1

Dear Pastor, September 9, 2004

Some of you know, or know of, my dad, Pastor Jim R. Kok of the CRC
who is also employed with the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove,
California. If youve been around long enough, you may also have
known or remember my grandfather, Rev. Gareth S. Kok. What some
of you may or may not know is that theres a third pastor in the family,
Philip A. (John) Kokwho went to both Calvin and Fuller Seminary.
Rev. Gareth Kok, my grandfather, was a Calvin College/Calvin
Seminary CRC pastor who filled the pulpit for various congregations,
including Hills, Minnesota; Edgerton, Minnesota; Hanford, California;
Holland, Michigan; and Bellflower, California; among other places.
Pastor Jim R. Kok (one of three Jim Koks in the CRC) is a Calvin
College/Calvin Seminary CRC pastor who did a internship in Gowanda,
New York & Ann Arbor Michigan, among other places; and filled the
pulpit in Iowa City, Iowa, while later occupied a pastoral care position
at Pine Rest Christian Hospital for fourteen years, after which he took a
call to the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove, CA, and has been there
(here) since 1984.
I myself graduated from Calvin College in 1989 with honors, and later,
after some missionary work in Costa Rica, and the Philippines, as well
as a short stint in law school, and a short stint in a graduate program
for Social work (neither of which completely suited my fancy or real
calling) and two years full time teaching I returned to seminary, and
2
continued to teach while going through seminary. I also started my own
ministry.
I dont have time to tell you all my experiences, thoughts, convictions,
beliefs, etc. (albeit you can count on the fact that I am a Reformed
Christian) but I am writing to you because of help I need with a
relational problem. This problem is within my own nuclear family. His
name is Andrew Kok.
Andrew is my older brother. Hes two years older than me and the
second child of Jim and Linda. I have two other siblings. There is Julie,
the first born of Jim & Linda, who is four years older than me, and then
there is Steven, the fourth child of Jim & Linda, who is four years
younger than me. If you havent figured it out yet, I am the third child
of Jim & Linda.
Andrew Kok is a very much localized Grand Rapidian, although he
lives in Clarksville, MI. Nonetheless, although, like myself, he was born
in Iowa City, Iowa, he was still a toddler when we moved from Iowa to
Grand Rapids. Andrew and I had a decent relationship growing up I
guess you could say, and even through college. Although he did some
things that annoyed me from time to time (like borrowing my car when
I was in Spain for a semester and returning it to me with a broken
window; and actually pushing me out of the family car one time in a fit
of rage while he was driving myself and a friend home from the CRC
recreation center (we attended 1
st
CRC in Grand Rapids, Michigan)) I
let those things pass in my mind over time. And I suppose I did a few
3
things to legitimately bother him (once I shot a rubber band in his
direction and it caught him in the side of the eye and actually stuck
there for a momentin response to which I got physically pounded).
And that, in part, is my concernthat Andrew, while obviously very
analytically intelligent
1
having done so well on the LSAT test he was
accepted into University of Michigan Law School (whereas I was only
accepted to Wayne State Law School), has not picked up on socially
appropriate behavior for dealing with conflict, at least not with his
brother. He still wants to use strong arm tactics to intimidate me and
silence me, and so on and so forth.
HE even went so far as to wait in the parking lot of the Crystal
Cathedral a few years ago (when he and his wife and two children had
come to visit my parents for a week or so) by my car until I came out of
the worship service to talk to me, despite knowing I do not socialize
on SundayI am, in a certain sense, on task at church even if I seem
to be there as a parishioner( as I seemed to be all the way through
seminary even though I was actually very much engaged in pastoral
work); albeit you and I both know that sometimes what seems to be is
not always what is. I didnt talk to him then because he was there just to
make his one-sided point about something that I was not interested in
talking about at the time.

1
Albeit it is my increasing contention that analytical is but one kind of intelligence, one kind of gift, and
not even necessarily the highest form of intelligence. Theres been increasing talk about the importance of
EQones emotional quotient as well. Well, before society caught onto Gardiners Multiple
Intelligences the church has known about spiritual giftedness for a long time.
4
By the way, at one point I apparently was a favorite of Andrew (and
his wife Carol) because they asked me to be Andrews best man at his
wedding. But Ive found out that I had more than one fair-weather
friend and that if I didnt agree with him on all points or remain
relatively subservient to him I would no longer be his friend. That kind
of relationship couldnt last forever. I was willing to be the friendly, big-
grin, always happy, never arguing, friend or brother for a while to keep
the peace, but not forever, because some people were not giving back. It
was all one-sided.
This has gradually taken place, but Andrew still has some of my
belongings at his house in Michigan. I knew that he was hostile towards
me, even though he couldnt articulate why. If he had anything
legitimately against me his disposition towards me about it was out-of-
proportion to the significance of it. He could make a mountain out of a
molehill for political or psychological purposes and pressure, like a
cunning lawyer might do to a nave person.
You have to remember that Andrew is a lawyer now. And maybe some
of you know or have observed the change in personality that occurs to
many persons who go through law school. I did. I observed the pressure
on me to change when I was only in law school for a semesterthats
why, in part, I think God pulled me out of there. Theres something
oppressive about the atmosphere, something almost anti-truth; albeit at
the same time I acknowledge we need good lawyers. I cant say,
rhetorically, like Shakespeare did, that the first thing we should do is
kill all the lawyers. That would be a little too much.
5
Nonetheless, Andrew is no longer the same person I knew. And a
relationship can be made only if I submit to him, which is no longer
possible. Thus there is little if any conversation between us anymore. I
have Gods law in mind. He has mans law. Perhaps the two twains
can meet a little, here and there, but there seems to be an inevitable
borderline or tension between the two professions and practices,
although for those in the practice of law who have subsequently gone to
seminarythere is an exciting possibility of an edifying synthesis, if law
school has not totally wrung the Spirit out of them by the time they get
to seminary, and if seminary doesnt do what they managed to avoid in
law school by Gods grace (i.e. maintain a Spirit-filled soul, neither
legalistic nor licentious).
But back to what I was sayingAndrew Kok has a box of record
albums at his house which he has been ordered to return to me. I had to
take him to small claims court to get this matter resolved. He also has a
long overcoat that belongs to me (and was once my dads) which is part
of the settlement. At the time of the decision I asked that he send the
belongings to me from Michigan to California but the judge decided I
should make my own arrangements to pick them up. I thought I would
personally pick them up at my brothers house in Clarksville this
summer, and made the trip across the United States from June through
July with that being one of many things I planned to accomplish.
In fact this summer I conducted a Holy Spirit revival tour across the
United States and also filmed from California through the Midwest to
6
the East Coast and back down through the southern states and finally
returned to the West Coast. I am now in the editing stage of what I plan
to call Gods Country. Anyways, although I spent almost five days in
western Michigan, and left a note in Andrews mailbox at his house
telling him I was there (albeit he is so antagonistic towards me at this
point that he will not even allow me to come to his house so I stayed by
the road and his road-side mailbox rather than go to the door-as it turns
out the family either was not there or wanted me to think they were not
there).
I told him in the note where he could drop off the record albums (at a
post office box right around the corner from his house) but that if he
didnt do it within a few days I would be gone. This was the 4
th
of July
weekend but I had left a note early in the week. Not finding my things at
the post office the next day or the day after I called his office (he works
for Varnum Riddering Law Firm in downtown Grand Rapids) and the
general receptionist was not sure if he was there or not, and his personal
secretary was not therethe general receptionist seemed to think he
had been around or maybe left suddenly). Anyways, he could not be
located, although it seemed strange that there was n no clear indication
of where he had gone.
Furthermore, I had sent a letter a week prior to arriving in Grand
Rapids telling him I was on the way so I assumed he would have made
arrangements such as telling his neighbor. But when I asked his
neighbor if she knew anything about the Koks she seemed to have very
little, if any, familiarity with my brother or his family at all, and
7
obviously was not holding on to any of my belongings for me, albeit she
seemed like a very pleasant and decent neighbor.
Well, by Sunday I hadnt gotten any indication that he was either home
or willing to help me get my belongings. I couldnt be sure of which,
knowing he had some unarticulated anger towards me and may be
taking it out on me by being as difficult to find and unwilling to help as
possible.
Some of my premonition about this is subsequently evidenced by the
fact that upon return I sent him $100 Money Order to ship my record
albums to the address I gave him but have not received any response
since then. While he has paid the monetary judgment against him, I
have not yet received the albums, even though I have given him very
specific and simple instructions as to how they can be delivered. His
only participation in the matter involves bringing them to a UPS store
in Gaslight Village where they will do all the packaging and make all
the sending arrangements. He only has to drop the box off and pay the
bill, which should be covered by $100.00, but even if it isnt I have
firmly told him that I would pay any extra (I know he needs every
penny on his attorney salary for the tiny, budget conscious law firm of
Varnum, Riddering, Schmidt, & Howlett).
I am in the ministry business. Part of the ministry I do includes making
inspirational films based on actual ministry experience. I wanted those
old albums (some of it includes secular rockwhich I dont always
consider to be obviously Christian or very edifying but does have
8
some other value to meand I believe you can use secular music,
sometimes, in part, to teach a Christian message) to include as
background music in some of my cinematic endeavors. (For an example
of what I am talking about I am enclosing a copy of The Philippines for
Christ which is not intended to be a missiological how to but simply
inspirational in a general sense).
So if you can think of any way to participate not only in helping me get
my record albums back from my brother, Andrew Kok, but in being
agents of reconciliation in general with my family I would appreciate
it. If all you can think of to do is pray about it, so be it. Ill take it. I
know God responds to prayerthats for sure! If you feel bold enough
to correspond with Andrew, I wont stop you, and hope it works.
Beyond Andrew, however, is the rest of my nuclear family. And that
requires more timerelations are improving in that regard but both
my dad and moms extended families are so large they need a chapter
all their own. In short, some of my dads half-brothers are atheists who
want nothing to do with faith, Christianity, or even religion, let alone
Jesus Christit doesnt make for a pleasant gathering around the
holidays, given they are just as eager to convert you to secularism as you
are to bring them around to Jesus Christ (ironically all of these half-
siblings of my dad attended Calvin College and professed Christ as
Savior or purported to profess Christ as Savior at one time). Pray about
that. On my moms side, in short, she had a long unpleasant adult
relationship with her father, the late Leo Peters, and a lot of things were
left unresolved in that regard. She has half-siblings as well, one of them
9
who is my own age and was in my same class at Grand Rapids Christian
High and who, I found out, was responsible for saying or insinuating
some bad things about me all through high school, having been enlisted
by her father during some of the conflict he was having with his
daughter, my mom, to think and speak negatively about our family
some of it that sort of maddening below-the-belt cheap shot kind of talk.
Those are other matters I am working towards resolving in the name of
Christ, but for now I ask for your prayers and assistance if you can be
of any help with my brother Andrew.
Thanks for listening (or reading) either way. God bless you. In HIS
Name!
__________________
J.P. Kok
Teacher/Writer/Pastor
Mustard Seed Ministries
P.O. Box 93261 (current as of 8/1/04)
Pasadena, CA 91109
P.O. Box 96 (temporary/closed as of 7/5/04)
Clarksville, MI 48815
Andrew Kok lives with is wife, Carol, and two children, Jonah & Silas,
at 7191 Mick Road, Clarksville, Michigan, 48815
He practices law at Varnum Law Office, P.O. Box 352, 333 Bridgewater
St. NW, Grand Rapids, MI 49501