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Satire Assignment

In this work-a-day world, it is easy for us to forget about the things that hold the
most meaning in our lives and get swept away by glitz and glamour. We dont hear our
politicians appealing to us on behalf of law and order anymore. I say why not? When
Ronald Reagan began his Presidency, he went after those criminals like an honorable
man would. He wasnt afraid to show us a picture of who it is we are really talking about
and he wasnt afraid to chastise an entire group of people when they stepped out of
bounds; milking the government for welfare, selling drugs, eating fried chicken, etc. He
set a precedent for the round-up and incarceration of 2/3 of the people we should be
rounding up, the people who need society to control them because they cannot control
themselves.
The fact that 1/3 of the men of a misguided and criminally predisposed group of
people are out in society where they can get to us should raise some red flags for people,
but it doesnt. People are born and socialized into a disposition to reject all modern values
and refuse to work or contribute to society in a meaningful way. If we want to effectively
deal with the crime problem in America then we have to consider incarceration for the
criminal segments of the population that have somehow eluded capture by police. Some
of the strategies have achieved societys goals admirably, but we need more rigorous
policing with better profiling of individuals suspected of criminality and known criminal
areas to get the rest of the criminals off the streets where they are liable to rape, pillage or
otherwise perpetrate crimes on unsuspecting suburban residents. The future of America is
at stake and we cannot afford a screw-up that would allow the gene pool to be tainted.
The privatization of the prison system has been instrumental to the successful


implementation of programs designed at securing our nations streets. Because of the
limited resources of the Untied States government in the 1980s, the only real workable
solution was to sell the operation of the prison system to private contractors. Securities
firms were able to limit the cost of prisons, while maintaining the services that inmates
need. They also helped the government to give truly just treatment to inmates and despite
some liberals who attest that inmates are not properly cared for, the punishment of
Americas criminals continues unabated. If the government were personally operating
prisons, they could be liable for prisoners legal claims, but with securities firms
controlling operation, the government is handed plausible deniability at a reasonable
price. No one needs to worry anymore if prison guards are sadistic enough to help society
get even with these criminals, we know! Inmates, regardless of age or gender or any other
would-be mitigating circumstances, are starved, molested and abused by prison personnel
to the fullest extent allowed by law as a function of the private prison industry. We dont
even have to pay extra for it!
Now there are some liberals who claim that private firms are over-billing the
government for security services but I say that no price is too high to maintain Americas
freedom. If the price to maintain Americas freedom is the relinquishment of Americas
freedom, then we come out ahead! We just got our freedom and security at cost! Who
among us would not sacrifice our very lives just to live a little better?
Now, to talk of security in America today is by the same token to talk of
Americas many enemies in the modern world. I do in fact believe that every one of the
worlds inhabitants who does not reside in America and by virtue of birth own American
citizenship is likely an American enemy, and indeed many if not all dark-skinned


American citizens are truly Americas enemy as well. Thankfully, being among polite
company, I dont have to mince words avoiding descriptions of skin color, as it is the
easiest and simplest way to decry an enemy of the state.
At the forefront of Americas enemies list is Islam and its devotees. In the
aftermath of 9/11, war in the twenty-first century is still fought by American enlisted
men, but the security of encampments and installations aimed at housing detainees, as
well as some of the more sensitive missions have been given to the security firms of
defense contractors. Our government entrusted contractors for a wide variety of tasks
including going on patrols with or without military personnel, shooting large numbers of
unarmed third-world civilians and sodomizing those who intelligence accused of
plotting with Al-Qaeda and detained for years without evidence or trial. These are the
enemies of America today. They may look like sobbing and wailing Islamic women,
without rights and living in a male-dominated society, but I guarantee you that
somewhere nearby, a women is wearing a C-4 jacket. Whether security personnel placed
the jacket on her before or after she was shot for no reason is of no consequence to you or
I. We get to sleep easy in our beds at home knowing justice is being served.
When private industry is called on to mass produce the machines of war, that
brings government dollars to the private industry and helps to decrease reliance on our
foreign partners. After over fifty years of nearly continuous wars, the lobbying powers of
the militarys industrial component outweighs the voice of the citizenry. When the voice
of industry has the ears of their government representatives, people know that the security
of our nation is a major concern on capital hill. Politicians work ceaselessly, and approve
budgets that send 50% of the total spending they spend to the military industrial complex


year after year. No one can claim that the government is not putting American and global
security high on the priority list, at least as long as it keeps our people wholly out of
Africa. I think we can all agree that its best to just ignore Africa all together for a good 10
years to let them catch up to the rest of the world. In the meantime, I am confident that
the local warlords will rule with grace and care. Its really best for the people of Africa if
we dont muddle around in their business. If we just send some arms dealers around,
thats halfway to sending our own military. America has enough trouble trying to parent
the entire global middle east, and what I hear about Africa from my eugenics professor is
really encouraging. I think that if we step out, Africa will step up.
Much as security firms give our government the answer to the many
complications of prison ownership and operation, so abroad did security firms give our
government the answer as to how it can best further and completely empty the American
treasury into the coffers of industry. I would go as far as to say that any American who
does not actively support the defense contractors, aside from the contractors themselves,
is likely a terrorist. The best way for us to deal with terrorists, criminals, psychopaths,
and people who disagree with us is to call up our resident security contractor and just
leave the problem to the professionals. We know that we have done our part to keep
America safe for our children and free for all property-owning white men. Security firms
are managed by caring people, who care about the world just as much as you or I do. I
know one personally, he is the leader of my cult. And let me just say about him that in all
my years as a devotee to Lucifer and as a member of the Klan, I have never met a more
distinguished gentleman, Priest, Grand Dragon or puppy-eater anywhere. Thanks for
reading. Any thoughts can be sent to your nearest LDS church/security installation.