Dedication

I bow at the lotus feet of my Beloved Divine Mother, Master Krishna, Jesus Christ,
Babaji, Lahiri Mahasaya, Sri Yuteswar !iri, beloved "aramhansa Yo#ananda, and the
saints of all reli#ions$ %lso to %nandamoyee Ma, &arayan Swami, Kailash "ati, 'ani
Mata, and many (imalayan masters and swamis) and lastly to Swami %tmananda, Daya
Mata, Swami Kriyananda, and *ulsi Bose$
Foreword
by Durga Smallen
I met Devi Muherjee for the first time in the +all of ,-./$ My husband and I were
leadin# a 0il#rima#e to India with our lon#1time friends and gurubhais,2,3 David and
%sha "raver$ 4ur s0iritual tea5her, Swami Kriyananda, had told us stories about Devi$
*hey had been brother mons to#ether in Yo#oda Satsan#a So5iety 2YSS3, the Indian
bran5h of Self1'eali6ation +ellowshi0 2S'+3$ *he two or#ani6ations were founded by our
#uru, "aramhansa Yo#ananda$ Devi had joined YSS in India, and Swamiji had joined
S'+ at Mt$ 7ashin#ton, Los %n#eles, the international head8uarters$ *hey met in
Cal5utta in 45tober, ,-9., and both lived in the YSS ashrams until Kriyananda left S'+
in ,-/:$
"aramhansa Yo#ananda in ,-:/
Devi, his wife (assi 20ronoun5ed (ashi3, and their son Manash now live in Cal5utta and
serve as the meditation #rou0 leaders of %nanda, the or#ani6ation founded by Swami
Kriyananda in ,-/.$ Devi and his family are dee0 and sin5ere devotees of "aramhansa
Yo#ananda, and dear friends of us at %nanda who now them$ *heir dedi5ation to !od
and !uru, and also their divine friendshi0 for Kriyananda, is dee0ly ins0irin#$
Devi and (assi live in the home of Yo#ananda;s 5lose boyhood friend, *ulsi Bose,
(assi;s father, and ee0 their home o0en twenty1four hours a day to anyone who wishes
to meditate in the rooms where Yo#ananda meditated, and also %nandamoyee Ma, Sri
Yuteswarji, Balaram Bose 2a dire5t dis5i0le of Sri 'amarishna "aramhansa3, Swami
<iveananda, and other #reat saints$
*his is Devi;s story of the #reat men and women he has met durin# forty1five years of
s0iritual seein#$ %s we interviewed him about details in his boo, tears 5onstantly 5ame
into his eyes as he relived those thrillin# s5enes$
In the Mahabharata 2one of the #reat s0iritual e0i5s of India3, Lord Krishna tells his
dis5i0le, =ddhava, to #o to the (imalayas and meditate on (im$ +or thousands of years,
0il#rims have done liewise, bravin# the dan#ers of snow, narrow mountain 0aths, and
wild animals to rea5h the #reat tem0les there, dedi5ated to the worshi0 of !od$ Devi,
0ossessed of a een desire to mae these 0il#rima#es, met saintly 0eo0le and had
e>traordinary e>0erien5es in their 0resen5e, e>0erien5es that bestowed on him dee0 soul
0ea5e and a sense of inner fulfillment$
7hen I ased Devi why he had wanted to mae these lon# tres, he re0lied, ?I wanted to
meditate in holy 0la5es, and I wanted my life to be sha0ed by saints$@
(e met !od1reali6ed bein#s in, and outside, the small villa#es that are the heart of that
ama6in# land of sa#es and saints whose lives are far removed from what most 0eo0le
5onsider the ?normal@ the hubbub and bustle of daily 5ommer5e$
%s he states in his boo, however, ?Aven thou#h I had met a few hi#hly advan5ed yo#is
in my travels, u0 to January, ,-99, I never felt an in5lination to a55e0t a #uru$@ In that
month it was that he met his own destined #uru, on5e1livin# in form but now in
formlessness, "aramhansa Yo#ananda$
I ho0e you enjoy Devi;s boo as mu5h as I have$ You will 5ome to now this man as
mu5h throu#h his vibrations as throu#h the story he relates$ I ho0e that you, too, will be
im0ressed and #rateful for the e>am0le of his moment1to1moment fo5us on the divine,
whi5h turns many a 0ros0e5tive disaster into a divine blessin#$
Footnotes
Brothers and sisters in the family of the
same guru, or spiritual teacher.
Introduction
I was born in &orth Cal5utta on Mar5h :Bth, ,-:C, at my family;s home$ 7hen I was si>
months old my father died, and my mother was obli#ed to leave our home owin# to
5ertain 0roblems with our 0ro0erty$ Mother and I went to live in the home of my mother;s
brother in South Cal5utta$
%t seventeen, a 5lose friend and I joined the army$ In the end we joined the resistan5e
movement a#ainst British rule, and were eventually jailed for five months$ %fter my
release in ,-D9, I was a55e0ted into %shutosh Colle#e, where, in ,-DC 2the year India
won its inde0enden5e from !reat Britain3, I re5eived my B$%$ de#ree$ +rom ,-D- to
,-9D, I was em0loyed as a refri#eration en#ineer, and in that 5a0a5ity was sent
throu#hout India$ *hus, 0erha0s, be#an my ?5areer@ as a travellerE
Durin# that 0eriod of my life I had very few friends$ My mind 5ould not a55e0t wine,
dan5in#, smoin#, and other so15alled ?0leasures@ of youth, so I e0t to myself mu5h of
the time$ My mother arran#ed for me to marry when I was twenty1ei#ht, but, havin# no
desire for marria#e, I de5lined$
In ,-//, durin# a visit to the #reat woman saint %nandamoyee Ma, I re5eived an answer
from her to my burnin# 8uestionF ?Should I live the rest of my life in (imalayan
solitudeG@
?You 5annot do so,@ she said$ ?You will have to return and enter family life$ Your wife,
however, will belon# to Yo#ananda;s s0iritual family, and will herself be a devotee$@
%nother #reat saint, Kailash "ati, with whom I stayed in 'anihet, a (imalayan town,
told me the same thin# later on$
I had already met (assi, my wife to be, on Dth May in ,-99 at the Yo#oda Satsan#a
So5iety ashram outside Cal5utta, but had had no interest in marryin# at that time$ In ,-/-,
however, on Hrd +ebruary, we were finally married$ 4ur son Manash was born Dth
January, ,-CB$ I am my mother;s only son, and Manash also is my and (assi;s only son$
Manash, (assi, and me
Chapter 1
I Find My uru
4n ,st January, ,-99, I was #ettin# ready to leave the house to 0lay so55er with a few
friends$ I 0i5ed u0 the lo5al news0a0er to see if the day;s outdoor a5tivities were listed$ I
was very interested at that time in all inds of s0orts, so55er bein# my favorite$
%s I started to o0en the 0a0er, I beheld a very attra5tive 0hoto on the first 0a#e$ Beneath
it were the words, ?4n 9th January, "aramhansa Yo#ananda;s birthday will be held at
Yo#oda Math, Dashineswar$@ My mind was suddenly attra5ted to this 0hoto$ Instead of
#oin# to the so55er #ame, I left at on5e for Dashineswar$
4n my way to the address #iven in the 0a0er, I sto00ed first at the Kali *em0le in
Dashineswar, whi5h had been made famous by Sri 'amarishna "aramhansa, one of the
#reat masters of the &ineteenth 5entury, and, amon# all saints u0 to then, my ?first love$@
I used often to #o there and meditate, tunin# in to the 0ower and blessin#s of the #reat
Master, Sri 'amarishna, whi5h still 0ermeate that holy 0la5e$ !od;s 0resen5e was, to
me, more 0al0able there than anywhere else$
%fter some time, I 8uietly left and made my way to nearby Yo#oda Math$ 4n enterin# the
0rayer room in the main buildin#, I was stru5 by four lar#e, beautiful 0i5tures of masters
I didn;t re5o#ni6e$ *heir names, I learned subse8uently, were Babaji, Lahiri Mahasaya,
Sri Yuteswar !iri, and "aramhansa Yo#ananda$ 7ho they were I had no idea at the time,
but I was ama6ed that here in this 0la5e so near Cal5utta I would behold ima#es of su5h
radiant bein#s that were 5om0letely unnown to me$ My mind instantly res0onded, ?*his
is a #ood 0la5e to be$ 'emain a while lon#er$@
I waled around the ashram, and was met by a dynami5 and 0owerful man with a indly
fa5e and a beni#n smile$ (e introdu5ed himself as Swami %tmananda$ Later I learned that
he was the se5retary and dharmacharya of Yo#oda Satsan#a So5iety, and as su5h had
authority from Yo#ananda to train others in the 0rin5i0les of Sanatan Dharma, the
?eternal reli#ion,@ an5ient name of the (indu reli#ion$ (e traveled all over India in
servi5e to this 5ause$ Later I learned that Yo#ananda dis5overed him when %tmananda
was eleven years old, throu#h a mutual friend of theirs, *ulsi Bose$
(e, in turn, introdu5ed me to Jim 7ood from %meri5a) two !erman boys, Aitel and "rell)
a very ni5e boy from Swit6erland, (ablu6) and to other swamis and brahma5haris of the
ashram as well$
Jim 7ood was the talative one of the #rou0$ (e told me about "aramhansa Yo#ananda,
their #uru$ Aven thou#h I had met a few hi#hly advan5ed yo#is in my travels, until now I
had never been drawn to a55e0tin# anyone as my #uru$ Jim 7ood ased if I had read
Yo#ananda;s Autobiography of a Yogi. I re0lied I had not, so he offered me a 5o0y of the
boo in Ben#ali, 5ommentin#, ?You will find everythin# about the Master in there$@
(ow they all im0ressed meE In their shinin# sim0li5ity, I thou#ht, it was obvious that they
led their lives #uided by divine tea5hin#s$ 7hat was their se5retG 4bviously, a#ain, it had
to be that they had a true masterE I wondered, 7hy have I not had this #ood fortuneG (ow
I would have loved to be in their shoesE Soon I learned that Yo#ananda had had his
mahasamadhi 2a #reat yo#i;s final e>it from the body3 only three years earlier, on Mar5h
Cth, ,-9:$ !a6in# into these men;s eyes, I felt they had somethin# that I, too, wanted$
Bein# with them in5reased my 6eal for the Divine$
%s the day advan5ed, Jim 7ood too me to the dinin# room, where the mons had
#athered for their midday meal$ Swami %tmananda told us a few mira5ulous stories of
Yo#ananda;s life$ 2*he Master;s life seemed to me to have been one lon# mira5leE3
Swami %tmananda 2or ?Swamiji,@ as I learned to 5all him3 then invited me to attend the
5elebration on 9th January in 5ommemoration of the Master;s birthday$ *his was four
days from then$ I a55e0ted with ala5rity$ %s I returned home, it was with ea#er
anti5i0ation of the 5omin# event$
*hat day dawned, and I left home for the ashram in Dashineswar, arrivin# earlier than
most of the #uests, who 5ame at last in #reat numbers$ I s0ent the entire day there$ *he
most wonderful 0art of the 5elebration was wat5hin# my newly made friends tae their
brahmacharya 2renun5iation3 vows$ Jim 7ood too the name Brahmachari
Paramananda. *he Swiss boy, (ablu6, too the name Gyanananda, meanin# ?Bliss
throu#h divine wisdom$@
%s I left the ashram later that evenin#, my mind was overflowin# with joy$ *he Master
was in my mind the whole time$ My thou#hts e0t re0eatin#, ?(e is the one for you$ It
would be absurd to loo anywhere elseE@
Swami %tmanandaji and "aramananda both told me to 5ome every Sunday for satsanga
2s0iritual fellowshi03 and have lun5h with them after the servi5e$ I soon found myself
#oin# there almost weely to join the seven dedi5ated mons who lived there to#ether$
"aramananda in ,-9C
7e honored Yo#ananda;s mahasamadhi on Cth Mar5h of that year by meditatin# all
ni#ht, from DFBB in the afternoon until ,BFBB the ne>t mornin#$ +or me it was an ama6in#
e>0erien5e$ I;d been 0art of this #rou0 only three months$ %tmanandaji had tau#ht me
basi5 te5hni8ues of meditation durin# one of my first visits to the ashram, but I never
thou#ht I;d be able to meditate so lon#$ Yet the ?effort@ 0roved effortlessE I refle5ted, it
5ertainly must have been the Master;s #ra5e$ Meditation has remained my life10ra5ti5e
ever sin5e$
%fterwards, we were #iven prasad of blessed sweets$ *hen %tmanandaji invited me to
5ome on Dth May for his own birthday$ It astonished me that one thousand devotees and
dis5i0les attended that event$
Bein# in the ashram, above all durin# meditation there, I 5ame to a00re5iate who
%tmanandaji wasF a man who 5ared dee0ly for all who 5ame to him) fearless, ind, and
overflowin# with love$ (e always #ave to his #uru any thans we e>0ressed for what
he;d #iven us, and whenever he s0oe to us of Yo#ananda, tears filled his eyes$ (is
familiarity with the divine tea5hin#s was dee0ly ins0irin# to me$ I drew from him all that
I 5ould$
Swamiji 2?ji@ im0lies a note of res0e5t3 had 5ome onto this 0ath in ,-H9 when he
re5eived diksha 2s0iritual initiation3 from "aramhansa Yo#ananda$ (e was born "raash
Das, but after tain# Kriya initiation was nown as "raash Brahma5hari$ It wasn;t until
,-9H when he be5ame a swami that he was 5alled Swami %tmananda$ Swamiji #rew u0
in Cal5utta and in his early adult years o0erated an harmonium and 0iano business, Das I
Co$, with his father$ %s they were 8uite well1to1do, Swamiji was able to devote all his
later years to brin#in# souls to !od$
Swamiji had #iven me a meditation te5hni8ue nown as yoti mudra on my first arrival$
*his is a te5hni8ue by whi5h the meditator 5an behold the inner li#ht and throu#h it
be5ome aware of the 0resen5e of !od$ Swamiji used to tal to the dis5i0les every
mornin# and evenin# about this 0ath1its te5hni8ues of meditation, its way of life, the
attitudes a devotee ou#ht to develo0$ I had never before nown 0ea5e lie this$ 7e were
irresistibly drawn to Swamiji;s dee0 devotion to !od and !uru$ Inevitably, he was dee0ly
loved in return by all those around him$
(e was also an ins0irin# sin#er, and often 5hanted with us$ It was, indeed, throu#h musi5
that he tau#ht best$
Meanwhile, I had finished readin# Autobiography of a Yogi. It made me thin of the
Bhagavad Gita: It was s5ri0ture$ Aven today, it is the only boo I read$ Someone on5e
ased me if I believed in the mira5les des5ribed in it$ %ll I 5ould say in re0ly was, ?I have
seen many mira5les myself in the (imalayas$ %dvan5ed yo#is 5an do anythin# they
want$@ %s a saint whom I often visited hi#h in the (imalayas would say, ?"ast, 0resent,
futureF It;s all the sameE@
I did not now at the time that my own mother was a riyaban 20ra5titioner of riya
Yoga, the hi#hest te5hni8ue of meditation3, nor that she had already read Autobiography
of a Yogi many years earlier$ It was only when she reali6ed how serious I was be5omin#
about these tea5hin#s that she told me she had taen the holy Kriya initiation, throu#h
"an5hanon Bhatta5harya,2,3 a dire5t and hi#hly advan5ed dis5i0le of Lahiri Mahasaya,
Yo#ananda;s param!param #uru, or #uru;s #uru$ Yo#ananda 5alled him ?Bhatta5harya
Mahasaya$@ 2Mahasaya means ?#reat1souled$@ *o this day a 0i5ture of him han#s in
Yo#ananda;s meditation room at his boyhood home at D !ar0ar 'oad$3
+rom the time I was si> years old until the be#innin# of 7orld 7ar II my mother went
often by train on the several1hour journey it too to rea5h "an5hanon;s lovely ashram,
where he lived with his dis5i0les$ *he ashram was situated on seventeen a5res of land in
Deo#har, a small town in the state of Bihar about ,CB miles northeast of Cal5utta$ %s I
was only a small boy, I would 0lay outside while she sat, absorbed in his s0irit$
=nfortunately, I didn;t reali6e at the time that my mother was in the 0resen5e of a #reat
saintE
&ow, twenty years later, she told me mira5les of his life$ She said that many times while
visitin# her #uru, Babaji 2the first, still1livin#, in our line of #urus3 would 5ome visit him
alsoE In fa5t, Babaji 5ame to #ive Bhatta5harya instru5tions1usin# him, as she 0ut it, as his
se5retaryE2:3
?Don;t 5ome tomorrow,@ Bhatta5haryaji would tell dis5i0les who wanted to see him$ ?I
shall be busy with Babaji$@
It soon be5ame 5lear that there was somethin# here, in the YSS order, for me$ My mind
tried to tell me to #o ba5 to my familiar world, but my heart e0t re0eatin#, almost lie a
mantra, ?Stay with them$@ +inally I 0a5ed u0 my few belon#in#s, left home and job, and
joined Yo#oda Satsan#a So5iety$ *his was in May, ,-99$ My two 5losest friends in the
order, "aramananda and !yanananda, were very ha00y$ I too Kriya Yo#a initiation from
%tmanandaji, and he advised me to stay with them at our nearby Barana#ore %shram$2H3 I
lived there for a year, after whi5h I transferred to the main math 2monastery3 in
Dashineswar$
4n 9th January, ,-9/, I too the vows of brahmacharya and the name arunananda,
whi5h means ?bliss throu#h 5om0assion$@ %lso, on this day I met other dis5i0les of
MasterF *ulsi Bose 2Yo#ananda;s boyhood friend who too Kriya initiationJ from him at
the a#e of twenty3) *ulsi;s wife, Martan Ma)2D3 *ulsi;s father (ari &arayan, or, as Master
5alled him, ?Baba Mahasaya$@ 2Baba means ?father@) Mahasaya means, as I have said,
?#reat souled$@3 4ther relatives I met that day were two 5ousins of Master;s, "rabhas
!hose and "raash) 'amarishna !hosh 2who be5ame nown to us as !a#an1da293 3,
who was the son of Master;s elder brother %nanta, and lived in Seram0ore)2/3 Sananda
and Bishnu !hosh, Master;s youn#er brothers) *hamu1di,2C3 Master;s youn#er sister) and
many others$
%fter my Brahma5harya vows in ,-9/
Avery Sunday, and on other s0e5ial o55asions, I traveled the seven miles to
Dashineswar$ Aventually I 5ame to re#ard all of these 0eo0le as not only Master;s
family, but as my own family as well$
Swami %tmananda, who had nown !a#an sin5e ,-,B, loved the devotion with whi5h he
san#, and would announ5e with #reat enthusiasm, ?!a#an will lead the sin#in# todayE@
!a#an1da had one of the sweetest, most melodious voi5es I have ever heard$ I soon
be5ame one of his #reatest admirers, and would as him to sin# those of Master;s 5hants
that I new, and that he himself 0arti5ularly loved, su5h as ?7ill *hat Day Come to Me,
MaG,@ ?(e (ari SundaraE 24 !od BeautifulE3@ and other son#s to Divine Mother Kali$ (e
would sin# for hours at a time$ (ow his voi5e thrilled meE I would say to him, ?4h, Da,
let us sing"@ 7henever he san#, he for#ot even food$
Many stories of Master were told the day I too my vows$ *hamu1di, Master;s sister,
des5ribed a literally hauntin# event that had ha00ened to her as a youn# #irlF
?4ne day, Mejda 2the name Master;s brothers and sisters 5alled him) it means, Kse5ond1
eldest brother;3 lost a set of #olden buttons inlaid with diamond fittin#s, #iven him by our
father and for that reason 0re5ious to him$ Mejda was with his friends *ulsi1da and
"raash Das 2%tmanandaji3, and ased them what they thou#ht he should do about it$
*ulsi1da su##ested that he 5all forth a s0irit and as it to tell him where the buttons were$
Mejda then sent for me and, wantin# to use me to find the buttons, hy0noti6ed me on the
s0ot$
@I lost outward 5ons5iousness$ %ll of a sudden, an evil s0irit 5ame into my body and said,
K4ne of your best friends too that set of buttons at Shyamba6ar$2.3 You will find it in a
small bo> underneath a 5ot in the left1hand 5orner of his bedroom$;
?Mejda and *ulsi1da left immediately on their motor5y5le for the friend;s home, and
found him there$ *he youn# man was sho5ed to see them, and seemed very nervous$
Mejda went to his bedroom, found the bo>, and o0ened it$ *here were his buttonsE (is
friend be#an 5ryin#$ Mejda said to him, KDo not enter my or *ulsi1da;s home ever a#ain$;
@*hey hurried ba5 home, where I was still lyin# un5ons5ious$ Mejda thaned the evil
s0irit, then ased him to #o$ *he s0irit, however, lied it where he was, and re0lied, KI
will #o only if you #ive me my freedom$; Mejda said, K(ow 5an I do thatG You are an evil
s0iritE;
?*he s0irit then said, KIf you don;t, I won;t leave$ I;d rather ill herE; Master insisted, but
the s0irit sim0ly wouldn;t listen$ Master then turned to "raash Das and said, 5almly but
with dee0 intensity, K(and me the 0i5ture of Lahiri Mahasaya$; (oldin# that 0hoto#ra0h,
he said, KAvil s0irit, I will tou5h this body with the 0hoto#ra0h in my hand if you don;t
leave$; *he s0irit 5ried out, K%ll ri#htE %ll ri#htE I am #oin#$ But you must 0ray for my
freedom$; Mejda a#reed, and said that in time he would attain salvation$ *hen he blessed
the s0irit$
@%s soon as the s0irit was #one, Mejda be#an 0rayin# for me until I returned to
5ons5iousness$ (e then #ave me some hot mil, and told me that my dis0osition was
Kvery soft$;2-3 (e blessed me, but it too another hour for me to feel well$
?Mejda never a#ain used hy0nosis for his own ends$@
Footnotes
,$ "an5hanon Bhatta5harya was one of the three dis5i0les of Lahiri Mahasaya who
witnessed the manifestation of the #reat #uru;s 0hysi5al form after he;d left his
body in death$
Ba5 to te>t
:$ By ?se5retary@ is meant, one assumes, someone who 5ould 0rodu5e for him some
s0iritual treatise, as in the 5ase of Sri Yuteswar, whom he ased to write the
boo, #h$ %o&y Sci$nc$' or one who 5ould 5arry out 5ertain tass for him, just as
when he #ave Master instru5tions and advi5e re#ardin# his wor$
Ba5 to te>t
H$ %t that time, YSS had two ashrams outside Cal5utta not far from ea5h other$ In
,-/,, however, the Barana#ore ashram was sold$
Ba5 to te>t
D$ Martan is the hi#hest e>0ression of the term, Mother$ Master #ave her that name,
and always 5alled her that$
Ba5 to te>t
9$ *he suffi>, ?da,@ means ?elder brother$@ I 5alled him, sim0ly, ?Da@ as a term of
affe5tion$ I felt toward him this sense of familial 5loseness$
Ba5 to te>t
/$ Its ori#inal name, whi5h is still used by the 0eo0le of the town, was Sri (am Pur,
whi5h means, ?City of Lord 'ama$@ It wasn;t until mu5h later, in ,-/, in
Seram0ore, that I #ot to meet !a#an;s wife Meera$ Master had not only 0i5ed her
out as the ideal wife for !a#an, but had also 0erformed the weddin# 5eremony
himself, in ,-H/$ 4ver two thousand 0eo0le had attended the 5eremonyE I found
her sweet, 5om0assionate, and 5om0letely devoted to !od and !uru$ Martan and
Meera !hosh were very #ood friends, and to this day Meera and I have a dee0
and sin5ere friendshi0 in !od$
Ba5 to te>t
C$ ?Di@ is a suffi> si#nifyin#, ?older sister,@ whi5h of 5ourse she was in relation to
us, thou#h she was youn#er than Master$
Ba5 to te>t
.$ % sho00in# 0la5e about two miles from their home$
Ba5 to te>t
-$ (e may have meant, ?too sus5e0tible$@
Chapter !
" #re$ in the %imalayas
In the month of June, one of Master;s dis5i0les, Dr$ J$ ($ Clar, an S'+ member and a
medi5al do5tor, 5ame to Cal5utta$ (e stayed at the YSS ashram in Barana#ore$ 4ne day
he ased Swamiji if he new of anyone who 5ould lead him on a tour of holy 0la5es in
India$ Swamiji new that I;d traveled around the 5ountry and that I;d had some
e>0erien5e of hiin# in the mountains, so he ased me to a55om0any our #uest$ I
enthusiasti5ally a#reed$
% few days later, we set off on our tour that was to last thirty1five days$ 4ur first sto0 was
the 5ity of Benares,2,3 said to be the oldest still1inhabited 5ity in the world$ %nandamoyee
Ma, the world1famous woman saint whom Yo#ananda des5ribes reverently in
Autobiography of a Yogi, had one of her ashrams there$ My first meetin# with her was at
this ashram$ I immediately understood why Master had des5ribed her as the ?Joy1
"ermeated Mother$@ She and he had #reat soul1love for one another$ She referred to him
as ?Baba,@ her 5ommon a00ellation for men, but one that seemed to have s0e5ial meanin#
in his 5ase$
7e stayed there for four days, and were able to visit her twi5e a day$ Aa5h time she
blessed us$ I was 5a0tivated by her and by her trans0arent love for !od$ 4n many
o55asions she would #o into samadhi 2e5stasy3 before us, sometimes for only half an
hour, sometimes for hours at a time$ In her divine love she was lie a ma#net$ *his, I felt,
must have been what Master was lieE
%nandamoyee Ma never stayed lon# at any of her ashrams, movin# about to #ive more of
her devotees a 5han5e to be with her as mu5h as 0ossible$ % stran#e fa5t I noted was that
she never ate with her own hand$ (er 5lose women dis5i0les would feed her, lie a 5hild$
%s we were leavin#, she ased us to return as often as we 5ould$ My heart was full to
overflowin#$ %fter that first en5ounter I never let a year #o by without visitin# her at least
on5e or twi5e$ It wasn;t lon# before she would now immediately when I had 5ome, and
would 5all out to me, ?Come u0 hereE Sit beside me$@ 7e were very 5lose, and I treasure
every moment that I was able to absorb myself in her vibrations$
4ne time she ased me to 5hant for her$ I san# the well1nown mahamantra, or ?#reat
mantra,@ %ar) rishna, har) rishna, rishna rishna, har), har)" %ar) (am, har)
(am, (am (am, har), har)" She loved to sin# this 5hant with me, and thereafter often
san# it with her dis5i0les$
7henever I re5all those times, tears 5ome to my eyes in lovin# #ratitude for all that she
tau#ht meF surrender to the Infinite, non1atta5hment, inner 0ea5e, devotion to !od and
!uru$ (er fa5e, divinely beautiful, would be wreathed in smiles and surrounded by an
aura of heavenly li#ht and #ra5e$ She seemed to me not to belon# to this world$ %t times,
thou#h looin# dire5tly at us, she was obviously far away, mentally$ %lthou#h 0hysi5ally
sittin# before us, inwardly she was soarin# to the hei#hts of divine 5ons5iousness$
% devotee of Ma;s has written, ?*he 5entral theme of (er tea5hin#, in endless variations,
wasF *he su0reme 5allin# of every human bein# is to as0ire to Self1reali6ation$ %ll other
obli#ations are se5ondary$ 4nly a5tions that indle man;s divine nature are worthy of the
name of a5tion$ She often told us, KIn whatever 5ir5umstan5es you may find yourself
0la5ed, tell yourselfF @It is all ri#ht) this is ne5essary for me$ It is (is way of drawin# me
to (is feet, so let me be 5ontent$? By (im alone should your heart be 0ossessed$ Your
sorrow, your 0ain, your a#ony is indeed my own sorrow$ *his body Lit was in this fashion
that Ma referred to herselfM understands everythin#$;@
%s I wanted to now everythin# I 5ould of her saintly life, I on5e ased her, ?7hen did
you find !odG@
She re0lied, ?7hen I was si> years old, and livin# with my father, mother, brother, and
sister in my native villa#e near Da55a La 5ity in what is now Ban#ladeshM, we all went to
the festivities in 5elebration of the #oddess Dur#a Lthe festivities are 5alled Durgapu*aM$
2:3 I was seated on the #round, wat5hin# 0eo0le as they 5ame forward to honor Dur#a$
Suddenly I saw a moon formin# u0on the fa5e of Dur#a;s ima#e$ It a00roa5hed me very
slowly, then entered my heart$ I lost outward 5ons5iousness for ten or fifteen minutes$ It
wasn;t until my brother and sister #ot u0 to leave that, seein# me seated without motion,
they shoo me and said KIt;s time to #o homeE; 4nly then did I 5ome out of that tran5e$ %t
that 0oint I beheld the li#ht leave me and return to the Dur#a murti 2ima#e3$@
(earin# this story, I was thrilled in my heart$ ?7as that your first samadhi+@ I ased Ma$
She lau#hed and answered, ?I do not now$@
7e left Benares the ne>t mornin# for Delhi, and then 'anihet, this time travelin# by
train$ %fter a lon# ,:1hour ride, we finally arrived at the se5luded inn where we were to
stay$ It was owned by a very ni5e An#lish lady, Mrs$ Clar 2not related to the man I was
travellin# with3$ She had been married to a British military major$ %fter his death she
bou#ht this house, in5ludin# many a5res surroundin# it, as a means of 0rovidin# herself
with a steady in5ome$ She loved it here in the lonely hill station of 'anihet, overlooin#
as it did the snow15a00ed (imalaya mountains, des0ite the fa5t that the area was
fre8uented by ti#ers and other wild animals$ She had four lar#e, woolly she0herd do#s to
ee0 her 5om0any and also to 0rote5t her$ She was able to serve many 0il#rims on their
travels to and from various ashrams and mountain retreats$ *his was the 0erfe5t s0ot for
us, for Dr$ Clar was a dee0 meditator, and sou#ht solitude mu5h of the time$ *he
0rimitive as0e5ts of the inn 0leased him$ %s he said often to me, ?&o ele5tri5ityF no
harmE@
Dr$ Clar was a sim0le 0erson, and a very #ood devotee$ (is heart was always full of
love$ Many days we meditated to#ether, and he would share with me s0iritual blessin#s
and insi#hts he had re5eived$ (e told me, ?Master would say, KCall !odF (e is always
nearby;@ %s lon# as my body lives, I will never for#et the blessin#s of our friendshi0, and
will feel his love$
4ne afternoon Mrs$ Clar invited us for tea$ She addressed the do5torF ?Bein# a Catholi5,
why do you follow an Indian !uruG Do you 5onsider him above ChristG@ Dr$ Clar
re0lied, ?I do not see any barrier between my !uru and Jesus Christ$ 'ather, I have 5ome
to now who Christ was throu#h Master$@ She then ased me if I believed in Christ$ ?4f
5ourseE@ I said$ ?Jesus Christ had 0erfe5t Self1reali6ation$ I love him as I love my !uru$@
+rom the inn we visited Babaji;s 5ave, hi#her u0 near the !o#ash 'iver on Drona !iri
mountain where, in ,./,, Lahiri Mahasaya re5o#ni6ed his #uru, Babaji, from former
lives$ It was here that Babaji initiated Lahiri Mahasaya into the sa5red Kriya Yo#a
te5hni8ue in a #olden 0ala5e whi5h, as we read in Autobiography of a Yogi, Babaji
materiali6ed for him$ 7e also visited the an5ient Drona !iri *em0le, dedi5ated to Ma
Kali,2H3 and meditated there for hours$ *he mountain was named after Dronacharya, the
famed tea5her of the "andavas and Kauravas in the Mahabharata. 2*his holy e0i5
5ontains the best1loved s5ri0ture in India, the Bhagavad Gita.3 It was here that Drona
established his in#dom$ (ow u0liftin# it was to be where Babaji on5e lived, and where
Lahiri Mahasaya, meetin# him a#ain in this lifetime, re5eived initiation into Kriya Yo#aE
% beautiful saint, a muni or ?silent sa#e,@ lived there also$ 7e felt #reat blessin#s
emanatin# from him as we sat in his 0resen5e$ 7e also enjoyed our 8uiet time to#ether
durin# what 0roved to be a #ood four1hours; wal there from Mrs$ Clar;s$
*he ne>t day we left her inn for Delhi, from whi5h 0oint we 0ro5eeded to the hill town of
Simla, where we remained for si> days$ Sin5e Yo#anandaji and Sri Yuteswar had made a
0il#rima#e here, Dr$ Clar, desirous of followin# in their footste0s, wanted also to visit
here$ (e also wanted to meditate in the %anuman Mandir hi#h on Jau (ill$
%lon# the way to this tem0le, many moneys 2(anuman is nown as the ?money #od@3
5ame out and #reeted us, 5hatterin# away$ *hey were well1behaved moneys, howeverE
Dr$ Clar had bou#ht bananas, sweets, and nuts for them, and as we entered the area the
moneys stret5hed out their hands for their treat$ +ortunately, we were well 0rovidedE
Soon we returned to Cal5utta2D3 for a wee to visit Master;s boyhood home at D !ar0ar
'oad, and my own home as well$ 7e had a meal with *ulsi Bose and his family, and with
%tmanandaji$ %fterwards we visited the Kali *em0le in Dashineswar, and two other
tem0lesF Belur Math, founded by Swami <iveananda 25hief dis5i0le of 'amarishna3,
and the *araeshwar Shiva *em0le, at whi5h, as in Lourdes, +ran5e, many 0eo0le have
been mira5ulously healed of their illnessesF 0hysi5al, emotional, mental, and s0iritual$
%fter a wee in Cal5utta, Dr$ Clar returned to %meri5a$ (is visit had been a blessin# for
us all, but es0e5ially for me, who had been able to s0end so mu5h time with him alone$
Footnotes
,$ ?<aranasi,@ as it is now 5alled$ *his holiest 5ity of the (indus lies in the state of
=ttar "radesh, standin# on the 7est ban of the 'iver !an#es$ +or over 9,BBB
years 0il#rims have 5ome here$ (oly to all (indus, it is es0e5ially so to Shaivites,
who worshi0 !od in the form of Shiva$ (indus dee0ly believe that all who die
here a5hieve liberation$ It was in Benares, so "aramhansa Yo#ananda said, that
Babaji met Swami Shanara5harya many 5enturies a#o, and initiated him into
Kriya Yo#a1a thrillin# story, but, alasE not one for this boo$
Ba5 to te>t
:$ Durgapu*a is one of the 0rin5i0al festivals in Ben#al$ Dur#a re0resents shakti, or
ener#y, and is believed to hel0 manind to develo0 non1atta5hment to the material
world$
Ba5 to te>t
H$ Kali is a symbol of !od in the as0e5t of eternal Mother &ature, and is an as0e5t of
Dur#a$ Master, as a 5hild, worshi0ed (er, 5ryin# out to (er from his heart to
reveal (erself1as, finally, She did with infinite sweetness and love$ Kali was also
the s0e5ial obje5t of adoration for Sri 'amarishna$
Ba5 to te>t
D$ %t that time, Cal5utta was not devastated as it now is by 0ollution, over15rowdin#,
and unbelievable numbers of automobiles$ It was, in #eneral, a wonderful 5ity,
and 0rovided a #ood life for its inhabitants$
Ba5 to te>t
Chapter &
" 'isit from Mt. (ashington
% few wees after that, Sister Sailasuta, a dire5t dis5i0le of Yo#ananda;s from the S'+
Mt$ 7ashin#ton monastery, 5ame to Cal5utta$ She showed dee0 reveren5e for her #uru,
and radiated to everyone #reat joy and ener#y from a heart that was warm and e>0ansive$
7e soon be5ame #ood friends$ Master #ave her the ni5name of Sailasuta, meanin#
?dau#hter of the mountains,@ be5ause she was a #ood hier$ 4h, how she loved to re5all
how Master had 5alled her thatE 2%fter his 0assin#, she too Sailasuta as her monasti5
name be5ause of the fondness of those memories$3 She was a fast hier, and whenever we
5limbed a hill to#ether she was always ?u0 there@ while I was still ?down here@E
Sister Sailasuta with me and (assi
4ne day she ased me to a55om0any her to "uri, where Sri Yuteswar had had a seaside
ashram$ *he ashram was now owned by YSS$
7e were 0rivile#ed, in "uri, to be able to visit Sri Bhu0en Sanyal Mahasaya, a dire5t
dis5i0le of Lahiri Mahasaya, and to meditate in his 0resen5e every evenin#$ (e used to
say, ?Don;t #ossi0F Just meditateE@ %t our re8uest, he would often relate the tea5hin#s of
Lahiri Mahasaya, his gurud$va, or tell us stories about him$ 7ith #reat enthusiasm he
s0oe of thin#s he had heard dire5tly from Lahiri;s wife, Kashi Moni$
?4ne day,@ he said, ?a few dis5i0les had #athered at !uruji;s home$ Some of them had
e>0ressed a desire for the hi#her Kriya Yo#a initiations$ !uruji looed at them, smilin#$
Just then, the front door o0ened$ In 5ame the 0ostman, Brinda Bha#at$ Lahiri #reeted himF
K%h, BrindaE 7ould you lie to re5eive the se5ond Kriya initiationG;
@;4h, 0lease, Master, noE; Brinda 0rotested$ K7hat would I do with hi#her initiationsG I
5ame here to as a favorF I am so filled with !od;s 0resen5e already that I am hardly able
to deliver my mail$ "lease, !uruji, would you re8uest the Divine "ostmaster to release
me from my wor, so that I 5an devote more time to the initiation I have re5eived
alreadyG; *hose im0atient devotees were shamed to silen5eE?
I was told on a number of o55asions that Lahiri Mahasaya used to bestow the hi#her
Kriya initiations a55ordin# to what the 0eo0le themselves a5tually needed1that is to say,
a55ordin# to what would truly be effe5tive for them, and not just for the sae of @#ettin#
more,? #reedily$ Some of his dis5i0les never re5eived more than one initiation, even
thou#h they were with him for many years$ Lahiri Mahasaya would say to them, @4ne is
enou#h for you$? 4thers, su5h as Sanyal Mahasaya, re5eived three initiations$ I now of
four that Sri Yuteswar re5eived$
4n another o55asion Sanyal Mahasaya told us, @4ne of Lahiri Mahasaya;s 5lose dis5i0les
and her husband wanted to 5ome to !uruji;s home for a 0uja 5eremony$ *hey were late in
#ettin# to the train station, however, and arrived just as the train was 0ullin# out$
%n>iously they 0rayed to our #uru for hel0$ Suddenly, the train sto00edE *he en#ineer
ste00ed down$ *he stationmaster ran out$ !eneral 5on5ernE 7hat 5ould the trouble beG
Meanwhile, the 5ou0le boarded the train$ *he 0u66led en#ineer #ot ba5 on and tried
on5e a#ain to #et the train movin#$ *his time it started out of the station as if nothin# had
ha00enedE *he 5ou0le 5ould not doubt that this was a mira5le 5aused by !uruji;s
intervention$
?*he followin# mornin#, when they rea5hed Lahiri Mahasaya;s home, he s5olded them
with a smile sayin#, K&e>t time, be on timeE I had to 5all on !od;s 0ower to #et you on
that train$;@
%nother time Sanyal told us, ?4ne mornin# Lahiri Mahasaya;s wife Kashi Moni 2K!uru
Ma,; as we lied to 5all her3 rushed into the Master;s room to s5old him about the
household finan5es1or, rather, the la5 of them$ She s0oe loudly, but didn;t find him
there$ *hinin# he must have #one outside, she raised her voi5e even louder$ Suddenly
she beheld her husband1who was her #uru, also1seated in the lotus 0ose near the 5eilin#,
sus0ended in airE
@;It is all nothin#, don;t you seeG; he said to her$ K(ow 5ould a nothin# lie me 0rovide
su00ort for your earthly needsG; Beside herself with terror, she im0lored his for#iveness$
Nuietly, then, she sli00ed out of the room$ &ever a#ain did she thin of him as her
husband$ (e was only her divine #uruE Kashi Moni learned to see Lord Shiva, Destroyer
of delusion, in the form of her husband$ Soon afterward, a dis5i0le of his offered material
su00ort for the family$?
Sanyal Mahasaya said that his #uru often told his dis5i0les, @;Bon!$, kon!$, mon!$"K *hat
is to say, K7hether in a forest, in your room at home, or only in your own mind, be
always with !od$;?
7e visited Sanyal Mahasaya several times more$ Avery time he blessed us, we felt the
0resen5e of the Divine$ (e would often 8uote Lahiri Mahasaya;s advi5e, @If you don;t
invite !od to be your summer #uest, he won;t 5ome to you in the winter of your life$?
*hrou#hout my life I have remembered the ins0iration I drew from Sanyal Mahasaya$
It was in ,-/: that Bhu0endra Sanyal left his body$
%fter a few days in "uri, we left to visit 'an5hi, the town where Yo#ananda;s s5hool first
be5ame firmly established$ It was here also that Master had his vision tellin# him to #o to
%meri5a, and showin# him many future dis5i0les in that 5ountry$ I 5ouldn;t hel0 thinin#
that Sailasuta was one of those dis5i0lesE
%nandamoyee Ma had an ashram also in 'an5hi, where we visited every afternoon for
satsang, and to re5eive her blessin#$ Many times we sat before her in meditation, not
s0eain# for lon# 0eriods$ She went often into samadhi, or 5hanted softly$ 7e went only
with the 0ur0ose of bein# in her holy vibrations$
+our days later we returned to Cal5utta and the Dashineswar ashram$ 4ne day after our
arrival, Swami %tmanandaji ased me 0lease to build a retainin# wall to 0revent the ban
of mud at one of the ashram boundary lines from sli00in# into the river$ +or three months
I was 0revented, therefore, from visitin# saints in the (imalayan foothills$ I;d be5ome
a55ustomed to trein# there, roamin# about as I 0leased and meetin# advan5ed souls in
se5luded 5aves or huts$ But I was #rateful also to be in my #uru;s ashram, and 0assed the
summer months there ha00ily$
+inally the wall 2and also a #uest room3 was finished$ I was free at last, then, to return to
my beloved mountains$
*his time I went to 'anihet and stayed on5e a#ain at Mrs$ Clar;s hotel$ % well1nown
fortune teller, named 'ani Ma, lived nearby$ %t some 0oint I befriended her$ It didn;t tae
me lon#, however, to reali6e that fortune tellin# was not a worthy o55u0ation for her$ I
ased her, @7hy do you s0end so mu5h of your time in this wayG 7hy not tea5h the
0eo0le who 5ome here with shallow 8uestions the 0ath of meditationG In that way, they
mi#ht #et their own answers$ *hat, surely, would be mu5h more hel0ful to them$? 'ani
Ma was a sin5ere devotee of Lord 'ama$ I 5ould see she had mu5h dee0er thin#s to #ive
0eo0le$
4ne evenin# around - 0$m$, as I was walin# slowly ba5 from visitin# 'ani Ma, my
thou#hts on the 5onversation earlier that evenin#, I heard a noise and looed u0$ % lar#e
ti#ress was on a ro5 above the road, 5rou5hed as if ready to lea0 down on meE (er #a6e
was fo5used intently on my fa5eE I loudly 5hanted, @Jai 'amE Jai 'amE Jai !uruE?
*he ti#ress turned away and jum0ed down towards the valley below$ I don;t 0retend to
now for 5ertain why she didn;t atta5 me, but I have always believed it was by the #ra5e
of my #reat #uru$ &eedless to say, I was overwhelmed with #ratitude$
% few days later, this same ti#ress1an obviously 0ersistent beastE1returned and entered the
#rounds surroundin# Mrs$ Clar;s hotel$ *he ti#ress was just about to atta5 one of the
do#s that always #uarded the inn, when all four do#s 5har#ed her$ *hey 5lawed at her
fa5e fero5iously, and tore out her eyes$ Aventually they su55eeded in illin# her$ 4ne of
the do#s was seriously wounded, and I had to 5all the lo5al 0oli5e$ *here was no re5ourse,
unfortunately, but to shoot her$
My heart 0ounded for a lon# time after this e0isode$ %mon# my other emotions, the
refle5tion 5ame that I never would have believed that do#s 5ould ill a ti#erE *he ways of
&ature are often stran#e$ Avery 5reature has a 5ertain destiny1determined amon# lower
animals, so Master wrote, by @#rou0 arma$? I 5ertainly felt 0art, that day, of the
ma#nifi5en5e of 5osmi5 Mother &atureE
Soon thereafter I met a very advan5ed soul, Kailash "ati, who lived on Kalia (ill about
four miles from 'anihet$ "il#rims sometimes as the sadhus they meet to tell them their
fortunes$ If a sadhu of dee0 intuition sees somethin# that may be hel0ful for a 0erson to
now, he may s0ea$ 4therwise, he will remain silent$ I myself do not believe in asin#
for su5h thin#s$ I travel in the mountains only to be with #reat souls who s0end their lives
in !od, or in seein# (im$ I therefore never ased Kailash "ati for any favor$ (e was
very ha00y to see that I;d 5ome for 0urely s0iritual reasons$ 4ver the si> years that I #ot
to visit him, I had a 5han5e to meditate with him for lon# 0eriods of time$ Aa5h of those
meditations holds 0re5ious memories for me$ I would sit with him while he remained in
samadhi for hours at a time$
Before I left the first time, he en5oura#ed me to visit a #reat yo#i, (ari !auri, in the small
nearby town of &aini *al, #ivin# me dire5tions to the saint;s home$ (e hinted that the tri0
would not be easy, but it didn;t dawn on me that the way there would 0rove dan#erous$ It
wasn;t until the summer of ,-9. that I finally #ot my 5han5e to #o see him$ Mu5h of the
trail was, in fa5t, so narrow that in many 0la5es it was only on$!and!a!ha&f!f$$t!,id$"
4n the outsirts of &aini *al there is a lar#e, serene lae$ % mandir, or sa5red tem0le,
stands majesti5ally at the north end of the lae$ I stayed at a small inn for the ni#ht$ *he
ne>t mornin# I left for the (ari !auri Mandir, thou#h in fa5t I was seein# the livin# (ari
!auri$
Someone lo5al to the area told me I would find it three and a half ilometers behind the
!overnor;s forest bun#alow$ I went first to the tem0le and bowed to &aini Devi, the
murti of Divine Mother that is worshi0ed there$ *hen I be#an to wal in sear5h of (ari
!auri$ +rom the dire5tions I;d been #iven, I new that after several ilometers I would
see a lar#e tree, from whi5h 0oint I must turn left and 5limb a hill toward the ashram$
%s I was walin# I taled mentally to my Divine Mother Kali, sin#in# (er 0raises$ In
doin# so, however, I was 0ayin# insuffi5ient attention to my surroundin#s, and missed the
lar#e tree$ More than a mile farther on, I reali6ed that I was lost$ I sto00ed in 5onfusion$
Just then a youn# #irl, ty0i5al of the hill 0eo0le, 5ame towards me with a bundle of wood
in her arms$ It sur0rised me to see a hill #irl alone in that dee0 jun#le$ =sually, 0eo0le
travelin# there would #o in #rou0s of fifteen or more for 0rote5tion$
@7here are you #oin#G? she ased me$ @%re you lostG? She s0oe in the a55ent of hill
0eo0leF similar to (indi, but sli#htly different also$ She added, @Don;t #o any further$
*here are ti#ers livin# beyond this s0ot$ Come, follow me$?
I ased her why she was walin# alone so dee0 in the forest, but she only smiled and
re0eated, @+ollow me$?
%fter about fifteen minutes we 5ame to the tall, stately tree I had been told to loo out for$
(ere she said, @!o u0 this 0ath here$ It;s just a few minutes farther$? I turned from
#lan5in# at the 0ath to than her$ *o my ama6ement, she was no lon#er thereE I shouted
loudly$ Still, I heard no res0onse$
My body 0ers0ired and my eyes filled with tears, for I reali6ed just 7ho this little #irl
had been$ +ervently I thaned my Divine Mother Kali$ %fter waitin# a few minutes,
ho0in# to 5at5h a #lim0se of (er, I 0ro5eeded on my way$
(ari !auri was waitin# for me before the #ate$ @7el5ome, wel5omeE? he said$ @Divine
Mother saved you$ &e>t time, wat5h where you are #oin#E +ollow Kailash "ati;s
instru5tions$?
In his mandir I found a beautiful statue of Kali$ 7e meditated before it for four hours$
*he whole time I 5hanted, @Kali, KaliE? I 5ould not 5he5 my tears$ %fterwards, this
saintly man invited me in to eat kitchuri 2a sim0le dish of ri5e, daal, and ve#etables3 with
him$
%s we were eatin#, (ari !auri told me he had met "aramhansa Yo#ananda while he lived
in the =nited States for four years worin# as an ele5tri5al en#ineer$ (e had #reat love
and re#ard for Master$ %fter a while, I said it was time for me to leave as I didn;t want to
im0ose on his time any lon#er$ (owever, he ased me first to 5ome into his small hut$ It
had a room 5ontainin# two beds, and another room for meditation and asanas 2yo#a
0ostures3$ *he 0la5e had very 0owerful vibrations$ Inside was a woman, whom he
introdu5ed to me as !auri$
@Do you now who she isG? he ased$ I told him I thou#ht she must be his 0artner in
tantra. @She is that also,? he re0lied, @but she is far more$ She is my mother, my sister,
my friend, and last of all my le#itimate wife$? Both of them said, @May Divine Mother
Kali bless you$@
*he ne>t day I left for Benares to s0end three days with %nandamoyee Ma, after that
returnin# on5e more to Dashineswar$
Chapter )
"n *fficial 'isit from S+F
=0on my arrival ba5, in ,-9., %tmanandaji informed me that in mid145tober Daya
Mata, the 0resident of Self1'eali6ation +ellowshi0, would be 5omin# with a #rou0 of
monasti5s from the Self1'eali6ation +ellowshi0 head8uarters in Los %n#eles, California$
*his would be S'+;s first offi5ial visit to YSS$
7e mons wored very hard from then on to #et everythin# ready for their arrival$ Soon,
everythin# was ?s0i5 and s0an$@
Daya Mata and her sister Mataji 2who later too the name %nanda Mata, and was also a
board member3, Swami Kriyananda, and Sister 'evati, arrived at Cal5utta;s Dum Dum
air0ort at noon on the a00ointed day, in a drivin# monsoon rain$ % lar#e 5ontin#ent1some
fifty of us1were on hand to #reet them with #arlands to symboli6e our love$ *heir lu##a#e
was 5olle5ted, and we drove to the Barana#ore ashram$
%t this time I was livin# in the Dashineswar math, or monastery$ %tmanandaji, however,
ased me to 5ome every day to Barana#ore and loo after our visitors$ Dayama was most
ind to me$ She e>5laimed, ?You 5ome all the way from Dashineswar every day on
footG@ Nuietly she #ave me money to buy a bi5y5le so as to mae the journey easier$
Many evenin#s she would 5ome to the math in Dashineswar also, for meditation$ Some
evenin#s, while #lidin# alon# the !an#es in a lar#e rented rowboat, she told me stories
about Master and of how he had affe5ted the lives of all those around him$
In the early years, she said on one of those evenin#s, Master was fa5ed with #reat
finan5ial diffi5ulties$ &o money was available to 0ay the bills or the mort#a#e, or even to
#ive the devotees enou#h to live on$ (e was dee0ly 5on5erned$ 7as Divine Mother
0leased with the wor he was doin# for (erG ?Mother,@ he 0rayed, ?I never wanted all
thisE I;ve done it only to 0lease You$ If You are not satisfied, I will #ladly return to India$@
+or many months he re5eived no answer to this 0rayer$
+inally She a00eared to himE In a #lorious vision She said, ?I am your sto5s and bonds$
7hat more dost thou need than that thou hast MeG Dan5e of life and dan5e of deathF
Know that these 5ome from Me, and as su5h, rejoi5eE@ <ery soon after that, Master;s
finan5ial 0roblems were ended by a wealthy and very dear dis5i0le$
Dayama also shared with me how he had wanted to return to India for the last years of his
life, to loo after the wor in India$ In the end, however, he never #ot the ?#o ahead@
from Divine Mother, who withheld (er blessin#s from this 5herished 0roje5t$
Daya Mata was very ha00y to now that, throu#h my su0ervision, all the wor had been
5om0leted on the #uest house and the retainin# wall at Dashineswar$ She also thaned
*ulsi Bose for his 0art in 0ur5hasin# the land$ Master had written to "raash Das, by then
a dire5tor of YSS, to name the Cal5utta ashram, ?*ulsi1Yo#oda %shram$@ In fa5t, he
wanted Yo#oda Math and the other ashrams also to have this name$ Be5ause the name of
the So5iety was Yo#oda Sat1San#a So5iety, however, and be5ause Yo#oda Math was the
main head8uarters of YSS at that time, the name elsewhere, with Master;s a00roval,
remained un5han#ed$
Yogoda was a name 5reated by "aramhansa Yo#ananda$ It was intended as a 5ontra5tion
of two wordsF yoga, and da, ?da@ in this 5ase meanin# ?that whi5h #ives$@ % so5iety, in
other words, that tea5hes, or ?#ives,@ yo#a$ Binay Dubey, a late visitor to the wor 2it was
only 5onsiderably later that he be5ame a member3,2,3 obje5ted to this name$
?Yo#a,@ he said, ?is s0elled with an a. It is not Kyo#o$;@ *hen he was reminded that he
himself, when s0eain# Ben#ali, 0ronoun5ed yo#a with the Ben#ali a55ent, -*oga,..
+inally Dubey a#reed that ?yo#oda@ mi#ht be 5onsidered a le#itimate 5oina#e$ It would
have been hi#hly in5onvenient, 5ertainly, to 5han#e the name after all these yearsE
I mention this in5ident to say that from this time onward a new s0irit be#an enterin# YSS$
Binayendra &ath Dubey was not at this time even a member$ Yet he never hesitated to tell
Daya Ma thin#s that, he insisted, the 0eo0le in %meri5a, and all of us in India, and even a
#reat Indian master 2Yo#ananda3 ou#ht 2a55ordin# to him3 to have nown$ (is
0resum0tion of our i#noran5e was e>traordinary$
Nuelled on his obje5tion to the name, ?Yo#oda,@ he then 0ro5eeded to 0oint out that the
or#ani6ation, whi5h at that time bore the name, ?Yo#oda Sat1San#a So5iety@ with ?Sat1
San#a@ hy0henated, ou#ht not to be abbreviated ?YSS,@ but rather to have a third ?s@F in
other words, ?YSSS$@ *his seemed a trivial 0oint to us, a mere te5hni5ality hardly worth
even 5onsiderin#$ Dubey, however, made an issue of it, and des0ite everyone;s la5 of
interest e0t on insistin#$ *he obvious was 0ointed out to himF that ?YSSS@ was awward
to 0ronoun5e$ &o matter$ 7e learned in time that Dubey;s nature was to 0ersist, even in
minor matters, until he;d #ot his way$ %t last, a 5om0romise was a#reed u0onF Sat1San#a
was 5ombined into one word$ *hus, the offi5ial name be5ame Yo#oda Satsan#a So5iety,
and the abbreviation, as before, YSS$
4ne 5ould not but wonder at this fuss over su5h a small issue$ In time, however, it
be5ame 5lear that by this little o0enin# he had #ained entry into the ?inner san5tum@ of
or#ani6ational 0ower, and areas that normally would be o0en only to inside, lon#1term
members$
Dubey;s intrusion was not so mu5h noti5ed by Dayama, who was herself new to the
Indian s5ene, as it was by us Indians, who had been servin# Master;s wor in this 5ountry
for many years$ (is 0resum0tion1for so we 5ould only 5onsider it1thou#h relatively minor
at first, 5ontinued unabated$ *hou#h he was still not a member, and not even a devotee of
this 0ath, he made in5reasin#ly bold re5ommendations even to the 0oint of de5larin#
for5efully 2as one who, bein# himself Indian, was ?in the now@ on su5h thin#s3 who
ou#ht to #ive Kriya initiation) how Kriya should be #iven) what a tea5her;s role needed to
be in the or#ani6ation, and other 8uite fundamental matters$ (e ur#ed that a&& 0ower be
5entrali6ed in the 0erson of the S'+OYSS 0resident, even to her havin# the sole ri#ht to
#ive Kriya initiation$ 24thers, he said, should be 0ermitted to #ive Kriya only as her
re0resentatives3$ (e ur#ed the su0reme s0iritual im0ortan5e of the 0resident, even as the
?livin# #uru@ of all who too Kriya initiation$ 4ther matters also he stressed on subje5ts
8uite 5entral to the or#ani6ation, and not at all in ee0in# with the 0attern Master himself
had established$ Dubey insisted that his ideas must have been Master;s wish also, as this
was how these thin#s were done in India$ (e even insisted that Master, when he wore
7estern 5lothes in the streets of Los %n#eles, must at least have e0t an oran#e
hander5hief in his 0o5et1?4therwise,@ he de5lared, wavin# a fin#er affirmatively, ?he
was no swamiE@
Dubey mana#ed ultimately so far to influen5e the dire5tion of YSS;s, and ultimately
S'+;s, #rowth that some of the 5ustoms most 5learly established by Master were
drasti5ally 5han#ed$ (ow, we all wondered, 5ould one man have #ained so mu5h
influen5e in a s0iritual or#ani6ation to whi5h he was a veritable new5omerG It was not as
thou#h he had 5ommitted himself to the or#ani6ation, or even to the yo#i5 life$ (e was, in
fa5t, what one mi#ht 5all a s0iritual drifter$
7ell, more of this im0ortant issue later$
*o resume my storyF 4ne day we drove into Cal5utta to visit Master;s family home at D
!ar0ar 'oad$ It was from here that Master had left for %meri5a to be#in his world1wide
mission$ %nd it was here also, in his small ?atti5 room,@ where, as he 0ut it, ?I found
!od$@ (is youn#er brother Sananda Lal lived there now, with his wife "arul, and their
son and dau#hter (are Krishna and Shefali$ 7e meditated in the atti5 room, and heard
from them many stories of our #uru;s life$
+rom there we 5ontinued on to *ulsi Bose;s home, where Master stayed after his return to
India in ,-H9$ (ere, in the family meditation room, Master had meditated 5ountless
times$ Sri Yuteswar, Master;s #urudeva, had also blessed this s0ot) also %nandamoyee
Ma and other #reat souls$ %t *ulsi1da;s home we met others of Master;s dis5i0les$ *he
S'+ re0resentatives were filled with love for this ?#rand family$@
*ulsi was reserved by nature, s0eain# little$ (is ways were sim0leF a stri5tly ve#etarian
diet, and no 5i#arettes or al5ohol$ 4ut of dee0 res0e5t for Master, born of an
understandin# of who Master was, *ulsi1da always did whatever Master ased him to do$
*he two of them were dee0ly devoted to one another throu#hout their lives$
*ulsi told Daya Mata and the others many in5idents of Master;s early life, and s0oe
#lowin#ly of what Master had always meant to him$ (e invited the %meri5ans to stay for
dinner, whi5h Martan Ma and Daha 2their 5oo3 had 0re0ared for them$ Daha had
joined the family even before their dau#hter, (assi, was born$ She had also 5ooed for Sri
Yuteswar, for 'i5hard 7ri#ht 2Dayama;s brother, who a55om0anied Master to India in
,-H93, and for many other devotees$
?4ne tou5hin# event o55urred one mornin# durin# the winter months,@ *ulsi1da told
them, ?Yo#ananda 5ame downstairs and saw Martan Ma shiverin# a little from the 5old$
(e too the shawl from around his shoulders and 0la5ed it lovin#ly around hers, sayin#,
K&ow, Mother, you won;t be 5old any lon#er$; 4h, how #reat was his affe5tion for herE@
*hat shawl now resides, beautifully dis0layed, in the Shrine of the Masters museum at
%nanda <illa#e in California$
Footnotes
,$ Aventually he was a00ointed by Daya Mata to its to0 administrative 0osition$
Ba5 to te>t
Chapter ,
#ulsi Bose, -ogananda.s Boyhood
Friend
*ulsi1da on5e told me how he had 5ome to now Master$ ?4ne afternoon,@ he said, ?in
May, ,-B-, I was restin# on a ben5h in !reer "ar, near my home$ I had just 5om0leted
an invi#oratin# run, and was thinin# about the bi# ho5ey mat5h that was s5heduled the
ne>t day$ %ll of a sudden, I saw this lon#1haired boy 5ome u0 to me$ I didn;t re5o#ni6e
him, and was 5ertain we had never met before$ (e ased, K%ren;t you *ulsi BoseG;
@%stonished, I re0lied, KBut who are you+K
?%#ain he said, K+irst, tell meF %re you *ulsi BoseG; KYes,; I re0lied, KI am$; (e sat down
beside me on the ben5h$ *hen he ased me, K%ren;t you a ho5ey 0layer and a runnerG;
@By this time I was sur0rised not only by this boy;s abru0tness, but by his 0ersistent
interest in me$ I had just barely #ot out a haltin# KYes $ $ $; when, sure of me now, he 5ut in
8ui5ly, K%ll ri#ht, let;s run to#etherE; I didn;t see why we shouldn;t, so we started out at
a fast 5li0$
?+or the first la0 we were runnin# side by side$ By the end of the se5ond la0, however, he
was ten feet ahead of me$ I 5ouldn;t believe my eyesE I was a very #ood runner, and
besides, I new all the runners in our vi5inity$ 7ho was this boyG 7here did he 5ome
fromG
@I was breathin# 8uite heavily from my efforts to beat this u0startE Yet how 5ould I 8uitG I
didn;t want to be defeatedE So I said, KLet;s do it a se5ond time$; *his time, I ran as fast as
I 5ould$ Still, I 5ouldn;t beat him$
?+inally I ased him, K(ow is it you 5an run so fastG Your stride is not that of a runner at
all$; (e re0lied, KI will tea5h you$ Come to my home toni#ht$;
@;But where is your homeG; I said$ K&umber D !ar0ar 'oad,; he re0lied$
?;7hy, that is the home of Bha#abati BabuE;
@;Yes,; he re0lied$ KI am his son Muunda$ *oni#ht I will tell you also how I found you,
and why$ +rom now on,; he added, KI will 5all you *ulsi1da$;
?%t midni#ht I rea5hed Muunda;s home at D !ar0ar 'oad$ (e was standin# outside
waitin# for me$ 7e entered the house to#ether and went to his room on the #round floor$
(e shut the door, and we sat down, arran#in# our le#s in the lotus 0ose$ (e then tou5hed
my forehead, and my mind be5ame 5om0letely still$ (e tau#ht me some yo#a meditation
te5hni8ues, and we remained there the whole ni#ht$ Before leavin# the house early the
ne>t mornin# I #ot to hear the story of how and why he had found me$
@;It has not been 8uiet here at home,; Muunda said, Kwith so many 5hildren runnin# all
over the 0la5e, and #uests always 5omin#$ I;ve found it disturbin# not to have time for
solitude and meditation$ 4ne day I 5ried to Divine Mother Kali, ?"lease #ive me one
#ood, devoted friend with a 8uiet home where I 5an be more with You$@ Later, I was
walin# down the street near our house when suddenly I went into a tran5e$ In vision I
saw a youn# man about my own a#e 0layin# in front of what seemed to be his family
home$ Divine Mother said to me, ?*hat boy is a #ood devotee, and loves Me very mu5h$
You will #et all the hel0 you want from him and his family$@ (earin# these words, my
eyes filled with tears$ Mentally I bowed at (er feet, thanin# (er for (er love for me$ It
was soon after that we met$;
*he 0aintin# of Krishna by (ari &arayan Bose, father of *ulsi Bose
?I invited Muunda to our house the ne>t evenin# for dinner$ (e 5ame over in the
afternoon and I introdu5ed him to my father, (ari &arayan Bose$ +ather was very ha00y
on seein# him, and told him, KIt feels as thou#h you were a 0art of our family alreadyE
7hat is time when re5o#nition is so suddenG; @Muunda did be5ome an honorary
member of our family$ (e used to address my father as Baba Mahasaya 2K+ather with a
#reat soul;3$ Aver sin5e that afternoon in the 0ar, we two boys s0ent mu5h of our time
to#ether$?
*he followin# year, Muunda;s 5ousin "rabhas1da joined the two friends$ *o#ether they
would #o to Dashineswar and sit under the Panchavati, or B$& tree, on the tem0le
#rounds, for ni#ht meditations$
*ulsi 5ontinued, @4ne day, in ,-,-, I was talin# with Muunda about the advan5ed
yo#i5 state 5alled samadhi. (e said to me, KCome sit here beside me$ "ra5ti5e the Kriya I
have tau#ht you$; I did so$ (e then tou5hed my forehead$ Suddenly I lost outer
5ons5iousness$ My awareness be#an s0iralin# u0wards$ I saw 5ountless radiant bein#s,
beautiful s5enes1other worldsE
?;(ow was itG; he ased$ I told him what I had seen and how beautiful it all was$ K"lease,;
I said, Kshow me how I 5an be in that state all the time$; (e lau#hed and re0lied, K*hese
e>0erien5es are not for you in this lifetime$ You must wait till your ne>t life$ Meanwhile,
do Kriya every day, and live a very sim0le e>isten5e$;
@4ne day,? *ulsi 5ontinued, @my father, 5on5erned for my future, ased Muunda if I
would #o to the (imalayas and live out my life as a yo#i$ Muunda answered him,
K*ulsi1da will not #o there$ (e will stay here with you, marry, and have three dau#hters,
one of whom however will not live lon#$; Averythin# 5ame to 0ass as he;d said$ I
married, had three dau#hters, and one of them died when she was only four years old$
*he other two lived$?
I must add here, 0arentheti5ally, that the youn#est dau#hter, (assi, years later be5ame my
wife$
*ulsi;s a55ount 5ontinuesF
@*wo years later, when my father heard that Muunda wanted a 0la5e in whi5h to hold
meditation 5lasses, he 0ur5hased the 0lot of land behind our home and #ave it to us boys,
alon# with the money to build a three1room that5hed hut where we 5ould have our
meditations and be alone with !od$ It was in this way that Muunda be#an his very first
s5hool$?
Swami Kebalanandaji, a dee0 yo#i and noted Sansrit s5holar, soon be#an tea5hin# there$
(e was a devotee of Lahiri Mahasaya, who 5alled him Shastri Mahasaya, whi5h is to say,
@Learned in the soul1meanin# of the s5ri0tures$? Muunda was thrilled to have su5h a
divine mentor$ *o#ether they s0ent many hours daily, learnin# the tea5hin#s of the #reat
ones$
%tmananda at the home of *ulsi Bose$
+riends who were sin5ere in their sear5h for !od often joined Muunda and *ulsi1da in
their new s5hool$ In ,-,/ a devotee offered Muunda a 0ie5e of land in Dihia that 5ould
serve as a better 0la5e for a ra0idly #rowin# s5hool$ *hen it was, also, that Muunda too
his monasti5 vows from his #uru Sri Yuteswar, be5omin# nown from then on as Swami
Yo#ananda$
Sri Yuteswarji 5ame to *ulsi;s home to see Yo#ananda;s s5hool ashram before they
moved to Dihia$ It wasn;t lon#, however, before they had to leave Dihia also, owin# to
an outbrea of malaria$ In this dilemma, the Maharaja of Kashimba6ar 5ame to the
res5ue$ (e offered Swami Yo#ananda a 0lot of land in 'an5hi, Bihar$ *o those #rounds, in
,-,., Yo#ananda eventually moved his s5hool$ In this salubrious 5limate, a #rowin# body
of students 5ame in order to learn @the ways of !od and mathemati5s$? *wo years 0assed$
*hen Divine Mother 5alled Yo#ananda to %meri5a$
*ulsi1da, in s0eain# to Daya Mata and the others of her #rou0, re5alled fondly, @(e
never for#ot me$ (e would write often from %meri5a and tell me and my family of his
e>0erien5es in that new land$ It was hard to ima#ine what his life was really lie$ I
wondered if I would ever see him a#ain$
?*hen, in ,-:/, my father 0assed away$ In ,-:C I married Martan Ma$ !uruji had 0i5ed
her out for me, and blessed her and also our first dau#hter$@
Later, when Master returned to India in ,-H9, he stayed with *ulsi and Martan Ma in
their home$ (e also blessed their third 5hild in Martan;s womb, sayin#, ?*his 5hild will
be a #irl, and will be very devoted$@ (e #ave Martan an a00le ?for the baby,@ whose
name was (assi, whi5h means, ?Lau#hter$@ Indeed, (assi has always been blessed with a
ha00y dis0osition$
*ulsi and Master traveled to#ether to many 0la5es$ 4ne day they were meditatin#
to#ether with "raash Das and Jitendra 2Jiten3 Ma6umdar,2,3 when one of *ulsi;s 5ousins
rushed into the room 5ryin# ur#ently, ?Come 8ui5lyE It;s my wife) she;s dyin#E@
*he two do5tors in attendan5e had told him there was no ho0e for her re5overy$ *he
5ousin new Master, however, and had dee0 faith in him$ *herefore, ?ho0in# a#ainst
ho0e,@ he had 5ome here for hel0$ Master told the others to 5ome alon#$
4n arrivin# at the 5ousin;s home, Master went immediately into the bedroom$ *here,
asin# the others to wait outside, he 5losed the door$ Meanwhile, another hi#hly res0e5ted
0hysi5ian 5ame to see what he 5ould do$ (e too was obli#ed to wait outside$ More than
forty1five minutes 0assed$ +inally, Master 5ame out of the room) the 5ousin;s wife 5ame
with him, walin# without assistan5eE *he do5tors, all three of whom were there, were
astounded$ *his, they e>5laimed, was truly a mira5le$
Master said to the husband, ?%fter we leave, she will slee0 one or two days$ Don;t be
alarmed, and don;t 5all her$ She will be all ri#ht, and will eventually re#ain her full
stren#th$@
&ot a word 0assed between the friends after they left$ *hey were over5ome by what
they;d witnessed$ 4n arrivin# at *ulsi;s home, Master ased Daha to 5oo him a 5urry$
'ajaram, a youn# man who served as the houseee0er, later #ave him a massa#e to hel0
restore the ener#y he;d #iven out$
%fter that, the 5ousin;s wife 5ame fre8uently to see Master, and eventually too initiation
and dis5i0leshi0 from him$
?4ne day,@ *ulsi1da said, ?!uruji too us to Shantinik$tan 2K%bode of "ea5e;3 to visit the
#reat 0oet 'abindranath *a#ore$ !uruji told us he was a hi#hly advan5ed soul$ %fter we;d
been there awhile, and were 0re0arin# to start ba5 to Cal5utta, Master ased *a#ore,
K(ow do you feel 2meanin#, about his life3G; *he 0oet re0lied s0ontaneously in 0oeti5
styleF
Yes, I am a *raveler$
&othin# 5an hold me ba5$
"leasure and 0ain see to bind me,
But, ahE my home lies far beyond$
(is non1atta5hment im0ressed me dee0ly$
*ulsi understood *a#ore;s desire to be released from banal offi5e wor, for he too had
never held a traditional job$ Indeed, he had never held any job at allE (e s0ent all his time
doin# sadhana, as Master had ased him to do$
It was about this time that Master announ5ed a wish to 0ur5hase a lar#e 0ie5e of land on
the ban of the !an#es$ "raash Das be#an the sear5h for the 0erfe5t ashram settin#$ %t
last they found, in Dashineswar, a three1and1a1half1a5re 0ie5e ri#ht on the !an#es$
Master went twi5e to see it, and finally de5ided to buy it$ (e sent "raash Das to fi> the
0ri5e, tellin# him, @%s soon as I return to %meri5a, I will send you the money for the final
0ur5hase$@
Master left India at the end of ,-H/$ "raash Das sent him a hundred 0hoto#ra0hs of the
land, from different 0ers0e5tives$ *he 0ro0erty was finally 0ur5hased in ,-H-$ Master
was very ha00y$ It be5ame a 0la5e of #reat 0ea5e1ideal for meditationE
Footnotes
,$ 7ho a55om0anied Muunda on the famous e0isode, ?*wo "enniless Boys in
Brindaban,@ from Autobiography of a Yogi.
Chapter /
+anchi 0 #hen, a #re$ to Badrinath1
%fter the %meri5ans had been with us about two wees, Dayama said one mornin#,
?7ould you lie to #o with us to 'an5hi todayG@ I said, ?4f 5ourseE@ I joined our S'+
#uests$ Binay Dubey 5ame alon# also$ "aramananda had 0ur5hased a bi# Studebaer 5ar
in whi5h we;d already traveled to many 0la5es that Dayama had wanted to see$ In 'an5hi
we stayed at ?7ood (ouse,@ whi5h "aramananda;s father, J$B$ 7ood, had built$ Mr$
7ood was a dis5i0le of Master who often 5ame to India from his home in +lorida to stay
for months at a time1residin# mostly, however, at the Barana#ore ashram$
4ne day we had a so55er #ame$ Kriyananda 5a0tained the tea5hers) I 5a0tained the
students$ I hadn;t reali6ed that Kriyananda was so #ood at so55erE 7e all enjoyed the
#ame very mu5h$ %fterwards, Dayama #ave us all 5andy and en5oura#ed us to 0lay often$
7e returned to Cal5utta after twelve days$ *hen the S'+ #rou0 went on to Delhi and
Kashmir$ Dubey went with them a#ain$
In time I develo0ed a #ood friendshi0 with Kriyanandaji$ %mon# other thin#s, he s0oe
mu5h about Master$ 4ne day he sur0rised me by sayin# that Master had tau#ht him to
mae samosas 2whi5h he 5alled singharas, Ben#ali fashion3 and other Indian foods$ *his
im0ressed me very mu5hE Sometimes also he s5olded me #ently for s0endin# so mu5h
time in the mountains$ ?7hy don;t you stay here with us moreG@ he ased, teasin#ly$ ?7e
need your hel0$@ But my heart lon#ed for the (imalayas$ Besides, he new that I wored
very hard every time I 5ame ba5, and e>0ressed a00re5iation for this servi5e$ But he was
5on5erned for YSS, whi5h he 0er5eived as barely bum0in# alon#, when there was so
mu5h to do here for Master;s wor$
In %0ril of ,-9-, I set out for a (imalayan tour, leavin# from 'ishiesh2,3 on foot with
two mons from the Sivananda2:3 ashram$ *he tri0 we 0lanned was D9B miles, round1
tri0$ It too us many wees to 5om0lete$ Meanwhile, Kriyanandaji, infe5ted by some of
my ?wanderlust,@ made a tri0 on his own to Kashmir$ &ot, however, on footE
In India it is 5onsidered e>tremely aus0i5ious, and is every devotee;s lifelon# dream, to
mae a 0il#rima#e to the (imalayas$ Centuries a#o, when the world was shrouded in
s0iritual darness and i#noran5e, the #reat master Swami Shanara inje5ted new life into
India by 0romotin# reli#ious and national unity$ In 0ursuit of that mission, he established
four *yotirmaths, or edu5ation 5enters for mons, to diffuse divine li#ht throu#hout the
land$ (e established these maths in the four 5orners of India$ *hese 5enters still e>ist, and
are lo5ated in Mysore 2in the south3, "uri 2in the east3, Dwara 2in the west3, and
Badrinath 2in the north, hi#h above 'ishiesh3$ %ll of these 0la5es have dee0 s0iritual
si#nifi5an5e and 0ower, and have been honored by (indus for millennia$
In the (imalayas there are also four sa5red s0ots 5onne5ted with Badrinath and main# a
holy 0il#rima#e loo0F Badrinath of 5ourse, then Kedarnath, Yamunotri, and !an#otri$ 7e
ho0ed to 5om0lete the entire loo0 safely with the blessin#s of our #urus and of the saints
we;d meet alon# the way$
*he first day we left very early in the mornin#, headin# for !an#otri$ 7e left with li#ht
hearts, our minds and hearts fo5used on what we fully e>0e5ted would be an
e>traordinary adventure$ 7hat lay ahead of usG 7ould we even be able to 5om0lete our
lon# journeyG
Soon, alon# the way, we met a few swamis livin# in 5aves dee0 in the forest$ 'ea5hin#
!an#otri, we 5ould see the im0ressive Gomukh, the be#innin# of the !an#es, where
?!an#a@ 2the Indian name for the 'iver !an#es3 emer#es throu#h what is thou#ht to
resemble the mouth of a 5ow 2 Go: ?5ow@) in an5ient Sansrit, as the sa#e Sri %urobindo
dis5overed, it also means ?li#ht@) and mukh: ?mouth@3$ (ere !an#a emer#es as a
beautiful waterfall 5reated by a meltin# #la5ier$ +rom this 0oint she be#ins her downward
journey to the 0lains$ !omuh emer#es from the foot of the im0ressive Shivlin# "ea
2/9DHm3, whose snow1laden slo0es shimmered hi#h above us in the #lare of the summer
sun, brilliant a#ainst the dee0 blue sy$ &ineteen ilometers beyond !an#otri lies
!omuh at a hei#ht of H,DBm$
%s we a00roa5hed !an#otri, the 5ountry o0ened out before us into a valley surrounded
by ja##ed, snow15overed 0eas$ *he slo0es were 5overed by bir5h trees, their truns
wra00ed in bar whi5h looed lie 0a0er tissue$ *his material was used in an5ient times
for re5ordin# the s5ri0tures, after the s5ien5e of writin# be5ame not so mu5h a dis5overy
as a ne5essity owin# to the in5reasin# shortness of human memory$ *he mountain slo0es
also 5ontain #rou0s of #iant boulders) they seem to stand #uard as hu#e sentinels in a
valley of the #ods$
*he river flows north here, #ivin# the villa#e its name !an#otriF ?!an#a turned north$@
4ne misste0 on this 0ath, and a 0erson would fall 9,BBB feetE
7alin# .1,B hours a day, we eventually 5ame to #riyugnarayan, an an5ient &arayan
Krishna tem0le$ (ere we sto00ed for the ni#ht to visit Muni Baba, a hi#hly advan5ed soul
who hadn;t s0oen for fifty years$ %s we #reeted him, he indi5ated with hand #estures
that he would be ha00y for us to meditate with him$ Later on, he blessed us$ &o one 5ould
tell what he ate$ 7hen I ased him, he sim0ly raised his hands to heaven as if to say, ?By
!od;s #ra5e$@ *here was a de0th of stillness around him, a sure si#n of a !od1reali6ed
soul$
*he followin# day we left for 'udra "raya#, famous now for the e>0loits of Jim Corbett,
the An#lish hunter who saved hundreds of villa#ers from the 0redations of a lar#e feline
that he later des5ribed in a boo named, #h$ Man!/ating 0$opard of (udra Prayag. (e
also slew many man1eatin# ti#ers in the (imalayas, es0e5ially in the umaon hills2H3in
the %lmora distri5t$ 4ne of these ti#ers had illed over ,:9 0eo0le$ Corbett and others
had noti5ed that the ti#er was not illin# the #oats, 5ows, and other animals that are its
usual food, but only human bein#s$ *he villa#ers 0leaded with Jim to hunt it down and
destroy it$ So, in order to 5reate a lure for the beast, he built a three1sided bun#alow with
no roof, and ased a few men to #o inside the stru5ture and wait for the ti#er to 5ome$ I
ima#ine a 5ertain de5rease in their enthusiasm at this 0ointE (e assured them, however,
?Don;t be afraid$ I will be here, and will 0rote5t you from harm$@ (e then 5limbed u0 a
tall man#o tree above the 0retense bun#alow, and waited$
*oward midni#ht the ti#er 5ould be heard a00roa5hin#$ Jim Corbett, seein# it,
intentionally made a noise$ *he ti#er #lan5ed u0 at him, main# itself an easy tar#et$ Jim
instantly shot it dead$
Corbett;s adventures with these deadly animals resulted in the lo5al residents reverin#
him as a ind of savior$ *hat man#o tree is now famous$
%t ,, 0$m$ we arrived at the small town, and saw li#hts in the room where 0eo0le were
stayin# overni#ht$ Sur0rised, then alarmed, we saw 0oli5e all over the area, 5arryin#
#uns$ *hey told us not to move, not nowin# who or what we were$ *hey told us they;d
just 5au#ht seven 0ersons with matted hair and beards in the very room where we had
been 0lannin# to stay$ *hese men were not sadhus at all, but only 0retended to be so$ In
fa5t, they were dacoitsF 5utthroats and robbers$ *he 0oli5e ased us to a55om0any them,
alon# with the da5oits, u0 to the 0oli5e station$ *he su0erintendent of 0oli5e too the
da5oits outside and 0ro5eeded to beat them severely with bamboo sti5s$ 7e were
stunned and horrified, thou#h hel0less to do anythin# but 0ray for the mis5reants$ *hese
men were, after all, only fellow human bein#s 5au#ht in one of the many webs of
delusion$
*he su0erintendent then 5alled us into a room to interro#ate us$ I showed him our letters
of invitation, our va55ination 5ertifi5ates, and a letter from YSS$ (e was satisfied on
seein# these do5uments, and said, ?I 5an see that there are no da5oits in this #rou0E@ *hey
then offered us tea and samosas$ *he su0erintendent ased one 0oli5eman to hel0 us find
our rooms, and reassured us that we would be #uarded all ni#ht$ &o more in5idents
o55urred, and we left the ne>t mornin# for Kedarnath$
&ow we had to 5ross Guptakashi. It was here, in surroundin#s ri5h with 5olorful and
in5redibly beautiful lands5a0es, that Shiva is said to have 5ome to hide from the
"andavas, who were seein# him out to as redem0tion for any sins they may have
5ommitted durin# the #reat war of the Mahabharata. *o es5a0e dete5tion, the Lord lived
in5o#nito$ *he town here, therefore, is 5alled !u0ta 2hidden3 Kashi$
+rom this s0ot we 0ro5eeded to !auri Kund, where "arvati is said to have meditated for
hundreds of years to win Lord Shiva as her 5onsort$ 7ater from this kund 2hot s0rin#s3
falls into the Mandaini 'iver, whi5h flows nearby$ +rom here, the tem0le of Kedarnath
is distant about seven ilometers$ It is at this 0oint that the as5ent be5omes 8uite stee0$
*here is no bus to taeF 4ne must #o either by foot or by 0ony$ *hou#h the tre is
diffi5ult, it is also marvelous to see the waterfalls des5endin# #ra5efully on either side of
the 0ath$ Star mountains all around us were dotted with tiny tem0les and friendly, warm
chattis, or rest 0la5es, refreshin# to tired limbs$ *he 5hattis were set on barren #round, but
were surrounded by fields of al0ine flowers of every shade of 5olor, whi5h stret5hed out
on both sides of the way$ *he =1sha0e of the Mandaini <alley su##ests that it on5e
5ontained an enormous #la5ier, whi5h has sin5e melted away$
7e rea5hed Kedarnath at noon, tired but very ha00y$ *he Kedarnath Shrine stands fa5in#
the Mandaini <alley a#ainst a ba5#round of majesti5, snow15overed 0eas$ It is one of
the twelve most sa5red 0la5es dedi5ated to Shiva$ *he sim0le shrine, made of stone,
stands on a rid#e at a hei#ht of ,,,9BB feet$2D3
%fter main# our pronams 20rostrations3 at the sa5red tem0le, I de5ided to visit the
revered and hi#hly advan5ed Swami "hal (ari Baba$ Be5ause of the winter snows, he ate
food only from the end of %0ril to the middle of &ovember, while the mountain 0asses
were o0en and it 5ould be brou#ht to him$ Aven so, he ate only one fruit a day, in the
afternoon$
I ased him what he ate durin# the winter months$ (e re0lied, sim0ly, ?%ir$ 7hen a yo#i
#oes into dee0 meditation,@ he e>0lained, ?he never thins of food and 5lothin#$ !od
taes 5are of his needs$ If one is an5hored in the Divine, what else does he needG@
+inally he blessed us with this timeless 5ounselF ?Love !od$ Do not hate any reli#ion, or
any 0erson$ Do violen5e to no one$ !ive 0rote5tion to all !od;s 5reatures$ Meditate
dee0ly, and in time you will see wonderful resultsE@
%fter three ni#hts we started for Badrinath, where the famous Badrinarayan *em0le sits
at ,:,BBB feet$ 7e s0ent our first ni#ht at Joshi Math, home of the semi10astoral Indo1
Mon#olian 0eo0le$ (ere stands a lar#e ashram dedi5ated to Shanara5harya, for it was
here that he attained enli#htenment seated under a mulberry tree, whi5h was near his
5ave$ %to0 that 5ave there is a tree whi5h has been there for :,DBB years$ Its #irth is ,:9
feetE
4nly nineteen miles to #oE %s I had obtained a 0ass from the Indian !overnment to 5ross
the heavily #uarded Manna "ass, fifteen miles from Badrinath, we had no trouble #ettin#
to the Badrinarayan *em0le the ne>t mornin#$ (owever, even in these ma#nifi5ent
surroundin#s of beauty and remote stillness, the world insisted on intrudin#E (alfway
there we had to sto0 while the army blasted o0en a mineE It was noon finally when we
rea5hed our tem0le destination$
Badrinath is 5onsidered the su0reme 0il#rima#e s0ot for (indus$ !od (imself, it is
believed, lives there in human form as Badrinarayan$ Shiva 0romised the #oddess
Lashmi that he would 0reserve the valley of Badrivan as a 0la5e of silen5e and
meditation, without intrusion from worldly 0ursuits$ *he shrine is fifty feet tall, and
stands on the very ban of the %lananda 'iver$ Its faPade is multi5olored and
0ainstain#ly ornamentedF *ruly, it is a labor of love$ *he tem0le 5ommands a majesti5
view of the %lananda, whi5h the ima#ination thins of as 0raisin# !od joyfully with a
musi5al roar$ 4ne 5an almost intuit what the #reat yo#is feel who 5ome here for
meditation$ *he vibrations are not only dee0ly 0ea5eful, but 5onvey an all10ervadin#
sense of a5tual #aietyE
In the afternoon we went behind the tem0le, and there met several swamis$ 4ne of these
was in maun 2silen5e3) one was in samadhi' a third invited us to meditate with him, and
taled to us some, mostly of !od$ (e advised us, ?*hin of !od as your very own +ather,
Mother, and +riend$ "ray to (im for everythin# you need$ !od is 0leased above all when
you meditate and 5on5entrate on (im$ *hat is the way to rea5h (is abode$ 7ithout
meditation, you will have a lon# waitE@
*he ne>t mornin# I left for the Manna "ass, whi5h too us three hours by foot$ +our
times I had to show my travel 0ass, as this entire area was under stri5t army 5ontrol$ 4ur
way too us alon# the Indian side, but a5ross from us lay China$ 7e stra##led bravely
down &il Kanta mountain, aware of Indian wat5htowers everywhere$
%fter rea5hin# the 0ass I saw a swami tain# his bath at a hot s0rin#s near by$ I too a
bath there also, #reetin# him$ ?I have 5ome for your darshan,@ I said$ %fter our baths, he
ased me to follow him$ Soon we rea5hed his lar#e 5ave$ % fire bla6ed inside in a dee0
0it$ 7e sat around the warmth of the flames and meditated for four hours on Lord Shiva$
*his #reat yo#i too no food for nine months of the year, rarely s0oe, and s0ent most of
his time in samadhi. (e seldom emer#ed from his 5ave e>5e0t to bathe in the hot s0rin#s$
%s we were leavin# to 0ro5eed ba5 to Badrinath, I 0ronamed and said, ?Baba, will you
bless meG@ By way of a re0ly he saidF
?You see the %lananda below usG It flows from &il Kanta on its way to the o5ean1su5h a
lon# way awayE 7hat tremendous love she must have for the o5eanE It taes so lon# to
rea5h it, but no one 5an sto0 her owin# to the for5e of her love$ Your love for !od should
be lie thatF 0atient, 5onstant, undeterred$ Lie a mi#hty river, the for5e of divine
devotion will wash away any obstru5tions on your way$ Kee0 on, with love, until you
rea5h !od;s o5ean$@
I waled 8ui5ly now, be5ause I wanted to rea5h the Badrinarayan *em0le before dar$
4n5e a#ain, however, the army 0atrols e0t sto00in# me to 5he5 my 0ass$ +inally, as I
was nearin# my destination, a tall, robust1looin# offi5er said to me, ?Come to my
offi5e$@ I 0rotested, ?But Sir, I have a 0assE@ It didn;t matter) he insisted I follow him
anyway$ %s I sat in a 5hair in his offi5e1this was 5ertainly a 5han#e in s5eneryE1my mind
was on Lord Shiva$
*he offi5er ased me where I was from$ ?+rom Ben#al,@ I said$ 7ith a #reat lau#h he
said, ?I am very ha00y to see someone all the way from Ben#alE@ (e then too me to his
bedroom and ased someone to brin# me a 5ot$ (e served me with deli5ious tea and
sna5s, then started talin# about his life in the army$
(e said he;d s0ent a few months in a Chinese jail$ %s he des5ribed it, it didn;t strie me
as bein# at all a #ood 0la5e to stayE I rose then, to 5ontinue on my journey, but he said,
?&o, stay here toni#ht as my #uest$@ 7e had a deli5ious meal$ *he followin# mornin# he
ased someone to dro0 me off at the tem0le #ate$
(avin# had a most memorable e>0erien5e in these sa5red mountains, we returned to
Joshimath, 'udra "raya#, and Karna "raya#, s0endin# forty1five days on foot in rea5hin#
<asistha !uha 25ave3, fifteen miles short of 'ishiesh$ *his was the first time I had not
made the journey to <asistha !uha from the hi#h mountains by bus$
Swami "urushottamananda, well1nown as ?the sa#e of <asistha293 !uha,@ had been
livin# here for many years$ Dr$ K$M$ Munshi wrote about himF ?(e is, I dis5overed, a
dee0 <edantin and his ways are sim0le, inno5ent, almost 5hildlie) he smiles and smiles
all the time$ Loneliness, starvation, and a hundred a5hes and 0ains mean nothin# to him)
he lives a real life, 0ossessed by !od, who #ives him 0er0etual joy and 0ea5e$ (e has
attained this state after years of sadhana$@
Swami "urushottamananda had be5ome a dis5i0le of Swami Brahmananda of Belur
Math$ *he saint;s ashram had been 5onstru5ted near the ori#inal 5ave, in whi5h swamis
had lived for 5enturies$ (e himself had lived in it for thirty1ei#ht years$ &ow si>teen
dis5i0les lived with him$ (e was a s0iritually 0owerful swami and, as an e>tra bonus, he
had a wonderful sense of humor$
*he first time I visited him, his twelve lar#e hill do#s, with fa5es lie lions, 5ame
5har#in# u0, barin# loudly and, I admit, s5arin# me a little$ ?SwamijiE@ I shouted$ ?7hat
is thisG I;ve 5ome to see you, only to be atta5ed by these do#sE@
(e lau#hed merrily, then 5onsoled me, ?Don;t worry$ *hey only want to lead you to me$
*hey love youE *hat;s why they;ve 5ome to you$@ (is do#s were his beloved 0ets$ *he
only thin# he obje5ted to in them was that they insisted on #oin# into the 5old !an#es
water just outside his 5ave, and 5at5hin# fishE Barin# at #uests was all ri#ht with him,
and only a manifestation of their natural e>uberan5e, but he did not lie their eatin# fish$ I
wondered if 5ertain of his #uests had 8uestioned whether eatin# 0eo0le mi#ht have met
with his a00rovalE
I was stayin# at the #uest house nearby$ 4ne ni#ht he ased me to 5ome and meditate
with him in his 5ave at midni#ht$ I went #ladly$ %fter a time, however, I 5ouldn;t hel0
bein# 5ons5ious of the loud sounds of the jun#le ni#htF ti#ers, do#s, and other wild
5reatures$ Swamiji said to me, ?You hear those noisesG Listen to them$ *ry to hear 4m in
them, and you find you #o dee0 into meditation$@ 7e meditated the whole ni#ht$ 7hat an
advan5ed soul this swami wasE I felt dee0ly 0rivile#ed to s0end time with him$ (e was a
#reat man of !od$
Footnotes
,$ 'ishiesh, or ?City of Sa#es,@ 5ontains many ashrams alon# the !an#es 'iver
bans in a beautiful rural settin# in the foothills of the #reat (imalayas$ Lo5ated
near the 0oint where the mi#hty river emer#es from the mountains, it is the s0ot
from whi5h 0il#rims leave for the hi#h 5ountry$ Several miles below it is
(aridwar, or (ardwar, ?Doorway to the (imalayas@F land of %ari 2Krishna3 or
%ara 2Shiva3, de0endin# on whom you worshi0$ *he (imalayas #enerally are
thou#ht of as the ?abode of Shiva$@
Ba5 to te>t
:$ Swami Sivananda was a master yo#i and the founder and head of the world1
nown Divine Life So5iety, whi5h has mons and re0resentatives in many lands,
sharin# the an5ient yo#a tea5hin#s$
Ba5 to te>t
H$ Swami Kriyananda used to tae se5lusion in this area$
Ba5 to te>t
D$ *he reader will have noted that at 5ertain 0la5es I have #iven the measurements in
feet, and at others in meters$ *he reason is that, with India;s 5om0aratively re5ent
5han#e to the metri5 system, I am obli#ed to ?straddle the fen5e$@ Some of the
measurements I new already, a55ordin# to the older system$ 4thers I have had to
loo u0 in modern #uideboos$
Ba5 to te>t
9$ 1asistha was a well1nown rishi in an5ient times$ (e is believed to have lived
here$
Chapter 2
3ilgrimage to South India
%fter s0endin# a few days in Delhi, we traveled south$ %t Madras we visited many
tem0les, then left for the island of 'ameshwaram, 5rossin# the o5ean waters by train$
(ere stands a very lar#e Shiva tem0le, one of the most im0ortant tem0les in the south$ Its
5onstru5tion was started in the ,:th 5entury, but it has been added to in subse8uent
5enturies$ Its ma#nifi5ent 5orridors are lined with finely 5arved 0illars$ 4ne of these
5orridors is D,BBB feet lon#EQthe lon#est in India$
*he twenty1si> mile tri0 ba5 to Madurai, from where we;d de0arted, landed us near the
hu#e tem0le to Divine Mother, Meenashi$ It sits on fifteen a5res of land$ Its beautifully
5arved and 0ainted #ods, #oddesses, and animals 5om0letely 5over the nine1story1hi#h
2,9B feetE3 #ate) it is truly awesome$ *housands of 0il#rims 5ome daily to see it, and to
worshi0 Divine Mother;s murti there$
%fter two days we left for Kanyaumari, the southernmost ti0 of India, where the Bay of
Ben#al, the %rabian Sea, and the Indian 45ean all 5onver#e$ *here is a wonderful
memorial there, built to 5ommemorate the s0ot where Swami <iveananda went to
meditate before his de0arture for the 7est to share the #reat tea5hin#s of India$ %s the
foremost dis5i0le of Sri 'amarishna "aramhansa, <iveananda had been invited to
attend a 7orld "arliament of 'eli#ions, 0lanned for the followin# year in Chi5a#o$
7e also visited a s0e5ial memorial to !andhi, whi5h enshrines a 0ortion of his ashes$
+indin# it very 0ea5eful here, we stayed and meditated a lon# time$
I had met !andhi 0ersonally in January, ,-DC, when for two wees the 0atrol unit I was
with was told to #o to a nearby villa#e as 0art of the St$ John %mbulan5e unit$ Si>teen of
us boys from %shutosh Colle#e had first joined the res5ue and relief efforts at the time of
the (indu1Muslim riots from %u#ust, ,-D/, to %u#ust, ,-DC$
Mahatmaji told us one evenin#, ?Kee0 faith in !od$ %lways tell the truth$ Do ja0a
25allin# re0eatedly to !od in the mind3 of 'am &am all the time$ %nd live fearlessly$ Be
aware that Lord 'ama is always with you$ (e will 0rote5t you$ You mi#ht die today, or
live another hundred yearsF You 5annot now$ So do your duty faithfully, always thinin#
of (im$ *hat is my own 0ra5ti5e$ May 'am;s blessin#s be on you all$@
*hen he san# one of his own favorite son#sF ?'a#u0ati 'a#hava 'aja 'am, "atita "avana
Sita 'am$ Ishwara, %llah *ere namF Sabo Sunmati de Bha#avanE@ *hen he went into
silen5e$
7e saw him every afternoon after our res5ue wor for the day was finished$ Avery day he
taled and san#, and we re0eated our evenin# 0rayers to#ether$
Many 0oliti5ians would 5ome, Muslim, (induF %ll were wel5ome$ (e emanated divine
love, and also 0ower$ ?If you always s0ea the truth,@ he would say, ?!od;s 0ower within
you will in5rease$@
+ormerly I had met a swami at the Kanyaumari *em0le who told me the lo5al 0eo0le
5alled him ?the "istol Swami,@ be5ause he e0t a 0istol with him at all timesE (e #ave me
his home address, sayin# that if ever I returned there he would let me stay with him$ (e
was an e>1Major !eneral of the Indian %rmy$ %fter his return from duty in Badrinarayan,
he had joined the swami order throu#h the 'amarishna order at Belur Math$ Later I saw
him also durin# my tre to Kedarnath$
&ow here I was a#ain in Kanyaumari$ %fter tain# a bath in the o5ean, I ased a youn#
boy if he new where the "istol Swami was$ (e too me to his ashram$ *he swami
#reeted me, and we taled about my (imalayan 0il#rima#e$
I then added that this was 0robably my last visit here, as I was #ettin# older and no lon#er
found trein# so easy as it on5e had been for me$ (e 0ut me u0 in a house near the
o5ean, where I sle0t until : at ni#ht$ Suddenly I awoe, aware of someone movin# about
in the room$ I be#an to 0ers0ire with a00rehension$ I 5ould mae out no form, and no one
answered when I 5alled$ Drinin# a #lass of water, I lay down a#ain, and, finally, sle0t$
%fter another hour, I awoe on5e more with a jolt$ My 5ot was shain#E Avidently a s0irit
of some ind was in the room, dashin# about and no5in# on the door and the windows$
I sat u0 and assumed vajrasana 2the firm 0ose3$ %ddressin# the s0irit in a firm voi5e, I
said, ?(elloE@ as loudly and 5oura#eously as I 5ould$ ?%55e0t my love and 0ronams$ I
0lan to stay here another five days$ If my 0resen5e disturbs you, mae a sound$ If it
doesn;t, be 8uietE I will 0ray for you all, and tomorrow I will do a 0uja at the
Kanyaumari *em0le for you for the salvation of your souls$@ +rom then on, they e0t
8uiet, #ivin# me no more trouble$
Aarly the ne>t mornin# I went to the tem0le for 0uja$ %s I was 0erformin# the holy rite, a
0ujari 20riest who 0erforms sa5red rites3 ased me, ?%re you stayin# at the "istol
Swami;s #uest houseG@ I re0lied, ?Yes, I am$@
?&o one has been able to stay in that house, be5ause of the 0resen5e of evil s0irits$@ I
didn;t tell him I was doin# 0uja for those very s0iritsE
I returned to my room at ei#ht o;5lo5 that mornin#, and found the swami #a6in# at my
door$ It dawned on me, then, that this swami was res0onsible for what was #oin# on in
my roomE But I de5ided not to let him see me distressed Q or fearful, as some had been
Q to the 0oint of 5uttin# my visit short$
?&amo &arayan, Swami,@ I said, #ivin# him the traditional #reetin# of mons when they
address one another$ (e was astonished to see me so 5alm$
?Did you slee0 wellG@ he ased, #a6in# at me intently$
?4h, yes$@ (e was wat5hin# me sear5hin#ly to see my rea5tions$ (e then ased me if I
would lie somethin# to eat$ &ot liin# the fellow, I refused, as #ra5iously as I 5ould,
then 5losed my door and meditated$ 2I never did a55e0t food from him, as to do so would
have been a si#nal of res0e5t and also ta5it indi5ation that I 5ondoned what he was
doin#$3 *o Master I 0rayed, ?"lease ee0 me safeE@ I had a lon# meditation, and finally
re#ained my stren#th$ I had taen no food, but at least I new that I would be all ri#ht$
*hat ni#ht the s0irits #ave me no trouble, and I rested well$ Later someone told me that
three 0ersons had been illed in that houseF a military man and two women$ *he swami
was sure I was not tellin# him the truth about havin# sle0t well, but he didn;t now what
to say about it$ In time I understood that this was a tri5 he 0layed on #uests who 5ame
for lod#in#, thinin# to s5are them, and 0erha0s Q who nowsGQeven to wait and see if
some of them mi#ht die of terror$ (e was that sort of 5hara5ter$
I stayed there five full ni#hts$ 7hen I was on the 0oint of leavin#, the swami ased me,
?Did you slee0 wellG@
?Lie a lo#E@ I re0lied$
I then returned to Madurai and Madras, and eventually #ot ba5 to Cal5utta$ I thaned our
#urus all the way home for ee0in# me safe$
Chapter 4
" -ogi 5ncounters Modern Science
In the year ,-/B, while I was a#ain stayin# with Kailash "ati in 'anihet, he told me
about his #uru, &arayan Swami, and su##ested I travel to meet him at <ard Court (ill,
si>ty miles away$ I de5ided to mae the tri0$ +or three days I waled all alone, and had no
food, only water$ 4n my way to see &arayan Swami, I sto00ed at "ando Kholi (ill to see
a renowned swami in the area named "ahari Baba$ *his saint was over ,9B years oldE
7hen I rea5hed "ahari Baba;s tiny hut, I saw three 0eo0le from the 7est talin# to him$
*hey had him hooed u0 to an ele5tro1en5e0halo#ra0h 2AA!3, whi5h tra5es the 5han#es
in ele5tri5 0atterns in the brain$ *hey also tried re0eatedly to tae 0hoto#ra0hs of him
with their 5ameras, but the shutter, whi5h, u0 till then, had been worin# flawlessly,
wouldn;t wor$ +inally they 0leaded, ?"lease, Swamiji, let us tae at least one 0hotoE@
Swamiji then said, ?You told me that your s5ien5e is Kto0 not5h;Qat the leadin# ed#e of
modern te5hnolo#y$ But I say to you, India;s yo#a s5ien5e is far above that$ %nd what
have you been able to a55om0lish hereG
@7ell,? he 5ontinued, @all ri#ht$ You may tae one 0hoto#ra0h only$? *hus, they were
able to do so Q one onlyE
*hey then ased him 0lease to sit still, so that they mi#ht #et a readin# of his brain waves$
@7ell,? he said smilin#, @try it if you lie$? 7e looed at the s5reen only to find the lines
dan5in# about as if in #leeE *he 0atterns should have been movin# u0 and down at an
even rate$ 4bviously, this swami was havin# fun with them$
@*his shows you how far behind the yo#a s5ien5e you are, with your toysE? he told them
ha00ily, notin# their astonished fa5es$
In a final attem0t to #et a 5lear 0i5ture of the brain waves of this most unusual man, they
ased him, @"lease, allow us one more time to see your brain movin# Q but in a re#ular
0atternE? Swamiji lau#hed and said, @%ll ri#ht$? (e entered a tran5e state$ &ot a si#nE &ot
a brain wave at allE
*he s5ientists were astounded$ @(ow is this 0ossibleG? they 5ried$ Swamiji answered, @I
was not in my body that time) therefore, there were no waves$ "ra5ti5e yo#a, and you too
will eventually be able to rea5h this state$?
(e made a further 5ommentF @Your s5ien5e 5an destroy life and demolish material
obje5ts$ *he yo#a s5ien5e 5an destroy, then re15reate them at will$? (e 5ontinued, @+or
e>am0le, loo at that tree$ I 5an burn it to ashes, then #ive it ba5 its life as before$ Your
s5ien5e 5annot do that$ Study yo#aE 4ur s5ien5e not only #ives results) it is also of
0ra5ti5al benefit to the world$
?You are studyin# effe5ts,@ he 5on5luded$ ?7hat you must do is study 5auses$@ *he men
ased him to bless them) he re0lied, ?*he Lord will bless you$@
I stayed there one hour$ I told him then about Kailash "ati, and said that I was on my way
at his instru5tion to see &arayan Swami$ +irst, however, I ased him for a few words of
s0iritual advi5e$ (e told me to meditate every day, and to thin of !od always, 0uttin#
(im first in everythin# I did$
?Do Kriya three or four times a day,@ he added, ?and thin of the Divine at your Kutastha
2s0iritual eye3 at the 0oint between your eyebrows$ S0ea the truth always) hate no other
reli#ion, for all are the same$@
(e #ave me this illustration of the truth that is 5entral to all reli#ionsF ?If you 0la5e a red
li#ht bulb in an ele5tri5 so5et, it will a00ear red$ If you re0la5e it with a yellow one, it
will a00ear yellow$ % blue one in the same so5et will a00ear blue$ *he ele5tri5 0ower
itself has no 5olor, but its a00earan5e 5han#es a55ordin# to its outward manifestation$
!od, you see, 5annot be merely defined Q as those s5ientists would lie to doE (e must
be reali6ed$
@!od bless you,? he 5on5luded$ @Divine Mother bless you$? I left at noon on the fourth
day for &arayan Swami;s ashram 2lo5ated in a 0la5e 5alled Bharat CodR3 in a #reatly
u0lifted state of mind$ 7hen I arrived there, &arayan Swami made the unwel5ome
announ5ement that there was no room there for me, and that I must leave$ I 0ersisted$
@&amo &arayan,? I said$ @I am 5omin# from your dis5i0le, Kailash "ati Maharaj$ It was
he who sent me to you$? *he saint studied me for a few moments, then 5on5luded, @%ll
ri#ht, 5ome in$? I tou5hed his feet, and he blessed me, then #ave me a small room to stay
in$ (e himself had eaten nothin# for si> days, as the nearest 0la5e to obtain anythin# was
ten miles down the mountainside$ (e didn;t 5onsider it worth his while to travel so far
merely for foodE
I taled to him about Master$ (e listened attentively, then said, @Men lie that 5ome to
earth from the stars 2that is, from infinite 5ons5iousness3, when !od wants them here to
tea5h those who will listen$?
I had #rown slee0y$ Swamiji said, @!o tae rest$ But do not 5ome out of your room after
midni#ht$ Many ti#ers 0ass this way$? %fter midni#ht I looed out of my window, and
saw ten or twelve ti#ers and their 5ubs 0layin# with Swamiji on the ashram #roundsE %s
they started to 0ass near my hut, Swamiji told them, @Don;t #o near thereE? *hey sto00ed
at on5e$ Swamiji then 0atted them lie ittens$ %t dawn the followin# day, after Swamiji
and I had meditated to#ether, I ased him if I mi#ht 5ome that evenin# and 0at the ti#ers,
too$ +or, I said, I also loved them$
Swamiji looed at me and said, @Yes, you have love, but only /BS$ You must in5rease
your love another DBS$ *hen you 5an 0at ti#ers$ 4therwise they will mae you into a
sandwi5hE *oni#ht, however, you 5an wat5h a#ain from your window$?
%t midni#ht the same thin# ha00enedF *he ti#ers 5ame) Swami 5ame out of his room and
taled to them, then he 0atted them while they rolled at his feet lie adorin# 5ats$ Swamiji
found that some of them had brou#ht him a few rabbits to eat$ (e s5olded them, sayin# to
tae them away$ @Don;t brin# me fresh ills,? he admonished them$ %t this, they slowly
turned away, as if re#rettin# the s5oldin#, and left$
*he ne>t mornin# I ased the swamiji, @(ow is it 0ossible for you to do that, and not for
meG I love them mu5h as I would 0ets$ I so wanted to 5ome out of my room while
wat5hin# you with themE But I had to obey your orders$? (e answered, @Love is a very
stron# 0ower$ 7ith love you 5an do anythin# you want$ But, my dear, you must in5rease
that 0ower in yourself$ Love !od and !uru$ In time, you too will be able to do anythin#
you want$?
4n the third day there, someone 5ame to re5eive formal blessin#s from Swamiji, and
brou#ht him many dele5table foods for whi5h we were very #rateful$ I ate with Swamiji,
and he blessed me$ Soon after that I left the ashram for 'anihet, then ba5 to Delhi$
=0on arrivin# in Delhi, I a#ain went to %nandamoyee Ma;s ashram$ So many devotees
were surroundin# herE But she re5o#ni6ed me in the 5rowd and said, @(ow are youG
Come and sit near me$? *hen she started sin#in#, @(arR Krishna, harR Krishna, Krishna
Krishna, harR, harRE (arR 'am, harR 'am, 'am 'am, harR, harRE@ 7hat blissful days
those wereE
She told me to 5ome to her <indhya5hal ashram, near Benares, in a00ro>imately three
months; time$ She said she would tell a dis5i0le to 5all me and let me now when she was
there$
Chapter 6
Fright from a Cobra1
In %0ril ,-/:, Dur#ama, Sister Sailasuta, and Au#ene Benvau, all of them members of
S'+, 5ame to Cal5utta Q Sailasuta for the se5ond time$ Dur#ama used to 5all me her
?little brother$@ Sailasuta did so also$ I a55om0anied them to "uri$ %fter four days we
returned to Cal5utta, then flew on to 'anihet to visit Babaji;s 5ave$
Dur#ama, bein# elderly, 5ouldn;t travel u0 to the 5ave, so I too them all to visit a saintly
woman 5alled 'ani Ma in the southernmost villa#e outside of 'anihet$ 2*his woman is
not to be 5onfused with the earlier one of the same name, the fortune teller$3 Dur#a Ma
was very ha00y to meet 'ani Ma, for she had heard what an affe5tionate, devoted, and
s0iritually advan5ed soul she was$ 'ani Ma had lived at this one s0ot for thirty years,
never leavin# her hut, but only meditatin# and 5ommunin# with her Beloved in the form
of Lord Krishna$
Au#ene Benvau was for5ed to return to %meri5a for his health, so we all went ba5 with
him to &ew Delhi$ *hen, the rest of us, alon# with Dr$ &aidoo, a newly arrived S'+
devotee from &atal, South %fri5a, traveled on to Benares to visit the home of Lahiri
Mahasaya$
I loved Benares$ (ere I 5ame often to see my #ood friend, Satya Charan Lahiri, the #reat
yo#i;s #randson$ Satya Charan lived 5lose to the an5estral home of his #randfather and
#uru, and had #reat love for him$ (e adhered very stri5tly to the tea5hin#s, tau#ht
everyone who wanted what he had to #ive, and did his best to s0read the Kriya Yo#a
tea5hin#s in his 5ity$ (e was a 5alm and #entle man$ *hou#h I saw him many times, I
never on5e heard him raise his voi5e in an#er or seem unsettled Q e>5e0t, 0ossibly, at the
annoyan5e of hundreds of moneysE *hey invaded his home, and his 0rivate shrine to
Lahiri Mahasaya, 5onstantly$ Shibendu, his son and su55essor, finally 0la5ed a nettin#
over the 5ourtyard$ So the 0erennial invasion of moneys has 5eased at lastE %lthou#h
even to this day, you 5an hear them 5hatterin# wildly all around the area$
7e went from Benares to s0end si> days with %nandamoyee Ma at <indhya5hal$ (ere, in
this 0ea5eful 0la5e, I nearly lost my life$
<indhya5hal is si>ty miles southeast of Benares$ 4win# to its lo5ation hi#h in the hills,
with inade8uate a55ess throu#h dense forests, very few devotees ever #o there$ +or this
very reason, it was one of my favorite haunts$ I 5ould be with Ma there many times a day,
and Q added advanta#eEQin a less 5rowded settin#$
4n this 0arti5ular visit I stayed at a small #uest house about ten minutes; wal from the
main ashram, where everyone else was stayin#$ 4ne afternoon I was ea#erly looin#
forward to our evenin# darshan with Ma, had just ste00ed outside, and was on the 0oint
of 5losin# the door, when a hu#e rat dashed by me into the hut$ I had no time to #o in and
#et him out, as it was #ettin# late and I wanted to be 0resent for Ma;s a00earan5e$
I was just 5losin# the door, and turned around$ *o my horror, a monstrous hill 5obra,
5alled sanha5hur, fifteen feet lon#, was 5omin# strai#ht towards me$ I reali6ed
immediately that this snae had been 5hasin# the rat$ I was ee0in# it from its dinnerE It
didn;t sto0, but slithered alon# the #round, very slowly now, until it rea5hed a 0oint only
a few feet away from me$ My first thou#ht was, ?Ma, I may never #et to see you a#ainE@
*hen I remembered that one of the swamis in the (imalayas had #iven me a few ti0s on
how to save myself if a 5obra ever atta5ed$ 'ememberin# his advi5e, I slowly 0ulled the
shawl from around my shoulders, 0re0ared to use it as a net, if need be$
*he fearsome 5reature be#an to s0read its hood, #ettin# ready to strie me$ Its hissin#
sounds #rew louder and louder, a 0loy that, I new, was intended to fri#hten me into
runnin# away$ Certain death would attend any 0oor fellow who thou#ht he 5ould mae a
brea for itE %s this lila 2divine 0lay3 was #oin# on, I heard voi5es a00roa5hin# down the
0ath, and what sounded lie 0eo0le runnin#$ I was standin# very still, hardly breathin#,
but waitin# for the 5obra to 5ome 5lose enou#h so that I 5ould tae my shawl and 8ui5ly
wra0 it around its head Q whereu0on I;d run for my lifeE 2*his was what the swami had
told me to do, and I new of no other way now to es5a0e$3
Just then, out of the 5orner of my eye, I saw the ashram wat5hman 5omin#$ (e had been
doin# his rounds of the buildin#s to 5he5 on them, as he did from time to time$ I noti5ed
in his hand a very lar#e &e0ali ?5ho00er,@ or, as it is 5alled, a rambahadur$ *he 5obra was
so wholly fo5used on me, however, furious at my intrusion between itself and that rat,
that it didn;t see the wat5hman slowly, slowly a00roa5hin# behind it$ *he man motioned
to me silently not to move, nor to indi5ate in any way that I new he was 5omin#$ My
heart was ra5in#$ Sweat was 0ourin# down my fa5e$ I 0rayed to Ma with all the fervor I
5ould muster$ ?Do you want me to die lie thisG I;m willin# to, if you wish$ But somehow
I don;t believe you do$ "lease interfere, then$ 4therwise, both I and the wat5hman will
surely die$@
Suddenly I saw that rambahadur 5ome slashin# down on the 5obra;s ne5 with furious
for5e$ *he 5obra;s head rolled ten feet down the 0ath, and the wat5hman also rolled a
#ood distan5e from the sheer for5e of his blowE *he 5obra;s head twit5hed for another ten
minutes$ Both of us new we mustn;t 5ome near it, for even after a 5obra;s head has been
severed from its body its bite 5an be lethal$
7e were both stunned, and for some time 5ould barely move$ In a matter of se5onds,
however, si> 0eo0le from the ashram 5ame runnin# u0 e>5itedly, asin# what had
ha00ened$ I said to them, ?(ow 5ould you now to 5ome here just at this momentG@ *hey
re0lied in worried tones, ?Mother said you were in dan#er$@
*ears 0oured down my 5hees$ (ow #rateful I wasE Aven today, so many years later, I am
awe1stri5en at the omni0resent 5ons5iousness and the #reat love of this holy woman$
*hat ni#ht, 0eo0le were #athered, tellin# their own favorite 5obra stories$ Ma new many
su5h stories, and related them with #reat #lee and animation$ Later, however, she said to
me 8uietly, ?Don;t tal about what ha00ened earlier$ It will only fri#hten 0eo0le$ Let us
sin# and meditate, and try to for#et it$ *oni#ht when you return to your 5abin, meditate
lon#er than usual$@ I returned to my room about - 0$m$ *he lo5al #overnment staff had
5leaned the area thorou#hly with 5arboli5 a5id and 0owder$ I did not tell the rest of our
0arty anythin# about it$ 4nly Dur#ama 5ame to now of it from some of the lo5al 0eo0le,
and mentioned it to Sailasuta$ 7hen Sailasuta ased me what had ha00ened, I made li#ht
of the matter, sayin#, ?4h, just a little snae 5ame, but the wat5hman illed it$ It was
nothin#$@
(er eyes #rew as bi# as sau5ers, she was so fri#htened$ ?% s1s1sna1a1a1aeGGE@ I new
then that Ma had been ri#ht that I should say nothin# to anybody$
*he ne>t mornin# I left my room to have Ma;s darshan before - a$m$ She was sin#in#$
%fter a time she sto00ed to bless ea5h one of us$ 7e wat5hed then for a time as she
entered a state of samadhi$ %fter that we 5hanted (arR Krishna 8uietly$ I thou#ht, ?She is
Silen5e itselfE@
%fter a while Ma o0ened her eyes, and looed strai#ht at me$ She ased, ?(ow are you,
BabaG %re you all ri#htG@
?Yes, Ma, I am fine$@ She then advised me, ?"lease 5hant before you #o to slee0 toni#ht$@
I was overwhelmed by her lovin# 5on5ern for me$
I had ased her earlier what she thou#ht of Dur#a Mata$ 7ith a blissful smile she re0lied,
?She is floatin# in blissE (er heart is full of love for !od and !uru$@
Later that day, when we returned to the ashram, she said to us, ?I will tell you another
story about a 5obra$
@7hen I was very youn#, we lived in a villa#e near Da55a$ 4ne day I was shown in a
vision that it was my brother and sister;s arma to die that ni#ht of a 5obra bite$
Immediately I went out and found two small ittens, whi5h I 0la5ed in a baset near my
brother;s bed$ %round midni#ht, while they were aslee0, a 5obra did indeed 5ome into the
room, headed strai#ht for my brother and sister, then, seein# the ittens lyin# there within
su5h easy rea5h, bit them, instead$ My brother and sister were not harmed at all$ *he ne>t
mornin# I 0rayed for the ittens and buried them with s0e5ial 5are$?
%t this 0oint I interru0ted Ma, @7ill they #et a human body in their ne>t lifeG? Mother
looed at me and lau#hed, then re0lied lovin#ly, @Yes, Baba, yesE?
*he followin# day Ma told us another story$ @I new that the fifteen1year1old son of a
devoted 5ou0le, who 5ome to this body, was destined soon to die from a snae bite$ I also
new that in his ne>t in5arnation he would be a #reat yo#i and live in the (imalayas$
7hen I told the father, he 5ried out, K"lease, Ma, save himE My wife and I offer his life at
your feet$;
?I answered, K<ery well, but afterwards he will no lon#er live with you$ (e will #o to the
(imalayas and be5ome a #reat yo#i$ *hat ne>t sta#e will not be for family life$ If you
a#ree, then his life 5an be saved$; *hey be##ed me in any 5ase to do everythin# I 5ould$
@4ne day I was 5omin# from Benares to this ashram with a lar#e #rou0 of 0eo0le,
in5ludin# Bholanath, my husband, and also this devotee 5ou0le and their son$ 7e were
walin# on the sli00ery stone 0ath leadin# to the ashram$ Most of the #rou0 had #one on
ahead) only a few remained behind$ I was walin# more slowly$ %ll at on5e a lar#e 5obra
a00eared on the 0ath by my foot$ I ased the devotees; son to 5ome forward and wal
dire5tly behind me$ Just then, the 5obra atta5ed, bitin# me on the footE I then told the
boy, KYou have just been saved from the death that was meant for you$ &ow you will
have to a55e0t a new life in the (imalayas$ +or you have now died, in a sense, and have
been reborn$
?;7ithin a year,; I 5ontinued, Kyou will #o there and live with your #uru$ (e will tea5h
you the wonders of !od$; 7hat 5ould the boy sayG *he 0romise had already been #iven
by his 0arents$ *hey, in utter #ratitude, said to me, KMa, he is yours now$ "lease loo after
him$; *hat evenin# I ate very hot it5huri$@
I said to Ma at this 0oint in her story, ?Ma, you must have been in samadhi not to have
died$@ She didn;t answer, but later told us that if ever one is bitten by a 5obra or any other
venomous 5reature, to eat somethin# very hot immediately$ It will hel0 to ee0 the 0oison
from harmin# you until medi5al aid 5an be rea5hed$ 7hat ha00ens is that hot mil, or hot,
s0i5y foods slow the flow of blood to the heart, where the 0oison 5an ill you$ *his is
only a tem0orary 0ro5edure, of 5ourse, useful in some 5ases until one 5an #et medi5al
attention$
4ne rainy evenin#, Ma was 5hantin# when all of a sudden she sto00ed and 5alled to an
assistant$ ?"lease #et two asana blanets, and some water and sweets$@ Shortly afterward
we heard 0eo0le 5omin# u0 the 0ath 5hantin#, ?Jai MataE Jai MataE@ Ma was 0leased to
see two of her well1loved swamis enter the room$ ?7e have 5ome from the (imalayas,@
they said, ?on 0ur0ose to see you$@ Ma told them, ?!od bless you$ (ere are a few thin#s I
have 0ut aside for you$@ &o one had told her they were 5omin#) she sim0ly new$
4ne of the visitors, !o0inath Babu, had been a famous le5turer at one of the lar#e (indu
5olle#es$ (e was a very 5lose devotee of hers$ *hey too the sweets and water, then ased
Ma, ?Could you 0lease tell us that story about K7hat is !od;s food, and what is (is
dutyG;@ She re0lied with a smile, ?You now it very well$@ But they 0leaded, ?Ma, 0lease
tell us anyway$@ Ma 5losed her eyes for a few moments, then be#an the tale$
?*here was a in# who wanted to now if anyone in his in#dom 5ould answer four
8uestionsF 7hat does !od eatG 7hy does !od wee0G 7hat maes !od lau#hG %nd what
a5tions does !od 0erformG (e announ5ed far and wide that whoever 5ould answer these
8uestions 5orre5tly within forty1ei#ht hours would re5eive land, money, and his
dau#hter;s hand in marria#e$
@Many learned men and sa#es 5ame$ &one, however, 5ould answer even one of these
8uestions$ &eedless to say, the in# was not ha00y, and those who;d entered the
5om0etition went home disa00ointed$
?*here was a villa#e boy tendin# his 5ro0s nearby$ (e noti5ed many 0eo0le 5omin# to the
5ity with ho0eful loos, then returnin# a#ain wearin# dour e>0ressions$ +inally the boy
ased one of them, a 0undit, K7hy are all of you so unha00yG; *he 0undit e>0lained that
the in# had 0ut them 8uestions that no one was able to answer$
@*he boy then ased, K7hat were the 8uestionsG; *he 0undit e>0lained them to him$ *he
boy then e>5laimed, K7hy, that;s easyE If the in# will a55e0t me, I will answer his
8uestions at on5e$; *he 0undit too the boy to the 0ala5e$ 4n beholdin# the boy, youn#
and ill 5lad, the in# was 0u66led, and demanded to now why he had 5ome$ (e little
sus0e5ted that this uns5hooled lad, after the failure of so many #reat s5holars, had the
answers he sou#ht$
?%t the boy;s insisten5e, the in# said, K<ery wellF 7hat does !od eatG; 7ithout
hesitation the boy answered, K!od eats the human e#o$ +or nothin# that man identifies as
his remains with him for lon#$ 4nly !od is eternal$;
@*he in# was astonished$ (e lied this answer$ &e>t he ased, K7hat maes !od
lau#hG; *he boy re0lied, K(e lau#hs when he sees two brothers fi#htin# ea5h other for
money, land, and worldly re5o#nition, without reali6in# that (e himself is their only
Sustenan5e$;
?Sur0rised at the boy;s wisdom, the in# 5ontinued, K%ll ri#ht, then, 7hy does !od
wee0G; *he boy re0liedF
@;!od 5omes to us four times in life to remind us that (e is always with us and #uidin#
us, if we;ll listen to (im$ (e wee0s when he sees how little we 5are for (im$
?;*he first time (e 5omes is while we are 5hildren$ (e ass, @7on;t you #ive a thou#ht
to MeG 7on;t you #ive Me your loveG? @&ot just now,? we say, restlessly fid#etin#$ @7e
are too busy with toys and our other 0laythin#s$?
@;!od 5omes to us a se5ond time after we #row u0$ (e ass, ?&ow won;t you thin of
MeG 7on;t you #ive Me your loveG@ ?4h, I;m busier than ever nowE@ we re0ly with
an>ious frowns$ ?I have a job, a wife, always more 5hildrenE Later, Lord, later$@ Sadly
then, !od says, ?%ll ri#ht$ I won;t insist, sin5e that is your desire$@
?;!od 5omes to us a third time in life as we are #rowin# old, and ass us a#ain, @&ow, at
last, won;t you love MeG? But we res0ond, our eyes unha00y and our shoulders bowed
with 5are, @4h, I;d love even a little 0ea5eE But my son is #ettin# married$ My dau#hter
needs a husband$ My wife is ill$? !od says then, as if with tears, @I understand$ I will
return and as you one more time$?
@;Soon we are old$ 4ur 5hildren have left us, and no lon#er 5are mu5h about us$ 4ur
wives na# us for thin#s we 5an;t #ive them$ 7e ourselves are ill$ !od would still 5ome to
us, and tries to$ But our minds are too heavy, filled with re#rets for the 0ast and si#hs for
what mi#ht have been if only thin#s had turned out differently$ !od stands waitin#, and
ass us to remember (im at least at the time of death$ But we 5an;t see (im, for habit has
fi>ed our eyes to the #round$
?;%nd so, death 5omes, and !od says, @My dear 5hild, I have other lives, in5ludin# your
ne>t one, to tend to now$ I 5ame to you many times, but every time you refused me$ 7hat
5an I #ive you now but my tearsG?;
@*he in#, e>tremely im0ressed with the boy;s answers, 0osed his fourth and last
8uestionF K7hat a5tions does !od 0erformG; *he boy sat there, and said nothin#$ *he
in#, 0u66led, said, KYou 5ame here 5laimin# you 5ould answer all four of my 8uestions$
&ow you sit there, silent$ Don;t you now the answerG;
?;I now it,; the boy re0lied, Kbut I 5annot #ive it to you from where I am sittin#$; *he
in# ased, K7here must you be, to res0ondG; *he boy re0lied, KI must be seated on your
throne$ 4nly then 5an I answer you$ Meanwhile, your Majesty, you yourself must be here
on the floor where I am$;
@*he in#;s 5uriosity was so aroused that he a#reed to this 5ondition, and allowed the boy
to sit on his own throne, while he himself sat on the floor below him$ (e then re0eated
his 8uestionF K7hat a5tions does !od 0erformG;
?;(e 0erforms no a5tion, dire5tly,; re0lied the boy$ KAverythin# (e does is 0erformed
throu#h 5reatures lie you and me$ SeeG now you are a villa#e boy, and I am Q
tem0orarily Q your in#$ Su5h is the nature of lifeF endlessly 5han#in#$ 4ne day, a
0erson sits on hi#h) the ne>t day, he is 0lun#ed in 0overty$ &either state is 0ermanent, and
neither is better or worse than the other$ *hus !od hel0s man to understand that
everythin# is (is 0lay$
@;7hat does !od do, thenG &othin#E +or, on the one hand, nothin# e>ists but (imself,
(is love and bliss$ *he universe is (is dream$ %t the same time, however, in (is dream
he 5an 0rodu5e whatever (e 5hooses, for (e, in fa5t, does everythin#$ *hus, with !od
nothin# is im0ossibleE;?
*he followin# mornin# the two swamis left for their home in the (imalayas$ Mother told
me later that they were very advan5ed souls, and that they seldom 5ame down from their
forest abode$ Before their de0arture I had a 5han5e to tal with them 0ersonally for a few
moments$ *hey embra5ed me and said, @(old the ro0e ti#htly) don;t lose itE 4ne day, if
you 5lin# to the thou#ht of !od, (e will 0ull you u0 into (is li#ht$?
I on5e ased Ma, @If I were to stay in the mountains for lon# 0eriods of se5lusion, where
should I #o to be near hi#hly advan5ed soulsG? *wo days 0assed before I re5eived her
res0onse$ *hen she said, @You will not live in the mountains in this in5arnation$ Soon you
will marry$ In your ne>t life, however, you will live 5lose to those you would lie to be
with now$?
%nother time I ased Ma, @7ould you be willin# to #ive me the address of at least one
#reat (imalayan yo#iG? She looed at me dee0ly, then said, @4h, Baba, you still have so
mu5h wor to do as a father and husband$ %s a *ruth seeer, you will 5ome a5ross many
s0iritual as0irants of all ty0es$ You must learn to see !od in all of them, the bad as well as
the #ood$ +ollow the #ood ones, and blessin#s will be yours$ !od and !uru will #uide
you$ My blessin#s also are with you$? Aven today, I tae her words as a lifeline$
%fter (assi and I were married, I too her to see Ma in Benares$ In fa5t, the last two
times I saw Ma were in that holy 5ity in the 5om0any of (assi and our son Manash$ She
told me I was 0erformin# a #reat duty, and that I should be fully satisfied with my life$
She was ha00y to see us, and blessed us, sayin# to 5ome fre8uently$
@%lways ee0 in mind that you are fulfillin# your !od1a00ointed duty, and are therefore
0leasin# to (im$ *ry to finish your arma by doin# nothin# wron#, and by offerin#
everythin# u0 to (im$ +inally, refle5t on the value of silen5e$ *ry to tal a little lessE@ I
vowed that I would do all that she had ased of me$
I bow my head at %nandamoyee Ma;s holy feet$ She lived from HBth %0ril, ,.-/ to :Cth
%u#ust, ,-.:, leavin# her body at Kanhal, near (aridwar, in the =ttar "radesh 0rovin5e
of India$ (ers was one of the most #lorious lives of our times$ %ll my 0ronams to this
#reat woman saint, and mother of Ben#alE
Chapter 17
od in *rgani8ations9 od in *ur
Souls
Later that same year, ,-/,, Dayama returned to India with Mrinalini Mata and %nanda
Mata, both of them members of the S'+ board of dire5tors$ 2Kriyananda had already
returned a year earlier after an absen5e in %meri5a of seven months$3 Dayama was very
ha00y to see me, and I too was overjoyed$ %t the same time, I was an>ious to dis5uss
with her a 5ertain 0roblem we were en5ounterin# in our YSS wor in India$
Many Indian saints throu#h the 5enturies, in5ludin# not a few of those mentioned in this
boo, have s0oen a little dis0ara#in#ly of s0iritual or#ani6ations$ *heir disaffe5tion is
understandable$ +or one thin#, as saints I have nown have said re0eatedly, meditation is
the ri#ht and true way to now !od$ Meditation, however, is also a 0ersonal and 0rivate
0ra5ti5e$ It 5annot be im0roved by institutional 5ontrol$
%nandamoyee Ma, about whom I have written re0eatedly in these 0a#es, never asso5iated
herself mentally with the or#ani6ation that her dis5i0les had lovin#ly built in her name$
Aven when dis5i0les 5ame to 5onsult her about some arti5le that had a00eared in their
ma#a6ine, she re0lied, ?It is your ma#a6ineE@
Yet mu5h #ood also has been done by s0iritual or#ani6ations$ +or e>am0le, they 0rovide
Satsan#a 2#ood 5om0any3, whi5h all the s5ri0tures hi#hly re5ommend$ *hey 5an assist in
s0readin# the s0iritual tea5hin#s$ %nd they offer to those who want to live s0iritually
dedi5ated lives a means also of servin# !od$ *he ne#ative as0e5ts of or#ani6ations lie not
so mu5h in their outer form as in the fo5us they 0rovide for various human weanesses Q
frailties that are already 0resent in the human heart, but that sometimes #ain stren#th in
#rou0 settin#s$
4r#ani6ations, moreover, are not an abstra5tionF *hey 5onsist of 0eo0le$ %lthou#h their
0ur0ose is to hel0 those 0eo0le, the 0eo0le themselves often misuse them in order to
in5rease, rather than eliminate, their own e#o1bonda#e$ *hus, diffi5ulties arise, and, lie
ri00les s0readin# outward on a lae when a stone has been flun# into it, move outward
and affe5t everyone 5on5erned$ *hus, or#ani6ations sometimes end u0 be5omin# mere
free1for1alls of 5om0etin# e#osE
*his situation is all the more insidious be5ause the 0eo0le 5on5erned usually dis5laim any
semblan5e of desirin# 0ower, while main# an outward show of humility$
"aramhansa Yo#ananda a55om0lished a wonderful thin# in foundin# S'+OYSS$ 7ithout
it, the messa#e of Kriya would not have been heard in the 7est, e>5e0t 0ossibly as a
whis0er$ (e himself was sadly aware, however, of the dan#ers involved in or#ani6ational
wor and throu#hout his life s0oe wistfully of the sim0le life in the ashrams of India$ (e
was obedient to the will of !od, however, and !od and his own line of #urus had told
him to 5reate an institution in %meri5a$ "erha0s his very disin5lination for the role of
or#ani6er hel0ed to insure that his or#ani6ation would blend the best of 7estern and
Indian values$ (is fears, however, as well as his ho0es have been am0ly reali6ed over the
years$ +ortunately, be5ause his mission was divinely ordained, the fulfillment of his
ho0es has #reatly outwei#hed what the years have brou#ht in justifi5ation for his fears$
%n im0ortant 8uestion remainsF %re s0iritual or#ani6ations, of the 7estern ty0e at least,
truly benefi5ial for IndiaG Swami <iveananda thou#ht so, but that swami;s em0hasis was
on India;s so5ial u0liftment, whi5h was #reatly needed after 5enturies of forei#n rule Q
and misruleE <iveananda was seein# a 5orre5tive for India;s 0resent 5ondition) it was
not his 0ur0ose to re0la5e our an5ient s0iritual traditions$ +or so5ial u0liftment, moreover,
7estern1style or#ani6ation offers indeed an e>5ellent model to follow$
Yet India;s s0iritual stren#th has always lar#ely been due to the fa5t that its #enius is for
0ersonal s0iritual #rowth, not for the effi5ien5y of a well1run institution$ Indeed, when it
5omes to or#ani6in#, India may well be des5ribed as the land of dis unity$ 7hat has
always been em0hasi6ed in this 5ountry is inner soul1develo0ment$ *his em0hasis,
Swami Kriyananda has interestin#ly remared, is evident in the em0hasis in Indian musi5
on melody, rather than harmony, and the inability Indian musi5ians have dis0layed so far
to mat5h the subtleties of 7estern harmony$:1;
%n a00re5iation for harmony, Kriyananda says, develo0s when 0eo0le;s thinin# #oes
toward #rou0 a5tivities$ +or #rou0 thinin# to lead toward outward 0ro#ress, harmony in
musi5al e>0ression 5an hel0 to #enerate s0iritual attitudes$ 4n the other hand, where
0leasin# harmony is la5in# in 5hord 0ro#ressions, 5a5o0hony and dis5ord result not only
in the musi5, but in those 0eo0le who e>0ose themselves to the musi5$ India, thou#h it
la5s the ?#enius@ for 5oo0erative effort 2and therefore for musi5al harmony3, has
0rodu5ed an e>traordinary number of individual s0iritual #eniuses$ Moreover, he says, it
is individual as0iration that 0rovides the soil in whi5h true #enius flowers$
*he 7est has tried to ensure the 0urity of its s0iritual tea5hin#s by or#ani6in# and
5ontrollin# them$ In India, however, the most refined essen5e of s0iritual truth has been
0reserved$ India, far more than 7estern 5ivili6ation, has ever re5o#ni6ed that it is the life
in a 0lant whi5h 0rodu5es the 0lant, not the 0lant whi5h brin#s life into e>isten5e$ *hese
refle5tions of Kriyananda;s may #ive a 5lue as to India;s talent for s0iritual #enius, but
la5 of talent for s0iritual or#ani6ation$
It may be that our Master;s wor was not meant to develo0 in India, at least as a 7estern1
style or#ani6ation$ (is life mission lay in the 7est$ (ad it been in India, 0erha0s he
would have a00roa5hed it very differently Q as, in fa5t, his 0aram#uru Lahiri Mahasaya
did, who ased that Kriya Yo#a be s0read with as little em0hasis on or#ani6ation as
0ossible$ 4n the other hand, it may be that another ind of s0iritual or#ani6ation
alto#ether is destined for India;s future, and that no institution would develo0 su5h as
7esterners understand the word, with its 5or0oration 0residents, vi5e 0residents,
se5retaries, boards of dire5tors, and offi5es filled with effi5ient worers$
%t any rate, Dayama on5e ased Master how his wor should be develo0ed in India$ (is
re0ly to her was, ?*hey will or#ani6e themselves$@
YSS;s history in India to date for5es the 8uestionF ?(as the 7estern model, even if
worable in %meri5a, 0roved hel0ful in IndiaG@ *he only 0ossible answer is, ?&ot yet, at
any rate$@
Dayama found in Binay Dubey a ?su0er1or#ani6ation man@ who fitted her own
e>0erien5e and understandin# of or#ani6ations$ It was natural that she should 0in her
ho0es on him for the develo0ment of Master;s wor in India$ Master had said to her,
re#ardin# the wor in India, ?*hey will or#ani6e themselves$@ 7ell, she must have
thou#ht, here was an Indian who 5ould or#ani6e everythin# a55ordin# to her own
understandin# of the way or#ani6ations needed to be run$ *his 5ould not but strie her as
an ideal way to follow her own #uru;s instru5tions$ &ow, the Indian wor 5ould be
or#ani6ed by an Indian, as Master had said, and at the same time follow the lines that she
herself new and 5ould relate to$
Binayendra &ath Dubey was already the founder1dire5tor of &iramoy, a famous hos0ital
in 7est Ben#al$ (is or#ani6ational talents were 5onsiderable$ Moreover, Dubey
e>0ressed the fullest 5onfiden5e in those methods, and also in himself as a leader within
that system$ (e was, at heart, a bureau5rat$
Swami <irajananda, a leadin# and life1lon# dis5i0le of %nandamoyee Ma, on5e said to
Swami Kriyananda, ?%t first, Dubey im0ressed me$ !radually, however, I;ve dis5overed
that his motives are 0oliti5al, not s0iritual$ Sin5e that time, I have e0t away from him$@
Dubey, however, was able by his 7esterni6ed sills at or#ani6ation to win Dayama;s
5onfiden5e$
It is unseemly to s0ea ill of the dead$ &evertheless, the fa5t must be stated that Dubey
5annot have been destined for the res0onsibility Dayama 0la5ed on his shoulders, for he
did not live to im0lement any of it$ (e visited %meri5a, where she made him a swami and
#ave him full authority to develo0 YSS a55ordin# to the methods he 5ham0ioned$ <ery
soon, however, after his return to India from the =nited States he develo0ed 5an5er and
not lon# afterward died$ 4ne naturally ass, Could his death 0ossibly have been a divine
si#n that Dayama was mistaen in 0la5in# 5onfiden5e in himG In fa5t, his death ended for
the time bein# all of Dayama;s ho0es for Master;s Indian wor to be develo0ed from
%meri5a$
"aramhansa Yo#ananda new that the true #enius of India is different from %meri5a;s$
Aa5h of these 5ountries has somethin# im0ortant to #ive to the other$ *he #enius of India,
0arti5ularly, lies in its dedi5ation to inner s0iritual develo0ment) of %meri5a, in outer
5oo0eration$ If a s0iritual or#ani6ation is ever to su55eed in India, it 5annot but be in an
inward, not an outward, dire5tion$
India will, I believe, 5on5entrate on 0erfe5tin# above all the inner relationshi0 of devotee
and #uru$ It will shrin ba5, as if from a 5obra, at any su##estion of #ivin# s0iritual
obedien5e to some mere offi5ial of an institution$
It is interestin#, in this 5onte>t, to note the very first words in Yo#ananda;s
Autobiography of a Yogi$ ?*he 5hara5teristi5 features of Indian 5ulture,@ he wrote, ?have
lon# been a sear5h for ultimate verities and the 5on5omitant dis5i0le1#uru relationshi0$@
It has been stated truly by wise men and women of India that this 5ountry has fallen, of
re5ent times, too mu5h under the sway of ?#urudom$@ *his develo0ment is 0robably due
to the sho5 of forei#n, and 0arti5ularly of modern, influen5es$ %t the 0resent time, too
many re0uted ?#urus,@ themselves insuffi5iently enli#htened, have been swayed by the
8uest for so5ial and 0oliti5al u0liftment in the name of servin# !od, but not by the ho0e
of ins0irin# 0eo0le to 5ommune more dee0ly with (im$ *his 0henomenon 5annot but be
tem0orary, however$ *he very stones of India are 0ermeated with a different vibration$
*ime surely will brin# a 5han#e$ *he need of the devotee, however, for a true #uru will
never 5han#e$
I in5lude these refle5tions here, not with the 0ur0ose of endin# my boo on a note of
ne#ative s0e5ulation, but only as a lovin# 5aution to those who, in future, re5o#ni6e the
advanta#es of s0iritual or#ani6ations, but are an>ious to avoid their disadvanta#es$ +rom
the stand0oint of Master;s wor in India, Dayama;s 5onfiden5e in Dubey was Q and this
5on5lusion 5an hardly be avoided Q unfortunate$
Dubey used his 0ower to 5ontrol 0eo0le$ *hus, he made many lives Q my own in5luded
Q miserable$ I am sad for what has ha00ened to a #reat and noble wor, whi5h mi#ht
have brou#ht Q and whi5h, with !od;s #ra5e, 5ould still brin# Q ins0iration and
#uidan5e to millions, had its fo5us only been on love, rather than on 0ower and on
5ontrollin# others$
%nyone who wants to found an or#ani6ation must ee0 firmly in mind that, far more
im0ortant than any outward 0osition, is the s0irit of those who serve in that 0osition$
Affi5ien5y is a minor matter 5om0ared to the s0irit of love$ *hose doin# s0iritual servi5e
should love !od first) then love (im in others$ &or 5an any or#ani6ation re0la5e the need
for an enli#htened #uru, or at any rate a s0iritually advan5ed tea5her whose vision of truth
ins0ires others dee0ly$
Dubey 0retended faithfulness to the !uru$ (e was also, in his way, devoted to Dayama$
Yet it was always devotion and loyalty a55ordin# to his own understandin# and
definition, whi5h he filtered throu#h his own worldly institutionalism$ (e was one of
those 0eo0le who, by their very e>uberan5e, #et others to nod in tentative a#reement with
them, then draw from him 0rofessions of love and loyalty for their astuteness$ +ew 0eo0le
have the 5ommon sense to resist any snare set with su5h a bait, and Dubey often said of
%meri5ans that they are lie ?babes in the woods@ Q no mat5h for the subtle 5unnin# of
the Indian mind$ 7hat this means of 5ourse is that 0eo0le lie Dubey themselves loo on
life as a 5ontest$
Dubey had been born a 6emindar 2landowner3$ (is attitudes stron#ly refle5ted his
u0brin#in#$ It was basi5 to his 0ersonality to be for5eful, authoritarian, and in5onsiderate
of others e>5e0t where astute 0oli5y di5tated indness$ (e treated li#htly su5h worldly
usa#es as drinin# s0iritous li8uors Q a habit stri5tly forbidden to as0irin# yo#is$
La5in# attunement with the !uru, whi5h Yo#ananda is still to all who follow him, and
feelin# a sur#e of ener#y that 5ame as a result of 5ontrollin# others, he 8ui5ly lost the
friendshi0 and res0e5t of all of us, an esteem whi5h, at first, we naturally #ave him$
Dayama listened to my 5riti5isms of his a5tions on her return to India in ,-/,$ It was
soon evident, however, that her mind was made u0$ She 0la5ed Dubey on the Board of
Dire5tors of S'+OYSS, and immediately thereafter we Indians were told that we had to
obey him in everythin#$ It 5onfused me, I 5onfess, to see a man in 5har#e of our
or#ani6ation who, not only in my o0inion but in that of all those I new, was so obviously
worldly, not s0iritual$ Dubey;s dire5tion in5luded mana#in# the lives and the s0iritual
servi5e of us renun5iates$ 4ur 0ersonal interest was the attainment of !od1reali6ation) we
were not interested in self1a##randi6ement$ *o him, however, we were no better than
?em0loyees@ Q 0awns on a 5hessboard$
I have ased myself many times sin5e then, Mi#ht it be that I was mistaenG *ime, thus
far, has not endorsed that doubt$ In all fairness, however, I must also admit that forty
years is a short time in the history of a wor that is destined for the a#es$ Indeed, I should
lie to be wron#, for I believe in Master;s mission, and in Dayama;s faithfulness to
Master as his dis5i0le$
&eedless to say, I have tou5hed here only li#htly on the events that a5tually o55urred$
*hose events were 0ainful to me$ *o you, the reader, they mi#ht a00ear merely
interestin#$ 4r Q and this is my real 5on5ern Q you mi#ht be dis5oura#ed by them,
rather than tae them as the 5autionary lesson I have tried to 5onvey$
*here are many devotees, however, who have been dee0ly hurt$ My ho0e is that, in
writin# about these thin#s, I mi#ht turn that hurt to #ood effe5t by en5oura#in# 0eo0le;s
faith in s0iritual, rather than in institutional, ways of seein# !od$ +or in the 5ase of YSS,
the tea5hin#s themselves are wonderful$ *hey need only to be offered in a way that is
natural to IndiaF whether within or outside of institutions, but always with love first for
!od, and for all of !od;s 5hildren$
+or the Indian mind is subtle, yes, but in true devotees it is never so in the 5unnin# way
that Dubey des5ribed e>5e0t, whi5h is what ha00ens, when 5unnin# is dire5ted toward
self1a##randi6ement$ 7ith the addition of e#o1motivation, subtlety be5omes its own
undoin#$ In essen5e, however, the subtle 0er5e0tions for whi5h the Indian mind is so
notably #ifted reveal the Divine (and in everythin#, and o0en the heart in 5hildlie
wonder to the Divine "resen5e everywhere$ 4n5e this understandin# flowers in the mind,
the Kriya Yo#a tea5hin#s will be able to brin# ho0e and ins0iration to millions, whether
within or outside of any institution$
Footnotes
,$ Kriyananda has, as 0art of his servi5e to Master, 5om0osed some DBB 0ie5es of
musi5, and has a5hieved some renown in this field$ (en5e his interest in
5om0arin# Indian and 7estern musi5$
Chapter 11
Fresh (ater for Dirty Drains
*his 0eriod lives in my memory as one of the s0iritual hi#hli#hts of my life$ *he joy and
inner freedom I;d e>0erien5ed durin# my se5lusion in the (imalayas lin#ered with me
still$ &othin#, I reali6ed, was im0ortant e>5e0t lovin# !od$ If I 5ould brin# 0eo0le onto
the 0ath, that was #ratifyin#) it was what I myself wanted outwardly more than anythin#
else$ But this dream of life would last only a few years$ 7hat 5ounted most was that I felt
5onvin5ed, in my heart, that !od alone mattered$
I had built a bonfire, mentally$ Constantly I offered into that fire every lin#erin#
atta5hment, every latent desire$
%nanda Moyi Ma said to me at this time, -#omar bhab khub sundor. 2your s0iritual
attitude is most beautiful3$ !od #ives us su5h 0eriods from time to time, to en5oura#e and
reassure us$ Mu5h wor yet remained for me, however, before I 5ould 5laim this sense of
soul1freedom for my 5onstant 5om0anion$
Some time later I said somethin# to %nanda Moyi Ma about the love I was feelin# in my
heart$ She 5autioned me 8uietly, ?Intense feelin# in the heart 5an flow downward in the
s0ine as well as u0ward$@ She was tellin# me, I felt, to mae a 5ons5ious effort to dire5t
my heart;s ener#ies u0 toward the s0iritual eye$ I didn;t find this su5h an easy 0ra5ti5e at
that time, however$ I was basin# too blissfully in the heart;s inner freedom$
Ba5 in Cal5utta, I was fa5ed more 0ainfully than ever with the dilemma of
institutionalism versus my 5on5ern for 0eo0le;s hun#er for truth$ 7hile on tour I had
understood that the way really to s0read Master;s wor was to ins0ire 0eo0le with his
tea5hin#s and e>am0le$ If I;d had a harmonious team of 5o1worers, as I have today at
%nanda, I am 5ertain that we;d have been able to serve the needs of 5ountless thousands,
and that Master;s name would by now be loved and revered throu#hout India$ Instead, he
remains little nown$ 24ne thin# that 0ains me is that, in antholo#ies of *wentieth1
Century Indian saints, I have yet to see Yo#ananda;s name even mentioned$3
I had no su5h team to wor with$ Binay1da was friendly, but not mu5h interested in my
a00roa5h to s0readin# Master;s wor$ In this res0e5t, he was more %meri5an than Indian$
7hat mattered to him was a stron# or#ani6ation$
I didn;t, and still do not, want to ar#ue a#ainst that idea$ (e himself e0t sayin#, ?Instead
of 0resentin# ourselves with bla51and1white alternatives, of either T or, why don;t we
thin in terms of both T andG@ I a#reed$ Yet a0art from Binay, and reali6in# also that
what he really wanted was to lure me away from my ideas, not to embra5e them himself,
I felt a 0sy5hi5 morass surroundin# our wor as it e>isted then$ *o me it seemed that, if
we 0ro5eeded in his dire5tion, a 8uarter of a 5entury would 0ass before the wor even
be#an to a55om0lish anythin# noteworthy$ *here was too mu5h deadwood, too mu5h
slee0y ener#y, too mu5h 5ommitment to doin# thin#s as they had always been done, too
mu5h resistan5e to new ideas$
4n my tour, many youn# 0eo0le had e>0ressed to me a desire to join our ashram$ *he
ener#y I new they;d en5ounter in Dashineswar and in 'an5hi, however, would be
s0iritually deadenin# to them$ I 5ouldn;t in #ood 5ons5ien5e ur#e them to 5ome there$
Kashi0ati, a youn# man in Main <inayna#ar, said to me with tears in his eyes, ?I read
Autobiography of a Yogi a few years a#o$ I was so ins0ired that I went strai#ht to Yo#oda
Math in Dashineswar and joined the ashram as a mon$ But #radually I be5ame so
disillusioned with the absen5e of s0iritual ins0iration there that for a while I even thou#ht
seriously about 5ommittin# sui5ide$ *his was the one 0ath I had found that I felt I 5ould
have faith in$ %nd then this, too, 0roved a 5om0lete disa00ointment$ It is only your
5omin# that has reawaened my faith in s0irituality, and in Master;s 0ath$@
I told Binay1da this story, and said to him, ?You seeG 7e just can2t as 0eo0le to 5ome
here until we;re in a 0osition to #ive them the hel0 they need$@
?Doesn;t matter, Brother,@ he re0lied dismissin#ly$ ?Let them 5ome$ 7hen they leave,
others will 5ome$@
(is was a businessman;s a00roa5h to the situation$ But surely it 5ould never be that of a
devotee$
7hat o55urred to me as the best 0ossible solution was one to whi5h I have resorted
su55essfully a#ain and a#ain in my lifeF Don;t waste time transformin# old ener#y, but
5on5entrate on develo0in# a 0ositive vorte> of new ener#y$ 4n5e the 0ositive vorte>
#rows stron# enou#h, it will either absorb the old, transformin# it automati5ally, or 5ause
it to dissi0ate for la5 of 5ohesion$ *his was how I had su55eeded in or#ani6in# the
mons$ It was how I su55eeded, later, in buildin# %nanda des0ite mu5h internal
dissension durin# our early years$ It is how Master tau#ht us to wor on ourselvesF Do
what you 5an do) don;t worry about the obsta5les that are beyond your stren#th$ I was
5onvin5ed this method would wor well for us in India$
I had been well re5eived in northern India$ In Ben#al, however, es0e5ially in our own
or#ani6ation, the old ways were so entren5hed that I wondered what, a0art from
dynamite, 5ould ever dislod#e them$ I 0leaded with Binay, 7hy not build an ashram in
&ew DelhiG 7e 5ould wel5ome a00li5ants to a new way of life that we;d be able to
develo0 from s5rat5h, followin# Master;s ideals$ &ew Delhi, I reminded him, was
0resently the heart of India$ Averythin# flowed from that heart$ *he 5ountry looed to
&ew Delhi for #uidan5e in everythin#$ % s0iritual wor established there would be5ome
nown throu#hout India almost over1ni#ht$ % #ood ashram there would be5ome a model
for ashrams everywhere$
?Just thin,@ I enthused, ?of all the youn# 0eo0le who #raduate from 5olle#e and want
new ways of doin# thin#s, new ways of looin# at life$ *hat;s e>a5tly what Master;s
tea5hin#s 5an offer them$
@I don;t mean to starve our wor here in Cal5utta and in 'an5hi,? I 5ontinued$ @It 5an be
left to 5ontinue as it is$ You and I 5ould visit here re#ularly, and #ive them whatever
en5oura#ement they would a55e0t$ But you 5ould live at the Delhi ashram, too$ *o#ether
we 5ould establish a stron# wor there$ I would travel around India, drawin# 0eo0le to
our wor$ I am sure the wor itself will then flourish$
?%nd then,@ I 5on5luded trium0hantly, ?0erha0s in five years, when we have a stron#,
well1trained #rou0 of devotees in &ew Delhi, we 5ould brin# twenty or twenty1five of
them ba5 here$ It would tae that many to turn this lo5al ener#y around effe5tively$ *heir
fresh ener#y would a5t lie bu5ets of fresh, 5lean water to wash out the 5lo##ed drains
and enable them to fun5tion a#ain$@
Dubey didn;t want to 8uash my enthusiasm, but I don;t thin he shared my vision$ I;m
still 5onvin5ed it would have wored$ (is mind, however, was on more immediate
0roblems$
+irst, there was his own un5ertainty about this 0ath$ Did he really want to 0arti5i0ate in
our worG 4ften he voi5ed his doubts to me on that s5ore$
Se5ond, he was on familiar #round where he lived$
% true *aurean, moreover, he was more 5omfortable worin# with the nown, however
diffi5ult, than laun5hin# into the unnown$ *here was no 5ertainty that we would even be
able to #et land in &ew Delhi$ (e himself had not e>0erien5ed my su55ess there$
%s for money, he 5on5eded that we 5ould raise a fair amount$ (e had already su##ested
that we sell the Barana#ar 0ro0erty, from whi5h we mi#ht reali6e some five or more
hundred thousand ru0ees$ Indira Devi, moreover, the Maharajmata of Coo5h Behar, had
told me she wanted to 5ontribute DBB,BBB ru0ees to our wor$ She had be5ome friendly to
us while Daya Mata was still in India, and 5ontinued to invite me to her home
o55asionally for lun5h$ So1there was the money we;d need for the 0roje5t$ Binay didn;t
5lose the door$ +or him, nevertheless, Delhi was only one of several irons in the fire, all
of them waitin# to be sorted out by the 0atient al5hemist, time$
Master, meanwhile, had 0lans for me that I 5ould not have ima#ined at the time$ In
retros0e5t, it loos as thou#h he 0lanned to use on me the same ta5ti5s I myself had found
hel0fulF Don;t try to 5han#e the old ener#y) instead, 5reate a new ener#y vorte>$
Chapter 1!
<o #ibet #his #ime
In ,-/H, soon after Swami %tmananda;s death, I felt a stron# desire to #o to *ibet, there
to meet #reat saints$ % swami at the Sivananda ashram in 'ishiesh had also wanted to
#o, and a#reed to a55om0any me$ So in ,-/H we left on another tre, this time 0ast the
holy 5ity of %lmora just north of &aini *al$ 7e were never able to rea5h *ibet owin# to
China;s invasion of that 5ountry$ &o forei#ners were allowed a5ross the *ibetan border$
In %lmora, however, we met a #reat saint, a British man who %nandamoyee Ma told me
later was a very advan5ed swami$ (is name was Krishna "rem, whi5h means ?Beloved of
Krishna,@ and he 5ertainly was that$ +or he was a #reat devotee, and whenever s0eain#,
s0oe only of Krishna$ I ased him if he ever #ot lonely, livin# so far away from other
0eo0le$ ?4h noE@ he said$ ?I am always talin# to Krishna$ (e is dearer to me than my
own self$@ (e was lie butterF soft and lovable, yet with #reat stren#th of 5hara5ter1lie
Krishna himselfE (e had a lar#e statue of his Beloved, and we meditated there with him
for a while$ (e then fed us lun5h$ 7e stayed only a 5ou0le of hours, but it was worth the
entire tri0$ "erha0s that was Master;s wish for us anyway, and not *ibet$ Krishna "rem
0assed away in ,-.9$ I feel blessed for the #ood fortune of havin# met him$
Dayama 5ame ba5 to India a few more timesF on5e in ,-/D and a#ain in ,-/-$ In
Dashineswar, Dubey 5hastised me re0eatedly for 5reatin# what he 5alled ?a wall of
obstru5tion@ in the wor$ 2*he rest of us new all alon# that what he wanted was total
5ontrol, and that it was in that ambition that he was feelin# ?obstru5ted$@3 (e 5ouldn;t
ar#ue with me in 0ubli5, thou#h, so he sim0ly smiled, nowin# that he would ?win@ in
the end$ (e refused to listen when I e>0lained to him that Master felt it was im0ortant to
ee0 the traditional 5ustoms in Indian ashrams, and told him he was hurtin# 0eo0le with
his i#noran5e and hau#htiness$ Daya said to me, ?7hy not follow him a little bitG@ But
what he was doin# was not dharmi5$ If you were my su0erior, and said to me, ?*he sun
rises in the 7est,@ would dharma tell me to a#ree with youG
7ell, Dubey finally #ot everythin# he;d wanted$ %ll the ori#inal ashram mons left
in5ludin#, in ,-//, myself$ I said to him, ?&ow you are ha00yE Be5ause of you,
Kriyananda is #one, %tmananda is #one, "aramananda is #one, !yanananda is #one, I am
#one$ 7e are all #one$ %nd now the wor is bein# led by a worldly 0erson lie yourself$ I
than Master for tain# me out at this time, for you will be the ruin of it$ I am ashamed at
your total la5 of res0e5t for what Master wanted this wor to be$@
Swami !yanananda and "aramananda and I have remained #ood friends over the years$
!yanananda I see often$ %t one time a devotee #ave him a statue of Lord Krishna$ (e
worshi0ed it every day$ In ,-9-, when he left Cal5utta and YSS for (aridwar, he ased
me to ee0 this Krishna murti for daily 0uja worshi0, whi5h I 0erform twi5e daily$ Sin5e
then the murti has been with me$ Sometimes a devotee ass to borrow him for a wee or
two, and I am ha00y to obli#e$ I try to #o every year in June to stay with !yanananda for
a month in his lovely little hut in the hills of Mussoorie, near Dehra Dun$
LeftF !yanananda in Dehra Dun, ,--.$ 'i#htF Krishna murti #iven to me by !yanananda
in ,-9-
4ver the years Kriyananda and I have be5ome very #ood friends$ I have been #ratified to
see all that he has been able to a55om0lish for his #uru without the ?obstru5tion@ of
institutional affiliation$ (e has 5reated flourishin# 5ommunities, both in %meri5a and in
ItalyF s0iritual villa#es, rather than monasteries, but for all that ashrams, where many
hundreds of 0eo0le live dedi5ated lives of servi5e and meditation$ In these ashrams there
are thrivin# s5hools for 5hildren, and a5tivities from whi5h thousands of 0eo0le re5eive
tea5hin# and ins0iration$ (ere, 0ossibly, lies a model for the ind of ?institution@ that
5ould serve India in the futureF not a 7estern, su0er1or#ani6ed set1u0 as Dubey favored,
but free1flowin# 0la5es, filled with divine love$
In ,-./, the first #rou0 of 0il#rims from these %nanda ashrams in %meri5a 2Ananda
means ?divine joy@3 5ame to Cal5utta and visited *ulsi Bose;s home$ Sin5e then the
#rou0 has 5ome ei#ht times$ (ow beautiful it has been to see so many devotees from
%meri5a enjoy, with dee0est a00re5iation, the 0la5es where Master lived, waled, and
tau#ht in India$ I e>0lained to them the reli5s in our meditation roomF the stately trident
of Lahiri Mahasaya;s, whi5h he #ave to Sri Yuteswar, from whom it 5ame to *ulsi Bose
and has been with (assi and me ever sin5e) Sri Yuteswar;s 5on5h) Master;s s0oon, 0late,
nife, and 5ane) %nandamoyee Ma;s shawl) the Krishna murti that !yanananda #ave to
me in honor of our dee0 friendshi0 in !od) and many, many others$
*he %nanda devotees meditated in our home for lon# 0eriods of time, donated money for
the remodelin# of the rooms, and told me they felt as thou#h this was their home, too$
4ver the years we have be5ome very #ood friends, and it was with #reat joy that we
re5eived an invitation in ,--H to 5ome to %nanda <illa#e for the ,BBth %nniversary of
Yo#ananda;s birth$ (assi and I, and (are Krishna !hosh and his wife %njali all went
joyfully to %meri5a on this %nanda 0il#rima#e, where we were invited also to s0ea$
<idura and Dur#a met us in &ew Yor City and a55om0anied us to California$ In &ew
Yor we visited, amon# other 0la5es, Carne#ie (all where Master, in %0ril, ,-:/, had
le5tured and sun# to a 0a5ed auditorium of three thousand 0eo0le$
4ur meditation room
In Carne#ie (all Master had that whole 5rowd, most of them 5om0letely new to his
tea5hin#s, enthusiasti5ally sin#in# with him for an hour and a half the Indian 5hant, ?4
!od BeautifulE@ Many mira5les of healin# o55urred that evenin#, in5ludin# one of a man
who burst an#rily into Master;s interview room afterward, flun# a revolver onto his des,
and 5ried, ?I ou#ht to shoot you for what you;ve done to meE I 5an;t #o ba5 to my life of
5rime anymoreE@ So sayin#, he left, leavin# the revolver on the des as a donation1a
rather stran#e ?than you 0resent@ for his s0iritual healin#E
%t %nanda we stayed with Brian and Lisa "owers, who too 5are of all our needs$ 7e
also went to Lae *ahoe and visited Los %n#eles, where I fulfilled a dream of mineF
visitin# the Biltmore (otel where, on Cth Mar5h, ,-9:, Master left his body$
(are Krishna and %njali !hosh durin# their visit to %meri5a in ,--H
7e were es0e5ially blessed, in Los %n#eles, to visit Master;s ashrams$ %t Mt$
7ashin#ton, S'+;s head8uarters 2?Mother Center@ it is 5alled3, we a#ain met with
Dayama, %nanda Mata, Sailasuta, Daya;s brother 'i5hard 7ri#ht 2who visited India with
Master in ,-H93, and others$ 7e had the blessin# of meditatin# in Master;s bedroom,
visited his sittin# room where he used to re5eive #uests, and meditated on the #rounds
where, Master told his dis5i0les, ?I have meditated in every 0la5e on this 0ro0erty$@
7e also visited the other %nanda ashrams, or ?5olonies,@ as Master 5alled them$ I had
never thou#ht I would be able to visit these holy 0la5es$ I than Master and Kriyananda
for main# it 0ossible to fulfill my #reatest wish, and <idura and Dur#a for tain# us
everywhere$ I dee0ly 0ray to Divine Mother for the health of these #ood friends, and for
their ever1dee0enin# devotion to !od and !uru$ I dee0ly 0ray also for Kriyananda and
for his 5ontinued #ood health and ability to serve Master in un5easin# a5tivity and
devotion$ I feel that Master is behind him in all he does, and that he will be so always$
*o finish our tri0, we visited my old friend "aramananda in &a0les, +lorida, and s0ent ten
days in his home$ "aramananda is a devotee of Ma Kali, and has a lar#e statue of (er in
his meditation room$ (e feels 0arti5ularly 5lose to (er, as his Divine Mother$ *he room is
filled with (er 0resen5e$ May the Divine Mother dee0ly bless him$
(assi and I in Cal5utta durin# an %nanda 0il#rima#e in ,-.C
Chapter 1&
#he #ra=elers +eturn
4ur tri0 too us safely ba5 to Cal5utta on :Hrd Se0tember, ,--H, filled with dee0 and
dee0ly joyful memories$
'abindranath *a#ore said it beautifully for meF
Yes, I am a *raveler$
&othin# 5an hold me ba5$
"leasure and 0ain see to bind me,
But, ahE my home lies far beyond$
%nd so ends the sim0le story of one devotee;s 8uest for the Divine Beloved$ Lie life
itself, the tale 5ontains both sadness and joy$ 7ith !od;s blessin#s, however, the #ood
e>0erien5es have been far more than merely ?#ood@F *hey have been wonderful and
ins0irin# in the only sense that matters, the divine$ *he 0ainful memories, too, leave me
now with #ratitude, for they have tau#ht me im0ortant lessons that have aided me in my
journey toward our eternal home1yours, mine, and every soul;s$
May you, who have read this a55ount, draw from it only blessin#s and ho0e for the
future$ +or that is how, in retros0e5t, I view all that has ha00ened to me in life$ +or the
love and joy es0e5ially, but also for any wisdom I have #ained in my travels, I am
#rateful beyond words$
Durin# the Centennial Celebration of Yo#ananda;s birth at %nanda <illa#e in ,--H$
Behind me are Lisa "owers, (are Krishna !hosh, and Lila (oo#endy$