KYEME-stry

If you didn't get the joke, you probably didn't understand the science behind it. If this is
the case, it's a chance for you to learn a little chemistry.

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm
positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You
gotta keep your ion them."

A chemistry professor couldn't resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture.
He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, "Remember, if
you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!"

One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have
mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."

A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he'll get an "F",
he asks a fellow student what she's been doing. "We've been observing water under the
microscope. We're supposed to write up what we see." The page of her notebook is filled
with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them. The panic-stricken
student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes, "During this laboratory, I
examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H's as O's."

Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.

The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines cation as a positively charged kitten.

Chemistry Joke 10:

Q: What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny?
A: An ether bunny

Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED

Q: What is the chemical symbol for diarrhea?

A: (CO(NH2)2)2
Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?
A: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe

Here is a historical note: In the 1980's, in an effort to increase public awareness about
the importance of chemistry, the American Chemical Society posted billboards with a
picture off C6H10 and the title, "It takes alkynes to make a world."

Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O?

A: Seawater

Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.

Q: If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?
A: A mole of molasses.

Q: What does a teary-eyed, joyful Santa say about chemistry?

A: HOH, HOH, HOH!

Q: Why is potassium a racist element?

A: Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.

An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, "What are you in for?"
To which the latter replied, "For attempting a forbidden transition."

Q: What is the dullest element?

A: Bohrium

At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was
the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand
and said, "Never lick the spoon."

Q: How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?
A: A wild protestor.
Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocados number.

A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into
the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine
gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful
to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND,
Covalent Bond.

Whiskey Worms

A chemistry teacher one day decided to teach his class about the dangers of alcohol.

He thought up a neat little experiment, and showed it to his class.

He had two glass tumblers, one filled with clean water, and the other with whiskey. He
placed a live worm in each glass. The worm in water was perfectly fine; however the
worm which was dropped in whiskey died almost instantly.

Rather pleased with the experiment, he decided to ask the class what they could deduce
from it. The classes were silent for several seconds, until one boy at the back called out:
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.

What element do women use to get dates?

Tellurium

What did the chemist say to a chic babe when he passed by her in his sports
car?
Radon baby!

Where does one put the dishes?

Zinc

What does one do if one can't zwim?

Zinc
What happens when electrons lose their energy?
They get Bohr'ed. What are?

What is Ba(Na)2 ?
Banana

What is NaCl(aq), NaCl(aq), C C C C C C C ?

Saline, saline, over the seven Cs

What do you do when you find a dead chemist?

Barium.

What is the purpose of a doctor?

Helium.

What do you call a convict who dresses up as a clown?

Silicon.

EXPERIMENTS

MAKE A FLUBBER

Flubber is made from soluble fiber and water. It's a less-sticky sort of slime that is so safe you could eat it. I'm
not saying it tastes great (though you can flavor it), but it's edible. Kids will need adult supervision making this
type of slime, but it's the best recipe for making a slime very young kids can play with and examine.

1. Mix 1 teaspoon of Metamucil with 1 cup (8 ounces) of water in a microwaveable bowl. You can add a
drop or two of food coloring if you wish. Alternatively, you could add a little powdered drink mix or
flavored gelatin to get color/flavor.
2. Place bowl in the microwave and nuke on high for 4-5 minutes (actual time depends on microwave
power) or until the goo is about to bubble out of the bowl. Turn off the microwave.
3. Let the mixture cool slightly, then repeat step 3 (microwave until about to overflow). The more times
this step is repeated the more rubbery the substance will become.
4. After 5-6 microwave runs, (carefully - hot hot HOT) pour the flubber onto a plate or cookie sheet. A
spoon can be used to spread it out.
5. Allow to cool. There you have it! Non-stick flubber. A knife or cookie cutters may be used to cut the
flubber into interesting shapes.
6. Flubber can be stored at room temperature in a sealed baggie for several months. It will last indefinitely
in a sealed bag in the refrigerator.

Tips:
 1. If the flubber is sticky then the amount of water needs to be reduced. It should be clammy, but not
sticky. Use less water next time.
2. Please use adult supervision. Molten fluids and microwaves are involved!

What You Need:

• 1 tsp Metamucil or similar soluble fiber

• 8 oz water
• microwave-safe bowl
• microwave oven
• food coloring (optional)

Lava Lamp

Ingredients

• 1-liter plastic bottle

• vegetable oil
• water
• food coloring
• alka seltzer tablets

Make a Lava Lamp

1. Fill the bottle most of the way full with vegetable oil.
2. Add about a tablespoon of water.
3. Drip in a few drops of food coloring.
4. Break an alka seltzer tablet into pieces and add them to the bottle.
5. Seal the cap on the bottle.
6. After the reaction is complete, you can break and add another alka seltzer tablet to make more bubbles.
7. Feel free to shine a flashlight on the bubbles to add the 'light' part of a traditional lava lamp.

FROZEN BUBBLES

Dry ice is the solid form of carbon dioxide. You can use dry ice to freeze bubbles solid so that you can pick
them up and examine them closely. You can use this project to demonstrate several scientific principles, such as
density, interference, semipermeability, and diffusion.

Materials

• Bubble Solution (from the store or make your own)

• Dry Ice
 • Gloves (for handling the dry ice)
• Glass Box or Cardboard Box

Procedure

1. Using gloves to protect your hands, place a chunk of dry ice in the bottom of glass bowl or cardboard
box. Glass is nice because it's clear.
2. Allow about 5 minutes for carbon dioxide gas to accumulate in the container.
3. Blow bubbles down into the container. The bubbles will fall until they reach the layer of carbon dioxide.
They will hover at the interface between air and carbon dioxide. The bubbles will start to sink as the
bubbles cool and the carbon dioxide replaces some of the air within them. Bubbles that come into
contact with the dry ice chunk or fall into the cold layer at the bottom of the container will freeze! You
can pick them up for closer examination (no gloves needed). The bubbles will thaw and eventually pop
as they warm.
4. As the bubbles age, their color bands will change and they will become more transparent. The bubble
liquid is light, but it is still affected by gravity and is pulled to the bottom of a bubble. Eventually, the
film at the top of a bubble becomes so thin that it will open and the bubble will pop.

Explanation

Carbon dioxide (CO2) is heavier than most of the other gases present in air (normal air is mostly nitrogen, N2,
and oxygen, O2), so most of the carbon dioxide will settle to the bottom of the aquarium. Bubbles filled with air
will float on top of the heavier carbon dioxide. Here's a tutorial for calculating molecular mass, just in case you
want to prove this for yourself!

Notes

Adult supervision is recommended for this project. Dry ice is cold enough to give frostbite, so you need to wear
protective gloves when handling it.

Also, be aware that extra carbon dioxide is added to the air as dry ice vaporizes. Carbon dioxide is naturally
present in air, but under some circumstances, the extra amount can present a health hazard.

Chemis-TRICKS

PEPPER AND WATER TRICKS

The pepper and water science trick is one of the easiest magic tricks you can perform. Here's how to do the trick
and an explanation of how it works.

Materials for the Pepper & Water Trick

You only need a few common kitchen ingredients to perform this science magic trick.

• black pepper
 • water
• dishwashing liquid
• plate or bowl

Performing the Pepper & Water Trick

1. Pour water into a plate or bowl.

2. Shake some pepper onto the water.
3. If you dip your finger into the pepper and water, nothing much happens.
4. If you put a drop of dishwashing liquid on your finger and then dip it into the pepper and water the
pepper will rush to the outer edges of the dish. If you are doing this as a 'trick' then you might have one
finger that is clean and another finger that you dipped in detergent before performing the trick.

How the Pepper & Water Trick Works

When you add detergent to water the surface tension of the water is lowered. Water normally bulges up a bit,
like what you see when you look at a water drop. When the surface tension is lowered, the water wants to
spread out. As the water flattens on the dish, the pepper that is floating on top of the water is carried to the outer
edge of the plate as if by magic.

ICE ON FIRE

Making Ice Appear to Be on Fire

Most of the photos you might see of burning ice were probably made using Photoshop, but you can get the
appearance of burning ice very easily without resorting to image processing tricks. Get some glass cubes (craft
stores carry them), set them on a surface that can withstand fire (metal pan, pyrex, stoneware), pour something
flammable over the 'ice', and set it alight. You can use 151 rum (ethanol), rubbing alcohol (try for 90%
isopropyl alcohol, not the 70% alcohol stuff), or methanol (Heet™ fuel treatment from the automotive section
of a store). These easy-to-obtain fuels burn cleanly, so they won't set off your smoke alarm (I know... I tried). If
you want colored flames, you can add any of the usual flame colorants to the ethanol or rubbing alcohol. If you
use methanol, try adding a little boric acid for a brilliant green flame. Use caution with methanol, since it burns
very hot. One little display tip: You can give glass cubes the imperfect, crackled appearance of water ice by
setting one on fire and then tossing it (with tongs) into water after the fire goes out. The glass may shatter, but if
you have the temperature just right you'll just create internal fractures that look very pretty in photographs.

Flaming Ice

I basically told you how to set ice on fire when I explained how to make a flaming B-52 drink. High-proof
ethanol (like 151 rum) or 90% isopropyl alcohol will float on the surface of water and mix with it so that as long
as there is fuel, your ice will appear to burn. Don't use methanol... as the ice melts, it will extinguish the flame
(methanol is highly toxic too). You can use ethanol on ice used for human consumption (or flaming ice cream
drinks). Rubbing alcohol is toxic and should only be used for decorative purposes.

Really Burning the Ice

You may be thinking it is impossible to burn ice. Strictly speaking, that is not true. You can burn ice, just not
water ice. If you make ice cubes from any of the alcohols I have listed, you can burn them. For pure alcohol ice
cubes, you'll need a way to freeze the liquid down to about -100°C, give or take a few degrees depending on the
specific alcohol. You don't need to get quite that cold for 75% alcohol/25% water ice, which will burn if you
spritz it with a little liquid alcohol to get flammable vapor over the ice. You may be able to freeze the 75%
solution over dry ice.

Flaming Ice Safety

Just remember two things: (1) If you want to ingest the flaming ice, only use food-grade ethanol, not some other
fuel. (2) Methanol burns very, very hot! You can get away with using almost any surface if you use ethanol or
isopropanol (hey... you can even touch the flame briefly). The uncontrolled-fire and burn risks are much higher
using methanol because it produces so much heat.

Trading places

Magic Trick Materials

This science magic trick or demonstration can be performed using many different liquids, such as water and
wine, water and oil, or water and whiskey. All you need are two liquids that have different densities. If the
liquids don't mix (such as water and oil), you will get a clearly-defined separation. Expect some mixing of water
with rubbing alcohol or an alcoholic beverage. You can tint a water or alcohol-based liquid with food coloring.

• two small identical glasses, such as shot glasses

• water
• oil or wine or whiskey or rubbing alcohol
• a thin waterproof card, such as a driver's license

Perform the Liquid Magic Trick

1. Fill one glass completely full with water.

2. Fill the other glass completely full with the other liquid you selected.
3. Place the card over the water glass. While holding the card onto the glass, flip the water glass over and
set it and the card on top of the second glass.
4. Line the glasses up so that they are even and move the card so that there is just a tiny bit of open space at
the edge of the glasses.
5. Over the next few minutes (about 10 minutes for shot glasses), the liquids will exchange places. The
alcohol or oil will rise to the top while the water sinks and fills the bottom glass.

How the Liquid Magic Trick Works

Well, obviously not by magic! This is simple science. The two liquids have different densities from each other.
Basically, the lighter liquid will float while the heavier liquid will sink. You would see the same result if you
had removed the card entirely, except this way is prettier and looks more magical.

Chemis-TRIVIA
Chemistry is a vast subject with a very wide scope of new discoveries and inventions. It
has developed with equal contributions in all sectors of chemistry, so it is hard to name
one person as the father of chemistry. However, for each field we have different people
who got the title.

Father of early chemistry - Geber

Father(s) of modern chemistry:

-Antoine Lavoisier
-Robert Boyle
-Jöns Berzelius
-John Dalton

Periodic table

- Dmitri Mendeleev

Physical chemistry:
-Hermann von Helmholtz
-Willard Gibbs

A bucket full of water contains more atoms than there are bucketfuls of water in the
Atlantic Ocean.

Talc is the softest known substance.

A rubber tire is actually one single giant molecule.

Gallium is a metal which melts on palm of the hand, due to its low melting point (29.76
°C).

Twenty percent of Earth's oxygen is produced by the Amazon forest.

Gold and Copper are the only two non-white metals.

The burning sensation we get from chilli peppers is because of a chemical called
Capsaicin.

Each time lightning strikes, some Ozone gas is produced, thus strengthening the Ozone
Layer in the Earth's atmosphere.

The metal with the highest melting point is tungsten, at 3410 degrees Celcius (6170F).

An ounce of gold can be stretched into a wire 80 kms (50 miles) long.

Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be moulded with the hands.

The only letter not appearing on the Periodic Table is the letter J.
A bee sting is acidic and a wasp sting is alkali. To treat a sting by one of these you
should use the opposite type of chemical.

The weight (or mass) of a proton is 1,836.1526675 times heavier than the weight (or
mass) of an electron.

The electron was first discovered before the proton and neutron, in 1897 from English
physicist John Joseph Thomson.

The neutron was discovered after the proton in 1932 from British physicist James
Chadwick, which proved an important discovery in the development of nuclear reactors.

Carbon dioxide was discovered by Scottish chemist Joseph Black.

When silver nitrate is exposed to light, it results in a blackening effect. (Discovered by

Scheele, which became an important discovery for the development of photography).

After firing 5 billion billion zinc ions at a speed of 18,460 miles per second (30,000
kilometers per second) at lead, the German scientists at Darmstadt, Germany created a
single atom of 112 protons (ununbium) that survived for one third (1/3) of a millisecond.

If an electric current is passed through a solution or molten salt (the electrolyte), ions will
migrate to the electrodes: positive ions (cations) to the negative electrode (cathode) and
negative ions (anions) to the positive electrodes (anions).

The flatulence of a single sheep could power a small truck for 25 miles (40 kilometers) a
day. The digestive process produces methane gas, which can be burned as fuel.

Cesiums has a diameter of 0.0000002 inches (0.0000005 millimeter).

Hydrogen atoms with no neutrons make up 99.985% percent of all hydrogen atoms. The
remaining 0.015% percent contain one neutron.

The very first shell of an atom (innermost) can hold only up to two electrons.

Alkanes are also known as paraffins.

Alkenes are also known as olefins.

The first chemistry professor who taught chemistry only, in a regular appointed position
in an educational institution of recognized standing, was Benjamin Rush, one of the
signers of the Declaration of Independence, who taught as early as 1769.
Benjamin Rush (the first chemistry professor) published the very first chemistry
textbook, called Syllabus of a Course of Lectures on Chemistry, in 1770 at Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania.

Africa's largest producer of mercury is Algeria (Africa's only producer of mercury),

produces about one-tenth of the world's mercury.

The first compound discovered of an inert gas was xenon hexafluoroplatinate, by English
chemist Neil Bartlett, in 1962.

It was Mexican chemist Mario Molina and U.S. chemist F. Sherwood Rowland that warned
that the chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) used in refrigerators may be damaging the Earth's
ozone layer, in 1974.

The element with the most isotopes are xenon with 36 (9 stable isotopes and 27
radioactive isotopes), and cesium also with 36 (1 stable isotope and 35 radioactive
isotopes).

The most element that exists in both the Solar System and the Universe is hydrogen, at
over 90%.

The smallest ice, was created by Roger Miller and Klaus Nauta in the University of North
Carolina, U.S.A., in 1999. It is 6 water molecules arranged in a hexagon, theoretically the
smallest ice possible.

The sweetest chemical compound is sucronic acid.

The mass or weight of the neutron is 1838.683655 times greater than the mass or
weight of the electron.

The mass or weight of the proton is 0.99862347855 times greater than the mass or
weight of the neutron.

The mass or weight of the neutron is 1.00137841887 times greater than the mass or
weight of the proton.

Paper kindles or ignites at a heat termperature of 450 degrees Fahrenheit (230 degrees
Celsius).

Helium was first identified when French astronomer Pierre-Jules-César Janssen obtained
evidence for the existence when observing the solar eclipse of 1868 in India when he
detected a new yellow line, at 587.49 nanometers, in the solar spectrum.
The first national chemical society in the United States was the American Chemical
Society, organized in New York City on April 20, 1876. Their first president was John
William Draper.

The hottest flame is carbon subnitride (C4N2), which at 1 atmospheric pressure it's flame
is calculated to be 9,010 degrees Fahrenheit.

The most ductile element is gold, which at one ounce it can be drawn to a length of 43
miles.

Boron becomes liquid at 3,769 degrees Fahrenheit (2,076 degrees Celsius), and is so
corrosive that it cannot be contained at all.