Reflections

from a Zen
Practitioner
A ServiceSpace O!ering
AWAKIN WITH CONRAD
Preface
i
Conrad rst entered our lives thanks to the internet and a unique platform
called Awakin.org (a project of ServiceSpace). Through this project, for the
last 17 years a weekly wisdom passage has been emailed out to tens of
thousands of people all over the world. Drawn from a wide variety of
traditions and authors, the Awakin passages are a quiet invitation for readers
to reect and engage more deeply with their own inner transformation.
It was about ten years ago that we began noticing we had a new reader, one
who was posting comments on each weeks passage. Comments that were
not only deeply thoughtful but stunningly prompt and unfailingly courteous.
That reader was Conrad P. Pritscher. He rarely, if ever, missed a week, and
he never once neglected to give gratitude at the end of his posts to those
who made this service possible. Over time we learned more about his
remarkable life as a professor, prolic author and Zen practitioner. Some of
us engaged in deeper conversations with him, one of us had a chance to
visit him in person, and all of us began to look forward to his wise and one-
of-a-kind responses to each weeks reading. Gradually, gracefully, and
without fanfare, Conrad became an integral part of the Awakin family. So
when we learned in the Summer of 2014 that he had been diagnosed with
inoperable lung cancer and given only a matter of months to live by the
doctors predictions, the news struck us with the force of a blow.
But then, in a letter he sent to his wide community of friends, we read
Conrads breathtaking response to his diagnosis. His uninching courage,
equanimity and graciousness awed and humbled us. It revealed to us the
true measure of his practice.
A Zen Practitioner Reects by ServiceSpace is licensed
under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-
NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. If you have any
questions, please email info@servicespace.org.
Now, and perhaps more powerfully than ever, in his nal chapter,
our 82-year-young friend continues to teach us of the strength,
wisdom and beauty that reside in the human spirit. For his
luminous lessons and example we are profoundly grateful.
Inspired by Conrads life a small group of us decided to select
excerpts from his weekly Awakin comments and compile them
into a standalone book. Awakin With Conrad: A Zen Practitioner
Reects is a collection of his posts (edited only very slightly to t
this format). It is our humble e"ort to honor our beloved friend,
and to share his lifes wisdom with you.
In service and stillness,
The Awakin/ServiceSpace Family
ii
A Farewell Letter
iii
Fragrance always remains on the hand that gives the
rose
-Mahatma Gandhi
I was recently in the hospital for a week, rst being diagnosed with
pneumonia, then being diagnosed with lung cancer. After more tests, we
discovered that my lung cancer is not operable. And I have decided to go
with the ow and to do nothing other than take each day as it comes along,
with painkillers when I need them. Having lost 20 pounds in the last 2
months, I am now very weak and have low energy. From my point of view,
though, I am accepting everything that comes. Thank you for contributing to
the great life I have had and will have for a few more months. Doctors project
I will probably be gone by the end of January, and I have no complaints of
any kind in my heart. In place of get-well cards or phone calls, I would prefer
that you continue practicing things as they are. As a Zen Buddhist, I believe
we are born and die each moment. I look at myself as a wave in a vast
ocean. Eventually, the wave merges into the ocean. My wave is now
accelerating a bit faster than usual toward becoming the ocean, but life is
sure to reconnect us in the ocean.
Excerpted from a mail by Conrad Pritscher, Jun 2, 2014
Conrad Pritscher is the author of seven books, including Einstein
and Zen: Learning to Learn, On Education and Values. In Praise
of Pariahs and Nomads, Quantum Learning: Beyond Duality.
iv
Chapter 1
Boundless
One of my all-time favorite quotes is from Deans
Sluyters The Zen Commandments. He says: So
the way to boundless experience is not to seek
boundless experience or any particular experience
beyond whatever presents itself. This non-seeking
does take practice, not to get better at doing it,
since there is no doing involved, but to give our old
seeking habit some road upon which to run out of
gas. Sooner or later, we give up and just let the
innite (or whatever you want to call it) engulf us. By
denition, the innite is everywhere and everything;
ocean can never be absent from even the smallest
drop of wave. Weve simply been distracted from it
by our constant compulsion to look somewhere else
for something more.
2/6/2007
Chapter 2
God
Gandhi said,If you dont see God in the next
person you meet it is a waste of time looking for
him further, I also think of Thomas Mertons quote
which I just read:Zen: not abstract at all in the way
I see it. I use it for idol-cracking and things like that.
Healthy way of keeping ones house clean. Gets the
dust out quicker than anything else I know. I am not
talking about purity, just breathing, and not piling up
the mental junk.
2/14/2007
Chapter 3
Hope
The idea of hope often makes the distinction between
the future and present. This is all there is. The here and
now is here and now. Some sage said that nothing
ever happened in the past and nothing will happen in
the future. All that happens, happens now, or happens
not at all. There is no future to hope for. I am also
reminded that each of us, including myself, wants to
know and we frequently know with words and ideas.
Hopelessness and hope are not di"erent when the kind
of knowing we have knows that the way that can be
said is not the way. We can know that compassion,
patience, and being peaceful are the way for us, but
for some people, words can prove to those using
them that compassion, patience, and being peaceful
are not the way for them. When we are one with
everything, there is no need for hope or anything else.
2/23/2007
Chapter 4
Ripe
Thomas Merton said: In a koan someone said that
an enlightened man is not one who seeks Buddha
or nds Buddha, but simply an ordinary man who
has nothing left to do. Yet stopping is not arriving.
To stop is to stay a million miles from it and to do
nothing is to miss it by the whole width of the
universe. As for arriving, when you arrive you are
ruined. Yet how close the solution is: how simple it
would be to have nothing more to do if only -- one
had really nothing more to do. The man who is
unripe cannot get there, no matter what he does or
does not do. But the ripe fruit falls out of the tree
without even thinking about it. Why? The man who
is ripe discovers that there was never anything to be
done from the very beginning.
3/13/2007
Chapter 5
Goals
These 12 goals from Dr. James Guinan encompass a
simple and unassuming manner of life, and as Einstein
suggested, they embody a creative contagious element
capable of initiating a chain reaction: 1. have an increased
tendency to let things happen rather than make them
happen. 2. have frequent attacks of smiling. 3. have
feelings of being connected with others and nature. 4.
have frequent, almost overwhelming, episodes of
appreciation. 5. have the tendency to think and act
spontaneously, rather than from fears based on past
experiences. 6. have unmistakable ability to enjoy each
moment, and to make the best out of each experience. 7.
lose the ability to worry. 8. lose interest in conict. 9. lose
interest in interpreting the actions of others. 10. lose
interest in judging others. 11. lose interest in judging self.
12. be compassionate to self and others without expecting
anything in return.
3/13/2007
Chapter 6
Concepts
From the Dhammapada: We are what we think. All
that we are arises with our thoughts. With our
thoughts we make the world. When we dont think
or conceptualize, we dont know. The value of not
knowing conceptually, I believe, is enormous, yet I
nd I have great di$culty in avoiding thinking and
concepts. My use of words causes me to divide this
from that when this and that are one. I also think
that each of us does the same thing; but we do it
di"erently. As Lao Tzu said, The way that can be
said is not the way. The it that can be said is not
the way. Not being able to say it is similar to not
knowing. Noticing what one does is more important
than noticing what one says. We can notice what
one does in a way that cannot be said.
4/8/2007
Chapter 7
Conceptions
I am still addicted to conceptions. Even the quote:.
It takes a long time to understand nothing, (said
Edward Dahlberg) is something I appreciate
conceptually in that I tend to give the nothing
above a somethingness. Perhaps the more I am
aware of my conceiving habit,the more likely I may
be willing to experience mystery in a non-
conceptual way.I am growing very slowly.
5/22/2007
Chapter 8
Zen
Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know
this, walking, standing, sitting or lying down,
everything you do is Zen. To know that the mind is
empty is to see the Buddha. Using the mind to look
for reality is delusion. Not using the mind to look for
reality is awareness. Freeing yourself from words is
liberation. -- Bodhidharma, 5th-6th century. My
note: Is thinking also Zen? Thinking creates
delusion but isnt delusion also Zen? What is not
Zen? I dont know.
5/24/2007
Chapter 9
Fear
Im reminded of the Paul Coelhos quote: Tell your heart
that the fear of su!ering is worse than the su!ering itself.
And that no heart has ever su!ered when it goes in search
of its dreams. I am also reminded of the potential for our
schools to educate (help fulll ones dreams) by
encouraging students to focus on their present fearful
experience. When a student is encouraged by a teacher to
focus on their present fear, the teacher and student will not
know exactly what will arise from the students openness
to present experience. Openness to any thought or feeling
that may arise is an indication of vast openness. Some
(more than ve or ten pound) scary feelings may
temporarily arise, but noticing them can bring less fear in
the long run. One can notice that they are not afraid of fear
after a more lengthy present noticing of their fear. Focusing
on the present is a way of beginning focusing for a year or
for a lifetime.
6/11/2007
Chapter 10
Insight
While meditating one day last week. I came to what
I thought was a great insight, and that is that I do
not have much insight. I at times think I want to be
humble and other times I catch myself wanting
other people to say, look how good he is. I read
recently that the universe is only 4% matter as we
know it and 96% dark energy and dark matter. It
seems to me that I dont know much about anything
so I experience it it is good not to know in an
intellectual sense. I project that on to other people.
Being compassionate to myself and others I believe
is the way to live whether we know something and
not. Without the notion of natural compassion I
would never have found my unique way of living. I
still have much to learn.
6/4/2007
Chapter 11
Self
I notice that I am still too much of a self. I am more
inspired now to grow up. I am most a non-self
when I am mindful and kind.
As Seng-Tsan said: The more you think and talk,
the more you lose the way. That ts well with the
monk Thomas Keating, who said: Gods rst
language is silence. All else is a poor translation.
4/30/2011
Chapter 12
Choicelessness
There is nothing to know, nothing to attain, and nothing
to realize. Patient ordinary living is no di!erent from
enlightenment or holiness. Holiness is wholeness in
that we already are and have everything. Ones desire
for more is what causes su!ering. I interpret faith as
that which I have said above. I strongly believe it but
frequently forget and do not practice that, so desires
arise. I know that these desires are the cause of my
su!ering yet I frequently forget and desire. I even have
the desire not to desire which I frequently forget is itself
a desire. My experience with noticing my noticing as I
am noticing helps me experience patience and
choicelesness. Yet somehow, deep down I still believe
I can choose to be patient and choiceless. Patience is
peaceful and as Gandhi said: there is no way to
peace. Peace is the way.
1/4/2013
Chapter 13
Attention
What I understand by folding everything back into the attention,
and how I sometimes do not beat myself up for lapses, and
instead constructively move forward is by practicing what Reuters
science editor, Sharon Begley, and psychiatrist Schwartz said in
one of their books: Through mindfulness you can stand outside
your own mind as if you are watching what is happening to another
person rather than experiencing it herself Mindfulness requires
direct willful e!ort, and the ability to forge those practicing it to
observe their sensations and thoughts with a calm clarity of an
external witness One views his thoughts, feelings, and
expectations much as a scientist views experimental data that
is, as a natural phenomenon to be noted, investigated, reected on
and learned from. Viewing ones own inner experience as data
allows ( one) to become, in essence, his own experimental
subject. I notice that when I think of myself as Begley and
Schwartz suggest, I nd myself relieved, freer and more peaceful.
That is something like seeing myself as a piece of stardust with
and among other pieces of stardust. Or better yet, rather than
seeing myself as a drop in the ocean, to see myself as the ocean
which happens to be made of many drops. Being as Begley and
Schwartz suggest, I nd it easier to increase my tendency to allow
things to happen, rather than make things happen.
1/11/2013
Chapter 14
Openness
Awareness is the key to peaceful living. Noticing ones
noticing while one is noticing is awareness. Before we can
give attention to what is we need to be open to receive.
Openness to experience is a key. I am reminded of Lane
Gerbers 1968, University of Chicago doctoral dissertation
with the title: Openness to Experience. To paraphrase
Gandhi: There is no way to openness. Openness is the
way. Presently, too often schools and universities do not
give attention to much other than developing special skills
so that the economy will ourish. If the development of
special skills remains the primary goal of schools and
universities, openness and awareness will remain
underdeveloped and our environment will continue to be
endangered. Human nature coupled with a variety of
other natures is all of one nature. You are invited to be
open to what that might be. Schools and universities
which permit students to study what students nd to be
remarkable, interesting, and important tend to greatly
increase that openness and awareness.
1/20/2013
Chapter 15
Kindness
Loving everyone and everything is it, but I often
forget it. When I forget being kind to everyone and
everything, I am critical and delusional. In a group I
meet with weekly, I often try to correct one of the
members who thinks that if he had one more idea or
one more category of thought, he would then be
certain and fullled. I frequently state he is wrong
for thinking that he will get an idea that explains all
ideas. When I do that, I do not love him or myself.
As Gandhi said: If you want to make someone
happy, be compassionate. If you want to be happy,
be compassionate.
1/25/2013
Chapter 16
Breathing
I will be age 81 in this month. I now think more of
death, and that within several years, I will no longer
be. I dont fear death. Right now I anticipate I will
miss life but death is inevitable and is okay. Thich
Nhat Hanhs idea of breathing in peace and
breathing out a smile has been helpful to me. I dont
seem to invite fears but I dont push them away. I
have learned over the last 20 years to know very
little and that most fears are illusions. Most of what I
think and do seems to me to be unconscious, yet
breathing in peace and exhaling with a smile is
often conscious and very worthwhile for me.
2/8/2013
Chapter 17
Knowing
I love the idea of not knowing. I am almost
attached to it. I love to know that I dont know.
That too is a knowing. Would I be better o" if I
didnt know that?
3/1/2013
Chapter 18
Pain
Pain, at times, exists. Su"ering exists when we are
attached to no pain. Accepting some pain can
remove su"ering caused by the second, and third
arrows which are often self-inicted. I have seen
people get rid of headaches, for instance, by giving
the headache pain a shape, then a color, then
moving them around their head, and then nally,
attaching balloons or some other imaginary device
to move them above the head at which time the
pain ceases.
3/8/2013
Chapter 19
Learning
There is a range of learning from learning nonsense
syllables to ones learning that what one is looking
for is that which is looking. Present day schooling
and much University teaching often relates to
accumulating knowledge rather than high quality
learning. High-quality learning needs a freer,
ungraded environment where one can explore what
one nds to be remarkable, interesting, and
important. Coercive school learning often prevents
that from happening and the coercion tends to
destroy curiosity. If we allow ourselves to be
curious we can become open-minded self-directing
lovers of learning.
3/28/2013
Chapter 20
Live
Zorba the Greek once met a 95-year-old man
planting an oak tree. Zorba said something like,
Hey old man dont you know it takes a very long
time for the oak tree to grow? And the old man
said: I live as though I am never going to die. And
Zorba then said: And I live as though each day
were my last.
4/12/2013
Chapter 21
Uncertain
I walk 2 miles four or ve times a week. I do it for
exercise, not for the thoughts that may or may not
arise. My rst impression is that sitting silently may
do the same as what walking does. Being mindful
is not necessarily thinking in a cognitive sense.
Awareness precedes thinking, and I have found that
excessive thinking by persons such as Ren
Descartes have led Western society to want to be
overly certain. Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest,
has stated that wanting certainty is our original sin.
I tend to agree with Rohr. Excessive thinking may
cause one to be certain, and that is a major
problem. As the poet Keats said, One should
make up ones mind about nothing.
4/27/2013
Chapter 22
Now
After believing it is my path to be in the present and
here, I frequently nd I am not here and out of the
present. When we notice we are one with everyone
and everything, we are here. As humans, I notice
that I and others frequently forget we are here now.
When one is partly here and partly in the now,
movement toward the here and now may assist one
to be in the here and now. On the other hand,
trying to be in the here and now is trying and is
frequently not being here and now at that moment
of trying. Being aware of the trying seems to be
helpful. It is di$cult to realize theres nothing to
know, nothing to realize and nothing to attain.
5/2/2013
Chapter 23
Oneness
I often think I would like to be no one going
nowhere, then I realize Im only thinking that, and I
am someone going somewhere. I want to
communicate my present experience to readers
now, yet I wonder if a blank space or no response
would indicate being no one going nowhere. But I
realize indicating being no one going nowhere is
only me indicating. Im reminded of Lao Tzu, who
said, The way they can be said is not the way. To
paraphrase Gandhi: There is no way to being no
one. Being no one is the way. I believe we are all
one, which makes me no one, but that is me
thinking that.
5/10/2013
Chapter 24
Universing
By noticing my present experience, I notice I am
one with the universe. And that whatever I do, what
may be said about it is the universe is universing.
Rather than me being a drop in the ocean, I notice I
am the ocean that is full of drops. I notice the self is
much more connected than disconnected to
everyone and everything (the universe--Self). In that
sense there is no I doing anything. It is no one
going nowhere while the universe is universing. The
universe is wise and the highest form of wisdom is
when each drop is kind to each of the other drops.
5/17/2013
Chapter 25
Stillness
Occasionally, Ill get a brief experience of stopping
and nding stillness. But it does not last very long.
I am reminded of a monk named Thomas Keating
who said, Gods rst language is silence. All else
is a poor translation. Being silent can at times help
one be still as being still can help one be silent.
5/24/2013
Chapter 26
Balance
I nd not knowing to be very helpful in my life to
nd balance in all matters. It is easier for me to nd
balance when I cherish not knowing. If I knew, it
probably could be said, and I am a rm believer in
Lao Tzus notion that the way that can be said is
not the way.
5/31/2013
Chapter 27
Good
It is interesting for me to notice that the notion of
good and bad is probably di"erent from
spontaneous un-notions (actions) of good and bad.
I am reminded that we can know what is good and
what is not good, and we do not need others to tell
us these things.
5/31/2013
Chapter 28
Etheos
I am reminded of the word enthusiasm, which
comes from the Greek word etheos, the God
within. When a person experiences oneness with
everyone and everything then one has God within.
As a person is one with the universe, that is
something like a wave and the ocean being one.
6/14/2013
Chapter 29
Love
When one is healthy, one is more likely to love, and
when one loves, one is more likely to become more
healthy. Love can be a micro-moment of positive
connection and I think it can be much more than
that. That more cant be easily said. When one is
peaceful there is a greater chance for one being
compassionate and loving. When one is loving and
compassionate there is greater chance for being
peaceful. Love, in the sense of compassion for
others and self, is more than an emotion. I see it as
a way of being.
6/14/2013
Chapter 30
Words
When we use words as we frequently do, we at
times overly intellectualize, and as the former
University of Michigan philosopher, Abraham
Kaplan said, It has almost become a metaphysical
doctrine and the whole point is lost. What Kaplan
is talking about, he says, is nothing at all special,
and this, of course, is what makes it seem so
extraordinary. Kaplan goes on to explain that he
does not want life to be a metaphysical exercise.
He wants people to avoid living like those amateur
musicians who were always practicing the piano but
never playing. Kaplan thought we want to learn
how to better live. When one is certain about what
is going to happen next, one is often closed to what
else might happen. Next, like tomorrow, is never
here now. Now is all there is and I am unsure of
what I am saying.
6/14/2013
Chapter 31
Giving
Intellectually, I hold that giving is far superior to
receiving. I also hold that when I give, I
simultaneously receive since, intellectually, I hold
that I am one with everyone and everything. As a
matter of practice, I do not often live this way, and
Im not sure why. It would be an easy explanation if
I said it was because of my habits, but it is more
than that in a mysterious way. I formerly thought
that when I give, I will be rewarded in heaven. Now
when I give, I notice that I experience a bit of
heaven at the present moment (during the giving). I
work in this soup kitchen several hours a week, and
when I give food to the poor, I experience that I get
more out of it than those who receive the food do.
6/23/2013
Chapter 32
Integration
The practical test to check that we are actually
seeing an integrated view is in doing rather than only
in saying. As Frances of Assisi said: Preach the
gospel always. Use words if necessary. I have been
involved in anti-racist activities for quite a few years
even though I am a white person. My parents were
born in Germany and during World War II, I had
relatives in the German army and the American army.
The Germans killing 6 million Jews partly motivated
me to be rather anti-racist. I have been involved in
teaching cultural diversity and ant-racist activities
and I am now writing a book about anti-racism. The
work I am doing is not work in the sense that I am
following what I think is natural for me based on how
I understand the world. The spiritual and the
mundane are united when I do that.
7/5/2013
Chapter 33
Acceptance
I thoroughly and strongly believe that ones ordinary
acceptance of present experience is an
extraordinary accomplishment. I have been
practicing for over 20 years and only on a couple of
occasions have I felt highly and insightfully
peaceful while just sitting. Insightful restfulness is
peaceful. This peace precedes happiness and I nd
I do not need to be happy in order to be peaceful. I
am also reminded of a mental stem learning which
states: Increase the tendency to allow things to
happen rather than make them happen. By
noticing what is, one has a greater chance of
accepting what is. When I accept what is, I desire
less and I am more peaceful.
7/12/2013
Chapter 34
Emotion
When I am mindful I clearly control my emotion.
When Im driving in heavy tra$c, or often even light
tra$c, I nd I am very impatient I am quite
emotional with drivers who dont seem to be
driving as I wish them to drive. If a Zen teacher
were with me at the time, I would surely unk the
test. Even though I have been meditating for over
20 years, I would probably still will unk the test
since I am still quite impatient, but not quite as
impatient as I was 20 some years ago. I notice my
impatience faster now than I did then.
7/26/2013
Chapter 35
Mother
We cant choose our parents, and I believe the love
I received from my mother in particular was so
fantastic that I am unconsciously imbued with it at
this moment. The thought of love is di"erent from
love and some thinking can interfere with loving.
Being kind to oneself and others is love. Being
peaceful in the present moment is love. The way to
develop ourselves to be love is to notice what is
happening in the present moment/ being presently
aware. As I expand my awareness I move to
noticing incomprehensible mystery and not
knowing; just being, and that, at times, is just being
love.
8/3/2013
Chapter 36
Peacefulness
Within the last year, I have noticed an exceptional
peacefulness when I am just being aware with no
goals or desires. This unusual peacefulness was
experienced after about 22 years of meditation.
Being no one going nowhere I expect is a ne way
to experience being awareness/peacefulness. There
is no need to reconcile anything other than noticing
many paradoxes exist when attempting to
intellectualize being awareness.
8/16/2013
Chapter 37
Lucky
To be born is to be lucky. Not only was I lucky to
be born, I was lucky to be born to my particular
parents. I was lucky to grow up in a relatively open,
creative environment. Im even more lucky to notice
that this moment is all there is. Past moments are a
present remembrance. Future moments are a
present anticipation. This is it. As I was growing up
my parents were intimately kind. Today, my wife,
children, grandchildren and friends are often
intimately kind. I am lucky to have you reading what
I write. I am also lucky to experience every now and
then that I am no one, going nowhere and that it is
the incomprehensibly mysterious, kind universe that
is now delivering this message to you. The wave
and the ocean are one.
8/23/2013
Chapter 38
Seeds
How do we improve our awareness about the seeds
we are planting is a most basic question. When Im
aware of my present experience it is easier for me
to notice the importance of awareness. Practicing
noticing ones present experience helps one to do it
more easily in the future. Meditation can be of great
value. Practicing kind selessness helps one be
kinder in the future. Practicing selshness without
regard for others, helps generate more of that kind
of behavior in the future. Karma seems to be very
real. As the Dalai Lama said: If you want to make
others happy, be compassionate. If you want to be
happy, be compassionate.
8/30/2013
Chapter 39
Dying
As St. Francis said: Seek not so much to be
consoled as to console, to be understood, as to
understand, to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving
that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are
pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born. It
seems that Christ and the Buddha, being highly
aware each moment, allowed themselves to die and
be reborn each moment. Dying and being born in
each moment in the manner of the Buddha and
Christ is like being one with everyone and
everything, and it is like not dying because one is so
connected to everyone and everything that there is
no separate one to die.
9/13/2013
Chapter 40
Wings
Sometimes I notice I have the tendency to separate
and own, and other times I have an impulse to unify
and belong. We keep enjoying the wings of things
that can free us by being aware which helps us be
those wings.
9/20/2013
Chapter 41
Unconditioned
As I notice that I am a whole which is more than the
sum of the parts, at times, I begin to come near
seeing myself not as one, but as ONE. As Einstein
said the true value of a human being can be found
to the degree that he gets rid of his separate self.
Noticing yourself as the ocean full of drops and
waves can help you see that you are more than one
drop or one wave. As you notice you are more ONE,
you also notice there is no separate one to have
desires. When you have desires you are not free.
Desires are a condition that keeps one from being
unconditioned.
9/27/2013
Chapter 42
Thoughts
I have come to notice that I am what I think; and all
that exists arises with my thoughts, and that with
my thoughts I make the world. When I have no
thoughts I am nothing. When I am nothing I am not
me but rather I am everyone and everything. As
Gandhi said: My life is my message. The purity of
the means determines the purity of the end. A no
merely uttered from the deepest conviction is better
and greater than YES merely uttered to please, or
what is worse, to avoid trouble. You must be the
change you want to see in the world. I still have a
long way to go to achieve what I have said here, but
I am moving in that direction.
10/04/2013
Chapter 43
Loving
There are degrees of development and degrees of
love. I believe that if one loves consciously one
simultaneously loves conscientiously, loves
concretely, and loves constructively. Whoever heard
of destructive loving? When one is loving
consciously at ones level of development, and
accepting what and where one is at that present
moment, then one is doing ne at that moment.
Doing ne even if the hands arent as wide open as
someone elses hands. No one is perfect. It is ne
to extend e"ort as we move towards e"ortlessness.
But trying too hard to be what you are not can
interfere with opening wide the hands.
10/11/2013
Chapter 44
Thinking
There is no question that my thought is limited. I
nd great joy in thinking about thought. Yesterday I
made notes to write about a thought too far, and
a thought too near. I love to think about change
and time which cant be clearly dened and I dont
know what they are. I love fuzzy thinking. I believe
it is possible to evolve beyond personal
understanding, but I have not done so. Perhaps if I
allowed myself to not think more often I would
naturally evolve to that impersonal state of oneness.
10/24/2013
Chapter 45
Silent
As ones emotions become overly strong, the
intellect becomes weaker, and we do not
understand that shouting often does no good and
often does harm. We can transform the di"erence in
space by consciously being silent before we speak
or by continuing to be silent, and of course, by just
being aware.
11/8/2013
Chapter 46
Noticing
Paradoxically, not only do I see myself as one with
everyone and everything, I also notice I am like
1000 di"erent people. When I notice myself noticing
something and its opposite simultaneously, I
consider it just noticing and do not get overly
concerned with it as a problem.
11/15/2013
Chapter 47
Creative
Paradoxically I practice being myself by not
practicing but rather by being myself with my aws
and warts.. Paradoxically again, being creative is
not being creative when one is just being oneself.
By that I mean trying to be myself or trying to be
creative is not being myself and not being creative.
If I were myself and creative I would not need to
try. This again relates to the paradox that it takes
much e"ort to move toward e"ortless living. I am
now considered an old man but I nd that I am
still learning to be myself. Sometimes I extend e"ort
and sometimes I dont. As the old saying goes
sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just
sits..
11/23/2013
Chapter 48
Spiritual
The topic of essential spirituality means to me that if
one is kind, one is spiritual. If one is kind, one is
wise. I do not indulge in kindnesses to others or
myself but I wonder if it would be worth a try. When
I realized I know very little, I believe I am spiritual
and simultaneously mundane. I have changed to
the point where I now think the mundane is often
spiritual/divine. Trying to be spiritual may at times
cause me to not see that we are already spiritual
even while being mundane. This can be done
without trying.
11/29/2013
Chapter 49
Mystery
My understanding of widening the boundaries of
our being is that we are all mysteriously one and
much more interconnected than disconnected. All
that I have read and experienced leads me to
strongly believe that I am one not only with all
people and all sentient beings but also with all non-
sentient things. Paradoxically my lack of knowing,
which is my noticing incomprehensible mystery
surrounding me, much of the time gives light to my
being. This incomprehensible mystery could be
seen as darkness, but it could also be seen as all
light all the time. My not knowing is something I
have moved to feel very comfortable about. It helps
me see myself as not separate from everyone and
everything.
12/06/2013
Chapter 50
Certainty
Wanting to gure things out is like wanting to be
certain and as Richard Rohr said, wanting certainty
is our original sin. Just yesterday I noticed more of
my impatience with events not happening as I
thought they should. I noticed that I had desires I
was unaware of at that time. As a result of that
awareness I am more open to going with the ow
and to desiring less. I notice my desire not to desire
is a desire. That I am gradually working on..
12/20/2013
Chapter 51
Harmony
Since we are all one, there is no di"erence between
inner and outer and no di"erence between an
individual and his or her surroundings.
Paradoxically, ones harmonious state while
connected to what surrounds one, can be peaceful
even when chaos and war seem to be going on
around one.
01/05/2014
Chapter 52
Attachment
Attachment is a desire for some thing or event that
is presently not happening as I think it should. By
noticing and consciously limiting my desires I
reduce attachments that are limiting to me. I
frequently nd myself getting angry when other
drivers on the road dont drive exactly as I think
they should. My rst reaction is anger and then I
notice what is occurring is simply, what is, that I am
not accepting. If I consciously notice more of reality
as it is, I will reduce desires and attachments and
accept more of what is.
01/10/2014
Chapter 53
Inquiry
If a teacher provides conditions whereby a student
becomes somewhat perplexed or stuck, and
provides conditions of freedom and a responsive
environment, the student can then unperplex and
unstick herself or himself. Some teachers think they
can use inquiry to have students discover what
the teacher or book wants them to discover. That is
not open-ended inquiry. Schools generally do not
provide the conditions which facilitate open inquiry.
A discontinuity, if focused on, can help one build a
larger continuity. The largest continuity is noticing
that one is one with everyone and everything. I
believe inquiry must be open in order for it to be
inquiry. To paraphrase Gandhi: There is no way to
open inquiry. Open inquiry is the way.
01/17/2014
Chapter 54
Awareness
Meditation has been helpful for me to be more
aware of my present experience. After practicing for
many years, I still nd that I am imperfect and
somewhat selsh. When I accept that, I have a
tendency to be less selsh. I was a baby in the
family for eight years and I notice, at times, Im still
somewhat babyish today. If I can accept that, I
notice I can be somewhat less selsh less
babyish. Present awareness is the key.
01/24/2014
Chapter 55
Fearlessness
Fearlessness means that it is easier for me to
accept myself as I am with my aws, more easily.
Many of my experiences with others include fear
and fearlessness. I fear that I will not be liked if
others found out who I really am, and on the other
hand, I nd some acceptance that its okay not to
be liked as much as I want to be liked. One can be
highly afraid yet calmly say to themselves in a semi-
unafraid manner: I notice Im afraid.
01/31/2014
Chapter 56
Patience
I nd, after many many years, that Im becoming a
little more patient with my impatience. Every day I
say a few sentences one of which is: May I be
patient. May I be able to bear and forbear the
wrongs of others. It may be useful for some to hear
that I have been working on being patient for 40 or
60 years and only recently have I begun to accept
some of my impatience. When Im in the now I am
more patient. I am better now at accepting that I am
not often in the now. Being patient is getting to the
hearts of all matters. Being patient helps one be
peaceful and compassionate.
02/07/2014
Chapter 57
Enemies
Compassion, patience, and rationality are good but
will not produce those qualities just by thinking they
are good. Anger, jealousy and competition are our
enemies. People who are angry, jealous and
competitive can more easily remind us to be patient
and compassionate.
02/21/2014
Chapter 58
Laughter
I love the Dalai Lamas smiles and laughter and I
believe they are contagious. I frequently laugh and
smile because there is much to laugh and smile
about. I understand relatively little about our
mysterious universe and my increasing lack of
desire to understand much of what I experience
makes me smile and sometimes laugh. If I were with
you now I would be laughing and smiling.
02/21/2014
Chapter 59
Path
Being on a spiritual path means to me being on the
path I think is right for me at this time. A spiritual
path can be my secular living. Secular spirituality
seems to be my type of spirituality. I rst decided to
take an introductory course in meditation at the Zen
Buddhist Temple in Ann Arbor Michigan. Before the
course, I sat on the oor of my bedroom as though I
knew how to meditate, and tears of joy came to my
eyes. After over 20 years of meditating, I doubt that
I meditate any better now than then. I notice I
develop and grow when every moment, regardless
of what I am doing, is mindful. Mindfulness and
meditation are one as I and the universe are one.
02/28/2014
Chapter 60
Practice
Burning for a while is practice. Letting go is practice
and returning to ones practice is practice. When
one is mindful in the present moment, one is
practicing.
03/14/2014
Chapter 61
Desire
I seem to operate so unconsciously that I am
frequently unaware of boredom. At this moment Im
challenging the thought of boredom because I must
often be bored since I am frequently looking forward
to the next thing. Im surprised I havent liberated
myself more from the chase of the next new thing
since I have been living for many years. and I notice
that it is my desire that causes problems. Noticing
my experience in the present, which is to say being
aware, helps me notice my conscious and
unconscious desires. When I am aware of those
desires I can more readily accept them and let go of
them.
03/21/2014
Chapter 62
Understanding
I think we can move from knowledge to
understanding, from knowing to being by being
present, by being compassionate, and by being
open while knowing one knows very little if
anything. Knowledge often relates to remembering
whereas understanding allows one to be open and
not know, and to forgive everyone and everything,
including forgiving oneself again, and again, and
again.
03/22/2014
Chapter 63
Service
Service/compassion to and with anyone and
anything is what happy peaceful living is about. In
my younger years I thought that if I would be of
service I would get a reward later in heaven. I now
nd that when I am of service, the reward is
immediate. I notice myself being a part of the whole
when I am compassionate to anyone or anything.
04/05/2014
Chapter 64
Being
All that can be said about being is: being is. It is
an incomprehensible mystery as is the universe. As
Lao Tzu implied, being is the way. He also said: the
way that can be said is not the way. The question
of being fascinates me but I cannot say what it is.
Nor can I say what experience it entails, yet I can
more or less describe a particular experience and
distinguish it from another particular experience. It
is more di$cult to speak about. I think questioning
being and attempting to use the words surrounding
it, are ne if it leads us to be more kind and
compassionate to everyone and everything.
04/21/2014
Chapter 65
Mindfulness
I nd when I am noticing what is happening in the
present moment, and I notice wandering thoughts
and habits, they can more easily disappear. If they
stay I think it would be good if I would notice that
they are staying. Noticing what is happening and
accepting what is happening is more of a key to
mindful living than any particular method for
reaching something that is not yet present. Methods
can be useful but if overly focused on methods they
can become a future goal moving one away from
the present.. I believe there is no knowledge, no
attainment and no realization for there is nothing to
attain. Present mindfulness is both the method and
the goal making the journey and destination one.
04/25/2014
Chapter 66
Mystery
My experience of the universe leads me to believe
the universe is an incomprehensible mystery. As
God is an incomprehensible mystery, I see the
universe as God, and that the universe is not only
my partner in life, the universe and I are one. In that
sense the universe is my life. One may believe we
practice being true to our own necessities by
noticing our present experience and accepting it.
It is both the universe and ones experience since
I believe the universe is like a hologram in which my
one part includes the entire whole. Most of what I
state I dont know in advance until it comes to me,
and in that sense, I know nothing, while at the same
time I know everything I need to know at any given
time.
05/05/2014
Conrad
Pritscher
Conrad has been a life-long student: high-school in Illinois,
Bachelors degree from St. Marys in Minnesota, Masters
from Depaul, PhD in philosophy of education in Ohio,
postgraduate psychology program at Gestalt Institute in
Cleveland. As if that was not enough, he started attending
a Zen Temple in his 40s, and that has continued to give
him insights into his own nature. Husband of Kay, father
of 4 children, and grandfather to eleven grand children, his
family has brought him some of the happiest moments of
his life.
Over the course of his tenure in science research, he held
the role of President at Ohio Valley Philosophy of
Education Society and Chairman of the Bowling Green
State University Human Relations Commission. Along the
way, he authored seven books including: Einstein and Zen,
Re-opening Einsteins Thought: About What Cant Be
Learned from Textbooks; Quantum Learning: Beyond
Duality; and (co-authored with George David Miller) On
Education and Values.
06/21/2014
Epilogue
On Jul 12, 2014, two volunteers from the
ServiceSpace ecosystem, Nimesh Patel and Audrey
Lin, made their way to Maumee, Ohio, to facilitate a
call with Conrad on his life lessons. The call
consisted of readings from this book, and Conrad
lending his own voice to add more reections.
Conrad was presented a draft copy of this book
during the call.
One week after the call, on Jun 20, 2014, Conrad
Pritscher passed away peacefully, surrounded by
his family. We are deeply fortunate to have been
able to talk to him before his passing.
Tap audio icon to
hear entire call
recording
Awakin Call
with Conrad
Pritscher
We were fortunate to be able
to lm Conrad during his
Awakin Call. Click here to see
him receivng the book, and
sharing insights from his life.
Click here to read the
transcript of the call.
73
As we were going through all the heartwarming comments people put
in when they read Conrads farewell letter, we were surprised to note
that Conrad had himself put in a comment.
Words cannot express my deepest gratitude. I have never received
anything like this in my entire life and I must admit I am thrilled and
greatly appreciate what everyone has said. I would like to email
everyone for their kind words and I feel a bit too weak at this time.
Thanks again everyone in ServiceSpace for making my life so
wonderful. I didnt think it could be more wonderful until I read what is
said here. I am even more peaceful now after reading this than before.
CONRAD PAUL PRITSCHER
1932-2014
Conrad with his wife, Kay