My late Parents, Family, Inian Army, Tea!"ers, Friens, Business Asso!iates, our #taff $ Printers, %"o, at ifferent times in last se&en e!aes, taug"t me somet"ing $ "el'e me to %rite (YOU) QU*#T FO) B*ING B*TT*)+ T"is Boo, %as a !"eris"e ream on!e- THANK GO. for ma,ing my !"eris"e ream, a )eality- THANK# $ G)ATITU.* TO ON* $ A//- Capt. Ravi Mahajan (Retd.) Your Quest for Being Better 2
This Book YOUR QUEST FOR BEING BETTER has NO COPYRIGHT. Anyone is free to Reproduce, Print, Translate or even claim authorship without our consent or permission, as long as it is not done for personal monetary gains. YOUR QUEST FOR BEING BETTER, along with our two earlier books, YES TOGETHER WE CAN & WHAT THEY DONT TEACH IN EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS, also appear in full text on our website www.rewardinglife.in from where books can be read or downloaded, if desired. However, hard copies of these Inspirational Books, can also be bought directly from us at following Economy Prices: YOUR QUEST FOR BEING BETTER Rs 75 YES TOGETHER WE CAN* Rs 50 What They Dont Teach in Educational Institutions* Rs 20 SET OF ABOVE THREE BOOKS (per set) Rs 125 To keep the cost down, these books are self-published for mass distribution and are generally, available through Direct Sales. No professional services other than printing, have been engaged. Intention has been to give you maximum reading material of value at least cost. Please ignore language or any other error you find in the books. Repetition, at places, is intentional to make the reader learn from various lessons. These books are basically for spreading GOODNESS & HOPE and are valued Inspirational & Motivational Aids, learning Life- Skills, Self-improvement & Self-empowerment techniques for a person of any age, specially our youngsters.
3 Your Quest for Being Better
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Contents 1. PREFACE: Its all about LIFE & Its all up to You, how to live a life of Virtues and Values. ............................................................................... 8 2. Always keep in touch with your Creator through Simple & Sincere PRAYERS. Seek no Rewards, no Demands. Just PRAY & Be Happy. . 10 3. In Life, Exams come first, then Learning. Wise learn from own experience, WISER learn from others. Be Wiser not just wise. ............ 14 4. Extremes in Life? Do not feel helpless. Meet the challenges with Courage & Wisdom. ............................................................................... 15 5. Treat everyone as you yourself would like to be treated. Never Forget This GOLDEN RULE. ............................................................................ 17 6. SMILE & Brighten the corner where you are. Smile is infectious. In life, anything may fail but SMILE NEVER FAILS. ............................... 19 7. LOVE: The Origin & Epicenter of Goodwill, Kindness, Caring, Sacrifice & Compassion.......................................................................... 21 8. Mind is Everything. We become what we Think. Think High, Think Positive. ................................................................................................... 24 9. A BALANCED Life brings you Serenity, Peace and Happiness. Never over-indulge & avoid show-offs. ............................................................ 28 10. APPRECIATION! Soul Soup and Sweet Dish for All! Be Proactive when you can be APPRECIATIVE. Its the best Motivational Aid. ...... 33 11. Life is not about hearing and seeing but what counts most is LISTENING and OBSERVING. Be adept at Both. ............................... 36 12. You cannot please all the people all the time. Dont even try. Never let WHAT will people Say, rule your life. ........................................... 39 13. When circumstances cannot be changed, CHANGE YOURSELF. Always, be prepared to Give up Good for the Better. ............................. 42 14. Biggest Myth of Life: It wont happen to me. It happens to others only. ........................................................................................................ 44 15. DREAM Big about your Future & Back it up with Passion, Hard work & Determination. ........................................................................... 47 16. Want Good to happen to you? Be GOOD. Spread GOODNESS. Good will automatically rebound. ........................................................... 49 17. There is no way to Happiness. HAPPINESS is the way. .................. 52
5 Your Quest for Being Better
18. Material Possessions, Worldly Pleasures, Wealth or Money. Ye Dil Maange more. ........................................................................................ 56 19. Problems, Roadblocks, Challenges and Adversities? You are bigger than all combined. Meet them Head-on & WIN. .................................... 59 20. Best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. Second Best is NOW. ................................................................................................................ 61 21. WORDS or PROMISES are made to be kept. Be as Good as your Words ...................................................................................................... 62 22. Aspiring to be a LEADER? Be Positive, be Different, be Innovative, be a Thinker. Bring out the best in people. ............................................. 64 23. If you are not happy with what you have, you can never be happy with what you want. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. .............................. 70 24. People are both Good or Difficult. Learn how to deal with them. Apply LOVE and GOODNESS. ............................................................. 74 25. Life is for Living, not Complaining or Cribbing. Live it Well. Live it Full. Live for what MATTERS MOST in life. ....................................... 78 26. Reach the Divine through FORGIVNESS. FORGIVE & See how Great You Feel. ....................................................................................... 81 27. If people are rude & unkind, ignore them. Always maintain your OWN STANDARD. ............................................................................... 85 28. Everything in the world starts small. It Grows big with time and repeated effort. ........................................................................................ 87 29. An Attitude of Modesty & Humility, brings you closer to Peoples heart, makes you a LOVABLE BEING. ................................................. 89 30. Money, Money, Money.Good SLAVE but Worst Master. Take Care. ........................................................................................................ 92 31. If you have an idea, simply thinking about it, wont help. Take ACTION, lest someone does. ................................................................. 98 32. Howsoever, people or situations try, NEVER let them diminish YOUR SELF-WORTH. ........................................................................ 100 33. We all want GROWTH & PROGRESS. Realize them through your TALENTS and STRENGTHS. ............................................................. 102 34. Manage your ANGER with Grace, Dignity & Aplomb. Dreadful & Ugly you look when you Are ANGRY. ................................................ 105 Your Quest for Being Better 6
35. Money Borrowing-Lending! Careful! Lest Buy now, Pay Later becomes, Pay Now or Face the Consequences. ................................. 110 36. Most Arguments are unnecessary. More arguments you win, few Friends you will have. AVOID ARGUMENTS. .................................. 114 37. Thinking of a GIFT? Think hard but Practical, before deciding about. .............................................................................................................. 115 38. ACTION/KARMA Brings Glory & Success. Be detached from the results. Concentrate on ACTION. ......................................................... 117 39. Learn to say polite NO. Never say yes, when you want to say NO. ..................................................................................................... 119 40. COOKING: A noble everyday act. Learn Cooking and take pride in the art. ................................................................................................... 121 41. Crime doesnt pay. You may think, no one is watching. But He is & someone else may also be. .................................................................... 124 42. ARROGANCE corrodes your inner self. Do not become an object of detest and pity with arrogance. ............................................................. 129 43. You are YOU, the Unique & Original. Do not Ape others to become Duplicate. Retain your Originality. ....................................................... 131 44. Focus, Passion, Positive Energy. Cultivate them for Growth- Progress-Success. .................................................................................. 134 45. MARRIAGE should be a Duet. When one Sings, other Claps. ...... 137 46. Does your Money Speak for you? Be GENEROUS & KIND. See it Grow your Stature & make it Speak for you......................................... 150 47. Do you feel IRRITATED often? Though natural, but Not Desirable! Why not do something about it. ............................................................ 153 48. Change what you can. ACCEPT what you cannot. Dont Crib, dont Criticize, dont Blame. Accept people as they are. ............................... 156 49. Art of COMMUNICATION is vital for Success. Those who communicate well, Shine & remain ahead . Master the Art. ................ 159 50. Stress, Tension, Worry or Fear, are all the same, leading you to misery. Win them over & lead a Rewarding life. ................................. 163 52. LAUGH & the world Laughs with you. LAUGHTER, is the BEST MEDICINE & indeed, your SOUL SOUPE. ........................................ 170
7 Your Quest for Being Better
53. TIME is the essence in life, difference between Success & Failure. Put this commodity to Best Use. Never waste Time. ............................ 172 54. Start Small, Enjoy Big. Ignore all small things but enjoy all small pleasures life has to offer. ..................................................................... 176 55. Do you always feel hurried, harried, or hassled? Try & stay blissfully calm, serene & cool for optimum productivity & efficiency. ............... 179 56. Convenience matters in life. But your convenience must not make others inconvenient............................................................................. 183 57. In Life, nothing touches you more than FREEDOM from Dependency on others. Yes, try to be SELF-RELIANT. ...................... 184 58. Heaven or Hell! Both are here. Create your own HEAVEN within. .............................................................................................................. 189 59. PERSERVERANCE is the difference between Success & Failure. Keep TRYING & You will be Successful. ........................................... 193 60. Nothing lasts forever. Not even our YOUTH. But, prepare well to meet Dusk of life gracefully with dignity & poise. ............................... 197 61. Accept old Age with Grace and live with Dignity but DO NOT ever accept option of Retirement from productive work. ......................... 200 62. Everything that begins, must end. True of everything including human life! BIRTH and DEATH are part of Life. ................................ 204 63. LIVING PRINCIPALS for a Rewarding Life. Life is a MARATHON, not a sprint. WINNER is the one, who wins ultimately. .............................................................................................................. 208 64. EPILOG: Life Management is the Object and Essence of our books. Life is not about simply coming & going, BUT LEAVING A MARK. .............................................................................................................. 225
************************************************** SUCCESS in life is the results of 3 Ps PERSISTENCE, PATIENCE & PERSPIRATION. PERSISTENCE, PATIENCE & PERSPIRATION. PERSISTENCE, PATIENCE & PERSPIRATION. PERSISTENCE, PATIENCE & PERSPIRATION. **************************************************
Your Quest for Being Better 8
1. PREFACE: Its all about LIFE & Its all up to You, how to live a life of Vitues a!" Values. Virtues and Vanities are part of the same life. Both reside within us. Through our mindset and thought process (A person is, but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, that he becomes), we can feed oth into our s!stem. "n fact# a struggle for dominance is alwa!s on within us. $hatever !ou feed more# wins and results into the person !ou are. "n other words# it%s all up to !ou. &owever# all around us these da!s# we see inflated egos# arrogance# intolerance# selfish ' self(serving mentalit!# lac) of discipline ' character# greed ' corruption of unparalleled proportions# disrespect for estalished laws# unrelenting increase in crimes against women# resulting into general uncaring ' un)ind attitude towards each other. *n! societ! is the reflection of individuals. +nfortunatel!# we# as individuals# have given wa! to vanities ecause the! loo) attractive# tempting and eas! to imie and instill. Result is that virtues are difficult to spot while vanities can e seen ever!where. "ncidentall!# we learn too late that ,living life% does not come eas!. $hat comes eas! is our ego-centric behavior, anger, thanklessness, feeling irritated, famil feuds, taking undue advantage of !eak " ignorant, selfish " self-centered outlook, ungratefulness, uncompromising " unforgiving attitude, succumbing to greed " eas mone, grabbing and accumulating more and more pointlessl kno!ing full-!ell that !e can carr nothing along and forgetting to #hank $im for !hat !e have or blessed !ith, al!as focusing on !hat !e dont have. *nother aspect of our dail! life is the cruelt! which we are capale of inflicting on each other# wea) ' the hapless. +mpteen cases of rape and murder (-irha!a# .a)ti Mills# Badaun) coupled with dail! cases of dowr! harassment ' ride urning# damaging government propert! mindlessl! on smallest prete/t# sujugating an!one we can# are onl! the miniscule tip of &imala!an iceerg. Recent unspea)al! mindless cruelt! with which a lind principal of a lind school# mercilessl! eats lind children and those horrific videos shown on TV for hours without sha)ing our conscience. *ll these and thousands other cases depicting how shameless ' thic)(s)inned we have ecome in human values and nadir we have reached as citi0ens. *greed# all this is not happening to us. "t is happening to ,others% onl!. But someda! it can touch us also and it could e we who ma! e on receiving end. *t present# we ma! thin)# how can it happen to us1 2i)e !ou and me# all those victims of toda! on receiving end# also thought# it !ont happen to me. %t happens to others onl. "nstead of onloo)er# we ourselves could ecome the victim one da!. This deplorale state has ta)en deep root ecause of our total disregard for teaching virtues such as tolerance, helping-sharing- giving attitude, harmon, self-control, gratitude, forgiveness, discipline, altruism, patience, ethics, understanding, road " civic sense
9 Your Quest for Being Better
etc., in our institutions of learning and homes, wherein totall! materialistic, mone-minded " sho!-off approach# has ecome the order of the da!. .!stem or societ! we have created# is of our own ma)ing. .ince independence in 3456# no political part! which ruled us# ever felt the need to inculcate discipline or instill human values as mentioned aove# in our societ!. 7ocus has onl! een on economic development# 89: or growth# in which also we have failed miseral!. "n other words# presentl!# the situation is so created that most people%s onl! ojective in life is# wealth creation without character# values or morals. Result is what we see happening all around. $e can onl! hope and pra! that new regime which has ta)en over recentl!# will e different. Eve! if we a#hieve all those e#o!o$i# paa$etes, will the% be e!ou&h fo us, ou #hil"e! & &a!"#hil"e! to lea" a viba!t & se#ue life of pea#e a!" happi!ess whi#h all of us "esie, ulti$atel%. &an economic prosperit onl fulfill !hat all !e !ant from life' &an !e live on Wealth alone' $hen we are deprived of something (in present case# wealth)# it is human nature to thin)# that when " get that# " shall e happ!. But the societ! !e live in# in which ou #hil"e! a!" &a!"#hil"e! will live, is of paramount importance. $e have to have a disciplined# values ased humane societ!# to enjo! our wealth ' prosperit!. :rosperit! without a peaceful environment to live in# is meaningless. "t is onl! we# the hapless citi0ens# who have to ' can create a )ind# humane# caring societ! or s!stem. -one can do it for us. (ur inner space is still good, full of virtues, peace, harmon, brotherhood, togetherness, bonhomie etc. This oo) 'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER# is an effort to ma)e !ou aware that goodness which e/ists within !ou# in all of us# is something we can uild our societ! on. 'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER endeavors to guide !ou towards practical !a of living life, handling relationships, situations, succeeding in our chosen profession and overall,l leading a good life as a good human being# who does what is right# a proud person guided ! his convictions not conveniences. 'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER ta)es various aspects of life one ! one and guides !ou towards a etter e/isting wa!. $e need to do lots of self(evaluation and introspection. Change is the essence and onl! constant in life. $e have to emrace change where ever needed. -othing will change unless we change.
Life is !ot about what %ou #oul"!t "o so fa. Its about 01A, Y() +,ILL CA.. 0a!!y "eading. &apt. )avi *aha+an ()etd.) Your Quest for Being Better 10
2. Alwa%s 3eep i! tou#h with %ou Ceato thou&h +i$ple & +i!#ee PRAYER+. +ee3 !o Rewa"s, !o 4e$a!"s. 5ust PRAY & -e 1app%. 7or those who elieve in 8od# our creator or higher power# no e/planation is necessar!. Those who don%t# no e/planation is possile. ;our Creator is neither a person# nor an oject which can e seen. 8od is not oserved ojectivel! ut definitel! it%s effects can e seen. 9on%t go around searching or as)ing for 8od# ecause !ou will not find it in person# since it is not there in the shape of a destructile person li)e !ou and me. 8od is there within !ou and can e seen ! others in the <ualities !ou possess# !our ehavior with others# how !ou treat others# how good !ou are towards !our fellow eings. 8odliness can e seen in goodness !ou project# )indness and compassion !ou have for the other eings# in !our helping(sharing(giving attitude. =nce# a master and his !oung disciple# who had some confusion about God, asked his master about some clarifications about God. Instead of clearing his doubts, master plucked a rosebud from the garden and asked his disciple to open it without tearing off the petals. Young disciple looked in disbelief at the master, thinking, after all, what a rosebud could possibly have to do with God and His doings. Still, as a mark of respect he had for the master, young disciple proceeded to try to unfold the rosebud without tearing its petals. But soon he realized that it was an impossible task. Looking at young disciples helplessness, the master began to recite the following poem:
It is only a tiny rosebud, a flower of Gods design. But I cannot unfold the petals with clumsy hands of mine. The secret of unfolding flowers is not known to such as I. God opens this flower so easily but in my hands they die. If I cannot unfold a rosebud, this flower of Gods design, then how can I have the wisdom to unfold this life of mine !o, I will trust in God for leading each moment of my day. I look to God for guidance in each step along the way. The path that lies before me, only lord and savior knows. I will trust God to unfold the moments, "ust as #e unfolds the $ose.%
:ra!er is a pious and nole act of a human eing towards &is 8od# Creator# .ource# :rovider or the &igher :ower. :ra!er is just a wa! of conve!ing our Than)s and 8ratitude towards that &igher :ower# who has created this immensel! eautiful world for all of us to live and share in peace and harmon!. "t is a wa! of rememering &im# connecting with &im and conve!ing our 2ove and *ffection. :ra!er is also a wa! of accepting &im in Totalit!. 9ifferent 8ods and religions have een in e/istence for man! centuries# for almost as long as the human eings have inhaited in this world. "n fact# our Creator is one ut we humans have created man! 8ods and religions ! our diverse thin)ing# selfish motives and conveniences. &ence# though this world is created e<ual for all# we
11 Your Quest for Being Better
have divided it in man! nationalities# societies and groups with diverse clashing interests# resulting in so much disharmon!# unrest and discord all around us. "n such circumstances# our pra!er unites us# motivates us to help each other# caring for one another# remain )ind and compassionate towards each other in universal love. "n times of distress# natural or man(made calamities# hopelessness# acute and un(resolvale prolems and challenges# illnesses or when faced with man! other catastrophes# a person tend to rememer his 8od# his Creator# whom he has een worshipping since his irth. .ince# he has put his entire faith in &im# he e/pects &im to render help when he needs help. $hen our trust in 8od is e/plicit# how do we approach &im# connect with &im and how do we :ra!1 Most important thing for us is to have a pure heart# spread goodness and pra! for collective good# rather onl! for our own selfish enefit. $e should not approach 8od as a eggar# trader or dealer. 2earn onl! to connect with &im. "f !ou as) for an!thing# onl! as) for $is forgiveness and never repeat the act for which forgiveness has een as)ed for. 8od is =mnipresent (present ever!where) as per our scriptures. $hen we consider our 8od as =mnipresent# we need not tell &im what we need. &e )nows ever!thing and also )nows what is est for us. $e do not )now what is going to happen the ne/t moment# ut &e )nows# ecause &e is the doer. >ver!thing happens the wa! it does# ecause &e wishes it to happen that wa!. "deall!# pra!er# even a small one# should e our first act of the da! after restful sleep. Conse<uentl!# da! must also end just efore retiring to ed# with a pra!er. =ur Creator must alwa!s remain in our mind and heart# offering our pra!ers# howsoever short# as man! times during the da!. :ra!er is a serene state of mind# detached from the wish(list for fulfillment of our longings# desires and jos to e e/ecuted or felicitated ! our 8od as per our wish. .ometimes# when things do not happen the wa! we want# we feel disappointed and frustrated with our own 8od. Begging and conditions appl have een going on# in place of serene and pious pra!er# which rings us peace of mind# jo!# happiness# tran<uilit! and harmon!. *s for what 8od can give us# " am of firm conviction# ,od al!as keeps the best for those, !ho do not ask and leave the choice to $im. :ra!er is not memori0ing certain mantras or religious verses# repeating them again and again in a rootic manner. -either it%s aout rituals# offerings of flowers and other things. %ts +ust sitting -uietl in a detached manner !ith our heart and mind full of gratitude to!ards our .rovider and feeling fulfilled !ith $is love and blessings. :ra!er denotes our sincerit!# honest!# earnestness and emotions of love and gratitude emerging from our pure heart. :ra!er is eing a good human eing. "t is spreading goodness all around. "t is serving humanit!# serving &is creations and standing Your Quest for Being Better 12
upright for our convictions# of what we thin) is right. Li3e 6othe ,eesa, /a!"hi 5i, .else! 6a!"ela o 6ati! Luthe 7i!&, Abaha$ Li!#ol!. Their whole life was pra!er. $e should emulate such nole eings who changed the world as we see it toda! and made it a etter place to live for all of us through their efforts# dedication# sacrifices# selfless service and commitment. "n fact# formal pra!ers are not re<uired when we pra! through our good and pious acts. :ra!er re<uires more of heart than of mind or tongue. :ra!er is the ridge connecting !ou with !our .ource or Creator. :ra!er need not e elaorate or ritualistic. :ra!er helps us tame our inflated ego and false pride. :ra!er is complete surrender efore the almight!# to let our 8od thin) for us and decide what is est for us. Then# $hatever &e gives# we accept it with grace and humilit!. ;ou must love !our Creator not fear &im# for &e shall alwa!s e with !ou# when !ou sincerel! pra! without conditions. ;ou pra! ecause !ou want to# with sincerit! of purpose# to connect with !our .ource ecause doing so generates jo!# harmon!# peace of mind# securit!# serenit!# tran<uilit! within !ou. 8od%s dela!s are not &is denials. $hen !ou are going through a rough patch and nothing seems to e wor)ing# at such time don%t lose heart# just pra! and rememer that during the test# teacher is alwa!s <uite. =ften# we come across a sa!ing# /aith can move mountains. $ell# what it reall! means is that if we have faith in our 8od or the divine# and pra! unceasingl!# $e besto!s us !ith strength to cross over ever mountain, ever difficult and ever challenge in life. &umans have limits while 8od has no limits and gives us aundance# which we might never have dreamt. B! as)ing or egging# we limit &is options for us. * child had gone to attend a function with his father# where sweets were eing distriuted. >ver!one was pic)ing the sweats himself ut the child as)ed the host to give the sweets to him. $hile returning# father as)ed the child# wh! had he not ta)en the sweets himself. Child replied ?.apa, m hands are so small. % could take onl little !ith m hands. 0ncles hands !ere so big. 1ee, ho! man s!eets he has given me2. Those are the enevolent wa!s of 8od too. $hen !ou as)# !ou get little. $hen &e gives# !ou get aundance to fulfill !our dreams. =ften we do all the ad things and then go to temple# as)ing &is forgiveness and e/pecting &im to forgive us. But# as we come out of the temple# we start doing those things again. +nfortunatel!# such a mindset has made moc)er! of most religions. $e spend lacs on temple functions or ma)e temples as great showpieces# ut outside we see poor hungr! people in rags# egging# no one to care for them. 8od%s ,devotees do not even care to loo) that wa!. &ow can we ma)e our 8od happ! with our pra!ers and devotion# when we treat &is creations# other human eings li)e us# so shail!1 "t is a common unfortunate sight to see people coming to the temples ver! ostentatiousl! dressed# in e/pensive cars# wal)ing in straight into the temple ignoring the unfortunate hungr! eggars and small children
13 Your Quest for Being Better
outside. "nside# the! will prostrate efore the deit! egging &is pardon ut outside@.1 To whichever religion one elongs to# one must e true and sincere. "n the 8od%s e!es# pra!ers# spiritualit! or other religious practices and rituals have no meaning# if !ou cannot wor) towards removing the miser! of !our fellow human eings or helping those not so fortunate. "t is the giving# helping and sharing attitude# which places !ou on a higher pedestal. :eople have een recogni0ed and rewarded for what the! gave# not for what the! got. :ra!er need not e done as a dut!. $e can pra! through our good deeds# goodwill# good intentions# giving(helping(sharing nature# ! eing )ind to our fellow eings# ! eing compassionate to &is creations. $e pra! ecause we want to pra!# rememering &im# than)ing &im or e/pressing our gratitude for all the goodies he has provided us. There is no punishment or rewards in pra!er. *t a construction site# a supervisor on si/th floor# wanted to draw the attention of a wor)er at the ground floor. &e called him# ut ecause of the noise# wor)er did not hear. Then he threw a ten rupee note to draw his attention which wor)er pic)ed and poc)eted. Then he threw a hundred rupee note which also was calml! poc)eted ! the wor)er. Then# ultimatel!# he threw a stone which hit the wor)er to ma)e him to loo) up and see the supervisor. $e are also <uite li)e that wor)er. $hen 8od sends goodies for us# we do not even than) &im. .impl! enjo! the goodies# ta)ing them for granted# poc)et them. =nl! when there are prolems or are faced with adversities# when we are ,hit with a stone%# we rememer &im and pra! for &is forgiveness. 1o, !hen looking around, does not bring the ans!er, tr looking up. $hen we turn to 8od for see)ing help# we must also e as <uic) to than) &im when help is granted. >/pressing our Than)s and 8ratitude is also a form of pra!er. $hen !ou rememer &im# &e also rememers !ou. 7or affective pra!er# it must come from our heart with full sincerit! and honest! of intentions. But we must fulfill our part of Aarma or action. :ra!er is a ridge to connect with our 8od# .ource# Creator# &igher :ower. This connection must e pious# sacred# full of humilit!# sincerit! selflessness# compassion and )indness. 3
RememerB 0e shoul" pa% eve% $o$e!t fo e!tie hu$a!it% be#ause while we ae pa%i!&, we ae e8pessi!& ou love, tha!3s a!" &atitu"e towa"s that hi&he +ou#e, ou Ceato, who has #eate" this u!ivese. Pa%i!& !ee" !ot be oboti#all% #alli!& out 1is !a$e, visiti!& te$ples o postati!& befoe 1i$. 0e pa% thou&h ou a#tio!s a!" i!te!tio!s, thou&h ou &oo" "ee"s, ou si!#eit%, altuis$, &oo"!ess, helpi!&9&ivi!&9 shai!& !atue, #o$passio!, e$path% a!" 3i!"!ess, we show a!" a#t towa"s 1is #eatio!s. Your Quest for Being Better 14
:. I! Life, E8a$s #o$e fist, the! Lea!i!&. 0ise lea! fo$ ow! e8peie!#e, 0I+ER lea! fo$ othes. -e 0ise !ot ;ust wise. "n life# there is no sustitute to e/perience. But e/periences of life ta)e time. *nd ! the time !ou learn from e/periences and ma)e use of them# it might e too late# of no real use. .o how est to wade through lifeC '0ise learn 9rom o:n e;!erience, :iser learn 9rom ot%ers88. .o# alwa!s remain in learning mode. Best is to learn from each e/perience# ut still etter is to e a )een oserver and )eep learning from others% e/periences. ;ou can never go wrong in life. This oo) is an attempt to ma)e !ou learn from m! e/periences through various lessons. "t is necessar! that !ou develop an anal!tical mind. 9o not accept things without anal!0ing them !ourself. ;our thin)ing and m! thin)ing cannot e the same. =ur situations are different and so is our age# aims and ojectives in life. $hat " mean is that don%t lindl! accept what is said or what !ou read. *nal!0e with !our anal!tical mind and then onl! accept and instill them. *lwa!s )eep learning attitude on# an e!e for what and where !ou can learn est# instill good haits# mannerism# ethics# eti<uettes# asic courtesies# self(discipline and high degree of civic sense. *ll around things are happening for !ou to learn from. Before !ou go to sleep ever! da!# anal!0e the events of the da!. $here !ou went wrong# what good points others had which !ou oserved and must instill in !ourself. ;ou must learn these fast# through !our learning attitude. 7aster we learn# etter off we are. Ta)e interest in others. =serve their good haits. Be a good listener and listen# not hear. 2isten carefull!# oserve carefull! and instill diligentl!. Ma)e self( improvement and self(development# a wa! of life. &owsoever good or accomplished !ou ma! e# room for improvement is alwa!s there. -ever rest# even if !ou are the est. Tr! to e etter than that. Change# where change is re<uiredC Cha!&e what %ou #a! but a##ept what %ou #a!!ot. "n life# ever!thing cannot e to !our taste or li)ing. ;ou must get used to things. Create a hait of acceptance of what !ou cannot change. 7or a hait to e created# !ou have to do the same thing repeatedl! for aout D3 da!s for it to ecome a hait# good or ad. *lwa!s )eep an open mind. ,6i!"s ae li3e paa#hute. ,he% wo3 o!l% whe! ope!. -ever close !our mind to possiilities. Chance and opportunities await !ou ever!where. *lwa!s )eep !our e!es and ears open ecause opportunities )noc) ver! softl!. =ften people over(react to situations which are e!ond their control. Things li)e sudden change of weather or something else resulting in cancellation of pre(arranged program# imposition of new ta/es ! the government# increase in price of household gas or motor fuels# une/pected traffic jam on our wa!# defeat of !our favorite cric)et team in an important match or hundred other things over which# we have no control. These things happen for ever!od! and shall continue to
15 Your Quest for Being Better
happen# not onl! to !ou. Be cool# unpertured non(reactive. "f others are cr!ing hoarse or criing# let them. There is no reason for !ou to ape them since !ou are an evolved eing. ;ou eing a positive person of sustance# maintain !our dignit! and remain !our unruffled self. .tart thin)ing or wor)ing on how est !ou can meet the challenge. Most prolems have a limited life span and after some time# either it will pass or !ou will get used to the new situation or challenge. Best is to let it go. "f !ou have surrendered full! to 8od# then it is &is prolem# not !ours. ;our 4harma is 5arma(Action), so )eep doing !our 9harma. 3
RememerB <2i9e8s battles are not al:ays :on by t%e 9aster or stronger !erson. /%e !erson :%o :ins is t%e one :%o t%inks 0E C1*=. A!" if %ou t%, t% ha" a!" s$at e!ou&h a!" 3eep t%i!&, !othi!& is i$possible to a#hieve i! life. It e<uies pesiste!t effots. .eve &ive up. ,%, t% a!" t% a&ai!. I! life, eve%thi!& $a% o $a% !ot wo3. -ut pesiste!#e alwa%s wo3s. .eve /ive up. .eve, !eve, !eve.
************************************************** Treat everyone ith Politeness, even those ho are ru!e to you. Not "e#ause they are not ni#e "ut "e#ause you are Ni#e. **************************************************
=. E8te$es i! Life> 4o !ot feel helpless. 6eet the #halle!&es with Coua&e & 0is"o$. *t times# life ta)es us to the two e/tremes# where both action or inaction, can prove disastrous. ;ou cannot do either wa!. 9ilemma efore us is what to do1 To e or not to eC 9uring such tr!ing times of great stress and suspense# we are neither in a position to fight nor advisale to run. .ometimes# situation ma! e so difficult that we might thin) that life is not worth living. .tate of total helplessness# predominates. "n fact# we find ourselves in shac)les# ondage or disarra!# not )nowing what to do1 "n Mahaharata# during the course of attle# *rjuna# at a ver! critical time# faced such a situation. $hile getting into the thic) of attlefield# he reali0ed that he has to fight and )ill his close relatives and cousins# who were fighting against him as enemies. Man! poor soldiers would also have to e )illed. &e ecame ver! nervous at the situation and might have contemplated to run awa! from the attlefield. But for a warrior of *rjun%s calier and reputation# running awa! from the attlefield would have een e/tremel! shameful and disastrous for the cause this great attle was eing fought. 2ord Arishna# eing his 1arthi or guide, immediatel! reali0ed this and showed him the wa!. &e made *rjun reali0e that he was dut!(ound Your Quest for Being Better 16
to do his est as a warrior# whose dut! it was# to )ill all wrongdoers and their men in the attlefield# to win the attle and annihilate *dharma from the surface of earth. *s goaded ! 2ord Arishna# *rjun went on to fight and won the attle even with much smaller arm!. &elplessness creeps in life when we see disaster oth wa!s# ! acting or not acting. $e find ourselves in a nearl! impossile situation. "t is# at that time# when at the crossroad# one can ta)e the path of total acceptance and surrender to the 2ord# to whichever 8od one elieves in# who# li)e 2ord Arishna# is the driver of our vehicle of life. "n such a situation# we ecome a non(doer from doer. But our faith in 8od must e e/plicit and complete. "t is onl! &e who can find an answer for us in such situations and onl! &e can carr! us along. &e onl! can ma)e the situation right for us. "t is onl! ! &is 8race# $> C*-# once again# ounce ac) in life and e a winner. $hen we feel that situation is e!ond our facilities and find ourselves helpless# we should let &im ta)e charge. But here and ever!where else# we must rememer the principle of 5A)*A. $e must )eep doing our est in whatever situation we are. "f others are doing seemingl! ad things# let them. Courage and $isdom will alwa!s loo) us up in life. .o# never vacillate. &ave 7aith and move on. $e can even change the course of life ! our thoughtful actions. $e must )eep doing our est# which 8od alwa!s wants us to do. $e are here to do our est and leave the rest to &im. Mind !ou# this has and will alwa!s wor) for !ou and for ever!one else. 3 RememerB Pepae"!ess, both $e!tal a!" ph%si#al, is ve% $u#h !e#essa% i! life. 0e alwa%s $eet a!% #halle!&e bette whe! we ae pepae". +u#h situatio!s ae !ot u!#o$$o!. ,he% ofte! e$e&e a!" we $ust fa#e su#h #halle!&i!& situatio!s hea"9o!, !ot u!!i!& awa% fo$ the$. /o" will alwa%s help us but we $ust "o whateve !ee"s to be "o!e. ******************************************************** $INNERS see the Possi"ilities, %osers, &ro"le's. $INNERS 'a(e Co''it'ents, %osers, &ro'ises. $INNERS have a Pro)ra', %osers, e*#use. $INNERS say +let 'e !o it for you,, %osers, +that is not 'y -o",. $INNERS say +I 'ust !o so'ethin),, %osers, +so'ethin) 'ust "e !one,. $INNERS are alays &art of the Anser, %osers, &art of the &ro"le'. $INNERS say +it is !iffi#ult "ut &ossi"le,, %osers, +it is &ossi"le "ut too !iffi#ult,. $hen $INNER 'a(es 'ista(e, he says +I as ron),. $hen %oser 'a(es 'ista(e, he says +It asn,t 'y fault,. Choice is Yours. What you want to be. WINNER or LOSER
17 Your Quest for Being Better
?. ,eat eve%o!e as %ou %ouself woul" li3e to be teate". .eve Fo&et ,his /(L4E. R)LE. -othing much in life can e achieved alone. ;ou have to have others with !ou# helping# supporting# motivating. $hether the! are !our associates# emplo!ees# suordinates or colleagues# their support and cooperation is necessar! for !our rise and success. That support must come from the heart. "f it is not from the heart# it is not of much use. =thers% interests must e interlin)ed with !ours or the collective gains. But how can !ou achieve all that1 The! must have full faith and trust in !ou that their interests will e loo)ed after. -ot onl! for others% support and cooperation# it alwa!s feels good to e in the compan! of good people# whether famil!# friends or relatives# )nown or un)nown. *lmost ever! scripture including Bile teaches and inspires us 1o !hatever ou !ish that men !ould do to ou, do so to them6 for this is the la! and prophets !ords. Treat this as 8olden rule for !our success in life. ;our success# again# should e such that it is enjo!ed and cherished ! ever!one# not onl! ! !ou alone. >ver!one must feel part of it. ;our success must e teamwor) and whole team must rejoice# when the team succeeds. .uch a thing is possile# when the feel of success is collective# not individual. $ell# it happens onl! when !ou treat others well. ,=thers% here mean literall! ever!one in touch with !ou. ;our juniors# staff# suordinates# friends# relatives# colleagues# seniors all feel a part! to !our success# ecause on !our road to glor!# goal or success in life# !ou treated ever!one well# e/actl! the wa! !ou would have li)ed to e treated# if !ou were in their place. "t does not mean# !ou have een soft on them. 9efinitel! notC ;ou might have een a hard(tas) master which is ver! essential for achieving goals. :eople do not mind that as long as the! are teate" with espe#t, hu$ilit% a!" 3i!"!ess. "n return# the! will give !ou whatever !ou as) of them. * Chinese sa!ing goes thus %t is better to have one person !orking !ith ou, rather than three !orking for ou. Ver! trueC Ma)e them feel and reali0e# it is for themselves the! are doing# whatever !ou are as)ing them to do. >ver!one li)es to e the part of a happ! team. *nd happ! team consists of &app! :eople. *nd &app! :eople# apart from material prosperit!# also want to e respected. 7ou must uphold their right to dignit and honor. Bod! language# tone and facial e/pressions pla! a ig part when we tal) aout others% treatment. =ften# while we ma! not mean an! offence or disrespect# our od! language might appear to e <uite to the contrar!. B! that " mean others ma! ta)e offence when no offence is meant. $e should alwa!s )eep others% sensiilities in mind# when we tal) to them or want them to do something for us. $e must ensure that our od! language and tone must e just right for the occasion. >ven while ma)ing a complaint to a government officer or personnel# we should e/press in a manner not e/hiiting an! agitation. ;ou e Your Quest for Being Better 18
nice and )ind to others not for their sa)e ut for !our own sa)e. Being nice and )ind# serves !ou more than the recipient. ;ou )now what is there for !ou in eing )ind and nice1 9o it and !ou will )now !ourself. "t is the feel(good factor# a feeling of elation and high# ma)es !ou more self confident# ups !our self(esteem# raises !our tran<uilit! and serenit! levels# feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment etc. *n! act of )indness and compassion generates innumerale feelings of high in !ou. 9o it and )now it !ourself. *nother ig reason wh! it pa!s to e nice and )ind# is that when !ou are nice and )ind to others# the! also will reciprocate in the same manner and to add to the onus# it is not onl! them ut also# all those who see !ou eing nice and )ind# will do the same to !ou whenever occasion demands. Respect for !ou in their minds# will positivel! go up. ;ou alwa!s get ac) what !ou give. "f it%s positivit! !ou have given and spread# !our life will touch and feel onl! positivit!. "f not# then it is negativit! which !ou will get ac). *nd others% negativit! is <uite difficult to manage. "t haunts us in various wa!s and can put us into lots of unwanted prolems and challenges. ,,ive them respect and the shall deliver !hat ou !ant. Most of the influential leaders in histor!# came from humle ac)grounds and had modest eginning. But millions followed them. Their assets were their minds# creativit!# hope and vision which the! were ale to transform into their followers% minds. $e should never forget that these leaders had great respect for the worth of all who followed them# while the! stood apart. Their eaut! was more than s)in deep which originated from the core of their inner eing and reflected in their face# posture# mannerism and aove all# the wa! the! treated their followers. Mahatma 8andhi gave the slogan do or die# and millions followed ecause he treated all with respect and )indness. >ach one of aout seven illion people inhaiting this planet# is uni<ue. >ach one has his own uni<ue personalit!# talents and traits attached with it. ;ou have to understand and respect them to respect !ou. ;ou have to love them to love !ou. Teach them to give and spread undemanding love# since it is availale in aundance in our hearts. .ame is true of wealth. More we give# more is there to give. More we hoard or accumulate for our selfish ends# lesser we get. $hen we hoard or accumulate# nothing is sufficient. 9eficienc!# actual or assumed# will alwa!s follow us ever!where. As ou go up in the ladder of life, embrace humilit, kindness and compassion, ou !ill never have to look back. .eople !atch sincerit in our ees, then the tone and e8pressions. #ake care. 3
RememerB Fill %ouself with love a!" shae it with those aou!" %ou. 1ow othes teat %ou, is thei >?arma8, thei path. 1ow %ou espo!", is %ous. If %ou wa!t to be a 0i!!e, +hae %ou Visio! with those who woul" help %ou a#hievi!& %ou visio! a!" e$ai! with %ou i! thi#3 & thi!.
19 Your Quest for Being Better
@. +6ILE & -i&hte! the #o!e whee %ou ae. +$ile is i!fe#tious. I! life, a!%thi!& $a% fail but +6ILE .EVER FAIL+. 9o !ou )now that it ta)es 6D muscles to frown# while onl! 35 to smile1 * simple disarming .mile denotes class of !our pedigree# good intentions# amiale nature and pleasing personalit!. ;ou can conve! all this aout !ourself# without uttering a word. B! !our smile# !ou righten the corner where !ou are present. $hen !ou smile# others will onl! smile ac) at !ou. =nl! smiles greet !ou when !ou smile. To <uote Chalie Chapli! 97ou need po!er onl !hen ou !ant to do something harmful to others, other!ise, 1*%:; is enough to get everthing done2 .mile is oth human power and wea)ness. :ower for the one who smiles# wea)ness for one who is smiled atC ;ou can%t help it# if !ou want to e in the compan! of the person who is alwa!s smiling. .mile is a gift which costs nothing ut !ou can give it to ever!one !ou meet or just pass !. .mile is infectious and reeds smiles all around. .mile is the eginning of man! a meaningful lasting relationships. .mile is a warm gesture conve!ing things which are difficult to sa!. * particular smiling e/pression is enough to ease an! tension or stress in other person. .mile e/presses faith and positive outloo) from an optimist# in whose compan! ever!one li)es to dwell. :erson who can smile at life%s adversities# finds it easier to ride over them. "f we )eep smiling# we cannot e overwhelmed ! life%s adversities and challenges. "n the face of adversities# when a person smiles# he creates confidence in others# who will alwa!s e read! to help him and cooperate with him to get over his difficulties. 9uring the course of our life# we meet oth challenges and changes. Things do change# sometimes for etter or sometimes for worst. That%s what life is all aout. $hen we meet these changes and challenges with a smile or just laugh them off# it shows our grit and determination to meet them head(on. *nd when we meet life%s challenges head(on with a smile# the! tend to disappear or get resolved in our favor. That is what is the power of .mile. .mile empowers an!one who wears it. .mile is a jo! which ever!one relishes and wants to share. * friendship starts when a smile is returned with a smile. >ven when it is inappropriate to laugh loudl!# a genuine well meaning smile conve!s acceptance# elation and goodhearted nature. .tart !our da! with a .mile. "t ma)es !ou loo) attractive# changes !our mood# relieves stress and finall!# it helps !ou sta! ;=+-8 *-9 :=."T"V>. $herever !ou are# with friends or strangers# a person with a smile# will alwa!s e sought after. &e not onl! ma)es his presence noticed ut also ma)es his asence felt. .ince .miling people alwa!s reflect positive attitude and pleasant disposition# the! are considered an emodiment of goodwill and a warm heart. The! are the heart thro of Your Quest for Being Better 20
ever! part! or get together since ever!one li)es them and li)es to e in their compan!. The! inadvertentl! spread the feel(good factor# so adl! needed in our societ! these da!s. There ma! e occasions when it is inappropriate to laugh or giggle loudl!# ut a warm smile is never out of place an!where. * warm smile is an add(on where ever !ou are# whomsoever !ou meet# whatever the situation. * smile is never out of place. * warm smile inspires and encourages ever!one around !ou to respond in a positive manner# responding with e<ual warmth. $e "ndians need to do a lot on smile. Mostl! we are not conscious aout the power of smile. 7oreigners are much etter at it# speciall! when the! visit other countries ecause the! )now that it is much easier to get around and along# when !ou are wearing a smile on !our face# which is the first positive sign !ou emanate without sa!ing a word. 2ittle consciousness on !our part will do. "nitiall!# !ou will have to ma)e an effort and in twent! one da!s# with constant practice and awareness# !ou will wear a welcome smile all the time# as a hait. ;es# all the time# where ever !ou are# whatever !ou are doing# in whomsoever%s compan!# !our face with a warm smile# will remain in their heart and mind. 2eave a legac! of warm smile with !our children ecause !ou are their first teacher. 2et them learn to wear a warm smile from !ou ecause this attire shall help them most towards reali0ing their goals in life. =ne smile reeds man! more smiles and in no time# entire atmosphere is transformed. >ven when the atmosphere is hostile# tense and gloom!# a few smiles have the power to convert the same into a harmonious and pleasant field for ever!one%s advantage. * .mile can alwa!s change an! situation for the etter. %ndeed, our simple smile !ill make a difference, !herever ou are and decidedl, brighten the corner !ith our graceful presence. 3
RememerB +6ILE & +ILE.CE ae two poweful tools. +$ile is the best wa% to solve $a!% poble$s, while +ile!#e is the best tool to avoi" $a!% poble$s. +6ILE is a! i!e8pe!sive wa% to i$pove L((7+. .eve u!"eesti$ate the powe of a si$ple wa$ s$ile. A!%thi!& $a% fail but a +$ile .eve Fails. ************************************************** COUNT .OUR /%ESSIN0S1 Count your /lessin)s, not &ro"le's. Count your 0ains, not losses. Count your 2oys, not oes. Count your 3rien!s, not foes. Count your S'iles, not tears. Count on your Coura)e, not fears. Count on your 4ealth, not ealth. 3irst #ount on .ourself, then 0o!. 3irst #ount on .ourself, then 0o!. 3irst #ount on .ourself, then 0o!. 3irst #ount on .ourself, then 0o!.
21 Your Quest for Being Better
A. L(VE: ,he (i&i! & Epi#e!te of /oo"will, 7i!"!ess, Cai!&, +a#ifi#e & Co$passio!. .othi padh padh +ag mua, pandit bhaa na ko. 4hai akshar prem ke, padhe so pandit ho. .o said .ant Aair# a renowned social reformer# poet and thin)er# some EFF !ears ago. Translated# it means ;verone tries to read the scriptures, but none becomes a scholar. #!o and half letters of .rem (:ove# when written in &indi# occupies onl! two and half letters# .ar)# !hosoever reads, is a scholar. That is the glor! of .7A). There are man! four letter words in >nglish dictionar! ut ,2=V>% is the most eautiful of them all. 2ove is life%s essence# energ!# inspiration and motivation. Masters have compared love with sun. Gust li)e the sun# love is alwa!s there. "t can e mother%s love or father%s or spouse%s or relative%s or friend%s# an!one%s for that matter. ;ou cannot hide love under the cloud or rain! weather. 2i)e sun# love is the most powerful energ!# which lossoms in our hearts and minds. 2ove is li)e a healing alm# within and outside# for an!one whose life we touch. True love need not e reciprocated# since it wants nothing in return# e/pects nothing. $ith love# we shine and radiate. 2ove is unending# infinite and undemanding. "t is the greatest gift 8od has given us. An!here, :(V; is the origin " epicenter of ,ood!ill, &ompassion, Altruism, 1acrifice, .hilanthrop, ,enerosit, <road- mindedness, 5indness, <enevolence and å. 2ove spea)s unspo)en language not onl! from the mouth# ut also from the e!es and heart. 2ove )nows no arriers and is aove caste# creed# color# region# religion or nationalit!. "t fills ever!one# oth giver and receiver# with jo!# ecstas!# delight# pleasure and true enduring happiness. Most things in life are give and ta)e# ut love is onl! ,%V; " ,%V;. True lovers onl! 8ive. +nfortunatel!# 2=V> has een dealt a severe low ! the present da! selfish materialistic lifest!le# which has clouded our thin)ing. $e have ecome isolated# fearful# insecure and unsure ecause of that. :reviousl! people lived harmoniousl! in e/tended joint families. -ow even nuclear families are falling apart. $ith the growth in population# increased pressure on land and housing# shrin)ing land mass for agriculture and production of food# high rates of inflation# rampant feeling of insecurit!# things are li)el! to get worse. +nder such circumstances love# co(operation# patience# self(control and tolerance# are our onl! hope. $e all want to live in peace and harmon!. Then we must e prepared to love# which demands sacrifice# commitment# selflessness and least e/pectations from others. $e do not have to do these things for others% sa)e# ut for our own sa)e# for the sa)e of all those we love ' care. The! ma! not e/press it ade<uatel! ut certainl! without fail# whether it is !our parent# spouse# children# colleague# junior or a friend# onl! thing mostl! the! need from !ou# is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. Your Quest for Being Better 22
There is the stor! aout Mullah -aseeruddin# who loved *llah# his 8od# in whom he had e/plicit faith. Mullah had got married the same morning and in the evening# along with their relatives and his eautiful ride# was returning home# crossing a river on a oat. .uddenl!# the! were in the middle of a storm and oat started roc)ing violentl! and dangerousl!. >ver!one including the ride# was full of fear# ut Mullah remained calm. .urprised# ride as)ed Mullah 9Arent ou afraid'2. "n repl!# Mullah too) out his dagger and raised it as if he was going to slit her throat. .he showed no reaction# at which he as)ed her 9are ou not afraid of the dagger'2. .he replied ?dagger could be dangerous but the one !ho is holding the dagger, is m loving husband. 1o, % am not afraid2. 9;8actl2, said Mullah ?#hese !aves ma be dangerous but great Allah, !ho is holding them, is full of love. 1o % am not afraid2. Mullah had e/plicit faith in *llah# who is full of love and )indness. 2ove e/pects no rewards# love )nows no fear since lac) of love means fear# love does not demand# love thin)s no evil# love has no motive. To love is to share and serve. Trust is the cradle of love. Celerate love since it is the reath of !our e/istence and est reason for living. 2ove is strengthened ! wor)ing together through conflicts. >ver!one needs to e loved speciall! when the! do not deserve it. 2ove is the onl! thing that can e divided without eing minimi0ed. :ove th neighbor. -o# 7irst 2ove ;ourself (72;). =thers will come later. $h! !ou must love !ourself first# efore !ou can love others1 Because !ou will onl! love the person who is good# who is positive# the one who is )ind and compassionate# who helps others in time of need# who is understanding and patient# who is mature# the one who treats ever!one well. ;ou will love !ourself for all aove and also for !our honest!# integrit!# sincerit!# strength of character# willpower# discipline and sense of humor which ring smile on others% faces. "t%s not onl! !ou who will love such a person ut such a person is loved ! all# ever!one who comes in touch with him. " recollect another great stor! " read aout love# long ago. * famil! of four# husand# wife# their son and daughter(in(law# lived happil! in a small house. "n spite of eing !oungest in age# daughter(in(law was full of wisdom and common sense. To ma)e ends meet# all three wor)ed and had to go out# while# wife sta!ed at home to loo) after the household. =ne da!# while alone at home# wife saw four elderl! persons sitting outside their house. Being )ind# she invited them in for water and food. But the! as)ed her 9if all members of the famil !ere in'2. $hen she said ,no%# the! politel! told her that onl! when all memers were there in the house# the! shall come in. B! evening# her husand# son and daughter(in(law came ac) from wor). .he told them aout the persons outside the house and their condition. .he went out and invited them in ut again the! refused sa!ing ?!e do not go inside anbods house together. % am Wealth, elder to me is 1uccess !ho is standing beside me, ne8t one is ,lor and eldest of us all is :ove. .lease discuss among our famil members and let
23 Your Quest for Being Better
us kno! !hom ou !ant first. #hen onl !e can come in2. *s told# she again went inside and told the famil! as to the new condition of the guests. &er husand was overjo!ed and wanted Wealth to come first so that their house was full of wealth. .on wanted ,1uccess% to come in for ovious reasons# while she herself wanted ,,lor% to come so that the! are well()nown and famous. But the wise daughter(in(law insisted for ,2ove% to e invited in first# so that their house is full of love. &er opinion was alwa!s greatl! respected ecause of her wisdom and common sense. .o the! all agreed on :ove to e called first. The lad! went out to invite ,:ove first. $hen she told them of their decision# all four of them got up and made a eeline for the house. 7irst of course# it was ,2ove%# followed ! ,$ealth%# then ,.uccess% and ultimatel! ,8lor!%. Confused# she told them# while ,she had invited onl :ove in their house, !h all the four are barging in'. Then ,:ove% replied 9%f ou had invited an of the other three, Wealth, 1uccess or ,lor, the !ould have entered alone. <ut in a household full of :ove, !ealth, success and glor !ill automaticall come. Where ever there is :ove, !ealth, success and glor !ill follo!. ;ven if ou have !ealth, success and glor but no :ove, members of the household, live a hellish life, in spite of everthing other than :ove.2 Gust loo) around and see how true this imaginar! stor! is. 2i)e all good things in life# love also ta)e it%s own time to grow. ;ou love !our parents ecause !ou have een with them for a long time. $hether its friends# spouse or an!one# love should not e hurried through. 2et love grow naturall!. *ll relationships# speciall! marital# are uild on time. *n! relationship uild hurriedl!# ma! turn sour. ;es# if !ou are a loving person# ever!one will love !ou and !ou will alwa!s live in the loving world. 2ove means forgiveness# patience# respect# faith and hope. 2ove will invarial! e met ! love. * loving smile will alwa!s e reciprocated ! a loving smile. 2ove gives !ou strength to face life%s prolems. 2ove inspires !ou# love motivates !ou. .o alwa!s e loving and !ou will see and feel love all around. When love is our nucleus, :(V%=, W():4 !ill be our permanent abode. 3
Rememer : >/5$E $17 .E 1 3OO, 0E12E". .-/ 2O+E 0E12S F1S/E" 1*, *E+E" F152S8. +howi!& 7i!"!ess a!" Co$passio!, is the $ai!sta% of Love. /o" $easues love with 3i!"!ess show! towa"s those !ot as lu#3% as %ou ae. Love is a pil&i$a&e, as &oo" as bathi!& i! sa#e" ive /a!&a. Love is the !a$e of /o", Ra$, 7ish!a, Allah, Chist, /uu .a!a3, /outa$ -u"h, be#ause basi# i!ti!si# tea#hi!&s of all eli&io!s is, Love a!" 6utual Respe#t. ************************************************** .our 3uture !e&en!s on 'any thin)s "ut 'ostly on .OU. Your Quest for Being Better 24
B. 6i!" is Eve%thi!&. 0e be#o$e what we ,hi!3. ,hi!3 1i&h, ,hi!3 Positive. "n most living eings# rain is a part of ph!sical od!# which can e seen# ut thin)ing mind or intellect# has een gifted ! our creator onl! to human eings. "t is onl! through this gift of thin)ing mind# that human race is ruling over the entire planet. Gust loo) around. $hatever !ou see# once upon a time# was conceived in human mind. That%s wh! it is said# !hatever mind conceives, can be achieved. +nseen human mind ma)es or mars a personalit! ecause whatever we do or not do# our mind is ehind ever!thing. $e cannot even lift a finger without instructions from our mind. =ur mind controls ever! action of ours# good or ad. &uman eings are made up of two forms. :h!sical od! and mindC Both have powers. Bod! has ph!sical power while mind has thin)ing power. Both powers though initiall! present in us# can e developed ! e/ercise to great e/tent. >/ercise of mind is through education and imparting wisdom. &uman mind has unlimited potential. Right from the eginning of our education# we must get into the hait of using our mind and appl! it in whatever we do. The! sa!# !e must plan. "t means we must ponder over what we want to do# anal!0e the matter minutel! loo)ing into ever! detail# visuali0e how to counter the prolems ' roadloc)s li)el! to arise# weigh all the options and then onl! proceed and ta)e action. "n this common scenario# ever!thing e/cept ph!sical e/ecution is done ! our mind. $henever we face a prolem or something has to e done# this is the se<uence of action# we have to adopt. .ince whole da! is full of actions# this se<uence of action ecomes a hait or a refle/ action. Thin)ing fast and decisivel! followed ! action# is the wa! to reali0e !our goals in life. I$a&i!atio! is another aspect of human mind. $ithout imagination# nothing can e conceived in our mind. * fl!ing machine was first conceived in $right Brothers% mind that such a machine was a possiilit! and could e made. $hatever highl! complicated and technologicall! advanced machines# airplanes# ships# motor cars# household gadgets and millions of other man(made gadgetr! we see all around us# were first conceived in someone%s mind# then made and mass produced for ever!one%s use and consumption. &uman mind is li)e fertile soil. $hen we sow positive thoughts# we act positive and reap positive results. +nfortunatel!# human mind is more prone to negativit!. -egative thoughts come more naturall! to human mind than positive thoughts. * positive thin)ing creativel! imaginative mind# has unlimited potentialities and possiilities for ever!one%s enefit. ;ou just have to put it on the right trac). &uman mind can receive or have onl! one set of thoughts at one time. The! ma! e negative or positive. *s negative thoughts enter our mind# which the! often do# we must literall! e/pel them from our
25 Your Quest for Being Better
mind. "t%s li)e an intruder or unwanted person getting into !our house. ;ou have no choice ut to throw him out# ! force if re<uired. .ame is the case with human mind. $e must alwa!s e read! with positive happ! past# present and future thoughts. *s soon as a negative thought enters our mind# e/pel it and thin) of good# positive things past# present or future. This process is ver! eas! and with little practice# !ou can ecome master of onl! )eeping productive happ! positive thoughts in !our mind and lead a lissful life. -egative thoughts# ma)e us stressful and tension(filled. Most of the time# we ma! feel stressful or tension(filled over insignificant matters. Most such things are onl! wild imagination which ma! never happen the wa! our mind is contemplating. But our mind remains full of them. 8et rid of them b !riting do!n the cause and effect or the !hole matter. *fter !ou have written down# !ou will feel relativel! stress( free. B! writing down !ou have got the whole thing out of !our s!stem through !our pen and !ou would feel lighter. That is one wa! of getting negativit! out of !our s!stem "f !ou are prone to negative thoughts# worries and are fearful# stressed# tension(gripped# !ou elong to a vast majorit! of people who are naturall! negativit! prone. $h! is that whenever an!thing goes wrong# immediatel! we imagine the worst1 $h! is it that when we find something missing at home# immediatel! we thin) that someone must have stolen it1 $h! we alwa!s thin) that onl! ,ad% will happen1 :lausile e/planation of our natural negativit! lies in how our ancestors lived in this world some fift! thousand or more !ears ago as cavemen# totall! unprotected in jungles. "t was a primitive world. There were forests all around# onl! wild animals for compan!. *ight is right% was the law of the land. 7ear must have een their constant companion# fear of their personal safet! or famil!%s safet!. Being of much smaller stature compared to ph!sical might of man! wild animals and various diseases against which# no protection was availale# da! and night# fear was their constant companion. To compare aove situation and to have a feel of the same# just tr! spending a night in a jungle in pitch dar) night without even a torch. 7eel for !ourself# how it might have een at that time. *s such# dar)ness aggravates fear. "n spite of thousands of !ears gone !# leftover fear ps!chosis of our ancestors from that era# is present in our mind in various forms and is# perhaps# mother of all our negativit!. "t is leftover remnants from those fears# which prompts us to thin) negative# mostl! imagining something ad to happen. 2ots of deaths# loodshed# diseases# food scarcities# hunger# helplessness seen and felt ! our ancestors during those da!s# got converted into fear which has remained in our minds for centuries and would# perhaps# remain there for few more centuries. *part from fear# worr! and natural negativit! of human eings# we have man! more avenues of negativit! li)e impatience# anger# intolerance# loss of self Your Quest for Being Better 26
control# greed and mindless hoarding of wealth# one(up(man(ship# ego and arrogance etc. which are there in most of us# coming to us from caveman period or childhood or various other such factors. To lead a rich satisfactor! rewarding life# we have to get etter of our natural negativit! e/plained aove# through positivit, emotional control, b generating lots of inner strength and mind control, self discipline, positive !ill-po!er, patience, enthusiasm, generosit " giving-sharing-helping attitude, self-belief, overcoming greed, learning from failures, calm and cool temperament, compassion, shunning ego and arrogance, thus developing a pleasing and magnetic personalit. *s a child is conceived in mother%s wom# ph!sical rain ta)es shape. "n nine months# human rain from which mind originates# develops. Mind is a li)e a ig store(house which starts getting filled as child grows. $e have five senses# to see, hear, taste, smell and feel which help get it filled. Mind is li)e a sponge asorent up to the age of aout fourteen !ears. That%s what we call impressionable ears. 0hateve we fee", &oo" o ba", positive o !e&ative, i&ht o wo!&, &ets absobe" i! ou $i!" a!" e$ai!s thee fo life u!less %ou thow it out of %ou s%ste$. =therwise# if we )eep flowing with the flow# that ecomes our character# difficult to erase. Most of our societ!%s ills can e traced to what is written in aove paragraph. Till the age of fourteen# children are in school where old# impractical# osolete and out(dated methods are continuing to e used to educate the child. .o much of trash and useless information is put in child%s mind without a thought ut nothing to uild character# discipline# tolerance# self(control# mone! and time management# civic sense# ethics# values and morals# patience# compassion# consideration for others etc. which child needs ever! moment of his life. &uman mind is ver! versatile# adaptale# fast learner and pragmatic. "t has immense potential# power and capacit!. $ith practice and repetition# it can solve ver! comple/ prolems. "nitiall! things might loo) little difficult ut with practice# things can e learnt and done fast. .ince mind controls ever! human action or reaction# it has pla!ed vital role in estalishing human control on this planet and e!ond. *ll our negativit! can e erased or controlled ! positivit! mindset or positive mind control. *ll positive thin)ers have done it and so can !ou. +nless one is orn with silver spoon# one has to wor) hard for survival and ma)ing a rewarding life under the directions of the mind. Anowledge# mone! and mind are doule edged. Mone! in the hands of terrorists# will u! e/plosives and weapons to )ill ut same mone! in the hand of a philanthropist# would fund education and hospitals for ever!one%s enefit. "t is just the )ind of world !ou want to have or live in# can e created ! !our mind. &uman mind is the source of ideas# oth good and ad. 8ood ideas generate into altruism# love# caring# )indness# compassion# creativit!# optimism# generosit!# friendship# giving and helpful attitude and cooperation# which help us to form meaningful relationships in our life and convert it into a lissful living.
27 Your Quest for Being Better
$e draw lots of happiness# satisfaction# fulfillment and contentment from good ideas and relationships in our life. $ith the help of good ideas# we can give positive direction to our lives for our good and good of ever!one around us. Vanities and Virtues are oth part of a human eing# controlled ! the same mind. Vanities are fed and satiated ! e/ternal factors such as wealth# status# social standing etc. which give rise to inflated ego# arrogance# greed and tons of innumerale negatives# while virtues controlled ! the same mind# help create internal factors such as )indness# altruism# peace of mind# faith in 8od and goodness etc. $hether the person is in the grip of vanities or virtues# all depends upon what his mind nurtures. "f a person%s mind is dominated ! e/ternal factors# he shall ecome corrupt# greed!# uncaring and selfish while if the same person is dominated ! internal factors# he would develop into a true leader# a philanthropist or an! such true and worth! asset to our eleaguered societ!. "t is said *inds are like parachutes. #he !ork best !hen open. Right from a !oung age# we must ma)e our mind receptive to new ideas# changes# oserving and instilling others% good points discussed aove. $ith a narrow mind# !ou can onl! lead a narrow life# neither of much use to !ou nor to those around !ou. =nl! )nowledge# wisdom# open mind can lead us to success# help us achieve worth! goals in life. 3 RememerB You $i!" is %ou +hip. You ,hou&hts o!l% will "ete$i!e the <ualit% of %ou life. Pea#e & 1appi!ess i! %ou life "epe!"s o! the <ualit% of %ou ,hou&hts. If %ou spea3 o a#t with a! evil $i!", pai! follows, while, whe! its Pue 6i!", 1appi!ess Follows. ******************************************************** Cost of Oxygen We Breath In one !ay, a hu'an "ein) "reathes O*y)en e5uivalent to three #ylin!ers. Ea#h O*y)en #ylin!er, on an avera)e, #ost Rs.677 ithout su"si!y. So, in a !ay, one uses O*y)en orth Rs.8977. .early, it oul! #ost Rs.6,::,;77. If e ta(e an avera)e life s&an of :; years, #ost of o*y)en e use in our life 'ay "e sta))erin) Rs.;,77,77,777 or Rs.;7 <illion. All this o*y)en #o'es 3REE fro' TREES.
TREES ARE OUR %I3E%INE. TREES ARE OUR %I3E%INE. TREES ARE OUR %I3E%INE. TREES ARE OUR %I3E%INE. =O NOT CUT T4E<. =O NOT CUT T4E<. =O NOT CUT T4E<. =O NOT CUT T4E<. Your Quest for Being Better 28
C. A -ALA.CE4 Life bi!&s %ou +ee!it%, Pea#e a!" 1appi!ess. .eve ove9i!"ul&e & avoi" show9offs. *fter independence# numer of displaced families came from :a)istan and settled in *gra. *mongst them# two families had meteoric rise in usiness. Both made ig houses and ought ever!thing that goes with earning wealth in our great "ndian tradition. "n oth cases# while patriarchs of the famil!# who had wor)ed so hard after displacement from :a)istan# remained ver! humle without an! ,airs, ut new generation# who got ever!thing on a platter# ecame full of arrogance and vanit!# loo)ing down ever!one else. >/travagant spending haits# u!ing ever!thing the! li)ed# air travel which was rare in those da!s# ecame a norm with them. 7oreign holida!s# imported high end household gadgets# class! friends# ecame the order of the da!. But life has a wa! of teaching hard lessons# when we indulge e!ond reasonale limits. *fter few !ears# as is usual# customers found alternatives# government policies changed# availailit! of cheaper goods or man! ad things for usiness happens when ad da!s come. +nfortunatel!# families were totall! unprepared to ta)e the shoc)s. "nitial landslide was slow# ut when an)ers and creditors come calling# things ecome ominous in no time. &owever# without going in further details# situation now is such# that while at that time# these were the onl! two families who owned cars# now the! are the onl! families in the communit!# who do not have cars# though ever!one else have cars. 8od%s wa!sC $hat can we do1 8ood and ad# success and failure# profit and loss# hope and despair# high and lows# are all part of life. But if !ou have een living a alanced life# more or less same in all circumstances# !ou withstand life%s shoc)s etter. *s !ou wade through life# ma)e learning a wa!. 2esson for !ou here is# if !ou are not too happ! when !ou win# !ou will not e too desolate# if and when !ou lose. #hat is balancing our life. That is how life must e lived# a modest# honest and alanced life# in which !ou do not jump too high when !ou are going uphill# there is no need for !ou to lose !our heart# if and when downhill arrives. ;ou are same in all seasons or conditions. :ife is generall guided b t!o important forces, centripetal and centrifugal. Centripetal force draws !ou towards !ourself# while centrifugal force pushes !ou towards others. -ormall!# a person is predominantl! either# centripetal or centrifugal. :ersons with predominant #e!tipetal fo#e are mostl! selfish# overl! possessive# self(centered# concerned onl! aout themselves or their families. Being selfish and self centered# sooner or later# ever!one comes to )now that the! are that wa!. 7or ovious reasons# such people are mostl! despised# are not ver! li)eale.
29 Your Quest for Being Better
:ersons with predominant #e!tifu&al fo#e are caring t!pe# self sacrificing and much concerned aout others# even at their own cost or their famil!%s cost. Both# e8treme &entripetal or &entrifugal are not much good. Best are something in etween# those# who can ta)e care of themselves and their families# and also care and are concerned aout others# their welfare and well eing. " alwa!s tr! to inspire and motivate the readers to ecome caring# sharing# giving t!pe ecause such attitude onl! will ring peace and serenit! in life. But onl! when !ou have ta)en care of !ourself# !ou can ta)e care of others. =nl! when !ou are health! !ourself# !ou can help others. &ow can !ou ta)e care or help others# if !ou !ourself are not health!. .o the first and foremost thing for !ou# is to ta)e care of !our own health# well eing and also !our famil!%s# so that !ou can also ta)e care of others. $hile travelling ! air# during the safet! drill# regulations demand that in case of loss of o/!gen# when o/!gen hood drops# first !ou have to put !ourself# then help others to put it on. .imple fact is# unless !ou are !ourself health!# !ou cannot help others. .ame wa!# !ou can share !our wealth and e active philanthropicall!# onl! if !ou have enough wealth. 7or that# !ou have to create wealth ! fair means# so that firstl!# !ou and !our famil! can use and enjo! it and then share and help others. "f !ou have just enough for !ourself and can arel! ma)e ends meet# what can !ou share and give. This point re<uires careful thin)ing and a modest and alanced recourse has to e adopted ! !ou# so that others% needs can also e fulfilled through !ou. "t%s where !ou elevate !ourself to live !our life in such a wa! that ever!one around !ou enefits from the wealth created through !our honest efforts and laors. That%s what can e called >nature8s la: o9 balancing8. "n life# e/cess of an!thing is li)e poison which ta)es !ou towards immodest living. "f !ou have e/cess of mone!# instead of accumulating# nole thing for !ou would e to use a part of the e/cess for the enefit of societ!# for the enefit of those not orn so luc)!. "f !ou hoard ever!thing onl! for !ourself or !our famil!# !ou are going against the nature%s law of alancing. 8andhi Gi +sed to sa! #here is enough in this !orld for everones needs, but not for greed. .o shun greed# use !our e/cess for the general good through a life of alance. Rela/ation# entertainment# enjo!ing life%s comforts and pleasures# if indulged in moderation# are delightful and give !ou satisfaction# ut when indulged in e/cess# are detrimental to !our health# ps!che and welleing. Too much of an!thing is as ad as too little. >ver!one li)es to have good food ut# if eaten in e/cess# !ou )now what will happen. .o# what is recommended is a alanced diet which must have all ingredients in right proportion for good health. Balancing 2ife is li)e adding salt in the food we eat. $ithout salt or e/cess of salt# ma)es food inedile. &ence# desires# wealth# wor)# rela/ation# food inta)e etc. have to e in right proportion in life to ma)e it alanced# neither more Your Quest for Being Better 30
nor less. That is achievale with little practice# commitment ' determination. Balanced living is li)e tightrope wal)ing which is done ! alancing the od! weight on a tight rope. "n life# !ou will e face to face with different contradictor! situations# where onl! practical course open for !ou will e alancing out things. Balancing what !ou want to do with what !ou ought to do. Balancing eating health! foods against desire to eat tast! fried unhealth! foods# ta)ing rest and e/ercise# alancing time and relationships demand# alancing spurt of anger at something going wrong through someone%s fault and a rational tolerant attitude for future goodC There are umpteen things in life# which re<uire alancing haits# attitudes# ailities to ma)e a peaceful# harmonious# tran<uil living. Most important thing in life is to alance !our materialistic desires# which are outward# with spiritual needs# which are mostl! inward. $ell# oth are necessar! and essential part of our lives. ;ou have to do well professionall! to ma)e a good secure living for !ourself and famil!. But for a life of jo!# happiness# peace of mind# well eing and satisfaction# fulfillment of spiritual needs is also ver! necessar!. ,1piritualit is !our connectivit! with !our creator# to spread goodwill and hope for all those around# to do something for other need! eings# helping others and overall compassionate attitude. "t%s when people loo) at !ou for guidance# direction and support. "t%s when empath! flowers with !our presence. "t%s when others love to e in !our compan!. "t%s when !our mere presence means a lot in an! gathering and uplifts ever!one%s mood. "t%s when !our asence is noticed ! all and !ou are missed ! ever!one. .o# ma)e a ase rule in life <e ,raceful in adversit, *agnanimous in victor. Basicall!# law of alancing means how to alance profit and loss# ecause oth are integral part of life. *s initiall! e/plained in this lesson# the first rule is that one should not e too happ! when !ou profit or win and too desolate when loss is there. &ow to handle loss which is ound to e there off and on in life1 "f !ou ta)e ever!thing in its stride and accept the losses mentall!# it would e much easier. 2osses do not mean onl! mone!# it could e death of a near and dear one# loss of relationship# loss of face or similar developments in life# putting !ou to great deal of stress. Two rules appl! here. =ne is to accept the loss after !ou tried !our est and secondl!# all losses are acceptale e8cept the loss of hope. =ne should alwa!s hope for the est# since onl! hope produces confidence and positive energ! in the od! to ma)e positive things happen. ;es# in an! competition# match or race# ever!one puts great effort to win. >ver!one puts in umpteen hours training# going through rut# mill and grind. "n spite of all the efforts# hard wor) and ac)(rea)ing laor# which has gone into the arduous training# luc) or chance also pla!s a significant role in winning and losing. 2i)e most of these competitive e/ams# difference is onl! of one mar) with which positions
31 Your Quest for Being Better
are decided. .ince# first# second and third or gold# silver and ron0e medals have to e decided in the race# match or competition# difference in the placement is insignificant and sometimes# it is difficult to choose first# second and third. "n such a scenario# one must control emotions and remain dignified# graceful and magnanimous# whatever the result. =ne must accept the result gracefull!. There are no permanent winners or losers# hence a alanced approach is the est in which oth loser and winner show grace and dignit!. *t man! places in this oo) " have mentioned negativit comes naturall to us. ;es# that has een m! oservation. $e are orn negative thin)ers# persons with negative attitude# ta)ing to negativit! as fish ta)es to water. $henever we have to do something# immediatel! negative thoughts will come to our mind# wh! and how# it can%t e done. Compared to negative thin)ers# positive thin)ers are few# ecause we are geneticall! negativit! inclined. $e have to force ourselves to thin) and e positive. -egativit! in the form of fear# overcautious approach# dout# ,safet! first% attitude# eing careful# has remained geneticall! within us in spite of the progress we have made as human race. Those fear or negative genes, have een passed on through generations. 7ear is# in fact# the mother of all vanities i.e. an/iet!# jealous!# greed# env!# worr!# failure# insecurit!# impatience# intolerance etc. 7ear of losing our near and dear ones# fear of failure# old age or not getting our due# losing mone! are alwa!s looming large in our suconscious minds That is wh! human mind is alwa!s cautious# resistant to change and new ideas# prone to worr! ecause of remnants of those fears# an/ieties# un(certainties left within us. $ithout that fear or overcautious ps!chosis# phoias or osessions aout ta)ing the safe route# we could not have survived. &uman race would have een e/tinct ! now ut for this so(called fear and overcautious ps!chosis. Because of fears# our forefathers were alwa!s alert# light sleepers# which was a must re<uirement for survival during those ages. Thus our old mindset is negativit! inclined while presentl!# when we live a secure orderl! life# it is positivit! we want. :resent :ositive mind is resistance(free# without limits# aggressive# progressive# confident and empowered. 8ood positive mind can do a lot good ut then# a negative mind can also pla! havoc# if it runs amo). &ence positivit! and negativit!# have to e alanced. :ositivit! has to e restrained ! negativit! to some e/tent. * cautious safe approach# which ma! e realistic and practical# is re<uired mostl!. .o creating a wor)ale health! alance in our mind aout positive and negative approach and attitude# is what ever!one needs. &ow totall! positive and aggressive mind rought destruction and complete decimation of 8erman! under 1itle during .econd $orld $ar# is a case in point. &itler# with his arm!%s successes in the initial stages of war# was so positive and confident aout his ruthless Your Quest for Being Better 32
repression# that he opened man! fronts including the most disastrous# Russian front. Those generals who wanted a cautious route to e ta)en# were sidelined and aggressive li)e(minded generals given the charge at various levels of militar! command. &ad &itler listened to his cautious generals who wanted to proceed slowl!# without dout# $orld $ar would have ended differentl!. &itler had ecome e/tremel! confident of initial victories ever!where on all fronts and considered his armies invincile. But histor! proved otherwise. $hile we live# we ta)e good care of our od! in giving it all sorts of comforts# lu/uries and entertainment. 9uring our sta! here we u! ig houses# ig swan)! cars# a lu/urious life(st!le# u! umpteen high(end ojects and gadgets and of course ma)e man! new friends and relationships which go along with such life(st!le and illusor! social standing. * ig house and swan)! cars need e/pensive cleaning and maintenance# lu/urious life(st!le and high end ojects need constant upgrading# alwa!s on the loo)(out for what others have# so that !ou can own etter and more e/pensive things. .uch )ind of friends and relationships also need constant nurturing# which ma! e <uite stressful and at times frustrating. $e must e thoughtful u!ing all such things of momentar! pleasure and lu/uries. $e have to find a alance etween such perverse material pleasures and eternal happiness and peace. 7inding a alance etween necessar! and unnecessar! in life is asolute must. =ur continuous strive for outdoing ever!one else# might cost us dear. 9o the much needed alancing act. 9o good# spread goodness# e )ind and compassionate# show gratitude for all the good# )indness and compassion !ou have received from &im# from &is creations# indulge in some service activit! or alleviate someone%s pain ! !our philanthropic acts. $hatever we can do# is etter than nothing or just loo)ing the other wa!. There is still time# ecause !ou will carr! nothing with !ou. Balanced life is an art# which we can master when we ma)e good use of our virtues and have control over our vanities# speciall! inflated ego which will alwa!s come in the wa! of a tran<uil# satisfied and contented wa! of life we must aim ultimatel!. "t is eas! to )eep alance when things are going right. But most restraint# patience# emotional control# cool temperament is re<uired when things get tough# hot and out of control. "t is then !ou control !our temper# mood swings and alance desires# things and needs of life. 7or living a life of grace# dignit!# hope and peace# !ou must master this great art of Balanced 2iving. 3
RememerB Pea#e of $i!" a!" Life of -ala!#e #o9e8ist but 1ea" a!" 1eat will alwa%s be at wa. You will ulti$atel% fi!" %ou Pea#e a!" -liss i! -ala!#i!& out the two. A!% pi#e is woth pa%i!& fo that Pea#e.
33 Your Quest for Being Better
1D. APPRECIA,I(.E +oul +oup a!" +weet 4ish fo AllE -e Poa#tive whe! %ou #a! be APPRECIA,IVE. Its the best 6otivatio!al Ai". * soldier died in action and his od! was rought to his small town# where huge crowd had assemled for the last rites. &is old class teacher and man! of his schoolmates# were also there. .oldier%s mother# in tears# handed his teacher# an old sheet of paper# which she found in his purse. =n opening# teacher instantl! recogni0ed the sheet. 2ong ago# teacher had circulated a sheet of paper with each student%s name written on top and all other students of the class were to write what the! li)ed est aout him. The soldier had )ept that paper with complimentar! remar)s from his classmates# neatl! folded in his purse for !ears and so had most of his classmates# who had assemled there for cremation. That old worn out piece of paper was a priceless rememrance of the past to rejuvenate the present. $h! we have started this important lesson on Appreciation with the aove touching stor!# is to show !ou how much we all value appreciation. Because the teacher told the children to write !hat ou like most about the other classmates# onl! complimentar! and appreciative remar)s were written in that sheet# which ever!one li)e to hear or read aout themselves. Those children# who grew into adults with time# )ept that piece of paper carefull! with them and each of them must e seeing that paper regularl! to feel good# to revitali0e# to feel enthralled or get motivated. There could not e an e/ception to this rule. *fter all# we all are humans. Appreciation is our soul soup. "t%s when we see good in someone# we should put it in words or write it. ,Appreciation is as simple as that. * few spo)en or written words of appreciation can change lives# transform people and spread happiness and jo! all around. *ppreciation has the power to electrif! the atmosphere# convert an ordinar! eing into an achiever# get such things done which seemed impossile a while ago. B! appreciation ever!one gains. *ppreciation has the power to convert negative into :ositive. Appreciation and .ossibilities will alwa!s go together. To get the est out of his followers# appreciation is the most powerful tool a leader has. :eaders are those !ho are Appreciative, follo!ers like to be appreciated b their leader. $ith few words of appreciation# a disgruntled# disheartened# directionless arm!# compan! or organi0ation# is transformed into a thumping victorious outfit. "n an appreciative atmosphere# environment and culture# ever!one grows# feels the tinge and fragrance of success# is enthused e!ond limits and wor)s untiringl! hard towards the achievement of a common goal. -o wonder *ppreciation transforms a certain defeat into a well earned victor!. *ppreciation is a recipe which does not fail. "n spite of all that is written or felt aout appreciation# our asic human nature is negativel! inclined. Most of us are starved of Your Quest for Being Better 34
appreciation# ecause of the deep(rooted notion that it would spoil us. Most of us have never received our due# where appreciation is concerned. =n the other hand# how much criticism we see all around us. * mista)en notion is paramount in most of us that more we are critici0ed# etter we shall perform. -othing is far from truth. "f success in life is !our goal# practice it ! eing proactive in appreciating wor)# things and events and restrain in criticism or adverse comments. Media is live e/ample which we come across dail!. -ews papers# TV# maga0ines# all are e/pressing criticism 4EH to EH (good). Bad news gras the headlines and if we go ! that# nothing good or appreciative is happening in this world. Murderers# rapists# e/tremists# roers# chain snatchers# terrorists# corrupt politicians and officers will alwa!s gra the headlines and lead stories. But a good person li)e !ou and me# will never even e mentioned# ecause it won%t sell. Media goes out of the wa! to paint the whole world as ad. +nfortunatel!# even when right thin)ing people%s mind gets omarded ! ,B*9 T&-8. *-9 &*::>-"-8.%# we start thin)ing that entire world is li)e that. -othing good reall! e/ists here. +nfortunatel!# most of the ordinar! good people spend so much time watching TVs and ad things it telecasts# the! thin) such things are common# there is nothing wrong in indulging in such activities. +nfortunatel!# as human eings we are filled with negativit! ecause we do not practice positivit! from childhood. -o dout# it is eas! to critici0e or find faults in people or their wor) output. &owever# in spite of ever!thing# this world survives ecause there is lot more good than ad ut since ad is loud and vociferous# it finds prominence# e it media# meetings# general discussions# food at home etc. *s parent# create an appreciative and encouraging environment at home for the child to grow up. "t%s li)e trees planted in the soil of appreciation will e stronger and full of vigor to handle life%s ups and downs etter. The! will feel more loved# secure# self confident and alanced in life# than those children rought up in unsupportive# critical and unappreciative atmosphere. :arents# often# thin) that ! spending huge amounts on child%s education ! putting them in high( end public> %nternational schools# spending lavishl! on their irthda!s or fulfilling all their wishes# the! have done# what ought to have een done for their child. =o, that is not so. *n atmosphere of love# affection# appreciation and encouragement at home# helps !our child to grow into a etter human eing# caring t!pe# sharing t!pe# a person with higher self(elief# self(esteem and self(worth which help him a lot during his growth from childhood to manhood# forging meaningful relationship# strong marital indings# ta)ing good care of the parents in their old age and general social responsiilities. .incere appreciation or compliment is one of the most effective tools to motivate an!one# small child or a grown(up person ali)e. *ppreciation has great transformationImotivation <ualities. 2u)ewarm water cannot move an!thing. ;ou re<uire steam generated through
35 Your Quest for Being Better
appreciationImotivation# to move ig trains# engines or ships. Motivation is li)e happiness# as it multiplies when shared. $hen !ou motivate others# !ou get self(motivated !ourself. ;ou can%t motivate others without getting motivated !ourself. =ne da!# ever!one has to grow old. >ven the childC But children who are rought up in loving and appreciative environment# ta)e good care of their old parents. The! do it not ecause it is their dut! or the! must do it# not fearing other!ise !hat !ill people sa. The! do it ecause the! want to do it. The! ta)e great pleasure and pride in serving their parents in old age and Than) 8od for that privilege. "n most households# where parents are left to fend for themselves in old age# are those where while growing up# home atmosphere lac)ed positivit! through appreciation# encouragement ' )ind words. 9o not hold !ourself for appreciation. .a!# ecause !ou must e/press !our thoughts and e/pressions of appreciation effectivel!. -o one minds hearing appreciative remar)s again and again. "t is music to their ears and a great feel good factor of which people should never e deprived ecause in the end it helps !ou a great deal. &owever# difference etween appreciation and flatter! must e understood. *ppreciation is sincere e/pression of one%s true feelings# while flatter! is with hidden self interest and is insincere. 7latter!# invarial! is loaded with selfish ends and individual gains from the person# while in sincere appreciation# no such gains are there. *ppreciation is the soul soup while flatter! is opposite of that. *t home# we are too engrossed in eating the delicious food dished out ! our wife or mother# never uttering a word of appreciation ut when an!thing is to our disli)e# we oil over# never hesitating to critici0e even minor imperfections in food taste or <ualit!. +nfortunatel!# it is not onl! food# an!thing not to our li)ing# we urst over and never hesitate to e/press ourselves negativel! while on the positive side# we are tuned to ta)e things for granted. $hen we li)e something# we consider it unnecessar! to sa! a few words of appreciation# acceptance or encouragement which would convert an ordinar! home into paradise. That%s wh!# it is rightl! said ?:R*".> 2=+92; ut lame softl!. :R*".> :+B2"C2; ut critici0e privatel!J. 3
RememerB 1ow lo!& we live, !o o!e 3!ows. -ut whateve it is, live it well, live it to the bi$ b% bei!& appe#iative, positive $i!"e", e!thusiast, opti$ist with &eat possibilities. Appe#iatio! is the best 6otivatio! whi#h #o!vets a! o"i!a% life i!to bliss, paa"ise, puposeful a!" $ea!i!&ful. Also, a##ept all e8pessio!s of ,1A.7+ & /RA,I,)4E fo$ othes with /a#e & Appe#iatio!. ************************************************** It is 'ore i'&ortant to "e >IN= than Ri)ht. Your Quest for Being Better 36
11. Life is !ot about heai!& a!" seei!& but what #ou!ts $ost is LI+,E.I./ a!" (-+ERVI./. -e a"ept at -oth. .ome talents or life(s)ills are god(given. ;ou onl! need to hone them as !ou wade through life. But some s)ills# li)e eing a good listener and a )een oserver# are the s)ills which have to e ac<uired I instilled and developed for an empowered and rewarding living. $inners# successful people and popular lovale persons with attractive and magnetic personalities# are not dropped from heaven. The! are the same people li)e !ou and me# ut when someone sa!s something# the! listen attentivel! ma)ing him feel important and cared for. The! are also )een intelligent oservers. 8od has given us two ears and one tongue with a specific purpose# to listen more than tal)ing. "ncidentall!# we do the opposite. $e often hear people sa!ing 9% !anted to tell him this and that?2,, 9% told him??2. But rarel!# 9% !anted to listen...2 "n fact# when !ou pa! undivided attention to what someone is sa!ing# it is li)e silentl! sa!ing % care, through !our attentive listening. ;ou can see and feel someone%s open and caring heart through his attention(filled listening. *ttentive listening motivates the spea)er to share his )nowledge and e/periences# need for which# can never e over(emphasi0ed. "n turn# the person feels closer to !ou and a new relationship is developed# which would not e there ut for the attention !ou have paid to what he wanted to sa!. *ttentive listening means sharing whatever is in his heart and mind. Before the paper and writing accessories were commerciall! produced# it was onl! through listening# people learned and ac<uired volumes of )nowledge. 7our Vedas and man! religious oo)s from the world(over# were passed on from generation to generation ! listening and memori0ing onl!. *t times# ma! e !ou are preoccupied or attention is somewhere else. +nderstandal!# !ou ma! not e ale to give proper attention to what other person is sa!ing or have no interest in what is eing said. .till !ou must ensure through !our good manners and courteous disposition that the person does not feel small or offended. Because when !ou do not give the person !our ear properl!# he might feel rejected# elittled# insulted or develop inferiorit! comple/. &ence# !our good pedigree and pleasing personalit! entails that !ou e patient# respectful and tolerant to people with whom !ou are coming in contact and the! should feel happ! that the! met !ou. $hen someone is spea)ing# !ou should not onl! listen attentivel!# ut should not change the topic aruptl! or interrupt him. ;ou must let him finish# don%t spea) immediatel! after he is finished# ta)e !our time to repl! ut never e/hiit agitation or irritation# which is as good or as ad as showing disrespect. "n fact# !our listening hait shows more of finer sides of !our personalit!# !our calm# cool and unhurried
37 Your Quest for Being Better
temperament# which are all parts of a pleasing personalit!# a popular person# with whom ever!one li)es to interact or share views. &ait of attentive listening must e inculcated earl! in life# from school age# where a child or student must pa! full attention to what is eing said ! the teacher or lecturer# grasp and understand the suject# so that a health! foundation is laid for the career through all important listening hait. *s we grow in education or an! field# attentive listeners will alwa!s e ahead of casual listeners. "t helps us in professional field a lot# when we can grasp intimate )nowledge or personal e/periences of man! distinguished personalities# for which no oo) or related information ma!# otherwise e availale. >ven in group discussions or meetings# !ou have to listen carefull!# concentrating on what is eing said# so that a proper point(wise repl! can e given. "n married life# so man! things partners are doing with and for each other. *ll these things are important for the partners including undivided attention from the other partner# ecause ultimatel!# oth of them onl! have each other to e/press their thoughts and sentiments. Mutual distrust and discord will prevail within the marriage# when partner feels that other partner is not pa!ing needed attention. -ot pa!ing attention to what is eing said ! the other partner# ma! e perceived as insulting. "t%s not aout hearing. "t%s aout listening# pa!ing attention# focusing on what is eing said ! the partner. "t%s aout caring. "t%s aout the e/change of much needed love# when partners loo) into each other%s e!es when the! listen intentl!. "f !ou are a good listener# then tr! to e a etter one. "f !ou have not developed this all important techni<ue# which will not onl! help !ou in marriage ut also in ever! other sphere in life# uilding and improving relationships with famil! memers# friends# relatives# suordinates# usiness associates# professional colleagues etc. $hat differentiates us from animals is that we can listen to our fellow eings% dreams# fears# jo!s# sorrows# desires ' Vise versa. "t%s when# without uttering a word# we conve! to the other person 9% understand or % care or % !ill be there or ou can al!as count on meJ. Being a good listener# helps !ou all the wa! in life# in !our profession# usiness# jo and more so# in attaining marital liss. Wise person has long ears, big ees but a short tongue. "mplications are simple. $ise person is the one# who listens attentivel!# oserves intentl! ut tal)s less. -othing goes unnoticed from him though he ma! not sa! or sa! onl! at the appropriate time in a positive manner. *lwa!s e on the loo)out for whatever good is happening around !ou or is eing said. =serve others% good points and incorporate in !ourself. *lwa!s )eep !our e!es and ears open. Be slow of tongue ut <uic) of e!e. Thin) <uic) ut tal) slow. Being a good oserver means creating an anal!tical mind which notices the other person or situation inside out. &e is <uic) thin)er# decisive not vacillating and can weigh a person or situation <uic)l!. Your Quest for Being Better 38
&e# of course# listens attentivel! ut also hears what goes unsaid ! other person%s facial e/pressions and od! language. &e has a calculative and in<uisitive mind# ta)ing minimal time in assessing the situation or the person# and is <uic) to act. &is pleasing and magnetic personalit! is the result of his )een oservation power# since he is in the hait of instilling good <ualities he oserves in others. -o one is perfect ut one can alwa!s tr! for e/cellence# which one can develop through )een oservation and hait of attentive listening. Both comined# can do wonders to !our personalit! transformation. -o dout# often# one is tempted to tal) unceasingl! to impress others# not )nowing that ! continuousl! tal)ing# he is not onl! creating a poor impression of himself# ut also e/posing himself since nothing is opened more times b mistake than the mouth. Being a good listener is godl! <ualit!. 8od listens to our sincere pra!ers# woes# complaints ever! moment. &e filters them and sends &is innumerale lessings and aundant 8oodies for us to enjo! without ever a thought of return. That%s wh!# &e is 8od and we# mere mortals. But mortals can also e 8od(li)e ! instilling good haits# one of which is eing a good# caring and attentive listener. $e must never forget to conve! our Than)s and 8ratitude for all &e has given us# this perfect human od!# a eautiful world to live in# uninterrupted suppl! of life(giving fresh air# water and umpteen delicious vegetales and fruits# caring famil!# friends and relatives and millions of others eautiful things. &e has also given us a thin)ing mind which &e has not given to an! other species on this planet. $ant to pa! &im ac) or Than) &im1 .pare some valuale time of !ours and just go to an old age home and listen to inmates# their woes# life%s stories# prolems# sentiments# emotions# for which no one has time. "n return# !ou will get the est gift of !our life which is &appiness# .erenit! and :eace# for which !ou might have een striving for long. "n the argain# !ou have ecome more caring# sharing# li)eale and an improved# magnetic and pleasant personalit!. 3
RememerB A &oo" Liste!e is alwa%s $oe popula tha! a &oo" spea3e. -% atte!tive liste!i!&, %ou tou#h peoples heat a!" $i!", those #oes "eep i!si"e hu$a!s, whi#h ae "iffi#ult to ea#h othewise. +o$e people have /o"9&ive! tale!t of a &oo" spea3e but fo bei!& &oo" liste!e o obseve, %ou "o!t !ee" 1is help. You ;ust !ee" to be si!#eel% pusui!& the at of bei!& a! atte!tive liste!e a!" 3ee! obseve.
************************************************** 0o alon) to )et alon) 0o alon) to )et alon) 0o alon) to )et alon) 0o alon) to )et alon) One of the 'ost valua"le traits in hu'an "ein)s, is the a"ility to )et alon) ith all (in! of &eo&le a"ility to )et alon) ith all (in! of &eo&le a"ility to )et alon) ith all (in! of &eo&le a"ility to )et alon) ith all (in! of &eo&le.
39 Your Quest for Being Better
12. You #a!!ot please all the people all the ti$e. 4o!t eve! t%. .eve let '01A, will people +a%, ule %ou life. * couple ought a don)e! from a village fare for their use. $hile on their wa! home with don)e!# a man commented What a stupid thing to do. While the have a donke to ride, both of them are !alking on foot2. .o the man as)ed the wife to sit on the don)e!. *fter some distance# a lad! remar)ed 9$o! selfish of the lad' While she is comfortabl sitting on the donke, poor husband is !alking in the hot sun2. &earing this uncomplimentar! remar)# lad! got down from the don)e! and as)ed her husand to sit on the don)e!# instead. The! had gone a little distance# heard another derogator! remar) from a passer! 9@ust look at it. *ale chauvinistic pigA $o! selfish and mean of the husband to make the good lad !alk in this hot sun, !hile he himself, is comfortabl sitting on the donke2. &usand could not ta)e it and as)ed the wife also to sit on the don)e!. :at came another uncomplimentar! remar) from another passer!# ?@ust look, ho! cruel people can be to the poor animals !ho cannot retaliate. .oor donke ma die in this hot sun, carring both of them on his back. ( ,od, please help the poor soul2. 2uc)il! for the couple# the! reached their house and could afford some respite. Moral of this old store! is ver! clear. "t is !our life to live and live it the wa! !ou want it# )eeping !our conscience clear and as long as !ou don%t harm an!one else# do not let others control !our life ! their adverse unwarranted comments. ,ist is 7ou cannot please all the people all the time. 4ont even tr. =ever W$A# W%:: .;(.:; 1A7, rule our life. >ven $arren Buffet# the second richest man in the world# who delivered news papers as a child# advises us ,%ts our life. Wh give chance to others to rule over it. :eople# these da!s# go to unimaginale lengths to get others% approval or appreciation# ma)ing their own# as well as life of their )ith and )in# miserale. This is one of the reasons# wh! so man! people live a life without peace# full of turmoil. =ften we see people going to great lengths# stooping as low as possile# ending ac)wards to get a favorale remar) or glance of appreciation from others. =ften# individual%s life is entirel! molded ! ?ho! others !ould like it, praise it or !ould be impressed'J. :eople often ma)e a fool of themselves# put themselves at others% merc!# tr!ing to impress them. 9What !ill the sa' What !ill others think'2 :s!chologists feel that after asic human needs li)e sufficient wealth# own house# satisfactor! relationships and attaining desired lifest!le etc. have een met# one loo)s around for meeting another critical need which is to be liked and to be held in high esteem b others. 7ine# the need is there in almost ever!one ut few are ale to overcome general adulation ut most succum to this and ecome Your Quest for Being Better 40
slave of resultant !hat !ill people sa or think mentalit!. .uch people are of shallow gestures# low self(esteem# poor leaders# lac) self confidence and focused on superfluous outer pomp and show rather than inner values# which ma)e us intrinsicall! strong persons. ;ou can never have ever!one praise !ou or condemn !ou at the same time. :eople alwa!s come around when !ou do things !our wa!# in spite of what and how others are doing. Be a good listener speciall! to those !ou trust. 2isten to their advise# evaluate it ojectivel! ut# alwa!s ma)e !our own decisions ecause !ou onl! will face or have to live with the conse<uences which will arise from !our actions. Be true to !ourself and stop doing things just to please others# ecause their pleasure# approval or appreciation# actuall!# means nothing to !ou. "t%s important that !ou have to li)e !ourself first and e appreciative of what !ou do# then onl! others will li)e !ou and e appreciative# ut it should never e the main motivation in doer(ship. 7or that !ou have to e a person of high self(esteem. *lwa!s maintain !our dignit! and grace# which is more important than whatever temporar! adulation !ou ma! get from others which# in an! case# is of no value to !ou. *lwa!s remain cut aove others in maintaining !our dignit! and grace. Maintain !our own standards# never compromise on them. That does not mean that !ou pull others down to go up or )eep harping on !our own virtues. ;our ehavior should e impeccale and aove oard. "f !ou have or develop <ualities which are appreciale or praise(worth!# people will definitel! notice# though people are normall! not ver! e/pressive aout positivit!# ut <uite so aout negativit!. &ave patience# e good and tr! eing etter. Ma)e !ourself an emodiment of dignit! and grace. Caring# giving# helping# respectful t!pe of people never go unnoticed. ;ou will alwa!s notice that people of few words are alwa!s more respected than those who )eep tal)ing to impress others# mostl! tal)ing aout themselves and their achievements. $hen !ou tal)# tal) to e/press# not impress. &ere also focusing is ver! essential. 7ocus on e/pressing not impressing. 2isten more# tal) less. "t is onl! people with low self(esteem# who adl! need others% approval and praise. :eople with high self(esteem# who have had good upringing# are not hungr! of praise and others% approval. The! remain focused on good and are not othered aout others% approval or disapproval. "n fact# the hait of see)ing others% approval ma! e initiated inadvertentl! ! parents in earl! childhood when the!# sort of# encourage and initiate the child with !hat !ill people or someone think or sa if ou did like this, !hat !ill people think if ou dressed like that or everone does like that onl without a thought. .uch tendencies# for short term approval# must e avoided. "nstead# child must e introduced to health! and long term enefits of high self( esteem and self(respect# rather than aping others mindlessl!. 8oes without sa!ing# that we all need certain amount of others% approval# appreciation# acceptance and praise# ut that should never
41 Your Quest for Being Better
ecome our sole ojective. 8et into the hait of trusting !our own judgment# sense of fair(pla!# code of ethics and values# which will ma)e !ou a role model to others. Because of their high moral standards# earlier leaders could ta)e short term unpleasant and unpopular decisions for long term enefits# decisions which present da! ,leaders% find difficult to ta)e. Rather# the! follow a polic! of appeasement of certain sections# which is detrimental to general good ' also harmful in the long run for most people and societ! in general. *rtificialit! and show off on facebook or such social networ)s# at times# orders on reprehensile or worth laughing at. "dea of the ,faceoo)% is connectivit!# persons )nown or un)nown to !ou# even sa!# thousands of miles awa!. But mostl! medium is eing used ! people to show(off their ,stuff%# new modern houses# swan)! cars# photographs of functions held at e/pensive places or e/otic holida!s or even how eautiful or handsome their spouse is# etc. "t might draw !ou a few !o!s ut man! feelings of jealous!# env! or even hate# ma! remain une/pressed. $hile !ou are not even on ,hello% terms with !our ne/t door neighor or might not have e/changed a word or smile with someone from the same neighorhood where !ou might have een living for !ears# people tr!ing to sta! ,connected% with people# whom the! have never met or )nown# does sound hollow. " find nothing wrong with ,facebook ut it%s people%s attitude# hunger of drawing a word of appreciation# praise or approval# which is mostl! false# is most laughale. "t%s etter to overcome intention of eing centre of attention and attraction# wherever !ou can. That craving is self( defeating# graceless and undignified. +ltimatel!# in life# people get attracted ! the depth of sustance !ou have# !our )nowledge and wisdom. These are automatic magnets and self(loc)s in one%s personalit!. "n spite of the desire to e appreciated and recogni0ed# !ou must alance that need with more roust lifest!le and value s!stem# ta)ing pride in what and how !ou do things and !our achievements. 3 RememerB Live %ou full pote!tial with "i&!it%, &a#e a!" self9espe#t. Live a pi!#iple" life, !ot a life of show9off. +ta% tue to %ou pi!#iples, ethi#s a!" values. Cai!& t%pes, helpi!& t%pes, &ivi!& t%pe people with altuisti# te!"e!#ies, will alwa%s fi!" pla#e "eep i! peoples heats. 4o !ot #hase flatte%, oute po$p a!" show. -e a peso! of substa!#e & i!ti!si# values. ,his is the fist step towa"s be#o$i!& bette tha! %ou ae. A##ept !o o!es "efi!itio! of %ou life. 4EFI.E Y()R+ELF. ******************************************************** %ife is not a 'atter of hol!in) )oo! #ar!s, /ut, &layin) a &oor han! ell. &layin) a &oor han! ell. &layin) a &oor han! ell. &layin) a &oor han! ell. Your Quest for Being Better 42
1:. 0he! #i#u$sta!#es #a!!ot be #ha!&e", C1A./E Y()R+ELF. Alwa%s, be pepae" to /ive up /oo" fo the -ette. 2eo Tolsto! has said 9;verone thinks of changing the !orld but no one thinks of changing himself2. Change is the unwritten law of this world and there is no wa!# we can escape change in our lives. *s soon as we are orn# changes start# in our ph!sical od!# as well as# around. >ver!thing in this world is set to change# ever!thing# virtuall!. "n spite of the nature%s law that ever!thing must change# we human eings# ! nature# fear change. $e feel secure in the status <uo. This insecurit! with change ma! e ecause of the fear or lac) of confidence in the new circumstances or situations. But for progress and growth# change we must. We must give up good for the better. $ith change lies a powerful potential that is# the new eginning alwa!s has scope for greater enjo!ment# fulfillment and fresh opportunities. Those who are proficient at handling change# are successful# while those who can%t# are mostl! failures. &hange !hat ou can. Accept !hat ou cannot. This asic principle of life must ecome our motto in life# if we want to live a meaningful life. =therwise we will )eep cursing# laming# fuming and fretting which# these da!s most of the people# )eep doing. +nfortunatel!# our societ! or countr! is in lame mode these da!s. $e lame ever!one e/cept ourselves for whatever happens. .ince most of the prolems or the circumstances are of our own creation# we onl! must face the conse<uences also. $hat is progress or growth1 "t is when we have got over adversities and prolems# we achieve something. :rogress is impossile without change or changed mindset. Those who cannot change their mindset# achieve virtuall! nothing in life. These are the people who will alwa!s )eep laming ever!one e/cept themselves for their circumstances. But a ver! important and relevant fact of life is that nothing changes# unless we change. $h! so man! people are failure in their lives is# ecause the! want others to change as per their whim and fanc!# which does not happen. $e can e<uate life with war# the igger focus. 2ife# which usuall! is for man! !ears or long haul# can e sudivided into smaller parts that is wee)s or da!s. To win the war of life# we might have to lose man! attles dail!. .ince# li)e !ou# others also do not li)e to change# est thing within our powers is to change ourselves. This will to change# comes from anishing !our ego# which is the iggest hurdle in human development and transformation. 0ithi! $aital elatio!ship, change pla!s# perhaps# the most important role. >ven when the! might materiall! have ever!thing ut peace and marital liss is paramount. .ince the! are under each other%s constant ga0e all the time round# the! ma! ,notice% man! actual or perceived faults in the partner# resulting in constant acrimon! and irritation in da! to da! life. Because of these dail! constant
43 Your Quest for Being Better
irritants# there is alwa!s a feeling of unhappiness and jo!(less e/istence# wanting to get awa! ut nowhere to go. *nswer to such insignificant irritants in life# is simple ut# ecause we associate ever!thing materiall! and with ego# we never even want to give them a chance. 7or solving most marital prolems# title of this lesson will come hand! '01E. CIRC)6+,A.CE+ CA..(, -E C1A./E4, C1A./E Y()R+ELF. ;ou cannot change much in !our marriage. =nl! thing !ou can change# which will e effective also# is 'C1A./E Y()R+ELF. *nd mind !ou# most of these changes which are re<uired# are of minor and inconse<uential nature. The! onl! re<uire a changed mindset# eas! to instill with little effort. These are nothing compared to peace# tran<uilit! and marital liss it shall ring within the marital relationship. $hen !ou change# instead first as)ing !our partner to change# returns can e astounding. ;ou will have love# peace# tran<uilit! and serenit! in life resulting into prosperit!# calmness and unound jo!. The change !ou ring in !ourself# is a ver! small and inconse<uential price to pa!# when compared to gains. $hatever !ou have een wanting in life from !our partner ( love# understanding# support# cooperation# togetherness are within !our eas! reach# if !ou forsa)e !our ego and follow the easier and most enjo!ale path of changed mindset in life. *gain# have no e/pectations. Ta)e initiative and do it !ourself first. .eeing !ou# most proal! !our partner will also ring in re<uired changes slowl!. Bliss and feel good factor which will generate in !our life# will turn the same household into heavenl! aode for !ou# !our partner and children. *nother important aspect of change is the fle8ibilit or fle8ible mindset. Rigidit! never pa!s in life# on the contrar!# fle/iilit! is a ig oon or 8od%s gift. >go# which is the misplaced sense of self( importance and the iggest road(loc) to change or fle/ile approach to face and get over various ostructions in life# must e shunned. 7le/iilit! also entails that we should e prepared to change course where ever or when ever needed. $e also should not hesitate to ta)e even ,+% turn where ever needed. These changes# fle/iilit!# alternative plans# changing course ma! e re<uired in ever! wal) of life# i.e. personalit! development# personal life# married life# professional life# investments# relationships# dealing with difficult people and so man! innumerale things# ecause we must )eep an e!e on the long term goals and achievements. ;ou have to develop courage# discipline# initiative# self(control# patience and man! more <ualities discussed in our oo)s for achieving !our coveted goals and success in life which is our ultimate ojective. 3 RememerB '.othi!& #ha!&es u!less %ou #ha!&e. >C%anging t%e 9ace8 $a% #ha!&e !othi!&. -ut >Facing t%e c%ange8 $a% #ha!&e a lot. 4o!t #o$plai! about othes. Cha!&e %ouself fo %ou pea#e. It is i&htl% sai" >/o im!ro#e is to c%ange. /o be !er9ect is to c%ange o9ten8. Your Quest for Being Better 44
1=. -i&&est 6%th of Life: It wo!t happe! to $e. It happe!s to othes o!l%. "n the epic Mahaharata# there is an episode in which ;a)sh as)s ;udhister# the eldest# the most truthful and wisest of :andav rothers %n life, !hat surprises ou most'. ;udhister%s repl! was ;verda people see others suffering and ding. 1till everone thinks, it !ont happen to him. This elief or trait# has continued to remain in human mind through the ages. $ell# this human trait is oth for our good and ad. "n the attlefield# a soldier sees ullets fl!ing all around# oms and shells e/ploding# )illing or maiming his comrades# ut he )eeps marching ahead with# at the ac) of his mind# it !ont happen to me. This wa!# the mindset helps him overcome the fear of even death or injur!# which his comrades are facing. &uman race has con<uered the world with this mindset. The! have overcome mindoggling odds and have undergone untold hardships and ta)en great ris)s# alwa!s hoping in their mind that the! shall e ale to get totall! unscathed out of the situation. $hatever is happening# will happen to others# not to him. =n the contrar!# same mindset ma)es people do most unfortunate things# most heinous crimes. This wa!ward corruption# shameless swindling of pulic funds# deposits of lacs of crores of lac) mone! in foreign an)s and other such crimes of mind(oggling proportions# crimes against women# are the result of the same mindset that# it !ont happen to me. >ven when few influential people are caught in the act# jailed or humiliated otherwise# their entire life destro!ed and gains totall! nullified# still man! continue to indulge in such ahorring acts# get caught and go to jail or humiliated otherwise. The! alwa!s thin)# it !ont happen to me or ho! can % be caught'. Gust see how insecure our roads have ecome. =ver(speeding and otherwise rec)less driving without an! regard for personal safet! or safet! of other road(users# who dare to venture out on road on a vehicle or on foot# alwa!s hoping and thin)ing that it won%t happen to himC This is# when media is full of road accidents ever!da!# people eing fatall! )noc)ed down ! speeding vehicles# drivers getting arrested and put ehind ars. "magine# an otherwise clean person eing jailed for a moment%s rec)lessness or momentar! e/citement resulting from driving or riding at high speed. &e sees ever!thing ut alwa!s thin)s it !ont happen to me. >ver! criminal has this unpardonale mindset thin)ing that he shall get awa! and will not e caught. But# mostl! the! alwa!s leave a clue# get caught and arrested. .ome are jailed for man! !ears while others get the life term. Their whole life and famil!%s shattered. But efore committing the crime# the! were sure that the shall not be caught or it !ont happen to me. "t is a pit! to see !oung students indulging in such crimes as ragging their juniors in the colleges and getting caught# rusticated or
45 Your Quest for Being Better
even arrested. Anowing full!(well that ragging is a penal offence# if and when caught# their whole life could e shattered# still the! )eep indulging in such inhuman and demeaning acts of ragging their juniors# alwa!s thin)ing that ,it !ont happen to them. "f ever a surve! of jails all over the world is conducted and inmates are as)ed !hat the thought at the time of the crime, almost ever!one elieved that he will not e caught and it !ont happen to him. .ome never thin) what can happen and others thin) it !ont happen to them and !ill go scot free. "t is ver! unfortunate that this mindset has deep roots in human ps!che and ehind most of the unfortunate things which )eep happening around the world# all sorts of crimes# financial crimes# corruption# eme00lements etc. "n life what we are prepared ourselves for# we face it etter. "ncidentall!# while some are respectful to the old people# most of the !oungsters never thin) that old were also !oung li)e them long ago or the! themselves shall also e old sometime in future. The! are# often# uncaring# intolerant# undul! critical or even disrespectful to elders or to even their own aged parents. The! never thin) that in due time# their turn will also come. Change is the onl! constant in life# an irrevocale law of this universe. +ndoutedl!# one da! these !oungsters will also e old and their place e ta)en ! those who are children or toddlers now. That%s how the life moves on. -o one is in their places permanentl!. 2aw of impermanence governs ever!thing in this world. +nderstanding this# we must alwa!s e prepared to face and accept changes in life and times. Time is alwa!s on the move and so are our ,times%# which ma! change from ,ad% to ,good% or vice versa. Contradictions such as good ' ad# right ' wrong# old ' !oung# handsome ' ugl!# hope ' despair# success ' failure and ver! man! others# are part of the same life. .ometime this# sometime that. &owsoever ad conditions ma! appear now# things will alwa!s change for good in due course. $e should understand that ever!thing in life has a limited lifespan. .o# we must get out of the ps!che it !ont happen to me%. $e should never let our growth and progress e hampered ! this ,unfortunate% mindset. =n the contrar!# we should alwa!s e well prepared in life to face an! eventualit! and never thin)# good or bad# it !ont happen to me. 2ife st!le diseases such as diaetes# h!pertension# oesit! and man! more# are the result of this callous attitude aout health when !oung. $hile most of these diseases are preventale# if we ta)e care of our health right from the eginning ut we don%t do that and suffer in later stages of life# when nothing can e done aout the cumulative effects of the life(long negligence. "n fact# we had alwa!s thought it !ont happen to me. But nature does not spare an!one ' ma)es it happen. "f saving mone! for future use# is !our hait# it%s good. Re<uired amount of mone! can e saved for future financial securit!. But# Your Quest for Being Better 46
mone! is not the onl! securit! !ou need for ma)ing !our future secure. ;ou need to inculcate good habits when !oung# to secure !our future. ;ou need to nurture meaningful relationships for securing !our future. ;ou need to be health when ,old%# for which !ou must get into health! wa!s from !ounger da!s. $hen ,old%# !ou must e proud of our achievements in life. 7or all this# !ou must la! a strong and sturd foundation which can onl! e done at a !ounger age# not when life has passed !. 2ife gives !ou ample opportunit! to act at the right time. "f !ou don%t# !ou onl! have !ourself to lame. " am reminded of an old ut relevant stor!. "n old times# there was a trader who owned a ig oat. &e would ta)e the merchandise from one shore to another on his oat and made a fortune in gold coins# which were artered in those da!s for goods. &e had )ept two tin canisters near his ed in which he used to collect gold coins. *s time passed !# loo)ing at the condition of his oat# his friends suggested that he u! a new oat# since the old oat might capsi0e an! time. But trader was adamant that how can that happen or it shall cost him a fortune# which he was reluctant to spend. *fter few da!s# his friends again suggested that at least trader learn swimming# so that even when# supposing oat did capsi0e# he can swim ashore. :oor trader# again thought of the mone! he would have to spend learning to swim and usiness he would lose for the period of learning a ,useless% vocation li)e swimming. .ince things were going so fine for him# he saw no reason how an!thing could go wrong. $hen his friend found him reluctant on that also# the! suggested that at least he should )eep two empt canisters near his ed# and if and when oat did capsi0e# he can alwa!s float to the shore with their help. &e readil! agreed for that since no e/pense or ,waste% of valuale time was involved and )ept two empt! canisters near his ed. *s e/pected and unfortunatel! for him# the da! of rec)oning came. "n the storm# his old oat capsi0ed and his long time emplo!ees started leaving the oat ecause the! all )new swimming. To save his life# trader thought of those two empt! canisters with whose aid# he could float and save his life. .o he ran to his ed and too) oth the empt! canisters ut then he saw the two canisters full of gold coins# his life%s earnings. "n the mad rush# he thought# 9oh, !hat % !as about to do in hurr' :eaving m lifes savings to be dro!ned !ith the boat and taking these useless empt canisters !ith meA #hank ,od % have seen these gold-filled canisters in time2. .a!ing that# he pic)ed up oth the canisters full of gold coins# leaving the useless empt! canisters there and jumped in the overflowing river. "nevitale# what was waiting to happen# ultimatel! happened. Most such stories ma! e imaginar!# ut we must draw our lessons and learn. $hen going was good# trader never thought an!thing ad could happen to him. .o# he never prepared himself# in spite of the warnings. "n the ac) of his mind was the ps!che it !ont happen to me, which ultimatel!# destro!ed him. &ad he listened to his
47 Your Quest for Being Better
friend%s advise# he need not have drowned in the river. "n arm!# there is a common sa!ing hope for the best but be prepared for the !orst. Those who are prepared for the worst# alwa!s win. =pposite of this mindset it !ont happen to me, is to alwa!s thin) that when it is happening to others# it can also happen to us. "t is said Wise learn from their mistakes, !iser learn from others. "t%s high time# we learnt from others all that we can# since time has a wa! of teaching us what we should have learnt long ago. 3
RememerB Life is u!#etai! a!" u!pe"i#table. 0e have !o #o!tol ove that. It will e$ai! that wa%. (u thi!3i!& is what &ove!s ou life. ,hou&h ou thi!3i!&, we shoul" alwa%s pepae ouselves to fa#e a!% eve!tualit% i! life. 0e $eet life best at its te$s, whe! we ae ph%si#all%, ps%#holo&i#all% a!" $e!tall% pepae". Lifes supises, at ti$es, #a! be <uite sho#3i!&. +o alwa%s be pepae". 1e!#e !eve thi!3 >it :on8t %a!!en to me, since it can8.
************************************************** Poer & <oney are )oo! servants as lon) as they are in your &o#(et "ut are terri"le 'asters hen they enter your hea!. **************************************************
1?. 4REA6 -i& about %ou Futue & -a#3 it up with Passio!, 1a" wo3 & 4ete$i!atio!. "n heart of their heart# most people env! a successful person. Remar)s li)e ,od is so kind to him or he is so luck are often heard. ;es# someone who wins a lotter! or a tamola snowall is definitel! luc)!. But what aout others li)e .achin Tendul)ar# Vishwanathan *nand# .aina -ehawal# .ushil Aumar# &enr! 7ord# Bill 8ates or .teve Gos of *pple1 ;es# the! have some asic talents# which were# perhaps# 8od%s gift to them. But how the! nurtured their talents and aspirations1 =nl! through smart hard wor)# grit and determinationC The! pursued their amitions through single(minded devotion. The! dreamt ig and pursued their dreams with endless passion# hard wor) and determination to ecome what the! ultimatel! ecame. $elcome to the world of 9R>*M>R.. Be a dreamer (not da! dreamer# of course) and ig one at thatC But to achieve what !ou dream# !ou cannot stop at that. 9on%t let !our dreams e orphans. Bac) them up with untiring effort# intelligent hard wor) and other important factors in life# desire# passion and perseverance. Aeep wor)ing against all odds and one da!# odds will favor !ou. -ever accept defeat. Aeep tr!ing. Tr!# Tr!# Tr! again. "f at first !ou don%t succeed# tr! again. Your Quest for Being Better 48
That%s what aove named sports persons and ever! successful person in an! wal) of life# does. The! never ta)e ,-=% for an answer. The! just )eep tr!ing# )eep practicing# )nowing full! well# that if there are thousand !as of not doing something, there is al!as one !a to do it. +nless !ou are orn with a golden spoon# nothing in life comes eas! or cheap. $hatever one has or has achieved# it%s not a chance# though it might appear to e one# since !ou have not seen the laor# hard wor)# passion# disappointments# frustrations# which have gone into all that. .uccessful people or winners set themselves out to achieve# their vision and goals. 9oing their 5arma all through# the! never get tired and ultimatel! the! achieve their goals. This world aounds with la0!# fault finders# ignorant and thoughtless people# who would win man! an =l!mpic gold# if blame game was one of the events there. The! onl! see the light and jo! ut never see the heartaches# trials and triulations# dar)ness# long and arduous journe! underta)en ! the achievers. .uccess is never a chance. "t%s a continuing journe!. "t is the result and comination of lifelong undaunted effort# perseverance# hard wor)# oth ph!sical and mental# faith and willingness to overcome insurmountale odds# the sacrifices the! have made for reaching# where the! dreamt# to ecome what the! wanted to e. ;es# dream !ou must ut onl! when !ou ac) them up with passion and hard wor)# those dreams can e reali0ed. To achieve great things# !ou must generate passion and desire# the positivit!. :assion and desire are the fire which lights inside !ou. 7or achieving what !ou have set !ourself to achieve# !ou must have that value(ased fire and urning desire called passion. 7ire of passion and desire# are hundred times more powerful than the ph!sical and mental energ! !ou can generate. Aeep the fire urning ! inspiring and motivating !ourself# ! constantl! encouraging !ourself. :assion and desire are the accelerations which we need to achieve great ends. 8as alloon goes up ecause of what is inside the alloon# not ecause of its color or an! outside factor. .ame wa!# !ou can achieve unprecedented success ! creating roc)(solid power inside !ou# relentless perseverance of !our goal and determination and commitment to pursue till !ou achieve them. -othing can hold !ou. *ll successful people went through this grind(mill till the! achieved what the! ultimatel! did and ecome what the! ultimatel! did ecome. 3 RememerB Pai!s ae /ai!s i! life. ,he% a"" value to life. 1eate" &ol" be#o$es o!a$e!t. -eate! #oppe be#o$es wie. 4eplete" sto!e be#o$es statue. 6oe pai! $ea!s %ou ae be#o$i!& $oe valuable. +hu! eas% optio!s i! life. /et out of %ou #o$fot Fo!e. 6ia#les "o happe! i! life but afte lots of ha" wo3 a!" pesevea!#e.
************************************************** >nole!)e is (noin) that To'ato is a fruit. $IS=O< is not &uttin) it into the fruit sala!.
49 Your Quest for Being Better
1@. 0a!t /oo" to happe! to %ou> -e /((4. +pea" /((4.E++. /oo" will auto$ati#all% ebou!". $hat%s in a da!1 8oodness to create# people to 2ove# )indness to float# moments to sei0e# stars to reach for. =ur survival as human race# has depended and shall continue to depend upon the asic goodness of human eings. "n spite of newspapers and maga0ines full of hate# anger# greed or violence# there is far more good in this world# than evil. Compared to ad which is nois!# louder and amplified# goodness is relativel! silent ut soothing# softer and touches our heart and mind ver! intimatel!. 8oodness is li)e fragrance of roses and jasmine in a pool of mud. There is a simple principle of life. Whatever ou focus on, ,)(W1. .o# alwa!s nurture and nourish this heavenl! aspect in our lives# B*."C 8==9->..# which is a sure wa! of having more and more of 8ood in our lives. $e reap what we sow. $hen we sow 8ood# 8ood happens to us. Coming -ew ;ear# instead of traditional -ew ;ear resolutions for stopping something# starting something or limiting something else# focus on spreading and nurturing basic goodness in and around ou. $or) on that and see the improvement in !our own life and outloo). More good !ou focus on and see in others# !ou shall find same in !ouC *ll of us have two opposites residing in us. =ne# full of anger# guilt# env!# jealous!# greed# ego# arrogance and discontentment# which ma)es us feel agitated# guilt!# selfish and resentful# tr!ing to ta)e us down in human values and morals. #he other side is full of @o, .eace, :ove, 5indness, Altruism, ,iving-sharing, $ope, &ompassion, $umilit, 1erenit, ,enerosit and $elpfulness. A <attle goes on !ithin us bet!een the t!o. <ut this battle is al!as !on b the entit ou feed most or the entit ou focus more on. That%s wh! !ou will alwa!s find some people are alwa!s happ!# jo!ful# uo!ant and upeat. The! seem to e living in liss# living their life to the fullest. The! are lessed# while the other t!pe# is alwa!s tense# morose# gloom! and negative. This trie is alwa!s e/pecting ad to happen and when that happens# the! are alwa!s read! with# 91ee % told ou so2. This trie is living a miserale e/istence. The! are ever read! to ignore good# even if the! see it and never compliment an!one# are alwa!s critical and lame ever!one e/cept themselves for whatever happens to them. B! eing 8ood and spreading 8oodness# !ou live an empowered life. ;ou ecome an asset to the societ!# to those around !ou# !our famil!# friends# associates# societ! and nation. :eople loo) at !ou for guidance and direction. The! often give !our e/ample to their children and others to follow. ;ou ecome their role model. 8od has een ver! creative in creating humans. $ord $umane must have originated from ,&uman eing%# which logicall! means that it is oligator! for a Your Quest for Being Better 50
human to e humane. B! eing 8ood or humane# !ou pa! &im ac) for &is laors# for having made !ou what !ou are. Being good or spreading goodness# is another wa! of pra!ing or connecting with !our creator. ;our aode then# is in people%s heart. For s!reading goodness, smile :it%out condition, gi#e :it%out reason, care :it%out e;!ectation. *s a human eing# highest in order of evolution# our creator e/pects us to live this )ind of rewarding life to ma)e a difference in the lives of those not orn so luc)!. $hatever disparities have een left in &is creation# &e e/pects us to mend ,&is mista)es%. "f &e has given aundance to us# he e/pects us to share(give(help with &is other creations. $e should never tr! to monopoli0e what has een &is )indness and grace to us. :eople# often# go to temples pra!ing for more wealth and material success. But when their pra!ers are answered# the! tend to monopoli0e the rewards given ! &im. "n their e/citement for receiving# the! even forget to Than) &im. The! never even thin) of sharing with &is other creations or helping(giving them and e good. &e does not e/pect !ou to give ever!thing ut onl! a part which we should give happil! so that more comes to us# our reward for eing good. .imple nature%s law is# when we give more# we get also more. "t happens man! times# we do good to someone ut he does ad to us or sort of# ac)ites or in office# promotion or raise# which we trul! deserved# is given to someone else. $hat should !ou do in the face of such ,injustice% or ,humiliation%1 -ever part with !our intrinsic goodness. Be as or more productive# add to !our efficienc!# professional s)ills# relationships. -ever mind# if not this# !ou will get that# a etter one. ;ou can simpl! show them# it%s life# !ou can wait. "f the! have ignored !our credential this !ear# ! improved wor) ethics# efficienc! and productivit!# do not let them do it ne/t !ear. There is alwa!s a second time in life. *ove is aout good action. *nother aspect of goodness is to sa! good things# words we utter. -ever hurt or lash out on an!one# speciall! on a person lower to !ou li)e a junior# servant or suordinate. "f a mista)e has happened# give the person ample opportunit! to mend. -ever put !our arrogance on displa! ! what !ou sa!. %f ou cant sa something good, then avoid saing bad things or better dont sa anthing. "n ,-ha&wa" /ita, Lo" 7ish!a lists out the <ualities of a 3ood 4erson, thus 9/earlessness, purification of ones e8istence, cultivation of spiritual kno!ledge, charit, self-control, simplicit, non-violence, truthfulness, freedom from anger, renunciation, tran-uilit, aversion to fault-finding, compassion for all living beings, freedom from greed, gentleness, modest, stead determination, vigor, forgiveness, courage, resilience, cleanliness, and freedom from envBthese -ualities are transcendental and belong to godl men2. "n intrinsic goodness of it%s citi0ens# Gapan is far ahead of an! other countr! in the world. The countr! has faced worst man(made traged!
51 Your Quest for Being Better
in the world. The! are the onl! countr! against whose populations# two atom oms were used in .econd $orld $ar# )illing and maiming millions# completel! oliterating two great cities# &iroshima and -agasa)i. *part from these# natural calamities# earth<ua)es and tsunami are as common as sunn! da!s in our countr!. &ow the! have emerged as the second est econom! in the world in spite of the fact that countr! is KFH mountainous# unsuitale for agriculture# importing raw materials from all over the world and e/porting the finished goods of highest <ualit!# wor)manship and value# is ama0ing. .ociet!%s and people%s resilience# sense of discipline ' sacrifice# orderl! ehavior# collective responsiilit! is e!ond comprehension. "t starts with e/tra ordinar! respect and courtes! Gapanese show towards each other. *rrogance and ego seems to e non(e/istent in their societ!. $hatever the! do# the! are totall! dedicated and committed. ;ou can never see a person ever losing temper# in spite of what happens. >ver!one# whether a peon# ca driver or a C>=# is treated with the same courtes! and grace as an!one else. The! value their and each other%s time. "n spite of umpteen trains# uses# elevators etc. most Gapanese prefer to ta)e the stairs or simpl! wal) across the distance. Most distant spaces in car par)s are filled first# ecause the! want to wal) the distance to )eep in good health and also as a mar) of courtes! towards fellow citi0ens who are late# so that the! do not have to wal) long distance. "s there an! other e/ample the world over1 $e ape filth of western societies. *s such# we have ecome aping eings ! aping an!thing ad ut convenient. *ping has ecome our second nature. 2et us ape Gapanese and their lifest!le and see where we can reach in self development ' s)ills. Gapanese spread goodness all over# hence goodness onl! reounds. ;ou can u! so man! things with mone! these da!s# almost ever!thing. But !ou cannot u! ,C2*..% with mone!. ;our class or pedigree is seen or judged ! the class of !our friends# associates# social circle# not ! the wa! !ou dress or car !ou own or !our house. =thers see it in !our ehavior# how !ou treat others or how much goodness !ou spread through !our actions as well as words. &ence oth !our actions and words have to e good and nothing ut good. 3 RememerB -ei!& /oo" is a /o"l% a#t. -% +pea"i!& /oo"!ess, %ou be#o$e /o"s $esse!&e. .eve hut o hu$iliate a!%o!e with %ou a#tio!s o wo"s, be#ause &oo" ti$es ae /o"9&ive! oppotu!it% to #o!soli"ate %ou /ai!s a!" leave a $a3 that %ou eall% LIVE4. Life is fo Livi!&, !ot o!l% fo e8isti!&. ************************************************** Peo&le on,t have ti'e for you if you are alays an)ry, fu'in), frettin), #o'&lainin), #ri""in) or )ru'"lin). 4en#e, /E P%EASANT, A%$A.S . Your Quest for Being Better 52
1A. ,hee is !o wa% to 1appi!ess. 1APPI.E++ is the wa%. The oo) called life is written etween irth and death# over oth of which we have no control. 2ife is nothing ut a mi/ed ag of opposites# happ! or unhapp!# pain or pleasure# loss or gain# success or failure# are few of them. $e cannot e selective aout them and have to ear oth. $hile happ! moments pass in a jiff!# unhapp! ones seem unending. 9o !our est and leave the rest in 8od%s hands. 9on%t e too happ! when going is good# neither e too sad when turn for ad comes ecause this too shall pass. 2earn from each lesson of our oo)s# how !ou can ma)e !our life reall! count. &owever# a reasonal! health! ph!si<ue# a comfortale financial position# harmonious relationships help us to lead a generall! happ! life. =ften# lives are lived on a waiting or postponing mode. $hen we are in our childhood# we feel that we will e happ! and satisfied after we complete our studies. $hen studies are completed# we thin) we shall e happ! if we land a well pa!ing jo or are ale to ma)e good mone! in usiness. Then# it is the car and a etter and more e/pensive at that. Then# ma! e a houseC * etter one at thatC Then# we want a eautiful or handsome# loving# serving# rich# patient# endearing life partner. But we )eep feeling# we got the ,wrong% one and )eep thin)ing of the right one. $e create wealth# ma)e mone! ut )eep waiting till we have enough# which we might never have. $ith unending wait# waiting for something ,better to happen# ironicall!# old age arrives. $e get old fast ut wisdom escapes us. *t that time# the reali0ation dawns that life has gone ! without feeling that tinge of real happiness and freedom for which we had )ept waiting ut never got. $e have een living our toda! in drudger!# waiting in the hope that tomorrow will ring happiness. But the fact is that &appiness is a state of mind for which we need not wait# ecause -=$ is the time to e happ!. "f we )eep waiting# we just )eep waiting. Time for !ou to feel happ! and jo!ful is now# toda! and ever! da!. 9o not wait or postpone till something ,good% happens. 2ife is full of various events and changes ta)ing place all the time# something good# something ad or not so good which is all our perception not realit!. Realit! is no!. &appiness is a state of mind !ou should not miss and have !our dail! <uota. ;ou do not need ig things for happiness. Man! small small things can )eep !ou happ! and cheerful all the time. 7ind happiness in all the things ig or small and never let !our happiness e enslaved ! others# people or events. "n the hot summer# if a famil! could not afford a fan and somehow the! get a fan# reason for the entire famil! to rejoice. $hile man! ma! have numer of *Cs running round the cloc) in the house# still not e &app!. Material ojects and wealth# thus# can onl! ring ph!sical comforts and pleasures# not desired happiness which is felt deep inside. Those tr!ing to find happiness in material ac<uisitions are alwa!s disappointed.
53 Your Quest for Being Better
*dopt an attitude of gratitude in ever!da! life. Be than)ful to people and 8od for all the prevailing goodness in !our life. Be helpful and )ind. Ma)e a principle of ,forgive and forget and move on in life. Be regular at e/ercise and wor)out ever!da! for !our dail! <uota of energ!. $ithout good health# there is no happiness in life. 2ife of discipline onl! can ring !ou good health# jo! and happiness. 7orm happ! haits. Be cheerful and do things enthusiasticall!. 2ive a simple life and !ou !ourself will e astonished how happ! !ou feel over ever! small thing. .implicit! and truthfulness rings cheer to life. There is no end to desires in life. 7ulfill one# other one is waiting to e fulfilled# starting the unending c!cle of waiting and postponing. .o# live in the present ut )eep loo)ing for wa!s# means and opportunities to e happ! and spread jo!. *ll said and done# most happiness and jo! in life comes from kindness, compassion, altruism and b being helpful. -ote these golden words carefull! <6%ate#er &oy is t%ere in t%is :orld, all comes 9rom desiring and making ot%ers %a!!y. 1nd :%ate#er su99ering is t%ere in t%is :orld, all comes 9rom desiring only yoursel9 to be %a!!y=. .pread happiness and jo! for !our happiness. >arlier when technolog! was not so rampant# people were much happier# perhaps compared to now. Mind !ou# there were no moiles# TVs# swan)! cars# ultramodern houses and gadgets# 9V9%s# personal computers# video games or internet# cale TV# something unimaginale these da!s. $e could eat and enjo! whatever was there without regulations# drin) water from taps not from ottles. 7irst ottle of eer " had# was shared ! si/ friends and we all felt drun). $e either wal)ed on foot or rode the ic!cle without fear of eing )noc)ed down ! a lorr!. $hen we were hurt turmeric po!der was put on the wound and it would automaticall! heal. 2ife was simple and more enjo!ale in spite of few gadgets to ,en+o%. $ith technolog! ta)ing over our lives# true lasting happiness has vanished. 8oing for a picnic was ma)ing ,alu(haji% and puries with a can of water. :ar)s were full of friendl! people enjo!ing their holida! and pla!ing all. "f !ou did not want to eat the vegetale or 9aal coo)ed in !our own house# simpl! pic) up a cup or plate and go to the neighor%s &ouse and get something ,more% delicious unhesitatingl!. >ating together as joint famil! provided great succor and onhomie. "f !ou ever felt ored# there were no TVs# ut neighors or friends were alwa!s there# who could wal) in !our house or !ou could wal) in their house freel!# an! time# unthin)ale these da!s. 2arge joint families were there to ta)e care of )ids# ailing or old. +nannounced social visits from near and dear ones# were common and rought great rela/ation# happiness and togetherness. $hen some guest arrived in the house all of a sudden from nowhere# the! were welcome with loving smiles# which reflected oth from face and heart. Your Quest for Being Better 54
The da! guest had to leave# parting was with heav! heart. 2ife was relativel! tension(free# stress(less# eas! and simple. That was true happiness and jo! then# which has een replaced ! entire famil! glued to TV or fighting over which program to watch in well to do households. TVs in individual rooms have een installed mostl!# so that house remains peaceful and tran-uil. $ith fast and jun) foods ecoming popular with children and adults ali)e# lifest!le diseases such as 9iaetes# =esit!# Cardiac prolems and man! more# have ecome rampant which were hardl! )nown earlier. $ith innovations and technolog!# comforts and conveniences ta)ing over# life has ecome push uttons or push uttons have ecome life. "n past si/t! !ears# so much has come in life# ut happiness and e/citement is gone with the onslaught of stress# tension# hurried and hassled lifest!le. &appiness entails that !ou are happ! in all circumstances# situations# even with people not to !our li)ing. ;ou are happ! with difficult people even. $appiness definitel ma be enhanced b others but should not depend on others. :ain# oredom# grief# adjustments# upsets# adversities# compromises# are all part of life and for happiness# !ou are re<uired to learn to live with them happil!. "t is not that onl! when circumstances or situations are to !our li)ing or conducive# then onl! !ou are happ!. ;ou must e happ!# an!wa!. :rolems are normal ut essential part of ever!one%s life. The! shall alwa!s e there. $ith little thin)ing and positive attitude# !ou can successfull! manage them. &aving a fle/ile attitude wor)s est. 8et into the hait of ignoring small inconse<uential things in life. Because of their pett! nature# the! happen too often ever!da! and ma)e us unnecessaril! stressful and unhapp!# while there is no need# actuall!# for us to feel that wa!. &appiness or unhappiness is the sum and total of man! small small things accumulated. 9evelop a mindset to enjo! what !ou have# rather than cr! hoarse over what !ou have lost or do not have. 2osses will alwa!s e there. 2earn to accept them gracefull! and live on. =n the contrar!# !our gains are too man! compared to losses. &app! person does not necessaril! have ever!thing right# ut is the one who learns to live happil! with an!thing and ever!thing# which comes his wa!. ;ou cannot change the world# ut !ou can manage !ourself etter and learn to live happil! with whatever comes !our wa!. 9o that and enjo! living and ma)e the once in a lifetime opportunit! !ou have now. "t is unfortunate that while ever! political part! and government around the world# swears ! their people%s welfare and welleing economicall!# there is no concrete effort towards ma)ing their people &app! and their 2ives more Virant ' :eaceful. >ver! effort is for improving the so(called -ualit of life through higher 89:. =nl! one tin! countr! in the world# -huta!, nestled within the pictures<ue 8rand &imala!as# has given to the world something called /.1 G/oss .atio!al 1appi!essH. The government of the small )ingdom
55 Your Quest for Being Better
cares# nurtures# measures and cultivates their peoples% happiness through government sponsored schemes and measures. That happens when !ou trul! care for them. "f happiness could e ought ! wealth# rich countries of the first world# would have figured on top of various "nternational surve!s to gauge the happiness -uotient of various countries and it%s people. "f happiness was availale in the mar)et at a price# rich people would have purchased all of it and would have )ept it in their safe vaults. .ome of them might have )ept it in .wiss vaults so that the! do not need to share it with an!one. 2uc)il!# no such thing is possile. &appiness is there for all l!ing deep inside and is not affected ! wealth# material riches# show and glamour# power and status. But happiness which lies deep within us# is the peace of mind# securit!# values we live# help# care and support we render# sharing# sense of elonging# rotherhood# togetherness and tran<uilit! we live. &appiness caused ! sensual pleasures is alwa!s short(lived followed ! grief# affliction# strife ' fear. Real happiness is the one which lasts# which is there deep within# which is spontaneous# which is not affected ! outer things or ojects. 7irst and foremost source of happiness is ,8"V"-8%# giving an oject# service# time# support or care and e/pecting nothing ac). True happiness is when we respond to our conscience rather than convenience. "t is when we serve not e served. "t is when we help less fortunate to come up# when we go hungr! to feed others. "t is that Go!# delight# liss# tran<uilit! and serenit! and peace we feel within. 7ormula for eing happ! and remaining happ! is simple. Time for !ou to e happ! is -=$. 9o not postpone !our happiness. "t will diminish if !ou did. >ver! da!# touch others% lives# give something from what !ou have e/pecting nothing in return# rather than waiting for the time when !ou will have ,enough%. Richness which is in the heart# must e used ever! da!. "f !ou don%t feel rich now toda!# !ou would never feel rich ever. .o use that opportunit! to feel rich and happ! toda!. 3 RememerB Eve%o!e wa!ts to ea#h the top of the $ou!tai! at the ealiest but $ost 1APPI.E++ & /R(0,1 o##us whe! %ou ae #li$bi!&. ,he happiest people "o !ot !e#essail% have the best of eve%thi!&I the% ;ust $a3e the best of what the% have. '0a!!iness is to be 9ound along t%e :ay and not at t%e end o9 t%e road8. ************************************************** Si* Ethi#s of %ife Si* Ethi#s of %ife Si* Ethi#s of %ife Si* Ethi#s of %ife /efore .ou ? Pray /elieve, /elieve, /elieve, /elieve, S&ea( %isten, %isten, %isten, %isten, S&en! Earn, Earn, Earn, Earn, $rite Thin(, Thin(, Thin(, Thin(, @uit Try, Try, Try, Try, =ie %ive. %ive. %ive. %ive. Your Quest for Being Better 56
1B. 6ateial Possessio!s, 0ol"l% Pleasues, 0ealth o 6o!e%. 'Ye 4il 6aa!&e $oe. 8reed# attachments# cravings# desires# glutton! or self indulgence are all part of human nature. Most people want more and more# not )nowing where to stop. +nfortunatel!# one is never satisfied with what one has. &e craves for more and more. $ith relentless advertising in the media# urge to u! more is insatiale. =ne desire leads to another# then another and the chain is never(ending# creating disharmon!# jealous!# env!# distrust and one(up(man(ship# unending race to loo) others down# losing !our own happiness and peace on the wa!. Technolog! has provided us one golden word# >latest8. $e want latest of ever! gadget# car# house# an!thing. $e have stopped u!ing things for our li)es or disli)es# comforts or suitailit!# ut in the race to impress or outsmart others# mindless pursuit of mone!# power and show(off is on# with total disregard to propriet!. Man! of our societ!%s ills can e traced to this factor. *ping has ecome rampant# order of the da!. $e do not thin) for ourselves# do not appl! our own mind# instead# aping others is the wa! we live our own life. "f we compare the '%a!!iness @uotient8 of present da! generation and the earlier ones# when most of the technolog! did not e/ist# who was more happ!# satisfied and contented1 $h! technolog! revolution has not improved our happiness <uotient# is not far to see. "t is not to undermine the importance of mone! in our da! to da! lives. Mone! is important# which helps us fulfill our asic needs and aspirations. There is also nothing wrong in desiring a good life. Cravings# wants and desires are integral part of human feelings or sentiments. >liminating them is not possile. Then what can we do to ma)e our lives more meaningful# satisfied# contented and jo!ful1 &ow can we improve our image in our own e!es1 &ow can we live a more harmonious life1 &ow can we co(e/ist with technolog! more meaningfull!1 "s mone! the root cause of all evils1 Can we co(e/ist peacefull! with wealth and prosperit!1 9oes success onl! means material prosperit! and some )ind of status1 $riter ma)es a sincere effort to answer !our douts on the aove. >ver!one wants peace and tran<uilit! in life. But when we ape others and have no guts to do things as per our thin)ing and convictions# prolems arise. .uch a mindset creates desires# which at times# are difficult to e fulfilled# since even when one desire is fulfilled# other desire crops up. .o# the person# forever remains in a wild goose chase to fulfill his unrealistic# frivolous and materialistic desires. There is another prolem with mind# which finds things of temporar! pleasure and short term happiness# more attractive. "t is said that opportunit! )noc)s at the door ut temptation simpl! ree0es in. "f we )eep our desires at a lower level ! not surrendering to them# not aping others# not comparing with others# having least e/pectations from others# we shall e more contented and at peace with ourselves
57 Your Quest for Being Better
and with all those who matter in life. :rolem# actuall!# is not with mone! ut it is with greed and our urge to cling to it at all costs. :rolems arise when we accumulate the mone! without purpose# not )nowing what to do with so much# ut do not want to part with even a small amount# )nowing full! well that giving small insignificant amount ma)es no difference to us# while for the recipient# it might ma)e a world of difference# <uestion of life and death# sometimes. 8reed# ego# vanit! and arrogance can e traced in one ,small% event in &indu scripture# *ahabharata. 2ord Arishna# )nowing full! well# how much destruction and loodshed# attle etween :andavas and Aauravas will cause# in his last ditch effort# goes to 9ur!odhana# eldest of hundred Aaurav rothers# and suggests to him to give at least five villages to five :andavas (one for each rother)# to avert the ensuing attle of Auru)shetra. But 9ur!odhana# who was hateIevil personified# full of vengeance# refuses# sa!ing 9!here is the -uestion of five villages, % !ill not even give them land, the siCe of a pin-head2. .uch an attitude can e seen far and wide these da!s when those who can# are us! ma)ing mone! ! all means L fair or foul# never contemplating what will the! do with so much the! alread! have. &owever# when prosperit! emraces !ou# do not forget the humanitarian aspects of life i.e. spiritualit!# giving# helping# sharing# )indness# compassion# altruism. These virtues form an important part of !our true eing. =nl! thing is that ecause of our oppressive selfish desires# greed# e/cessive self(love# wrong self(see)ing compan! and advise# lac) of self(confidence# those aspects which provide us peace# grace# tran<uilit!# happiness# jo! and dignit! in our da! to da! life# lie dormant within us. 9ig them out and indulge in humanitarianism# spiritualism# spreading giving(sharing(helping attitude and e compassion(filled and see !our peace and happiness graph soar. Buddhist teachings tell and guide us for transformation rather than elimination. Transform to a rational# modest and alanced human eing# is the answer. :ath of spiritualit! is the answer. $elp others !hen ou kno! ou should and ,ive, !hen ou kno! ou can. &ait of sharing and giving# positivel! ma)es !ou more peaceful# virant and upeat aout life. .pread goodness# spread love# spread tran<uilit! and serenit!# spread jo!. :eople should feel comfortale in !our presence. "ne<ualities in the world will alwa!s remain. .ome will have more# some less. $hile !ou ma! )eep tr!ing for more# e happ! with what !ou have# never undermine !our gains or let an!one do that. Because of the aping hait and our over(indulgence in materialism and ojects of desires# we have lost our wa!. =ur judgment has ecome clouded. $e find misguided pleasure in these ojects. "t is not to suggest that these are not re<uired. The! are# ut alancing life is a must for happiness# jo!# dignit! and graceful living. "f we are entirel! dependent on these ojects for our happiness# peace and satisfaction# Your Quest for Being Better 58
we are on the wrong path needing correction. >arlier we ta)e the right path# etter it shall e for us and ever! concerned. ;our inner eing should e so strong that for happiness and jo!# !ou need not e dependent on temporar! worldl! ojects and fulfillment of desires. But happiness and jo! must proliferate from inside. ;our inside is where !our peace is l!ing. 9o not search for peace outside. :eace cannot e ought with mone!. :eace is something inherent. "t is when we want more and more of mone! without pious motive# peace of mind leaves# leaving us in great turmoil. Treat ever!one well to e !our confident(self. *lwa!s e !ourself. B! eing !ourself# !ou put something wonderful in this world# which was not there efore. 2astl! ut most importantl!# live 1impl, love generousl, care deepl, speak kindl and #rust our creator, !ho :oves ou dearl. Than) 8od for what !ou have. Trust &im for what !ou need. 8od alwa!s gives &is est to those# who leave the choice with &im. 9o !our est and leave the rest with &im. 3
RememerM ?People sa#ifi#e thei health to $a3e $o!e% a!" $oe $o!e%. Late, &oo" pat of that $o!e% is spe!t to e#upeate thei health. ,he% ae so a!8ious about the futue that the% "o !ot e!;o% the pese!t. ,hus, the% !eithe e!;o% the pese!t !o the futue. ,he% live as if the% ae &oi!& to be hee foeve a!" "ie as if the% !eve live"J. K4alai La$a.
LE, ,1A, .EVER 1APPE. ,( Y(). C1A./E Y()R C()R+E, .(0.
$hen "ir! is alive, it eats ants. /ut hen "ir! is !ea!, ants eat the "ir!. Ti'e an! Cir#u'stan#es #an #han)e any ti'e.
=on,t !evalue or hurt anyone in life. .ou 'ay "e &oerful to!ay. /ut re'e'"er, ti'e is 'ore &oerful than you. One tree 'a(es a 'illion 'at#hsti#(s. Only one 'at#h sti#( is nee!e! to "urn a 'illion trees.
SO /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. SO /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. SO /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. SO /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. G,a!slatio! fo$ a ,a$il +#iptue.H
59 Your Quest for Being Better
1C. Poble$s, Roa"blo#3s, Challe!&es a!" A"vesities> You ae bi&&e tha! all #o$bi!e". 6eet the$ 1ea"9o! & 0I.. "M:>RM*->-C> is the law of nature. C&*-8> is the onl! constant in life. Times# good or ad# come to us with an e/pir! date. >ver!thing in this world is of temporar! nature. Gust li)e da! and night# difficulties and prolems in life# come and go. $hen times are bad# e optimistic that this too shall pass. $hen the going is good# alwa!s e aware that times# good or ad are 8od%s gift and it is &is prerogative when to withdraw the lease. :rolems and difficulties in life do not come alone. The!# often# come in hordes. .o first and the asic law to meet them is to meet them head on# never shir)# never shrin) against odds. Rememer# .uccess is the last step on the ladder of failures. There is no education li)e adversit!. *dversities are 8od(given opportunities to teach !ou lessons# !ou would not have learnt otherwise. Remain perpetuall! optimistic# which is a force multiplier. There is some inherent good in most difficulties. "f !ou don%t accept defeat# tide will alwa!s turn ac). 2ife can e compared to a o/ing out. Match is not over when o/er falls down. "t%s over onl! when he refuses to get up. :rolems are normal ut essential part of life. The night is dar)est efore dawn ut dawn comes in all it%s rightness at the specified time. Remain patient during adversities since things ta)e time ut never lose hope which is li)e a ship on which life sails. :rofit ' loss# pain ' gain# good ' ad# accept them as part of life. 2ive life of a )ing in spite of ever!thing. 2ife seldom presents us with the challenges we can%t meet# with prolems which can%t e solved and ostacles we can%t overcome. Best thing is to approach ever! challenge with a positive mindset after anal!0ing it thoroughl! and choose the est possile course with patience and perseverance. 9ifficulties# adversities# prolems# ostacles# challenges# all can e overcome with the right attitude. =ften# when people see a successful person# the! onl! see him enjo!ing all that success gives a person ( fame# wealth# recognition and respect. The! cannot imagine what the person has gone through to reach that level. =utside the temple# a stone was l!ing. =ne da! the stone said 9% am a stone and so is the idol inside the temple. Wh then everone steps on me but !orships the stone idol2. &earing this# the idol replied 97ou onl see everone !orshipping me no!. $o!ever, before sculptor got hold of me, % too !as a stone like ou. #hen, the sculptor landed thousands of blo!s on me, chiseled and polished me rough and hard. All through, % sat motionless and took all the blo!s and rubbing in its stride. #hat is !h, people !orship me2 2ife is full of challenges which must e confronted with courage# wisdom and confidence. 7or meeting challenges# !ou need energ!. Your Quest for Being Better 60
Conserve !our energ! ! optimism and hope# not ! eing frustrated or upset# which are negative forces# wor)ing against !ou when the going is tough. ;es# undoutedl!# there will e times in life when ever!thing might seem to e crumling under !our feet and !ou are desperatel! loo)ing for some solid ground for !our foothold. Chances of help or support from an! <uarter also appear to e lea) or none/istent. ;ou might feel to e at the end of the world# dar)ness all around with little or no chance of da!light rea)ing. The life ma! not seem to e worth living or carr!ing on with troules all around. "n spite of all this# there is definitel! no reason for !ou to feel desperate or hopeless. :eople all over have come out of even much worse or harsher circumstances and won their attle. &ow true# When confronted b a multitude of ,rief " Adversit, if a person stands boldl !ithout e8cepting defeat, he shall see the defeat itself depart utterl defeated. Abaha$ Li!#ol! is called the architect of modern America, struggled# faced and won over insurmountale odds during his life time. .wami Vive)ananda used to sa! %n a da !hen ou dont come across an problems, ou can be sure that ou are on the !rong path. :ut !our mind to wor) which is igger than the prolems !ou are facing# e patient# calm and cool. Thin) various solutions or options and choose the est loo)ing. Ta)e advise from people who )now etter. *nd# ultimatel!# choose an appropriate course. 4ui!& all this, have Faith i! 1i$. *nd 7*"T& is li)e >lectricit! current. ;ou cannot see the current ut !ou can see it%s effects. ;ou can see the lights# fans# motors and thousands of other gadgets wor)ing without seeing the energ! which ma)es them wor). 7aith is that energ!. 3
RememerB Eve% lo#3 i! the wol" has a 3e%. +i$ilal%, /o" wo!t &ive %ou toubles without solutio!s. All toubles ae shot te$ but solutio!s %ou fi!", &ive %ou ste!&th, #o!fi"e!#e a!" satisfa#tio! fo the lo!& te$. .eve be oveawe" b% !e&ative situatio!s.
AP%ATO? +S&ea( only hen or!s s&o(en i'&rove the Silen#e.,B
61 Your Quest for Being Better
2D. -est ti$e to pla!t a tee was twe!t% %eas a&o. +e#o!" -est is .(0. Regretting the past# is a ig pass(time for most people. % could have done this or that, %f % had taken that +ob, m life !ould have been ver different, %f onl % had said no to that offer. 2ife can e full of onl if % had??.%. But whatever has happened# has happened. ;ou cannot un(happen it now ut !ou can ma)e the est of the present moment since !our future would depend on that. >ffective people never let their past hinder their present. The! are alwa!s full of no! action. * person who has never made a mista)e# can never ma)e an!thing. :ast mista)es must e accepted and lessons learnt# then move on. "t%s never too late to start and it never pa!s to lament over the past happenings. *s the time passes# !ou ecome more and more mature# patient# calculative and creative. *ll these <ualities help !ou to do etter and etter as life progresses. *nd the !ardstic) must e that each one of !our present performance# should e etter than the earlier one. "f earlier !ou have failed# !ou should learn from the past mista)es and ma)e a new eginning. These da!s ever!one leads a premeditated life. $e have to do things initiall! dictated ! our parents for uilding a career. Career and vocational e/cellence would e !our first priorit!. =ne can hardl! thin) of an!thing else. 2ife as such# is competitive and ,fast%. .ince !ou are pre(occupied most of the times# until later stages of life# !ou hardl! have time or inclination for doing an!thing else or even thin)ing aout it. $hen# in the later stages# things slow down# one starts reali0ing what !ou would have li)ed to do# things !ou have missed out# man! of our cherished dreams remain un(reali0ed. -o prolemC 9o what !ou thought !ou should have done earlier# can do now. Things li)e planting a tree# learning new sport# musical instrument# developing a ho! !ou have not een ale to do earlier# helping out in the neighorhood# attending various self(empowerment discourses# teaching need! children etc. There can e hundreds of things# which at later stages of life# !ou might feel to have missed out# its time to do them now. "t will add great self(fulfillment and satisfaction# apart from jo!# happiness and contentment and a sense of achievement. This action on !our part# will ta)e awa! that feeling of regret or lamenting over the past and will alwa!s give !ou that impetus# which !ou might have felt# missing earlier. :redominant idea ehind this lesson is# life is not just coming, living and going or +ust e8isting. That%s what most people do. ;ou must do something different and leave a legac!. *nd if !ou have not een ale pursue that goal earlier# its never too late to start afresh. #hat time is =(W. Ma)e est of ,now%# lest !ou are again left with that feeling of emptiness and regret. =nce in a while chance of life !ou got now# !ou won%t ever get again. Those who left legacies# were also ordinar! human eings li)e !ou and me. The! just did it. ;ou do it -=$. Your Quest for Being Better 62
Beautiful par)s# gardens# monuments and million other things were not made or developed in a da!. .ome thoughtful people had thought of them and wor)ed for them during their lifetime. The! are no more ut what the! created and laored hard for# e/ists for us to enjo! now. "magine# if the! had thought# since % am not going to be there, !h should % do it# so man! things might not have een there. 2ost time is lost forever. "t cannot e retrieved# saved or used ever again. "f !ou lost it once ecause of an! reason# do not let it e lost again. 9o not procrastinate or postpone even ! a minute# lest !ou again will feel sorr! for it. .ei0e the opportunit!# lest this too is lost in !our hesitation or ! !our indecision. 9o not wait for the opportunit!# just gra it. .o# best time to plant a tree, might have been t!ent ears ago, second best is =(W and plant it #(4A7. ;ou will love to see it growing and others enjo!ing. Because true happiness and fulfillment in life comes# not from eating the fruits !ourself ut seeing others enjo!ing and appreciating what !ou have done for them. 3
RememerB .o o!e #a! &o ba#3 a!" #ha!&e a ba" be&i!!i!&. -ut %ou #a! alwa%s $a3e a fesh stat to"a% a!" $a3e a su##essful e!"i!&. .eve hesitate, !eve va#illate, "o !ot po#asti!ate. 5ust 4( I,. Its bette to be late tha! !eve.
************************************************** To lau)h often & 'u#hC to in the res&e#t of intelli)ent &eo&le & affe#tion of #hil!renC to earn the a&&re#iation of honest #riti#s & en!ure the "etrayal of false frien!sC to a&&re#iate "eauty, to fin! the "est in othersC to leave the orl! a "it "etter1. To (no even one life "reathe! easier "e#ause you have live!. This is to 4ADE SUCCEE=E=E. This is to 4ADE SUCCEE=E=E. This is to 4ADE SUCCEE=E=E. This is to 4ADE SUCCEE=E=E. E'ersion. **************************************************
21. 0(R4+ o PR(6I+E+ ae $a"e to be 3ept. -e as /oo" as %ou 0o"s * person with sustance is the one who )eeps his or her words# alwa!s and ever! time. "n >pic Rama!ana# there is a verse )aghukul reet sada chal aaee. .ran @aen per Vachan na @aee. >/plained# it sa!s ?%n )aghukul, :ord )amas clan, there is a tradition about spoken !ords. (ne can la do!n his life for the !ords he speaks or one can give his life but remain steadfast on his !ords2. 9o not ever ma)e a false promise or sa! words# which !ou have dout# !ou cannot )eep. $hether the matter is small or ig# !ou must )eep !our words. There is no option to that. % !ill get back to ou is often heard these da!s. " do not )now how man! actuall! get ac)#
63 Your Quest for Being Better
ut if !ou have told someone so# please do not ta)e it lightl!. Rememer to get ac) with information or even when jo cannot e done# get ac) and tell him aout it. =therwise clearl! tell the person at the time of ma)ing the promise# that onl! when some information is there to e passed on# !ou will get ac)# otherwise# he should not e/pect !our return call. Telling someone !ou will get ac) or call him or her# if !ou do not do that# it is an unpardonale reach of trust on !our part. &ave clarit! of mind and act as !ou have promised or said. 2oo)ing from other person%s perspective# after having een told ! !ou that ou !ill get back or ou !ill call him up or % !ill let ou kno!, the person ma! e waiting for !ou or !our call. &e might have adjusted# cancelled or postponed his program waiting for !our promised response. "f !ou do not do as per !our words# he ma! simpl! write !ou off or ma! tell man! more people aout !our callous attitude# irresponsiilit! and unreliailit!. * ig dent can e made to !our reputation and social standing# which matters a lot when !ou are on !our wa! up# on the road to success. ;ou have to e as good as !our words# speciall! when dealing with children. * promise not )ept or words wasted# the impression created ma! linger on for life in the child%s mind. >ven if it%s a small matter# words have to e )ept. =ne must e in the hait of ta)ing his spo)en words seriousl!. "f !ou have a dout# do not ma)e the promise. -ever tal) loose and alwa!s mean what !ou sa!. * person%s pedigree or stature can e judged ! the words and promises he )eeps. Respect a person commands# is directl! in proportion to the promises he )eeps. $ithin spouses# it can e ver! emarrassing for the partner# if one of them is used to tal)ing loose and not )eeping the promises he ma)es within themselves or with other people. .o ma)e it a hait to sa! things onl! when !ou can )eep !our words. $hat happens when we don%t )eep our words or are in the hait of tal)ing loosel!1 .impleC =thers don%t ta)e !ou seriousl!. ;ou ma! e left out from the friend(circle. :eople ma! e ma)ing fun of !ou ehind !our ac). *t least some from the circle# will e discussing !ou and spreading the ad word aout !ou. :eople stop ta)ing !ou seriousl!. $hatever !ou ma! sa! or promise# even if right# people dout. .imple# !ou ecome untrustworth!. "n usiness or profession# )eeping !our word or promise to deliver ma)es !our standing# reliailit! or dependailit! which is ultimatel! what it pa!s in the long run and would mean success or failure in whatever !ou are doing. *fter all# people value a person# who honor his words and sa!s words which carr! value. Aeeping !our word or promise is a)in to !our sense of responsibilit, truthfulness and integrit!# which are the true <ualities of an! leader worth his salt. "f it is said that such and such person is ,as good as his !ords%# there is no etter appreciation or recognition in life. &ence# never let !our tongue vacillate ! indulging in gossip or discussing Your Quest for Being Better 64
those not present# and finall! ,!eigh before ou sa. Before ma)ing a promise# come what ma!# attitude should e )aghukul reet sada chal aaee, pran +aen per vachan na +aaee2. Be true of !our tongue. 3
RememerB 0o"s, whi#h #o$e out of %ou $outh, $ust be value9base", !ot valueless o supefluous. Alwa%s $ea! what %ou sa% a!" "o !ot eve sa% so$ethi!&, %ou "o !ot $ea!. (!l% whe! %ou ta3e %ouself seiousl% b% uttei!& wo"s %ou $ea! o po$ises %ou $ust 3eep, othes will ta3e %ou seiousl%. -e a peso! of few wo"s, but ea#h wo" of value.
************************************************** /e slo to -u!)e "ut 5ui#( to 3or)ive. E*&ress 0ratitu!e "ut !o not e*&e#t 0ratitu!e. Re#eive 0ra#efully "ut )ive 0leefully. /e =e&en!a"le, not !e&en!ant. /e E*&ressive ith your %ove an! /e E*&ressive ith your %ove an! /e E*&ressive ith your %ove an! /e E*&ressive ith your %ove an! =e'onstrative ith your =e'onstrative ith your =e'onstrative ith your =e'onstrative ith your 4APPINESS 4APPINESS 4APPINESS 4APPINESS. .. . **************************************************
22. Aspii!& to be a LEA4ER> -e Positive, be 4iffee!t, be I!!ovative, be a ,hi!3e. -i!& out the best i! people. Business leaders# militar! leaders# true political leaders or an! leader worth his salt# have one thing in common. The! all deal with the simplest and the most comple8 of 8od%s creations ( &+M*- B>"-8.. &uman race has progressed so far ahead of other species on this planet# ecause of one important factor that is# onl humans have :;A4;)1. *nd leaders are evolved from the same set of human eings# whom the! lead. "n other words# leaders are evolved human eings# emerging from the same floc). .ince the leaders are leading their own people mostl!# the! have to )now them well# ver! well indeed. *part from that# the! have to have man! <ualities# which others do not possess. The! have to e superior than others# whom the! have to lead or command 2eaders must translate vision into realit! and do things right. The! must foresee# reali0e or recogni0e a prolem efore it arises. The! should e ale to peep into the future and see their organi0ation not as it is ut as it ought to e. The! should e patient ! nature and should instill creativit!# innovation# integrit!# grace and uild trust amongst their followers. The! must gain commitment from the heart# not just agreement from the head. The! have to )now etter# do
65 Your Quest for Being Better
etter and perform etter# which would automaticall! result into etter rewards for ever!one. Right to lead does not come automaticall! either ! age# position# e/perience or ran). Right to lead has to e earned. >ffective leaders simpl! do not focus on something and ma)e others to follow. * leader must ecome someone# followers can trust# to ta)e them where the! want to e. &e has to e someone with positive outloo)# enthusiasm and optimism personified. $ith him# ever!one must ecome as enthusiastic aout the goals as the leader himself. Though a leader alwa!s stands with those he leads# ut is alwa!s aove them. >ver!one has potential ut a true leader converts that potential into actualit! for his people. &eart and soul of true leadership is to inspire others and motivate them to ring out the est in them. That is inspiring followers to cast off an! apprehensions# fear# dout and limiting eliefs and instilling in them# a sense of hope# faith# optimism and accomplishment. 1e alwa%s tal3s i! te$s of '0E, !eve 'I. &e is helping t!pe# )nowing full! well that when he helps others# others also help him achieve whatever collective goals he has set himself to achieve. 8oal of a leader is never to succeed individuall!. "t has to e a comination of .uccess with &appiness for ever!one involved# from top to ottom. * true leader must instill a sense of grace# dignit! and values in ever!one around. Right to dignit! must e distriuted in aundance. True leader is the one who leads from the front and is alwa!s read! to e shot first. &e remains steadfast and committed on the achievement of collective goals and is determined to achieve them. &e has unflinching lo!alt! for the cause and never waivers from the projected goal. "ntegrit!# courage# fle/iilit!# passion and compassion are other inspiring <ualities a true leader must possess# along with generosit!# which is the hallmar) of leadership. &e should e generous and giving t!pe# in whom followers see their own achievements and enefits. Being generous with those eing led# is essential to their self( esteem# ecause it is onl! with their full(hearted support# one goes up on the ladder of life. * leader is in the hait of thin)ing fast and e decisive. &e )nows that mental appreciation and <uic) decision is the spar) that ignites action. =nl! when a decision is made# action happens. &e is alwa!s focused on accomplishments and achieving goals. $e kno!s that, !hat counts is not !here ou start, but !here ou finish. &e has to e a person of initiative# which lies in ta)ing calculated ris) and doing things without eing told to do. "n an! situation# he is either the candle spreading light or the mirror reflecting it. &ourage of conviction and to remain steadfast on !hat he thinks is right, are two additional <ualities# a true leader must possess. *nd when we tal) of courage# he must e courageous enough to accept his Your Quest for Being Better 66
faults and admit mista)es. B! admitting his mista)es# he elevates himself over others# since most of the people lac) the courage to accept their mista)es. &e must e least egoist# which helps him to win others% faith and trust. Two mantras on which a leader uilds his life are >59, at 9irst you don8t succeed, try, try again8 and >*e#er gi#e u!. *e#er, ne#er, ne#er8. "t%s the performance# achieving goals and accomplishments# leadership is all aout# whether one is a political leader# militar! commander or usiness leader. &ere again# he has to e performing well each and ever! time# not once in a while. 2eaders are# ! their ver! nature# ver! consistent with their performance. * leader alwa!s reali0es that onl! when he carries ever!one along# he can achieve desired success. .o# the delegation of responsiilit! is another tas) a leader must e adept at# which leads to creating more leaders# so that as and when the need arises# there are others read! to ta)e the organi0ation forward and infuse it with fresh talent# 0eal and innovations. Basicall!# jo of a leader is to create more leaders# not monopoli0e leadership. .ince he is a future thin)er# a true leader alwa!s invests time and effort in the continuit! of the organi0ation. *t the entrance of I!"ia! 6ilita% A#a"e$%, 4eha"u!, where *rm! officers are trained for "ndian *rm!# following guiding principal is inscried in the oa) paneling at the >astern >ntrance of the Chetwode &all to inspire the 8entlemen Cadets# who are to ecome the officers after rigorous training and are going to lead the arm! in due course
,he 1o!o, 0elfae a!" Co$fot of the 6e! %ou Co$$a!", Co$es !e8t.
You (w! Ease, Co$fot a!" +afet% #o$es last, alwa%s a!" eve% ti$e.J
-eedless to sa!# a militar! leader%s first dut! is towards the countr!# then towards the men under his command or the people he is leading. &e alwa!s )eeps his own interests last. * leader has to put others first# those he leads# his followers. &e has alwa!s to thin) how he can improve the lives of those under him and add value to their lives. * leader has to thin) and achieve collective good. &e has to e a creator of hope and goodwill wherein people under him# have e/plicit god(li)e faith in his ailit!# integrit! and capailit!. * leader is not an individual ut man! in one. &e has to e unselfish# a person of sound judgment. &e is compassionate and loves his followers. $ith him# ever!one feels empowered )nowing full! well that enefits are meant for ever!one# not for an! particular individual and ever!one will e fairl! dealt. "n other words# ever!one feels at home with a true leader.
67 Your Quest for Being Better
2eaders are there asicall! to ma)e things happen and to assume responsiilit!# if and when things go wrong. " would li)e to mention here a small incidence which happened more than four decades ago# after " had come ac) from arm!# to settle in civilian life. " had gone to attend a communit! function# which was to e held in an open ground. But just efore the function# sudden heav! rain and storm disrupted the arrangements and in the short time# function had to e shifted in the near! hall. Man! people had come ! then and were gossiping in small groups# while contractor%s men were wor)ing to shift ever!thing inside the hall# which was ta)ing time ecause of shortage of laor and une/pected rain. Because of m! arm! training# " reali0ed that few men who were availale to do the shifting# would ta)e a long time and function will e ver! much dela!ed if nothing was done. " too) charge and told m! small group# wh! not we join the wor)ing persons instead of waiting for the additional men to come# jo)ingl! telling them that ?after all, !e are also men2. $ithout waiting for an!one# " started shifting the chairs and other material inside the hall. .eeing me and m! enthusiasm# m! immediate group of five(si/ friends# followed enthusiasticall! shifting the chairs etc. 2oo)ing at us# ever!one pitched in# including the !oung girls and ladies# who were most enthusiastic. The result was that whole shifting# which might have ta)en more than an hour with the availale laor# too) onl! fifteen minutes and est was that after having completed the jo# ever!one felt on top of the world# with a sense of accomplishment. "t is common scenario in "ndia to see few people wor)ing while man! watching# ecause most people thin) it elow their false dignit! to do the ph!sical laor or wor)ing with laorers or helping them. $hen !ou anal!0e the aove common scenario# !ou will noticeB
a) -ood! as)ed me to ta)e responsiilit!# " onl! assumed responsibilit. " did it ecause of m! arm! training where " was taught that officers or leaders have to thin) and ta)e initiative. -ood! will as) them to do something ut the! must do# what ought to e done. ) =nce !ou ta)e initiative# !ou ecome a leader for the moment and most people will follow !ou. $h!# ecause ever!one li)es to e counted in# when the! see !ou doing something for the general good. .ince " was ale to generate lots of enthusiasm# which is contagious# ever!one generated same enthusiasm ' joined in. c) B! starting and doing it !ourself# !ou have initiated them to dignit of labor ! giving personal e/ample. This is what the! call leading from the front. " also might have )ept standing there li)e others# ut for m! arm! training and sense of responsiilit! instilled in me during m! five !ear stint in arm!. d) 7rom this small incidence# !ou have created man! more leaders. "t is not that people do not want to do# ut unfortunatel!# the! have Your Quest for Being Better 68
never seen an!one doing it# which alwa!s generates a feeling of hesitation or !hat, if no one comes for!ard to help. These feelings are all ill(founded ut people do not )now. :eople asicall! are good and want to help and do good. .ince the! do not have role models to follow# the! do not venture out on their own# ut once the! see !ou# hesitation evaporates. e) ;ou have spread ,feel good factor or simpl! goodness which is not so common otherwise. ;ou have shown them constructive and productive course# ecause otherwise# the! would all have )ept standing there for an hour# gossiping or cursing the organi0ers for the function to start late and time wasted. f) ;ou have created a feeling of onhomie and team(spirit within all those present. Most of them would tal) aout the incidence proudl! in future and will e more respectful to !ou. g) 7rom this small incidence# man! leaders have een created. "n future# whenever such a situation arises# most will ta)e initiative and follow m! e/ample enthusiasticall!. *s leaders and trendsetters# we must rea) awa! from the mindset of inactivit!# letharg!# letting things slide down. * leader has twin responsiilities. =ne# he has to wor)# wor) more than others and second# he also has to lead# show them the wa!. &e cannot afford to simpl! watch things going wrong and not do an!thing aout them. More than eing vocal in critici0ing# complaining and laming# he must e/hiit and show his intolerance to such things and determination and commitment to set things right. :eaders never complain or criticiCe !ithout sho!ing a !a or alternative plans. * leader sets a goal or goals in his mind# then wor)s ac)wards to achieve them. * leader cares more# ta)es calculated ris)s# inspires others# dreams more than others. * true leader is courageous to cast off fear# douts and limiting eliefs in his followers# generating a sense of hope# purpose# optimism# pragmatism and accomplishment. &e is :+R:=.>7+2# :=."T"V># :*T">-T and :*.."=-*T>. 2eadership# whether political or corporate# is aout facing challenges. "ntimate understanding of people# situations and culture# are ver! must for a true leader. .ince leadership is more aout assuming responsiilit! rather than given responsiilit!# an honest# self(sacrificing# capale and competent leadership is ound to emerge sooner or later. Because the world over# when !ou see the histor!# !ou will find that all the trul! great leaders li)e Mahatma 8andhi# -elson Mandela# Martin 2uther Aing# *raham 2incoln# 8eorge $ashington or Mao tse Nung# simpl! immerged# when the time demanded. *ll the aove leaders of true variet! in histor!# were li)e an!od! else till aout twent! !ears of age. But the! must have learnt a lot in those twent! !ears# anal!0ed and evaluated it# and then started putting the same into practice to achieve specific goals# which ecame the most important thing for them. =nce the! made up their mind# there was no vacillation or loo)ing ac). The! ecame totall! focused.
69 Your Quest for Being Better
7or the reali0ation of goals which were for general good# the! instilled and cultivated <ualities to motivate and inspire their followers# assuming responsiilit!# foresight and vision# li)el! road(loc)s and how to get over them# patience# open(mindedness# adaptailit! and fle/iilit!# fairness and team spirit# helpfulness# )indness# compassion and self(discipline etc. The aove is also true for the reali0ation of individual goals in an! organi0ation# compan!# societ!# team. &is followers must accept him as their leader and he should have a perfect communication with them. 7ollowers must e ale to see in their leader a selfless# devoted# dedicated# determined and a person of action. 7ollowers also must e determined to see him through thic) and thin and must accept his leadership with heart and soul. True leaders# asicall!# are thin)ers# treading a new path with their followers. The! are determined to do right not onl! in office ut in life in general. There is no finishing line for them. The! jump from one goal to another. The! are never too proud. The! alwa!s admit their mista)es# never hesitate to sa! sorr. The! pulicall! admit that the! owe their success to others# while never hesitate# owning failures. The! easil! ma)e fun of themselves ut never of others. The! never hesitate to as) for help. :ersistence is the onl! wa! the! )now# ecause the! recogni0e that all their achievements are ecause of their persistent efforts. The! shall )eep tr!ing till the! succeed. 2eadership is# perhaps# the most written suject in >nglish language. * leader is one who possesses man! inorn <ualities. Thus each alphaet of ,2>*9>R.&":% stands for <ualities a leader must possessM L L 2o#e & 2istening ability, 2earns Fast. E L Ent%usiasm & E99ecti#eness. A L 1bility & 1sserti#eness, 1ctionA9illed. 4 L ,ynamic, ,etermined, ,edicated & ,ecisi#e. E 9 EgoAless, 9ull o9 Energy & Emotional Control. R L "es!onsibility & being a "ole $odel. + L Sel9lessness, ready to Sacri9ice, Stimulating. 1 L 0umility & 0ig%er +alues. I 9 5ns!iring, 5ntuiti#e, takes 5nitiati#e. P L 4ositi#ity & 4ersistence. 4ainstaking.
* true leader must have all the aove and a lot more. 2eadership training must be included in school curriculum and at home. 7irst lesson to e taught to a would(e leader should e# the are there to serve, not to be served. The! are not lord and masters. :eople are their lord and masters. The! are there to deliver# to perform. "f the! can%t# people will show them the door and usher in someone# who can. =ne trait of a good leader is that he must e a good follower. .ince# people go along with those the! get along est# a leader should e good at nurturing and maintaining relationships# which is possile if he Your Quest for Being Better 70
is not an egoist. *ctual leadership is seen during tough times# not eas! ones. .o# he must have roc)li)e discipline and enforce it in his followers ut alwa!s treating them with utmost respect. &e delegates oth responsiilit! and power. A ,ood :eader inspires his follo!ers to have confidence in their :eader !hile a ,reat :eader inspires them to have confidence in themselves. 3
RememerB Lea"es have to have boa" shoul"es be#ause lea"eship is about espo!sibilit%. ,ue lea"es "o !ot aspie fo a!% peso!al be!efits, si$pl% be#ause the% ae at the hel$. A lea"e lea"s b% peso!al e8a$ple. 1e lea"s b% sa%i!& '#o$e9 o! eve%o!e, athe tha! &o o!. 1e is alwa%s at the foefo!t# pepae" to be shot fist. 1e alwa%s sa%s '0e a!" #aies eve%o!e alo!&. 1e !eve sa%s 'I o '$e. A tue lea"e e<uies a #ool hea" a!" a 3i!" heat. 1e "oes a!" fo#uses upo! what o!l% he #a! "o. Lea"es efuse to a##ept status <uo. Afte a#hievi!& a &oal, thei !atual ea#tio! is >:%at ne;t, :%at else, :%at more8B )lti$atel%, the% ta!slate thei visio! i!to ealit% ta3i!& eve%o!e alo!&.
******************************************************** All of us shoul! ta(e a lesson fro' eather. It &ays no attention to #riti#is'. ********************************************************
2:. If %ou ae !ot happ% with what %ou have, %ou #a! !eve be happ% with what %ou wa!t. C()., Y()R -LE++I./+. * person# ought some propert! long ago for investment at ver! cheap prices. But propert! values have gone through the roof and he made huge profit disposing some of his holdings. B! mista)e# a couple of lacs were paid e/tra in ta/es# which actuall! was peanuts compared to the huge profit he made. But disregarding that# he would tell an!one who cared to listen# aout his loss of pa!ing e/tra ta/ ut never even mentioning the huge profit made. &e onl! seemed to rememer the insignificant loss, deriving no jo! from the huge profit he made in the deal. That is the iron! in most people%s lives these da!s. The! never count their lessings# which the! have in plent! ut are alwa!s ever read! to tell their troules or prolems to an!one read! to listen. The! will )eep cursing# criing# laming or complaining# how ,ad% times were or how un)ind 8od has een to them. The! live in a world of self(pit! created ! their own negative mindset. This trie which e/ists in plent!# is self(afflicted with pauper sndrome. The! can never enjo! an!thing the! have# instead# create a deep sense of self(deprivation
71 Your Quest for Being Better
within themselves# which ma)es them feel li)e a pauper all the time# in spite of so man! good things the! have een lessed with. &appiness# jo!# satisfaction# elation or contentment are all in mind. =ne can have all these with ver! little or ma! not achieve these even with too much. .uch people are ever ungrateful and than)less. The! are ever greed!# wanting ever!thing for themselves onl! and are highl! dissatisfied with life. The! are a pitiale lot# who alwa!s ignore the aundant good which life or 8od has given them ut will )eep on harping on the few negatives in their life. * !oung lad was driving down his grandfather. &e got ver! irritated when two red signals came consecutivel! and started cursing and criing. &is grandfather cooll! told him# 9but ou never sa thanks for green signals2. $h! are we in the hait of onl! ac)nowledging ,ad% and ignoring ,good%1 The! alwa!s thin) that others are leading a much etter life and the! are leading a wretched life. The! are jealous of ever!one and env! almost all. This vast majorit! is alwa!s mentall! comparing themselves with others what the! have or got# e it wealth# ph!sical eaut! or charm of their mate# professional success or standing in societ!. The! have high e/pectations from others# while e/pect others not to have an! e/pectation from them# since the!# eing poor cannot meet them. 8od help them and e )ind to this pitiale lot. &ow do we get over such negatives of life1 &ow do we enjo! the true liss which e/ists in our lives1 &ow can we get over these feelings of negativit! and ma)e the est of ever!thing life has to offer1 &ow to get out of the poor me or unfortunate me or pauper sndrome# we of our own creation1 1tart !ith a ,ratitude list. Ma)e a list of all the aundant good which is there in !our life. ;our gratitude list will e so long that !ou will forget the negatives. ;our spirit will start soaring as !our list gets longer and longer# igger and igger. 9evelop an ,attitude of gratitude in life and !ou will never loo) ac). *lwa!s e read! with e/pression of 8ratitude and *ppreciation# where ever !ou are. * person of gratitude and appreciation is li)ed ever!where. Be positive. :ositive people attract while negative repel. &ait of counting !our lessings# e/pressions of praise# than)s and gratitude# convert an! gloom! or dejected mood into cheerful# jo!ful one# spreading smiles all over. :ife is under no obligation to give ou !hat ou e8pect. Best is to change !ourself on which !ou have complete power# not on other things. Change !our mental attitude from e8pectations to acceptance. &appiest are those who do not compare their lives with others and e/pect nothing from others. "n such cases# when !ou get even something ver! insignificant# it feels great. 9o !ou )now# just eing ale to read this oo)# !ou are a luc)! memer of a small minorit, !ho can read and !rite ;nglish' .o reali0e the worth of things !ou have# this life# sunlight# cool ree0e# life(giving water# !our famil!# friends# education# usiness or Your Quest for Being Better 72
profession which sustains !ou and famil!# )nowledge and aundance of technolog!# which offers !ou so much ease# comfort and enjo!ment. Contentment and happiness alwa!s go hand in hand. .o it is essential to understand the word contentment in it%s true form. Contentment is deepl! hidden in !our heart somewhere. "t has nothing to do with how much wealth or material possessions !ou own. Contentment is such a state of mind# which can e achieved with little or ma! not e achieved even with too much. "n fact# contentment is the 8od%s gift# liss and iggest lessing for eing happ! and jo!ful. * contented person is an elevated eing. .uch a person is free of greed# crippling desires# unnecessar! wants# cravings# comparison or up( man(ship# which are all negatives acrimonious to life. .ince# with their continued use# we get so used to these negatives# we do not value the positives# thus contentment and happiness alwa!s elude us. (pposite of contentment is greed. 8reed is 8od%s wa! of ta)ing revenge on human eings. $ith greed# one never feels satisfied# alwa!s feels deprived. 8reed ma)es a normal human eing# wanting more and more# never allows him to Than) &im for whatever &e gives# alwa!s criing# cursing and laming others# alwa!s feeling inferior since one is alwa!s on comparison mode. * greed!# unsatisfied and discontented person is alwa!s cursing 8od for eing so unreasonale to him while favorale to others. 7or a greed! person# onl! end matters# not the means. &ence# such a person is ever selfish and unsatisfied# which is his iggest curse# howsoever much he has# alwa!s wanting more and more for himself onl!# he often chooses a self(destructive path. * greed! or discontented person# lac)s dignit! and grace. $hatever he does# he does with an e!e for himself individuall!# nothing for general good. "nsatiale greed is the mother of corruption and ever! scam which we see so often happening in our countr!. .ince# greed is insatiale and ma)es !ou feel dissatisfied with whatever !ou have or get# thus ma)es !ou full of ingratitude which is worst that can happen to an otherwise good human eing. =ne ig reason wh! our societ! is in such a turmoil# is ecause vast majorit! of our people do not have that attitude of gratitude, so essential for a peaceful and virant living. 8od%s wa! of distriution# e it wealth# )nowledge# status etc. ma! not appear to e fair. $hatever it is# there is no alternative to accept them as part of life. But 8od has also gifted us different levels of ph!sical prowess# intelligence and our mind to alance that through our efforts in which we should not e found lac)ing. >ver!one has some special talents to compensate what !ou have less and someone else more. .o# est is not to compare such parameters in which !ou are lesser gifted ut there are man! parameters in which !ou would have an edge. Compare those parameters and not e in an! comple/. Title of this lesson >59 you are not %a!!y :it% :%at you %a#e, you :ill ne#er be %a!!y :it% :%at you :ant. CO-*/ 7O-" .2ESS5*3S8, is aout contentment. Chinese Lao ,Fu wisdom sa!s it
73 Your Quest for Being Better
all .e content !ith !hat ou have6 re+oice the !a things are. When ou realiCe there is nothing lacking, the !hole !orld belongs to ou. When ou are content, to be simpl ourself and dont compare or compete, everbod !ill respect ou. &owever# contentment does not mean that !ou should sit ac) and do nothing ecause !ou are ,contented% with what !ou have. -o# it%s not that. ;our entire life depends upon !our 5armas, !our actions. ;ou have to )eep doing what !ou ought to# to the est of !our ailit!. Contentment is to )eep !our inner alance. "t%s a feel which !ou must have for a rewarding life# which is our goal in the end. $hen !ou do !our 5armas to the est of !our ailit!# it rings !ou peace# harmon! and happiness in life. ;ou have to )eep doing !our duties and responsiilities# ma)ing effort towards progress# self(growth and reali0ing life%s goals. :ositives and negatives# oth are in !our mind. Ma)e a hait of ignoring negatives and highlighting the positives. 2ife is for happiness. $hen 8od has een so )ind to ma)e !ou what !ou are# enjo! ever! moment of the journe!# as much as rewards. 3
RememerB It is bette to li&ht a #a!"le tha! to 3eep #usi!& the "a3!ess. ,hi!&s tu! out best fo the people, who $a3e the best of the wa% thi!&s tu! out. Feel &eat about what %ou have, %ou eal wealth a!" bi&&est sou#e of ;o%. ,hee is !o e!" to #avi!&s whe! %ou &ive9i!. 1e!#e #o!te!t$e!t with best of >?armas8 o a#tio!s, is the -E+, (ptio! fo a life well9live".
******************************************************** %ive %ife 977F %ive %ife 977F %ive %ife 977F %ive %ife 977F %ife ha&&ens, Ti'e Passes, =istan#e Se&arates, Chil!ren )ro u&. %ove a*es an! anes. 4earts "rea(. Peo&le #o'e & )o. Careers flourish & en!. Collea)ues for)et favours. Peo&le !on,t #all hen they say they ill. Even near an! !ear ones #han)e #olours. 3rien!s !it#h, thou)h stran)ers, at ti'es, hel& & &rove "etter than frien!s.
This is ho, 'ore or less, life is a"out. This is ho, 'ore or less, life is a"out. This is ho, 'ore or less, life is a"out. This is ho, 'ore or less, life is a"out. %ive it strai)ht. >EEP %IDIN0. %ive it strai)ht. >EEP %IDIN0. %ive it strai)ht. >EEP %IDIN0. %ive it strai)ht. >EEP %IDIN0. =O 0OO= & 3OR0ET. =O 0OO= & 3OR0ET. =O 0OO= & 3OR0ET. =O 0OO= & 3OR0ET. >EEP .OUR CONSCIENCE C%EAR. >EEP .OUR CONSCIENCE C%EAR. >EEP .OUR CONSCIENCE C%EAR. >EEP .OUR CONSCIENCE C%EAR. Your Quest for Being Better 74
2=. People ae both /oo" o 4iffi#ult. Lea! how to "eal with the$. Appl% L(VE a!" /((4.E++. $hile having ath in a river# a sage saw a scorpion drowning and wanted to save it. *s sage held the scorpion# it stung the sage man! times# efore he could ring it out of the river. &is disciple as)ed him# ,!hen scorpion is stinging, !h did ou not leave it and let it dro!n in the river. 2earned sage replied ,#o sting, is the nature of the scorpion but m dharma is to save its life. % onl did !hat % ought to. .imple lesson which can e drawn from the aove stor! is that whatever other person does# !ou do good# ecause doing good is !our dharma# !our ver! second nature. ;ou have to e oth good and understanding of human nature# which is the asic re<uirement# when dealing with people coming from different ac)grounds. To some degree# most of the people are self(see)ers. But# we have to get the est out of the same set of people. ;our success or failure depends upon how est can !ou handle them and form meaningful relationships# which wor) to !our or organi0ation%s est advantage. =ften# some persons are ver! show!# vociferous and loud with their affections and appreciations. The! shall tr! to e as ostentatious as possile with their attention# love and affection. The! shall also )eep in touch through phone calls# messages# emails etc. The! shall alwa!s e first to send us irth da! or anniversar! wishes. Ouite contrar! to such loud persons# there are others who ma! not wish !ou or call !ou or e/change mails. B! their nature# the! are not the t!pes to e loud and vociferous# ut the! are alwa!s there when !ou need them# when !ou are down# when !ou are feeling low. Though <uite and silent# est gift the! give !ou# is their ver! presence. The! are there for !ou when it matters most. Both the aove characters can e there for !ou in umpteen situations in life. ;our understanding of human nature comes into pla! here. -ot necessaril!# ut ma! e the first person is just superfluous and onl! a show(off while the second one is real sincere t!pe. ;ou need not discard an! one of them ut in !our heart# have the right place for oth of them. 7irst trie is found in great aundance these da!s. Though the second one is not so common ut !ou have to e on loo) out of silent and sincere t!pes# who ma)e sincere# trustworth! and dependale friends. $ho will e more lo!al to !ou1 ;ou onl! have to judge. But e ver! careful on !our judgment. 9o not get carried awa!. 7or success# !ou have to e the est judge of people. :eople are all t!pes. The! ma! e seemingl! good ut might e ver! different when !ou deal with them. The! can e ac)iters# news carriers# gossip mongers and insincere t!pes ut appearing ver! lo!al. =n the other hand# some people might never e ver! vociferous aout their lo!alt! to !ou ut might prove to e stuornl! lo!al# when chips are down. *nd then there are difficult
75 Your Quest for Being Better
challenging t!pes# who might ma)e !ou cr! handling them. &andling or getting along with all t!pe of people# will carr! !ou to desired goals. Gudging people correctl!# comes with e/perience as !ou wade through life. *ge old wisdom# intelligence and common sense come into pla!# when judging a person right. "t is not onl! seeing what is visile or hearing what is said# ut it is also to see(through someone# his od! language# mind reading and listening to what has not een said. $ith ever! word said or action on displa!# we should e ale to read the motive ehind those words or actions. "t is also how a person treats people# who are financiall! or sociall! on a lower pedestal than him1 &ow he treats or tal)s to the servants in his house# in !our house or sa! how he tal)s to waiters in a restaurant1 "t is also the compan! he )eeps ecause normall! a person will onl! have li)e(minded people as friends or as compan!. .ometime# !ou might have to rel! on intuition or si/th sense. ;ou can start judging people from a !oung age as a ho!# which can e ver! interesting and mind teasing adding maturit! and wisdom to !our personalit! when grown up. $hile judging people# never ever react or displa! !our feelings to the oject of !our stud! or those around. Gust )eep the results in !our memor!# to e referred as and when the need arises. "n case of dout# discuss with a trustworth! ut not common friend or with !our spouse. $hile doing so# encourage them to air their honest opinion which ma! not# necessaril! coincide with !ours. But )eep !our cards close to !our chest. &owsoever# serious or concerned !ou might e# alwa!s appear casual aout such opinions and things ut once !ou have enough evidence either wa!# then onl! form an opinion# which ma! never e divulged unless direl! needed for !our own or good friend%s or organi0ation%s use. -o one is as luc)! never to come across a difficult person. $e often do# whether we li)e it or not. "t could e !our spouse# child or an! other memer of the famil!# neighor# colleague# superior# suordinate# customer# landlord# tenant or an old friend. .ometime !ou face them dail!. "f the! are awa!# a letter or message from them ma! unnerve !ou. &ere# one important thing !ou must rememer. "t is difficult to change people. =f course# !ou can ma)e an effort in this direction also and hope for the est. But !ou can definitel! change the other person# which is ,;ou%. ;ou must focus on that and ring aout possile improvements and handling capacities within !ou# to enale !ou to get along successfull! with people# which in itself# is an art. >ven if !ou are a person with lots of self(restrain# self(control# good to the core# never hurting t!pe# non(confrontationist# tolerant and patient# !ou are afraid that the person ma! ring out the worst in !ou. Their unreasonale attitude and ugl! ehavior# at times# can drag !ou into avoidale and un(necessar! arguments# shouting or s<ualing. .uch people are high on ego and would not mind hurting others as per Your Quest for Being Better 76
their !ish# ut are sensitive aout their feelings# respect ' sentiments. $hen dealing with such people# !ou are afraid of !our own self. But# eing a person with a positive attitude# roc)(li)e determination and sustance# !ou must ensure that !our conduct is aove oard# irrespective of the provocation or at times# mischief intended. ;ou can appl! all this while dealing with spouse or at home# where patience# calm and cool disposition# silence# wor)s li)e a soothing alm. -ever react harshl! or over(react. +nderstand the intent rather than tone and alwa!s avoid sarcasm# which has no place in a civili0ed societ!. Mind !ou# within the spouses# peace and tran<uilit! are far more important than ego# arrogance# alwa!s having !our wa! and high nose. .hun these and !ou have peaceful thriving home full of love# understanding and support for each other. &owever# here one must rememer that !ou have to accept people as the! are# the! cannot e what !ou want them or as !ou want them to e. "t ma! e second nature with some people to lose temper# while the! ma! not mean an! offence. * little restrain# patience or silence on !our part# ma! cool them down. Responding with a calm# cool temperament instead of reacting# often wor)s fine. -ever rel! on tit for tat when dealing with such people. >ven if !ou have tried to change them for etter# with most such people# reasoning and logic does not wor). ;ou have to accept them as the! are and tr! to change !ourself# where ever !ou can. -o one is perfect# !ou must understand that. But do not lose an opportunit! to ma)e !ourself a perfect person# ! ,taming difficult persons with !our intrinsic good ehavior# sincerit! and genuine interest for the well eing of others. Top it with !our well meaning charming smile. There is no wa! it will not wor). >ven difficult people have their wea)nesses. $hile dealing with such people# we must get into the hait of not reacting instantl! ut responding calml!# which would help. 9iscipline and emotional(control helps a great deal and uilds relationships. .ooner or later# such people ma! reali0e that it is etter to sta! calm. B! eing difficult# the! are onl! hurting themselves and their own interests. Though eing difficult is second nature with some people# the! incidentall!# do not thin) so. "t is !our dut! and responsiilit! to appl! self(control# tolerance# patience and e/hiit calm and cool temperament which# onl! ma! wor) in such cases. +nder no circumstance# settling scores or pa!ing them ac) ,with the same coin% attitude# wor)s. Moreover# we should ta)e pride in our own conduct and ehavior# rather than eing driven ! others% ehavior. $e should ta)e care of our image through self(control and restrain we impose on ourselves and the aundant enefits we reap. "rrespective of provocations# never get provo)ed. Build that )ind of intrinsic calmness and serenit!# which will help !ou a lot. $e have discussed the other side# good or difficult people onl!. But most important factor is handler himself. &ow is he perceived ! people he is handling or managing. "t is aout !our image !ou create
77 Your Quest for Being Better
in their mind. ;our image in their mind has to e that of a reasonale# understanding# s!mpathetic or loving person. Then things are much easier. $hether !ou are the spouse# oss# teacher# colleague# an!one who is responsile for people# tr! and create a positive earing and image so that ps!chologicall!# to start with# people find !ou responsive and are cooperative. That happens onl! when the! have !our positive image in their mind. 9ifficult persons are there to sta! in ever!one%s life. +ltimatel! what matters most is how !ou deal with them and e at peace with them. $e all have normal human strengths and wea)nesses. -o one is perfect. "n fact we all have wea)nesses# talents and strengths. "n life# mantra >C%ange :%at you can, acce!t :%at you cannot8# wor)s est. 1e!#e, a##ept the$ as the% ae, bei!& the #hil"e! of the sa$e /o". But here " must warn the reader that changing people or people changing themselves# is mostl! rare# and difficult process. =othing !ill change unless !e change. $e cannot change other people%s ehavior# onl! our own. .o# !ou need a continuous untiring approach towards this end. *part from eing positive# we need to e realists also in life# alwa!s read! to )eep tr!ing# never accepting defeat or ta)ing ,no% for an answer. .uch an attitude would ring us lots of jo!# happiness and sense of achievement and fulfillment in our life. 2i)e the sage at the eginning of this lesson# do things as per !our nature# not e hijac)ed ! others% actions or outursts. "t alwa!s pa!s to e patient# dignified and tolerant# spreading love# goodness and peace. $hen !ou are intrinsicall! good with people# the! also tend to reciprocate with the same goodness. 8reater part of !our success in life will depend on how !ou get along with people# how !ou handleImanage them. This is an art which all successful people# leaders in respective fields and winners# have to master. -ot eing good in this art# is not an option. 3
RememerB A $i!" la#e" with i#e to 3eep it #oolE A to!&ue la#e" with su&a to spea3 softl%. A lovi!& a!" 3i!" heatE 6i8 the$ up with &oo" $easue of patie!#e, self9#o!tol & tolea!#e. I!stea", t%i!& to bowbeat %ou, "iffi#ult people will fall at %ou feetE
************************************************** Never "rea( four thin)s in life? Never "rea( four thin)s in life? Never "rea( four thin)s in life? Never "rea( four thin)s in life? TRUST, PRO<ISE, RE%ATIONS4IP & 4EART "e#ause hen they "rea(, they !on,t 'a(e noise "ut &ain a lot. "e#ause hen they "rea(, they !on,t 'a(e noise "ut &ain a lot. "e#ause hen they "rea(, they !on,t 'a(e noise "ut &ain a lot. "e#ause hen they "rea(, they !on,t 'a(e noise "ut &ain a lot.
************************************************** Your Quest for Being Better 78
2?. Life is fo Livi!&, !ot Co$plai!i!& o Cibbi!&. Live it 0ell. Live it Full. Live fo what 6A,,ER+ 6(+, i! life. * gas alloon goes high up in the air ecause of what is there inside it# not what is outside or what attractive color it has. .ame wa!# we live a rewarding# satisfied and fulfilled life with what is there inside us# which is our real strength# not in how much pomp and show# we live in or can create around us# or how much we can ,impress% those who in an! case# are of no conse<uence to us. "nner strength comes from strength of character# with the strong foundation we la! earl! in life# during childhood mostl!. "t is when right from childhood# we inculcate and instill <ualities of sincerit!# )indness# faithfulness# compassion# generosit!# giving(sharing(helping attitude# forgiveness# passion and smart hard wor). But unfortunatel!# corrosion seems to have een set in our societ! ecause of wea) foundation. *ping# latant show(off# comparison# high e/pectations from others and up(man(ship# has ecome a wa! of life with most of the people. Criing# complaining and shamelessness has ta)en deep roots in ever! segment of our societ!. $e lame it on the politicians who# positivel!# have rought down the moral standards and core values to the lowest e. Corruption in our societ!# which is li)e cancer in the od!# has ta)en deep roots. The methods we are appl!ing for the treatment of dreadful chronic diseases# are li)e tr!ing to treat cancer with aspirin# which will never wor)# nor will ever rid the od! of the ailment. 8reed# corruption# mone!(mindedness has ta)en deep roots in most of the people# which results in mindless pursuit of material wealth# status to prove ourselves etter than others. .uch an attitude creates jealous! and acrimon!# hindering our personal growth. B! our own undoing# we have created the )ind of societ! we live in. :oliticians are also part of the same societ!. The! have not een dropped from the top. "t is entire societ! which has gone erser)# not onl! one class of people. 9o we find corrupt people onl! in politicians1 $h! can%t we have such politicians in +A# where prime minister travels in the us along with other people and has to travel standing# when no seats are availale. "n our race to grow rich# we have lost the direction. "n an! scam# the leader# of course# is mostl! a politician ut see how man! other people are involved. Those who cannot e the part of corruption# ta)es to criing# laming and cursing. "s there an! guarantee that those who are cr!ing hoarse over corruption# will not indulge in corrupt practices# given an opportunit!. "magine a world without criing and complaining. .ome people simpl! overdo this to get the etter for themselves# attention or material enefits. The! shall )eep complaining and criing and ma)e others% life miserale with their negativit!. The! will never see good in an!thing# alwa!s see)ing ad and nature is also such that often it
79 Your Quest for Being Better
gives them what the! see). Then# the usual see, % told ou so. The! )eep their focus on what is wrong with ever!one or the whole world. .uch people never hold themselves responsile for an!thing. $hat matters most in life# is our attitude which onl! is in our hands. Create a dream in !our mind# what !ou would li)e to ecome and then wor) unceasingl! towards that dream. ;ou will enjo! !our wor) and as !ou get near !our goal# !ou will e filled with a ig sense of achievement. Create enough self elief and confidence within !ourself# ecause if !ou ma)e a sincere effort towards a worth! unselfish goal# ever! goal is reali0ale. Create a sense of purpose instead of constant ic)ering# which disheartens !ou and ever!one else too. $hen !ou have a sense of purpose# !ou can achieve much. &aving a sense of purpose is a pushing agent in life. 2ive through !our dreams. * person without dreams is alread! dead without )nowing. ;ou can ma)e a rewarding life for !ourself and ever!one else in touch with !ou# ! living a regret(free life# which can onl! e lived ! not doing something which !ou ma! regret later. "f !ou have no regrets# !ou will not fear an!thing in life# not even death. Gust concentrate on !our thin)ing# improve it# elevate !ourself. =thers would unhesitatingl! follow !ou. *ll a man achieves or fails to achieve in his life# is ecause of his own positive or negative thought process. 9o not live the life of a slave# slave to !our tongue as !ou sa! what comes to !our mind# slave of !our negativit! ecause !our thin)ing is negative. * half glass of water is alwa!s full# half with water# other half with air. "t%s never empt! e/cept in !our mind. 9on%t ever let miseries caused through negatives of life# rule !our life. 2ife is full of liss and lessings. ;ou onl! have to loo) within for them. Thin) independentl!# innovativel!# originall! and no one can eat !ou in the race of life. >ach moment of life is liss# when !ou thin) positive and same life is miserale# when !ou thin) negative. $hen !ou )eep criing and complaining aout people and circumstances# !ou will have enough reasons to do so# some actual# some imaginar!. $riter has studied life e/tensivel! over decades and has tried to anal!0e what actuall! matters most in life. 9o all our material holdings accumulated so painsta)ingl! through !ears of laor and greed# reall! matter when !ou loo) ac)1 9oes our wealth# status and position collected and uilt over the !ears# matter as much as we thin)1 ;es# these things do matter to an e/tent that it has given !ou a lifest!le without worr!ing much aout mone!# which definitel! is the mainsta! of life. But that%s all. $hen !ou loo) ac) on life# fond memories of having done good to all and sundr!# is what matters most. "t must give !ou a pleasant feeling of a life well lived. ;our mind must e full of sincerit! and )indness !ou have shown towards others. "t%s the )indness# compassion# integrit!# courage and character# !ou have shown at various moments in life. &ow !ou helped others# speciall! to ma)e a Your Quest for Being Better 80
difference to their lives. &ow !ou stood for !our convictions against all odds. "t is not onl! how !ou rememer !ourself ut how others rememer !ou and )eep !ou in high esteem. 3
RememerB I! life, it is ou "ut% to fi!" lifes pupose. A!" positivel%, its !ot lifes pupose to live selfish life of lu8u%, loa"e" with selfish $ateialis$. (!e $ust be e$e$bee" fo how o!e $a"e a "iffee!#e to othes lives, who wee !ot so fotu!ate. 1ow o!e is e$e$bee" whe! thee ae !o $oe su!ises o su!sets, whe! %ou ow! !othi!&, whe! thee is !o hate", !o love, !o fie!"s, e!e$ies o elatives. ,he le&a#% %ou leave at the e!" of it all, is what $attes $ost. A!" the le&a#% is i!teli!3e" with the se!se of pupose !ot ;ust %ou #a$e a!" beathe" whi#h $ost of us "o.
A )rou& of stu!ents as as(e!, hat ere the Seven $on!ers of the earthG After so'e !isa)ree'ents, they Heroe! on the folloin)C 0REAT P.RA<I=S, TA2 <A4A%, E<PIRE STATE /UI%=IN0, 0REAT $A%% O3 C4INA & TO$ER O3 PISA. /ut tea#her foun! one )irl !ifferin) ith others. $hen tea#her as(e! her hat she thou)ht, she re&lie! II thin(, Seven $on!ers of orl! are TO /E A/%E TO SEE, TO 4EAR, TOUC4, TASTE, 3EE%, %AU04 & TO %ODEE.
<any Si'&le Thin)s e ta(e as 'atter of ri)ht. The 'ost Pre#ious Thin)s in life #annot "e "uilt "y han!s or "ou)ht. They truly are 0I3T 3RO< 0O=.
81 Your Quest for Being Better
2@. Rea#h the 4ivi!e thou&h F(R/IV.E++. F(R/IVE & +ee how /eat You Feel. :eople pra! to their 8ods ecause the! thin)# it%s 8od who 8ives and it is &e who 7=R8"V>.. Then wh! not e !our own 8od ! forgiving others. Ma)e a wor)ing principal in life. 7orgive# 7orget and Move ahead in life. 7orgiveness is a great healing tool. Tr! it an!where and feel free. 7orgiving attitude lightens !ou ! a ton. 8andhi Gi# father of our nation# often used to sa! /orgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Weak cannot forgive. Ouite trueC =nl! if !ou are a person of sustance# strong convictions# high self(esteem and self(elief# !ou can forgive. "f !ou are loaded with intrinsic wea)nesses# it is difficult to forgive. To forgive re<uires strength and confidence# which ever!one does not possess. True than)sgiving or forgiveness is a wa! of e/pressing love and gratitude through positive action. True forgiveness also is to rid our thin)ing of rigid and infle/ile ideas# develop the fle/iilit! to change our mind and ehavior. *lmost all great persons in the world# reali0ed the power of forgiveness. Martin 2uther Aing used to sa! >Forgi#eness is !ure %a!!iness8. *nger# resentment or revenge rings us nothing ut unhappiness# heartache# tension# discomfiture which ma! result into cardiovascular prolems and other lifest!le diseases. =n the contrar!# forgiveness generates peace of mind# serenit! and tran<uilit! ringing us close to divinit!. "n other words# 7orgiveness is a healing potion availale to all of us against anger# resentment and revenge# which hurt us adl! throughout our lives. But# unfortunatel!# few luc)! ones use this great healer provided ! the nature to counter the evil effects of destructive vanit! within us which is unforgiving nature. Gust visuali0e an ever!da! situation. .omeone has said few things# which !ou thin) were insulting and should not have een said. "t%s natural that !ou are feeling hurt and let down. "n spite of !our est efforts# !ou cannot forget the incidence and time and again# it is coming to !our mind spoiling !our mood# creating stress and tension. $henever !our mind is free# that unfortunate incidence comes to !our mind ma)ing !ou miserale. Though !ou cannot help it# ut more !ou thin)# more !ou feel hurt and let down. $hen !ou anal!0e the matter# it does not seem to e such a ig issue# after all. But the feeling of hurt# simpl! does not go awa!. -ow tr! and forgive the person who has hurt !ou# let !ou down or has made !ou feel miserale. 2oo) at the incidence in a new perspective. $hat has een said# cannot e unsaid ! an!one. $e cannot change that. Then what we can change1 ;es# we can change our reaction to the whole incidence and forgive the person for our own good# resulting in tran<uilit!# satisfaction and peace of mind. *nger is opposite of 7orgiveness. *nger dissolves affection# deprives !ou of wisdom and vision. =n the contrar!# forgiveness rings !ou peace# tran<uilit! and freedom from stress and tension. 1!ami Your Quest for Being Better 82
4aanand 1aras!ati# founder of Ara 1ama+, while on his deathed# forgave his servant# who gave him mil) mi/ed with poison and ordered him to run awa! efore people find out the truth. @esus &hrist even as)ed 8od to forgive those who crucified &im. 7orgiveness was their last living act# which endeared them to their disciples and followers. -o dout# 7orgiveness is a 8odl! act of great virtue# patience and tolerance. "n &induism and Gainism# forgiveness is considered the highest virtue. >ver!one ma)es mista)es and do wrong things )nowingl! or un)nowingl!. "f he or she feels sincerel! sorr! and wants to e pardoned# forgiving him should e our natural response and a positive choice# rather than not accepting his sincere apologies and )eep carr!ing the e/tra weight of grudges against the person. Rememer one thing that forgiveness rings more peace to the forgiver than the one who is forgiven. .impl! put# onl! when we forgive others# should we e/pect to e forgiven ! the divine. .rophet *ohammed forgave those who fought against &im and &is armies. &e was ever read! to forgive his enemies. .upreme 7orgiveness forms part of one of the 3F characteristics of 4harma in @ainism. Most auspicious of Gain festivals# ,:ar!ushan :arva%# which is celerated for 3F da!s in Chaturmas# is a celeration of human values including forgiveness# non(violence and truthfulness. :eople see) the forgiveness from their friends and relatives for an! misdeeds the! might have committed )nowingl! or un)nowingl!. ,Ashama% which is &indi of /orgiveness, is termed Veerasa abhushanam indicating that forgiveness is a +e!el of the strong and brave, not !eak as generall! felt ! man!. *s per Gainism# /orgiveness is spiritual purification, it uplifts the soul. :ord *ahavira sas in +ain scriptures Anger begets more anger. /orgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. Ta)e an! religion in the world# 7orgiveness is something the! preach ecause it rings their disciples serenit!# tran<uilit! and peace. 7orgiveness is a oon for the one who forgives and also for the one who is forgiven. "t is a penance and meditation. 7orgiveness is nothing short of a healing mantra to help us lead a health! and powerful life free from anger# worr! ' hatred. "n Buddhism# forgiveness is seen as a practice to avert harmful emotions from causing havoc to our mental well eing. Tr! and understand what /orgiving entails1 7orgiving does not mean that other person is right and !ou wrong. "t onl! shows# !ou acted smart# dispensing off the weight of others% grudges# which !ou would have carried# had !ou not forgiven them. "n other words# !ou refuse to nurture those feelings of anger and hate within !ou# which is a)in to nurturing !our own emotional imalance and let poison to grow and flourish within !ou. 7orgiveness is the charit! which egins from home and since# as a forgiver# we ourselves are the iggest eneficiar!# we have to ta)e
83 Your Quest for Being Better
initiative to forgive and forget. "t also means that for our growth and well(eing# we are prepared to suppress our false pride and ego# which would alwa!s weigh us down# if we )eep housing them within us. B! an unforgiving attitude# we let pain and agon! lie deep inside us# pla!ing havoc with our ps!che. The deep(rooted unforgiving attitude# )eeps reminding us constantl! aout the prejudices# hurt# wounds imaginar! or real# which might have een inflicted upon us. $e are never free and our peace of mind is forever distured. Tran<uilit! and serenit! which we so direl! need# is alwa!s evading. $hen we willingl! forgive those who hurt us# we generate peace. :eople often sa!# % can forgive but not forget. $ell# if !ou forgive someone from !our heart with sincerit! and# of course# if instance is not repeated# it is not difficult to forgive and forget once for all and e a hundred ton lighter# rather than e a coolie# carr!ing the weight of grudges# ad memories and hurt in !our heart ' mind. 7orgiveness has enormous power. "t%s not a sign of wea)ness as might e elieved ! might is right t!pes. 7orgiveness is glorious# selfless act that can radicall! transform lives of oth forgiver and forgiven# and rings an era of peace# harmon! and much needed tran<uilit! and serenit! in life to oth. $hen we don%t forgive those who have hurt us# the! occup! a rent(free space in our heart and mind# never letting us e at peace with ourselves. $hen we do not forgive# we carr! the resentment towards others within. Result is that we get disconnected with ourselves. $e remain angr!# agitated# dissatisfied and irritated. This is common condition and results into a sin)ing and sul)ing feeling within us without )nowing aout it. Most of the times# we ma! not even e aware of the reason ut that sul)ing feeling persists. .o it is alwa!s etter to ride over !our ego and false pride# e more understanding# cooperative and sporting to rid !ourself of the e/tra emotional weight# which !ou would carr! ! not forgiving. *lwa!s rememer# mista)es can happen to an!one and when it is !our turn as)ing for pardon for an inadvertent mista)e# others will alwa!s e read! to forgive !ou too# if !ou !ourself have een the forgiving t!pe. %n marital life, an attitude of forgiveness acts like heavenl, soothing potion. $hen two persons from totall! different ac)grounds# have to live together under each other%s constant oservation# an unforgiving# uns!mpathetic or un(understanding attitude# can pla! havoc to the peace# serenit! and tran<uilit! of marital life. &ate egets hate# misunderstanding generates more misunderstanding# ut on the other hand# love and trust egets more love and trust. $e often get what we are loo)ing for. "f it%s good we are loo)ing for# we shall undoutedl! get good# ut if we are loo)ing for short comings of the partner# we shall have plent! to complain and lame aout. "n such a scenario# readers are advised# to develop a forgiving attitude with regards to the partner and see the relationship lossom. Your Quest for Being Better 84
$hen one partner is forgiving t!pe# other will also ecome li)e that. "t onl! re<uires little patience# understanding# s!mpathetic approach etween the partners# to turn life into total liss and a home into a paradise. 9efinitel! a small price to pa! for the peace# enthusiasm# viranc! and optimism# which will prevail in !our life# not onl! in !our sweet home# ut also these feelings will accompan! !ou ever!where# adding to the positive approach to life in general and improving !our overall relationships and performance in professional field. *n improved atmosphere of love# forgiveness and caring at home# spea)s loud and clear in ever! other areas of !our life# e it profession# popularit! amongst friends and relatives or in !our usiness relationships with clients or suppliers. 7orgiveness is aout loving !ourself honestl!# eing open minded and willing to move on in life. 7orgiveness is feeling the pain ut not suffer ecause of that. 7orgiveness dissolves ad and generates good in life. Through giving and forgiving# old >8= structures uilt during lifetime# egin to crumle. "t is through forgiveness and than)sgiving we feel and find real liss and peace which e/ists within us. *n unforgiving person# needlessl, carries the !eight of others grudges in his life. 2ife is a long distance race. ;ou can visuali0e having two athletes running the race. =ne amongst them is carring the !eight of others grudges in his life# while other one that is ou# who is not carr!ing that awesome weight ! forgiving ever!one and feeling free and light. $ho among these two shall e a winner1 -o one needs an! super intelligence to guess the right answer. Then wh! do we miss the golden opportunit! of eing happ! and serene in life1 7orgiveness is the grand and glorious thing to rise aove the pain. Rewards of forgiveness far outweigh the futilit! of harboring grudges. &olding on to the grudges# criticism and lame# can often# destro! peace and tran<uilit!# !ou have een loo)ing for in !our own life. +nder their influence# !our thin)ing is lurred# od! energ! is sapped. ;ou lose will# resistance and strength# which !ou need to face all the challenges in !our life. *n unforgiving nature# laming attitude# resentment and self pit!# are not the health! emotions to carr! around within# ecause the! act li)e acid or other corrosive agents and create more harm to !ou rather than the other person. 2etting go of the grievances or grudges# is the health! and responsile wa! of getting rid of all !our negativit!. "t is a sign of internal healing resulting into perpetual peace of mind# serenit! and tran<uilit! in !our own life. Gesus Christ preached :ove our enem. $e cannot love our enem! ! hating him. &ate onl! egets more hate. $e can love the enem! onl! ! getting rid of the enmit!# which is possile onl! ! forgiving him. *nd we should never hesitate to as) forgiveness of those we have wronged# while we are still living in this world. 7orgiveness is an act of love. The life of Gesus teaches us that at the heart of love is forgiveness and compassion. 7orgiveness is setting ourselves free from the onds of hatred and anger.
85 Your Quest for Being Better
+nless we are free from mutual distrust through forgiveness# the future of our children and grand children ma! not e ver! right# since pressure of natural resources necessar! for the survival of human race# will e immense as the time passes. "t is the responsiilit! of us elders# to teach our children the power of forgiveness as discussed aove and never hesitate to forgive or see) forgiveness. 2et us live together in this world peacefull!# harmoniousl! and coe/ist without conflict through to err is human, to forgive divine. "f !ou thin) deepl!# 7orgiveness is eing smart# progressive and travelling light. 3
RememerB Fo&ivi!& is la&e9heate"!ess a!" bei!& &e!eous. (!l% e$otio!all% sto!& selfless peso!s #a! fo&ive. Fo&ive!ess is the &oo" health we e!;o%, whe! we "eto8if% ou heat a!" $i!" b% fo&ivi!& those who have hut us. -e slow to ;u"&e but <ui#3 to fo&ive. Fo&ive!ess is a !atual heale with abu!"a!t &oo" a!" be!efi#ial si"e effe#ts.
************************************************** Confi!en#e #o'es not fro' alays "ein) Ri)ht "ut not fearin) to "e ron). not fearin) to "e ron). not fearin) to "e ron). not fearin) to "e ron). **************************************************
2A. If people ae u"e & u!3i!", i&!oe the$. Alwa%s $ai!tai! %ou (0. +,A.4AR4. This is aout accepting people and circumstances as the! are. ;ou can%t do much to change them. Tr! if !ou can ut if !ou can%t# est thing is to e little selfish and maintain !our own standard. =ever let others dictate our behavior. Be a person of merit# strength and sustance. Be a role model to others. Rude and un)ind people will also come around. 2ife is almost same for ever!one# ig or small. Both have their own prolems# dissatisfactions# disenchantments# frustrations# irritants# acrimonies. -o one )nows or can gauge other%s prolems or pains. The one who suffers onl! )nows. The one who is wearing the shoe# )nows where it is pinching. Big <uestion is when ever!one is having some prolem or the other# wh! then some people alwa!s loo) positive# act positive or reflect positivit!# while others alwa!s loo) morose# unhapp!# negative and dissatisfied. Reason is that the first )ind ignores man! things and utterances or ta)es such things lightl!# while the second )ind ta)es the things or utterances to their heart and get upset over small things. 7irst )ind ma)es the est of whatever the! have# while the second )ind# ma)es the worst of whatever is there. .imple fact of life is that# as said ! Warren <uffet, the second richest man in the world after ill gates ?its our life, !h let others Your Quest for Being Better 86
rule over it2. But the prolem is that we let others rule over us# willingl! or unwillingl!. "f in a part!# an! item doesn%t taste good# don%t eat it. There are man! other things. >at those. "f someone tal)s nicel! to !ou# e happ!. "f not# forgive him for he must e having his own prolems. "f weather is good# to !our li)ing# e happ!# ut if it%s not as per !our li)ing# still e happ! ecause weather is e!ond !our control. >/orgiveness is such a great stress uster and 8od%s gift to all of us. $h! we do not ma)e optimum use of this most valuale gift from 8od# " have not understood1 "f someone is angr! at !ou and shouts# do not e tit for tat. .impl!# either ignore him or remain !our calm and unruffled self. ;our calm and unruffled nature would pa! !ou handsomel! in the long run. There is so much ad news in the papers these da!s. Bad things of all sorts# seems to e happening ever!where. 2et those who do them# go to hell and suffer. ;ou do what !ou ought to ecause !ou have control over onl! on !our actions# not on others%. <e kind to unkind people. Aindness never fails. Aindness is caring# eing generous# gracious# selfless and dignified. $hen !ou open !our heart to others through !our )indness# others have to reciprocate in the same manner. "f a friend has ought or uild a new or palatial house# wish them est ut e happ! in !our house. .ame thing is true for most other material things. 9o not e carried awa! ! the show(offs# pomp and show done with the sole purpose of pulling others down or showing off. .impl! ignore them or forgive them ecause that is what !ou can do. * super sa!ing# if ou have nothing to sa, sa nothing. $e are constantl! sa!ing things for others to hear# not to listen. 8et out of the hait of ma)ing thoughtless and irresponsile remar)s or comments i.e. sa!ing things just for sa!ing sa)e onl!. =ever break the silence, unless ou can improve the atmosphere or people are sincerel! appreciative of what !ou sa!. ;ou will often see people sa!ing something sill!# then add % !as +ust +oking or other such asurdities. :ointless tal)# remar)s or comments or stories repeated again and again# should e avoided ! sensile mature people. 8et out of the urge to ma)e unwarranted remar)s just for the hec) of it. "f !ou do not stop this# slowl! it ecomes a hait and words are simpl! laered out# ma)ing one loo) li)e a fool. $eight of !our personalit! simpl! diminishes. .uch people are laughed at# if not in their presence# definitel! in their asence. $eight of !our personalit! lies in the words !ou utter. Ma)e !our words or opinion matter. That can happen onl! when !our words and opinions are thoughtful and measured. -ever lower !our standards to match others%. 2et others sa! or do things as the! li)e. :isten more, sa less. 9o not react or respond to ever!thing# what is said or what !ou hear. 2eave a mar) where ever !ou are. Mar) of !our maturit!C There is nothing in this world which can%t e done etter. 9o that and alwa!s e on a loo)out for doing even etter than that. Ta)e !our time to respond ut respond with wisdom. 3
87 Your Quest for Being Better
RememerB If othes ae u"e, u!3i!" o a!&%, it is thei peo&ative to be li3e that. You have %ou ow! sta!"a"s to 3eep. 7eep the$ hi&h fo othes to lea! fo$ %ou a!" follow %ou. You life is to be live" b% %ou. Let othes .(, ule ove it.
************************************************** 0reatest 'ana)e'ent &rin#i&le in the $orl! ? the thin)s the thin)s the thin)s the thin)s R RR Rear!e! & ear!e! & ear!e! & ear!e! & A AA A&&re#iate!, &&re#iate!, &&re#iate!, &&re#iate!, 0 00 0et et et et = == =one. one. one. one. **************************************************
2B. Eve%thi!& i! the wol" stats s$all. It /ows bi& with ti$e a!" epeate" effot. >ven a huge an!an tree# at one time# was a miniscule seed. >ven three store! tall giraffe was small when orn. >ven Albert ;instein had to learn alphaetic once. >ven *ahatma ,andhi or =elson *andela, were once un()nown individuals. >ven 1achin #endulkar held the cric)et at for the first time once. >ven footall great .ele touched the footall for the first time once. *n atom which is so small# draws its destructive power million times over# ! repeated chain reaction. *ll ig usiness empires were once in someone%s rain# just an idea which grew into its present da! status ! repeated efforts and attempts ! its wor)ers and managements. * small child in school learns the alphaets# those strange shapes and figures for the first time. But da! ! da!# ! repeated continuing efforts# he learns more and more complicated things and slowl!# finds them eas! to handle. *s the time progresses# he learns more and more# does etter and etter. >ver!thing# which loo)ed so difficult earlier# is now easil! manageale. $hether it is education# profession# language# game or vocation# !ou have to start small in ever!thing# learn and slowl!# ! repeated efforts and attempts at learning# !ou ecome more and more proficient in understanding the intricacies and complications when !ou find it eas!. 2ife is a long learning process. &uman mind has unlimited capacit! to learn and evolve. "nitiall! ever!thing appears difficult ut when !ou tr! and learn it with patience and perseverance# ever!thing can e learnt and then taught to others. "n fact# that is how human race has reached its present status and have ecome the leader of the universe. $e are different from other species on the planet# ecause we can thin)# learn and then teach other human eings. $e are s!stematic# organi0ed and can innovate and improvise. ,ea#hes ae u!i<ue to hu$a! a#e. ,he% ae ba#3bo!e of hu$a! so#iet%. 1u$a!s have po&esse" so $u#h o!l% be#ause o!e hu$a! #a! tea#h othe hu$a!. ,he ,EAC1ER+. Fo$ pe 7/ to u!ivesit%, esea#h, 6a!a&e$e!t, te#h!olo&%, $e"i#i!e, #o$putes, "efe!se fo#es, i!"ust%, s#ie!#e, $athe$ati#s, Your Quest for Being Better 88
tea#hi!& is the pofessio! that tea#hes all othe pofessio!s. -ut fo tea#hes, we $i&ht still be livi!& i! the sto!e a&e. .o wo!"e, $othe, fathe a!" &uu ae all &oupe" toðe i! ou s#iptues, e<uate" to /o". Right from the eginning# our focus must e on learning and thin)ing. &uman mind has unlimited capacit! to learn ut is grossl! under(utili0ed# hardl! 3FH of its full capacit! is used throughout our lifetime. $e can find solution to ever! prolem ! rational and logical thin)ing. 2i)e other things# if remained unsolved or unresolved for long# ever! prolem ecomes ig# appears igger and un(solvale. ;ou must prioriti0e !our life with well defined priorities to progress# since ever!one has the same amount of time. -ever let important things e at the merc! of unimportant things. There ma! e numer of tas)s to e done. Reali0e their value and enefits ' set priorities accordingl!. .ometimes# productive and important things might e appearing difficult and oring ut alwa!s do them first. &ardest part is alwa!s getting started ut once !ou have made a start howsoever small# it will e easier as !ou proceed. ;ou will see things automaticall! ta)ing shape when !ou are action(oriented and focused. "n life# alwa!s focus on action not on accomplishments. $hen suitale action is ta)en# suitale results ' rewards will e there. That is nature%s unchangeale law. =ur 0eal# patience# hard wor)# commitment# enthusiasm and of course# devoted time ma)es things ig. >/pect nothing in the eginning# compare with no one. Gust ma)e a small eginning with !our sweat and the most wonderful of all 8od%s gift to human eings# human intelligence and capacit! to organi0e things and events. &ave 7aith in 8od and elief in !our capailities. Things will wor) out fine. 3
Rememer >0um %onge kaamyaab ek din8 '6e s%all be success9ul, one day). .eve stop t%i!& o putti!& &e!ui!e si!#ee effots, si$pl% be#ause 'it :ould take a long time8. ,hi!&s "o ta3e ti$e. +tat s$all a!" &ow bi& with ti$e i!put.
************************************************** So'eti'es you on!er ho is really &oor. So'eti'es you on!er ho is really &oor. So'eti'es you on!er ho is really &oor. So'eti'es you on!er ho is really &oor. Those ho Share !es&ite their 'ea)er 'eans or those ho )ra" !es&ite all their ri#hnessJ It is 'ore i'&ortant to 0ive than to ta(e. Enri#hin) others is 'ore i'&ortant Enri#hin) others is 'ore i'&ortant Enri#hin) others is 'ore i'&ortant Enri#hin) others is 'ore i'&ortant than "uil!in) a &latfor' only for yourself. **************************************************
89 Your Quest for Being Better
2C. A! Attitu"e of 6o"est% & 1u$ilit%, bi!&s %ou #lose to Peoples heat, $a3es %ou a L(VA-LE -EI./. Two high income families * and B# are earning almost the same amount. Fa$il% A is modest in their haits and dealings. The! do not show(off# nor are lavish in their spending ut are humle and nice to ever!one. &umilit! and 8ratitude are the virtues the! have emraced. Because of modest haits# the! save a fi/ed amount ever! month and live a trul! virant# satisfied# comfortale and fulfilled life. $ithin the famil!# memers are at peace with each other. #his famil has created peace and happiness for its members !ith humilit and gratitude. Fa$il% -, which also ma)es almost the same amount of mone!# is alwa!s on cloud nine of immodest! and show(off. The! are spendthrift# alwa!s criing and tal)ing aout mone!# are mostl! tense and stressed out. &igh on ego and arrogance# is their wa!. -ever heard or cared aout humilit! and gratitude. 7amil! memers within# alwa!s appear to e at war with each other. Most of the people# in the circle the! move in# relatives and friends# do not li)e them. Because the! are there# the! are simpl! tolerated or pretended to e respected too. The! want to own ever!thing the! li)e. The! live a ver! ostentatious life# ver! phon! and are past(master in up(man(ship# never hesitate to loo) ever!one else down. 7amil! B is living a highl! unsatisfied life compared to famil! *. "n spite of the e<ual incomes# famil! B memers are alwa!s selfish# greed! and discontented. "nsensitive lifest!le of 7amil! B# which has een adopted ! man! people these da!s# is the asic reason of so much corruption# acrimon!# indiscipline# uncaring attitude# hatred# jealous!# road rage etc. in our societ!. %f ou have, !h not flaunt it# seems to have ecome the norm. =ne should onl! have it. $o!' 9oes not seem to matter at allC :resent da! culture of insatiale greed and hunger for ill(gotten wealth# materialism and conse<uent show(off has done great harm to our social faric. 9ignit!# decenc!# honor# civic sense# values# morals# ethics have ta)en a eating. .hamelessness and rashness prevails. -ood! )nows# where this poisoned atmosphere will ta)e us and when and where will it end. +nfortunatel!# ever!one is flowing with the flow and wants to e counted in. -o one wants to e left out. A life of humilit and modest onl can bring hope and +o to our beleaguered societ. :ife of humilit means a balanced life !ithout pretence. "t means considering ever!one e<ual# since we are the child of the same 8od. Treating ever!one as !ou would li)e !ourself to e treated. "t means# though !ou can stand tall in )nowledge and material achievements# !ou choose to stand e<ual to others. "t means !ou want to share the wealth and means !ou have generated# not monopoli0e them. 8rowth and :rogress for !ou# means collective Your Quest for Being Better 90
growth and progress# wherein ever!one is enefitted# not onl! for an!one%s individual enefit. "t also means !ou accept others as the! are# not as !ou want them to e. $umilit on road !ould convert presentl treacherous ride into pleasant road e8periences. >ver!one wants to reach their destination in a hurr!. Ta)e the humilit! road. 8ive wa! to others to avoid clogging of vehicles. Be a little patient and wait for !our turn. 9o not ever jump signals. 8ive wa! to pedestrians. &on)# onl! when asolutel! unavoidale. >ven if someone is rash and negligent# !ou e calm and cool. Maintain prescried speed limit# dignit! and poise on the road. +tili0e the signal stoppage time in pra!er# reathing e/ercise or humming !our popular numers. *ove all# start a little earl! to offset the road conditions. *ll these put together# would never let !ou indulge in disgraceful and inhuman act of road rage. +nfortunatel!# from a means of transport# cars and their si0e# has ecome a means to show off wealth or social status. "nflated ego# arrogance# loo)ing others down and up(man(ship# has ecome a wa! resulting in rash# rec)less and unsafe driving# at times )illing other road users. Bac) of the mind of such people# is their perceived e/alted status. ;ou should see the faces of such owner drivers or owners sitting on the ac) seat. +nnecessar! hon)ing# road rage# show of temper# ausive language and giving dirt! threatening loo)s# have ecome a norm with such people on the roads# ma)ing the roads a ver! unpleasant and insecure place to e. *ll this happens ecause we have lost our wa! from courtes!# humilit!# decenc! and grace. &owsoever ad the jam ma! e# ever!one ultimatel!# reaches home. But if !ou have een driving with humilit!# !ou will e in good mood# a virant person to fulfill !our duties and responsiilities in !our office# home or meetings. Man! people ma)e lots of wealth ut where families are courteous# )ind and humle# wealth shines in the shape of grace and dignit!. $here it is for show off and loo)ing others down# wealth stin)sC Ma)e humilit! and gratitude a wa! of life and e/perience their soul touching enefits. "n spite of eing a small countr! without least natural resources# Gapan has ecome world%s power house in industr! and econom!# ecause Gapanese are ver! courteous# full of humilit! and respect for their fellow citi0ens. $e need to learn from them# how a countr!# the onl! one against whose populations in two cities# nuclear oms have een used# )illing and maiming millions# have reached such di00! heights in growth and development. <ecause of their bo!ing habit, courtes, humilit and regards the sho! to!ards fello! citiCens, sense of fair-pla and +ustice, never displaing anger or rude behavior, bad manners or discourtes in public, the have progressed so much. %t is because of these, the atmosphere in homes, factories, offices and roads remains surcharged !ith vibranc and sense of purpose. :ositive ' negative# good ' ad# happ! ' sad# win and loss# truth ' lies# rich ' poor are all part of the same life. .o the wisdom entails
91 Your Quest for Being Better
that we should not e too happ!# when we win and too disheartened# if we lose. $e should accept ever!thing as god%s gift with humilit! and grace and do not e/hiit emotional imalance of a child. >ver! defeat should e accepted with grace to ma)e us more determined to win the ne/t round. *s human eings# we have unlimited potential to create and master goodness in this world for the enefit of ever!one# which will automaticall!# ring great jo!# peace and happiness to us all. ;ou will !ourself see and enjo! the difference# provided !ou spread goodness which will automaticall! reound. *nger# hatred and env! are our real enemies which corrode us from within. =ur ver! nature should e altruistic# ta)ing care of others# helping them# caring for them and sharing whatever we have# with them. $e are trul! happ! and peaceful when we create happiness for others# are surrounded ! smiles all around. $hen we create goodness# we are the first eneficiar! since we have a feel of living in liss which alwa!s results from our compassionate attitude. &umilit! is when we develop all these positive <ualities for our enefit. * humilit! and modest attitude and humle disposition# is li)e a huge tree with strong roots. "t is li)e a huge uilding on strong foundation. "n spite of the great )nowledge we might have# our humilit!(filled ehavior# )eeps us down to earth. &umilit!# actuall! means !ou are loved ! ever!one# who comes in contact with !ou# deals with !ou# touches !our life. .uch an attitude would ma)e !ou rich and satisfied oth materiall! and internall!. 3
RememerB A $o"est attitu"e of 1u$ilit%, $a3e %ou a li3eable peso! a!" &ives %ou a! a""e" a"va!ta&e with &aphi# ise i! %ou populait%, whi#h sees %ou thou&h $a!% "iffi#ult situatio!s, "ie#tl% o i!"ie#tl%. 1u$ilit% a!" 6o"est% a"" &a#e, love, poise a!" "i&!it% to %ou peso!alit%.
************************************************** One thin) I learn fro' life is that )ettin) UPSET !oes not hel&. /ut alays )ettin) UP to SET thin) ri)ht, ill hel&. $hatever you )ive to life, it )ives you "a#(. =o not hate any"o!y. The hatre! hi#h #o'es out of you, ill so'e!ay, #o'e "a#( to you. %ODE OT4ERS so that %ove only #o'es "a#( to you.
Your Quest for Being Better 92
:D. 6o!e%, 6o!e%, 6o!e%KK./oo" +LAVE but 0ost 6aste. ,a3e Cae. Mone! appears to have ta)en over the world. >ver!where mone! seems to matter and worshipped. >ven the religious places all over the world# where people should e treated e<uall!# have different set of standards for affluent# not so affluent and poor. That onl! proves that 8ods# the wa! we perceive them# are the creation of human mind. Mindoggling amounts of mone! go into the construction and running of more and more places of worship. These places of worship have converted human race into a unch of eggars. .ome eg outside# others inside. =utside eggars eg alms to satisf! their hunger and sustenance# while those who eg inside# are the real eggars who have enough ut are not satisfied ' want more. Their hunger is insatiale greed. The! will remain forever poor# ecause their greed for more ' more can never e satisfied. Mone!(affect can e seen and felt all over# in homes# usiness places# on roads# trains# hotels# educational institutions# functions# hospitals# ever!where. Mone! does oth good and evil to societ!. "t does good# uilding communities when shared and put to proper use. .ame mone! is evil and destructive when monopoli0ed# hoarded and accumulated in an) vaults. $here ever there is shortage of mone! or no mone!# starvation# disease# homelessness# restlessness and illiterac! follows. &uman mind# time and mone!# all can e put to oth good use or aused. =ne person will share it with those not orn so luc)!# even though he has little# while another who has much# ma! hoard and accumulate or put it in .wiss an)s so that he ma! not have to pa! ta/es or share it with an!one else. "n spite their huge holdings# this second categor! dies poor in the real sense# ecause in spite of the fact that 8od has een so )ind to them# the! have simpl! wasted a golden opportunit! for doing good to the world. Their mone! is lost forever in the strong rooms of .wiss an)s. "n spite of all the richness and affluence# such people are despised and are a pitiale lot. Mone! can e oth# !our master or slave. $hen master# it is the mother of all what is ad in otherwise good human eings. $hen ma)ing mone! ecomes the sole aim of e/istence# it reeds corruption# greed# arrogance# high ego# jealous!# hate# env!# intolerance# high e/pectations# comparison and loss of emotional control. *t times# mone! is instrumental in losing a person%s alance# the righteousness# sense of fair pla! and judgment. %t is same as a ship !hich cannot move !ithout !ater. <ut the same ship !ill dro!n if !ater enters the ship. 1imilarl, though !e need the mone to live in todas !orld, !e have to ensure that mone does not enter our head, corrupt it and in turn, dro!n us. &owever# mone!# when slave# sets !ou free. "n spite of !our richness and affluence# !ou ecome down to earth# humle# person of
93 Your Quest for Being Better
humilit!# an attractive and magnetic personalit!# caring t!pe# helpful and )ind# a compassionate eing# dependale and trust(worth!# li)ed ! all. ;our generosit! shines. *ll these virtues elevate !ou and !our social status. "t is onl! when mone! is put to good use directl! and indirectl!# !ou enjo! !our wealth and mone! is oon for !ou. Mone! must e earned through righteous means which mostl! ta)e time. ;ou have to e patient and concentrate on !our ,)arma% or action# while detaching from rewards. &owever# after !our asic needs have een met# whatever e/tra mone! !ou ma)e# cannot e put to real use and is sort of superfluous. .ince this e/tra mone! generates more e/tra mone! through various means# rich ecome filth! rich. This is the time when mone! should e used to earning onus points in life. Bonus does not mean more in terms of mone!# which does not ring an! happiness or fulfillment. Bonus is something !ou earn in )ind ! giving# ! helping or sharing or ! eing generous# which rings true jo!# happiness and peace to life. Then peace and prosperit! co(e/ist. $ealth# accumulated or hoarded# into/icates and reeds self( destructive desires and haits. "t never gives real satisfaction and jo!. =n the contrar!# a peaceful co(e/istence through accumulated jo! of sharing# giving# helping and generosit!# rings us much closer to the creator. *fter all# most of the wealth earned# generated or accumulated ! us# was possile ecause we were orn in a certain famil!# which was not in our hands. "t was through &is divine grace# eing orn is the famil!# !ou inherited the wealth# legac! or certain talents# which enaled !ou to earn so much wealth. *n!one orn in that famil! could have done what !ou have done. .o# what is there to feel so much high(nosed aout1 .ame thing is true of those who earn mone! through their talents# such as singers# actors# pla!ers or other artists. The seeds of their talent# are the gift of the creator to them# in their genes or inheritance# whatever !ou call them which was not in their hands. =f course# the! have pursued them with great effort and hard wor)# to ecome rich and famous. But# howsoever ig the oa) tree might e# it would not have een even there without that seed which was 8od%s gift. This gift should never e used for personal ends# to accumulate or generate wealth onl! for personal selfish use. Those who do that fall on ad times# not necessaril! financiall! ut creator has wa!s to punish such people of their misdeeds# monopoli0ing the wealth gifted. " have )nown man! families in which the famil! patriarch (3 st
generation) who ma! e old now# wor)ed e/tremel! hard during his !ounger da!s and uilt a usiness on a strong foundation. "t too) him his entire lifetime to reach that stage where usiness is set and secure now. Because of his commitment and dedication# mone! generated was ploughed ac) to usiness# which is how usiness grows and prospers. &ence# the! lived an austere life. .ince the! had wor)ed hard for usiness to grow# sacrificing whatever the! wished or wanted# Your Quest for Being Better 94
comforts# famil! time or avoiding purchase of most of the costl! gadgets of which we are so much used to# now. The! )new the real value of each rupee earned. >ven when mone! was there# the! simpl! could not spend it on themselves or their comforts# since the! were <uite used to austere or mone! saving wa!s of living. >ven when mone! was availale for personal lu/uries# the! )ept their usiness interests uppermost and chose not to indulge in lu/uries of an! )ind. Then ne/t generation (D nd generation) too) over and e/pands the usiness. The! also put their heart and soul# wor) ver! hard and ultimatel! reach a level where the! can afford to rela/ along with hard wor). This generation also sacrificed a lot# to ensure continued growth of usiness for finding a foothold. .ince this generation was financiall! etter off than the 3 .t generation and had seen spare wealth for lu/uries# the! could spend the mone! with relative ease and tried to lift their famil!%s standing sociall! along with usiness growth. 7or 3 st generation# a sa!ing comes to m! mind !hen ou have teeth, there are no grains, but !hen ou have grains, there are no teeth. B! wor)ing ver! hard# ta)ing enormous ris)s# finding no time for famil! or enjo!ments which mone! could provide# the! came up and made a strong ase for the D nd generation to ta)e over. This D nd
generation was etter educated# also wor)ed hard (ut not that hard)# too) calculated ris)s (since the! were much safer and had the cushioning affect of mone! and secure ase)# could give more time for famil! and friends# enjo!ed life with availailit! of time and mone!. Then presentl!# the !ounger generation (P rd generation) ta)es over after ,higher studies% and professional degrees. This generation has got ever!thing on a platter. Their ase is secure# the! are computer savv!# infrastructure is alread! there# plent! of mone! is there# well()nown sociall! with lots of well(healed friends. $ithout wor)ing hard# sacrifices or ris)# the! are rolling in mone!# comforts# securit!# latest cars and other gadgets. This generation has seen the wealth right from the eginning# ecause the! were orn in that famil!. B! and large# !ou will find first generation humle# full of humilit! and down to earth ecause of the ris) and hard wor) the! had put in to reach where the! did. .econd generation# who has also een instrumental in growth# can e oth humle# sometimes arrogant. But# the third generation or the ruling generation# who got ever!thing on a platter# can e <uite arrogant# less respectful and highl! egoist. This generation is# often# <uite high(nosed. This is what un(earned or un( laored wealth does. "t straightwa! goes to the head and sta!s there. Warren <uffet sa!s ?$oney does not create man. 5t is t%e man :%o %as created money. *e#er let money rule your %ead=. *nd in man! cases# " have seen emplo!ees who have een li)e famil! memers with their long association with patriarch# those who have wor)ed shoulder to shoulder with the patriarch or second generation# eing insulted or not eing given due respect. The fact that the! have een with the usiness and famil! and are totall! lo!al#
95 Your Quest for Being Better
must e treated with utmost respect and financial securit! must e provided to them in ever! possile wa!. $hatever usiness%s standing and present asset value achieved# is ecause of their untiring effort and standing as one with first and second generation. These are m! oservations in general though e/ceptions will alwa!s e there. " have tried to e/plain honestl! what " have seen happening all over. $hen we have wealth or see wealth coming# we should alwa!s e on guard for greed# discontentment# ta/ evasion# unfair means to procure and accumulate# high ego# arrogance etc. $e should not ta)e the wealth and all the lu/uries and comforts it rings# for granted. >ver!one who has wor)ed for the organi0ation or usiness to come up to the present stage# must e provided accordingl!. Business is done for the creation of wealth for ever!one%s enefit and for common good and cause. $hen usiness flourishes# the fruits must e used to improve societ!%s lot for ever!one%s prosperit! and well eing. "f we tr! to monopoli0e the rewards of usiness towards our own selfish ends# we are slowl! ut surel! inching towards destruction and failure of usiness. Because mone! provides us sustenance# it%s important that it is distriuted fairl! so that ever!one has enough to meet the asic necessities. "n the present setup# large segment of population feel cheated ecause of e/isting disparities of incomes and unfair distriution of resources# which is not a health! sign for an! societ! loo)ing for progress and growth for all# not for the privileged few. Ed:ard 3ibbon, a rilliant historian with great acumen for reasoning and detail# while writing on decline and fall of )oman ;mpire, gives five reasons for the destruction of Roman >mpire of which# thee wee $o!e% elate"I D. ;8travagant displa of !ealth and out!ard sho!. E. ,ro!ing disparit bet!een rich and poor. F. 0niversal desire to live off the state. Can !ou trace an! similarities etween then and now# what is happening in our countr! these da!s1 9on%t thin) it can%t happen to us. "t can# if we do not mend our wa!s ' thin)ing. * poor man# once# wanted to e rich just ! pra!ing. .o# he pra!ed efore 8oddess 2a)shmi# 8oddess of wealth as per &indu scriptures. 8oddess did not appear. 9isappointed# he pra!ed efore 8oddess .araswati# 8oddess of learning# wisdom and )nowledge. 8oddess .araswati was pleased and gave him all the three in plent!. $ith these# he ac<uired various s)ills and earned lots of wealth and ecame ver! rich. Then one da!# 8oddess 2a)shmi appeared. =viousl! this gentleman was anno!ed that she had not granted what he wanted# in spite of his pra!ers. 8oddess 2a)shmi told him ver! fran)l!# %f ou had got !ealth !ithout kno!ledge, ou !ould have never realiCed its true meaning and importance. =o! that ou have earned our !ealth !ith our hard labors and kno!ledge, ou !ill use it !isel. Your Quest for Being Better 96
Three dominant .T*8>. of life areM T>>-*8>B %ts !hen !e have lots of time to spare and ;nerg suppl to do anthing and everthing but unfortunatel, no mone suppl to sustain all that !e !ant to have and do. $=RA"-8 *8>B <oth *one and ;nerg ma be available in various degree but, alas, =( #%*;. =29 *8>B *one is there, mostl, in good measure. #ime is there in plent. <ut, unfortunatel, no ;nergA
More we accumulate# more troules and relationship prolems we are li)el! to have. *ccumulated wealth ring along with it miseries and stin). 9iscontentment and greed alwa!s ma)e !ou feel owning less in spite of the aundance !ou ma! have. These ma)e !ou feel fearful# jealous# envious of even !our true friends. =ur real wealth is peace of mind# contentment# alanced living# not superfluous living to impress others# nor alwa!s tr!ing to compete and compare with others. Raise !our level of thin)ing not to have monetar! e/pectations from others and never e 8R>>9;. * 8reed! mind is alwa!s in turmoil# never at peace. $anting more and more# never e satisfied with what !ou have or get# it%s li)e an all( consuming fire urning inside which has the capacit! to urn or destro! ever!thing !ou have achieved. "f it does not urn or destro! completel!# it undermines !our achievements and personalit!# as others see it. Aeep wor)ing hard# )eep !our 5arma or action level at its est and e satisfied with the results. -ever cri or cr! foul# which will lower !our respect level in others% e!es. <e contented !ith !hat ou have, never !ith !hat ou are. Contentment will alwa!s ma)e !ou happ!. *lwa!s e on the loo)(out for ma)ing !ourself a etter !ou through contentment. Man! people have this wrong notion that if the! are contented# the! will not e ale to accomplish much ! ecoming la0! and lethargic. "t%s their discontentment# amitions# wanting more and more# never satisfied with what the! have# which propels and moves them. $ell# unfortunatel!# there is no misjudged or misinterpreted delusion than this. Class of !our est actions or 5arma# will alwa!s get the est for !ou. *nd class of !our actions would e est onl! when !ou are contented# at peace ecause prosperit! and peace alwa!s co(e/ist. * contented man is alwa!s etter li)ed ! all. &e is universall! respected and ma)es a role model. &e is alwa!s seen as a fair# just# rational and reasonale person. 2ift !ourself up to ecome the lord and master of this most wonderful thing called mone!# which is there to serve !ou as !our .2*V>. =wn as much as !ou can ut spend it rightl!. -ever let it own !ou or ecome the master. *lwa!s e !our own master and )ing. *le/ander the great# on his wa! ac) from "ndia# ecame ver! ill and )new# his time has come# in spite of his enormous looted wealth#
97 Your Quest for Being Better
resources and doctors at his command. $hile on his deathed# he summoned all his ministers and generals and told them the wa! he would li)e his od! to e carried and uried. &e commanded that his bod must be carried b his o!n phsicians and doctors for everone to kno! that !hen our time comes, none can help ou. 1econdl, his entire funeral path must be stre!n !ith his enormous !ealth to sho! to people that !hatever ou have or accumulated over time, !ill be left over here onl. 7ou carr nothing !ith ou. 7ou go as ou came. And thirdl, he !anted his hands should remain outside the grave for people to see that even Ale8ander the great, had to leave this !orld empt-handed. $hen we will leave this world for our onward journe!# is uncertain. $hatever we have accumulated# will e left here onl!. "t is alwa!s etter that we put wealth we have earned# to good use efore we go into the dust. 0e $ust follow phila!thopists li3e -ill /ates a!" 0ae! -uffet i! this #o!te8t, who have "o!ate" billio!s towa"s "oi!& &oo" a!" #haities, rather than follow .teve Gos# *pple C>=# who did not elieve in donating mone! for good causes# died some time ac)# leaving illions which would# generate more illions# without doing an! good to this ailing world. >ven those who get a ig chun) of his leftover illions# will want to forget him at the earliest. &uman race is <uite forgetful in such matters ' ungrateful. 3
RememerB 0ealth is "ouble e"&e". It #a! "o a lot &oo" as well as lot ba". 0he! we will leave this wol", is u!#etai! but befoe that i!evitable happe!s, "o so$e &oo", be#ause wealth whi#h %ou have $a"e thou&h %ou i!telli&e!t ha" wo3, $ust &ive %ou su#h etu!s, whi#h #a!!ot be ease" with "eath. Leave a le&a#% of &oo"!ess athe tha! a la&esse, whi#h "oes !ot a"" value to %ou !a$e. ,hee is !o o!e bette tha! 0ae! -uffet to a"vise o! $o!e% $attes. Alwa%s e$e$be his a"vise <$oney does not create man. 5t8s man :%o created money. *e#er let money rule your %ead. ,on8t :aste your money in s%o:Ao99=.
************************************************** I on!er hether those of our &oliti#al 'asters ho have "een &ut in #har)e of the !efense of the #ountry, #an !istin)uish a 'ortar fro' 'otor, a )un fro' hoitHer, a )uerilla fro' a )orilla, althou)h a )reat 'any rese'"le the laterE. K3iel! <arshal Sa' <ane(sha, Your Quest for Being Better 98
:1. If %ou have a! i"ea, si$pl% thi!3i!& about it, wo!t help. ,a3e AC,I(., lest so$eo!e "oes. "t%s a world of lost opportunities. $ell# not e/actl!C =pportunities were alwa!s there# ut could not e made use of. $e consider them lost# ecause the one who thought initiall! aout them# onl! )ept thin)ing ut did not ta)e action. &e onl! )ept thin)ing and even made airorne castles. "n the mean time# someone smarter# not onl! thought aout the same thing# ut also too) action and reaped all the enefits and profits. This happens often. That%s wh! !ou see more failures around# than successful people. Most people thin) and )eep thin)ing ut not acting. * motivational guru was addressing a !oung audience on ,opportunities%. &e too) out a thousand rupee note and as)ed the audience !ho !ants this note. Most people !elled ,% !ant%. $hen ever!one was !elling % !ant, % !ant, a smart girl got up from her seat# ran up to the stage and too) it from guru%s hands# cooll! went ac) to her seat and sat down. 8uru said ne8t time ou see an opportunit or have an idea, do not simpl think and sit back. #ake action. )each for it and ,rab the opportunit. #hink of this action-filled lad and the thousand rupee note. Compare the two worlds. Toda!%s and sa! some fift! !ears ago or earlier. =pportunities availale at that time were onl! fraction of what the! are now. .till a man# having no earlier usiness e/perience# saw the opportunit! in te/tile usiness and created a usiness empire out of nothing. Toda!%s >"eliance industries8 is the result of a rainchild# imagination coupled with action or graing opportunities and untiring hard wor) and passion of one man# 4hiubhai A$ba!i. $hen !ou are in the hait of graing opportunities# !ou see the world full of opportunities# not onl! in !our line or area of e/pertise# ut also in various other unrelated areas or fields. Then !ou can venture into the hitherto un)nown areas and find opportunities galore. $hen !ou loo) around# !ou will spot man! une/plored areas and fields open for !ou. "t re<uires little daring# creativit!# little adventure and curiosit! to venture into the un)nown. * daring and creative person is motivated ! the desire to achieve not eat others. ,,reatest thing in life is not !here !e stand, but in !hich direction !e are heading. 8et into the hait of thin)ing# thin)ing ig and intelligentl!. :ut !our imagination to wor). *fter all ever!thing we see toda!# ig or small# at one time# was small# someone%s rain(child. "t started from his rain. .lowl!# it got ig when someone too) action and wor)ed diligentl! ' intelligentl! hard# to ma)e it a success. +nwritten law of the world is that initiall!# ever!thing starts small. Those who are ig toda!# were small not ver! long ago. .ince there are hundreds of such successful people and ventures# it will e unfair to give one e/ample here# leaving out hundreds. ;ou !ourself )now
99 Your Quest for Being Better
and can thin) of so man! people# who saw opportunities where others could not see and rose ig. ;ou )now onl! when !ou tr!# and with repeated attempts# tr!# tr! and tr! again and again# till !ou succeed. >ver!thing in life starts from a thought. Thought are the things# ma)e things and shape things which transform into events. >ver! product !ou see or use toda!# was conceived as a thought and converted into an idea in someone%s mind that such a product was a possiilit!. Then onl! it was produced. Most important and difficult thing in life is to egin. =nce eginning has een made# things automaticall! ta)e shape. =stacles will alwa!s e there. But if !ou are determined with a strong will to succeed# with e/plicit faith in 8od# !ou can overcome an! ostacle. This has een happening for ages and shall )eep happening alwa!s. 7aith here is important# which ma! not move mountains literall!# ut gives !ou enough ph!sical and mental roustness and strength# to overcome ever! ostacle in !our path and crossover an! numer of mountains. (nl !hen ou leave the shore, ou can cross the ocean. "f !ou )eep sitting in !our oat on one shore# !ou will remain there onl!. Ma)e a eginning. &owsoever smallC 9oesn%t matterC Well begun is half done. +nless !ou ma)e that small eginning# nothing can e accomplished. Gust do it and leave no stone unturned in doing. "f !ou are in the final !ear of !our studies# in whatever field# )eep !our e!es open and mind on thin)ing and anal!0ing mode. 2oo) for opportunities# not onl! jo opportunities ut also usiness opportunities# oth within !our line and outside. 8od onl! provides !ou the ingredients. Recipe has to e !ours and so also coo)ing# the action. =nce !ou have started# have faith# it will end well. ;es# 8od does provide the feed. But the ird has to go out of it%s nest# search for it to get it. 7eed is not provided in the nest itself. 5eep !orking to!ards our goal !ith unflinching Ceal, enthusiasm and intelligence. #hats the onl !a ou !ill realiCe them. 3
RememerB 1ol% /ita, witte! about ?DDD %eas a&o, sa%s >you be concerned :it% ?1"$1 '1ction) :%ic% is in your %ands. "est you lea#e in 0is %ands. 0e s%all take care8. A#tio! is e<uie" fo a!% be&i!!i!&. (!#e, %ou have be&u!, e$ai! i! a#tio! $o"e, thi!&s will 3eep ta3i!& shape. ,hi!&s $a% ta3e ti$e but if %ou ;ust 3eep "oi!& a#tio!, with patie!#e, faith i! 1i$, %ou will ea#h the "esie" &oals.
************************************************** %ife is li(e "a!'inton 'at#h. To in, you 'ust serve ell, return ell, &lay #ool & re'e'"er that )a'e starts ith %ODE A%%. Your Quest for Being Better 100
:2. 1owsoeve, people o situatio!s t%, .EVER let the$ "i$i!ish Y()R +ELF90(R,1. * human resource guru was addressing a large gathering of upcoming and eager !oungsters. &e too) out a 3FFF rupee note and as)ed the audience ho! much is it !orth. >ver!one said )s DGGG. Then he crumpled it in his hands and as)ed the same <uestion and got the same repl!. &e threw it on the floor and crushing it# as)ed the same <uestion and got the same answer# ,)s DGGG. 7inall! he counseled# +ust like this DGGG rupee note, !hose value remains the same, !hether ou fold it, crumple it or crush it, al!as value our self-!orth and never let it be diminished or devalued, !hatever the circumstances. +elf belief, self estee$, self #o!fi"e!#e o self woth ae all i!te9elate". The! all ma)e !ou a person of sustance# an attractive and magnetic personalit!# a person who is )ept ! ever!one# in high regard and a trustworth! person. $hatever the provocation# he alwa!s maintains his own standard# decorum and dignit!. But in life# man! a situations will come# when some people or !our detractors# will tr! to put !ou down# ,crumple or crush% !ou. 9egree of their success in what the! want to do to !ou# will depend upon !our mental toughness# self esteem# self confidence and self elief. These inner <ualities and value s!stem# differentiate a winner from a loser. The! will throw mud at !ou# critici0e !ou unfairl! or put !ou down in man! wa!s. Man! times# !ou will feel ver! low and will e forced to thin) !hether, is all that !orth it'. "n such situations# !ou might contemplate even <uitting. &ere# !ou have to have few things right. 7irst and foremost# !ou must e convinced in !our mind that what !ou are doing or want to do# is the right thing to do. "t does not harm an!one and is for individual as well as collective good. $hatever !ou want to do# will ring cheer and happiness to man!C "t is for general good and has no selfish motive ehind it. =nce convinced aout the worthiness of !our goal# !ou have to maintain the direction and momentum. Consider !ourself higher and igger than the tas) in hand or goals to accomplish. ;our efforts will ta)e shape and ear fruits. +nfair criticism definitel! hurts ever!one. .o will it to !ou also. But facing all that# !our courage of conviction# stands with !ou li)e a roc). ;ou must maintain !our dignit! and self respect and never ever stoop to their level to get even with them. ;ou must )eep !our cool# temper even and words !ou utter# as alwa!s# must e soft and tender# so that !ou might never have to eat them. Be polite ut firm. -egatives come naturall! to most of us. *nd one of the negatives of human nature is# wanting to rule over others# ph!sicall!# :s!chologicall! or emotionall!. $e have an innate desire to appear special or superior. $hile respect is one thing we must command# we often demand respect. This is often seen in political circles# when
101 Your Quest for Being Better
persons without merit# without e/perience# without ailit! to understand the comple/ issues involved and aove all# lac)ing sincerit! or competence# ecome our lord and masters as ministers. .uch persons can never wor) for the etterment of those ecause of whom the! have risen. The! have their selfish motives to pursue. The! feel offended or slighted at the smallest prete/t ecause of their wea) inner core. +nless the! shed their desire to e special over others# the! can never reall! progress. The ego and arrogance alwa!s ta)e over the wea)# persons with low self(worth. .trong and capale remain alanced# aove greed and self(aggrandi0ement# never feel or act special or superior. Because of their inherent high self(worth# the! enjo! their ,ordinar!% eing# do not want an! special privileges or status and enjo! eing themselves# with ever!one else. *ll the greats of histor!# who left a mar) and whose names are rememered ! the present generation and would e rememered ! the future generations# elonged to this class. @esus &hrist# even after unimaginale ph!sical and mental torture# never had an! grudge in his mind for the perpetrators. &e pra!ed for merc! towards them since the did not kno! !hat the !ere doing. "magine how ,andhi +i would have felt in .outh *frica# when humiliated in a first class train compartment and thrown out# in spite of a valid tic)et. &ow Abraham :incoln felt after each of his innumerale setac)s# ut rose to ecome the :resident of +nited .tates. &is iggest achievement was ringing the lood! *merican civil war to an end and eradicating slaver! from the face of +. ecause of which it has ecome what it is toda!. &istor! is replete with such people who stood against all odds# never accepted defeat# never <uit# alwa!s followed their convictions and conscience. :eople and situations tried to rea) them# the! ent# were fle/ile ut never gave up and ultimatel!# it was the! who won# not their detractors or tormentors. "n spite of insurmountale odds# the! maintained their self worth and stood ! their convictions# what the! thought was right. "rrespective of those odds# difficulties# prolems# adversities and temporar! defeats# their faith in 8od# self elief# self esteem# self confidence and convictions# alwa!s stood ! them. The! never let circumstances ta)e over. "t was the! who were in command# not the circumstances. Come what ma!# the! never let an!one diminish their self worth. $ith their self(worth intact# the! could achieve an!thing the! had aspired for in life. &owsoever distant goals might have appeared to e# the! were within reach. 3
RememerB Pesevi!& %ou self9woth a!" self9estee$ is woth all the "iffi#ulties, poble$s, te$poa% setba#3s %ou $i&ht have fa#e" o! %ou wa% to ulti$ate vi#to%. 0he! %ou stubbo!l% efuse to let %ou self9woth be "i$i!ishe", %ou will be the 0i!!e. Your Quest for Being Better 102
::. 0e all wa!t /R(0,1 & PR(/RE++. RealiFe the$ thou&h %ou ,ALE.,+ a!" +,RE./,1+. 8od# nature or divine# whatever !ou elieve in# has given ever!one different talents# which are our strong points. "t is up to us to recogni0e them# garner them and use them to the est of our own advantage# as well for the societ!%s and countr!%s# of which we are an integral part. 2oo) around and !ou will find different people doing different jos or vocations. There are pla!ers pla!ing one particular game and in that too speciali0ing in one position. 2i)ewise# there are doctors# teachers# engineers# accountants# usiness people# farmers# drivers# artists and the list is endless. Most of them are speciali0ing in their own field. .ome of them are happ!# li)e whatever the! are doing# others are not. +nhapp! people are there simpl! ecause# the! have got into the wrong profession and now# cannot get out of it# irrespective of how much the! want or tr!. 7irst t!pe# which are in minorit!# are mostl! those# who are pursuing their natural talents. .econd t!pe# are generall! those who# unfortunatel!# are not pursuing their natural talents. The! would# perhaps# never do well in their field of activit!. The! are onl! concerned aout ma)ing a living or the mone! the! can ma)e in their profession. .ince the! do not reall! li)e what the! are doing# the! never do it well and cannot grow or progress much. These are the laming# criing t!pes alwa!s read! to find faults in others. "f !ou anal!0e the lives of all those around !ou# !ou will find majorit! elongs to the second categor!. -o wonder# we find less successful people and more failures# unhapp!# tense and stressed out people. #endulkar can at# ma)e runs# 4honi can )eep wic)ets and at# %shant can owl fast# Ash!in can owl spinners# 1aina =eh!al can pla! shuttle# Vish!anathan Anand can pla! chess. These are some of the pla!ers# who are pursuing their talents. That%s wh!# the! have e/celled in their chosen fields. 2i)ewise all successful doctors# engineers# teachers# professionals are those who recogni0ed their talents# when !oung# got into that particular field and are e/celling. "t%s li)e fish ta)ing to water# while pursuing !our talents# !ou will do it well# since !ou will put !our heart and soul in it. Reali0e the dignit! of laor and never hesitate to do or pursue whatever !ou are good at. .upposing !ou are fascinated ! the food# its variet!# aroma# taste and feeling of satisfaction aout life when !ou eat a wholesome mealC $h! not develop interest in coo)ing# which is a vast field and ecome a chef or organi0e a food usiness. * usiness with a small investment can e started which can grow into a ig usiness. 9emand for good food products will alwa!s e rising and an! food usiness done with ethics# has the potential to grow ig with hard wor) and innovation. This is onl! one e/ample. 2i)ewise# !ou can thin) of plent! of vocations# in which !ou can e/cel.
103 Your Quest for Being Better
"n life# more than the mone! !ou ma)e# what matters is that !ou must get jo satisfaction. >ver! profession or vocation# ig or small# to e a successful venture# needs something more than the mone! or status. *nd that something is !our satisfaction# sense of achievement# fulfillment and accomplishment. "t comes when !ou ta)e pride in what !ou do. "t is the satisfaction after a jo well done# it is that sense of achievement# that inner feeling that !ou have done something# 8od had made !ou for. These are the times of immense potential to do# whatever !ou are good at# done with !our heart and soul# in which !ou put other%s enefit at par with !ours# an! usiness will grow. 9o not simpl! ape others# when it is <uestion of !our career. .impl! ecause others are floc)ing to engineering or medical colleges or some other professional institutions# it is not necessar! that !ou must also do the same. 9on%t e a sheep. .pend some time with !ourself and honestl! find out what !ou want to do. 9o that. Ma)e a small eginning and when !ou plough it with !our heart# soul and hard wor)# things will wor) out fine. Thin) something different. $hen !our thin)ing is same# results will also e the same. 2ogicall!# the! cannot e an! different. 9o not ta)e up a jo simpl! ecause others are doing the same. .tart small ut start different# guided ! !our own talents and strengths# not what and how others are doing. ;ou ma! never get that satisfaction or sense of achievement eing an emplo!ee in whatever capacit! or remuneration !ou might get# compared to pursuing an! vocation# in which !ou are good at. 8enerating emplo!ment shall give a ig oost to !our morale and feel good factor. "f !ou are a parent# then it is !our dut! to guide !our child and do not put unnecessar! pressure on the child to e/cel in the e/ams. "f he does# fine ut if he doesn%t# do not lose hope. ,andhi @i, =elson *andela, Abraham :incoln, 1!ami Vivekananda, Albert ;instein and now our :rime minister Mr. -arender Modi and man! more all time greats of histor!# were not toppers or ran) holders# still the! rose to unimaginale heights. :arents who have gone through life themselves# must understand and evaluate things for their children as per their strength and talents# till children grow up and can thin) for themselves. Topping in e/ams is no guarantee that child will e a topper in the pla!(off of life as well# which is the long term goal in life# not short term aim of standing first in class. :arents must reali0e the uni<ueness and interests of their child and help and guide them as per their strengths and talents. "t is often seen that in their middle age# parents# ecause of their selfish high e/pectations from children getting into some elite institution# thin) as the ultimate achievement in life# ecause it rings adulation for the parents and famil!. =ften such persons go aroad and settle there or otherwise ecome totall! career or their own famil! oriented# failing in their dut! towards their parents# who have rought them to this level Your Quest for Being Better 104
of success. Man! parents in their old age# live a totall! deserted and lonel! life# since their off(springs do not or are in no position to help them e/cept for mone!# if at all the! do. "t is not to suggest that parents should not help their child. But parents must alwa!s )eep the total perspective in mind# not the limited one. &ow much of our est talents have gone and settled in +.# +A or other green pastures where without ever spending a penn! in grooming those talents# those countries reap the est of fruits. These -R"%s who got the est from this countr!# visit their mother countr! just to )eep in touch ut are ever critical of things over here# where the! were orn and rought up. This point ma! e thought over ojectivel! efore it%s too late. "nitiall! most of these parents feel ver! happ!# proud and satisfied and would tell ever!one who cares to listen aout their ,children%s achievements in those foreign lands ut as the! near the old age and their ,children% start their own families# things ta)e totall! different turn. .ame ,proud% parents# are left to fend for themselves in their old age when the! need ma/imum help and support from their ,children%. These are not random thoughts ut what we see all around us happening in certain section of our societ!. Through !our efforts and talents# ma)e !ourself necessar! to them and the societ!# e/cel in whatever !ou are good at and see where !ou go. B! doing all that# e sincere and responsile. Meet people%s needs and ever! usiness started howsoever small# will flourish. Be fearless# have courage# have faith# e a leader instead of a follower and ultimatel!# do not go !here the path ma lead. ,o instead, !here there is no path and leave a trail. 9o not let destin! ta)e !ou over# instead !ou ta)e over the destin! and guide it. 3 RememerB ,ale!t is li3e a built9i! #oa#h. Its /o"s /ift. ,hou&h it #a!!ot be epli#ate" but #a! be "evelope" to a!% e8te!t. All supe a#hieves pusue" thei tale!t, pusue" what the% wee &oo" at, & ea#he" whee the% ae !ow.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AS>E= 0O= I as(e! for Stren)th 0o! )ave 'e =iffi#ulties to Over#o'e. I as(e! for $is!o' 0o! )ave Pro"le's to Solve. I as(e! for Pros&erity 0o! )ave 'e /rain to $or(. I as(e! for Coura)e 0o! )ave 'e =an)ers to Over#o'e. I as(e! for %ove 0o! )ave 'e Trou"le! &eo&le to 4el&. I as(e! for 3avours 0o! )ave 'e O&&ortunities.
105 Your Quest for Being Better
:=. 6a!a&e %ou A./ER with /a#e, 4i&!it% & Aplo$b. 4ea"ful & )&l% %ou loo3 whe! %ou Ae A./RY. 2ife is 8od%s gift to us. $e had no sa! in it. But how we live# is up to us. 2ife must e lived with dignit, honor and grace. But we have three impediment to the aove three virtues. Anger, ;go, and ,reedA >ach of these is as harmful as an! other. >ach one shows us in poor light. 7or a life as rewarding as we want# we must control these three ! a disciplined approach# self control# tolerance and patience. *nger# t!pe of temporar insanit# is a common ut avoidale natural trait in most of us. *nger has not onl! to e managed ut is to e totall! eradicated from the life of ever! successful person. *nger is our failure to control our natural emotions or lac) of self control. 7irst sign of unhealth! and sic) mind is *nger. Being angr! during an! negative situation# is sure sign that there is something seriousl! wrong with the person%s mental health and attitude. "n a wa!# when !ou are angr!# start shouting at others or ehave in an! such unecoming manner# !ou onl! e/pose !ourself in poor light efore others. *ngr! people# ill or short(tempered people# are often despised or even hated. The! ma)e poor leaders# are untrustworth!# unsatisfied and mostl!# failures in life. 2i)e most emotions in the world# anger also needs a response. "f we respond with love# person cools down and serenit! prevails. But if we match anger with anger# then# a small matter can get transformed into an unpleasant and unmanageale situation. *ngr! response# alwa!s tend to deplete# waste and drain us of the energ!. But when we use that energ! to respond lovingl!# we not onl! ring harmon!# dignit! and peace to the situation# we are also energi0ed ! 8od%s love and grace which flows through us. *ngr! words and actions never serve an! useful purpose# since the! set up a chain of negative reactions which# often result in rea)down of communication. 7or e/ample# usual scenario in the morning in most householdsC Children are getting read! for school# husand for his wor)# lad! of the house is in the )itchen to get rea)fast and lunch read! for ever!one or ma! e herself also has to get read! for wor). =ver a small incident# li)e ro)en pot or spilling tea or coffee or something else of ver! insignificant nature# which was just a mista)e or minor negligence on someone%s part# arguments# counters and laming starts. Reasonaleness ' love has given wa! to foolishness. $ith fra!ed tempers# a chain reaction of events starts adl! for the da!# with children cr!ing and oth husand and wife# shouting at each other. >ver!one goes to wor) place highl! irritated# with agitated mind and ma! remain that wa! throughout the da!. Though !ou feel sorr! later for !our strong avoidale reaction ut nothing can e done now. -ow# much later# !ou also feel# it should have een avoided. 9uring an unsatisfactor! resentful guilt(filled da!# !ou reali0e !our fault ut# it%s Your Quest for Being Better 106
too late for the present situation to mend ut# of course# for future# !ou can ta)e corrective measures to avoid putting !ourself and ever!one else in such a dreadfull! ugl! situation. $hen !ou anal!0e such incidences of dail! occurrence# !ou will see that the things li)e rea)ing of a pot# spilling tea or coffee on dress# saree or pant etc.# just happen# which should e ignored and corrective action ta)en so that ever!one gets along nicel! for the da!. &owsoever est !ou ma! tr!# such things do happen. $e cannot avoid such incidences and have no control over them. *t such happenings# onl! thing we can control is ourselves. 9o it. Remain calm and cool. "f and when such a thing happens# immediatel! thin) of the corrective measure# which needs to e ta)en. 9ress or saree can e easil! cleaned or changed. Bro)en article can e replaced. But if !ou lose temper or start shouting angril!# aove chain reaction will start. B! !our calm and serene reaction# matter ends there ut with displa! of anger# an adverse unpleasant reaction starts. >ach one of us can onl! control our reaction. "f our reaction had een serene# cool or calm# children would have gone to school nicel! fresh# same for oth husand and wife. *gain " would repeat# over that incident# no one had an! control ut on the reaction# ever!one had full control. Because reaction from husand or wife was negative# it ecame an ugl! matter for ever!one for the entire da!. 1impl avoid angr reaction. Be understanding and helpful in such situations and as a mature person# never let the matters flare up into veral rawl over insignificant matters. B! remaining cool and calm in such situations# un)nowingl!# !ou have taught !our children one of the most significant lessons for life# to remain calm and cool when things go wrong or adversit! stri)es. Be in control# never let the situation control !ou. =nce anger ta)es over# reasonaleness or sense of fair pla! disappears. >ver!one ends up hurt and seeds are planted that sprout into negative feelings. 2ater# when things have cooled down# most li)el!# !ou will regret what !ou said and did# when anger had ta)en !ou over. *nger egets anger# resulting into hate# env!# heart(urning and other negative influences. 8etting angr! is li)e punishing !ourself for others% faults. Title of this lesson 'KK4ea"ful & )&l% %ou loo3 whe! %ou ae a!&%K.., might have appeared offending to !ou. $hile no offence is meant# it is asolutel! right. * person who loo)s so handsome or eautiful otherwise# when in good mood# ecomes almost a monster or t!rant when angr!. Victim faces two prong attac). =ne from harmless loo)ing two inch piece of flesh without one in !our mouthC "n anger# when we are out of our mind# we tend to sa! insulting and derogator! things which recipient would rememer for life. &e might forgive# ut cannot forget. +nfortunatel!# the one who sa!s those dreadful things cannot forgive himself since he )eeps regretting having said those things losing his emotional alance. &e ma! regret them for life. -ever let !ourself into ugl! situations of !our own ma)ing.
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.econd attac) is the offending od! language. Mostl!# it%s not the od! language onl! ut the dreadful facial e/pressions and threatening od! posture. Both of them ma)e a deadl! venomous mi/ture for the other person to rememer for life# mostl!. .o# whether it is etween the spouses# on road while driving# etween old friends# strangers and colleagues# with suordinates# co(wor)ers or servants# it alwa!s pa!s to enforce restraint and self(control while dealing with others. *nger# without fail# will alwa!s and ever! time# land !ou in troule. *nger e/poses !ourself# !our wea)nesses# fears and vulnerailities But words once said# lost time and opportunities cannot e retrieved. $hen !oung# " used to lose temper ver! easil! over nothing# speciall! when " came out of arm! and was tr!ing to resettle in civil life. >ven after so man! !ears# " feel sorr! aout few instances. Those who got it from me# might have forgotten or forgiven me long ago# ut " cannot ut feel sorr! till date though decades are over. :erpetuator of anger can onl! wish he had never said what he did ut words once out# li)e an arrow# cannot e recalled. The! do the damage# sometimes intended ut mostl! unintended. *nger induces various health prolems ecause of the agitated mind. .leeplessness# h!pertension# depression and digestive prolems often result. +npredictale situations ma! result in no time ecause anger just happens without warning mostl!. 2evel of fur! and e/tent of damage done to the relationship# can never e predicted. .ant Rahim had put it eautifull! in a &indi verse five hundred !ears ago# do not break the thread of love instantl. (nce it breaks, it cannot be +oined. ;ven if ou tie it, knot !ill al!as be there, e/plains it all. &ence# it is etter to control the temperament of negativit!# right from the eginning. "f !ou see such traits in !our child# nip them in the ud now# for his etter future. &ow est to control this negative and e/tremel! harmful emotion1 <oth e8pression and suppression dont !ork. $hen tried# oth can create havoc with the ps!che. 0hat wo3s is habit of 3eepi!& a #ool te$pea$e!t, $atue "ispositio!, tust a!" faith i! /o" a!" 1is "oi!&s, patie!#e a!" fobeaa!#e. A"opt a! attitu"e of /atitu"e towa"s /o" a!" othes, spea" &oo"!ess a!" love. /e!eate hu$ilit%, tolea!#e a!" u!"esta!"i!&. $hen !ou practice all these things# !ou will !ourself feel an evolved and elevated person and consider anger and angr! people elonging to lower levels of humanit! from which !ou have alread! graduated. Tr! forgiveness and acceptance of others% personalit!. +nderstand that ever!one is different and have their own mind and wa!s to thin). Thin)ing often clashes ut if !ou develop a controlled tolerant attitude# things improve and when !ou start seeing the enefits of a calm and cool disposition# !ou can wor) vigorousl! towards improvement. 9eveloping a patient disposition through practice in all matters# is a strong antidote to anger. $hen !ou feel the anger rising within !ou# Your Quest for Being Better 108
dee! breat%ing helps. *an times, a mi;ture o9 !atience, calmness, 4ause and dee! breat%ing, bring desirable results and %el! you sa#e or a#oid getting into 9oul situations. $ith little practice# it is possile to achieve cool and calm disposition in all matters and relationships# to avoid unpleasant stress(full situations. Comination of !oga# regular ph!sical activit!# meditation# eating health!# avoiding jun) foods# developing meaningful relationships ut avoiding people and situations !ou cannot stand# are some must do things to live an anger(free life of grace# tran<uilit! and dignit!. 8et into the hait of self(control# tolerance# patience and forgiveness. *nger cannot cohait with these human virtues. More !ou practice these virtues# more anger(free !ou will e. Both anger ' compassion are energies. :ractice e/changing them mentall! which will help. *nger can e compared to hammering nails in wood. The! have unlimited capacit! to hurt the recipient and dig deep. >ven when !ou apologi0e or otherwise patch up# take out the nails%# deep scars remain. 9amage done ! our two inch piece of flesh# can e immeasurale and can have long term adverse affects. *nger is a feeling that ma)es !our mouth wor) faster than !our mind. Chinese provers provide us unparalleled wisdom during such times# when anger tries to ta)e !ou over %f ou are patient in times of A=,;), ou !ill escape a hundred das of sorro!. *mong the man! cases of how anger can hurt# " )now of one case aout fifteen !ears ago# wherein owner of a uilding# almost got it vacated from the tenant ut when almost ever!thing was settled# owner lost his temper unnecessaril! and an argument ensued etween the owner and tenant over a pett! insulting remar) owner made in anger to the tenant. This momentar! loss of emotional alance from the owner# put off the tenant so much that he would not accept an! apolog! and simpl! told the owner to go to court# and wal)ed off. "t too) the owner twelve !ears of legal attle and over twent! lacs# in avoidale sundr! e/penses. Total direct and indirect loss might have een in crores. * little restrain from owner%s side# displa! of calm and cool temperament at the opportune moment# would have settled the whole sordid episode# satisf!ing oth sides honoral!. *nger# rage# fur!# show of impatience and intolerance of one person in histor!# has done lots of good to this word# that we are living in a free world toda!. Man! reasons are given in histor! for the loss of */is powers# led ! 8erman dictator# A"olf 1itle, to *llied 7orces in the .econd $orld $ar. But# one of the foremost reason was &itler%s anger# intolerance ' rage during the later !ears of war# when 8erman offences were repulsed ! *llied forces. "n wars# ups and downs are alwa!s there ut managed ! patient# calm and cool militar! minds# which 8erman! had in plent!. 8erman!# under *dolf &itler# had created an almost indestructile and invincile war machine# which# if had een handled ! calm and cool minds# might have won(over the whole world# ojective which &itler had set
109 Your Quest for Being Better
upon to achieve. $orld as we see it toda!# might have een ver! different# had he een successful in achieving what he had set out to achieve. Then# what failed him1 *nswer is simpleM &". *-8>R. &itler had complete control over the war machine which he had created. But# it re<uired an anger(free# patient# calm# cool and tolerant leader to control# guide and command it. "t re<uired a good listener and a team leader. The! had a rilliant set of generals# air marshals and admirals with totall! committed and dedicated arm!# air force and nav!. Man! war films of those decisive times# which " have witnessed# show &itler in good mood as long as going was good. But fortunatel! for the free world we live in toda!# &itler was full of rage# anger# impatience and intolerance# when news from the fronts started getting ad. &e would lose temper# threw tantrums and used to ecome mindlessl! angr! with rage at his generals# who ecame petrified of his anger and fur!. -o one dared to give him the ad ut correct picture# ecause of his unpredictale ruthlessness. To get rid of him# his own generals made an assassination attempt on his life ut unfortunatel! for them# it failed miseral! and he too) his revenge on them e/ecuting all the generals he had suspected of conniving. &ad there een an even tempered# patient# cool and calm leader to control the 8erman war machine# we cannot imagine what condition of present da! world might have een. Though it%s all h!pothetical# we must learn our lessons from histor! and endeavor to ma)e this world a etter place not onl! for ourselves and our families ut for ever!one connected with us. =nl! then# things can improve in our homes and surroundings. *nger has done and will )eep doing irreparale harm to us# when we do not control it. *nger is mind(generated and human mind is )nown to have great resilience. Mind through resilience# pla!s major role in anger(control or rather controlling !ourself. $hen !ou feel the anger oiling over within !ou# just close !our mind and stop thin)ing of an!thing or just start pra!ing. "n other words# it means !ou create a void within !our mind and remain silent for few moments. ;our nerves will automaticall! soothe down paving wa! for tran<uilit! and serenit!. ;our resilient mind which had ecome volatile# cools down oth !our ph!sical as well as mental faculties. >cho of silence has ultimatel! wor)ed and has made !ou the master of the situation ! controlling !our anger. >cho of silence has saved !ou from eing a slave of !our anger. "n life# it%s alwa!s person with cool ' calm temperament# who wins. "f !ou develop a )ind and compassionate temperament# it also helps !ou to sta! clear of man! ugl! and unwanted situations to inch towards !our goal of achieving serenit!# tran<uilit! and real jo! in life. :erseverance and commitment to e a etter human eing and to ecome a more mature# alanced person of sustance to reali0e !our amitions and goals in life# are real enefits. Because# unless# !ou control !our anger# enforce self control through self discipline# !ou can Your Quest for Being Better 110
never e the person !ou want to e in life. +ltimatel!# it%s change what !ou can and *CC>:T what !ou cannot# wor)s fine. 3
RememerB A!&e huts !o o!e else as $u#h as it huts %ou. 1ol"i!& o! to A!&e is li3e &aspi!& a bu!i!& #oal with the i!te!t of thowi!& it at so$eo!e elseI %ou ae the o!e who will &et bu!e". ,o #ou!te A!&e, a! Attitu"e of /atitu"e, 1u$ilit%, ,olea!#e, Patie!#e, Fobeaa!#e a!" )!"esta!"i!& wo3s best.
************************************************** E=UCATION is hat re'ains after one has for)otten hat one has learnt at s#hool. 111..Al"ert Einstein. **************************************************
:?. 6o!e% -oowi!&9Le!"i!&E CaefulE Lest >.uy no:, 4ay 2ater8 be#o$es, >4ay *o: or Face t%e Conse@uences8. >M"# Borrowings# Credit cards or 2oans# have ecome common terminolog! these da!s. Most people thin) Borrowings or 2oans are eas! mone! for enjo!ing things efore !ou have earned them. .uch contagious thin)ing is ecoming more and more common with our !oung people# who are itching to enjo! ever!thing# whatever life has to offer# without earning. +nfortunatel!# this attitude is ver! negative and reeds much tension# turmoil# stress and fear in life. Constant worr! and stress ecomes their constant companion. &ave !ou ever oserved a lender and orrower together1 $ho is naturall! on a high and who loo)s li)e a servant1 .upposing# in a part! a orrower is having a good time and suddenl!# lender wal)s in. $hat is the internal reaction of the orrower1 Ma! e# to run awa!C .o# unless in e/treme duress# never orrow# speciall! for unnecessar! things and lu/ur! items. -ever compare# never feel small with !our small car or two wheeler# small house or unranded clothes. Retain !our individualit!# remain !our own master# rather than e slave to others% view of !ou. Ta)e pride in whatever !ou are# !our standard of living# !our house# !our car or two(wheeler and all that is !ours# !our e/clusive domain. -ever let others trespass !our e/clusive domain. 0ae! -uffet# who is the second richest man in the world toda!# advises# 9#ake pride in ourself and our !as. 4o not ape others. 4ont bu more than !hat ou reall need. &hoose a simple, smarter !a to live. <ig car, big house or an adopted lifestle, do not add value to our personalit or status. 4ont !aste our mone on unnecessar things or for sho!ing-off. %ts our life, !h give chance to others to rule over it. 4ont go for e8pensive brands. %nstead, ,o for
111 Your Quest for Being Better
value-based purchases2. $hen !ou have mone!# resist the temptation of showing off ' vulgar displa!. Cheap people do that. 9o not e a compulsive u!er# who u!s things on the spur of the moment# things !ou want ut don%t reall! need. :leasures !ou derive owning such things are alwa!s fleeting ut pa!ing for them through !our nose# is real pain. *lwa!s save a fi/ed amount ever! month. 9o not ever compare with others# nor let them. "f ! chance# !ou are in the compan! of such people where comparisons and mental evaluations are a done thing# shun that compan! without a second thought. There is no dearth of etter# more amiale# caring and interesting people around. 2uring and hone!(la!ered calls !ou get from an)s for availing various loans# will e the thing of the past# as soon as the loan documents are signed. =nce the repa!ment starts and dela! happens# ecause of some unforeseen circumstances# which can e there aplent!# !ou have to face the music. "f !ou thought !ou can have a revolving account to tide over the small mess !ou have created for !ourself to start with# which amounts to ta)ing another loan to pa! the earlier one# is nothing ut invitation for creating igger mess or inviting disaster. $hen going is good# people will vie to ecome friendl! ut most of them are fair !eather friends, good onl! for the parties or celerating events. 8od forids# when !ou have prolems# the! cannot e seen or will more important things to do. These people are ver! practical indeed who will )now when the ship is sin)ing and li)e rats# nothing good will come off it an! more or for the time eing. .o# aout the loans# calls for s<uaring off the loans# which were so sweet initiall!# turn out more and more sinister as the tone of the caller to pa! off the loan without dela!# hardens. .ame mild and courteous tone efore the disursement of loan# with dela! in pa!ments# turns rude# discourteous# insulting and threatening as the time passes# till entire dues are paid off# sometimes# even through !our nose. -ever swap !our self( respect for fleeting pleasures or just to impress others and landing !ourself in financial mess. B! the time !ou start earning# !ou should also ecome smart enough to manage !our finances astutel!. 9o get a credit card ut use it sparingl! for convenience# not for impulsive u!ing. Mone! is !our ultimate friend in life# !our iggest securit! and care(ta)er. "t can help !ou a great deal ut onl! when !ou have it in hand or on call# when !ou do not owe it to an!one. 9on%t ever e without mone! ecause impulsivel!# !ou spent it earlier on things !ou reall! did not need or just lew it off. &osting functions# dinners or other such events at heav! cost to impress others# are a futile e/ercise with doutful returns. $hen going out with a group of friends or families# alwa!s e fair and insist for ,dutch%# ever!one sharing the e/penses e<uall!. $hen eing invited for dinner# offer ,pot luck%# carr!ing a home(made Your Quest for Being Better 112
dish. 7eel no hesitation in sharing the e/penses or laors# which will enhance !our status and respect in others% mind. +. is the world leader toda! in almost ever! sphere. &ence# people ape *merican wa!s. $orld%s economic meltdown or recession is ecause of one single factor# *merican hait of spending more than the! earn and efore the! earn. *merican econom! sustains on waste. "f all the seven illion citi0ens of the world were to adopt *merican wa!s of spending or ape *merican wa! of life# we shall need four more planets of the si0e of mother earth to sustain ever!one. .o# let%s e realists and ape their good haits not the ad ones which will e disastrous for ever!one else in the world. $e should get into the hait of spending less or saving more# not onl! the mone! ut also water# energ!# paper# fossil fuels etc. More we spend# more we u!# more has to e produced to meet the demand. Conse<uentl! more of water# energ!# paper and fuels will e consumed. More gloal warming and its harmful effects# we or our children or their children# shall have to face. Means less we leave for our children. $orld resources are depleting fast. B! spending more and unnecessaril! or consuming things wastefull!# we accelerate that process for the detriment of our future generations. $e should also learn a few things aout mone!# earl! in life. $hen !ou have mone!# !ou should ecome mone!(wise. ;ou should neither e miser or spendthrift with !our mone!. &ave correct perspective of mone! without which# in spite of !our achievements# !ou will alwa!s feel li)e a failure. ;ou will alwa!s lac) self(elief and self(confidence. $ithout correct perspective of mone!# life will e a losing attle. =ever let ,);;4 takeover our !ise +udgment. More than an!thing# !ou need to feel fulfilled and satisfied in life. >ven when !ou float in aundance# overpowering greed never lets !ou. 8reed! people and families can e spotted easil!. The! are disli)ed and detested universall!. Moreover# greed is one factor# which can destro! !our entire life%s achievements. There is no little or more aout greed# since it is insatiale. 8reed ma)es !ou heartless# selfish# self(centered# cunning# unreasonale# Gealous ' envious. .ave a fi/ed amount regularl!# not what is left out# ut spend onl! what is availale after saving that fi/ed amount. *nd most importantC "nvest it wisel! and diversel!. 9o not ma)e ris)! investments# which options are availale aplent! these da!s. -ever e lured into putting !our hard(earned mone!# in wea) ut lucrative(loo)ing investments with higher returns or interest rates. "f !ou happen to lose mone! in such investments# !ou not onl! lose mone!# !ou lose face as well# coupled with loss of confidence and hope. .imple guideline is# higher rate of interest or gains# higher the ris). .o# for ma)ing EH e/tra# do not ris) !our 3FFH. $ith scams# corruption# eme00lement# mone! laundering# fraudsters ruling the newspapers and maga0ines most of the time these da!s# etter read financial pages and investment guides for financial )nowledge ut
113 Your Quest for Being Better
never compromise on the safet! and securit! of !our mone!. .ince most highs and lows in life are with the read! mone!# e mone!(wise. There will e man! financial companies# innovative schemes# chit funds# wea) an)s offering !ou higher returns. 2earn from past. Man! such companies li)e Tea) :lantations# >mu farms# chit funds and realit! companies will ma)e ver! attractive offers through innocent loo)ing attractive ads and their agents# wine and dine parties. "nitiall!# to loo) genuine# the! shall even pa! ac) small amounts. But ultimatel!# the! shall run awa! with mone! or swindle# with gullile investors left with worthless papers and receipts. *s a responsile and caring citi0en# it is !our dut! not onl! to save !ourself from such fraudsters# ut also to educate and advise poor people in !our neighorhood# who are worst hit. These gullile people might put their whole life%s savings in such ,attractive% and ,lucrative% loo)ing investment schemes run ! the fraudsters. Cautioning !our maids or emplo!ees aout such companies and schemes# will e a ig social service !ou can do. ;ou ma! give mone! for good causes# help others whenever and where ever !ou can# e generous aout giving(sharing(helping ut never lend the mone. 9ifference in giving and lending is that when !ou give# !ou just give to feel good and do not e/pect it ac) ut when !ou lend# !ou would e/pect it ac)# which !ou ma! or ma! not get ac). .o# never lend it to !our friends or give the mone! on loan on high rate of interest# ecause !ou ma! e disappointed# when !ou as) !our mone! to e returned. &elp ut don%t lend. $hen !ou lend mone! to a friend# !ou ma! not onl! lose !our good mone! ut also a good friend. .ome friends are in the hait of as)ing mone!. .hun them or the mone! the! owed !ou. 7riendship is etween the e<uals and if a friend is in the hait of as)ing mone!# he is not !our e<ual. 8et rid of him. $hen !ou lose mone! this wa!# it also generates negativit!# loss of peace of mind ' self confidence# feeling of helplessness and self(dout. $h! invite negativit! when there is asolutel! no need. .pending !our own real mone! onl!# gives !ou lots of comfort and confidence. ;ou will have mone! in hand onl! when !ou spend less than !ou earn. Mone! in hand provides !ou peace of mind to concentrate on other areas of growth. "f !our e/penses are more than !our earnings# !ou will alwa!s e under stress# under duress. 2earn to manage mone! earl! so that !ou can enjo! it. 3 RememerB Its bette to have less but %ou ow! $o!e%. 0he! %ou ae shot, $a!a&e %ou !ee"s without esoti!& to boowi!& o ta3i!& loa!s. Feel of +u##ess is $oe i$pota!t tha! the +u##ess itself. ,hat feel #o$es whe! %ou have $o!e% ea"% with %ou a!" %ou "o !ot owe it to a!%o!e. .eve bu% thi!&s o! i$pulse. .eve allow %ouself to be tappe" with >buy no: !ay later8 slo&a! whi#h a$ou!ts to #heati!& %ouself. Your Quest for Being Better 114
:@. 6ost A&u$e!ts ae u!!e#essa%. 6oe a&u$e!ts %ou wi!, few Fie!"s %ou will have. AV(I4 AR/)6E.,+. Time is the most precious commodit! in our lives. "n whatever activit! we devote time# it flourishes. =n the contrar!# whatever time is wasted# is wasted forever and cannot e retrieved. Those who ma)e good use of time# are successful# while those who do not use their time well# are failure. &ow !ou use the time in !our hand# ma! e the difference etween .uccess and 7ailure. Trillions of hours the world over# are wasted ever! da! in useless# uncalled for# fruitless and unwarranted arguments. Most of these arguments are unnecessar! ut we indulge in them# all the same# just for the hec) of it. There are some persons who are haituall! argumentative. 7or an!thing right or wrong# the! must argue# which mostl! generate ad will# heightened tension and stress for all. 8ains are nil# losses are heav!. >ven if !ou win such unnecessar! and avoidale arguments# it%s loss all the wa!. ;ou ma! win the argument ut lose the person forever. Gust anal!0e the goings on around !ou# for some of which long time( consuming arguments are there. $ere all those arguments and resultant heat generated# was necessar! at all1 9id !ou get desired result1 ,-=%# in most of such casesC =nl! avoidale heart urning# jealous! or someone definitel! feels let down. Benefit( -il. =n the other hand# a smile is onl! what !ou need to win over people# ecause people who relentlessl! argue with !ou# cannot ear !our silence. 2ife is for enjo!ment of friendship# relationships# good compan!# cooperation# fruits of !our laor and hard wor). 2ife has a igger meaning for all of us and is not for indulging in trivialities# inflamed passions and losing temper over. +nfortunatel!# when we have arguments after arguments over insignificant matters# whole atmosphere ecomes full of antipath! and hostilit! for nothing. "t%s mostl! the >go factor or up(man(ship# which fuels antagonism. 9o not forget that when ego comes in# lots of things li)e courtes!# love# politeness# respect and regard for each other# which normall! mean so much to all of us and ma)e our life livale and palatale# e/its. Choice is not difficult for !ou to ma)e. 9o !ou want to win the argument at an! cost and antagoni0e !our loved ones or let it go. Most of the people are fond of having the last word. 2et them. &ow does it matter1 2et them have the feel of a winner and e happ!. 9erive happiness from their happiness which is much etter for !ou# than to have a morose spouse or friend around. 9on%t let !our ego come in the wa!. "f !ou learn this lesson well in life# !ou are paving the wa! for a lissfull! peaceful e/istence not onl! for !ou ut for ever!one connected with !ou. &eaven or hell is onl! imaginar!. "n realit!# if !ou lose an argument# !ou will live in perpetual paradise.
115 Your Quest for Being Better
Gust thin) over. Ta)e the lead. -ever indulge in unnecessar! and avoidale arguments. $hether it is !our spouse# friend# associate or customer# it is etter to lose an argument to win them over. "n last fort! !ears of doing usiness# " have seen and met man! sales people# who were )een to win unnecessar! arguments ut lost good customers in the argain. The customers felt hurt# slighted and let down ! their eagerness to prove themselves right# resulting in non(cooperation and stoppage of !ears of patronage cultivated ! hard laor. 3
RememerB Life offes %ou i!!u$eable #hoi#es. 1ee the #hoi#e will be, whethe to wi! a! i!si&!ifi#a!t a&u$e!t o wi! the peso!. 4o !ot hesitate to "o the late, alwa%s a!" eve% ti$e. /et ove the te$ptatio! of havi!& the last wo".
************************************************** =oin) 0oo! to others is not a !uty. It is a 2O., for it in#reases your on 4ealth an! 4a&&iness. 0et all the s'all thin)s of your life ri)ht. /i) thin)s ill )et into &la#e auto'ati#ally. **************************************************
:A. ,hi!3i!& of a /IF,> ,hi!3 ha" but Pa#ti#al, befoe "e#i"i!& about. $e often receive invitations for wedding receptions# house warming ceremonies# irth(da!s# new venture openings or man! other functions. $e immediatel! start thin)ing of an appropriate gift without which# we feel# it will not e right to attend the function. Mostl!# tension starts mounting with the first information report# that a function has to e attended and a suitale gift has to e given. 9uring such functions# !ou will find a ig pile of assorted gifts with the host# l!ing almost as ,trash% in the street. =f course# cash can e used ut we must first e/amine the pile of trash%. =nl! in rare cases# DFH items from the ,pile% are usale in some form# ut other aout KFH# will e totall! useless in the form of unfit and old fashioned clothes and sundr! articles# some loo)ing old and used# too ig or too small. Most of them are just ,passed on% t!pes. >ven out of the first DFH# !ou might li)e to use onl! DFH of them which ma)es them just aout EH falling in usale or li)eale categor!. *out 4EH or so# are just waste and useless for !ou. ;ou would never have ought them with !our own mone!. -ow come to the gift of flowers or ou<uets. The person for whom !ou have got them made so lovingl!# mostl! does not even loo) at them. The! are simpl! handed over to the person ne/t# standing for Your Quest for Being Better 116
this purpose and ultimatel!# thrown in another pile of real trash l!ing near!. Recipient does not even carr! them home# since the! are not worth the effort. >ither the! are thrown out as garage or as in Mumai# !ou will see them eing sold ne/t da! morning at most of the traffic signals at throw awa! prices ! eggars and haw)ers. $ell# this is generall! what happens# though e/ceptions ma! alwa!s e there. Mind !ou# these gifts whether the! are used# left in the ,pile% or thrown awa!# cost a lot of mone!. *nd if !ou calculate# total will e staggering amount ut wasted almost completel!. " thin) in ever! house# these gifts )eep l!ing in a corner in the store and are mostl! never used and some of them are not even worth ,passing on. $h! not use this staggering amount for doing good and earn someone%s goodwill1 $h! ecome an oject of hidden ridicule in !our lovale group of friends1 $h! not do something innovative1 "n fact# with cost of such functions touching s)!(high# no one is )een for receiving such ,trash% gifts or cash# e/cept small children on their %da!s. $ill it not e respectale and graceful that =o gift, please is mentioned on the invitation cards1 $h! can%t we e more dignified1 B! not writing these words on the invitation card# we are inviting trash into our homes# which costs lots of mone!. $h! appear so greed!1 Gust sa! a graceful ,-=% to gifts1 $h! not let the mone! spent on u!ing useless gifts# e used in a etter# more graceful and dignified manner# without appearing greed!1 $h! not give an option of P(5 charities for the guests for whom che<ues can e made or cash received on their ehalf. Then# hand over cash and che<ues to the charities with dignit!. This shall also get the lessings from additional eneficiaries# who reall! need help. .uch occasions will e rememered ! man! people speciall!# those for whose good# mone! is used. This can onl! e done ! real affective leaders li)e !ou# not ! followers of rotten traditions. +nfortunatel!# right from childhood# we ecome conditioned to receive gifts on different festivals or happ! occasions. This hait# in later stages of life# gives wa! to two worst )ind of vanities in human eings i.e. ;8pectations and &omparisons. $henever an! ,occasion% is there# !ou e/pect a ,suitale% gift. *s gifts are received# our mind goes on the evaluating and comparison mode. *t the ac) of our mind is the perceived notion that the one who has given a costl! gift# loves or cares more than the one who has given cheaper stuff or lesser cash. This is a fault! and misleading notion. This life itself is a gift !ou got from !our mother. 9id she e/pect an!thing in return1 This ,gift% mindset full of greed# is most ostensile during marriages# when most of the people connected# are either thin)ing aout giving gifts as descried aove# or worst )ind of receiving gift# which is 8R>*T "-9"*- 9=$R; M>-*C># which has led to so much waste of mone! in showing(off# further leading to man! of our social evils including ride(urning and dowr! harassment. There is no other activit! $oe "e$ea!i!& tha! the &ee"% a##epta!#e of #ash
117 Your Quest for Being Better
a!" 3i!" of otte! ol" ta"itio!al $i!"set of bo%s si"e whi#h has bou&ht so $u#h pai! a!" $ise% to so man! families. :eople with modern mindset must rise against such despicale traditions. But have !ou ever considered gifting time or +ust being there as gifts. .ounds unusual ut ver! practical# indeedC 9uring these da!s# when ever!one seems to e hurried# harried or hassled# if !ou can spare some of !our time to peacefull! tal) to someone or etter still# listen to someone and spend some <ualit! time with the famil!. .uch gifts are never wasted and add to !our own feel good factor. @ust being there means to surprise someone with !our presence rather than with an unwanted useless material gift. These da!s# when ever!one seems to have what one needs# ,+ust be there when the! need !ou and enlighten# righten or enliven the atmosphere with !our une/pected presence. $ell# when !ou spend lacs or crores on a function# " am sure if# through !our goodness# some under(privileged are enefitted# !ou would li)e to do it. That is how !ou can spread goodness. "t loo)s cheap# when !ou are capale of spending lacs during such functions ut collecting cash(filled envelops in return from !our guests. #hrough ou, some hungr !ill eat, need can be clothed or a child educated or someone some!here can be medicall treated and life saved. @ust set an e8ample. *an !ill follo! " more good !ill be done through ou. 3
RememerB -% efusi!& to a##ept &ifts i! #ash o 3i!", %ou ae $otivati!& othes a!" &ivi!& a lea" i! spea"i!& &oo"!ess. 0he! %ou "o &oo" o spea" &oo"!ess, o!l% &oo" happe!s to %ou a!" %ou fa$il%. '7a -hala, 1o -hala, whi#h $ea!s whe! %ou "o &oo", o!l% &oo" will happe! to %ou.
************************************************** SUCCESS is 0ettin) hat you ant. 4APPINESS is %i(in) hat you 0et. **************************************************
:B. AC,I(.M7AR6A -i!&s /lo% & +u##ess. -e "eta#he" fo$ the esults. Co!#e!tate o! AC,I(.. "t is onl! when we reali0e our goals in life# we feel fulfilled and satisfied. Most of us have to toil hard to reach a reasonale level of financial goals and status level. $e have to traverse a long path which# understandal!# might have ta)en a long time or !ou might still e in the process. "t is m! conviction that if !ou do not enjo! treading the path# the struggle# the action# !ou have missed most of the enjo!ment. "f !ou have not enjo!ed the action mode trul!# it is difficult to enjo! the resultsIawards as and when the! come. Your Quest for Being Better 118
#his brings us to the central theme of <hag!ad ,ita,, giving us practical guidelines to faithful and enlightened living. ,ita guides us to concentrate on action, !ithout getting mi8ed up !ith disturbing thoughts of results and re!ards. 7ou have the right to !ork but never to the fruit of !ork, 5rishna tells Ar+un, !ho stood !avering on the battlefield of 5urukshetra, reluctant to kill his kith and kin, !hich !as his prime dut as a !arrior on the battlefield. :ractical wisdom on life dictates us that since result ma! e negative also# if )ept that in mind while we do our Aarma or action# we would never e ale to put in our est. 'Co!#e!tatio! is one of the si/teen laws of success as per .apoleo! 1ill. Thin)ing of rewards# we can never concentrate on action# purit! and class of which# would onl! determine the class of results and rewards. $e live in a comple/ world toda!. Mone! and mindless pursuit of materialism for our own selfish ends# has ta)en our societ! to the lowest moral e une/pected or unforeseen earlier. &uman values and morals have een thrown to the dust. *ccess to endless "nformation# ceaseless advent of mindoggling technological innovations# endless challenges# have ta)en heav! toll on peaceful co(e/istence and harmon!# on which we must live our life. "n such a situation# we must enjo! the journe! which is action or 5arma# more than the rewards. "f the mind is constantl! osessed with overwhelming thoughts of success or failure# victor! or defeat# gain or loss# it saotages one%s efforts towards achieving worth! goals# which are eing pursued. &appiness must e found along the wa!# not onl! at the end of the road. *ction in the form of intelligent effort in the right direction# must inspire and motivate us as much as achieving results and goals. $e all )now that we have control over a few things in our lives. Most things just happen and we have to ear with them. "t is said that we must ma)e things happen# rather than just see things happen. 7or ma)ing things happen# class of our action has to e ver! high# which is possile onl! when we concentrate on action and never let our actions e mi/ed up with the thoughts of rewards# victor!# success or failures. *ll actions are controlled and guided ! our mind which is our force multiplier. =nl! when mind is concentrating on action# est can e accomplished. &uman mind can onl! thin) one thing at a time. ;ou can have onl! one thought which originates from our mind which can then# turn into ph!sical action. "f we mi/ two things in our mind# li)e oth action and rewards# est rewards# simpl!# are not possile. -o wonder# we find innumerale mediocre people all around us. >ver!one including this author recommends living in the :resent. 2earn from the past# stop worr!ing aout the future which is not in !our hand# is recommended. Then what aout setting goals in life# which are alwa!s in the future1 $hether short or long term# lot of time is spent in the journe!C +ps and downs are a wa! of life. "t ma! e a
119 Your Quest for Being Better
long time efore !ou reach !our coveted goal. 9uring the journe!# man! times# !ou might thin) that goals which !ou set so longingl!# are difficult to achieve# which ma! set in despondenc!# hopelessness# dejection# frustration or gloom# affecting !our efficienc! and <ualit! of action# which ma! further reduce chances of achieving goals. +nder the circumstances# is it not etter to concentrate on !our ,5armas and put in !our ver! est without infringements and distractions of !our attention thin)ing aout the rewards and gains. *ll energies# 2"8&T# $"-9# $*T>R =R &+M*- M"-9# gain power onl! when these are focused or directional. =nl! when human mind is focused# it gains power. .ame thoughts meandering in different directions# lose much of their power# resulting in mediocre output. 3
RememerB -est ewa"s #o$e fo$ a#tio!s of a! u!9fe!Fie" $i!", a $i!" whi#h is fee of woies of the past o a!8ieties of the futue. A $i!" whi#h is i! #o$plete #o!tol of itself a!" is #o$pletel% fee to thi!3 a!" a#t, is the i&ht $i!". Alwa%s let %ou a#tio!s be pue a!" #lea, !eve letti!& the$ $i8e" up with the i$pue thou&hts of ewa"s.
************************************************** <ost satisfyin) thin) in this orl! is to see your &arents S'ile an! (noin) that .OU are the reason "ehin! that s'ile. **************************************************
:C. Lea! to sa% polite '.(. .eve sa% '%es, whe! %ou wa!t to sa% '.(. &ave !ou ever found !ourself in the wrong compan!# at the wrong time# at a wrong place or situation1 ;ou might have een cursing !ourself for not eing ale to sa! ,-=%# when !ou so much wanted to sa! so. -othing to worr! since !ou are with vast majorit! of people# who put themselves and sometimes# their near and dear ones too# in ver! emarrassing or unpleasant situations# simpl! ecause# while the! wanted to sa! ,no%# ut could not utter two letters of ,-=% and# instead uttered three# ,!es%. >arlier !ou get out of !our own created we of ,o)%# ,!es% ,fine%# or ," am game%# est it will e for !ou and at times# for !our famil! too. $h! we are so osessed with the word ,!es%# is ecause of our desire to e loved# we want to show that we care and want to e helpful when we are needed. $e thin) that ! hearing our ,no%# the person re<uesting ma! mind it or might feel offended. .ometimes# it is done out of fear of rejection. .ometimes# we feel the person ma! as) someone else and fear of another person getting the advantage over us. .ometimes# it ma! e that we want to e popular t!pe# most Your Quest for Being Better 120
agreeale t!pe. *lwa!s appearing agreeale t!pe# sa!ing ,!es%# ma)es us appear that wa!. This ,!es% instead of ,no% happens# when !ou ma! have little to spare to give# are tired# alread! overwor)ed# having no time or want to e left alone. .ometimes# it is done just to s<uare up an old oligation# while at other times# it ma! just e a hait# good one mostl! ut ad one at times. $ell# there is no dout that one must e helpful# caring and upright. &owever# life is alancing things# so man! things at that. $hile doing all that# !ou need not hurt !our personal interests or health or famil! welfare. 7amil! should not feel neglected. ;our famil! must e !our first priorit! and ample <ualit! time has to e spent with them and for them. "t is a common complaint# mostl! genuine# from wives that while their husands have lots of time for ever!one# ut whenever the! need their time# husands almost alwa!s sa! the are bus. "t is normall! found that while husands cannot sa! ,no% to others# the! have no hesitation at home to sa! ,no%. .ometimes it is tactful handling# sometimes it ma! just e managing things# events and situations# well# !ou also must have !our priorities right to move ahead# jo!full! and happil!. Time must e allotted or spent as per the priorities. Time is !our most important asset and it must e used rightl! to find a alance in various activities# which !ou are supposed to do as a routine. =ften# " have oserved that people just sa! ,!es% without thin)ing. *t times# it%s just that the! want to e counted in. The! might have no interest in the proceedings or even disli)e whatever for the invitation was there# ut the! agreed# simpl! ecause ever!one else was coming. *t times# it is necessar! to e decisive and sa! a firm ,no% if !ou have no interest in the event. -e/t time when such a situation arises# simpl! sa! a firm ,no% rather than a wee) ,!es% and then regretting it# ma)ing others uncomfortale or emarrassed at times. ;ou must reali0e that !ou and famil! have first priorit! on !our time and resources. $hile helping others# !ou must not e stressed out !ourself. ;ou must ensure that !ou have that much time and resources to spare. These da!s# nood! gives !ou mar)s for !our presence or just eing a ,!es% man. 3
RememerB >Say 7es and make it your 9a#orite :ord8 is fi!e, as lo!& as it "oes !ot affe#t %ou health, wealth o fa$il% life. )lti$atel%, %ou $ust be a"ept at the bala!#i!& a#t i! life. You ti$e $ust be popel% utiliFe" to &et best out of life.
************************************************** A "an( is a &la#e here they len! you an u'"rella in fair eather "ut ant it "a#( hen it "e)ins to rain.
121 Your Quest for Being Better
=D. C((7I./: A !oble eve%"a% a#t. Lea! Coo3i!& a!" ta3e pi"e i! the at. =ther da!# while enjo!ing a homel! dinner at a friend%s place in the compan! of famil! friends# one lad! suddenl! announced 9% dont like cooking. %n our house, there are servants to do that boring chore2. $ell# ever!one was ta)en aac) ut )ept <uiet. " too was also ta)en aac)# loo)ed at her poor husand ut could not )eep <uiet. " had to tell her that not )nowing how to coo) or not wanting to coo)# is nothing to e proud of# speciall! for a women. "t was a ig handicap for otherwise# normal loo)ing famil!. This lesson is there ecause of this small incidence which also led me to thin) a lot aout our misplaced priorities in life. To survive# we have to eat. $hat and how we eat# determine our health and well eing to a large e/tent. =nl! humans eat coo)ed food on this planet. =ther species eat food in whatever form it is availale. >ven animals# when the! can e# are <uite choos! aout the food. Then# wh! is it so that coo)ing is considered such a ,boring and un!anted tas) ! man! people1 $ith little effort# we can e totall! independent of hired laor# add health enefits for our famil! and of course# save doctor%s fees ! eating health! and energ! giving foods.
Few e!"eai!& fa#ts about the foo" we eat : 3. "n m! sevent! !ears# " am !et to come across someone# who does not li)e ,ood food. "t is also rare that people conve! their appreciation for the delicious food the! are eating# though the! are alwa!s read! to critici0e# when something is not as per their taste. &owever# !ou must ma)e it a point to e appreciative# loud and clear# if !ou li)e the food. :erson who has coo)ed the food# will li)e nothing etter. "t is est to )eep <uiet# if !ou didn%t li)e something# instead openl! critici0ing the food. "t%s ad manner and not a done thing. D. 7ood taste is an ac<uired trait. -ormall!# we li)e what we have een eating from childhood. .o# no food is more delicious than the other. "t all depends upon individual haits and traits. .ince eating haits are formed from childhood# through a person%s formative !ears# usuall# one li)es food which one is used to eating from childhood. $ence never argue !ith anone about the superiorit of our food over others. "t%s childish. P. $e normall! li)e and eat what is locall! grown. Rice growing populations will predominantl! e rice eating or vice versa for wheat and other crops. 5. &ome food mostl! digests more easil! than the restaurant food# since restaurants use e/cess oil# spices and salt to enhance taste# which )ills the nutritional value of the food we eat in such places. E. Though coo)ing at home is mostl! done ! ladies# male chefs far outnumer female chefs# where food is commerciall! coo)ed for sale. Reason is that eing a hotel ,chef% is a ph!sicall! demanding jo# with Your Quest for Being Better 122
long uncertain hours of wor) which is doul! difficult for the ladies to underta)e. Taste of the food does not depend on the si/ of the chef. Q. :aid coo)s or chefs# whether at home or outside# are hardl! ever concerned aout the health aspect of the food the! coo). Their main concern is that the food must taste good. >/cessive use of unhealth! oils# spices and salt helps them achieving that oject in less time ut such foods are definitel! unhealth! compared to the food coo)ed ! !our mother or wife at home. 6. 7or lifest!le diseases li)e Blood :ressure# 9iaetes# Cardiovascular prolems etc. food has to e coo)ed using less oil# salt and spices# which re<uires more laor and is more time consuming# which is difficult for a hired coo) or in hotels# where onl! criteria is taste not health. &ence# avoid eating outside as far as possile. K. $hatever we put our mind and thoughts to# grows. .ame principle applies to food. $hen innovation through our mind and practice is applied# it wor)s wonders to the taste and <ualit! of food we coo) and our famil! eats. "t%s a m!th that restaurant food tastes etter than home food. &ome food is definitel! tastier and healthier. 4. =ne cannot ecome a good coo) or chef onl! ! reading recipe oo)s or watching food shows on TV. "f that was so# an!one could coo) well. "t re<uires practice# perseverance# love# innovation# interest and patience. Recipe oo)s or food shows# of course# are a great help in learning to coo) well# since !ou can learn a lot from them.
$e all are product of what we learn as a child. $h! not learn to coo) and ta)e interest in the food# which we have to eat throughout our life1 $hen we li)e good food# wh! not put in some laor and learn to coo) it. $e ma! not ecome the est of coo)s ut still# should e ale to manage# when we have to. "t adds to our self confidence# self( reliance and growth. "t ma)es !ou independent of the hired help and having to eat whatever is placed efore !ou. Though ladies coo) normall! at home# ut where men help the women with coo)ing or around the house# those households positivel! are happier# more alanced and live more fulfilled lives. These couples have etter sense of togetherness and team spirit# so adl! needed for marital liss and harmon!. >ven in present da! nuclear families# where mostl! oth husand and wife wor)# eing together in )itchen# gels them much etter with the much needed warmth and feel of oneness. .uch couples are less critical and more tolerant of each other. Male memers# who help their wives in )itchen# should not feel sh! of this great action# i.e. coo)ing together. These households definitel!# are run etter and can withstand marital tensions etter. Moreover# children of such cooperative households will also do the same# what the! see their parents doing# when the! grow up. :resent da! tensions of life in fast lane# can e handled much efficientl! with the cooperation generated
123 Your Quest for Being Better
! wor)ing together for a common goal# good and health! food at least cost and convenience. These da!s# most hotels and restaurants# in spite of their prohiitive prices# are crowded to the hilt. >ven in hotels and restaurants where tale reservations are done# !ou might have to wait standing in corridors or outside# ma! e for half an hour to one hour. " find the sight pitiale and derogator! for m!self and people standing on m! head# waiting for me to vacate the tale. $hen the! get the tale# one has to see their glaring and lightening faces. "f !ou include to and fro time and cost# driving through heav! traffic# it is hours efore !ou get ac) home# totall! e/hausted after having eaten food of doutful <ualit! and taste# just to save an hour or so of laor at home# coo)ing !our favorite dishes. ;ou ma! pa! even ten to twent! to fift! times# depending upon where !ou eat. $ell# fran)l! " pit! people who use this facilit and convenience of eating out or order the take a!a. Men who do not learn coo)ing or ta)e interest in coo)ing or who never help their wives in )itchen# mostl! live a miserale e/istence when wife has gone to her parents% house or is unwell. *dded to the e/oritant medical costs# having to eat unhealth! outside food# or eing at the merc! of )ind neighors# ta)e its toll on famil! finances# general health and well(eing. =ften# famil! ecomes an emodiment of pit!# eating sometime here# sometimes there. .uch situations can e avoided with little foresight. -ot onl! that# " can ta)e well earned credit for inspiring and motivating man! of m! friends to ta)e interest in )itchen wor) and help their wives in household chores. These couples are leading much more satisfied and fulfilled lives. " have )nown families where men cannot even oil water or ma)e tea. Till things are going fine# li)e wife is coo)ing# maids are coming regularl! or dependale servant is there. But so unfortunatel!# all good things in life# do have to come to an end# sooner than later. "t happens when servant goes for a etter jo or maid suddenl! stops coming# wife ta)es ill or old age stri)es and wife is not there to coo) or cannot coo) ecause of health prolems. &aving learnt how to coo) ! ta)ing little interest in )itchen wor)# would come in hand! then and would do good to !our morale at such tr!ing ut difficult times. Coo)ing is a life(s)ill of great help and value. Though there is nothing much to learn in coo)ing# ecause mostl!# it%s matter of ta)ing interest and pride# still coo)ing is an art which# if avoided# !ou shall e doing at !our peril. * time ma! come when !ou would sincerel! wish# !ou had ta)en some interest in this nole art and would have een self(reliant# self(confident and etter adept at handling life in a etter and more honorale wa!. 8od has lessed !ou with thin)ing facilit! and intellect. +se it and do it. 3
RememerB Coo3i!& is a &eat at. All $ales $ust lea! it eal% fo$ the #hil"hoo" itself. You ae i!#o$plete a!" "efi#ie!t if Your Quest for Being Better 124
%ou #a!!ot #oo3. E!#oua&e %ou #hil"e! to help thei $othe i! the 3it#he! a!" late, the% shall help thei wives whe! the% &ow up, attai!i!& $u#h "esie" $aital bliss i! life. A life full of ha$o!%, love a!" bliss is %ou bith i&ht. E!;o% it full% b% shai!& househol" #hoes, #oo3i!& is o!e of the$ but $ost i$pota!t o!e.
************************************************** %ife is not 5ualifie! "y fluent En)lish, "ran!e! #lothes & ri#h lifestyle. It is 'easure! "y nu'"er of fa#es S'ile hen they hear your na'e. **************************************************
=1. Ci$e "oes!t pa%. You $a% thi!3, !o o!e is wat#hi!&. -ut 1e is & so$eo!e else $a% also be. Rajat 8upta. *n "ndo(*merican# director in 8oldman .achs and a millionaireC $ho could imagine that this gentleman# who was orphaned in "ndia as a teenager# ut graduated from &arvard Business .chool in 346P and ecame a +. citi0en in 34K5# might e spending eight to ten !ears of his otherwise glorious life# in jail. &is crimeC %nsider #rading# which means lea)ing financiall! sensitive confidential information to unauthori0ed persons# his friend and associate in this case# who would have made illegal millions ! using that information. 2i)e all criminals# he also thought# he is smart enough and will not e caught. But he was# tried in full pulic view and convicted. .o unfortunate ut trueC More unfortunate ecause there are man! gentlemen criminals# who thin) the! would not e caught# though some might get awa! ut few are caught# tried in courts# arrested# humiliated and convicted. The! live a miserale life full of fear# worr!# an/iet! and suspense. =ne ma! escape the law ut living such a life in itself# the ps!che of the famil!# near and dear ones# the trial# eing ta)en awa! to loc)(up li)e an! other prisoner# the prison life# even a remand# is punishment enough in itself and degradation to the meanest level. "n most such cases# <uestion arises# ':as t%at necessary at allC8. >*O8 is an emphatic answer. The! simpl! gave in to the greed and had thought that the! would get awa! with it. "n simple words# ,CRI6E 4(E+., PAY. "t never has and never will. 2ives are never the same and in most cases# are shattered and ruined e!ond recognition. =nce a crime or an act of corruption# is committed# life changes for the worst. 7ear and worr! are constant companions. $ith each )noc) on the door or ringing of telephone ell# tension grips and enters through the ears. .leepless nights# constant tossing and turning in
125 Your Quest for Being Better
ed# ma! ecome the order of the night. Relationships are destro!ed and those who were so close to !ou# ma! avoid eing seen in a criminal%s compan!. >ven the ver! thought of someone un)nown holding !ou tightl! from the arm# would e repulsive. Man!# with whom !ou might have spent wonderful times enjo!ing ill(gotten wealth# would not ta)e !our calls. Man! times# it is sic)ening to see !oung college students indulging in various acts of crime li)e ragging# rowdism# e/tortion# damaging college or pulic propert! li)e uses and street lights# eve teasing etc. Man! of these crimes are committed in groups. But when the! are caught# the! are alone to face the police# law and the conse<uences. The! get admitted in the college for getting )nowledge# education and degrees ut get out as criminals# eing rusticated or disgraced. The ver! start of their life is on a fault! wic)et and onl! ver! luc)! ones get out without lemish and with an! hope. *nother set of crimes# which people thin) the! would get awa! with# is househol" hate a!" &ee" #i$es a&ai!st wo$e!, speciall! against the newl!(wedded rides. "n man! cases# women onl! form major partners and perpetrators in such crimes. 8or!# gruesome# rutal and lood curling scenes of such horrific violence# are often seen in the media. =f course# perpetrators thin) that the! shall not e caught# would get awa! with the crime and will enjo! the ill(gotten wealth from ride%s side. But that is onl! an illusion. "t is not possile to enjo! lood(stained wealth ecause deep down# the! )now how the! got it. >ven an e!e(contact with the conniver# generates the feeling of guilt which is not possile to evade or erase# howsoever hard one tries. =nl! solution to such miseries is prevention since one has to face the mirror ever! da!. .o never give(in to greed or ta)e a chance in the hope that no one will )now. .ince !ou can read this oo)# !ou are one of the few luc)! ones getting this invaluale advise free. "t is not onl! the dut! of the government or the law enforcement agencies# to severel! punish ever!one connected with such crimes# ut it is also the dut! of ever! citi0en to come out openl! against such families ! complete social o!cott of such families without allowing an! respite# so that others can learn their lessons and would not even thin) of ill(treating a ride married into their household. .uch ill( earned wealth through coercion# should not e allowed to e enjo!ed ! an!one and should onl! ring complete and merciless disrespect# indignit! and dishonor to the famil!. 7amilies indulging in such reprehensile crimes against women# should e taught such lessons that no one ever dares to commit such crimes. Rape and child se/ual ause has ecome another crime# which unfortunatel!# is happening often these da!s. " am of the firm opinion that man! more such crimes go unreported. Rape is more of a crime against humanit! and human dignit!# which re<uires societ! also to act along with law enforcement agencies in full force and power under Your Quest for Being Better 126
their command. $e should not e complacent thin)ing that it is happening to others. $ell# it can happen to an!one or an! of !our near and dear ones. Rape and murder should e treated at par as far as law enforcement is concerned. Ouic) disposal of rape cases# trial in camera and judges# who are s!mpathetic to the victims and of proven integrit! and are fearless and with progressive ac)grounds# should onl! e posted for speed! disposal of rape case. Crimes against women must e dealt with a totall! different mindset# ecause the! are a lot on our culture# in which we ta)e so much pride. $e cannot even sa! the! show us primitive# ecause in earlier times# women were treated with great respect and crimes against women were simpl! unheard of. 2ots of crimes ta)e place these da!s ecause people want to get rich <uic). The! have no time or patience to go through all the hardships# patience ' perseverance# which go into mone!(ma)ing or wealth creation. $hen the! see rich people enjo!ing their wealth# earned or inherited# the! want to ape them and wish the! also have ever!thing. $hen the! see advertisements in TVs and newspapers# displa! of various gadgets in Malls# the! wish to own ever!thing the! li)e. ;oung people often get carried awa!# lured and are entrapped to do various criminal acts# which ruin their lives or ma)e them criminal for life# when the! come in contact with hardened criminals in jails. Crime is a crime. &ow# when# wh!# does not matter. =nce# one is caught or suspected# life changes for worst. "t ta)es endlessl! long time in courts to prove the guilt or innocence# !es# ut life is ver! difficult even without convictions# just to prove the innocence. 8oing to courts# advocates# police stations and meeting all sort of undesirale people# whom !ou would not go near# otherwise# can e <uite un( nerving# strenuous and stress(full. .uch e/periences are est avoided at an! cost# though in criminal acts# costs can e too steep. "n last few !ears# numer of scams# have een e/posed. Though# these appear monumental in si0e and volume# still without dout# the! are onl! the tip of the iceerg. The! have all een done or initiated ! persons# who were so(called educated ' rich enough. There was no compelling need for them to indulge in such heinous and despicale activities for mone!# cheated their own people who# otherwise# )ept them in high esteem# trusted them and had full faith in them. "f a poor man steals# misappropriates funds entrusted to him# murders for financial gains# ma! e for feeding his famil!# providing medical treatment for his )ith and )in or hundred other uses in which mone!# stolen or otherwise# can e used# is still understandale# though still an! such activit! is a crime and is punishale under the appropriate laws. But# what aout these scamsters# oo)ies or cric)eters# most of whom were alread! rich and famous# had alread! achieved what most others had een tr!ing and wishing to achieve. "ncidentall!# there was no real need for them to indulge in such anti( social and illegal activities# getting arrested# sent to jail to live along with other inmates# losing respect and of course# loss of total
127 Your Quest for Being Better
crediilit! for life. The! hailed from various age groups and from different social ac)grounds. The! might not have had criminal mentalit! ut definitel! perverted mindset# insatiale greed which clouded their wise judgment# was ehind most of such acts. 7or some it was the lure of eas! mone!# which was to e urned in high life# u!ing gifts for girl friends to impress them or simpl! to e counted in. " find all these repulsive# which is the wor) of persons of low self( esteem# signifies lac) of self(confidence and poor upringing. Rememer one thing alwa!s. >as! mone! comes easil! ut goes also easil! and can never e valued ade<uatel!. ,reed has the capacit to destro !hat one has earned in his entire lifetime. The! were simpl! lured ! greed and high life. #he all had thought that it !ont happen to them or the shall be able to get a!a !ith it. Most of them would have thought# even if caught# the! are ig enough to manage or !ho can touch them, as the are too big. $hen we ta)e all these cric)eters# oo)ies or other rich well()nown otherwise responsile citi0ens# it is shoc)ing how the! got themselves trapped ! sheer greed# deceit# womani0ing and man! other traps tr!ing to get into so called high life# full of attractive illusions and misplaced priorities. The! might have een professional in their respective fields# ut were totall! naRve and child(li)e when mone!# se/ and high life was availale deceptivel! for the ta)ing. .eeing their total worth# the! fell for peanuts to destro! their own life and all their achievements till date. M! point here is not whether the! are convicted or not or what happens to them# ut what the! are going though nowada!s. :olice interrogations for prolonged periods# loc)(ups# media ashing# disrespect and insult to their names and that of the famil!%s# total loss of privac! with different )ind of stories# some real# some imaginar! doing the rounds in various media arms# can rea) an!one and the famil!. * person or famil!# which was envied till a few da!s earlier# ecomes a laughing stoc)# suject of man! jo)es and completel! e/posed without an! defense whatsoever. Repercussions of such incredulous and irresponsile acts will e felt for a long long time to come and sad memories of such times# ma! not e forgotten ever. "t all starts with something as simple as police# CB(C"9 or CB" interrogation or -uestioning which# itself rea)s most of these naives. Most of them rea) down# start cr!ing# egging for forgiveness or pra!ing to 8od for merc!. :olice loc)(up or arrest means# sta!ing in that diml! lit or totall! dar) hell(hole with man! inmates stuffed li)e sardines in a 3F%/3F% cuicle# no fresh air# unearale stin)# e/treme heat or cold without an! protection# going without food or water for long periods# most with onl! rudimentar! toilet facilities# if at all the! are there and eing totall! at the merc! of low ran) police personnel. Couple this initial part with totall! uncertain future and change of life pattern# ,interrogation% or police loc)(up itself is# hell rought on earth. Your Quest for Being Better 128
;ou can imagine such horrile things happening to people used to lu/urious comfortale living in high(end air(conditioned houses# with their families in compan! and servants to ta)e care of all their needs and comforts# at their ec) and call. Bail# Conviction or no conviction# is still far awa!. Gust see the difference in their appearance# when the! were called in and when the! come out. "t%s all written on their faces. The! are terril! sha)en# mostl! ro)en. Ouestion is# whether all this going through literal hell# is worth it%s while for few a lac or crore more or the momentar! pleasure and high the! felt moving in that compan!. :leasures of life come and go ut scars left ! such horrile e/periences do not ever leave# since constant reminders of criminal acts# will alwa!s e there for such soul(shattering e/periences. >nacting more laws to control crime will not help. =nl! thing which will help# is the political and judicial will to control crime. Man! times it appears that ,la!s are onl for the la! abiding. Those who do not care or are powerful enough to manipulate# mostl! go scot(free. "n judicial s!stem# integrit! should count aove ever!thing else. *ge(old adage in judicial circles one innocent should not be punished even if hundred guilt go scot free, must e replaced ! something more constructive so that justice is not onl! done ut also seem to have een done. =ften government spo)espersons are heard sa!ing la! !ill take its o!n course, ut mostl! law appears to e protecting the guilt!# speciall! when he is a politician# otherwise influential person or a rich person who are in a position to manipulate. There can e hundreds of e/amples ut onl! one e/ample ta)en at the eginning of this lesson# that of Rajat 8upta# should e enough for !ou to draw !our lessons for life. &e was alread! a millionaire. * few ill(gotten millions more# would not have mattered to him or his famil!. There was no need at all for him to indulge in a crime# which would nullif! all that he had achieved in his life through hard wor) and application and would lael him a dishonest achiever. .o well(read and well(informed a person# should have )nown that once a crime is committed# chance of getting caught is alwa!s there. *nd that ma)es all his achievements of life doutful. (ne act of criminal greed destroed his life and that of his famils, forever. -ever let it happen to !ou. 8o for real value in life# not superfluous pomp ' show. " have seen people# mostl! friends and relatives# ma)ing fun of those who do not indulge in corruption# nepotism or illegal mone! ma)ing# when the! are in a position to do so. But such laughed at persons must rememer that if and when caught or arrested# the! shall have to face the conse<uences all alone. Those who ma)e fun of them# will not e an!where in the hori0on# if and when that happens. .o never e carried awa! ! such remar)s. *n! act of corruption is potentiall! dangerous and mind !ou# there is no e/pir! date for criminal acts. >ven after a decade or two# one ma! e found out and prosecuted.
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$ell# est is to sta! clear of all crimes and corruption. ;ou cannot eat the mone!# nor can !ou ta)e it awa! when !our time comes. "ll( gotten wealth is a ig liailit!. ;ou lose respect even in the e!es of those for whom !ou have committed the crime. The! will enjo! the ill( gotten wealth without liailit! to pa! ac) through their nose# which onl! !ou have to do. "t is !ou who is accountale and have to face the conse<uences all alone and have to carr! on a life filled with the feeling of guilt# rancor and itterness# even if not caught. 3
Rememer : CRI6E .EVER PAY+. +ta% #lea of a!% #i$e, eve! a $i!o o!e, alwa%s a!" eve% ti$e. Ci$es ae !ot woth the is3 the% #ause %ou peso!all%. 0ealth a##u$ulate" thou&h #ouptio! o #i$i!al a#ts, will alwa%s $a3e %ou feel li3e a #i$i!al i! %ou ow! e%es. ,hou&h vaious lesso!s i! this boo3, ta!sfo$ %ouself i!to a sto!& peso!alit% with o#39 li3e #o!vi#tio!s a!" i!!e values, so that %ou #a! !eve be "eviate" fo$ the pe9set #ouse of ho!est%, i!te&it%, si!#eit%, #o$passio! whi#h, all shoul" &ui"e %ou to "o what is i&ht, !ot what is #o!ve!ie!t a!" eas%.
************************************************** RIC4 are not those ho have 'ore "ut those ho 0IDE 'ore & E*&e#t NO <ore. **************************************************
=2. ARR(/A.CE #oo"es %ou i!!e self. 4o !ot be#o$e a! ob;e#t of "etest a!" pit% with ao&a!#e. "n &indu scripture )amaana# Lo" Ra$ a!" Rava! stand out as hero and villain. B! their ver! nature# oth are the emodiment of good and evil. "n spite of Ravana eing so well entrenched# powerful )ing# well(read and a great .hiva devotee# he was defeated ! the rag tag arm! of 2ord Rama. .ame wa!# in Mahaharata# arrogance of 4u%o"ha!a, eldest of the Aorava rothers# who did not want to part with land e-ual to a pinhead to .andavas%# his cousins# was defeated# ' decimated ! the apparentl! much smaller arm! of :andavas. .apoleo! -o!apate, the 7rench monarch# defeated and completel! destro!ed ! >nglish arm! in the Battle of $aterloo. A"olf 1itle, 8erman dictator# during .econd $orld $ar# dreaming of ruling over the whole world# was totall! decimated and destro!ed ! the allied armies. &istor! is replete with arrogant dictators# who did not listen to sane counsel# when with all the power under their command# the! seemed invincile# ut ultimatel! ended in grave!ard or Your Quest for Being Better 130
cremation ground. :ower reeds arrogance ut one must alwa!s resist the temptation ecause arrogance# ultimatel! destro!s. *ll these ,great% men from thousands of !ears of histor!# had one thing in common. The! were all *RR=8*-T. "n spite of the huge armies and unlimited power and resources under their control# the! lost in crucial attles# ecause arrogance clouded their wise judgment and discretion during vital moments. 9rowned ! their arrogant attitude# the! rejected ever! wise counsel of restrain and patience# arrogantl! considering themselves wiser than ever!od!. *rrogance is the opposite of humilit!# which is a great virtue. *rrogance is ever!thing ad human mind can conceive or generate. *n arrogant person does not ta)e pride in what he does ut ta)es pride in himself# his loo)s# his material possessions# his power and his connections. &e is alwa!s high on ego and false pride. Misplaced sense of self(importance is his forte. &e shall e full of all that can e ad in a human eings i.e. anger# jealous!# hatred# env!# comparison# low on emotional control# greed# high e/pectations and intolerance. *rrogant person wants onl! his opinion to prevail ever!where# even aove the specialists in the field# whose opinion he ma! ruish mercilessl!# mostl! detrimental to his own interests. 8reatest prolem with an arrogant person is that he pa!s no heed to others% considered or specialist opinion and considers it an affront# if diverse opinion is e/pressed ! an!one else. .ince he considers himself a cut aove others# he is at home onl! with li)e(minded s!cophants and !es men# which is the main reason wh!# ultimatel!# destruction and decimation invarial! follows arrogance. Clouded ! mone! and power ruling their head# arrogant people# seldom listen to sane advise or voices. The! also ta)e perverted pleasure in hurting others# speciall! those who house adverse opinion or those whom the! consider their rival or inferior. 9epending upon their selfish ends# the! can e e/tremel! sweet or rude. "ts not that# the! are not humleC Gust see them tal)ing to or ehaving with those whom the! perceive as having more mone! or power. The! can e e/tremel! sweet# e/tremel! humle and down to mother earth. Gust watch them# enjo! the sight ut e cautious in dealing. >go and *rrogance go hand in hand# alwa!s. *rrogant people never reali0e the harm the! do to their own interests ! eing arrogant. Though others ma! detest them# ut it never others them since the! ecome so much osessed to having their wa!s and opinions prevail. +nfortunatel!# when we get used to the wa!s we have een living# whatever those ma! e# good or ad# we get so much used to them# ta)e them for granted and do not understand or mind the harm# a particular ad hait is doing to us. $e )eep living that wa! without ever reali0ing the harm done. *rrogant people are ever read! to lame others# when things go wrong. Blaming ever!one e/cept themselves for what has gone wrong. The! li)e to e surrounded onl! ! !es(men which# is mostl! their
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undoing. .ince the! consider themselves cut aove others# the! are ad at compromising# least forgiving and will not forget if the! have felt slighted ! an!one. The! have hardl! ever heard aout the word forgiveness. The! don%t want to share an!thing with others. 2i)e a t!pical h!pocrite# the! alwa!s want and have two set of rules. =ne for themselves# one for othersC *s a alanced person# a good human eing wanting peaceful co( e/istence with ever!one else# someone who willingl! shares and ta)es great pleasure in giving# a person with positive attitude# even with all the wealth and power and eing an emodiment of )indness and compassion# ->V>R 2>T *RR=8*-C> .>>: "- ;=+. Because arrogance will first cloud !our thin)ing# then corrode !ou from inside# then destro! !ou. 9estruction is something which alwa!s follows arrogance. 3
RememerB Rea" the lesso! o! 1)6ILI,Y o!#e a&ai!, to lea! a!" u!"esta!" what is the best wa% to &et alo!& with othes a!" #eate a $ea!i!& i! %ou life. Life is fo e!;o%$e!t a!" happi!ess, shai!& a!" bei!& happ% toðe, !ot fo uli!& ove othes.
************************************************** To'orro ill #o'e !aily. /ut To!ay ill #o'e only TO=A.. So, finish to!ay,s or( to!ay only & /E 3REE TO<ORRO$. **************************************************
=:. You ae Y(), the )!i<ue & (i&i!al. 4o !ot Ape othes to be#o$e 4upli#ate. Retai! %ou (i&i!alit%. $henever !ou are out to u! an!thing# are !ou not alwa!s careful that !ou u! onl! the original not duplicates1 8od has created each human a uni<ue eing# an original. .o must !ou tr! to remain# T&> =R"8"-*2 which is !our true self. Believe in !our original thin)ing# elieve in !ourself to get things done# in !our ailit! to do things right. ;ou have to have faith in !our faith# trust in !our ailities. =thers will have faith in !ou onl! when !ou have faith and elief in !ourself# This lesson is focused on !ou and !ou alone# to lift !ou up. :ower to lift !ourself up# has een given to !ou ! !our creator. "n life# eing true to !ourself is the most important thing ecause first and most of all# !ou are answerale to !ourself. ;ou have to ecome an emodiment of positive attitude# self discipline# altruism# sound character# enthusiasm# optimism# emotional(control# self(confidence. $hen !ou are in control# people should have the confidence that fairness shall prevail. ;ou are the personification of a true leader# Your Quest for Being Better 132
ever!one loo)ing to !ou for guidance# advise and counsel. *ll this is possile when !ou are !our true(self not aping duplicate. ;ou ecome uni<ue and remain original# when !ou thin) original. But how can !ou retain that originalit! lessed to !ou ! the creator1 ;ou listen to ever!one ut have an independent opinion influenced ! facts# justice and fair pla!# not on hearsa! and rumors. ;our world is !our own creation# created through enlightened thin)ing. ;ou are on road to true success ecause of three traits. 7ou keep our head cool, tongue s!eet and most and above all, ou treat people !ith !armth, respect and affection. ;ou are a true role model. Being original and uni<ue also means !ou put in !our ver! est without ever othering aout rewards and results which# automaticall!# are good# ecause of the est !ou have put in. ;ou never relate !our success to the wealth !ou have created# which !ou love to share and help those who are not as luc)!. ;ou do not monopoli0e the wealth !ou have created through !our hard wor). Being the original !ou are# !ou would li)e to ma)e a difference to this world through !our wealth and leave it a etter world +nfortunatel!# in our countr!# people less endowed# easil! come under inferiorit! comple/ when the! meet other person whom the! consider ,superior% in three aspects# $>*2T&# A-=$2>98> ' :&;."C*2 *TTR"B+T>.. Matter of wealth has een discussed in detail in all our oo)s. &ere " would li)e to discuss comple/es most persons develop ecause of Ph%si#al Attibutes such as general appearance# handsome or eautiful# fair or dar) color# well(uilt or fla!# tall or short etc. "n a recent surve! conducted among school children# the! were as)ed to write down the things of which the! were greatl! concerned. +nfortunatel!# :h!sical appearance came on top of their concerns. Children were much disma!ed in their heart ecause of dar) color of their s)in# unattractive face# short stature# plump ph!si<ue# straight or curl! hair or even pimpled face. "n man! cases# inferiorit! comple/ ecause of the ph!sical appearance# was ver! deep(rooted and made total wrec) of otherwise normal human eings. "n oth our oo)s 'YE+ ,(/E,1ER 0E CA.% ' '0hat ,he% 4o!t ,ea#h i! E"u#atio!al I!stitutio!s, separate lessons are there on developing ,Attractive and *agnetic .ersonalit in which matter of :h!sical attriutes has een discussed. There is no dout that some of the ph!sical attriutes can e drasticall! improved ! adopting simple health! life(st!le. =ne has to adopt health! wa!s right from the childhood li)e e/ercise# jogging# wal)ing# eating health!# avoiding jun) foods etc. But# nothing much can e done in ph!sical appearance# stature# color of s)in or face etc. The law alread! discussed ever!where in the oo)s change the changeable but accept the unchangeable wor)s to !our advantage here. ;ou must accept them as part of life ut do not feel disheartened with something which is
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e!ond !ou. Cosmetic or adopted charm fades with time ut the real value of a person doesn%t. -ow read the following carefull!. *ll eautiful ladies or handsome heroes !ou see on screens# lose their ph!sical charm slowl! as the! age. Compare their photographs of !oung age and after few !ears. The! loo) so different# tired# wrin)led# gre! hair# sagging loo)s. 2oo) e!ond loo)s. :h!sical eaut! is perishale and cannot e restored. Those who tr! to loo) !ounger ! artificial means# ma)e a laughing stoc) of themselves. -o one can fight age ecause nature has to ta)e it%s course. :h!sical eaut! is nothing more than s)in deep. 9o not ta)e it for granted. -either e impressed with the same# nor feel under an! comple/. Real eaut! of a person is not outside cosmetic appearance ut what is there inside. "t%s li)e a ig uilding comple/. ;ou can ma)e it ver! attractive with fanc! glass# stainless steel or other attractive materials which are used to ma)e it loo) eautiful# ut what reall! counts is the <ualit! of cement and steel which has een used in ma)ing it. &ow strong is it%s foundation1 =ne ma! e ph!sicall! unattractive to loo) at ut if one is full of love# )indness# compassion# courage# forgiveness# humilit! with a smiling face# one will alwa!s e genuinel! respected and sought after. Most of the world%s greats 6ahat$a /a!"hi, 6othe ,eesa, Abaha$ Li!#ol!, .else! 6a!"ela are rememered for what the! did for their people or what the! gave to this world# not how the! loo)ed. *ppearances are mostl! deceptive and alwa!s e careful of them. =uter eaut! vanishes with time# ut inner eaut! remains intact and can e enhanced. $ith time and e/perience# inner eaut! grows and shines while outer cosmetic eaut! evaporates. That is the unchangeale law of nature. .o# whatever !ou are# e proud of that and if !ou must compare# compare the virtues not vanities. :eople# ! their ver! nature get attracted to an original ecause of his pleasing personalit!# which attracts people li)e a magnet. "t is how !ou loo) at life and ever!thing good and pleasant it has to offer# with great hope and aspiration. ;ou are a good listener and are genuinel! interested in others% welfare. ;ou are alwa!s patient# e/hiit great emotional control in dealing with all t!pe of people. ;ou have met adversities and challenges with great courage and wisdom. $henever# the situation demanded# !ou have gone out of !our comfort 0one to control an! situation or event. ;ou have alwa!s wor)ed for collective general good# over narrow individual enefits. "n other words# !ou wor) for collective good and people )now that and )eep !ou in high esteem. That%s the t!pe of =R"8"-*2 ;=+# the people who ma)e a difference in this world# who ma)e their presence count and asence noticed. &uman eings have een coming and going from this world for thousands of !ears. -one other than a few have left a mar). Those who left a mar) in histor!# were also ordinar! people li)e !ou and me# Your Quest for Being Better 134
ut the! were =R"8"-*2. The! touched great heights ecause of their originalit!# convictions in doing what the! thought was right. =riginals are leaders who lead from the front# their teachings original# ideas innovative. :eople trusted those original ideas and put in e/plicit faith in them. The! ecame e/traordinar! ! putting in e/tra in whatever the! set themselves to do. Masses followed them ecause the! were original. ;=+ can also ecome the same. 3
RememerB ,hat EN,RA %ou have to put i! %ou effots to have that EN,RA(R4I.ARY effe#t i! life. 0he! %ou "o that fo C(LLEC,IVE /((4, /o" is also with %ou. 5t is more %onorable to be Original and 9ail, t%an to become du!licate and succeed.
************************************************** $orl! suffers a lot not "e#ause of the violen#e of "a! &eo&le "ut "e#ause of the Silen#e of the 0oo! &eo&le. **************************************************
==. Fo#us, Passio!, Positive E!e&%. Cultivate the$ fo /owth9Po&ess9+u##ess. ;ou must have seen =l!mpic sprinters# high jumpers# long jumpers# shooters etc. Gust efore the! ma)e the final attempt# how the! focus on the final tas) ahead# which would ma)e all the difference etween winners and also(rans. The! have wor)ed e/tremel! hard# practiced untiringl! and toiled endlessl! for this final moment. -ow the! need to concentrate and focus all their creative energies into this final act# which would ring them an =l!mpic medal# glor!# success and recognition. $ithout this final act of focusing all their creative energies into this final attempt# the! ma! not e an!where near their coveted dream of winning an =l!mpic medal. .o is the power of creative energ! which we can generate within ourselves and also transmit the same to others# to accomplish things and attain our goals in life. This self(generated creative energ! within the entire team# flows with enthusiasm# optimism# positive outloo)# passion# 0eal and 0est. .uch creative energies are reflective. $or) done# goals achieved# missions accomplished through such creative force would e enjo!ed ! the entire team and ring them more closer to each other. $or) ecomes pleasure and much enjo!ale# when !ou do not thin) of rewards# when est is put(in ! the entire team in unison# great# deemed impossile results and rewards can e achieved. This creative force must touch each act of ours more intensel!# more wisel!# ever! moment of our life. This is what the! call putting !our heart and soul in whatever !ou do. $ithout ever vacillating awa! from the focused
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path# ! concentrating on the jo in hand# etter results# une/pected and unsurpassale otherwise# can e achieved. Ta)e the e/ample of sunra!s. .o soothing or at the most# hot in summers. =rdinar! scattered sunra!s cannot urn the paper. But focus the same ra!s on a piece of paper through a lens# paper starts urning. .o much heat energ! is generated ! focusing those scattered sunra!s that it urns the paper or even human flesh. That is what human mind does when focused. 2ioness is the food(provider for entire pride (group or famil! of lions) and has to hunt wild animals for food. Gust watch her movements efore the final pounce on the pra!. .he is the emodiment of concentration# focus and patience in those final moments. 9one an! other wa!# pra! will simpl! run awa! ecause while the pra!# who is running for his life# can run much faster and longer at top speed# lioness can maintain top speed for a ver! short duration and distance and has to reach closest possile to the pra! efore pra! recogni0es her presence. That is the power of focus and positive energ!# which is regulated and reflected through our mind. *ll our energies# positive or negative# emanate from our mind. &uman mind is the storehouse of all power. :ower# capacit! and energ!# which human mind can generate# is e!ond comprehension. &uman mind has unlimited potential. Though functioning of human od! is the most wonderful gift nature has given to humans ut it%s the human rain through which mind wor)s# surpasses them all. $e use onl! a small fraction of our rain%s capacit! during our lifetime. +nfortunatel!# mind responds to negativit! more eagerl! and is more receptive to negativit!. 7or positivit!# we have to wor) hard. "t%s li)e !our house. "t gets dirt!# dust!# unclean and stained of its own without an! effort from an!one. But to )eep it clean# !ou have to ta)e pains. ;ou have to )eep !our mind receptive and clean# so that !ou can use it to the est effects. "n meetings# seminars and conferences# the! have <rain 1torming sessions. These are nothing ut focused loud thin)ing and group discussions# all in ver! positive manner to thrash out certain matters and solve prolems. ;ou must get into the hait of individual brain storming to solve prolems and face difficult situations. This is est done ! inspiring !ourself# encouraging !ourself# spea)ing to !ourself through Auto suggestion and adding repeated positive inputs into !our mind. $hatever !ou want done or accomplished# )eep telling !ourself that repeatedl!# which will release positive energ!# focus and concentration re<uired for getting even the most difficult jos done and success achieved. =nce again# " will repeat. =ur mind is the storehouse of all energ!# :ositive or -egative. Throwing out natural negative energ! from !our mind is an effort# which !ou have to underta)e regularl!# dail!# alwa!s and ever! time a negative thought enters !our mind# which the! shall Your Quest for Being Better 136
)eep doing on a regular asis. 2ittle effort in cleaning out the dirt and dust from !our mind# goes a long wa! to ecome positive person# full of energ!# focus and concentration. Aeep !our mind full of positive energ! and positivit! will e reflected from !our person. 7ocus and concentration also means that we should wor) out the priorities in our life well. &ere# we can follow 6E(DE rule# which means that 6EH rewards in life come from DEH of efforts and usinesses# wherein 6EH of our profits will come from DEH of customers. .o logicall!# we must select those DEH people or customers# and pa! etter attention to them so that with little effort we can )eep 6EH loc) happ! and well focused. "f we )eep giving ever!one e<ual attention# irrespective of the profits the! generate# est results will simpl! not e there. *nother important part of focusing is to weed out the unimportant or lesser important. .ome things need our urgent attention# other not so urgent. $e must e clear in our mind what can e left undone or can e done latter. "t is li)e if !ou are running after two chic)ens at the same time# !ou are li)el! to end up with an empt! hand onl!. &ence priorities are ver! important# )nowing what to do first# what must have most of !our time# ecause ever!thing needs time to get done. $hatever we give more time# shall e accomplished well and fine. $hatever is starved of time# will e left undone. "t is important to have our priorities right and allot time and attention as per it%s importance. "mportant things or actions must never e left at the merc! of unimportant or not(so(important ones. 7or :ersonal 8rowth(:rogress(.uccess# apart from aove# !ou must have a powerful engine# which propels !ou towards !our worth! goals in life. That engine in human jargon is called :*.."=- and :+R:=.>. :assion is the speed with which !ou will continue to move towards !our worth! goals and :urpose is the direction. 7or achieving success or pea) performance in life# !ou must have oth in right <uantities. .assion is the fuel gas# of which !ou must have aundant suppl! and sta!ing on course is purpose. :assion is continuing to move towards !our goals# with 0eal# 0est# grit and determination# in spite of difficulties# prolems and adversities. $hen !ou are passionate towards reali0ing a worth! goal# !ou are alwa!s hopeful which )eeps the momentum on. 9uring !our wa)ing hours# mind is alwa!s at wor). But mind control should alwa!s e aimed at positivit!. 9o not e a slave of negativit!# generated naturall! in !our mind. 7ight it out with positivit!. Aeep !our mind filled with positive happ! thoughts to )eep negative defeatist thoughts at a!. Aeep !our mind(house free of dust and dirt# to sta! fresh# clean# positive# jo!ful# full of positive energ! to lead !our wa! to the top of whatever !our ultimate aim in life# is. 3 RememerB 6i!" is eve%thi!&. You be#o$e what %ou thi!3. 1e!#e, $i!" o thou&ht #o!tol is as !e#essa% as the foo" %ou ta3e. Foo" is the ph%si#al bo"% i!put. ,hou&h positive
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thou&hts, positive e!e&% thus #eate" b% %ou, help %ou fo#us a!" #o!#e!tate bette to solve eve% poble$ whi#h is solvable. 0hat is !ot, wh% bothe about it>
************************************************** Never /la'e anyone in your life. 0oo! Peo&le )ive you 4a&&iness, "a! &eo&le )ive you E*&erien#e, orst &eo&le )ive you lessons an! /est Peo&le )ive you Pleasant <e'ories. **************************************************
=?. 6ARRIA/E shoul" be a 4uet. 0he! o!e +i!&s, othe Claps. This world has undergone ig upheavals and changes in last thousands of !ears# so have humans. There were times in human histor!# when total anarch! and chaos prevailed. Rule of law was simpl! not there# instead *ight is )ight prevailed. "n spite of ever!thing# anarch!# lawlessness# might is right, i!stitutio! of $aia&e in human eings# has withstood ever! onslaught and has distinguished human eings from other species. "nstitution of marriage has survived through the ages# in spite of ever!thing. =nl! humans have Teachers# ecause of which we have ecome what we are# ruling over the entire planet. *nd onl! humans have prevailing and enduring s!stem of marriage etween male and female of their species. -o one )nows for sure when s!stem of marriage was introduced in humans ut it onl! shows human eing%s foresight and sense of survival. Because it%s onl! through the institution of marriage# human race has survived through the ages and societies have lived in relative peace. Marriage is ringing together of a male and female ound ! marriage to live together for rest of their lives# procreate# live as famil! under one roof# ta)e care of the children till the! are independent. This c!cle of life has een continuing for thousands of !ears and has held good. "t is often said# marriages are made in heaven. >ven if that was so# the! have to e lived on earth# under the influence of earthl! things with earthl! eings. &ence# relationships are important. Marriage is ut a permanent relationship formed etween two )nown or un)nown souls# who have to live their life together within the four walls of their house# under one roof. 5no!n or unkno!n reall! does not matter ecause just )nowing someone# meeting off and on# spending some time together# eating together# all as friends and resultant infatuation# is ver! different than living together in nuclear or joint famil!# with umpteen do%s and don%ts# under pressure from relatives and in(laws from oth sides# financial constraints etc.# can e <uite ta/ing. * alance has to e maintained within man! narrow contradictions. Your Quest for Being Better 138
Being the product of nature# each human eing is uni<ue ut different# emotionall!# intellectuall!# taste(wise# li)e(disli)e(wise and values(wise. Marriage# as the word indicates# is the merger of two individuals into one entit!. But as our "ndian marriage ethos go# while the man gets married to the girl# girl gets married to the famil!. .he is e/pected to uphold husand%s famil!%s values and honor. Mostl!# for "ndian men# there are onl! minor changes# adjustments and compromises here and there ut for the girl# it%s the entire lifest!le# ecause she has to live in a different famil!# even cit! and has to uphold newl! ac<uired traditions and values s!stem in her new aode. "n the new household# there are new relatives oth close and distant# new food tastes# new dress codes# different priorities# egos# e/pectations and sensiilities. * girl# whether she is wor)ing or not# has to alance out so man! things and comple/ situations. 7or the girl# it is a great sacrifice of leaving one household# where she has lived li)e a <ueen with her own famil!# who have rought her up showering great love and affection# then leaving all that at a ver! tender age and eginning a new life altogether. "f ac<uired household is understanding and supporting# adjustment for the girl ma! not e much of a prolem. But there ma! e so man! comple/ities for the girl# if the new household is unsupportive# greed! and un)ind# which happens often. 2ife ma! e virtual hell for the poor girl all alone# tr!ing to match diverse natures and e/pectations. Man! present da! social evils li)e ride urning# dowr! harassment# emotional torture# suicides are the result of insatiale human greed of the in(laws and shameless materialistic culture prevailing these da!s. Both men and women in the new in(laws household are to e lamed e<uall! for setting in such a deplorale culture in some families# where newl! wedded rides are not treated with due respect and dignit!. >arlier things were different. Mostl! it was an arranged marriage ! parents from oth sides# with the help of close or distant relatives. 7amilies could e well()nown to each other. Men were generall! read winners for the famil!. $omen# who were generall! illiterate or semi( literate# had to live a mostl! mee) e/istence as per the desire of the husand or in(laws. Men too) most of the decisions and women just complied. "t was not that women did not live an honorale e/istence# ut definitel!# their roles were generall! sudued. &owever# things have changed in last three(four decades drasticall!. >arlier total dominance of male species in the household# is no more possile or practical. More and more women are getting educated at all levels in different curriculums. 7or women to remain within the four walls of the households# coo)# raise children and run the household# is ecoming more and more uncommon. $ith their education# intelligence# eagerness and competence# the! are at par with men in all spheres of usiness and professional activit!. $ith aove# has come the financial power for women# which was missing earlier. >/cept for a few male oriented# ph!sicall! hard and
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ta/ing professions# women are ever!where as men%s colleagues# competitor# friend# supporter or oss in the wor) place with same <ualifications or etter. +nder the new scenario# atmosphere# oth within the household or at the wor) place# has changed ecause of the women%s earning power# which ma! e the same as male or at times# more. The! have ecome e<ual partner and contriutor in ever!thing concerning the running of the household in marriage as famil!. &ence# the need for guidance and counseling for oth of them cannot e overemphasi0ed. "t is# how est to run the household# share the financial urden# understand each other%s wa!s# li)es and disli)es# temperament etc.# so that the! oth should e ale to find ph!sical and emotional liss# happiness# jo!# satisfaction and fulfillment within those four walls# in which the! have vowed to live and die. :ife and *arriage are like a marathon run, not a sprint. *arriage must last till death does partners apart. *s in marathon# a modest slow start is recommended. 7ast hectic start ma! e short(lived and end in failure. +nderstanding of human mind and partner%s viewpoint# is most important for the marriage to last till eternit!# happil! ever after. Marriage is not onl! aout lasting# most important thing is that oth must enjo! each other%s compan!# nearness# presence# trust and support. Bliss# happiness and jo! must prevail all over# not onl! within the partners ut with ever!one else concerned. $hen two persons of opposite se/ are married# ph!sical and emotional attraction# coupled with initial feeling of onhomie# togetherness and attachment with each other# is natural. &owever# as the time passes and various pressures of life ta)e over# slowl! and graduall!# ph!sical attraction starts wearing off slowl!. But for a marriage to wor) and endure# other ingredients li)e trust# enjo!ing each other%s compan! and nearness# communication# emotional attachment and understanding# support which one partner feels ! the sheer presence of the other partner# must remain intact# which add to the longevit! of the marriage and ma)e it jo!ful# e/citing# meaningful and happ!# real essence of ever! marriage. >/citement is not onl! the ph!sical attraction of the opposite se/es# ut it is the togetherness# longing and gelling of hearts# minds and souls. Pupose of this lesso! is to $a3e ou %ou!& ea"es a#tuall% 3!ow, what is thee fo the$ i! the $aia&e, be#ause a $aia&e #a! be a blessi!&Mbliss o a #use. $hatever it is# is in the hands of oth the partners. &owever# it is partners% pious dut! and responsiilit! to ma)e it wor) and wor) fine. Because# if and when prolems persist in the marriage# it%s not onl! partners# which are affected ut# the whole lot of near and dear ones# children# parents# and all other famil! memers# are adl! affected. To start with# marriage partners must understand what this life(long partnership is all aout1 This partnership is aout unif!ing two souls into one cohesive team for greater mutual enefits. 7rom two# the! Your Quest for Being Better 140
ecome one# from % to !e, from mine to ours. "nstead of individuall!# from now on# the! thin) collective. "t%s a great feeling of caring and sharing not onl! for the two individuals# ut also for the two families which have come together with this pious ondage. This partnership comes with some wonderful enefits to oth. Both have each other%s compan! and can tal) aout their feelings. 7eel of supportive togetherness is there. "t also provides much needed encouragement and empowerment. ;ou can also discuss various prolems and sort out the differences ! positive attitude. ;ou have the strong feeling that !ou can alwa!s fall ac) upon the partner in case of need. Two minds in harmon!# can ridge an! distance or difference. .o# harmon bet!een t!o souls is a must in marriage. .oon after the marriage when oth partners start living together as a famil!# understanding of other person%s haits# temperament# li)es# disli)es# attachments etc. is ver! important. =f course# in love( marriages wherein oth partners might have )nown each other for some or long time# few factors would e )nown. But living together under one roof for whole life# is entirel! a different all game# where oth partners have to ma)e heroic efforts# adjustments# so that liss and harmon! prevails not onl! in the newl! created relationship ut also in the entire famil!# friends and relatives. Marriage is a alancing act wherein oth partners have to alance man! positives and negatives of each other. >arlier# independent decisions could e ta)en. -ow that decision(ma)ing process has to e shared )eeping other%s views and sensiilities in mind. >ach other%s opinion# preferences# haits# feelings# aspirations or ideas# ever!thing must e given due consideration efore decisions are ta)en. *lso# mutual respect# regard# appreciation# ringing(up of children are other such considerations# which has to e loo)ed into in a lissful marriage. "n earlier da!s# when life was simple# eas! and not so competitive# things were more harmonious ut with modern wa!s and changed circumstances and living standards# it%s ver! different. Conscientious efforts from oth partners are needed to ma)e success of the newl! created relationship. .ince# marriage has een compared to marathon# let us tr! to touch as man! aspects carefull!# so that the readers do not have unreal and unrealistic e/pectations from partners. The! should e more practical and realist. 7ollowing points# if put in practice right from the eginning# would help oth partners. Though# not written in an! particular order# the! would help !ou in adjusting# fulfilling !our oligations towards the partner# famil! and societ!B
3. L(VE 4EEPLY, ENPRE++ +P(.,A.E()+LY: should e the general wor)ale rule in an! marriage. 2ove is the foundation of the marriage and wor)s as shoc)(asorer in an! marriage. "t means# if love is often e/pressed etween the partners# definitel!# the! shall sort out most of the matters# even contentious ones# within themselves amical!# to each other%s satisfaction. 2ove
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must e e/pressed spontaneousl!# so that the other person feels loved and cared# which is the asic re<uirement of ever! human eing. 2ove should e undemanding and need not e reciprocal. "t can e one(sided. 2ove is orn out of trust. *sence of love is distrust and ma! e# fear or insecurit!. 2ove e/pects no rewards. "t onl! gives# not demands. To love is to share and serve without e/pectations. Mother Teresa# ver! appropriatel!# used to sa! 9%f !e cannot love the person !hom !e see, ho! can !e love ,od !hom !e cannot see2. +ne/pressed love is of no use to either partner. &ence# in a marriage# in which love is e/pressed spontaneousl!# partners live in harmon!# understanding and trust in each other. .uch unions are successful in the real sense. D. ENPEC,A,I(.+: 9o not have unrealistic e/pectations from !our partner. "n no relationship# all e/pectations can e fulfilled# neither are unfulfilled. Better not to have ver! high e/pectations from an!one# least of all from !our partner. "n asence of e/pectations# whatever !ou get is onus and welcome. $hen !ou have high e/pectations and the! are not met# it results into pain. *gain# a modest mindset on e/pectations# helps in an! marriage. P. C(6PARI+(.+: =ften# are misleading and with ha0ardous potential in an! marriage. ;ou can compare onl! what !ou can see and appearances# mostl!# are deceptive. =ther couples might appear well adjusted# happ! and comfortale ut realities ma! e totall! different. *nd even if !ou are sure# never ever mention the superiorit! of other person or couple compared to !ours. =ne single utterance on !our part# comparing !our partner negativel! with someone else# can ruin or wrec) an! marriage. =ne negative has the capacit! to wrec) ten positives. .o# !ou need to e ver! careful on !our approach speciall! in the eginning. 5. +ELF E+,EE6: :la!s a ig role in an! marriage. :eople with low self esteem are ver! touch! and sensitive on most issues. The! will get offended for no reason over insignificant matters. &ence# it is important to wor) on !our self esteem# if !ou or !our partner feels# someone has a prolem. +nfortunatel!# in marriage# small irritants repeated often# do more harm than the ig things. That%s wh!# man! times# small matters of no conse<uence# are lown out of proportions for nothing. 7aith and trust in each other# pla!s a ig role and for smooth sailing of the ship called marriage# partners must help each other out in this sensitive matter of self esteem. .ince# .elf >steem has lot to do with parenting# ensure that !our child develops into a person of high .elf >steem# who does not suffer from inferiorit! comple/. $hen one partner suffers from low .elf >steem# marriage is alancing on a time om# which can e/plode an! time# since whatever is said ! the other partner# has potential for e/plosion. There is no room for an! health! discussion to ta)e place etween the partners ecause Your Quest for Being Better 142
whatever is said or done ! the other partner# can e ta)en in negative sense. *n! small matter has the potential of flaring up and ecome e/plosive over nothing# depending upon the temperament of the partners. E. C1A./E F(R -E,,ER: -o one is perfect ut even if !ou were# !ou need to constantl! upgrade !ourself# for !our marriage# to e lissful and rewarding. 2ife needs constant improvement in ever! sphere. ;ou might have to change a lot !ourself ecause life efore marriage and after marriage, are totall! different all game and !ou have to )eep changing or adjusting to the new realities# to improve upon !ourself to e s!mpathetic to !our partner%s needs# viewpoint and respect it. Be oservant and where ever !ou feel# change ma! e incorporated. .mall changes or minor adjustments are the ac)one of an! marriage to e lissful. Q. 4I+CIPLI.E: -eeded ever!where in all wal)s of life# marriage is no different. .imple rule is# onl! when !ou are disciplined !ourself# then onl! !ou can enforce discipline. ;ou can also put it this wa! ( !ou have to lead ! e/ample. Minor irritants li)e ta)ing too much time in athroom# ma)ing ,mess% while eating# staining the shirt while eating# coming home late often without valid reasons# l!ing over small matters# eing too spendthrift or miser or man! other thousand things happening etween husand and wife dail!# can ecome unearale# if not mended. Moreover# !ou have to set an e/ample efore children# who should not ta)e lierties with parents and should feel than)ful and indeted to parents later in life# for having rought them up# the wa! the! have een. "f parents have indulged in all sorts of indiscipline themselves# while ringing up children# children tend to have resentment towards them# which is not an ideal situation later# when parents have grown old and children have ta)en over. 6. ,EA60(R7: This lesson is titled ,$aia&e is a "uet. 0he! o!e si!&s, othe #laps. ,hats ,ea$wo3. 7eel of a team# sense of elonging and determination to ma)e the marriage a success# is ver! ver! necessar! in ever! marriage and re<uires asolute sincerit! from the partners. Teamwor) re<uires a s!mpathetic approach and an understanding attitude# to facilitate the confidence uilding etween oth the partners. 7eel of cohesion# onhomie and comfort# goes a long wa! in marriage and since marriage is e<uated with a marathon# approach to ma)ing a successful marriage# must e long term not short. K. 6),)AL RE+PEC,: * small remar) or facial e/pression of disrespect or sarcasm# can ruin an! relationship and a relationship as sensitive and pious as marriage# is no e/ception. #reat our partner !ith utmost respect. "f !ou are sincere in this aspect and overdo it# it%s o). ;our partner will alwa!s reciprocate respect with respect and oth will live happil! ever after. Respect should alwa!s e genuine and should never sound hollow.
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4. A4VER+I,IE+9C1ALLE./E+9PR(-LE6+: These are common in ever!one%s life# most common in an! relationship speciall! marriage. =nce overcome# these add strength# cohesion and spice to the marriage. *ll prolems are of temporar! nature and can e sorted out with time ut relationship through marriage is permanent. *dversities(challenges(prolems# might appear as ostruction and road loc) in the marriage# ut once got over# the! wor) as cement in the marriage. *lwa!s consider !our married team of husand and wife# igger than an! prolem# which !ou can solve est eing together# not separatel! or divided. -othing can remain unsolved if oth partners are united and determined# ut nothing can e solved if the! are uns!mpathetic# egoist# uncaring# disrespectful# uncooperative and arrogant with each other. .trife and douts are natural and normal in most marriages. But# just as we have to uild shelters against them to protect ourselves# same wa!# team(husand(wife has to uild shelters of understanding# trust and s!mpath! to meet and overcome all adversities(challenges and prolems. 3F. 4IFFERE.CE+ a!" 4I+A/REE6E.,+: -o two human eings on this planet# housing over seven illion people# are ali)e. &ow can the! thin) ali)e1 &ence# 9ifferences and 9isagreements are an integral part of an! marriage. These are natural. ;ou simpl! cannot wish them awa!. But the! have to e resolved# amial! and amical!# to the satisfaction of oth the partners. *s far as possile# no difference or disagreement must remain unresolved for long. "f !ou have wor)ed on all the points in this lesson and are determined to ma)e things wor) in spite of differences# things will wor) out fine definitel!. Ma)e a commitment right in the eginning of the marriage# not to go to ed with unresolved differences and disagreements. Though it ma! not e possile to resolve all of them easil! within a specific time frame# ut alwa!s end the da! on a positive note# so that ne/t da! when oth of !ou get up# !ou are ale to see and appreciate each other%s point of view much etter. $hen !ou go to ed with unresolved differences# ecause of the disturance and turmoil the! have created in !our mind# sleep mostl! eludes and an uncomfortale sleepless night is worst thing to happen in a marriage and must e avoided at all cost. .o# tr! not to go to ed with unresolved negative mindset. 33. C(6PA,I-ILI,Y9I.C(6PA,I-ILI,Y: "f !ours is a love marriage# compatiilit! part might have een gone through efore marriage# otherwise afterwards. But in an! marriage# this is an important aspect# which concerns oth partners. :artner%s li)es and disli)es# asic nature# value s!stem# outloo)# social and financial standing of families# religions# castes# educational <ualification# relationship with in(laws and earnings etc. pla! a crucial role in an! marriage and when put together# ma! e called Your Quest for Being Better 144
compatiilit!. -ot that incompatiilities cannot e ridgedC "t is difficult ut doale# provided oth partners have understanding and determination to ma)e things wor) as suggested. +ltimatel!# what counts in marriage# is not so much as how compatile the partners are# ut how partners meet incompatiilities# is the issue. >ven in est adjusted couples# some incompatiilities will alwa!s e there. :artners have to e fle/ile# adaptale and versatile. * clear cool thin)ing# will to meet the challenges and compromising nature ut positive attitude# is re<uired from oth sides. 3D. E/( a!" F(R/IVE.E++: ,>go% is opposite of self esteem. 2ow on self esteem# high on ego and vice versa. "n case of a mista)e# negligence or flared tempers or ,unreasonaleness% on the part of one partner# forgiving nature of the other partner# wor)s li)e a healing alm. Between the partners# one should have no compunction aout accepting mista)es and other partner should have forgive and forget attitude# ut with an egoist partner# this ecomes a difficult e/ercise. $ith oth partners high on >go# small matter ecomes a ig issue. &owever# oth partners have to reali0e# is it more important to have a high nose# which affects ever!one adversel! and creates acrimon! and disharmon! in the household or a loving# peaceful# tran<uil atmosphere at home# which lifts ever!one%s spirit and ma)es ever!one happ!. &igh >go# unforgiving and uncompromising attitude and relentlessl! pursuing personal one(sided goals# can pla! havoc in an! marriage and is <uite common# generating various )inds of miseries and discord etween the partners affecting ever!one. &owever# if partners have forgiving s!mpathetic attitude towards each other%s mista)es and shortcomings# all matters in the marriage are resolvale. 3P. +ELF C(.,R(L & ,(LERA.CE: Two partners coming from different ac)grounds# are ound for life through institution of marriage. $ith them# come all the positives and negatives of each other# some finding affinit!# gelling with each other# while others ma! cause revulsion. "n such a scenario# .elf(control and tolerance pla! crucial role. $e all are laden with minor and major irritants. 2iving together under one roof da! and night# means# we are e/posed and the partners ma! find it difficult to ear with them. &igh level of self control and tolerance are re<uired to live with each other in peace and harmon!. 7or famil!%s sa)e# we must develop it# if we do not have it alread!. "t is not difficult ut one re<uires patience and forearance and must e determined to ma)e the success of their marriage. -o one is perfect# neither are !ou# nor is !our partner. Marriage means# !ou have to ear each other%s imperfections and drawac)s# which ever!one will have. "f someone will not have these particular ones# he or she will have some other irritants for which !ou have to e tolerant. 35. PRAYI./ ,(/E,1ER: *t the end of the da!# one cannot sleep over normal differences# disagreements and discords. =ne must
145 Your Quest for Being Better
sleep at night in a serene and tran<uil atmosphere. *t the end of the da!# we must Than) whichever 8od we elieve in# through the onl! wa! to connect with &im# that is through pra!ers. Regularl! pra!ing efore the lord# helps soothe our nerves# relieves tension and is stress uster. :ra!ing together at least once a da!# preferal! at the end of the da!# helps oth partners to sleep with serenit!# in harmon! and liss. >ven if !ou have had arguments and ma! e a fight# never sleep over that. Best is to resolve it. >ven if !ou cannot# ma)e a rule of pra!ing together efore sleep# right from the da! one. ;ou will sleep etter and get up fresher. -ever sleep with discord under the echo of countless arguments. The! are all normal and natural. But sleeping with them# is not done. -ever let an opportunit! of pra!ing together e lost to arguments and heated e/changes. :a!ing together heals. 3E. CRI,ICI+6: =nce again# a ver! sensitive issue. Best will e to avoid criticism of partner over all small matters. "t is alwa!s etter to ignore insignificant things ecause if !ou are critical# partner is also li)el! to reciprocate in the same manner. These da!s even a child cannot ear criticism# what to tal) of grownups. "f it has to e done# soothe it to the ma/imum possile e/tent. -ever ever do it in front of others including children# since as it is# criticism is disli)ed ! ever!one# ut it is more sharp and hurts infinitel! more# if done in full view of others when it ecomes ten times more lethal# virtuall!. "t is etter that efore critici0ing# !ou put !ourself in partner%s shoes and see where and how it pinches. *void it# ignore it# overloo) it# hoping it shall not e repeated. "f it is a mista)e or inadvertent negligence# rememer# !ou can also do it. Gust hope !our partner is mature enough never to repeat it and learn from it. 3Q. RELA,I(.+1IP 0I,1 I.9LA0+: *nother contentious issueC :arents# sisters# rothers etc. all ecome in-la! relationships after marriage. "n marriage# when one partner thin)s from the other partner%s point of view# marriage is health! and happ!. Both partners# wife and husand# have een rought up ! their respective parents. The! have lived with their rothers and sisters. *ffinit!# love and attachment to their respective families# is ut natural. This sentiment must e respected ! oth partners. "n so man! cases# relations etween the partners are strained at the outset onl!# on this delicate issue. &owever# with little effort# patience and understanding of human nature on partners% part# relationship with in(laws can add to the marriage liss rather then ecome contentious or acrimonious. 2ife is a great alancing act# alancing relationships# sentiments# emotions where fle/ile approach pa!s well. Those who alance wisel! and intelligentl! e/hiiting maturit!# live a happ! peaceful life. Those who do not# well# 8od is there to ta)e care of them and their marriage. Your Quest for Being Better 146
36. 4o !ot -LA6E %ou pat!e: $e are all humans# error(prone eings# mista)es do happen# forgetfulness is there# we are loose on tongue and so man! other minor and major hiccups will alwa!s e there and even repeated inadvertentl! mostl!# advertentl! sometimes. But laming hait of the partners will add high octane fuel to the fire and can pla! havoc in marriage# since lame ma! give wa! to counter(lame and ultimatel!# a shouting encounter ma! start# which is most undesirale thing to happen etween the partners# for children to see it happening and also for other memers of the famil!. Marriage is onding and gelling of two into one# where laming each other for the mista)es and overloo)s# has no place. Marriage is not an organi0ation# where for an!thing going wrong# lame has to e fi/ed. &ere we have to appl! alm of understanding# patience# tolerance# forearance and so man! soothing potions emitted through our tongue# e/pressions and od! language. :artners% approach to each others% faults or mista)es# has to e of understanding and pardon(prone. -ot laming the partner is an act of great compassion and )indness# which will e answered with the same currenc! when situation is reversed. "n fact# if !ou thin) deepl!# !ou will find that !ou gain nothing ! laming the partner. Best will e to sit together# anal!0e and ensure that with each others% cooperation# what has happened is not repeated. :artners must alwa!s e supportive of each other and oth the partners must feel confident aout it. Blame from partner which is tantamount to accusation# causes additional pain and hurt# which might e retaliated ! the other partner# ma)ing the whole matter more comple/ and unearale for oth the partners and children. Blaming hait has no place in a happ! marriage and must e curved for the partners to loo) cohesive and made of each other. .o the est thing for the partners is to ma)e their relationship loo) stronger and sturdier# never indulging in lame(game# wading through trouled waters whenever re<uired and enjo!ing each and ever! moment with each other and Than) 8od for having rought them together. :eace and happiness is the purpose of life. Mind pla!s a ig role achieving that. Mind wor)s est when it is cool. Mind is cool onl! when peace and tran<uilit! prevails at home# within the marriage partners. &ence# it is important that oth partners do their est# never give in to the negatives to have a tran<uil life# ecause ultimatel!# when and if the need arises# the! onl! have each other for support and care. $e are all human who need to e humane with our life partners. This relationship is pious and cannot e compared with an! other relationship ecause it affects ever!one connected# partners# their present# children# their future# parents# their past and other close relatives and even friends. ;ven if ou are a great success professionall or in business, but our relationship !ith the partner is not blissful, it does not mean much to our achievement profile of life.
147 Your Quest for Being Better
&ence# oth of !ou have to ma)e it successful and lissful# there eing no other alternative to this. :ositivit! and negativit! e/ists in ever!one ut we have to overcome negativit! through positivit!. +nfortunatel!# ever!one is more prone to negativit!. That%s wh! even if nine out of ten parameters of happiness are right# one will alwa!s feel unhapp! aout the one negative parameter. "n an! human eing# ten positive factors can e wiped out ! one negative factor. 7or e/ample# supposing oth of !ou have had a wonderful da! together# left office earl!# had delicious lunch at !our favorite restaurant# then went to a ver! good movie which oth of !ou wanted to see# then# perhaps# went for a casual wal) down the lane and came ac) home completel! refreshed# feeling great aout a eautiful da! well(spent in each other%s compan!. -ow# over a ver! small insignificant matter# an argument starts# first slowl!# without warning# ut turns into a heated e/change# laming# cursing adding fuel to the fire. Man! hours spent together in liss# are washed off with oth going to ed# ma!e without dinner. But time is a great healer. -ight spent sleepless or sleeping# has done a lot of good to oth aching souls# since oth have reali0ed their mista)e. The! are again the same loving souls ! morning. -ow# please understand that though such a thing ma! e happening etween man! partners ut is not acceptale since !ou can improve upon it. :oint " would li)e to stress here is that oth husand and wife are losers# famil! and children are worst sufferers of the acrimon! happening often at home. $hen !ou wor) through aove seventeen points# such happenings can e reduced to a greater e/tent. 9o not let !our ego come in etween !ou and !our partner. 2ife is much more than spending sleepless nights full of negative thoughts# getting up without energ! and starting the da! with negatives. -=. ;ou deserve more and etter than that. $hen !our home(life is peaceful# oth perform etter at wor). ;our famil! attains higher standing sociall!. $or) done ! a cool and open mind is much etter than what is done ! a distured and ill(at(ease mind. *fter all# other person is !our life partner and has sacrificed so much for the famil!. Be considerate. 7or the sa)e of !our famil!# children and !our professional career# do what !ou ought to do# not what !ou want to do in the heat of emotions. * little discomfiture now over ego or arrogance# will add real liss and happiness to !our life and famil!%s. 9o it and do it often. The point might seem over(stretched to a casual reader. But ,-=%C $e must understand and assimilate it thoroughl!# ecause it is vital and crucial for ever!one concerned# husand# wife# children# parents# other famil! memers and sincere famil! friends. "n a marriage# it%s the teamwor)# cohesion# togetherness# support# understanding# feel for each other# what counts most. Rememer one thing# families where these things are there# perform etter# professionall!# sociall! Your Quest for Being Better 148
and financiall! ecause acrimon! etween husand and wife can ta)e a heav! toll on their wor) performance. "f ever!thing is not well etween them# without sa!ing or accepting it# the! might e going through living hell. =n the contrar!# if peace prevails within the partners# it%s heaven rought on earth for ever!one concerned and connected. *n! effort or sacrifice for achieving that is worth it%s while. Most people these da!s# want to live a life immersed in technolog!# life st!le and lu/ur!. >/pectations have ecome s)! high. Comparisons are rampant. >ver!one seems to e in race# wants ever!thing which others have. Mindlessl!# we are after the mone! and material possessions. >/pectations from marriage and life have increased and so has the greed. +nder this scenario# with women earning as much as men in most cases# arranged marriage s!stem# which was the prevailing s!stem for marital alliances for ages in "ndian societ!# is almost over. *nd ver! appropriatel! soC Both men and women prefer to )now the partner well efore marriage and rightl! so. Marriage age has increased. Because of various reasons# joint famil! s!stem in "ndian societ!# ! and large# has ecome a thing of the past. -uclear famil!# with husand# wife and children if an!# are living in small famil! units. +nfortunatel!# marriages nowada!s done mostl! in star hotels or farmhouses# have ecome more and more e/pensive. Crucial test starts immediatel! after the marriage# when initial e/uerance is over and couple settles down for real living. :ressure# stress# realities of life# are then faced ! the couple. $hen couple faces these realities as a team# it%s easier to overcome these natural challenges. This lesson is the longest lesson of this oo) ecause institution of marriage is that much important and has to wor) for individual partners# for their families# in turn for societ! and for the countr!. 7amil! is the asic unit for humans all over the world. "t%s through the institution of marriage that famil! is raised and sustained. $orld is divided ! countries# castes# religions# continents# ethnic groups# color of their s)in etc. ut institution of marriage is one common factor amongst all humans. -ood! )nows for certain what future holds for us as a race ut one thing is certain# which is that institution of marriage cannot e changed or altered in spite of challenges# stresses# prolems and man! ostructions# this pious institution of marriage has een facing ' weathering since time immemorial. "nstitution of marriage has all round effect on humans# mostl! eneficial. 2ots of research has gone into the institution of marriage# which has established that in spite of everthing, married people are healthier, happier, caring and more productive. 7amil! raised through the institution of marriage# is the est environment for raising children who are the future of human race and who shall ensure its continuit!. Children raised through marriage feel secure# are etter off in mental and ph!sical health# less crime(prone and are etter team memers.
149 Your Quest for Being Better
$ithout dout# the! are etter human eings. Marriage ensures oth continuit! and transmission. Wise learn from o!n e8periences, !iser learn from others. Through this oo)# " pass on to !ou what " have seen and learnt in last fift! !ears. The lesson will give !ou a fair idea what to e/pect when !ou tie the marital )not and how to tac)le man! prolems faced ! the newl! wedded couple. %n marriage, there are no rights, onl duties and responsibilities to!ards each other, children and to!ards the famil. =nce !ou fulfill them# !ou will live a life of liss and happiness. "f !ou don%t# hell is alwa!s there# awaiting. ,al3i!& of $aia&e, I alwa%s e$e$be a so!& fo$ a! ol" hit Ra; 7apoos fil$ '-(--Y. <0um /um Ek ?amare mein bund %on, aur c%abi k%o &ai=. ,a!slate" i!to E!&lish it $ea!s <$e and you are locked in a room and key is lost=. Reall%, thats what the $aia&e is. You have !o othe #hoi#e but to $a3e it wo3 a!" wo3 fi!e withi! the paa$etes of the 'oo$. Man! people thin) that mone can take care of everthing in life and make ou happ. *ore ou have, happier ou !ill be. "f !ou also thin) so# that means !ou do not have enough and need to wor) towards !our maturit! levels and a alanced life. -ow# read this ver! carefull!. %f ou have marital discord, life is living hell and miserable. -ot onl! !ours# ut also of ever!one else%s connected with !ou# children# parents# rothers# sisters# ever!one. "t generates an unearale sense of disappointment and failure# irrespective of howsoever successful !ou are in life in other spheres or how much mone! !ou ma)e# because !ealth means nothing, if ou are living an unhapp marriage. To avoid that hell# ma)e good sincere efforts with each other. *ccept what !ou have in !our partner. =ever think that ou !ould have been better off !ith someone else because, appearances are mostl deceptive. ;ou do not )now how and what other people are going through. "t is something to see and admire someone ut living together# is a totall! different allgame. :la! it well# pla! it sincerel!# pla! it honestl!# pla! it to !our full unlimited potential. Measure of partners% comfort and happiness with each other# can e found out from their honest answers to the following simple h!pothetical <uestions. ,iven a second chance, !ill ou marr the same person again' and also ,iven a second chance, do ou think our partner !ill marr ou'. "f !our answer to aove <uestions is es# oth of !ou are ver! luc)!. "nvite !our close friends for dinner# since it calls for a celeration. 3
RememerB 6a3i!& %ou $aia&e wo3 a!" wo3 well, is %ou bi&&est #halle!&e a!" espo!sibilit% i! life. Eve% othe a#hieve$e!t i! life, will al$ost a$ou!t to !au&ht, if %ou ae !ot happil% $aie" a!" at pea#e with %ou life pat!e. +uppessi!& %ou e&o, a 3i!" a!" u!"esta!"i!& e8pessio!, Your Quest for Being Better 150
bei!& suppotive of %ou pat!e, a lovi!& "ispositio!, all wo3 li3e a soothi!& heali!& potio! a!" the esult is $aital bliss a!" pea#e, whi#h will &ive %ou &eate satisfa#tio! tha! all othe pleasues $i8e" toðe. .o a$ou!t of effot i! this "ie#tio! is e!ou&h to a#hieve the ulti$ate i! life L A 1APPY 6ARRIA/E.
************************************************** .ou #annot le)islate the &oor into &ros&erity "y le)islatin) the ealthy out of &ros&erity. **************************************************
=@. 4oes %ou 6o!e% +pea3 fo %ou> -e /E.ER()+ & 7I.4. +ee it /ow %ou +tatue & $a3e it +pea3 fo %ou. There is lot of mone! around these da!s. ;ou can see and feel it ever!where# with class! lifest!le# swan)! cars# ultra modern e/pensive gadgets# marriage ceremonies conducted in five star hotels# e/otic holida!s# it%s endless. ,When ou have it, !h not flaunt it, seems to have ecome the vogue. Mindless# ordering on shameless# displa! and show of wealth# is the order of the da!. >ver!one seems to e in mad race for ma)ing more mone!# somehow# then showing it off to impress others and ,be counted in%. :eople want to show(off their wealth through their houses# cars# lifest!le# holida!s# jewelr! or an!thing that glitters or attracts attention. $hen showing(off# the! loo) at !our face to see that e/pression of ,wow%. $ell# " have gone through the e/ercise umpteen numer of times# eing the victim of the show(off spree. " feel ver! uncomfortale and at times emarrassed# ut m! permanent feeling of pit for all such people persists in spite of m! est efforts to feel impressed. The! leave a ver! poor impression on me instead. Mone! and wealth which the! have earned through hard wor) and intelligence# is eing put to worst use# as if sa!ing % am high, ou are lo! or !hat is the use of me making so much mone, if % have not made ou feel lo!. "n this lesson# " would ma)e !our mone! spea) for !ou# loud and clear. "t will sho! our big golden heart. "t will show that !ou care for others as much as !ou care for !ourself and !our famil!. "t will show !our good intentions. "t will ma)e !ou c!nosure of all e!es. "t will ring !ou oth respect and reverence. That is /E.ER(+I,Y. -e /E.ER()+. 8enerosit! ma)es !ou something different# something apart. Best of all# it ma)es !ou a more humane eing. 8enerosit! puts !ou on a higher pedestal. "t ma)es people tal) good aout !ou on !our ac). The! feel indeted ut people " have mentioned in the first paragraph aove# feel inferior and rightl! so# ecause the! have never felt good aout what the! do with their mone!# while !ou alwa!s feel on top of the world. Best thing aout
151 Your Quest for Being Better
generosit! is that it ma)es !ou feel good aout !ourself# aout this world# aout the creator who created this wonderful world for all of us to live in and share. 8enerosit! does not mean# how much !ou have. 8enerosit! gives !ou freedom to e generous with as little or as much. 8enerosit! provides !ou something ever!od! wants# jo!# peace and happiness. 9o not wait to e generous when !ou will have enough. "f !ou can%t e generous with what !ou have now# !ou would never e generous with howsoever much !ou ma! have in future. :ostponing generosit! means# !ou are losing a great chance for eing happ! now. " would narrate here a stor! of a ten !ear old o!# which a friend mailed to me. "t was when ice(creams or rather nothing was so e/pensive. * ten !ear old o! saved from his meager poc)et mone! to have a .undae ice(cream and went to an ice(cream parlor. $hile sitting at the tale# he as)ed the waitress 9ho! much a 1undae ice- cream costs'2 9IG cents2 she replied. The o! too) out the mone! from his pac)et and started counting it. *fter counting his mone!# he again as)ed the waitress 9ho! much a simple vanilla ice-cream costs'2 There were other people also waiting to e served# so waitress egan to get a little impatient. 9FI cents2 she replied aruptl!. The o! counted his mone! again and said 9.lease get me a simple Vanilla ice-cream2. The waitress served him the ice(cream and the ill. The o! ate his ice(cream# paid his ill and left. $hen waitress came to pic) up the cash# she had tears in her e!es. There# in the corner of the plate# were 3E cents# her tip. The o! had ordered a simple vanilla ice( cream instead of a .undae# so that he could leave a tip for her. (pposite of ,enerosit is miserliness or being sting !ith mone. /e!eosit% $a3es a >!oor8 $a! i#h. >$iserliness or being stingy8 $a3es a i#h $a! loo3 poo. 8enerosit! is when !ou want to share whatever !ou have now# not from the plent! !ou might have later. Being generous elevates !ou in !our own e!es# which in itself# feels great. ;ou have to love !ourself efore others love !ou. Mind !ou# elevation does not mean to loo) others down. "t onl! means that !ou respect !ourself# are a person of high self(esteem ' self(worth. >ver!one li)es to e in the compan! of generous and large(hearted people. Be one now and see the difference and feel(good factor !ou create for !ourself. *one plas a big role in life but it !ould make ou happ, onl if ou are generous and kind in giving. "f !ou are feeling low# stressful and pessimistic# then just tr! to e generous in giving# helping# sharing. True inner feeling of jo!# optimism and positivit! will replace those feelings of negativit!. "t is when !ou are compassionate and s!mpathetic to others% pain and want to help and share# then mone! rings true jo!# elation and happiness. Mone!# howsoever much !ou might have# if used or spent onl! on !ourself# !our pleasures or famil!%s# then !ou are missing a lot in life. Your Quest for Being Better 152
$h!1 Because no one )nows the future and whatever one has# will e left here onl!. ;ou can%t carr! an! of it with !ou. "f !ou have een generous with !our mone! without an! e/pectations of return# then !our name shines in ever!one%s heart. "f !ou have lived a life of true dignit! and grace ! eing generous# onl! true happiness and jo! results from such distinguished living. "t%s !our mone!. ;ou have wor)ed hard for it. "t must e put to est productive use# for !our happiness# elation and jo!. $hen !ou are using it generousl! for helping those not so luc)!# giving it so that someone or his children ma! not sleep hungr!# or responding to a newspaper advertisement for helping someone out financiall! for his or some un)nown child%s medical treatment# or for an! such charitale or philanthropic causes# !ou are using !our mone! in a positive manner. $hen !ou give with an open heart and hand# &e also gives !ou aundance. $hen !ou stop giving# &e also stops giving. $hile if !ou are using the same mone! onl! for !our worldl! pleasures or materialistic gains or up(scaling !our lifest!le or putting it in foreign an)s to escape ta/(detection# it is eing put to negative use and negative uses of mone! onl! have negative effects in life# sooner or later. This is nature%s law. -o one can escape the conse<uences of negative uses of otherwise good mone!. Gust thin)# has more and more of ever!thing these da!s# added to our real happiness and jo!1 .imple answer will e a ig ,-=%. Then wh! not tr! something different and feel the difference !ourself. .ometime ac)# " read somewhere# a wonderful stor! aout human grace# dignit! and generosit, titled 'Coffee o! the wall. $riter was having coffee in a well()nown restaurant# when he saw someone entering alone and sitting on the adjacent tale# ordering t!o cups of coffee. 9(ne for the table, one for the !all2, he said. $aiter rought onl! one coffee for him# served ver! respectfull! and pasted a slip ,one coffee on the !all%. 8entleman paid for two and left. * little later# a group of four people entered and also ordered an e/tra cup and same wa!# waiter put another slip on the wall. Then he saw a poorl! dressed man entering the restaurant and telling waiter 9a coffee from the !all2. $aiter# ver! respectfull! rought a cup of coffee# served him and removed one slip from the wall. *fter having coffee# he left without pa!ing# since cost had alread! een paid. Mind !ou# cost of an e/tra cup of coffee was insignificant# compared to the jo! and happiness earned from this small act of generosit!# generated within the giver. Cup of coffee is neither a necessit!# nor a need# ut as a consideration for others when we reali0e that there are so man! people# who would li)e to have a cup of coffee ut can%t pa! for that# and ma)ing provision for that# is an ideal e/ample of generosit!# sharing# giving and eing graceful. "t is a wa! of elevating !ourself as a human eing. )ich " !ealth are dime a doCen these das, but ,;=;)(01 are rare, so be that. <e generous like a )iver, bountiful as 1un and e8hibit mother earth like $ospitalit.
153 Your Quest for Being Better
&ence it is in !our own est interests to e generous and enjo! eing generous. * small act of generosit! ma! not mean or cost much to !ou# ut it means a lot for the recipient. -ever e the slave of negativit! or procrastination when !ou can e generous. "f !ou cannot e generous now# !ou can never e generous# whatever or how much !ou have. &ence# never postpone !our generosit! and )indness. <?indness is a language :%ic% dea9 can %ear and blind can see= said Mar) Twain. 3 RememerB La""e, whi#h lifts %ou up towa"s su##ess, has to be hel" b% $a!% people. If %ou ae &e!eous, the% hol" it ti&htl% a!" se#uel%, helpi!& %ou to $ove up a!" ea#h whee %ou wa!t to be i! life. -% bei!& &e!eous, %ou ae pai" ba#3 $a!%9fol"s i! #ash a!" 3i!". It alwa%s pa%s to be /e!eous.
************************************************** .ou #an live ea#h !ay ith the $orl! fille! ith the &ro"le's OR rise ea#h 'ornin) an! e'"ra#e a orl! fille! ith unseen solutions, ea)er for you to fin! the'. The !e#ision is yours. /OT4 $OR%=S ELIST. The one you ill #hoose, is the one you $ill Create. **************************************************
=A. 4o %ou feel IRRI,A,E4 ofte!> ,hou&h !atual, but .ot 4esiableE 0h% !ot "o so$ethi!& about it. "rritants are small prolems of routine occurrence# common to ever!one. The! happen to each of us# man! times in a da!. .tarting from the morning# during morning wal)# meeting someone we don%t li)e# mil) oiling and spilling over# children getting read! for school ut finding their dress not pressed# finding a flat t!re of !our D(5 wheeler# une/pected heav! traffic or une/pected rain on wa! to office resulting in reaching late for the meeting# while ever!one else has arrived and hundred other such things# are the t!pe of irritants# we face ever! da!. -o one li)es to have them# ut the! are part and parcel of ever!one%s life. "rritants often happen at most une/pected time. 7irst let%s e clear in our mind# what is an irritant1 *n irritant ma! e a small inconvenience# ph!sical or mental# which has to e endured till it is attended. "rritants ma! e as ,small% as deserving no attention ut the! shall remain there# irritating !ou till !ou attend to them ade<uatel!. The est course is to attend to the nuisance immediatel! and get over with it. Be tension(free# stress(free ! attending to the irritant rather than postponing !our corrective action. Your Quest for Being Better 154
"t ma! e a pele in !our shoe# ac) needs scratching# windscreen of the car re<uires wash and cleaning# rear view mirror on !our car or two wheeler re<uiring adjustment# gas urner in the )itchen needing slight adjustment# one fl! or mos<uito disturing !our concentration necessitating the use of the electronic rac)et# switching ,off% or ,on% the *IC or adjusting the regulator of fan during night# electric or phone ill needing immediate settlement etc. etc. There is no end of irritants in da! to da! life. Better attend to them at the first call and e rid of tension and stress the! are li)el! to cause if left unattended. 2oo) at irritants this wa! also that if !ou do not pa! attention to them now# the! shall )eep disturing !our peace again and again. *ttend to them now since the! cannot e wished awa!. These irritants will alwa!s e there and we can%t help. "f not this# then that ut will e there# all the same. Things will go wrong# at least some of them. Mostl!# we can%t do a thing aout them. But what we can do is# how we ta)e them and react to them. "f we start losing our temper or getting angr! or cursing someone or ourselves for all these# their accumulated affect can e disastrous for our health# reputation and relationships. Then what do we do aout these# since the! shall )eep occurring# in spite of est efforts to avoid them. $e must )now and reali0e that ever! time we lose our temper# get irritated or react negativel!# our energ! levels are drained# mental e<uilirium distured and efficienc! lost. Result ma! e loss of reputation or patronage# poor performance# low productivit! and various health issues. * life of alance# maturit! and wisdom entails that our reaction to such irritants must remain calm# cool and matter of factl!. $e must accept them as unavoidale part of life# accepting them ut carr!ing on with life with grace and dignit!. $hile we cannot do much for the irritants# ut can do a lot# how to deal with them. That is# our action and reaction. =nce again# for most of such things like meeting the person ou dont like, +ust ignore him and carr on as if ou never sa! him, milk boiling and spilling, better be careful ne8t time. %f the dress is not pressed, +ust take the iron and press it. /inding a flat tre' ;ven if ,od had been using E-J !heelers, flat tres !ill be there and even $e !ill have to get them fi8ed. 1o, get it fi8ed. $eav traffic on roadA What can ou do' =othingA <etter start earl from tomorro! and reach earl in spite of the traffic. 7or most irritants# !ou do not need to react at all. .impl! do what ought to e done. 8etting on with what need to e done# will ta)e !our mind off from anger and cursing and would help !ou with action part which onl! is in !our hands. -othing else will help !ou e/cept getting on with the jo and simpl! do it# instead of lamenting over things over which !ou never had an! control. This world is not tailor(made for !ou onl!# ut for the joint re<uirement of illions# who are residing here. ;es. =ne more thingC $hen it%s people who are responsile for the irritation# s!mpathi0e with them# tr! to change them and if the! don%t# accept them or leave them. 9on%t rea) !our head over them. Tr! and
155 Your Quest for Being Better
understand them and as far as possile# e good to them ecause !ou are good. .preading goodness is the onl! wa! !ou )now. Moreover# !ou have !our own standards to live for. ;ou have to maintain !our dignit!# grace and honor. ;our actions are not guided ! others or their ehavior. ;our actions are not a reaction to what and how others are doing. ;our actions are alwa!s# how and what the situation merits. 2ong time ac) " met someone " didn%t li)e and was <uite cold to him. Time passed !# then " started <uestioning m!self# ?what is wrong with him. There is no sound reason to disli)e himJ. .oon# when " changed m! outloo) for him# " felt that " was eing pett! and childish. -ow we are good friends. &e has remained the same ut when " changed m! mindset# " started li)ing him. :eople# mostl! are good. "t mostl! depends on our own perception. "n !our <uest for eing a etter human eing# tr! and understand people# their ehavior and nature. 8et over the tendenc! to react and !ou will find that !ou are initiall! less upset and with constant practice# will not at all e upset ! things of dail! occurrence# things going wrong# people reacting negativel! with anger and aggression etc. "t is human tendenc! to retaliate and meet the aggression with aggression. But not !ouC Remaining calm and cool# maintaining !our poise under stress and never ever reacting negativel! to negative situations# is a wa! of life for !ou# ecause !ou want to e a etter humane eing. 3 RememerB 6ost people will ea#t !e&ativel% to !e&ative situatio!s a!" people. .ot %ouE -e#ause, %ou ae a peso! of substa!#e, a bala!#e" hu$a! bei!& with $atue outloo3 &ivi!& "ue #o!si"eatio! a!" espe#t to fellow hu$a! bei!&s. Let s$all iita!ts whi#h $a% #ause avoi"able stess a!" te!sio!, have !o pla#e i! %ou life.
************************************************** 4o 3air you have "een in %ife, !e&en!s on your "ein) Ten!er ith the .oun), Co'&assionate ith the A)e!, Sy'&atheti# ith the Strivin) & Tolerant of the $ea( "e#ause so'e!ay in your life, you oul! have "een or 'i)ht "e, all of these . **************************************************
Your Quest for Being Better 156
=B. Cha!&e what %ou #a!. ACCEP, what %ou #a!!ot. 4o!t Cib, "o!t Citi#iFe, "o!t -la$e. A##ept people as the% ae. Criing# complaining# critici0ing# laming# grumling are all irds of the same feather. 7or an!thing going wrong li)e getting late for office# not getting telephone connected# heav! traffic on road or a traffic jam# rude people# maid not coming on time or spea)ing rudel!# weather too hot# cold# rain! or dust!# train or flight eing late# people are uncaring# politicians are ruining the countr!. ;ou name it and the! have someone to lame for it. >ver!one# e/cept themselvesC 2ife is full of choices. *cceptance# non(acceptance of people# situations and things# is one of them. >ver!one lives# eggar and )ing oth. .till# ! improved and innovative thin)ing# etter choices# accepting the right and rejecting the wrong# we can self(improve# self( empower the wa! we will live and touch others% lives. "f not for ourselves# we should do it for others# our famil!# friends# societ! and countr!. But# unfortunatel!# negativit! in the form of critici0ing# laming and complaining# has ecome a wa! of life for most of the people. $e attract negativit! ! eing negative and attract positivit! ! eing positive. Change is the constant. Change to self(improve and innovate# we should alwa!s e loo)ing for# in life. *cceptance# non(acceptance is the part of that change. To improve# we must change and change often. Changes in ourselves can e rought with relative ease# if we are determined and committed to improve our life# which rings etter rewards not onl! to us ut also for ever!one connected. "f we )eep doing what we have een doing# the wa! we have een doing# then we shall )eep getting the same results. $e cannot improve our life# since we have not changed. ,#o improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often, is the rule for a rewarding life. &owever# where others are concerned# affecting change in them# is <uite difficult. $e feel happ! and satisfied when we are ale to. But mostl!# what do we do# when we are not ale to change them. 7irst thing what we can do# applies to ourselves onl!# that we should not feel disappointed or disheartened. :eople are li)e that onl!. -o one wants to leave their comfort 0one and usher in changes# which positivel! give them various amount of discomfiture. To understand the aove point# re<uires little understanding of human nature. >ver!one has his own value s!stem# haits# li)es# disli)es and want to remain within the parameters alread! drawn. *ccepting them as the! are# is the onl! viale and practical choice for most of the people. Most of the acrimon!# resentment# dissatisfaction# hate# jealous!# itterness and hostilit! e/ist in this world# when we do not accept others as the! are and want them to e# how we want them. $hile we want to have the freedom of eing what we are# we don%t want others to have that freedom. $e )eep criing# critici0ing
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and laming others for what or the wa! the! are. .uch a mindset is neither justified nor acceptale to others# which is the root cause of all ill(will# ad lood# disharmon! and unfriendliness. "f !ou anal!0e the world histor!# most wars and loodshed# which has happened in the ages past# the! were fought ecause one part! thought themselves superior to other and wanted to sujugate them. $hen it was resisted# various wars and loodshed happened. 7or e/ample# in +e#o!" 0ol" 0a# &itler thought Gews were inferior race and needed to e e/terminated to ma)e this world inhaited onl! ! ,superior% *r!an race. This totall! degenerated thin)ing# led to the e/termination of millions of Gews and other so(called ,inferior% races. * ver! sad# reprehensile and unfortunate chapter in the histor! of man)ind# was thus written. Though &itler and his war machine# was ultimatel! decimated# we must learn from such unfortunate events of histor! and never accept human degeneration of this )ind in future. 9ifference etween humans and all other species inhaiting this planet# is intelligence and thin)ing# which we have and others don%t. >ver! other species# accepts this world and their status# as it is. But not humansC $ith our intelligent mind# we compare ourselves with other people and find various anomalies ( shortcomings# superiorit!# appearance# financial status# intelligence and man! more common human traits. $ith our intelligence# we can find the opposites of the aove repulsive or attractive and thus# acceptable or not acceptable. .ometimes# we do not accept ourselves also as we are# ecause of man! differences# we notice through our e!es or intelligence. $hen we see our imperfections compared to others. .ometimes# our mindset uilt mostl! on outer appearances# revolts when we are aggressive or feel inferior# when we are docile. This non(acceptance of others as the! are or ourselves as we are# in our own mind# creates havoc within our lives. $e also )now that we can change nothing# neither the person nor the situation or the circumstances# when we don%t accept them# creates lots of prolems# dissatisfaction and acrimon! in the relationships and within ourselves. .ometimes# we get irritated that the! are unale to understand a simple thing. "t ma! e simple for !ou# ecause !ou )now the suject ut for others# it might e <uite difficult. ;ou ma! e good in something# others ma! not e so good in that ut good in something else# of which !ou ma! not even e aware. 7or e/ample# when we deal with our suordinates# emplo!ees or children# we want them to understand ever!thing instantl! what we have tried to e/plain or ma)e them understand. Most of the times# when the! do not understand that# we do not accept it and lose temper or e/hiit foul ehavior in various degrees. $e must understand human nature etter and understand the positives and negatives of each one of us. $e have to e patient and cooll! understand others% capacit! and capailities. $e should alwa!s tr! to loo) things from other person%s angle and perspective. Your Quest for Being Better 158
&ow an ace international footaller from *rgentina or Bra0il will loo) if# li)e .achin# !ou put entire atting attire on him and as) him to at against "shant or *shwin. &e will either run awa! from atting crease at the speed of "shant or dance at the spin of *shwin. $e have to accept the fact that for an ace footaller# it is not possile to e a great cric)eter and vice versa. $hen we deal with others# e our emplo!ees# children# spouse# friends# relations or associates# we have to accept their intelligence or understanding capacit! as it is# to have smooth wor)ale and enjo!ale relationship# which can e life%s liss when !ou accept them or curse# when !ou don%t. 2ife is all aout relationships in which acceptance# non(acceptance factor pla!s a ig role. But when we ac)nowledge and accept others and ourselves# as the! or we are# it is the eginning of the life of great satisfaction# grace# dignit! and humilit!. .uch a life adds to our self confidence# empowerment and poise. But we shall alwa!s strive to change and improve ourselves and others around us and should never accept our own shortcomings and e complacent aout them. $e have two main categories of relationships in life# friends and relatives. $e can choose friends and normall! li)e(minded onl! will ecome friends. But there is no choice aout parents or close relatives li)e rothers# sisters# cousins# uncles or aunties# whom we have to accept as the! are. &ere also# how close relationship we maintain with them and their acceptance level# is also a matter of choice. But parents# rothers or sisters with whom we have to live as famil! initiall! at least# must e accepted as the! are. &owever# this lesson will e incomplete without discussing the ,acceptance% level of the marriage partners# though the matter has een discussed in detail in another lesson titled >$arriage s%ould be a duet. 6%en one sings, ot%er cla!8. >ach partner must accept the other as he or she is# for a health! marriage. "n marriages# where this does not happen# are disastrous up to different levels. $hen we do not accept the partner as heIshe is# we will )eep finding faults# highlighting shortcomings# critici0ing# criing aout other%s haits and wa!s and mind !ou# when we loo) for all these things in other person# we shall find plent! and life can ecome hell for each other# children and those connected. This acceptailit! part is a must in a marriage for peace# jo!# tran<uilit! and happiness in life. *nd once again# " shall stress on this point ecause# it is not onl! at home ut all !our professional achievements and enjo!ment of fruits of all such achievements# depend on acceptailit! factor in marriage. "t is the dut! and responsiilit! of oth partners that marriage ship sails smoothl! ! acceptance of the partners as heIshe is. &owever# there are man! things in life which are totall! unacceptale# such as dishonest, corruption, cheating, crime, insincerit, violence, crime against !eaker sections in our societ and against !omen etc. $hile we should )eep tr!ing to eradicate them as
159 Your Quest for Being Better
much as possile# it is unfortunate that we do have to live with them ut never accepting them# alwa!s endeavoring to change or punish those who indulge in those acts. =ur focus in life should alwa!s e on constant improvement and empowerment# which is possile onl! ! sta!ing positive. $hen !ou focus on troules# prolems# dissatisfaction# acrimon!# unfriendliness or disharmon! ! laming and critici0ing others# !ou are inadvertentl! inviting them# giving them a red carpet welcome. Then# these things come in hordes in !our life# leaving no space for jo!# happiness# satisfaction# contentment etc. But when !ou focus on large( heartedness# aundance# gratitude# than)sgiving(living(sharing# !ou are inviting jo!# happiness# satisfaction and contentment and mind !ou# when that happens the! also come in hordes in !our life. -ot accepting what we cannot change# is the eginning of most of our troules in life. $hile# acceptance of realities of life# people# their asic nature which is difficult to change# spouse%s faults and shortcomings, usher in an era of satisfaction and happiness in our lives and also those around us. *cceptance is inviting positivit! in our lives and non(acceptance is inviting negativit!. 3 RememerB Life is !ot pefe#t, !o ae people. It is full of i$pefe#tio!s. /oo", ba" a!" u&l%, ae the #eatio! of the sa$e /o". Lea! to a##ept ea#h othes faults, shot#o$i!&s a!" "iffee!#es a!" $a3e it a ewa"i!& life fo %ouself a!" eve%o!e aou!" %ou. 0he! life &ives %ou a hu!"e" easo!s to #%, show life that %ou have thousa!" easo!s to s$ile.
************************************************** COURA0E? =oin) hat e thin( is ri)ht. 3olloin) our Cons#ien#e, refusin) to #o'&ro'ise on &rin#i&les, !es&ite &ressures an! te'&tations to the #ontrary. **************************************************
=C. At of C(66).ICA,I(. is vital fo +u##ess. ,hose who #o$$u!i#ate well, +hi!e & e$ai! ahea" . 6aste the At. *n arm! 8eneral is onl! as good as his communication networ). "f his communication fails# he is not as good as even a soldier ecause the soldier can do a lot with his riffle# while a general does not have a riffle. &is jo it is to issue ordersIinstructions# which can e carried out onl! through his communication networ). This is not true of arm! generals onl! ut also of ever!one else# ecause ever!od! needs to Your Quest for Being Better 160
communicate and communicate well# to e affective in life. "rrespective of how good !ou are in various life s)ills# if !ou are poor in communication s)ills# end result would not match !our true potential. "n human eings# tal)ing is the most asic mode of communication. But we should tal) or sa! something ecause we have something to sa!# not ecause we must sa! something. >ver! relationship toda!# depends upon how good !ou are in communication. $hile spea)ing# whether one to one# to a group or pulic# e straight# plain and clean. 9o not e artificial with pretentious gestures. Bod! language# facial e/pressions and tone# also pla! important part in communication# which should alwa!s e positive. Term 1elf-made is often used# which# in fact# is misleading. -o one can e successful onl! ! hisIher own efforts. "t%s onl! through others% support# cooperation# encouragement and help# that !ou can reach where !ou want to. *nd for others to support !ou# cooperate with !ou# encourage or help !ou# !ou need to e good at something ver! asic# communication s)ills. *nd communication s)ills include ever!thing in life ! which !ou e/press !ourself to others i.e. conversational s)ills# 8roup discussion# pulic spea)ing# tone# motivational education# od! language# self confidence# helpful and compassionate unselfish attitude# )eeping group interest aove individual selfish interests# empathetic approach where others are concerned and man! more things ! which !ou ma)e !our good intentions# determination and commitment )nown to ever!one connected. .resentation word is of common use these da!s. $ithout adding power and punch to !our presentation# !ou cannot affectivel! put forth !our point of view across others or sell products or compete in alread! saturated mar)ets. ;ou ma! have est product range or services# ut it needs e<uall! good communication s)ills in the shape of power presentation# to put the product or service across the prospective users and u!ers# to ma)e them want to use or u! !our products or service. :ower presentations are needed to put !our views across# adding punch to the product# service# fund collection for philanthropic purposes# motivating citi0ens# wanting them to come out of their self created shells# self imposed restrictions# limitations and innumerale other things in da! to da! life. $hat is pra!er1 :ra!er is nothing ut !our connectivit! or communication with whichever 8od or deit! !ou elieve in or sa!# !our creator. Gust ! closing !our e!es and directing !our thoughts towards &im# !ou communicate with &im and see) divine lessings. ;ou feel much lighter# satisfied# happ! with soothing inner feeling. That%s wh! " recommend !ou to egin !our da! with a pra!er and also pra! efore retiring to ed ever! night. This communication with !our creator# to egin !our da! and end it with a pra!er Than)ing &im# help !ou# motivate !ou and fill !ou with positivit!# confidence and hope aout life. ;our 8od is !our est friend and all! whether things are going right or wrong ecause !ou can alwa!s count on &im.
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I! $aie" life, communication pla!s a vital role. $e can tal) things over# ma)e vital rea)throughs in the differences which are normal and natural etween partners# it is s!mpatheticall! listening to the partner%s viewpoint# it is discussing the children%s future# parents and other famil! matters in the confidence# e/plicit faith and warmth of each other%s sense of fair(pla!. * happ! marriage is the one in which oth partners alwa!s feel free or want to communicate with each other# rather than rooding over things# creating misunderstanding and distrust. &appiest couples alwa!s )eep their communication channels wide open. "t is said that silence of the dear ones is more disturbing than the noise of the strangers. =nset of silence etween the partners or an! dear one# is a ver! ominous sign# which means break or lack of communication etween the individuals and it is their pious dut! and responsiilit! to restore it# )eeping their ego and arrogance aside# for the est interest of famil! as a whole# children or relationship in particular. Ma)e a general wor)ale rule in life. *lwa!s )eep the lines of communication open and undistured. 9on%t ever stop tal)ing. Communication is the lifeline of relationships. =serve these a#tos. Best actors do not onl! act well ut their main fort is dialog deliver. * simple dialog# masterfull! delivered# rings the actor more accolade than good acting. $e have aundance of self(st!led 8od(men# :riests# &ealers# 8urus# .wamis# *char!as of various hues and cries. Most of them tr! to impress the gullile people# speciall! wealth! people# who are fearful from inside ecause of various worldl! factors. "n spite of the fact that most of these 8od( men are selfish# self(see)ing or self(serving# who amass huge fortunes# the! all have one thing in common without e/ception. The! are all master orators# since the! have mastered the art of communication on which the! all# without e/ception# thrive. Be it a salesman# mar)eting e/ecutive# teacher# leader# actor# popular TV commentator# defense commander or an!one who matter# one has to e good at communication to ma)e a success of whatever he is doing. &istor! is replete with such names whose true )nowledge# no one )nows ut since the! were good communicators# the! emerged as great leaders and rememered in world histor!. 2eaders and change(ma)ers such as Mahatma 8andhi# -elson Mandela# *raham 2incoln# *dolph &itler# $inston Churchill# Martin 2uther Aing# .uhash Chandra Bose# Vallah Bhai :atel# .teve Gos# and man! more who are rememered and revered toda!# ecause of their master! in oration# writing or discussion# which is all different wa!s of communication. "t is ver! unfortunate and depressing that in spite of art of communication# eing of paramount importance for ever!one# no educationist or government has ever thought of this vital important thing to e taught as a suject in an! school. $ave belief and faith in ourself and our abilit and start making our o!n individual effort to Your Quest for Being Better 162
learn and practice the art of a good communicator. ;ou can learn ever!thing with practice. *n!thing in life can e achieved if !ou want it adl! enough. $hatever !our mind conceives# !ou can achieve. .o start toda!# eing the most ,auspicious% of all. 9o not dela!# do not procrastinate. Toda! is The 9a!. Gust start !ourself or a small group of close friends# to practice pulic spea)ing# reading# oration# writing# mar)eting# salesmanship# group discussion# an!thing which helps !ou to e/press etter# communicate etter. -ever hesitate or miss an opportunit! to address a group or pulic spea)ing# writing a letter or an essa! on an! urning issue. But efore !ou spea)# listen# ma)e a mental plan as to what to spea)# organi0e !our thoughts and then spea) with clarit! and vision not to impress# ut to e/press. >ver!one has an invisile signoard hanging in front of him sa!ing 9*ake me feel important2. >ver!one wants it and li)e it that wa!. Communicate thus that others do feel important. Communicate to admit !our mista)es. Communicate to e/press not impress. 9o not feel sh!. *ll great and good communicators initiall! were li)e !ou and me. But practice ma)es one perfect. " have never felt as petrified e/cept when first time " was invited to address a small gathering of some )nown or un)nown persons. 7irst time and the onl! time# " stammered. But after that pitiale speech long ago# " was ever more determined to e good at pulic spea)ing. .o " practiced hard and now " do not re<uire a minute%s notice. " do not care whether " am a good spea)er or ad# ut " can spea) and e/press m!self to communicate m! viewpoint across reasonal! well. * lot of self(confidence and self(elief has een added to m! personalit! ecause of this. .pea) in a well modulated voice# never showing irritation# alwa!s e/hiiting calm and cool manner and temperament. Be resolute in learning this useful art. 2i)e ever!thing else# put !our heart and soul in the relentless practice and once !ou have mastered the art of communication# !ou will never loo) ac). Mind !ou# it%s not onl! the art of good spea)ing# ut e good at art of listening# which also is an important means of communication which helps us to ac<uire )nowledge. * good listener is more popular than a good spea)er. *lwa!s# as far as possile# )eep other person%s perspective in !our mind to reach his heart# spea)ing or listening. That%s simple wa! of winning over people. 3 RememerB .othi!& i! this wol" is be%o!" %ou, if %ou wo3 at it. /oo" #o$$u!i#atio! is $oe pa#ti#e a!" obsevi!& othes. Its !ot 3!owle"&e. /oo" #o$$u!i#atio! s3ills ae e!tiel% i! %ou ha!"s. Pa#ti#e $a3es a peso! pefe#t. ************************************************** Say, +T4AN> .OU,. No a#t of servi#e is too s'all to A#(nole!)e.
163 Your Quest for Being Better
?D. +tess, ,e!sio!, 0o% o Fea, ae all the sa$e, lea"i!& %ou to $ise%. 0i! the$ ove & lea" a Rewa"i!& life. *ove four demons occup! a rent(free space within most of us# sometimes with our )nowledge# other times# without our )nowledge. But without e/ception# we invite them ourselves and provide them a rent(free space to live within us. The! ma)e us afraid# impatient# resentful# touch!# intolerant# sensitive and angr!# thus wea)ening our inner core ut )eep living within us# even ecoming a part of us# a part of our personalit!# our second nature. The! are a ig road loc) to our personalit! development# happiness# success and growth. These demons must e con<uered over and thrown out of our s!stem# which onl! would lead us to a rewarding# stress(free life. >ven when a ,guest% comes to our house uninvited# how difficult it is to throw him out. "magine how difficult it will e to throw out someone# who enters our s!stem with our invitation and has een living there for a long time. "n the mean time# we have learnt to live with it. .ince# we have een living with these demons for a long time# we have got used to them. $e have got into the hait of remaining tense and stressful without )nowing. Basic human nature is such that when we get used to something# howsoever ad# we find it livale and do not mind it# irrespective of its ad affects on us. But tension# stress# fear and worr! are li)e corroding agents in the s!stem# which# li)e corrosion# urn and deteriorate our inside slowl!# graduall! ut surel!. These are mostl! imaginar! and self generated. More we thin) aout them# igger and more ominous the! ecome. $e ecome their slave. =ur thin)ing# attitude# life(perceptions ecome negative and ! hait with thus self induced negativit!# ecomes a wa! of life with us. But# for a health!# happ!# satisfactor! and lissful life# which is the aim of this oo)# it is of utmost importance that !ou get rid of stress and tension# which generate worr! and fear within us and ma)e our life miserale. .tressItensionIworr!Ifear are the root cause of man! common self generated or aggravated diseases such as diaetes# h!pertension# cardiac prolems# asthmatic conditions# general disenchantment with life# loss of trust and hope# depression which introduce us to the vicious circle of doctors# medicines and diagnostic las# at heav! pressure on our od! and finances. These are also called lifest!le diseases ecause of the defective and eas!(going lifest!le most people have chosen these da!s. .tress is mostl! mind(related# it is eas! to control it if we are determined and eradicate the disorder completel! and live a life of peace and freedom from miser!. "t is little difficult ut# once we are at it# we can accomplish an!thing including freeing ourselves of the menace of stress and tension which# Your Quest for Being Better 164
with time# ecomes a part of our personalit!# our second nature# a monster living within us. "n life# if and when we thin) ourselves igger than the prolem itself# prolem ecomes smaller and we can con<uer it with relative ease. -ow read the following carefull!# repeatedl!# if necessar!# to get the etter of !our tension and stress which is leading !ou to worr! and fear. *part from that# there are a numer of lessons in this oo)# which can e used for relieving !ourself of this menace. .ince# the matter is of vital nature# follow the guidelines given elow religiousl!. Rid !ourself of the demons of stressItensionIworr!Ifear and live a life of total freedom# jo!# dignit! and liss. 3. A##epta!#e of the things, people and situations, !e cannot change, is the first step towards living a stress(free life. +nfortunatel!# non(acceptance of people# things or situations ecomes a ig liailit! for us. $e must accept the realities of life and learn to live with them with grace and dignit!# since we cannot change them. Most stress and tension is imaginar!# mind generated# causing worr! and fear. B! not accepting realities# we )eep feeding the demon alive within us# which corrodes our inner self# destro!s our ver! eing. D. $hatever is trouling !ou# i$a&i!e what wost #a! happe!> "n most cases# !ou will find that even if the most unli)el! worst happens# still it would not reall! matter much. "maginar! demon ma)es the imaginar! ad situation igger and igger. 8et into the hait of )eeping !our mind filled with happ!(health! positive thoughts. $ith constant practice# mastering over ever! failed attempt# !ou will see and feel that !ou can )eep !our thought control or rather thought management in etter control. "ts onl! a matter of practice and if !ou do not leave the attempt of thought managementIcontrol midwa!# !ou will e successful. -ever start an!thing half(heartedl! and leave it midwa!. .uccess will e !ours# if !ou )eep tr!ing. P. Postpo!e$e!t o po#asti!atio! of an! matter !ou are stressed# is li)e adding fuel to the fire. 7uel is the dela! which is eing added ! !our elu#ta!#e to fa#e the situatio! -=$ oldl! and finish the matter# once for all. 9o what !ou are stressed aout# fearing# facing the situation oldl! with determination# mentall! imagining !ourself igger than the situation# !ou will feel stress leaving !our head and great relief and peace ta)ing it%s place. $e often )eep postponing things or avoid meeting the situation head on# which adds great deal to the stress# serves no purpose since we must meet the situation sooner or later. =nce !ou start doing what ought to e done# half the attle is alread! won. #hings are never as bad as the appear to be. =nce !ou decide to grapple with the situation# !ou ma! e surprised that it ma! turn out much easier to handle than what !ou initiall! thought. 2ife is simple# when !ou do something now which ought to e done now. B! postponing# !ou simpl! complicate things# ma)e them comple/ to handle. .o# 9= "T -=$.
165 Your Quest for Being Better
5. =nl! ,7a$a GA#tio!H i! the fo$ of ,(4AY, is in !our hand# not the result (tomorrow). Tr! and ta)e this lesson to !our heart. 9o not e stressed aout the result# which is not in !our hand and unnecessaril!# when !ou )eep thin)ing aout the result or rewards# !ou are self generating and inviting stress to !our s!stem. Be detached from the result and ma)e it a point of doing !our est# which onl! is in !our hand. :eople# who are enslaved ! the present osolete thin)ing and mindset aout ever!thing eing result oriented# might laugh at !ou. 2et them. "t%s !our life and !ou need to e innovative and change !our mindset. Concentrating on ,Aarma%# improves the <ualit! of action !ou put in and deliver etter results and improved performance. :ersons of action are least stressed. The! are too engrossed in action. Both stress and action are mind generated and mind can onl! hold one thought at a time. $hen mind is us! directing !our od! into est of action# there is no place for stress there. E. *mong the man! reasons for chronic stress# things and situations li)e lack o9 communication and %olding back feelings from near and dear ones, being e8cessivel competitive in various fields, being in hurr all the time, meeting deadlines, not liking our profession, facing an intervie! or e8am, general dissatisfaction !ith life, being impatient or thinking that life or people have not been fair to ou, or being overtl sensitive etc. are common. *ll these situations are controllale ! changing !our mindset# slowing the pace or ! simplif!ing !our life. Gust thin) rationall! for !ourself. *n osolete mindset# not wanting to change and continuing in !our present comfort 0one# can e ver! ominous. Thin) and live independentl!# not how others will loo) at it or how !ou can impress others. "t%s !our life. 2ive as per !our wish not as others want !ou to live. &ave full control and full responsiilit! for it. Q. 1ealth is 0ealth. 8ood health is an antidote to stress. 7or good health# !ou have to eat health! and e/ercise on a regular asis. >at health!# in nutshell means# !our food should mainl! consist of vegetales and fruits# more proteins and limited caroh!drates and fats# regular meal timings# no overstuffing# drin)ing lots of water. &owever# !ou must avoid tast! ut harmful jun) or fried foods# avoid aerated drin)s or pac)ed fruit juices which are not re<uired and are ver! harmful in the long run# avoid red meats li)e mutton and eef. 2et TV ads not control !our or !our child%s thin)ing and future. Because it is taught in their schools# oth m! grand daughters# Ragini and -aina# aged eleven and four respectivel!# will not go near an! of the jun) foods. "f an!one does# the! immediatel! point out the ad affects of jun) foods. "n .ingapore schools# no aerated drin)s# fast or fried foods# are allowed to e sold in school canteens. Ma)e a routine of morning wal)# jog and e/ercise. Breathing e/ercise (:rana!am)# !oga and meditation help a lot to remain stress(free. 8ist is# to give health issues priorit in life and never sa % do not have time. Your Quest for Being Better 166
6. Lau&hte, the -est 6e"i#i!e. 2ife is naturall simple ut# unfortunatel!# we have made it complicated and comple/# tr!ing not to live our wa! ut live to impress others. .o we ta)e ever!thing ver! seriousl!# which shows on our morose and sad(loo)ing unsmiling faces. 2aughter is our iggest weapon against stress# in fact# our iggest stress(uster. * separate lesson is there in this oo) on laughter. Read it# instill it to laugh !ourself# famil! and people around !ou. .hed !our ego and ma)e fun of !ourself. :eople will love and respect !ou. 9ispense ever!thing which ma)es !ou serious and morose loo)ing. K. -e 3i!" a!" 1elp othes to "e9stess. * lad!# who was in great mental stress and pain# ecause of death from cancer of her husand and also of her onl! son in a road accident# while wal)ing on road# found a adl! wounded pupp!. .he too) her to a vet and nursed it to get well. To her ama0ement and surprise# she found herself totall! de(stressed with her act of )indness and help. "t just occurred to her that if helping a small pupp! can ta)e awa! all the pain and agon! of her life# what if she helped those not so luc)! in whatever wa! she could# oth materiall! and ph!sicall!. $hen !ou help and e )ind to others# !ou tend to forget !our own pain# stress and tension and find a purpose in life. .o alwa!s e proactive whenever there is an opportunit! of eing )ind and helping others. ;ou do that to help !ourself ! forgetting !our own pain and stress. 4. +low "ow! the he#ti# pa#e !ou have pac)ed in !our routine and the numer of activities. 9o not hurr!# lead a hassle(free life and remain un(harried. $orld is not going to end or disappear# if !ou don%t hurr! up. "t is possile onl! when !ou ma)e up !our mind to do the same. 9o ;oga regularl! to calm !our mind and also to rela/ !our muscles and nerves. 3F. Pa%e a!" Faith helps a lot to remain stress(free. Aeep !our communication channels alwa!s open with 8od. .ince stress is all mental and mostl! imaginar!# a read! pra!er whenever !ou are stressed# helps a lot to de(stress. 8et into the hait of rememering and than)ing &im for all &is goodness and )indness. :ra! whenever !ou feel that !ou are thin)ing negative or negative thoughts are entering !our mind. When looking all around does not bring the ans!er, tr :((5%=, 0.. .ince stress is asicall! mind related# living with stress is li)e living with miseries. 9o as suggested in aove ten points and e free from the menace of .tressITensionI$orr!I7ear with little practice. 3
RememerB Fo %ou sa3e, fo %ou fa$il%s sa3e, fo the sa3e of %ou pofessio!al su##ess i! life, "o as su&&este" above a!" be stess9fee. If %ou ae #ho!i#all% stesse", %ou will !eve e!;o% bliss, ;o%s, #o!te!t$e!t, satisfa#tio! a!" thousa!" othe thi!&s, whi#h a tul% ewa"i!& life has to offe.
167 Your Quest for Being Better
?1. I.I,IA,IVE. Loo3 aou!" & obseve what !ee"s to be "o!e. 5)+, 4( I,, without bei!& tol" to "o. "n last fift! !ears# " have oserved people closel! and have seen that those who too) initiative stood out# irrespective of their educational ac)ground and how the! fared in studies. " have seen an almost illiterate construction wor)er whose )nowledge# judgment and common sense aout uildings# was far etter than most engineers. "n factories# there are umpteen numer of supervisors called ,maistries%# who applied their in(uilt intelligence and did a super jo# who went e!ond their manifested area of responsiilities# who were trusted to do jos# which even <ualified engineers could not e entrusted. ,"-"T"*T"V>% is to do something without eing told to do. "n other words# "nitiative can e called to do or get done what needs to e done. .ome people will onl! do the assigned jo# while other few will do a complete jo# what needs to e done. *fter having done whatever the! were told to do# people with initiative will alwa!s loo) around and see what else needs to e done# irrespective of having een told to do or not# the! shall also do that additional thing unhesitatingl!# which needed to e done. :eople with initiative are upeat aout life# positive thin)ers and will alwa!s find a wa! to do the tas) though there might e man! ovious ostacles. -eedless to sa! that such people are valued and respected. The! do not put forward lame e/cuses as to wh! jo could not e done. =nce the! are told# the! can e relied upon to deliver. 7es is their favorite word. The! are trusted ! their superiors. The! are rimming with confidence and leadership <ualities. Their attitude is alwa!s positive. The! not onl! do things themselves ut also get things done. "rrespective of their ran)# <ualification or seniorit!# this trie is alwa!s chosen and trusted to accomplish whatever is desired ! the compan! or organi0ation. .impl! put# ta)ing initiative is one <ualit!# which is an attriute of all leaders in an! field# ecause eing a leader means# !ou are at the top and !ou are alwa!s alone at the top. ;ou ma! have assistants or deputies to assist !ou ut the! wor) on !our instructions. *s a leader# !ou have to thin) and device# what else needs to e done# in addition to whatever !ou have een told to do or accomplish. .o the leader has to thin) and act for others to follow. "n followers% mind# leader has to e etter than them. B! ta)ing initiative where ever needed# he proves himself to e etter and more <ualified to lead them. *n! person of initiative# is alwa!s a potential leader. =nce he is emplo!ed and salar! and terms fi/ed# he is on the jo# never othering to loo) at the responsiilities entrusted to him on paper. &e does whatever is as)ed of him and more# !hatever needs to be done. &e willingl! does whatever e8tra needs to e done. That%s how his Your Quest for Being Better 168
performance falls in e/traordinar! categor!. &is outloo) is result oriented. &e shines ecause he never sa!s this is not m +ob or !h should % do it, % am not paid for it. Being an achiever# he alwa!s does more than what he is paid for. &e worships his wor) and does not relate it to remuneration he gets. =ften# a person of initiative or potential leader# ecomes a part of the compan!%s thin)(tan) and rises high in compan!%s hierarch!. &e is an achiever# goals and targets# notwithstanding. "n his dictionar!# no, cannot be done or not possible do not e/ist. &e is a doer and elieves in getting things done. *nd from those under him# he e/pects the same efficienc! and attitude. &e does not accept no as an answer from his suordinates. &e guides them# helps them# motivates them to perform etter and touch greater heights. +nder or with him# the! can reach their potential fast. .eople !ork !ith him not for him. Mone!# honor and recognition# follow the person of initiative. &e does not have to demand higher pa!. &is osses pa! him more not ecause of his academic <ualifications or degrees# ut ecause of his utilit! and value. "nitiall! his pa! ma! not commensurate with his achievements ut sooner he and his performance and utilit! is recogni0ed and his pa! has to e as per his value to the compan!# otherwise competitors are alwa!s on the loo)out and hunt for such people of value. "n da! to da! life# where ever he is# ta)ing initiative is his wa!. &elping people# organi0ing them# first to introduce himself unhesitatingl! rather than standing aloof in a corner or remaining within the compan! he )nows est# himself arranging the chairs instead of waiting for the ,laor% to do that and thousand other things happening all around ever! da!. &e need not e thrust responsiilit!# he assumes responsiilit! with which comes leadership. &e does not wait for others and show the wa! to others who willingl! follow him. "n fact# initiative is the ver! ase on which leadership grows. +mpteen e/amples# all through the histor!# can e followed. Mahatma 8andhi# -elson Mandela# *raham 2incoln# .wami Vive)anand# .wami 9a!anand .araswati and man! more# all through the histor!# too) initiative and gave this world innovative ideas and revolutions. The! were never deterred with difficulties or ostructions# which come to ever!one. The! too) initiative to do things differentl! and lead the wa!. -aturall!# masses followed them. $hen faced with road loc)s# the! too) detours and found wa!s for people to follow. =othing !orth!hile can be achieved in life !ithout taking initiative !hich lies in taking calculated risk. "f !ou alwa!s pla! safe and ta)e a path which alread! man! have ta)en# there is nothing much in it. That%s how mediocrit! is so common these da!s# ecause !ou are not prepared to ris) an!thing. This is not to suggest that !ou should ta)e rec)less ris)s li)e a gamler. -o# it%s the calculated ris) we are tal)ing aout# which must e ta)en at ever! step. $e have to ta)e well thought(out chances in life to reach the coveted goal.
169 Your Quest for Being Better
9ominant <uestion in the mind of a person of initiative# is not !h or !ho# ut first !hat can be done, then ho! to do it. 7aced with an! situation# his mind goes to this doer <uestion !hat can % do and ho!. &e learns from the past ut is alwa!s loo)ing at the future. .ince he is a doer# he does not lame# cri or critici0e an!one. &e meets ever! challenge with confidence and self elief. Basicall!# he is not controlled ! the events. &e controls the events ! measured response. &e does not react to the events ut respond to them positivel! for favorale outcomes. &e never allows the circumstances to victimi0e him. &e meets ever! challenge with confidence# thus creating opportunities. .ince initiative and leadership go hand in hand# tr! it an!where and ever!where. -ever leave an opportunit! to ta)e initiative# where ever !ou are. =ever hesitate to volunteer in an situation. <e the first to sa a smiling hullo. <e the first to introduce ourself to a stranger. <e the first to smile at people to get a smile back. <e the first to call someone on his birthda or greet them on their anniversar. 4o not hesitate, do not procrastinate. %nstead take initiative, do it before others can even think of. 9oing thus# !ou are creating goodness and space in others% hearts through this principle of initiative# ecause initiative is the staircase to effective leadership. -o one )new or told the leader# to do what he did# so that he could ecome# what he ultimatel! did. .o also !ou can. Ta)e initiative# e the first# e at the top and remain there. 3
RememerB -% ta3i!& i!itiative, o"i!a% people have be#o$e e8tao"i!a%. Lea"es, who bou&ht i! u!i$a&i!able #ha!&es i! $illio!s, who followe" the$E ,hee is !othi!& i! life, whi#h #a!!ot be a#hieve", if %ou set %ou $i!" a!" ae "ete$i!e" to a#hieve it. 5ust &o ahea".
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Ayn Ran! 'ust have ha! In!ia in 'in! in 'in! ritin) this ?
I $hen you (no that in or!er to &ro!u#e 'ore, you nee! to o"tain &er'ission fro' those ho &ro!u#e nothin), hen you see that 'oney is floin) to those ho !eal Not in 0oo!s "ut in favours. $hen you see that 'en )et ri#h 'ore easily "y 0raft rather than 4onest $or( an! your %as No %on)er Prote#t you a)ainst the' "ut &rote#t the' a)ainst you. .ou (no that your so#iety is ruine! E OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Your Quest for Being Better 170
?2. LA)/1 & the wol" Lau&hs with %ou. LA)/1,ER, is the -E+, 6E4ICI.E & i!"ee", %ou +()L +()PE. Best moments for a mother are when she touches her infant%s face tenderl! and the infant# first responds with small giggling sounds# then smiles at her and if infant laughs# opening its teeth(less mouth cavit!# she forgets ever!thing and drowns in the liss of the infant%s laugh. *nd what a sight it is# when an infant laughs. 1ee, 1ee he is laughing% starts all around. $ell# not onl! laughter of an infant for the mother# ut an!one laughing# ma)es a ver! pleasant sight. -o wonder it is said :augh and the !orld laughs !ith ou. ,rieve, but ou grieve alone. 2aughter# indeed# is !our est preventive medicine with wonderful side effects. * heart! laugh replenishes !our energ! levels and sheds off unwanted letharg!# ma)es !ou h!per active. Then# wh! is it that most of the people do not ma)e use of this heart(warming emotion called 2*+8&T>R1 $h! is that anger is more common than laughter1 $h! is that# such a wonderful emotion# laughter# is so repressed1 $h! is that !ou often see and hear people shouting their heart out angril!# ut their giggles and laughs are not as common1 -o wonder# civili0ation seems to have lost its wa!# got its priorities wrong. .eriousness has ta)en over and has ecome a wa! of life# which continues till death. That%s wh! !ou can see hordes of serious and morose faced individuals all over# ut ver! few people# who can dare to laugh heartil! in pulic. +nfortunatel!# seriousness and anti(laughter mindset starts from childhood or sort of# infanc!. 7oundation of a person%s character and performance is laid during childhood. But# as soon as a child crosses two and half !ears or so# he is put in so(called pla! school# nurser!# 2A8 and +A8. * child who wants to have his full <uota of sleep# is forced to get up earl! and has to get read! to go to school. Child ma! cr! hoarse# not eat or vomit# ut must he go to school at such a tender age# when he should e laughing and pla!ing with his or her friends. &e comes ac) home loaded with home wor) and all through the da! is tensed# thin)ing# again he has to go to school ne/t morning. :arents never care to see or feel child%s stress and tension ecause the! must ape others and afraid of their child (read ,them%) left ehind. *s a child grows# more and more stress and tension is pumped into his curriculum. $e# thus# throttle a person%s capacit! to laugh# right from the childhood. &ow can a person who has never learnt to laugh# right from the childhood# can ever laugh heartil! during adulthood1 * person# who is in the rat race right from the childhood# can onl! give a fa)e laugh ut cannot laugh his heart out. .uch a person# does not feel the need to laugh and feels uncomfortale when others laugh. =pening of morning laughter clubs ! enthusiasts# has een a rilliant idea. Though man! have closed# ecause of noise and disturance the! create in the neighorhood during the morning%s
171 Your Quest for Being Better
,ungodl!% hours# ut it is heartening that man! are still functioning and doing a good jo. 2i)e(minded people# who want to start their da! with heart! laugh# find it ver! health! and satisf!ing. Man! positive relationships etween the li)e(minded develop and prosper. This life is ut one chance given to us ! the divine. 2ive it full!# to the rim ! )eeping a constant positive approach and laughing !ourself and ma)ing others laugh. 2aughter is contagious. 2ife is est lived simple# in which# alwa!s feel free to laugh. >njo! the freedom of laughter and true happiness when !ou laugh together with !our spouse# friends# parents# famil! memers# colleagues# superiors# suordinates# associates or even strangers. 2aughing together is the est that can happen in an! relationship. 2aughter cements the relationship and ma)es it shoc)(proof. 2aughter is not onl! preventive medicine# it is also a great healer not onl! of man! ailments ut also of relationships. "t thrills !ou and those around !ou. &owever# alwa!s laugh with others ut never at others. This is never done ecause it can ac)fire on !ou and hurt !ou at most une/pected moment. -ever ma)e fun of an!one in front of him or in his asence. Ma)ing fun of an!one ecause of his ph!sical appearance# ph!si<ue# color# dress# the wa! he tal)s or stammers# food# caste or state he comes from# e/hiits poor pedigree and upringing. Best is# learn to laugh at !ourself which most people can%t. $hen !ou can ma)e fun of !ourself in front of others# the! shall simpl! get attracted to !ou li)e a magnet. 2aughing at !ourself# is an indirect wa! of conve!ing !our honest! around. -ever thin) that# what if others will also ma)e fun of !ou. $ell# there is another lesson for !ou to learn here. "f an!one does# ta)ing advantage of !our roadminded and large(hearted nature# he is not worth !our friendship. 8et rid of him. >arlier# the etterC &e is immature and childish# not up to !ou. &e can let !ou down an! time and in all proailities# will ta)e undue advantage of the relationship. * person of laughter is alwa!s sought after and is the centre of attraction in an! gathering# meeting or societ!. &e ma)es the tense atmosphere light ! his read! harmless witt! remar)s and humorous anecdotes. &e is li)e a magnet. &e attracts people and the! want to e in his compan! ecause mostl! people are fed up eing with serious and morose loo)ing human eings all through the da! and want some entertainment and enjo!ment in the compan! of such people# wherein whose compan!# the! can laugh their heart out. &e provides them the rela/ation of mind and comfort# ever!one adl! needs. >ven the serious t!pes need that. M! father was li)e that. &e would liven up the atmosphere where ever he was# ! his jo)es# witt! remar)s and old and new interesting anecdotes. &e never missed an opportunit! to ma)e fun of himself to ma)e others laugh. "n m! native# *gra# he was ver! fond of morning and evening wal)s in the near! par). $hile wal)ing# there were Your Quest for Being Better 172
alwa!s man! fellow wal)ers# wal)ing with him to enjo! his compan!. &e would wal) ac) home himself in the morning# ut " would go on m! motori)e in the evening# to ring him ac). "t was ver! heartening to see lots of people enjo!ing his compan! even during e/treme cold weather# sitting in the open. " could alwa!s feel their disappointment seeing me come to fetch him. >ver!one loved his compan! and wanted a it of soul soup he had to offer to all and sundr!# )nown and un)nown. "t is true !hat soul is to the bod, :aughter is to the soul. "ndeed# laughter is the sunshine created ! 8od for !ou. 3
RememerB Eve%o!e has his ow! poble$s i! life. -oth &oo" a!" ba" ti$es ae /o"s &ift. +o e!;o% the &ift of life, /o" has blesse" %ou with, b% lau&hi!& a!" $a3i!& othes lau&h. Lau&hte is /o"s &ift o!l% to hu$a!s. A!i$als #a!!ot lau&h. ,hats wh%, the% ae seious fa#e". -ut %ou bei!& a hu$a!, #a! alwa%s lau&h %ou a"vesities off. Lau&hi!& toðe is the best &u$ to #e$e!t a!% elatio!ship. )se this &u$ i! abu!"a!#e to $a3e %ous a ewa"i!& life ,oðe.
************************************************** 3or your ha&&iness, in#lu!e other &eo&le,s 4a&&iness in your on & feel the =ifferen#e **************************************************
?:. ,I6E is the esse!#e i! life, "iffee!#e betwee! +u##ess & Failue. Put this #o$$o"it% to -est )se. .eve waste ,i$e. 2ord has divided our life into D5 hours slots. But no one )nows how man! slots have een allotted ! the almight!. =ur past# present or future accomplishments depend upon# how well we have used each slot. To how much productive use# we have put each slot. 7or success# more than hard wor)# one re<uires organi0ed effort# which is how well we have een using our time slots. *lmost one third of our life spent in sleep# that is to regain and regenerate our energies for the other two(third part. &ow well we utili0e leftover si/teen hours and to how much productive use# we put these si/teen hours# will onl! determine how much successful we have een in life. To ma)e success paradigm happen to us# we must start from the asics# the foundation. "f a strong foundation has een laid in childhood# !ou stand etter chance at ma)ing a success of life. "f not# chances are that much less. But life gives !ou repeat chances. .o# whether !ou are !oung or old# parent or not !et# process of learning is alwa!s ,on% and it%s never too late learning an!thing new at an! age.
173 Your Quest for Being Better
T"M> is the most precious commodit! !ou have. To whatever !ou devote <ualit! time# grows. To whatever !ou do not devote <ualit! time# does not. "t%s a simple e<uation# no comple/it!. :rocess of utili0ing !our time productivel! must start now. -ot a moment to e lost# if !ou want to live a rewarding# enjo!ale# happ! and satisfied life. "f !ou are a parent# it is !our pious dut! to guide# discipline and teach !our children# how est to utili0e their time from now onwards# to enale them to reali0e their desired goals in life. &ow productive !ou can ma)e those wa)ing si/teen hours1 2et%s first ta)e 1ealth. $ithout good health# !ou are nothing. -ever sa! there is no time for health issues, lest a time ma come, !hen ou !ill have to rotate our time around doctors, specialists, medicine shops and diagnostic labs. 9evote at least one hour to loo) after !our health. 8et into the hait of getting up earl!# ecause aout seven hours of sleep is sufficient generall!. "dea is to get out of !our comfort 0one and devote time to productive activities. Cumulative effect of even one e/tra hour dail!# will ma)e a lots of difference over the !ears. Ma)e an e/ercise regime li)e jogging# wal)ing# !oga# general e/ercise# floor e/ercise# g!m or an! activit! which ma)es !our muscles supple# lood circulation etter and soothes !our mind. *lso include ten to fifteen minute for deep reathing e/ercise (:rana!am) in this. That would leave !ou with 3E(3Q wa)ing hours at !our disposal. ;ou need time to get read!# ath room# newspaper etc. apart from transit time to and from office will var! from individual to individual# which leaves !ou with 3D(3P hours at !our disposal# from which minimum eight hours will go to whatever jo# profession or usiness !ou are doing. This leaves !ou with four to si/ hours which# if put to productive use# can e ver! fruitful in the long run. This 5(E hours of <ualit! time and organi0ed effort put in an! or man! productive activities dail!# can wor) wonders towards !our road to success. "n other words# if !ou use these 5(E hours productivel! for !ears# how much !ou add to !our efforts and resultant growth. "n addition !ou have .at.# .unda!s and other holida!s# which again give lots of time to add to !our goal see)ing activit!. +nfortunatel!# we have created too man! distractions to put these 5(E hours to productive use. Right from the childhood# we get used to things li)e TV serials# cartoons or other entertainment programs. "nitiall!# so called educative serials might loo) good for children ut most of them are not. These serials are made ! professionals who are hired ! the channels to ma)e mone! and the! )now what children or !ou li)e most. The! )now ver! well that a good% serial is one which after watching D(P times# viewer ecomes addictive and cannot remain without watching them. $hatever time !ou or !our children are devoting watching these serials# is waste. Children# in due course# get so addictive to these soaps that the! shall do an!thing to watch them. ;ou must stop this Your Quest for Being Better 174
colossal waste of time in the name of entertainment. 7or children# it is not onl! the watching time# the! )eep thin)ing aout them and cannot concentrate on their studies or other productive activities which the! must indulge to ma)e a mar). *part from TV# so much time is wasted reading comics ! children and adults ali)e. Thic) fiction novels are read in the name of rela/ation and entertainment or so(called reading habit. "t is etter not to read rather than reading such addictive novels. $atching cric)et matches# gossiping or just whiling awa! time# are other avenues# how we waste this precious commodit!# Time. * child or even an adult# will learn fast the negative part# alwa!s ignoring the positive side# if an!. Then coming late to meetings# wasting ever!one%s time in waiting# is another e/ample of colossal waste of this precious commodit!. "n spite of the fact that individuall! we "ndians are as good as an!od! in the world# ut collectivel! we have failed# ecause we neither respect our time nor others% time. >ven our :arliament and state assemlies are non(functional most of the time# ecause of one reason or the other. "magine how much it costs in terms of time and mone!# one adjournment after another# ma)es them totall! unproductive. "magine the time wasted in courts. *djournment after adjournment has made moc)er! of our entire justice s!stem. Cases go on and on for decades# death of witnesses# judges# advocates# accused and other parties# during the endless trials# notwithstanding. *n!where !ou go# there is waiting# which means waste of this precious commodit!# time. >ven in the restaurants# doctors# interviews# ration shops or waiting to meet a government officer# !ou )eep sitting on a ench outside his office# while he is us! having a gossiping session with his colleagues with endless cups of tea and snac)s. Then# not )eeping things at proper place# wasting time in finding them# at times with flared tempers and avoidale arguments. &ouse or office# there must e proper place of ever!thing where it has to e )ept# so that no one wastes time in finding it. >ver!one )nows where to find it and finds it there. "t ta)es the same time to )eep something at this place or that# so wh! not to put it at the proper place1 -ow a word aout priorities in lifeC 9efine and understand !our priorities clearl!. .ince ever! activit! ta)es time# !ou have to differentiate and understand the time !ou must devote to important# not so important and unimportant activities. "t is li)e that DEHI6EH rule in usiness e/plained elsewhere in the oo). ;ou want to reali0e !our goals and amitions in life# respect !our time and others% time. ;ou can ma)e this precious commodit! most productive for !ou and for !our children# ! adopting a positive attitude aout time. Thin) and do what is good for !ou# !our famil! and children. ;ou might lose man! attles in life ut aim at winning the war ultimatel!# for !ou# for !our famil! and children. "nstill the <ualit! of productive time use in !our children and la! the foundations of a right future for them. ;our children will ever e
175 Your Quest for Being Better
than)ful to !ou for that. "t is etter than wasting mone! on celerating hi fi B%da!s# holida!s# u!ing e/pensive gifts for them. "nstead of mone!# spend as much time with children as !ou can. 9on%t ape others. 2et them do what the! want ut !ou do what is est for !our famil!. 2et them laugh at !ou now ut# !ou will have the last laugh. *ll of us want our children to do well in life# get into prestigious institutions li)e ""Ts# ""Ms# 9efense academies# "*. or e<uivalent services or professions. * few months or an !ear efore entrance tests# we run to coaching academies# pa!ing heavil!. Compare this last ditch effort# to sa! ten !ears of cumulative productive time use for !our child# ! inculcating good haits right from the childhood ! enforcing time discipline# not wasting time in TV serials# comics# movies# novels# gossiping# la0ing around lethargicall! and man! more attractive# entertaining ut addictive time wastes. *ll interests and food tastes are ac<uired. -o one is orn with particular food taste or interests# which are developed in childhood. ;our mother fed !ou certain t!pes of foods# so !ou li)e them. "n "ndia# people watch cric)et right from the childhood. .o the! li)e to see cric)et. "f !ou were orn in *rgentina or Bra0il# !ou would watch .occer. Changing li)es and disli)es midwa! is difficult# ut doale with effort. &owever# if sound haits are formed right from childhood# it is much etter since !ou have laid a strong foundation for !our child for his future. *stute parenting re<uires alanced handling of the child to form sound haits in the child. 9o not aim at winning popularit! contest in parenting. ;our child%s future is more important. Changes which are vital# must e rought in earl!. "nitiall!# we ma! not li)e ut with enforced time discipline# we will# as ever!one does. "f !ou can instill the hait of proper use of time in !our child# there is no etter gift !ou can give to him. * child is a child# after all. But !ou are grown(up and have seen it all. ;ou )now what is est for him. "nstill good haits which help him in the long run. Teach him to respect time# his and others%. >ncourage him to sta! awa! from TV# novels# social networ)ing# comics or gossiping sessions with friends. "nstead# encourage him to stud!# read self(improvement and life(s)ill oo)s# pla! games# devote time to some sort of social service# which are all health! options. "n !our present mindset# !ou might find these things difficult for !ourself or enforcing !our children to such things which most other children or people are not doing. ;es# the! are# initiall!# definitel!. But if !ou )eep doing the same things# same wa!# results will also e the same. &ence# the need for the changed mindset for the future good of !our child# can never e over(emphasi0ed. $hat is happening in our countr! and societ! are the cumulative effect of !ears of neglect and indiscipline# lac) of character# wherein we have ecome so much used to the eas! wa!s# that an!thing different puts us off. $e want to continue doing things# the wa! we Your Quest for Being Better 176
have een doing. $e want progress and growth ut do not want to sacrifice an!thing or change. +nless we start from the asics# nothing will ever improve. "t ma! ta)e long time ut we have to e patient. There reall! is no alternative to that. $e have to start all over again# which actuall!# we should have done when we ecame independent. $e have to start from the famil!. $e have to change our mindset and enforce discipline to have a new generation with different values# morals and time discipline. 3
RememerB 0ith eve%o!e havi!& o!l% 2= hous slots, wi!!es ae those who $a3e best use of those 2= hous. ,o be a wi!!e, %ou $ust u!"esta!" that ti$e is the $ost pe#ious #o$$o"it% %ou have a!" shoul" !ot be waste" o! $e&a ,V seials, ea"i!& fi#tio! !ovels i! the !a$e of ea"i!& habit, &ossipi!& o letha&%. ,i$e is the esse!#e of life, $a3e $ost po"u#tive use of it, to be i! wi!!e #ate&o%.
************************************************** Every Relationshi& is Rule! "y UN=ERSTAN=IN0, "e it <arria)e, Parentin) or 3rien!shi&. $here ever E'otions are involve!, Un!erstan!in) A&&lies. **************************************************
?=. +tat +$all, E!;o% -i&. I&!oe all s$all thi!&s but e!;o% all s$all pleasues life has to offe. *ll great and ig leaders and other persons of the world# when came out of their mother%s wom and too) their first reath# were small# cr!ing li)e an! other infant. -o one# at that time )new# how ig the! would get# how the! would change the world or how the! would affect millions of other lives. >ven when !ou have to wal) a thousand miles# first step has to e ta)en. >ven for Taj Mahal or 8reat wall of China# first ric) was laid. >ven all ig usinesses of the world !ou see toda!# might have started from a one room shac) or ma! e a garage. .ame wa!# 2ife%s umpteen small pleasures are our Treasures of &appiness# Contentment and 7ulfillment. $hen accumulated# these are igger than an! ig pleasure for which we )eep waiting till eternit! ut it never seems to come or when it does come# it%s alread! too late or our priorities have changed or we have lost interest. &appiness in life should e found along the wa! and not at the end of the road. 2oo) forward to getting up earl! to a eautiful da!# completel! rela/ed and tran<uil after a good night%s sleep. >ver!da! 2ife showers us with umpteen small :leasures# Go!s and &appiness# which we do
177 Your Quest for Being Better
cherish ut do not value. 8etting up a little earl!# going for morning wal) reathing divine fresh air. * cup of tea# afterword# is heavenl!. 7l! high# live large# dream ig ut enjo! ever! small thing !ou feel good aout. Be a tough minded optimist. $hile driving down to office# just halt !our car efore a :edestrian crossing the road or give wa! to an old couple tr!ing to cross the road. .mile and 8reet !our .taff with ,-amaste%# ,Vana))am% or ,ood *orning and see them fortif! !our usiness. $hile dictating letters to !our suppliers and customers# write an e/tra line conve!ing !our special ,1A.7+ and /RA,I,)4E. 8reet !our customers with a smile to ma)e them feel valued and see !our usiness 0oom to glorious heights. >nsure that !ou conve! !our appreciation for their cooperation ' support. 2ong ago# " discovered# the Go! of lots of small small things during a da! journe! from 9elhi to 2udhiana in a .econd Class Railwa! Compartment. Thrill of sitting on a $indow seat in the running train at 3DF AmIhr.# passing lush green fields# small villages# water(odies# telephone and electric poles. Thrills and Go!s !ou never e/perience while traveling ! air. "nside the compartment# children enjo!ing the train ride# pla!ing# fighting# rh!ming and most of all laughing and smiling at smallest prete/t. Go! and pleasure of eating 7ried gram with 2emon and =nions and those delicious roasted peanuts. Most of the fellow travelers appeared to e happ! lot. "t was jo! to watch them enjo!ing the train ride# which is alwa!s missing in air travel where !ou are mostl! surrounded ! morose and serious loo)ing faces. 2ife is full of small :leasures and Go!s which rings us =ceans of &appiness. 1elpi!& othes# gives us jo! which we ma! never feel otherwise. &elp !our child with lessons. &elp a lind person to cross the road or help someone on the road to pic) up fallen things or just hold the door for someone. >/pression of gratitude in recipient%s e!es from these small jos# is !our reward. 2ife%s !word is help. $elp others for our $appiness. %f ou !ant ,od to help ou !hen ou need help, help others !hen the need help. $hen we tal) of jo! of small things# 5o% of &ivi!& is something which one cherishes just li)e helping. This societ! has given us so much. $e can never repa! in full measure. >ven if we repa! in small measures# it would give us lots of Go! and &appiness. Ma)e a principal in life ,ive !hatever ou can !henever ou can. 7ou dont give for others happiness, but for our o!n happiness. >ach small act of )indness and giving# adds to !our self(esteem# uilds self(confidence and ma)es !ou a person of sustance. .urel!# !ou want to live a healthier life# start with small changes. *dd little salad here and there. Gust replace those Vadas# Bondas or ,delicious% :aranthas with "dlis# :ongalI+pma (prepared with little oil# not the usual stuff) or add fruits I vegetales to !our diet. Change !our dietar! haits slowl! ut change all the same. Ta)e stairs instead Your Quest for Being Better 178
of lift# start morning wor)out for thirt! minutes to start with# increase water inta)e graduall!# reduce sweet inta)e or decrease sugar in !our tea or coffee and reduce salt inta)e. $anting to stop smo)ing# or those endless cups of sweetened coffee or aerated drin)s or jun) food inta)e1 Follow ?P Rule. Bring in small changes graduall!. .ame is true of wealth. *ll ig 7ortunes people uilt# were small at one time. "t%s not necessar! that one inherits great wealth. ;ou can create great wealth ! starting to save earl! in life with specific small amounts. *void small wasteful e/penses or e/penses incurred to show off. .top loo)ing others% approval or appreciation. Create !our "nner Values rather than false prestige. >njo! ever! small 8od%s gift. 9o not wait for something ig to happen. >njo! ever! small thing to have a ig cumulative effect in life. Aeep loo)ing for small pleasures# which are there in great aundance. There are man! small things in life which come to us as 8od%s gift. Real enjo!ment in life is not owning and accumulating ig# then leaving ig for !our inheritors to fight over it. To see a smile on a hungr! face# to see !our emplo!ee%s children eing educated with !our help ' support# donate for a cause to see the cause growing and ma)ing so man! people happ!# are the real treasures of life. .ponsor a child%s education and compare his photograph efore and after !our help and enjo! the difference. Most great or ig things as we see them toda! started small and grew slowl!. .elf(Creation# .elf("mprovement or .elf(>mpowerment comes when we ma)e small definite adl! needed ehavioral changes in our life. Bring in attitudinal changes slowl!# graduall! ut surel!. .ince# we do not )now aout life eing short or long# at least start enjo!ing all the da! to da! small things 8od has gifted us with. $e are ver! fond of finding fault with others or ma)ing small needless and harmless comments. -o. .uch unwarranted ,harmless% loo)ing comments harm !ou onl! in the long run ecause ! uttering un)ind words for others# !ou onl! e/pose !our immaturit! and uncaring attitude. =ften# we hear critical remar)s for food we eat at home or during functions as someone%s guest# which are totall! unnecessar! and show us in poor light. This might appear a small matter to !ou ut no# it%s not for the one who has ta)en the troule to coo) the food or organi0e the function. This oo) is aout positivit! which also inspires !ou to ecome a large hearted person. &ence# ignore all small things# said or oserved. 2ife is precious and so is the time. 9o not waste it on small things. "gnore all such things. 9o not complain# do not cri# do not get into cursing hait as !ou see things going wrong. Ta)e an optimistic view and do what !ou can# rather than start cursing# criing or complaining. "n such a large world# things have to go wrong sometimes# which we must accept ut ta)e a positive view and act# not cri. *nd show !ourself ig enough to ignore all small things.
179 Your Quest for Being Better
B! our small acts of genuine goodness# we should create happiness and positivit!# where ever we are present. These are the attitudinal changes needed. -ood! sees !our an) alance or !our financial worth. :eople ma)e estimate of !our true worth ! small gestures of creating and spreading goodwill# happiness and jo! around ! !our small courtesies# civic sense# good manners# consideration for others. ;our success in profession# usiness or jo is mainl! for !ou or famil! to cherish. 7or others# !our small gestures matter more than an!thing else. :eople have short memories and shorter penchant for what !ou achieved. But how !ou ehaved# !our small gestures# acts of )indness and courtesies are rememered for long time. 3
RememerB A!%thi!& s$all, whe! a##u$ulate", be#o$es bi&. You eve%"a% s$all &estues of spea"i!& &oo"!ess a!" happi!ess, $a3e a bi& "iffee!#e to othes, bi&&e to %ou peso!all%. ,ou#h othes lives b% %ou s$all wo"s, &estues, #outes%, &oo"will to #eate hope & wellbei!& fo othes.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 0OO= %I3E? 0OO= %I3E? 0OO= %I3E? 0OO= %I3E? $hen you assu'e nothin), =o 'ore than &ai! for, S'ile 'ore often, =rea' /i), %au)h a lot & realiHe ho /lesse! you are for $hat All .ou 4ave. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
??. 4o %ou alwa%s feel huie", haie", o hassle"> ,% & sta% blissfull% #al$, see!e & #ool fo opti$u$ po"u#tivit% & effi#ie!#%. &ave !ou ever noticed the calm and cool wa!s of mother nature1 "t is so serene and tran<uil out there. +mpteen natural activities are going on all around us# without noise or an! noticeale movement. $e see the results of all such activities ut no activit!# hassle or hurr!# an!where. $e see rivers flowing# vast oceans# huge forests# animal )ingdom ' plant )ingdom with illions of living species# seeds germinating# flowers lossoming# sunrise and sunset# moon# illions of stars# all moving aout in their predicted or projected course# calml! and <uietl!. -othing seems to e happening# ut ever!thing is going on its own# without noise# disturance or movement. &owever# it%s not that nature is never in hurr!. $henever nature is in hurr!# it means storm# c!clone# hurricane# tsunami or some other )ind of devastation. "t all adds to one thing that our ver! nature is calm# cool# serene or tran<uil. But seven illion humans who are living on the planet earth# alwa!s seem to e in hurr!# are hassled and harried. $e do not seem to have time for an!thing or an!od! e/cept Your Quest for Being Better 180
for ourselves. "n spite of a record numer of time and laor saving devices# which were never availale to an! other generation in human histor!# ever!one is in a hurr! and do not have time for an!thing e/cept mone!(ma)ing. -umer of people !ou would come across with potentiall! life threatening ailments# even have ,no time to go to the doctor. $e have no time to thin)# onl! ape ecause aping saves us lots of time. 2eave aside# !e have no time to stand and stare, mostl! we feel totall! isolated and lonel!. 8od has given twent! four hours to ever!one. "f we plan them well# there will e no need to unnecessaril! hurr! and feel hassled. >ver! action initiates from our mind and then# processed through our od! parts. $e can onl! move them a little faster when we tr!. But a well( planned action# can e ver! efficientl! accomplished# if we proceed in an orderl! well(thought(over manner. Most of the time# when we hurr!# wor) ma! not e so well done and results into a shodd! jo. "t might have to e done all over again or mended time and again# causing avoidale waste of time# irritation and anno!ance +nfortunatel!# culture of target(setting# has ta)en it%s toll on societ!. 2ife has ecome totall! target oriented for most of the people. There are targets for ever!thing. Mindset has ta)en root that nothing can e accomplished unless !ou set stiff targets. This mindset has given rise to lots of dishonest!# distrust# l!ing# cheating and man! other negatives. 8overnments also have put targets efore the officers which often result into data fudging# misrepresentation and misinterpretation of facts or actual figures and so man! other unethical practices# which have ecome common ut wa! of life these da!s. * trend# unfortunatel! though# seems to have een set that what matters is the end# not the means which leads to avoidale hurr!# unethical practices and pressure tactics. >nd result of such a hassled and harried mindset# ma)es people burn out fast# and is neither health! for the individual or the societ!. -ear anarch! prevailing on our roads# e/plains est# our osession with hurr!. =ver(speeding# signal jumping# overta)ing from left side# driving on the right side of the road# which is meant for opposite direction traffic# not giving wa! to pedestrians even at 0era crossings# are all too common. "t all happens ecause ever!one seems to e in hurr! to get to their destination in no time. Because of all such things# there is lots of road rage and stress on the roads. :eople simpl! do not seem to care# are impatient and intolerant. 9angerous 0ig0ag driving is rampant. "f !ou ta)e a fraction of second e/tra to move after signal turned green# hon)ing in irritation from ehind can e heard for miles. :oor pedestrians are alwa!s at ris) and get injured or even )illed# simpl! ecause some car driver or motor c!cle rider is in great hurr! to reach destination. "t all results in small and ig s)irmishes and accidents on roads which are ver! much avoidale# if we start well in time# )eeping road and traffic conditions
181 Your Quest for Being Better
in mind. "t never crosses our mind that such )ind of hurr! and hassled driving# onl! puts ourselves at ris) first. 7rom instant coffee to two minute noodles# microwave ovens# to instant clic)s on computers and other gadgets# which give us the desired results instantl!# we want onl! those. $e have ecome intolerant of an!thing which ta)es time. "nstead of ph!sical and mentall! rela/ing long train journe!s# we want to get to our destination at fast pace to travel ! air# stuffed in a close compact o/ filled with artificial air# artificial people and same old TVs with movies and other entertainments online. $e go to a doctor for relief from pain or other ailments# ut want fast acting medicines administered# for instant relief. The doctor# )nowing our ps!cholog!# administers high doses of anti(iotic and other drugs# which might give us immediate relief ut damage our s!stem in some other wa!s. 7ast paced life ma! appear all right for now ut )eeps ta)ing it%s toll on us oth ph!sicall! and mentall!. That toll ma! appear naturall! in due course# ecause nature is in no hurr!. "t is alwa!s calm# cool and ta)es it%s own time. *cidit!# oesit!# diaetes# cardio(vascular diseases# h!pertension and other such life(st!le diseases# are slowl! ta)ing their toll on the health of all those who live in perpetual hurr!. * friend put it ver! appropriatel!. *s per him# we come to this world with a fi/ed <uota of ever!thing. "t is up to us to use it in a hurr! or ta)e !our cool time. Before &urr! ta)e it%s toll on us# let us see what we can do to get out of the ,hurr! trap%# in which we find ourselves trappedB
1. ,hi!3 i!"epe!"e!tl% fo %ouselfI $e deprive ourselves of a rewarding life ecause instead of thin)ing for ourselves independentl!# we ape others lindl! and get into the rat race# e it life st!le# social circle or road. .tart thin)ing for !ourself and do things as per !our conscience or convictions# rather than aping others lindl!. 2. /et up eal%I *out seven hours of sleep is enough for an! health! adult. More than that is la0iness. =ne hour e/tra a da!# would give !ou a head(start dail! and would wor) wonders on cumulative asis. >arl! getting up hait is est formed in childhood. "f !our parents could not put !ou into that# ensure !our children adopt that hait for their right future. :ast has gone ! ut future is in !our hand. Best results can e had onl! when !ou venture out of !our comfort 0one. .o get out of comfort 0one to do things right. :. 4ive i! pea#eI 9epending upon distance# )eep e/tra minutes for traffic snarls# which ma! not e )nown to !ou when !ou start. 9uring driving# sta! calm# cool# with even temperament. Traffic violations can cost !ou heavil!# apart from waste of !our precious time. -ever indulge in road rage# cursing or shouting while driving. $henever !ou seem to e losing cool# stop on the side of the road# Your Quest for Being Better 182
rela/ for few minutes and ta)e few deep reath to get fresh. Temporaril! disconnect !ourself from the driving to get into etter mood. Better still# )eep a photograph of !our famil! in front# loo)ing at which will definitel! help and motivate !ou to remain calm# patient and serene. ->V>R B> "- &+RR; $&"2> =- R=*9. =. 4eep -eathi!&I *part from doing ,:rana!am% or deep reathing ever! morning# do it for few minutes while sitting on !our seat after ever! two(three hours or whenever !ou feel tensed or in undue hurr!. 9eep reathing calms down !our nerves and mind. ?. ,i$e to Rela8I *s a routine# in office or at home# depute some time for simpl! rela/ing !our muscles# close !our e!es and disconnect from the surroundings. Gust stop thin)ing those few minutes. "t might re<uire a little practice ut is ver! important to )eep !ourself in alance and out of hurr! trap or mindset. ;ou ma! also thin) of some pleasant events which will freshen !ou up. @. I&!oe ,a&etsI 8et into a do our best mindset rather than wor)ing for the targets. "nstead# ma)e a principal of doing !our est in ever! circumstance. Motivate !our team to put in their est instead of threatening them with targets# which " find ver! derogator! to human dignit!. =nce !ou put in !our est# !ou can%t do an! etter# target or no target. 9o not wor) onl! for rewards instead li)e what !ou do. A. 1u% o!l% if %ou ae !ot #o!fi"e!tI 2ife must e lived for long term gains# not short term. -ood! is chasing !ou. "t%s !our mind who is controlling ever!thing. *nd mind wor)s est when it is calm# cool# composed and at peace. *n agitated mind# alwa!s in a hurr!# hassled or harried# will e least productive. .ometime# it might appear to e productive ut onl! appearing# definitel! not actuall!. 7ollow the motions of all true leaders on TV# spea)ing in pulic# giving interviews or spea)ing to media. The! will e cool# calm and composed. 7or ever! repl!# the! shall ta)e their own time. The! shall never appear to e in hurr! to repl!. "n fact# ,hurr!%# ,anger%# ,irritation%# ,shouting% are all prerogatives of those leaders who are not confident of themselves and lac) self(elief.
* alanced person with magnetic personalit!# inspires confidence in ever!one around. This is possile onl! when !ou e/hiit calm# cool# unpertured disposition# not someone alwa!s in hurr! and distured disposition e/hiiting lac) of self confidence and elief. These are the wa!s to self(improve and self(empower# sta!ing calm# cool ' patient# full of inner power and intrinsic strength# pa!s !ou ultimatel!. 3 RememerB Life is but o!e /o"9&ive! #ha!#e to %ou. Live life to full pote!tial, !ot i! a hu%. If %ou %ouself ae !ot i! hu%, !o o!e #a! hu% %ou up. +o be #ool, #al$, #o$pose", see!e a!" $a3e it #o$fotable fo othes to be a!" li3e %ou #o$pa!%. 0he! %ou $a3e it #o$fotable fo the$, the% shall $a3e it so fo %ou. -ei!& at Pea#e is a bi& -liss i! Life.
183 Your Quest for Being Better
?@. Co!ve!ie!#e $attes i! life. -ut %ou #o!ve!ie!#e $ust !ot $a3e othes 'i!#o!ve!ie!t. -umerous malls# ig# huge ones# have sprung up in almost ever! cit! these da!s. The! have rought us lots of convenience# as one can find almost ever!thing under one roof. $ith such opulence# in ultra( modern air conditioned comfort# !ou can shop# see movies or eat !our heart out. >ntire famil! can spend an evening or even whole da!# window shopping or eating at the food courts offering diverse cuisines. .ince crores have een spent on dScor and interiors in these malls# one can u! international rands and e seen in the compan! of up!ardl mobile. But in this increasing trend of shopping malls# has it ever occurred to !ou# what happened to the provision store that had een serving !ou earlier for generations1 =r the near! fruit and vegetale vendor# who we find so inconvenient to visit nowada!s and at times costl!. *t one of such vegetale super mar)ets# " can alwa!s find couples# most well dressed and loaded with mone!# u!ing their wee)l! re<uirement of vegetales and fruits. The shop )eeper provides small pol!thene ags free to put each item separatel!. *t the end# ever!thing is put in one# two or three large pol!thene ags. -o one seem to care that these pol!thene ags are so harmful for us and the environment# and their accumulated cost of our penchant for convenience# will have to e orne ! our children# ma! e ten or twent! !ears from now. $e ma! u! social appreciation ! celerating theme irthda! parties for our tin! tots or u! the est of education for them# ut what aout the environment in which the! would live1 The thought never occurs to us ecause convenience factor ' present lifest!le gains precedence over our children%s future. $e tr! and emulate ever!thing the west has given us. Burgers# :i00as# dresses# cars# lifest!le gadgets# almost ever!thing we can# we do. $hat aout their >T&"C.# M=R*2.# V*2+> .;.T>M# sense of 9+T; and C=MM"TM>-T ' 9".C":2"->1 =ur roads have ecome a virtual monopol! of two and four wheelers with var!ing degrees of noise and pollution. :edestrians# have# virtuall! een driven off the roads. >ven on 0era crossings# with all t!pes of vehicles 0ooming past and mostl! ignoring traffic signals# pedestrians find it difficult to cross the road unless a traffic cop is present. *t times# it is a pathetic sight to see old people or couples with small children# waiting to cross the road ut unale to do so# due to lac) sense of consideration for the pedestrians in drivers. Tr! that in a western countr! or even in 9uai. Gail will e the destination for such rash# negligent ' inconsiderate drivers. $e are a ig countr!# more than a illion people comprising of individuals li)e !ou and me. $e all have to live together. $e all need little attitudinal changes. 2et%s not e slave to the conveniences# Your Quest for Being Better 184
technolog! has rought us. 2et%s e fair to our own children ! leaving health! environment for them when the! grow up. 2et%s use nature%s resources and ounties more sparingl! as our children also have right over these who will need them in future. "n the end# " would sa!# do go to Malls ut do not forget !our corner store or vegetale vendor. The! also have a famil! to support. "f at all# use minimal numers of :ol!thene ags an!where# ecause it is our responsiilit! to hand over a health! world to our children. >njo! !our evening an!where in the cit!# ut e little inconvenient to throw the waste in the ins onl!. "t is our responsiilit! too to )eep the cit! as clean as our own house. *nd when !ou are on the road ne/t# driving !our eloved car or i)e# just appl! ra)e to give wa! to the old couple or the famil! with small children# tr!ing to cross the road. " can assure !ou# t this small inconvenience shall ma)e !ou immensel! happ! and loo) graceful. 3
RememerB 0e all have to live toðe i! this wol". Eve! whe! we ae loa"e" with $o!e% a!" fi!a!#ial #lout to bu% a!%thi!& we li3e, we have #etai! espo!sibilities towa"s the so#iet%, towa"s those !ot bo! as lu#3% a!" towa"s ou futue &e!eatio!s. It is ou hu$a!e espo!sibilit% to be #o$passio!ate, 3i!" a!" #o!si"eate towa"s ou fellow #itiFe!s. Let ou #hil"e! !eve feel o sa% Qwhat 3i!" of wol" %ou left fo us> Is this what %ou &ot fo$ %ou pae!ts>J
************************************************** 3oot&rints on the san!s of Ti'e, are not 'a!e "y sittin) an! ho&in). Ta(e A#tion. ACTION is the essen#e of life. ACT ithout any thou)ht of rear!. **************************************************
?A. I! Life, !othi!& tou#hes %ou $oe tha! FREE4(6 fo$ 4epe!"e!#% o! othes. Yes, t% to be +ELF9RELIA.,. Apna $aath @agannath. * common sa!ing in &indi which means ,4o things !ith our o!n hand, its like hand of ,od. >ither !ou should e ale to do things !ourself or get things done. But don%t e dependent on others for !our jos# small or ig. $hen !ou can neither do it !ourself nor get things done# !ou are depending on others. "t%s li)e slaver!. *nd when !ou live li)e a slave# !ou can never e free or trul! independent.
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Mindset training for self(reliance must start earl! in life. "t does not mean that !ou should do ever! chore !ourself ut should )now or if the need arises# !ou should e ale to do it !ourself or get it done# without having to depend on others. =nl! then !ou are reall! free or can enjo! the taste of freedom in life. "n offices# we have different people to do different jos. Things can e managed without much prolem if the teamwor) and coordination etween the staff memers is good. But mainl! this lesson is aout the self(reliance at home or in life in general# for women and men ali)e. "f !ou are a mother and have daughters# it is !our dut! first to see to it that !our daughters# when the! grow up# will e self(reliant or can lead an independent life. -ot onl! for !our own daughter# in close relatives or friends where !ou have influence# see to it that the famil!%s goal is that all female children# would e self(reliant when the! grow up. "f !ou have a maid or maids wor)ing for !ou# it is !our social responsiilit! to see and ensure that the! educate their girl child. >ducation is# ! and large# the single means to e self(reliant# hence# it%s ultra importance in life. $hat has impelled me to write a separate full(fledged lesson on self( reliance# is ecause since m! childhood# " have seen man! women with small children# leading a miserale e/istence# ecause of earl! widowhood or men leaving the famil! or for man! other such reasons. Though a child at that time# " can clearl! recall those scenes of miser! and helplessness in the e!es of women# with no one to support or ta)ing responsiilit! for the poor famil! of two or three. 9uring those da!s# women# mostl! were uneducated and totall! dependent on men for their or famil!%s sustenance. .uch miseries and indignities e/isted not onl! in financiall! wee) families# ut also in man! well to do families# where even close relatives# at times# tried to ta)e advantage of the helplessness of the women and daughters ali)e. "n spite of our societ!%s ostentatious progress and growth in man! fields# original mindset has not changed or even has ecome worse# ecause greed and hunger for eas! mone! has increased manifold with unlimited e/pectations# old values have gone for a toss and so have the morals# values# ethics and propriet!. *ll aove# entails us to ta)e cautionar! and preparator! measures when we can. .elf(reliant mindset must egin from the child%s earl! age so that ! the time the child grows up# she is confident of herself# eing ale to meet the challenges s<uarel!. "t is the dut! of oth parents speciall! the mother# to prepare the children speciall! the girl child for facing such eventualities in life courageousl!# which is possile onl! through proper ph!sical and mind training. "nfants and aies have that capacit! to learn to e independent and self reliant as the! grow. "t is through these in(uilt <ualities# hait of persistence and toughness# that the! learn so man! new things as the! grow. Your Quest for Being Better 186
-othing wor)s etter with a child than encouragement# appreciation and love. -o differentiation or special treatment or preference should e there etween male and female child. "f !ou have to e tough and no non(sense t!pe with the child# e that wa! ecause ultimatel! such toughness not soft handling# will enefit the child. "nstill all the good haits in the child# which will help her later in life. " love m! arm! training more than ever now# half centur! later when " find m!self in the hait of doing m! e/ercise regularl!# can fluentl! converse and write in >nglish# can pulic(spea) and am ale to handle various difficult situations and adversities in life in much etter and dignified manner. .uch )ind of training# discipline and character# courage must e in(uilt when children are growing up in the famil!. Concept of women for home and men for outside# is more or less outdated and osolete. "f situation demands# oth should e ale to e/change duties and responsiilities with ease. $omen should e ale to hold the jo and should e ver! well conversant with all the financial and propert! matters. Most of all# she should e mentall! and ps!chologicall! prepared for such an e/change. :rincipal that !hen prepared, !e face ever situation better# come into force here emphaticall!. 8ood times are best times to prepare to meet the challenges of bad times which can come unannounced# an! time. ;ou meet them est onl! if !ou are mentall! and emotionall! prepared. .o alwa!s e well(prepared to meet an! eventualit! in life. *s for men# the! should e ver! much adept at handling children# managing the home# coo)ing# handling medical prolems and other home affairs. >ven if there ma! appear no need of facing such a situation when the going is good# men must learn to do all such chores# just in case. >ven otherwise# wife might have to go out and leave the children and house in the care of husand. "n man! cases# " have seen pathetic households in the asence of the lad! of the house# husands not eing ale to manage efficientl!. $ith the trend of nuclear families getting a firm hold# men )nowing how to manage the house in the asence of the lad!# has ecome all the more necessar!. .ervants also wor) well when the! )now the master )nows his jo. Most important of all household jos is coo)ing for the famil!. +nfortunatel!# most men and few women do not )now where the )itchen is# since ever!thing is ta)en care of in such households ! maids or servants. * deplorale situation it is# when !ou leave the most important aspect of !our life in the hands of servants. $hen !ou ta)e coo)ed food !ou should )now how to coo)# as simple as that. >ven when servants do the coo)ing# the! must do it under !our supervision# guidance and direction. Being ale to coo)# when occasion demands# for men or routinel! for the famil! for women# should e a great pleasure# not unpleasant and avoidale necessit!. Because of this# " have felt the need of a separate lesson on coo)ing. $hether men or women# if !ou are not adept at this interesting# important and life(sustaining art# !ou are missing great satisfaction and jo! in life.
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-ot onl! husand and wife ut even children should e well(trained in home responsiilities. * wholesome life can e led ! a self(reliant person onl!. *part from the aove# emotional self reliance is ver! much necessar!. There ma! e man! facets of the term ;motional self reliance of which loneliness is part of life. "n man! families# after the children move out# parents are left to fend for themselves in old age. 9eath is ever uncertain# more so in old age# when either one partner is left to fend for himself or herself. "f !ou have een practicing self(reliance# anticipating it# well(prepared for it ph!sicall!# mentall! and emotionall!# !ou will e much etter off. But if !ou have een li)e that pigeon who closes its e!es to avoid certain death or might have een thin)ing it !ont happen to me# when a cat is aout to pounce on it# onl! 8od might ta)e care of !ou. -ormall! 8od helps onl! those who help themselves. "n this conte/t# if !ou are well prepared to meet life%s challenges and adversities# !ou face life courageousl!. Read various lessons in this oo) and instill them. 7irst and foremost# no financial worries for !ou or spouseC ;ou have made all the arrangements. ;ou are living in !our own house which must remain in !our or spouse%s name till oth of !ou die# willed as per !our desire. &ave enough interests or should have created and nurtured enough relationships. ;ou have een ta)ing good care of !our health ! ade<uate food and e/ercise regime. Ta)e good care of !our loneliness ! remaining sociall! involved or active. There will e man! people in !our area who need !our help. Aeep thin)ing what !ou can do for them. >ven at this old age# remain a giver, not taker. Create goodwill and friendship which pa!s oth in short and long run. >nsure that worst of all things# the self-pit remains miles awa! from !ou. -ever let it come near !ou. "n life# there is nothing more sinister than self(pit!. "n fact# one should e ale to enjo! eing single or lonel!. /irst absolute necessit for !omen is that the! should not e vulnerale and ta)e all securit! precautions. -ever ta)e a chance on !our securit! whether at home or outside. 9oors of the house must e perfectl! secured and should e opened onl! when !ou are sure for whom !ou are opening the door. -ever compromise on securit! in life. $hen outside# mode of transport must e hired or ta)en with great caution. <e proactive on savings to bu a vehicle for ourself. 2ot can e accomplished when !ou can move independentl!. "f !ou own and drive a car# nothing li)e that. .ame is true for learning some martial art# just in case. *lwa!s avoid lonel! or dar) places. Maids or servants must e chosen with care. -ever )eep e/tra cash or jewelr! at home. >go# false prestige or misplaced sense of self(importance are ig impediment where self(reliance is concerned. 9o awa! with them. Tr! to e an easil! accessile person. >ven when single# sta! well connected developing meaningful relationships all around which will Your Quest for Being Better 188
generate intrinsic feeling of empowerment and well eing within !ou. $ell()nown and well(connected people are considered self(reliant and more dependale. Maintain !our 8od connection or spiritualit! through pra!ers. Tr! to e part of a spiritual group or religious congregation# which helps !ou )nowing man! li)e(minded people of different age# income# attitude and viewpoints# apart from giving !ou a sense of securit! and elonging. *mong those !ou meet there# !ou will also find friends in whom !ou can confide and can e emotionall! dependent# if and when needed. Concept of demarcated responsiilities in the households is over. >ven in =l!mpics or an! other game# there are same competitions oth for ,men% and ,women%. &ence# just thin) aout it. $h! should we have for men onl and for !omen onl concept at home. .ince oth are meant to e a team# the! should e adept at doing ever!thing. "n a self(reliant household# oth men and women should e ale to ta)e over each other%s duties and responsiilities whenever the need arises. .elf(reliance does not mean that one should e isolated or remain content within himself or self centered. .elf(reliance means !ou are complete person and whenever need arises# can e entrusted an! jo and responsiilit!. .elf(reliance gives !ou a ps!chological high# adds to !our high self(esteem# self confidence# self elief and diligence. Because of these <ualities# all great leaders of the world# went through their own paths# howsoever difficult or impossile the! might have appeared at the eginning. The! ultimatel! won their attles. "n our middle class households# often# " feel affled to see our total dependenc! on maids and servants. $e must reali0e that the! are there to ma)e our life comfortale# not to rule over it. Moreover# the! have their own families and households to run# children to loo) after. .o# for mutual co(e/istence and welleing# we have to e s!mpathetic towards their needs also and e self(reliant whenever we need to. $henever the! want leave or have some household duties to perform# we must ecome self(reliant and should e ale to do temporaril! without their services# instead of criing all the time aout their unreliailit! etc. Rememer the punch line !e all have to live #(,;#$;) in this !orld. Wh not make it a better place. 7or the current generation# self(reliance also means that oth men and women must e proficient in computers and internet. Children# as soon as the! join school# must e made to wor) on computers or use them# so that the! can use this most important medium to elevate them# their )nowledge and e totall! self(reliant and independent. $ithout dout# proficienc! in computers# are the most vital lin) for growth these da!s and learning ever!thing aout them# must e a priorit! for ever!one. .elf(reliance also does not mean that !ou should never ta)e an!one%s help. -o# it does not mean that. -ever hesitate to ta)e someone%s help. >liminate ego first. &elp is alwa!s reciprocal. $hen !ou as) for help# it implies that when the other person needs an! help#
189 Your Quest for Being Better
!ou will go all out to provide it to him. >/tending and see)ing others% help# is ver! important step towards self(reliance# ecause self( reliance is doing things or getting them done for which there is no need to feel sh! of ta)ing others% help. 2ife is est lived simpl! which implies that !ou should alwa!s loo) for self(reliance and independence from others% influence# which also means that men(women relationship is est accomplished as a team# in which oth partners are ale to ta)e over each other%s duties and responsiilities with ease. :s!chological feel of self(reliance is# indeed# the ac)one of happiness# jo!# viranc! and confidence in an! individual# famil! or societ!. 3
RememerB +elf9elia!#e is the wat#hwo" fo a viba!t a!" ewa"i!& life. +elf9elia!#e e!ha!#es %ou self #o!fi"e!#e, elevates %ou a!" sta!"s %ou out wheeve %ou ae. I! the pese!t wol", with i!hee!t labo shota&es, self9elia!#e is !ot a! optio! but a !e#essit% fo a!% su##essful i!"ivi"ual o fa$il%. 0e all wa!t to be espe#te", fou!"atio! fo whi#h is the self9espe#t we have fo ouselves. -ut espe#t a!" self9 espe#t, both #o$e fo$ self9elia!#e. )!less %ou ae self9 elia!t, %ou will la#3 both self9#o!fi"e!#e a!" self9espe#t.
**************************************************************** T4E Pri#e of %ea!ershi& is Res&onsi"ility an! the &art of Res&onsi"ility is to Stay Positive hether you feel li(e it or not. ****************************************************************
?B. 1eave! o 1ellE -oth ae hee. Ceate %ou ow! 1EAVE. withi!. Right from childhood# our mind is conditioned to thin) of &eaven or &ell as good and bad places somewhere in the universe or e!ond. &eaven is supposed to e up there somewhere in the s)!# where !ou live in the compan! of 8ods# eautiful winged women (called ,apsaras%# ,huurs%# ,angels% or ,fairies%)# all the good saintl! people for compan! with plent! of goodies to enjo!. =n the other hand# &ell is supposed to e somewhere in those dar) alle!s deep inside the earth# where all the ad things happen# tough punishments are given (li)e throwing one in oiling hot oil or mercilessl! eaten ! ig ullies etc.) and where one is supposed to live mostl! on starvation diet. :resumption is that while living !our life# if !ou do good deeds# heaven will e !our lissful aode after death# while if !ou do ad deeds# hell is waiting for !ou. -o wonder# umpteen imaginar! stories aout life there# up aove or down there# are in endless circulation. Your Quest for Being Better 190
"ncidentall!# scientists from across the world have sent human eings or cameras far into the outer space or through sumarines# into the deep seas or have dug deep inside the earth ut have found no evidence of an!thing resemling perceived e/istence of heaven or hell as descried aove. .ince all such things are imaginar! or hearsa!# we cannot find an! evidence of their e/istence. But# oth# heaven or hell# are ver! much there# right here within us# in our hearts and minds. $e can alwa!s feel them# create them and live in the resultant liss called heaven or frightening painful life called hell. Both are of our own ma)ing and within our reach. $hen !ou anal!0e life# !ou will find that two parameters affect our lives. =uter and "nner parametersC =uter parameters are our ph!sical appearance# clothes we wear# mone! or wealth we have accumulated or materialistic things we own or status compared to others. "n fact# all those things which ma)e our life comfortale# filled with worldl! pleasures# what we call enjo!ments# are all visile. =ne can alwa!s see rich people doing whatever the! can to loo) etter# attired in e/pensive st!lish clothes# owning large houses filled to the rim with e/pensive gadgets in high(end locales# riding in swan)! e/pensive cars and holida!ing in e/otic places etc. etc. $hatever one aspires for in life# the! seem to possess. The! are alwa!s flush with mone!. .ome of them inherit it# while others have made it. The! are mostl! vociferous# ostentatious# <uite often crude# undignified and impatient# wanting to e seen where ever it matters. -ow let%s e/amine the other parameter which is our inner(self. This parameter is conspicuous ! its invisiilit!. "t cannot e seen ut onl! felt. This is the eautiful# happ! peaceful inner part full of serenit!# contentment# fulfillment and satisfaction. These have invisile positive influence in our lives in the shape of e/pressions of love# jo!# happiness# patience# )indness# compassion# generosit!# friendship and forming meaningful relationships generating serenit! and tran<uilit! in our lives. $hen our inner core is filled with these positive virtues# the! repulse all negativit! and generate e/hilaration which# though not visile# gives us a great high in life# ma)es it more purposeful# a true realit! to e cherished. $hen we loo) casuall!# on the surface# we might e convinced that outer parameters have more influence on our life. The! do ut mostl! negative. :eople who are predominantl! influenced ! outer parameters# tend to e egoistic# arrogant# selfish# self(centered# greed!# jealous and envious. The! ma! e rich ut are ver! possessive aout things and least generous with the wealth the! have. "n heart of heart# the! remain in the illusion that the! shall e ale to carr! ever!thing with them ut since during their entire lifetime# the! never got into the hait of giving# the! cannot give even at this late stage. The! remain sting! as earlier. "n spite of all their wealth and possessions# the! remain miseral! poor at heart.
191 Your Quest for Being Better
*ove description of outer and inner parameters would positivel! have e/ceptions ut is good enough generall! and mostl!. Ver! few amongst the aove two# will fit in somewhere in etween. 8enerall! it is either wa!. >ither a person has a ver! strong outer parameter or e<uall! strong inner parameter. "t is difficult for outer and inner to live together harmoniousl! in the same person. :ersons with predominantl! outer parameters are man! times more in numers compared to persons with predominant inner parameters. -ow# coming to the main suject of this lesson i.e. creating our o!n heaven !ithinA Though there is no evidence of heaven or hell ph!sicall! present somewhere# ut it is possile to create !our own heaven within us ! instilling the choices and <ualities recommended in this oo). "n heaven# peace and happiness will e there which can e generated ! our innate goodness. Being generous# )ind and helpful ma)es us happ!# jo!ous and satisfied. "t is when we spread love and goodness around# oth these reound. To love and e loved is the greatest happiness of e/istence. 2ife is full of ,Contradictions%. 8ood ' Bad# 2ove ' &ate# :ositive ' -egative# .uccess ' 7ailure# &ope ' 9espair# Virant ' 2ethargic are all part of life# same wa! as &eaven and &ell are. *ll these are our own creation# within the same mind. 7or hell# commonl! used word is miseries. ;es# we ma)e our life miserale or hellish ! emracing negatives# ! reacting angril! instead of responding calml! with grace and dignit!. $e give(in to negativit! easil!# instead of standing upright and steadfast for positivit!. Remain calm# cool# serene# whatever the provocation. ;ou have little control over what is happening ut have total control over !our response or reaction. 2ord Arishna# in 8ita# sa!s that 1ukham ($appiness) is ling !ithin us. .imilarl!# Bile also sa!s the same thing in other words that kingdom of heaven is !ithin us. >ven a small act of )indness# altruism# giving# sharing# empath! ta)es us towards our goal of happiness creating heaven and peace within us. $hat we need to do is to get out of self created comfort 0ones# never letting them hamper our growth oth materiall! and spirituall!# since we need to grow on oth parameters. 9o not ever get used to limiting options since there is unlimited scope# oth for happiness and heavenliness in life. " would li)e to relate an imaginar! stor! aout hell and heaven# here. Both heaven and hell have the same entr! point. * person# after death on earth# reached there at the gates ut the lord# after seeing his records# told him that it was ! mista)e# he died since it was someone else%s turn. &ence# he will have to go ac) to earth. &e re<uested to the lord that efore returning to earth# would it e possile to see hell and heaven# since people on earth are ver! curious aout them and would positivel! as) him what " saw here. &is wish was granted and a guard too) him to a huge hall. &e was made to stand on the alcon! of a huge dining hall# which was divided in the Your Quest for Being Better 192
middle ! dar) glass so that nothing was visile from the other side. =n oth sides# all )ind of delicious foods were laid on the tales. This wronged man from earth was confused# as there appeared no difference etween hell and heaven. $hen he pointed it out to the guard# he was told to wait# since it was not lunch time !et. .uddenl! gates of oth hell and heaven were opened. &e saw people entering oth the halls. :eople entering the left side hall which was heaven# were health!# well(fed# laughing and well()ept# while on the right side which was hell# people appeared ill(fed# unhealth! with morose and sad faces. =n the hell side# virtual hell ro)e loose as people entered. >ver!one was tr!ing to feed himself# snatching and looting things from each other. There was fighting all around and in the commotion# no one was ale to eat. "n no time# there was chaos all around and tales which were so well laid earlier# had food splattered all over# glasses and plates ro)en in the melee. The atmosphere there was virtual hell. *llotted half an hour for lunch# soon passed in fighting and people were as)ed to vacate the premises# most of them without eating. -o wonder people were ill(fed and gloom!. But in the adjacent hall# things were ama0ingl! different and orderl!. *ll of them waited till ever!one sat down. Then onl! the! started eating together offering each other# laughing and jo)ing# having swell of a time. B! giving# sharing and helping each other# the! created heavenl! atmosphere. "n half an hour# ever!one enjo!ed heavenl! food# onhomie and friendship# e/changing jo)es and pleasantries. -o food was wasted or spilled. -o wonder# ever!one was health!# friendl!# enjo!ing each others% compan!. .uch stories# of course# are imaginar! ut the essence# lessons we should learn# are real. .ame person lives in hell when he is selfish# greed!# uncaring# not wanting to share# accumulates and monopoli0es wealth. &e lives in hell when he thin)s that with that wealth he can u! all the lu/uries# pleasures and good life for himself or his immediate famil! at the most. &e loo)s the other wa!# when he sees hungr! desolate homeless and hopeless people searching for food in trash containers l!ing on road. &e onl! thin)s of selfish interest# never of general good. &ell is created when one cares more aout his outer entities# ignoring inner values. =n the other hand# heaven is created inside through )indness# compassion# altruism# sharing# giving# helping and love. ;ou ecome a magnetic and pleasant personalit! to attract others. ;ou are loved and trusted ! all whom !ou meet. ;ou do things individuall! ut for collective good. ;ou reflect goodness# grace and dignit! while living in heaven. =ne does not have to wait till death to go to heaven which can e created within with the right sharing and caring attitude. 8ive ecause !ou must# help ecause !ou want to# share ecause !ou love to. =ur motive ehind all these must e pure# sincere and unselfish. $hen we give to charit!# our oject should not e self( aggrandi0ement or self(promotion. =ject should e pure and simple#
193 Your Quest for Being Better
sharing# giving and helping generousl!. $hen we share happiness with others# happiness multiplies manifold. $hen we are innatel! good and spread goodness# we find ultimate peace and presence of 8od within us which in essence# is heaven. "n fact# heaven or hell are creation of !our own mind as Milton said in ,.aradise :ost, 9#he mind is its o!n place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell or hell of heaven2. 3
RememerB 1eave! o 1ell is all i! ou thi!3i!&. 0he! we "o &oo", we feel &oo". 0e #eate heave! withi! us. 1eave! #a!!ot be #eate" b% $ateial ob;e#ts a!" wealth. 1eave! is the feel &oo" fa#to we &e!eate withi! us b% "oi!& &oo", b% bei!& &oo", b% helpi!& othes, b% willi!&l% shai!& whateve we have, with othes. 1eave! is that feeli!& of #o!te!t$e!t we &e!eate withi! us, whe! we shu! &ee" a!" #o$paiso! with othes, have !o e8pe#tatio!s fo$ othes. 1eave! is the feel of #o!te!t$e!t, whe! eve! i! a positio! to bu% all lu8uies a!" #o$fots, %ou sa% '!o. You sea#h fo heave! e!"s withi! %ou.
************************************************** PRA.ER? Prayer is not so'ethin) that is !one to as(. Prayer is to T4AN> hat has "een )iven to us to feel the 0ratitu!e in the heart for every 'o'ent of livin). Prayer #reates our a'"ien#e for a"un!an#e. ************************************************** ?C. PER+ERVERA.CE is the "iffee!#e betwee! +u##ess & Failue. 7eep ,RYI./ & You will be +u##essful. Best e/ample of perseverance# " can thin) of# is ;=+. .urprisedC. ;es# !ou# as a childC *s !ou came out of !our mother%s wom# !ou onl! )new one thing# cr!ing. >ver!thing else !ou learnt as !ou grew. 7ew things came eas!# others with difficult!. 9ifficulties were made eas!# ecause of one factor# which is :>R.>RV>R*-C>. :rinciple !ou applied was %f, at first % dont succeed, tr, tr again. ;ou never too) ,no% for an answer. "rrespective of how difficult it might have appeared or felt initiall!# !ou never gave up. The result was# what !ou found difficult initiall!# with constant repeated efforts# it ecame eas!. $orld histor! is replete with e/amples# where men in an! sphere of activit! or vocation# )ept pursuing their goal till it was achieved. .erseverance is the common word used for pursuing the goal endlessl!# till it is achieved. *n! leader in an! field# could not ecome what he ultimatel! ecame# unless he relentlessl! pursued his goal Your Quest for Being Better 194
through perseverance. Be it a mountaineer# a jo see)er# a leader in an! field# a scientist# a professional# who might have to have different talents and <ualities to achieve their ultimate aim. But unless the person is in the hait of perseverance# success would alwa!s remain out of reach for him. ,:erseverance%# this all important <ualit!# can e defined as# to keep persisting, keep doing !hat can be and must be done, to!ards the realiCation of a !orth goal, in spite of the obstacles, difficulties, problems, pitfalls, short-comings, frustrations. :erseverance is the inner voice which )eeps pushing us# inspiring and motivating us towards our ojectives. "t )eeps sa!ing in our ears# ?keep tring, +ust once more, its not far, !hen ou have done so much !h not a little more and ou !ill be there, one is defeated onl !hen one accepts defeat and ou !ill not accept defeat, its +ust round the corner2 etc. etc. Most of world%s great achievers and leaders# accomplished those feats against insurmountale odds when the! )ept pursuing their goals when situation seemed totall! hopeless. .ince# the! did not give up and )ept persevering# the! succeeded. Abaha$ Li!#ol!, from childhood# was a great dreamer. &e dreamt of sitting in the chair of .resident of America one da!. But as he was growing up# he saw great loodshed going on in *merican Civil $ar. &e wanted to end the civil war# if he ecame :resident of *merica. $hat a wishful thin)ing for the son of a coler. There was nothing spectacular in his ac)ground to suggest that an ordinar! person li)e him# can ever achieve what he desired and set himself to achieve# >ven a so called ordinar! person can dream ig# dreaming of *merican :resident(ship and ending the civil war. 7or that he does not need pedigree ut roc)(li)e determination and self(elief to achieve what he set himself to achive. A-RA1A6 LI.C(L.I shot esu$e of his life:
,eat% o9 %is mot%er, sister and s:eet%eart, during c%ild%ood. ,eat% o9 /%ree o9 %is young sons. ,e9eated in election 9or state legislature in 18D2. 19ter deat% o9 %is business !artner, %is business 9ailed and %e %ad to !ay o99 a large debt. ,e9eated as a candidate 9or Congress in 184D. 1gain de9eated in 1844 9or t%e same !ost. ,e9eated again as a candidate 9or t%e Senate in 18EE. 5n 18EF, de9eated as a #iceA!residential candidate. 1gain in 18E8, de9eated 9or t%e Senate seat.
.ut 6O* 1$E"5C1* 4"ES5,E*/S054 5* 18F1. 1e was assassi!ate" i! 1B@?.
To ecome *merican :resident# the "st citi0en of the world# !ou need this )ind of :>R.>V>R*-C>. .uch persons also get divine help# as
195 Your Quest for Being Better
*raham 2incoln used to sa! <6it%out 0is %el!, 5 cannot succeed. 6it% 0is %el!, 5 cannot 9ail=. "t was this roc)(li)e )ind of faith in 8od# which )ept them moving during those dar) hopeless times# when an! ,normal% human eing would have called it <uits. Rememer 9Winners dont -uit and -uitters dont !in2. Ta)e the e/amples of 6ahat$a /a!"hi, .elso! 6a!"ela, 6ati! Luthe 7i!&, +wa$i Vive3a!a!"a and man! other true leaders in histor!# who pursued their goals relentlessl!# in spite of insurmountale odds# when there seemed no possiilit!# hope or chance of their achieving whatever the! had set off to achieve. The! were never toppers in school. *s 0i!sto! Chu#hill, 8reat Britain%s war time :rime Minister# used to sa! 9=ever ,ive %n. =ever, =ever, =ever2. 2ogic is ovious. $hen !ou don%t give in# ultimatel! !ou will succeed# if !ou )eep persevering or never accepting defeat# since !ou are defeated onl! when !ou accept defeat. ,ho$as Alva E"iso!, who invented light ul# started his career as a railroad newso!. 2ater# at fifteen !ears# he too) a jo as telegraph operator. &e dreamt of ma)ing a light ul and performed aout t!o thousand e8periments and filed over one thousand patents ! the time he was fift!. =ne failed attempt after another# he )ept tr!ing unceasingl!# never accepting ,no% for an answer. "magine what he would have gone through during his ,tr!ing% times. 9uring those tr!ing times# it is not !our formal academic education# which is of much help. Both 2incoln and >dison# li)e man! greats of histor!# had ver! little schooling. Most leaders have little formal education. But facing difficult situations and overcoming failures# was a wa! of life with all of them. The! alwa!s too) recourse to alternatives. "f not this# then thatC *nd the! .+CC>>>9>9. The! alwa!s circumvent the failures to find a wa!. "f there were thousand wa!s of not doing a thing# )eep tr!ing and ultimatel! found one wa! which did wor). $abit to keep tring or perseverance is est instilled in childhood. $e must inculcate in our children# virtues li)e patience, tolerance, self control, fle8ibilit, sincerit, determination, commitment and discipline. "t is up to !ou to teach !our children earl! aout# how enduring success can e achieved through perseverance. &owever# for perseverance# we must develop the ailit! to endure hardships# disappointments# frustrations. .uch a preparation# oth mental and ph!sical# is est done from childhood. ;ou have to develop those inner <ualities# the resilience# the toughness. "t is when !ou have learnt to get out of !our comfort 0ones earl! in life. -ever let !our comfort 0ones e !our limitations. =ur mind is our own iggest limitation. "n life# !ou have to give something to get something. "f !ou have a urning desire to come up# sacrifices have to e made. ;ou cannot have something for nothing. .uccess and sacrifices alwa!s go hand in hand in which case perseverance ecomes a wa! of life. Your Quest for Being Better 196
1uccess is a +ourne, not a destination, which means that since journe! is a continuing process# !ou have to e persistent with !our effort to succeed. 7or success# !ou have to e wor)ing relentlessl! hard# totall! committed and dedicated. "t%s never sa! die situation# wherein the! never rest till goal is achieved. :erseverance is their inner mode which )eeps them propelling towards their goals. The! are generall! the leaders who are made of sterner stuff. The! are winners who never <uit. The! are never tempted ! letharg! or procrastination. Tas)# once ta)en in hand ! them# is never left undone or half done. The! have the )ind of self(discipline and ailit! to endure the hardships# ridicule# temporar! defeats and discouraging words. Both mental and ph!sical toughness is re<uired along with the will(power and temerit! of never giving up# never <uitting# alwa!s chasing coveted goals. *lwa!s e/pect down(falls# temporar! defeats# hic)(ups# ostructions# une/pected prolems# uncompromising and uncooperative people in life. ;ou ma! e disappointed ut never e frustrated# which might lead to depression# a worst scenario. These are all part of life. Real success is to accept them and ride over or circumvent them. That%s how !ou will improve. =ur rational mind is <uite fragile and ma! e ta)en over temporaril! ! such road loc)s. "t is through the hait of perseverance# !ou must overcome all such negatives. Things ta)e time. 2et them. *s long as !ou are on course# !ou will e successful and reach !our destination through perseverance. -ever giving up is the onl! option in life. -egative emotions# unfulfilled desires# restlessness caused ! dela!s should e ta)en as part of life. Repeating the same process again and again# understandal!# might e <uite oring ut never let them dictate. ;ou are the one who is in(charge of !our life# never let it e ruled ! others# situations or circumstances. Gust as a child# for ever! tas)# child ma! tr! and fail# ut since he )eeps tr!ing# ultimatel!# child succeeds# alwa!s and ever! time. ;ou fail onl! when# !ou finall!# give up. *s long as# !ou )eep tr!ing# persevering# !ou will alwa!s# ultimatel!# succeed. -ever have an! dout aout it. 7or perseverance# it%s the ,karma or action# !ou must enjo!. "f !ou are concerned onl! with reward# !ou will get dejected in no time. Concentrate on karma or action through perseverance. 7or enduring success# !ou have to endure. Most of the present da! success stories# are a lesson in perseverance# never giving up# enjo!ing what !ou are doing# even repeatedl!# the same thing. :erseverance is virtue which never fails# alwa!s loo)s us up. 7or eing successful or winner in life# !ou have to have endless urning fire inside# which )eeps !ou moving# prodding and thrusting forward towards !our unreali0ed goals. "t might appear to e ta)ing shape slowl! ut surel! it is shaping well# when !ou are persistent in !our efforts. >ven when the road to success is arduous and long# the!
197 Your Quest for Being Better
are alwa!s in pursuing mode. $ith un(daunted 0eal and stamina# the! inch towards their goals# never giving up. Most of the great leaders in histor!# came from modest ac)grounds# came out of the ruts# left the comfort 0ones# set to achieve almost apparentl! impossile tas)s. "ts not that the! did not ma)e mista)es ut learnt from them# the! never cried# rode over the setac)s and never too) respite in lame game. $hen the going was tough# in the face of heav! odds loaded against them# the! )ept tr!ing# carr!ing ever!one along towards the collective goal# the! had set themselves and ever!one else to achieve. "t is when# in spite of a numer of easier wa!s availale# !ou ta)e the tougher# longer ut more enduring route to reach !our goal. "t is through perseverance# !ou convert ever! defeat into victor!. "t is when !ou shed !our comfort 0ones# efore the! ecome !our liailities and reach !our goal# come what ma!. :erseverance gives !ou the ultimate satisfaction of having done !our est in spite of great odds# having succeeded# even when things appeared hopeless and goals seemed far# distant and unreachale. 3
RememerB Eve! whe! a peso! has faile" a hu!"e" ti$es, he is !ot #alle" a failue. 1e is #alle" a failue o!l% whe! he stops t%i!&. ,hou&h the habit of pesiste!#e, a! o"i!a% peso! be#o$es e8tao"i!a%. 7eep t%i!& a!" %ou will su##ee". -e a fi!ishe, !ot 'also a!. Co!#e!tate o! %ou '?arma o a#tio!. 7eep "oi!& that to the -E+, of %ou abilit%. 0he! %ou ae pesiste!t with the a#tio!, ewa"s will auto$ati#all% #o$e. 4o !ot leave a!%thi!& u!"o!e o half "o!e. Lea"es, +u##essful peso!s o 0i!!es, ae all the sa$e a!" o!e #o$$o! <ualit%, whi#h the% all have is PER+I+,A.CE.
************************************************** There is nothin) in this $orl! hi#h #oul! not "e =ONE /ETTER. **************************************************
@D. .othi!& lasts foeve. .ot eve! ou Y(),1. -ut, pepae well to $eet 4us3 of life &a#efull% with "i&!it% & poise. :ersonal ReflectionsB =T.# Madras (=fficers Training .chool# Madras# now# =fficers Training *cadem!# Chennai)# sometime in 9ec. 34QP. .uddenl! the atmosphere in =T.# where " am training to e an officer in "ndian arm!# is electrified. =ur passing out parade has een Your Quest for Being Better 198
fi/ed for D 7e. 34Q5. 7or other 8Cs (8entlemen cadets as trainee officers are called at the academ! during training)# it was a landmar) da! ut for me it had another significance too. E /eb. happened to be m <irthda too. " would e e/actl! twent! !ears old on that fateful da!. $e all had come to this great institution as o!s# seven months ago ut would e passing out as men# as officers of the "ndian arm!. $e had gone through the ph!sicall! hardest# most tr!ing time of our life. But it had also een mentall!# e<uall! satisf!ing time. +nfortunatel!# these da!s will never come ac) in our lives again. "n hindsight# " fondl! rememer a line from an old >nglish song 9#hose !ere the das, m friend, % thought !ould never end2. Toda!# 36.Q. DF35C "t all seems !esterda!# the mid(morning of life. &ow and where fift ears (DKLJ-EGDJ) have gone# is simpl! impossile to comprehend. Time has it%s own wa!# moving <uic)l!# un)nowingl! and catching !ou unaware. " was !oung# full of energ!# amitious and will to do something. " got married and emar)ed on a new life with m! soul(mate# had children. The! studied# married and ecame independent. " am sevent ears now. " wonder where all the !ears have gone. " )now " have lived them and lived them well. But efore " )new# dusk of life has come. "t seems to have come so soon%. &ow it got here so fast# caught me ! surprise1 $here did m! !outh and middle age go1 7rom mid(morning# straightawa! dus) seems to have come and it has come so fast# it is difficult to comprehend. 9uring m! !ounger da!s# " rememer seeing older people and thought those people were decades awa! from me and never thought# it can ever happen to me too# since old age seemed so far awa! and something which onl! happened to others. -ow# m! friends# those !oung handsome gu!s full of energ! and appetite# are retiring# getting gre!# losing oth energ! and appetite. The! move much slower than what the! used to. The! are not what " rememer them to e# !oung# handsome# energetic# fast moving. Their age too is eginning to show. The! loo) older# tired# hair thinning# s)in sagging# e!esight getting wea)# od! resistance lowering# some part of od! alwa!s aching when the! get up. "f not# the! ma! e dead# perhaps. -ow# we too are just li)e those older people we thought# we would never e. " rememer m! grandfather whom " rememer wal)ing in drooping posture with a stic)# with wrin)led face# white hair. $e all rothers and cousins# used to call him <aba @i. $e all loved him ver! much ecause he used to give us lots of goodies to eat and would tell us stories of his !ounger da!s# when he was <uite li)e us. " never reall! elieved# he was li)e us onl!# once upon a while. &e died when " was doing m! arm! training. $hen " came ac) home# he was not there# his ed# room where we rothers and cousins had such wonderful time# hearing stories of his !ounger da!s# his home# our village (Churmunda) in .ial)ot 9istt. of erstwhile :a)istan. "t was# oviousl!# a life loaded with simplicit!. The! lived in villages
199 Your Quest for Being Better
and would go ever!where on foot. -o need for even a ic!cle. $hole village had onl! one radio which also wor)ed on atter! since there was no electricit! in the village. Reader ma! thin) that the! lived a ,primitive% life ut for each functionIoccasion# there was so much onhomie# love# regard# fondness# respect for elders that# in present da! life# it is unimaginale. 9#hose !ere the das m friend????2. -ow " enter a new phase of life. Though dus) has come# ut do not )now how long will it last# how far is the night and when will it all# end1 ;es# " have regrets. There are things " wish " hadn%t done and things " should have done. =f course# " am happ! " have and was ale to do man! things which " should have. "t%s all in a lifetime. But life is lived onl! once. *ake the best of !hat ou have rather than cribbing about !hat ou dont have. There will never e a second chance. >mpt! wishes (!ish, % had or !ish % had not) or regret will onl! e there to give !ou compan!# if !ou don%t do what !ou should# or do what !ou should not. +nfortunatel!# we have een entrapped into endless chase of wealth and material pursuits forgetting ever!thing else. ;es# mone! is important ut learn mone!%s correct perspective in life from our oo)s and e a master not a slave of mone!. 2earn to ma)e and live a life which is more important. 9o not chase illusion of happiness in material pursuits. 9o not neglect !our health# famil! and social responsiilities for single(minded pursuit of wealth# status and glamour. 2ife ma! e compared to a ship which needs water (wealth) to float ut water has to remain out of the ship. =nce water (wealth) enters the ship# it will sin). 9o not let that happen to !ou. Thin) and lead a life as per the convictions dictated ! !our mind# not simpl! aping others even though ever!one else seems to e doing that. .o# friends# whether !ou are in midmorning# noon or evening of life# dus) shall e there sooner than !ou can imagine# followed ! night. &ow long it will last# no one has an idea. But# it shall e there faster than !ou thin). $hatever !ou want to accomplish# do it <uic)l!. 9on%t postpone# don%t procrastinate. Ta)e action# whatever !ou can# -=$. 2ive for toda!C .a! and do things !ou want people to rememer aout !ou. :ove people more than things, spread goodness, help others, be kind " generous, be forgiving, forever remain in gratitude and live a life of humilit. 9o all these ecause !ou do not )now when cloc) of life will stop and which sunset or sunrise will e the last. 3
RememerB .eve e&et /R(0I./ (L4. It is a pivile&e "e!ie" to $a!%. ************************************************** I$e 'ust learn to %ive To)ether as /rothers or e ill &erish to)ether as fools.E K <artin %uther >in). ************************************************** Your Quest for Being Better 200
@1. A##ept ol" A&e with /a#e a!" live with 4i&!it% but 4( .(, eve a##ept optio! of 'Retie$e!t fo$ po"u#tive wo3. )etirement is a mthical e8pression, +ust like an honest politician. 4o not ever think of retiring from !ork. 5eep ourself bus full or half da at least, in some productive activit. #his is absolutel necessar for a life of dignit, fulfillment and grace. *fter long hectic !ears of service# profession or usiness# if !ou ,retire%# !ou will suddenl! find that !our hectic life has come to a standstill. Though !ou might e financiall! secure with !our savings and other retirement enefits# ut life# as it is# ma! ecome a ore# aimless or e/tremel! slow. $hile !ou were wor)ing# !ou had thought a lot aout retirement# wanting to rela/# ut when it actuall! came# within a few months# !ou get fed up reading newspapers# maga0ines# watching TV# going to movies or other time(passes# which just amount to ,whiling awa!% precious time. ;ou see ever!one e/cept !ourself# us! and sometimes# none in the famil! having time or inclination to listen to what !ou have to sa!. ;our fulltime presence in the house# could ecome a constant source of friction and irritation# even etween well adjusted longstanding couples. Cloc) which moved so fast earlier# now moves at a snail%s pace. Anowing or un)nowingl!# !ou have ecome a ore# not onl! for !ourself ut also for others too. .oon# retirement# for which !ou had een loo)ing forward to so eagerl! and e/pectantl!# ecomes a ig urden on !ourself as well as on other memers of the household. *ove scenario happens to man! of those# who look for!ard to retirement just for rela/ation. The! thin) that the! have put in enough of wor) and laor. The! need a well(deserved rest. The! find the wor)ing routine too monotonous for them# speciall!# when the! see their counterparts and other retirees# seemingl!# having swell of a time. &owever# don%t forget that these are the da!s of longevit! and even at the retirement age of si/t! !ears# one is in good health and capale. Retirement means# life suddenl! comes to a standstill# !ou ecome sort of ,unimportant%# !our li)es and disli)es start getting ,ignored% in the same household where# just a short while ago# !ou were the lord and master. *t an! time in life# if !ou do not have purpose# activit!# challenge or vocation# life ecomes e/tremel! oring without purpose# a urden. 4o not let it happen to ou. ;ou cannot live a livel! and virant life onl! on sound finances. ;ou enjo! those sought after holida!s# rela/ation or vacations# onl! when !ou are wor)ing full time. Work is !orship. Aeep worshipping not onl! for !our income# ut also for !our jo!# happiness# sense of satisfaction and accomplishment and most of all# finding a purpose in life. $ithout productive wor)# life is a ig 0ero. 2et it not happen to !ou. ;ou deserve etter.
201 Your Quest for Being Better
.o# alwa!s plan !our ,retirement%. -ever get out of the wor) culture !ou have so assiduousl ut fondl!# put in place and are used to. *lwa!s follow a routine. :lan !our da! and let the things move in a predictale manner. 9o not just flow with the flow# simpl! ecause people sa! or advice so. 2iving a purposeless life will completel! drain !ou off and sooner than later# countdown will start. >ven if# as a government servant# !ou have to retire at si/t!# thin) of alternatives even efore that dreadful moment arrives. Ta)e pride in !ourself and dignit! of laor. -ever let the status of jo or income# ecome a ig issue. "f people are not impressed# let them not. Aeep !our pride# dignit! and grace intact. -ever ever compromise them. :referal!# do not retire from wor). "f !ou have to# engage in some constructive wor) at least for half a da!# so that !ou can rela/ or engage in positive recreational activities during the other half. :lan something# some social activit! or responsiilit! to )eep !ou us!. $h! " am giving !ou a long sermon on retirement# is ecause " do not want !ou to live a wasted life after si/t!. ;ou can live a purposeful virant life even in !our eighties# if !ou )eep awa! from forced or voluntar! retirement and mentall!# never accept retirement as a means of rela/ation sa!ing good!e to wor). Man! readers# ecause of their !oung age# ma! thin)# wh! should the! even thin) of retirement as it is so far a!a. -=# it is -=T. Time passes in a flash# da!s into months# months into !ears and !ears into si/t! !ears or so. $hen !ou are !oung# middle or old age seems ver! far awa!. But rememer# age does not spare an!one. >ver! moment !ou are aging. ;ou are growing older without )nowing. *ging is a fact of life and facts do not cease to e/ist# simpl! ecause the! are ignored. .o it is alwa!s etter for !ou to e prepared for old age. "n life# !ou alwa!s face a situation etter if !ou are well prepared. Those who are not# would definitel! find the situation more difficult to negotiate ph!sicall!# mentall! and financiall!. $e are all product of nature. -ature entails that all our ph!sical and mental faculties flourish onl! when these are eing used. 0se them or lose them. Both !our ph!sical or mental faculties will start wilting# when !ou stop putting them to use. 9o not let that happen to !ou and remain oth ph!sicall! and mentall! active and alert ! indulging !ourself in productive wor). "t is a asic human nature to feel needed# important# wanted# useful and li)ed. *s !ou grow older# this need ecomes more and more pronounced which !ou can fulfill onl! ! doing productive wor)# not ! ta)ing refuge in retirement. " will give !ou m! e/ample. " was commissioned into the arm! when " was e/actl! DF !ears old. " was released from arm! when " was aout DE !ears old. " wanted to continue in arm! and felt ver! disappointed# sad and shoc)ed# when orders for release came in 34QK. "n five !ears# " had got much used to arm! life and when " came out and those facilities withdrawn and wa! of life " had ecome used to# Your Quest for Being Better 202
was snatched awa!. *rm! is the est training ground in m! opinion and est thing which happened to me at a !oung age# where " had learnt to adjust well with the changed circumstances# oth ph!sicall!# mentall! and emotionall!. This arm! training came ver! hand!# adjusting to totall! new wa! of life in civil. *rm! ma)es !ou adept at handling change. $hen " ecame older# sa! PE# 5F or EF !ears old# " would not consider m!self ,old%# since# " had remained ph!sicall! active. *part from pursuing m! usiness interests activel!# " could )eep compan! with friends much !ounger to me. Most important thing is that though greatl! disappointed at m! untimel! release from arm! at that time# " am greatl! than)ful to 8od now# for all that ecause it was much easier for me to uild a usiness at twent! five !ears# than h!potheticall!# if " had een retained at that time in *rm!# ut might have to retire at around fift! four !ears or so. :lease note carefull!# whatever happens# if !ou have faith in &im# happens for the est. $e humans do not )now what will happen the ne/t moment ut &e )nows and does est for !ou when !ou leave things in &is hands# ut onl! after doing !our 5arma, action, to the est of !our ailit!. *dvise from lord Arishna in 8ita# keep doing our 5arma and leave the rest to $im. $e shall take care. .o# never let inaction ecome a part of !ou through retirement. -ow# at the age of 6F# " do not wish to retire ever from wor)# ecause m! e/perience with life tells me that m! countdown with destin! will start# the da! " stop wor)ing. " have ver! strong conviction that the wor) is li)e nectar in life. *s long as !ou continue having that nectar# !ou are positive# hopeful# confident# happ!# jo!ful# virant ut the moment !ou stop wor)# wilting will automaticall! start. "n life# there is no sustitute to e/perience ut it onl! comes with time or age. "mportant thing in life is aout learning. B! the time !ou are si/t!# !ou have gone through a lot and learnt from it. Best thing is to pass down !our learning to the new generation# who can enefit a great deal from them# which enefits the societ! as a whole. *nd mind !ou# there is nothing etter than eing recogni0ed# wanted or eing sought after# when !ou are ,old%. This oo) !ou are reading is the product of that mindset. Mone! does not amount to much in ,old age% ut other things do. ;ou can and are capale of doing umpteen things for the enefit of societ!# which would add value# satisfaction and accomplishment to !ou individuall!. 7or e/ample# man! children are wea) in >nglish# speciall! spo)en one. "f !ou can teach them that# !ou will e doing a great service to societ! and those children will alwa!s e indeted to !ou. 7or that matter# an! suject or range of speciali0ation !ou have perfected during !our wor)ing life# can e passed down to those children. >mpowering children from neighorhood aout career options# can e another. Ta)e action. 9o not hesitate. Gust do it. :ass down !our wisdom. There are man! !oungsters who would enefit.
203 Your Quest for Being Better
Retirement can e most enjo!ale and satisf!ing period of !our life. Ma)e it that wa!. -ever lose !our sense of purpose and direction. 2ife is lived in stages. ;our li)es# disli)es# preferences# thin)ing and perception in each stage are different. $hen !ou are adult# !our li)es( disli)es as a student might e appearing totall! childish to !ou. But at that time# !ou must have found nothing wrong with them. *s !ou wade through life# !ou will reali0e that things which loo)ed so important when !ou were twent! five# at fort! !ou have a totall! different perception. This is common. 7or graceful living gro!ing !ith age# !ou must change with time. "f !ou do# !ou are happ!. "f !ou don%t# !ou will e unhapp!. "ncidentall!# as a famil! memer# !our happiness and unhappiness touches other famil! memers too. .o it is !our dut! all through to remain happ!# satisfied and contented# not )eep on harping the old golden era, which !ou have lived. 9o not waste ocean(full of )nowledge# e/perience# wisdom# maturit! and common sense which !ou have developed in !our wor)ing !ears. ;ou have the capacit! and capailit! to ecome more significant a person from success !ou have achieved in life. (ld age is for giving and pa!ing ac) to societ! which !ou have received in aundance. +se and enhance !our s)ills ! doing something for others without e/pecting an!thing ac). "f !ou have accumulated wealth# it%s time for !ou to help others whose lives can e changed. ;our own re<uirement now is limited and it%s time for !ou to earn onus points in life with !our generosit!# love and care !ou can give to !our own species. Ta)ing into account# eight! !ears as a reasonale life span these da!s# few !ears this wa! or that# after !ou have crossed fort! or fort! five !ears# serious mental planning must start for the golden !ears of life. ;our spouse must e full! involved in the e/ercise. Retirement is not onl! aout financial securit!# ut mainl! aout graceful living during those golden !ears. 8raceful living just cannot happen of it%s own. ;ou have to plan it well. -o one has een ale to fight age ecause no one can. .o# do not fight it# accept it gracefull!.
/a#eful livi!& e!tails that both of %ou ae:
H /inanciall independent, living in our o!n house. H 7our children are !ell-settled. H <oth of ou are phsicall fit, mobile and !ell connected. H 7ou have a set of meaningful relationships and friends for support. H H 7ou are mentall prepared for rendering help to anone in !hatever !a ou possibl can. H 7ou are !ell respected as a couple in our social circle. 7ou have involved ourself in some social activit !hich benefits societ. H *ost importantl, even at the ripe old age, both of ou are seen as >gi#ers8 not >takers8, b all those kno!n to ou.
Your Quest for Being Better 204
"f !ou have achieved all these# !ou have achieved the pinnacle. .o# m! sincere advise to all of !ou friends# male or female# !oung or old# to )eep wor)ing and engaged in some profession or productive wor). 9o not get carried awa! ! tall tal)s of those who earn enough mone! within PE(5F !ears of age and ,retire% earl!# spending ne/t 5F(EF !ears rela8ing# getting up as and when the! want# watching unlimited TV# reading newspapers and maga0ines and man! other unproductive activities. "t onl! amounts to wasting life. =ld age is not aout miserale people all around. "n their case# old age just came without warning. -ever let that happen to !ou or to !our spouse ecause !ou are responsile for oth. Ta)e full charge of !our life. 2ive it full! with viranc!# enthusiasm and optimism oo0ing out from each core of !our ver! self# never thin)ing or contemplating retirement the old fashioned wa! and if retirement does come to !ou# live it well# live it gracefull!. 2oo) at 9r *dul Aalam. &e has retired from so man! professions ut what a life he is leading even toda!. &e seems to e ever!where. 3
RememerB ,his boo3 is about a##epti!& what %ou #a!!ot #ha!&e. (l" a&e is so$ethi!& %ou $ust a##ept but live &a#efull%, be#ause soo!e tha! late, it will #o$e. 1ow %ou live it, will also show whethe %ou have bee! su##essful o failue i! life. I! life, %ou !ee" to be su##essful holisti#all%, !ot i! pat. A well9live" ol" a&e o!l% #a! tell that. .eve eve #o!si"e etie$e!t fo$ wo3 eve! as a! optio!. A&e is fist i! the $i!", the! ph%si#al. (l" a&e is !atual, ta3e it as fish ta3es to wate with all its &a#e a!" "i&!it%.
************************************************** The first #or!less &hone as #reate! "y 0o!. 4e na'e! it PRA.ER. It never loses its si)nal & you never have to re#har)e it. The a!!e! a!vanta)e is that you #an use it anyhere at any ti'e. **************************************************
@2. Eve%thi!& that be&i!s, $ust e!". ,ue of eve%thi!& i!#lu"i!& hu$a! lifeE -IR,1 a!" 4EA,1 ae pat of Life. 9;verda, !e see near and dear ones ding. 7et !e all think it !ill not happen to me2 was ;udhister%s# eldest and wisest of the five :andavas in &indu scripture *ahabharata# repl! when as)ed 9!hat surprises ou most in life2. " feel# no oo) on life s)ills and empowerment is complete without an enlightened lesson on death.
205 Your Quest for Being Better
*im and ojective of this oo) is to pass on to !ou whatever " )now aout life and life(s)ills " have learnt during m! tenure. &ow can we live a fulfilled life1 &ow can we add more value to our lives1 *im is to ma)e !ou mentall! tough and ph!sicall! strong to face an! situation in life which ma! include death. *n important fact of life is ,!e fear !hat !e avoid facing. "t is li)e a pigeon closing his e!es seeing a cat close( !# aout to pounce on it# wishfull! hoping that it shall e spared of certain death. *nother important fact of life is ,!hen !e are prepared, mentall and phsicall, an problem, difficult or situation, even death, can be faced better. $e come to this world with confirm return tic)et. =nl!# time and date# nood! )nows. =ne sunset or sunrise will definitel! e our last. .ince we do not )now which one# we must alwa!s e prepared. "t is in this conte/t# this lesson is written for !ou to seriousl! ponder over and enefit. Though death is a universal occurrence happening around us ever! da!# ut it is least understood. "t could e ecause no one lives to e/perience or see his own death. *s per Bhagwad 8ita# <od !hich !e love so much, is destructible and turns into ash but atman, consciousness or soul is eternal, ever-e8isting, un-destructible or ever-changing. #he atman, like energ, can neither be created nor destroed. %t is infinite, formless, attribute-less, all-pervading, invisible, timeless and does not occup an space. Atman onl transmigrates, it cannot be cut b !eapons, nor burnt b fire, moistened b !ater or dried b air. Atman, soul or consciousness onl energiCe the bod, mind and senses !hich !e call living. 4eath is separation of the bod from the soul, atman or consciousness. 2ife can e compared to a cloc). =nl! difference is that cloc) of life# unli)e ordinar! cloc)# is wound onl! once. $hen will the moving hands stop# no one )nows. -=$ is the onl! time !ou have. Ma)e the est of whatever time is at !our disposal. &owever# it is natural to fear the un)nown. "t ma! not e the fear of death ut how it will come# is what people fear most1 :eople consider a person luc)!# who dies a sudden death in old age without suffering and ringing miser!# financial and others# to the dependants or to himself. 7or millions of !ears# since this world came into eing# from time immemorial# whosoever lived on the surface of this earth# perished# sooner or later. That is the law governing the world since it%s inception. -ormall!# there are e/ceptions to ever! rule ut there is none to this rule. Then wh! do we fear death# when there is asolutel! no possiilit! to escape it1 $h! not accept the certaint! of death with grace and dignit!1 $e fear death ecause of our over(indulgence with the materialistic world and things. 2iving in this world# ma)es us ver! possessive of things# we have created in our life(time or what we ,o!n%# we do not want to lose# we want to hold on to them. .ame thing goes for relationships. $e do not want to lose them too. Because# we have Your Quest for Being Better 206
created a false world around us out of m!th# out of our ignorance# out of our supposition# during our lifetime# since we live with them# we do not want to part with them. "t is same as a person l!ing repeatedl!# starts elieving that lie as truth. &owever# we must understand# whatever we own or possess in this world# is ,ours% for this world onl!. $e cannot use the same currenc! in the ne8t !orld, where our soul ,might go%. -othing is ever carried forward. >ver! material thing# including our od! is left here. >ver! ph!sical matter# whether it is human od!# material ojects or an!thing for that matter# is governed ! a rule# change is the onl constant in this !orld. >ver!thing is to change and destructile over time. *s soon as our soul or consciousness is out of our ph!sical od!# it is lifeless# of no use to an!one# since the consciousness or soul# which )ept the living eing alive and active# has left. -ow the lifeless ph!sical od! has to e cremated or uried or organs reused for someone else to enefit. =nl! memories in rememrance# photographs# movies or recorded voice# ma! e left. >arlier person# with whom we were so much attached# in love or hate# is nowhere there. $e also# often# hear the tall tal) of heaven and hell which we are told# are situated somewhere up in the s)!. But no one has ever seen or found one there. -e/t incarnation or )armas to e carried forward1 There is no evidence of an! such thing or an!thing what happens after the soul has left the ph!sical od!. .o let%s onl! )eep the present in mind. 2iving eing who was )nown earlier ! some name# now is called onl! the bod. $e also worr! aout the legac! to e left ehind. $e also want the name to continue. But is all that reall! necessar!1 Thin) practicall!C "f one does good or die a good person# people will rememer. "f one thought selfishl! onl! aout himself# then it shall e good riddance. "t%s all up to !ou. $hen !ou leave a legac! of all the good !ou have done# people will automaticall! rememer !ou. -o coercing is re<uired. But when one wants to e rememered through ig hoardings# huge advertisements in papers or ig condolence meetings# people have a short memor! and are <uite forgetful. *ll the greats of histor! are rememered for what the! did for their people. The! live in people%s heart for which no reminder# invitation or prompting is re<uired. * person is rememered for his good deeds onl!. 8ood deeds are# how much he cared(shared(helped those left ehind. $hile it is often seen that hoards ma! join in famil! festivities to enjo! the goodies# to dine# drin) and accompan!ing good times# when there is death in the same famil!# there are onl! counted few at the cremation ground. $e also should )now how to deal with the death of a near and dear one# ma! e a loving parent# spouse# silings# children or a close friend. 9eath of someone whom we have een in love# dependant# have een enjo!ing his compan! or support# lived together for a long time with sweet memories etc.# comes as a great shoc). Man! times# it
207 Your Quest for Being Better
creates a ig vacuum in life which is difficult to fill. 9uring such times# few fact and realities of life must e rememered and acted uponB D. Cry your %eart out. 4o not tr to !ithhold our tears as the are normal and natural. 7our pain, grief, distress, insecurit, all is normal. =o need to sho! a brave face. =o one else can ever kno! the severit of others pain. (nl person !ho is affected or suffers, kno!s the severit of the pain and e8tent of loss. $o!ever, never make a sho!-off of our grief. E. /ime is a great %ealer. 1uch legitimate sufferings, onl time can and does heal. .ain and suffering is felt deep in the heart and can be shared onl !ith reall close caring relatives or friends. F. %n the mean time, after having done !hatever needed to be done, obtain necessary documents like death certificate and legal heir certificate etc. from government authorities. 5eep originals carefull and copies ma be used !here ever necessar. 4o not hesitate to take the help of anone !ho kno!s about all such formalities or an advocate to obtain necessar documentation. J. 2i9e goes on. =o one in this !orld is and has been indispensable. After sometime, time !ill progressivel de-intensif the pain, suffering and healing !ill start slo!l. 4o not tr to do a!a !ith pain. /eel it deepl in our heart and live !ith it. After some time ou !ill find it receding. Apart from time, lo#e %eals 9aster. S!read lo#e, love need people, love an animal, care for someone, anone for that matter. :ove and care heals fastest. I. 4rayer, meditation and 9ait% in almig%ty, helps a lot at such tring moments. We have to accept the realit of death. )ead this lesson a fe! times more to grip the realities of life including death. %f the person has been old and suffering a lot, because of various ailments !ith little hope of recover, death comes as great relief. %f ou had done our best during his lifetime, feel satisfied and e8press gratitude to $im for $is mercies. Q. 4eo!le die but memories remain. &herish those memories. (ften, sit alone in a room, close our ees and connect !ith him. $e>she ma be !atching ou. 1o do good, spread goodness. :et him>she be proud of our good deeds. 4eep and meaningful relationships do not end !ith death. :ife is for living, so :%V; (=.
Throughout our lives# new passengers enter and enrich our lives. .ome sta! on till end# some depart earl!# some are there when we depart as ever!one is ruled ! his destin!. .ince ever! moment of human life is filled ! some activit!# most of us never pause to reflect on life. &owever# good we do# smile# )indness# compassion# love and patience we spread# are our valued life(oats in life. 3
RememerB People %ou love, "o !ot "ie. I! "eath, ph%si#al bei!& &ets #o!vete" i!to $i!"9bei!&. ,he% e$ai! with us i! Your Quest for Being Better 208
ou e%es a!" heats, as sweet $e$oies. +u#h $e$oies ae to be #heishe" foeve. You wee the #hose! o!e to fi!" a pla#e i! %ou $othes wo$b. You #a$e i!to bei!&, be#ause %ou wee a wi!!e. .eve leave that wi!!i!& spee. 0he! %ou #a$e, %ou #ie" while eve%o!e e;oi#e". -e a wi!!e i! "eath too b% livi!& a life of &oo"!ess, 3i!"!ess, #o$passio!, &a#e a!" "i&!it%, b% the positive le&a#ies %ou leave behi!" fo people to #heish afte %ou leave.
*************************************************************** .ester!ay is "ut a !rea', To'orro is a Dision. /ut, To!ay, $ellK%ive! 'a(es every yester!ay a !rea' of 4a&&iness an! every To'orro a Dision of 4o&e. ***************************************************************
@:. LIVI./ PRI.CIPAL+ fo a Rewa"i!& Life. Life is a 6ARA,1(., !ot a spi!t. 0I..ER is the o!e, who wi!s ulti$atel%. Though current ever(increasing life e/pectanc! in "ndia# is pegged at aout si/t! five !ears# arring unforeseen health prolems# one can easil! live up to eight! !ears or more. That%s a long period which can again e su(divided into two parts. 7irst part# can e counted up to fift! !ears# after which# second part starts. 7or reference# we shall call first part as oung# while the second part as old, which is also most critical, since it is during this period we start getting results# how we have lived the first part# what we mean to people# weather we feel successful or failure etc etc. 2ife is lived ! a ver! solid rule# What !e so!, !e reap. 8enerall! spea)ing# it can mean that what we )eep sowing when we are oung# reaping mostl! starts as we grow old. "f we have sown good# we reap good or vice versa. "f !ou sow love# !ou reap love. "f !ou have sown friendship and have invested on relationships when oung# !ou will reap the fruits of those relationships in good measure. ;es# !ears after fift! are critical ecause mostl! ! then !ou are old and !our investments should start pa!ing !ou ac) in )ind. "f !ou have invested in health while !ou were oung, ! doing regular e/ercise# eating right and thin)ing right# !ou reap the enefits from !our efforts in two wa!s during old age. =ne# !ou are stepping into health old age ecause !our investments of e/ercise regime and a disciplined life start repa!ing !ou in )ind ! then. .econdl!# !ou do
209 Your Quest for Being Better
not have to ma)e an! e/tra effort to get into e/ercise and right thin)ing regime# ecause !ou are in the hait of doing all that as !ou have done it for !ears. .ame wa!# when !ou are in the hait of doing good# formed health! relationships and haits when ,oung# these ecome real assets in old age. $hen we tal) aout time period li)e here we have formed oung and old# we find one thing strange ut interesting. Time ahead feels ver! distant# while time which is passed or we have spent# seems as if it was !esterda!. Gust thin) it over# ten !ears ahead from now would loo) to !ou a distant dream# ut ten !ears gone(!# will loo) as if it was !esterda!. $hen we are twent!# we tend to thin) thirt! !ears is far awa! ut when we are thirt! !ears# memories of twent! !ears appear as if it was !esterda!. "nspiration and motivation is li)e having ath# which !ou must have ever!da! to feel fresh# to feel clean. " have a hidden selfish motive here. $hen " inspireImotivate !ou to do etter in life# " m!self get so much inspiredImotivated. .uch writings give a purpose to m! life# for which " had een searching for a long time. "t gives me great satisfaction to have done something more than simpl! living a good life. $riting has een worth ever! single minute# " have spent. There has een no etter jo! or sense of accomplishment for me. ;ou might find things repeated at places or something eing written in different words. 2ife needs constant reminders and repetitions to get things into haits. .ince " have compared life with a marathon# it has to have man! more things to ma)e !ou a complete human eing. To empower life# one needs constant improvements and changes which can e rought in us ! doing things differentl!. This point is important to understand# since if !ou )eep doing the same things the same wa!# results will also e same. " have thought of following points which !ou must instill to ring in necessar! changes. #o accomplish great things, !e must not onl act but also dream, not onl plan but also believe. ,%t ma be all right for ou to be content !ith !hat ou have but never !ith !hat ou are. .o# our -uest for being better# is alwa!s on. " could thin) of the following points ut !ou can thin) of man! more# since possiilities are endless. 9o not limit !ourself or !our aspirations. *ll the following points are important in life. The! are not written in an! particular order. AnalCe and think over each one and instill in !ou# discuss and correct others so that !ou are automaticall! inspiredImotivatedM 3. -e A"ept at ,1I.7I./: +nfortunatel!# most of us have stopped thin)ing# which# as a human eing# is our strongest point. $e do not use our mind and have got into the hait of aping others ecause we find that eas!. This aping hait has ereft us of originalit!. "n a wa!# it has made us duplicates in spite of eing original. $e do not thin) of eing a etter person# improve our lot Your Quest for Being Better 210
and that of others ! various self(improvement and self( empowerment methods or improving our life(s)ills. * rewarding# satisf!ing# successful# empowered life has to e a wholesome life# not onl! good in patches. "t is when !ou loo) ac)# how !ou feel1 9o not flow with the flow. But change course# where ever !ou feel !ou should and can. 8et out of the aping hait and get in the thin)ing mode. 2ife is a ig opportunit!. Thin) positive# shun negativit!# thin) ig. 9ifference etween !ou and a four legged is !our thin)ing# which has empowered !ou to rule over this world. A person is but a product of his thoughts, !hat he thinks, that he becomes. 7ocus !our thin)ing on good# goodness !ou can spread# good !ou can do to others and feel the difference. D. 0(R7 1AR4, (7 but bette 0(R7 +6AR,: >ver!one wor)s ut there is no sustitute to hard wor). Most people do prett! hard wor) which onl! ma! not ring them the desired results. 7ou have to !ork smart too. =nl! a comination of oth &ard and .mart wor) will e most effective. .triving for success without hard and smart wor) is li)e tr!ing to reap where !ou have sown nothing. >nthusiasm is necessar! ut it has to e controlled. 7irst thin) over# ma)e a mental assessment ' outline of how !ou would accomplish the jo. Ma)e a plan ' chec)list. "f short# ma)e a mental plan. "f long# on paper. Anow !our wor) force well to allot jos as per person%s talent and capacit!. ;our astute planning and )nowing !our associates ' suordinates well# will ensure that there is no !astage of labor, effort, material used and time. Ma)e a mental target of finishing the jo which must e adhered. P. ).LEA+1 Y()R ).LI6I,E4 P(,E.,IAL ,1R()/1 F(C)+: Both human mind and od! have unlimited potential. :otential can e defined as the difference bet!een !hat !e do and are capable of doing. =nl! !our thin)ing can limit that potential. .o roaden !our thin)ing ase. To match our rain%s processing information time# ten super computers would e needed. >ver! jo# action or project re<uires single minded devotion. &ence# !our focus on the jo is ver! essential. $hen !ou focus sun%s ra!s on a piece of paper# it urns. That is the power of focus. "n Mahaharata# when as)ed to shoot his arrow into the e!es of a ird# *rjun ta)es the aim. &is 8uru# 9ronachar!a as)s him as to what he can see. *rjun answers that while ta)ing aim# he can onl! see the e!e of the ird and nothing else. That%s what focusing is all aout. =nl! when !ou focus on a prolem# !ou can thin) of various possiilities. Choose what appears to e the est. 7ocus means that !ou concentrate all !our mental energies on one goal. 9o not distract from positive thoughts which release positive energies and help !ou attain desired ojective. 7ollow 6E(DE rule in usiness. 5. 6A7E PE(PLE 0(R7 0I,1 Y() athe, 9or you +nderstand the difference. -othing can e achieved alone. ;ou have to have people with !ou# to help !ou achieve !our goals. * Chinese sa!ing
211 Your Quest for Being Better
it is better to have one person !orking :it% ou rather three !orking 9or ou e/plains all. Most is accomplished ! a team in which ever!one feels empowered and a part of it and is rewarded ade<uatel!. Create a team in which teamwor) should e the essence and ever!one must feel responsile to e part of the project. Togetherness is the essence of life since nothing can e achieved alone. Concept of self-made is fault! ecause no one has made himself. $e need others% help to e whatever we want to e in life. Those who cannot ta)e others% help or with whom others do not li)e to wor)# are generall! failures. *part from success or failure# it gives a feel of high when !ou have people to support !ou or with !ou. 2oners are mostl! failures. That%s wh! a great stress is laid on T=8>T&>R->.. and forming meaningful relationships or inculcating team(spirit in this oo)# without which !ou simpl! can%t win. $inners are alwa!s hand in hand. E. 4o!t be i&i". I!stea", -e FLENI-LE: ,<etter to bend than to break. 9uring last fift! !ears# most people " have met# appeared bright. >/tra right or e/ceptionall! right are rare. "t%s great pleasure to wor) with bright persons. The! ta)e full responsiilit! for the jo entrusted# which ma)es !our life reall! eas!. $ith little training# ever!one can do as good a jo as !ou. .o# !ou must delegate responsiilit!. Best part is when !ou delegate# !ou are left with so much time for !ourself. ;ou can do so man! things with the time availale# li)e writing this oo) and so man! more things !ou have een wanting to do# ut never found time. ;ou have to e little fle/ile with the mista)es the! ma)e initiall!. ;ou will alwa!s find new ideas generating# new wa!s and methods# when !ou entrust responsiilit!. But all that is possile if !ou are fle/ile# adopt to new situations and trust !our emplo!eesIassociates. =f course# !ou have to set aside !our in( uilt ego# arrogance and me first approach. Both leaders and followers produce est results when fle/ile. Q. PA,IE., & C((L 0I.+ ,1E RACE: * person with a cool and patient disposition# shines ever!where. To an! situation, howsoever serious or even calamitous# respond with grace and dignit!# not react li)e a hot(headed uffoon. $hen !ou are faced with an! untoward or tragic situation# showing anger# discomfort# irritation or rage# serves no purpose. "nstead# use it as an opportunit! to uild !our image ! responding wisel!# cooll!# calml! with grace and dignit!. Ta)e !our time. 9o not ever e carried awa! ! an! situation not to !our li)ing. "nstead# thin) fast ut cool# even when others are panic)!# displa! !our superior pedigree ! eing cool# dignified and composed. 6. ,o /o )p, -E P(+I,IVE: * person is )nown ! the compan! he )eeps. .hun negative people and choose positive people for compan!. :ositive people attract while negative repel. :ositive Your Quest for Being Better 212
people also are considered part of the solution while negatives# part of the prolem. *lwa!s loo) ahead at solving prolems and finding solutions. -ever let past jeopardi0e !our future. 2earn from past and move ahead. There are no escalators on road to success# happiness and welleing. =nl! ladders are there on which !ou have to ta)e steps# one ! one. -ever e afraid of ta)ing calculated ris) and convert ever! ris) into an opportunit!. Manage !our time well. .hun all cheap entertainments li)e watching TV or movies# reading fiction novels# gossiping or social networ)ing. 8et into the positive haits of honing life(s)ills# reading inspiring oo)s to get ahead and remain there. -ever critici0e# instead offer a etter wor)ale solution in a positive language. 2isten more# spea) less. Ta)e !our time to respond. *ct individuall! ut thin) collective good. Be interpersonal, which is eing good to ever!one. Be rich in )nowledge and intelligence and use them discretel!# lest the! ecome stale. *ake it a guiding principal to al!as respond positivel to negative situation. K. -e a VI+I(.ARY: $hat is vision1 #o see great things before the are on sight. 9o not flow with the flow. 8ive direction# set goals# dream ig. Then set !our sails accordingl!. 8oals are oth long term and short term. 2ong term goals are the lueprint of !our dreams and vision. .hort term goals are the models made ! rea)ing down the long term goals. $hatever !ou conceive in !our mind# can e achieved. The moment !ou are ale to visualiCe and feel the destin!# no one can stop !ou from reaching it. >ver!thing ig or small we see toda!# was someone%s rainchild or dream# one da!. ;our thoughts are the seeds of !our actions# which when constantl! used# ecome haits# which convert into the personalit! and ends up as !our character. $hat !ou actuall! are. ;our character ecomes the solid foundation of !our vision. To match !our vision# !ou have to roaden !our comprehension levels# which should e as deep as sea# thoughts as high as s)! and strategies as solid as roc). ;our imagination is !our strongest tool which is the ase of !our vision# the starting point. *lwa!s thin) high. ,1hoot for the stars. %f ou miss, ou are still in race for the moon. "t is sad to die with dreams unfulfilled# ut worst is not to have dreamt at all. 2et no one ever steal !our dreams. -ever let them e orphaned. %n life, go as far as ou can see. When ou get there, ou !ill be able to see further. K. 7!ow %ou +,RE./,1+ & 0EA7.E++E+: >ver! soul in this world is uni<ue# the original. Because there are umpteen things to e done in the world# 8od has given different talentsIcapacities to different persons. .omeone is good in something# while other person is good in something else. "f one is a good cric)eter# ver! rarel!# he can e a good footaller too or vice versa. >ver!one is gifted with certain talents. These are !our strengths. :ac) hard wor) into them ' reali0e !our dreams. $ithout hard wor)# talents
213 Your Quest for Being Better
remain dormant and as good as wasted. Be sincere and proactive in pursuing !our ojectives. Believe in !our strengths# in turn !ourself. Mi/ them with passion# commitment and determination and !ou have read! mi/ for success and a rewarding life. 2ife is li)e a grindstone. %f ou are soft like chalk, it !ill grind ou into po!der but if ou are hard as granite, it polishes ou up. (ption remains !ith ou. 3F. -e o! the loo3out fo (PP(R,).I,IE+: :isten carefull. (pportunit, mostl, knocks ver softl. =nl! those who are )eenl! loo)ing for opportunities and are good listeners# can see the opportunit! where none e8ists. "n fact# ver! few do. -o wonder# we have so few successful people. There is a stor! of two mar)eting e/ecutives of a shoe manufacturing compan! sent to a remote place in search of usiness. There# the! find no one putting on shoes. =ne e/ecutive sent a telegram to the compan! 9=o market for shoes, since no one !ears shoes over here2. The other clever and more committed e/ecutive found a great opportunit! for selling shoes there. &is telegram read 91end as man consignments of shoes, since everone needs shoes over here2. .ee the difference in the perception of two people# of the same situation. * positive person sees a great opportunit! while a negative one onl! sees negativit!. * positive person sees green while a negative one sees red in the same situation. 2i)ewise# most of the prolems which we come across in life# are# actuall!# opportunities. .uccessful people convert ever! prolem into an opportunit!. Those who )eep criing# critici0ing and laming# are failures. That%s the difference etween the two# successful and failure. That%s wh!# failures outnumer successful persons ecause of lac) of vision# negativit! inclined and eing opportunit blind. "n fact# opportunities are never lost# the! are there ut graed ! someone else. 33. 4o !ot be ovetl% +e!sitive o ,ou#h%: &ave !ou ever faced a situation wherein !ou said something ut the person mistoo) it as something totall! different# which !ou never meant or said1 =r while !ou had no reason for eing rude# inattentive or unconcerned# !ou are eing accused of eing e/actl! that. =r sometimes# when !ou sa! something in all !our sincerit!# !ou are accused of ma)ing fun of someone or ta)ing the matter as a jo)e. .uch unpleasant situations are <uite common. "t happens when the other person is overtl! sensitive. .ometimes# even !ou ma! feel that wa!. Basic purpose of life is to enjo! eing !ourself and !ou should e happ! as !ou are# what !ou are. ;ou can e happ! and enjo! onl! when !ou ignore small things# remar)s or gestures. "f !ou )eep minding them# !ou are putting !ourself in aw)ward situation often# which is not good for !our ps!che or reputation. *s far as possile# avoid putting !ourself into such situations. Choose Your Quest for Being Better 214
!our words carefull! )nowing other person%s sensiilities or )eep a health! distance from such people# who e/pect !ou not to mind an!thing the! sa! ut could mind an!thing !ou utter. ;our relationship will e full of stress with such people. =ften# such tension(filled situations are common etween married couples# too. "n no time# an! remar) can e misconstrued or misinterpreted. "n such cases# asic prolem is not what is said ut general relationship which needs improvement and discussion# if it can e held. Being overtl! sensitive or touch! is a sign of low self(esteem. "t is alwa!s etter to ignore such remar)s. :ersons with high self(esteem mostl! do that to avoid getting trapped in aw)ward situations. 3D. 6a3e ,ha!3s&ivi!&M,ha!3s9livi!& a 1abit: 2ife can e lived either wa!. $e can feel grateful and e/press gratitude for all we have or )eep criing and complaining for what all we don%t have. 7irst wa!# we shall e happ!# contented# fulfilled# pleasant# upeat# graceful# jo!ful reflecting peace# love and patience# while the second wa!# we shall alwa!s feel miserale# discontented# envious# greed! and spiteful. $hen we ma)e Than)sgivingIThan)s(living a hait# we live a glorious life full of love and humilit!. $e ecome loveale# which automaticall! attracts people towards us. $hen we don%t# stressful# tension(filled arrogant# ego(filled life is what we lead. $e ma! not mind it ecause we get used to miseries easil! in life. But loo) at the other side# when we live with an attitude of gratitude# a life filled with hope and jo! without worr! or concern. Through such than)sgivingIthan)s(living attitude# we create a pleasant personalit! which attracts ever!one. 3P. ,he E8pessio! %ou wea, #eates best I$pessio!: &ow !ou carr! !ourself# matters a lot in life. -o dout# !ou should e smartl! and properl! attired for the occasion# where ever !ou are. But# most of all# it is the e/pression !ou wear counts most# which also instantl! connects !ou with people. "t%s also called !our earing# which must alwa!s e positive# an emodiment of real !ou# a ver! pleasant and magnetic personalit!. $ithout as much as sa!ing a word# onl! with e/pression on !our face# !ou impress ever!one present that !ou are trustworth!# dependale# person with a strong character# a good intentioned human eing and a alanced person. The e/pression !ou wear on !our face# is the true reflection of !our inner self. =uter e/pression of !our inner( self is a smiling happ! face# which in itself# conve!s man! things without uttering a word i.e. ?ou are !elcome, % understand ou, % love the !a ou are, % am glad to see or meet ou, ou can trust me the !a % trust ou, !hatever good % can do, % !ill or % am prepared to share !ith ou etc etc.J .mile is the est e/pression !ou can wear# since smile is contagious and will reed man! more smiles. * smile will lighten up the corner where !ou are. "t is a signal for ever!one around to enjo! and rela/ in each others%
215 Your Quest for Being Better
presence and togetherness. >ven when !ou are nervous which is ver! human# !ou can alwa!s wear a confident e/pression which is etter than loo)ing nervous. 35. 6a3e eve% 6ista3e a Lea!i!& (ppotu!it%: 'A person !ho has not made a mistake, does not make anthing. True to the core. *inds !ork best !hen open and open mind must tr! new ideas and when !ou tr! something new# mista)es are ound to happen# ecause of poor measures ' judgment# imperfection# insincere ' casual attitude# inade<uacies and miscalculations often result into mista)es# ig or small. ,#o err is human. ;ou gather wisdom onl! when !ou ma)e ever! mista)e a learning opportunit!. *nd when !ou have learnt !our lesson# !ou will do things differentl!# not the old wa!. =nl! those who are prepared to venture out or ta)e calculated ris)# will ultimatel! rise. Those who pla! safe all the time# has little chance of reaching those heights# where winners reach and eagles dare. 9o not e afraid of ma)ing mista)es as long as !ou )eep moving forward# learning from each. (!ning up is the critical factor. -ever hesitate to own up !our mista)es efore the children. "f the! have seen !ou owning up !our mista)es# the! will learn to e amiale and agreeale# forgiving t!pe. $e have to e open(minded# honest and sincere. 9o ma)e mista)es# ut learn from them and move ahead. 3E. .eve be ove9i$pesse" with 6o!e%: M! transition from *rm! to civil life was <uite ump!. "n *rm!# seniors are respected ecause of their ran) and e/perience. But in social circles in civil life# " found a rich person and his famil! was given mostl!# undue and at times# un(deserved importance. Because of this undue and un(deserved importance and respect in social circles# even rich uffoons are put on a pedestal the! do not deserve. .o much acrimon!# mindless pursuit of material wealth# corruption# un( principled politics# greed# comparisons in our societ!# are the result of this asic human need for respect. This is not to suggest that !ou should not respect the elders# ut falling over a rich man%s feet# simpl! ecause he is rich# gives a ver! nauseating feeling. .o treat ever!one well and give due respect ut maintain !our dignit! and also of those around !ou. 9o not have an! e/pectations from an!one# howsoever# high and might! he ma! e. Ma)e a principal of treating ever!one the wa! !ou want !ourself to e treated and move ahead. *n!one# who is not orne with silver spoon in his mouth# has to struggle# ma)e wa!# thin) and wor) hard and smart to rise in life. "f someone helps !ou# fine. >ven if no one does# !ou still stand a ver! good chance of reaching where !ou want to e in life# if !ou have self(elief and instill various lessons from this oo). "t ma! ta)e a little longer# ut !ou will respect !ourself for it. .o e patient and never lac) in effort. "f !ou ecome a chamcha (s!cophant) of a rich man# !ou will not feel ver! good Your Quest for Being Better 216
aout !ourself and !our success. .o for !our well(deserved success# have faith in !ourself and !our creator# who shall help !ou. Be an!thing ut don%t ever e a chamcha8. 3Q. ,1I.7 Cleal%, Lo&i#all%, Coe#tl%: 9o not confuse this point with the first point of this lesson. 7or ever! prolem or a difficult situation !ou face# solution lies in !our mind. :ower to thin) clearl!# logicall! and correctl!# rings !ou closer to resolving an! issue. 9eveloping such )ind of thin)ing also is a hait creation. 7irst point in clear thin)ing is that while we get lots of information from various sources# retain the facts and discard the irrelevant information. >ven amongst the facts or useful information# we must e ale to concentrate upon what is relevant to the situation or prolem. $hen !our approach to an! prolem is to the point# !our wor)load reduces consideral! ecause !ou are ale to concentrate upon the real issue# since !ou have separated out chaff from the grain. *s a mature person or a person of sustance# never use e/pressions li)e % have heard, the sa, someone told me, #hats !hat is being said, everone is saing, or other such vague e/pressions meaning gossip mongering# spreading rumors# character assassination# sa!ing for the sa)e of sa!ing# while !ou are not sure what !ou are sa!ing. 36. 4o .(, hol" o!to &u"&es, &ieva!#es a!" pe;u"i#es: 9o not live a life full of grudges. >as! said than done# no dout. $h!# ecause our mind# unfortunatel!# is more receptive and retainer of negativit! than positivit!. "n life# so man! good people we come across# of so man! good deeds we are the recipient. 8ood things said to us# far outnumer the ad ones. But we rememer one ad remar) said ! someone long time ago# even after !ears# while hundreds of good words said# do not find an! leftover remains in our memor!. $hen !ou hold onto prejudices# grudges# grievances# !ou onl! suffer# not the other person. .ometimes# !ou might even ,en+o that suffering# ecause of the familiarit! factor. 2earn to ignore# forgive and move on. 9o not )eep a hidden mental account of all the ad things# which might have happened to !ou or might have een said to !ou. "nstead# )eep a health! mind# filled with positive values# attitude and outloo). 9iscard and filter out all the ad things which are connected to negativit!. 7ill !our mind with love# compassion# harmon!# empath!# pra!er# altruism and cherish that !ou are alive# living a life free of hatred# env!# jealous!# acrimon!. ;ou deserve to live a full life# live it up to the rim. Ma)e !our mind a flower vase# not a dustin full of trash. 3K. -e CREA,IVE, -e 4IFFERE.,: "magine how this ver! world loo)ed a thousand !ears ago. "magine how things were at that time1 &ow things have changed so much1 $hen we thin) and anal!0e# we would reali0e that our present world is the cumulative effect of the wor) and deeds of so man! eminent and distinguished scientists# leaders# professionals# usinesspersons# industrialists#
217 Your Quest for Being Better
artists# actors etc.# who dared to e creative# thought differentl!# did differentl!. The! all dared to go out of their comfort 0ones# did not accept the status <uo which most of us do. Abaha$ Li!#ol! thought human slaver! was wrong# wor)ed ceaselessl! against the s!stem and won. 6ahat$a /a!"hi tirelessl! wor)ed towards lierating our countr! from British monarch! and "ndian independence ecame a realit!. E"iso! failed perhaps DFFF times to produce electric ul. 0i&ht bothes thought it was possile to have fl!ing machines and we have modern da! aircrafts. 2ist is endless. "t was ecause some people were eminentl! creative through the ages# we see the world in present da! form. =ur limits are created ! our own mind# no one else. $hen we go e!ond those self imposed oundaries# through and e!ond our imagination# creativit! egins. Creativit! comes with our own values and strong eliefs. "t%s when we pose a <uestion in our mind and as) is there a better !a' +nfortunatel!# our education s!stem imparts onl! oo)ish mostl! useless )nowledge and inhiits creativit!. "t was gifted to us ! the British to produce cler)s and peons for the empire. "nsignificant little has een done to improve or change it. &owever# no one stops !ou from thin)ing differentl!# doing things differentl!# ta)ing calculated ris)s and e more open. -ever e afraid of wal)ing alone. "t is etter to wal) alone and e right# rather than wal) with the crowd and e wrong. 4o not go !here the path ma lead. ,o instead, !here there is no path and leave a trail. 34. -e 4ECI+IVE. .eve be Afai" to Fail: *ll winners or successful persons have two traits in common. #he are never afraid to fail and decide -uickl. The! move fast and decide fast# whichever wa!. " have found that indecisions do more harm to us than wrong decisions. Most of the time# we must decide <uic)l! to get things done fast. The undecided person remains in dout# in an/iet! and in anguish. "ndecision accumulates prolems. "ndecisive people )eep lamenting# over(thin)ing# procrastinating and are slow( acting. The! ta)e too much time to thin) over# eing over( conscious. Be push! and a doer. Believe in 5A)*A, *ction. $hen !ou do more Aarma# !our success rate will also e high# even if !ou fail occasionall! which is ut natural. ;ou can put !our )nowledge and power to wor) onl! if !ou ta)e <uic) decisions# which are often lin)ed to responsiilities one has een entrusted with. "f !ou don%t tr! ecause !ou are afraid of failure# !ou have almost nil chance of eing a winner or successful in life. =ne wa! of improving our decision ma)ing is to give a time ultimatum# sa! D(E(6 minutes# depending. .ometimes# we are indecisive ecause we have too man! options. &ence# cut out the lesser important ones. .ometimes# we are over(anal!tical which ta)es time and are unale to decide till we are asolutel! sure. .uch dela!ed decisions Your Quest for Being Better 218
for whatever reason# actuall! harm !our cause more. ;our late decision might help someone to decide for !ou and wrest the opportunit! which was actuall! !ours. =ur decisions onl! shape our destinies. Those who do something and fail# are etter than those who are afraid of failing ' do nothing. Ouic) thin)ing is hait forming. 8et into the hait of ta)ing <uic) decisions and actions. DF. 6atuit% #o$es with e8peie!#e, !ot with A&e: Maturit!# in other words# ma! mean man! <ualities compressed into one life. "t ma! mean that !ou alwa!s )eep the igger picture in mind# long term goals rather than short term enefits. Maturit! is# !ou have mastered all the negatives li)e *nger# >go# =ne(up(man(ship# Gealous!# &atred# >nv!# Comparisons# 9isappointments ' 7rustrations etc. *s a mature person# !ou are alwa!s even tempered# never cri# critici0e or lame others for things going wrong. ;ou maintain !our own standards# which !ou never allow to e lowered# in spite of temptations or provocations. ;our actions or statements are alwa!s measured# oth in tone and content. ;ou are alwa!s fair when dealing with others# never greed!. ;ou are alwa!s calm and cool# never hurried or harried. ;ou alwa!s respond cooll! to whatever the situation is# never reacting violentl!. ;our response is alwa!s positive even to negative situations. ;ou admit !our mista)es and give credit to others for the achievements. ;ou are neither prejudiced nor undul! sensitive ! nature. &umilit! is !our second nature. Maturit! is not age related. * person of twent! can e much more mature compared to the person much older. Maturit! is the art of living with grace# poise and dignit!. A *ature person is al!as a pleasure to be !ith. "mmature love sa!sB 9% love ou because % need ou2. Mature love sa!s 9% need ou because % love ou2. 21. Co!#e!tate o! the -oa"e pi#tue, !ot the !aow o!e: =ften# !ou will find that long term goals (roader picture) clash with short term enefits (narrow picture). But alwa!s and ever! time# sta! focused on the long term goals. Man! times in life# temptations will e there to ta)e short cuts# li)e# compromise on <ualit! to ma)e little more mone! since no one ma! )now# jump the signal since no one is watching# evade little ta/ since !ou are alread! pa!ing so much and so man! others ,small% things# which will detract !ou from long term goals while the! enefit !ou in short term. -o# never. -ever do such things even once# ecause# then !ou will do an! numer of times# sa!ing +ust once. 2ong term goals are eas! to achieve through happ! relationships i.e. marital or general. 9o not e overtl! sensitive or feel slighted or insulted easil!. These are the signs of poor self(esteem. :eople with poor self(esteem do not go ver! far in life. .ound# meaningful relationships are the pillars of strength on !our wa! up and the! can e maintained through high self(esteem onl!. :eople
219 Your Quest for Being Better
recogni0e sensitive people easil! and )eep a good distance from them. 9o not e such an oject. Rome was not uilt in a da!. Be patient. Things ta)e time. 2et them. That%s wh! it is said $appiness is found along the !a, not onl at the end of the road. =n !our road to success# !ou must enjo! the entire journe!# not onl! the happ! ending. Be honest# e mature# e )ind# e alanced# spread goodness in spite of the difficulties and challenges the! pose. 9ecidedl! !ou are on !our road to success# where !ou elong. 22. Co!vet ("i!a% i!to E8tao"i!a%: Though 8od has gifted this life to us# option how we live# rests with us L an ,ordinar life% concerned onl! aout ourselves and our famil!# fulfilling our desires# ma)ing more mone! than others# tr!ing to adopt and maintain a ,etter% lifest!le to oost our ego and pride etc. Resultant ordinar! life is full of env!# hatred# jealous! and up( man(ship# filling it with stress# tension# dissatisfaction# acrimon! and disharmon!. But unfortunatel! most of the people seem <uite happ! living this ordinar! life# since familiarit pla!s an important role in our lives. &ence# we would find change <uite difficult to accept# ut change we must. $ell# 8od has estowed us with an option of living an ,;8traordinar :ife or a $olistic :ife, which comprises of !ourself# !our famil!# others speciall! those orn not as luc)! as !ou and 8od# the divine. *n >/traordinar! 2ife is led when !ou enjo! ever! minute of eing alive# !ou elieve in 5arma (*ction) which is in !our hand# leaving the rest with divine. ;ou also elieve# )now and hope that whatever happens is for the est. ;ou are )ind and compassionate towards all who have een created ! the same creator who created !ou. ;ou welcome and meet the challenges in life with positivit!# hope and faith. >lements such as tension# stress# hopelessness# frustrations# impatience# depression# oredom which are an integral part of (rdinar :ife are non( e/istent in ;8traordinar :ife since their place is filled with hope# confidence# viranc!# cheerfulness# enthusiasm# jo!# grace# dignit! and happiness. 2:. -e Respo!sive !ot ea#tive: There are few things in life over which we have control. But# we must learn to have complete control over ourselves. To an! situation# we must learn to respond positivel! rather e reactive# which reeds negativel!. "n our negative reactive mode# we alwa!s feel stressful# tensed# pressured# ma! e out of our mind and wisdom. "n this mode# others find us difficult to deal with# uncooperative# unfairl! critical of others# <uic) to ma)e presumptuous judgments and aove all# angr! in various degrees. $e lose temper <uic)l! and tend to e ver! unreasonale. This negative reactive mode hampers !our growth in man! wa!s i.e. in service# profession or vocation dealing Your Quest for Being Better 220
with various persons# forming meaningful relationships# while dealing with !our own children# on road or in almost ever!thing in life# it%s negative effects will e there. *ll round negative effect of our reactive nature can e seen in person%s achievements in life in ever! sphere. =n the other hand# our responsive mode has positive effects on our life. * person in :ositive Responsive mode is mostl! rela/ed# fle/ile# friendl!# unassuming# fair and eas! to deal with. &e is alwa!s smiling# cooperative# graceful and dignified. &e never throws his weight around. "t is <uite natural that Responsive mode person is sought after# successful and whatever goals he has set himself to achieve in life# will achieve with relative ease. *nal!0e !our natural modes and moods# and where ever needed# ring in the re<uired changes from reactive to responsive. "nculcate and instill the hait of cool positive responsive mode in !our children. "t is easier to change them now. Catch them !oung. *n! uilding is as strong as it%s foundation. :a a strong foundation for their good habits no!. B! doing so# !ou are not onl! helping them ut helping !ourself# since as grown up# the! shall e more caring# mature and etter human eing# which ultimatel! is ever!one%s goal in life. 2=. -e Coua&eous: 7ear and worr! over imaginar! situations# happens to most of the people# most of the time. Both can e dispelled with inherent courage. Courage is our all weather friend and all!# howsoever difficult the situation is. "t%s our most vital tool. Courage is a !(product of faith# determination# hope# patience and perseverance. *ll these mi/ed together# ma)e a head! mi/ture of courage and willingness to meet an! situation. $hen !ou fill !our mind with positive thoughts and determination# !ou ecome confident of meeting an! situation successfull!. 7ace ever! situation head on. Courage is e/plicit faith in 8od. 9o !our est and est will happen. -ever waver# never vacillate. 8od is with !ou. =thers have done it with divine help. .o will !ou. Gust do it. -ever e afraid of fear. 9o what !ou fear and fear will run awa!. But if !ou )eep fearing the fear# fear will alwa!s e there. 9ispel it and e free. -ever e a slave of fear. ;ou can easil! )ill fear since it is !our own rainchild. 2?. -e a peso! of Respo!sibilit% a!" I!te&it%: .ense of responsiilit! and integrit!# are two most important <ualities on which foundation of strong personalit! and true leadership is laid. The! are the mar) of one%s maturit!. *mong man! other traits# which a winner or a leader must possess# responsibilit and integrit are foremost. * leader or a winner alwa!s feels responsile oth in what he utters and his actions. &e Chooses carefull! what he sa!s# means what he sa!s and stands ! what he sa!s. Being responsile means !ou feel overall responsile for ever!one# not a select group or select areas. Trust is the outcome
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of responsiilit! and integrit!. *ll great leaders of the world in an! field# were trustworth!. The! were courageous to own mista)es even when the! were not directl! responsile. "ntegrit! means that !ou are person of doing things right. The! are persons of value and honest! not onl! themselves# ut also their followers. Road of responsiilit! and integrit! might e rugged ut it is the right road which leads !ou to !our goals and ojectives mainl! ecause oth these traits are in short suppl! these da!s. 2@. 5o% & 1appi!ess, o3 but PEACE is the -est: >ver!thing in life is in pairs# happ! ' .ad# 8ood ' Bad# 8ain ' :ain# 2ight ' 9ar)# Go! ' .orrow etc. But# when !ou thin) more deepl!# !ou will find that oth happiness and jo! are a state of mind# which is momentar! or fleeting. >ven within one da!# there will e man! good and ad things ta)ing place. *ccordingl!# we would e happ! for sometime ut again sadness would ta)e over !our mood. *s long as we let good or ad# happiness or unhappiness# jo! or sorrow# elevate or deflate our moods# we shall e oscillating etween &appiness and .adness# which is not a desirale state of eing. This is the state of mind in almost ever! person. &app! now# sad little later ut again something good happens# we are happ! ut again we ecome sad with ad happening again. We cannot change this pattern of good and bad because it is ho! life goes on. 8od has also given us the humilit! to accept what we cannot change. But when we accept what we cannot change# we are at peace within. But wh! not we ecome 1iddh .urush or accomplished being# and e at :>*C># instead# in oth the situations. $hile oth happiness and jo! have their pairing in eing sad or sorrow# :>*C> has no e<uivalent opposite. $e need little practice to reach that state. Gust li)e the changing patterns of clouds in the s)!# when we ecome happ! and sad with the oscillating events which is the law of nature or this world# if we remain stale# not too happ! with good# not too sad with ad# we can easil! achieve that end. Mind !ou# law of Aarma as per Bhagwad 8eeta also teaches us that. =nl! ,action% is within !our powers# not the rewards or results# which rings us happiness or sadness. *ction rings us :eace within and when we are unconcerned with the results# we are at peace which action rings us. $hen we are tran<uil or peaceful within# outside automaticall! is at peace. B! such an outcome# we can e a role model of peace. This is what is called state of ,nirvana% or ,liss% when in spite of eing part of this world in ever! wa!# !ou are at peace in ever! situation. * ,alanced% life also means a ,peaceful% life. 2A. Alwa%s be 1(PEF)L: $hen things go wrong# which the! often do# even after !our est effort# &=:> is the last straw to hold on to. "n fact# hope is li)e hair or nails. -o matter how man! times !ou cut them# the! )eep growing. -o matter how man! times !ou Your Quest for Being Better 222
fail# !ou are not a failure as long as !ou )eep tr!ing# do not <uit and )eep hoping ever!thing would e alright# since it will definitel! e alright one da!. >ver! loss is acceptale in life# ut not the loss of hope# ecause hope is 8od%s another name and &is wa!. "f !ou lose hope# !ou lose !our 8od. * life without hope is li)e living a life of a destitute. ;es# things are difficult at times# prolems are there and it ta)es time. 8od has millions of petitions pending. .o e patient# e hopeful that !our petition will also e favoral! disposed off# one da!. *nother reason wh! hope is so importantC "t%s ecause hope ma)es the present moment more earale. $hen we hope that tomorrow will e etter than toda!# it ma)es toda!%s hardships eas! to ear. 2B. 4o !ot Pete!" to loo3 %ou!&e tha! %ou a#tuall% ae: =ften# people tr! to dodge their real age ! l!ing aout the age# using various e/pensive ut harmful hair d!es# cosmetic surgeries# wearing clothes normall! worn ! !ounger generation# doing all )inds of deceptive ma)e(up# use e/pensive creams and lotions to ma)e their s)in loo) !ounger or ,wrin)le(free%# ! as)ing the children to call them elder rother (Bhai!!a(*nna) or sister (9idi( *)a) not uncle(aunt!# men )eeping long hair and women short and the list is endlessl! deceptive. "n spite of heroic efforts ! oth men and women# simple fact remains that !ou just can%t do it. ;ou ma)e something !ou want to hide# more ovious. *ging is a natural process. -o one has een ale to go against the nature# neither can !ou. The time(machine on which we travel in our life# has onl! forward gear. 8od has not put reverse gear on time machine. $hatever !our age# it shows. -othing will wor) hiding !our age. More !ou do# more scrupulousl! oservant people ecome. The! ma! not appear to oserve or sa! it openl!# is another matter. .o# nature entails on !ou# not to do this deception# indulging in a deceitful action which also ma)es !ou untrustworth! in the e!es of !ounger people. ;ou also lose grace# dignit!# poise and of course# truth# which is the most important ingredient in graceful living. -ever forget ,9>C>:T"=- ->V>R $=RA.%. "nstead# alwa!s )eep a smile and happ! cheerful earing on !our face and straightwa! !ou )noc)(off few !ears# ecause it has een proved in various surve!s that people with a smile on and happ! e/pression all the time# loo) much !ounger than those of the same age who are alwa!s serious or morose loo)ing. 2C. +hu! /REE4 to live /RACEF)LLY: $h! greed comes to m! mind again and again to warn !ou of this most dangerous# heinous and despicale of all evils in humans. %n humans, ecause humans onl! are greed!. =ther species with whom we are sharing this planet# do not )now what greed is. "t%s humans who want more than their legitimate share# more than the! deserve or need# have no hesitation in trampling others% rights and e privileged themselves over others. But readers eware and e warned ,reed
223 Your Quest for Being Better
has the capacit to destro, !hat one has created in a life time. ;es# have no dout. "t can and it will. These da!s# newspapers# maga0ines# visual media and internet is full of disgraceful doings of high and might!# who had ever!thing going right for them ut destro!ed themselves# their families# their reputations# societies or parties ! indulging in unrelenting greed# wanting more and more. ,$h! leave it when more can e had1% ,.o what if others also have a rightC% .uch is the attitude of a greed! person who wants ever!thing for himself. 8reed! person is selfish to the core# has no sense of justice or fair(pla!# elieves onl! in accumulating all the wealth himself# if the mone! was meant for hungr! and need! poor people# he does not care. Volumes can e written on this most despicale and disgraceful human act of greed. "t is !our dut! and responsiilit! towards !our own children to guide them awa! from greed right from childhood. 8reed! persons can e spotted from a distance. .o e fair(minded# reasonale and never get spotted ! others. "f a eggar is greed!# it is understandale ut if a person who has ever!thing and still wants more through unfair means# is neither understandale nor acceptale. :D. Lea! to A##ept losses a!" 6(VE A1EA4: 2i)e ever!thing in this world in pairs# life consists of oth profit and loss. "t is natural for us to feel happ! and elated when we enefit or profit and feel sad when we suffer loss. 2oss could e loss of mone! or some other material thing# damage to an! gadget li)e car )ept ver! dearl! ! us# inadvertent loss of face or reputation# failing in test or e/am# poor show ! our children in e/am# someone letting us down adl! somewhere or some other une/pected developments on the negative side. .uch losses could e ecause of our mista)e or fault while some other time# the! just happen. =ur attitude to such une/pected developments should e to accept the loss gracefull! without e/hiiting an! emotional imalance li)e cr!ing# cursing# losing temper# laming others and man! other negative reactions we often come across dail!. "t is not that !ou don%t feel ad# sometimes terril! disappointedC But !ou should e ale to create such a mindset which remains unruffled# unaffected ! an! adversit! and it can maintain direction and the right course# whatever the circumstances are. $henever a negative situation arises# man! lessons in this oo) will wor). -ever mind# tr! again attitude# persistence. +ps and downs# profit and loss would ma)e !ou definitel! happ! or sad inside which must remain inside onl!# not show outside. "n all circumstances# we must appear to e igger than the loss or profit and should not e/hiit our emotional imalance to the outside world. :1. Eve! fa3e o pete!" is o3: To get etter# sometimes# even fa)ing or pretending is o) when !ou don%t feel 3FFH up to it. *t times# !ou ma! not feel full! enthusiastic# courageous or full! up Your Quest for Being Better 224
to something ut !ou are convinced that it is for collective good. ;ou will often see that the wa! !ou act# is the wa! !ou thin). Rewa"i!& life is 1olisti# livi!&. 7or rewarding life# our approach to life has to e holistic# all round# not limited. &olistic living is the comination of the aove thirt! wa!s along with each and ever! word written in this oo) under various lessons. ;ou cannot selectivel! choose some points and improve on them onl!. ;ou have to e good in ever!thing to transform !ourself into a etter self. =nce !ou ma)e that as !our goal of life# things will automaticall! start falling into place. +ltimate aim is to live a dignified and graceful life# which will ta)e !ou towards happiness and jo!ful living. .uch nole ojectives are# in fact# eas! to achieve when !ou carr! !our team along. Team spirit is a great morale ooster and doing good for someone or for our societ!# something still etter. 2iving a rewarding life is reward enough. 3
RememerB Above ,1IR,Y (.E $a!tas, whe! i!stille" alo!& with othe lesso!s of this boo3, #a! ta!sfo$ a!%o!e. +o$e ae epetitio! but be i!spie", be $otivate" to be bette tha! what %ou ae. ,hee ae !o li$its to ta!sfo$atio!. ,a!sfo$ a!" be eall% alive.
************************************************* 3or)et so#iety,s vie of SUCCESS "ase! on <oney an! Outar! A&&earan#es.
En!eavour to #reate your O$N =E3INITION of SUCCESS "ase! on 4u'an @ualities >IN=NESS, %ODE, INTE0RIT., 3OR0IDENESS, TO%ERANCE, 0RATITU=E, A%TRUIS< & SINCERET..
225 Your Quest for Being Better
@=. EPIL(/: Life 6a!a&e$e!t is the (b;e#t a!" Esse!#e of ou boo3s. Life is !ot about si$pl% #o$i!& & &oi!&, -), LEAVI./ A 6AR7. 6A.A/E6E.,E "t is a ver! common term used these da!s. 7or ever!thing# we have institutions of management to manage something# e it <usiness, %ndustr, $otels, $ospitals, /inance and it%s an endless list. There is also *an management, how we manage people# who are wor)ing under or with us. Thus# we have umpteen institutions# schools# colleges# universities which teach various t!pes of management s)ills. But all these institutions# hone s)ills# how to create more and more wealth# influence# e cut aove others# all selfishl! for ourselves or our families# spending our life pursuing materialistic goals to get ahead and remain there. $e )eep chasing the illusions of happiness# fulfillment# satisfaction# desires# sensual gratification# up(man(ship# ph!sical comforts ' securit!. "f at all# these are reali0ed# it%s <uite late in life since things ta)e time. B! the time we do reali0e them# we also get the feeling that it is fruitless# never ending e/ercise. =ur dissatisfaction# discontentment# disenchantment with all that# ring us face to face with the hollowness of it all. $o!ever, our Aim is not to devalue above !hich are needed for our sustenance. #hese are lifes essentials to maintain and support our phsical e8istence " !ellbeing. Coming to the M*-*8>M>-T part once again# we do not reali0e that we need to manage other e<uall! important things in life# ourselves, our relationships, spiritual !ellbeing, serenit, purpose, life in general. &ow can we e etter citi0en# etter spouse# etter parent ' offspring# etter professional# aove all# a virtuous B>TT>R &+M*- B>"-8. $e have no management "nstitution to teach us LIFE 6A.A/E6E.,. Through this oo)# 'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER and our earlier oo)s# 'YE+ ,(/E,1ER 0E CA. ' '01A, ,1EY 4(., ,EAC1 I. E4)CA,I(.AL I.+,I,),I(.+# we have discussed various aspects which touch our lives intimatel! to find peace, happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, harmon, togetherness and above all, contentment which most people lac) these da!s. Boo)s inspire the reader to emrace virtues and shun vanities li)e ego# arrogance# acrimon!# resentment# greed# jealous! and man! other roadloc)s which ta)e !ou awa! from leading a life of grace, dignit and values. ,,randchildren are ,ods !a of compensating us for the old age. The! are the roseuds aout to flower. There is a selfish side to writing such oo)s as 'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER, 'YE+ ,(/E,1ER 0E CA. & '0hat ,he% 4o!t ,ea#h I! E"u#atio!al I!stitutio!s, that millions of our children including m! granddaughters# Ra&i!i, eleve! a!" .ai!a, fou, will not have to go through the agon! of horrific newspaper reports or horrendous scenes on TV screens# when the! grow up. " do not want them to suffer the Your Quest for Being Better 226
shoc)s# pain# indignities and miseries which our generation# has gone through. B! our efforts now# we must create a etter# humane# )ind and compassionate societ! for them to live in. "nstead of gifting them material ojects for temporar! material pleasures# let%s e sincere and gift them a etter societ!# a etter world. ,B>.T T"M> T= :2*-T * TR>> $*. T$>-T; ;>*R. *8=. .>C=-9 B>.T ". -=$%. $e all $ust a##ept this espo!sibilit% for our children# grandchildren ' future generations. *"M and =BG>CT of our B==A. is to see a 9".C":2"->9# 9;-*M"C# C*R"-8# C=MM"TT>9 "-9"* T= M*A> * M*RA "- T&> C=M"T; =7 -*T"=-. *R=+-9 T&> $=R29. *s individuals# we must ma)e our living count. 5AI 1I.4. Capt. Ravi 6aha;a!GRet"H
************************************************** Practical & workable advise from RATAN TATA to our youngsters: (at Symbiosis) I=on,t -ust have #areer or a#a!e'i# )oals. Set )oals to )ive you a /alan#e!, Su##essful life. /alan#e! 'eans ensurin) your 4ealth, Relationshi&s, <ental Pea#e are all in 0oo! Or!er. There is no &oint of )ettin) a &ro'otion on the !ay of your "rea(u&. There is no fun in !rivin) a #ar if your "a#( hurts. Sho&&in) is not en-oya"le if your 'in! is full of tensions. =onMt ta(e life so seriously. %ife is not 'eant to "e ta(en seriously, as e are really te'&orary here. $e are li(e a &re&ai! #ar! ith %i'ite! Dali!ity. If e are lu#(y, e 'ay last another ;7 years. An! ;7 years is -ust 8,;77 ee(en!s. =o e really nee! to )et so or(e! u&G 1ItMs O>, /un( fe #lasses, s#ore lo in #ou&le of &a&ers, ta(e leave fro' or(, fall in love, fi)ht a little ith your s&ouse... ItMs o(... $e are Peo&le, not &ro)ra''e! !evi#es..J =onMt "e serious, EN2O. %I3E AS IT CO<ES.N
227 Your Quest for Being Better
(u Roa"s ae the Visible si&! of ou C1ARAC,ER: *ll of us spend lots of time ,in% or ,on% our vehicles# on road. =ur true character is on displa! when we are riding our moi)e or driving the car. *s is our nature# we want things to change without changing ourselves# ever!one# other than us. This is not going to happen. $e )eep laming the government# other drivers# traffic police for our road conditions ut never ma)e an effort to anal!0e and change our attitude# culture and outloo) to what we can do to improve our road conditions. $ithout going into what and how of our roads# " shall suggest what we# as responsile citi0ens using roads# can do to improve our road conditions for our sa)e not for an!one elseB 3. =ur first re<uirement is that our roads must e safe for us. That can happen onl! when we "ive safel% which results ! traffic discipline " abiding b traffic rules. D. Avoi" e#3less "ivi!&I .tart earl! so that !ou have enough time to reach where !ou want to e. =ften# people drive fast when the! are getting late. ;ou are getting late ecause !ou started late. .o start earl! enough so that !ou are hassle(free on the road. P. =verta)e onl! when !ou must# and feel safe. Avoi" is3% oveta3i!&. *s per road rules# !ou should overta)e onl! from the right side of the vehicle ou are overtaking# not left side. -ever let !our vehicle# speciall! if it is a two wheeler# come etween two vehicles during the overta)ing# when all vehicles are at high speed. $hen overta)ing# give enough warning ! hon)ing or flash of light# to the vehicle !ou are overta)ing so that he is also careful. -ever ta)e a sudden swerve to the right of the vehicle to e overta)en ecause !our sudden appearance in the wrong lane# might cause a serious collision with the vehicle coming from the opposite direction. 5. 4ive withi! the spee" li$its. "n case of accident# this is the first <uestion to e as)ed ! the authorities or insurance people. %n fact, almost all the accidents happen because at least one of the vehicle or both, are over speeding. Avoi" te$ptatio! to "ive fast# oth in the cit! or on highwa!s. Cars# these da!s are light and can go at high speed giving !ou wrong impression that the! are safe and !ou can control the vehicle. +nfortunatel!# at high speed# even with ver! minor sudden swerve or a dog or odd two wheeler suddenl! appearing# vehicle can ecome totall! uncontrollale# resulting into serious accidents. These light vehicles give the delusion to the driver that he is in control ut such indiscretions# often# result into serious accidents# unfortunate loss of lives# which can e avoided if vehicles are driven within safe speed limits. +nfortunatel!# our vehicles are fast ut roads are not Your Quest for Being Better 228
E. 5u$pi!& si&!als. .top when signal is red and go onl! when it is green. -ever jump signals# never. Be patient and aide ! road rules. Q. 6ai!tai! la!e "is#ipli!e and do not come into the wrong lane even temporaril!# to get ahead of the vehicles moving within their respective lanes. 6. .eve "ive with hi&h bea$ withi! the #it%, since it ostructs the vision of vehicles coming from the opposite direction. &igh eams are meant for highwa!s onl!. K. .eve use $obile while "ivi!&. "n case of an incoming call# etter avoid it and !ou can return the call after !ou have reached the destination. "n case !ou must# slowl! ring the car or i)e# giving the left indicator# par) it with haCard light indicators on# then tal). -ever suddenl!# see the moile for who is calling# when !ou are driving the vehicle# even at low speed. 4. Roa" "is#ipli!e is the )e! to road safet!. $hen traffic has halted or slowed for an! reason# 9= -=T leave !our lane and get etween the vehicles or cross the road dividers or white# !ellow or doule !ellow line to go ahead of the stopped or slowed vehicles. This is not onl! violation of road discipline ut also# can e ver! dangerous and ris)! for two wheelers. "ndiscipline on road can e fatal# not worth an!thing# please note. 3F. ,affi# #ops ae thee to help %ou and regulate the traffic. The! are onl! doing their dut!. $hen !ou are motioned to stop# slow the vehicle# give the indicator and tal) to them respectfull! and do as told# instead of losing temper and tal)ing rudel!# which can ac)fire. .upposing inadvertentl!# some traffic offence has een committed# face it# pa! the fine or whatever. 7acing the matter then and there# is much etter than tr!ing to get awa! which can e complicated and troulesome later. 33. -e patie!t o! oa". 9o not ever lose temper and e rash# give wa! to pedestrians# halting !our vehicle <uite a distance awa! to let them pass. 9rive in peace. Rash driving within the cit! can# at the most# save !ou few minutes and on highwa!s# a little more. But ris) involved is so great that for an! right( thin)ing person# it is not worth it%s while. "t is alwa!s etter to e courteous# stress(free# patient and good mannered while !ou are driving. ;our pedigree is on displa! when !ou are at the wheels. .o e careful. "t%s worth it%s while. 7inall!# )eep a photograph of !our famil! in front of !ou. The! are )eenl! awaiting !our arrival at home. T= *RR"V> ;=+R 9>.T"-*T"=- .TR>..(7R>># 7=22=$ TR*77"C R+2>..