i realized the #1 thing that determines whether or not a friendship or relations

hip will last is need. The person you wanna be friends or more with has to have
a certain need or needs that have to be filled for them to be happy (needs that
arise from problems such as: loneliness, failed past relationships, emotional/
mental issues, chronic stress in their life, being different in certain ways and
needing someone to relate to, needing emotional support for whatever reason, ha
ving a lot of success or failure at the present time and needing someone to shar
e it with, not having any true friends, and having deep-seated psychological iss
ues from past problems, or having skeletons in their closet that need to be shar
ed with someone they can trust in a therapeutic way, just to name a few). So th
ey're looking for someone to fill those needs, and they'll continue to talk to y
ou despite your own issues and weaknesses because either subconsciously or consc
iously they're hoping you might be able to fill one of those needs or all of the
m. and even if u dont have what it takes to fill their specific needs, they sti
ll have those needs, therefore they'll keep talking to you in the hopes that may
be eventually you'll be able to fill those needs, and cause you're better than n
othing.
There are many other reasons why people wanna be friends with you or be
your gf or bf such as: attraction, common interests, curiosity, similar persona
lities, boredom, etc. But all those things will eventually fade away because th
ey don't provide the incentive to stay in touch with someone on a regular basis
and even when that person has nothing to offer them.
Attraction is based on hormones and emotion and doesn't last without the existen
ce of a strong bond between the two people, so that can't be relied on to make a
relationship last. Common interests will keep you together longer if you're bo
th passionate about the same things, but if that person doesn't have strong need
s and you do, then it won't last because you'll get tired of talking about those
things eventually, but your needs remain, whereas they just want friends who su
pport them and who they can have fun with and engage in entertaining/stimulating
conversation with. Plus, if you have differences with that person, which you a
lways will, then those can start to overshadow the things you have in common, an
d without mutual needs, there's no incentive to bridge those divides, and the re
lationship ends.
Curiosity will get a person interested in you and maybe even lead to the start o
f a friendship, but it does nothing to make it last.
Having similar personalities can create a connection between two people, but tha
t will only last if circumstances in your life remain constant and don't affect
your personality, because if problems arise in your life, the personality traits
you exhibit when you first met that person won't be the same ones you're exhibi
ting now, and if that's all they were basing the relationship on, that'll be the
dealbreaker for them. Plus, one thing we know is that circumstances never rema
in the same for too long cause change is constant, so only someone who has a big
enough incentive (their needs, love for you, desire to help you) to stick with
you through all the ups and downs of life will do so despite situations and even
ts that will negatively affect your mood, personality, and behavior towards them
.
Anyone with needs knows that in order to keep the other person in the relations
hip, you have to at least partially fill their needs as well, or at least suppor
t them and help them with their problems if you expect them to reach out and hel
p you with yours. But someone without needs doesn't have that incentive, so whe
n differences or even small conflicts arise between you and them, or you have pr
oblems in your life that prevent you from being the person they want you to be o
r talking about what they wanna talk about, then you're expendable to them. Onc
e you reach that point, it's only a matter of time before they end the relations
hip.
But there is one exception to this rule, which is the rare person who ma
y or may not have needs, but either way is genuinely a good and compassionate pe
rson, and is eager to help others and support you no matter what condition you'r
e in. The two groups I've mentioned above (people with needs who are solely lo
oking to fill those needs, and people with or without needs who really love you
for who you are and will stick by you as long as they possible can or that circu
mstances allow them to, and wanna be a positive force in your life) engage in wh
at i would call a mutually beneficial relationship, wherein they give themselves
to you in various ways (time, conversation, etc) and expect you to do the same
in return. All the other people will engage in utilitarian relationships wi
th you, wherein they expect something from you and the relationship will last as
long as you're able to provide it.
Of course even the most well-intentioned people have their limits and ca
n't give endlessly without getting anything in return, at which point they have
to end the relationship. However, there is one kind of person who's even a leve
l above the mutually beneficial relationship and engages in what i would call a
sacrificial or selfless relationship. This is where they have unconditional lov
e for you and will stick with you no matter what, and even if you're never able
to fulfill their needs or give them anything in return for all they've sacrifice
d and given to you.
So from now on I believe this classification system will allow me to easily and
readily identify which people will have the potential to be in a long term frien
dship or relationship, and which people won't. After talking with them enough I
can read them and get a good sense of whether or not they have deep needs. Thi
s should save me some time and heartache because it will help me weed out the pe
ople who might even be very interesting and good people, but simply don't have t
he incentive to be friends with me for the long haul, and to identify the people
who do have that incentive cause of their needs, and therefore deserve more of
my time and effort to show them I'm interested in being their friend for the lon
g haul, and to make sure they stick around.