if you cant blow them away with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit

Don't be mean.. Be median or mode :)

Parents have two moods:
Youre a teenager youre practically an adult you should be doing all this stuff on y
our own.
and
Youre just a teenager! Youre still a child and are basically not allowed to do anyt
hing you want to.
when a girl changes her clothes in front of you, shes either really interested or
youre level 99 friend-zoned
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Or she hasnt spotted you in the tree yet
i hate math tests because all throughout the chapter its like really easy shit an
d then you think youve got it and then the test is like
if i throw a triangle out of a car and the car is going 20 mph and wind resistan
ce is a thing that exists, how many cupcakes can pedro buy with one human soul
Holding hands may seem like an innocent gesture, but they show more than a simpl
e interlocking of fingers. Your hands are one of the most essential parts of you
r body: you build with them, feed with them, hold with them, touch with them, fi
ght with them; they are the tools of the human body. To take a hold of anothers h
and is to break from living individually. It is to link yourself to another bein
g, to momentarily entwine your life with anothers, to promise, for a moment, that
you need not face the world alone. More simple, more aesthetically naive than o
ther forms of affection, i.e kissing, hugging, sexing.., the act of holding hand
s is often trivialized in its true implications.
You say you love the rain
but you open the umbrella when it rains
You say you love the sun,
But, you find a shadow spot when the sun shines
You say you love the wind,
But, you close your windows when wind blows
This is why am afraid, you say you love me too
You want to know what happiness is? Its waking up in the middle of the night for n
o reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to
you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnera
ble state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyones shoulde
r but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not
to wake them. You turn back around and an involuntary grin forms on your own fac
e. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesnt get any better
than this.
We accept the love we think we deserve :'D
Seeing girls in mini and half skirts without legging
Tumlogo ko thand bhi nai lagti?
Love is not in cuddling and doing all those things. Its that unmistakable feelin
g when you can in to any length for that one person. You can choose death, you c
an fight your own master and keep that flame alive. It doesn't mean she or he wi
ll return the love but, the understanding that the person will honor it with tim
e. And mistakes happen that separate up from our lovers but, till that little fi
re is there, we aren't cold. It's when you recognize every moment as happy, and
you can say that you will be always at the person's rescue on matter what it tak
es.
Last christmas.. I gave you my heart
The very next day... you gave it away..
This year... To save it from tears
I'll give it to someone special :(
Let there be rains tomorrow, I want to feel the slight sense of romanticism agai
n
Slow dances through the mirage of clouds among the skies that speak a tale
Touching everything, sensing all love and yet, feeling nothing like pain
Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratic: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the
other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd
multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to p
roduce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the co
w dropped dead.
A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three c
ows.
Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth t
he size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a
clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You clai
m full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported
the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that
you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no co
ws, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...
Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the he
mp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.
Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
PETA: You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convinc
e other people that killing cows is wrong.
Romney: You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
Old Spice: You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming abo
ut how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are s
o perfect.
4chan: You have two cows. You argue about which cow is actually a good.
Hipster: You have two aurochs. You kill one and fashion it into an original leat
her outfit. You take pictures of the other for instagram and use its milk for St
arbucks coffee.
Cuilism: I give you a hamburger.
X-Files: You have two cows, both seem to have exploded. Mulder suspects aliens.
An Australian cattle station: You have several thousand cows, but you can only f
ind two, because the others all buggered off somewhere.
Cannibalism: You have 2 cows. You shoot one of them and force the other one to e
at it.
Instagrammers: You have two cows, you take several pictures with them and use ir
relevant hashtags about the pictures
Slenderman: You have 2 cows. Dresses up in cow costume, pretends to be one of th
e cows, sneaks in house and kidnaps your children. The abductor or second cow is
no where to be found
It seems to me that there are more hearts broken in the world, that can't be men
ded, left unattended ..... :')
I see a lot of One Direction hate nowadays..
Seriously, it's weird. It's a boy band . You don't expect instruments right? Any
way moving on. They are not great artists but, there are worse
Don't believe me? Try Jenna Rose, Nicki Minaj and Kesha
They will give you headaches worse than the 10 gallons of whiskey hangover that
you might have..
First of all a boy band, is always hated on. Remember 98 degrees? backstreet Boy
s? O-Town? all were hated on.
Apparent reason? They were homosexual?
They write songs for wooing women.. Which homosexual man wants to woe women anyw
ay?
One direction deserve the hate for sugarcoated music. They deserve the hate for
making music that doesn't involve any emotions or even cause them. The ending is
that they wouldn't even get noticed if it were not for the looks of the band me
mbers.
You'd feel good when five girls ("cute" by the mainstream description) write son
gs for you right? So, don't hate on the little girls who like the music.
It will happen.
Boy bands exist for this ONE purpose.
Pink Floyd ~ the only band that will be perfect for everything. You don't need t
o be high to enjoy this band, you need this band to enjoy being high
They said you're in love again
And I tried to hide my pain
I was buried in my bed
With your pictures in my head
You were living another life
It cuts me like a knife
I hope you understand
I'm the one who's left behind
Some love stories aren't meant to have happy endings but, when the moments are s
o happy who'd want it to end..
I wish to love you and that is why I do not wish to see you =.= xD
Indian mothers-
Complain about bra adverts being on television
Doesn't matter that serials showcase polygamy, extra marital affairs, child marr
iage, child labor, eloping, etc...
I hated her so much, that I couldn't stop loving her. I kept trying to find some
one completely unlike her only to realize that I will never succeed with somethi
ng so stupid and so honest ...
United we stand, divided we misunderstand
Sometimes you hate somebody so much, that everything seems to be dark after you
see them. Is very upset..
Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol \m/!
Why can't our possessions be like us.. My mobile behaves like me but, my compute
r seems like a jealous child ....
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever l
et us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others
' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with the
m, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh to
o much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no
guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the
fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dan
ce in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watch
ing the sun come up, stay up late and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afra
id to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because e
very second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get
back.
When we guys fight we get very violent but, we are still friends
When girls fight, friendship breaks in seconds without violence
Yes, you girls promote peace but, we are friendship!
" We all live in moments and some moments last a lifetime..."
Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the
things women remember - Albert Einstein
Reason why a handgun is better than any woman-
You can buy a silencer for a handgun!
I fell in love with the most beautiful woman I had ever met. I met her every day
in the same cafe. It was a silent relationship, she sat in one corner, always t
alking on the phone with someone else and I sat in the middle watching everyone
passing me by. One day I approached her to find that she had passed me by too, a
nd there was only a figurine that held up her phone. So, I threw the phone away
and came out into the streets trying to find someone I could see, over coffee, a
ll alone.
Jingle bells, go to hell
Get the fuck out of my way
You're so fucking slow
And fat, what do you weigh!
You can't fucking sing
I will start a fucking fight
Get outta my way you fucking ho
I'm riding here tonight
Merry Christmas
I sometimes think that priests are no different than salesmen. Only they sell th
e most free of all products in the most expensive way possible.
Baby I wish I was your derivative so that I could lie tangent to your curves
"Love is for you people, and not for people like us, we can love deeply but, dep
th is not what you want."
I may seem like an asshole
but deep down Im a good person
and even deeper down Im a bigger asshole
how do people maintain relationships for 2 years I cant even have a girl look at
me for more than 30 seconds
Its a lonely subway train. You get on, a woman in looking at her book, you hear
her sobs. You sit in a corner with a mind thinking of your job. yet, the cry of
the woman rings in your heart. You take out a paper from your bag and write her
a letter. you tell her she matters. you walk up to her and give her the letter,
before you get off.
Years go by, and another day on the subway, the same woman sits beside you. She
tells "thank you'. you don't remember her, but, she says she's much happier now
and somehow you are happy too.
"Would you leave me, If I told you what Ive done?"
Me: Did you eat my pizza again?
My 2 year 3 month old nephew has a girlfriend named Tamanna Bhaumik who is 5 yea
rs older. Far less progressive than me, because I had a crush on a 20 year old a
t that age but, he's getting there
Being a girl would be so awesome like, you could think of the dirtiest thoughts
and people would never know and think am really innocent.
The fragility of friendship. Once you get too close you can break something that
can be beautiful. If you recede too far the beauty will fly away.
I can't believe that bacteria would just intrude into my body without my permiss
ion. that makes me sick..
Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass of
f for a final only to get a C. You give 110% to someone in a relationship who on
ly gives 40%. Youre there for a best friend at 3:00am and the next day they dont p
ick up their phone. It seems like youre giving everyone everything and theyre just
walking away with it.
Diet Plan : Eat what you want, and if anyone tells you otherwise, eat them too
is there a way for me to donate my body fat to the starving kids in africa?
*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
[Dramatic music]
Me: *Sneezes*
What did an eye say to another eye?
Between you and me man, there's something that smells
I am broken today, I am trying to put together another jigsaw puzzle, and don't
know if it still makes a picture or not
I think I fall a little in love with people when I catch them in small moments,
when they think no ones looking at them, when they absently twirl a strand of hai
r between their fingers, when they lick their thumb to turn a page in a book. Th
eres something beautiful about a person who is lost in a thought, or adjusting th
eir shirt, or is scratching a phantom itch on their arm, or even someone who is
looking at someone else like I am looking at them.
And if you ask, i'd tell you a little thing I love about you.
Dear English,
You know very well that am no knight in shining Armour and I do not wish to figh
t an tedious overwrought fight. So tomorrow, lets say I be the tired old travele
r who has lost his way and has no shelter for night. So, lend me a knife tomorro
w and let us fight. We would fight to bleed the soul instead of the body and pro
bably won't be victorious against the faithless wights. Probably, I wouldn't eve
n kiss the fair damsel goodnight, but, promise me this. When we return perched u
pon someone else's lesser known ride, we'd have a cigar to share and stories to
tell of the fight. For tomorrow we fight for the memories, we fight for our righ
ts. The right to get out of this stupid, labyrinth of life...
I actually trick my parents into believing am using the computer when I am readi
ng stories o.o
Seriously what do people find wrong with homosexuality in general? It's not some
thing someone chooses and it's rather something one is born with. It's perhaps w
rong in itself to term homosexuality as a sin for you call marriages lasting for
72 days holy, but, two men who are in love for 10 years surely isn't, just beca
use they are of the same sex?
It is hard to find someone who interests you and it perfect for you sometimes of
the opposite sex, sometimes people of the same sex understand you better. Stop
being a homophobe and digest it in. It's 21st century and yes everybody has watc
hed certain things and not protested at all. I don't find widespread hatred on s
ome things that are clearly gross for example, everyone tends to forget how wome
n have been denied very high positions in many religions..
Be proud if you're in support for homosexuality because it is nothing to be asha
med of, your sexual choices shouldn't be decided by anyone else at any point of
time. I for one would wear a rainbow with pride, because I am what I am and you
can't change me.
P.S don't support it because it's cool, but do so because it's bloody right
The closer people are to each other, the harder it is to lie. This is why it's s
o easy for people to lie on Twitter, Facebook and in emails.
Had a really great "Night Out" last night, According to my police report.
I will win, Not immediately But Definitely.'
If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them
for you.
The road to success is always under construction.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
Born to express not to impress.
Silent people have the loudest minds.
Sometimes it's easier to pretend you don't care, than to admit it's killing you.
You cannot stop the waves but you can learn to surf.
Life is like photography, You use the negatives to develop.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure abou
t the universe.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
When someone says, "You've Changed", It simply means you've stopped living your
life their way.
If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wak
e up.
I don't have dirty mind, I have Sexy imagination.
Whenever i think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.
You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you hav
e.
You have to be ODD, to be number ONE.
When life puts you in tough situations, don't say, why me? Just say, try me!
I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We are on the same side Now.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
If people are trying to bring you 'Down', It only means that you are 'Above them
'.
Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don't have to remember
what you said.
Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
Be a good person, But don't try to prove.
Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
Some people are alive only, Because it's illegal to kill them.
I am not failed......My success is just postponed.
If you like me Then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard.
When i was born..Devil said.."Oh Shit..!! Competition".
I work for money, For loyalty Hire a Dog.
I am always right, Once i thought that I am wrong, But i was wrong.
I know i am something, Because god doesn't create garbage.
If you are gonna be two-faced, Honey at least make one of them pretty!
When nothing goes right..!! Go left.
If you can't convince them, Confuse them.
I love to walk in fog, Because nobody knows i am smoking.
I am not drunk, I am just chemically off-balanced.
Oh, So you wanna argue, Bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.
I am so poor that i can't pay attention in class.
Warning...I know KARATE.......And few other oriental words.
I used to be an atheist, But then i realized i'm God.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
Success is like being pregnant everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how
many times you got fucked to get there.
I am not virgin, My life fucks me everyday.
Nothing is over until you stop trying.
Person you love is 72.8% water.
I talk to myself because i like dealing with a better class of people.
People say, you can't live without love...I think oxygen is more important.
80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain.
When everything comes your way.. Then you are on the wrong way.
she's so fake, if you look behind her neck. I bet it says "Made in china".
I drink to make other people interesting.
If at first, you don't succeed..Keep flushing.
Save water drink beer.
Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.
Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor.
Don't kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
His story is History, My Story is Mystery.
Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.
When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
Sometimes you succeed.... and other times you learn.
There are three sides to an argument - your side, my side and the right side.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up
every morning.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Scratch here to reveal my status ?
I'd rather have honest enemies than fake friends.
My "last seen at" was just to check your "last seen at".
Not always "Available".. Try your Luck..
Hey there whatsapp is using me.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.
You can never buy Love....But still you have to pay for it.
Totally available!! Please disturb me!!??
Success all depends on the second letter.
Life is Short Chat Fast!
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