DATING AND MARRIAGE

By KAKUWE KANDALA
PSY 1100
INTIMACY


ADULTS SEEK INTIMACY
Our intimacy needs are lifelong. They are met
through social connection through their relationships
with relatives, friends, coworkers and romantic
partners.

We are born to love, that feeling of elation that we
call romantic. Love is deeply embedded in our
brains.
KAKUWE S IDEAS ON DATING
BEFORE MARRIAGE
There is big difference in dating and marriage.
In dating there is a dizzying feeling of intense romance. In dating
we go out and you cant known exactly who your partner is.
You work hard to impress the other person.
You may not always be honest because you want the other person
to like, and love you because you like and love what they do.
COHABITATION
According to Psychology Today, premarital cohabitation had
increased significantly, and more than 70% of US couples now cohabitate
before marriage.
Studies have shown couples who cohabitate find out if they get along
well enough to become married.
Other studies have shown premarital cohabitation leads to increased
divorce, lower quality of marriage, poorer marital communication and
higher levels of domestic violence.
VIEWS ON PRE MARTIAL
COHABITATION IN AFRICA
Pre-Martial Cohabitation does not exist in Africa.
Marriage involves both the husbands and wifes family.
The husbands family brings a gift for the wifes family, if the wifes
family does not accept the gift, there will not be a marriage. If they
accept the gift, they are now engaged.


MARRIAGE AND HAPPINESS
We are told that a happy marriage based on good communication.
Married people tend to be happier, healthier, and richer than never
married ones (although not by much).
In a longitudinal study there were many people who end up less happy
than they started as there were people who ended up happier than they
started.
Most adults expect happiness because of marriage, but some will be
disappointed.
COHORT EFFECTS
Some say modern life has destroyed marriage, and others say the
opposite. Which is true?
If we compare recent marriages with previous decades, husbands
now do more housework, and more wives are employed.
Both spouses tend to be more independent compared to the past
where mutual dependency helped keep couples together.
DURATION EFFECTS
The long-term quality of marriage is affected by many factors
including, childhood experience from both spouses, economic stress,
and the spouses personality.
Some long term marriages are blissful, others are horrible.
Marriage does not necessarily make adults happier of children
more successful.
MARI TAL HAPPI NESS OVER THE
YEARS
Interval After Wedding Characterization
First 6 months Honeymoon phase, happiest of all
6 months- 5 years
Happiness dips; divorce is common, usual time
for birth of 1
st
child.
5 to 10 years Happiness holds steady
10 to 20 years Happiness dips as children reach puberty
20 to 30 years Happiness rises when children leave the nest
30 to 50 years
Happiness is high and steady, barring serious
health problems.
HOMOSEXUAL PARTNERS
Same sex couples can be faithful and supportive of each other , and
receive emotional well-being benefits. They can also have problems with
finances, communication and domestic abuse, just like any human being.
Political and cultural contexts for homosexual couples are changing
and currently 16 countries, and parts of 2 other countries (the U.S. and
Mexico) allow same-sex marriage, while other places tend to completely
outlaw it altogether.
DIVORCE
Adults who were in distressed marriages tend to find themselves happier after divorce,
while those in distant marriages are less happier than they thought they would be.
In the past few decades many nations have seen fewer marriages and more divorces.
In the U.S divorce rates have stabilized but remain high. Almost one out of two
marriages ends in divorce.
Divorce can be beneficial according to research in 39 nations, adults who parents
fought constantly but stayed married report less happiness than those who parents got
divorced.
FACTORS THAT MAKE
DIVORCE MORE LIKELY
Before Marriage
During Marriage In the Culture
Parents were
divorced
Either partner under
the age of 21
Family is opposed
Cohabitation before
marriage
Previous divorce
Large discrepancy in
age, background,
interest, and values
Different
plans/practices
regarding child-bearing
Financial Stress
Communication
difficulties
Lack of time together
Emotional/Physical
Abuse
Relatives who do not
support relationship
High divorce rate in
cohort
Weak religious
values
Laws that make
divorce easier
Approval of
remarriage
Acceptance of single
parenthood.
DIVORCE IN AFRICA
Divorce in Africa simply does not occur the same way as the United States, mainly because
of culture.
If a couple wants a divorce, they first must turn to their families. Their families will likely
tell them no, because the gift they have received cannot be returned.
If they go to the civil station, they are given a timeline (i.e. 6 months) to come back and see
if they still want to get a divorce. If they come back and still want a divorce they are usually
given another timeline.
If you have a religious marriage divorce is not even a consideration.
When children are added to the family, it also does not allow for divorce.
When you see a single parent, it is because they are a widow, or widower.

SOURCES
Ben-Zeev, Aaron, PhD. "Does Cohabitation Lead to More
Divorces?" Psychology Today. N.p., 28 Mar. 2013. Web. 23 July 2014.
<http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-
love/201303/does-cohabitation-lead-more-divorces>.
Berger, Kathleen Stassen. Invitation to the Life Span. New York:
Worth, 2010. 464-72. Print.