Are you friendships causing more harm than good?

BY CECILY PATERSON 3 SEPTEMBER 2011 20 1

Have you ever thought that having friends could be a bad thing? Well, there are some
reasons why we need to be careful with our friendships.
Hollywood movies love to make stories about friendships where one of the parties turns
out to be a psychopathic killer. It is relatively unlikely to happen to you, but there are
other dangers with friendship.
Exclusiveness
One of the potential problems with friendships is exclusiveness. Just the fact of having
some people as friends means that other people are not friends. Its an easy step from
choosing this person to excluding that person. The danger is that we start to become
exclusive and put ourselves up against other people.
Exclusiveness is basically pride. Even when we have personal friends, we must not fall
into the danger of thinking we and our friends are better than the rest of the world.
Remember what Jesus says in Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you
would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets".
Being led astray
When two or more people get an idea, stuff happens. World changing movements have
come about because of friendships. The abolition of slavery, the reformation, the
Renaissance, Marxism, female suffrage, the breakdown of apartheid -- all of these were
fueled by friendships. Having others with us spurs us on and makes us strong to do
things that would be impossible alone. However, the opposite can also be true. Friends
can encourage us in behaviours that God would not want to see in us. They can also
pressure us to skip youth group, or stop going to church.
In the end, if our friendships are leading us away from Jesus, we need to take the
advice of Proverbs 4: 14-15:
"Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do
not travel on it, turn from it and go on your way".
Maybe today is a good day to examine your friendships. Are your friendships leading
you away from Jesus?
Read more about
PROVERBS (16)





Dear teen self, I want you to
know this

What six youth leaders wish the younger versions of themselves knew
about life and God.
BY CHRIS COLGAN 17 SEPTEMBER 2013 205 4
The following six people are all youth leaders at my church, City On A Hill. I asked them
to share what they wish the teenage version of themselves had known about life, and
about God. Here's what they said.
Mass
"Dear teen self ... don't be focused on things that are perishable. Dont worry that you
have your dads nose. Dont worry that you are not as cool as other people. Dont
worry about the things that you dont have. This life is short. The most important thing is
not to have the new Nokia 3315." (I was so excited when I got this phone; Snake 2).
Colossians 3:2-3 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on
earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
Amy
"Dear teen self ... you are so much more important, interesting, intelligent and valuable
than you believe yourself to be, as you are loved by God. You are not alone or
forgotten. Keep thinking and Jesus will help you in all of your doubts as Jesus is
relevant and he is alive. God doesnt change and Jesus is God. (John 10:31) And when
you feel like no one gets it and nothing is relevant read Psalm 88."
John 16:27 for the father himself loves you, because you have loved me and believed
that I came from God.
Hannah
"Dear teen self ... you cant change your family, and you shouldnt want to. Treat your
siblings with more love and respect, regardless of whether you think they deserve it.
You are an ambassador for Christ and should reflect him with your family. Remember
the parable about the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18) - how much greater is the debt
forgiven by your father. Who cares if your sister ruined your favourite pair of jeans? 'The
world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever'. (1 John
2:17)"
Love people and use things, not love things and use people.
Exodus 20:12 Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the
land the Lord your God is giving you
James 1:19 take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and
slow to become angry
Isaac
"Dear teen self ... be watchful with your faith. Keep in mind that the devil wants you to
slip, wants you to doubt Jesus and wants you to follow sin. The devil will try and make
you feel not good enough to be a Christian and do everything to keep you way from
Jesus who loves you so much. Keep in mind if you are going through difficulty, that right
now is not forever. Dont let what happened in the past destroy your future. The cycle
ends here with Jesus's love."
1 Peter 5:8-9 Be sober minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around
like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing
that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout
the world.
Brendan
"Dear teen self ... check out Matthew Chapter 1 in that Bible book. The Jesus guy that
you have heard bits and pieces about is a real person and worth finding out about.
Youll hear a lot of half-truths and 'facts' along the way that just arent true. Go to the
source and look for yourself, it will be worth the time and it will change your life."
Matthew 1:1 The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of
Abraham
Chris
"Dear teen self ... be convinced of this truth, which I now know. God's word and reading
the Bible is vital to your growth as a Christian and to life! Teen Self, the bible is
precious, people died to protect it and God communicates directly to you through it.
Dont neglect God's word and dont replace it with trivial things. Read the Bible! God
wants to reveal more of Himself to you through it."
Matthew 4:4 But he answered, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by
every word that comes from the mouth of God.
Conclusion
My youth leaders here all have different stories and different pieces of advice they
would tell their teen self. One thing is clear over all: Following Jesus is the most
important thing we could tell our teen selves. Over the years, my leaders have gotten to
know Jesus more and see how valuable He is. What he did on the cross is the most
important thing that has happened throughout history. Jesus' advice and command to
everyone (not just our teen selves) is 'come follow me'.
Matthew 16:24-25 Then Jesus told his disciples, If anyone would come after me, let
him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life
will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it











HOME /

A creative way to grow in self-
esteem

Fervr chats to 'Esteem Designz' creator Ruth Lewis-Jones about the
pressures facing young girls.
BY FERVR EDITOR 19 SEPTEMBER 2013 31
When youth leader Ruth Lewis-Jones was a teen, life at school wasn't easy. And things
haven't gotten any easier for girls today.
Ruth says she felt heartbroken as she witnessed the confronting issues and ever-
increasing pressures girls in her youth group faced daily. She says the modern girl is
constantly receiving messages of 'perfection' through the media, and can often feel
burdened by comparisons and unrealistic expectations. Ruth says some other
contributors to poor self-esteem include:
no self-indentity or confidence
body image
peer pressure and bullying
criticism
feeling unloved and unvalued
According to Ruth, teenage girls struggle to just be themselves, and can be pressured
into things in order to be accepted or acknowledged, thereby making their self-esteem
decrease further, without a healthy emotional release.
Instead of giving up in the face of such overwhelming challenges, Ruths faith and
passion to see girls truly know their worth motivated her to create Esteem Designz.
Studying a Bachelor of Design at the College of Fine Arts, UNSW, she knew the power
of design to create change, provide direction, meaning and hope in girls lives. And so,
she decided to use that unique creative approach to meet the needs of girls.
Ruth was determined to follow the passion God had place on her heart and create a
solution so girls would be assured of their identity and better able to face those
relentless struggles. She didnt just want to help girls she knew and cared for; she
wanted to affect many more. She wanted anyone to be able to empower girls and reveal
the love and faithfulness of God.
Creating a sense of worth
While not containing any overt Christian messages, Ruth says that when Esteem
Designz is run by Christian leaders there is an amazing opportunity to focus the girls
identity, value and worth in God, revealing their true identity in Christ.
After running Esteem Designz Program, the kids' pastor of a local church said,Through
creativity, the girls were able to shine as individuals and came to recognize that their
differences should be celebrated and encouraged - not to be a point of criticism or fear.
It was a wonderful experience that created a great sense of worth and unity.
Each stage of the program provides another coping strategy and an opportunity for girls
to discover more about themselves, and Ruth feels blessed to hear all the great
feedback she has been receiving from participants:
Thank you for making us feel like sunshine and rainbows. You made us
shine brighter than ever before. (Year 6 class)
I discovered more about myself and learnt to trust and believe in who I am.
Through the awesome projects, I now know I can cope with anything and I
learnt really helpful ways to deal with life. I also learnt that we all have a
purpose and not to put others or ourselves down. I feel much more confident
in myself. (Year 8 girl)
Ruth says low self-esteem in young girls is a real issue, and believes Christians have an
opportunity to really turn things around.
Looking back on her time as a teen, Ruth now says I am forever grateful for the
hardships I faced in school, which God has turned around for my good and His glory,
giving me the compassion and the heart to make a difference for others. I really hope
more people will join me in this revolution of empowering girls. Anyone can make a
difference.