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Most people believe that having confidence is essential for making your goals a reality. And
why shouldnt they? Whether were attending a lecture by a prominent CEO or watching a
TV special on a cultural icon, we are constantly regaled with stories about visionaries who
attribute their success to their perpetual belief in themselves, their ideas or their talent.
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The Condence Question: Does Self-Esteem Lead to Greater
Achievement?
By: Rochelle Bailis (/profile/rochelleb) Thursday, May 01, 2014 Views: 13965
(/)
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We admire the high self-esteem of successful people and (understandably) associate this
quality with their road to prominence. However, who is to say that their confidence was
the single most important driver of their accomplishments, rather than other virtues, such
as persistence, pluck, kindness, circumstances, intelligence, connections or a deep passion
for their craft? Is the common denominator of success really high self-esteem?
Condence and Success: The False Connection
You may observe that people who you regard as successful in their careers, ambitions or
lives appear to be more confident. This may, in turn, lead you to conclude that if you
cultivate your own confidence, it will lead to greater success in your own life. However, this
is a logical fallacy. Studies have shown
(http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2013/10/17/confidence-competence-success/)
little to no statistical evidence to prove that confidence leads to greater success, but rather
that being successful has positive effects on confidence, thus creating this easily
confusable correlation.
Multiple studies indicate that if you are more competent, this will lead to greater
confidence (for example, children who perform better in school have higher self-esteem,
but this is because they perform better, not vice versa). One notable exception is amongst
college-age men, who tend to display generally higher levels of confidence than women,
even though many of them perform worse academically.
The confidence gap (http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/04/the-
confidence-gap/359815/) between men and women has been widely acknowledged, and
many debate whether this disparity is responsible for mens greater representation within
powerful positions and higher wages (since they have the confidence to negotiate higher
salaries and apply for higher positions). On the other side of the coin, many believe this
over-confidence holds men back, since women tend to evaluate their abilities more
accurately and exceed men academically in many settings.
Gender differences aside, the actual value of confidence seems to be disproportionately
high when compared to its social desirability and perceived worth. According to a Gallup
poll (http://www.situationmanagementsystems.com/blog/?p=66), 60% of employees
either hate or dislike their jobs, and the number-one reason is because of narcissistic
bosses. This suggests that the confidence sought out in business leaders and managers
may be overshadowing other valuable leadership skills. The reality is that confidence can
lead to delusion or an inability to recognize (and therefore improve upon) ones own
limitations or mistakes. Studies show
(http://psp.sagepub.com/content/29/11/1407.abstract) that while confident people may
convey strength, they become significantly less likeable and more antagonistic when they
are challenged or feel threatened.
The Trouble With Feigning Self-Esteem
Of course, self-esteem can also be difficult to measure, since an individuals actual (implicit)
confidence may be different from their reported (explicit) levels of confidence. The
discrepancy between our inner and outer levels of esteem has also been shown to create
some psychological friction. People who report having high self-esteem but convey actions
and psychological signals that suggest lower internal confidence tend to behave more
defensively, place blame on others and in some cases have been found to be more racially
discriminatory (http://psp.sagepub.com/content/31/5/693.abstract).
Encouraging insecure people to be more confident may spur them to show greater
outward signs of self-esteem, such as boldness. But if this external display conflicts with
their actual level of confidence, this incongruity may cause more harm than good.
Even Better Than Condence
Self-esteem may have its downsides, but having high levels of it has been shown
(http://jcc.sagepub.com/content/40/1/140.abstract) across all cultures to reduce the
emotional distress caused by failure. People with a lot of confidence have an easier time
recovering from stressful situations, rather than falling into a depressed
(http://cdp.sagepub.com/content/22/6/455.abstract) or defeatist state of mind.
Not to mention, confident people inspire us. On a visceral level, we are attracted to self-
esteem like moths to a flame. Would you be compelled to follow a leader who lacked
confidence in times of turmoil? Would you hire a contractor who put down her own work?
Would you rather work under a manager who is hesitant or one who is self-assured (even if
he is a little harder on you)?
Self-esteem is a quality we admire in others and constantly seek to nurture within
ourselves because we associate it with competence and achievement. However, all of the
professional and personal benefits provided by high self-esteem can also be attained in
even larger quantities if we focus on grooming another lesser-acknowledged personal trait:
self-compassion.
I know, self-compassion sounds like a chapter title pulled directly from an airport self-
help book. Even the defining characteristics of self-compassion sound a little cheesy on the
surface:
Self-kindness: understanding and being kind to ourselves, rather than being consistently self-
critical
Acknowledging your common humanity: acknowledging the experiences and struggles of
others, rather than feeling isolated in our suffering
Mindfulness of reality: trying to remain aware of the reality of our experience, rather than
exaggerating or dramatizing our accomplishments or failures
According to Kristin Neff, Ph.D
(http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/try_selfcompassion)., high self-compassion
leads to a plethora of benefits that are not obtainable exclusively through high self-esteem.
A UC Berkeley study (http://psp.sagepub.com/content/38/9/1133.abstract) found that,
when compared against individuals with high self-esteem, those who also had high levels
of self-compassion studied more for a test after failing (suggesting an even greater
willingness to bounce back after failure than those with high self-esteem) and were more
motivated to address and improve upon their own personal weaknesses (which is a more
difficult issue for people with high self-esteem).
Further studies by Professor Neff show that those with high self-compassion are less likely
to base their self-esteem on outside factors like competitive success, feeling attractive or
gaining social approval for their actions. Self-compassion was also associated with reduced
defensiveness, lower levels of narcissism and a more levelheaded acceptance of criticism
(with significantly less anxiety than those who only displayed high self-esteem).
Does Self-Esteem Still Win?
The reality is that confident people get more raises because they ask for it. They get more
investors because they ask for it. They apply for and get more jobs beyond their abilities
because (you guessed it) they ask for it. They are willing to take risks and are often
rewarded for their bravery and ambition.
However, while they might achieve great things professionally, they also have a lot of
qualities that make it harder to lead once they are in positions of power; people with high
self-esteem tend towards narcissism and defensiveness, and have a harder time accepting
criticism since their abilities already got them so far.
Not to mention that high self-esteem, unlike self-compassion, is associated with defining
personal achievement in relation to others. We admire people who believe in themselves,
ignore the criticism of others and strive to achieve something extraordinary (which, in
essence, means becoming better, bigger, richer or more interesting than others). The reality
is that not everyone can be above average in this regard.
Thus, your power to create success pivots on your definition of success in the first place.
The science shows that defining your self-esteem on the basis of the things you achieve in
relation to those around you will not bring you consistent confidence and may limit your
ability to recognize your own mistakes. Striving to be extraordinary is an admirable trait,
but acknowledging your weaknesses and forgiving yourself when you fail can be even more
valuable.
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6 comments
Ron DeLong
Often, and it seems like you tried to touch on it, humility is seen as 'lack of self-confidence'
which is completely false. Additionally, some people see 'gratitude' as a lack of self-confidence,
which again is not true. Acknowledging the fact that you don't control everything, and
occasionally need some help, is a very healthy attitude. One which is often seen as weakness.
This is just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Reply Like May 1 at 2:59pm 7
Nancy-Dru Flowers Owner at Self Employed (Business)
GREAT article! I was just reading a book that addresses a cultural "push" that actually creates a
type of "addictive personality", and causes us to look for the "approval" seeking, and other ideals
that don't always work to everyone's benefit. I just loved reading this!
Reply Like May 1 at 12:59pm 3
Duane R. Pecci Works at Wolf Lake Terminals, Inc.
Do confident people achieve more? This is a must read for all of us.
Reply Like May 1 at 12:37pm 3
Nancy Gentry Works at Self-Employed
Great article. Good leaders do have self-compassion, very different than someone who is overly
confident and who is unable to take input from others.
Reply Like May 1 at 3:08pm 1
Christine Thompson RN at Doctor surgery
I, myself, an others I know have achieved so much, but because we have not achieved in every
area of our life we can feel like a failure. A little bit of self compassion can go a very long way.
Thanks for the article.
Reply Like May 2 at 10:31pm
Debbie Peters Cincinnati, Ohio
This was a great read and really makes sense to me! Self-compassion is something we can
do without feeling guilty about being too "self-involved" and narcissistic!
Reply Like May 1 at 4:07pm
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