Dialogue On The Way Of Knowledge

I've decided to add, what I'm calling, Dialogue on the Way of Knowledge, to my site, Carlos
Castaneda's don Juan's Teachings. It began on, Jun !"th, #$$$, when I received an %&ail
from ichael. I will use '(' to begin his comments, )( to begin mine. The dialogue begins
between us and later e*+ands to include four others. It's about ,-- +ages and I'm starting with
the first few now. I'll let it e*+lain itself &)ic.

,&!"&$$
( /ichael0 I stumbled onto your site while doing searches for Carlos Castaneda /who I
have met0 and am very im+ressed by your effort and +resentation, although to this +oint I
have only read your 'introduction'.

( 1omehow having seen your effort, there is motivation to outreach to you.

( It is clear that you understand many essentials.

( y name is ichael( I am only myself. 1hould you have an interest in a dialogue, +lease
return this %&mail.
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)( /)ic.0 2es, I do en3oy dialogue.
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( I've been wondering 'how' to o+en the dialogue because there are, of course, many
a++roaches. There are many trials along the 'way' and losing the human form of de+endencies
es+ecially the de+endency many have on negative energy flows, are among the most difficult.

( y +erce+tion of you is that you(

( are well along the +ath to freedom through the way of .nowledge4

( are see.ing to learn how to fully em+loy the conce+ts of don Juan atus, as re+orted by
Carlos4

( have had many e*am+les in your life's e*+eriences that have +rovided instruction that
there is much more to evolution than normally acce+ted by society4

( have considered the above statement within yourself to affirm that your evolution in
normal humanity is only a tool for utili5ation to gain your ultimate evolution in the awareness
of the third attention4

( can shift your assemblage +oint to +lace yourself into the bridge of the second attention,
and in that state of awareness and reality, gain energy flows and +erce+tions that you utili5e in
your creative art e*+ressions, and that within the second attention you are a seer of energy
which has become more fre6uent to the +oint where your realities are only +artially in the first
attention and you +rimarily coe*ist in the bridge between the first and second attentions
/allowing an easy flow of migration to either, de+ending on the need04

( have some im+atience about traveling into the third attention and are willing to understand
that this will occur when you are fully +re+ared, having had some limited and intriguing
e*+erience with this4 and,

( understand that losing the human form means forming the ability of allowing yourself to
love, and commit, unconditionally and this attribute is indicative of being able to integrate
with the +ower of the universe, the nagual.

( 7re6uently I utili5e an 'inters+ersed dialogue' form of conversation, by inters+ersing
comments within the original te*t with each +refi*ed with our initials. This form +ermits the
a++earance of a +osted 'dialogue'. 8s the 'virtual dialogue' +rogresses, segments fully
resolved may be deleted from each e*change.

)( If what you sus+ect of my +rogress is a reflection of your own, then I'm indulging in envy.

( In establishing new dialogues, it is very difficult for me to ma.e the decision about how
much to o+en, and when. It is not at all that there is a reluctance within me to being wholly
'o+en', and the concern is only that re+orts of my evolution be ta.en as 're+orts' and not some
form of human&form need. 7or now, it is ho+ed that it is sufficient to note that my
evolutionary e*+eriences are +rofound, and directed. If you re6uest s+ecific details, my
res+onse will be commensurate to your in6uiries. 8s our dialogue +rogresses, 6uite +robably
it will all be revealed as a matter of the +rocess.

)( 8nd if it is a reflection of your own, then I .now that you won't be indulging in
disa++ointment when I tell you that my ventures into the second attention are only in
dreaming, that I've been doing since #$9:, but that have sto++ed com+letely here the last five
months.

( 1ince the +rocess, by your re+ort, has been interru+ted then there is a suggestion that
either something has gotten in the way, or that somehow you are being sub3ected to 'a test' of
your im+eccability. 8s an observation, those of us who choose to engage ourselves in 'the way
of .nowledge' tend to evolve in a se6uence of ram+&+rogressions followed by +eriods of
+lateaus. 7or e*am+le, when you chose this +rocess of evolution there were many discoveries
initially and your effort to condense Carlos' boo.s demonstrates your level of commit. This
initiates the se6uence of gaining .nowledge, and with that, increasing attributes /said in
another manner( abilities4 recognitions0. 8ccordingly, this form initiation, begins an ascension
/or ram+0 into higher /more thorough0 understanding and awareness. 8fter some +eriod of
time, usually about the +oint where we begin to gras+ the significance of im+eccability in the
broadest sense, the .nowledge gained in itself increases our awareness of 'what' im+eccability
means as a conce+t. There is a commensurate level of awareness that attends this, of course,
since 'im+eccability' as a +rocess and as a definition will be e*+anded in +ro+ortion to our
.nowledge with it itself is an e*+anding variable.

( When we have 'ram+ed' to the level that our understanding and .nowledge brings us
toward, we then go through a +rocess of integrating these .nown attributes into our beings.
The +lateau of 'integration' is necessary so that we can 'test' the conce+ts and a++ly them and
refine e*actly what im+eccability really means as a++lied to each thought, action, and
decision. It is my observation that it is during these +lateau +eriods that our im+eccability
becomes tested. Im+atience and anger, it can be understood, are human form de+endencies
that get in the way.

)( I've had little success in sto++ing the internal dialogue. If I'm not actively thin.ing about
something, then there is usually a tune that I'm mechanically humming.

( It is my observation that 'a tune' can become a mantra for 6uieting the mind, but it must be
a +eaceful e*+erience. 1everal in dialogues re+ort utili5ing +eaceful tunes as a ste++ing stone,
and in the successful cases, the tune or two tends to have bring beauty and grandeur to the
mind.

( ;oisy minds have a way of becoming im+rinted early in life. <n occasion, they are
develo+ed in early childhood as an esca+e mechanism to counter something un+leasant, and
in other cases they can develo+ in an energetic form directed toward +ossibilities and creative
endeavors. The 'bloc.ing' +roblem that the noise causes, however, can actually be a form of
de+endency4 that is, de+endency on the noise as a reference +articularly if it is im+rinted in
early childhood /either for +ositive or negative reasons0. The only true negative is not learning
the lesson that any seemingly negative e*+erience intends to teach. With the learning in gras+
and integrated as a +ositive e*+erience /not as bitterness or any lingering +oor after&effect0,
any seemingly negative immediately is converted into a +ositive since learning is a growth
and evolutionary +rocess.

( 1ometimes a 6uieting e*+erience is available by a +rocess that starts with contem+lation,
li.e a curious child studying something, that is based in nature( the movement of trees in a
bree5e4 the motions almost have a language of themselves4 the +erce+tion within a forest4
ocean waves4 all ta.en as a +rocess of single minded study. 'Intent' can be +ro3ected into the
nature of these entities. Clouds, va+orous and motional, have the same effect. To lie na.ed in
the bright sun, e*+osed, +erceiving the bree5e wash over your body, +erceiving the +oetry of
the motions and the energy flows, and seeing the clouds, may be of assistance in initiating the
+rocess. 8fter a time of +ractice and integration, the +erce+tions can be memori5ed, and
+rocess of the intent can be memori5ed and recalled & at any time. It is only reasonable to note
that this +rocess of high&memory recall can e*tend to being able to bridge oneself between the
first and second attentions & at any moment on intent and will. 7rom that e*tension, with
+ractice, one then can move firmly into the second attention, or move between those
attentions. The second attention brings with it .nowledge, +erce+tion, and it forms the initial
bridge into the third attention.

)( What is '+rocess of the intent'= && '8fter a time of +ractice and integration, the +erce+tions
can be memori5ed, and +rocess of the intent can be memori5ed and recalled'

( 1im+ly it means that one gathers a feeling of +eace and inner glow, in a manner of
s+ea.ing. The inner glow can become an outer glow by focusing on something that is
+eaceful and can be contem+lated. The outer glow can then be +ro3ected further( e*+ansion of
the self cocoon. Then, this is all 'stored' in memory, and recalled at another time for another
+ur+ose. >o+e that hel+s.

( To accom+lish the se6uence of evolution, a +recursor to being able to travel into, and
through, the third attention becomes eventually +ossible. In the third attention, one
e*+eriences total and whole freedom, wholly without de+endencies. In order to literally be
sufficiently free /freedom is only in a meta+hor 'the %agle's gift', for it is actually a gift we
reward ourselves with by being able to continue into infinity0 to travel in the third attention,
the sentient consciousness must be able to comfortably & without hesitancy & to let go of the
body and all of the human form tendencies that this re+resents. To travel and +ros+er in the
third attention, any distraction /noise, if you will allow0 vacates our im+eccable sense of
wholly bonded together consciousness and we immediately then would vacate the third
attention to cling once again to the de+endencies of the body, noise, or whatever the limiting
factor/s0 may be. To travel into the third attention, beyond the initial light, the warrior learns
true freedom.

)( I loved your letter, very ins+iring, than. you, where do we go ne*t=

( 2ou are welcome. We 'go' where we must. Im+eccability drives us toward these
directions.

)( ?erha+s I will add your insights to my Castaneda com+ilation.

( There is, with some confidence in the statement, no significant difference or dichotomous
conflict between what you have learned and what may be advanced through this dialogue. It
might be significant to note that terms in the vocabulary may be altered, but not significantly
the conce+ts.

)( I'm feeling rather greedy, actually, well, no need to go into that.

( With most in society, greed toward some small and inconse6uential thing /such as 'status'
or other ego&driven artifacts0 is very different than what you might intrinsically e*+erience as
'greed'. 1ince you brought it u+, it is suggested there +robably 'is' a need to go into it, or it
would not have been mentioned above & however & you must define the 'need' in this dialogue,
it cannot be defined by myself nor is it acce+table for this to be defined even vaguely as an
agenda sourced by myself.

)( When I become annoyed by the internal dialogue's +ersistence && it's an almost +hysical
frustration li.e a +ressure that cannot be overcome and the moments when I manage to switch
to listening at those times it's as though I'm having to +hysically hold something bac. && well,
not e*actly +hysically && a frustrating +ressure of some sort.

( 8h, +erha+s it is sim+ly an intrusion on yourself, within yourself, built on internal
conflicts.

)( I'm going to wor. to start dreaming again and I will intend to find you in that dreaming. I
have no idea if this is +ossible.

( It is +ossible, and you may find more than 3ust myself. In +articular there is an image of a
sentient who +refers to ta.e the image of a blond woman, and she may interact with you.
1hould you find an image of myself, the colors and sha+e of the image will inform you by
themselves.

)( It seems to always be the case that most cannot see me in volitional dreams, at least that is
my +erce+tion, and in the +ast I would at times ta.e advantage for +hysical +leasure. I've
sto++ed doing that as a choice && don Juan's instruction in, I believe, The 8rt of Dreaming.

( 8s an observation, attem+ting to 'be +hysical', even in dreaming, often
confuses@convolutes the +rocess( se+arating +ure energy as sentience from the +hysical. This,
after all, is the +ath of the ultimate migration into ultimate evolution.

( 1omehow there is a +erce+tion that certain segments, facets, of your im+eccability have
not yet been defined, and although it is vague for me the +erce+tion is that is has something to
do with 'the +hysical' and +erha+s conflicts between your energy form and 'the +hysical'.

)( ichael, I do a++reciate your time, than. you.

( 2ou are welcome, as always.
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)( I mentioned 'greed.' It was related to your earlier stated 'the concern is only that re+orts of
my evolution be ta.en as 're+orts' and not some form of human&form need.' I won't mention it
again.

( Certainly, there is no re6uirement to 'ca+' any s+ecific discussion item +rovided that it's
not brought to closure. To a significant e*tent, dialogues such as this are intended to bring
about reflection that may be utili5ed toward reca+itulation, gaining energy in 'the now' that
otherwise might have been lost in 'the +ast.'

)( 2ou've said '1ince the +rocess, by your re+ort, has been interru+ted then there is a
suggestion that either something has gotten in the way, or that somehow you are being
sub3ected to 'a test' of your im+eccability.' ?erha+s, ichael, you are correct about 'a test'.
It was about four years ago that I first noticed a new unusual mole on my s.in and another
dar. s+ot close by. I considered s.in cancer but didn't educate myself in that regard and, as I
didn't feel bad, did nothing. 8bout three years ago I began to have many different +hysical
irregularities. In <ct. of $" I switched to a macrobiotics diet.

( The signals had obviously begun, but then it's easy to see in hindsight, even for me ...

)( That lasted until Christmas of $" as there was no real feeling of im+ending doom in me.
<n !&!,&$$ I was +rom+ted by something to investigate melanoma and suddenly, finding a
few educational web sites, believed /beyond a doubt0 myself to have 'third stage melanoma.'
I immediately started doing what I've '.nown@believed' was right to do since the early 9-'s(
I've had no refined +roducts of any .ind since that day. I started a garden and now raise
wheatgrass which I drin. the 3uice of. I never eat anything that may be chemicali5ed, sto++ed
using deodorant or soa+ or tooth+aste && I use ba.ing soda for those things, which actually
wor.s better && I +ractice dee+ breathing. 8nd we will see. ?erha+s I waited to long to find
'death as an advisor,' ... we will see. I have seen in these last four months five of seven
conditions disa++ear and I fully e*+ect the other two to go as well. ?erha+s this is the test. I
must trust /I have to believe0 that my ra+idly rebuilding immune system will fi* all.

)( ichael, I'll write your res+onse to me about this +aragra+h for you. >ere is what I'd say
were I you having read that(

)( Dear )ic.,

)( It was interesting hearing about your +hysical challenges. What I .now about it is that you
will either die from it, or you won't. We each have the freedom to choose our course in such
matters and those choices +roduce whatever results they +roduce. <bviously, everyone would
give you their slant on it were you to as. others advise and you seem to have had the doctors
advise through the web +ages already so, really, what more can another say if you've decided
to go the way of natural methods, but, all the best to you. I would add that only you will .now
it your way is truly 'your way.' That is to say, you will .now if you are following 'your way'
im+eccably or not. 2our challenge then would be to '+ush yourself beyond your limits,' as
don Juan advised Carlos, at that +oint there would be no room for doubts. 8ny less than that
and you leave room for doubt.

( Aee5e, not badly written at all ... very directed ... We all have various a++roaches and tests
that surface with us on the 'way of .nowledge'. I have found, for myself, that when it's all said
and done, it is wholly necessary to view oneself, as in a mirror, and say with whole and
unflagging im+eccability( 'I have done my best'. I lost a daughter /age ##0 to leu.emia many
long years ago /#$9!0 and when it was 'done', being able to say without 6ualification that 'I
did my best' for her, and ourselves, was +aramount.


)( I've been noticing how ... it's all made u+ ... this world of man, all of it.B)C
( The 'realities' that we have are individual indeed. 'We', those who see. the way of
.nowledge, have a huge advantage because we can evolve to acce+t that there are in fact
various realities, many of our own construct, and that we are free to alter these to facilitate
ourselves as we +rogress through our +rocesses of evolution.

)( I so much want to e*+erience the second attention in wa.ing hours ... as the shoc. that
.noc.s my soc.s off don Juan tal.s about.

( 8s you might have gathered, my e*+eriences have ta.en me not only fre6uently through
the second attention, but into the third attention as well on several occasions. It has been a
fascinating adventure. Travels into the third attention have occurred in two modes( with my
body in a form of stasis4 and on two occasions, with my body clinically dead. It is interesting
to note that in these two forms, although the +ur+ose of the travel into the third attention
varied on each occasion /different lessons to be learned0 the +rocess, +erce+tions, feelings
were 'the same' /body dead or not0. ?erha+s one of the most fearful items that is re6uired to
facilitate this travel into the ultimate reality of the third attention was to 'let go' totally of all
that was normal reality. The +rocess of entry into the third attention can be a slow migration,
as in the ;D% re+orts of 'drifting toward the light of warmth', however my e*+eriences are
that this is only an advanced form of the second attention wherein the luminous s+here of our
being may be viewed. The 'third attention' is found 'beyond the light' that individuals re+ort
during clinical death, noting that 'the light' is /by my e*+eriences0 a boundary before travel
into the third attention. When travelling 'beyond the light', it is +ossible to move uninhibited
through time and s+ace at what is +erceived to be light s+eed, and then arriving at a
destination +oint, others may be met and at the highest level, con3oined. 8s one trained in the
electrodynamics of electromagnetic wave +hysics, there are +ro3ections that the
electrodynamics of 6uantum mechanics holds our sentient consciousness.

( In any case, to travel into either attention, it is necessary to 'let go' of the realities as
e*+erienced to the +oint that they have been for any individual, and be willing to wholly allow
oneself to migrate into another state of being and .nowledge. 8ny reticence +rohibits the
travel, and any reticence during the travel and +osition in the third attention, immediately
blows one 'out' of it and bac. into acce+ted realities.

( The third attention is 'not' un.nowable.

( In a ma3or event, while clinically dead, in #$$D /July, as a matter of fact and in
2ellowstone ?ar. & where we are going to visit ne*t wee.0 and while in the third attention, I
learned that I could continue at that +oint into the infinity of the third attention with the
attribute set that had been accom+lished, or I could will myself to return to first attention life
and utili5e this as an o++ortunity to fi* some +roblems that +rohibited me from gaining a full
attribute set in the third attention. It was humbling, to say the least, and because of that &
enhancing.

( In the third attention, using allegorical descri+tion, there are about five strata levels of
attribute sets. These are not well segmented, but are a flowing +rocess of ascension. 8t the
first level, one esca+es the %agle and 'can continue', but at a rather low energy set without
much ability. y '+erce+tion' of this attribute set is that of an analogy of a cler. or a
munici+al wor.er, doing limited and re+etitive tas.s. By the third level, analogy only, one can
move about, navigate, visit, but not direct or contribute very much. The fifth level re+resents
abilities of biblical +ro+ortion. In my arrogance, I thought in #$$D because of other travels to
and through the second and third attentions, I might have had accom+lished the analogy of
+erha+s the forth attribute set, but alas, my de+endencies still had me stuc. at a++ro*imately
level three, and there were instructions about what actions to e*ecute to im+rove
im+eccability that would facilitate e*+ansion. ;otably I was not utili5ing myself in the
manner that was intended, however this has changed and our dialogue is facilitated by that
change. 1ince there is, in my own situation, a long ancestry of those who have these attributes
that is documented to +erha+s #:!,, the meetings in the third attention were, ah, dramatic and
directed to say the least.

)( I had a dream where in I met two men whom I've since imagined to have been li.e don
Juan and don Aenaro. I was sitting in a volitional dream listening to something when I heard a
different voice in each ear. I .new from the boo.s that I was to immediately turn off the
internal dialogue and doing so I sort of fell bac.wards through something and found myself in
the +resence of two men, one tall and one short. They commented on their sur+rise that I
.new to sto+ tal.ing to myself on hearing the two voices that thus brought me to them ... or
that was my sense of what they said. I as.ed about the e*ercise I'd develo+ed which I'd called
'an e*+loration of the infinity which is balanced movement at changing s+eed,' and the tall
one said that we were the guardians of ... something, I forget now. We wal.ed and the tall one
sto++ed and reached down to a small clear +ool of water about #-' in diameter and he said
'This is what tem+tation is li.e,' as he +ut his hand in the water and swirled it around until
the water flew out leaving a muddy hole. We wal.ed a bit more and I said .nowingly and
+roudly 'don Juan says that ... ' I forget what I said. 8t that +oint the short man, who I've
imagined to have been the one li.e don Juan, said in a tone that 3ust cut through my arrogance
so moc.ingly as if he'd seen right through me and was disgusted 'well, if don Juan said it, it
must be trueE' I then wo.e u+ and they've not been bac. ... that was over twenty years ago. ...
8h, self&+ity comes alive.

( Indeed, and self&+ity, self&de+recation, is a de+endency and a violation of im+eccability
since it de+rives and denies energy and love. 1ince the whole ability to be free can be
e*+ressed as a state of unconditional love, it must start with unconditional love of self. 8ny
other form, is only conditional love and conditional love is de+endent love & 3ust another form
of de+endency. The 'dream' that you e*+erienced was on the bridge, no 6uestion, between the
second and third attentions.


)( ichael, you have said, 'Those of us who choose to engage ourselves in 'the way of
.nowledge' tend to evolve in a se6uence of ram+&+rogressions followed by +eriods of
+lateaus.' I remember returning from my travels in the 9-'s feeling I'd learned so much on the
tri+. ;ow it seem, if you are correct, I've been on the +lateau for about the last !- years.

( Certainly it is not +ossible, or even vaguely a++ro+riate, for me to 3udge the comment
above. It can be said, though, that it does not seem logical as a statement. !- years brings with
it many learning e*+eriences and many +rocesses. ?erha+s you might not have had the
e*+eriences that you intend or desire, but +erha+s some of the lessons were lost in the +rocess(
3ust guessing, of course.

)( 2ou also said, 'Carlos' boo.s demonstrates your level of commit. This initiates the
se6uence of gaining .nowledge, and with that, increasing attributes /said in another manner(
abilities4 recognitions0. 8ccordingly, this form initiation, begins an ascension /or ram+0 into
higher /more thorough0 understanding and awareness.' ;ow, I'm half way through entering
the edited The 8ctive 1ide of Infinity and I feel what you are saying is ha++ening to me
through that. 1omething to do with the 'foreign installation' analogy has me e*+ecting a
greater +ush into inner silence.

( Certainly this is an a++ro+riate and necessary segment of the +rocess ...

)( Continuing, you said, 'There is a commensurate level of awareness that attends this, of
course, since 'im+eccability' as a +rocess and as a definition will be e*+anded in +ro+ortion to
our .nowledge with it itself is an e*+anding variable.' Do you mean to say by 'with it itself,'
that Im+eccability is an e*+anding variable.=

( Aood. %*+anding on that( what is being attem+ted to be said is that im+eccability has an
e*+anding, living, viable, definition that varies in an ascending and enhancing manner &&&& as
we e*+and and enhance ourselves. If you were to loo. bac. !: years ago at what you would
then have called or defined as 'im+eccability', there is little doubt that the view and definition
that you carry today as 'im+eccability' is very different than it was then. This +rocess as an
e*am+le serves to indicate that our actions and state of being are commensurate to our
+rocesses and status in our individual evolutions at any +articular time. I have found for and
in myself, for e*am+le, that 'the tests' that I face are all driven by, and are wholly
commensurate, with 'where I am' in my evolution at any moment in time. 'Tests' that I could
have not +ossibly have +assed for lac. of .nowledge many years ago, now come and are
attended with an almost instant recognition of the significance of the test and the value of the
test +rocess.

( It would +robably be a good idea for you to re&enter into our e*changes to date. The
communications have more within them than the written words, and much of that has to come
from +erce+tion.


)( Just sitting here thin.ing of what to say and I remembered something in The 8ctive 1ide of
Infinity about everyone wanting their magic +ill that does all with no effort. I really find
myself with nothing to say.

( FF ?erha+s when you wrote the above you didn't have anything in your conscious to say,
but it was 'there' 3ust below the surface as it often is.

)( I remember in the 9-'s thin.ing much as now, that it was stu+id to not be living u+ to what
I'd already learned while claiming to want to learn more. In the 9-'s that meant, for me, eating
healthy food, e*ercising, bla bla bla, and I wasn't doing any of that so I saw myself as
hy+ocritical, also.

( FF It's very difficult to e*ecute a whole life&change, +articularly with the lac. of
ob3ectivity that we have entering about our G-'s. 1omewhere between about !$ and GG yrs, my
observation is that we /males, +articularly0 tend to attem+t to 'get a gri+' on what we are and
where we are going. Hsually, in males, that is something li.e a career direction@attitude crisis,
but for 'those who +erceive more', the recalibration can e*tend into other and broader forms as
well. 8t that time, about age G: or so, I was fortunate to cou+le with a grou+ of +sychologists
that had a se6uence of a++roaches among themselves, and as the +rocess continued through
three individuals and there efforts, the third +erson was an em+ath and sim+ly could '.now'
without conversation. I stayed with him on and off for about D years or so, and at the end he
was res+onsible for my first 'directed' travels into the second attention, double consciousness
+ro3ection, et al, and at that +oint, we had no need of verbal or o+tical conversation between
us & it was 3ust 'there'. >e also was res+onsible for me being able to see the striations of aura &
and the whole energy form. It was fortunate that on an im+ulse, I became connected to that
grou+. This last +sychologist changed my life, and +robably saved me from self&damnation
because I finally began to acce+t myself & a +rocess that re6uires years it seems.

( 8 friend and +rofessor at HCI8, was on Carlos' doctoral committee. <ne afternoon we
were discussing the meta+hysics that I had learned as noted above, and he loaned me Carlos'
doctoral dissertation. That lead me to read his series boo.s. 7or the most +art, I had already
e*+erienced much of what Don Juan atus /DJ0 was attem+ting to teach Carlos, so in
general I was 'im+atient' with Carlos' writing and style. The attribute to '.now' +urely
through +erce+tion is an attribute in my family /by way of further introduction0 and for those
li.e myself, being in a crowd is li.e having a thousand radio stations, the sentience of others,
all blaring at the same time. 8nyway, attributes li.e that can be a benefit or a burden, and my
efforts with the +sychologist&grou+ noted above went a long way to retraining for myself. y
ancestor, 8lvar ;une5 Cabe5a de Jaca /my mother was from 1eville, 1+ain & a haughty
8ndalucian, and li.e my ancestor, my grand+arents came from 1eville and Aranada0. y
mother married an 8merican in the early G-'s overseas.

( There have been many boo.s written about 8lvar ;une5 Cabe5a de Jaca, and one full
length docu&drama /once I rented it from Bloc.buster0 but it's in 1+anish and although
subtitled, the subtitles are awful. Cabe5a de Jaca was a member of the court of Carlos
?rimero /Charles the 7irst0 who followed 7erdinand and Isabella, and was simultaneously
King of 1+ain, Iord of the Indies, and %m+eror of /sni+0. Cabe5a de Jaca was his Treasurer to
the new world e*+editions, and was shi+wrec.ed off of what is now 7lorida in about #:#: or
so. >e was ta.en +risoner by an native tribe /The Iguase0 and trained in 'sorcery' because he
was seen as having natural abilities. The documentation of his life includes 'miracles' of what
could be called biblical +ro+ortions, which of course didn't +lay well in the Catholic land of
1+ain. 8fter the Iguase released him, fully trained, he wandered on foot for nine years across
the southeast and into what is now Belie5e and central e*ico, where the ancestors of the
aya and Toltecs ranged, but he was at that time 'more able' than the re+orts re+resented by
Carlos about the 'old ones' and their abilities. In about #:!, he returned to 1+ain and
documented his 3ourney in a boo. titled ';afragios' and he cam+aigned for the freedom of
the natives that the 1+anish military were enslaving.

( 1hort story, but very well documented, and +erha+s it e*+lains to you a bit more of myself.

)( '1o, here are ste+s one, two, and three, you've got to do those first.' '?lease tell me ste+
four.' ';o, you have to do ste+s one, two, and three first.' '1crew that, I'll find someone else
to tell me ste+ four.'

( <n the air+lane, I was reading a boo. that's a great deal li.e a condensation of CC@DJ,
but from another source. The author gives classes it seems. Ii.e CC, she re+orts her
e*+eriences and +erce+tions and how they changed her life wor.ing with another teacher, but
after each discussion@re+ort of her e*+eriences she has each cha+ter end with 'wor.sho+' &
li.e 6uestions, something that I've seen in technical training te*ts as an a++roach. 8h, if it
were only that sim+leE

( I got a sad '.ic.' out of another's 'corres+ondence course ... to become a sorcerer'
/+ara+hrasing0 and I find it very sad, in the way that the 'ste+s' you note above im+ress you.

( I don't .now of much in life that can be that regimented, other than sim+le structural items
& li.e how to nail a board to another +erha+s. There can be no 'got to's' e*ce+t driven by one's
own im+eratives. Iearning those im+eratives, then +lacing into +ractice true self&
im+eccability, is the tas. and the challenge as defined by each of us as we o+erate into the
realities that we form and +erceive.

( I have often wished that I could reach down and grab hold of a +erson's energy, drag them
out of their body +oint blan., and e*+ose them to the universe as it really is. <n two se+arate
occasions, I became sufficiently im+atient to actually do that & but & the downside is that if a
+erson is not 'really' +re+ared for what would ha++en, it ta.es a great deal of after&the&fact
fill&in to ma.e u+ for the shoc. that ha++ens to them in that sort of 'cata+ult'.

( ?rofessionally, my bac.ground is to wander about in the +lanet and teach others how
electrons move around and wor. in current electronic systems, and for that matter have been
credited with several +hysics discoveries about how electrostatic field and wave boundaries
function and dis+lace. y tas. through my life has been to move beyond 'religion' into
understanding why I .now and feel as I do and have forever /seeing +assenger shi+s sin.
before the event, seeing air+lane crash in real time & but miles away0 and to ma.e some
rational attem+t at integrating myself into society and to attem+t e*+lanation in terms of what
science does ;<T .now but has some early indications of. There is an advanced +hysics
model, in the subset form of 6uantum mechanics called 6uantum electrodynamics, that could
be +ro3ected to e*+lain 'consciousness,' for e*am+le, and even how consciousness can
continue into infinity since there are models of wave behaviour that already e*+lain that
+ossibility. )oger ?enrose, of <*ford /who has shared awards with 1teven >aw.ing for
describing the ways of the universe0 I have learned has similar ideas.

( Just to be certain that it's clear, though( the 6uest has been very +ersonal as it must4
nothing is a coincidence4 the im+etus for my 6uest was to understand myself, and learning of
ancestral bac.ground assisted in that acce+tance and understanding & to a limited +oint.

)( FF I mean, e*ce+t for volitional dreaming, I haven't .now that anything else was +ossible,
I've 3ust sensed that it must be and ho+ed it was. 8nd the very wild dreams I've had, well, I
could always 3ust call them dreams, even the most recent ones where I finally learned that my
head wasn't being rubbed when I wo.e u+ one morning alone !- some years ago and the hand
I was holding wasn't me holding it in similar e*+eriences. I'd had these e*+eriences and
thought that +erha+s it was an 'ally,' so, true to the boo.s, I'd held the hand tightly where,
without having read the boo.s, I would have let it go, but finally I did get a bit scared and let
it go. 7or years I'd thought that that was my +hysical body doing that. Then recently I had a
series of such e*+eriences in the early morning and discovered that the me having the
e*+erience was in only, almost, the same +osition as my +hysical body but was not my
+hysical body. I'd never made that distinction before and all these years had '.now' that I
wo.e u+ once having my head rubbed by someone not there, etc. Jery strange stuff, but, as
I've said, all able to be written off, es+ecially now that I've noticed the e*tra me in those once
thought to be +hysical me's, as dreaming.

( Just as we can assume and develo+ anything /+ositive or negative0 we are free to go into
self&denial, even self&denigration, and write off anything to the e*tent that nothing will be
accom+lished for ourselves. We tend to learn in fits and starts on occasion, and it re6uires a
true commit to 'the way'. <ne element has been really +rofound( the more I have evolved the
further down the crater becomes, if I sli+ off 'the way'.


)( FF 1o bac. to you, I can imagine that you were, at least a little bit, ho+ing to find someone
out there in the world who could relate to being able to go into the second attention and what
you found was another wanna&be. Well, at least this wanna&be has long thrived on the notion
don Juan instilled of doing it all on my own.

( 8h, well, ultimately you have to do this on your own. If you were to be cata+ulted beyond
your abilities, it would be simultaneously enlightening, and disru+tive to the +oint were it
could ta.e years to recover. If I, or another, were to reach into your sentience, cata+ult it out,
and show you by demonstration what 'freedom' is r e a l l y about, you would long for the
feeling in an obsessive manner & no 6uestion. If I could somehow bottle this and mar.et it as a
feeling of what whole e*istence is truly in a new form of reality /but reality nonetheless0, I'd
have the +lanet addicted to it in a short time. 8las, it cannot be. We cannot achieve what we
don't evolve ourselves toward. <n one occasion in +articular, one of the a++rentices, a
woman, aged about D,, and her husband /aged about D,0, wanted me to interact with their
daughter so that she could understand what had ha++ened to her +arents in their
transformation. Their daughter was about !, at the time, and their son /although younger0
wasn't resistant and has now learned 'the way' assisted by his +arents. 8nyway, the
a++rentices, husband and wife, orchestrated an evening for me to wor. with them and their
daughter. 8lthough the two +arents and self immediately bonded our cocoons immediately
together /side note( this a++rentice, the woman, and self could 'become one' very early in our
relationshi+ & it too. only two evenings together. The husband, although he could 'see' our
cocoons soon in his develo+ment, couldn't +artici+ate because he couldn't ris. the +rivacy
violation that bonding re6uires. I gave the husband huge credit for 'facilitating' what his wife
and I could do together, and not being 3ealous, because bonding together our sentient energy
consciousness evacuates +rivacy and is more intimate than se*ual contact could be & bac. to
the original +oint.0 That evening, we couldn't get their daughter 'out'. 1he was hiding in her
body. I, for once, decided to escalate and basically reach into their daughter and dragged her
out in a cata+ult way. Their daughter, screamed on this occurrence( 'omE' 2ou're a huge
s+here of bright gold,E DadE you're indigo blueE' W<WE What have you become=E'. ission
accom+lished. The family had a lot to discuss that evening after that event, and it was time for
me to leave. This 'event', and my decision to cata+ult the daughter, was facilitated because her
+arents & the natural source that +redis+osed her in her D;8 & were already 'able' and it was
res+onsible to cata+ult her into a new reality of what her +arents had become.

( <n leaving their house, I said( to the daughter, '2ou hold in your meta+horical hands,
access to the +ower of the universe. 2ou are the daughter of a sorceress and a seer, and with
that comes an awesome res+onsibility because you can bring others to the same destiny.'.

( 1ince then, with mission accom+lished, there hasn't been much need for fre6uent contact
between us( unconditional love was established long ago. 7or a time I thought that this
woman was intended in the role that Carol Tiggs +layed, and then a++eared another
woman, ... and still othersE. 2ou might be interested to learn that the husband of the cou+le
noted above, is no less than a director for a ma3or com+uter com+any a +osition that he willed
himself to gain one day after his transition.

( There are many stories that could be told, however this one e*am+le should be sufficient.

)( 1omeone wrote to me the other day wanting to .now if I .new of any warriors in their
area. I e*+lained that /and I did say this thin.ing of you alone0 ... well, I'll +aste what I said
here(

)( '8s for 'warriors in your area,' even if I .new your area, I'm thin.ing that in all the %&mail
I've received in the last G- months my com+ilation has been +osted, only one +erson struc.
me as +erha+s fitting the descri+tion of 'warrior.' I certainly don't fit it, I 3ust love the boo.s
and s+ent the time com+iling them but am far from living it ... not that I've given u+. 8nyway
this one +erson gave me a bit of encouragement and here is +art of what he said( '8s an
observation, those of us who choose to engage ourselves ... '

)( That was your im+eccability +aragra+h that I've sent on to about four +eo+le now.

( Than. you. The 'warriors in the area' comment though does highlight a ma3or societal
+oint( +eo+le seem to want a 6uic. +ath. 8ctually, I've held bac. substantially writing a boo.,
or attem+ting to engage within society in any real sense, for reasons( #0 the information is
already 'out there'4 !0 there are tra+s in the denigration of self&im+ortance that larger
e*+osure can bring and the societal fla+ that comes with that /De+a. Cho+ra comes to mind04
a rather small +ercentage /based on +erce+tions and observations0 are ca+able of intrinsically
accom+lishing the tas. in any case.

( There is no doubt in my e*+erience that D;8 +redis+oses some to be driven into 'the way'
3ust as a matter of +ersonal need, if not +ersonal survival /let alone evolution0, and this better
describes my own im+etus. <thers have the ability and for whatever reason nibble on the
fringes and hold on the fringes, +artially self&contained for whatever reason and in the
.nowledge that more is +ossible. This, of course, a++ears to describe your situation however
something that is far too shallow an e*+lanation( there is more turmoil that that sim+listic
descri+tion could +rovide.


)( Between the boo.s and the notes you've already sent me I could find my way, it seems. I
really hate to im+ose on +eo+le, and more, as. for what I don't thin. I deserve.

( FF1omewhere when I was rather young /+re&teen, I'm certain0 a conce+t was develo+ed( if
one has 'an ability' /which I +refer to term 'an attribute'0 it must be for a reason4 and,
commensurately, that the greatest negative im+act to self would be ;<T to utili5e 'the
attribute set' for the reason intended. Within that conce+t unfolds significant res+onsibility(
every ability has attended to it a res+onsibility4 and that res+onsibility can be +rofound.
Htili5ing the attribute set brings rewards( there is nothing really nothing altruistic /8yn )and
was correct0.

)( FFI wish that you would show u+ in one of my volitional dreams and convince me to be
more serious about ta.ing the way of .nowledge.

( 8h, well why should I /or anyone0 when you already .now what you have to do, but for
whatever reason & don't e*ecute it= 2ou might be +re+ared for lessons in your dreams from an
ally that on occasion will migrate down to as low as the second attention, but has the ability of
im+elling one into the third attention. The ally, who you might have already met or had brief
contact with, +refers to ta.e the form of a blond woman. The +ur+ose of these contacts is to
gra+hically demonstrate, in almost a soa+ o+era form, where you are in terms of your commit
and any wea.nesses that are in the way of your +rogress. <ne thing is certain should you have
this contact( it will be gra+hic and clear4 +erha+s even more 'cris+' that anything that can
ha++en to you in the normal first attention.

( 2ou might be interested to read a communication or two that have been e*changed with
another a++rentice, a woman who, at about age D:, has ram+ed into 'attributes' rather 6uic.ly.
7or this +erson, there is a strong im+etus also driven by her D;8. I'll co+y a +iece of our
e*changes to you and +erha+s this will assist. In doing this, there is no conflict or violation in
+rivacy between her and myself.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

ore to come ... let me .now what you thin. about it. & )ic.