Brava, Valentine

Adriana Trigiani
For Pia
Contents
1 Shake Down the Stars
2 From the Bottom of My Heart
3 Ain'tcha Ever Coming Back
!"st as #ho"gh $o" %ere Here
& 'o(ka Dots an) Moon*eams
+ A,ri( '(aye) the Fi))(e
- .ove .ies
/ Be Caref"(0 1t's My Heart
2 #he Street of Dreams
13 Here's that 4ainy Day
11 1t 1sn't a Dream Anymore
12 A"t"mn in 5ew $ork
13 A .itt(e .earnin' 1s a Dangero"s #hing
1 Don't Ever Be Afrai) to 6o Home
Acknow(e)gments
A*o"t the A"thor
7ther Books *y A)riana #rigiani
Cre)its
Co,yright
A*o"t the '"*(isher
1
Shake Down the Stars
#HE M7S# MA61CA. #H156 HA''E5ED on the morning of my gran)mother's
we))ing in #"scany8 1t snowe)8
#his is )efinite(y 1ta(ian snow0 not the 5ew $ork City variety of mi)winter
,reci,itation8 1t )oesn't fa(( in *ig0 ch"nky f(akes0 nor is it heavy Fe*r"ary hai( that stings
faces an) t"rns si)ewa(ks into so(i) sheets of ice8 4ather0 this is a f("rry of white g(itter that
sifts thro"gh the air an) me(ts instant(y when it (an)s on the stone streets8
From my win)ow at the S,o(ti 1nn0 it seems the entire vi((age of Are99o is swathe)
in a (ace *ri)a( vei(8 1 si, hot mi(k an) es,resso from a warm m"g as 1 watch an o() horse:
)rawn carriage ,"(( ", in front of the inn to take "s to the ch"rch8 1t )oesn't fee( (ike 23138
1t co"() easi(y *e a h"n)re) years ago0 not a mo)ern to"ch in sight8 #ime stan)s sti(( when
,eo,(e are ha,,y8 #he ticking of rea( time res"mes as soon as the rings are e;change)::for
a(( of "s8
6ram an) Dominic's we))ing ,(ans were ma)e <"ick(y an) effort(ess(y =the *ea"ty
of an eighty:year:o() *ri)e is that she rea((y knows what she )oes an) doesn't want>8 #he
air(ine tickets were *o"ght on(ine after a series of negotiations that event"a((y (e) to the
s,(en)i) gro", rate that *ro"ght the Ange(ini an) 4onca((i fami(ies to this 1ta(ian vi((age0
into this moment0 this morning8
%e've a(( got ro(es in this romantic ta(e8 #he great:gran))a"ghters are f(ower gir(s
an) the great:gran)sons miniat"re groomsmen8 My sisters #ess an) !ac(yn an) 1 are
*ri)esmai)s0 as is o"r sister:in:(aw 'ame(a0 whi(e my mother is matron of honor8 Dominic's
gran))a"ghter 7rso(a wi(( re,resent his si)e of the fami(y in the *ri)a( ,arty8 My father wi((
wa(k his mother:in:(aw )own the ais(e an) into the arms of Dominic ?echiare((i8
@1t snowe) that )ay0@ 1 imagine 1'(( te(( my chi()ren8 1'(( e;,(ain that after ten years as
a wi)ow0 my gran)mother fo"n) (ove again8 #eo)ora Ange(ini's story re(ies on fate0 timing0
an) the *est of ("ck8 1t's a(so a story fi((e) with ho,e::remin)ing a(( of "s who haven't fo"n)
(ove that0 regar)(ess of age0 e;,erience0 or (oca(e0 it's a *a) i)ea to c(ose the *ook *efore
@#he En)8@ $o" A"st never know8 5ot one of "s0 not even the *ri)e0 saw this )ay coming8
@Some*o)y shoot meB@ my mother sho"ts from the ha((way8 @My hair is a wet
mo,B@
@!es"s0 Mary0 an) !ose,h0 Mike8 %e're in a freakin' hote(8 'i,e )own0@ 1 hear my
father *ark *ack8
@Do yo" have to ye((C@ #ess ho((ers from her room8 @%hy )oes this fami(y a(ways
have to ye((C@ she ye((s8
@Shh8 $o"'(( wake the *ay:*eeB@ !ac(yn whis,er:sho"ts from her )oorway8
My )oor *"rsts o,en8 My mother stan)s in her f"(( *(ack s(i, with her han)s on her
hi,s8 @1 *(ew o"t my f(atiron0@ she anno"nces8 A f(atiron *(owo"t in my fami(y is worse
than fin)ing a ("m,8 An) we have fo"n) o"r share of ("m,s8
Mom's face is ma)e ",0 a(a*aster:,erfect an) ,ow)ere) )own0 rea)y for
,hotogra,hs from a(( ang(es8 Her fake eye(ashes give her eno"gh oom,h to ,ass as one of
Beyonce's *ack", singers8 Her cheeks have a ,eachy Bo**i Brown g(ow0 *"t that's a(( that's
s,ark(ing a*o"t my mother8 She's *eyon) fra99(e) an) c(ose to tears8
@%hat's the matter0 MaC $o"'re not yo"rse(f8@
@$o" notice)C@
@%hat can 1 )o to he(,C@
@1 )on't know8 1'm A"st a:a:a888mess8@ She ,(o,s )own on my *e)8 Ha(f of her hea) is
)one0 straight0 g(ossy stran)s of fresh(y )ye) chestn"t *rown0 an) the other ha(f is sti((
)am, an) crim,e)8 Mom has nat"ra((y c"r(y hair0 *"t yo" wo"() never know it from her
(eft ,rofi(e8 From the front0 however0 she (ooks (ike a s,(it:screen hair mo)e( on the Home
Sho,,ing 5etworkD *efore an) after the anti:fri99 cream has *een a,,(ie)8 She smoothes
the front ,ane(s of her *(ack s(i, over her thighs an) ,"((s the hem over her knees8
1 sit )own ne;t to her8 @%hat's the ,ro*(emC@
@%here )o 1 *eginC@ Her eyes fi(( with tears8 She ,"((s a tiss"e from "n)er her s(i,
stra, an) )a*s the inner corners of her eyes so as not to irrigate the eye(ash g("e an) ca"se
the mink s,ikes to f(oat away in her tears (ike ,a,er canoes )own the 5i(e8
@$o" (ook great8@
@Do 1C@ #he tears insta:)ry in my mother's eyes0 an) she sits ", straight8 A(( it takes
is a com,(iment to ,"(( my mother *ack to her emotiona( center8
@.ike a mi((ion *"cks0@ 1 ,romise her8
@1 *ro"ght my C(arisonic8 So at (east 1'm e;fo(iate)8 That )i)n't *(ow in the o"t(et0
thank 6o)8@
@#hank 6o)8@
@1 )on't know0 ?a(entine8 1 A"st )on't know8 1'm com,(ete(y off my game8 1'm
shaking8 .ook8@ Mom ho()s ", her han)8 1t f("tters ,art(y from nerves0 an) ,art(y *eca"se
she's making it f("tter8 @#his is so strange to me8 #o *e a mai) of honor at my own mother's
we))ing8@
@Matron0@ 1 correct her8 @#he (ast over:si;ty mai) of anything was Mother #eresa8@
Mom ignores the comment8 She contin"es0 @#here's something so o"t of ki(ter a*o"t
this who(e thing8@
@6ram is ha,,y8@
@$es0 yes0 an) 1've a)A"ste) to a(( of itB 1t *egan with the news that my mother0
eighty years yo"ng0 fe(( in (ove8 #hen once 1 swa((owe) that0 she )eci)e) to marry8 1
acce,te) her )ecision8 #hen she anno"nces that not on(y wi(( she *ecome Dominic's *ri)e0
she has )eci)e) to move to 1ta(y8 For goo)8 1t's *een a series of whammies0 1'(( a)mit it8 7ne
*ea"t after another0 1'(( te(( ya8 B"t 1 s"rvive) the shock of each (itt(e *om* she )ro,,e) an)
,"t asi)e my )o"*ts an) misgivings an) went with it8 Don't 1 a(ways go with the f(owC@
@A(ways8 So what's the ,ro*(emC@
@1 fee( )is(oya( to my father8@ #ears fi(( her eyes once more8
@Mom8 He') *e ha,,y for 6ram8@
@$o" thinkC He )i)n't m"ch worry a*o"t her ha,,iness when he was on earth8@
1 (ook at my mother8 She never says anything "nkin) a*o"t her father8
@See what 1 meanC@ Mom throws her han)s in the air8 @#his we))ing is *ringing o"t
the worst in me8 1'm even A")ging my )ea) father8 %hat the he(( is wrong with meC@
@1 wish 1 knew0@ my father says8 He stan)s in the )oorway wearing his ,resse) *("e:
an):white:stri,e) *o;er shorts =yes0 my mom irons his "n)erwear> an) starche) forma(
)ress shirt0 which is so (ong it mimics one of Ann:Margret's mini:)resses from Viva Las
Vegas8 His thin0 hair(ess0 si;ty:nine:year:o() (egs are covere) to the knee in *(ack stockings
he() ", *y e(astic *races8
My mother has ,(ace) two ha(f:moon:sha,e) Frownies "n)er each of Da)'s eyes8
%hen he makes an e;,ression0 the shar, corners of the anti:wrink(e ,atches ,oke his
eye*a((s0 so Da) kee,s his eyes o,en wi)e witho"t *(inking0 which gives him the (ook of a
threatene) gori((a8 @6et these go))amn ,atches off my face8@
Mom checks her watch8 @Five more min"tes0 D"tch0 an) yo" won't have (ines or
*ags8@
@4emove them8 1 want to *e a*(e to see now8 1 can't (ook )own8 7r si)eways8
Be(ieve me0 it won't *e ,retty if 1 fa(( )own an) *reak a hi,8 Can yo" imagine the me)ica(
care aro"n) hereC #hey ,ro*a*(y tie yo" to a ,(ank with ro,e an) make yo" (ie there "nti(
the *ones f"se8@ Da) tries to yank the Frownie ,atches off his face8
@Don't try an) remove them on yo"r ownB@ my mother ye((s8
@%hat is this a)hesionC@ Da) ,ats the ,atches8
"Adhesive8 1t's a nat"ra( g("e of some sort8 1'(( get the rosewater s,ray to )isso(ve
them8 D"tch0 1 mean it8 Don't ,"(( at them8 $o"'(( make sca*s8@
@6et the s,ray0@ Da) says c(a,,ing his han)s together in a tick:tock *eat8 @6et the
s,ray8 %e got a sche)"(e to kee, here8 $o" )on't want to *e (ate for a we))ing that feat"res
two eighty:year:o()s8 Anything co"() ha,,en8@
Mom r"shes o"t8
@%hat is wrong with herC@ my father asks8 He (ooks o"t the win)ow0 his eyes
*"(ging o"t of his hea) (ike a ,"g's8 @Snow8 1 tho"ght it was *a(my in 1ta(y8 %hat the he(( is
going onC@
@1t's goo) ("ck8@
@1s itC@
@1 )on't know8 1'm A"st saying8@ 1 shr"g8
@Have yo" ever notice) that whatever c(ime *(ows thro"gh on a we))ing )ay0
somehow it's inter,o(ate) as goo) ("ckC@
@1nter,rete)8@
@A m"shroom c(o") of ,oison gas co"() (inger over #"scany an) *y 6o)0 that
wo"() *e a goo) sign8@ My father shakes his hea)8
@#he tri"m,h of (ove over n"c(ear annihi(ation8@
@As if that co"() *e tr"e8 1t raine) when yo"r mother an) 1 got marrie)8 B"t we were
twenty:one an) twenty:two0 an) what the he(( )i) we knowC 4ain0 shine0 we A"st wante) to
get to the 1nn at 7()wick8@
@#hanks0 Da)8 1 (ike to imagine yo" an) Mom on yo"r honeymoon8 Es,ecia((y right
after *reakfast8@
@%hen yo"'re yo"ng0 it's a(( in front of yo"0 when yo"'re o()0 we((0 yo" got yo"r
memories an) the occasiona( stirring of yo"r a)rena(s to remin) yo" of what yo" once
were8 Between yo" an) me0 yo"r gran)mother an) Dom are a ticking time *om*8 1f they
get a year o"t of this )ea(0 they'(( *e ("cky8@
@Don't say that0 Da)8 Don't even think it8@
@E;c"se me for *eing a nat"ra(ist8@
@4ea(ist0@ 1 correct him8
My father ,(aces his in)e; fingers on the Frownies an) ho()s them )own to *(ink8
@%hatever8 1'm ha,,y for #eo)ora0 1 think it's a(( great an) we(( an) goo)8 B"t (est we
forget0 they are a co",(a o() ,eo,(e8 1 mean old8 #hey're merging when most ,eo,(e are
)one8 So 1 g"ess0 goo) for them8 4ightC %hat the he((8@ Da) sits )own in the rocking chair
*y the win)ow8 @Big changes8@
@$e,8@ 1 sigh8
@For yo" the most8@
@For me the most8@ 1f on(y my father knew how m"ch 1 )rea)e) this )ay for se(fish
reasons8 1 am (osing the most im,ortant ,erson in my (ife8 6ram is my master craftsman0
my confi)ante0 an) my frien)8 1 )on't even want to think a*o"t going home witho"t her0
m"ch (ess *ack to work8
@Has it s"nk in yetC@
@5ot rea((y0 Da)8 B"t it's ha,,ening8 1t's )one0 so 1 have to )o what 1 have to )o8@
@#hat's a(( yo" can )o8@
Mom comes in with the rosewater s,ray8 @D"tch0 (ean *ack8 C(ose yo"r eyes8@ Mom
hovers over Da) as he ti(ts his hea) *ack8
@1 fee( my caroti) artery ,"(sing8@ He ,(aces his han) on his neck8 @1s it norma( to
hear yo"r heart *eat in yo"r earC@
@#his wi(( on(y take a secon)8@ Mom s,rit9es the wrink(e ,atches8
@1n my eyeB 1n my eyeB@ Da) covers his eyes with his han)8 @1'm *"rningB 1'm
*"rningB@
@6et a towe(B@ Mom *arks at me8 @Soak itB@
1 *o(t into the *athroom0 t"rn on the water0 sat"rate the towe( =or try to::it's one of
those thin 1ta(ian towe(s that are more mo,,een than *ath towe(>0 an) r"n *ack to my father8
1 ,(ace it on his face8
@Co()B Co()B@ he screams8
@F("sh8 F("sh them0 D"tchB@ my mother te((s him8
#ess r"shes in wearing *(ack ta, ,ants an) a hoo)ie that says !E1C$ F74E?E4
across the chest8 @%e are not the on(y ,atrons in this hote(B@ #hen she sees o"r father
swa**ing his eyes (ike he's *een evac"ate) after a gas e;,(osion on his favorite #? )rama0
248 @%hat's wrong0 Da)C@
Da) hangs his hea) an) )a*s his eyes with the towe( "nti( the Frownies are )am,
eno"gh to ,ee( off8 He ho()s ", the ha(f:moons an) han)s them to Mom8 @Don't ever make
me g("e this cra, on again8 1 (ike my wrink(es8 1'm going to *e seventy::everything on me is
shrive(e)8 Es,ecia((y after the cancer8 My *a((s are (ike ,r"nes::@
@Da)B@ #ess an) 1 sto, him *efore he )escri*es them in f"rther )etai(8
@D"tch0 1've seen them *efore an) 1've seen them after0 an) there's not that m"ch
)ifference in the genera( circ"mference0@ Mom reasons8
@MomB@ #ess an) 1 are )isg"ste)8
@1t )oesn't matter8 My ,oint isD 1 (ook o() in ,ict"res *eca"se 1 am0 in act"a(ity0 o()8
1t is what it is0 an) what it is0 is not going to get *etter8@
@A(( right0 a(( right0@ Mom says im,atient(y8 @As if se(f:im,rovement is a crime8@
@#hat's itB@ 1 wave them o"t8 @Every*o)y o"t8 1 have to get rea)y8 #he carriage
awaits8@
@1s it hereC@ Mom asks8
@Come an) see8@ 1 ,"(( *ack the c"rtain8 My mother0 father0 an) sister stan) in the
win)ow with me8 %e (ook o"t over the vi((age an) take in the enchante) scene8 #he horse
,"((ing o"r carriage shakes his hea)0 making the *e((s he wears Aing(e sweet(y8 #he sheer
*ea"ty of the moment soothes "s as we (ook on in awe an) si(ence8
@7kay8 Eno"gh with the view0@ Da) *arks8 @%e gotta get a move on8 #hat o() nag is
gonna *e (ooking for a *"cket of oats8 An) frank(y0 so wi(( 18@
@%hat a*o"t my hairC@ Mom (ooks in the mirror8
@'"(( it off yo"r face an) "se some Be) Hea) ge(8 #ess ,acke)0 (ike0 three kin)s8
4ightC@ 1 (ook at my sister8
@1n my room8 1n the re) )"ffe(8 #here's a ,ack of *o**y ,ins too8 An) a HairDini if
yo" want some e;tra vo("me8@
@An ",swee,8 6oo) i)ea8@ Mom goes0 fo((owe) *y Da)0 who f("ffs the am,(e seat
of his *o;er shorts (ike a skirt8
@Mom is (osing it0@ #ess says as she sorts thro"gh my make", kit8 @1t's an emotiona(
time8@
@%hyC %hy can't it A"st *e f"nC Do yo" ever notice o"r fami(y can't *e ha,,y for
any*o)y that's ha,,yC@ #ess takes a t"*e of mascara o"t of my case0 "nscrews it0 an)
,"m,s the *r"sh8 She (eans into the mirror an) tries my (ong:(asting )ark *rown 4imme(8
@%e have to inf(ict negativity on every event8@
@#hat's a (itt(e harsh8@
@4ea((yC Don't yo" noticeC %e a,,ear com,(ete(y n"ts to o"tsi)ers8 How a*o"t (ast
night at the rehearsa( )innerC Mom got ", to give a toast an) starte) so**ing an) ma)e it a((
a*o"t her chi()hoo)8 1:/33:thera,y0 any*o)yC@ #ess throws the mascara *ack into the
make", case8 @#hank 6o) most of the ,eo,(e who atten)e) )i)n't s,eak Eng(ish8@
@1t was ,retty "ncomforta*(e0@ 1 a)mit8
@#hank 6o) 6ian("ca save) the night with his f"nny story a*o"t never having a
sister an) now he has one with Mom8 $o" know Mom (ove) that *eca"se she's o() eno"gh
to *e his a"nt8 B"t now she can shave off a )o9en years *eca"se 6ian("ca's0 (ike0
what888fiftyC@
@Fifty:three0@ 1 correct her8
@5o way8 He (ooks goo)8 $o" know0 for a g"y his age8@ #ess sna,s o,en a com,act
of concea(er an) )a*s it "n)er her eyes8 @He was rea((y chatting yo" ",8@
@1'm not intereste)0@ 1 (ie8 1 )on't have to te(( my sister that when 1 saw 6ian("ca for
the first time again (ast night0 my heart ,o"n)e) (ike a *(owo"t on a f(at tire hitting the rim
at eighty mi(es an ho"r8 Whomp. Whomp. Whomp. 1'm s"r,rise) the g"ests co"()n't hear it8 1
won't te(( her that 6ian("ca's gras, of my han) as 1 t"rne) away to ta(k to someone sent an
e(ectric shock thro"gh my entire *o)y8 1 wasn't e;,ecting that either8 #ess )oesn't nee) to
know that 1 came *ack to this room an) )reame) of 6ian("ca a(( night0 woke ", at 3D33
A8M80 an) ha) to o,en the win)ows for air *eca"se the menta( ,ict"res were so steamy0
they )rove the tem,erat"re in the room ", to *oi(8
1 take the concea(er from #ess an) )a* it "n)er my eyes8 #he )ark circ(es we
inherite) are a nice com,(ement to the )ark secrets we carry8 6ram's (ove affair with
Dominic was the (ast *ig revea(8 She ha) *een seeing him for ten years0 since my
gran)father )ie)0 an) no*o)y knew it8 7n(y after 1 saw them together at the tannery (ast
s"mmer )i) 1 rea(i9e that 6ram ha) a (over8 An) even when 1 fo"n) o"t0 1 ke,t the secret0 as
on(y a goo) Ange(iniF4onca((i gir( can8 1 (ean into the mirror8 Eight (ayers of this ye((ow
,"tty wi(( cover generations of intrig"e8
@1f 1 were sing(e0 1') *e a(( over 6ian("ca8 He is one hot 1ta(ian0@ #ess contin"es8
@1'm a(( the hot 1ta(ian yo" can han)(e8@ My *rother:in:(aw Char(ie stan)s in the
)oorway8
@$o" seeC 1 co"() never cheat8 1 even get ca"ght ta(king a*o"t it8@ #ess sighs8
#hankf"((y0 Char(ie is )resse)8 #he sight of another ,air of *o;ers on yet another
ma(e re(ative might ,"t me over the e)ge8 F"rthermore0 Char(ie's (egs are so hairy that in
shorts0 he (ooks (ike he's wearing fe(t ,ants8
@How )o 1 (ookC@ Char(ie o,ens the front ,ane(s of his Aacket to revea( a (aven)er
si(k vest "n)er the Aacket of his morning coat8
#he min"te 6ram anno"nce) her n",tia(s three months ago0 #ess ,"t Char(ie on a
)iet8 She a(so sent him to the gym8 1t )oesn't a,,ear that he's (ost a ,o"n)0 *"t he's gaine) a
few inches in his neck from (ifting weights8 5ow his hea) cra)(es )irect(y into his
sho"()ers0 giving him the (ook of a Sici(ian H"m,ty D"m,ty8
@$o" (ook *"ff0@ #ess ,"rrs8
@$o" gonna wear c(othes to this thingC@ Char(ie asks her8
@5o0 1 tho"ght 1') wear ta, ,ants8@
@1 never know with yo"0@ he says8
@He(,B@ Mom ca((s from )own the ha((8 @Ca(( 211B@
@#hey )on't have 211 here0@ my *rother:in:(aw #om sho"ts *ack8
1 fo((ow Char(ie an) #ess )own the ha((way8 #heir )a"ghters Charisma an) Chiara0
)resse) in ,a(e *("e organ9a gowns0 stan) in A"nt Feen's )oorway with Mom8 %e *(ow
,ast them an) into the room8
My great:a"nt Feen0 who )ec(ine) her sister's invitation to *e in the we))ing ,arty
an) ha) to *e )ragge) overseas (ike my mother's G. shoe )"ffe(F*o)y *ag0 sits on the e)ge
of the *e) with a *(oo) ,ress"re c"ff hanging off her arm8 She is )resse) in a *(ack woo(
s"it that 1've seen at every we))ing an) f"nera( since 1 can remem*er8 Her 'a,aga((o f(ats
(ie ne;t to her stocking feet0 which s,ort )o"*(e toe corn ,a)s an) e(astic *"nion s(ings8 1
knee( )own ne;t to her8
@%hat ha,,ene)0 A"nt FeenC@
@1 got )i99y8 #he room was s,inning8@
@%ere yo" trying to take yo"r own *(oo) ,ress"reC@ Char(ie asks8
@%ho is heC@ A"nt Feen (ooks ", at Char(ie0 whom she has known for twenty years0
as tho"gh he's a stranger8
@1t's me8 Char(ie8@
@1 know who yo" are0 *"t yo"'re an in:(aw8 6et o"t8@
Char(ie (eaves the room8
@#hat wasn't very nice0@ #ess says )i,(omatica((y8
@1 )on't nee) a crow) in here8@ A"nt Feen (ets the *(oo) ,ress"re c"ff fa(( to the
f(oor8 @1 tho"ght 1 was having a stroke8@
@#hen we have to take yo" to the )octor8@
@1n 1ta(yC Are yo" cra9yC #hey') ki(( me over here8@
@1t's a mo)ern co"ntry with mo)ern me)icine0@ 1 say8
@4ea((yC 1t takes an ho"r to get hot water in the t"*8 How mo)ern can it *eC@
@1f yo"'re faint0 yo" nee) to see a )octor0@ my mother insists8
@1'm seventy:eight0 1'm faint most of the time8 1 wish 6o) wo"() take me8@
@Di) yo" eat *reakfastC@
@#wo ro((s with *"tter0 two ,oache) eggs0 a (itt(e ga*agoo(0 an) a Snickers *ar 1 ha)
in my ,"rse8@
@Co"() *e s"gar an) fat shock0@ 1 reason8
@1t's not (ack of no"rishmentB@ A"nt Feen *e((ows8 @1'm an eaterB@
@#hen what is it0 A"nt FeenC@ 1 r"* her *ony sho"()er8
@#his we))ing8 1 have a *a) fee(ing8@
@SeeC 1'm not the on(y one8@ My mother s<"ee9es onto the *e) *etween #ess an)
A"nt Feen8
@1 A"st think it's cra9y8@ A"nt Feen shakes her hea)8 @%hat forC@
@%hat )o yo" mean0 what forC #hey (ove each other0@ #ess says )efensive(y0 sti((
cha,,e) that A"nt Feen *anishe) her Char(ie8
@.ove8 .oveC %hat goo) is (oveC@
Mom an) 1 (ook at one another8 %e (ook at #ess0 who ro((s her eyes8
@%e((8880@ 1 *egin0 @(ove is888a start8@
@7h0 *ig )ea(8 #here is no ha,,iness in this wor()0 in this (ife8 1t's a va(e of tears that
(eaves yo" (one(y an) *ereft8 1 know it firsthan)::the cheat of this wor()8 #he *ig cheat of
this (ife8 1 (ove) 5orman Maw*y0 an) he was sent over to France in %or() %ar 110 none of
yo"se wo"() remem*er that0 *"t he was a *right0 shiny *oy from 6ran) Street0 very neat
an) c(ean0 an) 1 (ove) him *a)8 An) we wante) to get marrie)0 *"t he )ie) on the fie()s of
France0 a co"ntry 1 wi(( a(ways hate8 He )ie)0 an) 1 was ro**e)8@
@B"t yo" marrie) Enc(e #ony::@
@1 never (ove) that hack8@
@A"nt FeenB@ Mom cries8
@1 )i)n't8 He was s(o,,y secon)s8 %hen 1 crie) at his f"nera(0 1 was crying for a(( the
years 1 waste) with the *"m8@
%e are st"nne) into si(ence8 1 (ook at the c(ock8 @%e((0 A"nt Feen0 the goo) newsD 1
)on't think yo"'ve s"ffere) a stroke8 $o" a,,ear to *e com,(ete(y norma(8 %e nee) to get to
the ch"rch8@
@A(( right0 a(( right0@ she says8 @.et's get this nonsense over with a(rea)y8@
@6ir(s0 1'(( get A"nt Feen )own the stairs8 $o" nee) to get )resse)8@ Da) comes in0
fi((ing the room with the (ayere) scents of Aramis co(ogne0 Bry(creem0 an) Bengay8 %ith
his thick hair *r"she) *ack witho"t a ,art0 he is a )ea) ringer for Frankie ?a((i on the
re"nion to"r0 e;ce,t for two s<"ares of re) "n)er his eyes where the Frownies were ri,,e)
from his skin8 #hey resem*(e o)) ,atches of s"n*"rn0 *"t wi(( ho,ef"((y fa)e as the )ay
goes on8
#ess an) 1 go o"t into the ha((way8 !ac(yn0 (ooking (ike a s,rig of mint in a stra,(ess
,a(e green cocktai( )ress with a hem of t"((e0 comes o"t of her room8 Her *(ack hair is ,i(e)
high on her hea)0 as if she's a )"chess from the co"rt of .o"is G1?8 @%hat is going onC@
she asks8
@7() iss"es0@ 1 te(( her8
!ac(yn ,"((s "s into her room8
@%here's the *a*yC@
@#om took her for a wa(k8@
@1n the snowC@ #ess (ooks at me8 My sister an) 1 are very critica( of o"r *rother:in:
(aw0 who takes the *a*y everywhere0 inc(")ing ,(aces (ike 6iants Sta)i"m for a foot*a((
game8 %e sho"() not *e s"r,rise) that he's ro((ing aro"n) the streets of Are99o with her8
#his is nothing8
@He ,"t the ,(astic hoo) on the stro((er0@ she says )efensive(y *efore she (eans in8
@'ame(a an) A(fre) ha) a he(("va fight8 1 hear) it thro"gh the wa((8@
@%hat a*o"tC@ #ess asks8
@Money8@
7"r *rother0 A(fre)0 is one of the few *ankers in the 5ew $orkF5ew !ersey area that
haven't (ost their Ao*s in the worst economic co((a,se of o"r (ifetimes8 #hat's how goo)
A(fre) is at whatever it is that he )oes8 1 can't imagine that they have money ,ro*(ems8 My
*rother ,astes his ,aycheck st"*s in a scra,*ook8
@She's a s,en)er0@ #ess whis,ers0 as tho"gh it's a )isease8
@$eah0 *"t he's a saver0@ 1 remin) them8
1 (eave my sisters to their gossi, an) go to my room8 C(osing the )oor *ehin) me0 1
throw off my ro*e0 re(ieve) to *e a(one8 My )ress is hanging in its (inen *ag on the *ack of
the )oor8 1 s(i, it off its hanger an) ste, into it8
#he si(ver (ame sheath g(i)es over me8 1 s(i)e on a ,air of matching meta((ic ,"m,s8
1 o,en my Aewe(ry case an) ,"(( ro,es of fa"; ,ear(s o"t of its ,ockets0 (ayering the stran)s
"nti( Coco Chane( might stick her hea) o"t of her grave in a,,rova( an) say0 @#res
e(eganteB@
1 gra* my ,"rse an) meet my sisters in the ha((way8
#ess wears a forest green ve(vet gown with a matching *o(ero8 Her thick *(ack hair
fa((s in (oose c"r(s8 She whist(es when she sees me8
@#hanks0@ 1 say8
@$o"'re going to knock 6ian("ca o"t with that n"m*er8@
1 *("sh8
@1 knew it0@ #ess says sm"g(y8 @A sister a(ways knows8@
#he i)ea of a horse:)rawn carriage is a (ove(y one0 "n(ess yo"'re cramming near(y
every mem*er of my imme)iate fami(y an) their chi()ren into one vehic(e8 %hich is what
we )i)8 #he wet streets ma)e the whee(s s(i)e to an) fro (ike a r"sty #i(t:A:%hir( carniva(
ri)e0 an) even A"nt Feen0 who hasn't *roken a smi(e since 12/20 ha) to (a"gh when it
ski))e) aro"n) a shar, corner an) we a(( wo"n) ", on to, of her8
#he Basi(ica of San Domenico is t"cke) into the vi((age (ike an anti<"e *ook in a
c",*oar)8 B"i(t of san)stone with a sim,(e faca)e0 its on(y hint of co(or comes from the
mosaic of mi)night *("e an) r"*y re) in the staine):g(ass rose win)ow over the entrance8 A
tower with )"a( ch"rch *e((s on meta( *eams hovers a*ove the entrance8 #hose same *e((s
rang on the we))ing )ay of my great:gran)father an) his *e(ove) 6i"se,,ina Cava((ine0
over one h"n)re) years ago8
#here are more of "s in the we))ing ,arty than in the ,ews =another sign that the
*ri)e an) groom aren't twenty>8 A"nt Feen has taken a seat in the front8 Her hea) is *owe)
in na,0 not in ,rayer8 Da)0 Char(ie0 #om0 an) A(fre) are o"tsi)e0 getting air0 which is what
men in my fami(y )o whenever they are )resse) ",8
Charisma an) Chiara ,(ay hi)e:an):seek *ehin) the 6othic ,i((ars with my *rother's
sons0 4occo an) A(fre) !r80 who seem to *e0 for the first time since their *irths0 on a (ong
(eash8 #here is )efinite(y something going on *etween A(fre) an) 'ame(a0 an) the ki)s are
getting a free ,ass on )isci,(ine in the meantime8
@'ame(a0 (ooking goo)0@ 1 say8
'ame(a wears 1n)ian chic in 1ta(y8 Her gown0 ,ane(s of magenta an) si(ver si(k0 has
an em,ire *o)ice with geometric c"to"ts8 #he s,aghetti stra,s show off her sc"(,te)
sho"()ers an) thin arms8 Her *(on) hair hangs (ong an) straight witho"t a sing(e f(yaway8
C(ear(y0 she remem*ere) to *ring an a)a,ter for her *(ow )ryer8
@#hanks8@ She smi(es0 *"t it's force)8 'ame(a0 my sisters0 an) 1 have ma)e ", since
o"r rift (ast Christmas0 *"t the c"rrent a(oof )emeanor is A"st as *a) as the co() front "se) to
*e8
@How )o yo" (ike the hote(C@
@1t's r"stic0@ she says8
@1t's goo) to *e together8@
@7h0 yeah8@ She (ooks off8 Her eyes fo((ow 4occo an) A(fre)0 who )art among the
,ews8 @1') *etter wrang(e the *oys *efore they ti, over a saint or something8@
#he entrance )oors of the ch"rch o,en *ehin) "s0 an) 6ram stan)s in the (ight0 ta((
an) (ean0 in a *eige si(k s"it with staggere) white se<"ins a(ong the c"ffs of the Aacket an)
the hem on the skirt8 1 (ook )own at the shoes 1 *"i(t es,ecia((y for this )ay0 an e(egant
eggshe(( ,"m, with a kitten hee( an) ,ear( *ea)ing aro"n) the vam,8 She e;ten)s her han)
to me0 an) 1 take it8
@#hank yo"0 ?a(entine0@ she says8
@For whatC@
@For everything8 For he(,ing me ,(an this )ay8 For yo"r s",,ort8 $o"'ve *een there
for me every ste, of the way8@
@$o" )eserve every moment of ha,,iness0 6ram8 An) yo" sho"() never thank me8 1
thank yo"8@
6ram's eyes fi(( with tears8 Mom comes over with a tiss"e an) )a*s 6ram's eyes8
#ess ,okes me to get in (ine to ,rocess ", to the a(tar8 1 take my *o"<"et of vio(ets
in one han) an) smooth my m"(ti:stran)s of ,ear(s with the other8 1 (ook straight ahea) to
the a(tar8
#he ,riest0 a scr"ffy Ca,"chin in choco(ate *rown ro*es0 takes his ,(ace in front of
the a(tar8
Dominic0 in a morning coat0 an) his son 6ian("ca0 emerge from the sacristy an)
take their ,(aces8
My heart f("tters when my eyes meet 6ian("ca's8 1t seems (ike a tho"san) mi(es
from the *ack ,ew to the comm"nion rai(8 1 (ike the )istance right now8 May*e it wi(( take
the e)ge off the s"))en an) cra9y ma) )esire 1 have for him0 who0 when the we))ing
(icense is signe)0 wi(( *e famil to me8 Dear 6o)8
@?a(entineB@ 7rso(a whis,ers in my ear8
1 t"rn8 7rso(a0 6ian("ca's )a"ghter0 gives me a <"ick h"g8
@%e're (ate8 A(ways (ate8@ 7rso(a's h"s*an) wa(ks ", the si)e ais(e an) s(i,s into the
front ,ew ne;t to A"nt Feen8
@5o worries8 $o"'re right on time0 co"sin8 #o the secon)8@
7rso(a wears a *ron9e si(k wra, )ress with a matching ,ict"re hat8 #ess han)s her a
*o"<"et of vio(ets8 She *(en)s into the ,rocessiona( (ine so seam(ess(y yo"') never know
she was Dominic's gran)chi() instea) of one of 6ram's8
Chiara an) Charisma s,rint ", the ais(e0 scattering rose ,eta(s as tho"gh they're in a
three:(egge) race8
Mom f"sses with the whimsy attache) to 6ram's hat8 1 know it's 23130 *"t when it
comes to we))ings an) hats in my fami(y0 it wi(( a(ways *e 12+2::we (ove a ,i((*o;8 @1t
finishes a (ook0@ my mother says8
Da) ,"((s his ce(( ,hone o"t of his ,ocket an) takes a <"ick sna, of 6ram an) Mom
*efore they *egin their wa(k )own the ais(e8 1 )on't know why he *others0 since anyone he')
sen) the ,hoto to is right here in the ch"rch8
A vio(inist ,(ays Frank Sinatra's @A(( the %ay8@ My sisters ,rece)e me sing(e:fi(e as
we ,rocess )own the ais(e8 1 fee( (ike a shiny )ime fo((owing two fifty:)o((ar *i((s an) a
*ron9e Man9" sc"(,t"re0 *"t 1 insiste) on the si(ver (ame0 an) it's too (ate now for a
cost"me change8
My mother sniff(es *ehin) me8
1 (ook straight ahea) to the ,riest0 *"t then0 witho"t moving my neck in his
)irection0 1 take in 6ian("ca8
%hy )oes he have to (ook so goo)C 1 re,eat wh! wh! wh0 to myse(f with every
ste,F,a"se that 1 take *ehin) my sisters8 #his wo"() *e so easy ha) there *een a )ec(ine in
his a,,earance over the Christmas ho(i)ays8 %hy co"()n't he *e one of those g"ys who
ages overnightC 5o0 he (ooks *etter than he )i) a year ago8 Better than he )i) on o"r roof in
the (eather Aacket (ast fa((8 #he gray si(k morning coat is the e;act sha)e of his hair8 He
stan)s o"t in the )ark ch"rch (ike a (ight feather against a c(o")y morning sky8 1 a(most
miss a ste,0 the stone f(oor gives0 as tho"gh 1'm wa(king on c(o")s8
@%atch it0@ Mom whis,ers from *ehin)8
1 regain what's (eft of my com,os"re8
6ian("ca (ooks o"t over the ,ews0 his eyes as *("e as the *oots of Saint Michae( in
the stat"ary *ehin) him8 He is tr"(y han)some0 in that )isting"ishe) Cary 6rant:in:the:
(ater:years sort of way8 .ike Cary0 6ian("ca's ,rofi(e is strong0 his nose an) Aaw chise(e) *y
6o) with a straight e)ge8 7kay0 may*e 6ian("ca resem*(es Saint #homas More *y way of
Bay 4i)ge s(ight(y more than Cary0 *"t in the morning coat0 in this co(or scheme0 in this
,(ace0 he's ,"re movie star in the go()en age of Ho((ywoo)8 #he right s"it makes a man
roya(8
1 remem*er when 6ian("ca kisse) me on the *a(cony in Ca,ri (ast s"mmer0 an) how
1 )i)n't want him0 an) after he kisse) me0 he was a(( 1 wante)8 May*e 1 *roke ", with
4oman after that *eca"se 1 wante) more of 6ian("ca's kisses8 Sto(en kisses are one thing0
*"t re(ationshi,s are (egit0 at (east0 that's how my mother raise) me8 6ian("ca was c(ear
with me thenH he wante) more than a (itt(e romance8 B"t this morning0 1 won)er if he sti((
wants me8 'ro*a*(y not8 He was very frien)(y at the rehearsa( )inner0 *"t not in ,"rs"it8
%hy wo"() he *eC %hen he came to 5ew $ork an) wante) something more0 1 to() him
,(ain(y that 1 )i)n't want him or any man0 an) he *e(ieve) me8 1 meant it8
#hen why )o 1 stare intent(y at him0 as one wo"() at a ,rice(ess ,ainting "n)er a
,in(ight on a m"se"m wa((C As each ste, in the we))ing caravan *rings me c(oser to him0
1') (ike to sto, an) sit )own in an em,ty ,ew an) catch my *reath8 6ian("ca fee(s my stare8
He smi(es at me8 1') (ike to )ie right a*o"t now8
#he ,riest ratt(es off the vows in 1ta(ian so <"ick(y 6ram co"() *e agreeing to
anything0 inc(")ing ",gra)ing the ,("m*ing in the ch"rch rectory8 B"t she (ooks ", at the
,riest with reverence an) a f"(( "n)erstan)ing of what she is ,romising to )o8 =1n genera(0
1ta(ians move s(ow(y0 "n(ess they're in ch"rch0 where Mass is on fast:forwar)8>
#he service *ecomes a *("r to me as 1'm overcome with my own emotions8 1'm not
a(one8 My sisters are wee,y0 my mother is *(otting tears0 whi(e my *rother stan)s off to the
si)e s"rveying the ceremony in his )isaffecte)0 remote way0 as if he's watching a re,ort
a*o"t a mini:merger on Maria Bartiromo's show8
6ian("ca gives his father the ring an) kisses him on the cheek8 My father (ooks to
the f(oor as 6ian("ca e;,resses his affection for his father8 Da) an) A(fre) have never ha)
that kin) of *on)8
As Dominic ,(aces the ring on 6ram's han)0 it's a wake:", ca(( for their chi()ren8
Mom won't *e a*(e to A"m, on the E train to see 6ram whenever she wants8 6ian("ca wi((
have to move o"t of the home he shares with his father to make room for his ste,mother8
1'm not the on(y ,erson in this room whose (ife wi(( change0 *"t somehow 1 can't he(,
fee(ing that 1 have it the worst8
1've *een in f"((:ti(t )enia( a*o"t (osing my gran)mother to her new h"s*an) an) her
new co"ntry8 1 wi(( *e a(( a(one at the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any0 ",stairs in the (iving
<"arters an) )ownstairs in the sho,8 As 6ram an) Dominic's marriage *egins0 o"r o() (ife
together en)s8 #he years 1've s,ent as 6ram's a,,rentice have *een the *est years of my
(ife8 5ow0 1'm going to have to take a(( 1've (earne) from her an) *"i() ",on it8
My eyes mist with goo) memories an) )ee, regrets8 1 mo"rn the conversations that
we won't have over coffee in the morning0 the afternoons when we sat on the roof0 roaste)
chestn"ts on the o() gri((0 an) (a"ghe)8 1'm sa) that she won't *e there when 1 (a"nch the
"ella #osa0 which 1 ,ray wi(( *"i() the *"siness to a new (eve( an) give "s reven"e to
s"rvive8 #he ,ro*(em is a(( mine8 1 )on't (ike change0 an) eno"gh is never eno"gh8 A
h"n)re) years with my gran)mother wo"() not have *een eno"gh8 B"t 6ram's ha,,iness is
more im,ortant than a(( of that8
#he ,riest ho()s his han)s over 6ram an) Dominic as he *(esses them8 #he f(ames
in the can)(es0 once c(ear an) *right0 *ecome m"rky white ,"))(es thro"gh my tears8 1 ho()
my sma(( *o"<"et of vio(ets tight(y8 1 ,romise) myse(f 1 wo"()n't cry0 *"t 1 can't he(, it8
1 fee( a han) on my wrist8 6ian("ca smi(es gent(y an) gives me his han)kerchief8
Before 1 can thank him0 he is *ack *y his father's si)e8 1 wi,e away my tears8 #ess n")ges
me8 6ian("ca's chiva(ry is not (ost on my sister8
6ram an) Dominic kiss8 #he ,riest makes the sign of the cross over them8
A"nt Feen stan)s0 *a(ancing on her ,ear(:han)(e) cane for s",,ort8 @Ha((e("Aah0@
she says8 @.et's eatB@
2
From the Bottom of My eart
64AM A5D D7M151C CH7SE #HE14 favorite resta"rant in Are99o for their
we))ing rece,tion8 #"cke) into a narrow si)e street off the ,(a9a0 Antica 7steria ('Agania is
a <"aint0 (oca( s,ot that has *een in o,eration since Dominic was a *oy8 %e are we(come)
thro"gh a r"stic oak )oor *y the maitre )'8 #he (arge wro"ght iron scro((work han)(e is
)ecorate) with a sma(( c("ster of *ri)a( greenery an) white ri**ons8
%e enter a (arge main room with woo)en *eams on the cei(ing0 s"rro"n)e) *y
st"cco wa((s ,ainte) a )"(( go()8 #he (arge ,ict"re win)ows are )resse) with go() chiffon
4oman sha)es8 7ne (ong farm ta*(e0 sit"ate) at the center of the room0 is covere) in a white
(ace ta*(ec(oth with sma(( si(k tasse(s in the sha,e of *e((s )ra,e) over the si)es8 7rso(a
works her way aro"n) the ta*(e0 ,(acing sma(( net *ags of confetti =,ink an) white can)ie)
a(mon)s> at each ,(ace setting8 Sma(( *o"<"ets of vio(ets are ,(ace) )own the center of the
ta*(e0 s"rro"n)e) *y c("sters of twink(ing votive can)(es8
%henever 1 see a gar)en of f(ickering c"t:crysta( votive can)(es0 1 think of my e;:
*oyfrien) 4oman Fa(coni an) o"r first )ate at his resta"rant0 Ca'Doro8 For a moment0 1 miss
that (ong0 ta(( chef from Chicago8
@%hat's the matterC@ #ess asks8 @Don't te(( me::@
@5o0 1've move) on8 1've )efinite(y move) on8@
@1f yo" want 4oman *ack::@
@5o0 1 )on't want him *ack8@
@Are yo" s"reC@
@1'm s"re8@ Here's the thing8 1 co"() "se an escort to)ay8 %henever there's a fami(y
f"nction0 1'm remin)e) 1'm sing(e0 so 1 sh"ff(e thro"gh the 7() Boyfrien) Fi(e0 my version
of People maga9ine's @%here Are #hey 5owC@ to see if there's anyone 1 co"() have
scro"nge) ", to accom,any me0 instea) of s"ffering thro"gh so(o8 1t's not hea(thy to wa(k
thro"gh the *oneyar) of my romantic ,ast *eca"se the res"(ts are a(ways the same0 *"t 1 )o
it anyway8 1f se(f:im,rovement is a theme in my fami(y0 so is se(f:,"nishment8
7n or)inary )ays 1 (ove *eing sing(e0 an) 1 consi)er it a choice0 not a c"rse0 *"t 1've
(earne) that a woman nee)s a )ate at fami(y f"nera(s an) we))ings0 if on(y for )iversion
from the )rama8 1t's comforting to have a )ate to )"m, a(( the e;tra emotions ",on0 (ike
gravy on macaroni8 #hat's why in:(aws were invente)::if on(y to ,oint o"t that yo"r fami(y
is cra9ier than mine0 as Char(ie remin)s #ess0 an) #om remin)s !ac(yn8 Even C(ickety:
C(ick::'ame(a::can *e seen s",,orting my *rother in her firm 6ermanic fashion8 #he
s,o"ses <"e(( the histrionics::or at (east0 they try to8
%e))ing rece,tions in 1ta(y are not (ike o"r e;travagan9as *ack home0 an) tonight0 1
wish they were8 1 wo"() ,refer to hi)e in a *ig crow) in a caverno"s0 noisy ha((8 1t's easy to
s(i, away when the )isco *a(( )escen)s an) the g"ests are covere) in white ,o(ka:)ots in
the )ark8 1 (ike to have the o,tion of s(i,,ing o"t ear(y0 *efore the Beach Boys me)(ey an)
the chicken )ance0 witho"t anyone missing me8 .o") m"sic that )rowns o"t any "n,(easant
comments or intr"sive conversation is a(so a ,("s8 #his intimate we))ing rece,tion
=intimate for 1ta(ians is a hea) co"nt "n)er fifty>::twenty of "s gathere) aro"n) one ta*(e0
most of "s *(oo) re(atives::wi(( *e a (ot of work8
6ram an) Dom make the ro"n)s0 greeting the g"ests8 #he *ri)e is so o,en(y ha,,y
an) o,timistic0 1 can't he(, *"t *e8 1 ha) no way of knowing how 1 wo"() fee( once 6ram
was act"a((y marrie)8 Her ha,,iness is as im,ortant to me as my own0 so 1 never wavere)
in wanting her to *e with the man she (ove)0 even if it meant giving ", her (ife on 'erry
Street an) starting over in 1ta(y8 B"t now that the ceremony is over0 an) she's officia((y Mrs8
?echiare((i0 it's another fee(ing entire(y to *e on the other si)e of it8 5ow it's *ack to rea(ity8
%e take o"r seats aro"n) the ta*(e8 1 (ook for 6ian("ca0 who hasn't arrive) yet8 He
)isa,,eare) after the ceremony as soon as we were )one taking ,ict"res8 1 was c"rio"s0
won)ering where he went0 *"t <"ick(y reasone) that there are 1ta(ian c"stoms 1 know
nothing a*o"t::an) who knows0 may*e he ha) to go to city ha(( an) sign ,a,ers or meet
with the ,riest8 1t co"() *e anything8
@1 (eft the seat ne;t to yo" wi)e o,en0@ #ess whis,ers8 @%here is 6ian("caC@
@1 )on't know8@ 1 check the )oor again8
@He's the on(y sing(e man at this we))ing8@
@Besi)es 6e,etto over there8@ 1 ,oint to a ro*"st eighty:year:o() with a thick swatch
of white hair an) a matching m"stache who hammers (oose to*acco )own into his ,i,e (ike
he's ,o"n)ing rocks at the state ,rison8 @He's starting to (ook goo) to me8@
@$o" can )ate twenty years a*ove yo"r )eca)e0 an) not one year more0@ #ess says8
1 g"ess 6ian("ca0 eighteen years my senior0 <"a(ifies in the "n)er:twenty category8
Dominic an) 6ram make a sto, an) ta(k to 6e,etto8 #he *(oo) re(atives are
c("m,e) in the center0 with the chi()ren staggere) in an) o"t of the a)"(t seating0 in the
ho,e that se,aration wi(( kee, them o"t of tro"*(e8 My *rother:in:(aw #om ,o"rs
cham,agne into o"r g(assesH evi)ent(y the waiters )on't )is,ense the *oo9e fast eno"gh for
him8 He fi((s A"nt Feen's g(ass8
My *rother0 A(fre)0 takes his seat across the ta*(e from me8
@%hat )o yo" thinkC@
@1t seems (ike a nice resta"rant0@ A(fre) says as he ta,s the ta*(e a*sentmin)e)(y
with his so", s,oon8 My *rother "s"a((y a,,ears s,it ,o(ishe) an) fresh0 *"t to)ay he
seems tire)8 He has )ark circ(es "n)er his eyes0 an) more than a *it of gray shows thro"gh
his shiny *(ack hair0 ,arte) neat(y to the si)e8 He (oosens his tie8
@5o0 1 mean a*o"t 6ram getting marrie)8@
@1'm going to miss her0@ he says8 @1 )on't see her every )ay (ike yo" )o0 *"t 1 (ike
knowing she's there8@
@Me too8@ 1 reach into my ,"rse for 6ian("ca's han)kerchief8 My *rother's sweet
comment0 coming from a g"y who isn't known for those0 moves me8
@%hy are yo" cryingC@ A(fre) says8
@7h0 1 )on't know0 a*o"t a mi((ion things8@ 1 rare(y cry0 so when 1 have a goo) so*0
it's a*o"t everthing8 1'm sa) a*o"t my re(ationshi, with my *rother0 who 1 wi(( never *e
c(ose to after a (ifetime of trying8 1 cry a*o"t the changes ahea) *ack home0 an) how m"ch
1 wi(( miss 6ram8 1 wee, *eca"se 1 )on't have a )ate to this shin)ig an) *eca"se wor()
,eace has not *een achieve) in my (ifetime8 1 A"st (et it f(ow8
#he )oor to the resta"rant o,ens0 an) a woman enters8 She's a knocko"t0 a ta((
*(on)e in a Aet:*(ack mink coat8 My mother (ooks ",::she has a si;th sense whenever a
sa*(e enters a room8
Every hea) in the room t"rns to )rink in the sight of this mysterio"s go))ess0 an)
the men's hea)s stay t"rne)8 1t's as if invisi*(e .o!acks have *een attache) to their necks
an) rotate) in her )irection8 $es0 she is that *ea"tif"(8 @May*e she is here to ,ick ", take:
o"t0@ 1 say to #ess8
@Don't think so0@ she says soft(y8
#he *om*she(( is fo((owe) *y 6ian("ca0 who g"i)es her *y the arm to the ta*(e8 He
he(,s her o"t of her coat8 #he men e;ha(e (ike they've fo"n) mi))(e C on the ,itch ,i,e as
they )rink her *o)y in8 Her sha,e is ("sh(y ,ro,ortione)D tiny waist0 ri,e *"st an) hi,s::(ike
a *ow tie on its si)e8 Her $ella fig%ra (ives ", to her $ella fa&&ia8
@$o" got to *e ki))ing me0@ #ess says "n)er her *reath8 @6ian("ca *ro"ght a dateC@
#ess yanks her ,"rse from the chair she was saving for him an) shoves it "n)er the ta*(e8
@He's on his own8@
1'm st"nne)8 May*e 1'(( switch seats8 #here's an em,ty ne;t to the *ache(or 6e,etto8
6ram0 "naware of the go))ess0 (eans over me an) takes my han)8 @?a(entine0 what
)i) yo" think of the ceremonyC@
@1t was ,erfect8@
@1 think so8@ 6ram smi(es8 @How was the carriage ri)eC@
@.ike a hayri)e to the ,"m,kin ,atch0@ A"nt Feen com,(ains (o")(y8 @B"m,y0
rickety an) annoying888(ike o() age8@ #hen she ,icks ", her g(ass of cham,agne an) )rains
it (ike she's )o"sing a ,arche) ho"se,(ant ",on ret"rning from a two:week vacation at the
shore8 #om <"ick(y refi((s her g(ass8
@1t was <"aint0@ 1 correct her8
@#oo m"ch hoo,(a8@ A"nt Feen )a*s her (i,s with the na,kin8 @Sim,(icity sho"() *e
a goa( in (ife8@
6ian("ca *r"shes ,ast "s to greet the g"ests at the far en) of the ta*(e8
#ess scoots her seat *ack8
@%here are yo" goingC@ 1 )on't want her to (eave me8
@1'm going to say he((o to the *(on)e0@ she says8
@%hyC@
@1t's a fact:fin)ing e;,e)ition0@ she says0 then whis,ers0 @make frien)s with the
enemy8@
@1'm going with yo"8@ 1 take a swig of cham,agne an) fo((ow my sister8 %hen 1
stan)0 my ,ear(s ratt(e (ike Mar(ey's chains in A 'hristmas 'arol8
@He((oB@ #ess says to the (a)y8
@Ciao8@ #he mink (a)y's *(on) hair casca)es over her *are sho"()ers0 accent"ate) *y
a ,ortrait"re sweetheart neck(ine on a *(ack ve(vet stra,(ess =of co"rse> cocktai( )ress8 Her
green eyes are frame) *y thick *(ack eye(ashes8 She's )ownright hy,notic8 She wears a
("scio"s ,erf"me that has the scent of (aven)er an) honey8 1 can't te(( how o() she is0 an) it
)oesn't matter8 She's one of those women who can't *e ,(ace) in a ,artic"(ar )eca)e8
@Parla inglese(@ #ess chir,s8
She re,(ies0 @)n po8@
"'he nomme(@ 1 ask8
@*i &hiamo 'arlotta0@ she says8 #hen she ,oints to #ess an) me8 @ +orelle(@
"+i0 si0 siamo sorelle8@
#ess says0 @Teodora e la nostra nonnina8@
@Boy0 that 4osetta Stone ,rogram ,ai) off0@ 1 com,(iment my sister8
"+i0@ #ess no)s ,ro")(y8
My father0 *rother0 an) the men from the vi((age gather aro"n) *ehin) "s0 s<"ee9ing
"s c(oser to Car(otta8 %e encirc(e her (ike contestants in a cakewa(k0 an) g"ess who's the
covete) gran) ,ri9e0 the .a)y Ba(timore (ayer cakeC
#ess an) 1 ste, *ack0 o"r ,ersona( s,ace vio(ate) *y this intr")ing ,ack8 #his room
is not (arge to *egin with0 an) it's *est if everyone stays seate)0 *"t Car(otta is a ("re0 an)
her *ea"ty an) whatever e(se she's got have create) a tight stag circ(e aro"n) her8 #ess an) 1
t"rn to go *ack to o"r seats0 an) we have to act"a((y ,"sh har) to *reak the seawa(( of men
to ret"rn to o"r ,(aces8
Car(otta throws her hea) *ack an) (a"ghs as she chats with the a)oring men8 She is
ca,tivating8 1f 1 were 6ian("ca an) ha) to choose *etween her an) me in this moment0 1')
go with Car(otta8
1 (ook )own at the gar(an)s of ,ear(s aro"n) my neck8 #his morning0 they were chic0
an) now they seem more ,(astic than fashiona*(e fa";0 more chi()ish than so,histicate)0
an) a*o"t twe(ve stran)s too many8 1'm the over)ecorate) (ower *ranches of a Christmas
tree where the ki)s have free rein to hang ornaments8 C("ttere)8 1n contrast0 Car(otta wears
a sim,(e go() chain aro"n) her (ong neck0 2I for s"re8 1t nest(es in her am,(e c(eavage
(ike two tri*"taries fee)ing into the Mighty Miss:i:ssi,8 #he ro,e of go() g(itters against her
tawny skin8
@1 know what yo"'re thinking0@ !ac(yn says8
@1'(( *et yo" )on't8@
@$o"'re yo"nger0@ !ac(yn reasons8
@1 )on't think that matters8@
@%e((888yo"'re every *it as attractive as she is8@ #ess's *row f"rrows as she o*serves
her h"s*an) ,o"r Car(otta a g(ass of cham,agne8 Even Char(ie Fa99ani is smitten8
@.et's face it::she co"() )o the Anita Ek*erg t"rn in the #revi fo"ntain in La ,ol&e
Vita *etter than Anita Ek*erg8 1 co"() )o the same scene0 an) a(( 1') *e is888wet8@
6ian("ca has Aoine) the *oys as they vie to )a99(e Car(otta8 1 ,"t my cham,agne
f("te )own an) hea) for the kitchen8
#he kitchen is twice the si9e of the )ining room8 A chef0 a tense man in his forties0
an) two cooks ,re,are the mea(8
@Avre$$e $isogno di %n po' d'ai%to(@ 1 ask8
#he chef *reaks a smi(e an) shakes his hea) that he )oesn't8
@Le dispia&e se rimango a g%ardare mentre lavora(@
He no)s that 1 may8 Better to *e in this hot he(( than the one in the )ining room8
#he cook ,"((s a (arge strainer o"t of a *oi(ing vat of ,asta8 #he steam sen)s c(o")s
of mist over the workta*(e8 #he chef reaches ", an) gra*s a co,,er ,ot sha,e) (ike a wok
with a han)(e an) ,"ts it on a (ow f(ame8 #hen he s,oons *"tter into the ,an0 fo((owe) *y
cream an) a han)f"( of s"gar8 #hen he o,ens a sma(( *ott(e of (i<"e"r8 He (eans across the
workta*(e for me to sniff8 1t's a sweet *ran)y of some sort8
@-%esto l'ho fatto io8 .' %n li/%ore fatto di pes&he e more0@ he e;,(ains8
He )ro,s a *it of the (i<"or into the *"tter an) cream0 then swishes the mi;t"re
aro"n)8 #he sweetest scent of a s"mmer gar)en (oa)e) with thickets of ri,e *erries rises
from the ,ot8
#he cook takes the ,asta sha,e) (ike )e(icate rosettes an) s,i((s them into the ,an of
sa"ce witho"t (osing one to the f(oor or (eaving one in the strainer8 #he chef (ifts the ,ot to
the workta*(e an) f(i,s the mi;t"re0 witho"t "sing a s,oon0 "nti( the rosettes are coate) in
the *"ttery cream sa"ce8
#he secon) cook takes sma(( ,(ates an) (a)(es the ,asta onto the ,(ates8 #he chef
takes s,rigs of s"gare) vio(ets an) ,(aces them in the center8 #he waiters gather the ,(ates
on their arms an) e;it to the )ining room8
@*angia0@ the chef says0 c(a,,ing his han)s0 shooing me o"t of his kitchen8 B"t 1
want to stay8 1 want to watch him create o"r mea(8 1 want to (earn an) retain his techni<"es8
1 want to wash )ishes0 scr"* ,ots0 anything0 A"st so 1 won't ever have to go *ack into the
)ining room an) have to face this (ong mea( of many co"rses with my fami(y an) Car(otta
an) 6ian("ca an) the mess of it a((8 1've hit the wa((8 1 want to go home8 #o the Enite)
States of America8 #o s(ee, in my own *e)8 A(one8
Mom ,eeks into the kitchen8 @1t's time0 ?a(8@
1'm a mi))(e chi()0 who on(y stan)s ", for what she wants when a*so("te(y force)
to in a (ife:an):)eath sit"ation8 At a(( other times0 1 s"ck it ", an) )efer to the wi(( of the
gro",8 6ian("ca showing ", with a hot )ate isn't e;act(y (ife or )eath0 "n(ess yo" consi)er
h"mi(iation termina(0 so 1 give ", an) fo((ow my mother into the )ining room0 where the
g"ests are seate) an) a(rea)y fawning over the ,asta8
6ian("ca has his seat t"rne) towar) Car(otta an) away from the g"ests8 .ove(y8
A"nt Feen is m"nching off a f(at of *rea)0 whi(e the chi()ren am"se themse(ves with the
c"t(ery8 My father entertains 6e,etto with a story0 in Eng(ish0 which he ,reten)s to
"n)erstan) whi(e 6ram an) Dom take their ,(aces at the hea) of the ta*(e8 Dominic stan)s8
@"enven%ti t%tti al nostro matrimonio. Teodora ed io &i &onsideriamo davvero
fort%nati d'esser&i trovati e siamo lieti di avere le nostre famiglie %nite in amore.
@Vi ringra1iamo d'essere /%i presenti a &ele$rare &on noi /%esto $ellissimo giorno!
e t%tti i $ei giorni del nostro avvenire. A%g%riamo &he il nostro matrimonio portera tanta
fort%na alle nostre famiglie8 +AL)T.0@ He raises his g(ass8
#he g(asses to"ch0 c(inking together soft(y (ike ,iano keys8
#he ,asta co"rse is fo((owe) *y s"cc"(ent roaste) ca,on on ,o(enta8 5e;t is a sma((
,"rse of fi(et mignon in ,astry0 then a fresh sa(a) of greens an) ,igno(i n"ts with s(ice)
oranges8 1 forget my tro"*(es an) s(ights0 an) )o what 1 )o *est no matter what e(se is
ha,,ening in the "niverseD eat8 1 enAoy every sing(e *ite8 Every once in a whi(e 1 (ook )own
to the en) of the ta*(e where Car(otta an) 6ian("ca are engrosse) in conversation0 an)
shove( in another *ite in their honor8
Fina((y0 after a mea( with more co"rses than a Ber("sconi *acchana(0 the we))ing
cake is *ro"ght from the kitchen8 1t's a tra)itiona( white (ayer cake0 *"t on the to, tier0
instea) of a miniat"re *ri)e an) groom0 there is a ,air of tiny ,ink mar9i,an ,"m,s ne;t to
a ,air of men's wing ti,s ma)e of choco(ate8 #he g"ests a,,(a") as the cake to,,e) with
can)y shoes is ,(ace) in the center of the ta*(e8
#he waiters <"ick(y fi(( the center of the ta*(e with ,(atters of ,astries ice) in ,ink0
)"ste) with s"gar0 or )ri99(e) in honey8 1'm going to sam,(e every cookie0 an) 1') (ike to see
some*o)y try an) sto, me8 1 motion to the waiter to *ring es,resso so 1 might stay awake
thro"gh my *inge8
A"nt Feen rises from her seat an) ho()s ", her g(ass8 @1') (ike to make a toast8@
#he g"ests are si(ent as a(( eyes go to A"nt Feen8 @My sister #essie::that's right0
#essie::1 know yo" fancy:,ants 1ta(ians ca((e) her #eo)ora0 *"t that's yo"r choice8 1'm
gonna ca(( my sister what 1 ca((e) her a(( my (ife8 #essie8885ow0 where was 1C888#essie is my
sister888an) she ha,,ens to *e a goo) egg8 Dominic0 1 )on't know yo" from a ho(e in the
wa((0 *"t yo" seem okay8 1t's a (itt(e kook:a:("ke for two eighty:year:o()s to get marrie)::
that's A"st me8 B"t yo" )i) it an) it's )one an) that's where we are888@
1t's more than fine that ha(f the ,eo,(e in this room )on't s,eak Eng(ish0 *eca"se if
they )i)0 they wo"() know to *e ins"(te)8 1 (ook )own the ta*(e at my mother0 who is
mo"thing wor)s with no so"n) coming o"t0 (ike a car, maroone) on )ry (an)8 As A"nt
Feen )rones on0 !ac(yn an) #ess e;change worrie) (ooks8 My sister:in:(aw 'ame(a has her
eyes s<"ee9e) sh"t as if she's witnessing the massacre fina(e in the Te2as 'hainsaw movie8
A"nt Feen contin"es0 @So raise yo"r g(asses to the seminarians::@
@7ctogenarians0@ my father corrects her soft(y8 #his is a first::he's correcting
someone e(se's mis"se of the Eng(ish (ang"age8 My imme)iate fami(y e;changes (ooks of
"tter s"r,rise8 %hat co"() *e ne;tC So,hia .oren act"a((y (ooks her chrono(ogica( ageC
Feen waves her han) )ismissive(y at my father an) t"rns to Dominic an) 6ram8
@7cto,"ses8 %hatever the he(( yo" are8 'ent'Anni.@
#he g(asses c(ink with a ferocity0 as if to )rown o"t any f"rther commentary *y A"nt
Feen8 1 hear Char(ie say0 @%hoa0@ "n)er his *reath0 whi(e !ac(yn free9es her ga9e0 (ike
Bam*i seeing f(ames0 ",on A"nt Feen8
My fami(y's insanity can on(y *e ke,t "n)er wra,s *efore the genera( ,"*(ic for fo"r
ho"rs ma;8 %e're on ho"r five0 an) it's )ire8 1 chew on my ,ear(s8
6ram an) Dominic share a kiss at the en) of the ta*(e0 *"t c"t it short when A"nt
Feen *e((ows0 @C"t the cakeB@ Evi)ent(y0 the new(ywe)s are not moving fast eno"gh for
A"nt Feen8 She stan)s ",0 ,icks ", the si(ver knife )ecorate) with white ri**ons0 an)
wie()s it over the cake (ike a swor)8 A co((ective gas, goes ", in the room8
@A"ntie0@ my mother says0 an) then (a"ghs gai(y as tho"gh we have knife ,(ay at a((
o"r fami(y gatherings8
A"nt Feen stan)s firm(y gri,,ing the knife with two han)s ,oise) over the cake (ike
a chef ,re,aring to hack an ee( in ha(f in a Benihana commercia(8
@7h0 A"ntie0 ,"t the knife )own0@ Mom says cas"a((y0 then g(ares at my father to )o
something8
1 (ook aro"n) to my father an) *rothers:in:(aw0 who evi)ent(y0 when they gawke) at
Car(otta's assets0 inha(e) her ,erf"me (oa)e) with kry,tonite an) have (ost their a*i(ity to
wrang(e knives o"t of the han)s of o() (a)ies8 #hey (ook away8 Even 6e,etto (ooks off in
the )istance0 e;ha(ing smoke in gray ,"ffs (ike a (eaky e;ha"st ,i,e8 C(ear(y0 the men )on't
*e(ieve this is their ,ro*(em8 So 1 stan) ", an) ,(ace my han) o"t8 @A"nt Feen0 give me the
knife8@
@1'm gonna c"t the cake0@ she ye((s8 @C"t the cakeB@
@5o0 yo"'re not8 #he *ri)e c"ts the cake0@ 1 say firm(y8
@An) the mo"se takes the cheeseB@ A"nt Feen *e((ows as she circ(es the knife a*ove
her hea)8 #he g"ests shriek8 A"nt Feen ye((s0 @An) the cheese stan)s a(oneB@
@6ive me the knife0 A"nt Feen0@ 1 re,eat8 @5ow8@
6ram rises an) scoots *ehin) the seate) g"ests "nti( she's *ehin) her sister8
@Feen8880@ she whis,ers0 @give it to me8@ 6ram gets a gri, on the knife han)(e an) A"nt Feen
re(in<"ishes it8
@Ah0 what the he((8@ A"nt Feen )ro,s )own into her seat8 @C"t yo"r cake8 C"t yo"r
cake8@
Dominic Aoins 6ram0 an) together they ,(ace their han)s on the knife han)(e an)
even(y s(ice it into the (owest (ayer8 #he gent(e c"t of tr"e (ove tri"m,hs over the ,otentia(
hack Ao* of hate8 #he g"ests res"me their reve(ry as the ce(( ,hones come o"t an) we
commence sna,,ing ha,,y ,hotos from a(( ang(es8 6ram an) Dominic ho() for ,ict"res as
the waiter takes the cake to the kitchen8
@#hat was c(ose0@ #ess whis,ers8
@%e have to get her o"t of here0@ 1 whis,er *ack8
A"nt Feen )rains her wine an) s(ams the em,ty g(ass onto the ta*(e8 Every hea)
t"rns towar) the th")8 A"nt Feen (ifts herse(f o"t of her chair0 gri,,ing the ta*(e e)ge for
*a(ance8 She stan)s8 She straightens her sho"()ers8 She s"rveys the room8 Even 6e,etto0
who )oesn't "n)erstan) a wor) of Eng(ish0 (ooks frightene) as A"nt Feen (ooms over the
ta*(e8
@An) one more thing8880@ she anno"nces0 raising one han) with a ,ointe) finger to
the cei(ing8 An) then0 (ike the )ro, )e(ivery of a *o; s,ring from 1:/33:MA##4ESS0 A"nt
Feen fa((s f"((:*o)y *ackwar)8
#o the so"n) of twenty chairs scra,ing the woo) f(oor0 accom,anie) *y cries of
@Dear 6o)@ an) gas,s of @3 ,io!" A"nt Feen hits the f(oor on c"e0 an) at the )ro, of her
Secon) Act c"rtain8
#he Hos,ita( of Santo 'ietro (ooks (ess (ike a haven of hea(ing0 an) more (ike a
,erf"nctory cre)it "nion *ack home8 #he s,arse waiting area has a ,(ain )esk an) (am,0 an)
sim,(e woo)en *enches a(ong the wa((8 #here is a s"ite of sma(( rooms t"cke) *ehin) the
waiting area0 accor)ing to my mother0 who ,eeke)8 1 )on't have a goo) fee(ing a*o"t this
,(ace0 an) from the (ooks on the faces of my fami(y0 they )on't either8 #his ,(ace makes
J"eens 6enera( Hos,ita( =the insignia in .atin is trans(ate) toD ,on't 4o There5 seem (ike
the Mayo C(inic8
A"nt Feen is insi)e with the )octor8 For whatever reason0 when she came to she
g(omme) on to Char(ie0 who carrie) her o"t of the resta"rant in his arms an) into the
carriage0 which *ro"ght "s here8 A"nt Feen0 forgetting she') re*"ffe) him ear(ier0 or may*e
g"i(ty *eca"se she ha)0 insiste) Char(ie go with her to *e e;amine)8
#om took the *a*y an) the ki)s *ack to the hote(8 A <"ick ca(( to Signora 6"arasci0
the ,ro,rietor at the inn0 an) she was on han) to he(, with my nieces an) ne,hews8 #his is
going to *e a (ong night0 an) my sisters nee) the *ack", so they can *e here for A"nt Feen8
Mom ,aces the f(oor8 Her a<"a chiffon cocktai( )ress (ooks (ike something the a(to
section might wear )"ring a @Harvest Moon@ n"m*er on The Lawren&e Welk +how8 A ,ane(
of fa*ric st"))e) with ,a(e *("e see) ,ear(s f(ows *ehin) her as she ,aces the f(oor8
%henever my mother )resses forma((y0 she resem*(es a *ir)0 going for co(or0 movement0
an) f(ight8 Her ",swee,0 which staye) ", at the resta"rant0 has *eg"n its )ownwar) s,ira(8
My father sits *etween !ac(yn an) me on a sma(( *ench "n)er a frame) movie
,oster in 1ta(ian of the Mar; Brothers' Animal 'ra&kers8
@Feen went )own (ike a *rick8@ Da) (oosens his tie8 @Ia:*oom8@
@1 ho,e there's not ,ermanent )amage8@ !ac(yn's eyes fi(( with tears8
@%ho knowsC 1t's a wait:an):see sit"ation8 %hen it comes to a hea) inA"ry0 1 know
it's *etter if yo" see *(oo)8 #hen yo" know she's not *(ee)ing on the interior8 '8S8 1 )i)n't
see a )ro, of *(oo)0@ Da) says8
1t's times (ike these that 1 wish someone in my fami(y ha) gone into the fie() of
me)icine8 %e co"() "se an e;,ert right now8 @$o" can *(ee) insi)e and o"t0@ 1 correct my
father8 @1t's not an eitherFor8@
@7kay8 #hen her fa(( co"() *e a ki((er of the si(ent ty,e ca"se) *y a stroke8@ My
father fo()s his arms across his chest8 @A stroke an) a s"*:see:<"ent *(ow to the hea)888she's
finishe)8@
@Da)8@ !ac(yn mo,s ", her tears with a scra, of *rown ,a,er towe( from the
restroom8
%hen A"nt Feen to,,(e)0 the rece,tion officia((y en)e)8 She came to fair(y <"ick(y
whi(e (ying on the f(oor0 after the th")0 *"t she was woo9y8 #he cake went "neaten0 the net
*ags of confetti remaine) on the ta*(es0 the cookie trays were "nto"che)8 %e gra**e) o"r
,"rses an) fo((owe) A"nt Feen to the hos,ita( <"ick(y8 1'm worrie) a*o"t my great:a"nt0 *"t
1'm sa) for 6ram that her we))ing )ay has *een r"ine)8 1 get ", an) go to 6ram8 @1'm sorry
a*o"t a(( of this8@ 1 ,"t my arms aro"n) her8
@1t's okay8 1 A"st want Feen to *e a(( right8@
#he )octor ,"shes thro"gh the )oor8 Dominic r"shes over to him8 #hey converse in
1ta(ian8
@Does Dr8 Ii()are over there s,eak Eng(ishC@ Da) says8
@1 )o8@ #he )octor (ooks at my father8 He's aro"n) forty0 s(im *"i()0 *a()ing0 an)
wears g(asses8
@5o we))ing ring0@ #ess whis,ers8
1 g(are at her8
@1s it serio"sC@ 1 ask the )octor8
@%e )i) a scan of her *rain an) neck::there a,,ears to *e no tra"ma to the hea)8@
%e act"a((y a,,(a") the goo) news8
@1') (ike to see that scan0@ Da) says "n)er his *reath8 @%hat )i) they )o it withC
'(iers an) a mirrorC@
@Allora! dottore0@ my mother ,"rrs0 @ mi di&a la prognosi per mia 1iaC@ My sisters
an) 1 (ook at one another8 My mother f(irts whenever a sit"ation re<"ires imme)iate service8
#his r"(e a,,(ies to mechanics an) )octors as we(( as 'ierre0 who )yes Mom's roots at the
!ean .o"is Hair Sa(on on J"eens Bo"(evar)8
@#he scan showe) nothing8@ #he )octor shr"gs8 @She is very ("cky8@
@So what ca"se) the fa((C@ Da) wants to know8
@Her *(oo) a(coho( (eve( is e;treme(y high0@ the )octor says8 @She's ine*riate)8@
@Dr"nkC@ My father throws his han)s ",8 @Feen is )r"nkB@ My father t"rns away in
)isg"st8
@%e gave her an es,resso an) two as,irins0@ the )octor says8 @She's so*ering ",8@
@1 )on't *e(ieve this0@ !ac(yn says8
1'm *eginning to miss the cake an) the ,(atter of cookies we (eft *ack at the
resta"rant8 1 co"() "se a canno(i or two right a*o"t now8
@So0 what )o we )oC@ Mom asks the )octor8
@#ake her home an) (et her s(ee, it off0@ the )octor says8
My fami(y goes from a grief:stricken ,re:f"nera(:,(anning state to annoyance0 then
anger0 in ten secon)s f(at8 7n(y 6ram *reaks a smi(e8 She's re(ieve)0 an) now her new (ife
can *egin8 %e gather o"r *e(ongings to go8
@1 knew no goo) wo"() come of this tri,8 $o" can't take senior citi9ens a*roa) an)
ho,e they s"rvive o"t of their comfort 9one8 1 )on't think any*o)y sho"() vent"re into areas
where they )on't s,eak the (ang"age0@ Da) says8
@4ea((y8 #hey )on't s,eak Eng(ish in Baysi)e0 D"tch0 an) that's a <"arter of a mi(e
from o"r ho"se8@
@$o" know what 1 mean8 Foreign co"ntries8 A"nt Feen is too o() an) too American
to *e cavorting aro"n) the wor()8 She can't han)(e the stress0 so she hit the *ott(e8@
@%hat stressC@ #ess won)ers8 @She ha) to get )resse) ", an) sit in a ch"rch an)
then go to a resta"rant to eat8 How har) is thatC@
@1t's not8 B"t something is tro"*(ing her8 %hy wo"() A"nt Feen get )r"nkC@ My
mother a))resses o"r gro",8 @She's not a )rinker8@
@She's Aea(o"s0@ 1 te(( them8
@7f whatC@ Mom asks8
@7f whom. She's Aea(o"s of 6ram8@
@7h come on8 #hey're eighty an) seventy:eight::Aea(o"s of whatC@
@#hey've *een com,etitive a(( their (ives8 Feen has a(ways fe(t secon):c(ass0 the
*a*y who co"() never s"r,ass the o()er sister8 An) Feen remem*ers who got the ro((er
skates for Christmas an) who got the socks8@
@?a(entine0 that's ri)ic"(o"s8@
@4ea((yC 1f yo" ha) ca"ght A"nt Feen on her secon) cocktai(0 three *efore she hit
cement0 she wo"() te(( yo" a(( a*o"t how 6ram was the favorite0 an) how her sister a(ways
got everything she wante)8 An) now0 6ram even has a h"s*an)8 A"nt Feen fake) *eing sick
this morning for attention8 She fe(( as(ee, at the ceremony (ike it wasn't im,ortant eno"gh
for her to stay awake at her own sister's we))ing0 an) then0 when neither of those things
worke) to her a)vantage0 when her mere )is)ain of the who(e we))ing )i)n't get it
cance(e)0 she )i) what she ha) to )o to refoc"s the (ime(ight off 6ram an) onto herse(f *y
getting stewe) at the rece,tion8@
@Dear 6o)8@ My mother shakes her hea) in )is*e(ief8 @1s this who we areC@
@An) (ook8 A"nt Feen won8 %e (eft the rece,tion an) came to the hos,ita( an) sat
vigi( for her8 5ow0 instea) of the *ri)e *eing the center of attention on her we))ing )ay0 it's
Feen8 Mission accom,(ishe)B An) now0 get rea)y8 %hen she so*ers ",0 e;,ect com,(ete
contrition8 She'(( *e so sorry that she t"rne) this )ay that *e(onge) to her sister into one that
she sto(e with an a&&idental fa((8 B"t )on't *e(ieve a wor) of it8 #his has *een an act a((
a(ong8@
@Char(ie overhear) her ,(aying it ", in there to the )octor8 She ,"((e) a f"(( Mery(
Stree,0 with tears an) everything0@ #ess says8 @#o() the )octor she ha) a nervo"s
con)ition8@
@A"nt Feen r"ine) this we))ing0 an) that was her intention from the moment she set
foot on the f(ight0@ 1 ass"re them8
@#hat's sick0@ !ac(yn says8
1t's har) for !ac(yn to imagine that one sister co"() ever t"rn on another8 #ess0
!ac(yn0 an) 1 have ha) o"r fights0 *"t we get over o"r )isagreements <"ick(y8 %e root for
one another's ha,,iness an) )o everything we can to s",,ort one another8 %e are not (ike
6reat:a"nt Feen an) 6ram8 #ess shakes her hea) sa)(y at the rea(i9ation that what 1 am
saying is tr"e8
@1t's A"st awf"(8 #hat's a((0@ Mom says8
6ian("ca an) .a)y King:Kang:Koom ,"sh thro"gh the )oor8 Car(otta's ,erf"me fi((s
the air (ike a *ree9e after a sweet0 s"mmer shower8 1 hate her8
6ian("ca (ooks aro"n) the room8 %hen his eyes fin) his father0 Dominic0 he goes
)irect(y to him8 #hey s,eak ra,i)(y in 1ta(ian as Dominic e;,(ains the )iagnosis8 1 can't
catch everything he says0 *"t it so"n)s (ike Dominic is te((ing 6ian("ca that everything is
okay an) he is free to go8
6ian("ca kisses 6ram on the cheek0 an) then em*races his father8 He then goes to
my ,arents an) says goo) night8 #hen he t"rns to the gro",0 the rest of "s0 an) sort of )oes
a wave on his way o"t8 1 got a wave for yo"0 1 want to sho"t after him0 an) it's fo"r fingers
short of a han)8 5ow0 1 hate him too8 1 can't *e(ieve 1 was (onging to kiss him on(y twe(ve
ho"rs ago8 5ow 1') (ike to sock him8 #ake yo"r (i,s an) go0 1') (ike to te(( him8 #oo (ate8 He
took his (i,s an) he's gone8 He's o"t the )oor with Car(otta:: lotta everything 1 ain't got8
A co() winter win) kicks ",0 sen)ing a chi(( thro"gh "s as we wa(k *ack to the inn8
1t took A"nt Feen an ho"r to so*er ",0 an) when she )i)0 Mom0 Da)0 Dominic0 an) Char(ie
(oa)e) her into the carriage to take her *ack to the 1nn8 My sisters0 6ram0 A(fre)0 an) 1
vo("nteere) to fo((ow on foot8
Are99o is sereneH it c(oses )own ear(y (ike most <"iet 1ta(ian vi((ages when night
fa((s8 #he (ights from the ho"ses throw streaks of go() (ight onto the )ark streets as we ,ass8
A(fre)0 6ram0 an) 1 wa(k together0 not saying m"ch8 #he on(y so"n) we hear is the
soft c(ick of o"r hee(s hitting the stone streets an) the m"te) chatter of #ess an) !ac(yn0
who wa(k ahea) of "s0 no )o"*t )isc"ssing whether to ,"t A"nt Feen in reha*8 %e reve( in
a crisis that res"(ts in ,"tting one of o"r own in a short:term resi)entia( faci(ity8 %e enAoy
nothing more than ,acking a ,icnic *asket an) visiting o"r infirm on the weeken)s8
6ram takes A(fre)'s arm on one si)e0 an) mine on the other8 @#his is nice0 A"st the
three of "s0@ she says8
%hen it comes to A(fre) an) me0 6ram is on a ,eacekee,ing mission at a(( times8
Even tho"gh 1'm her (ongtime ,artner at the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any0 an) she confi)es in
me0 6ram ha) a (ot of )ecisions to make0 *ig an) sma((0 ,ersona( an) ,rofessiona(0 when
she acce,te) Dominic's ,ro,osa( to marry8 A(fre) has *ecome a so"n)ing *oar) for a(( the
arrangements0 an) has he(,e) her sha,e her (ife ,(an moving forwar)8
A(fre) ho()s the ,(ace of a"thority in o"r fami(y "niverse8 He is o"r gran)mother's
on(y gran)son8 He is a(so the e()est an) on(y son in o"r fami(y0 which gives him the
a)vantage thanks to the ancient 4oman (aw of ,rimogenit"re8 A(fre) is @the ,rince0@ an)
o"r )e facto (ea)er8 A )ecision is never fina( "nti( my *rother gives it his stam, of a,,rova(8
@%hat a )ay8@ 6ram sighs8
@%e'(( remem*er the goo) ,arts0 6ram0@ 1 te(( her8
@1 ho,e so8@ 6ram smi(es8 @1'm re(ieve) my sister is going to *e a(( right8@
@She'(( *e fine0@ 1 ass"re her8
@$o" know0 1 co"nt on *oth of yo"8@ 6ram tightens her gri, on my arm8
6ram ha) ,(anne) to meet with A(fre) an) me after the rece,tion8 7ne (ast attem,t
to enco"rage "s to *e nice to one another0 1'm s"re8 1 haven't tr"ste) my *rother's motives
since he trie) to se(( 6ram's *"i()ing o"t from "n)er "s (ast year0 an) c(ose the shoe
com,any that has *een in o,eration since 12338
1 was fo"r years into my a,,renticeshi, when he attem,te) his takeover8 #he
economic co((a,se of the American *anking system (ast fa(( he(,e) me throw him off his
,(an8 As rea( estate va("es ,("mmete)0 he *ecame (ess eager to se(( 6ram's *"i()ing0 *"t 1
can te(( from his )emeanor that he's sti(( ", to something8 My *rother a(ways has a ,(an B8
1n the wor() of Manhattan rea( estate0 6ram's *"i()ing is sti(( ,rime0 with its %est
?i((age (ocation an) s,ectac"(ar H")son 4iver views8 B"t 6ram co"() never se(( it now for
the ,rice she wo"() have gotten on(y one year ago8 #his has on(y ma)e A(fre) more
resentf"( towar) me8 5ow that 6ram has a new (ife in 1ta(y0 it's c(ear 1'm on my own again8
1'm the on(y thing that stan)s *etween A(fre) an) a hefty sa(e on 'erry Street8 1 acce,t that 1
wi(( *e in the fight of my (ife when the ,(ane (an)s at !FI tomorrow night8
@1 ho,e yo"'(( (ook o"t for A"nt Feen0@ she *egins8
@1 wi((0@ A(fre) ,romises8
@%e a(( wi((0@ 1 amen)8 1'm a(ways amen)ing my *rother8 '("s0 1 know the tr"th of
the sit"ation8 1t won't *e 'ame(a an) A(fre) r"nning over to Feen's a,artment with mea(s8
My *rother won't )o her (a"n)ry an) take her to her )octor's a,,ointments8 He won't *e the
one to sit with her at the senior center on *ingo night8 1t wi(( *e the women0 my mother0
sisters0 an) me8
@1 )i)n't mean yo" wo"()n't::1 was A"st ass"ring 6ram that she can co"nt on me8@
A(fre)'s tone is ins"(ting8
@6reat0@ 1 snark8
@#hat's eno"gh8 .isten to me8 1 have given a (ot of tho"ght to what's to *ecome of
the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any8 An) 1've come ", with a ,(an8 1'm going to make yo"
,artners8@
@A(fre) an) meC $o" can't *e serio"s8 %e') have to ca(( the com,any Cha(k an)
Cheese0 *eca"se we co"()n't *e more )ifferent8@
A(fre) ,"ts his han)s in his ,ockets an) (ooks away8
@1t's the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any now an) forever0@ 6ram says firm(y8
@A(( of s"))en yo"'re nosta(gicC How co"() this workC@ 1 ,oint to my *rother8
@EverC@
@1t has to work8 1 traine) yo"0 ?a(entine0 an) yo"'ve ,roven yo"'re at the start of a
great career as a shoemaker::a )esigner::an artist0 which0 rea((y0 1 never was8 B"t yo" nee)
he(,8@
@1 )on't nee) his he(,8 1 )on't want his he(,8 1'm )oing fine witho"t him8@
@$o" nee) he(, on the financia( en) of things8@
@#he financia(s are easier than the )esign0@ 1 say )efensive(y8
@#hat statement a(one shows that yo" )on't know what yo"'re ta(king a*o"t0@ A(fre)
Aa*s8
@%hat )on't 1 know0 A(fre)C@
A(fre) faces me8 @%e sho"() have so() that *"i()ing (ast year0 when we co"() have
gotten a fantastic ,rice8 %e co"() have *een ,roactive an) move) the com,any to a chea,er
site0 (ike !ersey8 5ow0 *eca"se we waite)0 *eca"se o% ma)e "s wait0 we have to ri)e this
*a) economy o"t "nti( it t"rnsB@
@1'm not ri)ing o"t my )esign careerB 1'm in it for (ifeB@
@5o0 he means the va("e of the *"i()ing vers"s the )e*t0@ 6ram says ca(m(y8
@?a(entine0 1 wo"()n't *e comforta*(e sa))(ing yo" with everything invo(ving the *"siness8
B"t yo"'ve *een right on two co"nts8@ 6ram (ooks at A(fre) to make certain he is (istening8
She t"rns *ack to me8 @#he c"stom *ri)a( shoe *"siness sho"() not move from 'erry
Street::it's *een there near(y a h"n)re) years an) it sho"() stay there8 1t's im,ortant to kee,
the origina( shoe *"siness going as yo" )eve(o, yo"r new (ine8 #here is ,ower in the name0
an) in o"r tra)ition0 so e;,(oit it8 1 think yo"'re *ri((iant to have come ", with a )esign for
an every)ay shoe8 1t never )awne) on me to e;,an) the com,any in this way8 B"t yo"
tho"ght of the "ella #osa0 an) yo"'re )oing it0 an) goo) for yo"::goo) for a(( of "s8@
@#hanks0@ 1 m"m*(e8
6ram contin"es0 @5ow0 1've worke) everything o"t with my attorney0 4ay 4ina()i8
A(fre)0 1've ma)e my )ecision0 an) 1 e;,ect yo" to honor my wishes8 #he worksho, an) the
*"siness wi(( remain in the *"i()ing8 ?a(entine0 yo" may a(so contin"e to (ive in the
*"i()ing8 $o" wi(( *e the chief e;ec"tive officer of Ange(ini Shoes8 $o" wi(( *e in charge of
everything creative0 an) of the )ay:to:)ay o,eration of the sho,8 An) A(fre)0 yo" wi(( *e
the chief financia( officer8@
@Don't )o this to me0 ,(easeB@ 1 *eg her8
@?a(entine0 yo" have to tr"st me0@ she says8
@B"t this is a h"ge mistakeB@ 1 sto, an) throw ", my han)s8 !ac(yn is right8 My
fami(y is a(ways ye((ing::insi)e the hote(0 on the <"iet streets of Are99o::it )oesn't matter0
anywhere yo" (ook0 no matter what time of )ay or night0 we are rea)y for a fight8
@1t's what 6ram wants8@ A(fre) t"rns to face me8 @1t's her )ecision8@
My min) ree(s8 1 )on't want this0 *"t it seems if 1 )on't agree to it0 6ram wi(( *e
force) to )evise another strategy::an) it won't *e in my favor8 7n the other han)0 A(fre) has
a f"((:time Ao*::so rea((y0 how m"ch wo"() he *e aro"n)C 5ot m"ch8 1 take a )ee, *reath8
@7kay0 6ram0 if this is what yo" want888@
@1t's what's *est0@ 6ram says8
@B"t there have to *e con)itions to this )ea(8@
@7h0 now yo" have terms8@ A(fre) fo()s his arms across his chest8
@1 work there0 1've *een working there for over five years0 an) 1 inten) to stay8@
@Fair eno"gh0@ A(fre) conce)es8
@1 r"n the sho,8 7n the c"stom si)e0 1 *"y the materia(s0 make the )ea(s with the
ven)ors0 an) maintain the stock8 1 meet with the c"stomer0 )esign the shoe to her (iking0
an) then ,"t it thro"gh the constr"ction ,rocess on a sche)"(e8 1 oversee the ,attern c"tting0
an) 1 *"i() the shoe8 1've )eve(o,e) the secon)ary (ine0 an) 1 )on't inten) to share the
co,yright of the "ella #osa with anyone8 Anything that 1 )esign *e(ongs to me8 At the
moment0 1 a(so kee, the *ooks0 ,ay the *i((s0 an) A"gg(e the (oans8 1f yo" want to take over
the *ooks0 han)(e the (oans0 an) str"ct"re the )e*t an) the ta;es0 great8 #he time 1 save with
yo" )oing a(( of that wi(( free me ", to )o more )esign work8 1'm not intereste) in *eing
yo"r *oss0 an) 1 won't have yo" *e mine8@
@Fair eno"gh0@ he says <"iet(y8
@An)8881'm not going to agree to any of this "n(ess yo" agree that yo" wi(( not *e
)irect(y invo(ve) in the creative si)e::@
@Fine8@ A(fre) c"ts me off0 not *eca"se he )oesn't want to arg"e0 *"t the tr"th is0 he
co"() not care (ess a*o"t the shoes8 He co"() as easi(y *e CF7 of a com,any that makes
*ricks::Ange(ini shoes are A"st a ,ro)"ct to him0 n"m*ers on a (e)ger8 .egacy is a cross to
my *rother0 not a crown8
@1 )on't want yo" "n)erfoot0@ 1 te(( him8
@#hen we have a ,ro*(em0@ he says8
@A(fre) wi(( *e a f"(( ,artner in every way0@ 6ram says8 @He's going to )evote
himse(f to mo)erni9ing the com,any0 on a )ay:to:)ay *asis8@
@HowC He a(rea)y has a Ao*8@
@1'm no (onger at the *ank0@ A(fre) says <"iet(y8
@%hatC@ May*e this is what 'ame(a an) A(fre) were fighting a*o"t::e;act(y what
!ac(yn hear) thro"gh the wa((s at the inn8 @$o" <"it the *ankC@
@1 was (et go0@ he a)mits8
@B"t yo"'ve *een there eighteen yearsB@ 1n an instant0 1'm )efensive for my *rother8
He is0 after a((0 a *ri((iant *"sinessman an) the *iggest s"ccess story in o"r fami(y8 #he fact
that he )i)n't res,ect my work never meant that 1 )i)n't res,ect his8 1'm angry for him8
@#hose *anksB@
@1 saw it coming0@ A(fre) says8 @B"t that )oesn't make it any easier8 Be(ieve me0 1
wo"()n't take this Ao* if 1 )i)n't have to8@
@6ram0 it's not right that yo" went *ehin) my *ack an) ma)e a )ea( with A(fre)
witho"t cons"(ting me8@
@%e nee)e) a ,(an0 ?a(entine8 1 )i)n't want to )"m, the who(e com,any on yo" an)
(eave yo" to str"gg(e in this economy witho"t a ,(an8@
@Fair eno"gh8 B"t A(fre)C@
@?a(entine0@ 6ram warns8 @%e're ("cky we have someone in the fami(y with A(fre)'s
know(e)ge an) (eve( of e;,erience8@
@7f a(( ,eo,(eB He hates my g"ts8@
@1 )on't hate yo" at a((0@ my *rother says im,atient(y8 @1 )on't a,,rove of the way
yo" )o things0 an) 1 <"estion yo"r choices::@
@%ho are yo" to <"estion my choicesC 1 know how yo" fee(::yo" think 1'm a screw:
",0 in (ife an) work8 How wo"() yo" (ike to fee( A")ge) a(( the timeC@
@$o" have goo) <"a(ities0@ he says <"iet(y8
@#here's a ringing en)orsement8@
@.ook0 6ram is right8 $o" nee) he(,8 Someone to take the reins8@
@$o"'re not taking the reins0 A(fre)8 %e're sharing them8 4ight0 6ramC@
1 remem*er the ri)e to the ch"rch this morning0 an) how when the horse went off
co"rse0 an) the whee(s s(i) on the wet ,avement0 the )river he() *oth reins an) g"i)e) the
carriage *ack to safety8 1t wo"() never work to have two )rivers0 each ho()ing one of the
reins0 each with a )ifferent i)ea a*o"t how to )irect the carriage *ack on co"rse8 1t takes
one )river to steer a carriage::an) a sing"(ar vision to r"n a com,any8
1 have no i)ea how a ,artnershi, with my *rother co"() ,ossi*(y work8 1 can't
,ict"re myse(f si)e *y si)e with A(fre)0 making im,ortant )ecisions or hagg(ing a*o"t
inventory8 B"t this is the )ea( 6ram has ma)e0 an) it's her com,any0 an) her *"i()ing8 She
co"() have given them *oth to me o"tright0 *"t she )i)n't8 1 have to acce,t her terms8 1 have
no choice8 An) she knows it8
@%hen yo" ret"rn home0 1've set ", a meeting with 4ay at the sho,8 He'(( go over
the )etai(s0 *"t 1've a(rea)y signe) off on my en)8 1'm no (onger so(e ,ro,rietor of the
Ange(ini Shoe Com,any8 1 wi(( maintain an emerit"s ,osition on the *oar) of )irectors0
which now inc(")es each of yo"8 %hen the time comes for me to se(( the *"siness o"tright0
that wi(( *e a )ecision that we wi(( make together8 1n the meantime0 can 1 tr"st yo" two to
take care of o"r fami(y *"sinessC@
A(fre) says yes a(o")0 an) 1 no) in agreement8 1'm afrai) if 1 s,eak0 1'(( cry0 an) 1
can't give A(fre) that satisfaction8
@$o"r gran)father wo"() *e so ha,,y0 an) so ,ro") that his gran)chi()ren Aoine)
forces to r"n his com,any8@ 6ram's voice *reaks8 6ran),o, has (oome) over this )ay (ike a
heavy storm c(o") threatening rain8 1n the g(ow of her ,resent ha,,iness with Dominic0
6ram has *een thinking a*o"t her first h"s*an)8 She an) 6ran),o,'s (ong an) )iffic"(t
marriage has fa((en into sha)ow0 *"t not so far into the )ark as to not *e seen8 6ram s,ent
more than fifty years of her (ife with my gran)father0 an) even in )eath0 his wishes matter
to her8
@$o" took goo) care of the fami(y *ran)0@ 1 reass"re her8
@$o" can )o *etter0@ she ass"res me8 @An) with A(fre)0 yo" wi((8@
#he things 1 wi(( remem*er a*o"t 6ram's we))ing won't *e ,oignant =the recitation
of the vows> or sa) =A"nt Feen hitting the f(oor>0 they won't *e Aoyo"s0 or romantic0 they
wi(( *e pra&ti&al8 %ith one han) she signe) her we))ing (icense0 an) with the other she c"t
the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any in ha(f0 (ike a sheet of (eather8
As we c(im* the ste,s of the inn0 the night sky changes from mi)night *("e to stee(
gray8 A sma(( s(iver of a ,ow)er *("e moon ,"shes thro"gh the )ark c(o")s8 #he moon
)oesn't throw m"ch (ight0 *"t it )oesn't have to8 1 can see everything ,(ain(yD the roa) is
)ark0 it's win)ing0 an) 1 have no i)ea where it (ea)s8
!
Ain"t#ha $ver Coming Ba#k
1 #E45 #HE IE$ 15 the )oor of my room at the S,o(ti 1nn0 caref"( not to make a
so"n)8 1 )on't want to trigger any (ate:night ,owwows with my sisters8 1've seen eno"gh of
the Ange(inis0 4onca((is0 Fa99anis0 McA)oos0 an) ?echiare((is for a (ifetime0 not to mention
6e,etto0 the we))ing g"est who0 in o"r )arkest ho"r0 *ecame one of "s as he witnesse)
A"nt Feen's swan )ive into ,"*(ic )r"nkenness8 #he way this evening has gone0 1 sho"()
have Aoine) her8 Better to *e )r"nk to take the *(ow of 6ram's )ecision than stone:co()
so*er8
1 )on't know what 6ram was thinking0 sticking me with A(fre) as my ,artner0 *"t
she hasn't )one me any favors since she fe(( in (ove with Dominic8 1t's a(most as if #r"e
.ove has rotte) her *rain8 An) here 1 am::her )efen)er an) cham,ion::(eft with ,artia(
when 1 )eserve) the who(e8 She s,(it the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any in two0 (ike a ,air of
shoes0 han)ing one to my *rother an) the other to me0 ren)ering one com,(ete(y "se(ess
witho"t the other8
1 )ro, my shaw( an) my ,"rse on the *e)8 #hen 1 kick off my shoes8
1 (ook aro"n) the room for something0 anything0 to eat8 1'm starving8 %e((0 there's
a(ways the we(come ,(atter that Signora 6"arasci (eft in each of o"r rooms8 A *ott(e of ,ink
(i<"or0 some *rea)sticks0 an) a *ow( of fresh figs ca(( my name8
1 gra* the *ott(e an) the corkscrew off the ,(atter an)0 ,(acing it on the nightstan)0
sta* the ,oint into the cork8 1'm so over this )ay0 1 co"() *ite off the neck of the *ott(e with
my teeth8 1 nee) a )rink0 an) 1 nee) it now8 How ironic8 1 s,ent most of the )ay at the
hos,ita( waiting for my )r"nken great:a"nt to so*er ",::an) the first thing 1 )o in the hote(
room is gra* the *oo9e8 At (east this ,artic"(ar weakness is in the D5A0 it's not my fa"(t8
1 fi(( the crysta( t"m*(er from the )ressing ta*(e with ,ink whatever:it:is to the *rim8
1 ri, o,en the *rea)sticks0 anchor one in my mo"th (ike a cigar0 an) chew8 #hen 1 sit )own
in the rocker0 ,"(( the footstoo( over0 an) ,"t my feet ",8 1 ho() ", the g(ass an) toast
myse(f8 Congrat"(ationsB $o" )i)n't get kisse)B $o" )i)n't eat cakeB $o" were ",stage) *y
Be((a Boo*s0 an) yo"'re in *"siness with yo"r *rother0 who has never (ike) yo"B %e've got
a winnerB 1 swig8
#hen0 1 (ook )own at the sca)s of fa"; ,ear(s that (ie on my chest in a tang(e)
c("m,8 %hat was 1 thinkingC #hey are ticky:tacky8 7n to, of a(( the in)ignities of the )ay0 1
)i)n't even (ook goo)8
After twe(ve ho"rs0 the ,ear(s fee( (ike ,ennyweights aro"n) my neck8 1 (ift the mass
of them over my hea) an) )ro, them on the f(oor8 #hat's the *ea"ty of ,(asticH it trave(s
we(( an) takes a*"se8 1 co"() )ro, them o"t the win)ow an) they wo"()n't shatter on the
streets *e(ow::no0 they') A"st t"ck an) ro((0 (ike my ego has )one a(( )ay (ong8 1 won't wear
m"(ti,(e stran)s of Coco Chane(:ins,ire) ,ear(s ever again::"n(ess 1'm in France8 #his (ook
)i) not work in 1ta(y8 7r may*e it A"st )i)n't work on 6ian("ca ?echiare((i0 an) that's what's
tro"*(ing me8 1 take another swig8
1 te;t 6a*rie( Bion)i0 who wo"() *e the (ove of my (ife if he weren't gay8 %e've
*een *est frien)s since co((ege0 an) he's the )es,erate ca(( 1 can make at 3D33 A8M8::or the
transat(antic te;t 1 can make at any other ho"r of the )ay8 4ight now0 he's )evising the
seating chart for the so():o"t Sat"r)ay night show at the Car(y(e8 He'(( *e ha,,y to hear
from me0 if on(y to ,rocrastinate at work8
MeD Disaster in 1ta(y8
6a*eD %hatC
MeD A"nt Feen hammere) at the rece,tion8 %as hos,ita(i9e)8
6a*eD 7M68
MeD 6ets worse8
6a*eD HowC
MeD A(fre) fire) at the *ank::6ram ,"t him in *"siness with me8
6a*eD #he A,oca(y,seB
MeD 1t's here8 1'm s"cking f(ames8
6a*eD How's !ohn ."kkaC
MeD .earn to s,e((8 $o"'re 1ta(ian8 61A5.ECA *ro"ght a )ate to the we))ing8
6a*eD E;,(etive8
MeD Eh h"h8
6a*eD #ho"ght at (east yo"') get ("cky8
MeD 5o s"ch ("kka8
6a*eD #hey c"t my ho"rs at the Car(y(e8
MeD 5oB
6a*eD 1t's gonna *e a Har) Can)y Christmas aro"n) here8
MeD 1t's on(y Fe*r"ary8
6a*eD 7I8 Har) Can)y Saint 'atrick's Day8
MeD 1'm sorry8
6a*eD Come home8
MeD 1n a h"rry8
#here's a knock at the )oor8 1 ignore it8
#he knock *ecomes a series of sma((0 ,ersistent ta,s8 6"i(t washes over me8 %hat if
A"nt Feen has sto,,e) *reathingC %hat if my )a) or mom is sickC 1 take a *ig g"(, of the
wine an) throw my ,hone on the *e)8 1 give ",8
@Coming8@ 1 o,en the )oor8
@?a(entina8@ 6ian("ca (eans against the sash of the )oor an) fo()s his arms8 #he fine
gray woo( of his morning s"it a,,ears ,resse)0 as if he A"st ,"t it on8 #he on(y in)ication
that he's *een thro"gh the same (ong )ay 1 A"st en)"re) is the (oosene) tie0 a *(ack:an):
white:stri,e) fo"(ar) whose "n)one knot gives him the se;y air of forma(Fcas"a(
s,re99at"ra::even at this ho"r8
@Hi8@ 1 c(ose my eyes an) inha(e the fami(iar scent of his skin0 a com*ination of
c(ean (emon an) s,icy (eather0 *efore 1 take a ste, *ack into my room8 1 wasn't e;,ecting
him8 .ver8 1 am in ,ostevent )ec(ineD my mascara is sm")ge) (ike raccoon tar ,its
"n)erneath my eyes0 my )ress is ha(f "n9i,,e)0 an) 1 sme(( (ike chea, )essert wine8 %hat a
conf("ence of (ove(y to ("re this man into my (air8 @!"st a moment0@ 1 say to him8 1 go to the
*e)0 sna, o,en my evening *ag0 an) remove his han)kerchief8 @Here8@ 1 ho() it o"t for him8
@#hank yo"8@
@1'm not here for the han)kerchief8@
@7h8@ 1 fo() the han)kerchief in ha(f0 an) then0 after a few moments of si(ence0 1
t"rn it into an origami accor)ion in my han)8 #he ha((way *ehin) 6ian("ca is <"iet an)
sti((8 #he on(y (ight comes from the sec"rity (am, at the far en) of the corri)or8
@1 ho,e) that 1 might choose the right room0@ he says8
@A"nt Feen is )own the ha((0@ 1 te(( him0 waving in the genera( )irection of her
room8 %hat a res,onsi*(e g"y8 He came to check on his new a"nt0 the one with a )rinking
,ro*(em8
@How is sheC@ he asks8
@She's s(ee,ing it off8@
A few moments ,ass8 1 refo() the han)kerchief8
@Are yo" going to ask me inC@
1 ,a"se8 Act"a((y0 1 free9e8 Ask him inC For what! e;act(yC May*e Car(otta re*"ffe)
him8 !"st (ike the ,aste version of rea( ,ear(s0 1'm her s"*stit"te8 7r may*e that's not it at a((8
May*e it's a *"siness thing0 an) he wants to se(( me some rare ca(fskin for the sho,8 7r
may*e it's an o() )e*t8 1t's ,ossi*(e that 1 owe him for the horse an) carriage8 A(( 1 know is
that he's stan)ing there waiting888for something8
7h0 if on(y it were me8 My secret ho,es for a we))ing:tri, tryst with 6ian("ca hit
the gro"n) an) *"rst into f(ames the moment he showe) ", with Car(otta at the rece,tion8 1
)i)n't see that comingH a woman with a (ove ,(an never )oes8 My instincts )i) not serve me
we((0 *"t to *e fair0 when 1'm with my fami(y0 they never )o8 My instincts foc"s e(sewhere::
"s"a((y ch"rning aro"n) some )rama they've create)8 #he ,"rs"it of ,otentia( romance an)
fami(y o*(igations )o not mi;8
%hen 6ian("ca (eft the hos,ita( with Car(otta0 1 fe(t reAecte)8 4i)ic"(o"s0 1 know8
=$o" cannot *e reAecte) *y someone that yo" )o not act"a((y have a )ate with8> 6ian("ca
an) 1 were har)(y a s"re thing0 *"t if o"r ,ast enco"nters were any in)ication0 there was
heat0 a m"t"a( attraction0 an) a certain sym,athy that 1 imagine) might (ea) to something
more8 1t's *een a few months since 1 saw him in 5ew $ork0 an) whi(e 1've *een *"sy0 my
tho"ghts have gone to him from time to time8 7kay8 More than a few times8 %hat woman
)oesn't (ike a man that makes his )esires knownC He to() me he ha) fee(ings for me8 An) 1
a(rea)y know that 1 (ike kissing him8
An) then there's the )igestif e(ement0 the conce,t of a treat at the en) of an ar)"o"s
night8 1 )eserve a (itt(e romance an) ma(e attention after a(( 1've *een thro"gh on this tri,8
'ay*ack for *eing a goo) s,ort an) "n,ai) maAor)omo for my mother an) sisters an) their
fami(ies8 1 have *een an "n)esignate) *"t com,(ete(y "se) E;tra 'air of Han)s =my
mother's term> since we gathere) at the air,ort8 1 ("g0 1 ti,0 1 assist0 an) 1 corra(::an) 1 )o it
with a smi(e8
1 ha"(e) my mother's e;tra s"itcases0 co"nting them as my own so she wo"()n't
have to ,ay e;tra8 1 a)ministere) my father's g(a"coma eye )ro,s on sche)"(e in 1ta(ian
time8 1 he(,e) my sisters with their ki)s0 the ,atient mai)en a"ntie who )iverte) their
attention in the termina( when a fight was *rewing0 *o"ght them can)y to sh"t them ",0 an)
once on *oar) ,(aye) ro"n)s an) ro"n)s of #ic:#ac:#oe on cocktai( na,kins "nti( 1 tho"ght
my eye*a((s wo"() *(ow from their sockets an) ro(( )own the center ais(e an) into first
c(ass8
1 a(so serve) as an "n,ai) assistant n"rse for the geriatric trave(ers in o"r ,arty8 1
fetche) A"nt Feen's me)s0 "nwra,,e) her crackers from the ce((o,hane0 smeare) them with
cheese0 an) ",on (an)ing0 *ecame her two:(egge) caneFwhee(chair stan):in0 which has (eft
me with a stiff sho"()er an) a sore (ower *ack8
1've *een perfe&t8 An) a(( 1 wante) in e;change for my s"ffering was a (itt(e comfort
from a #"scan tanner8 6e kisse) me on the *a(cony of the J"isisana (ast year when 4oman
Fa(coni stoo) me ", on o"r Ca,ri vacation8 6e aske) me to consi)er his affections on my
roof over(ooking the H")son 4iver8 B"t that was then8 #o)ay0 a(( of 6ian("ca's ,revio"s
)ec(arations seeme) to )ry ", an) *(ow away (ike 1ta(ian snow when he *ro"ght Car(otta to
the we))ing8
An) now0 who can imagine why0 my se(f:confi)ence has888wane)8 1'm *ack at Ho(y
Agony when 1 t"rne) thirteen an) was ca"ght in the coat c(oset *y Sister 1me()a in the arms
of Bret Fit9,atrick after o"r confirmation )inner8 She )i)n't say a wor)0 that ,rying
,ost"(antH she A"st s(amme) the )oor sh"t an) (eft "s in the )ark with o"r shame8 #here is
s"ch a thing as the r"ine) moment0 the misse) o,,ort"nity0 (ove )erai(e)8 1 sho"() know8
1've (ive) it more than once8
@May 1 come inC@ he asks again8
@7kay0@ 1 answer0 with a sense of )efeat8 @Caref"( of the ,ear(s8@ 1 ginger(y kick the
,"))(e of fa"; "n)er the *e) as he c(oses the )oor *ehin) him8 @#here's on(y one chair0@ 1
a,o(ogi9e8 1'm )ownright awkwar)0 offering a to"r of the two ,ieces of f"rnit"re in my
room8
@1 make yo" nervo"sC@
@5o0 no0 not at a((8@ 7n(y in the (an) of ?a(entine Maria A(fre)a 4onca((i wo"()
,ent:", se;"a( energy trans(ate into a case of )ys,e,sia8
He sits )own in the rocker8 He stretches his (ong (egs o"t in front of him8 He wears a
si9e 13 shoe8 He fi((s ", this hote( room with a (ot of man8
@%o"() yo" (ike a g(ass of8881 think it's wineC@ 1 offer8
"4ra1ie0@ he says8
1 go to the ta*(e8 #here's on(y one g(ass8 7f co"rse there's on(y one g(ass::this is the
s,inster s"ite8 1'm ("cky Signora (eft me a *ow( of free figs8 @Eh0 we'(( have to share0@ 1 te((
him as 1 ,o"r the wine8
@6oo)0@ he says8
1 *ring him the g(ass8 He takes a si, an) (eans *ack in the rocker an) (ooks at me8
1 sit as far forwar) on the e)ge of the *e) as 1 ,ossi*(y can *e witho"t act"a((y
stan)ing ",8 1 sort of888,erch8 .et's get the *a) news o"t of the way first8 @So0 where's
Car(ottaC@
@1 )rove her to Der"ta0 where she (ives8@
@7h0 great8@ 1 )on't know what's so great a*o"t it0 *"t too (ate now0 1 sai) it8 @1
a(ways (ike) Der"ta8 'retty ,ottery8@
@An) what )i) yo" think of Car(ottaC@
@#hat was some mink8@
6ian("ca (a"ghs8 @She's very e(egant8@
@#hat wo"() *e one wor) for it8@
6ian("ca (ooks conf"se)8
@1f the men in my fami(y took a vote0 1 think they') come ", with a wor) to )escri*e
her0 an) it wo"()n't *e elegant8 How (ong have yo" *een seeing herC@
@Seeing herC@
@$eah8@
@Since 1 was nine years o()8@
@5ineC@ Boy8 5o won)er they are consi)ere) the wor()'s *est (overs8 #hey ,ractice8
#hese 1ta(ians start ear(y8
@Her father makes the e<"i,ment we "se in the sho,8@
@7h0 that's interesting8@ 1 )on't fin) it one *it interesting8 1 co"() not care (ess8 1 (ean
forwar) an) take the g(ass from 6ian("ca an) si, the wine8 1 han) the g(ass *ack to him8
@Chi()hoo) romances are won)erf"(8@
@She to() yo"C@
@5o0 1 A"st ass"me)8@
@%hyC@
@#he way yo" were together0 1 g"ess8 1'm (ike that with Bret8@
@BretC@ he asks <"iet(y8
@$eah0 Bret Fit9,atrick an) 1 finish each other's sentences::sti((8 %e *roke ", years
ago0 *"t we're sti(( c(ose8 #here's a history8 1t's comforta*(e8@ 1 ho,e he's Aea(o"s of BretH it
wo"() serve him right for san)*agging me *y *ringing Car(otta to the we))ing8 So 1 ,i(e
on8 @#here's a shorthan) with an e; who knows yo" we((8 $o" know0 (ike yo" have with
Car(otta8 1'm s"re yo" know everything a*o"t one another8@
He no)s8
1 contin"e0 @So0 how )i) yo" (ike the we))ingC@
@1'm ha,,y for my father8 An) for #eo)ora8@
@7rso(a te((s me that yo"'re going to take over the sho, an) (et Dominic retire8@
6ian("ca's e;,ression changes at the mention of his )a"ghter's name8 He smi(es8
@'a,a wo"() (ike that8 He wants to s,en) a(( of his time with yo"r gran)mother8 1 wo"()
(ike that0 too8@
@#hey want to enAoy every moment0@ 1 agree8 B"t 1 was s"r,rise) how <"ick(y 6ram
was a*(e to (et go of making shoes8 1t's a(most as if a key t"rne)0 (ea)ing her into Dominic's
ho"se an) o"t of o"r workroom8
6ian("ca rocks in the chair8 @1t's a goo) (esson for everyone8@
@A*so("te(y8 Sei9e the moment8@ 1 g"(, the wine whi(e sharing the wis)om stitche)
on my mother's ,ot ho()ers8
@May*e yo" wi(( come to Are99o more oftenC@
@1 )on't nee) an e;c"se8 1 (ove it here8@
"Va $ene8@
7nce the va $enes start ro((ing0 we're on common gro"n)8 At (east0 that was tr"e in
Ca,ri::in the ,ast8 1 get ", an) refi(( the g(ass with the ,ink ,otion8
@An) yo"C@ 6ian("ca asks8 @How )o yo" fee( a*o"t to)ayC@
My eyes fi(( with tears8 1 hate this wineB 1t's fi((ing me with fa(se emotions8 5o one
sho"() )rink when they're sa)8 @1'm going to miss 6ram8@
6ian("ca gets ", an) goes to the nightstan)8 He ,icks ", his han)kerchief0 then he
sits )own on the *e) *esi)e me8 He )ries my tears8
@1'm sorry8 1 )on't want to cry8 B"t 1 think 1've a(most )r"nk that entire *ott(e
of888what is this0 anywayC@
@?in Santo8 Dessert wine8 1so(e e 7(ena8@
@1 sho"() at (east know the name of what 1'm ki((ing the ,ain with8@
@%hat ,ainC@
@7h0 1 )on't know8 .et me ,ick from the *o"<"et of )es,air8 .et's start with the A'sD
a*an)onment8@ #he tears f(ow free(y again8 1 gra* the han)kerchief o"t of his han) an) )a*
them8
@$o"r gran)mother has a (ife to (ea)::on her own0 witho"t yo"8@
@1 knowB@
@So what is the ,ro*(emC@ he says soft(y8
@1'm going to en) ", o() an) a(one an) sta**ing we))ing cakes (ike A"nt Feen8@ 1
so*8 #he tho"ght of this terri*(e fate makes me fee( worse8 1 can't sto, crying8
@1 )on't *e(ieve it0@ he says8
@%hy wo"() yo"C $o" won't en) ", a(one8 $o"'ve got Ma)ame Mink8@ 1 might as
we(( take a ,o(itica( stan) for 'E#A if 1'm never going to kiss 6ian("ca8 @$o" know0 1 )on't
even *e(ieve in wearing f"r8@
@$o" )on'tC@ He smi(es8
@1 )on't know8 1t's not the mink8 1t's her8 She's888s,ectac"(ar8@
@She is very *ea"tif"(8@
1 cry into the han)kerchief8 @$es0 she is8@
@1'm sorry0@ he says8
@$o" )i)n't )o anything wrong8@
@$es0 1 )i)8 1've ma)e yo" sa)8@
His a)mission sh"ts )own my waterworks (ike a (ever8 At times0 6ian("ca s,eaks
Eng(ish *etter than me0 an) other times0 he has a )iffic"(t time e;,ressing himse(f in
anything *"t 1ta(ian0 *"t occasiona((y he's as shar, as a nee)(e no matter the (ang"age0 so
,ointe) he goes right to the center of things8 @$o" want the tr"thC $es0 yo" did make me
sa)8@
He smi(es8
@$o" think that's f"nnyC@
@5o0 it's not f"nny8@
@#hen why are yo" smi(ingC@
@Beca"se 1 knew8@ He smi(es again8 @$o" care a*o"t me8@
1 get ", an) move to the win)ow8 1 throw it o,en for air8
@Come here0@ he says soft(y8
@5o0 thanks8@ 1 t"rn away from the night air an) stan) *ehin) the rocker an) ho()
the *ack of it with two han)s (ike a me)ieva( shie() se,arating me0 the (ow(y sing(e
han)mai)en0 from the D"ke of De(ish8
@%hy notC@ He seems s"r,rise)8
@1 fee( ,(aye)8 $o" know0 mis(e)8 $o" ha) a shot with me (ast night8 1 tho"ght yo"
were sen)ing me signa(s at the rehearsa( )inner0 which now0 in retros,ect0 were rea(8 B"t
then yo" *(ew it to)ay8 $o" *ro"ght Car(otta to the rece,tion8 1 ha) a who(e thing in my
hea)0 a ,erfect (itt(e fantasy ,erco(ating0 a*o"t how things were going to go *etween "s at
the rece,tion8 1 tho"ght we') ta(k0 have a cocktai( or two0 may*e a (itt(e ,asta fo((owe) *y a
s(ice of cake after the knife throwing0 we') share a c", of es,resso0 a (itt(e )ancing::yo"
know0 ty,ica( we))ing rit"a(s that (ea) the sing(e ,eo,(e to ,artake of we))ing:night rit"a(s
witho"t any of the ,a,erwork8@
6ian("ca is st"m,e)8
1 contin"e0 @%hy )o 1 )rinkC 1 ta(k too fast8@
@$o" )on't ta(k eno%gh8@ He gets ", an) han)s me the g(ass8
1 fee( s(ight(y cornere)8 #he fresh air that ,o"rs thro"gh the win)ow em*o()ens me
(ike the o;ygen they ,"m, into the casinos in (ate night .as ?egas to kee, the grannies at
the s(ot machines "nti( )awn8 1 can *reathe0 1 can think0 an) therefore0 1 am going to *e
)irect with him8 @1'm free0 yo"'re free888get itC 1 wasn't free in Ca,ri::an) now 1 am0 *"t
yo"'re not8 $o" have Minky8@
@Car(otta8@
@$eah8 Car(otta8@
@B"t 1 )on't have Car(otta8@
@%hat )o yo" meanC@
@She's my friend8 #hat's a((8 Her fami(y an) mine have *een c(ose a(( these years::in
*"siness together8 She came to the rece,tion o"t of res,ect for my father8@
@7h8@
@How )o yo" say888@ He (ooks off an) o"t the win)ow0 ,ast the shie()0 *eyon) me8
@888that yo" have it a(( wrongC@
@$o" say0 1 have it a(( wrong8@
6ian("ca moves the rocker0 the *arrier *etween "s8 He takes me in his arms8 #he
night air whist(es thro"gh the win)ow (ike a *reath0 sen)ing a chi(( thro"gh me8 1 ,(ace my
han)s on his face0 an) thro"gh his hair8 #hen 1 rest my hea) on his sho"()er8 #he scent of
the citr"s an) (eather on his skin remin)s me of the tins of *eeswa; 1 kee, in the sho,8 1t's
the scent of everything 1 treas"re0 my chi()hoo) in the workroom on 'erry Street0 the c(oth
when 1 *"ff a ,air of shoes 1've ma)e0 an) now0 him8
1 remem*er what his arms fe(t (ike (ast year0 *"t he was for*i))en then0 so 1 )are)
not take in the )etai(s8 1 ha) a *oyfrien)0 an) 1 )i)n't want to take a)vantage of this #"scan
tanner who 1 tho"ght might *e trying to take a)vantage of me8 7r was heC 1t )oesn't matter8
#his is so m"ch *etter than going *ack in my min)'s eye to the *a(cony at the J"isisana::
*eca"se tonight0 it's m i)ea8 @Iiss me0@ 1 whis,er8
His (i,s gra9e my cheek "nti( he fin)s my mo"th8 He kisses me8 1 am on my ti,toes
for a very (ong time as we connect0 o"r (i,s moving in f"(( e;,ression0 witho"t wor)s8 %ho
nee)s them nowC 1 am )one e;,(aining my fee(ings8 1 want to have my fee(ings instea)8
Better yet0 1'm going to have him8 6ian("ca kisses my eyes0 my nose0 my cheeks::1 )on't
know how many kisses he gives me::ten0 a tho"san)0 a mi((ionC
@1'm sorry 1 ma)e yo" sa)0@ he whis,ers in my ear8 @1'm sorry we waste) so m"ch
time8@
@1 )on't care0@ 1 te(( him8 @1 got *"ckets of time8 Boat(oa)s888a(( 1 have is time8@ He
interr",ts me with kisses )own my neck8 He fin)s the ha(f:"n)one *ack of my )ress an) 1
hear the soft whir of the 9i,,er as he "n)oes it8 His han)s on the sma(( of my waist fee(
warm as he eases them ", to my sho"()ers8 1f 1 wasn't ti,sy0 1') sto, him0 as my ,arents are
)own the ha((0 an) A"nt Feen is s(ee,ing off her rece,tion *en)er with a snore they can
hear in F(orence8 B"t 1 )on't care a*o"t any of that now8 1 A"st want him8
He s,ins me gent(y thro"gh the room0 (ike the f("tter of snowf(akes that ma)e )i99y
,atterns o"tsi)e my win)ow this morning8 1t's as if 1'm moving thro"gh the air witho"t a
)estination in sight0 not <"ite f(ying0 *"t )efinite(y off the gro"n)8 #his m"st *e how
*a((erinas fee( when they sai( thro"gh the air )"ring a A"m,8 1 am weight(ess as he carries
me to the *e)8
#his is not a goo) i)ea0 1'm thinking0 as he (ays me on the *e)0 an) yet it a(so fee(s
(ike the *est i)ea ever8 1 )on't hear ch"rch *e((s0 or *rass *(aring0 or see satin ri**ons
"nf"r(ingH this isn't going to *e tri"m,hant se;0 there isn't going to *e a ,ara)e0 *"t 1 )on't
nee) one8 1 nee) him8 6ian("ca wants me::an) he's wante) me a very (ong time8 1s there
any harm in ,"rs"ing something that cannot (astC 1sn't it time 1 ma)e ", my own r"(esC
%e *oth know that 1'm (eaving in the morning8 Fig"ring o"t the continenta( )ivi)e0
)oing the mathD 1'm there0 he's here::so whatC 1t's a cha((enge::what e(ement in my (ife isn't
a cha((engeC %hat e(se might sto, meC He's my gran)mother's ste,sonC %hat )ifference
)oes that makeC %hen the internationa( )ivorce rate hits &3 ,ercent0 the tr"th is0
every*o)y's re(ate) anyhow8
%hat's the worst that co"() ha,,en hereC So0 we make (ove0 it's )ivine::an) then0
we never )o againC 1 ,romise 1 wi(( *e very ha,,y with the fo"r ho"rs 1 wi(( have with him
*efore the s"n comes ",8 1'(( treas"re the memory (ike a ro,e of )a99(ing )iamon)s an) not
*e ",set at a(( if 1 fin) o"t the stones aren't rea(8 1 swearD whatever 1 get0 whatever we have
tonight0 wi(( *e e2a&tl eno"gh8 Here's a *o() conce,t for a Catho(ic gir( from J"eensD stay
in the moment8
@1'm so ha,,y yo" came *ack to me8@ 1 cover him with kisses8
He smi(es as his han)s trave( from my hi,s to my waist8 My )ress fa((s away as he
,"((s me c(oser sti((8 @1 wante) yo" from the first moment 1 saw yo"8@
@An) 1 tho"ght yo" )i)n't (ike me at a((8@
@5ow )o yo" "n)erstan) that 1 )oC@
@1 "n)erstan)8@
@#here was a ,ro*(em0@ he whis,ers8
My heart races8 Here it comes8 1 a(ways e;,ect to get *a) news0 *"t "s"a((y not this
soon0 an) never after 1've a(rea)y ste,,e) o"t of my )ress8 1 ask0 @%hat ,ro*(emC@
@$o"'re so yo"ng8@
1 )on't know if it's the cra,,y sherry0 or that 1 can't get the so"n) of A"nt Feen
hitting the f(oor o"t of my hea)0 *"t when a thirty:fo"r:year:o() woman hears she's too
o%ng0 a(( inhi*itions an) o*stac(es )isa,,ear8 7o%ng8 #he wor) itse(f is an a,hro)isiac::not
that 1 nee) one8 A great (over knows e;act(y what to say0 which is even more im,ortant than
a great (over knowing what to )o8 1 nee)e) to hear that 1'm sti(( yo"ng after a )ay of fee(ing
(ike that war,e) whee( on the o() horse carriage8 @1'm not too yo"ng0@ 1 ass"re him8 @1
remem*er eight:track ta,es8@
@1t )oesn't matter0 *eca"se 1 can't he(, the way 1 fee( a*o"t yo"8@
Even with my smeare) *(ack koh( eye(iner giving me the (ook of si(ent movie star
#he)a Bara0 an) my )isheve(e) si(ver (ame )ress thrown across the *e) (ike a mermai)'s
fin0 1 get it8 He wants me0 an) 1 want him8 Beginning of storyC En) of storyC %ho nee)s
wor)sC %ho's even ta(kingC
6ian("ca g(i)es on to, of me gent(y0 ,"((ing me c(ose8 He reaches aro"n) me an)
(ifts me so 1'm on the ,i((ows8 He shifts0 ,"((ing my B(ackBerry o"t from "n)er me8 @.ose
the ,hone8@ 1 kiss him8 He )ro,s the B(ackBerry to the f(oor as the coo( night air *(ows
thro"gh the c"rtains an) washes over "s8
#here's a *anging at the )oor8
@7h0 6o)0@ 1 whis,er8
@Don't answer it0@ he whis,ers *ack8
5either of "s moves8
%e ho() o"r *reath8
Bang8 Bang8 Bang8
@A"ntie ?a(C@ my niece Chiara ca((s o"t to me8
Bang8 Bang8 Bang8
6ian("ca ro((s off me8 1 ,oint to the *athroom8 He goes into the *athroom an) c(oses
the )oor *ehin) him8 1 gra* my ro*e from the hook on the *ack of the )oor an) ,"(( it on8 1
yank the *e(t of the ro*e in a knot (ike 1'm rigging a *oat to the )ock8
1 o,en the )oor8 @%hat's the matterC@
My niece stan)s *efore me in her Hannah Montana ,aAamas0 her *(ack eyes wi)e
o,en8 @Can 1 s(ee, with yo"C@
@Em0 1 think it wo"() *e *etter if yo" s(e,t in yo"r own *e)8@
@Charisma is crow)ing me8@
@6ive her a (itt(e shove8@
My tone ca"ses Chiara to raise her eye*rows8 She co"nters0 @She'(( wake ",8 1t's too
hot in o"r room8@
@1'(( o,en the win)ow8@
@5ah8@ She fo()s her arms across her chest8
@1 think yo" sho"() go to yo"r room0@ 1 say with an "rgency she hasn't hear) since 1
yanke) her away from the c(osing )oors on the E train e;iting the J"eens Bo"(evar) sto,
when she was five8 Chiara (ooks at me s"s,icio"s(y8 1 t"rn ,erfect(y nice0 ho,ing to )itch
this ki) *ack into her room0 so 1 can ret"rn to 6ian("ca's arms8 @4ea((y0 honey8 A"ntie is
e;ha"ste)8@
@Do yo" have any can)yC@ She tries to ,eer thro"gh the ,artia((y o,ene) )oor an)
into my room8
@5o0 honey0 1 )on't8@ 1 (ook )own the ha((way8 %here in the he(( is this ki)'s motherC
%hy )oesn't #ess wake ", an) )ea( with herC 1 smi(e at Chiara8 @1t wi(( soon *e *reakfast::
an) 1'(( *"y yo" a *ig Aar of 5"te((a for the ,(ane ri)e8@
@$o" wi((C@
@$e,0 an) a s,oon8 An) yo" can eat for seven ho"rs on the ,(ane on the way home8@
@Do 1 have to shareC@
@5o0 no sharing8@ 1 give Chiara a h"g0 an) then0 c(osing my )oor *ehin) me0 wa(k
her )own the ha((way an) *ack to her room8
@Mom won't (et me eat it o"t of the Aar8@
@$es0 she wi((8 1 wi(( *"y her a A"m*o *ott(e of Coco co(ogne off of the )"ty:free
cart8@
@6oo)8@ Chiara ,"shes the )oor of her room o,en8
A woman's (o") scream0 coming from my *athroom0 ,ea(s thro"gh the <"iet8
@%hat was thatC@ Chiara gra*s me0 afrai)8
@6o in yo"r room8@
1 t"rn an) r"n )own the ha((way an) into my room8 6ian("ca is stan)ing in front of
the *athroom )oor8
@1 frightene) yo"r sister0@ he says as he ,oints to the *athroom8 @1t connects8@
@1 forgot to te(( yo"8@
#he ha((way (ight f(ickers on8 @1s everything a(( rightC@ my mother ca((s o"t from
her room at the en) of the (ong ha((8
@1 saw a mo"se0@ !ac(yn ca((s from her )oor0 ne;t to mine0 covering for the shock of
fin)ing 6ian("ca in herFo"r *athroom8
@1'(( sen) Da))y0@ Mom ca((s o"t reass"ring(y8
@%hat the he(( can 1 )oC C("* it with a shoeC@ Da) *e((ows8
@1 )on't know0 D"tch8 #hink of something0@ my mother says8
@1'm not chasing mice0@ he *arks8 @Hasn't this )ay *een *a) eno"ghC@
@1'm afrai)B@ Chiara comes o"t of her room an) into the ha((way an) *egins to cry8
@Maaa:maaaB@ Her voice echoes thro"gh the hote( (ike an A(,ine yo)e(8
#ess o,ens her )oor0 comes o"t of her room0 an) Aoins her )a"ghter in the ha((0
groggy from s(ee,8 @%hat's the matterC@ 1 hear her say8
@A"nt !ac(yn was screaming0@ Chiara e;,(ains8
@$o" sho"()n't (isten at ,eo,(e's )oors0@ 1 hear #ess te(( ChiaraH c(ear(y she thinks it
was a ,(easant scream that her )a"ghter mis"n)erstoo)8 #ess then c(oses Chiara's )oor
soft(y *ehin) her8
@1'(( go8@ 6ian("ca kisses my han)8
@5o0 yo"'re staying8@
@1 can't0 now8 #he chi()ren8 $o"r fami(y888@
@4ight0 right8 A *(oo)c"r)(ing scream knocks the starch right o"t of romance8 How
a*o"t888@ 1'm thinking we co"() go to his ho"se::an) so is he8
He shakes his hea) no8 @'a,a an) #eo)ora8@
@4ight0 right8@ 1 think again8 @1s there a hote(C@
@#his one8@
%e (ook at one another8
@%e're )oome)0@ 1 whis,er8
@5o8@
@How )o yo" fig"reC 1'm (eaving in the morning8@ 1 throw myse(f against his chest8
@$o" might *e going home0@ he says soft(y0 @888*"t yo" wi(( never (eave me8@
6ian("ca's (i,s fin) my own with s"ch ten)erness0 then he kisses my cheek0 an) into
my ear he whis,ers0 @5ever8@
%
&'st as Tho'gh (o' )ere ere
#HE F7.DE4S .1E 5EA#.$ 75 6ram's (ong )ining room ta*(e0 A"st as she (eft
them0 ,(ain(y marke) in her own han)D Ho"seFMaintenance0 CityFCo)es an) #a;es0
Ange(ini Shoe Com,any0 an) 'ersona(8 7n to, of the ho"se fo()er are sets of keys0 marke)
for every )oor an) win)ow of 1++ 'erry Street8
1 o,en the fi(e marke) 'ersona( first8 6ram has written )own her internationa( ce((
,hone n"m*er0 the sho, n"m*ers at ?echiare((i L Son0 her new a))ress0 an) a c"rrent *ank
statement from Banca 'o,o(are that (ists me Aoint(y with her on the acco"nt8 1t has M&0333
in the ,("s co("mn an) in her han)writing0 a 'ost:it that saysD For Emergencies8
1 can't imagine what emergencies she co"() *e referring to::"nti( 1 o,en ", the
Ho"seFMaintenance fo()er8 Here are a few ,otentia( )isastersD *oi(er *reak)own0 roof (eaks0
,("m*ing fiascos0 an) wiringFe(ectrica( iss"es8 1 ,"t my face in my han)s8
5ow that 1 officia((y (ive here a(one0 the )ecor an) ,(acement of 6ram's f"rnit"re0
the co"ch0 the c"rtains0 the o() te(evision set0 a(( seem )ate)8 1 nee) to make the ,(ace my
own8 B"t where to startC 1 )o revere an) want to ,reserve the memories0 the history0 of this
a,artment0 *"t every time 1 wa(k thro"gh0 1 miss 6ram::an) it's *eca"se it's sti(( her ho"se8
Before she (eft0 she was "nintereste) in the fate of the contents8 @Do whatever yo"
want0@ she sai)8 B"t what 1 rea((y want is for her to *e home0 an) *ack in the sho, with me0
the way it "se) to *e8
1 make my way )ownstairs to the workroom8 #he ha((way has the scent of (emon
wa; an) (eather0 an) a tinge of motor oi(0 *eca"se 1 grease) the gears on the c"tting
machine *efore going to *e) (ast night8
1 ,"sh the g(ass )oor etche) with a c"rsive A o,en8 My an;ieties seem to )issi,ate
once 1 set foot in this sho,8 #his is a magica( ,(ace where 1 fee( in tota( contro(8 %e ca(( it a
workroom0 an) whi(e we ,"t in (ong ho"rs0 it's act"a((y a plaroom::where i)eas are *orn8
#he ,atterns !"ne c"t yester)ay (ie neat(y on the ta*(e0 (ayers of tiss"e ,a,er an)
fa*ric ,inne) together witho"t a *"m, or a gather8 She ,ro,,e) my sketch of the 3smina
on the she(f to remin) herse(f to c"t the ,attern for o"r newest a))ition to the (ine of c"stom
shoes first thing this morning8
1 "n(ock the win)ow gates an) ro(( them *ack8 1t's a *(eak Fe*r"ary morning with
(ow winter c(o")s that hover over the %est Si)e Highway (ike a sheet of gray:an):white
mar*(e8
De(ivery tr"cks sit in a row at the sto,(ight hea)ing for the Brook(yn #"nne(8 1t may
snow to)ay0 an) it wo"()n't matter8 #here's ,(enty of work to *e )one insi)e8 %e were in
1ta(y for five )ays0 an) even tho"gh !"ne worke) thro"gh0 accor)ing to the sche)"(e0 we're
*ehin)8 #here is no s"ch thing as vacation in a fami(y:owne) *"siness8 %hen we take time
off0 we ,ay for it8
1 ,"(( on the overhea) (ights an) sit )own at the )esk8 1 move the stat"e of Saint
Cris,in0 who anchors a stack of *i((s an) the ,a,erwork from o"r ,ayro(( com,any8 !"ne
(eft me a hea, of mai( with a note that rea)s0 @6oo) ("ck8@ 1 sh"ff(e thro"gh the enve(o,es8
1 o,en the *ank statement8 #he coffers are f"((::for now8 B"t the ,ros,ects for 2313
are *(eak8 7"r c"stom (ine wi(( s"ffer as (";"ry goo)s take a hit in the market,(ace8
#herefore0 1 am going to have to move very <"ick(y to esta*(ish Angel +hoes0 o"r new0
economica( (ine of f(ats8 1 )esigne) the "ella #osa0 a )"ra*(e yet e(egant shoe with hi,
signat"re em*e((ishments that 1 ho,e wi(( *e covete) *y women si;teen to ninety8 1 a(so
ho,e to get the ina"g"ra( shoe0 the "ella #osa of the Angel +hoes (ine0 into mass ,ro)"ction
*y the fa((8
B"t there is m"ch to )oB 1 nee) financing to go into ,ro)"ction on a (arge sca(e0 so 1
can se(( the "ella #osa to as many ven)ors as ,ossi*(e8 My e;:fiance0 Bret Fit9,atrick0
s"rvive) the %a(( Street me(t)own an) now works to finance new *"siness8 He took me on
*eca"se of o"r (ife(ong frien)shi,0 *"t a(so *eca"se he *e(ieves in the vision 1 have for
growing o"r *ran)8
%e have to fin) a man"fact"rer to make the "ella #osa8 4esearch an) (ea)s0
s"*se<"ent meetings0 an) conversations ,oint to China0 where most American:)esigne)
goo)s are ma)e these )ays8 My gran)father wo"() *e horrifie) at Ange(ini shoes *eing
ma)e anywhere *"t 'erry Street0 an) anywhere *"t the Enite) States0 *"t 1 have to stay
o,en to a(( ,ossi*i(ities8
#here's a knock on the win)ow8 Bret waves to me thro"gh the g(ass0 motioning that
he'(( meet me at the entrance8 %e've ma)e a ha*it of these ear(y:morning meetings8 He
takes an ear(y train from his home in 5ew !ersey an) swings *y *efore he makes his way to
%a(( Street8 As he t"rns the corner0 his navy to,coat f("tters *ehin) him in the win)0 (ike the
wings of a *("e*ir) in a *arren tree8
@1 *et yo" wish yo" were sti(( in 1ta(y8@ He kisses me on the cheek an) ,"shes ,ast
me into the sho,8
@$o" have no i)ea8@
@1 got yo"r te;t8 1 can't *e(ieve 6ram hire) A(fre)8@
@He starts to)ay8 Mr8 CF78@
@%hereC@
@4ight there8@ 1 ,oint to the )esk0 which 1 have c(eare) to make room for A(fre)8 1t's
the first time since 1 was a ki) that the )esk has not *een c("ttere) with stacks of ,a,er8
@#his new ,artnershi, might ki(( me8@
@1t won't ki(( yo"8 1n fact0 if yo" work it an) stay coo(0 A(fre) can act"a((y make
yo"r (ife easier8@
@Do yo" think soC@
@A*so("te(y8 $o"'re going to ,"t him to work for yo"0 an) he won't even rea(i9e it8
First of a((0 1 wi(( )ea( with yo"r *rother on the man"fact"ring ,(an8 He wi(( )o the research0
)raw ", the *")gets0 make the ,roAections0 an) reach o"t to factories that can make yo"r
shoes8 1n the meantime0 1'm o"t raising the money to (a"nch the Angel +hoes *ran)8 %ith
that money0 we wi(( ,"t the "ella #osa into ,ro)"ction8 7nce we have the shoes in
,ro)"ction0 1 wi(( he(, yo" ,(ace them in the market8 Don't worry8 1 got yo"r *ack8@
@$o" a(ways have8@
@1'm a(( over it8@ Bret o,ens his *riefcase8
His (ight *rown hair is r"ff(e) *y the win)8 1 resist the "rge to smooth it0 as 1 )i) for
the ten years we )ate)0 one of them::the (ast year::act"a((y *etrothe) *efore we *roke ",8
#here might *e a mi((ion reasons why it )i)n't work o"t with "s0 *"t it on(y took one to en)
it8 1 wante) to *e a shoemaker0 an) he nee)e) a stay:at:home wife8 5either of "s wante) to
)e,rive the other of o"r )reams0 so we )eci)e) not to marry8 5o one was more s"r,rise)
than 18 My chi()hoo) frien)shi, with Bret ha) *(ossome) into a romance0 an) when it came
time to make the )iffic"(t )ecision to move on0 the fo"n)ation of m"t"a( res,ect an) (ove
carrie) "s thro"gh8 %e have a(ways ha) a nat"ra(0 easy re(ationshi,::which is why we co"()
*e honest with one another when o"r (ives went in )ifferent )irections8
He (ooks at me8 @%hat the heck are yo" thinking a*o"tC@
@1 was remem*ering when we went into *"siness se((ing in)"stria( c(eaner )oor:to:
)oor in the seventh gra)e8@
@$o" nee)e) a (ot of *reaks8@ Bret (a"ghs8
@1 sti(( )o8 $o" were s"ch a nat"ra( sa(esman8 $o" ta(ke) those ho"sewives into
*"ying that c(eaner (ike no*o)y e(se co"()8@
@1 *e(ieve) in the ,ro)"ct8 !"st (ike 1 *e(ieve in yo"8@
@1'm A"st a str"gg(ing co**(er8@
@5ot for (ong0 ?a(8 #his is so m"ch f"n for me8 1t's going to *e something to watch
this com,any grow8 An) yo"'re )ifferent from most of the com,anies o"t there8 #his
economic co((a,se might act"a((y work in yo"r favor8@
@1') (ike to know how8@
@#he fe)era( government has rea((y ste,,e) ",8 #here's an incentive ,rogram for
sma(( *"siness in 5ew $ork State::they're taking a,,(ications for (oans right now8@ Bret
han)s me a fo()er fi((e) with forms8 @#he city wi(( reassess yo"r ,ro,erty ta;es an) a)A"st
them accor)ing to )ef(ation in the rea( estate market0 an) they'(( give yo" some *reaks on
"ti(ities0 as (ong as yo" kee, a minim"m of fo"r em,(oyees on the ,ayro((8 4ight now0
yo"'ve got three::yo"0 A(fre)0 an) !"ne8 $o" nee) a fo"rth to <"a(ify::*"t yo" have time to
hire that ,erson8 An) then0 there's the new )eve(o,ment f"n)8 1 think yo" might *e a*(e to
swing a very (ow:interest (oan to (a"nch the "ella #osa8@
@1 haven't *een a*(e to get any traction with the *anks0@ 1 a)mit8
@5o one can at this ,oint8 #he sma(( *"siness re, in 5ew $ork is a woman name)
Iath(een Sweeney8 1 hear she's to"gh8@
@5ice 1rish gir(8@
@E;act(y8 Here's her information8 Ca(( her an) sche)"(e an a,,ointment8 An) it
wo"() *e smart for yo" to inc(")e A(fre)0 so he's investe) in this8@
@6oo) ,oint8 So what can 1 )o for yo"C How can 1 ever re,ay yo" for a(( yo"'ve
)one for meC@
@$o" can come to Maeve's *irth)ay ,arty8 She's t"rning five8@ Bret gives me an
enve(o,e covere) with ,ink *a((oons ma)e of fe(t8
@A(rea)yC@
@A(rea)y8 1 can't *e(ieve it8 'i,er is going to *e two8@
@1t seems (ike yester)ay that yo" to() me that Macken9ie was e;,ecting8@ 1 can't
*e(ieve a(( that Bret has accom,(ishe) in the ,ast si; years8 He's *"i(t a fami(y with
Macken9ie0 *roken into the financia( wor()0 *o"ght a home0 an) move) o"t to the s"*"r*s8
%hen 1 (ook *ack on the same ,erio) of time0 1 think a*o"t how 1 mastere) sewing ki)skin
*y han)8 %e are (ea)ing two very )ifferent (ives8 @Are yo" going to have more chi()renC@
@Macken9ie says the sho, is c(ose)8 1 wo"() (ove more8@
@1 think yo" )efer to the (a)y on those matters8@
@7f co"rse8 A(ways8@
@1'(( )efinite(y *e at the ,arty8@ 1 give Bret a h"g8
@Bring 6a*rie(8@
@#he *(ack c(o")C 5o way8 He hates ki)s8@
@$eah0 *"t he gives o"r s"*"r*an 5ew !ersey ,arties some e)ge8 An) when he has a
co",(e g(asses of wine0 he sings the 4o)gers an) Hammerstein song *ook (ike no*o)y's
*"siness8@
@1'(( *ring him8@
1 wa(k Bret to the )oor8 @1 )on't know how to thank yo"8@
@$o" )on't have to8 1t's f"n for me8@
@$eah0 *"t yo"'re *"sy0 an) this is sma(( ,otatoes8 7f co"rse0 1 say ,otatoes *eca"se
yo"'re 1rish8@
Bret (a"ghs8 @1 have a fee(ing when yo" get these shoes off the gro"n)0 it's going to
mean some *ig changes for yo"8@
@%o"()n't that *e somethingC 1') ,ay off the mortgage an) the (oans an) remove the
a; of im,en)ing )oom that hangs over my hea)8@
@#he goo) newsD the a; is imaginary8 $o"'(( get A(fre) where yo" want him8 An)
?a(0 if any*o)y can )o it0 it's yo"8@ Bret ,"shes the )oor o,en an) t"rns to me8 @$o"'re on to
something *ig here8@
Sometimes when 1 (ook at Bret0 1 see a(( the years we've known each other "ns,oo(
(ike a (ong0 en)(ess ri**on witho"t a *eginning or an en)8 %e've known each other most of
o"r (ives0 an) there is a tr"st that is so )ee,0 1 won)er if 1 co"() ever have it with any other
man8 @$o" a(ways come thro"gh for me8@
@1t's easy8@ He smi(es an) goes8
1 o,en the invitation to Maeve's *irth)ay ,arty8 #he invitation has *een written in
ca((igra,hy an) assem*(e) *y han)0 with g(itter an) (ace8 #he section with the )ate0 time0
an) ,(ace ,o,s ", o"t of the crease with a *"nch of *a((oons8 Maeve's ro"n) face a,,ears
insi)e the *a((oons8
How )oes Macken9ie )o itC %o"() 1 ever *e the sort of mother who co"() assem*(e
*irth)ay ,arty invitations with se<"ins an) g("eC %o"() 1 even *e the kin) of ,arent who
wo"() en8o )oing itC
%hat a *ea"tif"( face Maeve Fit9,atrick has0 with her father's serene co"ntenance
an) her mother's *(on) hair8 1 ,in the invitation ", on the *"((etin *oar)8 1'(( en)"re
anything for Bret::inc(")ing screaming five:year:o()s0 a ,irate who )oes magic tricks0 an)
a train ri)e to 5ew !ersey8
A (etter from 6ian("ca arrives in the mai( from 1ta(y0 a(ong with a s(eeve of (eather
sam,(es from his sho,8 B"siness an) ,(eas"re t"cke) into one enve(o,e8
1 o,en the (etter first8 His han)writing is artf"(0 that g(orio"s 1ta(ian scri,t with the
c"r(ic"e e)ges8 He wrote it with a fo"ntain ,en in mi)night *("e ink8 A fo"ntain ,en in
2313B Mirac"(o"sB
94 fe$$raio 2:9:'ara Valentina!
Even my name (ooks ,rettier when written *y an 1ta(ian8 #he (etter is )ate) the night
of 6ram's we))ing0 the night we a(most s,ent together8 Here's a f"n)amenta( )ifference
*etween "sD that night0 6ian("ca went home an) wrote )own his tho"ghts0 whi(e 1 s(amme)
the )oor of my room at the S,o(ti 1nn an) stewe)8
Please a&&ept m apologies for tonight at the inn. ; was &arried awa with emotions
that ; have $een feeling for /%ite some time. 7o% &o%ld not know of these feelings! for ; had
not admitted them to mself. "%t when ; saw o% at the &h%r&h! down the long aisle $efore
the altar! ; was filled with! and there is no other word to %se! a great longing.
; have not had the tr%e love ; had hoped for in m life! and now! ; wonder if it is
even possi$le. *an men! e2&ept the poets! seem to sear&h for this parti&%lar love! and the
find it somehow! in words and intention. "%t me( ; do not know. There was a moment in the
&h%r&h when ; tho%ght ; saw it! in o%r ees! o%r fa&e! o%r $ea%tif%l fa&e. Later! when ;
fo%nd o% in o%r room at the inn! ; wondered if it &o%ld $e tr%e! that o% might re&ipro&ate
the feelings ; had! and t%rn m longing to kisses. <ow! ; hope. ,o o% feel as ; do(
* love! 4ianl%&a
7h0 for 6o)sakes8 1 have to sit )own8 1'm thirty:fo"r years o()0 an) no one has ever
written me a (ove (etter8 F"(( )isc(os"reD there's an o() shoe *o; in my mother's attic with
evi)ence to the contrary8 1 save) notes 1 ,asse) in schoo( with Bret =the ,hrase that sent me
swooning then was @$o"'re my gir(@ written in ,enci( on (ine) schoo( ,a,er>8 An) 1 )i) ,"t
the te;t messages sent *y 4oman Fa(coni =@.ove E@> in a ,(ace ca((e) ,ermanent memory
on my ,hone8 B"t 1've never receive) a (etter on onionskin ,a,er stam,e) @'ar Avion0@
written in in)e(i*(e ink0 that )escri*e) me as @*ea"tif"(@ an) @(onge) for0@ or s,ecifica((y
aske) me what 1 want an) what 1 nee)0 romantica((y8 #his is a first8
1 imagine) that if 1 was ever ,resente) with a (etter )escri*ing s"ch ar)ent fee(ings0
in ,("sh an) meaningf"( sentences0 that of co"rse 1 wo"() $elieve them8 1 want to *e(ieve
them8 1') (ike to think that every now an) again0 1 co"() ren)er a man weak::*"t this isn't
the Eng(ish co"ntrysi)e0 an) 1'm not !ane Eyre0 an) he's not Mr8 4ochester ri)ing ", on his
horse to the manor where he hi)es his menta((y "nsta*(e wife in the attic8 7r is heC
1 go to the ironing *oar) an) ,("g in the o() e<"i,ment0 as 1 have )one *y rote many
mornings8 1 nee) something to )o0 *eca"se 1 )on't want to think a*o"t what 1 want to )o
with 6ian("ca8 %hen 1 was a gir(0 1 *o"ght my mother's (ines a*o"t one man for every
woman0 referre) to it in ,assing as @a (i) for every ,ot0@ @a hat for every hea)0@ @a g(ove for
every han)@=o))(y0 no @shoe for every foot0@ )es,ite the fact that we are in the *"siness>8
5everthe(ess0 1 tho"ght my (ife in (ove wo"() go as my mother's ha) *efore me0 even
tho"gh every conscio"s )ecision 1 have ever ma)e regar)ing my f"t"re fo((owe) the motto
@%hatever Mom )i)0 )o the o,,osite8@ My mother ke,t it sim,(e8 #he o() @7ne 6o)0 one
man0 one (ife@ is the ,hi(oso,hy she *"i(t her (ife ",on0 *"t it has not ,anne) o"t as a
rea(istic ,ath for me8
1 (ick my finger an) test the *ase of the iron8 1 (eave my finger there a secon) too
(ong an) *"rn it8
1 sho"() never ,ick ", a hot iron when 1'm )istracte)8
@%hoo hooB@ !"ne ca((s from the )oorway8 She ,(ows in wearing so m"ch winter
gear0 1 can *are(y see her face8 Her *right *("e coat is the on(y to"ch of co(or on this )ank
morning8 She carries a *ag with coffee for "s from the )e(i8 @Don't ye(( at me8 1 got
)o"ghn"ts8 %e nee) to ce(e*rateB@
As !"ne takes off her hat0 g(oves0 an) coat0 she (istens caref"((y as 1 te(( her the story
of 6ram's we))ing )ay8 %hen the story t"rns to night0 she sits0 ,ee(s the ,(astic (i) off the
,a,er coffee c",0 an) stirs8 She (eans in as 1 te(( her a*o"t 6ian("ca showing ", at my room
at the S,o(ti 1nn8
%hen 1'm )one0 she *reaks her )o"ghn"t in ha(f0 giving me the (arger ,ortion8 @1t's
a(ways the man yo" )on't make (ove to0 the one who wante) yo" an) )i)n't have yo"0 that's
the man who wi(( never forget yo"0@ she says8 @#he antici,ation of se; is often more
thri((ing than the rea(ity8@
@%ho are yo" ki))ingC@ 1 (ook at !"ne0 who stores the se;"a( history of 6reenwich
?i((age since 12&2 in her *o")oir )rawer (ike a satin nightie8
@5o harm in trying to make yo" fee( *etter8@ She (a"ghs8 #his is what 1 (ove a*o"t
!"ne8 Se; is 6o)'s greatest gift to the ,(anet0 with a sense of h"mor coming in a c(ose
secon)8 6ram ta"ght me how to make shoes0 *"t !"ne has ta"ght me it's im,ortant to (et
go::an) have f"n8
@7kay0 an) a(( right0@ she says8 @1 wo"() have (ike) the story *etter ha) yo" act"a((y
ma)e (ove to the 1ta(ian8 At my age0 we want to hear a(( a*o"t it *eca"se we )on't get it so
m"ch anymore8 So now we're *oth fr"strate)8 %hy )i)n't yo" an) 6ian("ca (eave the hote(
an) fin) a <"iet s,ot somewhere to make some noiseC@
@1 trie)B 1 )on't even have ki)s0 an) my night was r"ine) *y one8 1t's (ike Chiara
knew her fra99(e) a"ntie was going to get ("cky an) ha) to )o anything she co"() to sto, it8
5ow 1 know why they ca(( it getting ("cky::*eca"se when yo" )on't get it0 yo" fee( c"rse)8@
@1 )on't mean to a)) to yo"r stress (eve(s8@ !"ne )"nks the (ast *ite of her )o"ghn"t
in her coffee8 @B"t we nee) to ta(k8@
!"ne ro((s the work stoo( c(ose to me an) ,(aces her han)s on the ta*(e8 Her *right
re) hair is *rai)e) in sma(( ,igtai(s that rest on her sho"()ers8 Her rhinestone:st"))e)
rea)ing g(asses anchor her *angs off of her face8 At seventy:one0 !"ne is in great sha,eH her
,orce(ain com,(e;ion is f(aw(ess from a (ife of avoi)ing the s"n8 7n(y the creases aro"n)
her mo"th0 a (egacy of years of smoking0 te(( her age8 She sti(( wears *right *("e eye
sha)ow0 *ohemian East ?i((age sty(e0 with (eggings an) a m"(tico(ore) voi(e ,rint smock
over a t"rt(eneck8 !"ne co"() *e any e;:)ancer in 5ew $ork City8 @Honey0 1'm o()0@ she
says8
@5ever8@
@5ever has arrive)8 An) it's *ro"ght varicose veins an) memory (oss a(ong for the
ri)e8 Here's the )ea(8 1'm tire)8 1 )on't know how m"ch (onger 1 can c"t ,atterns for yo"8@
@1s something wrongC@ 1 ,anic8 #wo ho"rs on the Ao* as *oss0 an) 1've a(rea)y (ost
my key em,(oyee8
@$o" mean (ike a )isease or somethingC 7h 6o)0 no888"n(ess years of smoking wee)
has fina((y ca"ght ", with me8 B"t 1 )on't think it has8 1 "nwin) with 6o)'s gift to the
gar)en an) so far0 so goo)8 5o0 it's not my hea(th that's forcing this )ecision8 1t's the
n"m*erD seventy:one8 Seven8 7ne8 My wrists h"rt0 an) my fingers are getting stiff with
arthritis8 1 think 1 nee) to retire8@
@An) )o whatC@
@%e((0 1 tho"ght 1') sit aro"n) an) (isten to Mi(es Davis an) ,aint my toenai(s8 An)
1') (ike to catch that show The View (ive::1 (ove that %hoo,i8@
@$o" want to watch #? an) hang o"tC May 1 Aoin yo"C@
@A*so("te(y not8 $o" have a name to make for yo"rse(f8@
@1 )on't want to )o this witho"t yo"8@
@S"re yo" )o8 An) yo" can8 An) yo" wi((8 ?a(entine0 yo" know0 yo"r 6ram's
marriage was a wake ", ca((8 1'm a (itt(e yo"nger than she is0 of co"rse0 *"t one year over
the age of seventy is e<"iva(ent to ten years "n)er seventy8 #ime is s(i,,ing thro"gh my
han)s (ike chea, satin8@
@Any*o)y can )ie at any age0 !"ne8@
@$eah0 *"t when yo"'re over seventy0 yo"'re more likel to )ie8 An) 1 want to re(a;
with the time 1 have (eft8@
@%hen )o yo" want to (eave the com,anyC@ #ears sting in my eyes8
@7nce yo" get the "ella #osa going0 1 think 1 sho"() go8 An) we sho"() think a*o"t
getting someone in here who 1 can train8@
@7kay8@ B"t it's not okay8 1 can't imagine working witho"t !"ne8 An) 1 )on't want to
work with anyone e(se8 %e rare(y arg"e0 we fig"re o"t how to so(ve a ,ro*(em witho"t
)rama0 an) we even (ike o"r coffee the same0 (ight no s"gar8
@.ook0 it's not the en) of the wor()8 #hings change0 ?a(entine8 1'm s"re yo" )on't
want me kee(ing over on the ,attern ta*(e8@
@Act"a((y0 1 wo"() (ike that8@
!"ne (a"ghs8 @$o"'ve ha) eno"gh of "s o() gir(s aro"n)8 #eo)ora "n)erstoo) that8
She c(eare) o"t so yo" co"() have yo"r own (ife8 An) with A(fre) starting888@
@$o" )on't want to work with him either8@ #he i)ea that !"ne wo"() (eave *eca"se
of A(fre)0 or even ,art(y *eca"se of him0 makes me angry a*o"t the sit"ation 6ram (eft me
in a(( over again8
@1 can han)(e A(fre)8@ !"ne shr"gs8 @1 A"st )on't want to8 An) he's not the reason 1'm
(eaving8@
#he entrance )oor o,ens8 A(fre)0 who has not set foot on the is(an) of Manhattan in
anything *"t a Brooks Brothers s"it since he gra)"ate) from Corne(( twenty years ago0
wears Aeans an) a ,o(o shirt with a ,arka thrown over it for his first )ay of work at the
Ange(ini Shoe Com,any8
6ram's attorney0 4ay 4ina()i0 tr")ges in *ehin) him0 carrying the same *riefcase
he's ha) since the Iorean %ar8 He wears (ayers for warmthD a sweater vest "n)er his trench
coat an) a Cossack hat with f(a,s over his ears8 He's )resse) to ,(ace a f(ag on the highest
,eak in Antarctica8
@First )ay of schoo(0@ !"ne says wry(y as she ,icks ", her ,inking shears to res"me
her work from yester)ay8
@#hat's e;act(y what it fee(s (ike0@ A(fre) says8
1 give 4ay a gift *ag off the )esk8 @Confetti from 6ram's we))ing8@
@#hanks8 1 (ove !or)an a(mon)s0 *"t 1 can't have them anymore8@ 4ay ,oints to his
mo"th8 @#oo m"ch *ri)gework8@
@Soak them in vo)ka first8 #hat's my ti,0@ !"ne says8
@Sha(( we meet ",stairsC@ A(fre) ,ro,oses8
4ay an) A(fre) go ", the stairs8 !"ne motions for me to have co"rage as 1 fo((ow
them8
4ay sits )own at the en) of the ta*(e an) ,"((s fi(es from his *riefcase8 1 take a
fo()er of )oc"ments that 1 com,i(e) for A(fre) an) 4ay from 6ram's stack on the en) of the
ta*(e8 1 sit )own across from A(fre) with a ,it of )es,air in my stomach8
4ay (ays o"t the contracts0 1 (ook over them0 *"t the wor)s are a *("r to me8 1
,reten) to rea) them as A(fre) ,ores over them8 1 (ook at 4ay8 He knows 1'm making a )ea(
that 1 never wo"() have agree) to if 1 )i)n't fee( force)8 B"t 1 have no choice in the matter8
1f 1 want to (ive an) work here0 1 have to ,(ay a(ong8
@?a(entine0 we're going to esta*(ish a renta( ,ayment for yo" in the a,artment a*ove
the works,ace0@ 4ay says8
@#hat's fine8 1 to() 6ram that's okay with me8@
@%e'(( kee, it (ow8@ 4ay smi(es8
@1 ho,e so0@ 1 te(( him8
@1t says here that a(( financia( )ecisions are ma)e Aoint(y8@ A(fre) (ooks at 4ay8
@1t )oes0@ 4ay says8
@B"t ?a(entine has f"(( contro( of the creative a(so8@
@A(fre)0 yo"r gran)mother was very c(ear8 She wants yo" to serve as chief financia(
officer0 setting *")gets an) ,ayro((0 restr"ct"ring )e*t0 an) assisting ?a(entine in whatever
she may nee) to grow the com,any8 #his inc(")es research an) ,"rs"it of f"t"re contracts8
5ow0 ?a(entine has *een engage) in ,ro)"ct )eve(o,ment with Bret Fit9,atrick888@ 4ay
e;,(ains8
@He's a f"n):raiser0@ A(fre) says8 @An) he sho"() *e com,ensate) for that8@
@$es8 An) #eo)ora is comforta*(e with Bret in the mi;0 as (ong as his efforts serve
?a(entine's vision8@
@1 get it0@ A(fre) says8
@So any )ecisions a*o"t financing are to *e ma)e *y yo" an) ?a(entine::Aoint(y0@
4ay c(arifies8
@#hat (eaves me hamstr"ng0@ A(fre) says a(o") as he contin"es rea)ing8
@%e((0 it is m *"siness8@ 1 (ook at 4ay8
@B"t 1've *een *ro"ght in as chief financia( officer to r"n it0@ A(fre) corrects me8
@1 mean::@ 1 take a )ee, *reath an) (ower my voice::@that it's my *"siness in the
sense that 1 create the ,ro)"ct we se((::an) yo" re(y on me to )e(iver that ,ro)"ct8
7therwise0 1'm ha,,y to share everything8@
@7kay8@ A(fre) (ooks at me8
1 rea(i9e that he's on(y *eing agreea*(e *eca"se he's *een on the Ao* for a(( of ten
min"tes8 @So here's my *")get8@ 1 reach across the ta*(e an) give A(fre) the c"rrent *")get
with o,erating e;,enses8 @An) here's the (ist of c"stom shoes "n)er c"rrent contract0 with
)own ,ayments an) shi,ment )ates8@ 1 ,(ace the re,ort on to, of that8 @An) here are my
,roAecte) *"siness goa(s::inc(")ing the man"fact"ring of the "ella #osa8 #his fi(e inc(")es
a(( of Bret's research with the Sma(( B"siness A)ministration an) some information a*o"t
foreign man"fact"rers8 B"t the foreign e(ement is incom,(ete8 $o" can he(, me fig"re o"t
that ,iece8@
@%ow8@ A(fre) seems s(ight(y im,resse)8 #hen he says0 @1'(( rea) over this8@
@#ake yo"r time8@ 1 stan) ",8 @4ay0 thank yo" for setting this ", for "s8@ 1 e;ten) my
han) to him8 @1'(( ,ro*a*(y *e ca((ing on yo" from time to time8@
4ay shakes my han)8 @My ,(eas"re8@
@My goa( in (ife is to se(( eno"gh shoes so 1 might ,"rchase yo" a ,ro,er *riefcase8@
@7() ha*its )ie har)0 1'm afrai)8@ 4ay ,ats his o() satche(8
@An) sometimes they nee) to0@ 1 te(( him8
6ram (eft her *e)room s"ite *ehin)8 #he heavy0 )ark staine) oak f"rnit"re with its
fo"r:,ost finia(s an) )ee, carvings on the hea)*oar) says 123 (ike 4osie the 4iveter or
garter hose with seams8 #he *e) is ma)e with the same ,a(e green satin s,rea) that's
covere) it since 1 was a chi()8
6ram s"ggeste) 1 move into her room0 *eca"se it's (arger8 1've *een (iving in the
sma((er g"est room a(( these years8 My mother's *e)room0 across the ha((0 is a shrine to the
12&3s8 #he wa((,a,er has a ,attern of *"nches of vio(ets tie) with go() ri**ons that gives
the effect of a year:ro"n) gar)en8 1 (ike the vintage ,a,er *"t 1 )on't want to move in there
either8 1'm going to stay ,"t8 6ram wi(( *e *ack to visit0 1 ho,e0 an) when she ret"rns0 1
want her to fin) some of the o() fami(iar things she (oves in ,(ace as she (eft them8 Besi)es0
1've grown to (ove the g"est room across from the *ath0 with the stairs o"tsi)e my )oor that
(ea) to the roof8 1t's home to me now8
My mother's room is fi((e) with stacks of storage *o;es that 6ram )i)n't have time
to sort thro"gh *efore she (eft8 %e ,acke) ", her c(othes0 an) some heir(ooms from her
mother0 to take to her new (ife in 1ta(y8 She an) Dominic ,(an to re)o his ho"se in Are99o0
so she wante) to start fresh8 She )i)n't even take her re(ia*(e s,aghetti ,ot0 which signa(e)
to me that she's )etermine) to start over8
1've ,romise) myse(f that 1 wi(( go thro"gh a *o; at a time0 whenever 1 get a chance0
an) event"a((y 1 wi(( have )istri*"te) these mementoes to my mother0 sisters0 an) A(fre)8
#here are (ots of ,ict"res of my mother0 the on(y chi()0 eno"gh to fi(( a crate0 an) at (east
one wa(( in the homes of each of her fo"r chi()ren8 My mother's (ife is chronic(e) from her
*irth in *(ack an) white to her marriage0 in vivi) sha)es of Io)achrome fi(m8 1'm getting to
know her a(( over again8
#he ,hotogra,hs are so te((ing of the moo)s we were in0 an) what was ha,,ening
when the ,ict"res were taken8 #he ,ict"res taken in the 12/3s0 when #ess0 !ac(yn0 A(fre)0
an) 1 were yo"ng0 te(( the story of a fami(y in crisis0 an) then0 once into the 1223s as we go
off to co((ege0 yo" see the moo) (ift an) the Aoy ret"rn8
My mother an) father s"rvive) a crisis of my )a)'s own )esign0 when he ha) an
affair an) Mom move) "s into this *"i()ing )"ring the s"mmer of 12/+8 7f co"rse0 she
never to() "s the rea( reason she move) "s into the city::she sai) o"r ho"se nee)e)
rewiring::*"t it was act"a((y o"r )a) that nee)e) the re)o8 As the years went on0 we got *its
an) ,ieces of the story0 "nti( o"r ,arents fe(t we were o() eno"gh to han)(e it0 an) then we
were a((owe) to ask anything a*o"t it that we wishe)8 #o)ay0 if we )isc"ss the ,ast0 their
story is to() in f"((0 com,(ete with my father's confession0 my mother's forgiveness0 an) my
father's ret"rn to the fo()8
My father's ancient infi)e(ity is now ,art of the fa*ric of o"r fami(y8 %e )on't
em*roi)er over it0 or ,reten) it never ha,,ene)::it's A"st *ecome one of those things::(ike a
cancer )iagnosis0 a fai(e) )river's test0 s"rviving the m"m,s0 or the ce(e*ration of a
)eserve) ,romotion with the 'arks De,artment8 Da)'s in)iscretion is )ro,,e) into
conversation (ike any )ate or ,erio) of historica( significance in the story of o"r fami(y8 So0
then too0 is #he Aftermath0 the @*etter years0@ Mom ca((s them0 after o"r ,arents renewe)
their vows an) we0 their fo"r chi()ren0 stoo) ", for them in ch"rch0 knowing f"(( we(( what
they0 an) we0 ha) *een thro"gh8 1n a sense0 they gave "s the gift of forgiveness *y forgiving
one another8 1t was a (esson that took with my sisters an) me0 *"t not with A(fre)8 %e ha)
to convince him to come to the ch"rch8 Fina((y0 tho"gh0 after a (ot of ,(ea)ing0 he showe)
",8
Sometimes 1 marve( at my fami(y's a*i(ity to acce,t the worst0 an) to forgive0 *"t
that's )"e to my mother an) father's )etermination that no one0 not even a se)"ctress name)
Mary from 'ottsvi((e0 'ennsy(vania0 wo"() come *etween "s8 How ironic0 then0 to think
that it isn't an o"tsi)er that threatens to tear "s a,art an) )estroy "s now0 threa) *y threa)0
*"t a *o(( weevi( from within8 #he rea( enemy of o"r fami(y "nity0 as it t"rns o"t0 is a shar,
*"sinessman with a co() heart::my *rother8
7f a(( the things 6ram (eft *ehin)0 my favorite memora*i(ia is the co((ection of
ann"a( ca(en)ars that "se) to hang over the )esk in the worksho,8 #hey are the tr"e min"te
*ook of this cor,oration0 an "nofficia( (e)ger of *"siness transactions that )ate *ack to my
great:gran)father's arriva( in the Enite) States8
%e have the ca(en)ars as far *ack as 12130 each month i(("strate) *y whatever
*"siness or s",,(ier s,onsore) it8 #he o()est ones were ,rovi)e) *y a com,any that ma)e
4e) 6oose shoes8 #here are circ(e) )ates an) notes ma)e first *y my great:gran)father0
then my gran)father0 an) fina((y 6ram8 #he wor) affitto is written on the (ast )ay of the
month0 "nti( 121/0 where it changes from affitto to pagamento d'ipote&a8 1 co"() never
throw these o"t::not with my great:gran)father an) gran)father's notes scri**(e) on them::
so 1 f(i, thro"gh them0 ,(acing them caref"((y *ack in the *o; witho"t wrink(ing or tearing
the ,ages8
1'm the so(e c"sto)ian of o"r fami(y history0 an) not *eca"se anyone aske) me to *e8
#he tr"th is0 no one e(se is intereste) in the contents of these )"sty o() *o;es0 nor )o they
want to store them8 1'm the on(y Ange(ini who treas"res these o() )oc"ments an) is ins,ire)
*y them8
My sister #ess has no ,atience with anything anti<"e8 Even her home )ecor is s(eek
an) mo)ernD 1kea meets 4ichar) Meier8 #ess re*e((e) against Mom's interior )ecoration0
ornate Eng(ish an) French0 in o"r fami(y home in J"eens8 !ac(yn has a stream(ine)
Swe)ish (ook in her con)o::6"stavian0 with )istresse) f"rnit"re an) ne"tra(s8 A(fre) an)
'ame(a are 5ew !ersey chic0 a ram*(ing fa"; farmho"se fi((e) with high(y ,o(ishe) Ethan
A((en8 1 )on't think any of them have attics or c(osets fi((e) with A"nk8 #hey ,r"ne as they
go8 'ame(a wo"() take one (ook at these o() ca(en)ars an) recyc(e them8
1 f(i, thro"gh 12120 (ooking at the sty(es of the time8 1n (ess than a h"n)re) years0
the wor() is com,(ete(y )ifferent8 #hey tho"ght they were mo) *ack then0 with
a)vertisements for cars with r"m*(e seats an) *athing cost"mes ma)e of fine woo(8
1 have a se,arate *o; of my great:gran)father's sketches8 1 often refer to them when
1'm )rawing0 as they are the tem,(ate for o"r co"t"re shoes0 each name) after the heroine of
a famo"s o,era8 For eighty years0 there were si; key )esigns0 "nti( 6ram a))e) a seventh in
12238 7ccasiona((y 1 get o"t his sketch ,a)0 *"t 1 )i) a thoro"gh transfer of the )rawings
from ,a,er to com,"ter0 *eca"se 1 )i)n't want to a)) wear an) tear to the )e(icate )rawings0
)one in his han) with charcoa( an) ink8
As 1 ,ick ", the (ast ca(en)ar to re,(ace it in the *o;0 a sheet of thick sketch ,a,er
fa((s o"t of it8 A woman's )ress shoe is )rawn in metic"(o"s )etai(8 1t has a s(im0 stacke)
hee(0 an) it's ma)e of woven (eather0 with an ornate f(a, on the to, of the shoe0 mo)ifie)
from a .o"is G1? sty(e8 #he toe is ro"n)e)0 whi(e the vam, is s(eek8 1t is "n(ike any of the
)esigns in my gran)father's han)8 He sketche) in an architect"ra( fashion0 an) his
ren)erings have act"a( meas"rements ,rinte) caref"((y ne;t to the com,onents an) notes
written in 1ta(ian0 s,ecifying grommets0 ve(vet ,i,ing0 (aces::whatever the re<"irements of
the shoe might *e8
#his shoe0 however0 is ,"re fancy8 $o" co"() hang the )rawing on the wa((::it's
artf"( an) (oose0 ,(ayf"( an) f"n8 #he shoe rests on a c(o")0 with a th"n)er*o(t in)icating a
storm "n)erneath it::a ,owerf"( image0 a(most (ike an a)vertisement8 1n the corner of the
)rawing0 1 see the signat"re of the artist8 1t saysD
*afael Angelini
1've never hear) of a 4afae( Ange(ini8 1 fin) this o))0 as 1 know a(( the names of my
co"sins in 1ta(y8 My gran)father was an on(y chi()0 (ike my mother8 My great:gran)father0
Miche(0 ha) sisters8 #here was Kia Anna0 Kia E(ena0 an) Kia Enes8 5o 4afae(s8 An)0 as far
as 1 know0 none of their chi()ren were name) 4afae(8
May*e my gran)father )esigne) "n)er the name 4afae(8 May*e "n)er a
,se")onym0 he (et go0 create) with a*an)on0 )esigne) whimsica( shoes0 fashiona*(e shoes0
co"rant shoes8 May*e he even ha) the i)ea0 (ong *efore 1 )i)0 of )eve(o,ing a (ine of shoes
that co"() serve a mass market8 B"t why wo"()n't 1 know thisC S"re(y this wo"() *e ,art of
the fami(y story8
1 (ook c(ose(y at the )rawing8 #his was )efinite(y not )rawn *y my great:
gran)father's han)8 #here's another Ange(ini8 B"t who is heC 1 (ay the )rawing caref"((y on
the *e)0 so 1'(( remem*er to ask 6ram a*o"t it8
#hen0 1 o,en one of 6ram's ,ri9e) ,ossessionsD a t"r<"oise (eather case with a white
,atent (eather to,8 #here's a go() meta( han)(e an) a *"ck(e on the si)e8 1 sna, it o,en8 1t's
fi((e) with recor) a(*"ms8
1 can't *e(ieve 6ram (eft her co((ection of Frank Sinatra recor)s *ehin)8 6ram never
co((ecte) china or si(ver0 or H"mme(s or .(a)roH her on(y vice was #he Chairman of the
Boar)8
#he )"st Aackets of the Sinatra .'s are store) a(,ha*etica((y in the case8 #hey are
"ncom,romise) an) "nto"che) *y time8 1 wo"() wager there's not a scratch on the recor)
a(*"ms insi)e the s(eeves8 #here's even a ,ristine chamois c(oth fo()e) neat(y in an
enve(o,e insi)e in the (i) to )"st them *efore ,(aying them8
1 remem*er when 6ram wo"() stack the recor)s on the t"rnta*(e0 an) the a"tomatic
,(astic arm wo"() s(i, across to ho() them in ,(ace8 #hen she') caref"((y t"rn the kno*0 an)
(ike magic0 one recor) wo"() )ro,0 the nee)(e wo"() s(i, over to the o"tsi)e groove0 an)
then0 s"))en(y0 the ho"se was fi((e) with m"sic8
%hen we were chi()ren0 we were ,retty m"ch a((owe) free rein with anything in
this ho"se0 e;ce,t the Sinatra a(*"ms8 %e were a((owe) to ,(ay .o"is 'rima an) Iee(y
Smith recor)s0 or Boots 4an)o(,h instr"menta(s0 or even the 'erry Comos0 *"t the Sinatra
co((ection was sacrosanct8 7n(y 6ram co"() (oa) Sinatra on the hi:fi8
#hese were the songs that ,(aye) thro"gh my gran)mother's yo"th0 co"rtshi,0 an)
marrie) (ife8 %hen Sinatra was yo"ng0 so was 6ram8 She was a *o**y:so;er0 on(y twe(ve
years o() when she *o"ght her first recor) in 1230 with @1'(( 5ever Smi(e Again@ on the A
si)e an) @Marcheta@ on the f(i, si)e8 She )ance) to @For Every Man #here's a %oman@ at
her we))ing to my gran)father8
My mother remem*ers 6ram taking her to the F"(ton 4ecor) Sho, an) waiting
when a new a(*"m was to *e re(ease)8 6ram was a )iehar) fan0 *"t she (eft the so"n) track
of her (ife *efore Dominic ?echiare((i *ehin)0 which says everything a*o"t her )esire to
start over8 A(( that's (eft of her years of stewar)shi, over these a(*"ms is the nosta(gic scent
of the o() recor) sho,D high g(oss ink an) ,(astic8 1f 1 nee)e) ,roof of my gran)mother's
"(timate intentions0 it is here0 in my han)s8 She's never coming home8
1 (ift o"t her ,ri9e) a(*"ms an) sort thro"gh them8 1 ,ro, them across the hea)*oar)
of her *e)8 #he covers are a fest of Frank8 Sinatra in a sing(e *eam of (ight in front of a
micro,honeH yo"ng0 thin0 an) tota((y se;y8 Sinatra i(("strate) ,"(, fiction sty(e in vivi)
tones of t"r<"oise an) magenta0 on the r"nway with a #%A air,(ane *ehin) him0 e;ten)ing
his han) to a woman whose (ac<"ere) re) nai(s rest in his han)8 Another with a sky *("e
*ackgro"n) with a ,hotogra,h of Frank wearing a )a,,er fe)ora8 As 1 sh"ff(e thro"gh the
co((ection0 Frank Sinatra gets o()er0 *"t he never (oses his ("ster8 #he images of the
g(amoro"s ,ast get to me8 So0 1 throw on my ,arka0 gra* my g(ass of wine0 an) hea) ", to
the roof0 *a(ancing the g(ass on the stairs as 1 "n(atch the )oor8
#he winter c(o")s have ro((e) away0 an) a(( that is (eft is a night sky of the )ee,est
*("e0 the same sha)e as the ink on 6ian("ca's (etter8 1 go to the e)ge of the roof an) (ook
)own across the %est Si)e Highway8 #he *(inking re) (ights of a ,o(ice car ,arke) *y the
,ier (ook (ike r"*y *"ttons on *(ack s"e)e *oots8 Even this roof fee(s )ifferent since 6ram
(eft8 1t )oesn't fee( safe any (onger0 it fee(s as tho"gh it can't *e tr"ste)::as if the c(o")s
o,ene) ", an) carrie) her away8
#his is the *iggest change for me8 #his roof0 with its tomato ,(ants in s"mmer an)
snow )rifts in winter0 was o"r sanct"ary8 1n the fa((0 we wo"() roast chestn"ts on the gri((0
an) sit *y the fire0 waiting for the n"ts to cook thro"gh0 an) ,o, o,en with a soft crack(e8
#he scent of the iron ski((et on the fire an) the sweet chestn"ts was a(ways a comfort8
1 (ook over at the gri((0 covere) in an o() tar,0 an) won)er if 1'(( *other to make the
tri, over to the Che(sea Market to *"y a sack of chestn"ts to roast8 %i(( 1 contin"e to )o the
things that 6ram )i)0 the rit"a(s that *ro"ght "s s"ch AoyC %i(( 1 commit to kee,ing the
treas"res of the ,ast a(ive in the ,resentC
%ith every crate 1 "n,ack0 with every *o; 1 sort0 the (ist of things 1 m"st )o grows8
#here's the *"siness0 the *"i()ing0 the fami(y o*(igations8 1 think it's time to ,"(( the
4onca((is together an) )o(e o"t the tra)itions0 the reci,es0 an) the assignmentsH to *e as
s,ecific a*o"t who wi(( )o what as my mother has *een in (a*e(ing her Aewe(ry0 each ,iece
marke) with a name an) store)0 to *e given o"t after the moment when0 6o) for*i)0 she
,asses on8
As 1 (ook over to the H")son 4iver0 the e;,anse of *(ack water seems to wi)en in
the )ark0 (ike a ,it of ve(vet <"icksan)8 B"t 1 )on't fee( cons"me) *y my river0 or *y this
night sky0 nor )o 1 fee( sma((0 stan)ing )ownstage of the skyscra,ers that (oom *ehin) me
(ike *(ack )aggers8 1t's the *o;es in my gran)mother's *e)room0 fi((e) with everything my
gran)mother was an) is0 that overwhe(m me8 'a,ers0 contracts0 ,hotogra,hs0 artic(es0
sketches0 an) )oc"ments fi((e) with the history of o"r fami(y an) the com,any that ma)e
"s8 7"r history can on(y *e to() thro"gh the things she save)0 an) now that 6ram is gone0
it's (eft to me to )eci)e what's worth kee,ing8
+
,olka Dots and Moon-eams
6AB41E. B175D1 %A?ES #7 ME from o"r *ooth in 'astis0 where we have a
stan)ing *reakfast )ate once a month0 *eca"se if we )i)n't kee, to this sche)"(e0 we') never
see one another8 6a*rie( works nights at the Car(y(e0 an) 1 work )ays in the sho,0 an) rare(y
)o the two sche)"(es intersect8 %e chose 'astis *eca"se it's the c(osest thing to a French
*istro we can get in 6reenwich ?i((age8 An) whi(e we (ive in 5ew $ork City ha,,i(y0 once
in a whi(e we (ike to ,reten) we're in 'aris8
#he anti<"e mirrors0 *(ack:an):white:checke) ti(e f(oors0 an) ,o(ishe) oak ta*(es
give the resta"rant the )own:home fee(ing of a warm0 e;,ansive kitchen8 1 weave thro"gh
the chatty crow)8 A co",(e of ta*(es are ,acke) with men in s"its0 *"t the rest are
neigh*orhoo) (oca(s who come reg"(ar(y for the *est eggs0 *acon0 an) *rioche in the
?i((age8
6a*rie( gives me a kiss on the cheek0 his Aet *(ack hair t"cke) "n)er a *eret8 He
wears a fitte) *(ack cashmere sweater over Aeans so tight they show off every ho"r he
s,en)s in a)vance) s,in c(ass at the gym8 6a*rie( has t"rne) his sha,e into an ",si)e:)own
triang(eD wi)e at the sho"()ers an) s(im at the hi,s8 @1 got the ,oache) eggs for me0 an) 1
or)ere) the French toast for yo"8@
@7f co"rse yo" )i)8 #hat's why yo" have no ass an) 1 )o8@
@1 have an ass8 1t's A"st ,ert an) sha,e(y8 .ike a new ,each0 1 (ike to say8 7r 1've *een
to()8@ He he(,s me off with my coat8 @1 want to know everything8@
1 ,ee( off the rest of my winter (ayers an) ,i(e them ne;t to 6a*rie( in the *ooth8
@$o" first8 How are yo"C How's workC@
@#hey c"t my ho"rs8 5ot goo)8 B"t 1 have time to think a*o"t my (ife8 E;ce((ent8
An) 1 have time to foc"s on my frien)s8 Even *etter8 %here's the (etterC@
1 o,en my ,"rse8 1 store 6ian("ca's (etter caref"((y in a secon) enve(o,e0 ,reserving
it (ike a *"tterf(y save) in a 9i,(ock *ag for fifth:gra)e science c(ass8 #he onionskin
stationery is as )e(icate as wings0 an) 1 )on't want anything to sm")ge the ink or tear the
,a,er8 After a((0 this is a )oc"ment of intention0 an) 1') (ike to honor any coming my way8
@Be caref"(8@
@4e(a;8 A (ove (etter from 6ian("ca ?echiare((i is har)(y on ,ar with an origina(
Shakes,eare man"scri,t8@
@$eah0 we((0 Shakes,eare never sent me a sonnet8 #his is a(( 1 got8@
6a*rie( "nfo()s the (etter caref"((y an) rea)s a(o")8
"''ara Valentina.' #hat's a se;y start8 ' Please a&&ept m apologies for tonight at the
;nn. ; was &arried awa with emotions that ; have $een feeling for /%ite some time.' Boy0 he
wants yo" in a *ig way8 ' 7o% &o%ld not know of these feelings0 for ; had not admitted them
to mself.' Smart man8 Mention fee(ings ",front8 4ee( her in8 ' "%t when ; saw o% at the
&h%r&h...; was filled with...great longing.' .onging8 H"h8 AkaD ,ent:", se;"a( attraction that
can on(y *e re(ease) via yo"0 my yo"ngish American8 ' ; have not had the tr%e love ; had
hoped for...' #rans(ationD 5ever ha) it *"t now 1've fo"n) it0 an) g"ess whatC $o"'re itB
$o"'re his tr"e (ove8 $o"B Cara ?a(entina8 1t's right here in navy *("e8 Might as we(( *e a
marriage (icense0 sister8 ' 7o%r $ea%tif%l fa&e.' He's a goner8 ' #e&ipro&ate the feelings...'
6oo)8 ' Longing to kisses.' Hot )amn8 Marry me0 6ian("ca8 ' ,o o% feel as ; doC' %ow0
that's )irect8@ 6a*rie( gives me the (etter8 @He's in (ove with yo"8@
@Do yo" thinkC@
@1 know8 .ook0 a man )oesn't show ", at a hote( f"(( of fami(y0 es,ecia((y o%r
*roo)0 an) fin) the e;act room yo"'re staying in an) a(most se)"ce yo" "n(ess he's &%h=
ra=1ee a*o"t yo"8 #ommy #anner wants yo" so *a)(y he') risk r"nning into yo"r father in
the *i)et A"st to *e with yo"8 #hink a*o"t that8@
@1 )on't want to fa(( for him8@ #he tr"th is0 1 )on't have time for any man right now8
1've got a *"siness to r"n an) a new one to *"i()8 #he (ast thing 1 nee) is a )istraction8 @1
can't fa(( for him8@
@#oo (ate for that0 sister8@
@1 (ive in 5ew $ork0 he (ives in 1ta(y0@ 1 say8
@#here are air,(anes8@
@Come on0 6a*rie(8 1t's an im,ossi*(e sit"ation8@
@#hat's why yo" carry the (etter aro"n) (ike a Dea) Sea scro((8 1t's so im,ossi*(e that
yo" have to rerea) his (etter over an) over again to remin) yo"rse(f why yo" can't ,ossi*(y
fa(( in (ove with him8 Face it0 yo" a(rea)y (ikeF(ove him0 an) yo" (ikeF(ove thinking a*o"t
him8@
@1 )on't want to (ikeF(ove8 1 want to *e the kin) of ,erson who A"st has f"n an)
)oesn't get a(( wra,,e) ", in it8@
@$o" mean the o,,osite of what yo" ha) with 4oman8@
@E;act(y0@ 1 say8
@%e((0 that was )ifferent8 4oman works in a kitchen0 an) ,eo,(e are a(ways h"ngry8
$o" rea((y co"()n't com,ete with that8 1t's ,rima(8 6ian("ca0 on the other han)0 is a tanner0
an) once he c"ts a few hi)es0 he can take a *reak8 So yo"'ve got a *etter sche)"(ing
sit"ation with him0 a(tho"gh there's the geogra,hica( ,ro*(em::two co"ntries0 two hearts::
*"t rea((y0 )o yo" nee) him "n)erfoot twenty:fo"rFsevenC@
@5ot right now8@
@So enAoy the attentions of an o()er man8 An) rea) the (etters8 Han)written (etters
are a se; (ife in an) of themse(ves8@
6a*rie( is right8 1 rea) the (etter right *efore 1 go to s(ee, an) imagine what
6ian("ca is )oing8 1 hear the inf(ection of his voice when 1 rea)0 an) 1 fee( his intent8 #hen 1
think a*o"t him0 an) how we ha,,ene) to get to this ,(ace8 1 remem*er every )etai( of my
visit to Are99o when we first met0 how he was gr"ff an) )i)n't seem to (ike me at a((8 An)
then0 how he ma)e e;c"ses to *e with me )"ring my visit0 how attentive he was0 an) how
he wo"() make ,(ans0 ,ick me ",0 )ro, me off0 check to see if 1 nee)e) anything8 An) then
when he came to Ca,ri0 1 was swimming0 an) he s"))en(y a,,eare) *y the ,oo(0 a we(come
s"r,rise8 1 was *rokenhearte) an) ,ining for 4oman0 *"t that )i) not )eter him8 He's trying
to *"i() something with me8 %hy can't 1 at (east (et him tryC
6a*rie( contin"es0 @!"st enAoy the man8 %hy )oes everything have to *e an
emotiona( circ"sC Iee, it sim,(e8 1f yo" can8 1f yo" want to8@
@7kay0 Doctor .ove8 1 get it8 So0 how a*o"t yo"C Are yo" seeing anyoneC@ 1 ask8
@5o8 An) it's *r"ta( o"t there8 #he com,etition is *eyon) fierce8 .ook at me8 5o one
in his right min) wo"() )are kick san) in my face on Far 4ockaway *each0 *"t have yo"
notice)C Every g"y that checks the '$es0 1'm gay' *o; these )ays is in ,erfect ,hysica(
con)ition8 7"r BM1s are ,ro*a*(y c(ose to o"r shoe si9es::an) that's a nationa( average8
Every sing(e homose;"a( man in America is *"ff8 %hen )i) this ha,,enC An) whyC 5ow0
a(( of a s"))en0 if yo"'re gay0 yo" have to attract a mate with yo"r personalit8 $o" have to
*e charming to fin) a *oyfrien)8 %e(( rea)8 Fascinating8 #he *o) isn't eno"gh8@
@$o"'ve got a ,ro*(em0 then8@
@1 know8 1t's *ack to the 5ew $ork '"*(ic .i*rary for me8 1 might win) ", having to
rea) Davi) Foster %a((ace's oe"vre A"st to *e in the (oo,8 By the way0 1'm o"t of my
a,artment May first0@ he says8
@%hat ha,,ene)C@
@%e((0 1 was never officia((y on the (ease8 1t's a s"*(et::yo" know my co"sin !oey8
1t's his ,(ace0 an) now that the rents have ,("mmete)0 every*o)y wants to move *ack into
the city0 inc(")ing !oey8 An) since they've c"t my ho"rs at the Car(y(e0 1 have to make some
c"ts of my own8 1') (ike to ,ay (ess rent0 so this is a goo) time to move8 Che(sea Boy may
*ecome Ho*oken Hottie8@
@$o" can't (eave the cityB A(( the g(amo"r wo"() go::s"cke) right off of the streets
an) into the Ho((an) #"nne(0 co"rtesy of yo"r moving van8@
@Ain't that the tr"thC B"t 1 have to stay o,en8 4ea(istic is the new *(ack8 From now
on0 it's *ea"ty on a *")get8 An) that might even mean the other B wor)D Brook(yn8 1 know0
1 know8 1ta(ian Americans s,ent a generation trying to move o%t of Brook(yn0 an) now
we're moving *ack in8 1t's insane8@
@Are yo" o,en to any offerC@ 1 ask8 @$o" co"() come an) (ive with me8@
@Are yo" serio"sC@
@1 have a(( that s,ace8 #hree *e)roomsB #wo em,ty8 1 miss 6ram8 1 wan)er aro"n)
the roof (ike an o() ,igeon (ooking for cr"m*s8 1 trai,se from room to room with nothing
*"t my memories to make me smi(e8 Besi)es0 my (ove (ife on(y e;ists on ,a,er8 #he mai(
comes once a )ay0 an) 6ian("ca on(y has so m"ch ink in his ,en8 1 nee) yo"8@
@.iving together might r"in o"r frien)shi,8@
@%hyC@
@1 )on't know8@ 6a*rie('s eyes wi)en at the ,ossi*i(ities of moving in to 'erry Street8
1 watch him scheme8
@%e') see more of each other0@ 1 offer8
@%e )i) (ive together in co((ege0@ 6a*rie( reasons8 @An) 1 *roke yo" of yo"r worst
ha*its thenD wet towe(s on the f(oor888@
@1 have a )rying rack now8@
@6oo)8 An) how's the coaster sit"ationC@
@1 never ,(ace a c", of coffee on a *are ta*(e8 1've grown ",8 1 res,ect woo) grains8
A(ways a coaster8@
@%ow8 $o"'re ,(aying har)*a(( here8 #his is very tem,ting0@ he says8
#he waitress serves "s o"r *reakfast8 6a*rie( s,rink(es #a*asco on his eggs8
@#a*asco *"rns ca(ories8 1 even *r"sh my teeth with it8@
@1'(( kee, that in min)8 Another reason for yo" to move in::with ti,s (ike these0 1'((
(ook (ike Iate Moss in si; months8@
@A year0@ he amen)s8
@.ook0 A"st think a*o"t it8 1 mean0 if 'rince Charming comes a(ong an) )rives yo"
an) yo"r ,ersona(ity away in his Bent(ey0 that's one thing8 B"t if he )oesn't0 why not come
an) (ive with meC@
@Soirees on the roof888"n)er the stars888!ersey in the *ackgro"n)8 1 (ove a roof8@
@$o" can grow roses ", there8@
@#he tho"ght of a tre((is on a roofto, is a(most irresisti*(e8@ 6a*rie( *"tters his toast
with the sma((est smi)ge whi(e 1 ,o"r a <"art of ma,(e syr", on my French toast8
@#hink a*o"t itC@
@Can 1 ,aintC@ he asks8 @1'm a man who (oves to )im,(e his own st"cco8@
@Do it8 'aint0 stenci(0 )eco",ageB Anything yo" want0@ 1 ,romise him8
@$o"r cei(ings are high0 an) 1'm into wa((,a,er8@
@%a((,a,er is great8@
He (eans in8 @How )o yo" fee( a*o"t a c(assic toi(e wa((,a,er with foi( accentsC $o"
rea(i9e 1've never ha) an entire ho"se an) roof gar)en to )ecorate8@
@5ow yo" )o0 my frien)8@
My *rother A(fre)0 now a few )ays in as my ,artner0 sti(( seems s"r,rise) at how
com,(e; the *"siness of making shoes can *e8 He res,on)s to the cha((enges of the
Ange(ini Shoe Com,any in the same way he rose to va(e)ictorian of his co((ege c(ass8 He
sits at the )esk with his *ack to !"ne an) me as he com*s thro"gh (e)gers in a concentration
so )ee,0 it's as tho"gh he's st")ying for a make:or:*reak fina( e;am ",on which his f"t"re
)e,en)s8 7ccasiona((y he ty,es into his (a,to,8
%hen he was a *oy an) wante) to (earn something0 he') go to the (i*rary an)
immerse himse(f in research8 He') carry home stacks of *ooks an) ,(ow thro"gh them8
5ever one to get *y with genera( know(e)ge0 A(fre)'s goa( was to *"rrow into a s"*Aect an)
come o"t the other si)e an e;,ert8 7"r mother marve(e) at his inte((igence0 an) "se) to say0
@1 )on't know where he came from8@ #hen of co"rse0 she') take f"(( cre)it an) say0 @1 am his
mother8@
#here may *e a ,otentia( ",si)e to o"r ,artnershi,::he may cha((enge me to fin)
*etter ways to )o my work8 1 )on't know if 1 co"() work any har)er at )esigning an)
*"i()ing shoes0 *"t may*e 1 co"() work smarter8
@%e sho"() ca(( Mike to come in an) he(, "s with the shi,ment0@ !"ne says as she
s"rveys the shi,ment for McDona()'s *ri)a( *o"ti<"e in Boston8 @$o"r mother ,acks shoes
(ike a ,ro8@
@She *"ys them (ike a ,ro0 too0@ A(fre) says from his work0 witho"t (ooking ",8
@6ee0 A(fre)8 A Aoke8@ 1 no)0 im,resse)8
He t"rns an) faces me8 @1'm not the worst ,erson in the wor()0 yo" know8@
@5ow0 now0 (et's not have any ,ersona( fee(ings in the work,(ace0@ 1 remin) him8
A(fre) *reaks a s(ight smi(e8
@7h0 yo" two are )ownright )oci(e8 #here "se) to *e rea( *att(es in this room8 An) 1
was the referee8 Be(ieve me8 $o"r gran),arents wo"() go at it::an) Big Mike wo"() get so
angry0 he') throw the iron against that wa((8 7ne afternoon0 it a(most hit the cat8@
@B"ttons0@ A(fre) remem*ers8
@1 never worrie) a*o"t that cat8 He co"() take care of himse(f8 #hey a)o,te) him
from the street0 an) tr"thf"((y he nee)e) to *e in the 9oo8 Fera(8 Ese) to s(ee, in the
trashcan8 B"t he )efinite(y got his *a) attit")e from yo"r gran)father8@
@6ram )oesn't remem*er the fights8@ 1 ho() )own the ,attern ,a,er whi(e !"ne c"ts
the (eather8
@%i)ows never )o8 6rief wi,es o"t a(( *a) memories8 After yo"r gran)father )ie)0
she wrote to the ?atican to have him canoni9e)8@
@5o way8@ A(fre) (a"ghs8
@5ah0 *"t she wo"()'ve8 She *(ame) herse(f for everything that went wrong *etween
them after he )ie)8 1 ha) to remin) her that he was h"man an) ma)e mistakes A"st (ike the
rest of "s8@
@.ike having a gir(frien) on the si)e0@ 1 say8 @#his is a ,artic"(ar weakness in o"r
fami(y8@
@May*e0 *"t that was the (east of it to yo"r gran)mother8 She )i)n't care a*o"t that8
She care) a*o"t sta*i(ity8 Home was on the secon) f(oor0 an) she never took her work
,ro*(ems ", those stairs at night8 An) this is a ro"gh *"siness8 $o" have to show ", every
sing(e )ay an) ,ro)"ce8 1t's not easy8 1 fe(t for *oth of them8@ !"ne ,(aces the ,attern ,a,er
an) the (eather in a stack for me to sew8
1 ,(ace a finishe) ki) (eather )ress shoe on the *r"shes8 1 ,"m, the ,e)a(s with my
foot as the *r"shes whir( rhythmica((y0 even(y *"ffing the (eather8 Sma(( striae of the ,a(est
,ink *egin to ,eek thro"gh the vam, of the eggshe(( ,"m,8 1 concentrate on making the
,atina even8 1 sto, the ,e)a( when the ,ink is the e;act sha)e of a new )ogwoo) *(ossom8
As 1 (ift it ", to the (ight0 1 rea(i9e that A(fre) stan)s *esi)e me8
@1 remem*er when 6ran),o, "se) to *"ff the shoes on that machine8 $o"'re ,retty
goo) at it8@
@S"r,rise)C@ 1'm so "se) to sna,,ing at my *rother in se(f:)efense0 1 )o it even
when he ,ays me a com,(iment8 @1 )i)n't mean that0@ 1 te(( him8 @1 meant to say0 #hank
yo"8@
#he ,hone in the sho, rings8 !"ne's an) my han)s are f"((0 so A(fre) ,icks it ",8
@Ange(ini Shoes0@ he says8
1 (ook at !"ne8 1'(( *et it's the first time in my *rother's ,rofessiona( (ife that he has
,icke) ", the ,hone (ike a rece,tionist8
@1t's Mom8@ A(fre) gives me the ,hone8
@Checking inB@ Mom says8 @%hat's going onC@
@!"ne wants to retire8@
!"ne ch"ck(es as she sorts straight ,ins an) shakes her hea)8
@Don't (et her0@ Mom says8
@#oo (ate8@
@?a(entine0 (isten to me0@ Mom says8 @!"ne has threatene) to <"it for years8 %e give
her a goo) (ong three:week vacation an) she comes *ack fresh an) says0 '1 )on't know how
,eo,(e (ea) (ives of (eis"re8' 7kayC She's not going anywhere8@
@#e(( yo"r mother 1 mean it this time0@ !"ne says8
@Ma0 she means it this time8@
@'"t her on the ,hone0@ Mom says8
1 *ring the ,hone to !"ne's ear8 1 can hear my mother thro"gh the receiver8 !"ne says0
@Eh:h"h888@ An) (istens8 #hen !"ne says0 @7kay0 a(( right0 Mike888Eh:h"h8887kay0 then8
6oo):*ye8@
1 take the ,hone *ack from !"ne8
@1t's a(( sett(e)0@ Mom says to me8 @!"ne wants a nice *reak this s"mmer8 So yo"
nee) to get ahea) of the game in the sho,8 1'm coming in to he(, o"t8@
@%henC@
@As soon as 1 take care of some things aro"n) the ho"se0@ she says8
Mom is fi**ing8 She )oesn't have any chores in J"eens8 Her ho"se is in ti,:to,
sha,e )own to the han):,o(ishe) *rass )oorkno*s she ma)e my father insta(( when she saw
them in a (ayo"t of an Eng(ish manor ho"se in "ritish 6o%se > 4arden8 Mom is sim,(y
*"ying time to ,(an her g(amoro"s working:gir( war)ro*e8 Mike 4onca((i )oes not set foot
on the is(an) of Manhattan witho"t ,(anning her o"tfit )own to her "n)erwear8 Her highest
)ream is to *e sna,,e) "naware *y tren)s,otting Bi(( C"nningham0 the <ew 7ork Times
,hotogra,her who takes ,ict"res of chic 5ew $orkers on the street8
@.ook0 1 was an Ange(ini *efore 1 was a 4onca((i0 an) this is a fami(y *"siness8 %ith
yo"r *rother there0 it's a(( a*o"t "nity8 %e a(( have to ro(( ", o"r s(eeves to he(, o"t8@
1 hang ", the ,hone8 @She's coming to work8@
@MomC@ A(fre) says8 @4ea((yC@
@She nee)s a ,roAect8 An) g"ess whatC %e're it8@
5ow that 1've shore) ", the staff with a ,(an to a)) Mom into the mi; =so !"ne can
stock,i(e ,atterns in a)vance in or)er to take her (ong s"mmer *reak>0 it's time to foc"s on
the "ella #osa8 A (ong wa(k on the river to think things thro"gh is A"st what 1 nee)e) to
face the work ahea)8 #he March sky0 the co(or of )riftwoo)0 remin)e) me that s,ring is
here0 an) with it0 the "rgency of meeting )ea)(ines on the ann"a( ca(en)ar8 #he fashion
wor() works a f"(( year in a)vance0 an) every moment co"nts as we ,(an the new (ine8
As 1 hang ", my coat0 1 hear Bret an) A(fre) insi)e the sho, having a (ive(y
)isc"ssion a*o"t the 5ew $ork $ankees8 1t so"n)s (ike an arg"ment0 *"t 1 can never te((::
when men ta(k s,orts0 they show a range of emotions rare(y e;hi*ite) in other ,arts of their
(ives8
My *rother an) Bret have a(ways gotten a(ong on the s"rface8 %hen 1 *roke ", with
Bret years ago0 A(fre) ma)e it very c(ear that he tho"ght 1 was making a h"ge mistake8 B"t0
as in most things0 A(fre) wi(( "s"a((y take the a)versaria( ,osition when it comes to me8 His
)isa,,rova( wasn't as m"ch a*o"t Bret as a*o"t my ina*i(ity to em*race the res,onsi*(e0
e;,ecte) ,ath::marriage to a nice0 res,ecta*(e *rea)winner an) a(( the c(a,tra, that comes
with it8
Bret an) A(fre) share the same working:c(ass *ackgro"n)0 an) *oth were *ri((iant in
schoo(0 to, of their c(asses8 #hey even fo((owe) the same ,ersona( ,athD they marrie)0
move) to the s"*"r*s0 an) each ha) two chi()ren8 #hey a,,ear to have a (ot in common0 *"t
1 know them *oth we((0 an) Bret *rings em,athy to his aggressive *"siness sty(e0 whi(e my
*rother is r"th(ess8 7"r new arrangement0 with Bret a)vising me on raising ca,ita(0 wi((
re<"ire some )i,(omacy0 an) the mi))(e chi() =me> wi(( ,(ay the mi))(eman8
!"ne (eft work a co",(e ho"rs ago0 an) 1 ski,,e) )inner to menta((y ,re,are for o"r
first meeting with Iath(een Sweeney from the Sma(( B"siness A)ministration8 1 interr",t
Bret an) A(fre)'s s,orts ta(k8 @%hose i)ea was it to have a night meetingC 1'm *eat8@
@Iath(een is rea((y *acke) ", at work8 1t wo"() take weeks to get a reg"(ar
a,,ointment::1 finag(e) this *eca"se she owes me a favor0@ Bret says8
@5ow0 we're not committing to anything in this meeting0 are weC@ A(fre) asks8
#here's a tone of s"s,icion to his <"estion8
@A(fre)0 if we're going to grow0 we have to *e aggressive8 #here's not a (ot of cash
o"t there0 an) whi(e 1') ,refer not to take a (oan0 we have to8@
@Have yo" (ooke) at investor f"n)sC 7ther so"rces of reven"eC@ A(fre) t"rns to
Bret8
@A*so("te(y8 B"t yo" know the c(imate at the *anks8@
@$eah0 1 )o0@ A(fre) says im,atient(y8 @#hat's what worries me8 #he *anks are
go"ging ,eo,(e0 ram,ing ", interest rates8@
@1 hear yo"0@ Bret says8
@!"st so yo" )o0@ A(fre) car,s8
1 (ook at A(fre)8 @Hey0 Bret is trying to he(, here8@
@.ook0 A(fre)0 there are o,tions here8 #he SBA is (ooking to s",,ort sma(( *"siness8
$o"') *e foo(ish not to entertain the i)ea of a (ow:interest (oan to finance the ,ro)"ction of
the "ella #osa8@
@1'm not a fan of taking on more )e*t0@ A(fre) gr"m*(es8
@B"t if it yie()s res"(ts0 what's the ,ro*(emC@ Bret says8
A(fre) senses he is *eing cornere)0 two against one8 So 1 say0 @.et's see what she
has to offer8@
@Fair eno"gh8@ A(fre) (eans *ack on the work stoo( an) fo()s his arms8 #he
show)own *etween the tra)itiona( *anker =A(fre)> an) the %a(( Street won)er =Bret> has
*een )iff"se) for the moment8 1 ho,e this Iath(een is on her game8 She') *etter *e0 to )ea(
with A(fre)8
#he *"99er so"n)s0 an) Bret goes to answer the )oor8 1 o,en the *"siness fi(e 6ram
(eft for me *eca"se 1 )on't want to make eye contact with my *rother8 He can't seem to (et
go of his o() image of me0 an) ref"ses to acce,t that 1 might know what 1'm )oing8 1 won't
(et him rock my confi)ence8 1 can't8 #he stakes are way too high right now8
@1') (ike yo" to meet Iath(een Sweeney0@ Bret anno"nces8
A(fre) stan)s an) e;ten)s his han)8 @5ice to meet yo"0@ he says8
Iath(een smi(es at A(fre)8 She's ,etite0 with an ath(etic *"i()0 aro"n) thirty0 with
short0 (ayere) re) hair8 She wears a Ma; Mara coat8 6oo) sign::she knows <"a(ity8 Her tiny
nose has a few freck(es0 an) she has *right green eyes8 She comes straight off a ,oster for
the Aer .ing"s %e(come to 1re(an) cam,aign8
Bret he(,s her o"t of her coat8 She wears a c(assic navy *("e woo( s"it with a
,e,("m Aacket an) a white *(o"se "n)erneath8 She a(so wears "n)erstate) go() Aewe(ry0
sma(( hoo,s an) sim,(e cross on a chain aro"n) her neck8 B"t the go() is rea(8
@1'm ?a(entine8@ 1 e;ten) my han)8
@6reat to meet yo"8 $o" s"*mitte) the (oan ,ro,osa(8 ?ery thoro"gh work0@ she
says8
@#hanks8@ 1 (ook at my *rother8 He )efinite(y hear) the ,rofessiona( com,(iment
thrown my way8
Bret sits )own ne;t to me0 Iath(een takes the work stoo( at the hea) of the ta*(e0
an) A(fre) sits across from her8
Bret (ooks to me to r"n the meeting8 He gives me an enco"raging smi(e that says0
;t's o%r show8 So 1 ste, ",8
@Iath(een0 first of a((0 thank yo" for coming over to the sho,8 1t's im,ortant that yo"
see the o,eration firsthan)0 so yo" might "n)erstan) what we )o here0 an) how the Sma((
B"siness A)ministration can he(, "s grow8@
@$o" make c"stom we))ing shoes8@ Iath(een ,"((s her (a,to, o"t of her sho"()er
*ag8
@$es0 we )o8 An) we've *een here0 on:site0 in 6reenwich ?i((age since 12228 7"r
great:gran)father starte) the *"siness in 1ta(y in 12330 an) move) it here to this *"i()ing0
where we've *een ever since8 %e're a fami(y:r"n o,eration0 *"t we've em,(oye) five to ten
a))itiona( workers over the years8@
@1 see that yo" were in ,rofit (ast year8 B"t yo" have <"ite a )e*t (oa)8@
@7"r gran)mother took o"t vario"s (oans an) refinance) to kee, the sho, r"nning
after o"r gran)father )ie)0@ A(fre) e;,(ains0 c"tting me off *efore 1 can answer8
@So0 (ike every other *"siness in the Enite) States in 23130 yo" have no cash0 *"t
yo" have a great ,ro)"ct an) the vision to grow0@ Iath(een says weari(y8 C(ear(y0 she's not
move) *y my enth"siasmH she gets this same s,ie( a tho"san) times a )ay from ,eo,(e A"st
(ike me who nee) (oans from ,eo,(e (ike her8
#his is a *ig (esson to (earn0 an) one 1 have to take in8 1 o,erate in a sma(( c"stom
wor()0 an) whi(e the craft of han)ma)e shoes cons"mes me0 in the greater "niverse0 o"r
com,any is A"st a *(i,8 1 have to make Iath(een "n)erstan) why Ange(ini Shoes is a s,ecia(
,(ace with a one:of:a:kin) American ,ro)"ct8 @Iath(een0 we're not A"st any shoe com,any8@
Iath(een (ooks ", from her (a,to,8
@::we've got something very s,ecia( here8@
A(fre) smi(es8 @#hat's e;act(y right8 An) 1 wo"() a(so a))0 there's a great yo"ng
)esigner *ehin) the *ran)8@ He in)icates me8 @1 recent(y came on as CF7 after twenty:three
years at Merri(( .ynch8@
@So yo" shore) ", the think tank8@ She (ooks at me8 @#hat's very smart8@
@%e think so8@ 1 ha"( o"t the o() 4onca((i fami(y so(i)arity0 even tho"gh my ten)er
ego wo"() rather not8 My mother wo"() *e ,ro")8
@So0 what have yo" got to show meC@ Iath(een (ooks aro"n) the sho,0 taking in the
contents0 the machines0 an) the works,ace with a very )ifferent eye than what 1'm
acc"stome) to8 Iath(een is no )ewy:eye) *ri)e:to:*e here for a fitting0 or a c"stomer who
wants a one:of:a:kin) creationH she's a to"gh *"sinesswoman who has to )iscern the
via*i(ity of my ,ro)"ct in the market,(ace against a(( the other a,,(icants vying for the
same ,oo( of f"n)s8 However0 1've got something none of the other *"sinesses have8 #he
,ower of the shoe8
@1 (ike to (et the shoes )o the ta(king0@ 1 te(( Iath(een as 1 o,en the (arge ca*inet
*ehin) the workta*(e an) remove seven *o;es that contain the ,rototy,es that make ", o"r
(ine of shoes8 Bret an) A(fre) he(, me carry them to the ta*(e8 @My ,assion is in the
contents of these re) an) white stri,e) *o;es8@
Bret an) A(fre) he(, me (ift off the (i)s8 1 "nwra, the go() stan)ar) of this com,any0
the e;<"isite han):crafte) shoes0 store) in their ,ristine cotton s(eeves8 1 know that
Iath(een co"() trave( the five *oro"ghs an) *eyon) an) never fin) shoes as magnificent as
the ones we make here8 %hen it comes to my work0 1 know what 1'm ta(king a*o"t0 an) 1
know how to se(( them8
Iath(een's eyes wi)en as 1 give her the sam,(es to e;amine8 B"t in one g(ance0 1 can
see 1've got her8 5o woman can ref"se the g(amo"r of a co"t"re we))ing shoe0 the kin) of
thing that wo"() make her Cin)ere((a for a )ay8 She sighs when she ho()s the Lola0 marve(s
at the (eather treatment on the ;nes0 wants to try on the *imi *oot0 can't take in the
em*roi)ery on the 4ilda! she's so *(own away *y it0 comments on the sim,(icity of the
3smina0 an) then0 when she ,icks ", the Flora0 she's so()8 @1 a(ways wante) a *a((et s(i,,er
in ca(fskin0@ she says8 @A(ways8@
@%hat si9e is yo"r footC@
@1'm a five8@
@How ("cky8 $o"'re the sam,(e si9eB@
@1 a(ways )o we(( at sa(es0@ she a)mits8 Iath(een s(i,s off her *oot0 an) s(i,s on The
Flora8
A(fre) an) Bret0 in f"(( cor,orate mo)e0 are visi*(y re(ieve)8
6ram "se) to te(( me that she co"() te(( e;act(y what kin) of c"stomer she was
)ea(ing with *y the shoe she chose from o"r co((ection8 A woman who went for The Flora
was mo)ern0 im,et"o"s0 an) st"**orn8 %itho"t saying a wor)0 Iath(een has A"st to() me
who she is0 an) now 1 have the insight 1 nee) to c(ose the )ea( with her8 #his is a woman
who knows what she wants0 an) moves in to get it::1 have to work fast with her8 She makes
)ecisions <"ick(y0 an) from the g"t8
Iath(een mo)e(s the shoes in the freestan)ing f"((:(ength mirror8 1 watch how she
(ooks at her (eg an) ank(e an) the shoes now on her feet8 She )oesn't (ook at her *o)y in the
critica( way that most women )o8 #here's something )ifferent in the (ook in her eye as she
scans her image in the g(ass8 Iath(een0 "n(ike most women who've *een in the sho,0 (ikes
what she sees8
@%e know we have something s,ecia( here0@ 1 say with warmth an) enth"siasm0
remem*ering sa(esmanshi, is as im,ortant as a great ,ro)"ct8 @An) we're *"i()ing ",on
years of e;,erience an) <"a(ity craftsmanshi,8 Even the *ig g"ns ",town agree8@ 1 han) her
the ,ress kit that 6a*rie( he(,e) me ,"t together after we were feat"re) in the Christmas
win)ows at Berg)orf's8 @B"t we know we have to grow the *ran) an) make a ,ro)"ct that's
accessi*(e to a(( women8 An) that's the "ella #osa8@
1 go to the she(f an) ,"(( three sam,(es of the "ella #osa0 one in ,"m,kin s"e)e0
one in sai(or *("e (eather0 an) one in chic vio(et microfi*er8
May*e *eca"se it's nighttime an) (ower Manhattan is )o"se) in a fog0 or may*e it's
that the work (ights over the ta*(e i(("minate the shoes to their *est a)vantage whi(e the rest
of the sho, rece)es in sha)ow0 *"t whatever the reason0 the vivi) tones of the "ella #osa
e;,(o)e in the (ight0 (ike )iamon)s in a #iffany win)ow8
Iath(een gra*s the vio(et "ella #osa8 @1 wo"() tota((y *"y this shoeB@ she says8
@6oo)8 Beca"se yo"r (oan wi(( he(, "s ,"t them into ,ro)"ction0@ 1 say0 knowing
my Ao* is )one8 1 shoot my *rother a (ook of ,"re tri"m,h8
@%here are yo" on thatC@ Iath(een e;amines the shoe8
A(fre) takes my c"e an) o,ens his research fi(e8 @1've ha) some conversations with
American man"fact"rers0 *"t o"r initia( r"n isn't (arge eno"gh for them8 #here are some
interesting a(ternatives in China0 an) 1 have sent them ,atterns an) sam,(es to get some
*i)s going8@
@1') (ike to kee, the man"fact"ring in the Enite) States0@ 1 ,i,e ",8 A(fre) has *een
trying to convince me to go to China for the man"fact"ring0 *"t 1 know how 6ram wo"()
have fe(t a*o"t that8 %e're an American com,any0 an) 1') (ike to kee, it here0 to honor o"r
tra)ition an) kee, the Ao*s in 6reenwich ?i((age8
@#he China *i)s are often ha(f of what it wo"() cost to make the same shoe here0@
A(fre) says ,ointe)(y0 ta(king more to me than Iath(een8
@1 "n)erstan)8@ Iath(een (ooks at A(fre)8 @1f yo" can make yo"r shoes accor)ing to
e;isting agreements with foreign co"ntries0 an) it's ,rofita*(e an) economica(0 why
wo"()n't yo"C B"t we're a(so (ooking for o"r ,iece of the ,ie8@ Iath(een t"rns to me8
@Co"() yo" )o any of the (a*or here *esi)es the )esignC %e (ike to kee, as many Ao*s
statesi)e as ,ossi*(e8@
@1 co"() )efinite(y )o ,acking an) (a*e(ing here8 May*e some finishing::*ows0
,i,ing0 em*e((ishments8 B"t we nee) a rea( factory for the n"m*ers we're ho,ing to
achieve8@
@%hat are yo" (ooking at for yo"r first shi,mentC@
@#en tho"san) ,airs8@
@#hat's fair(y am*itio"s8 So888yo"'re (ooking for a (oan to finance the first ten
tho"san)C@
@$es8@
Iath(een ty,es some n"m*ers into her (a,to,8 1 (ook at Bret0 who (ets me know that
1 )i) a great Ao*8 As Iath(een s<"ints at her screen0 1 ,ray si(ent(y that she wi(( come
thro"gh8
@%e can )o that0@ she says8
1 c(a, my han)s together8 @#hat wo"() *e great8@
@1'm going to nee) a time(ine8@ Iath(een ty,es into her (a,to,8
@An) we nee) to review the terms of the (oan0@ A(fre) ,i,es ",8 @7f co"rse0 of
co"rse8@ Iath(een c(oses her (a,to, an) gives A(fre) her car)8 @6ive me a ca((::we'(( make
an a,,ointment for yo" to come in0 an) yo"'(( *e off to the races8@ She t"rns to me8 @$o" are
not invite)8 #he highest an) *est "se of yo" is right here in this sho, making these g(orio"s
shoes8 $o" (et "s worry a*o"t the rest8@
@1 )on't think 1've ever (ove) anyone so m"ch in my who(e (ife0@ 1 e;c(aim8
@#hat )oesn't say m"ch a*o"t "s8@ Bret ,oints to A(fre) an) then himse(f8
@%e((0 yo" g"ys are a(( we(( an) goo)0 *"t Iath(een has the money8 An) now0 we're
going to have the "ella #osa8@
1 s,ent a*o"t an ho"r at Iate's 'a,erie on 13th Street searching for the *est
stationery ",on which to write to 6ian("ca8 Every time 1 rerea) his (etter0 1 fin) something
new8 1t's goo) to *e a)ore)8
%hen things go we(( at work0 it frees me ", to think a*o"t my ,ersona( ha,,iness8
%hen there is a ,ro*(em in the sho,0 1 *ecome cons"me) *y it0 an) 1 )on't rest "nti( there's
a so("tion8 6a*rie( says the )ownfa(( of women is that no matter what we achieve in o"r
work (ives0 we )on't fee( s"ccessf"( "n(ess we have a man at home8 1 arg"e with him a*o"t
this0 *eca"se 1 )on't *e(ieve it8 1'm not that kin) of woman8 For me0 f"(fi((ment comes from
taking a scra, of (eather an) c"tting it to the s,ecifications of a ,attern0 carving a stacke)
hee( from woo)0 an) sewing trim on a *"ttress8 #here is nothing (ike the satisfaction 1 get
when 1 make something with my own han)s8
1 am my *est se(f0 the most a(ive 1 can *e0 when 1'm creating in the sho,8 1 wo"()
never a)mit this to a man 1 was intereste) in0 *"t it's the tr"th8 .ove is not the main co"rse
in the *an<"et of my (ife8 1t's )essert8 My mother wo"() say that's why 1'm sti(( sing(e8 An)
my sisters wo"() say that 1'm (ying8 B"t 1 know this to *e tr"e0 that (ove is my treat! my
tiramis"0 *eca"se 1'm (iving it8
1 have not *een tem,te) to scra, my (ife in 6reenwich ?i((age an) get on a ,(ane
an) go to 1ta(y to *e with 6ian("ca0 even tho"gh 1 crave the i)ea of him8 1 know a*o"t
women who )ro, the (ives they (ea) in one ,(ace to go an) *e with a man in another8 1'm
fascinate) *y their im,"(se to choose the ,ossi*i(ity of (ove over the certainty of work8 1
wo"() never (eave my work *ehin) for a man0 no matter how scr"m,tio"s he might *e8 1
am0 however0 intereste) in romance on my own terms0 an) in my own time8 1'm no master
craftsman when it comes to (ove0 strict(y an a,,rentice in training8
1 )"m, fo"r )ifferent *o;es of stationery onto the kitchen ta*(e8 #here's the c(assic
airmai( *("e onionskin ,a,er0 a *o; of note car)s with vario"s sketches of 'a((a)ian vi((as
=too 1ta(ian>0 a *o; of ,(ain white stationery with a *(ack mock grosgrain trim =too E,,er
East Si)e>0 an) fina((y0 ,(ain ecr" note car)s with a sim,(e em*osse) go() heart8 1'm going
with the onionskin8
*ar&h ?! 2:9: ,ear 4ianl%&a!
When ; was twelve ears old! +iser Theresa @ell F*A re/%ired me to write the
Praer of +aint Fran&is of Assisi twent times in order to &ommit it to memor. ;t worked. ;
will! when ; see o% again! take o% thro%gh the poetr of 4od's instr%ment of Pea&e. ;n the
meantime! ; first and foremost wo%ld like to thank o% for the most $ea%tif%l letter an man
has ever written to me. ; am h%m$led $ the simple $ea%t of o%r words. 7o%r feelings are
real and tr%e. <ow! ;'d like to tell o% a$o%t mine. ; was not looking for love! and ;'m still
not s%re if ; sho%ld $e. ; think a$o%t o% &onstantl! and even in m mind's ee! o% thrill
and e2&ite me. 'o%ld this $e love( ; don't know. 'o%ld it one da $e love( ; don't know the
answer to that either. "%t ; s%rel wonder what wo%ld have happened that night at the inn.
And here's what's tr%e for meA ; dream of the possi$ilities.
Love! Valentine
1 cross o"t the e in ?a(entine an) re,(ace it with an a8
6a*rie( (ooks o"t the win)ow on the Sat"r)ay comm"ter train to Chatham0 5ew
!ersey8 1 *a(ance a ,aint set for Maeve's *irth)ay ,arty on my (a,0 whi(e 6a*rie( ho()s the
E(oise com,i(ation0 wra,,e) in ,ink tiss"e ,a,er an) tie) with green yarn8
@$o"'re not over 4oman0@ 6a*rie( says8
@%hy )o yo" say thatC@
@Beca"se yo" won't give it ", for 6ian("ca8@
@1 tho"ght my (etter was f"nny an) ten)er8@
@1t was fi((e) with )o"*t8 An ; don't know here0 an ; don't know there8 %hat )o yo"
knowC Certain(y not the contents of yo"r h"man heart8 $o" )i)n't know nothin' writing to
him8 An) Saint FrancisC %ho mentions a saint in a se; ,(eaC@
@%hat sho"() 1 have sai)C@
@For startersC 5ot that8 #he (etter sho"() have *een fi((e) with erotica8 $o" either
want the man or yo" )on't8 7r may*e this ocean *etween yo" is A"st too *ig8 May*e yo"
nee) a (oca( (ove8 %hat a*o"t 4omanC@
@%hat a*o"t himC@
@May*e yo" sho"() go *ack with him8@
@1'm not going to get *ack together with 4oman A"st so yo" can get a seat in his
resta"rant8@
@1t's as goo) a reason as any8@
@For o%8 Forget it8 1'm not ca((ing him8@
@May*e he's )one with Becky Br"schetta8880@ 6a*rie( m"ses8
@$o" mean Cait(in 6ran9e((a8@
@He on(y went with her *eca"se she was easy ,ickings8 She's there0 working for him
in the resta"rant8 #hat sho"() *e a (esson to yo"8 A man eats what's in the c",*oar)8@
@.isten to me0 6a*rie(8 4oman an) 1 are )one8 1 have no strings to ,"(( over there
any more0 so fa(( in (ove with some*o)y e(se's osso *"cco a(rea)y8 #here are a tho"san)
1ta(ian resta"rants in 5ew $ork City::@
@Ca'D'oro is ,retty s,ectac"(ar8@
@F"rthermore0 if yo" (ove me0 an) 1 think yo" )o0 yo" )on't want me to s,en) my
(ife fo((owing my h"s*an) aro"n) to make s"re he's faithf"(8@
@$o" nee) to get rea(8 An) fast8 A man can on(y *e faithf"( in the *eginning8 $o"
cannot s"stain fi)e(ity *eyon) a month8 Si; weeks ma; even if the se; is otherwor()(y0
e(ectrifying0 an) e;,(osive8 Magica( se;8 B"t that's why they ca(( it magi&::*eca"se ,oof0 in
an instant0 it )isa,,ears (ike Siegfrie) an) 4oy's white tiger8 5o0 the tr"th is0 yo" have to
watch yo"r man (ike a hawk8 Any man8 1 know8 1 am one8@
@1 )on't have tr"st iss"es0@ 1 ass"re 6a*rie(8
@4ea((y0@ he says8
Before 1 can arg"e the ,oint0 the train ,"((s into the station in )owntown Chatham8
1t's *("stery an) wintry co() in March as we )e*oar)8 1 ,"(( the )irections o"t of my ,ocket8
Macken9ie an) Bret's ho"se is A"st a co",(e of *(ocks away0 accor)ing to the ma, he )rew8
%e make the t"rn ", Fairmont Aven"e8 Staying on the si)ewa(k0 we ,ass (ove(y
homes0 which0 even in *arren winter0 have manic"re) (awns an) evergreen to"ches in the
(an)sca,ing8
At the to, of the hi(( is Bret's home0 a state(y re) *rick 6eorgian with two white
,i((ars anchoring a g(ossy *(ack )oor with *rass em*e((ishments8 1t's the *est ho"se on the
*(ock8 #he street in front of the ho"se is ,acke) with cars8 1t's a *ig ,arty8 An enormo"s
*"nch of ,ink *a((oons tie) to the rai(ing sways in the win)8
As we c(im* the ste,s0 there's a wreath of white *a*y roses on the )oor )otte) with
sma(( gift ,ackages wra,,e) in go()8 6(ittering white (etters s,e((ing o"t MAE?E are fi;e)
in the f(owers8 More han)ma)e to"ches *y the ,erfect motherH an) 1 know one when 1 see
one0 *eca"se 1 grew ", with the *est8
@1 ho,e the *ook 1 *ro"ght is eno"gh to cover the ,(ate8@ 6a*rie( rings the *e((8
@#his (ooks fancy8@
%e hear m"sic an) chatter an) (a"ghing an) ki)s whoo,ing insi)e8 6a*e takes a
)ee, *reath8 @1 ho,e there's a *ar8@
Bret's wife0 Macken9ie0 o,ens the )oor0 *a(ancing her to))(er0 'i,er0 on her hi,8
@?a(entine0 6a*e0@ she says8 @$o" ma)e it8@
@#he ri)e was )e(ightf"(0@ 6a*e says8
Macken9ie (a"ghs8 @5ow yo" know why 1 never go into the city8 %e((0 there's a(so
the fact that 1 )on't want to (eave the city once 1'm there8@
Macken9ie is wi((owy0 on the s,orty si)e0 with *("e eyes that match her cashmere
sweater8 Her *(on) hair is the co(or of ginger a(e0 an) her (egs are sti(( tawny from their
mi)winter tri, to Disney %or() in F(ori)a8 She wears a sim,(e *eige woo( skirt an)
matching #o)'s f(ats8
Maeve0 the *irth)ay gir(0 is )resse) (ike a fairy0 with net wings that (ight ",
anchore) to her sho"()ers8 She ,eeks at "s an) then r"ns ,ast when she sees it's two grown:
",s8
@BretB $o"r frien)s are hereB@ Macken9ie ca((s o"t8 @Come on in0@ she says to "s8
6a*rie( shoots me a (ook at the mention of @yo"r frien)s8@
Macken9ie has never rea((y acce,te) "s *eca"se we were ,art of Bret's (ife *efore
she was8 #o *e fair0 1 wo"()n't want any e;:fiancee hanging aro"n) my h"s*an) either8 Her
)emeanor with "s manages to *e warm0 yet sim"(taneo"s(y chi((y0 (ike the first f"(( )ay of
s,ring8
Accor)ing to Bret0 Macken9ie ma)e it very c(ear that she wante) marriage an)
chi()ren from their first )ate0 so their romance ,rogresse) at (ightning s,ee) a year after o"r
*reak",8 B"t those were the years when *ooks (ike The #%les an) *arr the *an of 7o%r
'hoi&e to,,e) the *est:se((er (istsH women fe(t ,ress"re to iss"e "(timat"ms0 an) men fe(t
(ike they ha) to cave in0 or at (east Bret )i)8
1t's as if Macken9ie ca"ght Bret in a *"tterf(y net in Manhattan0 carrie) him into
5ew !ersey0 an) (et him (oose )irect(y into the ,ages of 6o%se "ea%tif%l8 Even with
chi()ren r"nning aro"n) an) a ,arty in f"(( swing0 the ho"se is neat an) in or)er8 #he foyer0
with a sma(( toi(e:covere) *ench an) an enormo"s si(ver:frame) mirror0 sets the stage for
the rooms *eyon) it8
Macken9ie has )ecorate) the ho"se in a ,o(ishe) an) "n)erstate) way8 #he f"rnit"re
is 6eorgian0 a(( s(eek (ines an) *(ack ,o(ishe) woo) accents8 A )e(icate chint9 of mint green
an) *eige covers the s(eek sofas8 #he straight:*acke) chairs have stri,e) seat c"shions0
with a *it of navy *("e trim thrown in to com,(ement the woo)8 An ova( Ber*er area r"g
trimme) in navy gives the (arge room a co9y fee(8
#here are ,(enty of ,o(ishe) si(ver frames fi((e) with fami(y moments on *eaches0 at
,arties0 an) in high chairs8 7ver the mante( hangs an oi( ,ainting of Macken9ie in an
e(a*orate *ri)a( gown8 1t's o*vio"s that she0 (ike me0 grew ", i)o(i9ing 'rincess Diana8 #he
,ortrait is right o"t of the 6reat Ha(( of A(thor,8
Bret comes o"t of the kitchen an) is ha,,y to see "s8 @$o"'re hereB@
@1 on(y come to !ersey for corn888an) for yo"8@ 6a*rie( gives him a ,at on the *ack8
Macken9ie han)s 'i,er off to Bret8 @Make yo"rse(ves at home0@ she says as she
goes into the (iving room to corra( the ki)s8
%e've ha) an awkwar) ,ast0 Macken9ie an) 18 1 wasn't invite) to their we))ing0 *"t
after they ha) *een marrie) for a year0 Bret invite) me o"t to )inner with them8 1n the s,irit
of (ife(ong frien)shi,0 Macken9ie ,"t asi)e her a,,rehensions an) 1 )ro,,e) my A")gments8
%e were act"a((y fine with one another an) ha) a (ot of f"n8
Bret is the kin) of man who has to have everyone in his (ife get a(ong8 He can't
a*i)e acrimony8 He wo"()n't even *reak ", with me "nti( 1 ,romise) that 1 wo"()n't hate
him forever8 7f co"rse0 he co"()n't rest "nti( he knew 1 was ha,,y for him an) a,,rove) of
his choice of wife8 #he tr"th is0 1 think Macken9ie is the *est woman for Bret8
'i,er reaches for me0 an) 1 take her in my arms8 She ,"ts her arms aro"n) my neck8
#he tension in my *o)y goes as she ho()s me c(ose8 Her skin has the scent of a,ricots8 She
r"*s her cheeks on mine8 Ba*ies are a *a(m8
@%here's the *arC@ 6a*e asks8
@1n the )en at the *ack of the ho"se8@ 6a*e )isa,,ears thro"gh the )oor8 @My fo(ks
are )ying to see yo"0@ Bret says to me8 @#hey're in the kitchen8@ He ,oints8
#he kitchen is fi((e) from co"nter to ta*(e with Fit9,atricks8 %hen they're home in
J"eens0 they gather in the kitchen0 an) evi)ent(y0 when they go anywhere e(se0 they gather
in the kitchen as we((8 1 have many memories of their fami(y )inners0 a ta*(e f"(( of co"sins0
a"nts0 an) "nc(es8 #here was a(ways (ots of (a"ghter0 ,(enty of *eer0 an) hearty cassero(es at
their ta*(e8 Bret comes from a c(ose fami(y (ike mine8
@?a(entineB@ Bret's mother throws her arms aro"n) me8 Mrs8 Fit9 (ooks (ike Mrs8
Santa C(a"s8 She has smooth ,ink skin0 not a wrink(e on it0 an) thick0 white hair8 She's
a(ways *een warm an) )ear0 an) since the )ay 1 met her0 she's *een on a )iet8 Her h"s*an)
is ta(( an) (anky0 (ike Bret0 an) he's n"ts a*o"t her8 @.ook0 Bo*0 it's ?a(8@
@So great to see yo"8@ 1 kiss her on the cheek8 @An) yo" (ook great0 *oth of yo"8@ 1
kiss Mr8 Fit98
@.ook at him0@ Mrs8 Fit9 mock com,(ains as she t"rns to her h"s*an)8 @He eats the
same amo"nt of f")ge 1 )o0 an) he's a *ean,o(e8@
@$o" know men8 #hey got "s coming an) going0 es,ecia((y when it comes to
meta*o(ism8@
@$o" (ook won)erf"(8@ Mrs8 Fit9 no)s in a,,rova(8 @S(im8@ Mrs8 Fit9 an) 1 have a
*ran) of *anter that's a(( a*o"t o"r fig"res an) what we eat an) how we (ook8 1 won)er
what she an) Macken9ie ta(k a*o"t8 @Are yo" seeing anyoneC@ she whis,ers
cons,iratoria((y8
@Iin) of8@
@1s it serio"sC@
@Co"() *e8@
@7h0 goo) for yo"8@ Mrs8 Fit9 s<"ee9es my han)8 1n one gri,0 1 fi(( in what she's
thinkingD sorry it )i)n't work o"t with Bret0 *"t (ife goes on0 so go for it8
@Hey0 every*o)y8 #he 'irate is here0@ Macken9ie anno"nces from the )oorway of
the kitchen8 @$o" )on't want to miss him8@
#he kitchen )rains of Fit9,atricks0 fo((owe) *y 6a*rie(0 "nti( Mrs8 Fit90 Macken9ie0
an) 1 are (eft a(one8
@1t's a great ,arty0@ 1 ass"re the hostess8 @#he invitation was *ea"tif"(8@
@Macken9ie ma)e them herse(f0@ Mrs8 Fit9 says ,ro")(y8
@#hanks8 My o() career in a)vertising comes in han)y8@ She smi(es8 @1t's my way of
staying creative8 $o" know0 making neck(aces o"t of Cheerios is on(y so f"(fi((ing8@
@7h0 )on't yo" worry8 1t a(( goes *y (ike a shot::an) yo"'(( remem*er these )ays an)
won)er where they went8@ Mrs8 Fit9 takes a cookie from the .a9y S"san8
An awkwar) si(ence sets in8
#his is why 1 )on't come to the s"*"r*s8 Mothers have a (ot to ta(k a*o"t with one
another0 *"t what can 1 converse a*o"t with themC Making shoesC How can 1 re(ate to their
)ai(y (ivesC %ives an) mothers a(rea)y know the answers to the *ig <"estions that (oom
*efore a woman when she's "nattache) an) foc"se) on her careerD %i(( (ove fin) meC =1t
)i)8> %i(( that (ove make a fami(yC =1t )oes8> #heir wor() seems com,(ete0 renovate)0
re)ecorate)0 an) f"((y (oa)e)8 Everything is done8
A stay:at:home mother in the s"*"r*s can ,(an her (ife for the ne;t fifteen years8
#he markers are )etermine) *y the chi()ren themse(ves0 an) the ca(en)ar fo((owsD the
schoo( year0 s"mmer vacation0 *irth)ay ,arties0 cam,0 ho(i)ay *reaks0 an) ,iano (essons8 A
stay:at:home mother knows weeks0 months0 an) years in a)vance what (ife has in store for
her8 #here's an or)er to fami(y (ife8 1n contrast0 1 have no i)ea what (ies ahea)8 1 )on't even
know what the ne;t si; months wi(( *ring0 m"ch (ess the coming year8 %hen it comes to a
(ong:range view for my (ife0 1'm sti(( fig"ring o"t which ,attern to c"t8
@Bret is rea((y o,timistic a*o"t yo"r com,any8 1 haven't seen him this Aa99e) a*o"t a
*"siness ,(an in a (ong time0@ Macken9ie says8
@1t's an e;citing time for "s8 An) it's e;ha"sting8 1 mean0 not as e;ha"sting as
chi()ren888@
@7h0 it's a )ifferent thing entire(y0@ she says8 @1 "se) to ,"t in twe(ve:ho"r )ays in
the office0 an) sti(( have eno"gh energy to meet Bret for )inner an) c("**ing8 5ow0 1'm
*one tire) *y si; o'c(ock8 Stay sing(e8 Iee, yo"r free)om8 #his is a(( overrate)8 Bret has a((
the a)vent"res in the fami(y0@ she Aokes8
B"t is she ki))ingC 1 can't te((8 @1'm sorry a*o"t the (ate meetings at the sho,8@ 1
rea(i9e that the statement so"n)s s"s,icio"s0 so m"ch so Mrs8 Fit9 raises an eye*row8 1
cover <"ick(y0 throwing my *rother into the mi; to make everything seem innocent0 which
it is8 @Bret an) A(fre) are a rea( think tank8 #hey're *rainstorming with the Sma(( B"siness
A)ministration0 )oing the (oans0 raising the money8 1 )o the heavy (ifting *y making the
shoes8@
Even Mrs8 Fit9 seems re(ieve) that 1 )"g myse(f o"t of that one8
@1 sho"() make yo" a ,air of shoes to thank yo"0@ 1 te(( Macken9ie8
@Si9e eight0@ Macken9ie says8 @Some)ay0 1'(( nee) them8 $o" know0 when 1'm *ack
on Ma)ison Aven"e trying to im,ress c(ients0 instea) of hiring a ,irate for *irth)ay ,arties8@
'irate Bi((y Bones stan)s *efore the mante( in the (iving room8 He's the han)some
actor0 Davi) Enge( on )ry (an)0 )resse) ", (ike Ca,tain Hook witho"t the hook8 He has a
*(acke):o"t tooth an) wears stri,e) MC Hammer ,ants an) a ,i(e of go() chains aro"n) his
neck8 A wi)e:*rimme) hat with a ,("me matches the st"ffe) ,arrot on his sho"()er8 At his
feet rests a (arge ,(astic treas"re chest8 #he chi()ren gather c(ose(y aro"n) him0 whi(e the
a)"(ts form a semicirc(e A"st *ehin) their offs,ring8
6a*rie( si,s his )rink0 takes in the ,irate's o,ening Aoke0 grimaces0 an) ,ivots *ack
to the kitchen8 6a*rie( may not (ike chi()ren0 *"t he enAoys chi()ren's theater even (ess8
Bret ,"ts his arms aro"n) Macken9ie as they (a"gh at the ,irate shtick8 B"t
Macken9ie tenses an)0 after an awkwar) ,a"se0 removes his han)s from her sho"()ers8 Bret
contin"es to watch the show an) ,(aces his han)s in his ,ockets instea)8
1 won)er if she has any i)ea that Bret was *eing ,"rs"e) *y his se;y assistant (ast
year8 1 think not8 Macken9ie is appropriate0 an) the tr"th of that is )ramati9e) in every
nook an) cranny of this ,arty8 She invites a(( of Bret's fami(y over0 inc(")ing Enc(e 4eha*0
the )ry )r"nk8 Her (argesse is a)mira*(e8 She makes s"re everyone is comforta*(e0 that the
foo) is )e(icio"s0 the *ar we(( stocke)0 an) the entertainment f"n8 She rea((y is a won)erf"(
wife0 straight o"t of a story*ook8 B"t )oes she want to *eC
1s there a ,erfect (ife waiting for any of "sC 1 a(ways *e(ieve) it "nti(0 of co"rse0 1
took the tri, to o%t there8 Here in Chatham0 sa)ness has a )ifferent h"e8 Macken9ie )oesn't
str"gg(e with s"rviva(0 as 1 )o in the city8 She str"gg(es with her "nmet ,otentia(0 or the
nagging <"estion0 ;s this what m life was s%pposed to $e( 1 imagine she )oesn't have an
answer8 1f she )i)0 she wo"() em*race her h"s*an)0 an) she certain(y wo"()n't com,(ain
a*o"t making neck(aces o"t of cerea(8 B"t something is going on o"t here0 an) it's not the
)ark s"*"r*ia written a*o"t in my mother's maga9ines8 #his is a*o"t ,ersona( f"(fi((ment
an) the *est an) highest "se of an inte((igent woman's time8
#his is the )i(emma that hangs over this *irth)ay ,arty (ike the han):,ainte) m"ra(
of c(o")s an) *reaking s"n on the cei(ing in the *reakfast room8 Macken9ie is not ha,,y8
@%hen are we (eavingC@ 6a*e whis,ers in my ear8 @1 can't eat one more carrot stick
)i,,e) in ranch )ressing8 1 even ha) the cotton can)y8@
@%hat )o yo" think of the ,irateC@
6a*rie( checks him o"t hea) to toe8 @C"te8 B"t he's straight8@
@%e((0 that's that8 %e're o"tta here8@
'irate Bi((y Bones takes his fina( *ow8 #he chi()ren stan) an) A"m, ", an) )own0
screaming in gratit")e8
%e weave o"r way thro"gh the g"ests to say goo):*ye to Macken9ie an) Bret an)
their gir(s8
Maeve gives me a *ig h"g whi(e 'i,er e;ten)s her ch"**y arms to me an) fa((s o"t
of her mother's em*race into mine8
@1 co"() take them home0@ 1 te(( Macken9ie8
@Anytime8@ She (a"ghs8
#he foyer is c("ttere) with ,ink goo)y *ags8
@Do not take a goo)y *ag0@ 6a*e says8
@1t's r")e if yo" )on't8@
@Do we nee) a .itt(e Mermai) *(ow:", *each *a(( an) a S,ongeBo* ta*(eto,
cro<"et setC Sorry8 'ass8@
#he comm"ter *ack to the city arrives right on time at the tiny station A"st off
Chatham's Main Street8 1 c(im* ", the ste,s an) see that the train is most(y em,ty0 yet 1
have a har) time )eci)ing which seats to take8
@%hat's the matter with yo"C@ 6a*rie( chooses o"r seats8 @#here's no first c(ass on a
comm"ter8 !"st gra* anything8@ He takes the win)ow0 an) 1 sit )own ne;t to him8
@Something's wrong0@ 1 say8
@5o ki))ing8 $o" (ook ashen8 7h0 no8 %as it the g"acamo(eC@
@1 )i)n't have any8@
6a*rie( ,o"n)s his chest (ight(y8 @1 )i)8@
@%hat didn't yo" haveC@
@A makeo"t session with Enc(e 4eha*8 B"t he wante) to::*e(ieve me8 1 know why
he )rinks8@
@$o" )oC@
@C(oset8 1n it8 Can't get o"t8@ 6a*rie( shr"gs8
As the train careens o"t of Chatham an) ro((s thro"gh S"mmit0 a strange fee(ing
comes over me again8
1 can't )escri*e it0 *"t 1'm tro"*(e) a*o"t something8 1'm "nsett(e) *y the ,arty8 By
the conversations8 By the atmos,here8
1 c(ose my eyes an) imagine the ,arty again8 An) then0 1 remem*er when 'i,er fe((
into my arms an) he() me tight(y8 #here was something a*o"t that moment that was
,rofo"n)8 Something ha,,ene) when she h"gge) me an) wo"()n't (et go8 1've he() a (ot of
*a*ies0 an) )one my share of *a*ysitting my nieces an) ne,hews0 *"t this em*race0 from
this (itt(e gir(0 was entire(y )ifferent8 1t ha) meaning *eyon) the moment8 Dear 6o)8 #his
isn't the cry for motherhoo) women get0 is itC
.
A/ril ,layed the Fiddle
9 aprile 2:9:
'ara Valentina!
; 8%st ret%rned to m new home. ; took the rooftop apartment in the old printing
press off the s/%are in Are11o. ;t has man aspe&ts of the original ar&hite&t%re $%t is
restored with all the modern &onvenien&es. The floors are gleaming s/%ares of white
granite that! when hit $ the s%n! nearl $linds me. ; will $e shopping for r%gs in Floren&e.
; had dinner with Teodora and Papa this evening. * father is so happ. 6e is
devoted to Teodora. 7o% are not to worr a$o%t her. The fill their das with long walks.
The &ook together in the kit&hen. The go to *ass ever morning at the &h%r&h! and
a&&ording to m father! after the pra! the ret%rn home to make love. What a life0
Tonight! at dinner! the &onversation was a$o%t o%. ; hope o% %nderstand that o%r
grandmother has great faith in o% and holds o%r talent in high esteem. Also! it is
important for o% to know that ; have not dis&%ssed m feelings for o% with them. And it
isn't $e&a%se of o%r families. ;t is o%t of respe&t for o%r feelings! and the hope that the
will grow.
Love is $%ilt in a series of small reali1ations. ;t $egins with a la%gh==o%rs! the first
da ; met o% in o%r shop. ; heard o%r la%ghter long after o% were gone. ; still do. Then!
o%r fa&e! whi&h ; remem$er in detail! even as ; write this. 6ow $ea%tif%l was o%r
e2pression of wonder when o% held the fragile silk fa&onne at the Prato mill. ; &arried that
image with me when o% ret%rned to Ameri&a. ; still do. And then o%r kisses. A kiss Bnot the
stolen kisses in 'apri! $%t the kisses at the inn! where it was o%r idea and mine! as it
sho%ld $e5 holds the meaning of love. ; dream of o%rs and of o%.
Love! 4ianl%&a
@%hat )o yo" thinkC@
!"ne ,(aces 6ian("ca's (etter caref"((y on the c"tting ta*(e as tho"gh it's a yar) of
rare )"chesse satin8
She removes her rea)ing g(asses an) (eans *ack on the work stoo(8 @$o" haven't
*een with eno"gh men to know a*o"t (ove (etters8 #hese *a*ies are rare8 1 never receive) a
(etter (ike this8 An) tr"st me0 1 wo"() have (ike) to8 #he man is into )etai(s8 An) he has
vision for yo"r f"t"re together8 He thinks things thro"gh8@
@1t's a(most too m"ch8 1 can't *e(ieve it8@
@$o" take every sa(esman that wa(ks into this sho, at his wor)::why not 6ian("caC@
@1t's (ike when 1 was a ki) an) 1') eat too m"ch white choco(ate::1 knew 1') ha)
eno"gh after one *ite0 *"t 1 wo"()n't sto,8 1') eat the who(e *"nny an) then have to (ie
)own8 1 get the same fee(ing when 1 rea) his (etters8@
@$o" can't *e serio"s8@
@1 )on't know8 B"t 1'm g(a) that 1 have the time an) the )istance to think a*o"t it8
He's there0 1'm here8@
@How convenient8 #here's an ocean *etween yo" an) him that yo" can fi(( with
e;c"ses not to fa(( in (ove8 1 know an avoi)ist when 1 see one8 B"t (isten to me0 sister8 #his
man is one in a mi((ion::make that a *i((ion when yo" factor in wor()wi)e over,o,"(ation8
An) not A"st *eca"se he's ta(( an) han)some an) 1ta(ian0 my favorite foo) gro",0 *"t
*eca"se this g"y knows what matters to a woman8 Some men go their who(e (ives (ong an)
never get it8 #his one gets it an) writes it )own an) mai(s it to yo"r )oor8 $o" )on't know
what yo" have here8@
@7h 1 think 1 know what 1've got8 1 A"st )on't have any i)ea what to )o with it8 %hen
it comes to men0 what )o yo" want0 !"neC@
@1 a(ways ho,e) to *e seen8 $o" know0 not a s,ot(ight thing0 1 got eno"gh of that
when 1 was a )ancer8 1'm ta(king a*o"t something )ee,er8 1 want a man to see me for who 1
am8@
@#hat's the ,ro*(em with these (etters8 1t's (ike he's ta(king a*o"t a go))ess8@
@#hat's how he sees yo"8 He's )escri*ing his e;,erience of yo"8 1 got news for yo"::
that's what (ove is8 1t's how he sees yo"::not how yo" see yo"rse(f8 Be the (ove o*Aect8 An)
for Chrissakes0 )on't o*AectB@
@A(( right0 a(( right8@
@1 mean0 yo" want him0 )on't yo"C@
@7f co"rse8@
@'art of getting what yo" want o"t of (ife is knowing e;act(y what to ask for8@ !"ne
,oints at me an) winks (ike a g"ns(inger in an o() western8 @%hat are yo" (ooking forC@
@1 was ho,ing 1') recogni9e it when it came my way8@
@#his man is for rea(8@
@$o"'re (ike #ess an) !ac(yn8 #hey *e(ieve in 'the one8' $o" meet a goo) man0 fair(y
yo"ng0 an) then888that's it8 Forever8@ #here was a time in my (ife when 1 *e(ieve) in @the
one8@ #hat0 of co"rse0 was *ack when 1 ha) it8 1') known Bret a(( of my (ife0 an) then 1 was
in my twenties an) ha) )ate) him since high schoo(0 an) then we got engage)8 1 tho"ght
that's what ha,,ene) to ,eo,(e::they grew ", with a *oy0 then after years of *eing together
an) s,en)ing (ots of time with each other's fami(ies0 contin"e) the re(ationshi, into
marriage8 Most of the women 1 know fo((owe) that form"(a0 so of co"rse 1 fig"re) that 1
wo"() too8 An) 1 )i)0 "nti( 1 fo"n) something in my (ife that wo"() re<"ire more of me than
teaching schoo(0 which 1 enAoye)0 or working in an office0 which 1 )i)n't8 %hen 1 )eci)e) to
*ecome a shoemaker0 1 ha) to sacrifice everything::weeken)s0 a socia( (ife0 an) a(( the
things that a woman m"st )o to make a tra)itiona( (ife8 1 A"st co"()n't see how 1 co"() )o
*oth::an) Bret0 at the time0 )i)n't either8
!"ne ,(aces the (etter on the ta*(e8 @A man who can se)"ce with a t"rn of ,hrase wi((
not )isa,,oint in the *e)room8@ !"ne gets ", an) ,o"rs herse(f a c", of coffee8 @%e have a((
*een waiting for this one0 honey8 An) if 1 were yo"0 1') h"rry ", an) 1 wo"()n't *e (ate8
6ian("ca's ri)ing in on the night train0 an) the (ast ,(ace yo" want to *e is the wrong sto,8
1') *e waiting with my *ags0 an) *y 6o)0 1') get on *oar)8 1') take that ri)e for yo" if 1
co"()8 1 have moments0 even now0 when 1') try8 B"t he's for yo"8 $o" take 6ian("ca an) r"n
with it8@
@1t so"n)s (ike 1 nee) to yank the emergency cor) on the train8@
@#he on(y "rgent thing in (ife is the ,"rs"it of (ove8 $o" get that one right0 an)
yo"'ve so(ve) the mystery8@
@An) 1 tho"ght when 1 co"() fig"re o"t a way to s"rvive in this sho, *y the (a*or of
my own han)s0 that wo"() *e the mystery so(ve)8@
@#wo )ifferent things8 %ork is s"rviva(0 an) (ove s"stains yo"8 $o" can have work
anytime8 B"t (oveC 5ot a(ways8@
@%hy )i)n't yo" ever get marrie)0 !"neC@
@1 )i)n't want to8@
@May*e 1 )on't want to either8@
@5o0 yo" )o0@ she says <"iet(y8
@How can yo" te((C@
@%omen who take care of o() ,eo,(e are the marrying kin)0@ she says8
@6ram took care of herse(f8@
@$es0 *"t yo" (ooke) after her8 1t wasn't a chore0 it came nat"ra((y8 Same with me8
5o*o)y e(se ca((s me when 1 wa(k home from work in the snow8 $o" a(ways )o8@
@Dear 6o)8 1 so"n) ,atheticB@
!"ne (a"ghs8 @5ot at a((8 $o" n"rt"re ,eo,(e::an) we nee) yo" to8 B"t yo" )on't
think a*o"t yo"rse(f eno"gh8 An) time is ,assing::it rea((y is8 An) when yo" get o()0 it
,asses even more <"ick(y0 (ike a (ea) foot on the acce(erator8 1 hear o() ,eo,(e on #? say
they )on't have regrets8 1 have a*o"t a tho"san)8@
@5ame one8@
@1 wo"() have aske) for more8 1 wo"() have had more8@
@B"t !"ne888@
@1 know0 1 know0 1 feaste) my way thro"gh fifty years of men0 a(( si9es0 sha,es0 an)
,roc(ivities8 6o) on(y knows how many mi(es 1 sch(e,,e) an) continents 1 crosse) in the
,"rs"it of ,(eas"re8 An) when 1 (ook *ack over a(( the years0 an) a(( the men0 1 wo"() have
(ike) for A"st one of those men0 to sit )own0 ,en in han)0 an) te(( me what he saw when 1
wa(ke) in a room8@
!"ne (ooks o"t the win)ows an) off into the mi))(e )istance8
@5o0 1 ha) to g%ess. 1 ha) to fi(( in the *(anks8@ She whist(es soft(y8 @B"t yo"C He's
to() yo" ,(ain0 right here on ,a,er0 what yo" mean to him8 An) if yo" can't take these
wor)s in now0 ,"t the (etter asi)e an) rerea) it tomorrow when yo"'ve ha) time to think8
#r"st me0 this 6ian("ca won't come a(ong again0 not in yo"r (ifetime8@ !"ne ,icks ", the
(etter an) han)s it *ack to me8 @En(ess yo" know something 1 )on't8@
!"ne ,erches her rea)ing g(asses on her nose an) rea)s the work (ist8 1 ,ick ", a
shoe an) meas"re the we(t to attach it to the hee(8 !"ne o,ens her *o; of straight ,ins on the
ta*(e0 then takes her ,inking shears o"t of their chamois ,o"ch an) ,(aces them on the
ta*(e8 She ,"shes the work stoo( "n)er the ta*(e with her knee0 she (oa)s a *o(t of raw si(k
on to the ro((er0 an) 1 he(, her sna, the )owe( an) c(ose the tra,s8
%e are two women with so m"ch more than frien)shi, in common8 %e work
together0 an) whi(e 1'm s",,ose)(y her *oss0 the tr"th is0 she is mine8 !"ne knows more
a*o"t the wor() than 1 ever wi((::an) in matters of (ove0 she wo"() never mis(ea) me8
#eacher to st")ent0 she has never to() me anything *"t the tr"th8 May*e 1 )on't *e(ieve
6ian("ca's ,retty wor)s *eca"se he's 1ta(ian an) they're known for their f(e"r:)e:(is
a,,roach to (ife8 May*e 1 nee) har)ware an) nai(s when it comes to (ove0 not the gent(e
c"rves of fi(igree8 May*e 1 )on't think the ,retty st"ff is strong eno"gh to ho()8
@1've a(ways maintaine) that this ho"se co"() "se some )rama8@ Mom sits on one of
the re) (eather *ar stoo(s *ehin) the co"nter that se,arates the kitchen from the (iving area
in 6ram's a,artment8 @Everywhere8@ She th"m*s thro"gh ;nterior maga9ine0 tearing o"t
@(ooks@ that she thinks 1 might (ike8 @#he o() homestea) nee)s a tota( re)o8@
@%e'(( ask 6ram8@
@$o" )on't have to8 She t"rne) the *"i()ing over to yo" to )o whatever yo" want8
6o wi()8 4einvent yo"rse(f in a new environment8 Have some f"nB@
My (ife is now )eve(o,ing a theme8 Evi)ent(y0 1 )on't have eno"gh f"n8 !"ne wants
me to s,ice ", the *e)room0 an) my mother0 the )ecor8 1t )awns on me that Mom has
another motive entire(y8 @Has Da) ,"t the ki*osh on yo"r renovations in J"eensC@
@#hat has nothing to )o with it8 B"t yes0 he has8 %hen it comes to interior )esign0
yo"r father is a Aoy ki((er8 He') have the same *icentennia( re)0 white0 an) *("e shag car,et
from o"r )en in 12-+ if 1') (et him8 He's (ike his mother in that way8 %hen yo" vac""m her
r"gs0 there are ,ermanent grooves in the car,et where the f"rnit"re is ,(ace)8 Act"a( ,its8
$o"r father )oesn't get that s"rro"n)ings matter0 an) that change kee,s yo" fresh0 yo"ng0
an) on yo"r toes8 $o" wo"()n't wear the same c(othes every )ay0 wo"() yo"C@
@5o0@ 1 (ie8 1 (ook )own at my "niformD Aeans an) work smock8
@#hen yo"r home sho"()n't either8 #he same c"rtains for thirty yearsC Come on0
,eo,(e8 Might as we(( (ive in a Ho!o's (o**y8 %hen yo"r father got the ,rostate )iagnosis0
the first thing 1 )i) after 1 overha"(e) his )iet with (yco,ene was to st")y co(or thera,y8
After intense research0 1 ,ainte) o"r *e)room soft ye((ow *eca"se ye((ow is con)"cive to
hea(ing8 5ow0 1 )on't want to take cre)it for his ste((ar remission0 *"t yo" can't te(( me
there's not a connection8@
@#here's a connection8@
@1f on(y he') in)"(ge me once in a whi(e8@
@Ma8 He )oes everything yo" want8@
@Event"a((y8@
#he (a,to, screen so"n)s a sma(( series of *e((s8 #hen 6ram a,,ears on the screen8
@Can yo" see meC@
1 sit )own an) c(ick the camera icon8 @6ram0 we're here8 1 can see yo"B@
@Hi0 hon8@ 6ram waves8 @%here's MikeC@
@4ight here0 Ma8@ Mom ,"ts )own her maga9ine0 f("ffs her hair0 an) ,resses her (i,s
together to re(ease the micro:*ea)s in her twenty:fo"r:ho"r (i,stick8 @1'm camera:rea)y8@
Mom s<"ee9es onto the chair with me an) sees her image on the screen8 @Dear 6o)0 the
(ighting is atrocio"s8@
@$o" (ook won)erf"(0 Mike0@ 6ram te((s her8
@5o0 1 (ook over si;ty8 #hat's what 1 (ook8 1've *een asking every B("e Cross hot(ine
atten)ant if they have an i)ea who )i) S"san Saran)on's face work8 %e are ,ractica((y the
same age0 a(most e;act(y0 an) she (ooks (ike she )i) in the #o&k 6orror movie whi(e 1
(ook (ike the 4ocky Horror8@
@1 )on't think S"san Saran)on ha) any work )one0@ 1 te(( them8
@5ow 1 fee( worseB@ Mom throws her han)s ", in )es,air8
@How's it going with A(fre) in the sho,C@ 6ram (ooks at me an) ignores my mother8
1 can't *e(ieve 6ram can ,"(( that off on Sky,e8 She knows if we go )own the ,(astic
s"rgery ,ath with my mother0 it wi(( *e ho"rs on the (ine8 @Are yo" two getting a(ongC@
@5ot *a)0@ 1 (ie8
6ram gives me a (ook8 @A(fre) te((s me it's going fine8@
@6oo)8 1'm g(a) yo" checke) with him8@
@5ow0 now8 He e:mai(e) me a*o"t some ta; fi(es8@
@Eh:h"h8@ 1 know goo) an) we(( that 6ram an) A(fre) e:mai( every )ay8 An) 1
know he re,orts everything 1 )o *ack to her8 B"t what he )oesn't get is that 6ram on(y
wants goo) news to go with her ,ositive new (ife8 He sho"() ski, the *")get an) ta; ta(k
with her8 @How's DominicC@
@1'm having the *est time here8 An) o"r honeymoon8 #he B(ack Sea was a st"nner8@
@Ma0 yo" won't *e(ieve it8@ Mom (eans into the screen8 @Every time 1 ,ick ", a
trave( maga9ine0 there's something a*o"t the B(ack Sea8 1 never hear) of it *efore yo"
honeymoone) there8 $o"'re c"tting:e)ge8@
@Magnificent8 4"ssian ,a(aces on the coast(ine::the *est caviar 1've ever taste)8 1t
was co()0 *"t the water was ca(m0 (ike a smooth ,ane of merc"ry g(ass8 A(most si(ver8@
@1'm so ha,,y for yo"0@ Mom says8
As ha,,y as we a(( are for 6ram's new (ife0 an) a(( the things that go with it that she
)eserves0 (ike ama9ing tri,s an) an attentive h"s*an)0 1 can't he(, *"t won)er if she ever
misses making shoes8
@6ram0 yo" know the sketch 1 fo"n)C #he one 1 scanne) an) sent to yo"C@ 1 ho() ",
the shoe )esign *y 4afae( Ange(ini8 @Do yo" have any i)ea who 4afae( isC 1 6oog(e) the
name *"t 1 co"()n't fin) him anywhere888B"t 1 )i) fin) a 4o*erta Ange(ini in B"enos Aires8
Do yo" think she's any re(ationC@
@She co"() *e8@
@Do yo" know of other Ange(inisC@
@%e((0 there's an o() story::*"t 1 have no i)ea how tr"e it is8 B"t yo"r great:
gran)father ha) a *rother8 #here was some estrangement0 (ong0 (ong ago::1 think it may
have ha,,ene) here in Are99o8 B"t 1 rea((y )on't know any )etai(s8@
@My great:gran)father ha) a *rotherC@ 1 (ook at my mother8
@Don't (ook at me8 1'm on(y an e;,ert on my fami(y after they arrive) in America8
Ho*oken an) forwar)888that's my area of e;,ertise8@
1 can't *e(ieve this8 My mother knows the e;act co"nt of the fami(y si(ver0 an) how
we're missing a (a)(e that she *e(ieves was (ifte) when she invite) the Martine((i co"sins
over for *r"nch after the May Day crowning at J"een of the Ange(s in 12-28 My
gran)mother store) an) marke) heir(oom rosaries for each of her great:gran)chi()ren on
the )ay they were *orn to *e given on their First Comm"nions in the event of her )emise8
#his is a fami(y that knows the contents of every )rawer0 c(oset she(f0 an) Aewe(ry *o;8 7"r
wi((s are ",)ate) (ike o"r )enta( recor)s =an) we are fanatica( a*o"t teethB>8 Can it *e
,ossi*(e that we have an entire *ranch of the fami(y0 sawe) off the o() tree for kin)(ing0 an)
no*o)y *othere) to te(( "sC
@1 )i)n't know m"ch a*o"t the *rother0@ 6ram says8 @#hey )i)n't )isc"ss it8 An) this
is the first thing 1'm hearing a*o"t Argentina8@
1 A"st stare at the screen8 1 want to sho"tD $eah0 yo" )on't know m"ch::or yo" A"st
)on't remem*er to share it with meD A"st (ike yo" never to() me this *"i()ing was in hock or
that 6ran),o, ha) a mistress "nti( yo" were a(rea)y in (ove with Dominic0 who yo" to()
me a*o"t ten ears after the factB
1 have a notion that if 1 o,ene) the wrong *o; in storage0 1') "ncover eno"gh fami(y
secrets an) ven)ettas to *(ow the roof off 1++ 'erry Street8 @%e((0 ; think it's im,ortant8 1t
wo"() a,,ear that there was another shoemaker in the fami(y8@
@%hy sho"() that matter nowC@ my mother ,i,es ",8
1 (ook at 6ram an) then my mother8 @Are yo" serio"sC@ Don't they get itC 1'm
attem,ting to grow the *ran)8 1 nee) to know everything a*o"t this com,any an) o"r
history8 #here may *e something of va("e to "se going forwar)::1 sho"()n't *e in the )ark8
%hat 1 )on't say is that *etween A(fre) an) 6ram0 1 get the f"nny fee(ing that's e;act(y
where they') (ike to kee, me8
@$o"r mother is right0@ 6ram says8 @.et's (ook to the f"t"re8 Besi)es0 that sketch
wasn't as goo) as yo"r gran)father's::or yo"r great:gran)father's8@ She smi(es8 @7r yo"rs8@
@Co"() yo" )o me a favor anywayC@ 1 ask8 @6o to the ch"rch there in Are99o an)
see if yo" can fin) the *a,tisma( recor)s8 1f 4afae( Ange(ini rea((y was 6ran),o,'s "nc(e0
he'(( *e there8@
@1'm getting chi((s0@ Mom says8 @May*e we sho"() cons"(t a ,sychic8@
@Ma0 the (ast time we )i)0 it was a )isaster8 %e gave A"nt Feen a free session0 an)
the (a)y ,romise) her that she wo"() win 'ower*a((8@
@4ight0 right8 An) when A"nt Feen )i)n't win the (ottery she wante) to s"e the
,sychic an) the gaming commission8@
6ram interr",ts "s8 @How is FeenC@
@1 went to see her on S"n)ay8@ Mom says8 @She's as cra**y as ever8 She signe) ",
for water aero*ics at the $ in Mineo(a8 Better she )rink ,oo( water than !ohnny %a(ker
4e)8@
My ce(( ,hone rings on the co"nter8 1 ,ick it ", whi(e Mom an) 6ram go )own the
(ong0 (onesome roa) of (ife with Feen8
@?a(entine0 it's 'ame(a8 %hen )i) A(fre) (eaveC@
1 check the c(ock8 @Aro"n) five8 He ha) a *"nch of meetings with the Sma((
B"siness re, )owntown8@
@He's s",,ose) to *e here for 4occo's ,arent:teacher conference8 1 have a sitter an)
everything8@
@He's not answering his ce((C@ 1 ask8
@1t goes straight to voice mai(8@ She so"n)s com,(ete(y fr"strate)8
@1'(( track him )own8 $o" go ahea) to schoo(0 an) 1'(( te(( him yo"'(( meet him there8@
1 hang ", with 'ame(a an) ca(( my *rother8 He ,icks ", the ,hone after a co",(e of
rings8 @Hey0 A(fre)8 Ca(( 'ame(a8 She co"()n't reach yo" an) sai) there's some ,arent:
teacher thing at schoo(8@
@7h0 no8@
@$o" forgotC@ #his is not (ike A(fre) at a((8 He remem*ers everything::inc(")ing the
gra)e he got on his ca(c"("s fina( in e(eventh gra)e8 @%e((0 get on the *"s0 *rother8 She's
waiting for yo"8@
1 sna, the ,hone sh"t0 com,(ete(y annoye)8 A(ong with a ,artnershi, 1 never
wante)0 1 am officia((y my *rother's kee,er8 %hat's ne;tC 1 s,en) my Sat"r)ay afternoons
ironing A(fre)'s shirtsC
My mother scans the key*oar) on the com,"ter8 @How )o yo" sh"t this offC@
@Are yo" )oneC@
@$es8@
1 hit the *"ttons o"t of Sky,e8 #he screen goes *(ack8 My mother c(a,s her han)s
together8 @%hat a trai(*(a9ing invention8 1 A"st (ove the 21st cent"ryB 1t's so %i((iam
Shatner8 So Star #rek8@
@Do yo" ever miss o():fashione) waysC@
@%hich onesC@
@.ove (etters written with a fo"ntain ,enC@
@7h0 6o) no8 $o"r father can't s,e((8 He cannot e;,ress himse(f via wor)s at all8 He
trie) to write to me when we were yo"ng0 *"t 1 nee)e) a )ramat"rg to )econstr"ct his
sentiments8 5o0 no0 1 (ike how we comm"nicate now8 D"tch te((s me how he fee(s to my
face8 'ress a *"tton an) my mother's face ,o,s ", from 1ta(y8 #here's nothing (ike right
now0 in the moment8@
#he Sma(( B"siness A)minstration office is two )oors )own from the room we are
sent to when serving on A"ry )"ty8 #he waiting area is fi((e) with ,eo,(e0 (a,to,s o"t0 ce((
,hones on0 )oing *"siness8 1 sign in8 %henever yo" )ea( with )octors or government
agencies0 there's invaria*(y a c(i,*oar) an) a n"m*er 2 ,enci( )ang(ing from a string8
Iath(een ,okes her hea) o"t the office )oor an) motions to me8 1 ,oint to the (ist::
there's at (east nine names in front of mine8 She waves me in8
@1 have yo"r ,a,erwork a(( set to go0@ she says as she c(oses the )oor *ehin) me8
@A(rea)yC@ 1'm ama9e) an) a(so s(ight(y g"i(ty a*o"t the (ine 1 A"st A"m,e) in the
waiting room8 Iath(een has rea((y *een charme) *y the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any8
@1t was a sna,8 A(fre) (ooke) over it an) signe) it8@
@6reat8@
@4ay 4ina()i a,,rove) them an) sent three sets *ack to me for yo"r signat"re8@
Iath(een ,(aces the )oc"ments in front of me an) gives me a ,en8 1 sign the ,a,erwork8
She stam,s them8
@$o" sho"() have yo"r (oan within si; weeks8 #his gives yo" time to make a )ea(
with a man"fact"rer8@
@1'm on it8@
Iath(een stan)s8 @$o"'ve *een great to work with8@
1 o,en my tote *ag an) (ift o"t o"r signat"re re) an) white stri,e) shoe*o;8 @#hese
are for yo"8@
Iath(een o,ens the *o;8 @#hey're gorgeo"sB@ She (ifts o"t a ,air of Flora ca(fskin
s(i,,ers8 @1 can't ,ossi*(y kee, them8@
@%hy notC 1t's not a *ri*e8 #he (oan has a(rea)y *een a,,rove)8@ 1 ,oint to a
*o"<"et of f(owers with a thank:yo" car) that sits on Iath(een's )esk8 @%e e;,ress o"r
gratit")e with shoes instea) of f(owers8 Frien) to frien)8@
@1've ha) a great time working with yo" an) yo"r fami(y8@ Iath(een smi(es8
1 never notice) how ,retty she was0 or may*e now 1 see her as a *ea"ty *eca"se she
A"st ,romise) me eno"gh money to make the "ella #osa8
1 ,(ace my co,y of the contract in my tote *ag8 1 fee( very g"i(ty when 1 ,ass
thro"gh the waiting room (oa)e) with ,eo,(e who0 A"st (ike me0 nee) a (oan to s"rvive0 an)
ho,ef"((y grow8
1 te;t BretD
MeD .7A5 A''47?EDB
BretD CongratsB
MeD #hanks to yo"8
BretD 5ow we fin) a factory8
MeD 1n the E8S8C
BretD Arg"ing with yo"r *rother a*o"t China8
MeD 1 knew he') *e a ,ro*(em8
BretD #hat's why 1'm here8 1 fight8 $o" make yo"r *ea"tif"( shoes8
MeD %hat wo"() 1 )o witho"t yo"C 1 knowD 1') *e in ,ro,er thera,yB
BretD $o"'re my thera,y8 5o*o)y makes me (a"gh (ike yo"8
MeD 7r yo"B
BretD ;o
MeD ;o
#ess0 !ac(yn0 an) 1 sit in the rot"n)a waiting area of S(oan Iettering Hos,ita(8 Da)
is here for his check",0 an) Mom seeme) nervo"s a*o"t coming a(one0 so we a(( came to
give them o"r s",,ort8 $o" wo"() think0 after the )iagnosis an) months of treatment0 that
we wo"() *e "se) to the grin) that comes with a )iagnosis of stage:two ,rostate cancer0 *"t
we're not8 %e (ive in fear0 *"t we )on't ta(k a*o"t it8 %e ,"t on *ig smi(es0 Aoke an) (a"gh to
kee, o"r ,arents' s,irits ",8 B"t a(( the whi(e we gri, the rosaries in o"r ,ockets0 ho()ing on
to the *ea)s0 ,raying for goo) news every time Da) has to wa(k thro"gh those )oors8
%e (ove the wor) remission0 an) we throw the wor) &%re aro"n) as o"r )ee,est
wish =*eca"se it is>8 B"t cancer is now an officia( mem*er of the 4onca((i fami(y8 %e )on't
(ike it0 we )i)n't ask for it to *e *orn0 *"t it's here0 an) we have to acce,t a(( of itD its cranky
moo)s an) "n,re)icta*(e *ehavior0 its s"))en retreat when the )octors try a new )r"g an)
te(( "s to go home an) wait for the res"(ts8 1n the meantime0 we co,e with the to(( it takes on
o"r father0 who goes from norma( to e;ha"ste) to sick as the )octors try to make him *etter8
B"t to)ay0 1'm fee(ing "n"s"a((y ("cky8 %ith the (oan a,,rova(0 may*e we're on a
ro((0 an) things in genera( wi(( *egin to go we(( for my fami(y8 1'm s",erstitio"s0 tho"gh0
*eca"se 1've seen moment"m go in the other )irection0 so 1 kee, my o,timism to myse(f8
@Do yo" think Da) wi(( get a goo) re,ortC@ !ac(yn asks8
@He (ooks goo)8 $o" know0 ,hysica((y8@
@?a(0 he a(ways (ooks goo)8 #he ,eo,(e in o"r fami(y can *e at )eath's )oor an)
they never (ook sick8 #hey )ie in the ,ict"re of hea(th8 $o" can't co"nt on vis"a(s0@ #ess
says8
@1 ho,e 1 age (ike Da)8 He's (ooke) the same since he was forty8@
@1t's the nose0@ !ac(yn says8 @A nose is im,ortant as yo" get o()er8 1t ho()s
everything ",8 .ike a tent ,o(e8@ !ac(yn scro((s thro"gh her B(ackBerry8 @.ook8 6ram sent a
,ict"re of Dominic an) her8 Check it o"t8@
6ram an) Dominic em*race on the )eck of a cr"ise shi,8 #here are foamy white
ca,s on the B(ack Sea8 #hey are *"n)(e) ", (ike sher,as0 in )own coats0 knit ca,s0 )ark
s"ng(asses0 an) thick g(oves8
@Are they on their honeymoon0 or )i) they Aoin the 4"ssian mo*C@
@1t m"st have *een co() over there0@ #ess says8 @Free9ing8 Hey0 here's one with
6ian("ca8@ !ac(yn han)s it to me8
1 (ook )own at the ,ict"re8 He's stan)ing *y the hoo) of his car with a ,eevish
e;,ression on his face8 6ram an) Dominic m"st have *een (ate to go somewhere8 Annoye)
or not0 he (ooks gorgeo"s in the ,ict"re8
@Have yo" hear) from himC 1 mean0 any wor) since 1 ca"ght him in the *athroomC@
@$es0 1've hear) from him8@
My sisters (ean in8
@Are yo" Sky,ingC@ #ess asks0 trying not to ,ry0 *"t )es,erate to know every )etai(8
@5o8 %e write (etters8@
@%ith stam,sC@
@$es0 #ess8 %ith ink0 stam,s0 enve(o,es8 #he o() ,ost office ro"tine8@
@%ow8 How romantic8@ #ess says the wor) witho"t meaning it8 Her i)ea of romance
is car)s that ,(ay songs when yo" o,en them0 h"ge f(ora( arrangements0 an) a )iamon)
heart s"s,en)e) on a thick go() chain8 A han)written (etter is the ,oor man's way to a
woman's heart0 an) #ess0 (ike my mother0 ,refers the g(it98 @An o():fashione) (etter8@
@B"t whyC@ !ac(yn0 not yet thirty0 )oes not remem*er (ife *efore ce(( ,hones an) e:
mai(8 @How (ong )oes the mai( take from 1ta(yC 1sn't it yearsC Mom sent "s a ,ostcar) from
1ta(y0 an) she') *een home three weeks when the car) arrive)8 %hy wo"() yo" *other with
a(( that when yo" can te;t himC@
@He's not a technica( g"y0@ 1 te(( them8
@He's o()8@ !ac(yn shr"gs0 satisfie) that she's cracke) the ?echiare((i co)e8
@$eah0 he's o()er888ish0 *"t it's not that. He rea((y ,ays attention to the ,eo,(e aro"n)
him8 1t matters to him how he s,en)s his time8 1 )on't know him that we(( yet0 *"t
everything he )oes0 everything he says0 has meaning8 He thinks things thro"gh8 1've never
met anyone (ike him8@
@Do yo" think it's serio"sC@
@Don't *"y yo"r *ri)esmai) )resses8@
@B"t Ben)e('s is having a sa(e0@ !ac(yn whines8 @1 got my eye on a 4o)arte sam,(e8@
#ess t"rns to me8 @Don't (et her ,"sh yo"8 #here wi(( a(ways *e ,erfect )resses an)
we))ings to wear them to8 $o" make s"re he's right for yo"8 #ake yo"r time8 Event"a((y0
yo"'(( know for s"re if 6ian("ca is #he 7ne8@
@1 hate to )isa,,oint yo"0 *"t 1 )on't know if 1 *e(ieve in that anymore8@
@7f co"rse yo" )oB .ook at "sB@ !ac(yn says8 @7ne Char(ieB 7ne #omB@
@%e((0 it's worke) o"t we(( for yo" g"ys8 1'm )ifferent8@
@$o" a(ways say that0 *"t yo"'re rea((y not that )ifferent from "s0@ #ess says8
@Be(ieve me0 1 wish 1 was e;act(y (ike yo"8 $o" get an i)ea in yo"r hea)s0 an) yo"
see it thro"gh8 Some ,eo,(e go for the *rass ring0 an) yo" went for the )iamon) version8 1t
worke) o"t for yo"8 B"t 1 never fa(( in (ove with men who )o what 1 want to )o8 #here's
a(ways a conf(ict8@
@May*e this is it8 May*e 6ian("ca wi(( com,romise0@ #ess reasons8
@%hen is he coming over to visitC@ !ac(yn asks0 ho,ing that gown she (ikes wi(( sti((
*e on sa(e when 6ian("ca convinces me to take the ne;t ste,8
@He's r"nning the tannery a(one now8 1 )on't think he can take time off8@
@So yo" have one of these !ane A"sten romances where there are (etters *"t no
act"a( se;8@ #ess so"n)s )isa,,ointe)8 @5o action8 !"st wor)s8@
@'oetry0@ 1 correct her8
@%hat )oes he say in the (ettersC@ #ess asks8
@5one of yo"r *"siness8@
1 wi(( not make the mistake of showing my sisters the (etters from 6ian("ca8
6a*rie('s )issection of 6ian("ca's (etter (eft me stone co()8 !"ne's assessment he(,e)
*eca"se she ,"t her o,inion in the conte;t of her e;tensive (ife =an) (ove> e;,erience8 #he
(ast ,(ace 1'm going to (ook for va(i)ation is my imme)iate fami(y8 1'm (ong ,ast the )ays
when 1 have to r"n everything 1'm fee(ing *y my fami(y8
As the (ast sing(e ,erson in a fami(y of marrie) ,eo,(e0 1 have *ecome their fina(
frontier0 their pro8e&t8 #hey wi(( not rest "nti( 1'm taken8 1 wo"() ,refer they "se their energy
to he(, Mom insta(( her )ream (i(y ,on) on A"stin Street instea) of me))(ing in my (ove
(ife8
Mom ,"shes thro"gh the swinging )oors that (ea) to the interior of the hos,ita(8 She
is )resse) hea) to toe in ye((ow8 S"nshine go()8 Mike 4onca((i has *ro"ght a s,(ash of co(or
thera,y into Manhattan's ,a(ace of hea(ing8
@7h0 gir(sB A(( c(earB@ Mom em*races the three of "s an) *egins to cry8 @Every time
1 set foot in here an) we get a )ecent re,ort0 1 rea(i9e how com,(ete(y o"t of my min) with
worry 1 am every sing(e )ay8 7r)inary (ife can )rain yo"8@
@$es0 it can0@ 1 agree8
@1t's not the *ig things0 yo" know::it's the maintenance8 B"t thank 6o) an) Saint
#eresa0 who never fai(s me0 D"tch is a(( c(ear for now8@
@1'(( te;t A(fre)0@ !ac(yn says8
@#hanks0@ Mom says0 tightening the *e(t on her ye((ow ,rincess coat8 Something
*others her sti((8 @$o" know0@ she says0 @yo"r )a) notices that A(fre) never comes on these
a,,ointments8@
@He's *ack at the sho,0 Mom0@ 1 te(( her8 @He's researching::@
@Don't make e;c"ses for him8 $o" make the )amn shoes0 ?a(0 an) yo" fin) the time
to come here an) *e with yo"r father an) me8 5o0 yo"r *rother )oesn't get it8 An) yo" know
whatC He never wi((B He wi(( ho() a gr")ge against yo"r father "nti( the )ay he )ies8@
@.et's ho,e not0@ #ess says )i,(omatica((y8
@%hat is itC@ Mom throws her han)s ",8 @%hy can't chi()ren forgive their ,arentsC
%e )on't set o"t to )isa,,oint yo"8 %e rea((y )on't8 An) when we )o0 we are the first to
know it::an) as far as 1 can te((0 yo"r father has ma)e re,arations8 5ot that he wo"() "se
that wor)::@
@7r ,rono"nce it8@ 1 no)8
@B"t honest(y0@ Mom contin"es0 @the man has ma)e a(( matters of restit"tion to me0
to his fami(y0 to his 6o)8 F"rthermore0 he has trie) time an) time again to o,en ", the
channe(s of comm"nication with yo"r *rother0 on A(fre)'s terms0 an) he's *een re*"ffe)8
Every sing(e timeB Da))y isn't se((ing himse(f as some ,erfect ,arent8 He's we(( aware of
his fai(ings0 as 1 am of mine8 B"t for 6o) he(, me0 it's *een twent years8 1t's a(most a non:
memory for me at this ,oint8 B"t0 for yo"r *rotherC 1t's a fresh gash8@
@#hat's A"st A(fre)0@ #ess says8 @$o"'re not going to change him0 Ma0 )on't (et it *"g
yo"8@
Mom consi)ers this8 #he sa)ness an) anger (eave her face as <"ick(y as if she were
wi,ing them off with one of her ,remoistene) make", s,onges8 @$o"'re a*so("te(y right8
A(fre) wi(( get it when he gets it8 B"t0 ,(ease0 my trio of ange(s0 )on't (et my ,eevishness
r"in yo"r )ay8 $o" are the *estB Each of yo" have so m"ch on yo"r ,(ates0 with chi()ren an)
work an) h"s*an)s an)888@ Mom (ooks at me8 @7verseas enchantments8 $et with a(( yo"
have to )o0 yo"r father an) 1 m"st have )one something right0 *eca"se yo" a(ways show ",
for "s8@
@%here are we gonna go0 MaC %e're fami(y0@ !ac(yn says8
%e sit an) wait for Da) to )ress an) Aoin "s0 an) 1 think a*o"t my *rother0 an) how
some$od is a(ways angry with him8 #hat can't *e goo) for A(fre)8 1t's sa) that he's missing
o"t on this great moment with "s8 4e(ief is an instant *a(m0 *"t it has to *e earne)8 A(fre)
ignores the agony0 an) then he misses the Aoy8 He )oesn't make any emotiona( investment in
"s8 May*e he saves it a(( for 'ame(a an) his sons8
7r may*e they0 (ike "s0 know the tr"thD none of "s are goo) eno"gh for A(fre)0
whether we were *orn after him0 gave *irth to him0 fathere) him0 or marrie) him8 A(fre)'s
stan)ar)s are so high no one can reach them8 1 have to remem*er to te(( Bret to kee, this in
min)8 1 can't have A(fre) )erai( my re(ationshi,s at the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any *eca"se he
has "nrea(istic stan)ar)s::or *eca"se he )oesn't want to see the sister who never meas"re)
", s"ccee) )es,ite herse(f8
@1 know this is against yo"r re(igion8880@ 1 say into my ce(( ,hone8 1 stan) on the
corner of 1th Street an) /th Aven"e0 with one han) over my ear an) the other c("tching
my ,hone8 @888*"t 1 ha) to )o the mo)ern thing an) ca(( yo"8@
@?a(entinaC@ 6ian("ca co"() not *e ha,,ier to hear from me8
@1 have goo) news8 Da) got a great re,ort at the )octors8@
@Va $ene0@ 6ian("ca is thri((e) *y the news0 an) A"st as ha,,y to hear from me8
@1 wante) to te(( yo"8@ A *"s ,"((s ", at the sto, an) )ecom,resses with a (o") *(ast
as the ste,s are (owere) c(oser to the si)ewa(k8 @Sorry a*o"t the noise8 1'm o"tsi)e8 7n my
way *ack to the sho,8@
@#he noise is not a ,ro*(em0@ he ass"res me8 @1 am ha,,y to hear yo"r voice8@
@6ian("caC@
@$esC@
@Be ,atient with me8@
@?a(entina8@
#he soothing so"n) of his voice0 the way he says my name0 *(ankets me8 1 want to
(et him know what he means to me0 that 1 co"()n't wait to get home an) write it on the
onionskin ,a,er8 S"))en(y0 it fe(t "rgent8 1t on(y takes a tri, to S(oan Iettering to remin)
me how short (ife is0 an) that there's nothing wrong with a (itt(e ,rioriti9ing8 @1'm not as
goo) at this as yo" are0 at e;,ressing myse(f8 1888@ 1 ,a"se an) think8
He waits ,atient(y "nti( 1 s,eak8 He )oesn't interr",t me8 He (ets me fin) my ,oint0
an) then gives me the time to share it8 @1 am trying to say that 1 (ove yo"r (etters8 #hey are
very )escri,tive an) honest888an) 1 fee( so m"ch when 1 rea) them8@
@4ra1ie0@ he says0 then amen)s8 @ *ille gra1ie8@
@1 g"ess0 what 1') (ike to te(( yo" is to888kee, them coming8 An) if yo" )o0 1 wi(( rea)
them with as m"ch care as yo" take when yo" write them8@
@?a(entina0 1 m"st see yo"8@
@%henC@ 1 ask him8
@1 wish to)ay8@
@Me too0@ 1 te(( him0 an) 1 mean it8
@5ow0 in the sho, here0 it is )iffic"(t8 My father is a new man with a new (ife8 #he
o() (ife ho()s very (itt(e interest to him now8 So0 1 work twice as (ong each )ay8@
@#he same at my sho,8@
@%e're in0 how )o yo" say itC@
@#he same *oatB@
@4ight8 Correct8 #hat makes "s c(oser sti((C 5oC@ he asks8
@$es0@ 1 te(( him8
%hen 1 ret"rn to the sho,0 6a*rie( an) !"ne are (a"ghing at the c"tting ta*(e8 #here
is something so nat"ra( a*o"t the two of them working si)e *y si)e8
6a*rie( wasn't aro"n) as m"ch when he (ive) in Che(sea0 *"t now that he is a*o"t to
move in0 there isn't any as,ect of (ife on 1++ 'erry Street that he isn't a ,art of::an) that
inc(")es the shoes8
@%hat's going onC@ 1 hang ", my coat an) (ook over at A(fre)0 whose hea) is *"rie)
in a fi(e8
@!"ne is teaching me how to c"t ,atterns0@ 6a*rie( says8 @1've )eci)e) to make the
)ra,es for the (iving room myse(f8@
@Do yo" think yo" canC@
@$o" sho"() know *etter than to ask that <"estion8 1 can )o anything 1 set my min)
to8@
@He's very goo)0 this g"y8 ?ery <"ick0@ !"ne says8 @He has a rea( eye for
)imension::which is the one attri*"te every ,attern c"tter nee)s8@
@An) when 1 choose to (earn something new0 1 insist 1 (earn from the master0@
6a*rie( says8
@%e((0 that's me0 ki))o8@ !"ne cack(es8 @#hirty:,("s years with these ,inking shears8
1') say that makes me the master8@
@$o" fee( (ike a coffee *reakC@ 6a*rie( asks her8
@S"re0@ !"ne says8
@1 ma)e *(on)ies with wa(n"ts8@ 6a*rie( (ooks at me an) A(fre)8
@1'm okay0@ A(fre) says witho"t (ooking ",8
@Me too8 .ate ("nch8 $o" go8@
!"ne an) 6a*rie( hea) ", the stairs8
@Da) got an a((:c(ear8@
@6reat0@ A(fre) says8
@$o" co"()n't *e more thri((e)8@
He ,"ts the fi(e )own8 @%hat )o yo" want me to )oC Dance a AigC@
@5o8 1') (ike yo" to show ",0@ 1 te(( him8 @$o"'ve never *een to the hos,ita(::not
when Da) ha) the s"rgery0 or the chemo0 or the ra)iation::yo" A"st (eave it to "s8 An) it's
not fair8@
@1f yo" remem*er0 1 got him into S(oan0 an) 1 ,ai) for the e;tras8 1've )one my *it8@
@$o"'re his on(y son8@
@$eah0 we((0 that's its own rewar)0 isn't itC@ he sna,s8 @1 )on't want to fight with yo"0
?a(entine0@ he says weari(y8
@5o8 $o"'re fighting the who(e wor()0 an) then 1'm force) to (ive in it8@
@%hat )oes that meanC@
@$o" )on't get a(ong with ,eo,(e8 $o" take a )efensive ,osition8 7r yo" iss"e an
or)er an) e;,ect me to fa(( in (ine8 $o" )eci)e we're going to make the "ella #osa in China0
an) that's how it's going to *e8 $o" steamro((er me0 yo" make Bret "nha,,y888@
@7h0 now 1'm res,onsi*(e for Bret's ha,,inessC@
@%hen yo"'re working with him0 yo" are8 Beca"se he matters to me0 1 va("e his
o,inions0 an) he's ste,,e) ", for this com,any8@
@He'(( get his commission8@
@#hat's not the ,oint8 He )i)n't have to take "s on8 B"t he )i)8 An) if we s"ccee)0
an) that's sti(( a *ig if0 Bret wi(( have *een a maAor ,art of that8 So act a (itt(e more
a,,reciative an) a (itt(e (ess im,erio"s::if yo" )on't min)8@
@$o" got it0 *oss0@ he says8
@1f on(y that were tr"e8 B"t 1 got the )ea( with the )evi( here8@
A(fre) (ooks at me8 @5ow 1'm the )evi(8@
@$o" can *e cr"e(8 1 )on't (ike the way yo" treat o"r )a)8@
@1t a(ways comes *ack to that8@ He t"rns away from me an) goes to sit )own at the
)esk8
@1f yo"') on(y make an effort8@
@1t's not gonna ha,,en8@ A(fre) sits )own an) ,ro,s his face on his han) an) o,ens a
fi(e8 He act"a((y ignores me an) goes *ack to work8 So 1 ha"( o"t the *ig g"n0 the tor,e)o of
the 4onca((i arsena(D g"i(t8
@Da) isn't going to *e aro"n) forever8@
@#hat'(( *e a re(ief0@ he sna,s8
@#ake that *ackB@ 1 sho"t8
A rage we((s insi)e me8 My *rother's )e(i*erate a*sences make it so m"ch har)er for
o"r fami(y to co,e with my father's i((ness8 1t's a(most as if A(fre) gets Aoy in se,arating
from "s0 from o"r ,ro*(ems::*eca"se as (ong as he )oes so0 they are not his own8 He is not
this way with his in:(aws8 He's )"tif"( towar) them8 He's there when 'ame(a's fami(y is in
crisis8 He's most comforta*(e in the ro(e of fami(y mem*er once remove)8 B"t with the
4onca((is0 he c"t the tie (ong ago0 an) (eft "s hanging8
@1f yo" )on't want to make it right with Da) for yo"r mother0 or yo"r sisters0
consi)er yo"r sons8 Beca"se 1 g"arantee yo"0 if yo" )on't get ,ast whatever it is yo" have
against Da)0 it wi(( visit yo" an) yo"r chi()ren8@
@My sons are )ifferent8@ A(fre) t"rns *ack to his work8
A(fre)'s tone te((s me he's )one ta(king a*o"t this8 1f 1 co"() throw him o"t of the
sho,0 1 wo"()8 1 )on't know how (ong 1 can han)(e having him aro"n)8 %e try to get a(ong0
or rather0 ; try to get a(ong with him0 *"t 1 fin) myse(f either ti,toeing aro"n) the (an)
mines or ste,,ing on them0 then )ea(ing with the aftermath of the e;,(osion8 %e have s,ats
over nothing0 an) then 1 have to *ring the moo) of the sho, *ack to norma(8 7n to, of my
rea( Ao*0 1 have another::trying to ,(ease A(fre)8 1 have *een )oing this a(( of my (ife0 an)
1'm tire) of him8
1'm a(so f"rio"s8 So 1'm going to ta(k to Bret a*o"t a time (ine8 7n )ays (ike these0
when the tension is as )ee, as the ten (ayers of (eather on the c"tting ta*(e0 1 can har)(y )o
my work8 An) then0 e;ha"ste) from the )ance0 1 (ie in *e) at night an) )ream of what it
wo"() *e (ike to own this *"siness o"tright8 1 imagine the sho,0 )e*t:free0 a(( markers ,ai)
in f"((8 1'm the *oss an) answer to no one8 Some)ay 1 wi(( *"y my *rother o"t0 an) then 1'((
*e free of him once an) for a((8
1t took two )ays to move 6a*rie( Bion)i o"t of his co"sin's i((ega( s"*(et in Che(sea
an) into 1++ 'erry Street8 #here's that m"ch st"ff8
#he eight f(oors of the ABC Car,et an) Home wareho"se store on Broa)way have
(ess f"rnit"re than 6a*rie( Bion)i8 %e co"() easi(y fi(( an a))itiona( *"i()ing =if we ha) it>
with his ,ossessions8 Bo;e) an) crate)0 or wra,,e) in *atting0 each item is revere)8
#here are gi(t 4ococo mirrors0 Art Deco hat stan)s0 )emi (ove seats in matching
9e*ra ,rint0 a set of si; straight:*acke) chairs she((acke) off:white with rattan seats0 t"rn:
of:the:(ast:cent"ry steamer tr"nks that ma)e it off of the Titani& an) into 6a*rie('s
co((ection0 #iffany f(oor (am,s with *ron9e tree:tr"nk *ases0 an) (am,s com,ose) of
mosaics of t"r<"oise an) rose g(ass0 an) frame) ,osters of Broa)way shows since 3n the
Twentieth 'ent%r an) +he Loves *e were r"nning (ong on the 6reat %hite %ay8
6a*rie( stan)s with his han)s on his hi,s8 @1 know0 it (ooks (ike a gay tag sa(e8 B"t
tr"st me0 1 ,(an to wee) o"t a (ot8@
@.ike whatC@
@A set of Minton china with so", t"reens8@
@$o" sho"() kee, that8@
@%hyC@ 6a*rie( asks nervo"s(y8
@Beca"se it goes with the Eng(ish ri)ing sa))(e yo" want to mo"nt on the wa((8@
6a*rie( (ooks aro"n) at the skyscra,ers of *rown ,a,er *o;es in my (iving room
an) is a*o"t to ask0 @%hat sa))(eC@ when he rea(i9es that 1'm Aoking8 @7h0 ha0 ha8 7o%8@
@4ea((y0 yo" have more st"ff than a ho()ing ce(( at the Met8 Every ,erio) in interior
)ecoration is re,resente) here8@
@E;ce,t ear(y American8 1 (oathe it8 1 (ike A*raham .inco(n as m"ch as the ne;t g"y0
*"t 1 can't a*i)e maAor f"rnit"re that (ooks (ike it was whitt(e)8@
@Me neither8@
@1 know 1 have a (ot of st"ff8 B"t 1 )ream of a s"mmer home in B"cks Co"nty8 1
imagine it::in f"((8 An) everything yo" see here is a ,art of the *ack)ro, of that )ream8 1
see a fo"r:story white c(a,*oar) farmho"se with *(ack sh"tters on a green hi(( in
'ennsy(vania0 s"rro"n)e) *y c(ear acreage8 #here's a swimming ,oo(0 a ,atio with s(ate
f(oors0 a kitchen with co,,er ,ots an) a *"tcher:*(ock is(an)0 an) s"m,t"o"s interiors8
@1 imagine ,arties in my home with g"ests who fascinate::Doris Iearns 6oo)win
an) #ina Fey in one corner0 with the Coen *rothers an) .a)y 6aga in another8 7h0 (ookB 1t's
#ony I"shner arg"ing theater economics with !oe Mante((o8 Michae( 'atrick Iing 9ings
with *ons mots as Mike 5icho(s interce,ts them8 1magine a tan an) freck(e) a" nat"re(
Frances McDorman) rea)ing a(o") ,ithy scenes from Arseni& and 3ld La&e0 whi(e Bart(ett
Sher (ooks on an) then gives a !"i((iar) criti<"e8 Afterwar)0 we have gra,,a an) cigars *y a
roaring fire0 an) after Mary #esta sings a co",(e of n"m*ers from The #ose Tattoo0 we
)isc"ss the fate of o"r nationa( theater::that is0 of co"rse0 if there's one (eft *y the time 1 *"y
my )ream ho"se8
@7h0 ?a(entine0 1 have *ig0 *ig ,(ans for my enormo"s (ifeB An) when 1'm a*(e to
affor) it a((0 an) yes0 that means *"ying it a(( for cash0 an) insta((ing f"((:grown trees A"st
(ike Moss Hart )i) si;ty years ago *eca"se 10 (ike he0 am not one to wait0 1 wi(( fi(( that
ho"se with things that matter to me8 Decor that ins,ires me8 F"rnit"re that moves me8
Basica((y a(( the st"ff yo" see right here8@
@So what )o we )o with it in the meantimeC@
@%e can "se it here8@
@7kay0 how a*o"t this8 How a*o"t yo" re)ecorate the (iving room with yo"r
things::these ,ri9e) ,ossessions888@
@#hey are ,ri9es0 *e(ieve me8@
@1 agree8 B"t whatever )oesn't fit0 or yo" )on't think works0 yo" ,"t in storage8@
@Fair eno"gh8 1 )efinite(y can affor) storage *eca"se yo" gave me s"ch a *reak on
the rent8@
@1'(( offer 6ram's st"ff to my fami(y8 E;ce,t the farm ta*(e8 #he ta*(e has to stay8@ 1
r"n my han) across the e)ge of the ta*(e that has *een the center of o"r fami(y gatherings
since *efore 1 was *orn8 1 can't imagine this a,artment witho"t it8 @#hat's the on(y r"(e8 #his
ta*(e0 in this very s,ot8@
@5o ,ro*(em8 1 (ike the ta*(e0@ 6a*rie( agrees8 @B"t 1 may want to refinish it8@
@'ermission grante)8@
@An) we'(( kee, the chan)e(ier8 1've a(ways (ove) that to"ch of ?enice8@
6a*rie( an) 1 imme)iate(y fa(( *ack into o"r o() co((ege roommate )ynamic8 1t's an
easy give:an):take::1 (et him )o whatever he wants0 an) he ri)es ro"ghsho) over me (ike a
cow*oy on horse*ack ga((o,ing thro"gh a )ry creek *e) in the 6reat '(ains )"ring a catt(e
crossing8
@1s this a recor) ,(ayerC@
@4CA ?ictor8 #r"thf"((y0 tho"gh0 1 "se it for an en) ta*(e8@
@Does it workC@
@1 )on't know8 1 never t"rne) it on8 %e've got a(( of 6ram's o() Sinatra a(*"ms
",stairs8@
@Bri((iantB 1 can re)ecorate to 7() B("e Eyes8 Francis A(*ert wi(( *e my m"se8@
@1'm going to go )own an) (ock ", the sho,0@ 1 te(( him8 @!"ne an) A(fre) went
home ho"rs ago8@
@How's the shi,ment comingC@
@7"r twe(ve:ho"r )ays are ,aying off8 Har(ene .evin at the 'icar)y Shoe 'ar(or in
Mi(wa"kee is going to get her or)er on time8@
@5ee) meC@
@5o,e8@ 1 go to the to, of the stairs0 think *etter of it0 an) ,oke my hea) *ack into
the a,artment8 @%hat's for )innerC@
@Chicken F(orentine0 a fresh tosse) )an)e(ion sa(a) with steame) artichokes0 an) a
creme *r"(ee for )essert8@
1 ,(ace my han) on my heart8 @1 (ove yo"8@
@%hy wo"()n't yo"C@ he says8
1 go )own the stairs an) ,"sh the )oor of the sho, o,en8 !"ne (eft the work (ights on
over the iron8 1 move across the room to t"rn them off0 gra**ing the keys to (ock the
win)ow gates as 1 go8 #hen 1 notice that !"ne has a(rea)y ro((e) them across the g(ass an)
(ocke) them8
1 go to f(i, off the work (ight8 B"t then 1 sto,0 sensing 1 am not a(one8
Someone is in the far sha)ows of the sho,0 where we organi9e the shi,,ing8 1
free9e8 1 can't *e(ieve the sec"rity a(arm )i)n't go off8 My tho"ghts whir(0 we're *eing
ro**e)0 who is it0 what )o they want0 what )o 1 )oC B"t the *"rg(ars )on't move8 #hey )on't
try to f(ee8 1 rea(i9e they )on't know 1'm here8
1 s<"int to see who it might *e8
1 gas,0 (etting go of the *reath 1 he() in fear8 Iath(een Sweeney0 who was here for a
meeting0 is in the arms of my *rother8 #hey are kissing ,assionate(y0 an) )on't hear me or
see me "nti( 1 ste, *ack towar) the entrance )oor to esca,e an) acci)enta((y )ro, the keys8
1n the <"iet they so"n) (ike stee( hitting iron8
Iath(een sc"rries into the *athroom0 whi(e A(fre) t"rns away8
@A(fre)8 %hat are yo" )oingC@ 1 *are(y get the wor)s o"t8
He )oesn't answer me8
@%hat is going on hereC@ 1 ,"t my han) to my hea)0 knowing f"(( we(( what 1 have
seen0 yet not wanting to *e(ieve it8
A(fre) )oesn't answer8
1 ,"t the keys on the ta*(e an) go o"t the sho, )oor0 c(osing it *ehin) me8 1 c(im*
the stairs::my (egs are weak *eneath me0 *"t 1 take them two at a time0 wanting to ,"t what
1've seen0 an) now know0 *ehin) me8
0
1ove 1ies
6AB41E. 7'E5S #HE 7?E5 A5D ,"((s o"t a rack of fresh scones8 #he
a,artment fi((s with the sweet scent of *"tter0 eggs0 an) vani((a0 which makes me raveno"s0
an) a(so remin)s me of 6ram0 an) the )e(icio"s cakes she wo"() make from scratch
whenever we ha) )own time in the sho,8
6a*rie( an) 1 )on't chat m"ch in the morning0 *"t we have fa((en into a comforta*(e
ro"tine8 1 ,"t on the coffee0 whi(e he retrieves the Times from the entry )ownstairs8 He
comes ",stairs0 han)s me the ,a,er0 an) goes into the kitchen8 6a*rie( is from the .an) of
the 'ro,er Breakfast8 #here has to *e something hot serve)0 or it's consi)ere) cheating8 For
e;am,(e0 6a*rie( )oesn't eat a *age( o"t of the sack or ,o"r himse(f a *ow( of cerea(8
Breakfast is *igger than that8
A *age( m"st *e oven toaste)0 then serve) on a ,(atter with a )o((o, of cream
cheese0 a fan of smoke) sa(mon0 chives0 an) ca,ers0 with a si)e of fresh:s<"ee9e) orange
A"ice8 Eggs are on the men" three times a week0 either ,oache) or scram*(e) or whi,,e)
into a hea(thy scra,,(e of fresh onions0 ,e,,ers0 s,inach0 an) egg whites in a ski((et8
1 *e(ieve my new roommate is a))ing years to my (ife s,an with his hea(thy eating
ha*its =if 1 ski, the )essertsB>8 1 never )rank ,omegranate A"ice "nti( he move) in0 an) now
every S"n)ay morning 1 have a g(ass8
Des,ite a(( 6a*rie('s ,ositive inf("ences in the hea(th )e,artment0 1've *een having
tro"*(e s(ee,ing8 #he a,artment0 "s"a((y neat an) ti)y0 is in )isarray whi(e 6a*rie( sorts
thro"gh his *o;es an) fig"res o"t what to kee, an) what to store8 Down in the sho,0 !"ne
an) 1 )o o"r *est to kee, the moo) (ight0 *"t it's near(y im,ossi*(e0 since A(fre)0 who "se)
to invoke my wrath0 now )rains the same we(( of emotion (eaching my ,ity8 %ho wo"()
have tho"ght after years of avoi)ing him0 now 1') *e worried a*o"t him8
1 can't mention Iath(een an) #he Iiss to him0 an) he certain(y isn't vo("nteering an
e;,(anation8 %e never comm"nicate) we((0 an) now it's worse8 #he Aa*s are gone0 re,(ace)
with se(f:(oathing si(ence8 1 (ong for the )ays when 1 co"() ignore him0 an) A"st )o my
work8 B"t now he's ma)e that im,ossi*(e8 He has change)8 1m,erio"s A(fre) has *een
re,(ace) with a s"((en version0 ,ractica((y )e,resse)0 an) terri*(y sa)8
%e nee) to ta(k0 *"t 1 )on't know how to *roach the s"*Aect8 1t's too ,ainf"(0 or
may*e 1 A"st )on't know what to say8 An) once we get ,ast the awkwar) acknow(e)gment
that 1 know an) he knows0 what's to *e )oneC Even if we )o ta(k a*o"t her0 1 ho() no sway
with A(fre)0 so any a)vice 1 might give him wo"() *e ignore)8 1 have to )o something0
tho"gh0 *eca"se it's affecting o"r )ay:to:)ay (ives in the sho,8 %hen we're working0 it's
o*vio"s his min) wan)ers an) is c(ear(y not on the Ao* at han)0 whi(e mine ret"rns to the
same s"*Aect over an) over againD 6ow &o%ld o% do this to o%r famil! Alfred( 6ow &o%ld
o%(
6a*rie( sets the ta*(e for *reakfast whi(e 1 o,en my e:mai( on the (a,to,8
#he first message that gra*s my eye is from 4o*erta Ange(ini8 #he s"*Aect (ine
rea)sD
1 Be(ieve %e Are Fami(y
1 o,en the e:mai(8 4o*erta Ange(ini of B"enos Aires knows of Miche( Ange(ini8 She
writes that she has information that wo"() *e @of interest@ to me8
%hat an o)) ,hrase to "se0 as tho"gh she's )aring me to o,en )oors that have *een
c(ose) for generations8 B"t 1 have more than a ,assing interest in "n)erstan)ing why there
was a schism in my fami(y a h"n)re) years ago0 an) why the r",t"re has *een *"rie) for so
(ong8
6oing thro"gh 6ram's *o;es0 1 have (earne) that o"r fami(y history has *een
recor)e) in (e)gers0 (ega( contracts0 an) sentimenta( (etters marking im,ortant ,assages an)
)ates8 #hey )o not0 however0 te(( the who(e story8 #here is no recor) of the reasons *ehin)
the )ecisions ma)e in the )oc"ments8 #here are ga,s0 an) omissions8 My great:gran)father
wrote his own *rother right o"t of the fami(y story8 B"t whyC
$o" wo"() think that estrangements that occ"rre) a h"n)re) years ago are
irre(evant0 "nti( 1 wa(k into my own sho,8 1 sti(( can't get a(ong with my own *rother0 an)
there are times0 when 1 fight with A(fre)0 that the wo"n) seems ancient8 May*e the answer
(ies in the ,ast8
After a((0 history is the energy that f(ows thro"gh o"r work in the sho,8 Everything 1
create is *ase) on the )esigns my great:gran)father (eft *ehin)H wo"()n't it a(so stan) tr"e
that we a(so carry certain *ehaviors forwar) when )ea(ing with one anotherC
1 1M 4o*erta8 @%hat )o yo" )oC@ 1 c(ick sen)8
A few moments ,ass8 1 won)er if she'(( give me the *r"sh:off8 #hen0 an instant
message ,o,s ", from 4o*erta8
@1 o,erate an) own the fami(y *"siness0@ she writes8
@%hat *"sinessC
@%e man"fact"re men's shoes8 %e're the Caminito Shoe Com,any8@
4o*erta ty,es in the name of her com,any0 A"st as 1 )o my own8 A chi(( goes
thro"gh me8 @6a*e0 yo" won't *e(ieve it8 4o*erta makes shoes8@
6a*rie( sits )own ne;t to me an) rea)s the e:mai( e;change8 @#his is cra9y8@
1 ty,eD @%o"() (ove to )isc"ss everything with yo"8 May 1 ca((0 or )o yo" ,refer e:
mai(C@
4o*erta ty,esD @Sen) me yo"r <"estions0 an) then we'(( ta(k8 1 have a new *a*y0 an)
my ho"rs are )iffic"(t8@
1 e;it o"t of e:mai( an) c(ick into 6oog(e8 1 ty,e inD @Shoe Man"fact"ring in B"enos
Aires8@ 1 ty,e in @Caminito Shoe Com,any8@ A series of artic(es a*o"t Argentinian shoe
man"fact"rers ,o,s ",8 My han)s shake as 1 ty,e8
@1 can't *e(ieve it8 1 have a co"sin who makes shoes0 tooB@
@Every*o)y has a twin0 yo" know8 May*e she's yo"rs8 5orthern hemis,here0
so"thern hemis,here::se,arate) *y the e<"ator8 1 wish we') fo"n) yo"r twin in 4io0
tho"gh::1 a(ways wante) to go to Carniva(8@
@Sorry0 1 wo"()n't care if she ha) a mi(( on the moon8@
6a*rie( ,(aces a c", of coffee with a sma(( scone ne;t to the com,"ter8
@For meC@ 1 ,(ace the ,resse) (inen na,kin on my (a,8
@1f yo"'re going to )ig ", fami(y secrets0 yo" nee) to eat8@
@$o"'re *etter than a h"s*an)8@
@7r a wife8 Deci)ing to kee, the Minton china ma)e me fee( British8 1 A"st ha) to
whi, ", some scones8@ 6a*rie( ,(aces the Aam in front of my ,(ate8
1 ni**(e the *"ttery fresh *isc"it8 @$o" sho"() o,en a *akery8@
@1've tho"ght a*o"t it8@ 6a*rie( ,o"rs me a c", of coffee an) then one for himse(f8
@Can we ta(kC@
6a*rie( sits8 @1'(( ta(k a*o"t anything::inc(")ing 5ASCA40 which 1 know nothing
a*o"t::1 A"st )on't want to ta(k a*o"t A(fre)8@
@1'm sorry8 1'm o*sesse)8 B"t it's *eca"se 1 )on't know what to )o8@
@Do nothing. $o" can't *e s"re yo" saw what yo" saw8@
@7h0 1 saw it8@
@7kay0 for the tho"san)th time0 (et's say it was what yo" tho"ght8 #hat they were
kissing8 %hat if it was the first time they kisse)C@
@%hat )ifference wo"() that makeC@
@A (ot8 5othing ,"ts the *rakes on a *"))ing affair (ike getting ca"ght in an i((icit
(i,:(ock8 '"t yo"rse(f in A(fre)'s shoes8 #he on(y thing worse than yo"r sister catching yo"
foo(ing aro"n) is yo"r wife. 1 can't imagine that the 4e)hea) an) yo"r *rother )i)n't ta(k
(ater an) say0 '#his was 6o) te((ing "s to sto,8'@
@$o" watch too many .ifetime movies8@
@1 know0@ he says8
@#he tension with 'ame(a makes sense now8 She ca((s the sho, a(( the time8 She can
never fin) him8 He forgets to show ", for st"ff at the schoo(8 He's (ate8 An) he hi)es *ehin)
the Ao* here8 He "ses me an) the shoes as an e;c"se8@
@So whatC@ 6a*rie( shr"gs8
@1 )on't (ike it8@
@7h0 1 think yo" (ike it a (ot8 $o" fina((y have something on that *rother of yo"rs
who never )i) right *y yo"8@
@#hat's not tr"e8 1 )i)n't want to fin) o"t that my *rother was this kin) of a g"y8 1'm
very sa) a*o"t it8 An) most(y sa) a*o"t it *eca"se he tort"re) my father emotiona((y a((
these years for )oing the e;act same thingB@
@#hat's their *"siness8@
@$eah0 *"t the rest of "s were )ragge) into it8@
@7kay0 (ook0 1've known yo"r *rother a(most as (ong as 1've known yo"8 1've a(ways
tho"ght he was a (itt(e stiff0 an) 1 never (ike) the way he treate) yo"::*"t 1 never ,egge)
him as a *a) g"y8 A s",erior g"yC $es8 He was a(ways a sno*8 An) he never fai(e) at
anything8 %e((0 he )i)n't "nti( he (eft his Ao* at the Bank of A(( Money8@
@He was (et go8@ 1 correct 6a*rie(8
@6ot it8 #he on(y )ifference *etween a vice ,resi)ent an) a rece,tionist is that when
a vice ,resi)ent gets fire)0 he gets to s,in it an) say he (eft first::they )o not e;ten) the
same co"rtesy to the working c(ass8 %e are0 sim,(y ,"t0 shit:canne) an) shown the )oor8@
@6ot it8@
@%hat yo" )on't get is that at the age of forty::this is the first time yo"r *rother has
*een shown the )oor8 He has ha) an enchante) (ife ", "nti( now8 An) that's worse than
taking yo"r ("m,s a(( the way thro"gh0 (ike the rest of "s8 %e are "se) to )isa,,ointment8
%e know fai("re8 %e not on(y e;,ect the other shoe to )ro,0 we're there to catch it when it
)oes8 %e know what it takes to come *ack from a *(ow8 A(fre) rea((y hasn't *een teste)8
An) g"ess whatC 5ow0 he's *een teste)8 An) he's scram*(ing8@
@1 know8 An) 1 act"a((y fee( sorry for him8@
@$o" know whatC 1 )o too8 #he man is in a ,ick(e8 He (ooks at his (ife with the wife
an) the ki)s an) the ho"se in !ersey that costs a fort"ne::that he's a(ways *een a*(e to ,ay
for0 an) now he can't8 5ow everything wi(( change8 He's (ooking at c(eaning the ,oo(
himse(f0 an) mowing the (awn himse(f0 an) asking Skinny Minnie to go o"t an) get a Ao* to
he(, o"t0 which he never ha) to )o *efore0 an) the g"y fee(s (ike he's *een aske) to ,"t his
*a((s in a shoe *ag8 7kayC $o"r *rother is fa((ing a,art as he's trying to ho() it a(( together8@
@As smart as he is0 he )i)n't see it coming8 #he co((a,se8 #he *anking )isaster8@
@7h0 they a(( saw it0 they A"st )i)n't *e(ieve it8 #hey )i)n't want to *e(ieve it8 An)
why wo"() theyC %ho wo"() want to *e(ieve that the money wo"() ever sto,B An) yo"
know0 it ki((e) him to have to come here an) work with yo"8@
@1 know0 1 know8@
@An) 1 wi(( g"arantee yo" that 6ram to() him in the *eginning0 !"st (ook o"t for
?a(entine0 okayC She never ,ro,ose) a ,artnershi,8 6ram ,ro*a*(y )i)n't want to *other
him0 she ,ro*a*(y sai)0 Check in on ?a( at the sho, once in a whi(e0 he(, o"t with the
financia(s::an) he sai)0 6ram0 it's over at the *ank8 1 nee) a Ao*8 $o" can't A"st have me
check the *ooks::1 nee) a stake in the thing0 *eca"se 1 have no other o,tions right now8 1'm
te((ing yo" as 1'm stan)ing here0 1 swear on my mother0 father0 an) o"r stan)ar) ,oo)(e
Br"t"s::a(( )ea) *y the way::that yo"r *rother grove(e) for this gig8@
@$o" co"() *e right a*o"t that8 1 mean0 6ram never mentione) a ,artnershi, "nti(
we were a(( in 1ta(y together for the we))ing8@
@A (itt(e (ate to sit yo" two )own0 )on't yo" thinkC@
@A*so("te(y8@
@So a(most on c"e0 when A(fre) is fee(ing the most v"(nera*(e on a(( fronts0 an) (ike
a (oser in genera(0 then Missie the 4e)hea) makes the scene8@
@Iath(een8@
@$eah0 her8 A(fre) co"()n't fee( worse a*o"t himse(fH he's watching !"ne c"t ,atterns
an) yo" making art0 an) he's (ive) a (ife ,"shing aro"n) a *"nch of fake n"m*ers8 He's the
(owest he's ever *een *eca"se he rea(i9es that he's s,ent his (ife not making anything8
Missie the 4e)hea) works for the government in a cra, office )owntown0 an) she's ten
years yo"nger0 therefore ten years )"m*er0 an) she (ooks ", to yo"r *rother::who ,ro*a*(y
s,"n some ta(e to her (ike he's gone *ack to his roots *y choice to r"n this shoe com,any0
an) she (ooke) at yo"r *rother0 with his *ig (ife0 an) a(( his e;,erience0 an) his f"(( hea) of
hair0 an) sai)0 1 want me some of that8 An) that's what she's having )own there *y the
,ow)er room8 Some of that8@
@Dear 6o)8@
@An) every*o)y wins::at (east in the short term8 $o"r *rother is nicer to his wife0
the mistress has something to (ook forwar) to other than ,eo,(e (ike yo" fi(ing (oan
a,,(ications::an) A(fre) gets his groove on8 After the *iggest )isa,,ointment of his (ife0 he
fee(s smart0 scinti((ating0 an) )esira*(e again0 an) then hot se; ens"es8 An) the wor() goes
ro"n)8 6ot itC@
@7h0 1 got it8@ 1 ,"t my hea) in my han)s8
6ram "se) to say if yo" are ("cky eno"gh to (ive a (ong (ife0 yo" see everything
come an) go at (east twice8 1f 1 ha) to ,re)ict the things in (ife that 1 wo"() have seen twice0
it wo"() have inc(")e) a (ot of tren)sD the ret"rn of thick eye*rows0 the res"rgence of c"r(y
hair0 an) the reinvention of skorts8 B"t 1 never tho"ght 1 wo"() have (ive) thro"gh Da)'s
in)iscretion twice0 an) 1 s"re(y )i)n't think it wo"() *e my own *rother A(fre)0 so wo"n)e)
*y it so many years ago0 who wo"() re,eat the mistake8
6ram's a*sence0 her move an) new (ife0 have never ha) s"ch im,act as they )o right
now8 She was the ca(m center of o"r fami(y0 the g("e8 She wo"() know what to say0 an)
what to )o::she') knock some sense into A(fre)0 as she )i) my own father so many years
ago8 B"t fami(y ,ro*(ems in a (ong (ens aren't near(y as ,otent as they are when they're
,erco(ating in the ne;t room8 #he )istance *etween o"r sho, on 'erry Street an) Dominic's
kitchen in Are99o is so far0 it might as we(( *e a ga(a;y away8
5o0 we wi(( have to sort this one o"t on o"r own8 An) whether 1 confront my
*rother or stay si(ent an) stew0 as he has )one a(( these years in the sha)ow of my father's
mistake0 wi(( *e m choice8 1 A"st wish my *rother ha) ma)e a *etter one8
1've )ragge) the (ast of the gar)en s",,(ies onto the roof to ,(ant the tomatoes8 #he
,otting soi(0 sticks0 an) ,(anters are goo) to go8 A(( 1 nee) are the ,(ants0 which my )a) has
,romise) to ,ick ", in J"eens0 where they are st"r)ier an) chea,er than the ones 1 wo"()
*"y here in town8
1 consi)ere) not ,(anting them at a(( this year0 *"t fig"re) it ha) to *e *a) ("ck not
to8 1 )on't want to *e the first ,erson in my fami(y to cance( the fami(y gar)en after )eca)es
of re(ying ",on it for the A"g"st harvest8 Even tho"gh 6ram is gone0 the tomatoes m"st go
on8
1 ,"(( o"t my ce(( ,hone an) sit )own on the chaise8 1 )ia( 6ram8
@Have any ("ck fin)ing o"t a*o"t 4afae(C@ 1 ask8
@$o" were right8 Miche( an) 4afae( were *rothers8 1 scanne) the *a,tisma(
certificate an) sent it to yo"8 An) they were a*o"t a year a,art in age8 Miche( was the o()er
of the two8@
@En*e(ieva*(e8@ 1 can't imagine what horri*(e transgression co"() ,ossi*(y sever the
re(ationshi, of two *rothers forever8 1 know there is nothing that co"() come *etween my
sisters an) me8 A(fre) is )ifferent8 An) may*e ,art of the reason 1 want to "n)erstan) the
,ast in o"r fami(y is to he(, me co,e with my *rother in the ,resent8 @%hat )o yo" think
ha,,ene) *etween themC@
@1 )on't know8@ 6ram is ,"99(e)8 @1 was very c(ose to my father:in:(aw::1 can't
imagine why he wo"()n't have to() me a*o"t this8@
@1t m"st *e something ,retty awf"(8@
@7r may*e it's A"st money0@ 6ram says8 @My father:in:(aw watche) every ,enny8
An) if anyone ever trie) to take a)vantage of him0 he c"t them o"t8@
@%e((0 1'm a*o"t to fin) o"t what ha,,ene)8 1'm going )own there8@
@$o" areC@
@1 can't te(( eno"gh a*o"t 4o*erta from e:mai(s8 An) 1 want to see her factory8
%o"()n't it *e something if we co"() work togetherC@
@$o"'re )oing so m"ch more with the *"siness than 1 ever co"()0@ 6ram says
wistf"((y8 #his is the first time since her we))ing that she so"n)s (ike she misses the
Ange(ini Shoe Com,any8
@1n the en)0 6ram0 we're sti(( making shoes8 1t's a(( a*o"t the shoes8@
She (a"ghs8 @1 g"ess yo"'re right a*o"t that8@
@6a*rie( move) in8 1 ho,e yo" )on't min)8@
@1 think it's great8@
@1 )o too8 5ow0 here's the *ig <"estion8 He wants to re)ecorate8 5ow0 if yo" )on't
want him to0 1 won't (et him8@
@How )o yo" fee( a*o"t itC@ 6ram asks8
My eyes sting with tears8 @1 g"ess 1'm okay8@ B"t 1'm not8 1') )o anything if 6ram
wo"() say0 @Don't change a teac",8 1'm on my way home8@ B"t that's never going to ha,,en8
Sometimes 1 think her move to 1ta(y is 6o)'s way of ,re,aring me for o"r fina( ,arting0
which 1 )o not (ike to think a*o"t::ever8
@?a(entine0 1 was a,,rehensive a*o"t moving over here8 1 was afrai) to start a(( over
again at my age8 $es0 1 ha) Dominic here to he(, me0 *"t it's sti(( an enormo"s change8 B"t
1 swear0 once 1 got ,ast the fear an) threw myse(f into (ife in Are99o0 1 fee( twenty years
yo"nger8 !"st waking ", to )ifferent wa((s::never min) a new h"s*an)0 a new vi((age::has
given me a who(e new ,ers,ective8 1've got a new ,e, a*o"t me8 Don't *e afrai) of change8@
@7kay0 okay0@ 1 say8
@An) )on't *e afrai) of co(or8 1 a(ways meant to ,"t more co(or into the rooms8@
@6ram0 6a*rie( is choosing the ,aint chi,s::1 )on't think that's going to *e a
,ro*(em8@
#he B"s Sto, Cafe is em,ty8 #he groggy waitress ,o"rs "s the first c",s of coffee
from the ,otH we're her first ,atrons at the start of another (ong )ay8 6reenwich ?i((age is
waking s(ow(y0 an occasiona( ca* ,asses *y on /th Aven"e0 *"t the streets are em,ty0 an)
the new morning s"n throws very (itt(e (ight on my neigh*orhoo)8
Bret ,o"rs the cream into my coffee0 e;tra (ight0 no s"gar0 A"st (ike 1 (ike it8 %e "se)
to hang o"t at the B"s Sto, Cafe when we were teenagers0 an) fe(t so grown ",8 Everything
has change) in the wor()0 e;ce,t this )iner8 #he fry cook0 the owner0 an) the waitress are
sti(( here twenty years on8
@%e're o()0@ he says8
@%hat makes yo" say thatC@
@#he staff8@
@May*e they're o()0 an) we're sti(( yo"ng8@
@Iee, )reaming8 $o" )on't have chi()ren yet8 5ow0 that remin)s yo" the c(ock is
ticking8@
@%hat's it (ikeC@
@Ii)sC #hey're the *est8 #hey're a(ways ha,,y to see me8 #hey're "ncom,(icate)
e;ce,t when they want something0 an) then it's har) *a((8 Most(y0 tho"gh0 they A"st want to
,(ay8 %hat co"() *e *etter than thatC@
Bret han)s me a fi(e across the ta*(e8 @Chan 1nc8 is the *est man"fact"rer of shoes in
BeiAing8 #hey *"i() Iate S,a)e0 Macy's ,rivate (ine0 an) get thisD 5ike's8 #hey )o a(( sty(es
an) materia(s0 an) the minim"m or)er is on(y five tho"san) ,airs8@
@So"n)s ,romising8@
@A(fre) contacte) the re,s8 #hey nee) ,atterns when yo" can sen) them8@
@1'(( scan them an) sen) them right away8 1'm s"r,rise) he's )oing his Ao* at a((8 His
min) is e(sewhere8@
@%e((0 yo" A"st stay foc"se)8 #his is a(( going to work for yo"8@
@$o" know0 goo) )ea( or not0 1 a(most )on't want to give A(fre) the satisfaction of
going to China8 $o" know he's *een ,"shing for it8 B"t now 1 fee( sorry for him0 so 1'm
rea)y to sign on for whatever he wants to )o8@
@Don't worry a*o"t A(fre)8 1f it's a goo) *"siness )ea( for yo"0 it's a goo) )ea(
period8 5o matter where yo" )o ,ro)"ction8@
@%hat )o yo" think of B"enos AiresC@
@1've hear) it's gorgeo"s8@
@%e((0 1 have another o,tion to ,resent to yo"8 1t t"rns o"t that 1 have a co"sin )own
there8 4o*erta Ange(ini8 An) she r"ns a factory that makes men's shoes8 1'm thinking a*o"t
asking her to e;,an) into women's wear8@
@Argentina is known for its s",erior (eather goo)s8@
@#hat's what 1 was thinking8 An) yo" know 1 (ove the fami(y *"siness mo)e(8 So
then 1 was thinking0 we co"() *ran) the "ella #osa::yo" know0 ma)e *y the Ange(ini
fami(y8 %e co"() )o the c"tting an) assem*(y )own there an) the finishing here8@
@5ow yo"'re thinking (ike a marketing ,erson8@
@#here's something com,e((ing a*o"t a fami(y *ran) in to"gh times8 1t says
something8 $o" know0 <"a(ity0 attention to )etai(0 tra)ition0 that sort of thing8@
@So0 how )o we ,rocee)C Do yo" want me to ta(k to 4o*ertaC@
@Her e:mai( is in the fo()er8 She A"st ha) a *a*y0 so she's overwhe(me)0 *"t 1 to()
her a*o"t yo"::that yo" were ,"tting together the financing ,ackage for "s0 an) that yo"
he(,e) "s sec"re the (oan with the SBA0 so that she "n)erstan)s that the money wi(( *e
avai(a*(e once we've fo"n) the right factory8 %hen 1 fo"n) o"t my great:gran)father ha) a
*rother0 1 6oog(e) aro"n) an) fo"n) 4o*erta8 She to() me she') give me the who(e story::
4afae('s si)e::when 1 get there8@
@.ot of intrig"e in the Ange(ini fami(y8@
@An) even more now that my *rother is r"nning aro"n)0@ 1 a))8
@1t's har) to *e(ieve8 A(fre) is so ,io"s8@ Bret shakes his hea)8
@#hose are the ones to watch0@ 1 say8
@5o0 yo" have to kee, an eye o"t on a(( men8 %e're a(( v"(nera*(e8 $o" save) me
from a *ig mistake (ast year8
@$o" knocke) some sense into me8 $o" remin)e) me of everything 1') (ose if 1 ha)
an affair with Chase8 1 was rea((y tem,te)8 She was c"te an) yo"ng0 an) a (ot of f"n8
Avai(a*(e8 An) 1 was c(ose to messing ", my who(e (ife for nothing8 1 see the g"ys at work
who foo( aro"n)::an) event"a((y0 it catches ", with them8 #he wife )oesn't necessari(y fin)
o"t0 *"t yo" see that they can't han)(e the g"i(t8 An) then a(( sorts of *a) st"ff starts
ha,,eningD )rinking too m"ch for one8 5o0 yo" showe) ", at the right moment8 As yo"
a(ways )o8@
@1 wi(( a(ways te(( yo" the tr"th::A"st as yo" are a(ways honest with me8@
@$o" know0 at the time0 1 act"a((y *e(ieve) that Chase was attracte) to me. 1 rea((y
)i)::an) what 1 rea(i9e)0 thanks to the e;,ression on yo"r face when yo" saw "s together888@
@%hat') 1 )oC@
@$o" gave me the o() Sister Berna)ette scow( from Ho(y Agony on the roof of the
6ramercy that night8 #he o() '1 know what yo"'re thinking0 *"))y8' %e((0 it ma)e me think
*eyon) what 1 wante) in that moment8 %e have a (ong history0 ?a(0 an) yo" know me8 1
might see myse(f as a twenty:five:year:o()::*"t 1'm not::1'm careening towar)s forty0 an)
1'm not com,(aining a*o"t it8 Chase treate) me (ike a ,eer0 tho"gh0 (ike 1 sti(( ha) it8
@B"t she wasn't intereste) in me0 she was enamore) of my ,ower at the office an)
my ,osition8@
@%hat ha,,ene)C@
@%hen the f"n) )ownsi9e)0 her o,inion of me )ownsi9e) a(most instant(y8 $o"
co"() say the *iggest recession since the 12/3s he(,e) me stay faithf"( in my marriage8@
@F"nny how that works8@
@Anyhow0 1've never thanke) yo"8 $o" save) my marriage8@
@%hy were yo" tem,te)C Macken9ie is a *ea"ty::an) she's so ,"((e) together8 %hy
wo"() yo" even (ook at another womanC@
Bret (ooks away an) o"t the win)ow8 %hen we "se) to go together0 1 remem*er that
(ook8 He rea((y thinks a*o"t things0 in a way that 1 can a,,reciate an) "n)erstan)8 %e were
(ike:min)e) then0 an) we sti(( are8 @#hings change when the *a*ies come8 An) Mac an) 1
)i)n't have a (ot of time together *efore we ha) the gir(s8 1t a(( ha,,ene) very fast8@
@%hat changes when yo" have chi()renC@
@%e((0 a woman's attention goes e(sewhere8 As it sho"()::she's taking care of a
who(e fami(y8 B"t things *ecome ro"tine8 $o" (ong for things to *e easy again8
Encom,(icate)8 B"t they're not8 1t a(( seems so (ife:an):)eath with *a*ies::yo" r"n to the
)octor0 yo" check for fevers0 yo"'re ", a(( night8 Mac got im,atient with me0 an) 1 fe(t
he(,(ess8 'retty soon0 yo" start arg"ing a*o"t (itt(e things0 an) on to, of the *ig things0 yo"
rea(i9e yo"'re fighting a(( the time8@
@How are things nowC@
@%ith MacC Better8 B"t they're not ki))ing when they say marriage is a (ot of
work8@
@%hy is it workC@ #he "nmarrie) one wants to know8 1 )on't "n)erstan) the conce,t
of thatH why sho"() (ove *e har) when (ife is a(rea)y im,ossi*(eC Sho"()n't marriage *e the
easy ,art::after a (ong )ay0 yo" (ook across the kitchen ta*(e an) fee( "n)erstoo) an) safe
an) we(comeC @Marriage so"n)s awf"(8@
Bret (a"ghs0 even tho"gh 1'm not trying to *e f"nny8 @.et me e;,(ain it (ike thisD
Mac has an i)ea of what (ife sho"() *e0 an) 1 have an i)ea0 an) sometimes we're in sync0
an) other times we're not8 #his is the work ,art8 1 marrie) a gir( who a(ways ha) everything
she wante)0 an) she e;,ects the same from me8 #he way yo" an) 1 grew ", in J"eens was
)ifferent8 %e appre&iate the ho"se an) the car an) the nice resta"rant mea(s8 Macken9ie
e2pe&ts them8 1t )oesn't make her a *a) ,erson::it is what it is8 She )oesn't know any
)ifferent(y8@
@How is she )ea(ing with the changes in yo"r workC@
@She's scare)8 $o" know0 1'm ("cky0 *eca"se 1've a(ways worke) to esta*(ish new
com,anies an) *"sinesses8 B"t when Mac goes to the ,ark0 or to the gir(s' ,(ay )ates0 an)
she ta(ks to the wives whose h"s*an)s went from getting mi((ion:)o((ar *on"ses to *eing
"nem,(oye) overnight0 she hears how to"gh things are o"t there8 An) 1 think that he(,s her
a,,reciate what she has8 1t was a (ong roa) to gratit")e0 1 g"ess8@
1 take a si, of the coffee an) (ook o"t the win)owH the corner of H")son Street that
c"r(s into B(eecker is now *athe) in f"(( morning s"n(ight8 #he ,e)estrians move <"ick(y
on their way to their Ao*s0 the *"s sto, is a(rea)y crow)e) with fo(ks waiting for the M138 A
woman checks her watch0 ste,s o"t onto H")son Street0 an) s<"ints to see the *"s a,,roach
in the )istance8
1 come from a fami(y of women who work8 My stay:at:home mother occasiona((y
threatene) to get a Ao*0 *"t on(y o"t of her )esire to *e re(evant in the o"tsi)e wor()0 not
*eca"se of financia( necessity8 My ,arents (ive) within their means0 in a ho"se they co"()
affor)0 in a neigh*orhoo) of (ike:min)e) working:c(ass ,eo,(e0 (ike the Fit9,atricks0 who
(ive) A"st )own the *(ock8
My ,arents took care of everything they ha)8 A car was never ,"rchase) new0 *"t
"se) an) in goo) con)ition8 1 )on't remem*er a ,ainter or a ,("m*er visiting o"r homeH my
father re,aire) everything himse(f8 My mother even he(,e) my father ,o"r a concrete
wa(kway in the *ackyar) when it was her )ream to have one8
My mother as,ire)0 an) sti(( )oes0 to ,ossess the finer things of (ife0 *"t even those
markers::a mar*(e foyer0 a !ac"99i in the *athroom0 a state:of:the:art kitchen0 a(( the
feat"res of fine (iving an) ",war) mo*i(ity::were ,rovi)e) *y my father thro"gh the (a*or
of his own han)s8 He )i) the work wea(thy ,eo,(e hire other ,eo,(e to )o8 My mother
)i)n't sit aro"n) whi(e he ma)e things0 she *ecame his eager assistant8 1t may seem that
Mom has airs0 *"t she never (ive) in a rarefie) atmos,here8
1 remem*er my ,arents working together on ,roAects aro"n) o"r ho"se8 #hey ma)e
my mother's o*session for a *ea"tif"( home a fami(y ,roAect8 1 remem*er ,aint chi,s0 an)
swatches0 an) Sat"r)ay afternoons at the ("m*eryar)0 where they') scheme a new room0 or
im,rove an o() one8 #heir marriage is one of tr"e min)s::they're a team0 an) they (ike
fig"ring things o"t together8 My mother never ha) a career0 *"t she a(ways ha) an agen)a8
An) my father )"tif"((y went a(ong with it8 So my mother got her )ream (ife0 an) my
father0 a ,"r,ose8
@#here's a rea( art to a goo) marriage0 isn't thereC@
@1 think so0@ Bret says8 @Making someone ha,,y is a f"((:time Ao*8@
@Macken9ie's ("cky0@ 1 say8 @B"t she's a(so smart8 She ,icke) a goo) g"y who gave
her everything she ever wante)8@
@1 ho,e so8@ Bret smi(es8 @#hanks for noticing8@
B"t it's me who is gratef"( to him::no matter what0 Bret Fit9,atrick *e(ieves in me::
an) may*e it's o() (oya(ty carrie) into a)"(thoo)0 *"t whatever it is0 1 can a(ways co"nt on
him8 %e come from the same ,(ace8
#he Fit9,atricks an) the 4onca((is are ,eo,(e who gather in kitchens aro"n) a tray
of homema)e manicotti0 not in fancy (iving rooms where si(ver trays of cana,es are ,asse)8
%here we come from0 cham,agne is for toasting0 goo) china is for ho(i)ays0 an) si(ver
,(ace settings are heir(ooms whi(e (ove is given free(y0 not something e;change) in ho,es
of materia( gain or socia( stat"s8 #here is something to *e treas"re) a*o"t ,eo,(e who know
instinctive(y when eno"gh is eno"gh8
Across the way0 the B(eecker 'ark ,(aygro"n)0 nest(e) "n)er o() e(m trees0 comes
to (ife with to))(ers on their ear(y:morning ,(ay )ates8 A mother g"i)es a stro((er with one
han) whi(e ,"shing the wro"ght iron gate o,en with the other8 A father0 his hair wet from
the shower0 wears a *"siness s"it an) ho()s his son's han) as they wa(k <"ick(y towar) '8S8
1 in time for the *e((8
#he swings in the ,ark0 fi((e) with chi()ren0 *egin to sway0 an) 1 watch a (itt(e gir(0
her (egs ,"shing higher an) higher as she (eans *ack into the swing8 Soon0 it seems she
might take f(ight8
9C aprile 2:9:
'ara Valentina!
; made a deliver of kidskin to the Prato mill and tho%ght of o%. ; tho%ght a$o%t
o%r pink dress and how o% looked ver m%&h like a peon the da ; $ro%ght o% here a
ear and a half ago. +ignora in/%ired a$o%t o% at the mill. ; sent o%r regards. Prada is
doing a $oot made of velvet and leather for +pring 2:99! and +ignora &annot get eno%gh
Ve&hiarelli leather.
; have reread o%r last letter over and over again! knowing that o% are ver $%s
and &annot write as often as ; do. 7o%r words sta with me! as does the so%nd of o%r
la%ghter. 6ow ; long to hear it again. ; will &all o%. The so%nd of o%r voi&e m%st do! $%t
please sa o% will &ome to Are11o in the s%mmer. The lavender will $loom in o%r honor==;
promise.
Love! 4ianl%&a
#he worksho, is in ,re:shi,,ing mo)e0 which means that every s"rface is covere)
with o,en re) an) white stri,e) shoe *o;es8 1t's (ike fa((ing into A"nt Feen's ,resse) g(ass
can)y )ish0 which was fi((e) year:ro"n) with ,e,,ermint whee(s e;ce,t at Christmastime0
when she re,(ace) the o() Brach stan)*ys an) s,rang for the choco(ate an) ha9e(n"t Baci in
the *("e:an):si(ver foi( wra,,ers8
1 s"rvey the *o; co"nt against the shi,,ing (ists0 ,ro,,e) on the ta*(e with
instr"ctions8 1 ,"t )own my coffee an) f(i, on the work (ights8 #he gates on the win)ows
have *een ro((e) *ack8 A(fre) is a(rea)y at his )esk8 1t's si; o'c(ock in the morning0 an) he
"s"a((y arrives at nine8
@Hey0@ 1 say soft(y so as not to start(e him8 @#here's coffee ", in the kitchen8@
@1 sto,,e) at the )e(i8@
1 make s,ace for my coffee on the ta*(e8 1 o,en the finishing c(oset0 fi((e) with
(ayers of ,"m,s0 *y si9e0 se,arate) *y thin sheets of m"s(in8 #he ,a(e ,"m,s0 soft ca(fskin
)ye) in she(( ,ink0 mint green0 *"tterc", ye((ow0 an) *eige0 are stacke) *y si9e8 #he scent
of sweet wa; an) (eather fi((s the air8
@1 think we sho"() ta(k0@ A(fre) says8
@S"re8@ 1 sit )own on the work stoo(8 1 have *een )rea)ing this moment0 when
A(fre) act"a((y a)mits he's having an affair with Iath(een Sweeney an) swears me to
confi)entia(ity8 1') rea((y (ike to ,reten) that 1 )i)n't see A(fre) an) Iath(een together0 an)
(ife co"() go on as it has *efore8 1t was so m"ch easier when 1 )is(ike) my *rother for the
way he treate) me8 5ow 1 have to )is(ike him for the way he treats his wife8
A(fre) takes a )ee, *reath an) says0 @1 think 1 sho"() go to B"enos Aires with yo"8@
#he (ook on my face m"st *e one of tota( s"r,rise8 A(fre) agree) that 1 sho"() go
when we )isc"sse) this weeks ago8
He <"ick(y a))s0 @1') (ike to see the o,eration there8@
@1 )on't know if 4o*erta even wants to *i) on man"fact"ring the "ella #osa8 An)
since we may have to sen) yo" to China event"a((y0 1 think we sho"() kee, costs )own an)
A"st one of "s sho"() go8 An) 1 think it sho"() *e me0 *eca"se 1 nee) to fig"re o"t how to
,"t the shoe in ,ro)"ction on:site8@
@#his isn't a*o"t yo"r a*i(ity8 $o" a*so("te(y know what yo"'re )oing0@ he says8
%hat's going on hereC A(fre) has never *een s",,ortive of me8 Something is ",8
His tone throws me off g"ar)8 @7kay0 where's the hammerC@
He (ooks at me0 conf"se)8
@.ower the hammer8 $o" know0 this is the moment when yo" say0 '!"st ki))ing8 1f 10
A(fre)0 wa(ke) o"t of here0 yo"') fo() in a week8' So go on8 Say it8@
@B"t that's not tr"e8@
@A(fre)0 now is not the moment for earnest8 1 nee) honest8@
@$o" work har)0 an) yo" ,ro)"ce8 $o"'ve ke,t ", ,ro)"ction on the c"stom shoes
whi(e )eve(o,ing the new (ine8 $o"'re committe)8 $o"'re caref"( a*o"t costs8 $o" even took
in a roommate who ,ays rent::an) a(( that he(,s in r"nning the *"i()ing an) *ringing )own
the )e*t8 1 can't *e critica( of yo"8@
@%e((8@ 1 think for a moment8 @#hank yo"0@ 1 say8
1'm a c(assic mi))(e chi()8 1f someone is nice to me0 1'm nice right *ack8 1f they're
mean0 then 1 can *e too8 B"t when *ehavior crosses over into cr"e(ty0 1 retreat entire(y8 So
in (ight of A(fre)'s (ove(y o*servations a*o"t my work ethic an) ,ro)"ct0 1 fee( 1 sho"()
ret"rn the com,(iment8 @A(fre)0 yo"'ve come ", with goo) i)eas::an) 1 think we're
,ro)"cing at a (eve( we never )i) *efore *eca"se yo"'re )oing o"r *")get an) the
financia(s8 1 mean0 1've never )one a shi,ment this si9e0 knowing e;act(y what it costs0 an)
what we'(( make8 %e never tho"ght a*o"t the ,rofit margin8 $o"'ve intro)"ce) rea( *"siness
stan)ar)s to o"r com,any8@
@1t's nothing s,ecia(8@
@1t is to me8 1'm gratef"( to yo" for a(( yo"'ve )one8@
@B"t we sti(( fight0@ he says8
@%e )o0 an) 1 )on't (ike it8 B"t it's getting *etter8 An) 1'm com,(ete(y confi)ent
(eaving yo" here to r"n the sho, whi(e 1'm gone8@
He (ooks ", at me0 an) the e;,ression on his face is heart*reaking8
@.isten0 ?a(entine8 1 know yo" )on't rea((y nee) me in Argentina8 1 A"st nee) to get
away8@
My *rother is s"ffering8 1've never seen him (ike this8 5o matter how 1 fe(t a*o"t
him a(( of these years0 an) how he ,erceive) me0 he's in ,ain0 an) he nee)s to ta(k8
@A(fre)0 what is going on in yo"r (ifeC@
My *rother gets tears in his eyes8 #he (ast time 1 saw him get misty was at o"r
gran)father's f"nera(8 #hey were a (ot a(ike0 an) A(fre) fe(t he was (osing the most
im,ortant man in his (ife when 6ran),o, )ie)8 5othing we co"() say or )o wo"() cheer
him ",8 He seems as sa) in this moment as he was that )ay8
@1'm a Aerk0@ he says8 @1 never inten)e) for anything (ike that to ha,,en8@
@Are we ta(king a*o"t Iath(eenC@ 1 ask8
He no)s8 @1 tho"ght 1') go my who(e (ife (iving in a way that 1 *e(ieve) in8@
@So888it did ha,,en8@ C(ear(y0 1 )i)n't catch a first kiss8 1 ca"ght a hot in:the:mi))(e:
of:an:affair kiss that was a*o"t to *ecome more8 @%hat are yo" going to )oC@
@1 )on't know8@
His answer shocks me0 *eca"se my *rother alwas knows e2a&tl what to )o8
@%hat )o yo" mean0 yo" )on't knowC@ 1 say gent(y8 @$o" have 'ame(a an) the *oys8
Does she knowC@
He shakes his hea) no8 @1 haven't (et her know anthing (ate(y8 1t took me two weeks
to te(( her when 1 was (et go from the *ank8 1 got )resse) every morning an) got on the train
as "s"a(8 1') come into the city an) sit in Centra( 'ark an) think8 An) then at five0 1') get
*ack on the train an) go home0 having rehearse) a way to te(( her what ha,,ene)::an) then
1') get home an) 1 co"()n't te(( her 1')888 failed8@
#he tho"ght of my *rother wan)ering aro"n) the city in a s"it with no ,(ace to go
*rings tears to my eyes8 He co"() have come here0 to the sho,8 %e co"() have ha) coffee at
6ram's ta*(e8 He co"() have gone to the roof to *e a(one an) think8 B"t A(fre) co"()n't
a)mit )efeat::not even to his own sister8
@A(fre)0 (isten to me8 #he wo(f has *een at the )oor so many times over the years
that we invite him in for manicotti8 At (east we have this *"siness to hang on to0 an) this
(itt(e sho, might save a(( of "s8 7"r great:gran)father *"i(t something for "s0 an) (ong after
his )eath0 he contin"es to take care of o"r fami(y::thro"gh these shoes8 1t's a *ea"tif"(
thing::not a fai("re::to work here8 %e own it8 1t's o%rs8@
@1'm ashame) of myse(f0@ he says <"iet(y8 @1 A")ge) o"r gran),arents a(( these years8
$o" know0 1 tho"ght they were sim,(e0 an) that was a (esser thing::to *e sim,(e::to work0
,(ain an) har)0 ti(( yo" were so tire) yo"r *ack ache) so )ee,(y0 yo" co"()n't stan) ",8
6ran),o, wo"() ,"t in s"ch (ong )ays0 working so har)0 he ha) to soak his fingers in ice
water at night8@
@1 remem*er8 #he ca(("ses on his fingers never went away8@
@An) now 1'm here8 !"st (ike he was::they were8 1 went to a fancy schoo( an) got a
*ig )egree0 an) now 1'm *ack here8@
@1s it so terri*(eC@
@5o0@ A(fre) says soft(y8
@So why are yo" sa)C@
@Beca"se888it's not eno"gh8@
@7h0 *oy8@ 1 take a si, of my coffee8 @So that's why Iath(een8@
A(fre) )oesn't answer8
%e sit in si(ence "nti( he says0 @1'm sorry yo" wa(ke) in on "s8 1'm a hy,ocrite8
May*e yo" even (ike that 1'm one8@
@Come on0 A(fre)8@
He (ooks ", at me8 @At (east (et me *e ashame) of myse(f8@
@#oo (ate8 Se(f:f(age((ation is not going to he(, yo" now8@
@1t's over8 %ith Iath(een0 1 mean8@
@#hat's a start8@
@%hat e(se can 1 )oC 1 can't even face myse(f8 1 have to te(( 'ame(a8@
@7h 6o)0 noB $o" can't te(( her8 #his is one secret yo" nee) to kee, "nti( yo"'re
)ea)8@
@B"t 1've *roken my vowsB 1 have to ask forgiveness8@
@%hat goo) wo"() it )oC 'am's a(rea)y terrifie) a*o"t the f"t"re8 She's not a gir(
who can heavy:(ift8 She's a goo) woman an) a fine mother0 an) 1'm s"re a ,retty won)erf"(
wife0 *"t she's not one to stare into the fire an) fin) the meaning8 Iee, this to yo"rse(f8
Forever8@
@B"t how can 1 move forwar) if 1 )on't te(( herC@
@$o" got )resse) an) went to an imaginary Ao* for two weeks an) never to() herB
$o"'ve ,roven that yo" can kee, a secret8 $o"') on(y h"rt her0 an) the tr"th of the matter is
yo"') en) ", fee(ing *etter an) she') en) ", fee(ing worse8 As the g"i(ty ,arty0 yo" have to
*ear the *"r)en here0 not 'ame(a8 .ove *"i()s in a series of sma(( rea(i9ations8@ 1 <"ote
6ian("ca's (etter to my *rother8 As soon as it's o"t of my mo"th0 1'm s"r,rise) 1 retaine) it0
an) even more s"r,rise) that 1 *e(ieve it8 B"t in an instant0 1 see e;act(y what 6ian("ca
meant8
@An) then once it's *"i(tC@ A(fre) asks8 @#hen whatC@
@$o" ho() on0 1 g"ess8@ 1 take a )ee, *reath8
A(fre) no)s8 @#hat makes sense8@
@#ry an) remem*er why yo" chose 'ame(a in the first ,(ace8 6o *ack to the
*eginning8 #hink of the things yo" co"()n't (ive witho"t::an) the things yo" co"()n't wait to
(ive with::an) then marry her a(( over again8@
@A(( right0 Sis8@ A(fre) t"rns an) goes *ack to his work8
1 wi,e my eyes on my s(eeve8 My *rother hasn't ca((e) me @Sis@ since we were ki)s8
He nee)s me0 an) in a(( my (ife0 1 never tho"ght he wo"()8
7n to, of everything e(se 1've ha) to (earn0 1 have to (earn how to *e a sister to my
*rother again8 1 imagine) *att(ing my *rother in o"r version of the H"n)re) $ears' %ar for
the rest of o"r (ives8 For whatC For va(i)ation8 An) here it is0 the moment when he nee)s
mine8
#a(k a*o"t shame8 1 have it8 1 tho"ght if 1 ever ha) the chance to one:", A(fre)0 1
wo"() make him ,ay0 an) enAoy every secon) of his misery8 B"t he's my *rother0 an) his
"nha,,iness an) *roken heart are as rea( as my own8
1 Sky,e 6ram8 Her face comes ", on the com,"ter screen8
@#ake me thro"gh yo"r pi1elle reci,e8 1 have a (itt(e com,etition going with
6a*rie(8@
@6ot a ,enci(C@
1 no) that 1 )o8
@7kay0 me(t )own a ,o"n) of *"tter an) set it off to the si)e8 #hen take one )o9en
eggs0 three c",s of s"gar8 Beat those together8 #hen )ro, in two ta*(es,oons of ,each
schna,,s8 #hrow in fo"r ta*(es,oons of vani((a8 #hen take seven c",s of f(o"r an) eight
teas,oons of *aking ,ow)er::a)) the )ry to the wet8 #hen0 ,reheat my ,ress::it's in the
kitchen888@
@1 got it8@
@888an) take my shot g(ass::yo" know0 the one with the Em,ire State B"i()ing on itC@
@$eah8@
@#hat's the one8 $o" )i, it into the *ow( of *atter8 1 )on't know why the shot is the
e;act amo"nt of *atter yo" nee)0 *"t it is8 'o"r *atter onto the hot gri))(e::*"t in the *ack0
not in the center8 An) it wi(( s,rea)::an) when it *"**(es ",0 (ower the to, ha(f of the iron
)own::an) then it's secon)s *efore it *akes thro"gh8@
@#hanks0 6ram8@
@How's A(fre)C@
@He's a(( right8@ 1 smi(e8 @$o" might even say we've hit a new (eve( of
"n)erstan)ing8 1t t"rns o"t that A(fre) Michae( 4onca((i is a h"man *eing8@
@$o" )i)n't knowC@ She (a"ghs8
@$o"'re the one who ma)e him a saint8@
@1 think yo"r mother ha) something to )o with that8@
@A (itt(e8 B"t yo"'re the one who enco"rage) her8@
@#r"e8 %hat )i) he )o that ma)e him h"manC@ 6ram asks8
@He fai(e)8@
@Even *ankers make mistakes8@ 6ram shakes her hea)8 @%as it a )oo9yC@
@1t was8 An) he was sorry8@
@1'm ha,,y yo" co"() forgive him8@
@1 )i) *etter than that0 6ram0 1 he(,e) him fig"re o"t how to forgive himse(f8@
@1'm ,ro") of yo"0@ 6ram says0 then a))s *ree9i(y0 @6ian("ca sto,,e) in this
afternoon8@ 6ram's noncha(ance is com,(ete(y trans,arent8 She (eans into the screen an)
whis,ers0 @Am 1 not s",,ose) to know anythingC@
@He writes me (etters0 6ram8@
@#hat's (ove(y8@
@#hey are8@
@He asks me a (ot of <"estions a*o"t yo"8@ 6ram (owers her voice8
@4ea((yC An) )o yo" ,resent me in a fa*"(o"s (ightC@
@A(ways8@ 6ram (a"ghs8 @1 may have marrie) a ?echiare((i0 *"t 1'(( a(ways *e an
Ange(ini8@
#he Ange(ini Shoe Com,any resem*(es Santa's %orksho, in the 5orth 'o(e on
Christmas Eve0 e;ce,t it's May an) we're on a )ea)(ine of a )ifferent sort8 Bo;es (ie o,en
everywhere0 ri**ons with the go() sea( are s,oo(e) o"t on the ta*(e0 an) the so"n)s of
,acking ta,e ri,,ing0 tiss"e ,a,er r"st(ing0 an) o"r (a"ghter threa) thro"gh shi,,ing )ay
(ike m"sic8
1 r"n a ta((y on the com,"ter as 1 co"nt the finishe) shoe *o;es an) (oa) them into
the shi,,ing *o;es (ike 1'm stacking ,recio"s go() *ricks8 6ram ta"ght me that shi,,ing is
(ike ,resentation on the ,(ate when ,re,aring foo)8 $o" want the reci,ient to o,en the *o;
an) gas, at the *ea"ty of the contents *efore they even o,en a *o; of shoes8 So we "se
*"**(e wra, aro"n) the e)ges to ho() the *o;es0 an) then over the to,0 we sec"re the *o;es
with a s<"are of re) ve(vet with an em*roi)ere) A in the center8 Har(ene .evin at the
'iccar)y shoe ,ar(or makes throw ,i((ows o"t of o"r ,acking materia(s::that's how ("scio"s
the *o;es (ook when she o,ens them8
!ac(yn an) #ess are wra,,ing the ,"m,s in tiss"e ,a,er0 ,(acing fe(t shoe *ags over
the ,a,er0 an) c(osing the (i)s8 My mother affi;es the go() me)a((ion )ea) center on the re)
an) white stri,e) *o;es8 She is never a mi((imeter off::she's *een )oing this since she was a
gir(8
My father )oes the heavy (ifting8 He checks my math0 co"nts the *o;es0 an) then
weighs0 sea(s0 an) c(oses them8 A(fre) then ,(aces the shi,,ing (a*e( on the o"tsi)e of the
*o;es an) stacks them in the entry0 rea)y for ,ick", *y 7vernight #r"cks0 who we hire to
cart o"r shi,ment cross:co"ntry8
@Da)B Make her sto,B@ #ess ho((ers from the *ack of the sho,8 @!ac(yn's r"m,(ing
the tiss"e ,a,er8@
@!ac(yn0 c"t it o"t8 $o" are not my favorite ange(0@ Da) chi)es her8
%e (a"gh8 My )a) hasn't "se) that (ine from the te(evision show 'harlie's Angels
since !ac(yn was a gir(8
@%hat se(f:res,ecting 1ta(ian Americans name one of their chi()ren after the ,retty
one on 'harlie's AngelsC@ !"ne says8
@#hey were all ,retty on that show0@ Mom corrects her8 @1 wi(( a(ways (ove Farrah
the most8 May she rest in ,eace8 She was in my gro",8@ Mom consi)ers any movie or
te(evision star within five years "n)er or over her age one of @her gro",@::never min) that
she's never met them0 she consi)ers them her c"(t"ra( e<"a(8 @%e (et the chi()ren name the
*a*y8@
@%e a(most name) yo" %on)er %oman0@ #ess says8
@$eah8 #hat was o"r other favorite show0@ 1 te(( her8
@Don't (et "s interr",t8@ 'ame(a stan)s in the )oorway with 4occo an) A(fre) !r8
@Hey0 *"))iesB@ #he *oys r"n to their father8
@1 nee) some he(, over here0 *oys0@ Da) teases them8
@Can 1 he(,C@ 'am asks8
1 (ook at my sisters8 Es"a((y0 we never take 'ame(a ", on her offers to he(,0 whether
it's yar) work or the )ishes8 B"t now that A(fre) works here0 Ange(ini Shoes *e(ongs to a((
of "s8 1t may *e time to treat her (ike one of the fami(y an) not an in:(aw8
@%hat )o yo" (ike to )oC@ 1 ask 'ame(a8
@Anything8@
@1 think yo"'re a me)a((ion sort of gir(8 4ight0 MaC@
@Come over here0 'ame(a0 an) 1'(( teach yo" the fine craft of affi;ing the com,any
(ogo to the com,any shoe *o;8 #his way0 if 1'm ever hit *y a *"s0 6o) for*i)0 some*o)y
wi(( know e;act(y where the (ogo *e(ongs8@
@6reat8@ 'ame(a smi(es an) ,"ts )own her ,"rse8 She goes to my mother0 who
shows her what to )o8
4occo an) A(fre) !r8 are *eing carrie) thro"gh the sho, *y A(fre)0 who (a"ghs as he
ha"(s them (ike sacks of f(o"r s("ng over his sho"()ers8 He catches my eye8 My *rother
smi(es at me with the same re(ief my father ha) on his face when he got the (ast @a((:c(ear@
re,ort from the )octors at S(oan Iettering8 #hey are more a(ike than they know8
@!"ne0 when are yo" taking vacationC@ Mom asks8
@4ight after we finish the shi,ment8 1'm going to take off when ?a(entine goes to
B"enos Aires8@
@%ho's going to B"enos AiresC@ #ess asks8
@1 am8@
@1've a(ways wante) to go thereB@
@%e((0 may*e ne;t time8 A(tho"gh0 if we're going to *e fair0 it wi(( *e A(fre) an)
'ame(a on the ne;t tri,8 My ,artner gets first )i*s on internationa( trave(8@
@An) we'(( take itB@ 'ame(a smi(es8
@%ho wo"() have tho"ght itC ?a(entine an) A(fre) are tr"e ,artners0@ Mom says8
My mother has re,(ace) Saint !")e0 the ,atron saint of im,ossi*(e cases0 with her son an)
)a"ghter0 the im,ro*a*(e ,artners8
@1t's a mirac(e0@ Da) says8 @$o" act (ike grown:",s8 %e((0 yo" are0 1 g"ess8 An) 1'm
,ro") of yo"se g"ys8@
@Break time8@ 6a*rie( enters the sho, carrying a (arge tray of fresh(y *ake)
choco(ate:chi, cookies8 He ,(aces them on the )esk8 He checks the coffee,ot8 @Stone co()8
How can we have cookies witho"t coffeeC@
6a*rie( takes the ,ot *ack to the sink to wash it8
@#his is (ike the o() )ays0@ Mom says8
@$e,0 some*o)y a(ways *itching a*o"t something0@ Da) says8
@5ow0 D"tch0@ 6a*rie( says8 @%atch yo"r (ang"age in front of the *oys8 An) 1
mean888me8@
!"ne s,oons coffee gro"n)s into the maker8 @.et me make myse(f "sef"(8 1 can't
teach my a,,rentice when the ta*(e is *eing "se) for shi,,ing8@
@%hat a,,renticeC@ Mom asks8
@Me0@ 6a*rie( says8 @#hat's right0 yo" .os Ange(inis::yo" *etter (ook o"t8 1've
move) in0 an) 1'm taking over8 1 starte) with the (iving room0 an) now0 (ike a goo) 1ta(ian
mo() on veiny cheese0 1'm see,ing )own into the workroom an) into the shoe *"siness8
Soon yo"'(( a(( *e wearing the Bion)i8@
@He's got a gift8@ !"ne *reaks a cookie in ha(f an) tastes it8 @An) o"r ("nches )"ring
the training sessions are to )ie forB@
#he *"99er rings in the entrance8 @1t's ,ro*a*(y the tr"ck8@ 1 ho((er over the )in of
my fami(y as they gather aro"n) the cookies0 @.et them in0 Da)8@
Da) goes to answer the )oor8 He comes *ack into the sho,0 fo((owe) *y Iath(een
Sweeney8 She wears a re) trench coat8 She stan)s o"t (ike a car)ina( who (an)s on the roof
in snow8
@?a(0 A(fre)8 Some*o)y here to see yo"8@
1 (ook at A(fre)8 #he co(or )rains from his face8 He )oesn't move8 ."cki(y 'ame(a
has her hea) )own0 concentrating on the me)a((ions8
1 s,ring into action8 @Hi0 Iath(eenB Come on in8 Every*o)y say he((o to the ,atron
saint of Ange(ini Shoes::Iath(een Sweeney0 from the Sma(( B"siness A)ministration8@
Iath(een stan)s ne;t to the c"tting ta*(e8 She (ooks so sma(( there0 among the stacks
of shi,,ing *o;es8 She ignores the ,acking hoo,(a an) foc"ses on the ,eo,(e0 taking in my
mother an) father0 sisters0 'ame(a0 an) the *oys as if she's ,arach"te) into enemy territory
an) has to gather as m"ch information as she can as <"ick(y as she can *efore the
search(ights come on an) she is )iscovere)8 #his can't *e easy for her8 B"t as it is for a((
mistresses0 e;,os"re to the fami(y of the (over is a (earning o,,ort"nity0 an) she is taking it
a(( in to *etter "n)erstan) A(fre)0 or even to he(, her make a )ee,er connection to him8
6a*rie( stares at Iath(een with a sense of won)er8 5o 1ta(ian &omare that he has
ever hear) of wo"() have the nerve to show ", at the fami(y ,(ace of *"siness8 B"t
Iath(een is ,art of the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any::not )irect(y0 *"t she has he(,e) "s sec"re a
(oan we might not have gotten witho"t her assistance8 %hatever g"i(t 1 have a*o"t this0 1'((
have to sort o"t )own the (ine8 1 have eno"gh to worry a*o"t when it comes to the we(fare
of the ,eo,(e in this room8
%itho"t taking his eyes off Iath(een0 6a*rie( gra*s a cookie off the ,(atter0 *ites it0
an) chews8 1t's as if the cast of 4eneral 6ospital is )oing a (ive scene in the sho,8 He's
rivete)8
4occo r"ns ", to Iath(een8 @$o" have hair (ike 4agge)y Ann8@
@1 know8@ Iath(een smi(es8 @%ho are yo"C@ Iath(een knee(s )own to ta(k to 4occo8
6a*rie( shoots me a (ook8 #he me(o)ramatic knee(ing makes this scene something o"t of
De1e$el.
@1'm 4occo8@
A(fre) !r8 ,"shes 4occo to the si)e8 @1'm A(fre) !"nior8@
@$o" areC@ Iath(een acts im,resse)8
@$eah8 #hat's my name8@
@#hat's a coo( name0@ she says8 Iath(een takes in A(fre)'s chi()ren8 She (ooks at
them caref"((y0 as tho"gh she wants to we) the conversations she ha) with my *rother
a*o"t his fami(y to the rea(ity8 She might even *e won)ering what her chi()ren with A(fre)
might (ook (ike8 @1've hear) a (ot a*o"t yo"8@
S"))en(y 'ame(a (ooks ", from her work8 My mother an) sisters (ook at one
another8
1 A"m, in to cover for Iath(een8 Doesn't she know a(( 1ta(ian mothers an) sisters are
on high a(ert for inter(o,ersC #ess a(one co"() *(ow this affair wi)e o,en with a co",(e of
,ointe) <"estions8 @7h0 1 *ore every*o)y on the ,(anet with stories a*o"t my ne,hews an)
my nieces8 1 make them (ook at ,ict"res8 1'm a very ,"shy a"ntie8@ 1 go in for the save8
6a*rie( shoots me a (ook that says0 Sto, it8 $o"'re overcom,ensating8 1f he co"()0
he') take the r"(er an) ra, my han) an) say0 @Ba) actressB Ba) actressB@
@#his is my wife888'ame(a8@ A(fre) intro)"ces her to Iath(een8
@5ice to meet yo"8@ 'ame(a e;ten)s her han)8
From the (ook on Iath(een's face0 1 )on't think she co"nte) on #he %ife *eing so
attractive8 'ame(a's (ong cham,agne *(on) hair hangs (oose0 with cha(k:co(ore) high(ights
aro"n) her face0 an) her cigarette:(eg Aeans show off her (ean sha,e after two *a*ies8
Iath(een cannot *(ame the affair on 'ame(a with the o() @the wife (et herse(f go@ e;c"se8
Iath(een wi(( have to invent some other reason for A(fre)'s fa((8
@%hy )on't we go ",stairsC@ 1 offer8 1 t"rn to my fami(y8 @Back to work0 ,eo,(e8
A(fre) an) 1 have some *"siness to atten) to8 1 want this ta*(e c(eare) *y the time 1 get
*ack8@
Iath(een0 A(fre)0 an) 1 go ", the stairs to the a,artment8 1 show her to the ta*(e0
offering her a seat8 She sits an) o,ens her *riefcase8 @1 make it a ha*it to visit the
esta*(ishments that we give o"r (oans to8 1'm sorry 1 interr",te) fami(y time )ownstairs8@
@5o ,ro*(em8 1 A"st ,"t every*o)y to work on shi,,ing )ays8@
Iath(een (ooks )own at the ,a,erwork8 She sh"ff(es thro"gh it8 She ,"((s o"t a
)oc"ment an) gives it to A(fre)8 @Here is the (oan re,ayment ,(an8@ She avoi)s eye contact8
@#hank yo"0@ he says8
@An) here's the check8@ Iath(een han)s me an enve(o,e containing eno"gh money
to ,ro)"ce an) (a"nch the "ella #osa0 the first )esign in o"r Angel +hoes (ine8
@#hank yo"8 #his is rea((y going to he(, "s8@
@1'm ha,,y to have *een a ,art of this vent"re8@
Iath(een Sweeney has tears in her eyes8 1 fee( *a) for her0 even tho"gh 1 know she's
*een invo(ve) with my marrie) *rother0 an) 1 *e(ieve that's wrong )own to my *ones8 B"t
1'm afrai) she may act"a((y *e in (ove with my *rother8 She (ooks at A(fre) with sa)ness8
@1') a(so (ike to say888@ Iath(een (ooks at me8 @1'm sorry8@
1 (ook over at my *rother0 whose eyes fi(( with tears8
@Everything is going to *e a(( right0@ 1 say::for the (ife of me0 1 can't think of
anything e(se that wo"() *e a,t8 1f yo"') aske) me a month ago0 1 wo"() have imagine)
ye((ing0 @6et o"t of my ho"se0 yo" tram,B@ at her8 B"t the tr"th is0 she isn't a tram,0 an) 1
wo"() never have the temerity to A")ge another woman anyway8
1 stan) to go8 1 )on't offer my han) in gratit")e0 nor )o 1 em*race her8 1 am0 after a((0
,art of the fami(y that her actions co"() have )estroye)8 1 have to stick with my team0 even
when 1 "n)erstan) the weakness of the o,,osition8
Iath(een stan)s ",8 1 can te(( that she wo"() (ike a moment with my *rother0 a(one8
B"t this is my ho"se0 an) it's my sho,0 an) my sister:in:(aw is )own the stairs0 innocent of
their nonsense0 so 1 say0 @1'(( see yo" o"t8@
1 show her to the stairs8 A(fre) stan)s *y the ta*(e0 not knowing what to )o8 1nstea)
of fo((owing Iath(een an) me0 he stays *ehin)8 %hen 1 (ook *ack *efore (eaving him0 his
e;,ression is one of ,"re (oss8
1 fo((ow her o"t into the street an) ,"(( the )oor sh"t *ehin) me8 @#hat was ro"gh0@
Iath(een says8 She ho()s her sho"()er *ag tight to her *o)y with one arm an) r"ns her han)
thro"gh her hair with the other8 @1'm sorry0@ she says with fr"stration8 @1 have to think a*o"t
myse(f right now8 1 )i)n't set o"t to ca"se any harm0@ she goes on8 @1 wasn't (ooking for8881
wasn't ,(anning on a re(ationshi,888it A"st ha,,ene)8@
1t's so har) for me to imagine a (ove affair 8%st happening0 "nfo()ing (ike a stri, of
fine (eather "n)er the ro((er8 %o"()n't it *e nice to *e one of those ,eo,(e who wan)ers the
wor() an) r"ns into (ove (ike it's a corner *o)egaC Iath(een is one of those ,eo,(e who is
s"r,rise) when (ove arrives0 as if it is ma)e of whim an) fancy0 an) not of choice8 B"t that's
never *een tr"e for me8 1 have to choose8 1've a(ways ha) to (ook for tro"*(e to fin) it0 an)
the same goes for (ove8
@1 have to go0@ Iath(een says0 (ooking ", at the street sign0 (ooking for the <"ickest
ro"te o"t of here8
@Iath(een0 *efore yo" go0 yo" nee) to "n)erstan) something8 #hank yo" for ,"tting
yo"r fee(ings asi)e0 for (etting go of my *rother::for whatever reason8 $o"'ve save) "s a(( a
(ot of heartache8 B"t8881'm with them8 My fami(y8 #hey come first8 1f yo" nee) to )isc"ss
*"siness with me0 1'(( come to yo"r office )ay or night8 1'm very gratef"( for a(( yo"'ve )one
for me8 B"t 1 )on't e;,ect to see yo" on 'erry Street again8 En)erstoo)C@
As she wa(ks away0 ,erha,s she is thinking a*o"t how she co"() have save) her
own heart from *reaking8 B"t it's too (ate for that now8
1 watch as Iath(een crosses 'erry Street0 avoi)ing the ,its an) grooves of the
co**(estone street8 1 wish my *rother wo"() have navigate) his ,ath as caref"((y8
A(fre) sho"() have known *etter0 after a(( we ha) *een thro"gh with Da)8 A(fre)
a(ways knew *est "nti( it came to his own (ife8 5ow he'(( have to fig"re o"t a new
,hi(oso,hy0 *eca"se the one he chose wa(ks away with every ste, she takes8
1 fo() my arms as Iath(een makes the t"rn onto %ashington an) )isa,,ears o"t of
my view0 an)0 1 ho,e0 o"t of my *rother's (ife0 an) the story of o"r fami(y::for goo)8
My s"itcases are (ine) ", ne;t to the )oor0 an) my o"tfit is (ai) o"t for the f(ight to
B"enos Aires8 My min) races8 1 think of a tho"san) things that 1 wi(( nee) to )o0 sho"()
ask0 an) ho,e to accom,(ish in Argentina8
4o*erta has *een cagey a*o"t ,rovi)ing any fami(y information8 She wants to share
it a(( in ,erson0 which is fine0 *"t 1 hate to trave( a few tho"san) mi(es to get ",setting
news8 7n the other han)0 1'm e;cite) a*o"t seeing her factory0 an) a*o"t the ,otentia(
*"siness o,,ort"nity for her an) the "ella #osa8
1 am gratef"( for the timing of this tri,8 A(fre) an) Iath(een's secret affair took a to((
on me0 as )i) the shi,ment to Mi(wa"kee8 6a*rie( has *eg"n to im,(ement his renovation
an) re)ecoration of the a,artment0 an) it wi(( *e he(,f"( for him to have the s,ace to
himse(f to get the Ao* )one8 A(fre) wi(( take over the sho, in my a*sence0 !"ne's vacation is
,(anne)0 an) 6a*rie( wi(( *e on han) to he(, o"t when he's nee)e)8 1t wo"() seem that a(( is
in or)er8 Enti( 1 o,en the most recent (etter from 6ian("ca8
9C maggio 2:9:
'ara Valentina!
.n&losed is the leather sample o% asked me to send. ;t's a $asket weave of s%ede
and leather! whi&h gives the look of do%$le=sided satin. ; think o% will agree that it is
e2/%isite. Thank o% for o%r letter. All is well here. ; know o% are $%s! so ; will &lose.
Love! 4ianl%&a
1 (et his (etter fa(( onto the f(oor ne;t to my *e)8 6ian("ca's first )")0 written an)
sent witho"t ,oetry or ,assion0 an) on the eve of my *ig a)vent"re8 1 wo"() have (ike) a
se;y o,"s to rea) over an) over again on the ,(ane0 *"t 1 g"ess 1'(( have to t"rn to the new
!ackie Co((ins nove( for that8 6ian("ca knows 1'm nervo"s a*o"t this tri,0 an) 1've share)
my reservations with him8 $o" wo"() think0 wise o() man that he is0 that he') come ", with
the e;act right thing to say to make me fee( more confi)ent8
1 hear a fire a(arm in the )istance0 somewhere in Che(sea8 1 can't s(ee,8 1 get a
s,ecia( *ran) of insomnia *efore 1 f(y8 1 imagine t"r*"(ence0 a horri*(e f(ight0 the ,(ane is
str"ck *y (ightning0 a *e((y (an)ing *eca"se the wings have sna,,e) off0 an) once 1'm on
the gro"n)0 having s(i) )own the emergency ch"te0 4o*erta meets me an) hates me on
sight8 1 )eve(o, a rash over my entire *o)y an) cannot wa(k8 1'm ,"t in a *a) (oca( hos,ita(
where they ,"m, me ", with )r"gs an) change my name8 1 )eve(o, amnesia an) have to *e
air(ifte) o"t on a g"rney to a sma(( hos,ita( on the 6a(a,agos 1s(an)s where a voo)oo
)octor can c"re the rash *"t cannot restore my memory8 1 Aoin a n"nnery *eca"se the rash
has so )isfig"re) me 1 can on(y (ive in a co(ony where they wear vei(s8 B"t waitB 1 know
what's kee,ing me ", this time8 #his (etter was never inten)e) as an en)earing sen):off8 1t's
a $low=off8 He's *reaking ", o"r imaginary re(ationshi,B %e're on(y together on ,a,er0
*o"n) *y goo) stationery an) his 1ta(ian:to:Eng(ish )ictionary8 %e're )oome)8 1t's over8
6o) he(, me0 *"t if the ,(ane goes )own0 the (ast wor)s 1 wi(( have rea) from 6ian("ca wi((
*e a*o"t a (eather sam,(e8 %e((0 it was (iterary an) ("scio"s whi(e it (aste)8 1 act"a((y
*e(ieve) his wor)s0 an) ho,e) he rea((y saw the woman he )escri*e) in (etters to *e A"st
(ike me8 B"t she's gone8 His ,en ran o"t of ink8 #he com,(iments0 the insights0 the i)o(atry::
they've )rie) ", (ike an o() inkwe((8
Face it0 ?a(entine0 1 say to myse(f8 He's ,ro*a*(y fo"n) someone new8 'ro*a*(y
some shoe )esigner from 4"ssia with (ong (egs0 high cheek*ones0 an) *angs that (ie f(at8 7r
may*e she's Ekrainian8 She's a *r"nette with rose*") (i,s an) rea( ,ear(s in ,i(es aro"n) her
neck8 7r French8 B"sty an) makes a goo) ,astry8 6ian("ca wo"() *e a catch anywhere in
the E"ro,ean Enion8 An) to think0 for a whi(e0 he wante) me8
1 t"rn over an) f("ff my ,i((ow into a comforta*(e ,osition8 Even tho"gh it's s,ring
in 5ew $ork City0 it's a"t"mn in B"enos Aires8 Fa(( is my favorite time of year8 1 *(ossom
in the a"t"mn8 So 1'm going to ,"t the (etter o"t of my min) =6ian("ca wi(( *e ("cky if he
gets a ,ostcar) from Argentina> an) foc"s on the "ella #osa8 At (east 1 know what 1'm
)oing when it comes to shoes8 .ove wi(( have to wait8
2
Be Caref'l, 3t"s My eart
AS #HE '.A5E DESCE5DS 15#7 B"enos Aires0 it )awns on me that my mother
sho"() *e (iving my (ife8 %hen she was thirty:five years o()0 she ha) fo"r chi()ren0 a
h"s*an)0 an) a teaching )egree that (ay )ormant (ike hyacinths in winter8 #he c(osest she
wo"() ever come to (ea)ing the (ife of an internationa( Aet:setter was (istening to the
rhythmic r"m*(e of the air,(anes over the o() neigh*orhoo) in J"eens as they ma)e the
t"rn to (an) at .a:6"ar)ia8
Mom was ,ractica((y gi))y at the air,ort as she he(,e) me check my ("ggage8
%hereas most norma( trave(ers (oathe the ,a,erwork an) (ines0 my mother reve(s in the
*oar)ing ,rocess8 She co"nts on the he(,f"( re)ca,s8 She waits ,atient(y as she takes her
,(ace at check:in where they han) yo" yo"r seat assignment8 She makes ,re:*oar)ing
re(ationshi,s0 c"(tivating @new frien)s@ on her way to @new e;,eriences8@ My mother ho()s
a *oar)ing ,ass the way most ,eo,(e cra)(e a winning (ottery ticket8
1 ,eer o"t the win)ow8 5ightfa(( over B"enos Aires is a swir( of ,"r,(esH the c(o")s
)im,(e) with *("e ho() ", a moon that (ooks (ike a si(ver ,ocket watch8
1 ,(anne) an evening arriva( in or)er to get a f"(( night's s(ee, *efore hitting the
gro"n) r"nning in the morning8 #he hote( arrange) a car service to ,ick me ", at the
air,ort8 #he Fo"r Seasons B"enos Aires is )e(";e::an) 1 wo"() never have the means to
stay there0 e;ce,t that 6a*rie( ta,,e) into his Car(y(e hote( contacts to arrange the )ea( of a
(ifetime =tho"gh 1'm to() *argains are the norm in B"enos Aires>8 1 ,"t on fresh (i,stick0
*eca"se yo" never know who yo" might meet8 My mother once ran into Dr8 Christiaan
Barnar) in 12-& an) sti(( moans that she @)i)n't have her face on8@
1 won)er what this tri, wi(( *ring8 Fo"rteen )ays to fi(( with ,ossi*i(ities8 %i(( 1
meet anyone (ike Costan9o 4"occo::the great Ca,rese shoemaker::or the (ikes of the
5ea,o(itan D'Amico sisters who make o"r shoe em*e((ishments in 5a,(esC
#his time0 "n(ike on my tri,s to #"scany an) Ca,ri0 1 won't *e )istracte) *y a
*oyfrien) who cance(s at the (ast min"te or a hot 1ta(ian who wants to ste, into the voi)8 1
won't *e worrie) a*o"t 6ram's we(fare8 1 won't *e concerne) a*o"t my father's hea(th or my
mother's ho,e that 1 marry *efore she nee)s a face(ift8 1'm on my own8
%hen 1'm working in the sho, on 'erry Street0 1 have to stea( time to sketch new
i)eas0 *eca"se *"i()ing c"stom shoes takes ", most of the )ay8 #here are a(so a,,ointments
with ven)ors an) fitting sessions with c"stomers8 1 (ea) a very str"ct"re) (ife in or)er to
meet my )ea)(ines0 *"t a(( of that changes when 1 trave(8 #ime *ecomes my own8
1f 1 want to sketch a(( morning0 it's my choice8 1f 1 want to ,(ay with ,atterns on
,a,er (ong into the night0 1 can8 1 have "ninterr",te) s,oo(s of ho"rs on en) to (ook at the
wor() in a new way8 Fresh co(or com*inations ignite0 c(assic notions are scra,,e)0 an) new
techni<"es are intro)"ce) as my imagination goes wi() with ,ossi*i(ities8 1 can think free(y
when 1'm away from home *eca"se 1'm not worrie) a*o"t the *oi(er0 the water *i((0 or the
mortgage8
May*e 6ram is right::may*e the *est thing an artist can )o is to (eave her comfort
9one8 May*e creativity is a(( a*o"t the g"ts to try something new0 somewhere new8 1 c(ose
my eyes an) re*oot my imagination as the car careens thro"gh the streets of B"enos Aires8
%hen 1 o,en them0 the city0 com,(ete(y new to me0 is a *("r of )ee, *("e s,(it *y seams of
(ight8 1'm g(a) 1 (an)e) in the )arkH there is nothing to )istract me as 1 remem*er my
,"r,ose8 1 have a Ao* to )o0 an) 1 won't rest "nti( it's )one8
#he ,orter at the Fo"r Seasons greets the car0 o,ening my )oor with a f(o"rish0 as
tho"gh 1'm a ,arty g"est an) not a hote( ,atron8 At first g(ance0 the .a 4eco(eta )istrict in
B"enos Aires (ooks (ike the E,,er East Si)e of Manhattan8 S(eek g(ass towers (oom among
the fri(( of o() wor() architect"re (ike ,ave )iamon)s set in stain(ess stee(8
#he entrance to the hote( is as gran) as the neigh*orhoo)8 F(owing fo"ntains set
ami) c(assic stat"ary create the fee(ing of a ,ia99a8 1 fo((ow the ,orter "n)er the awning an)
thro"gh the ,o(ishe) *rass )oors8 #he (o**y is rega(0 with *(ack:an):white mar*(e f(oors
an) high arche) cei(ings8 #he s(eek f"rnit"re is covere) in navy )amask:an):go() ve(vet
stri,es8 1 fee( as if 1've (an)e) in a Dorothy Dra,er can)y )ish8
#here is *are(y a wait at the front )esk8 %hen 1 am han)e) my key0 the night
manager says0 @1t's o"r ,(eas"re8 %e have ",gra)e) yo" to a s"ite8@
@E,gra)e) is my secon) favorite wor)0@ 1 te(( him8
@An) what's the firstC@ He smi(es8
@Com,(imentary8@
He (a"ghs as he shows me to the g(ass )oors that (ea) thro"gh the o"t)oor gar)ens
to .a Mansion0 a French ins,ire) vi((a0 the origina( hote( *"i()ing *ehin) the mo)ern tower8
As he o,ens the )oors0 soft tea( *eams of (ight shoot ", from the gro"n) onto the stone
faca)e0 etche) in scro((work8 4omantic *a(conies A"t o"t over the gar)en0 s,i((ing over with
greenery an) ("sh white *(ossoms8 #he effect is ,"re Marie Antoinette0 4ococo )etai(s an)
neoc(assica( )esign in the heart of B"enos Aires8
1 fo((ow the ,orter o"tsi)e an) thro"gh the gar)ens to the entrance8 1 ti,toe0 (ooking
over the he)ges to the ova( swimming ,oo(0 anchore) *y waterfa((s8 #he ,oo( is the co(or of
(a,is0 a *("e so )ee, it's ,ractica((y in)igo8 #he s"rface shimmers in the (ight as tho"gh it's
*een s,rink(e) in go() )"st8
#he ,orter o,ens the )oor to my room0 which isn't a room at a(( *"t an o,"(ent s"ite0
with a (arge (iving room )ecorate) in moss green an) honeys"ck(e ye((ow0 in French toi(e
an) )ee, rose ve(vet8 @1t's too m"ch0@ 1 say a(o")8
#he ,orter no)s8 1'm s"re he's hear) that *efore8
He (oa)s my ("ggage into a c(oset as *ig as my *e)room in 5ew $ork8 1 ti, him0 an)
he goes0 (eaving me to wan)er thro"gh the *ea"tif"((y a,,ointe) rooms8 1 o,en the (o"vre)
)oors that (ea) o"t onto the *a(cony8 #he *ree9e *(ows thro"gh an) *i((ows the si(k
)ra,eries (ike rega( ca,es8
#he *a(cony has a view of .a 4eco(eta8 #he en)(ess sky over the city's many
neigh*orhoo)s is not o*str"cte) *y *"i()ings or mo"ntains8 #he city *e(ow seems carve)
into the earth (ike an intricate mosaic of co(ore) ti(es8 #he stars ,oke thro"gh the night sky
(ike si(ver straight ,ins8
1 kick off my shoes an) (ie *ack on the king:si9e *e)8 1've fa((en into a vat of
feathers0 an) the ,ristine white sheets carry the scent of a c(ean s"mmer )ay8 'a,er crack(es
"n)er my *ack8 1 m"st *e (ying on the *reakfast or)er form8 1 reach "n)er an) ,"(( o"t the
,a,er8 B"t it's not a men"8 1t's an enve(o,e a))resse) to me0 in a fami(iar scri,t0 han)written
with a fo"ntain ,en0 in co*a(t ink8
A tota( s"r,rise8 A (etter from 6ian("ca8 1 o,en the enve(o,e s(ow(y0 so as not to tear
it8 1 ,"(( o"t the (etter insi)e0 "nfo()ing the sheer ,a,er caref"((y8 7kay0 signor8 4e)eem
yo"rse(f8
94 maggio 2:9:'ara Valentina!
; hope o% had a restf%l flight! and that o%r room! with its $al&on! pleases o%. ;
know o% like to sit o%tside at night! %nder the moon.
;'m in the tower on the eleventh floor! looking o%t over the &it. ; am taking a swim
at the pool $ the mansion. Perhaps o% wo%ld like to 8oin me.
1 ,"t the (etter )own8 Dear 6o)8 My heart is ,o"n)ing8 1 think 1'm having a stroke8 1
co"() "se A"nt Feen's *(oo) ,ress"re c"ff right a*o"t now8 He is here8 1n B"enos Aires8
<ow0 4ight now0 1n the ne;t *"i()ingB 1 inha(e )ee,(y an) contin"e to rea) his wor)s8
...then! if it pleases o%! ; tho%ght we wo%ld have dinner. ;f o% are tired! of &o%rse ;
%nderstand! and will see o% in the morning. And onl...if that also pleases o%.
Love! 4ianl%&a
1 s,ring off the *e) (ike 1'm tinse( that's *een shot o"t of a 5ew $ear's ,arty horn8
Please me( 7h0 he has no i)ea8
1 go to my s"itcase in the c(oset an) 9i, it o,en8 1 sh"ff(e thro"gh the 9i,(ock *ags
(ine) ", (ike se(ections in the fro9en foo) *in of a grocery store0 searching for my *athing
s"it8 Di) 1 ,ack oneC 5o8 5ow what )o 1 )oC #he gift sho,B 1 won)er if the gift sho, is
o,en8
As 1 t"rn to go to the hote( man"a( *y the ,hone to ca(( the front )esk0 1 see a *o; on
the c(oset she(f0 tie) with ,"r,(e ri**on8 My name0 in 6ian("ca's fami(iar scri,t0 is written
on the tag8
1 o,en the *o;8 1t's a *athing s"it8 A tastef"( yet se;y *(ack one:,iece mai((ot0 with a
,("nging ? in the front an) sheer *(ack mesh ,ane(s on the si)es8 1t's a c(assic s"it8 An) it's
retai(H this is no Ch"ck Cohen knockoff from the .oehmann's sa(e *in8
1 take off my c(othes an) s(i, into the s"it8 Even the mirrors in this hote( are
f(attering8 #hen 1 remem*er it's chi((y o"tsi)e8 1 ,(ow thro"gh my s"itcase again an) fin) a
*(ack ve(o"r hoo)ie an) ,ants8 =My mother insiste) 1 *ring itH @1t's cas"a( chic for *reakfast
in the hote(0@ she sai)8 $es0 yes0 Mama is a(ways right8> 1 ,"(( it on over the s"it8 1 s(i, into a
,air of *(ack "ella #osa f(ats0 an) gra* the keys8
1 a(most ski, thro"gh the mansion foyer an) o"t the )oor to the gar)ens8 #hen0 (ike
an eighteenth:cent"ry )"chess in a ma9e (ooking for her (over0 1 9ig:9ag "nti( 1 fig"re o"t a
)irect ,ath0 an) r"n thro"gh the he)ges0 towar) the ,oo(0 to him8
1 s(ow )own as 1 a,,roach the )ee, *("e water0 (it from within8
#he ,oo( remin)s me of the (akes insi)e the B("e 6rotto in Ca,ri8 #he s"rface
ri,,(es in the *ree9e8 1 (ook aro"n)8 1'm a(one8 5o 6ian("ca8 %as it a )reamC Di) 1 imagine
the invitationC 5o0 1 co"()n't have::who )reams ", a new *athing s"itC B"t 1 rea) the (etter
so fast::may*e 1 misse) the instr"ctions8 Di) he say to ca(( firstC 1'm a*o"t to t"rn to go
*ack to the room to ca(( him when 1 hear0 soft(y0 from *ehin)D
@Ciao8@
1 t"rn to face 6ian("ca8 1n this (ight0 he's act"a((y more han)some than he was at
6ram's we))ing8 How is this ,ossi*(eC
@How was yo"r tri,C@ he asks8
@%ho caresC@ 1 throw my arms aro"n) his neck8 He (a"ghs8 #he strong ti(t of his
nose an) his firm Aaw(ine are as s(eek an) fine as the carve) river stones that form the
waterfa(( *ehin) him8
@How )o yo" (ike the roomC@ he asks8
@Di) yo" ",gra)e meC@
@1 cannot ",gra)e yo"8 $o" cannot ",gra)e the very *est8@
@Do yo" a(ways say the right thingC@
His e;,ression0 his eyes0 the co(or of the )ee,est night sky0 so c(ear0 say more than
his (etters ever co"() a*o"t how he fee(s a*o"t me8
6ian("ca takes my han)s in his8 #he r"sh of fee(ings that goes thro"gh me is
fami(iar0 yet com,(ete(y new8 1 reach ", to em*race him0 1 kiss his cheeks0 his nose0 an)
then he ,"((s me so c(ose0 my face rests in his neck (ike a ve(vet co((ar8 His (i,s fin) mine0
an) this time0 1'm rea)y8
@Di) yo" come a(oneC@ he whis,ers in my ear8
@$es8@
@5o niecesC@
@5o8@
@5o ne,hewsC@
@Eh:"h8@
@5o A"nt FeenC@ He kisses my ear8
@5o0 none of the a*ove8@
@!"st yo"C A(oneC@
@1 swear8@
He kisses me ten)er(y8 1'm (ost in the moment::1 forget the co"ntry0 the hemis,here0
the ,(ace8 As we kiss0 1 co"() *e anywhere::we are anywhere0 the corner of H")son Street0
or the ,(atform of the train station in Forest Hi((s0 or high on the c(iffs of Anaca,ri when the
moon is o"t::it )oesn't matter8 #here is no wor() o"tsi)e this kiss8 Everything is a *("r0
forgotten0 gone8 #he win) r"st(es the satin (eaves of the e"ca(y,t"s trees0 fi((ing the air with
the scent of c(ean mint8
@Do yo" rea((y want to swimC@ 1 ask8
@Do yo"C@
@%e((0 the s"it fits8@ 1 "n9i, my hoo)ie8
6ian("ca (a"ghs8 @#hen we swim8@
1 )ive into the ,oo(H the water is as warm as a *ath8
6ian("ca )ives in an) fin)s me in the water8 His arms wra, aro"n) me (ike si(k
ro,es8 1 kiss his neck8 @$o"r (ast (etter was terri*(e8@
He (a"ghs8 @#oo shortC@
@1t rea) (ike instr"ctions for assem*(ing a washing machine8@
@My a,o(ogies8@
@1f yo"'re going to se)"ce me888@
@#e(( me how8@
@As if o% nee) instr"ctions8@
@#e(( me what yo" nee)8@
@1 )on't know8 1 (ike when yo" com,are) me to a ,eony8 #hat was goo)8 An) when
yo" write how yo" fee(8 #hat's a(ways goo)8 Here's the )ea(0 6ian("ca8 Have 1 mentione)
that 1 (ike to say yo"r nameC 1t has the entire history of 1ta(ian civi(i9ation in its )e(ivery8 At
(east 1 think so8@
@#hank yo"8@
@As a genera( r"(e0 yo" sho"() never write (ove (etters fi((e) with imagery an) then
sen) a swatch of shoe (eather8 #he sentiments in (etters sho"() )e(ight an) *"i() "nti( the
woman is so enthra((e) she cannot imagine the wor() witho"t yo"8@
@Ah8@
1 (et go of him an) swim off into the )ee, en)0 into the *("e water8
#he night air on my face is co() com,are) to the warmth of the water *e(ow8 B"t the
contrast is (ove(yH it's waking me ", in every way0 from the (ong f(ight0 from my an;ieties
a*o"t meeting 4o*erta0 an) from my am*iva(ence a*o"t getting invo(ve) with a man who
might take me away from my work0 when my career nee)s my "n)ivi)e) attention8
6ian("ca meets me at the )ee, en)8 @Are yo" h"ngryC@
@5ot rea((y8 Are yo"C@
@5o8@
@So0 what sho"() we )oC@
He smi(es0 an) that's his answer8
6oo) answer8
4oom service has (eft a goo):night tray with a si(ver service es,resso ,ot0 cream
an) s"gar0 an) a ,(ate of fresh fr"itD mango s(ices0 straw*erries0 an) kiwis0 artf"((y arrange)
(ike a s"n*"rst8 #here's a ,o(ishe) ster(ing si(ver *ow( fi((e) with ch"nks of fragrant )ark
choco(ate8 #here is a(so a fine *one china ,(atter of tiny a(mon) cookies s,rink(e) with
can)ie) orange *its8 A sma(( go() car) with a han)written note from the ,orter is ,ro,,e)
on the tray8 1t saysD @Com,(imentary8@
@%hy are yo" (a"ghingC@ 6ian("ca wants to know8
@#he way this night is going0 1'm getting everything 1 want8@
@#hat is how it sho"() *e8@
@An) what )o o% want0 6ian("caC@
@Do yo" have to askC@ he says8
@$es0 1 )o8 1 )on't (ike <"estions answere) with <"estions8 Have yo" ever hear)
of888show0 )on't te((C@
He thinks for a moment8 @5o8@
@%e((0 it means that 1 ,refer to e;,ress my fee(ings with action0 not wor)s8@ 1 c(im*
onto his (a,0 an) this time0 "n(ike on 6ram's we))ing night in Are99o0 1 )on't withho() my
fee(ings8
@1 (ike *oth8 Action an) wor)s8@ He kisses my neck8
@B"t 1'm not a ,oet0 1'm a shoemaker8@
@A goo) shoemaker is a ,oet0@ he says8
@4ight8@ 1 kiss him8
@Do yo" think yo" can fin) the wor)s tonightC@ he whis,ers8 @#o te(( me how )o
yo" fee( a*o"t meC@
1 take his face in my han)s8 @1 think 1 can't )escri*e it8@
@#ry8@
@7kay0 1 never imagine) yo" *efore 1 met yo"8 $o"'re the kin) of man who en)s ",
with women who wear high hee(s an) a,rons8@
He (a"ghs8
@1 )i)n't see myse(f with a man who ha) chi()ren0 or was o()er0 or who ha) a *ig (ife
*efore he met me8 An) *y *ig (ife0 1 mean a (ong marriage8@
@1 "n)erstan)8@
@B"t0 an) here's what 1 ,ray for0 1 ,ray to stay o,en to the ,ossi*i(ities of everything
in (ife8 1 a(so ho,e to never (imit my choices *y my own ,reA")ice::or the (imitations of my
",*ringing8 B"t0 here's where 1 nee) yo"r he(,8 1 was s"r,rise) *y my fee(ings for yo"0
too8@
@%hyC@
@%hen 1 met 7rso(a::an) she's as fine a woman as any 1've ever met0 an) yo" raise)
her::1 co"() see that yo" are a won)erf"( father8 Most women have to wait to fin) o"t if a
man wi(( *e a goo) father8 1f they ever )o8 B"t with yo"0 1 knew right away8@
@7rso(a is the *est ,art of my (ife8@
@#hat's very o*vio"s8 $o"'ve *een a goo) father8 As a )a"ghter myse(f0 1 )on't think
there is anything more im,ortant than that8 1t says more than anything e(se 1 know a*o"t
yo"0 who yo" reall are8 B"t here's the ,ro*(em888@
6ian("ca waits as 1 fin) the wor)s to e;,(ain my fee(ings8 At 6ram's we))ing0 when
1 was he(,ing corra( my nieces an) ne,hews0 it )awne) on me that 1 might (ike my own
chi()ren to chase an) co))(e0 to correct an) )efen)::that it wasn't eno"gh to *e an a"nt with
an e;tra ,air of han)s8 An) then0 (ater0 when 1 he() Bret's )a"ghter 'i,er in my arms0 1 fe(t
the yearning that can on(y *e instigate) *y the em*race of a chi() ho()ing so tight0 she
a(most *ecame a ,art of me8
1 have wa(ke) ,ast B(eecker 'ark0 fi((e) with chi()ren0 h"n)re)s of times an) never
(ooke) insi)e the fence to see what was going on8 1 t"ne) o"t their (a"ghter an) (o") ye((s0
their games an) their Aoy8 B"t (ate(y0 on my coffee r"n0 1 sto, an) o*serve them8 1 fin)
myse(f stan)ing at the fence0 won)ering if this e;otic 9oo is a ,(ace 1 wi(( visit0 or wi(( 1
act"a((y (ive insi)e some)ayC %i(( 1 ever *e one of those mothers chasing her fo"r:year:o()
)own the ram, on the *eat:", ,"*(ic scooter that the neigh*orhoo) ki)s shareC After a
whi(e 1 check my watch an) rea(i9e a mo"n) of work waits for me *ack at the sho,8 7n the
way *ack0 1 consi)er what a chi() wo"() mean to me in my (ife8 1 "s"a((y )ismiss the notion
once 1'm *ack at the c"tting ta*(e an) tack(ing my to:)o (ist8 1 ,"t motherhoo) o"t of my
min) "nti( the ne;t time 1 fin) myse(f o"tsi)e the gates of B(eecker 'ark8
#here's a moment for every woman who (oves her fami(y an) em*races their goo)
<"a(ities whi(e attem,ting to negotiate the mania0 when she )eci)es that she might want a
fami(y of her own to (ove an) sha,e8 1t's on(y nat"ra(8 1'm in my mi):thirties0 an) time te((s
me 1 m"st think a*o"t these things0 or make the )ecision to *r"sh ,ast them an) *"i() a (ife
witho"t a fami(y of my own8
1 sha,e my <"estion to 6ian("ca caref"((y *eca"se0 )e,en)ing ",on his answer0 1
on(y want to ask it once8
@%hy wo"() a man who a(rea)y has everything 1 ho,e to have some)ay *e
intereste) in retracing those ste,s an) starting over0 *"i()ing a new (ifeC .ast year in 1ta(y0
yo" sai) yo" weren't intereste) in having another chi()8 Have yo"r fee(ings change)C@
6ian("ca inha(es )ee,(y8 My heart racesH 1 rea(i9e 1'm afrai) of his answer8 He ,"((s
me c(ose8 He says0 @#hat wo"() )e,en) ",on yo"8@
@1t's a(( ", to meC@
@1 think so8 A *a*y is the woman's choice0@ he says8 @1 )on't know how e(se to say it8
%hy )o yo" s,eak of chi()ren tonightC@
@1 went to a frien)'s ho"se recent(y8 A *irth)ay ,arty8 An) there was a *a*y there
who reache) for me0 an) when she fe(( into my arms0 1 fe(t something 1 ha) never fe(t
*efore::a connection0 1 g"ess8 A ,ossi*i(ity of some sort8 May*e it's my age8 7r may*e it
was A"st that ,artic"(ar (itt(e gir(8 1 )on't know8@
@7r may*e yo" are thinking a*o"t (ife in a )ifferent way now0@ he says gent(y8 He
kisses me8 #he kiss is (ike the soft wa; sea( on the enve(o,e of a (etter8 #here is something
fina( a*o"t it::for him8 #hen he says0 @May*e yo" are rea)y for more8@
#he conce,t of more for a woman who has to stretch to reach for eno%gh is a(most
"nthinka*(e8 1 have no i)ea what 1 )eserve0 *eca"se 1 never know what to ask for8 6ian("ca
has a(rea)y ha) the (ife that 1 think 1 want8 He a(rea)y knows how the story en)s8 6ian("ca
*egins a secon) (ife tonight0 a new act0 a new ,hase0 as 1 move into my first one8 1 have no
i)ea what to e;,ect8
1 try to (et go of the o() ha*its an) ,reA")ices 1 have a*o"t (ove in or)er to make
room for the mystery8 1 )on't have any contro( over what wi(( ha,,en8 1') (ike to know
where this is going *eca"se 1 )on't want to get h"rt again0 *"t 1 )on't have any contro( over
that either8 1 have to acce,t that 1 )on't know where this (ea)s::1 have to *e *o() a*o"t it
an) move towar) ha,,iness an) tr"st that everything wi(( work o"t the way it is s",,ose)
to8
@Do yo" want to *e with meC@ he asks8
#he tr"th is0 he a(rea)y has my answerH he ha) it in Are99o in Fe*r"ary8 He knows
that 1 want him0 *"t )o 1 want a(( that goes with my )esire for himC
Love $%ilds in a series of small reali1ations0 he wrote8
May*e tonight wi(( *e one of them8
6ian("ca moves towar) me an) takes my han)s8 #he same shivers 1 ha) on the
*a(cony in Ca,ri0 at the ch"rch in Are99o0 from the acci)enta( way his han) *r"she) mine
when we reache) for the same ,ane( of fa*ric at the mi(( in 'rato0 ri,,(e thro"gh my *o)y8
His *ea"tif"( han)s have the strong an) s"re gri, of an artist0 one who wa(ks in the
wor() first thro"gh fee(ing0 an) then thro"gh to"ch8 6ian("ca is a craftsman who makes
something (asting from nothing0 who knows when to *e gent(e0 an) when to *e certain0 an)
when to *e )irect0 an) when to ste, *ack an) o*serve8 He is an artist who consi)ers the
ang(e0 the ,(acement0 an) the frame of the o*Aect he )esires0 so as *est to a,,reciate it8
#onight0 he is the (over who makes me *ea"tif"(H in his han)s0 1 am the *est 1 can *e8
How s"ccinct 6ian("ca's ,"r,ose was in winning me8 How c(ear his vision as he
remove) every o*stac(e one *y one0 "nti( he ha) me a(one8 6ian("ca knows e;act(y how to
treat me0 *eca"se he took his time to o*serve me with an eye no other man ever has8 As he
kisses me0 1 fee( something 1 can't name::it's as if we've a(rea)y written o"r history0 an) this
(ove affair res"mes from (ong0 (ong ago0 when in fact0 it is A"st *eginning8
As his (i,s trave( )own my neck0 1 see moments in my min)'s eye0 of times we were
together0 in Ca,ri f(oating on the t"r<"oise waves of the Me)iterranean Sea0 an) in
6reenwich ?i((age0 on the roof with a *("e afternoon sky *ehin) him0 when 1 )isa,,ointe)
him an) (et him go0 an) now in B"enos Aires where the sky is sat"rate) in)igo0 where the
stars make (aven)er ,oo(s of (ight in the )ark an) 1 fina((y see c(ear(y eno"gh to choose
him8
%ith each ,ict"re 1 see0 1 remem*er him an) how he (ooke) at me an) took me in8
He a,,reciates me for e;act(y who 1 am0 an) he "n)erstan)s me as 1 wish to *e "n)erstoo)8
6ian("ca an) 1 em*o)y that o() 1ta(ian wor)D simpati&o. %e are (ike:min)e) so"(s
who say an) )o things that ,(ease one another0 *eca"se it comes from a ,(ace of
recognition8
%e (ie )own in a fie() of feathers0 sinking )ee, into the covers0 fin)ing one another
as we move thro"ghH we're t"m*(ing thro"gh c(o")s0 weight(ess0 nothing *"t an en)(ess sky
over "s0 an) the wor() *e(ow0 *eneath "s0 so far away0 its )etai(s *("r so as not to matter8
1n 6ian("ca's arms0 1 stay8
%e sai(0 we f(y0 an) we sai( an) we f(y )ee, into the night0 (ong into the *("e0 with
no )estination in min)0 A"st now0 A"st this very moment8
4
The Street of Dreams
61A5.ECA S.EE'S DEE'.$ 15 7E4 *e)8 Even *reakfast0 ro((e) into the (iving
room on a si(ver tro((ey fi((e) with )e(icate croissants0 ras,*erry horns0 an) a ,ot of rich0
*(ack coffee0 )i) not )ist"r* him8 1 ,"(( the si(k )ra,eries c(ose) against the ear(y morning
s"n so as not to wake him8
1'm showere)0 )resse)0 an) rea)y to meet my co"sin 4o*erta8 1 went thro"gh my
morning rit"a( with s"ch "rgency0 1 ke,t )ro,,ing things in the *athroom8 #here is a (ot
more ri)ing on this tri, than 1 want to a)mit8
1 te;t 6a*rie(8
MeD 6ian("ca is here8
6a*eD 1n BAC
MeD 1n my room8
6a*eD 7M68 DingB DingB DingB
MeD 1 know8
6a*eD $o" rea(i9e that yo" ha) to act"a((y (eave the airs,ace over the continenta(
Enite) States to get (ai)C
MeD Eno"ghB
6a*eD How's the foo)C
MeD #rays of fr"it an) choco(ate an) cookies8
6a*eD Se; an) cookies8 My favorite marriage8 6o an) get *"sy with !ohn:("cky8
@%here are yo" goingC@ 6ian("ca ro((s over in *e) an) (ooks ", at me8 His eyes are
a c(ear china *("e in this ye((ow room8
@1 was A"st (eaving yo" a note8 1'm going to the factory8@
@1'(( go with yo"8@
1 sit ne;t to him on the *e)8 @5o0 no0 yo" stay an) rest8@
@Beca"se 1'm o() an) 1 nee) itC@ he teases8
@$es8@
He reaches for my han) as 1 t"rn to go8 1 (ook )own at him8
@$o" (ook *ea"tif"(0@ he says8
@#hank yo"8@ 1 (ean )own an) kiss him8
@Don't worry0@ he says8 @She wi(( (ike yo"8@
1 c(ose the )oor to the s"ite an) wa(k to the e(evator8 1t's s(ow to arrive0 an) the
em,ty moments sen) me into a s(ight ,anic8 1 have a few free min"tes to think a*o"t a(( the
things that co"() go wrong8 4o*erta wi(( think 1'm an i)iot0 so we'(( *e force) to make the
shoes in China8 #hen 1 ", my an;iety8 1t's r")e to a*an)on 6ian("ca after the night we
share)8 Are we now in a relationshipC %i(( it (astC 4i)ic"(o"s0 im,ro*a*(e0 )isAointe)
tho"ghts t"m*(e over one another "nti( the e(evator )oors o,en8 1 check my tote for the fi(es
1 *ro"ght to share with 4o*erta8 My sketches of the "ella #osa are ,rinte) in co(or an)
inc(")e a gri) of s,ecifications8 1've )one my homework8 1 remin) myse(f that 1 am
com,(ete(y ,re,are)8 1 can't he(, it0 1'm afrai)8 1 can on(y ho,e these Aitters are a*o"t my
first:)ay:of:schoo( nerves0 an) not the work itse(f8 1 am wa(king into a com,(ete(y new an)
therefore "ncertain sit"ation8
#he ca* s,ee)s thro"gh the streets of B"enos Aires0 thro"gh the *arrios E( Centro0
San #e(mo0 an) 'a(ermo0 whose moo)s change from resi)entia(0 to arty0 to high:tech an)
whose architect"ra( sty(es f(i, from French Co(onia( to S,anish to 1ta(ian with every t"rn of
the whee(8
.ast night0 B"enos Aires was washe) in every sha)e of *("e0 an) this morning0 in
*right )ay(ight0 it's as tho"gh this city was *"i(t o"t of can)y8
#he st"cco on the Me)iterranean ho"ses is the co(or of orange circ"s ,ean"tsH the
)oors are ,ainte) in sha)es of *"**(e:g"m cigarsD *right ye((ow0 soft (i(ac0 an) hot ,ink8
6ar)en wa((s are washe) in vivi) tones of *right white0 magenta0 an) ,eriwink(e0 trimme)
in (icorice *(ack0 resem*(ing a )ish of 6oo) L '(enty8 #a(( woo)en fences are )renche) in
*right Ioo(:Ai) *("e8 Even the te;t"res of the (an)sca,ing *"rst forth (ike showers of
can)y from a ,inataD (ow mo"n)s of nast"rti"m st"ffe) with *")s that resem*(e 4e) Hot
Do((ars0 an) the ,ecan trees seem to *e (oa)e) with 4oot Beer Barre(s8
#he ca* ,"((s ", in front of 33 5orth Caminito0 a (arge0 r"stic ,"m,kin:co(ore)
factory *"i()ing with rows of Catho(ic:schoo(:sty(e win)ows ,ro,,e) o,en8 A weathere)
sign saysD
Caminito Shoes 1nc8 +in&e 9E2?
1 ,"(( o"t my ,hone an) take a ,ict"re of the sign0 noting that the factory is name)
after the street0 an) not the fami(y8
#here are two meta( entrance )oors8 7ne rea)s @7ficina0@ an) the other says
@Fa*rica8@
1 enter the office0 which has the fami(iar scent of rich (eather an) *eeswa;8 #he
scent soothes me0 an) remin)s me of home an) a(so why 1 ma)e this tri, in the first ,(ace::
to fin) a way to grow the Ange(ini *ran) whi(e kee,ing it a(( in the fami(y8
1 a,,roach a woman who sits at a )esk *ehin) the entrance win)ow8
@1'm ?a(entine 4onca((i from 5ew $ork8@
She smi(es8 @+i! si0@ she says0 coming o"t from *ehin) the win)ow8 @%e are
e;,ecting yo"8 1 am ?eronica Mastran)rea8@
@!"st (ike 'erry Street0@ 1 say as 1 take in the office8 #he stea)y h"m of the machines
in the factory *eyon) the front office creates a rhythmic *"99 that sto,s an) starts8
#he in)"stria( f(a, win)ows0 ,ro,,e) o,en on meta( *ars0 create a nice *ree9e an)
a(so (et in (ots of *right (ight8 #he f"rnit"re is ,(ain an) f"nctiona(0 *"i(t from heavy oak0
staine) )ark8
#he )eskto,s are c("ttere) with ,a,ers0 ink ,a)s0 an) stam,s8 Shoe *o;es (ie o,en
on the )esk0 "se) as fi(ing *o;es for st"*s an) *i((s =1 )o the same at home>8
#hick0 (eather:*o"n) (e)gers are ,ro,,e) o,en0 with fig"res written in the margins
in ,enci(8 7n the far wa((0 a she(f is fi((e) with a series of han):carve) woo)en (asts0 the
forms ",on which shoes are si9e)8 #he (asts are (ine) ", neat(y *y si9e8 Com,"ter screens
are (o)ge) ami) the o():wor() e<"i,ment0 sticking o"t o*tr"sive(y (ike ,ay ,hones in the
A"ng(e8
#here are a few )"sty frame) certificates on the wa((s0 written in S,anish0 some
garnishe) with go() sea(s8 A s,ira(:*o"n) ca(en)ar for 2313 hangs on the *ack of the )oor0
A"st (ike the ones 1 fo"n) in storage after 6ram (eft0 f(i,,e) o,en to the month of May8
@1 am 4o*erta Ange(ini8@
1 t"rn to face my co"sin for the first time8 She e;ten)s her han)8
@1'm ?a(entine8@ As 1 (ook into her eyes an) take in her face0 1 (ose my a*i(ity to
s,eak8 @$o"'re8884o*ertaC@
A tight smi(e *reaks across her face s(ow(y8
4o*erta Ange(ini is *ea"tif"(0 an) to my s"r,rise0 she is *(ack8
As she takes me in0 1 can te(( that 1 am0 on the other han)0 e2a&tl what she was
e;,ecting8
@$o"'re shocke)0@ she says0 ,(acing her han)s in her a,ron ,ockets8
@1 am8@ 1 )i) a ,oor Ao* of hi)ing my s"r,rise8 @1 )i)n't know yo" were *(ack8@
@An) yet 1 knew for s"re that yo" wo"() *e white8@
As we (ook at one another0 o*vio"s fami(y traits *ecome a,,arent8 4o*erta's nose is
(ike my sister !ac(yn'sD sma((0 with a short *ri)ge that comes to a very e;act ,oint8 Her cafe:
a":(ait skin is smooth an) f(aw(ess0 (ike my mother's8 She wears her hair ,"((e) off her face
*a((erina sty(e0 in a high ,onytai( (oo,e) into a )e(icate *"n0 (ike #ess8 Her eyes ti(t ",war)0
*"t the (i)s are (ang"i)8 She is trim an) sma((8
1 (ong to ca(( 6ram an) te(( her the news0 if this can even *e ca((e) news8
@Before we ta(k *"siness0@ 4o*erta says0 @1 wi(( show yo" the factory8@
As 1 fo((ow her0 1 ,ict"re the mem*ers of my fami(y in a gro", shot::1 (ine ", the
cream:co(ore) ,eo,(e (ike woo)en ,ins in a *occe set0 face *y face0 *"i() *y *"i()0 *a*y *y
*a*y8 %e have 1ta(ian =Ange(ini0 4onca((i0 Cava((ine0 Fa99ani> an) 1rish =McA)oo> "n)er an
American tar,0 an) the (one !a,anese co"sin who marrie) my )a)'s ne,hew0 *"t that's as
m"ch )iversity as we got::"nti( now8
@#his is ,ro)"ction0@ 4o*erta says0 o,ening the )oor8 1 fo((ow her into the main
room0 an enormo"s air,(ane hangar of a room0 with )istresse) woo)en f(oors that *"ck(e
"n)er the weight of rows of machines8
#he noise that was a (ow an) stea)y h"m in the office now *(ares at f"(( force insi)e
the factory8 #he machines grin)0 ,"(se0 an) whir in rhythmic *ars of so"n)8 4o*erta shows
me the first section of machines0 which resem*(e (arge sewing machines8 #he *ase of the
machines has heft0 c"rves of iron with a si(ver whee(0 which the o,erator s,ins to an) fro to
contro( the s,ee)8
#he o,erators sit *ehin) their machines on sma(( ro((ing work stoo(s8 #hey assem*(e
the se,arate (eather ,ieces c"t from a ,attern0 an) then sew the shoe's ",,er together0
tong"e to vam,0 with )eft movements that come from years of rote ,ractice8
#he o,erators move the ,ieces "n)er the thick nee)(es as they ,"(se ", an) )own0
the s,ee) of the nee)(e contro((e) *y a ,"m,ing action ma)e with o,erator's knee to the
,a) affi;e) "n)er the workta*(e8 A foot ,e)a( on the f(oor serves as a *rake8 %hen a seam
is com,(ete0 the o,erator ,"((s the shoe0 sni,s the thick threa)0 an) sen)s it )own the row to
the ne;t o,eration8
A woo)en (ast0 or shoe mo)e(0 is inserte) into the ,artia((y assem*(e) shoe8
7,erators toss the shoe an) (ast into a *in0 which is whee(e) to the ne;t section of
o,erations8
A row of more com,act versions of the sewing machine is "se) to sew the we(t to
the shoe8 #he shoes then move to the ne;t f(eet of machines0 where the hee(s are attache)
*y a ,ress0 "sing s(eek nai(s an) cement8 A trimming machine0 which em,(oys sma(( an)
s,ee)y *(a)es0 trims away e;cess *in)ing an) (eather0 c"tting the shoe to si9e8 #he toe ca,s
are stam,e) on a set of machines that (ook (ike ",right hammers that ,"(se *ack an) forth8
A (arge ro((ing machine works the (eather an) makes it ,(ia*(e8 1 am envio"s of the
machine0 which "niform(y stretches an) ,resses the (eather sim"(taneo"s(y8 1 ro(( the (eather
*y han)0 an) it takes me ho"rs to get it (oose eno"gh to work with0 an) to sew8 Han):ro((ing
is a ,ainstaking ,rocess that takes ho"rsH here0 it takes mere min"tes0 an) the res"(ts are A"st
as *ea"tif"(8
#he ro((er0 with its shimmering0 smooth whee(s an) f(e;i*(e mo"nt0 is the machine
that ,"t the c"stom shoe *"siness in the m"se"m8
%orkers o,erate sma(( )ri((s with fine ,oints that ,erforate the o;for) with ho(es for
(aces8 A sma(( han):he() ,ress sna,s the meta( grommets into ,(ace8 #hen a ,i,ing machine
attaches trim0 whi(e a *"ttonho(er creates finishe) seams aro"n) the grommets8 7nce these
tasks are com,(ete)0 an) the shoe has *een ,asse) )own the (ine0 the o,erator tosses the
shoe into another set of )ee, c(oth *ins with whee(s8
1 fo((ow 4o*erta into finishing8 #he ,hysica( s,ace fans o"t to accommo)ate
machines that serve severa( f"nctions to com,(ete work on the shoe8 Here0 some of the
o,erators stan) to )o their work0 an) (ike the rest of the workers in the factory0 they move
<"ick(y8 #here are woo)en (asts affi;e) on ,o(es at eye (eve(0 where a worker takes the
shoe0 ,(aces it on the (ast0 an) works the ,(ia*(e (eather *y han) to remove any creases an)
to check the acc"racy of the si9e an) meas"rements8
1n o"r sho,0 1 "se a sma(( *r"sh machine0 o,erate) *y foot ,e)a(s0 to *"ff the
(eather8 Here0 the same i)ea is e;,an)e) to accommo)ate h"n)re)s of shoes8 A (ong
conveyor *e(t with *r"shes attache) on either si)e r"ns thro"gh the center of the finishing
)e,artment8 #he finishe) shoe is fe) onto the *e(t0 he() in ,(ace *y the movement of the
*r"shes8
#he com,(ete) (eather shoe0 min"s the (aces0 is anchore) *y the thick sa*(e *r"shes
an) ,o(ishe) to a high g(oss *y the time it reaches the far en) of the *e(t8 1t wo"() take me
an ho"r to achieve the same (eve( of shine man"a((y8
At the far en)0 the fresh(y machine:,o(ishe) shoe )ro,s into a *in0 where it is
checke) *y han) an) sorte) into se,arate c"**yho(es in a (arge0 freestan)ing woo)en gri)0
sha,e) (ike an o,en egg crate8 %orkers are ,ositione) on either si)e0 one (oa)ing from the
conveyor an) one on the other si)e retrieving the finishe) shoes0 to ins,ect them *efore
*o;ing them to *e shi,,e)8
@1s this simi(ar to yo"r sho,C@ 4o*erta sho"ts over the noise8
1 shake my hea) that it's not8 1 ho() ", my han)s to in)icate something m"ch
sma((er8 @#his is my factory8@
@Many years ago0 we were the same8 B"t we have e;,an)e) severa( times0 an) now
we em,(oy over two h"n)re) ,eo,(e8@
@1 can see that8 %here )o yo" )o the c"ttingC@
She motions for me to fo((ow her8 %e ,ass thro"gh the finishing )e,artment an)
c(im* a sma(( f(ight of stairs to the secon) f(oor8
#he c"tting room resem*(es an oversi9e o,erating room in a hos,ita(8 Bright
honeycom*:sha,e) work (ights hang over one (ong ta*(e that e;ten)s )own the center of
the room8
7ver the ta*(e0 an ova( track e;ten)s the f"(( (ength of the ta*(e8 A (arge circ"(ar saw
for c"tting (eather is attache) to the track8 #he serrate) *(a)e ,eeks o"t from a meta( s(eeve0
which is stra,,e) to a rig that has a f"(( range of mo*i(ity in the han)s of the c"tter8
Assistants (ayer the (eather0 in f(at sheets0 metho)ica((y on the ta*(e8 #he (eather is
a*o"t five (ayers )ee,0 se,arate) *y (ayers of sheer ,attern ,a,er8 #he assistants ste, *ack0
whi(e the ,resser comes forwar) to smooth the ,attern ,a,er against the (eather with a f(at
*oar)8
#he hea) ,attern c"tter ,"((s a ,enci( from *ehin) her ear an) marks the ,eri,hery
of the ,a,er8
From my ,oint of view0 the ,attern ,a,er (ooks (ike an e(a*orate ma,0 with com,(e;
*("e veins an) sma(( gray markings that wi(( g"i)e her movements an) the ,ath of the *(a)e
as she c"ts the (eather8
4o*erta motions to the c"tter who oversees the ,rocess8
@#his is San)ra For(en9a8@ 4o*erta intro)"ces a ta(( woman with Aet *(ack hair8 She
has rega( 1nca *one str"ct"re an) is a(( *"siness8 @Her ,eo,(e are from Ec"a)or8 She is the
*est c"tter an) fore(a)y in the *"siness8@
San)ra shakes my han)8 @$o" come at the most interesting time8@
#he workers s,eak a*o"t ,rocess to one another in S,anish8 How 1 wish 1 ha) ,ai)
more attention in %a)e Mi((er's S,anish c(ass at Ho(y Agony8 1 co"() rea((y "se it now8
@%hat kin) of shoes are yo" makingC@ 1 ask 4o*erta8
@Dress shoes8 Men's8 #hese are o;*(oo) (eather for Ermenegi()o Kegna8@
4o*erta motions for me to stan) *ack8
San)ra gri,s the han)(e on the overhea) saw an) g"i)es it to the (ayers of (eather on
the ta*(e8 #hen0 with one ca(i*rate) movement0 she )ro,s the *(a)e onto the ,a,er8 #he
motor shrieks as the *(a)e *ores into the *("e veins8
San)ra g"i)es the machine with her han)s0 antici,ating every n"ance an) movement
of the *(a)e as she goes8 She "ses the strength of her entire *o)y as she carves8 Her
sho"()ers se,arate as she (ifts the *(a)e an) g"i)es it to an) fro over the ,attern8
1 c"t from !"ne's ,attern *y han)H my margin of error is great8 San)ra0 however0
m"st maintain com,(ete contro(H she has to hit the mark every time she )ro,s the *(a)e8
7ne s(i,0 an) the (ayers of e;,ensive (eather wi(( *e r"ine)8
4o*erta motions for me to fo((ow her *ack thro"gh the factory to the office8 4o*erta
wa(ke) a few ste,s ahea) of me thro"gho"t the to"r8 She )oesn't )o ch"mmy0 an) whi(e she
is ,o(ite0 her manner is *r"s<"e8 1 can see that there's warmth *eneath the frosty veneer0 *"t
she's not (etting o"t m"ch s"nshine on my *eha(f8 1 ho,e she (ikes me0 *"t 1 rea((y can't te((
yet8
@1 a,,reciate the to"r0@ 1 te(( her8 @$o"r o,eration is very im,ressive8@
@5ot what yo" were e;,ectingC@ she asks8
@1 )i)n't know what to e;,ect8@
4o*erta (ooks off8 Her e;,ression remin)s me of my gran)father0 a man who never
worrie) a*o"t ,(easing ,eo,(e0 *"t rather0 took his time when )eci)ing a*o"t someone8
.ike him0 4o*erta is emotiona((y )etache)8 1'm not offen)e) *y her coo( )emeanorH 1 fin)
her attit")e fami(iar0 so 1 "n)erstan) it8 4o*erta Ange(ini is first an) foremost a
,rofessiona(8
1 notice) when we went thro"gh the factory that she )i) not s,eak )irect(y to any of
the o,erators0 an) yet she connecte) to the work they were )oing8 Sometimes she wo"()
no)0 or to"ch a sho"()er here an) there0 or ,ick ", a (ast an) check the workmanshi,8 1t
was a,,arent that she has the res,ect of the workers8 1 imagine with this si9e of an
o,eration0 she wo"() have to *e a to"gh taskmaster8 #he (ea)ershi, ro(e seems to come
nat"ra((y to 4o*erta8 My new co"sin is a straight shooter0 an) 1 wi(( have to *e the same
when it comes to )ea(ing with her8
@4o*erta0 (ook0 (et me say this ", front8 1'm here to see yo"r o,eration *eca"se 1
nee) a man"fact"rer for my shoes8 An) 1 wo"() (ike to kee, the contract for the "ella #osa
in the fami(y8@
@%e are fami(y0@ she says8 @B"t a fract"re) fami(y8@
@May*e we can re,air the )amage8 %hatever it is8 1 know that we A"st met an) this
is a(( so new::for *oth of "s8 1n fact0 1 )i)n't know my great:gran)father ha) a *rother at
a((::@
@Ah0@ she says8 @An) we knew a(( a*o"t Miche(8@
1 fin) this o))8 1 am very c"rio"s to fin) o"t why there was a *ig secret::an) why
one *rother0 4afae(0 ke,t the reason a(ive0 whi(e my great:gran)father )i) not8
@1t so"n)s (ike there was a very *ig ,ro*(em0@ 1 say8
She no)s8
@4o*erta0 1'm here to e;,(ore the ,ossi*i(ity of going into *"siness together8 1t
wo"() *enefit yo"::an) it wo"() *enefit me8@
@7f co"rse8 An) may*e then0 we can come to a ,(ace of ,eace8@
Her "se of the wor) pea&e te((s me that there m"st have *een one he(( of a war
*etween the *rothers8 4o*erta )oes not se,arate her fami(y (ife from the wor() of her workH
in that way0 she mirrors o"r tra)ition on 'erry Street8 Fami(y (oya(ty is the *ack*one of her
o,eration0 an) she ,rotects it as she )oes the (eve( of workmanshi, in her factory8
@1 wo"() (ike to try0@ 1 te(( her8
@B"t to *e honest0 1 )on't know if that is ,ossi*(e0@ she says8
4o*erta is to"gh8 #his isn't going to *e easy8 1t's as if she knows what 1'm thinking0
an) gives a (itt(e8
@My mother knows the story *est8@ Her e;,ression softens8
@May 1 have the honor of meeting yo"r motherC@ 1 ask8
@She takes care of my son at home8 #o)ay is not goo)8@
@#omorrow0 thenC@
@1 wi(( ask her0@ 4o*erta says8
@#hank yo"8 %o"() yo" min) if 1 s,ent the afternoon o*serving in the factoryC 1
know yo"'re *"sy0 an) 1 )on't want to take yo" away from yo"r work8@
@7f co"rse yo" may stay8 1 can ,(ace yo" with the foreman8@
@1 wo"() (ike that8@
4o*erta goes into her office to make some ca((s8 1 ,"(( o"t my ce(( ,hone to ca((
6ian("ca at the hote(8 #he ,hone in the room rings an) rings8 #he ca(( reverts to the front
)esk8 #he o,erator asks if 1 want to (eave a message8 1 (eave my ce(( ,hone n"m*er for
6ian("ca0 an) the message that 1 wi(( s,en) the rest of the afternoon o*serving ,ro)"ction
at the factory8 1'(( *e home in time for )inner8
1 ask the rece,tionist to ca(( me a ca*8
7nce o"tsi)e the factory0 1 fee( as tho"gh 1 can *reathe again8 #he "rgency of the
work insi)e the factory0 the noise an) the intensity of the o,eration0 have e;ha"ste) me8 1t's
so )ifferent from o"r sho, on 'erry Street8 #here0 it is ,eacef"( in contrast8 %e work (ong
ho"rs0 *"t we take o"r time8 Here0 it's a ma) r"sh to the finishing )e,artment8
1 s,ent the afternoon o*serving the assem*(y of the shoes8 #he more ,ieces to the
,attern0 the more )iffic"(t it is for the o,erator to assem*(e the shoe8 1 sketche) as 1
o*serve)0 trying to fig"re o"t how to get the "ella #osa )own to fo"r ,ieces instea) of
eight on my master ,attern8 1f 1 can conso(i)ate the o,erations on my )esign0 it wi(( s,ee)
the ,rocess in ,ro)"ction0 an) as a res"(t we wi(( *e a*(e to make the shoe more chea,(y
witho"t sacrificing <"a(ity8 1 want to "se microfi*er fa*ric0 an) it a,,ears that the "se of
fa*ric wi(( a(so s,ee) ", the ,rocess0 com,are) to c"tting (eather or s"e)e8
#he ca* )rives ", an) sto,s in front of the factory8
@?a(entineC@ 4o*erta comes to the )oorway as 1'm a*o"t to A"m, into the ca*8 @How
was yo"r )ayC@
@1 (earne) a (ot8 #hank yo"8@
@%i(( 1 see yo" in the morningC@
@First thing8@ 1 thank her an) get into the ca*8 1 give the )river my )estination0 an)
then 1 s("m, )own in the *ack seat0 e;ha"ste)8
1 )i)n't see 4o*erta a(( afternoonH she (eft me on my own8 #he foreman in
,ro)"ction was he(,f"(0 *"t 1 )i)n't want to *other him with si((y <"estions0 so 1 A"st
watche) caref"((y an) staye) a(ert thro"gh the ,rocess an) shift changes8 1 (earne) a (ot
watching the mechanics of the o,eration8
1 ca(( my mother8 D"tif"( )a"ghter that 1 am0 1 know she wants )ai(y reass"rance
that 1've not *een ki)na,,e) *y roving Argentinian gangs (ooking for ,rototy,e sam,(e
shoes8
@Ma0 1 have news8@
@4o*erta can make the shoesC@ Before 1 answer0 1 hear her ca((ing o"t to my father8
@D"tchC D"tch::?a(entine is fine8 She got there0 (an)e)0 an) went to the factory8@ She
comes *ack to me8 @7h0 ?a(0 this is won)erf"(8 %hat is 4o*erta (ikeC 1s she (ike o"r ,eo,(eC
1 mean0 after a((0 she is o"r ,eo,(e8@
@She's very ,retty8 Devote) to her work::she r"ns a *ig factory0 an) they )o it a((::
c"tting0 ,ro)"ction0 finishing8 1t's rea((y ama9ing8@
@How are yo"r c(othes working o"tC $o"r war)ro*eC@
@$o" were right8 #he *(ack (inen s"it is a c(assic0 an) it goes anywhere8 Mother
knows *est8@
@#o()Aa0@ Mom says sm"g(y8
@Ma0 1 was a (itt(e s"r,rise) when 1 met 4o*erta8@
@%hyC %as it )eAa v"C Di) yo" get chi((sC %as it s,irit"a(C Does she (ook (ike "sC@
@Em0 yeah0 a (ot8 She has !ac(yn's nose8@
@1sn't that A"st "ncannyC #he Ange(ini onwar) an) ",war) ti(tB 1t's a great nose8
%ish 1 ha) gotten it witho"t the he(, of Dr8 Mavrakakis8@
@$eah0 an) she has thick0 shiny hair (ike #ess8@
@1 knew she') *e a *r"nette8@
@An) one more thing8 Em888she's *(ack8@
#here is a ,a"se on my mother's en)8
@7h0 honey0 yo" know )e,ression r"ns in my father's fami(y8@
@Ma0 1 )on't mean *(ack moods8 1 mean *(ack skin8@
@%e're $la&kC@ My mother is mystifie)8 @H"h0@ she says )e(i*erate(y8 @1 )i)n't know
there were *(ack 1ta(ians8@
@%e((0 evi)ent(y there are8@
@$o" (earn something new every )ay8@ My mother takes a *ath in a *"cket of c(iche
whenever she is ,er,(e;e)8
@Ma0 yo" okayC@
@1 have to ca(( my mother::an) after 1 te(( her the story0 1'(( ca(( yo"r sisters an)
A(fre)8 1t's a shock8@ She goes on0 @B"t it's a(so888co"rant8 1 mean0 (ook at o"r ,resi)ent8 1
tho"ght o"r co"sins in B8A8 wo"() (ook a(ong the (ines of !"(io 1g(esias::yo" know0 more
S,anish than 1ta(ian0 *"t 1ta(ianate nonethe(ess8 #he (ast thing 1 e;,ecte) yo" to fin) in
Argentina was a fami(y of *(ack co"sins8 B"t here it is8@
@1t's here0 Mom8@ 1 rea((y )on't want to sit an) (isten to my mother as she shares
every sing(e tho"ght that she has in her hea)8
She goes on0 @1 )on't know what yo"r father is going to say8 1 )on't think they have
any *(ack ,eo,(e on his si)e8@
@'ro*a*(y not8 B"t Ma0 it )oesn't matter8 4o*erta has so m"ch going on8 She is
forty:fo"r an) she A"st ha) a *a*y8@
@#hen0 yo" see0 there's an ins,iration for yo"8 A (ate:in:(ife *a*y in a wing of o"r
very own fami(y8 B"t ho() on8 Ferti(ity can on(y *e tracke) thro"gh yo"r materna( (ine0 so
4o*erta's ,artic"(ar a,,arat"s is irre(evant8@
@#hat's what 1'm thinking8@
@%e((0 give them888give them o"r *est8@ #he o(e (i(t ret"rns to my mother's voice8
1 enter the hote( room0 throw )own my ,"rse an) tote in the entrance0 an) s(i, o"t of
my shoes8 @6ian("caC 1'm sorry0 hon8 1'm home8@
He )oesn't answer8 1 go into the (iving room8 #he (am,s have *een )imme)8 #he
go()en (ight is romantic0 an) a far cry from the *(a9ing work (ights in 4o*erta's factory8 1
(ook *eyon) to the *e)room8 #he French )oors to the *a(cony are wi)e o,en8 @He((oC@ 1
ca(( o"t8
1 go o"t onto the *a(cony8 6ian("ca stan)s *y the rai(ing8 A (ove(y can)(e(it ta*(e0 set
for )inner0 twink(es in the )ark8 He takes me in his arms8
@1'm sorry 1'm (ate8@
@1 )i)n't know when yo" were coming home8 So ,(ease )on't a,o(ogi9e8@
@1 ca((e)::)i) yo" get my messageC@
@5o0 *"t it's not a ,ro*(em::@
@B"t 1 ca((e)B@
@1t )oesn't matter8 So te(( me0 how was itC@
@1t was a factory8 5oisy8 Big8 D"sty8 E;ha"sting8@
He kisses me8 #he tension of the )ay (eaves me0 the h"m of the machines that 1
co"()n't shake "nti( 1 wa(ke) in the )oor8 He r"ns his th"m* across my nose8 @Di) yo" he(,
grease the gearsC@
@5o0 *"t 1 got ,retty c(ose8 7h0 an) )i) 1 mention0 the factory is a(so )irtyC@
@1 see8@
6ian("ca takes me *y the han) an) wa(ks me thro"gh the *e)room to the *ath0
where the )ee, eggshe(( t"* is fi((e) with *"**(es8 @1'(( *e right *ack0@ he says8 1 take off a((
my c(othes an) sink )own into the hot water8
#he t"* is so )ee, an) wi)e8 1 (et the water s"rro"n) me (ike a satin cover(et8 1 c(ose
my eyes8
6ian("ca ret"rns with two g(asses of wine8 He ,"((s ", the vanity chair an) sits
)own ne;t to me8 He gives me a g(ass of wine an) toasts me *efore taking a si,8 #hen he
(eans over the e)ge of the t"* an) kisses me8
@%hat )i) yo" )o a(( )ayC@ 1 ask8
@1 went to the 'a(ermo *arrio8 1 wa(ke) thro"gh it0 ha) ("nch0 went to the ga((eries
there8@
@Anything interestingC@
@#he ,aintings8 $o" wo"() enAoy them8 'rimitive0 *right0 an) very Sici(ian8@
@1 ho,e 1 get some time to *e a to"rist8@
@1 ho,e so too0@ he says8
@1'm sorry8 1 wish 1 )i)n't have to work8 1 wish 1 co"() A"st *e with yo"8@ 1 )i) miss
6ian("ca0 *"t it was a ,ro)"ctive )ay8 %hen 1 think of time at the factory0 1 wish 1 ha)
more8 1'm energi9e) *y what 1 saw0 an) what 1 ho,e to (earn8 B"t 1 )on't nee) to share that
with him8 He's *een waiting for me8 He )eserves a(( my attention8
@#e(( me a*o"t 4o*erta8@
@.et's start with the *asics8 She is very nice0 accommo)ating::not American at a((8
She is <"iet0 contem,(ative::a thinker8 An) she carries the fami(y gr")ge8@
@%hat is itC@
@She )i)n't te(( me8 7h0 an) 1'm (eaving o"t the shocker8 She's *(ack8@
6ian("ca's e;,ression is interest0 not s"r,rise8 @#here are *(ack 1ta(ians8@
@Evi)ent(y8 A(tho"gh my mother )i)n't think so8 Enti( now8 1 ca((e) her on the way
*ack8@
@$o"r mother has a very )ee, )isinterest in history8@
1 (a"gh8 @E;ce,t for the history of fashion8 1n that )e,artment0 she's an e;,ert8 7h
an) *ea"ty ,ro)"cts8 She can )escri*e the evo("tion of face cream from He(ena 4"*instein
thro"gh Estee .a")er8 #hose are her areas of e;,ertise8@
@Di) yo" te(( yo"r mother 1 was hereC@
@5ow why wo"() 1 )o thatC How )o yo" say 'r"in a goo) thing' in 1ta(ianC@
@$o" say 'r"in a goo) thing8'@
@Besi)es0 o"r romance is not front *"rner for Mike 4onca((i8 5o0 in the <ew 7ork
Times of my mother0 yo" an) 1 are strict(y Metro section8 #he B(ack Ange(inis carry the
front ,age8@
6ian("ca (eans )own an) kisses me8 As he kisses me0 1 reach ", an) "nfasten the
*"ttons on his shirt8 His chest an) sho"()ers are *roa)H years of (ifting an) ,ressing (eather
have given his m"sc(es strength an) )efinition8 1t's a working man's *o)y0 not one that can
*e fashione) in a gym8 1 ,"(( him towar) me8 @Do yo" notice that we never get to )innerC@
@Are yo" h"ngryC@ he teases8
@7f a stri,e8 $es8@ 1 ,"sh his shirt off his sho"()ers0 take his han)s in mine0 an) kiss
them8 1 (ook ", at him8 @At some ,oint0 tho"gh0 1'm going to have to eat the (oca( c"isine::if
on(y to )escri*e it when 1 get home8@
6ian("ca sinks into the water ne;t to me0 an) his (ong (egs wra, aro"n) mine8 #he
f"rthest thing from my min) is foo)8 1 may never eat again8 %ine0 *"**(es0 an) his kisses
are a(( 1 nee) to (ive::may*e ever8
15
ere"s that *ainy Day
#H1S M745156 61A5.ECA %7IE E' ear(y with me8 %e've fa((en into a
B"enos Aires ro"tine8 1 get ", ear(y an) (eave for the factory0 whi(e he s(ee,s8 #his morning
we change) a(( that8 %e )resse) an) ha) *reakfast together8 1 ,romise) to kee, the )ay at
the factory short an) *e home in time for ("nch8 He wants to take me )own to the river wa(k
this afternoon0 knowing how m"ch 1 (ove my river at home8
1 s,ent the morning in the c"tting room8 1 ,hotogra,he) the ste,s of ,attern making
to show !"ne0 an) a(so to com,are to other man"fact"rers8 1 *e(ieve the c"tting is what
makes 4o*erta's work s,ecia(8 Her team has an "n)erstan)ing of the (eather0 an) they c"t to
the grain0 which makes for the most ,(ia*(e materia(8 1f they can achieve the same with
fa*ric0 in her han)s0 the "ella #osa co"() *ecome the *est affor)a*(e f(at in the
market,(ace8
4o*erta seems to have warme) ", to)ay::or may*e she's A"st getting "se) to seeing
me aro"n)8 1'm s(ow(y *ecoming ,art of the scenery0 (ike the o() (asts on the she(f::fami(iar0
an) therefore a ,art of things8
@1'm going home for ("nch8 %o"() yo" (ike to comeC@ 4o*erta asks8
@%e((0 1 was going to go *ack to the hote(888@ 1 te(( her8 5o0 the tr"th is0 1 need to go
*ack to the hote(8 6ian("ca is waiting for me8 B"t )i)n't 1 make this tri, to s,en) as m"ch
time as ,ossi*(e with 4o*ertaC So0 1 <"ick(y say0 @$o" know whatC 1') (ove to8 #hank yo"8@
1 can't s<"an)er any o,,ort"nity to *e with 4o*erta0 an) 1've *een waiting to meet her
mother8 6ian("ca wi(( "n)erstan) that8
@.et me ca(( my mother to (et her know8@
4o*erta goes into her office to ,(ace the ca((8 1 take o"t my ce(( to ca(( the hote(8 #he
hote( room ,hone rings an) rings8 1 imagine 6ian("ca went o"t e;,(oring8 #he ,hone rings
thro"gh to the o,erator8 1 (eave a message that my ,(ans have change)::1'(( *e home for an
ear(y s",,er instea)8 #hen 1 instr"ct the o,erator to (eave a har) co,y of the message "n)er
the )oor8 1 )on't want to take the chance that 6ian("ca wi(( miss the message8
@.et's go0@ 4o*erta says8 @Do yo" min) wa(kingC@
@5ot at a((8@
@%e (ive very c(ose8@
As we wa(k to 4o*erta's home0 she te((s me a*o"t her neigh*orhoo)8 .a Boca is
known as the 6reenwich ?i((age of B"enos Aires8 #here are many simi(aritiesH there's a
meat,acking )istrict0 a series of sma(( anti<"e sho,s nest(e) among c("*s an) resta"rants0
an) a thriving s"*c"(t"re of *"sinesses that make han)crafte) items::(ike Ange(ini Shoes8
B"t the )etai( that gets to me0 that says home to me in a way nothing e(se can or ever wi((0 is
the co**(estone streets of .a Boca8 1 sto, an) take a ,ict"re on my ce((8 1 sen) it to
6a*rie('s ,hone8 !"st (ike !ane an) 'erry an) Char(es0 Ava(os an) 7(avarria an) S"are9
streets are ,ave) with o()0 g(orio"s0 an) *"m,y co**(estones8
4o*erta "n(ocks the gate0 which o,ens into a com,(e; of Me)iterranean:sty(e
homes that face a common ,ark8 #his is another sma(( vi((age within the vi((age0 off the
*"sy Caminito Street8
#he homes are s"rro"n)e) *y a ,rivacy wa(( covere) with wa;y green vines8 #here
is an o() fo"ntain in the center of the com,(e;0 its mar*(e grooves worn smooth from
weather an) time8 At the far en)0 in the mi)st of a(( this anti<"ity0 is a ,(astic A"ng(e gym for
ki)s8
4o*erta ,oints to her home0 a town ho"se with a c(ay roof8 #he st"cco is ,ainte)
white0 an) the sma(( entry ,orch is covere) in m"(tico(ore) ti(es8 4o*erta o,ens the )oor
an) invites me in8
#he f"rnit"re is co9y0 chi(),roof white:m"s(in:covere) sofas an) chairs0
comforta*(e an) washa*(e8 Anti<"e chests ma)e of hammere) si(ver are t"cke) in corners8
#he wa((s are fi((e) with ,aintings in an ama(gam of sty(es0 f(oating im,ressionism set ami)
rea(istic sketches )one in charcoa( an) sti((:(ife ren)erings in waterco(or8
7ver the mante( is a whimsica( oi( ,ainting of a theater ta*(ea"0 a woman singing0
s"rro"n)e) *y a chor"s of ,easants8 1 go to the mante( an) (ook ", to get a c(oser view8 #he
signat"re in the corner is 4afae( Ange(ini0 the same man who )rew the sketch that 1 fo"n) at
home8
@My great:gran)father's ,ainting0@ she says8
@He was very goo)8@
@1 (ove it *eca"se he ,ainte) it0@ she says8
An o()er woman *rings the *a*y to 4o*erta an) ,(aces him in her arms8 @#his is
En9o8 My son8 An) this is my mother0 .",e8@
.",e is aro"n) my mother's age0 sma(( in *"i() (ike 4o*erta0 with *(ack eyes an) a
)ee,er h"e to her com,(e;ion8 She em*races me8
@1 am so ha,,y to meet yo"0@ 1 te(( her8
@#hank yo" for agreeing to meet me0@ .",e says8
.",e shows me to the veran)a *eyon) the kitchen8 #he wor)s my co"sins choose
are very te((ing8 Agreeing to meet0 pea&e0 these (itt(e ,hrases m"st a)) ", to something8 1t's
a(most as if their wor)s are ,reem,tive0 either to avoi) an arg"ment or to start one8
.",e has set a *ea"tif"( ta*(e "n)er a sha)y e(m tree8 #he navy *("e ceramic )ishes
,o, against an a,,(e green ta*(ec(oth8 #he center of the ta*(e has a (a9y S"san0 with a c(ay
,ot in the center0 s"rro"n)e) *y stri,s of thin *rea)0 ca((e) faina0 (ong0 s(im we)ges of
ye((ow an) re) ,e,,ers0 a *ow( of o(ives0 an) fron)s of fresh green (ett"ce8
.",e invites "s to sit0 whi(e 4o*erta ,o"rs o"r g(asses f"(( of fresh (emona)e ma)e
with honey8 .",e takes the *a*y from 4o*erta's arms8 @#ime for En9o's na,8@ She takes the
*a*y in her arms an) goes8
4o*erta takes the (i) off the c(ay ,ot8 She ,icks ", my )ish0 (a)(es a fragrant stew of
meat an) vegeta*(es ca((e) estofado on the center of the ,(ate0 s"rro"n)s it with the fresh
vegeta*(es an) the *rea)8 She fo((ows s"it with her mother's ,(ate an) then her own8
4o*erta sits an) shows me how to eat the stew0 scoo,ing ", the meat with the vegeta*(es8
@1'm in awe of yo"r factory0@ 1 te(( her8 @#he workforce888@
@Most of them have *een there for many years8@
@1 co"() te((8 So <"ick0 so ,rofessiona(8 An) the machines0 the c"tting room8 %hat
an o,eration8@
@1 A"st took over for my father after he )ie) an) 1 )o e;act(y what he wo"() )o8
#hat's a((8@
@1t's im,ressive8@
@1t's a (ot now0 with the *a*y0@ she a)mits8
@Do yo" have other chi()renC@
She smi(es8 @A )a"ghter8 1nes is eighteen0 an) in "niversity8 1'm forty:fo"r8 En9o was
a s"r,rise8@
1 can't imagine how 4o*erta r"ns a factory an) takes care of a new*orn *a*y8 7f
co"rse0 she has .",e0 an) that's a *ig he(,8 My mother ma)e it c(ear *efore my sisters an)
*rother ha) chi()ren that she wante) to s,en) (ots of time with the ki)s0 *"t we were not to
consi)er her a nanny8 .",e (ives here with 4o*erta's fami(y0 *"t even with the work(oa)0
she seems very ha,,y8
1'm so tire) at the en) of a )ay0 1 can't imagine having to take care of a h"s*an) an)
chi()ren8 #ess an) Char(ie have fig"re) o"t a sche)"(e with the gir(s an) !ac(yn0 who works
in an ins"rance office0 r"ns to )ay care at ("nchtime to see the *a*y with #om8 Macken9ie0
who )oesn't have a Ao* o"tsi)e her home0 kee,s ,(enty *"sy chronic(ing the (ife she creates
for Bret an) their fami(y with invitations0 scra,*ooks0 an) homes,"n ,roAects (ike taking
c(asses in organic gar)ening8 4o*erta's (ife seems more (ike my own0 or at (east how my (ife
wo"() *e if 1 ha) a fami(y8
@%hat )oes yo"r h"s*an) )oC@
@My h"s*an) is an artist8 1 *ro"ght him home twenty:two years ago8 An) Mama
sai)0 '5o artistB' Beca"se we come from a fami(y of them0 a(( )reamers8 B"t fina((y0 my
mother sai) okay8@
@An) now0 a who(e new cha,ter with a new *a*y8 En9o has (ots of co"sins to ,(ay
with in 5ew $ork8@ 1 )eci)e to *roach the to,ic we've *oth *een avoi)ing8 @#he who(e
fami(y wo"() (ove to meet yo"8 %hatever ha,,ene) in the ,ast0 4o*erta0 is the ,ast8 %e
sho"() move forwar) from here::1 ho,e we can8@
4o*erta's e;,ression softens0 so 1 contin"e8 @Can yo" te(( me what ha,,ene) with
4afae( an) Miche(C@
@1 s",,ose 1 wi(( have to te(( yo" if we are to move forwar)0@ 4o*erta says8 @%hat
)o yo" know a*o"t 4afae(C@
@A(( 1 know is 1 fo"n) a sketch in an o() ca(en)ar8 An) then0 what yo"'ve to() me8 1f
yo" )on't min)0 (et's start at the *eginning8 %hy )i) 4afae( come to B"enos AiresC@
@He ha) to8@
@%as it a*o"t moneyC@
@5o0 no8 5ot at first8 My great:gran)father's goa( was to stay in 5ew $ork an) work
there0 si)e *y si)e with his *rother8 B"t then 4afae( fe(( in (ove with my great:gran)mother0
."cret9ia8@
4o*erta (ooks )own at her han)s8 Her ta,ere) fingers are (ove(y0 *"t they are
working han)s with short nai(s an) a thin go() we))ing *an)8 She wears no ornamentation
*eyon) the ring8
@She was *(ack8 Miche( )i) not s",,ort the "nion8@
@Beca"se of her co(orC@ 1 ask8
She no)s8
1 try to imagine 5ew $ork City thro"gh the eyes of 4afae( an) Miche(8 Bo"n)aries
were c(ear(y )rawn8 1ta(ians )i) not vent"re a*ove 1th Street e;ce,t to make )e(iveries or
to )o *"i()ing an) maintenance work for hire8 1mmigrants (ai) c(aim to ,artic"(ar *(ocks
an) tenements0 caref"( to carve o"t a ,(ace in the city where they co"() s,eak in their native
(ang"age8 B"t the *arriers of race tr"m,e) re(igion an) nationa(ity8 An 1ta(ian immigrant
an) a *(ack woman wo"() have a near(y im,ossi*(e Ao"rney8
@B"t they marrie) anywayC@
@Event"a((y8 Here in B"enos Aires8 #hey were *anishe)0 in a sense0 *y Miche(0 in
every way8 ."cret9ia an) 4afae( ,(anne) to ret"rn to 1ta(y together0 *"t she ha) fami(y here0
so0 they came to Argentina instea)8 #hey ha) one son0 my gran)father8 His name was
Gavier Ange(ini0 an) he marrie) Daria0 a (oca( Argentinian woman of 1ta(ian )escent8 My
father0 a(so name) Gavier0 was their on(y chi()8@
@My mother is an on(y chi() a(so0@ 1 say8
@My father wo"() have (ove) to know her8 He "se) to com,(ain that he ha) no
co"sins::he (onge) for a *ig fami(y8@
@My mother wo"() have (ike) that very m"ch0 too8@ My sisters an) 1 a(ways say that
my mother ha) a *ig fami(y *eca"se she was an on(y chi()8 1 imagine the same to *e tr"e
for her first co"sin8 Everyone0 it seems0 tries to create what they )on't have0 or what they
*e(ieve they've misse)0 ho,ing it wi(( fi(( them ",8
@Di) yo"r mother take over the shoe sho,C@ 4o*erta asks8
@5o0 not at a((8 My mother raise) a fami(y::1'm one of fo"r8@
@So how )i) yo" come to work in the sho,C@
@My gran)mother an) gran)father took the sho, over from Miche( after he )ie)8
%hen my gran)father )ie)0 6ram o,erate) the *"siness a(one "nti( 1 *ecame her a,,rentice
si; years ago8 She got marrie) again this year an) move) to 1ta(y8@
@Are yo" the on(y shoemakerC@
@1 was0 an) now my *rother A(fre) has come into the *"siness8@
@Do yo" (ike to work with yo"r *rotherC@
@At first 1 wasn't s"re8 For so (ong0 it was A"st my gran)mother an) me0 an) o"r
,attern c"tter in the sho,8 Her name is !"ne0 an) she's the *est8 1t took some a)A"sting when
A(fre) Aoine) the team8 B"t now we accommo)ate one another8@
@Sometimes a com,any nee)s to change8 My father (ove) the art of making shoes
*y han)0 *"t he a(so wante) to make money8 1t wasn't eno"gh to make a <"ota each year of
c"stom shoes8 My father saw that there was no way to make a ,rofit when the n"m*er of
shoes yo" co"() *"i() a year was so (imite)8 So he convince) my gran)father to go into
machine ,ro)"ction8 #ogether0 they ran the mi(( 1 o,erate now8@ She smi(es8 @%e )o we(( at
the factory0 *"t even *etter in .a Boca rea( estate8 #his com,(e; is owne) *y o"r fami(y8 %e
rent o"t a(( the ho"ses yo" see here8@
Even o"r f"n)amenta( fami(y investment strategies are the same::we anchor the
*"siness with rea( estateD we own the *"i()ing on 'erry Street0 an) here0 the Ange(inis own
the ho"sing com,(e; in .a Boca8
.",e Aoins "s at the ta*(e8 She refi((s o"r g(asses *efore she ,o"rs her own8
@Mama0 te(( ?a(entine what yo" know a*o"t 4afae( *efore he came to B"enos
Aires8@
@#here are many stories8 #hese come from my father:in:(aw who hear) them from
his own father8@ She sits )own8 @4afae( ha) a *rother name) Miche(8 1 was to() that Miche(
ha) a har) (ife8 He was wi)owe) yo"ng an) ha) a chi()8@
@#hat was my gran)father8@
@#he story goes that Miche( co"() not *ear to stay in the vi((age where his wife ha)
(ive) in 1ta(y::@
@Are99o8@
@#hat's right8 So Miche( *egge) 4afae( to go with him to America0 to *egin again8
#he ,(an was to o,en a shoe sho, together0 an) raise yo"r gran)father8@
@#his ,art of the story is e;act(y as 1 know it0 e;ce,t 1 )i) not know a*o"t 4afae(0@ 1
say8
@1t is "n)erstan)a*(e0@ .",e says8 @Beca"se there was an arg"ment an) then an
estrangement0 which (eft 4afae( to (eave 5ew $ork for Argentina8@
@1 to() ?a(entine a(( a*o"t ."cret9ia0@ 4o*erta says8
@%hen 4afae( )eci)e) to marry ."cret9ia an) (eave for goo)0 he aske) Miche( for
his money8 $o" see0@ .",e contin"es0 @the *rothers so() their *"i()ing in 1ta(y0 s,(it the
money0 an) then move) to the Enite) States to start over8 #hey were ,artners8@
@Miche( ,ai) 4afae( ,art of the money0 *"t there was a *a(ance on what Miche(
owe)8 $o"r great:gran)father sent money to his *rother for a few years after he move) here
with his wife0 "nti( the )e*t was ,ai) off0@ 4o*erta e;,(ains8
@B"t it )i)n't hea( the rift *etween the *rothers0 once the )e*t was ,ai)C@ 1 ask8
@1t might have0 *"t Miche( )i) not acce,t ."cret9ia8 So 4afae( never reconci(e) with
Miche(8 He was force) to choose his wife over his *rother8@ 4o*erta shr"gs8 @An) for *oth
fami(ies0 it was as if the other si)e never e;iste)8@
#he three of "s sit in si(ence for a moment8 %e contem,(ate the (oss we've share)0
the years we've misse)0 an) the o,,ort"nities to have the *ig0 c(ose fami(y that my mother
an) her first co"sin )reame) a*o"t8 1 ho,e it's not too (ate to try an) sa(vage what's (eft0 *"t
4o*erta wo"() have to meet me ha(fway8 @1'm here in the ho,es that we can )o *"siness
together8@
@1 "n)erstan) yo"r goa(0@ 4o*erta says8 @B"t 1 have on(y ma)e men's shoes in the
factory8@
@%e((0 may*e it's time to e;,an) an) make women's shoes a(so8 1 co"()n't he(, *"t
notice that yo"r o,erators are very a)a,ta*(e8 1n the two )ays 1've *een o*serving0 they
have assem*(e) three )ifferent sty(es8 5ow0 one of those sty(es was incre)i*(y com,(e;::@
@#he .rmenegildo::@
@#hat one8 1 won't sa))(e yo" with a )iffic"(t shoe8 1n fact0 watching yo"r o,erators
ins,ire) me to sim,(ify my )esign8 1f yo" wo"() (ook at my sam,(es::@
@Di) yo" *ring them with yo"C@ 4o*erta asks8
@$es8 1 have three ,rototy,es to show yo"8@ 1 o,en my *ag an) give her the shoes8
4o*erta (ooks at them0 e;amining them (ike the seasone) shoemaker she is8 She
(ooks at the (ay of the (eather0 the strength of the seams0 she fee(s the interior of the shoe0
then *en)s the f(at to see how the (eather res,on)s to movement8 #hen she ,"((s the si)es
from the vam,0 to check for ga,s an) e(asticity8 She han)s the sam,(es to .",e0 who )oes
the same8
@#his is a *ea"tif"( shoe8 ?ery sim,(e0@ 4o*erta says8
@#hank yo"8 #he )esign can take many materia(s::in fact0 yo" co"() s"ggest
materia(s yo" think wo"() work8 1 (ike microfi*er8@
@1 have a fi*er materia(0 a stan):in for s"e)e::it's *ran):new8 1t was )eve(o,e) here
in the city *y a te;ti(e )esigner who wante) to come ", with a re,(acement for s"e)e that
mimics anima( hi)e8 1t has give an) is a(so s",,(e8 ?ery )"ra*(e::es,ecia((y for a f(at shoe8
An) 1'm working with co(or::it takes )ye *ea"tif"((y8@
@1 wo"() (ove to see it0@ 1 te(( her8
@%hat is a ,ractica( first r"n for yo"C %hat can yo" affor)C@
@%e can finance an initia( r"n of ten tho"san) shoes0@ 1 te(( her8 @B"t my *rother has
*een so(iciting from China8@
@1've (ost a great )ea( of *"siness to the Chinese0@ 4o*erta says8
@#his isn't a com,etition8 #he costs nee) to *e c(ose::1 won't (ie to yo"8 1 can't give
yo" this contract for more than the Chinese *i)8 B"t this is where my heart is8 #his is
historica((y a fami(y com,any0 an) if 1 can0 1') (ike to kee, it in o"r fami(y8@
@$o" want to make amen)s for Miche(8@
1 sit *ack in my chair8 @1 )on't think that wo"() *e ,ossi*(e8 1t's a(so "nfair to e;,ect
me to make a sit"ation right that 1 )i) not have a han) in8@
@Fair eno"gh0@ she says8 @1 )on't ho() yo" res,onsi*(e for what ha,,ene)8 B"t yo"
m"st "n)erstan)0 in yo"r fami(y's view0 we )isa,,eare)8 1t's )iffic"(t to em*race a fami(y
that a*an)one) "s so (ong ago8@
@4o*erta0 to *e fair0 yo" co"() have contacte) %s0@ 1 say8 @B"t that's *ehin) "s8 1'm
here now0 4o*erta0 as Miche('s heir0 an) 1'm rea)y to move forwar) with yo"::if yo" want8
#hink a*o"t it8 %e co"() start fresh8 A new *eginning8 May*e the (egacy of 4afae( an)
Miche( works *etter with a co",(e of generations in *etween for c"shion8@
4o*erta (a"ghs8 @#hat co"() *e8@
@1'm a(most an e;,ert in )ea(ing with fami(y now8 1 ha) to make h"ge a)A"stments
<"ick(y when A(fre) Aoine) the com,any8@
@%hat is he (ikeC@
@%e((0 that's a (ong story an) re<"ires severa( cocktai(s0 an) as )e(icio"s as this
(emona)e is0 it won't ease the ,ain of the )etai(s8@
She (a"ghs again8 @1 see8 He's a )iffic"(t one8@
@E;act(y8 B"t he's a(so very smart an) forwar):thinking8 He's in charge of the *i)s
an) the financia(s8 A(fre) has a *reak)own of the costs an) the com,ara*(es0 an) a(so0 we
co"() sweeten the )ea( *y )oing the finishing in 5ew $ork8@
@%hyC@
@#o (essen the work on yo"r en)8@
@B"t we have an e;ce((ent finishing )e,artment8 My gir(s are ,erfectionists8 #hey
have e;,erience with grosgrain an) ,atent (eather finishing on my forma( men's shoes8 1
*e(ieve they wo"() )o an e;ce((ent Ao* on yo"r )esign8@
@7kay0 then0 1'm officia((y o,en to finishing the shoes here8@
@6oo)8@
@So yo"'(( consi)er thisC@
@1 (ike yo"8@ She (eans *ack in her chair8
@My )a"ghter rare(y (ikes anyone0@ .",e says8
@1'(( *e right *ack8@ 4o*erta gets ", an) goes into the ho"se8
1 reach over an) take .",e's han)8 @#hank yo" for this )e(icio"s ("nch8 1 ho,e
some)ay yo"'(( *oth visit "s in 5ew $ork City0 an) 1 can ret"rn the hos,ita(ity8@
@1've never *een to 5ew $ork8@
@%e((0 when yo" )o0 yo" stay with me8@
@#hank yo"8@
4o*erta comes o"t of the ho"se carrying a sma(( *"n)(e of enve(o,es8 She gives
them to me8 @%hen my father )ie)0 he gave me these (etters8 #hey were han)e) )own from
4afae( to his son Gavier to my father8 #hey were tie) with this string0 never o,ene)0 an)
never answere)8 My father a(ways sai) that even tho"gh 4afae( he() a gr")ge against his
*rother to his )eath0 he m"st have (ove) Miche(0 *eca"se he save) these (etters8 May*e yo"
wo"() (ike to have them8 1 *e(ieve they *e(ong to yo"r fami(y8@
1 (ook )own at the *"n)(e0 ke,t in ,ristine con)ition8 #here m"st *e a )o9en
enve(o,es8 #he *(ack fo"ntain ,en ink has fa)e) to charcoa( gray8 #he E8S8 ,ostage stam,s
are )ate) from 1222 to 1228 At the *ottom of the stack is a series of em,ty enve(o,es0
a))resse) to 4afae( an) o,ene) with a (etter o,ener8
@#hose were the enve(o,es with the checks8 My great:gran)father o,ene) them an)
)e,osite) the money8 B"t he )i) not o,en the (etters8 He )i)0 however0 (eave a note that
sai)0 'Marker ,ai) in f"((8' 1 think that's im,ortant0@ she says8
4o*erta an) 1 a,,ear to *e very )ifferent8 She's a mass:,ro)"ction shoemaker an)
not a c"stom co**(er::*"t she is every *it as ,artic"(ar as 1 am when it comes to her
,ro)"ct8 4o*erta's keen artistic eye fo((ows a(( the same ,rinci,(es that 1 fo((ow when
constr"cting a ,air of high:<"a(ity shoesD it's a*o"t )esign0 (ine0 sha,e0 an) e;ec"tion8 1t's
a*o"t seeking the finest of materia(s from aro"n) the wor()::(eather0 s"e)e0 an) si(k::
,roc"ring them0 an) insisting ",on the *est techni<"es to *"i() the shoe0 so when it goes to
*e so()0 the craftsmanshi, wi(( showcase the va("e8
1 saw firsthan) how 4o*erta )eman)s the same <"a(ity in the ,ro)"ction of her
machine:ma)e shoes that 1 )o in my c"stom (ine8 As 1 grow the *ran)0 1 wi(( nee) the *est
man"fact"rer 1 can fin) to *"i() the "ella #osa8 1 *e(ieve 1 have fo"n) her0 here in B"enos
Aires8 An) the *est newsD she's fami(y8 So0 three generations (ater0 we meet again0 this time
on 4afae('s terms0 an) with the ho,es of Miche( that went "nrea(i9e) *eca"se two *rothers
co"() not fin) a way to forgive one another0 an) acce,t one another's choices8 May*e we
can *e *etterH may*e we can even do *etter8
After ("nch0 4o*erta took me to the te;ti(e mi(( where the new microfi*er fa*ric has
*een create) from cotton an) hem,8 1t's thick an) (";"rio"s0 an) a strong ,ossi*i(ity for
constr"ction of the "ella #osa8 As 1 hea) *ack to the hote(0 1'm far (ater than 1 tho"ght 1
wo"() *e0 *"t the tri, to the mi(( was informative an) im,ortant8 1 fee( g"i(ty that 1 (eave
6ian("ca on his own )ay after )ay0 *"t he )oesn't seem to min)8 An) after a((0 1'm here to
work0 1 remin) myse(f8
1 check my B(ackBerry8 My heart sinks when 1 see that 1've misse) three ca((s from
6ian("ca8 1 ho,e he receive) my message an) s,ent the )ay *y the ,oo(8 1'm (ooking
forwar) to his strong arms aro"n) me8 1 ca(( the hote( to (et him know 1'm on my way8 #he
,hone rings thro"gh0 *"t he )oesn't answer8 #he o,erator comes on an) asks if 1') (ike to
(eave a message8 1 )on't (eave one8
1'm in the ha*it of getting *"siness )one whenever 1 can0 even in the car *etween the
hote( an) the factory8 1 )on't want to (ose a min"te of ,(ay time with 6ian("ca0 so 1 have to
h"st(e when 1 have a s,are moment8 So 1 te;t BretD
MeD Ama9ing factory in BA8 Co"sin wants to sign on8 Detai(s ,en)ing8
BretD 6reat news8
MeD 1f not for yo"0 for the (oan0 for everything0 this wo"() not have ha,,ene)8 How
can 1 thank yo"C
BretD C(ose the )ea(B
MeD G7G7
BretD G7G7
1 te;t A(fre)8
MeD .ooks goo) with 4o*erta8 6o ahea) an) connect8 1 wi(( sen) n"m*ers8
A(fre)D How )i) it goC
MeD 1 think yo" can carve o"t a )ea(B #he factory is first:c(ass8
A(fre)D En*e(ieva*(e8
MeD How are yo"C
A(fre)D Better8
MeD Hang to"gh0 *rother8
A(fre)D 1 wi((B
1 c"t an) ,aste 4o*erta's n"m*ers into the ,hone an) sen) to A(fre)8 1 <"ick(y ret"rn
e:mai(s to #ricia Ha(facre0 my *"tton sa(esman0 who fo"n) some oversi9e ,atent (eather
me)a((ions she tho"ght wo"() *e @fetching@ on the "ella #osa8 #here are messages from
6a*rie(0 who misses me0 an) #ess0 who wants to know0 o))(y eno"gh0 a*o"t Argentinian
foo)8 1 swear sometimes my fami(y )oesn't "n)erstan) that 1 have a rea( Ao*8 Somehow0
they sti(( see me as a ten:year:o() gir( sewing a ,air of fe(t *oots in the sho, for my te))y
*ear8 1f on(y they co"() see me now8
%hen 1 ,"sh the hote( room )oor o,en0 there are no (ights on8 How strange8 1 move
to go into the (iving room8 @6ian("caC@ 1 ca(( o"t8 1 (ook in the *e)room0 an) then the *athH
no sign of him8 %hen 1 ret"rn to the (iving room0 1 tri, over his s"itcase8 #hen 1 see that the
French )oors to the *a(cony are o,en8
6ian("ca sits on the *a(cony with his *ack to the )oors8 1 ,"t my arms aro"n) him
from *ehin)8 He ,"((s away8
@%hat's the matterC@ 1 ask0 knowing f"(( we(( what's the matter8 1'm ho"rs (ate when
1 ,romise) to *e home ear(y8
@1t's ten o'c(ock at night0@ he says8
@Di) yo" get my messageC@
@1 receive) a message that sai) yo" wo"()n't *e *ack for ("nch0 *"t that yo" wo"()
*e home for an ear(y s",,er8 1 ca((e) yo" three times8 1've *een waiting here for ho"rs0 an) 1
)i) not hear from yo"8@
@1 wo"() have ca((e) yo" *ack right away0 *"t 4o*erta took me to the te;ti(e mi((0
an) 1 )i)n't hear my ,hone8 1 )i)n't rea(i9e that yo" ha) ca((e)8@ My g"t fi((s with g"i(t8 1
co"()'ve ca((e) him0 many times8 An) when 1 was in the car an) )i)n't get him on the
,hone0 1 sho"() have sent the ,orter8 1nstea)0 1 answere) e:mai(s an) te;ts::an) even
comm"nicate) with my *"tton sa(esman8 As a gir(frien)0 1 am a*o"t as (ow as yo" can get8
@1 was worrie) a*o"t yo"0@ he says tense(y8 @1 )on't know this co"sin of yo"rs0 or the
*arrio the factory is in::yo" (eft me here with no information0 no other way to reach yo"8@
@1'm sorry8@
@$o"'ve a,o(ogi9e) a great )ea( on this tri,8 $o" say '1'm sorry' often8@
@#hat's *eca"se 1 am sorry8@
He is rea((y angry8 An) he's not *"ying my contrition for a secon)8 1 know 1've
crosse) the (ine8 He knows 1 co"() have connecte) with him::he knows 1 ,"t the shoes first8
An) he's a*so("te(y right8 1 have rea((y screwe) ", here8 6ian("ca sits in si(ence8
@1 can't he(, it0@ 1 whine8 @4o*erta ha) *een frosty0 an) to)ay she thawe)::an)
invite) me to her home for ("nch with her mother8 1 got the who(e story a*o"t my fami(y8
An) then 1 ha) to see where they make the microfi*er8@
6ian("ca (ooks off0 "nintereste)8
@$o" co"()n't care (ess0@ 1 say0 more a reve(ation than an acc"sation8
@1 )i)n't come this far to *e treate) ,oor(y0@ he says8
@$o" knew 1 ha) *"siness here8 #his isn't a vacation for me::it's work8 1'm sorry888@ 1
sto,8 1 am a,o(ogi9ing a(( the time to him8 He's right on that co"nt8 %hat am 1 sorry for
e;act(yC '"tting him o"tC @5o0 1'm not sorry0 6ian("ca8 $o" s"r,rise) me here0 an) 1'm not
going to a,o(ogi9e for )oing the work 1 came here to )o8 1 tho"ght yo"0 of a(( ,eo,(e0 wo"()
"n)erstan) that8@
@$o" have yo"r ,riorities in ,(ace8 1 am not one of them8@
@How can yo" say thatC 1 tho"ght we were at the start of a goo) thing here8@
@1'm not intereste) in 'a goo) thing0' as yo" ca(( it8 1 want more from yo" than that8
?a(entina0 1 want more for yo" than that8 B"t what 1 want )oes not seem to matter to yo"8@
@1 )on't think yo" sho"() ass"me what matters to me::or what )oesn't8@
@#hat's correct8 1 have no i)ea what matters to yo"8 For a(( 1 know0 there's someone
e(se8@
@#here is no one e(seB@
@#hen why )o yo" treat me this wayC@
@Am 1 treating yo" *a)(yC@ 1 ,(ace my han)s on my chest8 1 can fee( my heart
*eating8
@1 )on't s,en) eno"gh time with yo" to know8@
@1'm )oing the *est 1 can8 6ive me a *reak here8 1'm working a(( )ay an) coming
home to yo" at night8 B"t that's not the iss"e0 is itC 1 think o"r rea( ,ro*(em is that 1'm not
the gir( in the ,oo( in Ca,ri8@
@%hat )o yo" mean *y thatC@ he asks8
@$o" fe(( for a sa) sack who') *een a*an)one) *y her *oyfrien)8 $o" swe,t in an)
ma)e it a(( *etter8 %e((0 this go:ro"n)0 1'm on a )ifferent track8 1 have a ,"r,ose here::an)
it's not (ove first an) foremost8 B"t yo" were changing my min) a*o"t that8@
@%as 1C #hen why )o yo" (eave me hereC %hy )on't yo" ask me a(ong0 to *e with
yo"C $o" hi)e me in the hote( (ike a gigo(o8@
@Are yo" serio"sC@
@Even yo"r res,onse ins"(ts me8 1 am not yo"r tanner8 1 was yo"r (over8@
@%asC@
@#his is not going to work0 ?a(entina8@
@Ho() on a secon)8 Don't te(( me what works an) what )oesn't8 1f yo" wo"() (ive in
the 21st cent"ry0 we might have a chanceB 1 co"() te;t yo" an) te(( yo" that 1'm going to *e
(ate0 *"t yo" ref"se to te;t::yo" )on't even have a ce(( ,hone that works0 yo" have one of
those cheesy internationa( mo)e(s for emergencies8 %e((0 g"ess what0 it's an emergency to
me when 1 can't get ho() of yo"8 1've got news for yo"0 6ian("ca8 #here aren't any carrier
,igeons with heart:sha,e) via(s carrying han)written notes thro"gh the air that say0 'Hang
on honey0 1'm gonna *e (ate for )inner8'@
@1t has nothing to )o with ,hones8@ 6ian("ca raises his voice8
@#hen what is itC@
@$o" )on't tr"st me8@
@%hat are yo" ta(king a*o"tC@
@$o" say yo" (ove me0 *"t it isn't ,ossi*(e to make (ove an) mean it "n(ess yo"
tr"st8@
@1 )on't "n)erstan)B@ 1 sho"t0 *"t it's "nconvincing8 Even 1 can hear the "ncertainty
in my voice8
@1f yo" tr"ste) me0 yo" wo"() honor me8 $o" wo"() ,"t me first8 $o" wo"() te((
4o*erta that 1 was here0 waiting8 Di) yo" te(( 4o*erta a*o"t meC@
1 shake my hea) that 1 )i)n't8 An) now 1'm force) to ask myse(f why 1 )i)n't8 1'm not
ashame) of him8 1'm not hi)ing him8 B"t 1 am A"st *eginning to sort o"t what he means to
me::)o 1 have to anno"nce that 1'm fa((ing in (ove with 6ian("ca to everyone 1 seeC Am 1
re<"ire) to ca(( my mother an) ask herC 1 *egin to e;,(ain my (ogic0 *"t he c"ts me off8
@$o" see0 yo" aren't rea((y in (ove with me8 #he se; is goo)0 an) yo" (ike coming
*ack to the hote( an) having a goo) time0 *"t yo" )on't want more than that8 $o" say yo"
)o0 *"t yo" )on't8@
@$o"'re the one who sai) yo" )i)n't want any chi()renB@ 1 *("rt8 5ow0 why wo"() 1
*ring that ",C #his man is forcing me to (ook at things 1 wo"() rather not confront8 1 fee(
myse(f getting angrier8
@1 sai) it was ", to yo"0@ he says <"iet(y8
@%hat kin) of a commitment is thatC@ 1 ye((8
@1 to() yo"0 it's ", to yo"8 B"t even that0 even the )ecision to have a *a*y0 yo" want
me to make for yo"8 $o" )on't want to )eci)e anything for yo"rse(f0 ?a(entina8 1 )on't (ike
this wait:an):see:what:ha,,ens attit")e that yo" have8 1 fin) it cowar)(y8@
@$o" )on't make me fee( very sec"re8@ 1 )on't know where this is coming from
either8 1'm not the woman that nee)s a man to make her fee( confi)ent8 1 am confi)entB
@How can 1C $o"'re insec"re within yo"rse(f8 $o" te(( me yo" crie) when yo"
ca"ght yo"r chef with another woman0 *"t yo" were in fact re(ieve)8@
@Do not *ring ", 4omanB@
@He is ,art of thisB He )i) to yo" what yo" e;,ecte)::he chose someone e(se over
yo"0 *eca"se in yo"r min) that's what a(( men event"a((y )o8 #hey (eave8 So why not show
them the )oor firstC %hy not mistreat them "nti( they are force) to goC %hy not honor yo"r
wor) an) show ", when yo"'re s",,ose) toC $o" can't8 Beca"se yo" )on't want toB@
@1 )i)n't mean to mistreat yo"8 1'm trying to *e here for yo"::an) get my work )one8
1 )on't have the (";"ry of taking time off to fa(( in (ove an) cr"ise aro"n) town with yo"B@
@An) 1 )oC 1 wi(( go home to Are99o an) a *ack(og of work that wi(( take me weeks
to com,(ete8@
@7h0 now yo" have to sacrifice for me::@
@%hat )o yo" think a re(ationshi, is0 ?a(entinaC@
@Evi)ent(y0 1 have no i)eaB@
@Fina((y the tr"thB $o"'ve treate) me ,oor(y8 May*e yo" e;,ecte) me to take it0 *"t
1've ha) far too goo) a (ife to s,en) what's (eft of it waiting aro"n) for yo" to grow ",8@
@$o" are wrongB 1 am a grown:",B@ 1 so"n) a*o"t thirteen years o()8
@5o0 1 am e;act(y right a*o"t this8 $o" are a chi()8 $o" have not grown ",::yo"
have not ma)e yo"r (ife yo"r own8@
@$es0 1 haveB@
@HowC@
@1 took over the *"siness8 1888@ 1 can't think of any other grown:", things that 1've
)one8
@$o" took over the *"siness *eca"se yo" ha) to0 not *eca"se yo" chose it8 Don't yo"
see that yo" never chooseC@
@1 (eft teaching to *ecome a shoemaker8 1 chose that8@
@An) now0 that's yo"r e;c"se for everything8 %ork8 %ork is a(ways the e;c"se8 1
ho,e) that yo" were the kin) of woman who wante) (ove as m"ch as work8 $o" )on't8 $o"
cannot *e a rea( artist if yo" t"rn away from (ove8 %itho"t (ove in yo"r (ife0 yo" wi(( *e a
Ao"rneyman0 never a master8@
@5ow yo"'re the e;,ert on meC@
@5o0 1'm not8 Far from it8 1 have no i)ea who yo" rea((y are0 *eca"se yo" won't
show yo"rse(f to me8 $o" )on't tr"st me0 ?a(entina8 An) 1 cannot *e with a woman who
)oesn't8@
@1 )on't think yo"'(( cheat on me0@ 1 say <"iet(y8
@#his is not a*o"t infi)e(ity8 1t's a*o"t tr"sting me with yo"r heart8 $o" )on't8 1 see
yo" act ",on it in sma(( ways::yo" )on't *e(ieve me0 for e;am,(e0 when 1 say it's co()
o"tsi)e0 yo" go to the *a(cony an) check for yo"rse(f8 %hen yo" ask if there are any
messages when yo" come in the )oor after work0 an) 1 te(( yo" there are not0 yo" ca(( the
front )esk an) check anyway8 %hen 1 ask yo" to meet me an) yo" agree to0 when yo" )on't
show ",0 it te((s me that yo" )on't rea((y want to *e with me8@
@1 )on't know what to say8@ An) 1 )on't0 *eca"se he's right8 1'm so "se) to *eing on
my own that 1 )on't know how to (et him in::or if 1 even want to8
@$o" say yo" (ove yo"r father an) yo" forgave him for how he treate) yo"r
mother::*"t yo" haven't forgiven men in genera( for *eing h"man8 $o" have high
e;,ectations0 an) then when we aren't ,erfect0 yo" say0 See0 there it is0 yo" )isa,,oint me8
$o" make (ove to me0 *"t yo" won't make (ove a ,art of yo"r (ife8@
6ian("ca makes his way to the )oor8
@So that's it8 $o" invent me in yo"r romantic (etters0 an) then when 1'm a h"man
*eing an) make a mistake0 or a few of them0 yo" (eave8 5ow who isn't *eing rea(C@
He ,icks ", his s"itcase8 @1'm going *ack to 1ta(y8 1s that rea( eno"gh for yo"C@
@5ow yo"'re *eing cr"e(8@
@1 *e(ieve it's cr"e( to )ismiss someone that yo" have fee(ings for8@
@B"t 1 )i)n't )o it )e(i*erate(yB 7kay0 1've ma)e a*o"t a mi((ion mistakes with yo"8
B"t0 yo" can't A"st *ai( on me at the first sign of tro"*(e8 1t might *e 1ta(ian0 *"t it's not
American8 %e fight for what we want8@
@1 )on't *e(ieve yo" want me8@
@7h0 come on8 1 never sai) 1 was ,erfect0 6ian("ca8 $o" ma)e me that way in yo"r
(etters8 ;'d fa(( in (ove with me the way yo" )escri*e) meB B"t 1'm more than a ren)ering of
yo"r imagination8 1'm a mess8@
@1 see yo" as a woman who has everything8 %hy wo"() 1 ,reten) otherwise when 1
wrote to yo"C@
@Beca"se 1 don't have everything8 5ot even c(oseB 1 know 1 can *e horri*(e an)
se(fish an) sing(e:min)e) an) A")gmenta(8 1'm A"st hacking my way thro"gh this forest
trying to get to )ay(ight8 1 )on't know everything::*"t 1 was (earning a (ot from yo"8 An) if
yo" )o )eci)e to (eave me0 yo" sho"() know that8@
@1 )o know that0@ he says <"iet(y8
@1 )on't know why 1 )i)n't A"m, in the ca* an) come *ack here when 1 co"()n't
reach yo"8 An) 1 )on't know why 1 )i)n't *ring yo" to the factory8 An) 1 )on't know why 1
)i)n't check my ,honeB 1'm so "se) to se,arating my work an) my (ove (ife::*eca"se 1've
a(ways ha) to8 An) may*e 1 saw0 when 1 was a ki)0 that my gran),arents' marriage s"ffere)
*eca"se they worke) together0 an) then they went ", the stairs every night an) (ive)
together::it was A"st too m"ch8@
@7r may*e they were ha,,y8@
@May*e they were8@ 1 throw ", my han)s8 That ,ossi*i(ity is not one 1 ever
contem,(ate8
@$o" cannot (ove me in the sha)ow of what yo" come from8 $o" have to (ove me in
co()0 har) (ight8 $o" have to tr"st me0@ he says insistent(y8
@$o" have to meet me in the mi))(e8 $o" have to (ook at how )ifferent we are0 or
this wi(( never work8 $o" fee( a great (onging for a time that's ,asse)8 B"t 1'm not from
another time8 1 am right now8 1'm of the moment0 an) 1 have to stay in the moment8 An) it's
not A"st a*o"t *eing hi,0 or yo"ng::it's s%rvival. 1t's the *ig st"ff0 an) then the (itt(e things
too8 .ike888it matters if 1 ,ick ,"r,(e or green for the co(or of the fa(( co((ection in 23118 1
have to invent what comes ne;t0 or my com,any wi(( fo()8 1 wi(( fo()8 1 can't (ive in 1/12 in
my (ove (ife or my work (ife8 1 know 1'm asking yo" for a (ot8 1 know 1 am a conf(icting
com*ination of the tra)itiona( an) the mo)ern::*"t )o not mistake my honor of tra)ition as
an e;c"se for me to (ook to a man to take care of me8 1 can take care of myse(f8@
@#hen what is my ro(e in yo"r (ifeC@
1 ,"t my han)s on my face to think8 1 haven't tho"ght a*o"t this8 1 sim,(y try to take
6ian("ca a )ay at a time an) ho,e that o"r time together is *"i()ing towar) something8 1've
(ooke) forwar) to seeing him each night when 1 ret"rn home8 B"t 1 )on't know what his
ro(e is8 1 haven't )efine) it0 in a re(ationshi, where it is a re<"irement of his to know where
he fits in the *ig ,ict"re8 An) 1 )on't know yet8 B"t 1 can't say that to himH he wi(( think it's
A"st another e;c"se for me to avoi) fa((ing in (ove an) committing myse(f to him8 So 1 say
what 1'm fee(ing8
@1 (ove yo"0@ 1 te(( him8 An) then 1 think for a moment *efore 1 say0 @An) yo" (ove
me8 E<"a(8 4eci,roca(8 Back an) forth8 6ive an) take8 5ot one of "s i)o(i9es the other0 an)
then the other fai(s to (ive ", to some stan)ar) that )oesn't even e;ist8 1'm ma)e of st"r)y
st"ff8 1 ,romise yo"8@
My eyes sting with tears8 1 have never knowing(y h"rt anyone in my (ife0 *"t 1 know
1've h"rt 6ian("ca8 1 have *een hi)ing him away::1 )on't ta(k a*o"t him to my sisters0 1
)i)n't even te(( my mother he was here8 B"t 1 fin) the time to ca(( her0 )on't 1C 1f 6ram
*rings 6ian("ca ", on the ,hone0 1'm the "(timate in cas"a( )isregar)8 1 share very (itt(e
a*o"t him with 6a*rie(8 1t's a(most as if 1'm ,(anning the *reak", *efore 1 commit to the
re(ationshi,8
Dear 6o)0 1') go into thera,y an) fig"re this o"t if on(y 1 ha) the timeB
B"t 1 have to sort this o"t with him0 *eca"se he's right0 an) 1 know he's right8 1 )on't
*e(ieve he'(( stay when he sees who 1 rea((y am8 1 wi(( invent some way to "n)ermine it8 1'((
*(ame my work0 1'(( *(ame my fami(y0 1'(( even *(ame the weather. 1 ,reten) to want (ove
*eca"se 1 )on't want to en) ", o() an) *itter (ike A"nt Feen8 B"t that's the ,ath 1've *een on
a(( a(ong::in ref"sing to grow ", an) own my (ife8 1 know e;act(y what wi(( ha,,en to me if
1 stay on co"rse0 if 1 choose to never tr"st anyone8 1'(( win) ", a(( a(one in assiste) (iving
wearing a m""m"" an) *"nion ,a)s0 n"rsing a high*a(( with nothing *"t my *itter tho"ghts
to kee, me com,any8
4ea( (ove re<"ires s"rren)er::an) 1've *een faking it8
6ian("ca ,"ts )own his s"itcase8 He ,"ts his arms aro"n) me an) gives me a warm
h"g0 one yo" wo"() give yo"r mechanic when he fi;es yo"r transmission for free8 1 ste,
*ack an) (ook at him8 1 a(most can't *e(ieve it8 1t's a fina( em*race8
@1'm going home0@ he says8 @#ake care of yo"rse(f8@ He ,icks ", his s"itcase an)
goes8
1 stan) in the s,ot where he he() me for a very (ong time8 1 think of the wor)s he
wrote in the first (etter he sent to meD Love $%ilds in a series of small reali1ations8 %e((0 he
was right a*o"t that8 An) now0 1 have one for 6ian("ca8 .ove a(so ends in a series of sma((
rea(i9ations8
#he f"(( moon over .a 4eco(eta shimmers (ike a ,a(e ,ink se<"in8 1 c(ose the ro*e
tight(y aro"n) me an) ,"(( the sash8 1 (ove a *a(cony8 1 (ike to *e high a*ove the gro"n)0 ",
an) away from ,eo,(e0 from noise0 from c("tter8 1 can think so m"ch more c(ear(y with an
en)(ess sky overhea)8 An) 1've )one a (ot of thinking tonight8 An) a (ot of wee,ing8
1've crie) on an) off for ho"rs8 En)ing a (ove affair in a foreign co"ntry is worse
than *reaking ", at home8 A woman nee)s fami(iar things aro"n) her when her heart has
*een *roken8 #his hote( room is *ea"tif"(0 *"t there's no comfort for me in the o,"(ent *e)
an) the *ath8 1 see 6ian("ca everywhere0 an) when 1 )o0 1 A"st fee( worse8 7n(y 6a*rie(
ma)e me (a"ghH when 1 ca((e) him0 he sai) that his mother a(ways warne) her chi()ren @to
never get invo(ve) with anyone from the other si)e8@ 1 g"ess there's a history of 1ta(ian
Americans )ro,,e) *y 1ta(ians from across the ocean8 %e((0 tonight0 a)) me to the (ist8
#he co(ors of B"enos Aires are sat"rate) (ike han):)ye) si(k0 es,ecia((y after
mi)night0 when the can)y co(ors fa(( into sha)ow an) striae of ink tones emerge0 )ee,est
vio(ets0 *erry *("es0 r"*y re)s0 an) *"rnishe) go()8 #he green fo(iage seems to *e c"t from
ve(vet0 framing the a"t"mna( *")s that s,ark(e (ike *ea)s in tiny *"rsts of in)e(i*(e co(or8
My ,artic"(ar (over's )ream has en)e) *a)(y in one of the most *ea"tif"( ,(aces in
a(( the wor()8 An) whi(e 1'm tem,te) to stay another )ay0 another week0 or another month in
ho,es that this sa)ness wi(( fa)e ami) s"ch *ea"ty0 that's A"st a fantasy8 1t's time for me to
go home too8 %hatever 1 wi(( *ecome wi(( *e )eci)e) "n)er a )ifferent night sky0
somewhere e(se in the wor()8 1 imagine anything is ,ossi*(e0 e;ce,t a f"t"re with 6ian("ca
?echiare((i0 an) even if that was a ,ossi*i(ity0 1 know 1 wo"() nee) the stars an) so m"ch
more to fin) my way *ack to him8
1'm organi9e) in my seat on the ,(ane *ack to 5ew $ork when 1 ca(( 4o*erta one
(ast time *efore 1 (eave B"enos Aires8 @1 A"st want to thank yo" for everything8 An) .",e0
too8 '(ease give her my (ove8@
@1 wi((8 1 am so ha,,y we met8 $o"r *rother an) 1 are ta(king8 1 fin) him charming8@
@6oo) for yo"8@
She (a"ghs8 @He's fami(y8@
@4ight0 right0@ 1 agree8 1 can't *e(ieve how far 4o*erta an) 1 have come on this tri,8 1
fee( as tho"gh 1 am A"st getting to know her0 *"t the f"t"re is ,romising8 #hat's a(( that
matters8 @Before 1 (et yo" go0 4o*erta0 there's A"st one thing 1 fai(e) to ask yo"8 %hy )i)
yo"r great:gran)father name the com,any CaminitoC %hy )i)n't he name it after himse(fC@
@Sim,(e8 #here was a(rea)y an Ange(ini Shoe Com,any0@ she says8
.ong air,(ane f(ights are tr"(y the (ast *astion of e(ectronic )isconnection in the
mo)ern age8 5o ,hones a((owe)0 so ,(anes *ecome *"**(es trans,orting "nknowing
,assengers from 'oint A to 'oint B in a genera( fog8 1t's great::1 nee)e) an eight:ho"r
*(acko"t to think things thro"gh *efore (an)ing in 5ew $ork8 1 have my sketch ,a) o"t0 my
,enci( at the rea)y0 an) the stack of (etters that Miche( wrote to his *rother 4afae( for
rea)ing materia(8
1f my (ove (ife has *een a )isaster here0 my work ma)e ", for it8 1 have sketche) an
a))ition to the "ella #osa (ine0 a f(at ca((e) La "o&a0 ma)e of )ee, *("e s"e)e0 with go()
knots scattere) on the vam,::very sim,(e0 *"t ins,ire) *y this new ,(ace that 1've come to
(ove8
1 *o"ght #ess a (oca( cook*ook8 .et's see if she can re:create some of .",e's )ishes8
Argentinean foo)0 create) from a Me)iterranean *ase *"t kicke) ", with S,anish s,ices::
c"min an) chi(i ,e,,er an) saffron::has change) my ,a(ate8 1've eaten soft *")s of ye((ow
rice f(ecke) with fresh hot ,e,,er0 an a(ternative to o"r sweet0 creamy risotto8 #here are
a,ricot g(a9es an) g"ava nectar )ri99(e) on moist cake instea) of a ,ow)ere) s"gar finish8
An) after )inner0 they serve the *(ackest coffee an) the )arkest choco(ate8 #he
wines are smoky an) hearty0 with an intensity to them that yo" )on't fin) in 1ta(ian
varieties8
B"enos Aires takes the *est of E"ro,ean an) African c"(t"re an) reinvents it in the
heat8 #he *rea)s0 soft0 s,ongy *age(s an) honey:soake) cake0 from the !ewish sectionH the
,astas tosse) with her*s an) *"tter from the 1ta(iansH the ten)er fi(ets of *eef r"**e) with
s,ices an) s(ow:cooke) S,anish sty(eH an) the fresh syr",s re)"ce) from mangos an)
cocon"ts0 ,"re African8 #he me(ange of a(( these c"(t"res somehow works together0 ,roving
that if it can *e )one with foo)0 s"re(y ,eo,(e can fo((ow s"it8
#he greatest (esson 1 have (earne) in B"enos Aires is that tra)ition an) the moment
can (ive si)e *y si)e in com,(ete harmony8 7ne )oes not have to ,"(( against the other8
#his tri, has given me a wor()view8 1 rea(i9e now that 1 )i)n't have one *efore8 1
was content to *ecome a master shoemaker0 ,erfecting )esigns as o() as my fami(y itse(f0
with my hea) )own at the workta*(e ho"rs a )ay0 years on en)0 concentrating on techni<"e
an) )etai(D making a straight seam0 an) sewing (eather together in stitches so sma((0 they are
,ractica((y invisi*(e8 #hat was my goa(::to mimic what ha) come *efore me0 an) work at
the same e;ce((ent (eve( my gran)father an) gran)mother ha) achieve)8
B"t that was their (eve(::not mine8 1 want more8
1 won)er8 Di) the ever imagine moreC A h"n)re) years came an) went0 with the
com,any working off Miche('s origina( sketches0 the trie):an):tr"e sty(es::c(assic0 yes0 *"t
)i) we cha((enge o"rse(vesC Di) we kee, )reamingC Di) we even acknow(e)ge the ,resent0
an) a(( it has to offerC
.ooking *ack0 o"r com,any was fearf"( of change8 #o *e fair0 my great:gran)father
an) my gran),arents ha) to make a (iving::an) s"rvive immigration0 the 6reat De,ression0
an) then a ,ostwar economy that favore) in)"stria( man"fact"ring8 Cha((enge after
cha((enge0 the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any ,revai(e)8 B"t )i) we commit to growthC 1 m"st
*"i() the *ran) to save the com,any in this economy8 1t's not rea((y that )ifferent from what
4afae( Ange(ini ha) to )o so many years agoH he ha) to (eave everything he knew in or)er
to reinvent his (ife an) his craft8
1 "nwra, the (etters he receive) from his *rother Miche( caref"((y from the stack8
1 "nfo() the first (etter0 an) in my sketch*ook0 c(ear a ,age to trans(ate Miche('s
(etter to 4afae(8
A%g%st ?! 9E22,ear #afael!
* $rother! ; do not re&eive a response to m two letters! and now wonder if o% are
alive. ; pra this is tr%e. ; do not forget o%r kindness to me when m Do8o died. ; do not
forget o%r kindness to m son! who is witho%t his mother. * son *i&hel asks for o%. 6e
went to the Feast of 3%r Lad of *o%nt 'armel and paid an ind%lgen&e for o%r ret%rn.
"rother! we m%st make amends. We m%st make pea&e! for o%r sakes and for m son! who
onl has o% and me in the world. ; fear that ; am raising a &old son! one who &annot know
love $e&a%se he has $een so $itterl disappointed.
Please help me help m son. 'ome home and $e with o%r $rother and nephew. ;
wish the &oin we tossed had $een in o%r favor. ;t was a mistake to ask o% to go. 'ome
$a&k and we will $e partners again. The shop is thriving! ; am ver $%s. The ,%t&h who
&ome to work here! no good. @ind people! $%t not good with leather. 3nl the ;talians &an
work the leather. ; think of o%! $rother. Please write to me and let me know that o% are
well.
7o%r $rother! *i&hel
1 ,"t )own my ,enci( an) ,ick ", the (etter8 1 c(ose my eyes0 a(( the whi(e ho()ing
the )e(icate ,a,er in my han)s8 1t took g"ts for Miche( to write (etters to his *rother
es,ecia((y when he )i)n't receive a re,(y8
1'm ashame) that 1 tho"ght 6ian("ca's o():fashione) (etters0 written on simi(ar
onionskin ,a,er0 were somehow (ess re(evant than a te;t message0 which can *e )e(ivere)
instant(y8
A han)written (etter carries a (ot of risk8 1t's a one:si)e) conversation that revea(s
the tr"th of the writer8 F"rthermore0 the writer is not there to see the reaction of the ,erson
he writes to0 so there's a great "nknown to the ,rocess that re<"ires a (ea, of faith8 #he
writer has to choose the right wor)s to e;,ress his sentiments0 an) then0 once he has sea(e)
the enve(o,e0 he has to ,(ace those tho"ghts in the han)s of someone e(se0 tr"sting that the
fee(ings wi(( *e )e(ivere)0 an) that the reci,ient wi(( "n)erstan) the writer's intent8 How
chi()ish to think that co"() *e easy8
1t wasn't easy for my great:gran)father or for 6ian("ca8
1 "se) to *e(ieve that ,eo,(e )on't change0 that it's im,ossi*(e0 that we A"st *ecome
more of who we are as (ife goes on8 B"t that's not tr"e8 %hen we're (ove)0 we're ,resente)
with o,tions to change8 %e can ho() on0 we can forgive0 we can sever ties com,(ete(y8 %e
can )isa,,oint one another0 or ce(e*rate the *est of o"rse(ves::*"t what we can't )o is t"rn
away8 #he tr"th is right here on ,a,er8
How ironic that the (ove (etters 1 receive) from 6ian("ca0 an) )o"*te)0 or even
)ismisse)0 now seem to have *een written in a who(e )ifferent (ight8 He fe(( in (ove with me
when he chose to )escri*e his fee(ings on ,a,er8 An) then0 he came to B"enos Aires to
convince me that 1 was worth (oving8 An) what )i) 1 )oC 1 )i)n't *e(ieve him0 an) 1 )i)n't
tr"st him0 *eca"se what are wor)sC FactsC B"t when 1 rea) this (etter written *rother to
*rother0 the tr"th *ecomes a,,arent8 An) the tr"th0 when it's a(( over0 is the on(y thing that
remains8
11
3t 3sn"t a Dream Anymore
@%HE5 1 #E.. $7E #7 (ook0 o,en yo"r eyes0@ 6a*rie( says8
1 take my han)s away from my face an) )rink in 6a*rie('s han)iwork0 the new(y
)ecorate) (iving room an) kitchen at 1++ 'erry Street8 @7h0 my 6o)::or sho"() 1 say0 7h0
my %i((iam Haines8@
@1 knew yo"') get it8 1 knew yo"') see o() Ho((ywoo) in the new )ecorB@
@1 saw it imme)iate(yB@ My mother *eams from the kitchen8 @.ike *angB BangB
BangB@ She shoots an imaginary g"n aro"n) the room at the win)ow treatments0 the ,aint0
the re:covere)0 an) sometimes re,(ace)0 f"rnit"re8
@?ery e(egant0@ #ess comments8
@1'm gonna have yo" )o my ho"se0@ !ac(yn ,romises8 @1 (ove the *("e8@
@1'm so ha,,y the Sisters 4onca((i conc"r8@
@$o"'ve got a f(air0 6a*rie(0@ my mother ,ractica((y ,"rrs8
@$es0 1 )o8 An) 1 have the taste to *ack ", the ,i99a998 #he *("e0 !ac(yn0 is *eca"se
this (eve( is A"st a f(oor away from the sky itse(f8 #he sky was my ins,iration8 1 want yo" to
fee( ",(ifte) when yo" enter8@
#he (iving room is wa((,a,ere) in cream with a *(ack:stri,e) *or)er8 6a*rie( has
,ositione) his 9e*ra:,rint (ove seats in front of the win)ows8 He create) )ra,eries that
mimic stage c"rtains0 o,"(ent t"r<"oise si(k )ra,es with *(ack si(k *rai) tie*acks8 He "se)
6ram's sim,(e *(ack ony;:*ase) (am,s to anchor the (ove seats8 He took the o() woo)en
coffee ta*(e an) ,ainte) it with high:g(oss *(ack ename(8 #here's a crysta( vase fi((e) with
white roses ,(ace) artf"((y on the ta*(e8
He ke,t the farm ta*(e::*"t refinishe) the to,0 which now0 instea) of staine) f(at
wa(n"t *rown0 is r"**e) thro"gh to show the nat"ra( woo)grain finish8 He re:covere) the
seats on the twe(ve )ining chairs with a ca(m *"t f"n f(owere) chint9 in sea green0 sky *("e0
an) *eige8
#he mar*(e kitchen co"nter0 which "se) to fa)e into the chrome stove *ehin) it0
,o,s against the new wa((,a,er8 He recovere) the re) stoo(s at the kitchen *ar in *(ack
,atent (eather0 "sing the same *ron9e st")s from the o() ren)ition8
6a*rie( re,eate) the wa((,a,er in the kitchen area8 He mo"nte) the oi( ,ortrait of
my gran)father making shoes in the sho, =which ,revio"s(y h"ng in 6ram's *e)room> on
the wa(( *ehin) the ta*(e8
@1 ho,e yo" (ike 6ram,s8@ He ,oints to the ,ortrait8
@My father resem*(es ?incent 'rice in that ,ainting8 1n rea( (ife0 his feat"res were
not near(y as ,ointy0@ Mom says critica((y8 @B"t the go():(eaf frame is to )ie forB@
@#hank yo"0 (a)ies8 1 know yo"'ve (ive) with the same o()0 same o() for a(( these
years0 *"t 1 co"()n't take another min"te of it8@
1 take in the *ea"ty of 6a*rie('s work whi(e 1 remem*er the way things "se) to *e8
@%hat's that (ookC@ he says to me8 @#hat wistf"( thing ha,,ening on yo"r face8
%hat's that a(( a*o"tC@
@%as 1 wistf"(C@
@#erri*(y8@
@%e((0 1 was A"st remem*ering what it was8 An) 1 g"ess 1 ha) a moment of sa)ness8@
@#hen we'(( ,"t it *ack0@ 6a*rie( says0 not meaning it8
@5o8 1 (ove it8 1 am em*racing change an) a(( that comes with it0@ 1 te(( him8 @1 think
it's magnificent0 an) 1 can't thank yo" eno"gh for )oing a(( this work8@
6a*rie( e;ha(es0 re(ieve)8 @1 was so nervo"s8@
@%hyC@
@%e((0 it's yo"r ho"se8@
@1t's o%r ho"se8 $o" genero"s(y ,ay rent8@
@Better yo" get it than co"sin !oey8 He *(ows it at 7#B on the horses8 Besi)es0 1've
re)one every renta( 1've ever (ive) in on this is(an)0 an) why sho"() this *e any )ifferentC@
1 ro(( *ack the gates on the win)ows in the sho,0 (etting in the morning (ight8 1'm
a*o"t to si, my morning coffee when Bret swee,s into the sho,8 @1've got goo) news8@
Bret throws his va(ise on the workta*(e an) o,ens it8 @7r sho"() 1 sayD a great
o,,ort"nity for yo"8@
@B"t we got the (oan::1've a(rea)y ,"t the check in the *ank8 %hat co"() *e *etter
than co() har) cashC@
@1 was in a )eve(o,ment meeting with a gro", of investors that has come together to
*"y ", com,anies on the chea,8 #his is the on(y goo) news in a recession::it's a *"yer's
market8 Anyhow0 1 to() them a*o"t yo"0 an) they're intereste) in se((ing the "ella #osa in
their chain8@
@%ho are theyC@
@#hey're a gro", that se((s to maAor )e,artment store chains::(ike 5eiman's0 Saks0
an) B(ooming)a(es8@
@1've hear) of them0@ 1 Aoke8
@#hey "s"a((y go for ho"seho() name )esigners0 *"t yo"'re an ",:an):coming
*ran)0 at (east0 that's how 1 ,itche) yo"8 1 showe) them the sam,(es an) the ,ortfo(io0 an)
they were very im,resse)8 #hey wante) to know how far a(ong yo" were in ,ro)"ction8@
@A(fre) an) 4o*erta have *een ta(king::they're saying fa(( is a safe *et8 %e co"()
have the or)er com,(ete *y then8@
@1 want yo" to meet with them8@
@A*so("te(y8@
Bret sits )own on the work stoo( an) (ooks at me8 @%hat ha,,ene) to yo"C@
@%hat )o yo" meanC@
@$o"'re )ifferent8@
@MeC 4ea((yC@
@Something change)0@ he says8
@1 ha) a (ove affair8@
@%ho is the ("cky g"yC@
@6ian("ca ?echiare((i8 $o" met him8@
@B"t he's in 1ta(y8@
@He s"r,rise) me in B"enos Aires8 An) we ha) a great time::an) then he s"r,rise)
me again0 when he *roke ", with me8@
6a*rie( comes into the sho,8 @1 know0 1 know8 1'm ", at the crack8 %hyC Beca"se
1'm on fire8 5ow that 1've got the (iving room )one0 1'm )oing the master *e)room8 1 have
a,,ointments at the DLD *"i()ing::Sca(aman)re si(k0 *y the *o(t0 on sa(e for a song8 #he
on(y goo) thing a*o"t this economy are the )ea(s8@
@%hat's yo"r vision for the master *e)roomC@ 1 ask8
@1t's gonna *e an homage to .a)y Men)(8@
@%hoever that is8@ Bret smi(es8
@1 )on't have time to teach yo"8@ 6a*rie( checks his ,ockets for his wa((et an) keys8
He )oes this whenever he (eaves the ho"se8 1 know a*o"t 6a*rie('s ha*its more than 1
wo"() a h"s*an)0 if 1 ha) one8 @1'm tire) of *eing the ar*iter of taste for a(( those who know
me8@ He (ooks at me0 then at Bret8 @%hat's wrongC 1 know why she's sa)@::he ,oints to
me::@*"t yo"C@
@1 was a*o"t to te(( ?a( when yo" wa(ke) in8@ Bret sighs8
@$o" know it8 $o" can a(ways co"nt on me8@ 6a*rie( sits )own on a work stoo( an)
,ro,s his face on his han)8 @SoC@
@Macken9ie an) 1 are going thro"gh a to"gh time8@
@%hat's the matterC@ 1 ask8
@She's not ha,,y8@
@B"y her a *race(et0@ 6a*rie( s"ggests8 @#hose s"*"r*an ho"sewives (ove a
)iamon) tennis *race(et8@
@She has one a(rea)y0@ Bret says8
@Make it sa,,hires8 ?ery hot gemstone right now8@
1 g(are at him8 @Bret is serio"s8@
@1 )on't know what to )o8 1 tho"ght a(( marriages went thro"gh these ,erio)s::an)
yo" know0 yo" work thro"gh it an) come o"t the other si)e8 B"t she's not content to ri)e it
o"t8@
@1s she (eaving yo"C@ 6a*rie( asks *("nt(y8
@5o8 B"t she wants "s to go thro"gh co"nse(ing8@
@#hat's the kiss of )eath8@
@6a*rie(B@ 1 co"() ki(( him8
@%e((0 it is8 1f yo"'re going to "n(oa) in front of a thir) ,arty0 yo" ,ro*a*(y have hit
the rocks8@
@1gnore him8 Co"nse(ing wi(( he(,0@ 1 ass"re Bret8
@How )o yo" knowC@
@1t save) my ,arents' marriage0@ 1 remin) 6a*rie(8
@Mac's ,arents weren't so ("cky8 #hey went to co"nse(ing8 #hen they )ivorce)8@
Bret's eyes fi(( with tears8
1 reach o"t an) ,(ace my han) on his8 @5ow0 come on8 #his wi(( a(( work o"t8 She's
not going anywhere8@
@1 rea((y (ove her8 An) 1 (ove my gir(s8 1 can't imagine having them grow ", with
)ivorce) ,arents8 1 can't fathom that8@
@#hen yo" work it o"t0@ 6a*rie( says8 @'eo,(e hit snags every )ay888@ He (ooks at
me8
@An) they *o"nce *ack0@ 1 reass"re Bret8
@#hanks g"ys0@ Bret says8 @1 A"st )i)n't see my (ife going this way8 1 tho"ght we
were *etter than this8@
@#ro"*(e )oesn't know a stranger0@ 6a*rie( says8 @My gran)mother "se) to say that
in 1ta(ian0 *"t 1 can't remem*er how it went::*"t that was the gist8 Ba) times visit a(( of "s8
!"st as s"re as they come0 they wi(( go8@
@#hanks0 6a*e8@ Bret t"rns to me8 @1'(( ca(( yo" (ater8@ Bret sna,s his va(ise sh"t an)
goes8
%e sit in the ear(y morning <"iet of the sho, for a (ong whi(e8 6a*rie( reaches
across the workta*(e an) takes a si, of my coffee8 @$o" rea(i9e that o"t of every*o)y we
know0 we have the on(y marriage that's working8@
@#hat's *eca"se 1 give yo" free rein with the )ecorating8@
@Eh:h"h0@ 6a*rie( agrees8
@An) 1'm gratef"( for yo"r cooking8@
@#hat's tr"e8@ 6a*rie( (ooks off0 o"t into the ear(y morning (ight0 an) thinks8 @An)
yo" know why we'(( (ast a (ifetime an) *eyon)C@
@1 have no i)ea8@
@Beca"se we have never ever ha) se;0 an) we never ever wi((8 7"r re(ationshi, is
the most satisfying of a(( *eca"se we wi(( never )isa,,oint each other8@
1 stan) *ack from the mirror as !"ne mo)e(s the gift 1 *o"ght her in the 'a(ermo
*arrio in B"enos Aires8 #he *o; 1 sent from the hote( fina((y arrive)8 1n the age of te;ting0
o():fashione) mai( seems to take a (ifetime to reach its )estination8 @%hat )o yo" thinkC
Han)ma)e8@
@1 am (oving thisB@ !"ne *"ck(es the (ow:s("ng *e(t of *rai)e) (eather with a
hammere) si(ver *e(t *"ck(e (ow over her t"nic8 She t"rns to see the view from the *ack in
the mirror8 @1s this se;y or whatC@
@?ery se;y on yo"8@
@$o" know0 1've never *een to So"th America8 A(( my trave(s0 an) 1 never went
there8 1 )i) Me;ico8 An) a soft:s,oken Me;ican name) 6or)o8@
@So many co"ntries0 so (itt(e time8@
@An) now 1'm o()8 #hat *"s is ,arke) ,ermanent(y8 #he *attery is )ea)8 An) 1 can't
remem*er where 1 ,"t the A"m,er ca*(es8@
@1 )o"*t that0 !"ne8@ 1 ,o"r a c", of coffee for !"ne0 an) then one for me8 @How )o
yo" think A(fre) is )oingC@
@1 *e(ieve the affair has en)e)0@ !"ne says8
@6oo)8@
1 have *een ,(aying catch:", in the sho, for most of !"(y an) A"g"st8 1 haven't ha)
an in:)e,th conversation with my *rother8 %e have so m"ch to sort o"t a*o"t the *"siness
that Iath(een's name has *are(y come ",8 @1 think my *rother rea(i9e) what he ha) at
home8@
@May*e he )i)8 $o" know0 1've ha) a marrie) man here an) there8 An) there's (aws
of the A"ng(e where they're concerne)8 5ow0 1 say this as a free0 sing(e woman who was
once ",on a time invo(ve) with a marrie) man::or twi&e ",on a time0 *ack in the )ay0 an)
1'm not ,artic"(ar(y ,ro") of that8 B"t in the case of a fe((a name) Bo* D"'ont::not those
D"'onts0 1'm never that ("cky::1 (earne) from him that a marrie) man )oesn't want to see
himse(f as someone who is o"t there (ooking 8%st for se;0 even tho"gh the ,oint of having
an affair is se;0 it's e2a&tl what yo"'re (ooking for8 B"t we're inte((ect"a( anima(s0 an) we
(ike to think that there's something more invo(ve) than the )ovetai(ing of two (i*i)os8 B"t
when the se; wanes::an) it a(ways wanes0 honey0 tr"st me::yo" have to A"stify the time
s,ent8 So yo" have a few )inners to win) )own0 some witho"t )essert an) some with
')essert0' if yo" know what 1 mean8 $o" have to she) tears of ',oor "s0 ha) we on(y met in
another time0' *"t this conversation on(y ha,,ens after yo" know the affair is ka,"t8 #hen
yo" fee( c(eanse)8 $o" are a*(e to say goo):*ye an) move forwar)8 #hat's what Iath(een
an) A(fre) have )one0 1') *et on it8@
@1 ho,e so8@
@$o" know0 1 fee( for yo"r *rother8 1t's no secret that 1've a(ways tho"ght he was a
,rig8 He's sanctimonio"s0 an) those are the first ones to fa((8 An) when they )o0 they hit the
gro"n) har)0 (ike a (ea) ,i,e8 #he ,io"s ty,es are tort"re) *y their own weakness8@
@1've (earne) a (ot a*o"t A(fre) since he came to work here8 For the first time in his
(ife0 my *rother is making mistakes8 1t's *een ,ainf"( to watch0 *"t at (east he's (earning
from them8@
@Do yo" think his wife knowsC@ !"ne asks8
@1 to() him not to te(( 'ame(a anything a*o"t it::ever8 5o goo) wo"() come of that8@
@$o"'re right8 1 am not one for tr"e confessions::not ever8 1 think they're cr"e(8
Besi)es that0 time is the on(y thing that can soften the im,act of a har) fa((8 A(ways has an)
a(ways wi((8@ She si,s her coffee8 @So0 what a*o"t yo"C@
@1'm trying to get over 6ian("ca8@
@Sti((C Have yo" written to himC@
1 shake my hea) that 1 haven't8
@%hy )on't yo" tryC@
@1 )on't know what to say8@
@S"re yo" )o8@
@5o0 !"ne0 1 rea((y )on't8@
@%hy )on't yo" start *y writing how yo" fee( a*o"t himC@
@1 )on't think he') *e(ieve me8@ D"ring o"r fight0 1 f(ai(e) aro"n)0 "na*(e to e;,ress
my tr"e fee(ings8 He stoo) firm whi(e 1 gra,,(e)8 #his is the )ifference *etween an
im,"(sive woman an) a wise man8 He knew what 1 was going to say *efore 1 sai) it8
@7f co"rse he wo"()8 He') *e(ieve yo"0@ !"ne ass"res me8 @He's in (ove with yo"8@
@He was in (ove with me8 He was so f"rio"s with me that he got on a ,(ane an) went
*ack to 1ta(y8 He crosse) &ontinents to get away from me8@
@$o"'re "n)er his skin8@
@1n a *a) way8@
@#hat is yet to *e )etermine)0@ !"ne says8 @$o" know0 when yo" went with the chef0
1 was worrie)8 4oman wasn't as smart as yo"8 5ice g"y8 4oving eye::1 )on't *(ame him0 he
can't he(, that0 it's in a man0 or it's not8 B"t this 6ian("ca is )ifferent8 He rea((y "n)erstan)s
yo"8 1 )on't think yo" sho"() wa(k away from that so <"ick(y8 %hy )on't yo" ca(( himC@
@1') A"st cry8@
@#hen write to him8@
!"ne goes to the )esk an) ,"((s ty,ing ,a,er off the ,rinter8 She gra*s a ,en from
the c",8 @Here8@ She han)s me the ,a,er an) ,en0 c(ears the corner of the c"tting ta*(e0 an)
kicks the ro((ing stoo( towar) me8 1 sit8
A%g%st 2C! 2:9:
%hen 1 write the )ate 1 rea(i9e the entire s"mmer has ,asse) witho"t a wor)
*etween 6ian("ca an) me8
,ear 4ianl%&a!
; don't know if o% remem$er me! $%t we were together in "%enos Aires in D%ne and
; made o% so angr o% got on a plane and went home. ; think a$o%t o% ever da and
feel terri$le! then there's the night! when ; feel worse. ;'m writing this letter to apologi1e for
$eing s%&h a fool. ; never meant to mislead o% or to h%rt o%! $%t ; managed to do so
man things wrong that ; lost o%. ; hope that o%'ve fo%nd happiness with a normal
woman who treats o% well. "%t if o% haven't! ; know a real n%t here in <ew 7ork 'it who
wo%ld give everthing she has to see o% again. ;'m writing this on thi&k paper from the
printer! $e&a%se it's an imp%lse letter and ;'m not stopping to r%n %p the stairs for prett
stationer. BAt least ;'m not writing to o% on the $a&k of a $%tton order form or a water
$ill.5 ; remem$er how it felt when o% held me the whole night thro%gh! and how ; wished ;
&o%ld rea&h %p and p%sh the s%n $a&k over the hori1on 8%st to $% a few more ho%rs of that
$liss. "%t ; &an't &ontrol everthing==and ma$e ; &ontrol nothing. ; onl know that m
heart is $roken witho%t o%==and ma$e sometime! if o% &an forgive me! o% might think
a$o%t &oming home.
Love! Valentina
#his has *een the s"mmer of *roken hearts =mine> an) ,aint f"mes =6a*rie('s>8
%hen 6a*rie( was )one with the 4e:Fa*"(o"s =as he ca((s it> of the secon) f(oor0 he t"rne)
his attention to the roof8 He a((owe) me to kee, the tomato ,(ants =main(y *eca"se we eat
them>0 *"t everything e(se nee)e) an) receive) a face(ift8 #hose items that co"() not *e
ref"r*ishe) were *anishe)8
He san)e) the o() wro"ght iron ta*(e an) chairs an) re,ainte) them )ee, (i(ac8 He
ma)e new seat c"shions for the seats =Ceci( Beaton:ins,ire)0 *o() *(ack:an):white stri,es>8
Saint Francis of Assisi got ,ower:washe) an) ,ainte) eggshe(( white8 He fi;e) the
hose in the fo"ntain::which my mother swears has *een *roken since 12&/::an) now free:
f(owing with sacre) water once more0 it is affi;e) with tiny ,in (ights =for night )rama>0 an)
scattere) with *(ossoms in the c(amshe((8
He even ,ainte) the o() *(ack charcoa( gri(( a )ee, (i(ac to go with the f"rnit"re8 @1t
(ooks (ike a s,aceshi, for my ,eo,(e0@ 6a*rie( sai) when he stoo) *ack an) viewe) his
han)iwork8 @1ta(iansC@ 1 sai)8 @5o0 the gays0@ he correcte) me8 7"r gri(( now resem*(es a
giant .'Eggs egg0 the container for fine women's hosiery former(y fo"n) at D'Agostino's on
a s,in rack8
#he fina( an) most )ramatic to"ch (ooms overhea)8 6a*rie( ma)e =*y himse(fB> an
awning o"t of (aven)er )"ck c(oth8 He trimme) the 6reek key e)ges in white0 an) stretche)
it across fo"r *rass ,o(es0 anchore) into the roof8 #his cano,y creates an a( fresco (iving
room8 My mother is overAoye)::fina((y0 she has access to a g(amoro"s o"t)oor s,ace worthy
of the rit9iest g"ests at the Car(y(e Hote(8
1 ,ress the f(esh of r"*y re) tomatoes8 6ram wo"() *e so ,(ease)8 1t has *een a great
s"mmer for tomatoes8 1 sent her ,ict"res of the harvest over e:mai(0 an) she ret"rne) the
favor *y sen)ing me a ,ict"re of Dominic stan)ing at the *ase of a twe(ve:foot s"nf(ower
that he grew in their *ackyar) in Are99o8 %e have a hea(thy com,etition *etween o"r
transcontinenta( gar)ens8
1 ,("ck the ri,e tomatoes an) ,(ace them caref"((y in a *asket8 1've (ine) ", fo"r
*"she( *asketsD one for Mom0 one for #ess0 one for !ac(yn0 an) one for A(fre)8
#he new(y ,ainte) screen )oor sna,s o,en8
@Hi8@ Macken9ie (ooks aro"n) the roof8 @6a*rie( sai) 1') fin) yo" here8@
@Here 1 am8 #his is a nice s"r,rise0@ 1 te(( her8
@%ow0 what a *"rst of co(or ", here8 .ots of ,"r,(e8@ She comes o"t onto the roof0
shie()ing her eyes from the s"n that has *eg"n its (ate afternoon )escent over 5ew !ersey8
Macken9ie is )resse) in *(ack (inen ,ants an) a cro,,e) white Aacket with *e(( s(eeves8 Her
tennis *race(et )a99(es against her tanne) s"mmer skin in the (ate afternoon s"n8
@1sn't it greatC 6a*rie( has re)one the *"i()ing8 E;ce,t the worksho,0 of co"rse8@ 1
)ig my trowe( at the *ase of the tomato ,(ants8 #he rich0 )ark earth t"rns easi(y8 @Bret sai)
yo" ha) a )inner )ate8@
@%e're going to ?a(*e((a on 13th Street8@
@1t's very romantic8 !"st the two of yo"C@ 1 ask8
@$eah8@ She (ooks aro"n) the roof as tho"gh she's searching for something she has
(ost8
@A (itt(e ,re:*ack:to:schoo(Fen) of s"mmer ce(e*rationC@
She A"st (ooks at me witho"t answering8 #his frien)(y visit is not so frien)(y8
@?a(entine0 1 know a*o"t yo" an) Bret8@
@E;c"se meC@
@7h0 come on0@ she says im,atient(y8 @1 know he sti(( has fee(ings for yo"8@
@Fee(ingsC@ 1s she ki))ingC 1 ho() ", my han)s in f(ora( gar)en g(oves with s,ores
of ,(astic gri,s on the *acksi)e8 @$o" co"() not *e more mistaken8 %e're o() frien)s8 An)
that's it8@
@1've rea) the e:mai(s8@
@%hat e:mai(sC@
@.et me <"ote8 '$o"'re the *est0 what wo"() 1 )o witho"t yo"C' $o" sign (ove::an)
;'s an) o's8 1've seen them8 1'm not st",i)::those mean h"gs an) kisses8@
@B"t that's the way 1 sign off::1 )o that with every*o)y8 C"stomers even8 1 A"st sent
a *ig ro"n) of G7's to Craig Fisse at Dona() '(iner8 $o" can't *e serio"s8@
@7kay0 fine0 whatever8 B"t yo"'re )oing it with my h"s*an)0 an) 1 )on't (ike it8@
@1 won't sign my e:mai(s to Bret in that fashion anymore8@
@%hatever8@ She (ooks away8
Her )ismissive attit")e annoys me8 So 1 say0 @Macken9ie0 it's im,ossi*(e for me to
*e invo(ve) with yo"r h"s*an)8@
@1m,ossi*(eC@
@1'm in (ove with someone e(se0@ 1 *("rt8 1 have no i)ea where that came from8 1've
come to a ,(ace of acce,tance a*o"t *(owing my re(ationshi, with 6ian("ca8 1t's a(most as
if the sa)ness of (osing 6ian("ca for goo) wa(ks with me thro"gh the or)inary *"siness of
my (ife0 (ike an o() faithf"( )og8 1 won't te(( Macken9ie that the (ove 1 ,rofess is "nre<"ite)0
an) that 1 wait *y the mai(*o; ho,ing 6ian("ca wi(( write to me0 or that 1 rerea) his o()
(etters as tho"gh they're sti(( tr"e8
@7h8@ She (ooks )own at her *race(et0 an) s,ins it aro"n) her wrist *y f(icking the
)iamon)s one *y one8
Her noncha(ance is a strange reaction0 given the fact that she hike) a(( the way ", to
the roof to confront me a*o"t my internet ;'s an) o's8 @Macken9ie0 yo" know goo) an) we((
that 1'm not invo(ve) with yo"r h"s*an)8 $o" know that he (oves yo" an) yo"r )a"ghters8
%hat's rea((y going on hereC@
@%hat )o yo" meanC@ she says8
@#his ,hony thing yo"'re )oing8@
#he wor) ,hony catches her off g"ar)8 @'honyC@
@#r"m,e) ",8 $o" know Bret is not intereste) in me8 Besi)es0 yo" )on't have the
in)ignation of a woman scorne)8@
@.ook0 1 rea) the e:mai(s0 an) 1've ha) my s"s,icions a(( a(ong0@ she arg"es8
@1f there is a man to *e tr"ste) on the ,(anet0 it's yo"r h"s*an)8 B"t yo" know that0
*eca"se yo"'ve act"a((y read the e:mai(s8 Dee, )own0 yo" know the tr"th8 $o" know that
they are entire(y innocent8 $o" want to te(( me what yo"'re rea((y )oing hereC@
@1 )on't know what yo"'re asking me8@
@$o"'re (ooking for evi)ence against yo"r h"s*an)8 %hyC@
Macken9ie )oes not answer me8
@1f my e:mai(s are the most s"s,icio"s comm"nication yo"'ve fo"n)0 yo" got
nothing0@ 1 te(( her8
1'm tem,te) to te(( her how many women throw themse(ves at Bret0 *"t 1'm not
going to engage this nonsense8
1 contin"e0 @$o" are very ("cky to have marrie) a goo) man who (oves yo"8@
@1'm sick of hearing a*o"t how great he is8 He's not ,erfect8 5owhere c(ose8@
@1 )i)n't say he was ,erfect8@
@%e're having ,ro*(ems0 okayC B"t 1'm s"re yo" knew a(( a*o"t that0 given how
m"ch time he s,en)s here8@
@1 )on't know anything0@ 1 (ie8 @He on(y te((s me how m"ch he (oves yo" an) how
,ro") he is of yo" an) the gir(s8@
@7kay8 %e((0 (ook0 1'm sorry8 1'm sorry 1 acc"se) yo" of something that yo" aren't
g"i(ty of8 1t's A"st that yo" two have a history0 an) 1 g"ess 1 A"st ass"me) that it was more8@
1 can't *e(ieve her tone of voice8 She is act"a((y disappointed that 1'm not having an
affair with her h"s*an)8 She came ", here (ooking for wea,ons of mass )estr"ction0 an) a((
she fo"n) were tomatoes8 Macken9ie t"rns to go8 1 sto, her8
@1 )on't know what's going on here0 an) it's rea((y none of my *"siness8 B"t what
yo" have::yo" know0 a goo) man an) two *ea"tif"(0 hea(thy gir(s::it's not A"st a given in
(ife0 it's an act"a( gift8 An) sometimes we mistake a ma(aise for something worse8 $o"
sho"()n't )o that8 $o" earn yo"r f"t"re ha,,iness when yo" fight for it8 He's worth it8 $o"'re
worth it8@
@$o"'re not marrie)8 1 )on't think yo" "n)erstan)8@
1 ho() ", my trowe(8 @Fair eno"gh8 1'm not a marriage e;,ert8 B"t 1 have *een
frien)s with yo"r h"s*an) since we were ki)s8 An) o"t of a(( the women in the wor()0 he
chose yo"8@
@1 )on't know if that's tr"e8@
@%hat )o yo" meanC@
@1 chose him8 1 was twenty:eight8 1 wante) to *e marrie) *y thirty8 An) 1 wante) a
*a*y right away0 so we ha) the *a*y8 An) then Bret rea((y ,"she) for the secon) *a*y0 an) 1
went a(ong with it8 An) now 1'm a f"((:time mom8@
@B"t isn't that what yo" wantC@
@1 miss the city8@ Macken9ie goes to the e)ge of the roof an) (ooks o"t over the
H")son 4iver with the same sense of com,(ete awe an) ,eace that 1 )o8 1f she co"() )rink
the river in0 she wo"()8 She t"rns to me8 @1 miss conversations with grown:",s8 1 have them0
*"t yo" know0 1 a(ways fee( (ike 1'm cheating on my (ife8 1'm torn every sing(e )ay8@
@$o"'re tire)8 Chasing ki)s is the har)est work in the wor()8@
@1 mean0 1'm gratef"( for a(( 1 have8 1 am0@ she says8 @B"t the (ife 1 have888is not
eno"gh8@
@Does Bret e;,ect yo" to stay homeC@
@1 )on't know8 1t's how it's worke) o"t8 %e )i)n't rea((y ta(k a*o"t it8@
@May*e yo" sho"()8@
@1 nee) a ,"r,ose8 $o" know0 something that 1 create8 #hat's a(( mine8 Bret has a
(ife8 He goes off every morning to work0 f"(( of i)eas8 1 remem*er having an i)eaB He's
cha((enge)8 1 (ove a cha((enge8 My h"s*an) goes to work0 an) he "ses his min)8 Since 1 <"it
working0 1 )on't "se my min)8 %here is my creativityC@
@$o" make things *y han)0 (ike those *ea"tif"( *irth)ay ,arty invitations8 $o"'re a
won)erf"( hostess8 $o"r home is a show,(ace8@
@#hat's the trick of it8 1 tho"ght it mattere) that 1 ma)e the *est c",cakes an) knew
the )ifference *etween Ber*er an) sisa( car,et8 1 tho"ght it mattere) that 1 r"n every
morning an) stay in sha,e::yo" know0 to kee, my energy ", for this *ig (ife 1'm (ea)ing8@
@B"t yo" are (ea)ing a *ig (ife8@
@1t )oesn't fee( (ike it8 My (ife gets sma((er every sing(e )ay8 1 worke) "nti( a month
*efore 1 ha) Maeve8 1 was s",,ose) to go *ack to work after si; months0 an) 1 A"st never
)i)8@
@B"t yo" were taking care of a *a*y8@
@1'm not saying one is more im,ortant than the other8 7f co"rse the nee)s of a chi()
are more im,ortant than any career8 B"t A"st try an) (ive it )ay after )ay8 An) see how yo"
fee(8@
@#he )efinition of ha,,iness is very ,ersona(8 %hat might make me ha,,y::@
@1'm not ha,,y0@ she c"ts me off8 @An) may*e there are a mi((ion reasons why0 *"t
the tr"th is0 1 on(y nee) one to A"stify changing my (ife8@
@1'm sorry0@ 1 say8
Macken9ie (ooks at me8 @Besi)es0 it's too (ate8 1t's A"st too (ate8@
@%hy )o yo" say thatC@
She ho()s the screen )oor o,en8 She shifts from one foot to the other0 (ooking to
esca,e8 #his conversation has gone too far0 an) she knows it8 She )i) not ,(an to go )own
this roa)8 @1've a(rea)y seen a (awyer8@
@Does Bret knowC@
She shakes her hea)8
@He'(( *e )evastate)0@ 1 ,romise her8
@#hese things ha,,en8@
@#hey ha,,en *eca"se yo" (et them ha,,en0@ 1 te(( her8
She (ooks at me8 @1 nee) to go8@ #he screen )oor sna,s sh"t8
1 go to the e)ge of the roof to catch my *reath8
@%hat the he(( was thatC@ 6a*rie( says8 @She c(om,e) )own those ste,s (ike a show
,ony8@
@She's )issatisfie) with her marriage8 %ith Bret8@
@7h0 ,(ease8 %e har)(y know the woman8 $o" reca(( we were sh"nne) from the
we))ing8 How )are she come ", the stairs an) )"m, a(( over yo"C@
@She acc"se) me of having an affair with Bret8@
@1've a(ways sai) yo" an) Bret aren't over8@
@6a*rie(8@
@Sorry8 1 know nothing is going on *etween yo" two888is itC@
@5o8@
@!"st checking8 After a((0 Bret is here0 an) it's over with 6ian("ca8 1 )on't know what
yo" )o when 1 go off to work at the Car(y(e at night8 #his ,(ace co"() *e a (ove )en0 for a(( 1
know8@
@1 get ", ear(y0 work a(( )ay0 go to *e) ear(y0 an) start over again8@
@5o secret (ifeC@
@#here is one thing8@
@1 knew itB@
@1 wait for the mai(man every )ay8@
@$o" (ove Mr8 ?innieC@
@5o0 1'm A"st ho,ing that one of these )ays0 he'(( have something in his sack for me
marke) 1ta(ia8@
6a*rie( thinks a*o"t this for a moment8 @$o" know what it's (ike (iving with yo"C
1t's (ike watching a Bette Davis wee,ie8@
@Better than *eing in it0 my frien)0@ 1 te(( him8
6a*rie( goes *ack insi)e8 1 ti(( the earth aro"n) the tomato ,(ants with the trowe(8 1
,o"r some water from the can into the ,(anter8
Marriages *reak ",0 an) the e;c"se0 at the heart of it0 is @growing a,art8@ 1 ,"(( *ack
the (eaves on the tomato ,(ants0 ,"((ing off )ea) ones an) making room for new fo(iage8
1 can't he(, *"t notice that the sma(( *")s of the new ,(ants0 create) from the see)s
of the o()er ones0 are fresh an) green0 an) grow har)y in the sha)e of the ,arent8 1f
Macken9ie were a gar)ener0 she wo"() know that it's the rare shoot that s"rvives o"tsi)e the
n"rt"ring of the ,arent ,(ant::that it takes the strength of the who(e to give way to a f"((
harvest8
1 Sky,e 4o*erta in B"enos Aires8 #he first face 1 see is *a*y En9o's0 who sits on his
mother's (a,8 4o*erta shifts her screen8
@He's getting so *igB@
@1 can't *e(ieve it8@ 4o*erta smi(es8 @1 s,oke with A(fre)8 $o" know 1 ha) my )o"*ts
a*o"t taking on new ,ro)"ct8 %e've *een making men's shoes a(( of these years8 %hy
wo"() we changeC B"t 1 was wa(king aro"n) the mi(( yester)ay0 an) 1 was thinking0 the (ast
time we grew the *"siness0 an) trie) something new was when my father starte)
man"fact"ring8 1t was that (ong ago8 An) then0 when yo" came to visit0 an) yo" ha) so
many sketches0 so many i)eas::1 tho"ght0 1've (ost to"ch with the art of my work8 So 1 went
to my staff8 An) San)ra in c"tting has a(ways wante) to c"t women's shoes0 an) a(so to
work with new fi*ers8 She (ikes change8 An) then 1 went thro"gh an) (ooke) at each
)e,artment8 %e can han)(e the work::an) if we can't0 an) if yo" )eci)e that yo" )on't want
to "se "s0 we wi(( sti(( consi)er e;,an)ing o"r ,hysica( ,(ant0 an) ,"rs"ing new *"siness8@
@6oo) for yo"8@
@#hank yo" for giving me a ,"sh8@
@$o"'re we(come8@
@An) no matter what ha,,ens0 if yo" choose Caminito Shoes or not0 we wi(( a(ways
*e frien)s8@
@An) fami(y8@
@An) fami(y8@ She smi(es8
#he ear(y morning s"n fi((s the workroom with (ight8 #he work ta*(e is covere) in
sma(( stacks of )ee, *("e s"e)e0 a sea of ,attern ,ieces ,inne) with sheer ,a,er0 an)
meas"rements marke) *y !"ne8
1 o,en the (e)ger on the )esk an) view A(fre)'s re,ort chronic(ing the com,ara*(es
*etween Chinese man"fact"rers an) 4o*erta's factory8 He has )one his homework8
7"r s<"a**(ing )ays are0 ho,ef"((y0 over8 May*e it's )istance from the en) of the
affair with Iath(een0 or his efforts to get a(ong0 or mine0 *"t whatever the reason0 we are on
the right track8 !"ne has *een he(,f"(::she )oesn't ,(ay referee0 *"t she is the Common
Sense Co, when we nee) her8 Bret an) A(fre) have fo"n) a way to comm"nicate8 A(fre) is
no (onger threatene) *y Bret's i)eas0 an) Bret has come to a ,(ace where he sees that
A(fre)0 when he ,"ts the com,any first0 makes so"n) )ecisions8
#his has *een )iffic"(t for A(fre)8 1'm s"re he wante) to foc"s on the *ig ,ict"re for
the f"t"re of the shoe com,any0 *"t 1 nee)e) him to r"n the *"siness on a )ai(y *asis8 Bret
is o"t in the wor()0 an) he knows how to raise money an) fin) it in ,(aces A(fre) wo"()
never have access to8 A common goa( wi(( )o that8 1t took a(( of "s0 *ecoming *etter
(isteners an) consi)ering one another's i)eas0 to *ring "s to this morning0 when we wi((
fina((y choose the factory that wi(( make the "ella #osa8
A(fre) ,"shes thro"gh the entrance0 carrying two coffees from the )e(i8 He's (earne)
the *asic (aws of (ife in o"r sho,::whoever vent"res insi)e from the o"tsi)e is res,onsi*(e
for the coffee r"n8 %e've *een so *"sy of (ate0 the o() ,ot on the cart in the *ack of the sho,
has *een em,ty0 an) we re(y on the neigh*orhoo) 6reeks for o"r caffeine hit8
@Sorry for the ear(y morning0@ 1 te(( him8
@#he train was em,ty::it's act"a((y an easier comm"te8@
A(fre) sorts thro"gh the ,a,erwork sent *y o"r co"sin 4o*erta whi(e 1 ,"(( the *o;
fi((e) with 4o*erta's sam,(es of the "ella #osa off the she(f to show A(fre)8
4o*erta ma)e two )o9en ,airs of f(ats from the ,atterns we sent to her8 1 a(so *ring
)own the *o; fi((e) with the Chinese sam,(es::4o*erta's com,etition8 %e aske) S"ng Ma
1nc8 to r"n the same ,attern an) assem*(y an) ,rice it o"t for "s8
@#he Chinese sam,(es are so(i)0@ 1 te(( my *rother8
@Are yo" (eaning towar) going with them nowC@
@#hey )o goo) work0@ 1 conce)e8 1 have (earne) how to negotiate with my *rother8
1f 1 came on strong an) insiste) we go with 4o*erta0 he') fight me8 So 1 (et him think that 1
have an o,en min)8 1 (ift 4o*erta's sam,(es o"t of the *o; an) han) them to A(fre)8 @B"t0 1
rea((y (ike 4o*erta's work0@ 1 say8
@#here is a )e(icacy to her stitchwork8 #he Chinese are *o()er0@ A(fre) says8
@1'm s"re we co"() have the Chinese mimic 4o*erta's stitchwork0 if we go that way8
1 wo"() sti(( (ike to )o the finishing here::*eca"se 1 have more contro(::*"t 4o*erta's
finishing is fine8@
@5ot greatC@
@#here's a finesse to o"r finishing here::yo" know0 the *"ck(es are given an e;tra
*"ff0 1 re:,ress *ows when they )on't (ie ,erfect(y f(at::*"t the genera( constr"ction is
e;ce((ent8@
@May*e yo" co"() )esign em*e((ishments that )on't re<"ire han)work to set them0@
A(fre) offers8
@.ike a fa*ric *"ck(eC@
@$eah0 something that can *e stitche) on8 Sim,(e8@
@#hat's a goo) i)ea0@ 1 say8
@4o*erta's com,any assem*(es some of the *ig names8 She is "se) to high
stan)ar)s8 $o" can te(( her what yo" want::she's "se) to the )eman)s8@ A(fre) ,icks ", a
sam,(e8 @1n the en)0 her overa(( techni<"e rea((y is the *est8@ He st")ies the seam a(ong the
hee(8
@%e((0 yo" o() ,ro8@ 1 take the shoe from him8 @1 agree8@
@1've gone from a *anker to a co**(er's assistant in nine months8 1 think it's a,,arent
1'm a ,ro)igy0@ he Aokes8
@!"st ask o"r mother8@
@So it's yo"r ca((0@ A(fre) says8 An) this is the *iggest change in him over the ,ast
few months8 He act"a((y )efers to me8 @Sha(( we go with 4o*ertaC@
@.et's )o it0@ 1 say8
@1'(( get the ,a,erwork to 4ay8@ A(fre) stacks the fi(es for o"r attorney8
@How (ong wi(( that takeC@
@J"ick t"rnaro"n)8 1 ma)e co,ies of these an) sent them over three weeks ago
when yo" were (eaning towar)s going with 4o*erta0@ A(fre) says8
@Efficient8 1 (ike it8@ 1 smi(e at my *rother8
@1 think this (ine is going to take off0 ?a(8@ 1f anyone ha) to() me (ast Fe*r"ary that
A(fre) an) 1 wo"() reach this ,oint0 this moment in o"r ,artnershi, where he co"() a)mit
that we co"() make a go of this0 1 wo"() have never *e(ieve) it8
@%o"()n't that *e greatC For "sC@
@A*so("te(y8@ My *rother *eams8
1 han) the rest of the *"siness fi(es over to my *rother8
@How are things at homeC@ 1 ask8
@%e ha) a goo) *reak on the !ersey shore with 'am's fami(y8 1 rea((y nee)e) it::an)
she nee)e) it8 #hings are m"ch *etter8 1 owe a (ot of that to yo"::for screwing my hea) on
straight when 1 nee)e) it the most8@
@A(fre)0 )on't give me any cre)it8 $o" (ove yo"r wife0 an) yo" got thro"gh it8@
@1 co"()n't have )one it witho"t yo"8@
@An) yo" won't have to0@ 1 te(( him8 @5o*o)y is more s"r,rise) than me that o"r
sit"ation here is working8 An) 1 owe yo" an a,o(ogy8 1 )i)n't think we') make goo)
,artners0 *"t yo"'ve *een very genero"s with me8 $o" (et me )o what 1 )o *est8 1 )on't
know if 1 co"() have )one it a(( *y myse(f8 $o" )eserve whatever s"ccess we have as m"ch
as 1 )o8@
@Fingers crosse)0@ he says8 @1') (ike nothing more than to fight with yo" over ,rofit
margins8@
@$o"'re on0@ 1 te(( him8
6a*rie( enters the sho,8 @#he a,,rentice has risen an) is shining8@
@#hat's what yo" ca(( yo"rse(f nowC@
@5o0 my master an) mentor !"ne .awton ca((s me her a,,rentice8@
@7h0 ,(ease8 She )oesn't care a*o"t yo"r ski((s as a A"nior ,attern c"tter0 she A"st
(ikes to hear a*o"t yo"r (ove (ife8@
@#hat too8 1 (ike to ca(( it a com*ination of high *row artistry::,attern making::an)
)own:an):)irty )etai(s of my (ife as a sing(e man (ooking for (ove8 #here's on(y so m"ch
e;citement in c"tting (eather8@
@Can yo" co"nt me o"tC@ A(fre) Aokes0 t"rning away from 6a*rie( an) *ack to his
work8
@5o one ever co"nts yo" in0 A(fre)8 4e(a;8@
!"ne whist(es as she ,"shes o,en the entrance )oor8
@F"(( staff meeting witho"t meC@ !"ne asks8
@5o staff meeting8 !"st ,a,erwork8 %e're going with 4o*erta8@
@7h0 yo" ma)e yo"r min) ", when yo" were in Argentina8@ !"ne waves her han) at
me8 @5o:*rainer8@
@#he Chinese were more e;,ensive in the en)::that rea((y ma)e the )ecision for
me8@
@$o" see we finishe) c"tting the rest of the sam,(es yester)ay0@ !"ne says8
@#hey (ook great8@
@%ho are these forC@
@Bret nee)s them for the f"n)ing meetings::he wants as many ,rototy,es on )is,(ay
as ,ossi*(e8@ 1 t"rn to A(fre)8 @Di) yo" sen) Bret the ,a,erworkC@
@%hen 1 sent it to 4ay0 1 sent Bret his own set8@
@1 (ove synergyB@
@As a very wise ,erson once note)0 a fish rots from the hea)::having sai) that0 it
a(so thrives from the hea)8 $o"'re a )amn goo) *oss0 ?a(entine0@ !"ne says as she ,asses a
stack of ,atterns to 6a*rie(0 who sorts them8
@Don't *e so <"ick to give her a(( the cre)it8 1 (ike to give )"e to feng sh"i8 #hat's
right::the ",,er (eve(s of this *"i()ing have *een transforme)8 First we )itche) the cra,0
an) then 1 scheme) the )ream::the a,artment has gone from )ea)(y )"(( to )a99(ing0 an)
ever since then0 we've gotten ("cky aro"n) here8 7r am 1 the on(y one who has notice)C@
@1t's yo"0 6a*e8 A(( yo"0@ 1 te(( him8 @An) the ancient art of feng sh"i8@
1 ,ick ", the ,hone an) )ia( 4o*erta8 @4o*ertaC %e've ma)e o"r )ecision8@ 1 (ook
aro"n) the workroom at my co:workers0 !"ne0 6a*rie(0 an) A(fre)8 #hen 1 say0 @$o" got the
Ao*8 1t's Ange(ini an) Caminito from now on8@
@#hank yo"B %e are very ,(ease)B@
@6reat8 A(fre) wi(( *e in to"ch short(y with a(( the )etai(s8@
@#hank yo"0 Co"sin8@
1 hang ", the ,hone8
@Congrat"(ations0@ A(fre) says8 @$o" )i) it8@
!"ne an) 6a*e *reak o"t a *ott(e of cham,agne from the mini:fri)ge whi(e A(fre)
goes on a h"nt for ,(astic c",s8 1 fee( a sa)ness in my g"t *eca"se this is a moment 1 have
)reame) of0 an) worke) towar)0 an) 1 have no one to share it with8 My eyes fi(( with tears
of regret8 How 1 wish 1 co"() go *ack to B"enos Aires an) make everything right with
6ian("ca8 1 miss him8 B"t he has not ca((e) or written to me0 an) whi(e 1 may not *e the
wisest woman aro"n)0 1'm ast"te eno"gh to know when a man has move) on8 My (etter0
fi((e) with h"mor an) ho,e0 was not we(( receive)8 1f it ha) *een0 1 wo"() have hear) from
him *y now8 Si(ence is the most )irect answer of a((8
1 check the c(ock8 My Sky,e a,,ointment with 6ram is on8 1 t"rn on the com,"ter
an) )ia( thro"gh8 After a few moments0 6ram's face a,,ears on the screen8
@Hi0 honB A(('s we(( here in Are99o8 1'm going to miss #hanksgiving t"rkey0 tho"gh8@
@$o" an) Dominic can A"m, on a ,(ane8@
@%hy )on't yo" come an) see "sC@ 6ram asks8
@1 can't (eave the sho, right now8 B"t if the "ella #osa takes off0 or the economy
im,roves in the ne;t co",(e of months::@
@?a(entine0 )on't ,"t too m"ch ,ress"re on yo"rse(f8@
@Di) yo" get the "ella #osa sam,(e that 1 sentC 4o*erta *"i(t the ,rototy,e8@
@1t's han)some8 How )o yo" (ike working with herC@
@7n my en)0 it's very easy8 She's *"i(t my shoe accor)ing to s,ecifications8 She *eat
the Chinese8 B"t A(fre) says she )rives a har) *argain in the cost )e,artment8@
@#hat's an Ange(ini trait0@ she says8
@1 nee) yo"r st"ffing reci,e8 6a*rie( is cooking this year8@
@5o ,ro*(em8@
@$eah0 we're having the who(e fami(y over::ki)s0 ,arents0 chestn"ts on the roof::
every )ish an) every*o)y *"t yo" an) Dominic8@
@%e'(( *e there for Christmas8@
@1 know8 1t's A"st not the same8 $o" know0 #hanksgiving is yo"r ho(i)ay::no*o)y
wi(( roast the chestn"ts (ike yo"8 Even A"nt Feen is coming over8 1'(( hi)e the (i<"or8@
@1 A"st ca((e) her8@
@How is sheC@
@#he same8@ 6ram sighs8 @How a*o"t we have a mo) ho(i)ay::we'(( Sky,eB@ 6ram
says8
@7kay8 6reat8@
@Sha(( 1 e:mai( the reci,eC@
@S"re0 s"re8 $o" can sen) it right to 6a*rie(8@
@How's the roommate sit"ation working o"tC@
@1 (ove it8 6ram0 yo" won't *e(ieve the changes he's ma)e8 #he ho"se is *ea"tif"(8@
@He's got the energy to )o it8 1 never )i)8@
Before 6ram met Dominic0 es,ecia((y in the years after my gran)father )ie)0 1
notice) that it was a(( she co"() )o to ,"t in a work)ay )ownstairs an) then go ", the stairs
for )inner8 #owar) the en)0 1 took over most of the choresH 1 wo"() )o the sho,,ing an) the
c(eaning8 B"t *eyon) a coat of fresh ,aint0 in the same co(ors that ha) a(ways *een on the
wa((s0 we never )i) m"ch to ",gra)e o"r (iving s,ace8 5ow 1 "n)erstan) why she ke,t the
same sofa for thirty:five years8 #here wasn't the time or energy to (ook for a new one8
Making shoes takes staminaH the *"siness takes its to(( on o"r time an) reso"rces0 an)
whatever is (eft goes to the essentia(s8
@$o" wi(( (ove the new (ook0@ 1 ,romise her8
@1'm s"re 1 wi((8@
@So have yo" seen 6ian("caC@ 1 ask8
@5ot a (ot8 He's *een trave(ing to F(orence <"ite a *it8@
My stomach t"rns8 1 imagine 6ian("ca in his Merce)es with a wi((owy re)hea)
)ra,e) across the front seat0 one of those 1ta(ian gir(s who s,eaks fo"r (ang"ages0 gives a
great neck massage0 an) makes a ki((er )ish of (ing"ine a((e vongo(e8
6ram contin"es0 @#he tannery is *"sy8 6ian("ca's a(ways working0 it seems8@
@$eah8 Me too8@ 1 co"()n't so"n) (ess enth"siastic8 @Has he aske) a*o"t meC@ 1t's o"t
of my mo"th *efore 1 can take it *ack8
@6ian("caC@ 6ram (eans in8 @5o0 he hasn't0 honey8@
@%e((0 )o me a favor8 Don't te(( him 1 aske) yo" if he aske) a*o"t me8@
6ram (ooks conf"se)8 An) she sho"()8 6ian("ca acc"se) me of *eing a chi()0 an) 1
so"n) (ike one8 At (east he )i)n't *"r)en 6ram with the who(e B"enos Aires saga::a(tho"gh
,art of me wishes he ha)8
@7kay0@ she agrees8 After a s(ight ,a"se she contin"es0 @1'(( get that st"ffing reci,e
right o"t to yo"8@
@#hanks8@
#he screen goes *(ack (ike my moo)8 6ian("ca has tota((y move) on8 5o agoni9ing
an) regret for himB How a)"(tB May*e he's even checking in on Car(otta from time to
time::after a((0 nothing (ike reigniting an o() fire an) *asking in that fami(iar g(ow8 #his is
going to *e a (ove(y ho(i)ay season aro"n) here8 #hanksgiving an) then Christmas0 with a
fresh ,ine tree0 an) me::sing(e0 (one(y me888,ining8
1 wake ", to the scent of fresh sage0 ,"m,kin0 an) *rea) *aking on #hanksgiving
morning8 1'm a*o"t to ro(( over an) go to s(ee,0 when 1 hearD
@?a(0 time to get ",B 1 nee) a ,air of han)s )own here8@
1 sit ", in *e) an) (ook o"t the win)ow8 #he treeto,s a(ong the H")son 4iver 'ark
have on(y f(ecks of go() (eft on their most(y *are *ranches8 #he gray river (ooks (ike a shar)
of hammere) si(ver where the s"n hits the s"rface8 @ComingB@ 1 ho((er8
6a*rie( is in the kitchen0 r"nning the mi;er8 He wears a *(ack:an):white *an)ana
aro"n) his hea)8 He t"rns the mi;er off8 @Do the ta*(e for me8 1 s,ent ha(f the night
g(ittering the ,(ace car)s8@
6a*rie( )i,,e) miniat"re fresh ,"m,kins in orange g(itter0 then st"ck a sma(( green
f(ag0 on which he ha) written the g"est's name in ca((igra,hy0 ne;t to the stem8
@My0 we are fancy8@
@1s there any other wayC@ 6a*rie( goes *ack to f("ffing his ,"m,kin mo"sse8
!"ne ma)e a ta*(ec(oth o"t of orange cotton0 an) trimme) it in white fringe8 1 center
it on the ta*(e8 #hen 1 take the tray of ,"m,kins an) ,(ace them one *y one )own the center
of the ta*(e on either si)e8 1 set the ta*(e with 6ram's china0 which 6a*rie( set o"t an)
co"nte)8
@5o ki))ie ta*(eC@
@1 )on't *e(ieve in them8 Sitting at the ki))ie ta*(e scarre) me for (ife8 1 won't visit
that agony on yo"r nieces an) ne,hews8@
@Hey0 it's yo"r ,arty8@
@An) yo"rs0@ he remin)s me8
1 "n,ack a (arge so(i) choco(ate t"rkey from .i:.ac's on H")son Street an) ,(ace it
on a go() serving )ish8 1 o,en a *ag of orange0 green0 an) si(ver foi( kisses an) s"rro"n) the
t"rkey8 #he )etai(s of the ta*(e )esign were )eci)e) on a (ega( ,a) a week ago8 1 fo((ow
6a*rie('s ,(an )own to the ,(acement of the (ast foi( kiss8
@%hat time are we e;,ecting the fami(yC@ 1 ask8
@5oon8 #hey're going to the ,ara)e ti(( e(even8 #hen they'(( catch Santa in Macy's
S<"are0 ho, the s"*way to Christo,her0 ", to the roof for hot a,,(e ci)er an) chestn"ts0 an)
)ownstairs for carving of the *ir)8 %e'(( eat ,rom,t(y at one thirty8@
@$o" ,(ay serio"s *a((0 my frien)8@
@Have to8 1'm )oing so"ff(es for )essert8 Can't have those sitting aro"n) (ike Barney0
the Macy's *a((oon0 when he hit the street(ight on Broa)way an) )ef(ate)8 5ot a goo) i)ea8@
@1 (ove yo" for many reasons0 6a*rie(8 $o"r so"ff(es might *e n"m*er one8@
@#hank yo"8 1 (ove *eing (ove) *y yo"8 An) 1 ho,e none of yo"r (ove affairs work
o"t::ever8@
@%e((0 6a*rie(8 $o" )on't have to worry a*o"t that8 1 am )estine) to *e a(one8 $o"
know what gay men an) 1 have in commonC@
@1'm )ying to know8@
@%e were not raise) for ha,,i(y ever after8 #hat's another reason why yo" an) 1
have the ,erfect marriage8 $o" "n)erstan) that8 1'm going ", to the roof to start the gri((0@ 1
te(( him8
@#hat's a goo) wife0@ he says as 1 go8
1 gra* the (arge cast:iron ski((et an) hea) ", to the roof8
6a*rie( winter:,roofe) the gar)en0 an) instea) of ,"tting o() fee) sacks on the
,(ants0 he took m"s(in from the sho, an) )ra,e) it over them0 tying the materia( at the *ase
of the containers with enormo"s re) ri**ons8 Everything that man to"ches t"rns into art8
1 (oa) the charcoa(s onto the gri((8 1 take a (ong matchstick an) (ight it0 throwing
some (ighter f("i) on the coa(s8 #hey ignite into orange f(ames0 the e;act co(or of the
st"**orn (eaves that remain on the to, *ranches of the ma,(e trees across the highway8
1 (ean over the roof (e)ge an) (ook )own the H")son to where the river o,ens ",
into the At(antic 7cean8 6ian("ca is A"st an ocean away0 1'm thinking0 as 1 watch the white
ca,s ro(( o"t to sea8 @Sto, it0@ 1 say o"t (o")8 Sto, thinking a*o"t that manB He )oes not
want yo" anymore8
@?a(entine8@
My mother ha"(s a sack of chestn"ts across the roof8 @$oo:hoo8@ Mom wears a
,"m,kin:co(ore) s"it with matching high hee(s8 A *rooch in the sha,e of a t"rkey0 ma)e
with choco(ate ,ave stones0 shines in the s"n8 @1 )i)n't want to scare yo"8 %hat are yo"
)oingC $o"'re (ooking off to sea (ike a *esmirche) sc"((ery mai) in a 'hi(i,,a 6regory
nove(8@
@Act"a((y0 1 am ,ining8 1'm going to *e a(one for my entire (ife0 Ma8@
@1 ,romise yo" that wi(( not *e the case8@
@How )o yo" knowC@
@A mother knows0@ she says )efinitive(y8 @1n the meantime0 yo" an) 6a*rie( have
,"t together <"ite the ho(i)ay8 #he ta*(e (ooks gorgeo"s8 %e ,icke) ", A"nt Feen on the
way in8 She's )own in the kitchen gro"sing a*o"t the traffic8 !"ne is here0 an) she's
he(,ing8@
@1') *etter get )own there8@
@A(fre) ca((e) from his ce((8 He's *ringing the *oys8 'ame(a is coming in from
!ersey on the train8@
@'ame(a )i)n't go to the ,ara)eC@
@5o8 $o" know she hates crow)s8 She's s"ch a tiny (itt(e thing8 She') have *een
tosse) to an) fro8@
@7h0 yeah8 4ight8@ Any )eviation from A(fre) an) 'ame(a's ro"tine gives me a Ao(t
of worry8 A(fre) ass"res me that everything is fine0 *"t is itC
@%hat's the matterC@ Mom asks8
@1 can't shake him0 Ma8 #he 1ta(ian8@
@1'm sorry8@ Mom ,"ts her arms aro"n) me8 @May*e yo" can go to 1ta(y when yo"
get the "ella #osa (a"nche)8 May*e if yo" go there0 6ian("ca wi(( (isten to reason8@
@1 )on't want to make a tri, A"st to *e reAecte) again8@
@6oo) ,oint8 %hy )on't yo" invite him here for ChristmasC@
@Beca"se he'(( say no8@
@$o" )on't know "nti( yo" ask8@ My mother "ses the same strategy she em,(oye)
when 1 was si;teen an) nee)e) a ,rom )ate8 She') ha"( o"t the year*ook an) ,aw thro"gh
it0 making a (ist of names A"st as she wo"() from the ,hone *ook when the )rain c(ogge)
an) she nee)e) a ,("m*er8 @#e(( 6ian("ca that we'(( ,"t on the )og for him8 He hasn't (ive)
"nti( he's ha) the 4onca((i Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve8@
@%hat a ("re0@ 1 groan8 @Hmm8 6ian("ca888,(ease choose888me0 a come(y thirty:five:
year:o() or888a fish fry8 Come oneB Come a((B@
@Hey0 it's the *est 1 got0@ Mom shr"gs8 @B"t ?a(888first we have to get thro"gh
#hanksgiving8 %e co"() *e in for a (itt(e tension at )inner8@
@%hyC@
My mother (ets go of me an) ,"shes her !ackie 78 s"ng(asses ", the *ri)ge of her
sma(( nose8 @#ess an) Char(ie have *een having a (itt(e ongoing arg"ment a*o"t o"r fami(y
)own in Argentina8 An)0 we((0 it's the race iss"e8 Char(ie fee(s that #ess sho"()n't te(( the
gir(s a*o"t the Argentinian si)e of the fami(y8@
@Are yo" ki))ingC@
@Char(ie fee(s it's com,(icate)8@
@$o" mean he's ,reA")ice)8@
@5o0 no0 1 )on't think that at a((8 1t's A"st new information8 He )oesn't know how to
te(( his )a"ghters8@
@$o" A"st say0 we have fami(y in Argentina an) they're *(ack8@
@#hat's what yo" wo"() )o0 *"t the Fa99anis::yo" know how they are8 #hose ,eo,(e
have airs8 His mother wante) finger *ow(s at their we))ing rece,tion8@
@1 remem*er8@
@#hey're awf"((y ,ro,er for a *"nch of car,enters from .ong 1s(an)::*"t ,ro,er
nonethe(ess8 An) sma((:min)e)8 1 cannot )ea( with ,ea *rains0 *"t in this instance0 we have
to8@
@Mom0 1'm not going to hi)e my co"sins8@
@1'm not asking yo" to hi)e them8 1 A"st wo"() rather yo" )on't Sky,e 4o*erta in
when Char(ie's aro"n)8@
@#hat's cra9y8@
@1t is what it is8@ My mother ,"rses her (i,s together8 @6ive the man time to acce,t
o"r new fami(y8@
@1'm going to ta(k to Char(ie8@
@5o0 )on't *other8 .et it go8@
@1 tho"ght it was weir)8 Char(ie's *een kee,ing his )istance8 1've har)(y seen him::
now 1 know why8@
@He )oesn't A")ge yo"8 An) he )oesn't *(ame yo" for going )own there8 5ot entire(y
anyway8 He )oesn't "n)erstan) why yo" have to get into *"siness with them8@
@1 rea((y )on't care what he thinks8 Char(ie can A")ge me a(( he wants8 B"t 1'm not
,"tting ", with this::an) my sister knows *etter8@
@#hat's her h"s*an)8@ My mother throws her han)s ",8 @%e marry who we marry0
an) then we have to co,e8@
@#hen she *etter en(ighten him8@
Mom shakes her hea) an) goes *ack )own the stairs8 Something te((s me this
#hanksgiving won't *e a ,eacef"( meeting (ike the one *etween the 'i(grims an) the 5ative
Americans8 1 have a fee(ing this one co"() *e war8
12
A't'mn in 6ew (ork
6AB41E. CHA56ES 15#7 A SE1# for #hanksgiving )inner0 or the Feast of the
Casso"(ets0 as we referre) to it )"ring the ,re,(anning stages8 1 throw on a skirt an) hee(s0
*eca"se wherever there are g(ittery ,"m,kins0 )ressy c(othes are re<"ire)8
#ess whist(es when 1 enter the kitchen8 @'"t on the a,ron0@ she says8 @Cashmere is a
*itch to c(ean8@
1 throw it on8 She gives me a ,astry g"n fi((e) with canno(i fi((ing8
@1 ma)e the she((s myse(f0@ !ac(yn says8
@#hey (ook )ivine8@ 1 fi(( a )e(icate ,astry horn with creamy fi((ing8 1 take a *ite8
@E;ce((entB@ 1 te(( them8
@4o(( the en)s in choco(ate0@ !ac(yn instr"cts8 @1 (earne) that from 6ia)a De
.a"rentiis8 She eats everything she makes on #?8 How )oes she stay so thinC@
@1 have no i)ea8@ 1 shove the rest of the canno(i into my mo"th an) chew8
#ess ,(aces a *ow( of )ark choco(ate c"r(s on the co"nter8 1 ,ick ", the horns an)
fi(( them0 then ro(( the ti, en)s in the choco(ate8
@1ta(ians are the on(y ,eo,(e in the wor() who ,re,are )essert whi(e they serve the
main mea(0@ !"ne says as she (a)(es mashe) ,otatoes into a server8
@%e (ike o"r s"gar0@ !ac(yn e;,(ains8
A"nt Feen is ,arke) at the hea) of the ta*(e n"rsing a c", of weak tea0 *eca"se
that's a(( my mother offere) her8 #he new e(e,hant in the (iving room of the Ange(ini fami(y
is A"nt Feen's )rinking ,ro*(em8 7"r so("tion is to hi)e the har) st"ff an) ho,e she )oesn't
notice8 A(fre) fi((s the crysta( t"m*(ers at each ,(ace setting with ice water8
Charisma0 4occo0 an) A(fre) !r8 watch the reca, of the Macy's ,ara)e on #? in the
(iving room0 whi(e #om fee)s *a*y #eo)ora a *ott(e8 Char(ie "ncorks the wine8 Da) carves
the t"rkey on a c"tting *oar) on the co"nter8 As he s(ices0 my mother sta*s the ,ieces an)
,(aces them artf"((y on a tray festoone) with s,inach (eaves8
@Chiara0 ca(( everyone to )inner8@ My niece sits on a stoo(0 ,(aying with a han)he()
com,"ter game8
She )oesn't (ook ", at me8 @Do yo" have a *e((C 6ran)ma Fa99ani has a crysta( *e((
with a (itt(e si(ver )inger8@
1 (ook at her8 @$eah0 1 got a *e((8@ 1 take the com,"ter game away from her an) give
my niece the egg timer sha,e) (ike a hen8 @Crank it an) ring it8@
@5ice attit")e0@ 6a*rie( whis,ers as he gra*s the matches to (ight the can)(es )own
the center of the ta*(e8 @Makes me ha,,y my fami(y is )ea)8@
@#hat's not f"nny8@
@%e((0 they are )ea)8 Can't *ring 'em *ack8@
@5o0 yo" can't0@ A"nt Feen *e((ows8 @An) yo"'re *etter off8 1 got a few re(atives
taking ", s,ace in the *owe(s of he((8@
1t's a(ways fascinating that A"nt Feen ,reten)s to *e )eaf when yo" want to sen) her
a message0 *"t when something is whis,ere)0 she gets it in tota(8
Chiara (ets (oose with the egg timer c(ose to *a*y #eo)ora's ear8 #he *a*y wai(s8
@ChiaraB@ #ess sho"ts8 @$o"'(( make the *a*y go )eaf8@
@Sorry0@ she says0 *"t the (ook on her face is anything *"t contrite8
@#hat's the (itt(e )evi( who interr",te) yo"r coit"s0 isn't itC@ 6a*rie( says
confi)entia((y in my ear8
@#he very one8 #hat ki) was on a mission8@
Da) takes his ,(ace at the hea) of the ta*(e0 whi(e Mom ,(aces the ,(atter of t"rkey
*efore her ,(ace setting0 as she wi(( serve it8
@1 took a ni**(e of the st"ffing0 6a*rie(::an) it's A"st (ike #eo)ora's8 $o" nai(e) it0
seasonings an) a((0@ Mom *rags8 @Savory8 An) (ight in te;t"re8@
@#hank yo"0@ 6a*rie( says ,ro")(y8
7ne *y one0 the fami(y fin)s their seats as they check for their names at the ,(ace
setting8
@%here's 'amC@ 1 ask A(fre)8
@She's ",stairs8 She has a migraine0@ A(fre) says0 ta,,ing his forehea)8
@1 to() her to (ie )own in my room8@ 6a*rie( ,(aces *askets of fresh ro((s )own the
center of the ta*(e8 @#he serene green wa((s wi(( c"re whatever's ai(ing her8@
@#his year0 we're gonna Aoin han)s8880@ my father *egins8
@1 am not ho()ing han)s0@ A"nt Feen com,(ains8 @#he Catho(ic Ch"rch went in the
toi(et when they starte) that::1 )on't (ike it in ch"rch0 an) 1 )on't (ike it at )inner8@
@7kay0 then we won't ho() han)s0@ Da) says8
@%ait a secon)0 Da)0@ 1 interr",t8 @A"nt Feen0 if Da) wants "s to ho() han)s0 we're
going to ho() han)s8 He's the hea) of this fami(y8 $o"'re o"r *e(ove) great:a"nt0 *"t what
he says goes8@
A si(ence sett(es over the ta*(e8
1 *ow my hea)8 1 c(ose my eyes0 an) instea) of ,ict"ring !es"s on his heaven(y
throne s"rro"n)e) *y a choir of saints0 1 see 6ian("ca8 7"r re(ationshi, may *e as )ea) as
the a"t"mn (eaves in the center,iece0 *"t the things 1 (earne) from him are very m"ch a(ive8
He wo"() *e ,ro") that 1 )efen)e) my father an) his ro(e8 6ian("ca ta"ght me that tra)ition
isn't something we do0 it's the way we are. An) now that 1++ 'erry Street is my home an)
this is officia((y the first ho(i)ay where this is my ta*(e::an) 6a*rie('s::it's my ca((8 1 make
the r"(es in this ho"se8
@Ho() han)s0@ 1 say firm(y8
@Aw0 what the he((8@ Feen gra*s the han)s of 6a*rie( to her right an) Char(ie to her
(eft8
@Dear 6o)0 we want to thank yo"8 1t's *een a year of transmissions::@
@Transitions0@ Mom corrects him8
@::transitions8 %e got my mother:in:(aw in the o() co"ntry with a new h"s*an)8 %e
got the gran)ki)s growing hea(thy an) strong0 we got A"nt Feen on the men) from the
*r"ising she took in Are99o0 we got an a((:c(ear on my ,rostrate::@
"Prostate8@ My mother sighs8
@An) we got 6a*rie( han)y with the ,aint can an) the s,onge0 t"rning 1++ 'erry
Street into a 'hoenecian ,a(ace8@
My mother is a*o"t to change Phoene&ian to the correct Venetian8 1 s<"ee9e her
han) so she won't8 Egy,t an) ?enice are c(ose eno"gh8 Mom takes the ti, an) (eaves Da)'s
voca*"(ary a(one8
@%hat 1'm saying0 )ear .or)0 is that we are gratef"(8 !"ne0 yo"'re a goo) 1rishman0
an) we (ove to have yo" anytime::@
@$o" got it0 D"tch0@ !"ne says0 her hea) *owe)8
@An) we thank yo" for this *ee:yo":tee:f"(( foo) an) ta*(e0 the ?egas ,"m,kins0 the
wine from yo"r gra,es0 1 got my eye on yo"0 A"nt Feen0 no fair g"99(ing8 #he (ast ,(ace we
wanna ce(e*rate this #hanksgiving is the emergency room at Saint ?incent's::@
@1 )on't want to *e no tro"*(e0@ Feen gro"ses8
@So0 )ear .or)0@ Da) contin"es0 @we got another year "n)er o"r *e(ts8 An) we thank
yo" for that8 1n the name of the Father0 Son0 an) Ho(y 6host888Amen8@
@1'm going to check on 'ame(a0@ A(fre) says0 as my sisters ,ass the ,(atters8 He goes
", the stairs as we he(, the ki)s (oa) their ,(ates8
1 fi(( my ,(ate with t"rkey0 st"ffing0 whi,,e) ,otatoes0 an) green *eans8 1 ,(ace my
na,kin on my (a,8 1 (isten whi(e my *rothers:in:(aw an) father ta(k co((ege foot*a((0 an) as
a(ways0 the chatter (oo,s aro"n) to 5otre Dame0 an) wi(( the Fighting 1rish ,(ace in the
,o((s this year8 #he n"m*er of the year may change0 the chi()ren may grow o()er0 an) we
may a)) in a new *a*y or s,o"se here an) there0 *"t every a"t"mn0 an) every
#hanksgiving0 the ta(k t"rns to 5otre Dame foot*a(( an) wi(( they or won't they8
A(fre) ret"rns to the ta*(e with a (ook of concern on his face8
@1s 'ame(a okayC@
He no)s that she is8
B"t 1 notice that my *rother isn't eating8 1'm not h"ngry either8 Something is going
on0 something "n)er the s"rface0 (ooming in the )e,ths8 1 can see the sha)ows8 1 can't name
the *east0 *"t it's there0 ("rking8 1 can fee( it8 An) when 1 (ook at my *rother0 1 know that he
can too8
@7h0 ?a(0 te(( Feen a*o"t B"enos Aires8 She hasn't hear) any )etai(s0@ !"ne says8
My mother kicks me "n)er the ta*(e8
@1t was rea((y nice0@ 1 say8
@#hat's allC@ Feen says critica((y8 @1 get on the *"s an) go gam*(ing in At(antic
City::now that's nice8 B"t ArgentinaC #hat sho"() *e something more8 Am 1 rightC@ Feen
waves her fork aro"n)8
@#e(( a*o"t the river wa(k0 an) the co**(estones0@ !"ne ,ersists8
@#hey were (ove(y8@
Si(ence sett(es over the ta*(e8 @B"t yo" have ,eo,(e there0 rightC@
@$es0 A"nt Feen8@
@1 never saw any ,ict"res8@
@1 have them8 1 can show yo" (ater8@
@7kay8 5othing (ike waiting months on en) to see yo"r re(atives who 1 never met
an) ,ro*a*(y never wi((8 1'(( *e )ea)0 an) then may*e yo"'(( get off yo"r )"ff an) think0
Sheesh0 sho"()'ve shown A"nt Feen the ,ict"res8 $o"') think yo"') have ma)e a vi)eo or
something8 1'm never gonna get on a ,(ane again8 1') (ike to see yo"r (ong:(ost co"sins
*efore 1 )ie8@
@$o" wi((0 A"nt Feen0@ 1 ass"re her8
#he ki)s gigg(e as they ,oke the g(itter ,"m,kins with their forks8 @Don't )estroy
the ta*(e0@ my mother says to them nice(y8
@$o" know0 when yo" get to *e my age0 it's a *a) i)ea to withho() anything8 #hat
inc(")es mai(8 1 co"() win the (ottery0 an) if 1 )ie)0 right *efore 1 fo"n) o"t0 (et's say8 $o"
know0 none of yo"se co"() co((ect the moneyC #hat'(( show yo"8 $o" know0 1 co"() go in a
heart*eat8 Boom8 7ne min"te here0 the ne;t0 1'm co)e *("e8 So0 if yo" wo"()n't min)0 get
the ,ict"res8@
@.ater0 A"nt Feen0@ #ess ,i,es ",8
My *rother:in:(aw Char(ie shifts "ncomforta*(y in his seat8
@%ho wants to go to the ,arkC@ my *rother:in:(aw #om says8
Chiara0 4occo0 A(fre)0 an) Charisma (ea, o"t of their seats8 @#he *a*y is f"ssy8 She
nee)s air8@ He kisses !ac(yn on the cheek8 #he tr"th is0 #om nee)s air8 #hese fami(y )inners
)on't s"stain him::they (itera((y &hoke him8
#ess he(,s the gir(s into their coats8 A(fre) 9i,s ", the *oys' ,arkas8 @$o" want me
to go withC@ A(fre) asks #om8
@5o,e8 %e'(( *e fine0@ he says as he )ro,s *a*y #eo)ora into the sn"gg(y8 @#he *ig
gir(s an) *oys wi(( he(,8@
@%e wi((B@ Chiara ,romises0 *"t that )evi(ish (ook ret"rns to her face as she narrows
her eyes8 She ,ro*a*(y ,(ans to hai( a ca*0 throw the *a*y in0 an) sen) her on a Aoyri)e
thro"gh the five *oro"ghs8
@An) when yo" g"ys get *ack0 we'(( go ", on the roof for chestn"ts an)
marshma((ows0 okayC@
#he ki)s sho"t in )e(ight as they race )own the stairs8
@Ii)s0 they are *a((s of energy0@ !"ne (a"ghs8
@#hat's why 1 never ha) any8@ Feen takes the na,kin from her (a, an) t"cks it into
her co((ar an) s,rea)s it across her chest8 @#hey )estroy everything they to"ch8@
1 )rain my wineg(ass8 1 (ook )own at my foo)0 which 1 sti(( haven't taste)8 B"t 1'm
on my thir) g(ass of wine8 5ot goo)8
@So get the ,ict"res0@ A"nt Feen insists8
@.ater8@ 1 force a smi(e8
@?a('s not )one eating0 A"nt Feen0@ Mom says h"rrie)(y8
@She can eat0 an) 1 can (ook at ,ict"res8@
@%e are not (ooking at ,ict"resB@ Char(ie *e((ows8
@%hy the he(( notC@ Feen )eman)s8
@5ot whi(e my chi()ren are here8@
@#echnica((y0 they're at the ,ark0@ Mom offers he(,f"((y8
@%hat )ifference )oes that makeC@ A"nt Feen (ooks aro"n)0 conf"se)8 Her eye*a((s
*o"nce aro"n) in her hea) (ike s(ot machine (emons8
@1 )on't want them to wa(k in an) see the ,ict"res0@ Char(ie says firm(y8
@Are they ,ornos or somethingC@ Feen throws ", her han)s8
@#hey are not888,ornos8@ My mother s<"ee9es the wor) o"t0 not wanting to a((")e to
,ornogra,hy at a fami(y mea( =or any other time0 for that matter>8
@#e(( yo"r a"nt what the ,ro*(em is0 Ma0@ Char(ie says8
@#here isn't a pro$lem0@ 1 correct him8 @At (east not to thinking ,eo,(e8@
@%hat are yo" sayingC@ Char(ie (ooks at me8
@Sto, s<"a**(ing an) get the ,ict"res0@ A"nt Feen says8 @%hen #essie an) 1 )ie0 yo"
,eo,(e are a(( that's (eft8 7"r *(oo) (ine wi(( co((a,se (ike a ta,,e) vein8 So yo" fo"n) some
re(ations on yo"r si)e an) 1 want to see them8 %hat's the *ig )ea(C@
@5ot now0@ Mom says8
@B"t 1 )on't "n)erstan) why8880@ A"nt Feen ,ersists8
@Beca"se they are *(ack0@ Char(ie *("rts8 @#hat's right8 African American8@
A"nt Feen is conf"se)8
@#hey can't *e African American::*eca"se they are not Ameri&an8 #hey are
Argentinian0@ 1 correct him8 @B"t even that isn't e;act(y right::they are a mi; of many
c"(t"res0 Ec"a)orian0 African0 an) 1ta(ian8@
@5o matter how yo" mi; it0 there's sti(( one ,re)ominant co(or::an) that wo"() *e
*(ack0@ Char(ie corrects me8
@5o0 it's a mi28@
@A mi;8@ Feen is s"r,rise)8 1 g"ess 6ram )i)n't ,aint the fine )etai(s a*o"t o"r (ong:
(ost re(atives8 A"nt Feen thinks8 #hen she says0 @%e((0 what )i) yo" e;,ectC #hey're so"th
of Me;ico8@
@#hat )oesn't have anything to )o with it0@ Mom interAects8
@H"h8 .ook at a ma,8@ Feen shr"gs8
@7kay0 (ook8 Before this careens hea)(ong into a stone wa((0 (et me A"st say that 1
met o"r fami(y0 1 (ike them0 they're goo) ,eo,(e0 an) A(fre) an) 1 are in *"siness with them8
$es0 they are *(ack0 an) they are a(so 1ta(ian8@
@B(ah *(ah *(ah0@ Feen m"m*(es8
@#hat's right8 #hey are $oth8 An) they're *ea"tif"( ,eo,(e8@ 1 so"n) (ike an i)iot8 B"t
1 rea(i9e0 in the center of this ri)ic"(o"s arg"ment0 1 react (ike one8
@7f co"rse yo"') say that8@ Char(ie ta,s his fork on the ta*(e8
@%hat the he(( is that s",,ose) to meanC@ 1 t"rn to Char(ie8
@$o" acce,t anything8 $o"'re a (i*era(8@
@%hat )oes that have to )o with o"r fami(y in ArgentinaC@
@$o"'re ha,,y to have *(ack ,eo,(e in the fami(y8 S"re0 s"re0 (et every*o)y in8@ He
waves his arms aro"n)8 @%hat's the )ifference to yo"C@
@#here is none8 %ho cares what co(or they areC@
@1 )o8 1 )on't want my gir(s coming home with *(ack g"ys8 7kayC 1'm a(( for e<"a(
rights0 an) every*o)y's one an) the same in 6o)'s rain*ow8 1 A"st )on't want them to marry
it8@
@Char(ieB@ !"ne ,"shes her chair away from the ta*(e8 @Are yo" serio"sC@
@He's serio"s8@ #ess shakes her hea) sa)(y8 C(ear(y0 they've *een fighting a*o"t this
for months8
Char(ie (ooks aro"n) the ta*(e for s",,ort8 @Da)0 *ack me ", on this8@
@Hey0 since 1 got the cancer0 nothing *others me8@ Da) ho()s ", his han)s8 @1 (ove
the wor() an) every*o)y in it8@
@#hanks0@ Char(ie sneers8
@1t's not my h"s*an)'s fa"(t that we have *(acks in the fami(y0@ Mom says8
@1t's not any*o)y's fa%lt0 Ma0@ 1 say8
@1 )i)n't mean that (ike it so"n)e)8@ Mom shakes o"t her han)s as she )oes
whenever she's nervo"s8 @1t's A"st that whenever we start ta(king a*o"t race re(ations0 1
never say the right thing8@
@$o"'re fine0@ 1 reass"re her8 @#here's nothing wrong with having *(ack re(atives8@
@5ot to yo"0@ Char(ie says8
1 t"rn to him8 @1t's not (ike 1 )iscovere) o"r co"sins are r"nning a )r"g carte(8@
@How )o we know they're notC@
@7h0 Char(ie::yo"'re rea((y sick8@ 1 can't he(, it8 1 haven't eaten0 an) 1'm (osing a((
,ers,ective8 1 co"() *ite the ass of a wi() *ear right now8
Mom )efen)s me8 @.ook0 Char(ie8 ?a(entine )i) not go to Argentina to "nearth
some fami(y secret::@
@7h0 yes0 she )i)::she fo"n) that go))amne) )rawing0 #ess to() me0 an) then she
went on a h"nt to fin) 4a(,h::@
@4afae(0@ 1 correct him8
@4afae(::whatever::an) then she gets on a ,(ane an) goes )own there an) gets in
*"siness with these ,eo,(e8 Come on8 %hat are we )oing hereC@
1 fin) myse(f stan)ing0 (eaning across the ta*(e8 @Char(ie0 how )are yo"B 5o*o)y
has aske) yo" for anything::ever8 $o" ro((e) into this fami(y0 an) we've *een )amn goo) to
yo"8 %hen yo" an) #ess nee)e) he(, *"ying a ho"se0 we a(( ,itche) in::@
@7h0 now yo" throw that ", in my face::@
@1t's tr"e8 B"t yo"'re not gratef"(8 %e((0 the *(ack si)e of me (oane) yo" the money0
okayC@ 1 ye((8
#ess stan)s ",8 @Every*o)y ca(m )own8@
6a*rie( han)s me a *rea) stick8 He (ives with me8 He knows a (ow *(oo) s"gar )ive
when he sees one8 @He nee)s he(,B@ 1 ,oint to my *rother:in:(aw8 1 rea(i9e that 1'm ti,sy8 1
ho() the ta*(e8
Char(ie gets ", from the ta*(e8 @Sit )own0 Char(ie0@ my father ye((s8 @5o*o)y (eaves
the room8@
Char(ie sits )own8
@1 wi(( not have this8@ My father ,o"n)s the ta*(e8 @1 wi(( not have a rift8 5o*o)y
(eaves "nti( we sett(e this8@
@%e((0 goo) ("ck on that front0 ne,hew8@ A"nt Feen ,icks her teeth with her name:
tag f(ag from the ,"m,kin8
%e sit in si(ence for a moment0 not knowing what to say or )o8 @1'm (eaving0@
'ame(a anno"nces from the )oorway *ehin) "s8
%e t"rn to face 'ame(a0 who stan)s in the entrance to the ha((way8 She has on her
coat8
@7h0 'am0 yo"'re ",0 how's that migraineC Come an) eat8 #he st"ffing is as goo) as
my mother's0@ Mom says8
@Don't con)escen) to me8@
@1 wasn't con)escen)ing8@ Mom (ooks aro"n) the ta*(e at a(( of "s8 @%as 1C@
#ess an) !ac(yn shake their hea)s that Mom was not8
@6o ahea)8 Stick together8@ 'ame(a (ooks at my sisters8
@Are yo" a(( right0 'ame(aC@ !"ne asks8 @Am 1 missing somethingC@
@#his8 #his is what yo"'re missing8 An) what 1've *een missing8@ 'ame(a h"r(s a
,iece of ,a,er on the ta*(e8 1 ,ick it ", an) smooth it o"t8 From the (ooks of it0 'ame(a has
ha) it *a((e) ", in her angry fist for ho"rs8 1t's a ,rinto"t of an e:mai(8
@4ea) it0@ she *arks at me8 @1 ,rinte) it o"t at home an) memori9e) it on the train8
6o on8 4ea) it8@
@4ea) whatC@ my father asks8 @%hat's on the ,a,er0 ?a(C@
A(fre) ,"ts his face in his han)s8 @1t's me8 1t's my fa"(t8@
@%hat is yo"r fa"(tC@ My mom asks soft(y8
@Everything8 1t's my fa"(t8@
My mother strokes her t"rkey *rooch an) thinks8 #hen she says0 @Di) yo"888)i) yo"
*reak the (awC Di) yo" stea(0 A(fre)C@
He (ooks at her (ike she's insane8
Mom (eans *ack in her chair0 re(ieve)8 @He )i) s,en) twenty:three years on %a((
Street8 Every )ay yo" ,ick ", the ,a,er an) some other m"ckety:m"ck is on his way to the
s(ammer for things he was "naware he was )oing8 #he financia( wor() is so com,(e;8@
@#hen what in 6o)'s name )i) yo" )oC@ Feen *arks at A(fre)8
@He ha) an affairB@ 'ame(a sho"ts8 @An affair8 He cheate) on me8 Ha,,y Ho(i)ay0
every*o)yB@
@'am8880@ my sister #ess says <"iet(y8
@Don't 'am me8 1'm C(ackety:C("ck::remem*erC@
@C(ickety:C(ick0@ !ac(yn corrects her8
@%hatever8 Fee( free to ca(( me anything yo" want *eca"se 1'm o"tta hereB $o"
ma)e me fee( (ike the o"tsi)er a(( these years0 an) g"ess whatC 1t was tr"e8 1 was )ifferent8 1
was norma(::an) yo"0 yo"'re a(( cra9yB 1 knew yo" were a ,ack of (oonies *efore 1 marrie)
him0 *"t it's on(y gotten worse8 An) 1 on(y ,"t ", with yo" <"irky *astar)s *eca"se 1 (ove)
yo"r son8 B"t yo"r son has )eci)e) he )oesn't (ove me anymore8 He went o"t whoring
aro"n)::@
A(fre) (ea,s to his feet8 @#hat's not tr"e0 'am8 1 (ove yo"8@
@%or)sB %or)sB #hat's a(( yo" got for meC #hey got a mi((ion of those in the
)ictionaryB@
Da) no)s8 @#r"e0 tr"e8@
'ame(a r"ns her han)s )own the si)es of her *o)y0 from her *"st to her waist an)
)own to her hi,s8 @A(fre)8 .ook at me0@ she comman)s8
A(fre) (ooks )own at the ta*(eH his hea) hangs in shame8
'am (owers her voice to a grow(8 @1 sai)8 .ook8 At8 Me8@
A(fre) (ooks ", at 'ame(a0 his eyes fi((e) with tears8
@1 ke,t the )ea(8 1 am the gir( yo" marrie)8 1 )i)n't change8 1 )i)n't gain fifteen
,o"n)s0 then (ose five an) gain *ack twenty on that !enny Craig seesaw yo"r mother's *een
on a(( of her marrie) (ife8@
My mother gas,s8
@#hat's rightB@ 'am sho"ts8 @.ose the )amn weight a(rea)yB@
My mother0 horrifie)0 ,"((s her t"mmy in an) sits ", straight8
@.ook at me8 Si9e two Decem*er 122 an) si9e two 5ovem*er 23138 How many
women can say that at forty:one years of age when they've given *irth to *a*ies with hea)s
the si9e of *ow(ing *a((sC@
@Sweet !es"s0@ my father m"tters8
@1 got yo" a(( ,egge)8 Each an) every one of yo"8 He cheats0 *"t yo" a(( cheatB $o"
all (ieB $o" s,rea) stories0 yo" gossi,::@
@%e )isc"ss things0 yes0 *"t::@ my mother tries to )efen) herse(f8
@Ma0 yo"'re the worstB@ 'ame(a charges the ta*(e8 @Every*o)y knows yo" t"ck tags
into )resses yo"'ve *o"ght an) wear them once an) ret"rn them for a f"(( ref"n)B@
@7n(y onceB 1 )i) that onceB@
@1t's cheating0 okayC 1t's against the (awB@
@1t was a chartre"se gown0 an) it )i)n't )o a thing for me8 B"t my *ack was against
the wa((0 an) 1 ha) to wear it8@
@An) yo"8@ 'ame(a ,oints to me8 @$o"'re a thief8 $o"r neigh*or0 Mr8 Matera0 was
)ea) for two years an) yo" took his news,a,er an) rea) it every morning8@
@1t was a g(itch8 1 re,orte) it to )+A Toda event"a((y8@ My face *"rns hot with
em*arrassment8
@An) yo"::@ 'ame(a ,oints to #ess8 @#e((ing the ticket g"y at 6reat A)vent"re that
*oth of yo"r chi()ren were "n)er si;0 when they were seven an) nine at the time8 $o" ma)e
yo"r own chi()ren craw( into the ,ark on their knees to get in for free8@
@#hey wo"()n't honor my co",on0@ #ess says in her own )efense8
@1t's sti(( cheatingB@ 'ame(a screeches8
@An) yo"::@ She ,oints to !ac(yn8 @$o" re:giftB #hat's right8 1 gave yo" the Estee
.a")er make", kit for yo"r *irth)ay0 an) it wo"n) ", "n)er the Christmas tree for
#ess888from ...o%B@
@1t was more her ,a(ette0 not mine0@ !ac(yn st"tters8 @1'm a winter0 an) she's a
s"mmer888@
@1t )oesn't matter8 1t's sti(( cheatingB@
@1 was with yo" ti(( the re:gift0@ !"ne says genero"s(y8 @#hat's A"st a skin tone thing8@
@Her ,oint wo"() *e that we're a(( sinners here0@ Da) e;,(ains to !"ne8
@$eah0 Da)0 that's my ,oint8 An) chew on this8 1 can't *e(ieve 1 got mi;e) ", with
this *"nch when 1 knew *etter8 1 saw a(( the signs0 *"t 1 (ove) yo" so m"ch0 A(fre)0 1 s"cke)
it ", an) Aoine) this (ot of (osersB 7"t of a(( the fami(ies in J"eens0 o"t of the mi((ions of
fami(ies0 1 marry into this oneB@
@1 take "m*rage::@ My mother raises her voice8
@#ake the "m*rage8 #ake it a((8 1'm )one with yo" ,eo,(e8@ 'ame(a ,aces *ack an)
forth *ehin) the ta*(e (ike a ,rosec"tor on Law > 3rder8 @An) yo" know whatC Char(ie an)
#om fee( the same way8 #hat's right0 when yo"'re whis,ering a*o"t "s0 yo" got itD we're
ta(king a*o"t o%B #hat's right0 the in:(aws car, a*o"t yo"B %hy )o yo" think #om is
a(ways going o"t for wa(ksC 5o*o)y (ikes fresh air that m"chB He can't take yo" ,eo,(eB
An) Char(ieC #e(( 'em0 Char(ie8 #e(( them how yo" make ", ,hony e;c"ses a*o"t work so
that yo"'re on(y force) to atten) two maAor ho(i)ays a yearB@
#ess t"rns to her h"s*an)8 @1s that tr"eC@
Char(ie shr"gs that it is8
@%e((0 then::@ #ess e;,(o)es8 @6"ess whatC 7"r ne;t vacation )estination is B"enos
AiresB #hat's rightB %e're cam,ing o"t with the So"th American si)e of the fami(yB@
Char(ie0 em*arrasse) to *e o"te)0 reaches to ,"t his arm aro"n) #ess8 She ("rches
away from him8
@1've (istene) to yo" ,eo,(e com,(ain for eighteen years0 an) 1'm over itB 1f it wasn't
,o(itics0 it was re(igion8 1f it wasn't 4C 1ncor,orate)0 it was yo"r a(mighty gravy8@ 'ame(a
ho()s her han)s tight(y in fists an) sho"ts8 @1 )on't care if yo" "se gar(ic ,ow)er or rea(
c(oves in yo"r gravyB 1t's A"st sa"ceB #omatoes an) waterB Eat it an) sh"t ", a(rea)yB Sto,
com,(ainingB@
@%ho com,(ainsC 1 )on't hear any com,(aints0@ Feen says8
'ame(a ignores her an) contin"es8 @#hank 6o) 1 )i)n't (et myse(f goB 1 wante) to::
*e(ieve me8 1 wante) to wear Eggs an) eat ,otato chi,s an) watch The #eal 6o%sewives of
+o%th "end0 *"t 1 )i)n'tB 1 ke,t it a(( togetherB 1 h"ng onB 1t's a )amn goo) thing 1 ke,t my
fig"re0 *eca"se now 1'm gonna *e on my own::an) this *o)y is gonna *e my revengeB@
'ame(a ho()s her han)s high in the air in victory8 @1t's my ticket o"tB $o" watch me8@
6a*rie( is )ra,e) over the kitchen co"nter with his face ,ro,,e) in his han)s as
tho"gh he's rivete) to 5ight 3 of The Thorn "irds on #CM8 %itho"t taking his eyes off the
theatrics0 he )i,s a s,oon into the *ow( of canno(i fi((ing an) eats it8 A"nt Feen cack(es with
g(ee "n)er her *reath as o"r fami(y cr"m*(es (ike *("e cheese on greens *efore her eyes8
My mother wee,s into her na,kin8
1 rea) the cr"m,(e) e:mai( si(ent(y to myse(f8
Dearest A(fre)0
7"r time was not now0 o"r )ays were not o"r own0 *"t o"r fee(ings were rea(8 5ever
forget how m"ch 1 (ove yo"8 Ha,,y #hanksgiving0 )ear Fre)o0 1 wi(( a(ways *e gratef"( for
the time we ha) together8 My (ove a(ways0 Iath(een
#he (a,to, com,"ter0 o,en on the kitchen co"nter0 rings once8 #hen again8 #hen a
thir) time8
@1t's 6ram on Sky,e0@ 1 say8
@C(ose the (i)B@ my mother sho"ts0 t"rning to 6a*rie(8 @C(ose itB@
6a*rie( t"rns as 6ram's face comes ", on the screen8 He sna,s the screen sh"t0 then
takes the mo,,een from his sho"()er an) wi,es his *row8
@.et her hearB .et 6ram hear it allB 1 got nothing to hi)eB 1 )on't care if the who(e
co"ntry of 1ta(y knows 1've *een *esmirche)B@ 'ame(a sho"ts8
@1t's not yo"8@ A(fre) tries to ca(m his wife )own8
@1 know it's not meB 1t's yo"8 $o"'re one of them0 even when yo" trie) not to *e8
$o"'re A"st (ike them8 7o% t"rne) on me too8@
@'ame(a8880@ he says gent(y8
@She ca((s yo" Fre)o8@ 'ame(a ,"shes against A(fre)'s chest as he ho()s her c(ose8 @1
ca(( yo" Fre)o8 ; ca(( yo" that8@ She wee,s as A(fre) ,"ts his arms aro"n) her8 @.et me go8 1
want my *oys8 %here are theyC@
@At the ,ark0@ #ess an) !ac(yn say in "nison8
'ame(a *reaks free of A(fre)'s gri, an) t"rns to go8
@'am0 ,(ease sit )own8 '(ease )on't go8@ My mother stan)s8 @May*e we can he(,8@
@$o"C %hat are yo" gonna )oC #e(( me 1 )i)n't rea) the e:mai(C #e(( me it's not
tr"eC $o" )on't see A(fre) )enying anything8@ 'ame(a ,(aces her han)s in the ,rayer
,osition8 #hro"gh her tears0 she says0 @#hank 6o) 1 watch 3prah8@
My father moans8
@#hat's right0 Da)8@ She g(owers8 @7,rah helps me8 She )i) a show on money
management0 an) 1 watche) it *eca"se0 yo" know888@ An) then 'ame(a )oes the strangest
thing8 She ,"ts her han)s on her hi,s (ike S"san Boy(e when she was f(irting with Simon
Cowe(( an) 'iers Morgan on "ritain's 4ot Talent8 She shimmies her hi,s from si)e to si)e
as she says0 @My h"s*an) was fire) from the *ank888@
@1 tho"ght yo" resigne)0@ Feen ,i,es ",0 g(eef"( at a(( the misery8 @Some
resignation8 #"rns o"t it was Das BootB@
My mother g(ares at her8
@7,rah was giving women ti,s a*o"t how to save money )"ring to"gh times8 1
fo((owe) her a)vice0 *eca"se whyC Beca"se 1'm a goo) wife an) 1 want to ease my
h"s*an)'s *"r)enB Fat chance of thatB He was easing it on some government em,(oyeeB@
@#hank yo" 'o,e:rahB@ A"nt Feen (icks her (i,s0 ho,ef"( for more gory )etai(s8
'am contin"es0 @#hey *ro"ght on a thera,ist who sai) that men were very
v"(nera*(e right now::that women sho"() *e sensitive to their888@ An) then she )oes it again0
she wigg(es her hi,s an) says0 @h%11=$ands0 *eca"se of the economic )ownt"rn8 5ow0 1
)i)n't think too m"ch of it0 *eca"se A(fre) seeme) so ha,,y here with the e(ves making the
shoes8 An) o"r (ife at home was fine8 #hat's right0 even o"r se; (ifeB@
My father ,"ts his face in his han)s8 #his )iatri*e might ki(( him8
'ame(a screeches0 @B"t the e;,ert on 7,rah sai)0 'Check the man's e:mai(s8'@ She
(owers her voice an) grow(s (ike .in)a B(air after the hea) s,in8 @An) so 1 )i)8 #hat's how 1
fo"n) Iath(een Sweeney8@ #ears ro(( )own 'ame(a's face8
@%ait0 'am8@ A(fre) reaches for her8 She won't (et him to"ch her8 @$o" to() me yo"')
never cheat on me8 $o" sai) yo" never wo"() *eca"se yo"r father cheate) on yo"r mother8@
@5ow0 A"st a min"te888@ My mother stan)s8
'ame(a (ooks at my mother8 @%e((0 he )i)8 An) yo" ,"t ", with it8 B"t 1 think a (itt(e
more of myse(f than yo" ever )i) of yo"rse(f8@ She (ooks at A(fre)8 @$o" stay here8 %ith
yo"r cra9y sisters an) yo"r cheating father an) yo"r vain mother an) yo"r )r"nk great:
a"nt::@
A"nt Feen throws her hea) *ack an) (a"ghs8 @#hat's meB@
@Beca"se888@ 'ame(a tightens the *e(t on her si9e 2 coat8 @1'm getting my *oys an)
going home8 Do yo" remem*er where that isC Home8 #he ,(ace where 1 ma)e a (ife for
yo"8@
'am goes )own the stairs8 Her sti(ettos go c(ickety:c(ick0 c(ickety:c(ick a(( the way
)own8 A(fre) fo((ows her o"t8
#he entrance )oor )ownstairs sna,s sh"t8
@Anyone for )essertC@ 6a*rie( says from *ehin) the co"nter8 @1 co"() "se a
)igestivo8 Fernet BrancaC Bitters0 anyoneC@
@6imme a s(a* of tiramis"0@ !"ne says8 @#his is the go))amnest #hanksgiving 1
have ever s,ent8@
@1'm sorry0 !"ne8@ Mom )ries her tears8 @1'm sorry yo" ha) to hear that8@
@#his fami(y nee)s to grow ",8@ !"ne ,"shes her ,(ate asi)e8
A"nt Feen a,,(a")s8 @#he whee(s are off the *"s8 7ff the *"sB 7ff the *"sB@
@Sh"t ",0 Feen8@ !"ne t"rns to my great:a"nt8 @$o"'re a mean o() *roa)8 $o" got a
came('s h"m, of misery on yo"r *ack8@
@#hat h"m, is from osteo8 Bone )eterioration8 1 ha) a )iffic"(t meno,a"se0@ Feen
e;,(ains8
@1 )on't care where yo" got it8 $o"'re the on(y o() (a)y 1 know that gets )"m*er as
the years ro(( on8 An) a(( these ,eo,(e )ance aro"n) yo" in fear8 1'm not afrai) of yo"8@
@$o" attack a (one(y wi)ow on #hanksgiving8 5ice0@ Feen says <"iet(y0 mi(king any
,ity her *(oo) re(atives may sti(( have for her8
@'oor Feen8@ !"ne t"rns an) faces her8 @1t's never eno"gh for yo"8 1s itC $o"r sister
kowtowe)0 yo"r niece0 every*o)y's afrai) of yo"8 Every*o)y fears yo"r tem,er8 5ot me8 1
see who yo" are8 $o"'re A"st an "ngratef"( o() nag8 $o" never got yo"r ,ortion8 5ever got a
fair shake8 An) when yo" )i)0 it was never eno"gh8 5o*o)y co"() fi(( the em,ty sock of
yo"r awf"( chi()hoo)8 So yo" never got what yo" wante)8 Boo hoo8 Most ,eo,(e )on't8 B"t
the )ifference *etween yo" an) other ,eo,(e is that they move on8 #hey )on't ca(cify8 #hey
)on't *(ame every*o)y e(se for their tro"*(es0 an) ca(( the (awyer to s"e the city every time
they take a s,i(( on the si)ewa(k8 '"t )own the wineg(ass an) ,ick ", the magnifying g(ass
an) (ook in the mirror8 Face yo"rse(f8@
A"nt Feen's s,ine straightens in se(f )efense8 @%hy yo"::@
@1'm not )one8@ !"ne (eve(s her ga9e at Char(ie0 who (ooks away8
@Shame on yo"0 Ch"ck8 7,en yo"r eyes8 #he wor() isn't *(ack an) white anymore::
it isn't even *rown::it's sha)es of something com,(ete(y new8 An) not a min"te too soon8
#ime for 6o) to (iven ", the ,aint *o;8 So yo"r sister:in:(aw gets on a ,(ane an) fin)s o"t
yo" have *(ack ,eo,(e in the fami(y::har)working ,eo,(e who make their own way0 an)
s,eak S,anish an) grow o(ives::what's it to yo"C 4ea((y0 how )oes that affect o%r (ifeC Do
yo" rea((y want to s,en) the ,recio"s moments of yo"r (ife hating ,eo,(e yo"'ve never met
from two continents awayC 1f that's yo"r i)ea of (iving0 then that's yo"r *"siness0 Ch"ck0
*"t )on't *ring the rest of "s )own to yo"r i)iot (eve(8 $o"'re em*arrassing yo"rse(f with
yo"r ignorance8@
@!"ne0@ #ess warns8
@Sh"t ",0 #ess8 1've known yo" since yo" were a *a*y8 1'm ta(king to yo"r h"s*an)8@
!"ne t"rns *ack to Char(ie8 @.et me te(( yo" this a*o"t *(ack ,eo,(e::an) 1 know0 *eca"se
1've (ove) 'em a((0 *(ack0 white0 Fi(i,ino::or at (east 1 think he was::may*e0 come to think of
it0 he was Hawaiian8 1t )oesn't matter8 1 have taste) 6o)'s smorgas*or) from Boston to
B"h(0 an) 1'm *etter for my e;,erience8 Does that offen) yo"C@
@#his is some #hanksgiving8@ My father sighs8
!"ne (ooks at Char(ie8 @%e((0 )oes itC@
Char(ie shakes his hea)8
@Di)n't think so0@ !"ne contin"es8 @$o" sho"() *e ,ro") to te(( yo"r )a"ghters they
have fami(y in another co"ntry an) that those fo(ks have a (itt(e )ifferent ,atina from yo"8
B"t (et's c"t to it here0 Char(ie8 $o"'re Sici(ian0 yo"r ,eo,(e are a mere ,a))(e in a canoe
from 5orth Africa8 An) yo" know it0 an) yet yo" have the temerity to act as tho"gh Sici(y is
the (an) of ,i(grims an) %on)er Brea)8 1 got news for yo"::yo"'re a(rea)y fami(y::yo" are
African8 1t's A"st ,igment0 Char(ie8 'igment8 So knock it off8 1'm annoye) with yo" a(rea)y8@
6a*rie( ,(aces !"ne's tiramis" in front of her8
@1'm sorry0@ my *rother:in:(aw says meek(y8
@.et me te(( yo" who yo"r )a"ghters wi(( marry8 #hey wi(( marry men e;act(y (ike
yo"0 Char(ie8 So if yo" want them to *ring home a co",(e of sma((:min)e) *igots with a
si9e twenty:two an) a ha(f co((ar0 we((0 then0 yo"'(( get yo"r wish8@
6a*rie( ,o"rs !"ne a c", of coffee8 He ,(aces the cream an) s"gar in front of her8
!"ne )"m,s cream into her coffee an) stirs8 @1t's a cafe a" (ait wor()0 ,eo,(e8@ She si,s8
@6et "se) to it8@
1 he(, A"nt Feen into the *ack seat of a town car8 She gri,s the Macy's *ag f"(( of
#hanksgiving (eftovers on her (a, (ike they're go() *ricks hot off a Brinks tr"ck8 1 ask the
)river to see A"nt Feen to her a,artment )oor0 an) he agrees8 She waves me off8
1 ,"sh the entrance )oor o,en an) see a (ight on in the worksho,8 1 kick off my
shoesH the hee(s are ki((ing my feet8 My toes thro* (ike my hea)0 everything h"rts after the
worst ho(i)ay 1've ever s,ent0 anywhere0 anytime8
1 ,oke my hea) into the worksho,8 A(fre) sits at the )esk0 his hea) )own8 My father
sits at the workta*(e0 watching him8
@Hey g"ys0@ 1 say0 ,"shing the )oor o,en8 @A(fre)0 are yo" okayC@
He )oesn't answer8 1 (ook at my father8 Da) (ooks at me an) shakes his hea)8
@A(fre)C@ Da) says soft(y8
A(fre) )oesn't res,on)8
@SonC@ Da) gets off the workta*(e an) goes to A(fre)0 ,(acing his han)s on A(fre)'s
sho"()ers8 A(fre) *egins to wee,8 @1t's going to *e a(( right0 A(0@ Da) says8
A(fre) t"rns aro"n) an) stan)s8 He ,"ts his arms aro"n) my father an) *"ries his
face in his sho"()er8 He is now heaving with tears8 My )a) (ooks at me as he ,"((s A(fre)
c(ose to him8
@1've r"ine) everything0 Da)8 Everything8@
@1t's a )"m* mistake0 *"t yo" )i)n't r"in anything8@
@She's (eaving me8@
@She'(( forgive yo"0 son8@
@%hy wo"() sheC@ A(fre) asks8
@Come here8@ Da) he(,s A(fre) sit )own8 #hen he ,"((s ", a work stoo( ne;t to him8
He takes my *rother's han)s in his own8 @$o"'re a goo) son8 A fine man8 1've *een ,ro") of
yo" every )ay of yo"r (ife8 Even when yo" weren't ,ro") of me8 1've )one things that
weren't right in my (ife0 an) the go))amn thing sti(( ha"nts me8 An) now 1've visite) it on
yo"8@
@An) 1 A")ge) yo"0 Da)8 1 A")ge) yo"0 an) then 1 )i) the same thing8@
@#hat's okay that yo" A")ge) me8 1t meant that yo" knew 1 )i) wrong8@
@1'm a hy,ocrite8@ A(fre) hangs his hea)8
@Hey8 .isten to me8 1 (eft my marriage for a whi(e0 an) 1'm not ,ro") of it8 1 was in a
)ark ,(ace when 1 ha) that affair8 1 )i)n't know it at the time0 *"t (ooking *ack0 1 wasn't
thinking straight8 1 fe(t (ike my (ife was over::1 wasn't where 1 was s",,ose) to *e8 An) 1
*(ame) yo"r mother that 1 wasn't a *ig cheese8 1 )on't know0 1 grew ", in a ho"seho()
where my mother ,"she) my father8 1 g"ess 1 tho"ght that's what a wife sho"() )o8 1')
misse) o"t on a ,romotion in the 'arks De,artment0 an) 1 went home to yo"r mother an)
she sai)0 'D"tch0 )on't worry8 1t'(( come aro"n)8 #ry har)er8' 1 sho"() have a,,reciate) her
even more0 *"t it A"st ma)e me fee( *a) a*o"t myse(f0 an) 1 co"()n't shake it8 1 nee)e) to
fee( goo) a*o"t myse(f again8 So0 1 went (ooking for tro"*(e *eca"se that ma)e me fee(
a(ive0 *ack on my game8 B"t it was a tem,orary fi;8 An) when 1 went with the other
woman888my heart888@
My father wi,es away a tear0 *"t he recovers0 an) foc"ses on my *rother8
@My heart was *reaking *eca"se 1 t"rne) away from the ,eo,(e who (ove) me0 for
someone who was (ooking for the (ove 1 a(rea)y ha)8 5ow0 this seems (ike a888(ike
a888contra)iction888@
1 e;ha(e soft(y as my father at (ong (ast fin)s the e;act right wor)8
@888*"t it wasn't8 #he *est thing a*o"t me was that 1 ha) a goo) wife an) fo"r
chi()ren8 #hat was my ca((ing car) in the wor()8 #hat's what ma)e me a c"t a*ove8 B"t 1
ha) to throw it a(( away to fin) that o"t8 1 ha) *"i(t0 with yo"r mother0 a *ee:yo":tee:f"((
fami(y8 B"t at that time0 1 tho"ght 1 nee)e) more0 attention0 a,,reciation8 %hatever the he((
yo" want to ca(( it8@
@1 )on't want to (ose her0@ A(fre) says8
@$o" won't0 A(fre)8 $o" won't8 B"t yo" gotta ,ersist8 An) when she's rea)y to
forgive yo"0 yo"'(( get a chance to start over8 $o"'(( have to *"i() yo"r (ife with her again8@
@1 )on't know if 1 can )o that8 1f she'(( (et me8@
@1t's not easy8 #he har)est thing 1 ever ha) to )o was win yo"r mother over a secon)
time8 An) every man is )ifferent8 B"t yo"'re ma)e of far *etter st"ff than me8 $o"'re
smarter0 yo"'re more (oya(0 an) yo"'re st"**orn8 $o" can t"rn it aro"n)8 An) 1'm here to
he(, yo" however 1 can8 1f yo"'(( (et me8@
@1'm sorry0 Da)8@
@$o" owe me nothing0 son8 5ot an a,o(ogy8 5othing8@
@1 h"rt yo"0 too8@
@Beca"se 1 h"rt yo"8 #hat on(y makes "s even8@
Da) ho()s A(fre) c(ose8
1 watch them for a (ong time8 1 never tho"ght this )ay wo"() come8
@1 s"ffer0 too0@ 1 say a(o")8 1 )i)n't inten) to s,eak0 *"t the wor)s A"st come o"t of
me8 1 ,(ace my han) over my mo"th8
My father (ooks ", at me8
@Da)0 1 know yo" (ove "s0 *"t there's a reason 1'm not marrie)8 #here's a reason 1
can't888@ 1 fee( tears coming0 *"t 1 sto, them8 @1 can't tr"st any man8 1t's rea((y har) for me8 1
forgave yo"0 *"t 1 never *eat my own fear8 1'm sti(( afrai) of (oving someone an) *eing
)isa,,ointe)8@
@1'm sorry0 ?a(entina0@ my father says8
7n(y two men in my (ife ever ca(( me ?a(entina0 my father an) 6ian("ca8 1nstea) of
making me sa)0 it makes me smi(e for a moment8
6ian("ca )i) everything he co"() to he(, get thro"gh my fear0 an) 1 t"rne) him
away *eca"se 1 co"()n't face myse(f8 1 wo"()n't show him who 1 rea((y was0 so at the en)0
he ha) to go *eca"se he )i)n't recogni9e me anymore8 1 )i)n't even fight for him8 1 )i)n't
chase him when he (eft o"r room at the Fo"r Seasons0 1 A"st stoo) there0 fro9en0 insi)e an)
o"t0 "na*(e to move8 1 g"ess 1 tho"ght if 1 went after him0 1 wo"()n't know what to say
when he sto,,e)0 1 wo"()n't have known what to do8 So instea)0 1 (et him go8 1 (et a goo)
man0 rare as an emera()0 go *eca"se 1 co"()n't think of one reason to make him stay8
@A(fre)C@
My *rother an) father (ook at me8
@At (east yo" know what ha,,ens when yo" *reak a ,romise8 1 can't even make
one8@
1 (eave A(fre) an) Da) in the sho,8 1 ,ick ", my shoes an) c(im* the stairs8 1 think
a*o"t the ,ithy (etter 1 wrote to 6ian("ca to woo him *ack8 1 was *eing f"nny after 1 *roke
the man's heart8 5ow0 that's ina,,ro,riate8 5o won)er he )i)n't write *ack8 He sat there in
1ta(y an) tho"ght0 @She sti(( )oesn't get it8@ May*e some)ay he'(( forgive me for my
ignorance8 1 wish0 on this #hanksgiving night0 that there was some way to reach o"t to him8
B"t this isn't one of 6a*rie('s so"ff(es that fe(( on the way to the ta*(e from the oven8 #his is
6ian("ca's ha,,iness 1 )estroye)8 %hat 1 co"()n't know then was that 1 )estroye) my own
as we((8
@Feen is on her way o"t of Manhattan0@ 1 anno"nce to my sisters an) mother who sit
aro"n) the farm ta*(e after an en)(ess mea( that was (ong on co"rses an) fami(y )rama8
@%here's yo"r fatherC@
@He an) A(fre) are ta(king in the sho,8@
@7h0 goo)0@ my mother says0 ever the o,timist8
1 ,"(( ", a seat at the ta*(e8 1 ,(ace the woo)en n"t *ow( in front of me0 an)
commence cracking wa(n"ts8 My sisters an) mother have sma(( ,i(es of she((s where their
,(ates once reste)8
@!"ne an) 6a*e are on the roof8 #hey sai) they were roasting chestn"ts0 *"t 1 think
they're smoking ,ot0@ #ess says8 @#hat0 or they've charre) the chestn"ts8@
@6oo) for them0@ 1 say8 @Either way8@
@1 agree0@ #ess says8 #hen she (ooks aro"n) the ta*(e8 @%hat are we going to )oC@
@%e((0 c(ear(y0 1'm going to go on a serio"s )iet after the ho(i)ays0@ Mom says8
@7h0 6o)0 Ma0 'am was A"st taking ,otshots0@ !ac(yn says8
@1 on(y )i) !enny Craig twice8 1 never saw myse(f as a yo:yo )ieter8@ Mom hacks the
meat o"t of a wa(n"t with a sma((0 si(ver ,ick8 She chews8 @Do yo"C@
@5o0 Ma0@ we say in "nison8
@$o" know whatC 1 (ike her0@ !ac(yn says8
@%hoC 'amC@
@$eah8 She's got mo;ie8 1 ha) no i)ea she was that to"gh8 1 tho"ght she was weak0
an) (ook at her0 she stoo) ", for herse(f8@
@1f yo" (ook har) eno"gh0 yo" can fin) something to (ike a*o"t any*o)y0@ Mom
says )i,(omatica((y8
@She's got goo) taste0@ 1 a))8 @She has very )ramatic sense of co(or when it comes
to her c(othing8@
@A(ways we(( )resse)0@ #ess says0 cracking a ,ecan in ha(f8 @$o" can't say she (et
herse(f go8 She was right a*o"t that8@
@She was0@ 1 agree8 @So why )i)n't we (ike herC@
@1 )on't think we ever (ike) her *eca"se we're a(( scare) of A(fre)8@ #ess smooths
her n"tshe((s into a ,i(e (ike she's racking the *a((s for a game of ,oo(8
@$o"'re right8 %e've )ance) aro"n) him a(( o"r (ives8 #rying to ,(ease him0 or stay
o"t of his way::it's him8 1t's not her0@ 1 rea(i9e8 @1t was never her8@
@1 )isagree8 1'm not afrai) of my own son8@
@Mom0 when we were ki)s0 yo"') have a ,ot of sa"ce on the stove for rigatoni for
)inner8 %hen A(fre) came in from the (i*rary an) he )i)n't want marinara0 yo"') t"rn off
the sa"ce0 ,"t the ,ot *ack in the fri)ge0 an) start ,o"n)ing c"t(ets8 $o" were afrai) of him
too8@
My mother ,icks ", a n"tcracker an) )ecimates a ,ecan with one s<"ee9e8 @Do yo"
ki)s ana(y9e everything yo"r father an) 1 ever )i) or )i)n't )oC@
@$es0@ we answer in "nison8
@1 )on't think that's hea(thy8@ Mom frowns8
#he (ast of the re(atives have (eft with the (ast of the (eftovers8 !"ne gra**e) a ca*
after a ,arting whiskey shot8 She has another ,arty tonight in the East ?i((age8
1 finish the (ast of the )ishes8 1 go to the ta*(e an) *(ow o"t the can)(es0 which have
*"rne) )own to f(at orange ,"))(es in the ho()ers8
1 gra* the (ast two canno(i an) c(im* the ste,s to the roof8 #he scent of roaste)
chestn"ts fi((s the air8
6a*rie( has his feet ", on the chaise0 (ooking at the moon8 1 sit on the em,ty one
*esi)e him8
@5o*o)y ate the chestn"ts0@ 6a*rie( says8
@A (ot of )rama to)ay8 #hey forgot8@ 1 han) him a canno(i8
@1 can't8 1 got no room8@
1 ,"t the canno(i asi)e an) (ean *ack on my chaise8 #he f"(( moon is (it (ike a )iner
sign on the off:ram, of the !ersey #"rn,ike0 so c(ose 1 co"() reach ", an) write 7,en 2
Ho"rs on the face of it8
@$o" ,re,are) a *ea"tif"( mea(0@ 1 say8
@1t )i)n't matter8 1t went )own (ike gr"e(8@
@How a*o"t that Iath(een sen)ing an e:mai(C@
@1 never (ike) that re)hea)e) h"ssy0@ 6a*rie( says8 @5ot for a secon)8@
@1 was s"r,rise) she') sen) an e:mai( (ike that8@
@#hen yo" nee) a wake:", ca((8 She wanted 'ame(a to fin) it8 Ho(i)ays s"ck for
mistresses8 #hey're sitting home schemingB #here they areD a(( a(one in the )ark with their
*(ack tho"ghts an) a Morton's ,ot ,ie8 An) instea) of going o"t an) fin)ing an avai(a*(e
man0 they want to wreck the ho(i)ays for the marrie) ones8 1n the o() )ays0 they )i) )rive:
*ys8 My mother ca((e) the ,o(ice one Christmas when my father's mistress cr"ise) *y for
the fiftieth time *efore the manicotti8 5ow0 a(( these home wreckers have to )o is e:mai(8
Saves on gas0 1 g"ess8@
@$o"r father cheate) tooC@
@7f co"rse8@
@1s it inevita*(eC@
@#here's a st")y8 Aro"n) si;ty ,ercent of a(( ,eo,(e in (ong:term re(ationshi,s stray8
E;ce,t0 1 )on't go *y those statistics8 #hey say five ,ercent of a(( ,eo,(e are gay0 *"t that
n"m*er can't *e right::if yo" co"nt ", the hair)ressers a(one0 yo" got at (east fifteen ,ercent
of the genera( ,o,"(ation right there8 1 think men have a har) time *eing men8 Straight men
at (east8@
@%hyC@ 1 ask8
@%omen give men a ,(ace to go8 A man is a "se(ess ,iece of e<"i,ment whose
,"r,ose is (ost if it were not for women8@
@%hat are yo" ta(king a*o"tC@
He no)s0 warming to his s"*Aect8 @1t's (ike this8 A man might go o"t an) get a Ao*0
*"t on(y for some,(ace to go )"ring the )ay8 An) he's on(y working that Ao* to give the
money to his wife8 An) then0 if he )oes rea((y we((888to *"y her goo) Aewe(ry8 An) on(y
*eca"se she asks for it8 Diamon)s aren't a man's i)ea8 #he first woman sent the first man
into a ho(e in the gro"n)0 an) when he emerge) with the first )iamon) she (ooke) at it an)
sai)0 '1t's too sma((8 Dig farther8' Men are not am*itio"s o"tsi)e of their )esire to im,ress
women8 A woman0 in ret"rn0 gives a man's (ife sha,e8 A conte;t8 A ,(ace to go8 1t's very
sim,(e8@
@$o" mean that every man is motivate) not *y am*ition or ,ower or wea(th0 *"t
*eca"se he wants to ,(ease a womanC@
@A*so("te(y8 #hink a*o"t it8 A straight man )oesn't care a*o"t s"rro"n)ings0 or goo)
foo)::"n(ess we're ta(king Mario Bata(i or #om Co(icchio0 *"t they're an anoma(y8 5o0
women are the ins,iration *ehin) anything that has ever *een invente)0 ma)e0 or *"i(t *y
men8 %omen0 in fact0 r"(e the wor() *eca"se of that ,ower0 an) 1've a(ways tho"ght it a
waste that they )on't see that8@
1f 6a*rie( is right0 an) 1 think he co"() *e0 1 might sti(( have a chance with 6ian("ca8
1f he (ives to (ove an) ,(ease a woman0 why not meC
6a*rie( contin"es0 @1f there were more of "s0 gay men wo"() r"(e the wor()0 *eca"se
we have it a((8 %e know how to create a ,(ace to go0 an) we (ike *eing in it8 %e're
home*o)ies with f(air8 %e are8 B"t we're o"tn"m*ere) *y the straights8 5o0 this (ife888is a((
a*o"t women8 %hen yo" gir(s say it's a man's wor()::we((0 if on(y that were tr"eB 1') *e
(oving it8 $o" (a)ies sho"() own yo"r ,ower8 $o" nee) to ,ick ", the *a(( an) r"n with it8 1
on(y "se that ana(ogy *eca"se of a(( the foot*a(( ta(k at )inner8@
@Sorry a*o"t that8 #he men in my fami(y mistook yo"r (ove(y ta*(e for a tai(gater8@
@1f on(y straight men co"() take that ,assion they have for a *a(( f(ying thro"gh the
air0 an) a,,(y it to making the wor() *etter0 they co"() fi; g(o*a( warming0 ocean )"m,ing0
an) mo"ntainto, remova( in the time it takes me to st"ff a t"rkey8@
@7r make twenty in)ivi)"a( so"ff(es8@
@1 am han)y0 aren't 1C@
@Beyon)8@ 1 reach over an) take 6a*rie('s han)8 %e (ook ", at the mi)night *("e
sky8
@%hat's to *ecome of "s0 ?a(entineC@
@%hat )o yo" meanC@
@%e're thirty:five years o()8@
@#hat's not o()0@ 1 say8
@1t's not yo"ng either8 Do yo" ever think a*o"t the f"t"reC@
@1 try not to8@
@$o" (ive in a *"**(e8@
@1 (ike my *"**(e8 1t's *("e an) shiny8 An) yo" sho"() know0 yo" )i) the interior
)ecorating8@
@So stay there8@ 6a*rie( smi(es8 @1t's a gorgeo"s #ie,o(o *("e0 an) it works we(( with
yo"r skin tone8@
@#hanks8@ 1 )on't have the heart to r"in 6a*rie('s ho(i)ay *y a)mitting that 1 s,en) a
(ot of time worrying a*o"t the f"t"re8 #ime is ,assing0 an) 1 fee( 1 have nothing to show for
it8 Sometimes 1 f(i, thro"gh my sketch*ook an) remem*er ,(aces an) times0 the co(or of
the afternoon s"n on o() *ricks or the e;act sha)e of re) on a car)ina( that (an)e) on the
*ench in H")son 4iver 'ark whi(e 1 was )rawing0 *"t in genera(0 1'm ama9e) at how
<"ick(y the )ays fa)e in my memory8 %hat wi(( 1 remem*er a*o"t these )ays ten years from
nowC %i(( 1 agoni9e that 1 )i)n't )o eno"gh to *"i() a (ife with a man that (oves meC %i(( 1
*e (ike !"ne0 who knows how to ,arty *"t (ikes to go home a(oneC @6a*e0 1 have an i)ea8 1
)on't want to get the n"m*er e(evens *etween my eyes8 %hy )on't yo" worry a*o"t the
f"t"re for *oth of "sC@
@5ot a ,ro*(em8 7nce this economy t"rns0 1'm going to start to save money0 an) 1'm
going to get rich8 1'm going to ,(an for my retirement8 1'm going to nee) a (ot of cash8 A gay
man (iving on socia( sec"rity on a fi;e) incomeC 1 )on't think so8 #he on(y fi;e) item 1
want in my (ife is that 5orth Star ", there8@ 6a*rie( ,oints ", to the sky0 where sma((
s,ecks of si(ver ,eek thro"gh the *("e8 @5o0 1'm going to nee) cash that flows8 1 nee) a *ig
*")get::A"st for )ecorative (am,s8 1've got a ,(an8 How a*o"t yo"C %hat are yo" going to
)o with the secon) ha(f of yo"r (ifeC@
1 think for a moment8 %hen 1'm on this roof0 1 fee( anything is ,ossi*(e an) 1 have
since 1 was a chi()8 1 search the sky as far as 1 can see *eyon) the ,oint where the H")son
4iver meets the At(antic 7cean8 #he answer (ies somewhere *etween here an) there0 the
home 1 (ove an) know0 an) the greater wor() *eyon)0 which 1'm not so s"re of8
Fina((y 1 say0 @1 want to (ove a man who can *e tr"e8@
@Aim (ow0 wo"()AaC@
1 (a"gh8 @#hat's all 1 want8 An) one other thing8 Don't ever (eave me8@
@%here am 1 gonna goC@ 6a*rie( asks8
@1 )on't know8 Away8 Somewhere8 My fami(y is cra9y8@
@1've seen worse0@ 6a*rie( ass"res me8
#he a"t"mn moon s(i,s *ehin) t"fts of (ow0 gray c(o")s8 @A storm is ro((ing in0@ 1
say8 An) whi(e 1 can't *e s"re a*o"t the weather0 somehow0 when 1 say it a(o")0 it so"n)s
(ike a ,romise8
1!
A 1ittle 1earnin" 3s a Dangero's Thing
6AB41E. A5D 1 CA441ED 7E4 first Christmas tree home from !ane Street an)
)ecorate) it (ast night::two f"(( weeks *efore Christmas8 %e (ike a *("e s,r"ce scent for as
(ong as we can have it8
1 carry my morning coffee over to the sofa an) ,"t my feet ",8 #here's nothing (ike
the twink(e of sky *("e0 soft go()0 r"*y re)0 an) *right green (ights g(owing )ee, in the
*ranches first thing in the morning8 %atching the (ights ref(ect in the o() g(ass ornaments is
the c(osest 1 wi(( get to inner ,eace8 #his has *een some year8 6a*rie( an) 1 co"()n't
)ecorate the tree fast eno"gh8 %e fig"re0 with the way o"r fami(y ho(i)ays have *een going0
ce(e*rate ear(y an) ce(e*rate often0 *eca"se yo" never know8
@?a(0 A(fre) an) Bret are )ownstairs8@ 6a*rie( stan)s at the to, of the stairs8
@1s !"ne inC@
@Any min"te8@
@1'm on my way8@
1 fo((ow 6a*rie( )own the stairs an) into the sho,8
Bret gives "s each a re,ort8 @So here's what's ha,,ening8 1n a*o"t an ho"r0 She((ey
Cham*ers DaSi(va is going to come into the sho, an) o*serve8 She wants to see what
ins,ires yo"r )esigns0 how !"ne an) 6a*rie( c"t ,atterns0 an) A(fre)'s ro(e as yo"r *rother
an) *"siness ,artner8 She's a cons"(tant0 an) she re,s the maAor )e,artment stores8 #hey
sen) her o"t to see how yo" create yo"r ,ro)"ct8 She's on the (ooko"t for a so(i) o,eration
with goo) *"siness ,ractices8 She's (ooking at yo"0 ?a(0 to "n)erstan) yo"r a,,roach an)
sensi*i(ity an) how Ange(ini shoes fit in their overa(( se((ing ,(an8@
@$o" sho"() show her yo"r new sketches8 .ike the La "o&a0@ A(fre) says8 @#hat's a
rea( ca((ing car)8@
@#hanks8@ 1 (ook at my *rother0 who has *een here since )awn8 His metho)ica( sty(e0
(eft over from years as an e;ec"tive in the *anking in)"stry0 comes in han)y on mornings
(ike these0 when we have to ,resent o"r wares to a wi)er wor()8 #he fo()ers are neat(y
(a*e(e) on the c"tting ta*(eH there's a c", of n"m*er 2 ,enci(s0 a ,ot of coffee *rewing0 an)
a sma(( *o; containing *atteries an) cor)s in case Ms8 DaSi(va's (a,to, nee)s a *oost8
A(fre) consi)ers every scenario a(ways8 1've come to re(y on his sense of )etai( in *"siness8
@Have yo" to() the re, a*o"t o"r ,ro)"ction )ea( in B"enos AiresC@
@She knows a(( a*o"t it8 1n fact0 she has contacts in Argentina0 an) they've a(rea)y
gone over an) checke) o"t 4o*erta's factory8 #hey were im,resse) with the <"a(ity of the
man"fact"ring8 4o*erta met every stan)ar)8 So now a(( we have to )o is se(( them the initia(
or)er0@ Bret says8
@7"r ho,e is that they take the f"(( or)er for ten tho"san) ,airs of shoes8 1t wo"()
make o"r (ives so m"ch easier if we )i)n't have to fin) another ven)or to stock the
remains0@ A(fre) a))s8
@Do we have to )o anything s,ecia( for this She((ey ,ersonC@ 6a*rie( asks8 @1 wo"()
(ove to )emonstrate my ,attern:c"tting techni<"e8@
@5o nee) to gran)stan)8@ Bret smi(es8
@%ho0 meC@
@!"st *e yo"rse(f0@ Bret ass"res him8
#he ,hone in the sho, rings8 @Ange(ini Shoes0@ A(fre) says8 He (ooks at me8 @She's
right here8@ A(fre) han)s the ,hone to me8
@?a(entine0 we met a few years ago at !"ne's ,(ace8 #his is her neigh*or0 1rv 4ai*(e8@
@#he c("* ownerC@ 1 remem*er 1rv ha) a ,iano *ar that !"ne "se) to fre<"ent with
6ram8 7ne night0 1 Aoine) them8
@$eah0 that's me8 %e((0 !"ne ca((e) me this morning0 rea((y ear(y8 She wasn't fee(ing
we((0 an) so 1 went over8 An) 1 was going to take her to Saint ?incent's::over to the
emergency room8 B"t she ha) her *reakfast an) seeme) *etter8 An) now888we((0 1 think yo"
sho"() come over right away8@
@#o !"ne'sC@
@$es8 '(ease8 An) h"rry8@
1 hang ", the ,hone8 @1'm sorry0 g"ys0 1've got to go8 Something is wrong with
!"ne8@
@1'(( go with yo"0@ 6a*rie( says8
@5o0 no0 yo" stay an) )o the meeting8 1 )on't know how (ong 1 wi(( *e8@ 1 gra* my
coat an) ,"rse an) r"n for the )oor8 Snow *egins to fa((0 stea)y an) white0 onto the
co**(estone street8
1 r"n to the corner of %ashington an) hai( a ca*8 As the ca* whisks me from the
%est ?i((age to the East0 my heart *egins to ,o"n)8 1 A"m, o"t on East &th Street an) fin)
!"ne's *rownstone a,artment *"i()ing8 1 ring 1rv's *e(( an) then !"ne's8 He ,okes his hea)
o"t of the secon):story win)ow of !"ne's a,artment8 He throws me the keys8
1 race ", the stairs8
1rv0 a m"sc"(ar *"t sma(( man of si;ty with a shave) hea) an) a go() hoo, earring0
sto,s me in the )oor8 @1'm sorry0 ?a(entine8 She's gone8@
@4one(@
1 ,"sh ,ast 1rv an) into the *e)room8 #he %eather Channe( is on the te(evision set8 1
sh"t it off an) t"rn to the *e)8 !"ne (ies sti(( on to, of her 1n)ian ma)ras *e)s,rea)H the *e)
is ma)e "n)erneath her8 She is )resse) for work8 Her *right re) ,igtai(s s,ort ri**ons8 1
to"ch her face8 Her skin is coo( to the to"ch8 She ha)n't yet ,"t on her (i,stick8 She smi(es
,eacef"((yH her face has the co"ntenance of a chi()'s8
@1 think it was a heart attack8 ?ery fast0@ 1rv says from *ehin) me8 @1 can't *e(ieve
it8@
@1 know8 1 know8 #he ,ict"re of hea(th8@
1 go to the win)ow an) c(ose it8
@Have yo" ever fo"n) some*o)y888some*o)y who A"st )ie)C@
1 shake my hea) that 1 haven't8
@1t's the strangest thing8 #hey )on't (eave right away8 $o" know she's sti(( here8@
@%hat )o yo" meanC@
@Her s,irit is in the room8 1'(( go )own an) wait for EMS8 $o" take yo"r time8@
1rv goes0 c(osing the )oor *ehin) him8 An) for a moment0 1 want to fo((ow him o"t8
1've on(y *een to wakes an) f"nera(s0 where the )ea) (ie in fancy caskets0 )resse) in their
S"n)ay *est0 in f"(( make", an) s"rro"n)e) *y *o"<"ets of f(owers8 #his is new an)
strange to me8 1 knee( ne;t to the *e)8
1 take !"ne's han) in mine8
1 *ow my hea)0 not to ,ray0 *"t to ,ict"re her coming in the sho, with coffee every
morning0 an) on Fri)ays with a )o"ghn"t for each of "s8 An) 1 think a*o"t a(( the things
she ta"ght me that no woman in my fami(y co"() ever say for fear of com,romising their
mora( co)e8 B"t for !"ne0 it wasn't a com,romise at a((8 !"ne *e(ieve) in (ove an) making
(ove an) making *etter (ove8 She (ive) in her *o)y witho"t a,o(ogy8 #here was so m"ch
more for me to (earn from her8
An) now0 a(( there wi(( *e is mo"rning8 !"ne trie) to ,re,are me0 *"t 1 wo"()n't
(isten8 So now 1 have to ho() on to everything she sai)0 (ike )irections given in a stormH her
wor)s wi(( (ea) me to safety8 1 cry when 1 rea(i9e 1 won't *e a*(e to ta(k with her ever again8
@Are yo" here0 !"neC@ 1 (ook at her ,eacef"( face8 @%hatever yo"'re seeing0 m"st *e
,retty ama9ing8@
1 (ook o"t the win)ow8
@1t's snowing0 !"ne8 $o" wo"()'ve *een *itching this morning8@ 1 smi(e an)
remem*er how she hate) the snow8 @#hank yo"0 frien)8 #hank yo" for *eing 6ram's *est
frien)0 an) then0 when she move) away0 yo" *ecame mine8 $o" never treate) me (ike
anything *"t a ,eer8 $o" a(ways ma)e me fee( that 1 earne) my seat at the c"tting ta*(e8 $o"
ta"ght me so m"ch8 1 )on't know what 1'(( ever )o witho"t yo"8@ 1 ho() on to !"ne's han)8
An) it's the strangest thing0 the (onger 1 ho() on0 the more it fee(s (ike she's (ea)ing me
somewhere8 1 )on't re(ease my gri, for a (ong time8
1t's a *("r when the ,o(ice come with EMS an) 1rv e;,(ains what ha,,ene)8 1 hear
them when they )ec(are her )ea)0 then (ift her caref"((y onto a g"rney an) carry her o"t8
1 stan) a(one in her very neat0 s,are a,artment0 with its (ow:s("ng (eather chairs0
f"ton sofa0 an) (ong *am*oo coffee ta*(e0 a stack of *ooks from the ,"*(ic (i*rary in the
center8 !"ne ha) checke) o"t *rs. Astor #egrets *y Mery( 6or)on0 a *iogra,hy of %a((is
Sim,son %in)sor ca((e) *rs. +impson *y Char(es Higham0 an) a (arge *ook of .o"ise
Dah(:%o(fe ,hotogra,hs8
#he wa((s0 ,ainte) *right white0 are covere) with ,osters0 one of the AB# *a((et
season in 12+- an) another of a *("egrass m"sic festiva( in %est ?irginia in 12-&8 5othing
crafty (ies aro"n)::no ho**y e<"i,ment0 no knitting nee)(es or sketch,a)s0 on(y a yoga
mat0 ro((e) ", neat(y in the corner8 An) there's an ",right ,iano8 1 ha) no i)ea she ,(aye)8
1 go into the kitchen0 min)(ess(y rea((y8 1 (ook in the sink8 S,ot(ess8 Her cerea( *ow(
is washe)0 sing(e s,oon0 m"g for tea8 A(( c(ean0 as tho"gh she knew she was (eaving8 1 o,en
the fri)ge8 1t's near(y em,ty8 1 remem*er that she (eaves work ear(y on Mon)ays to go
grocery sho,,ing8 #hat's why the c",*oar) is *are8
@$o" a(( rightC@ 1rv says0 (eaning against the wa(( that connects the kitchen to the
(iving room8
@5ot rea((y8@ 1 c(ose the refrigerator )oor8
@She ta(ke) a*o"t yo" a(( the time8 $o" an) yo"r fami(y8 She (ove) the Ange(s8
#hat's what she ca((e) yo" g"ys8 5ot the Ange(inis0 *"t the Ange(s8 $o" know0 yo" were the
on(y n"m*er she ha) on her emergency ca(( (ist8@
@$o" mean my gran)mother8@
@5o0 o%8 ?a(entine8@
@4ea((y8@ #his makes me smi(e8
@She (ove) yo"ng ,eo,(e8 Ha) frien)s of a(( ages8@
@$es0 she )i)8@
@1 got her stash o"t0@ he says matter:of:fact(y8
@E;c"se meC@
@$o" know8 Her stash8 Her mariA"ana8@
@7h0 my 6o)8@ 1 r"* my eyes with my han)s8
@5o worries8 1 think <"ick(y on my feet8 Es,ecia((y right after 1 ca(( the co,s8@ He
smi(es8 @Do yo" want itC@
@#he ,otC 5o thanks0 1rv8@
@%e((0 here's her key8 $o" can c(ean o"t the a,artment whenever yo" wish8 She to()
me the contents were yo"rs8 1'm s"re there's a wi(( here somewhere8@
@Are yo" the (an)(or)C@ 1 ask8
@$e,8 Been her neigh*or an) (an)(or) for twenty:seven years8 %hen 1 was a ki) (ike
yo"0 1 rente) in this *"i()ing0 an) then 1 save) an) save)0 an) one )ay0 1 save) eno"gh to
*"y it $efore the *oom0 thank yo" !es"s8 #he first thing 1 )i) was move !"ne in8 She chose
this a,artment for the (ight8@
@1 remem*er when she (ive) on the E,,er %est Si)e8@
@$o"'ve known her a (ong time8@
@A(( my (ife8@
@%hen she move) )own here0 she fo"n) her *(iss8 $o" know0 yo" can sti(( *e
yo"rse(f in this ,art of town8 Di) yo" ever see her )anceC@
@5o0 1 never )i)8@
@She was a won)er8 .ong (ean *o)y0 (egs that went on for )ays8 %hen she was
yo"ng0 she ha) no ,eer8 4e) hair to her waist0 f(ying *ehin) her when she') )o these
ama9ing A"m,s8 She starte) o"t with 'a"( #ay(or8 So )i) 18 #hat's how we first met8 1'((
never forget her )ancing8 #hat's for s"re8@
1 stan) on East &th Street in the ?i((age in the snow8 #hro"gh the f("rries0 1 can see
stran)s of Christmas:tree (ights across the street at the neigh*orhoo) stan) where they se((
trees8 4e)0 green0 an) *("e 4oma (ights sway in the win)0 ,"nching co(or into the gray
morning8
@7h0 !"ne0@ 1 say o"t (o")8 @$o" (eft me at Christmas8@ #ears an) snow sting my
face0 *"t 1 )on't move8 1 can't8 !"ne is gone8
#he first thing 1 )o after 1 te(( 6a*e0 Bret0 an) A(fre) a*o"t !"ne is go ", to the roof8
#he snow has sto,,e)0 (eaving a )"sting on the roof8 1 take in *ig g"(,s of air0 ho,ing it wi((
he(, me sto, crying8 B"t 1 can't8
1 aske) A(fre) to ca(( Mom an) my sisters8 1 to() him that 1 wo"() te(( 6ram8 1 ,"((
o"t my ,hone an) scro(( )own to 6ram's n"m*er8 1 (ook )own at it0 an) think *etter of it for
a moment an) scro(( *ack ", to the ,revio"s n"m*erD 6ian("ca ?echiare((i8
1 )on't want to ca(( him0 an) yet0 he's the on(y ,erson in the wor() 1 want to ta(k to8
He wi(( comfort me8 He knows how8 1 ,ress the sen) *"tton8 #he ,hone c(icks into the
internationa( (ine0 an) 1 hear faint *"99ing an) then a series of *ee,s8
@'ronto8@ 1 hear 6ian("ca's voice0 *o() an) strong on the other en)8 1 *egin to cry8
@'rontoC@ he says again8
@6ian("ca0 it's ?a(entine8 1n 5ew $ork8@
@%hat's wrongC@ he says soft(y8
@!"ne )ie)8@
@7h0 ?a(entina8@
@1 nee) to ca(( 6ram0 *"t 1 tho"ght yo" co"() *e with her when 1 ca((e)0 in case she
gets ",set8@ My cries t"rn to wee,ing8
@7f co"rse0 of co"rse0@ he says8 @1'm so sorry0 ?a(entina8@
@1 )on't know what 1'm going to )o0@ 1 wai(8 @1 was waiting for her to come to work
this morning8 An) now 1'(( never see her again8@
@%here's 6a*rie(C@ he asks8
@Down in the sho,8 He's a mess too8 !"ne ta"ght him how to c"t ,atterns8 1 mean0
she traine) him0 yo" knowC She ta"ght him everything she knew8@
@She was a won)erf"( woman8@
@An) she was a(( a(one0@ 1 wai(8
@5o0 no0 &arissima8 She was s"rro"n)e) *y (ove8@
@5o0 1 went over there an) she was a(( a(one8 1 co"()n't *ear it8@
@#hat was her choice8 !"ne wante) her ,rivacy at the en)8 #hat's )ifferent from not
*eing (ove)8 She was (ove)8 $o" took goo) care of her8@
His wor)s soothe me8 !"ne was 6ian("ca's greatest cham,ion8 She on(y met him a
few times (ast fa((0 *"t she rea) a(( of his (etters an) (ove) every sing(e wor) he wrote8 1
*("rt0 @1'm sorry a*o"t everything0 6ian("ca8 1 never meant to h"rt yo"8 1 )i)n't fo((ow yo"
when yo" (eft the hote(8 1 was too ,ro")8 An) 1'm sorry a*o"t that st",i) (etter 1 sent8 1'm
a(ways Aoking aro"n)0 as if h"mor is what is re<"ire) in every sit"ation8 1t's not8 #here's
nothing f"nny a*o"t yo"r fee(ings888or mine8 1 never meant to )iminish yo" in any way with
my )"m*0 cava(ier attit")e8@ My face stings where my tears meet the co()8
@1 "n)erstan)0@ he says soft(y8
@#hank yo"8@
@1 go to 'a,a's now8 $o" ca(( there0 okayC@
@7kay8@
1 f(i, the ,hone sh"t an) ho() it c(ose to me8 A co() winter win) kicks ", an) *(ows
the snow off the roof west towar) the H")son 4iver (ike a sheet stretche) across a s"mmer
c(othes(ine8 #he snow c(o")s hang (ow over my river in a vei( of gray fog8 1 can't see
anything8 Everything0 it seems0 is gone8
6ram an) Dominic change) their air(ine tickets to come to 5ew $ork sooner than
they ,(anne) for !"ne's f"nera(8 !"ne's frien)s have ,(anne) a f"nera(F(ife ce(e*ration0 a
hy*ri) Catho(icFB"))hist ceremony at 1ntegra( $oga on 13th Street8
!"ne took yoga c(asses there for years8 7f (ate0 she ha) starte) 'i(ates0 *"t yoga was
a ,assion with her8 She') often gra* a c(ass )"ring ("nch when she worke) in the sho,8 A
few *(ocks from the Ange(ini Shoe Com,any0 she') throw her ro((e):", mat in its case on
her *ack (ike a sack of arrows for her *ow8 She') ret"rn an ho"r (ater0 centere)0 ca(m0 an)
rea)y for an afternoon of har) work8
6a*rie( ta,s on my *e)room )oor8 He ,eeks in8 @$o" rea)yC@ 6a*rie( a)A"sts his
*(ack tie which he wears with a *(ack shirt0 an) a *(ack s"it8
@5ot rea((y8@ 1 straighten the 9i,,er on my skirt8 @Do yo" think 1'm over)resse)C@
@Have yo" ever *een to 1ntegra( $ogaC $o"'re wa over)resse)8 An) so am 18 'eo,(e
me)itate in their "n)erwear over there8@
@1t's not the grocery store0 is itC@
@#he nat"ra( foo)s section is )ownstairs8 %e're going ",stairs to the yoga st")ios8
%hat )i) yo" thinkC %e') ,"t !"ne to rest in the raw n"ts sectionC@
@1 have no e;,ectations8@
@$o"'re *etter off0@ 6a*rie( says8 @1 sho, there from time to time8 An) those vegans
are the (east hea(thy:(ooking ,eo,(e 1've ever seen8 #heir skin tone is ,"ce8 #hey nee) to eat
a *"rger8 B"t 1'm not getting invo(ve) in that movement8 Be(ieve me8@
6ram an) Dominic are )resse) an) waiting for "s in the (iving room8 6ram (ooks
*ea"tif"( in a navy s"it that !"ne (ike)8 Dominic wears a *(ack s"it with a navy:*("e:an):
white:stri,e) tie8
@6a*rie(0 what yo"'ve )one with the ho"se is marve(o"s8@
@6ram0 1 was a nervo"s wreck *efore yo" got here0@ he te((s her8 @1 rea((y change) it
",0 yo" know8@
@1 a,,rove8 1 (ove what yo" )i) in Mike's room ",stairs8 $o" ke,t the wa((,a,er an)
,ainte) the f"rnit"re8@
@Are yo" comforta*(e in thereC@
@?ery m"ch8@ Dominic smi(es8
@%e') *etter go0@ 1 te(( them8
Even tho"gh 1ntegra( $oga is on(y a few *(ocks from o"r *"i()ing0 with the snow
an) ice0 1 )i)n't want to take any chances of 6ram or Dominic fa((ing0 so we or)ere) a town
car8 As we )rive across 'erry Street0 we *o"nce on the co**(estones8 !"ne wo"() have
gotten a kick o"t of the town car going s"ch a short )istance8 She )i)n't (ike anything on
whee(s0 e;ce,t her work stoo(8 She') take the *"s0 *"t on(y in a ,inch8 She wa(ke)
everywhere in this city0 regar)(ess of the weather8
%hen we arrive at 1ntegra( $oga0 there's a han):,rinte) sign on the )oor that says
D)<. LAWT3<
with an arrow ,ointing ",8 6a*rie( ho()s the )oor o,en8 6ram an) 1 go ", the stairs0
fo((owe) *y 6a*rie( an) Dominic8
%hen we arrive at St")io C0 the room is fi((e) with a few rows of fo()ing chairs0
an) on the f(oor0 a series of sma(( yoga mats (ai) neat(y in front of them::for anyone who
wants to sit ,ret9e( sty(e )"ring the service0 1 imagine8 1t's a fair(y (arge room with ,o(ishe)
*(on) woo)8 #he (ong wa(( o,,osite the )oor is covere) with f(oor:to:cei(ing mirrors8 #he
mo"rners hang their "m*re((as an) snow gear on the *arre8 A (arge win)ow over(ooks the
*ack gar)en8 A (one(y o() tree0 with gray gnar(e) *ranches0 is g(a9e) with ice8
My fami(y takes ", two rows of fo()ing chairs8 %e are )resse) (ike a ,ack of )evo"t
Catho(ics0 whi(e !"ne's frien)s0 ages nineteen to ninety0 mi(( aro"n) in Aeans0 s,an)e; skirts
with (eggings0 an) for one gent(eman0 in a *right *("e kimono8 My fami(y (ooks com,(ete(y
o"t of ,(ace0 (ike Ca,o)imonte (am,s at a Conran's yar) sa(e8 !"ne wo"() (ove the contrast8
Mom is a(rea)y wee,ing8 She wears a *(ack ,i((*o; hat with a whimsy that casca)es
over her eyes8 %hen she sees 6ram0 she gets ", an) goes to her8
My sisters an) their h"s*an)s anchor the secon) row0 having save) seats for 6a*rie(
an) me on the en)8 #hey )ra,e) my mother's *(ack ,ashmina scarf over the chairs to
reserve them8
A(fre) stan)s in the *ack in a ,ro,er s"it8 He no)s to me as 6a*rie( an) 1 take o"r
seats8 Bret waves to "s from the corner8
#he makeshift a(tar is sim,(e an) *ea"tif"(8 A stat"e of B"))ha0 carve) o"t of r"*y
mar*(e0 rests on a ,e)esta( )irect(y in front of the seats8 #hree sma(( can)(es are (it at the
*ase8
7n a sma(( ta*(e ne;t to the icon is a frame) ,hotogra,h of !"ne8 1t's *(ack an)
white in a *(ack (ac<"er frame8 She is )ancing0 A"m,ing high thro"gh the air8 !"ne is a(so
n%de8 My father stares into the eye*a((s of the B"))ha to avoi) (ooking at yo"ng0 nake)
!"ne8
@From my co((ection0@ 1rv whis,ers0 ta,,ing me on the sho"()er an) ,ointing to the
,hotogra,h8
@"ellissima0@ 1 say to him8
#he ,hotogra,h is ,"re !"ne0 ca"ght in the vigor of yo"th8 Her *o)y was a work of
artH her thigh m"sc(es0 )own thro"gh the e;tension of her (ong an) gracef"( ca(ves0 a,,ear
chise(e) in granite8 Her s(im ank(es an) ,ointe) toes com,(ement the *o() arc of her han)0
which ,ractica((y to"ches her toes as she )oes a f(ying *ack*en) in mi)air8 Her hair f(ies
*ehin) her (ike a si(k ca,e8
A Catho(ic ,riest0 wearing *(ack s(acks an) a 4oman co((ar "n)er a sweater0 enters0
carrying a sma(( (eather *ook8 1 recogni9e him from the e;,ress Mass at the cha,e( at Saint
?incent's Hos,ita(8 He is fo((owe) *y a *a() B"))hist monk in re) ro*es8
My father t"rns an) (ooks at me0 raising *oth eye*rows with an e;,ression that says0
This o%ghta $e ri&h8
@6oo) afternoon0 frien)s0@ the ,riest *egins8 @1'm Father Bo* Bon)0 an) this is my
frien)0 B"))hist monk Bing .ao8@ #he monk *ows )ee,(y from the waist8 @%e *oth knew
!"ne0 an) we tho"ght we') ta(k a *it a*o"t her0 an) then yo"0 her (ove) ones0 can get ", an)
s,eak if yo" wish8@
@%here's the *o)yC@ 1 hear my father ask my mother8 She ,"ts her finger to her (i,s
so he won't ask any f"rther <"estions8 #he Ch"rch of Enortho)o;F1ntegra( $oga is not my
father's thing8 %hen it comes to )eath0 my father nee)s fami(iar rit"a(s he can co"nt on to
get him thro"gh8 #his isn't it8
#he )oor to the yoga st")io ,"shes o,en8 'ame(a0 in a )ress coat an) matching hat0
(ooks aro"n) for o"r fami(iar faces8 My sisters an) 1 wave to her8 %e have t"rne) into the
sweetest0 most so(icito"s sisters:in:(aw in history since A(fre) an) 'ame(a hit the rocks8 %e
co"() not *e more s",,ortive8 %e give her s,ace an) free *a*ysitting services whenever
she nee)s them8 %hen 'ame(a's eyes meet A(fre)'s0 she weaves her way thro"gh the crow)
to the *ack of the room to stan) with him8
My father takes my mother's han) an) s<"ee9es it8
Father Bon) *egins0 @!"ne was *orn an) *a,ti9e) 4oman Catho(ic8 She was *orn in
Brook(yn0 atten)e) what "se) to *e ca((e) Saint !ose,h's Aca)emy on .ong 1s(an)8 She
went to co((ege for two years at Marymo"nt0 when she was chosen to to"r internationa((y
with the 'a"( #ay(or Dance Com,any8 !"ne went a(( over the wor()::1re(an)0 'o(an)0
6ermany0 1ta(y8
@!"ne cherishe) her years as a ,rofessiona( )ancer8 She *ecame a )evote) yoga
,ractitioner0 an) often ta"ght c(ass here at 1ntegra(8@
@Di) yo" know thatC@ 6a*rie( whis,ers8
@1 ha) no i)ea she ta"ght c(asses8@
@!"ne atten)e) Mass at the Dorothy Day Center in the East ?i((age8@
@1 )i)n't know that either0@ 1 whis,er to 6a*rie(8
@1 tho"ght she was a co((a,se) Catho(ic8 .ike me0@ he whis,ers *ack8
@!"ne wo"() say0 'Father0 remem*er to ,ray for me0 *eca"se 1 ,ray for yo"8' #his
was the essence of this goo) woman0 now in 6o)'s han)s8 She (ooke) o"t for those she
care) a*o"t0 an) she wa(ke) in the wor() with a *ig heart8 She wi(( *e misse)8@
#he ,riest ste,s *ack as the monk ste,s forwar)8 @!"ne e;,resse) herse(f thro"gh
the ,hysica(0 in a way that most of "s cannot8@
@She s"re is e;,ressing herse(f in that ,ict"re0@ my father whis,ers to my mother8
#he monk contin"es0 @!"ne )ance)0 an) when she )i)0 she *ecame a work of art8
She share) her ta(ents0 an) "n)erstoo) the core of B"))hism0 which is renewa( an)0
"(timate(y0 renaissance8 She "n)erstoo) that one m"st change in or)er to grow8 #hat one
m"st move thro"gh (ife0 not stan) sti((0 *"t move with it888@
@1 A"st wish she ha) )one it in a (eotar)0@ my father m"m*(es8
@!"ne *e(ieve) that a*o"t ha,,iness0 an) a(so ,ain8 Her )eath remin)s "s that if we
stay ,resent0 we can )ie on an or)inary morning0 witho"t fanfare or )rama::*"t in a state of
,eace an) contentment8 1 take this (esson from !"ne's (ife::an) her )eathD .et go an) (et *e8@
%e sit in si(ence for a moment8 #he ,riest then says0 @%e offer the f(oor to anyone
who wo"() (ike to s,eak8@
My mother c(ears her throat0 stan)s0 moves *efore the a(tar0 an) stan)s *etween the
,riest an) the monk8 She goes into her ,"rse an) ,"((s o"t her e"(ogy8
Mom "nfo()s the ,a,er8 1 can see she ,rinte) it o"t in e;tra (arge (etters so she
wo"()n't have to wear her rea)ing g(asses in front of strangers8
@#hank yo" a(( for coming to !"ne .awton's memoria( service8 My name is Mike
Ange(ini 4onca((i8 #ho"gh 1've never met most of yo"0 1'm s"re yo" a(( (ove) !"ne as 1 )i)0
as my fami(y )i)8@ Mom inha(es )ee,(y0 so as not to cry8 @1 was yo"ng when 1 met !"ne888@
@She was thirty:si;0@ #ess whis,ers an) ro((s her eyes8
@1 a(rea)y ha) a fami(y an) res,onsi*i(ities8 !"ne was a 6reenwich ?i((age
*ohemian::yo" )on't see too many of those aro"n) anymore::an) she was a(so a *est frien)
to my mother0 who is here to)ay8
@5ear(y thirty years ago0 !"ne was (ooking to )o a Ao* that was creative *"t
cha((enging8 She *ecame the *est ,attern c"tter my ,arents ever ha) at the Ange(ini Shoe
Com,any8 B"t she was so m"ch more to "s8 She was a confi)ante an) a frien)8 7ne of "s0
even tho"gh she was a g(orio"s 1rish re)hea) with eyes as *("e as the waves of the 5orth
Sea on a s"mmer )ay8
@1 have many fon) memories of o"r )ear !"ne0 *"t 1') (ike to (eave yo" with this
(itt(e story8 1 was going thro"gh some ,ro*(ems in my (ife0 an) !"ne knew it8 She took me
o"t for a (ong wa(k0 an) in that very honest way she ha)0 she to() me 1 was f"(( of *a(oney0
an) 1 nee)e) to *"ck ", an) sto, *eing a ninny8@
#he "n)er)resse) mo"rners no) in a,,rova(8
@!"ne )i)n't s"ffer foo(s8 An) whi(e888@ My mother goes off scri,t8 She fo()s her
s,eech in ha(f an) ,"ts her han)s *ehin) her *ack8
!ac(yn an) #ess (ean towar) me8 #his co"() go so"th <"ick(y8
@An) whi(e 1 can *e a foo(0 1 thank 6o) !"ne co"() s,ot one8 She set me straight
that )ay8 An) 1 think that's the most (oving thing a goo) frien) can )o0 to *e honest when
yo" nee) it0 an) even when yo" fai(0 she stan)s *y yo"8@
Mom (ooks ", to heaven8
@#hank yo"0 !"ne8@ Mom takes a ste, to go *ack to her seat8
1rv 4ai*(e stan)s an) hits a ,orta*(e CD ,(ayer8 Mi(es Davis ,(ays 4ave( as we sit
an) (isten8 %hen the m"sic conc(")es0 the ,riest says0 @#hank yo" for coming an) honoring
o"r frien) to)ay8 1 know she wo"() *e gratef"(8@
My mother ,o,s ", an) anno"nces0 @7h0 an) everyone0 ,(ease come to 1++ 'erry
Street after the service for ("nch8 Father888@ #he ,riest no)s8 @An) Mr8 Monk .ao888@ #he
B"))hist ,riest no)s that he wi(( atten)8 #hen Mom (ooks o"t over the mo"rners8 @#here'((
*e ,(enty of foo)@::she (ooks aro"n)::@ta**o"(eh for yo" veggie B"))hist ,eo,(e888@
@$o"r mother a(ways knows the e;act right thing to say0@ 6a*rie( says soft(y8
#he B"))hist monk smi(es at my mother0 an) *ows )ee,(y to her from the waist8
@#hank yo"0@ he says8
An) then0 my mother0 the nice Catho(ic gir( from 'erry Street0 *ows to the B"))hist
monk on the )ay we say goo):*ye to o"r !"ne8
After we ,"t 6ram an) Dom *ack in the car an) sent the rest of the fami(y *ack to
'erry Street0 6a*rie( an) 1 sett(e) ", with the fo(ks at 1ntegra( $oga *efore wa(king *ack to
Aoin !"ne's f"nera( ("ncheon8 #wo ,o,"(ar yoga c(asses ha) to *e cance(e) to accommo)ate
!"ne's ceremony0 an) we fe(t it was on(y right to com,ensate the ven"e8
@$o" okayC@ 1 ask 6a*e8
@1'm sick of it8@
@7f whatC'
@Death8 F"nera(s8 1'm over it8@
@#hat's the ,oint of a f"nera(0 to *egin to hea( an) move thro"gh it8 $o" hear) the
monk8@
@$eah8 1 g"ess8 $o" know0 1 think !"ne ha) a ,(an8@
@4ea((yC@ 1 never saw !"ne as a woman who ma)e ,(ans in a)vanceH she seeme)
a(ways to *e of the moment8 1 never aske) her to )inner a week in a)vance::she wo"()
never remem*er the )ate8 B"t if yo" gra**e) her after work for a ,asta r"n to 'icco(o
Ango(o0 she was ", for it8
@!"ne wante) to (eave things neat0@ 6a*rie( says8 @!"ne ta"ght me to c(ear the
c"tting ta*(e every night8 She never c"t a new ,attern at the en) of a working )ay8 She sai)
yo" sho"() on(y ever show ", to a c(ean work s,ace8@
1 think a*o"t !"ne's a,artment8 Everything was c(ean0 ,ristine0 an) in ,(ace8 She was
)resse)8 She was rea)y to wa(k o"t the )oor8
@Do yo" think she knewC@
@#hat she was gonna )ieC 5o0 1 )on't8 1rv's *een c(earing her answering machine an)
ca((ing ,eo,(e8 An) there was a message from !"ne's )ea(er8 1 think if she knew she was
)ying0 she wo"() have cance(e) the or)er8@
As we cross /th Aven"e at Horatio Street0 1 see that o"r ?i((age has change)8 #he
6reenwich ?i((age of !"ne's hey)ay is gone8 5ow o"r neigh*ors are ,o(ishe) an) in many
ways ,re)icta*(e8 Bohemians of the new or)er wear #heory s"its an) *oots from !effrey's8
#hey ta(k on ce(( ,hones an) r"sh aro"n) A"st (ike ",towners8
1 (ook ahea)0 )own !ane Street0 where !"ne ma)e her way to the Ange(ini Shoe
Com,any on foot every morning8 An) 1 swear for a moment 1 see her0 wa(king at a c(i,0 her
)ancer's neck (ea)ing her forwar)0 her (egs e;ten)e) in (ong0 gracef"( stri)es0 her *right
*("e coat "n*"ttone) in the co() f(a,,ing over her work smock0 as she A"gg(es two coffees
from the )e(i8 She makes the t"rn onto 'erry Street0 with a yoga mat s("ng across her *ack0
her re) *rai)s f(ying *ehin) her in the win) as she goes8
1%
Don"t $ver Be Afraid to 7o ome
%E 74DE4ED SA5D%1CH '.A##E4S0 .7ADED with wra,s0 cr")ite trays0
an) fresh fr"it ,(ates for )e(ivery from %ho(e Foo)s for !"ne's farewe((8 5ever say @free
("nch@ in 6reenwich ?i((age to former )ancers::yo" are ass"re) a f"(( an) h"ngry ho"se8
#owar) the en) of the ("nch0 1rv comes into the kitchen0 where 1'm he(,ing 6a*rie(
fi; the (ast shaker of martinis for the Cor,s )e Ba((et Mo"rners8
@#his was (ove(y8 ?a(entine0 1') (ike yo" to have this8@
1rv gives me the frame) n")e ,hotogra,h of !"ne that grace) her memoria( service8
@Are yo" s"reC@ 1 say to him8
He shr"gs8 @1 want yo" to have it8 1've enAoye) it a(( these years888@
My father eaves)ro,s as he ,"((s the creamer from the fri)ge8 @%ho wo"()n'tC@ He
ch"ck(es8
@1rv0 )i) yo" meet my )a)0 D"tch 4onca((iC@
1rv an) Da) shake han)s8
@1 have some ,hotogra,hs of me from the same show8@
@1rv was a )ancer too0 Da)8@
@%ere yo" wearing ,ants in yo"r ,ict"reC@ my father wants to know8
@E;c"se meC@ 1rv raises his eye*rows8
@$o" know0 pants8@ My father gra*s the thigh of his s"it ,ants an) gri,s it8
@5o0 1 was n")e0 too0@ 1rv a)mits8 @#he ,hotogra,hs were simi(ar8@
@%hy *reak ", the setC@ my father won)ers a(o")8
@1've got to get going0@ Bret says0 ,(acing his ,(astic c", in the recyc(ing8 @1'm
taking the gir(s to the Chatham ga9e*o to meet Santa8@
@So"n)s (ike f"n0@ 1 te(( him8 @#hank yo" for coming8@
@7f co"rse8 1 (ove) !"ne0 too8@
@An) she knew it8@
Fina((y the (ast of the g"ests go0 an) A"st o"r fami(y remains8 'ame(a has *een antsy
a(( afternoon8 1 notice) she got into a (ong conversation with the yoga instr"ctors from
1ntegra(8 May*e she wi(( fin) inner ,eace on 13th Street8 She ,"((s her coat on to go8
@#he *oys are at karate8 1 have to ,ick them ",0@ she says8
@1sn't yo"r mom meeting themC@ A(fre) asks8
@$eah0 *"t 1 (ike to *e home when they get home8@
@1f yo" wait0 1 can go with yo"8@
@5o0 no0 yo" stay8 1 can get the train8@
@B"t 6ram wo"() (ike to visit with yo"8@
#ess is hosting Christmas Eve with the )inner of the Seven Fishes at her ho"se0 an)
when she ca((e) to invite 'am0 'am was very nice0 *"t sai) she ha)n't ma)e ", her min)
a*o"t her ho(i)ay ,(ans yet8
@1 s,oke with 6ram0@ 'ame(a te((s him8
@7kay8@ A(fre) gives in8 He kisses 'ame(a on the cheek8 She t"rns to go8
@'amC@ My mother sto,s her8
She t"rns to my mother8
@1 nee) to ta(k to yo"0@ Mom says8
@5ot to)ay0 Mom0@ 1 say firm(y8
@1t's okay0@ Mom says0 as she si,s her secon) martini8
@5o0@ 1 say firm(y8 @1t's not a goo) time8@
1 im,(ore my sisters to he(, me8
'ame(a throws her ,"rse )own on the chair8 #hen she sits )own on the 9e*ra (ove
seat8
@A(( right0 Ma8 1'm a(( ears8 1 have no secrets in this gro",8 Have at me8 B"t if this is
a*o"t Christmas0 1 haven't ma)e ", my min) yet8@
@1 know8 An) there's no ,ress"re0@ my mother says8
'ame(a (ooks at me in )is*e(ief8
My mother stan)s an) ho()s on to the to, r"ng of her chair8 @#hank yo" for coming
to)ay8@
@$o"'re we(come8@
@'am0 1 was so ha,,y when yo" came in the )oor over at 1nterna( $oga8@
@;ntegral0@ 1 correct her8
@A(( right a(rea)y8 1ntegra(8@ Mom waves her han)8
@7f co"rse 1 wo"() *e there8 1 tho"ght the wor() of !"ne0@ 'ame(a says8 @She was
one of the (ast honest ,eo,(e on earth8@ 'am (ooks )own at her manic"re8
@%here's my motherC@ Mom (ooks aro"n)8
@She an) Dominic are )own in the sho,8@
@6oo)8@
Mom (ooks aro"n) the room8 7n(y my father0 my sisters0 an) their s,o"ses remain8
#he rest of the mo"rners have gone8
@1'm very ,ro") of my fami(y8@ Mom cries8
#ess han)s her a tiss"e8
@6o) knows we are a f(awe) gro",8 B"t yo" know it isn't &han&e that *ro"ght "s
together8 %e were meant to *e a fami(y8 An) 'am0 yo" are (ike my fo"rth )a"ghter8 1 re(ate
to yo"8 1've (ive) thro"gh yo"r ,ain8 1 "n)erstan) it8 !"st *eca"se 1 (ike my shoes to match
my *ag0 that )oesn't mean 1'm an i)iot8 1 have a min)8@
@1s that in )is,"teC@ My father *ites into a *rownie from the )essert tray8
Mom shoots him a (ook8 @$o"'ve *een an e;ce((ent )a"ghter:in:(aw0 'ame(a8 $o"'re
a won)erf"( mother::an) 1 know yo"'ve *een a goo) wife8 #his sit"ation is not in any way
yo"r fa"(t8@
@#hanks0 Ma8@ 'ame(a stan)s0 so my mother can <"it whi(e she's ahea)8 B"t my
mother )oesn't8
Mom contin"es0 @Marriage is (ike working in a coa( mine8 $o" hack away in the
)ark0 )ay after )ay0 *"sting rock0 an) yo" think yo"'re not getting anywhere0 an) then a(( of
a s"))en0 this (itt(e s(iver of s"n(ight a,,ears an) yo" say to yo"rse(f0 7h0 that's what 1've
*een waiting for::A"st a (itt(e (ight0 A"st a (itt(e *it of ho,e::a sign0 may*e0 that wi(( get me
thro"gh8 An) 'ame(a::it )oes8 $o" cannot throw away si;teen years of (ove an) (ife with
someone over a st",i) mistake8 $o" A"st can't8@
@Ma0 'ame(a nee)s time to think0@ A(fre) says8
'ame(a s,eaks )irect(y to my mother8 @1 res,ectf"((y ask yo" a(( to *"tt o"t8 %e're
too c(ose::or rather0 yo"'re too c(ose8 1'm not comforta*(e )isc"ssing my (ife with yo"8 1
have my frien)s to ta(k to::@
@!"st a wor) of ca"tion a*o"t frien)s0 'ame(a8 1 (ooke) (ike a foo( to a (ot of my
frien)s when 1 took D"tch *ack in 12/-8 #hey tho"ght 1 ha) a hea) f"(( of ch"rch
teachings0 or 1 was afrai) to (ose his ,ension::or the ho"se::or that it ha,,ene) on the c"s,
of co((ege for o"r ki)s0 an) that may*e *eca"se of a(( that0 1 staye) o"t of fear8 %e((0 1 think
yo" know me ,retty we((0 an) there aren't too many )ragons 1 won't s(ay::1'm ,retty to"gh8
An) so are yo"8 1 staye) *eca"se 1 knew 1 co"() (ove him again8 At the time 1 )i)n't (ove
him::sorry0 D"tch0 *"t it's tr"e8@
@1 knew it to *e tr"e0@ Da) agrees8 He (eans *ack in the chair an) c(oses his eyes8
@1 wante) nothing more to )o with him8 B"t 1 staye)0 hanging on to the i)ea that if 1
(ove) him once0 may*e 1 co"() (ove him again8 $o" owe it to yo"rse(f::*eca"se 1 ,romise
yo"0 many0 many months )own the roa)0 yo" wi(( *e gratef"( that yo" st"ck it o"t8 An) my
frien)sC 5ow that 1'm::now that 1'm of a certain age888@
My sisters an) 1 (ook at one another8 %e try not to smi(e8
@5ow that 1'm o()er an) wiser0 the very frien)s that a)vise) me to kick D"tch o"t
are remarrie)::an) in some cases0 "nha,,y in secon) marriages themse(ves::an) we ta(k
a*o"t staying vers"s goingH an) they a)mire that 1 (istene) to my own voice0 an) not theirs8
An) now 1 have this::the satisfaction of a (ife with a man that teste) his (ove for me0 an)
fo"n) o"t that he (ove) me a(( a(ong8 #hat's my ,rayer for yo"8 #hat yo" kee, yo"r own
co"nse(8 An) whatever yo" )eci)e0 yo" wi(( a(ways *e my )a"ghter8@
@#hanks0 Mom8@ 'ame(a t"rns to go8 She )igs into her coat ,ocket an) fin)s a c(ean
tiss"e8 She )a*s her eyes8 @1've rea((y got to get home8@
@%e can finish ", in the morning0@ 1 te(( A(fre)8
@7kay0 great8@ He gra*s his coat an) ,"((s it on8 @'amC@
She t"rns to A(fre)8
@1') (ike to ri)e home with yo"8@
'am (ooks at him8 #hen she fi;es the (a,e( on his coat8
@7kay0@ she says8
#hey go )own the stairs8 My mother ca((s after them0 @See yo" at #ess'sB@
My sisters an) 1 g(are at her8
@%here yo" gonna hang 5")ieC@ Da) asks 6a*rie(8
@7ver the sofa8@
@$o" *etter ,"t some swatches over the ,rivate areas8 %e got ki)s aro"n) here8@
#he roof is (it from the a,artment across the way0 in the 4ichar) Meier #owers8 1t
seems someone fina((y move) into the fo"rth:f(oor a,artment8 B"t we wo"()n't know8
6a*rie( ,"t ", a tre((is0 high eno"gh to o*sc"re the )irect view8 A(( that comes thro"gh the
(attice is the (ight0 throwing s<"ares of *right (ight on the roof8
1'm wra,,e) ", in a )own coat0 hat0 an) mittens8
1 (ook ", at the night sky0 an) there's no moon0 no stars0 A"st gray c(o")s in o))
sha,es8 !"ne fi((e) the sky with ,attern ,ieces tonight0 A"st for me8 1 think a*o"t o"r
conversations in the (ast severa( months of her (ife8 1 search her wor)s an) reactions for
c("es that might have ,orten)e) her )eath8 B"t 1 )on't think !"ne knew8 1 )on't think she ha)
any i)ea she was going to )ie8 An) more to the ,oint0 1 )on't think she care)8 My frien)
!"ne was a(( a*o"t (ife::the (iving0 an) the moment8
1 remem*er when she trie) to <"it work0 an) 1 wo"()n't (et her8 She co"() have
retire)0 it was her right to insist ",on it0 *"t she )i)n't8 She saw the fear in my eyes when
she s"ggeste) (eaving me a(one with A(fre) in the sho,8 She knew 1 nee)e) an a((y in the
transition8 She was one for me0 an) so m"ch more8
#hen0 crafty ,(anner that !"ne was0 she traine) 6a*rie( to take her Ao*0 even tho"gh
6a*rie( sti(( kee,s a night shift at the Car(y(e8 She ma)e ,attern c"tting0 one of the most
serio"s o,erations in o"r sho,0 sheer f"n for 6a*e::he a(most )i)n't notice that she was
teaching him a new ski(( that re<"ire) concentration0 techni<"e0 an) foc"s8 She traine)
6a*rie(0 knowing that if she s"ccee)e) in ,assing a(ong a(( she knew0 he') *e rea)y in the
event that she co"() no (onger work8 An) now that )ay has come0 an) 6a*rie( is rea)y to
take over8
1 ,ict"re the faces of the ,eo,(e that came to her memoria(0 s"ch a )is,arate *"nch
of ,eo,(e::o() artists0 yo"ng )ancers0 gays an) straights0 vi((age )iehar)s0 an) of co"rse my
fami(y8 !"ne (ive) in a wor() of her own )esign8 How many ,eo,(e can say thatC She chose
the ,eo,(e in her (ife caref"((y0 an) then she took care of them0 n"rt"re) them0 an)
enco"rage) them8
She )i)n't have to $e&ome a motherH she was a mother8
@%o"() yo" (ike some com,anyC@ 6ram says thro"gh the screen )oor8
@S"re0 s"re8@ 1 A"m, ", an) r"n to the )oor to he(, 6ram across the icy roof8 She
gri,s my arm as 1 g"i)e her to the chaise ne;t to mine8
1 e;,(ain the seating arrangement8 @6a*rie( an) 1 come ", here an) (ook at the sky8@
@1t (ooks (ove(y ", here8 Besi)es yo" an) my fami(y0 this roof is what 1 miss the
most a*o"t my o() (ife in 5ew $ork8@
@Do yo" (ike the new (ookC@ 1 ask her8
@1t's a rea( roof gar)en now8@
@%hen 6a*rie( finishe) the interiors0 he came ", here an) ,ainte) an) ,(ante)8 An)
)own in the sho,::!"ne traine) him0 an) he works rea((y har)8@
@1 can te((8 1 (ooke) at his ,attern work8 5ot *a)8@
@Do yo" think he can ever *e as goo) as !"neC@
@6ive him thirty years8@
1 shr"g8 @%here am 1 goingC 1 got thirty years8@
@1 wish 1 )i)8@ 6ram smi(es8
@$o" have a (ot of time0 6ram8@
@!"ne was yo"nger than me8@ 6ram t"rns to me8 @Di) she rea((y A"st go fast (ike
thatC@
@Her neigh*or 1rv ca((e) me8 1 A"m,e) in a ca*0 an) when 1 got there0 she was
gone8@
@1sn't that marve(o"sC@
@%e((0 1 g"ess8 For !"ne8@
@#hink a*o"t it8 $o" get ",0 eat yo"r *reakfast0 get )resse)8 #hen yo" (ie )own0 an)
cross over8 1 think it's A"st a*o"t the *est e;it 1've ever hear) of0@ 6ram says8
At 6ram's age of co"rse she thinks a*o"t )ying an) how an) when it wi(( ha,,en8 1
)on't give it m"ch tho"ght *"t 1 ,ro*a*(y wi(( from now on8 !"ne's )eath has ratt(e) me8 1
a(ways fe(t so yo"ng8 B"t now 1 see the f"t"re as finite0 not an en)(ess *o(t of si(k that
"nf"r(s ,erfect(y across the c"tting ta*(e8
@1 fee( so g"i(ty0 6ram8 !"ne wante) to retire0 *"t 1 wo"()n't (et her8@
@Don't yo" fee( *a) for one secon)8 !"ne a(ways )i) e;act(y what she wante) to )o8
1f she )i)n't want to work0 *e(ieve me0 she wo"()n't have *een here8 1 ha) to force her to
take vacation8 She never aske) for time off *eca"se it's a fami(y:owne) *"siness0 an) she
knew if she wasn't there0 1') have to )o her work8 An) she knew0 once 1 (eft0 when she took
off0 o%'d have to )o her work8 '(ease )on't worry a*o"t that8@
@B"t0 she gave ", a (ot to work here8@
@%hy )o yo" say thatC@ 6ram asks8
@1 )on't know8 She )i)n't have a h"s*an) or a fami(y8@
@She )i)n't want either of those things8@
@She )i)n'tC@
@5o0 she )i) not8 She ha) a very )iffic"(t chi()hoo)8 She got over it0 *"t it (eft her a
committe) free s,irit8 Her goa( in (ife was to *e se(f:s"fficient an) (ive a(one0 an) )o
e;act(y as she ,(ease)8 1 know she was afrai) a*o"t getting o()er0 an) on(y *eca"se she was
a(ways fearf"( of having a stroke an) going into a home8 #hat's nothing new8 1 have the
same fears8 B"t she )i)n't have a fami(y to make )ecisions for her8@
@1 was her emergency contact8@
@She ma)e a goo) choice8@ 6ram ,ats my han)8 @$o" know0 she ca((e) me in 1ta(y
<"ite a *it8 She ke,t me in the (oo,8 She was so ,ro") of yo"8 !"ne marve(e) at yo"r
)etermination to make the *"siness more ,rofita*(e8 1 worke) here over fifty years0 an) 1
never even change) the way we recor) in the (e)ger8 An) (ook at yo"8 1'm *are(y gone a
year0 an) yo"'re (a"nching a new (ine of affor)a*(e shoes8 $o"r gran)father is )ancing in
heaven8@
1 imagine my gran)father (ooking )own at me )resse) in a )a,,er t";e)o (ike Fre)
Astaire0 (ea,ing over the c(o")s to m"sic8 1 never saw my gran)father in a forma( s"it0 on(y
in work c(othes an) a co**(er's a,ron8
@Do yo" ever think a*o"t 6ran),o,C@
@S"re8 1 ta(k a*o"t him with Dominic8 An) he ta(ks a*o"t his first wife too8 %hen
yo" fa(( in (ove (ater in (ife0 yo" marry the history of the ,erson8 An) 1 think yo" know how
1 fee( a*o"t my memories8 #hey're my treas"re8 An) Dominic's are his0 too8@
@$o" know0 those (etters 4o*erta gave me he(,e) me "n)erstan) 6ran),o,8 5o
won)er he was so sa) sometimes::an) so ,rick(y8 He ha) a ro"gh chi()hoo)0 (osing his
mother0 an) then his "nc(e8@
6ram no)s8 @He )i)8@
@B"t yo" were a goo) wife to him8@
@5ot goo) eno"gh8 1 co"()n't he(, him *eat his sa)ness8 $o" know0 ?a(entine0 this is
the thing8 $o" can fa(( in (ove with someone0 an) *e(ieve in that ,erson0 *"t it )oesn't mean
that yo" can *"i() a (ife together8 1 never got in there with yo"r gran)father8 1 )on't know
how e(se to say it8 Dominic "n)erstan)s me::an) it's not com,(icate)8 1t was so com,(icate)
with Michae(8 So com,(e;8@
@1t sho"() *e easy0@ 1 say8 @$o" know0 1 think 1've fo"n) the ,erfect h"s*an)8@
@4ea((yC@ 6ram t"rns to me0 s"r,rise)8
@6a*rie( Bion)i8 6a*e an) 1 are (ike those gears on a Swiss movement watch8 %e
s,in in tan)em (ike two inter(ocking gi9mos witho"t a g(itch8 %e never fight8 %e )on't f"ss8
%e work together *ea"tif"((y in the sho,8 1t's A"st easy8@
#he c(o")s move overhea)0 ri,,(ing (ike ,attern ,a,er8 #he e)ges of the hori9on
over 5ew !ersey0 *eyon) the river0 f("tter (ike r"ff(es8 !"ne0 high in the heavens0 ,(aces the
moon in the sky (ike a si(ver *"tton on a *("e:ve(vet *oot8 @!"ne wi(( never (eave yo"0@
6ram says8
@1'm co"nting on it8@
6ram an) Dominic went o"t for )inner at Da Si(vano's0 where the stars go8 6ram
"se) to eat there *ack in the 12-3s when it first o,ene)0 an) she wants to share the c"isine
with Dominic0 an) ho,ef"((y fin) some native 1ta(ians for him to ta(k to8
6a*rie( is at the Car(y(e8 #onight0 he is going to give the *ig *oss a month's notice8
He has )eci)e) to foc"s on ,attern c"tting at the Ange(ini Shoe Sho, as his new career0 an)
1 co"()n't *e more thri((e)8
Christmas is ten )ays away0 an) 1'm trying to kee, my s,irits ",8 1 sit here on the
sofa0 a(( the (ights o"t e;ce,t the ones that twink(e in the tree8 1 inha(e the fresh scent of the
*("e s,r"ce8 1 imagine the o() fami(iar ho(i)ay rit"a(s wi(( comfort me this year8 2313 has
*een a year of (oss an) change8
1 ,"(( o"t my sketch ,a) an) f(i, it o,en to a new0 c(ean ,age8 1 have an i)ea for a
new shoe for yoga ,ractitioners8 7f co"rse0 1'(( ca(( it the D%ne Lawton8 1 ,oise my ,enci(
over the *are ,age8 B"t0 instea) of *eginning with the c(ean (ines of the vam,0 1 write0
,e&em$er 9F! 2:9:,ear 4ianl%&a!
; hope this letter finds o% well. 7o%r health and happiness are never far from m
mind.
,omini& and 4ram are o%t to dinner! 4a$riel is at the 'arlle! and ;'m here alone
for the first time sin&e D%ne died. ; have had a lot of time to think a$o%t her and the things
she ta%ght me. ; also have $een thinking a$o%t how she lived. D%ne was tr%l independent.
+he made a life for herself on her own terms. +he had a wa of knowing what was right for
her. This is the $ig lesson that ;'ve taken awa from her death. ; have $een thinking a$o%t
what's right for me and how ; sho%ld live going forward.
; r%ined everthing with o%. " now! ;'m s%re o%'ve fo%nd a good woman who
loves o% and wants everthing in life that o% do. ; know it is too late for %s! $%t now ;
%nderstand all the things o% said to me! and the meaning $ehind o%r words. ; resisted
those words $e&a%se ; wasn't read to hear what o% had to sa. ; said ; heard o%! $%t ;
did not. ; was too $%s talking and finding was to p%sh o% awa $e&a%se ; $elieved o%'d
wake %p one morning and see who ; reall was...and r%n.
; have p%shed so hard against what ; &ome from! and at the same time! ;'m
&ompelled to re=&reate it. ; have never looked at m life as m own! $%t rather! part of a
whole! whi&h in&l%des m famil. "%t this ear! ; have seen that the $o%ndaries in the
#on&alli famil were never drawn! that we rel on one another! whi&h is good! $%t we also
$lame one another when we fail Bnot so good5. There m%st $e a wa to invent a life that is
all m own and ; hope ;'m learning how to do that. The first step is writing o% this letter. ;
don't want o% to think of me as the pet%lant girl ; was in "%enos Aires. ;'m tring to grow
%p! and ; think losing D%ne has for&ed me to look at mself.
; don't want to get to the end of m life witho%t having loved. ;'ve plaed at love and
pretended to love! $%t ;'ve never given mself over to m life in a wa that made it m own.
; was waiting for someone to &ome along and show me the wa. <ow! ; reali1e that
everone has shown me the wa. * parents! in their &ra1 wa! see things thro%gh! even
when the'd rather not. * $rother! in failing! showed me it's oka! the world doesn't end
when o% s&rew %p! and ma$e letting someone o% love forgive o% makes o% $oth a little
stronger. 4ram has shown me that o% &an live with o%r histor $%t still e2perien&e a new
life inside the old one. Well! ; &o%ld go on and on. And then! of &o%rse! there's o%.
;t's hard for me to admit that ; p%shed o% awa. ; like to think that o% left me
when o% saw that ; didn't have an idea what ; was doing with o%. ; hid $ehind m work!
hoping that a higher p%rpose BArt05 wo%ld fill me %p more than love. ; &an &o%nt on art!
right( ;t won't let me down $e&a%se it &omes from me! ; &reate itA from m whims and fan&.
"%t o% were right. There is no art witho%t love. 3nl love &an open someone %p to the
possi$ilities of living and &reating art. And ; tho%ght it was paint==and pen&ils and this
sket&h $ook and m ideas that inspired me to make art. "%t it's not an of those things. ;t's
love. And o%. ;t was alwas o%.
;'m going to send this letter Federal .2press ;nternational. ;'m going to imagine the
white tr%&k as it motors %p the hills of T%s&an in the rain. ;'m going to imagine the
deliverman kno&king on o%r shop door! and o% inside! in o%r apron! &%tting a ard of
e2pensive kid leather with pre&ision. And how o%'ll s&owl $e&a%se the kno&k at the door
interr%pted o%r pro&ess. And then! ;'m going to imagine o% sitting on the work $en&h and
opening this envelope and reading these words. And ; hope when o%'re done! when o% get
to The .nd! that o% will know that ; tr%l %nderstand all that ;'ve lost. ; &an onl wish for
that==and for o% to have a *err 'hristmas! a "%on <atale as o% sa in o%r $ea%tif%l
hills.
Valentina
6a*rie( an) 1 sit across from one another at the ta*(e8 %e have signe) ", to make
)essert for the Feast of the Seven Fishes0 o"r Christmas Eve tra)ition8 #ess an) Char(ie are
hosting the who(e fami(y at their home this year8 6a*rie( wants to go a(( o"t0 which means
thoro"gh ,(anning an) a sho,,ing tri, to .itt(e 1ta(y for s",,(ies8
6a*rie( sna,s his fingers8 @He((oC@ He (ooks at me8 @Co"() we foc"s hereC 1 have a
week to get this )essert for a cast of tho"san)s together8 1 nee) yo"r he(,8@
@1'm here0@ 1 te(( him8 B"t 1'm not8 1') (ike to ski, Christmas entire(y this year0 an)
A"st sit home a(one an) wee, "n)er the tree8
@!"ne wo"() not (ike this8 She wo"() *e ,eeve) that yo"'re sti(( a mess8@
@1 know8@ #ears fi(( my eyes8 @1t isn't A"st !"ne8@
@$o" )i)n't hear from 6ian("ca yetC@
1 shake my hea) sa)(y8
@$o" can't tr"st Fe)E; in 1ta(y any more than yo" can tr"st the fact that the o(ive oi(
they sen) over here is first co() ,resse)8 May*e he )i)n't receive it8@
@He got it8 #he ne;t morning8 1 tracke) it8@ 1 ,"t )own my ,enci( an) ,"sh away
from the ta*(e8
@%e((0 yo" )on't want to hear this from me0 *"t 1 )on't think writing a (etter is
eno"gh8@
@1 ,o"re) my heart o"tB@
@$o" nee) to ca(( him8@
@%hat wo"() 1 sayC@
@1f yo" ca((e) him0 yo" co"() hash this o"t once an) for a((8 Fin) o"t if he sti(( (oves
yo"8 #hen yo" can (et this go8 1 a(ways say0 never mo"rn a man (onger than yo" )ate) him8@
@#hat makes sense0@ 1 a)mit8 @B"t 1 nee) a reason to ca((8@
@#hink of one8@
1 ha) ho,e) that 6ian("ca wo"() receive my (etter an) ca(( me8 #he man 1 knew was
)irect8 He was a(ways c(ear a*o"t his fee(ings8 6ian("ca )i) not write to me after he
receive) my (etter8 %hatever 1 wrote )i) not com,e( him to contact me8 1 wrote the (etter to
fin) o"t if he sti(( care)8 1f he )i)0 1 wante) to invite him for Christmas8 @1') (ike to invite
him for Christmas8@
@Here8@ 6a*rie( han)s me the ,hone8 @Do it8@
1 f(i, o,en my ce(( an) scro(( )own to 6ian("ca8 Before 1 ,ress sen)0 1 imagine
Christmas witho"t him8 1 wi(( *e the goo) a"ntie0 ,(aying games with the ki)s0 )ressing
new )o((s0 assem*(ing toys8 1'(( )o the )ishes an) he(, the o() fo(ks move from ta*(e to
co"ch an) *ack again8 1'(( serve wine0 c"t the tim*a(e0 (ight the can)(es8 1'(( *e "sef"(8 #he
tho"ght of another ho(i)ay s,ent taking care of everyone e(se forces me to ,ress the *"tton8
1 hit sen)8 #he machine ,icks ", in the sho,8 1 cover the receiver8 @1 got the machine8@
@.eave a messageB@ 6a*e whis,ers8
@Hi8 Pronto8 6ian("caC 1t's ?a(entina8 Em0 1'm ca((ing to see how yo" are::an) if
yo" have any ,(ans for Christmas8 1') (ike to invite yo" here8 Em8 1f yo" wo"() (ike to
come0 ,(ease ca(( me *ack8 $o" have my n"m*er8 #hank yo"8@
1 hang ",8 @%hat )o yo" thinkC@
@Charming0@ 6a*rie( says )ry(y an) goes *ack to his (ist8
1'm in the mi))(e of a )ee,0 )e(icio"s s(ee, when my ce(( vi*rates on the nightstan)8
1 reach for it0 groggy an) ha(f as(ee,0 an) o,en it8
@?a(entinaC 1s it too (ateC@
1 sit *o(t ",right in *e)8
@6ian("caC@
@$es0@ he confirms8 @1s it too (ateC@ he asks again8
@For "sC@ 1 *("rt8
He (a"ghs8 @5o0 1 meant (ate at night8@
1 co"() )ie8 1 (ook over at the c(ock8 @7h0 it's a*o"t three o'c(ock in the morning8
B"t0 1'm awake8@
@1 receive) yo"r (etter a few )ays ago0@ he says8
@7h8@ #his is a(( 1 can say0 *eca"se 1 fee( the *oom is a*o"t to *e (owere)8 Car(otta
is ro((ing over in *e) ne;t to him0 having force) him to ca(( me an) *reak this si((y thing off
so she can move in with her mink8
@1 wo"() (ike very m"ch to come for Christmas8 #hank yo" for the invitation0@ he
says8 @1 )i)n't want to ca(( "nti( 1 ha) my tickets8 $o" know0 it's not easy to trave( at
Christmastime8@
@1 know8@
@?a(entina0 1 nee) to te(( yo" something8@ He contin"es0 @1t's something yo" sai) in
yo"r (etter8 $o" ass"me) 1 fo"n) someone e(se8 #he tr"th is0 there is no one e(se8@
#ears fi(( my eyes8 1 wasn't e;,ecting this8 1 was ho,ing0 yes8 B"t 1 )i)n't think0 in a
mi((ion years0 that he sti(( care)8 @Are yo" s"reC@
@$es0@ he says ,(ain(y8 @#here can't *e anyone e(se0 ?a(entina8@
@%hyC@ 1 wi,e my tears on my ,aAama s(eeve8
@Beca"se there's on(y yo"8@
@1'm so ha,,y yo" ca((e)8@
@1'm s"re a*o"t my fee(ings0 ?a(entina8 Are yo"C@
@5othing wi(( ever kee, "s a,art again0 6ian("ca8 1 want yo"r ha,,iness more than
my own8 1f yo" ca((e) an) sai) that yo" ha) move) on0 1 wo"() have *een ha,,y for yo"8
#hat's the tr"th8@
%hen 1 c(ose the ,hone0 1 (ie *ack on the ,i((ows an) (ook ", at the cei(ing8 A sma((
*eam of (ight from the street(ight on 'erry c"ts across the cei(ing0 sing"(ar an) c(ear8 1 stare
at it for a (ong time8 #his isn't a )ream8 After so (ong0 6ian("ca is on his way0 an) with him0
the *est Christmas of my (ife8
#he ,assengers from A(ita(ia F(ight 12& ,o"r thro"gh the e;it )oors from C"stoms
into the ,ick", (o**y at !FI8 1 scan the crow) for 6ian("ca8
My B(ackBerry vi*rates in my ,ocket8 1 fish it o"t of my ,"rse8 A te;t ,o,s ",8
@Ciao8@
1 (ook )own at the wor)0 then to the a))ress that the message came from8
6?Nroma8net8
MeD 6ian("caC
6?D 1t is me8
MeD %here are yo"C
6?D 1 (ive in 21 cent"ry8 .ook ", now8
1 throw my B(ackBerry into my ,"rse an) (ook ",8
6ian("ca s,ots me as he comes thro"gh the )oors8 He ho()s his B(ackBerry high in
the air0 tri"m,hant(y0 (ike a tro,hy8 He (ooks gorgeo"s::his hair is (onger0 an) he wears a
magnificent cashmere coat0 (ong an) *(ack with s(im (a,e(s8 1 never knew him in winter0 so
it's the first time 1've seen him in a ,ro,er coat8 He wears Aeans an) a navy t"rt(eneck
sweater "n)erneath8
1 am in (ove8
He takes me in his arms an) kisses me8 A(( of my sa)ness fa((s away0 my grief a*o"t
!"ne0 my )e,ression a*o"t A(fre) an) 'ame(a0 my em,athy for Bret an) Macken9ie::a(( of
it goes8 1t's A"st him an) me0 an) these kisses0 an) the scent of his skin0 his neck0 citr"s an)
(eather8 #he so"n)s of the air,ort fa)e aro"n) me8 1 )on't hear the c(anging carts0 the sho"ts
of the ,assengers0 an) the co,'s whist(es o"tsi)e *aggageH 1 f(oat in his arms8
@1 (ove yo"0@ 1 te(( him8 1 waite) "nti( he was in my arms an) 1 co"() say these
wor)s in ,erson8 1 ho() his face in my han)s8
His *("e eyes narrow8 @Are yo" s"reC@ he teases8
@7h0 1 am s%re8@
@1 (ove yo"0 ?a(entina8@ %e ho() each other in the crow)8 1 fee( (ike 1've *een fo"n)
for the first time in my (ife8 1've *een wan)ering thro"gh the wor() (ooking for something0
for someone0 an) here he is0 the (ove of my (ife0 the (ove in my (ife8
1 )on't even know how (ong the ri)e from !FI to Manhattan takes::the )river kee,s
com,(aining a*o"t the traffic0 *"t 1 )on't notice8 %e kiss from *aggage to Barrow Street0
an) *are(y (et go of one another as he checks into the Soho 6ran) an) we make it to the
room8
#he coat0 the ("ggage0 my )ress0 the ,"rse0 the shoes0 the stockings0 the hat0 the
g(oves0 a(( fa(( away (ike cherry *(ossoms when the win) kicks ", on the (ast )ay of s,ring
an) there's a snow shower of ,eta(s0 an) the air fi((s with ,ink *(ossoms an) a(( that's (eft
*ehin) are the *are *ranches where they once *(oome)8
%e make (ove0 an) it's "rgent0 ,assionate0 )irect::1'm making (ove for every woman
who has ever *een in (ove0 inc(")ing !"ne0 who winks thro"gh the <"arter moon0 an)
enco"rages me to (ove this goo) man who (oves me (ike no one e(se can or ever has8 @Se; is
(ife0@ !"ne "se) to say8 She fe(t sorry for ,eo,(e who )i)n't "n)erstan) that0 )i)n't get it0 an)
)i)n't go for it8 Se; is what te((s "s we're a(ive0 an) we're connecting0 an) roots "s in the
,resent8
1 am (earning what 6ian("ca wants from me8
1t seems s"ch a sma(( thing to (earn what a man wants0 *"t for me0 it's an enormo"s
(esson8 1 ass"me) 6ian("ca wo"() te(( me what he nee)e) witho"t having to ask him8 1've
(earne) to ask the <"estions0 (isten to the answers0 an) move with it8
6ian("ca's nee)s are sim,(e0 *"t if he is )enie) them0 (ife *ecomes com,(icate)::or
may*e he *ecomes com,(e;0 or may*e they are one an) the same8 6ian("ca craves time0
o,en ho"rs witho"t ,(ans0 en)(ess wa(ks witho"t )estination0 s(ow(y ,re,are) foo)0 (ong
mea(s0 an) conversation that en)s in s(ee,0 an) res"mes ",on waking8 He a(so nee)s me to
*e honest8 1 wi(( ha,,i(y te(( him the tr"th0 *eca"se now0 in his arms0 1'm (iving it8
6ian("ca's (i,s trave( )own my neck0 an) 1 *reathe from so )ee,(y within my *o)y0
he sto,s to ho() me8 #his is what it reall means to *e in (ove::this is the thing 1've *een
waiting for0 won)ering a*o"t8 1've *een waiting to mean this m"ch to someone8
7h0 this is a merry0 merry0 merry Christmas8 5o ,ackage0 no ,resent0 no s"r,rise of
any kin) co"() ever *e this won)erf"(8 An) this night0 this one0 this ,artic"(ar moment0 is
for 6ian("ca0 an) for me::*"t it's a(so for !"ne Marie .awton0 who knew how to (ive8
1 s,rit9 #erre )'Hermes ,erf"me on my neck8
1'm )resse) for Christmas Eve0 the Feast of the Seven Fishes at #ess's ho"se8 1 went
with the si(ver (ame sheath 1 wore to 6ram an) Dominic's we))ing0 this time0 witho"t the
c("tter of ,ear(s8 1'm tem,te) to throw them on8 After a((0 Da) wi(( rea) A 'hristmas 'arol
*y Char(es Dickens after s",,er0 an) 1 co"() *e the so"n) effect when Mar(ey's chains
ratt(e8
6ram an) Dominic have *een at #ess's a(( )ay0 ,re,aring the sc"ngi((i0 shrim,0
octo,"s0 (o*ster0 white f(o"n)er0 c(ams0 an) m"sse(s for o"r feast8
6ian("ca has gone o"t to r"n a fina( Christmas erran)8 6a*rie( stan)s in my
)oorway8
@1 want to give yo" yo"r Christmas ,resent8@
@6a*rie(0 yo" sho"()n't have8@
@.iar8 5o*o)y (ikes a gift more than yo"8 Come on8 6ra* a coat0@ he instr"cts me8
1 ,"(( 6ian("ca's )ress coat from *ehin) the )oor an) throw it on8 1 ,"(( the
cashmere c(ose(y aro"n) me8 1t has the scent of him0 so 1 ,"(( it c(oser sti((8
@Fo((ow me0@ 6a*rie( says8
1 fo((ow 6a*rie( ", the stairs to the roof8
@7kay0 now stan) over there0@ he te((s me8 @By the wa((8 #hen t"rn aro"n)8@
1 shiver in the co()8
@#his wi(( on(y take a secon)8@
6a*rie( goes to the wa(( in the roof's a(cove8 As he ret"rns from the corner0 the roof
fi((s with so"n)8 %ith Frank Sinatra8
1 ,"t my han)s to my face8
@#hat's what 1'm ta(kin' a*o"t8 4oofto, Am*ience8 #he Chairman of the Boar)0
(a)ies an) gent(emen0@ 6a*rie( anno"nces8
@1 tho"ght the roof was finishe)B@
@1t wasn't )one ti(( the insta((ation of s"rro"n) so"n)8@
@1 (ove itB #hank yo"B@
Frank Sinatra's voice ,o"rs o"t into the sky over 6reenwich ?i((age on this *("e
Christmas Eve8 1 (ook )own onto 'erry Street0 with its ,oo(s of go()en (ight from the street
(am,s0 as (ast:min"te sho,,ers make their way home0 "n)erscore) *y Sinatra0 who sings
them home to their )estinations8
@1 took a(( of 6ram's o() a(*"ms an) co,ie) them on to CD's0 an) then 1 ma)e a
,rogram8 Si; ho"rs of Sinatra on a (oo,8 Hear thatC 1t's 'Shake Down the Stars8' Big hit for
Frank in 1238 4ea( roof an) sky m"sicB@
@6ram is going to go cra9y for this0@ 1 say8 @%e on(y ever ha) an AM ra)io ", here8@
1 r"n over to 6a*rie( an) give him a *ig h"g8 @How can 1 thank yo"C@
@5o matter what ha,,ens0 yo"'(( a(ways have Sinatra888?a(entina8@
#his is the first time 6a*rie( ever ca((e) me @?a(entina8@ An) 1'm going to ,reten)
that 1 )on't know what he means0 *eca"se then may*e what he is a*o"t to te(( me won't *e
tr"e8
He takes a )ee, *reath an) (ooks at me8 @%e're #iffany can)(esticks0 yo" an) me8
#he *est of the *est8 B"t now it's time to *reak ", the ,air8 7ne of "s has fa((en in (ove8
#here's on(y room for one man in this ho"se8@
1 c(ose my eyes8 1t has to *e twenty )egrees on the roof0 *"t 1 )on't notice the co()8
1'm fi((e) with the ,ossi*i(ities of the (ife that (ies ahea) for 6ian("ca an) me8
@1t ha) to ha,,en some)ay0@ 6a*rie( says soft(y8 @An) here it is8 1t co"()n't ha,,en
to a nicer gir(8 1'm ha,,y for yo"8@ 6a*rie( h"gs me tight(y8
@B"t yo"'re the *est h"s*an) 1 ever ha)8@
@%e((0 may*e it's time for me to go o"t there an) fin) my own8@ 6a*rie( sighs8
@5ow0 come on8 1 hate r"**ery sc"ngi((i::an) it's a (ong train ha"( to !ersey8@
#he a,artment *"99er rings on the roof8
@1s that what 1 think it isC@
He no)s8 @$e,8 #hat's the secon) ,art of my gift8 1 ,"t a *"99er ", here::for when
yo"'re on the roof an) yo" get com,any8 5o more r"nning )own two f(ights of stairs an)
A"st missing E'S8@
@$o"'re a geni"sB 6ian("ca m"st've forgotten his keys0@ 1 say8 1 hit the *"99er to (et
him in8
@%orks (ike a charm0@ 6a*rie( says ,ro")(y8
@%hat am 1 going to )o witho"t yo"C@
@$o"'(( see me in the sho, every )ay8 1 A"st won't (ive here anymore8 1t's time for me
to go on Craigs(ist an) fin) a )ea(8 Somewhere c(ose8@
@'(ease8@ 1 h"g him again8 @Aro"n) the corner8@
@1'(( try8 5ow0 1'm going to go an) ,ack ", the tim*a(e8 1 wi(( miss the kitchen8 1 (ove
a works,ace with a mar*(e co"nter8 7h0 we((8 5ew $ear on the hori9on an) new *eginnings8
1'(( sen) 6ian("ca ",8@ 6a*rie( o,ens the screen )oor8 @Iiss him to Sinatra8 1f yo" )o0 he'((
never (eave8@
1 t"rn ", the so"n) system an) wait8 After a few moments0 1 hear him ascen) the
stairs8
#he so"n) of footste,s on the stairs fi((s me with antici,ation8
#hen Bret a,,ears in the )oorway8
""ret("
Bret ,"shes thro"gh the )oor an) comes to me8 He is )ee,(y ",set8 His face is re)
from the co()8 1t (ooks as tho"gh he's *een crying8 @%hat's the matterC@
@Mac an) the gir(s are at her ,arents for Christmas Eve8880@ he *egins8
@E,townC@ 1 straighten the co((ar on his coat8 He's )isheve(e)8 A mess8 He never has
a hair o"t of ,(ace8
@/1st Street8@ He r"*s his han)s together8 #hey are cha,,e) from the co()8 He
m"st've *een o"t wa(king for a (ong time8
@%hy aren't yo" thereC@ 1 ask8
@1 co"()n't stay8@ His eyes fi(( with tears8
@%hyC@ 1 ask8 1 take his free9ing co() han)s in mine to warm them8
@1 ,resse) her0 1 g"ess8 1 ha) a gift for her8 A sa,,hire *race(et888B"t she wo"()n't
take it8 She sai) that it's over8 7"r marriage is over8@ #ears *egin to stream )own his face8
He (ooks (ike a *oy0 A"st (ike the *oy 1 remem*er from A"stin Street8
@7h0 Bret0 it's A"st the ,ress"re of the ho(i)ays0@ 1 te(( him8
@5o0 it's not the ho(i)ays8 She's in (ove with someone e(se8@ He ,"ts his han)s on the
wa(( an) hangs his hea)8 1 throw my arms aro"n) his sho"()ers as he heaves an) cries8
1'm st"nne)8 Even tho"gh Bret confi)e) that there were ,ro*(ems0 1 never tho"ght
they wo"() (ea) to this8 1 tho"ght they wo"() work things thro"gh0 that Mac wo"() choose
her or)ere) (ife over the chaos of starting over8
1 think *ack to the s"mmer0 when Macken9ie sto,,e) *y0 an) right here on this very
roof acc"se) me of an affair with her h"s*an)8 5ow 1 rea(i9e that she a(rea)y ha) ma)e her
min) ", (ong *efore she c(im*e) these stairs8 She knew she was (eaving himH she A"st
nee)e) an e;c"se to (et go8 Macken9ie wante) me to *e the e;c"se8 She a(rea)y ha)
someone new0 an) she wante) Bret to have someone too0 so she co"() (eave him witho"t
g"i(t8
@7h0 Bret8 1'm so sorry8@
@1 )on't know what to )o8 For the first time in my (ife0 1 )on't know what to do8@ 1
,"(( him c(ose to me an) ho() him as tight(y as 1 can8
@#here's nothing yo" can )o right now8 1t's Christmas0 an) yo"'ve got the gir(s8 $o"
have to think of yo"r gir(s0@ 1 te(( him8
After a few moments0 Bret ,"((s away from me8 @1'm going to go8 1 )on't know why
1 came here8@
@$o" can a(ways come here8 1'm here for yo"0@ 1 ,romise him8
He (ooks aro"n)8 C(ear(y0 the man 1 knew0 "nf(a,,a*(e an) strong0 is *reaking
*efore my eyes8 #here's a )es,eration to him now8 7f co"rse there is8 #he (ife he *"i(t is
over8
@$o" have ,(ans0@ he says8 @$o" have yo"r fami(y8@
1've known Bret since 1 was a gir(0 an) 1've never seen him (ike this8 @$o" can't go8
Come with "s8 %e're going to #ess an) Char(ie's8@
@1 can't8 1 sho"() go home8@ %hen he says the wor) home0 a (ook of com,(ete
)evastation fi((s his eyes8
1 take Bret in my arms8 1 ho() him c(ose0 his face against my neck as he *egins to
cry8 1 take the coat an) ,"(( him insi)e0 to warm him8 @1t's okay0@ 1 whis,er8 @1t's okay8@
1 fee( his (i,s against my neck0 an) then soft(y on my cheek8 #he ease we have0 the
comfort we fee( with one another0 a(( the history0 wra,s aro"n) me (ike fine cashmere8 1
want to comfort Bret8 1 want to ho() him8 1 want to *e here for him8 His warm tears t"rn
co() against my cheek8 1 fee( his (i,s against mine8 He ,"((s away at the e;act same moment
1 )o8
@1'm sorry0@ he says8
@5o0 ;'m sorry8@ 1 can't *e(ieve what A"st ha,,ene)8 %hat )i) 1 )oC 1 wante) to
comfort him0 not kiss him8
1 hear the sna, of the screen )oor *ehin) me8 1 t"rn8 1 (ook for 6a*rie(0 *"t it isn't
him8
1t's 6ian("ca8
1 have a fee(ing of )oom in my g"t0 *"t 1 can't (eave Bret a(one8 1 (ook to 6ian("ca0
an) e;ten) my han)0 an) 1'm a*o"t to e;,(ain the kiss0 *"t he has a(rea)y ,"she) thro"gh
the screen )oor an) is gone8
@?a(0 1 )on't know why 1 kisse) yo"8 1 sho"()n't have0@ Bret says8 @Forgive me8@ He
(ets go of me an) goes to the )oor8 1 im,(ore him to stay0 *"t he's )own the ste,s *efore 1
can sto, him again8
1 t"rn to fo((ow Bret0 ,"((ing the coat c(ose to me8 1 have to fin) 6ian("ca an)
e;,(ain what ha,,ene)8 He'(( "n)erstan) when 1 te(( him that Bret's wife (eft him on
Christmas Eve8 1 was on(y trying to he(,8 #he kiss was a tota( acci)ent8 1 *"ry my han)s in
the ,ockets of 6ian("ca's coat8
Dee, insi)e0 there's a *o; in the ,ocket8 1 fee( its si9e0 an) its ve(vet te;t"re8
My heart *egins to race8 1nstea) of going )own the stairs0 instea) of fo((owing my
instinct to )o the right thing an) go to 6ian("ca an) e;,(ain0 1 stay8
1 move to the tre((is0 where the roses were0 *y the (ight8 1 reach )own into the ,ocket
an) ,"(( o"t the *o;8 1 know 1 sho"()n't0 *"t 1 o,en it8 1t's an emera():c"t )iamon)0 in a
,o(ishe) ,(atin"m setting8 Dramatic an) *ri((iant0 its facets gra* the *("e (ight an) it g(istens
in the )ark8
1 sna, the *o; sh"t an) shove it into 6ian("ca's coat ,ocket8
A wave of sheer ,anic ,ee(s thro"gh me8 Marriage8 A h"s*an)8 A (ife8 Am 1 rea)y
for thisC An) then0 1'm )ee,(y ashame) for having (ooke)888for r"ining everthing8
Co"()n't 1 te(( that 6ian("ca's intention from the very *eginning was to marry me
an) to take care of everythingC 6ian("ca )i) not change when he fe(( in (ove with meH he
remains who he a(ways wasD a tra)itiona( man8 An) 1 am his great (ove8 He has ma)e this as
c(ear as the white:hot )iamon) that hi)es in his coat ,ocket8
1 (ook ", into the sky an) search it as if a sign wi(( a,,ear to g"i)e me forwar)0
something0 anthing! to he(, me "n)erstan) what 1'm s",,ose) to )o0 what 1'm s",,ose) to
say8
1 (ook for the moon8 B"t it is nowhere to *e seen8 1 (ook for (ight0 from anywhere0
from the stars0 *"t there are none8 5ot even a c(o") ,asses over to remin) me that the sky is
a(ways in motion::changing8 1nstea)0 it is *(eak an) com,(ete(y sti((8 5ot a c("e as far as my
eye can see8 %here are the ,"99(e ,ieces that !"ne ma)e for me in the night skyC #hey too
are gone8
1 race )own the stairs8 6ian("ca is in the kitchen with 6a*rie(0 ,acking ", the
)esserts8
@Bret sai) to te(( yo" he was going home0@ 6a*rie( says8
@#hanks8@ 1 take off 6ian("ca's coat an) ,(ace it on the *ack of one of the )ining
room chairs8
@7kay0 we're a(( set0@ 6a*rie( says8 @.et's go0 ki)s8@
1 go to the c(oset for my coat8 1 ,"(( it on8 @%hat )o yo" want me to carryC@
@#he #",,erware0@ 6a*rie( says8 @1n the sho,,ing *ag8@
1'm afrai) to0 *"t 1 (ook over at 6ian("ca0 who takes a seat on one of the stoo(s at the
co"nter8 He sna,s the (i) sh"t on the coo(er that rests on the co"nter an) (ocks it8
@6ian("ca0 if yo" )on't min)0 take the carrya((0 ,(easeC@ 6a*rie( says8
@1'm sorry0 6a*rie(8 1'm not going0@ 6ian("ca says <"iet(y8
@%hy notC $o" )on't fee( we((C@
@5o0@ he says8
@%e((0 then0 the (ast ,(ace yo" nee) to *e is a fish fry8 1s it yo"r stomachC #here's
Brioschi in the ca*inet8 #hrow a ca,f"( in a g(ass of water an) ch"g8 $o"'(( fee( *etter in no
time8@
1 can't (ook at 6ian("ca0 *"t 1 fee( his ga9e on me8
@6a*e0 1 can't go either0@ 1 say8
@%hat's o%r ,ro*(emC@ 6a*rie( (ooks at 6ian("ca an) then at me8 @7kay0 okay0 1
get it8 .itt(e Christmas Eve ,rivate time going on here8 A (itt(e whoo:hoo:hoo *y $e 7()e
#annen*a"m8@
@$es0 that's it0@ 1 say8
@So0 what )o 1 te(( the fami(yC #hat yo"'ve *een hit *y a *"sC@
6ian("ca )oesn't answer8 So 1 say0 @$eah0 that's fine8@
@#hey're gonna *e ,isse)8 Es,ecia((y #ess8 She or)ere) steamers8 $o" know that
re<"ires a hea) co"nt8@
@She'(( *e a(( right0@ 1 te(( him8 @%i(( yo" *e okay getting to the trainC@
@Screw the train8 1'm taking a ca*8@
@#o #ess'sC@
@#hat's right0 sister8 A ye((ow ca* a(( the way to !ersey8 Merry Christmas to me0@ he
says0 gathering ", the *ags an) carrya((8 @Have f"n yo" two0@ he says8 @Don't wait ", for
me0@ he ca((s as he goes )own the stairs8 #he entrance )oor in the foyer sna,s sh"t *ehin)
him8
6ian("ca stan)s an) t"rns to face me8 He fo()s his arms an) (eans against the mar*(e
co"nter8 1 stan) *ehin) the chair an) r"n my han) over his cashmere coat8
1 remem*er this same stan)off from the S,o(ti 1nn0 when 1 )i)n't have any i)ea what
6ian("ca wante) from me8 5ow 1 know0 an) 1'm sti(( stan)ing *ehin) a chair for ,rotection8
@.et's go ", to yo"r roof0@ he says8 @1 nee) air8@
1 fo((ow him ", the stairs with )rea)8 He ca((e) it m roof8 #hat's a *a) sign8 #he
(ast time he was in 5ew $ork0 when 6ram fe((0 he came ", to this same roof an) aske) me
to choose him0 an) 1 co"()n't8 He )i)n't (ike my river then0 an) now he ,ro*a*(y )etests it8
1've r"ine) everything a(( over again8
6ian("ca ,"shes thro"gh the screen )oor an) wa(ks o"t onto the roof8 He goes to the
wa(( that over(ooks the H")son an) (eans against it8 1 stan) ne;t to him8 1t's a c(ear
Christmas Eve8 #he city is <"iet0 A"st a car or two on the %est Si)e Highway8 6ian("ca
(ooks o"t over o"r corner of the ?i((age8 Fina((y0 he asks0 @Di) yo" kiss him or )i) he kiss
yo"C@
@1 )on't know8@
@1t's im,ortant8@
@His wife (eft him8 She has fa((en in (ove with someone e(se8 She to() him tonight8@
@An) yo" comforte) himC@
@5o8 He co"()n't *e comforte)8@
@#hen why )i) yo" kiss himC@
@1 went with Bret for a(most ten years8 From the time 1 was a teenager to my (ate
twenties8 He was my first (ove0@ 1 e;,(ain8
1'm thirty:five years o() an) 1've rea) a(( the *ooks that a)vise women to stay m"m
a*o"t their romantic ,ast with their c"rrent (over8 B"t my romantic history is a sim,(e one0
an) he's met *oth Bret an) 4oman Fa(coni a(rea)y8 Besi)es0 the eighteen:year age
)ifference means that 6ian("ca has a certain wis)om a*o"t (ove an) (ife8 An) after the ,ast
co",(e of nights we've share) at the Soho Hote(0 honesty is the on(y choice on the room
service men"8
@Do yo" want to go *ack to himC@ 6ian("ca (ooks at me8
#ears we(( in my eyes8 @5o8@
@#hen why )i) yo" kiss himC@
@1 )on't know0 6ian("ca8 B"t as soon as it ha,,ene)0 1 knew it was wrong8 1 )on't
(ove him in that way8 1 fee( sorry for him::he's (osing everything8@
@'ity is a(ways a woman's )ownfa(( when it comes to men0@ he says8 #hen he wa(ks
away from me8
@'(ease try an) "n)erstan)8@ 1 fo((ow him8
@Va $ene0@ he says with resignation8 He goes to the far si)e of the roof an) (ooks o"t
over the %est Si)e Highway8 %e stan) in si(ence for a very (ong time8
@1 wish yo"') ye(( at me0@ 1 say8
@$o" were *eing kin)8 #hat's something to a)mire8@
@1 )on't fee( very a)mira*(e right now8@ #he kiss was *a) eno"gh0 *"t 1 fee( worse
a*o"t the ring in his coat ,ocket8 #he Christmas 1 )reame) of is s(i,,ing away8
@1t was a mistake0@ he says8
@A *ig one8 1 )on't (ove Bret8 1 )on't (ove any man as m"ch as 1 (ove yo"8 1 want to
s,en) my (ife with yo"8 Every )ay of it8@
6ian("ca takes my han)8 @$o"'re co()0@ he says8
@'(ease8 !"st ye(( at me8 .et it o"t8 6et it over with8 1 )i) something wrong8 1 h"rt
yo"8@
He kisses my han)8 @1 forgive yo"0@ he says sim,(y8
@%hyC@ 1 can't *e(ieve he's ca(m8 1f the sit"ation were reverse)0 1 wo"() *e throwing
ceramic ,ots off the roof in a *(in) an) Aea(o"s rage8 @How can yo" forgive meC@
He takes my face in his han)s8 @Beca"se 1 (ove yo"8@
An) then he kisses me8 He ,"((s me c(ose0 an) whis,ers in my ear0 @An) 1 tr"st
yo"8@
An) there it is8 #r"st::the e("sive goa(0 the fo"n)ation of tr"e (ove an) 6ian("ca's
gift to me on this Christmas Eve0 given free(y an) witho"t reservation8 He *e(ieves me8 He
knows what 1 say is tr"e8 #r"st was the secret of my ,arents' reconci(iation0 the *a(m that
wi(( hea( A(fre) an) 'am going forwar)0 an) for meC #r"st means 1 can *e sec"re in the
know(e)ge that no harm wi(( come to my heart8 #r"st means we wi(( fig"re o"t a (ife ,(an
that inc(")es his )reams an) mine8 #r"st means 1 have someone who (oves me an) is on my
si)e even when 1 fai(0 come ", short0 or )o something rash8 6ian("ca ,rove) that tonight8 1
can tr"st him *eca"se he knows to tr"st me8
@7h0 6ian("ca0 (et's go8@ 1 ho() him c(ose8 @#hey're waiting for "s in !ersey8@
@1 )on't (ike the Feast of the Seven Fishes8@
@$o" )on'tC@
@1 want my Christmas Eve with yo"8 An) on(y yo"8@
@1 )on't )eserve yo"0@ 1 te(( him8
He ho()s me8 @#here is on(y one way to fi; this8@
@HowC 1'(( )o anything8 1'(( even ,aint yo"r ho"se8@
@#hat's not necessary8@ He (a"ghs8
@%hat can 1 )oC@ 1 ask him8
@Marry me0@ he says8
1 take a )ee, *reath8 @$o" know0 1 rea) an artic(e once888@
6ian("ca ro((s his eyes8
1 contin"e0 @A man never asks a woman to marry him "n(ess he's certain she is
going to say yes8@
@1 (ike that artic(e8@ He smi(es an) takes my face in his han)s8 @B"t 1 wo"() rather
have the answer from yo"8@ 6ian("ca ,"((s me c(ose8 He a(rea)y knows the answer0 *"t the
gent(eman that he is0 the man that 1 (ove an) know him to *e waits ,atient(y an) tr"sts that
my answer wi(( *e the right one8
@$es0@ 1 te(( him8 @1 wi(( marry yo"8@
He kisses me0 as 6reenwich ?i((age s,ins in)igo an) green an) Christmas re)
aro"n) "s8
At (ast the mi)night *("e sky o,ens ",0 an) the moon0 a mi(ky ,ear(0 ,"shes
thro"gh8 Si(ver (ight )ances on the water of the H")son 4iver in a shower of sa,,hires8
@%hat )o yo" think of my river nowC@ 1 ask him8
He (ooks over the wa((0 ,ast the highway0 an) )own the H")son8 @1 (ike yo"r river0@
he says8 @1 (ike it very m"ch8@
A#knowledgments
1 )e)icate this nove( to my sister ."cia Anna @'ia@ #rigiani whom 1 have i)o(i9e)
since the )ay 1 was *orn8 'ia is gifte)0 *"t )own to earth8 She is wise0 *"t never
con)escen)s8 'ia throws great ,artiesH she's an e(egant hostess0 *"t she is a(so an attorney0
which means she knows how to c(ean ", a mess8 %herever 'ia works or ,(ays0 she *rings
,eo,(e together an) makes a fami(y8 1 have a(ways co"nte) on her for the *ig st"ff an) the
(itt(e things0 too::in a(( matters0 'ia has never (et me )own8 As (ife goes on0 1 rea(i9e what a
rare thing this is0 an) so0 *eca"se 1 co"() never ,ossi*(y thank her eno"gh::'ia0 this one's
for yo"B
At Har,erCo((ins0 1 am ,"*(ishe) *y a ste((ar gro", of ,eo,(e (e) *y the )iscerning
!onathan B"rnham8 =5o*o)y fights har)er to get every )etai( e;act(y right8>
.ee Bo")rea";0 my e)itor of enormo"s strength an) taste0 is the writer's gift that
kee,s on giving0 sentence *y sentence0 *ook *y *ook8 .ee's right arm0 A*igai( Ho(stein0 is
ta(ente) and kin)0 a rare com*o8 .es(ie Cohen )esigns *ea"tif"( to"rs an) gets the wor) o"t
with sty(e an) grace8 Christine Boy) )reams ", marketing schemes an) we a(( fo((ow
ha,,i(y8 ?irginia Stan(ey kee,s me front an) center with my *e(ove) (i*rarians an) it's a
goo) thing *eca"se my mother was oneB #he Aacket art0 ,erha,s more im,or tant than goo)
teeth0 is )esigne) *y the *ri((iant Archie Ferg"son an) the )a99(ing Christine ?an Bree8
A(so at Har,er's0 my evermore gratit")e to the har)working an) )i(igentD Brian
M"rray0 Iathy Schnei)er =she moves heaven an) earth an) crates of *ooks>0 Michae(
Morrison =the cham,ion>0 Angie .ee0 !ames #y(er0 Iy(e Hansen0 #ina An)rea)is =yo" want
a 6reek gir( r"nning yo"r ,ress>0 Iatherine Beitner0 !oce(yn Ia(m"s0 Cin)y Achar0 .y)ia
%eaver0 Miran)a 7ttewe((0 Michae( Sie*ert0 Emi(y Bryant0 Do"g !ones0 Car(a C(iffor)0
Iathryn 'ereira0 A(e;is ."nsfor)0 !eanette Kwart0 An)rea 4osen =s,ecia( market <"een>0
!osh Marwe((0 Brian 6rogan0 Iate B("m0 Car( .ennert90 Carrie Iania =to,s in tra)e ,a,er
an) accessories>0 !ennifer Hart =)e(ight with an 1nternet *"((horn>0 Ste,hanie Se(ah0 A(*erto
4oAas =c(one him>0 an) Mere)ith 4"s"8 A((ison Sa(t9man of Ecco ,rovi)es a)vice an)
g"i)ance::a(ways a,,reciate)B San)i Men)e(son an) Cathy 6r"hn at Hi(singer Men)e(son
are )ynamic0 f"n0 an) work har)er than ten men8
At %i((iam Morris En)eavor0 where the work ethic riva(s those of 1ta(ian stone
masons0 S"9anne 6("ck re,resents me with smarts0 ,anache0 an) "n)erstan)ing8 #he
tire(ess 5ancy !ose,hson has *een my agent an) frien) since 1 was yo"ng0 an) she gets the
3D33 a8m8 ca((0 *eca"se she's ama9ing an) *eca"se she's the on(y frien) 1 have who is sti((
", an) on her B(ackBerry at that ho"r8 My thanks a(so to 6(o*a( 6raham #ay(or0 *ea"tif"(
Miche((e Bohan0 Sarah Ceg(arski0 Caro(ine DonofrioH Cara Stein =,erfection>0 A(icia
6or)on =her mother sho"() *e ,ro")>0 5ata(ie Hay)en0 'hi(i, 6ren9 =his mother sho"() *e
,ro")>0 Erin Ma(one0 #racy Fisher0 E(i9a*eth 4ee)0 E"genie F"rniss =my EI ange(>0
C(a")ia %e**0 Cathryn S"mmerhayes0 Becky #homas0 an) 4affae((a )e Ange(is =who wi((
get yo" ,"*(ishe) in co"ntries yo"'ve never hear) of an) then yo" want to visit>8
1n Movie(an)0 thank yo" Diane 5a*atoff0 .arry Sanitsky0 C(a")e Ch"ng0 the
Sanitsky Com,any0 .o" 'itt0 !"(ie D"rk0 4ita McC(enny0 4ichar) #hom,son0 S"san
Cartsonis0 an) 4o9 %eis*erg8
#hank yo"0 Michae( 'atrick Iing0 for yo"r wise co"nse( as we kee, the faith8
Every*o)y nee)s a *rass sectionD thank yo"0 E(ena 5achmanoff an) Dianne Festa0
for a(( yo" )o0 an) a(( yo" areB
#he wor() of B"enos Aires0 Argentina0 "nfo()e) in #echnico(or thro"gh the eyes of
7sva()o Cima0 1rwin B8 Iat90 Diane Smith 4iga";0 an) Dr8 Arman) 4iga";8 #hank yo" for
yo"r g"i)ance an) va("a*(e in,"t8
My ever(asting gratit")e to my teachers of the %ise Co"nty ,"*(ic schoo( system0
an) *e(ove) (i*rarians0 Mrs8 Ernestine 4o((er0 Mr8 !ames ?arner =the *ookmo*i(eB>0 an) Ms8
Bi((ie !ean Scott0 who recommen)e) *ooks 1 treas"re an) rerea) to this )ay8 Ms8 Faith Co;0
a great e)"cator0 has a(ways *een a wise mentor0 an) goo) frien)8
#hank yo"0 Costan9o an) Antonio 4"occo of )a Costan9o0 Ca,ri0 1ta(y0 for yo"r
craftsmanshi, an) know(e)ge in the art of shoemaking8 #he 1ta(ian trans(ations were
,rovi)e) *y Dorina Cereghino:Hewitt0 an) f"rther 1ta(ian ,i99a99 from 6ina Case((a8 My
gran)father0 shoemaker Car(o Bonice((i0 was the ins,iration for this series of *ooks8
#hank yo" to the wor()'s *est assistant0 Ie((y Meehan0 the fa*"(o"s Mo((y
Mc6"ire0 an) o"r )i(igent intern0 A((ison ?an 6roes*eck8 !ean Morrissey is a crack co,y
e)itor an) witho"t her0 1') *e (ost8 !ake Morrissey offers en)(ess an) free a)vice0 an) 1 ho,e
1'm a(ways smart eno"gh to take it8 My (ove to a(( my Saint Mary's sisters aro"n) the wor()
with whom 1 share memories an) a (ot of (a"ghs8
Ann 6o)off0 thank yo" for o,ening the )oor to my (iterary career8 #hank yo" in the
EI to the )a99(ing Aman)a 4oss of Cact"s #? for the 4ichar) an) !")y Book C("*8
"ravo an) gra1ie milleD Do(ores an) Dr8 Emi( 'ascare((i0 Iate Benton Do"ghan0
Sharon Ha((0 A)ina an) Michae( 'itt0 Cate Magennis %yatt0 Steven %yatt0 .a"ra
Berm")e90 1an Cha,man0 S"9anne Ba*onea"0 5ige( Stoneman0 Mary E((en 6a((agher
6avin0 5e((e Forten*erry0 !asmine 6"y0 4osa(ie 'ose((i"s0 !oe 7'Brien0 6reg D'A(essan)ro0
%en)y ."ck0 4"th 'omerance0 4osanne Cash0 .i9 %e(ch #irre((0 4ache( Cohen Desario0
6ai( Berman0 De*ra Mc6"ire0 Donna 6ig(iotti0 5ancy Bo(meier Fisher0 Constance Marks0
Catherine Brennan0 Antonia #rigiani0 Craig Fisse0 #o)) Do"ghty0 !ohn Sear(es0 !i(( 6i((et0
Iim Hovey0 .i**y Mc6"ire0 !ane ?on Mehren0 .a"ra For)0 De**ie Aroff0 Mery( 'oster0
6ay(e 'erkins Atkins0 Christine Ira"ss an) her Sonny0 !oanna 'atton0 Bi(( 'ersky0 Mario
Cantone0 !erry Di;on0 #om DyAa0 Carmen E(ena Carrion0 Cynthia 4"t(e)ge 7(son0 S"san
Fa(es Hi((0 %en)y ."ck0 Do"g .ei*acher0 Mary #esta0 Sharon %atro*a B"rns0 Bar*ara an)
#om S"((ivan0 !im an) Mary Ham,ton0 Aman)a D'Acierno0 Dee Emmerson0 !oanne C"r(ey
Ierner0 !ack Ho)gins0 E(aine Martine((i0 Sa((y Davies0 Sister Iaro( !ackowski0 Sharon
Ewing0 Beth Hagan0 !ane C(ine Higgins0 A(e; Marvar0 Brownie an) Connie 'o((y0 ?eronica
Ii(c"((en0 4osa(ie Signore((o Ciar)"((o0 the fa*"(o"s ?echiare((i fami(y =(e) *y Beth
?echiare((i Coo,er>0 Ma; an) 4o*yn %est(er8
#hank yo"0 #im an) ."cia0 for making o"r home the most ,eacef"( ,(ace on earth0
an) when it isn't::even *etter8
An) now a wor) a*o"t the cha,ters::the tit(es are a(( Frank Sinatra songs recor)e)
when my gran),arents were yo"ng0 an) my father yo"nger sti((8 5ow that they are gone0 1
fin) their m"sic a comfort0 an) even insightf"(8 1 remem*er stories to() a*o"t ,(aces they
went0 )reams that came tr"e0 an) some that )i)n't8 %henever my fami(y gathere) when 1
was sma((0 1 remem*er the m"sic0 an) those great 1ta(ian *oys who )e(ivere) it with g"sto0
whether it was 'erry Como0 .o"is 'rima0 #ony Bennett0 Dean Martin0 !erry ?a(e0 A(
Martino0 or the Chairman of the Boar) himse(f8 Sometimes 1 wish 1 co"() go *ack an)
stan) ne;t to the recor) ,(ayer with the go() mesh si)es an) the *rown (eather to, as they
sang888an) swang0 *"t a(as0 those moments are gone8 So this is my way of remem*ering8
A-o't the A'thor
AD*3A6A T*373A63 is an awar):winning ,(aywright0 te(evision writer0 an)
)oc"mentary fi(mmaker8 #he a"thor of the *estse((ing Big Stone 6a, series an) the
*estse((ing nove(s Ver Valentine! L%&ia! L%&ia! The -%een of the "ig Time! an) #o&o&o0
she has a(so written an) wi(( )irect the *ig:screen version of her first nove(0 "ig +tone 4ap.
Viola in #eel Life! the first nove( in her new a yo"ng a)"(t series )e*"te) in Se,tem*er
23328 She (ives in 5ew $ork City with her h"s*an) an) )a"ghter8
?isit www8A"thor#racker8com for e;c("sive information on yo"r favorite
Har,erCo((ins a"thor8
Also -y Adriana Trigiani
F1C#175
Ver Valentine
6ome to "ig +tone 4ap
#o&o&o
The -%een of the "ig Time
L%&ia! L%&ia
*ilk 4lass *oon
"ig 'herr 6oller
"ig +tone 4ap
$7E56 A DE.# F 1C#175
Viola in #eel Life
575F1C#175
'ooking with * +isters =co:a"thor>
Credits
!acket ,hotogra,h =c> %a(ter ChinFMarek L AssocF#r"nkarchive8com
!acket )esign *y Christine ?an Bree L Archie Ferg"son
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