
other in special places.
Boys if you ever meet a woman who says she can sleep with you,
with no strings attached, she is a liar- RUN, she is lying to you. I
know this.

2. Friends do not give each other Back rubs

If I am your friend, and I’m giving you a back rub, be sure i want
to see you naked... why would i be giving you a rub if i don’t
want to pop those clothes off.

3. Friends don’t hold each other while sleeping in the same bed
I do know, and through experience that a man and a woman
can share a bed and nothing between the two happens. But if
you make a mistake of holding each other while sleeping, then
‘things’ are going to get out of hand (har!)... Don’t take that walk
{sleep} of shame as friends.

4. Just don’t sleep with your friends, it does not make sense.

5. Friends the truth is I just want to share with you that Halle
Berry picture and truthfully I do not care what you and your
friends do between each other.

6. Friends if it so happens that you have to, between the two of

you, don’t forget that rubber.

7. Friends if we do not hook up...Happy Holidays

Normzo <The writer is very friendly and keeps a blog at
http://normzo.blogspot.com>
To Arthur!
2009 marked 250 years since Arthur Guiness came up with the Guiness formula. This festive season, the
Workzine would like to invite all of you to raise a glass in honor of a great man and a great brew.
www.workzine.com There is a drop of greatness in every man and for some there is an ocean.
theworkzine
Work Diary
Day: Friday
Time Check – 9:03 am
Location: The Office
Our Brother has just arrived at the office, he sings in and
shares a light moment with colleagues. Pours a cup of tea
which he gently sips on while biting away at the doughnuts
provided by the Company on a daily basis which are big, tasty
and absolutely free! He runs through the day’s papers and
heads off to his workstation. He does have a long day ahead
of him after all.
Time Check: 9:15 am
Location: Workstation
He has just logged into his facebook account and notices
there are a gazillion of his buddies online. This is the right
time to find out how their nights were, what plans they have
for the day and if anyone has tagged him in any silly pictures.
After replying to most of the comments after his, its start-
ing to seem like he might not leave facebook so he does the
honorable thing and leaves his home page by clicking on the
bookmarked link below the page - ‘Mafia Wars’
Time Check: 10:15 am
Location : Still at the Workstation
An hour down at the work place and so far his day’s activities
are unfolding so fast. For sure he’s going to spend no more
than 30 minutes on Mafia wars… he promises himself!!.
Time Check: 11:30
Location : The Damn Workstation
Somehow, he could not leave mafia wars with all that energy
and stamina still full so he had to use it all up and in the pro-
cess, he leveled up which meant he had to stay a little longer
to use up the new energy that the Godfather has just given
him. Just 30 more minutes
Time Check: 12:30 pm
Location: To the Loo and then back to the workstation
He really needs to start on this office work or else the Boss
is bound to come asking how far he has gone with the report
for the AGM .he quickly looks at the files on his desk and
starts looking through them one by one with extreme care
and attention. Then he hears a pop sound coming from his
Computer… notifications. Beatrice just commented on his status.
He looks left, looks right and concludes that most of his colleagues
are busy observing stuff on their PC screens so he stealthily clicks
on the notification with the innocent intention of replying it and
getting back to work. Then he notices that Cathy just dropped him
email asking him for the weekend plot. This one must be attended
to quickly or else the weekend plot might not be realized. As he is
replying the email, his boss’ head appears from around the edge of
the wall. He minimizes whatever is on his PC desktop and throws
a serious gaze at the files in front of him. his concerned Boss asks
“How far with the report?”. Almost immediately, our brother an-
swers, “Not good. Not good at all. There is a lot of analysis I have to
do so it might take a little longer. But I’m working on it all the same.
Before the end of today it will be ready.” The big man re-emphasizes
the importance of the report and heads off to his chambers.
Time check: 1:10 pm
Location: Anywhere away from the office
It’s LUNCH TIME. No matter how much work is left, this is HIS
TIME. So he gently but confidently walks away from his work sta-
tion making sure he has signed out of Faceobok, yahoo, myspace,
youtube and meebo; plus two excel windows with bizarre accounts
are maximized and left for whoever is interested to see, just in case
some nosy work mate might want to know if he has actually be do-
ing some real stuff.
Time Check 2:20 pm
Location: Back to the Workstation
Back from lunch. Really full and feeling too lazy to complete the
report. So he logs back into yahoo hoping to chat with a buddy of
his across the room; a more reliable and more focused worker who
by all means will have no problem helping out a buddy especially if
deadlines are involved; of course at a fee. He sends for the office mes-
senger who dutifully shows up and picks the files to deliver them to
the more focused brother in the accounts section of the company.
Time Check 2:45 pm
Location: Workstation a (our brother) and b (focused brother)
He sends a quick instant message to the focused brother to ask how
far he has gone with the work and the focused brother asks him to
come over to discuss some issues. This is a chance to show the boss
that they work is actually complex and probably needs more work.
So he noisily makes his way to the focused brother’s desk, making it
a point to raise his voice when yapping about the files. The Big Boss
 theworkzine

Work Diary Prose and Poetry

passes by the focused brother’s desk. The rather loud and attention-seeking
conversation between focused brother and our brother goes to a whole new In Better Hands by Marie Blue Petal
level. This time round, it’s twice as loud. It lasts a painful 3 minutes and the
brother heads back to the desk, more sure than ever that his boss now knows I took one leap of faith
he is the focused one. Far from all the comfort
And I fell right into your girth
Time Check 3:15 pm
Then all my pain turned to dust
Location: Brother’s Location
An email has just arrived. Hopefully it’s a reply from Cathy confirming the
weekend plot. He heads off to his email inbox and finds one email awaiting I never knew your affection
his eyes. It seems the other focused brother is actually twice as focused as was Would fill up the void in my soul
expected because he has not only compiled the report; he has included all the Or the loneliness aching in my heart.
whole working process in the email. So our brother is excited and immedi-
ately he changes his facebook status – ‘Brother is feeling like a million dollars’. I nestle my life in your palms
I now know no suffering or sorrow
Time Check 4:00 pm All I have is peace and joy
Location – Brother’s Workstation That you tickle me every day with laughter.
This might be the longest hour in all history! But our brother lands on a ton
of luck because outside brother’s window, the big boss seems to be pulling
I am your child;
out of the drive way. Seems like big boss is leaving sooner than usual. This is a
good sign because finally, the weekend can begin. Just as he is signing against
I call you father
his name in the Report Book, he receives a phone call from …. The Big Boss!!! You walked on water
“Brother, if you have completed the report, please email it to each of the direc- And calmed the storm in me.
tors, print and leave a copy for me on my desk.”, brother happily retorts, “Yes I am in better hands now.
sir. In fact I have just dispatched the emails right now. How many printed
copies do you want Sir?” The Big Boss replies,, ‘Just one will do .” So brother
heads back to his desk and quickly re-opens his email to forward the report. Here by the Fireside
He gets through with it in 30 seconds but realizes he has 3 unread emails.
Here by the fireside we sing songs
He opens them hastily and one of them directs him to his facebook inbox for
Songs of love and songs of wonder
a message. The link takes him to a message from Gary, “Lets link up at the
Nfunda in an hour.” Life is a journey of rights and wrongs
And sometimes everything is torn asunder
Time Check 6:55 Pm
Location: The Nfunda But life is wonder up above or down under
The boys have gathered to start the weekend in style. Our brother, being So I heard a girl say, named Susanna
the chief weekend enthusiast will explain how his day at work has been very And all that you build and all that you plunder
hectic and how the Boss was on his neck for a report whose deadline was 5pm Will pass on the winds before the thunder
that very day. But trust his skills and experience to do the work very well yet
in time. All the boys raise their liquor filled glasses and propose a toast – To This world is neither yours nor mine to barter
the all the hardworking young millionaires!!
A visitor from distant lands I come to wander
Life is what you make it and no harder
Bernard Ewalu Olupot, P.R.O, Voice Communication (U) Ltd< The
Writer is a critic of folks who love weekends, public holidays and festivi- Such things I have learnt on this road I wander
ties more than he does. He considers himself the epitome of all things RCK
anti-work.>

www.workzine.com 15
theworkzine
10 things I hate
about Christmas
The season is upon us and I still don’t understand
why we can’t take our end of year break from the
10th. ‘Mbu’ what is the December salary for? So
here I am stuck in office doing,
well, nothing. Since I’m clearly
running low on good cheer, allow
me to expend my foul mood (Yes, I
am sulking. ‘Nga’ some people are
in the second week of their Christ-
mas break? Wait, ‘oba’ she was
fired?) Anyhow, these are some
of the things I will not be looking
forward to this season.
1. The late Christmas break (obvi-
ously).
2. The issue of presents.
First, we don’t get any. Since my
mom stopped buying my clothes,
this concept has become an estranged one in our
home, and to revive it, would only mean that mum-
my would have to pick out clothes for me. We will
be grateful for shelter and food, and want nothing
more.
Second, I need to recall which sibling started the idea
of collecting money to buy our parents presents. As
the eldest and the only one working, I get the privi-
lege of topping up on the amount collected. Don’t be
fooled, this is more often than not, the lions’ share. I
suggest that if we don’t get presents, neither should
they. Emancipation, togetherness and all that...
16 www.workzine.com
3. The issue of the tree.
The people on TV make Christmas trees look so
inviting. All nice and green; with lights, shiny
things and presents all around them. Fortunately,
we have all woken up to the fact that our tree
will never look even half as good, regardless of
whether it is artificial (xmas 1999 – 2001) or
natural (every other xmas before and after that).
Why mummy still insists is beyond me. So we
will have a tree (if you can call it that) up on
the morning of the 25th, and take it out when the
leaves turn brown (usually around the 12th).
4. The text messages. The same
text messages. Over, and over,
and over again!
5. The “kavuyo” at church on
Christmas day. PS: It is easy
to spot those of you who have
not been in attendance for the
past 364 days. This does not
give you the right to push and
shove, considering we have not
received a mite of your tithe
all year. Thank God for small
graces, Christmas services can
be conducted from the comfort
of your living room, in front of
a TV. And then ‘kara’ fires....
6. Clearing up and doing the dishes after the
‘xmas luncheon’. I have been advocating for the
use of disposable tableware for the past five years.
Mummy insists that Jesus will not be pleased, and
neither will she. I am petitioning Jesus on this
matter.
7. Those insensitive friends who still go to the
village as if they don’t have responsibilities here.
What am I supposed to do in that week between
Christmas and New Years’ Eve?
 theworkzine

8. The six days between Christmas day and New years’ eve. The boredom is so intense, we have adopted
activities such as sun gazing and wind smelling.

9. The guy at the depot in Kamwokya whose disregard for law abiding citizens and life in general is re-
markable. Warm soda? We might as well stand in the rain with our tongues out, and even then, we will get
cooler refreshment. We are so going to Nakumatt.

10. The movies on TV filled with white Christmases, colour coordinated house decor, presents, hot choco-
late, well stuffed turkey and proper Christmas trees. Even the cartoons are in on this. Oh, the resentment!!

11. The network jams on New Years’ Eve. Some of us are trying to reach out to our loved ones in “out-
side countries”. It is our last shot to petition for gifts under the guise of ushering them into the New Year.
You know how it is. Acting like they don’t have money ‘nga’ they are holding dollars and pounds. Credit
crunch my foot!
In closing; it is unfortunate that Santa doesn’t exist, and even more, you are an adult (When did this hap-
pen? I don’t know). So no one is going to drop anything in your lap this season, we must all look out for
our own laps and the laps of those less fortunate than ourselves. That being said, there is no such thing as
an early present so don’t be shy, and stock up on those random acts of kindness this time round.
Merry Christmas!!
Beqy <The writer has been nice and bit naughty this year and
hopes Santa can be reasoned with>

Christmas Hangout: Hassan’s Joint

www.workzine.com 17
theworkzine

Drunken and Drugged Medics

In normal circumstance we are scared of drug addicts and alco-
holics. But what happens when the medical practitioner treating
you is both a drug addict and alcoholic. In Uganda there has been
a steady growth of alcoholism and drug abuse among medical
practitioners. The absurd part is it goes unnoticed.
According to Bigabwa Kenneth<a clinical officer> ing their own lives.
,drinking among health workers is a common problem Lilian Kabugho ,a nurse, sums up the misery stating
because it relieves stress . Jude, a clinician working with “some medical practitioners are desperate.” Bigabwa sup-
the Bushenyi local government, argues that exposure to ports her argument citing the stress factor in medical
blood and pus regularly causes alcohol abuse by medical practice as a cause of substance abuse. Former Minister
practitioners. “If you are from the surgical ward and you of Finance, Dr. Ezra Suruma is quoted to have pointed
don’t drink you can lose appetite,” he explains. out that the health system in Uganda continues to suf-
Tutamwebwa ,a medic from Bushenyi ,asserts that cli- fer from poor service delivery and inefficiency, including
ents cause medical practitioners to drink, “someone will medicine stock-outs, poor attendance by health workers,
give you alcohol in appreciation for the service you have corruption, and poor services. These are reflections of the
given. People buy them into the habit,” he argues. Ocheng strain in Ugandan medical practice where it is noted that
,a laboratory technician, also points out that most medi- in 2008 only 2000 Ugandan Doctors were registered un-
cal practitioner’s drink to socialize. That is the chance der the Medical and Dental Practitioner’s Council while
they get off work. “Drinking is mostly rampant during the majority fled the country for greener pastures.
football matches,” he notes. However with the growing knowledge of these problems
The New South Wales Medical Board states “doctors are Uganda has to seek a way out, if medical practitioners
not immune to problems with drugs or alcohol. Apart are to be alleviated from the stress as well as temptation
from the general risk factors they share with the rest of of alcoholism and drug abuse. It is known that Uganda
the community, doctors may be exposed to particular lacks medical practitioners to cover its vast population of
risks relating to, the demands, responsibilities and stress about 30 million people, but having the few health spe-
Tate facilis modolobor sequat

of their professional life, conflict between their profes- cialists in a tipsy state makes it worse.
sional and personal lives, easy access to prescription drugs
, self-treatment and reluctance of colleagues to confront Linda Lillian <the writer is a lecturer, sometimes radio
or deal with early warning signs. talk show host, on and off musician and poet when angry!>
The stakes are high in the case of doctors with drug or
alcohol problems where the well being, and even the lives
of patients under their care may potentially be at risk.
There are real and tragic examples of patients dying as a
direct result of their intoxicated doctor’s addiction. Even
more it should be noted that medical practitioners in-
dulging in drugs and alcoholic lifestyles end up devastat-

18 www.workzine.com
 theworkzine

President Museveni Update:

Europeans and Chinese don’t die, his bathtub does not get
cleaned up and will Bishops please stop consoling people?
In a rare show of transparency, Museveni has decid-
Apparently the president does not like it
ed to open up about some of the things that rile him.
when these Bishops say of somebody that
has died that “God has called him or her. But
Now, we would have all appreciated it more if I always wonder, why does He only call Af-
he had told us exactly how many more years he ricans and not Europeans or Chinese?”
intends to rule for, or why he appointed Janet
Minister, and does she really own Garden City? According to him, this is how all bish-
How much money does he have on his bank ac- ops should proceed with funeral services
count etc, but I guess anything he decides to
unleash, we will be more than happy to hear. “Dorene’s dead. Not that God called her or any-
thing, she just died. In an accident. Dust to dust…”
At the burial of V.P’s son (RIP) Museve-
ni was given an opportunity to speak. In his Museveni then summoned Gen. Gutti (the
own words, Museveni had never really met commandant at Kabamba where Brian was do-
Brian the deceased so it is only fair that he ing Cadre training) to explain why all the other
talk about well, anyone but the deceased. co-travelers in the same car weren’t as affect-
ed (i.e. why did they not die). Would it have
In his speech carried by the Red Pepper (Pg. 28 made him feel any better had the other occu-
Red Pepper November 11, 2009.) , Museveni pants of the fateful vehicle perished as well?
started by attacking the cause of Brian’s death
as reckless over speeding drivers. Now as if we Sevo also revealed that State House maids
did not already know this, he told us that his do not scrub the bathtub thoroughly and
own drivers over speed and will not listen to him that is why the other day ‘God had almost
anymore when he tells them to stop over speed- called him’ when he slipped in the tub.
ing. Nobody listens to the president anymore!
Anyway, just wanted to say I enjoyed read-
Over speeding taken care of, it was time to tell ing the story that featured this interview.
off the pretentious of society. Museveni went on
to accuse Bishops of consoling mourners! The The Antipop <The writer is a former scribe and
audacity! How dare they come to officiate at a works with a reputable PR firm whose name we
funeral and come with words of encouragement can’t recall right now. >
and consolation? Who do they think they are?

19
Climate Change
Why you should give a damn!

Y ou know it, I know it and everybody knows it. The weather’s not like it
used to be. I’ve been around for twenty something years and I can tell that the
weather’s changed a lot since I was a kid. We used to have two rainy seasons,
now I don’t know how many we have. It’s a lot hotter than it used to be, mil-
lions of people are facing hunger and starvation, sea levels are rising and some
countries might disappear from the map.
Despite what the politicians would have you believe, global
warming is real. I’m not sure what most of you think about
it but from the information available to us, we are in for a
rough ride without any certainty of arrival.
Africa bears the brunt of this new threat to humanity yet
contributes the least to greenhouse gas emissions. The con-
tinent is expected to become hotter and drier over the next
several decades. with tempratures expected to increase by
as many as 4.3 degrees in the next one hundred years. This
will have a negative effect on agriculture and food security in
general. In a country where over 70% (last time I checked) of
the economy is agro based, the facts should have us worried.
The Copenhagen Summit has officialy been declared a
failure, despite whatever flowery rhetoric President Obama
may come up with. This problem seems too big for the
politicians to tackle, you will notice that there was no world
leader taking point on the matter, everyone was looking at
their economies and wondering whether they’ll survive the
next elections.
Like most of the major victories of humanity as a whole, the
battle must be fought by civil society, by you and me. It took
ordinary people saying no to end slavery, it took a
baptist preacher from the hood and many more like
him to realise the Civil Rights Act, it has taken the
sacrifice of many a man and a woman to get us this
far and perhaps it is our turn to step up to the plate.
The problem with our world today, I believe, and as
Presidente Evo Morales said is Capitalism. Until we
fix the problems inherent in it, we will be bumbling
along like fools in the dark.
I want you to look at it from nature’s point of view,
if we as a species become a threat to the entire global
ecosystem, nature will wipe us out more or less,
resign us to the title of endangered species, and it
won’t have any qualms about it either.
So what can you do? Go green I guess, a couple of
guys in the Harvard Business Review of September
2009 say your next business model should be green.
Ever heard of carbon credits? No? Well go look it
up, it just might be the next global currency, which
will be a sad way to go if you ask me.The economy
that pioneers cheap, clean and renewable energy is
destined to dominate the world.
Good luck in all your capitalist endeavours.
Sources:
Uganda Metreological Society
Climate Change Facts and Figures
All you need to know about carbon credits
An Incovinient Truth
Six Sources of Limitless Energy
The Copenhagen Climate Change Summit
The Harvard Business Review
theworkzine

K’naan
Troubadour’
K’naan is a rapper and a poet. That is almost always guaranteed to
be a good combination. We know that a rapper who is a poet is, well,
going to rhyme and his subject matter is going to be something worth
listening to and not tales of his latest car or diamond necklace. K’naan
is also Somali and that tells us that his content is also going to be
something we can directly relate to. But K’naan has lived in Canada
since he left Mogadishu on the last commercial flight to ever leave So-
malia when he was 13 and this move has allowed his music to become
more popular and eventually has allowed us to listen to it.
to MoneyGram to pick money my family sends me and it
so accurately captures how I feel when they call and say,
“you can pick it up today, it’s 15 minutes away”
Every single track on this album is spot on. It is perfectly
written, it sounds perfect and like music is supposed to
do, it will take you out of yourself, put you in K’naan’s
world and send you back to yours with some insight you
can use to better yourself.
Enjoy.

Troubadour is his second album and to say it is an excellent album is @Darlkom <The writer is a K’naan fanatic and has
an understatement. The album opens with ‘T.I.A’, which is literally confessed to an imaginary love affair with him>
a banging track. It will make you bop your head inadvertently. This
banging track completely juxtaposes the song in which he sings about
the hardships of living in parts of Africa especially in Somalia where
“holidays quickly turn to hell days”. On ‘I Come Prepared’ he teams
with Damien Marley to give us a fresh blend of hip hop and reggae. Track List
‘Bang Bang’, which on some days is my favourite track off the album,
is a blend of pop-rock and rap with Adam Levine, Maroon 5’s front
man, where K’naan is bit lighter talking about a girl that is a “scor- 1. T.I.A
pion, she’s so hot; she’s a scorchion” and in which he makes some 2. ABCs (feat. Chubb Rock)
astute observations “Am I wrong but what is love without the pain to
go along?” Kirk Hammett who plays the guitar on ‘If Rap Gets Jeal-
3. Dreamer
ous’ is the lead guitarist for Metallica. He is ranked the 11th greatest 4. I Come Prepared (feat. Damien Marley)
guitarist of all time according to Rolling Stone and the guitar on this 5. Bang Bang (feat. Adam Levine)
track is so wicked, if you are a rock fan, even if you don’t like rap this
song will get you. 6. If Rap Gets Jealous (feat. Kirk Hammett)
7. Waving Flag
‘Waving Flag’ is the anthem track on the album and it will come as 8. Somalia
no surprise that K’naan was commissioned to do a version of the song
as the official World Cup 2010 song. This particular track is a story 9. America (feat. Mos Def and Chali 2na)
of the direst consequences and the hope that triumph is on the way. 10. Fatima
“When I get older, I will be stronger, they’ll call me freedom just like
11. Fire in Freetown
a waving flag” are words to inspire every African child. It will lift
your spirits even as it grounds you in reality. ‘Fatima’ which is many 12. Take A Minute
people’s favourite song off this album is a beautiful, haunting song 13. 15 Minutes Away
telling the story of his childhood sweetheart and how he loses her. The
trumpets on this song practically speak to you. “15 minutes away”
14. People Like Me
holds a special place in my heart. It’s the song, I play every time I go

22 www.workzine.com
 theworkzine

Binning the Beenie Man

Beenie Man’s concert at Kyadondo Dancehall Grounds,
said the leading newspapers of the land, was great. The
artiste was on “top of his game”, according to one paper
and his concert was “first rate” according to another.
According to Facebook, however, he didn’t just suck, he
flew into the sucko-sphere and was hit by a radioactive
suck-steroid which caused an explosion that unleashed
suck-waves that energized him with super-sucking-
powers which he then flew back down to earth with and
unleashed upon us all. Innocent fans had never been
sucked at so badly.
You, the bewildered public, must be wondering what is
cutting. Who is lying, the press or the facebookers? Well,
both and neither.
The show was great. Chameleone is a magnificent show-
man and he proved that. Bobi Wine’s eyes were half-
shut as if he was deep under the influence of something
(probably piriton, what do I know?) but he still rocked halfway.
the crowd as only he can. After failing to sing his own songs for about an hour he gave up
Blu3 were hot. Chandiru’s legs continue to be the sorts and turned his attention to other peoples’ songs. And for the next
of limbs that could support a whole industry of poets. hour what he was doing was failing to sing other people’s songs.
She is a truly talented and beautiful woman. Especially The poor band had to follow along as he stuttered at Chaka
when she is on stage, so far away that you can’t see Demus and Pliers, the guy who sang “Wikid dis year” and other
that shiny pimple-looking thing under her lip that is so ragga hits. Then, Lord have mercy! he began to sing Turn Your
creepy. Bebe Cool was also in attendance. Lights Down Low. He was trying to sing the Lauryn part. “Oh,
Beenie Man’s band was excellent. The lighting was top- I oh I,” he sang. Then, “Oh Iaiaaaaaaaaacracklecracklepop!”
notch. The sound was up to par, as well. It was at this point that I began to notice people getting up to
Those are the parts of the show that were good. I’m sure leave.
that is enough. To expect more is to be greedy. After Now, to be perfectly fair, Beenie was very high. He is not as
all this stuff that rocks to want more is just too much. awesome as Bobi Wine so he probably cannot be expected to re-
You want more? You want, in addition to all of that, for member the words to his songs under the influence of whatever
Beenie to also rock? That is too much. it was he had been taking (Bobi’s Piriton oba?) so let’s cut him
You must be satisfied by now. Beenie thought this and so some slack. I am sure he learnt his lesson and next time will not
he didn’t bother to rock and proceeded to be fake. come here and waste our time being a stupid, useless *********
First of all, he didn’t sing any of his songs. He tried to, on stage.
but what happened instead was that he would yell out We also learnt something. The show was rocking until Beanie
the first four or five lines then mumble one bar then turn came on, so you guys don’t be thinking that just because some-
round and wander aimlessly around the stage for a few one is Jamaican he must be better. Support your local boys and
minutes before leaping up and starting a whole different girls.
song. Seriously! We waited and there was not a single I swear. Mbu welcome the King of the Dancehall. More like
song he started that went into the second verse. King of the latrine in the security quarters in the back of the
“Sim sima, who’s got the keys to the beema? Who am dancehall.
I? Who am I? Who am I? Are you ready?! Bomboclat!” Ernest Bazanye <The writer “shovels coal for Satan”, sometimes,
(Mumble and wander around the stage.)
he also writes funny stuff and likes Guinness >
A disgruntled fan observed that it was like an Old CD
that is so scratched it keeps skipping to the next song

www.workzine.com 23
theworkzine

Whew, he’s gone, and did he just go? No, he had to have inane
the last word, “I’ll see you when I see you!” well, duh!!)
Oh lookee here, looks like that utter… (polite brian, polite…)

Idler’s
Ok, now that I’m hmmm… that uh, that.. eeh, doesn’t really matter anyway. If
done wit fulfilling he gets anything from me this Christmas it will be a t-shirt
my “christmasly” that says “Hit me!!” In glow-in-the-dark writing. Or maybe a
duties I can get “Jesus loves me; someone has to.”

Corner on to something
serious. But just
before we do,
what is the deal
with Christmas
So, where was I? Somewhere important I’m sure… doesn’t
really matter I suppose.
Happy Holidays people. Stay alive. And no, there are NO
parties at my place so you are NOT welcome, even if you do
bring your own juice. Abid, that goes for you too
anyway? I mean
apart from the fact that you are going to stuff yourself so bad you’ll think Brian B Coutinho <The Writer will be hosting parties
you’re at full term, never mind that you probably are a guy and just have at his place with or without his knowledge>
the wrong equipment, I’m pretty sure that a chic just might get away wit
immaculate conception… only come new years day it won’t be quite im-
maculate anymore, now will it? Quite a bit does get done in the name of
watching fireworks and all, and of course, there are no rules against making
your very own personal spectacular display… no rules that can’t be broken
anyway.

So yeah, Christmas is coming up. Some people expect gifts, some people
expect food, and of course come new years all your friends expect to have a
good time; on you no less.
Aaeii!! Why does this issue have to be about the holidays? You know what,
I’m going to make a change, yes I can. (corny, I know, ehh, deal). So now,
you know all that drivel you’ve been reading about how to stay alive until
next year (wonder if that will be a three week survival course), how to have
the most fun, yet spend the least money (I suppose that does mean going
through all of your salary in a couple of days and just sparing enough of
your savings to make it through Jan) and of course, gifts gifts gifts… you
know what, I am putting my foot down, this article is NOT going to be
about the holidays.

Now why is it that as soon as I said this article is NOT going to be about
the holidays that I just run into a brick wall? – no, not literally, even I am
not that far up into the clouds. Hmm, well, our dear darling editor doesn’t
need this – what d’you call it again? Article? – thingy until tomorrow so
maybe I could just cool my heels until some mythic muse hits me on the
head with a huge hammer – again, not literally
(ok, now really, here I am trying to make a gracious exit and the biggest
twat this side of the equator, and the other come to think of it, walks in
and looms over me like… why does this stuff happen to me? I mean…
Urgh!! Gimme a mo(ment), let me just go kick him out, politely, I am
supposed to be polite you know. He keeps saying things like “what are you
doing? Oh, typing!!” can almost see the gears in his head moving, and that
dim dim bulb up there just attempting to get a bit brighter, dude should
have gotten an energy saver installed. Oops, polite Brian, you are trying to
be polite remember, easy there, don’t break anything… you know what; I’ll
be back in a flash. Let me go do what I do best; politely of course.

24 www.workzine.com

From The Left Field
Goodbye 2009, we’ve had a rough year for sport this
year, haven’t we? Take soccer, both on the local and
international scenes, nothing has happened. Now you
might think different but you are going to need to face
the facts.
Nothing much hap-
pened in soccer here. I
think Uganda won one
trophy or the other and
the players made some
money, ha. Oba, we
played Rwanda... read
the tabloids for more
details.
On the international
scene, Arsenal is rubbish
and Manchester is cool. If anyone doubts look at Ar-
shavin’s miss in one of their games (you are the fan, not
me) and if you are reading the sports section of this zine,
you should know what I am talking about. Compare that
miss to Paul Scholes’ 40 yard screamer against one of the
other teams and it should be easy to come to the same
conclusion as I did. Discussion closed.
Quidditch has to be the fastest growing sport this year.
This year’s regional tournament was held in Kisoro and
Kayunga came out top with a massive 27,000 points.
Master seeker, Bujagali scored a career high 11,000
points against Mukono and won the tournament’s golden
glove. Iganga and Kampala Central tied in second place
with 22,000 point apiece and KPC once again came out
at the bottom with a measly four(4) points. We have to
wonder why a pentecostal organisation would want to
participate in a wizarding sport. Anyway, hope they do
better next year.
In boulder rolling, Maersk Bugrovich once again
emerged winner. Named “Obelix” by his competition,
Maersk rolled a one ton boulder fifty two (52) kilometers
in two hours beating runner up Abid da Mern by over
forty eight hours. His signature rolling technique was
theworkzine
witnessed by adoring fans who drove all the way in their excite-
ment.
In lacrosse, I guess nothing happened because there was noth-
ing in the newspapers about it. Congratulations to whoever won
any of the various tournaments
that run every year in the other
countries in this world.
In a word, nothing much has
really happened on the sporting
scene but wait...I think Ireland
and France almost went to war
over a hand of God scenario
involving France’s Thiefy Henry.
The war didn’t happenen, thank
God. I have friends in Ireland and
in-laws in France, I’d have real
trouble deciding which side to
invest my mounds of money in.
Athletics held its premier event in Kampala, the MTN mara-
thon. A plethora of underweight men and women in little shorts
took to the streets in a bid to prove to their workmates that they
don’t underperform just in the office but on the highway as well.
Some variants and mutants run for the money. Really people,
why would you run for money outside the following scenarios.
1. A pickpocket has snatched your wallet and is making himself
scarce, at your expense as it were (unnecessary words but my
fingers are flowing over this keyboard). 2. You have won the
Yoola omudidi and need to run to the car for a sack. Some guy
won the money, everyone else got tired and that is it on athletics.
If you are disappointed in the contents of this article, that is your
{expletive indicative of common occurence of *bilirubin*}. If
on the web, check out espn, soccernet and so on for irrelevant
sporting knowledge and statistics. Have a great year and remem-
ber to stay away from sports for reduced fatigue this coming
year. Merry Christmas and a happy new year - your sports cor-
respondent.
@nagimesi <The writer is a sports fanatic, of sorts. He
also likes Warcraft, GTA and other such pastimes
www.workzine.com 25
theworkzine

Count Your Blessings

D ecember is here, the time to sit and ponder on what has been done during the year, find if
any, things to be thankful for….yadda yadda…so following my previous list, posted on my blog, I
hereby add another.

Am thankful for the state of my nation, wait, wait…don’t be trippin’…here is why. In a far away
land, under the rule of a one “Bob” there was the exciting news that said land was home to one of
only a handful of Mercedes Benz Brabus v12 bi-turbo supercars. This car was allegedly delivered to
the Reserve Bank by DHL and left in the company car park, during a pay dispute with local bank
workers, while its new owner, Gono, (equivalent of Mutebile-Governor) was on holiday in the Far
East. In his defence, he said it was a company car, paid for by cash-strapped tax payers, and that it
was in fact another type of Mercedes Benz that he got for a bargain price of less than two hundred
thousand US dollars (unlike a Brabus which costs US $365,000).

Then there have been some spectacular economic decisions that have been made this year, designed
to frustrate the business sector, confuse the elderly, and incite mayhem. In fact, they even had a mini
riot, when the soldiers were unable to draw their pay (there being no bank notes at all) in the run
up to Christmas. During the course of the year, they had 10 zeros deleted from the currency with
the introduction of new bank notes, some worthless coins re-instated, and the continued practice of
expiry dates on notes (that they were told to disregard), and of course, the famous 100 billion dollar
note (now discontinued).

During 2009, writing cheques, paying for items in cash, withdrawing cash from the bank without
a salary statement and making bank transfers have been declared illegal. The daily, weekly and
monthly cash withdrawal limits from your own bank account usually start at out at the equiva-
lent of a dollar or two but by the end of the month it’s not worth enough to buy a pencil. Pay-
ing for items in foreign currency is still technically illegal but the only way to actually pay for
anything these days as there are not enough bank notes available to withdraw the equivalent of
one US dollar (nobody even knows what the rate should be – it was several quadrillion Zimba-
bwean dollars to one US dollar back in October – by now it must be several hexillion (ZWD
5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 or thereabouts – and the biggest note is 500 billion).

26 www.workzine.com
 theworkzine

Still with me? Ok, well now for the icing on the cake. A recent story in the Herald, the only government-accred-
ited national newspaper, reported that Gono has published his memoirs, detailing how US President George
W Bush head-hunted Gono to become Vice President of the World Bank. Gono says that at the time he was
on a targeted sanctions list, and that the World Bank offered to remove him from the list and “see what it could
do with his friends already on the sanctions list.” But hey, look on the bright side…With such ludicrous fabrica-
tions, Gono’s book is bound to be a best seller.

As a Zimbabwean by extension, I sympathize….truly.

Now can I hear an Amen! (c’mon….ever heard of the story of the boy who cried for shoes and then saw an-
other who didn’t have feet?)

Fez <The writer is all for Pan Africanism, fast cars and wheelbarrows of cash

decided not to use it anymore.

I
know
that it is
starting
to seem
Again Unfortunately or fortunately, that is going to leave me with my natural
kinky hair which I have never worn long. See, I have been relaxing my
hair since I was 9 years old. When I was 13, it was all cut off for school
but as soon as I left school at 16, I relaxed it again. I’m tired. I

with
like I have want my own hair back; I don’t want to go to the salon every
an unhealthy two weeks. I hate the salon.
obsession with my hair and Ok, so now I’ve made my decision, what am I going to do with
maybe I do but it’s on my mind my natural hair? I don’t want dreadlocks; I
would not be able to change them if I got bored

the
right now so I might as well
run with it. without cutting my hair off again. I think I’m
I watched ‘Good Hair’ recently. just going to let it grow into an Afro and I’ll
It is a Chris Rock documen- deal with it when it’s grown.

hair
tary on the lengths black
women in America go to for
their hair. It is a good movie
and I would recommend you
watch it. The reason I bring
it up is because one of the seg-
ments deals with the chemical
that we as black women use
to ‘relax’ our hair. It is a very
corrosive chemical and I have
My problem is, one of my best friends is get-
ting married in the middle of next year and I am going to be one
of her bridesmaids. My hair has to be off the chain for this do and
somehow I don’t think she’ll look too kindly on my Macy Gray-ish
Afro.
I realize that this has gone from a fashion article, which it is sup-
posed to be, to a rant. Forgive me; I can not give any fashion advice in the
state I’m in. As a matter of fact, if anything, I’m the one in need of fashion
advice.
So tell me, what do you think I should do with the natural hair? Do not
suggest not going au natural coz that ship has sailed.
Darlyne komukama

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theworkzine

The Pretty Airhead

I have to rant about her. I have held my peace but I cant hold it any longer. Forget about all those
characters other people have been talking about , this one deserves to be shot. I remember the first
time I saw her: she was stunning, pretty , lovely wonderful exciting and she got me excited.

She had this impressive sense of style. Everything she wore looked natural on her. She didn’t walk,
she sort of convinced the air to lift her gently to where she wanted to go. She smiled at me and wel-
comed me to the office. I was in seventh heaven.

Five years down the road and I wonder why she is still here. Granted she is pretty but if I had the
power, she would go. The thing is that she is just a pretty head. I won’t say blonde because I have
met some pretty amazing blonde girls who have both beauty and brains. But the Office Pretty
airhead lacks the latter. She has nothing in that brain. I bet that if she was to have her head opened
up, even getting a grain of sand out of it would be a miracle. It would probably be filled with inane
songs like touch my body, Barbie girl ,…. You get the idea.

Miss Pretty Airhead can not operate a machine. She can not write a report. She types at the amaz-
ing speed of one word per minute, her phone manners are only excused by the fact that she has a
wonderful voice. Switching on a computer probably took her years to master and she is probably the
one who calls IT guys to tell them that her coffee holder is hidden. The few attempts to get her to
write minutes were a disaster. I will concede that she is not totally useless, she is a good prop when
you want to get the guys from the rival companies jealous at lunch. She can also be used to get rid of
your ex. She is good to look at . She is good at getting creditors to sit in the lobby for hours on end
without complaint and then agree to come back tomorrow.

Over a cup of coffee , she can give you all the juicy details on who is doing who in the office, who
fought with who, who did shoddy work, who is being primed for a promotion, who is about to be
fired, who has formed an alliance with whom , who is having personal problems at home and all
that extra-curricular crap that one may need when about to launch a war in the board room or
knowing which office girl is vulnerable for the pick. She is also surprisingly not easy. But when all
is said and done, she is not worth having on the payroll. I wonder how she got through university
<she has a degree, I checked!!> . All she is good for is to look at and nothing more.

Madsen Hall <The writer works in an industry in Germany that has an open office policy
which gives him a clear view of the reception.>

28 www.workzine.com

On Passion and Planning
was perusing through a book my dad has been read-
I ing called ‘The Black Swan’ by Nassim Nicholas
Taleb, which basically explores the potential impact of
the highly improbable. I didn’t have to read much to
get the drift of what he is saying – which is essentially
that long-term planning is futile, since the truly treacherous
events are those over which we have no control whatsoever, and
whose very occurrence is inconceivable. I should warn you at
this point that I only read the introduction, so I may well have
missed the point entirely. I wonder what he wrote about in the
next 305 pages because it seemed to me that he wrapped it all
up in that introduction – we are powerless against the unpre-
dictable. When I have read the rest of the book, I will be sure
to tell you about it.
There are people on this earth who plan. And there are people
that simply don’t. I am a planner. But I am also very likely to
disregard my plans in a second if something else seems more
interesting. I call it flexibility, I’m sure true planners call it
whimsy, or flightiness. One of my friends told me a while ago
that impulsiveness is for the weak. I was a little bit hurt by this
because I had been telling grand tales of an amazing few weeks
I had had in which I had disregarded all the things that I was
meant to have done. She told me later that she had said what
she did out of some spite, because she felt that she too often re-
strains herself by telling herself that there is a way that things
are ‘supposed to be done’.
The truth is that your environment influences you immensely
– the people you are around, the work that you do etc, and I
have found that working as an accountant has made me lose
part of that ability to bend with the wind. I now believe a lot
more in ‘structure’, and it is a good and bad thing. I have learnt
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theworkzine
that, especially for large and long term tasks,
structure is the backbone of sustainability. At
some point, it is highly likely that the passion will
die, and the structure is the fallback position that
will save the day. But I have also learnt that if you
give in to structure too much, you lose a basic
sense of individuality, and of freedom.
I have taken the lesson in structure to heart. I
have become a ‘professional’ and I seek to always
have good working processes – in my life and
work. It gives a certain peace of mind. At the
same time, I am trying my utmost to restore the
freedom and passion in my way of thinking, so
that I can merge the two schools of thought,
because I believe that each is vital. I could tell
you that each is as important as the other, but
that wouldn’t ring true from where I sit. I can say
with certainty that structure with no passion is
monotonous, unfulfilling and just plain boring,
which is why I have found myself in the rut that I
am in. Passion on the other hand… one can truly
live and breathe on it, for as long as it lasts. A life
without passion is just not worth it.
Have a passionate, unplanned festive season. You
won’t regret it.
~~Gnuts~~
29
 The PIFF would like to thank all of you who
have offered support for our cause. A merry
christmas from all of us to all of you and your
kin, may you have a prosperous new year!