June 2011 | Volume 14 | Number 5 LEARNING DISABILITY PRACTICE 14

Feature
FINDING A SAFE PLACE TO
EXPLORE SEXUAL IDENTITY
The monthly meetings of a group in Oxford give its lesbian, gay,
transgender and bisexual members a forum in which to be themselves.
Anna Elderton and Chris Jones tell the story of Mingle
THE MINGLE group is a unique and special part of
Mates n Dates, Oxfordshires dating and friendship
agency for people with learning disabilities. It brings
together members who identify themselves as
lesbian, gay, transgender or bisexual (LGTB), or those
who simply feel sexually unsure or different from
other people. Currently the membership stands at
20 (14 men and six women).
A lack of understanding and acceptance of
same-sex relationships means that, historically,
learning disability services have failed to serve LGTB
people adequately (Abbott and Howarth 2005). We
know that people with learning disabilities find it
difficult to access mainstream LGTB services and
almost impossible to be fully accepted in ordinary
gay spaces (Blyth 2010). The low visibility of
homosexual people with learning disabilities in the
planning and management of learning disability
services has resulted in double discrimination
(Davidson-Paine and Corbett 1995). The Equality
Act 2010 identifies disability and sexual orientation
as protected characteristics and makes it illegal
to discriminate on these grounds (Government
Equalities Office 2010).
Mingle has been an essential part of the dating
agencys commitment from the beginning (Jones
2009). The group meets one morning a month in
a gay pub in Oxford city and members travel from
surrounding counties to join in. The group meets
privately first, and usually talks about a topic
relevant to members. Then the pub opens its doors
to the public, and everyone enjoys a leisurely lunch.
The group operates less as a dating service and
more as a supportive network. Male members can
tell stories of being abused and harassed because
of their sexuality, and how being sexually different
feels risky. Discussions with members have revealed
that they find it new and refreshing to be in a place
where to be gay or different is the norm. Mingle
offers a safe place and a gay space where members
feel accepted and valued for being themselves.
Meeting up
Mingle members include a number of different
subgroups: gay men, lesbian women, people who
identify as bisexual, men who cross-dress and a
transgender woman. It meets the needs of these
groups to varying degrees, but there remain a
number of hurdles to be overcome.
Care providers may choose not to see that people
they serve are, or might be, LGTB, while others are
able to identify people in these groups. The fact that
the five female members of Mingle who identify as
lesbian live in the same town suggests that services
there have identified them and attempted to address
their needs. Learning disability services need to
ensure that staff are aware of the idea of sexual
diversity without prejudice, and actively support
Summary
This article describes the role of Mingle, a support group for people with learning
disabilities who identify as lesbian, gay, transgender or bisexual. The service was
reviewed, with members, three years after it was launched; its main value seems
simple, that it is a safe place to be different.

Keywords
Lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual, dating, friendship, sexual orientation
A safe place and a gay space where
members feel accepted and valued
for being themselves
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June 2011 | Volume 14 | Number 5 LEARNING DISABILITY PRACTICE 16
Feature Feature
users who want to develop relationships (Carson and
Blyth 2009).
Members often say they have felt lonely and
isolated where they live, so we try to encourage
people from a wide geographical area to travel to
a central meeting place to meet other people like
themselves. They should not be prevented from
attending because they lack the skill or confidence to
use public transport or because the requisite support
is not made available.
As Lfgren-Mrtensons (2009) research illustrates,
same-sex relationships among people with learning
disabilities are not generally understood or accepted;
parents are likely not to engage with the idea that
their adult offspring might have sexual needs, let
alone a less usual sexual identity. Where possible,
the attendance of individual members of Mingle
is supported, regardless of parental co-operation.
A powerful theme discussed in meetings is the
experience of coming out to parents and family.
Challenges
Mingle continues to face social, cultural, political
and legal hurdles. A more pressing challenge is
the financial position of the Mates n Dates dating
agency itself, as funding by the Oxfordshire
Partnership Board ceased in March 2011. However,
the group is important to people with learning
disability and sexual difference. The level of
support required by members varies, from a
friendly phone reminder to providing door-to-door
transport. Even if this was carried out completely by
volunteers, someone would have to be responsible
for co-ordinating, recruiting and training those
volunteers. The dating agency continues to support
Mingle even though it now survives through
charitable donations, fund-raising and maximising
the use of students and volunteers.
The relationship between Mingle and the wider
gay community is unclear. We may have made a
small beginning in Oxford, as we have been warmly
welcomed by the landlord and given private use of
a gay pub, followed by the chance to mix with the
general public there. There is no real interaction as
yet, but it may be that, in time, having a shared gay
identity is a more unifying force than the negative
image of learning disability.
We are confident that the group will survive
because it has great momentum, driven by the
enthusiasm of the members themselves. It also fills
a gap in services for care managers, nurses and
other clinicians who need to address the particular
challenges of learning disability and sexual difference.
The Mingle group has thrived because of the
commitment of a few individuals who are determined
to stand up for sexual diversity and to challenge
heterosexism. There is no reason why this cannot
be replicated elsewhere and it does not depend on
significant funding; it is about attitude, not money.
Members evaluation
Three years on from the launch of Mates n Dates,
the Mingle format was reviewed by involving
members as active partners in thinking about who
we are and which direction we are going in. In May
and June 2010, 12 men and five women, aged 21 to
69, took part in discussions, either in person or over
the telephone. A series of six open-ended questions
were posed and common themes that emerged
in responses are discussed below. Consent was
obtained prior to participation and all comments/
quotations used have been anonymised.
Members stated repeatedly that Mingle was
a place where they felt comfortable, safe, secure
and able to be themselves. All spoke of being able
to talk freely without fear of judgement, while
three members mentioned that the group was free
from prejudice and abuse, in contrast to what they
had experienced in other contexts. One woman
expressed the freedom and confidence to disclose
personal information and ask questions for the first
time in her life. Collectively, there was a sense of
fitting in and feeling at ease with themselves and
with others. One man said: It is a place of safety
[to] speak something personal and feel comfortable
with the people around you.
Some members identified Mingle as a group for
homosexual men and women, and others a place for
people who feel sexually different. The group seems
to provide a forum for individuals with learning
disabilities to acquire knowledge and develop
a greater sense of understanding of their own
sexuality. Three or four original members no longer
use the group, because they are confident in their
own sexuality and do not now need the support of
other people with learning disabilities.
Mingle also provides a forum that validates and
celebrates individuality. Among people with learning
disabilities the development of a genuine homosexual
identity is unlikely to be achieved without the support
of others (Hughes 2003, Lfgren-Mrtenson 2009).
One member said: Its meeting people who are gay,
bisexual or lesbian. Good place to meet. People who
run it are very understanding, very helpful.
Another said: Its a group of people who meet up
and talk about sex education, getting in relationships
and how to keep safe.
Gay men with a learning disability, who are
unable to access a gay space, are likely to engage
in highly risky behaviour, and in mainstream gay
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LEARNING DISABILITY PRACTICE June 2011 | Volume 14 | Number 5 17
Feature
spaces they are often rejected as unattractive, or can
be seen as sexual prey (Blyth 2010). Mingle fits with
the preventive agenda and community approach
currently advocated in adult social care (Department
of Health 2010). Without the Mingle group, risks
to members independence and wellbeing would
be considered substantial, as set out in the Fair
Access to Social Care Framework (Department of
Health 2003). Even when services for people with
learning disabilities do consider intimate personal
relationships as part of their core business,
there is still usually an underlying assumption of
heterosexuality. One of the functions of Mingle is to
challenge this, at least in Oxfordshire.
Women only
Among the five female members who were involved
in the review, there was a desire for an event or
group meeting solely for women. In response, Mates
n Dates hosted a ladies night, which gave women
the opportunity to meet, discuss feelings and share
experiences of living as a gay woman with a learning
disability. For two young women this was the first
time they had met another gay woman. The most
powerful part of the evening was realising that other
women felt the same as they did.
They discussed their experiences of coming
out, and the similarity of accounts had a strong
normalising effect. The women interviewed were less
likely to have met a gay woman before attending
Mingle than male members to have met another
gay man. The visibility of lesbian service users in
the planning and management of learning disability
services is lower than that of gay men (Abbott and
Howarth 2005), and women often feel lonely and
isolated. The women interviewed wanted a supportive
forum for sharing experiences and feelings, a lesbian
social group and a place to potentially meet other
women seeking romantic relationships.
One woman commented: I want to meet gay
women and talk to them about feelings and
experiences. I am a gay woman and really love my
girlfriend who is also gay I would definitely join a
group for gay women with learning disabilities.
Another said: More ladies! I would enjoy the
group more if [there were] more ladies. I want to
make myself proud and meet someone to have a
relationship with.
Cross dressing
Four male Mingle members dress in womens clothes
to varying degrees. In common with other men who
struggle with gender identity, they talk of years of
being ignored or ostracised, and of feeling isolated
(Alexander 2006, Wilson 2006). Two of these men
reported that they felt this was an area the group
did not cater for. They requested a Mingle event that
would give them the opportunity to dress as women
and receive feedback on their outfits. One said:
[I would like] a more exciting session for men to
dress up in womens clothes, to talk and get honest
feedback about what I look like.
Another said that monthly Mingle meetings
provide him with an opportunity to wear beautiful
dresses and wigs. Even more importantly, Mingle
enables him to spend an afternoon being Irene in a
supportive environment.
I am a man who wants to be a woman but I am
definitely not a gay man. What I want to do most is
meet other men who dress up as women.
Conclusion
At first glance the Mingle group might appear to be
a group of friends enjoying a pint on a Wednesday
afternoon. Pull up a chair, and a different story
emerges. With bashful pride a man hands around a
cherished photo of himself dressed as a woman, while
another shares his bravery in surviving a homophobic
assault. In the corner two young women giggle and
banter about love letters.
Mingle is proud to be an innovative and outspoken
service that continues to evolve in response to the
demands of its membership. It respects everyone as
an individual, accepts multiple sexualities and values
and celebrates them all. Above all, the group provides
a place where members can feel safe to be themselves.
Whoever you are is fine by us!
References
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People With Learning Difficulties who Are Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual. Policy Press,
Bristol.
Alexander N (2006) Gender identity, cross-dressing and gender reassignment
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Carson I, Blyth C (2009) Lonely hearts need a helping hand. Learning Disability
Today. 10, 2, 18-21.
Davidson-Paine C, Corbett J (1995) A double coming out: gay men with
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Department of Health (2003) Fair Access to Care Services: Guidance on
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Government Equalities Office (2010) Equality Act 2010. www.legislation.gov.uk
(Last accessed: April 5 2011.)
Hughes H (2003) Marketing gay tourism in Manchester: new market for urban
tourism or destruction of gay space? Journal of Vacation Marketing. 9, 2, 152-163.
Jones C (2009) Friendship, romance and possibly more. Learning Disability
Practice. 12, 2, 8-13.
Lfgren-Mrtenson L (2009) The invisibility of young homosexual women
and men with learning disabilities. Sexuality and Disability. 27, 1, 21-26.
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Acknowledgements
The authors wish to thank all
members of Mingle. Special
thanks to Hannah Wolstenholme,
Maria Carmichael, Lee and Daniel
at the Castle Tavern,
all the Mates n Dates volunteer
helpers and Ridgeway
Partnership (Oxfordshire
Learning Disability Trust)
Anna Elderton, formerly an
assistant clinical psychologist
for Ridgeway Partnership
(Oxfordshire Learning Disability
NHS Trust), is a trainee on
a doctoral course in clinical
psychology at Oxford University
Chris Jones is principal clinical
psychologist for Ridgeway
Partnership (Oxfordshire Learning
Disability NHS Trust)
For author guidelines visit
the Learning Disability
Practice home page at
www.learningdisabilitypractice.co.uk
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