6/13/2014 Tituss NBA Draft International All-Stars

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2014 NBA DRAFT
Tituss NBA Draft International All-Stars
Scouting the overseas prospects with an assist from YouTube.
BY MARK TITUS ON JUNE 13, 2014
When Grantlands editors asked me to write scouting reports for the prospects in this years NBA
draft, I assumed they only wanted me to cover the players who Id observed while covering college
basketball. I thought Id be off the hook for international players, since thats Fran Fraschillas turf and
Im pretty sure its against federal law to step on the toes of one of Americas finest storytellers. I was
wrong.
Click here for more on the 2014 NBA draft.
Truth be told, all I know about this crop of international prospects is that some people think Dante
Exum has the potential to be the best player in this draft and that theres a projected second-rounder
from Serbia named Bogdan Bogdanovic. (Sadly, Bogdan Bogdanovic did not make the International
All-Stars cut, but stay tuned, because hes a shoo-in to be named captain of the Longar Longar/Duany
Duany All-Stars.) The easy play here would be to pretend I know what Im talking about and laugh to
myself when no readers call me out because none of us know much about these guys. But screw the easy
way lets learn about these guys together, using the only appropriate way to form ironclad opinions
on basketball players, YouTube mixtapes.
6/13/2014 Tituss NBA Draft International All-Stars
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Heres how this is going to work. To prove Im not handpicking highlights to make some prospects
look better than others, Im just going to go search each players name on YouTube and post the first
nonprofessional video I find. Why nonprofessional? Because this nation was founded on techno
and/or rap music laid over grainy basketball highlights. (I believe it was Patrick Henry who said: Give
me highlights of Bill Walker dunking on high school students set to We Ready and I Aint Never
Scared, or give me death!) And just because its fun, Im also going to take a stab at what each guys
FRASCHILLAD moment will be on draft night, which is to say that Im going to guess the irrelevant-
yet-strangely-interesting story that Fraschilla will tell about him when his name is called.
Lets get to it.
Dante Exum (Australia)
Wait, what? This is it? This is the guy who could be as good as Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker, and Joel
Embiid? Did NBA scouts even watch this thing? I know theyve watched Exum play hours upon hours
of real basketball over the last few years, but that only tells me that NBA scouts know how to waste time
and money. If I were them, Id live by one hard-and-fast rule: If there isnt a single play on your mixtape
that makes me cover my mouth with a fist, then Im not drafting you. And I dont want to sugarcoat
this the only time I covered my mouth during Exums mixtape was when I almost spit Cheetos on my
laptop from laughing at the stink face Spains coach makes at the 2:38 mark.
Im crossing my fingers that a Kiwi made this and purposely omitted the best plays to smear the
Aussies reputation. Or that Australian basketball fans subscribe to the Norman Dale Philosophy of
Fundamentals, and this mixtape was made for an audience that appreciates bounce passes and board
slaps more than us dunk-loving Americans. Or that Exum hasnt played that many televised games and
the YouTuber making this mixtape didnt have much material to work with. If none of these scenarios
is true, then Exum might be the proud subject of the most disappointing basketball mixtape Ive ever
seen.
Look, I wont deny that Exum looks like he belongs in the league. You can see that once he bulks up
hell have an NBA body, and his jump shot is almost smooth enough to make me not regret the time I
lost watching his mixtape. But holy smokes, can Exum go left at all? Watching this video made me
wonder if he broke his wrist and was trying to avoid dribbling or finishing with his left hand. The
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highlights also dont make him look very athletic, his handle seems a little sloppy, and half the video is
devoted to bounce passes made against a high school JV team. The point of a mixtape is to showcase
the most jaw-dropping plays of a guys career. If Exums version of a jaw-dropping play is taking two
dribbles into the lane, jump-stopping, and throwing a bounce pass for a board-slap layup to a 6-foot-2
high school center who might be a carny in five years, I cant help but react with skepticism.
Ill cheer for Exum to succeed in the NBA just because the best Australian basketball players of all time
are Kyrie Irving (who was born in Australia but grew up in the States), Andrew Bogut (meh), Patty Mills
(promising but nothing to get excited about yet), and Luc Longley (thats three-time NBA champion
Luc Longley to you, pal). Thats not exactly a murderers row, and Im a little worried that Exum might
be more of the same.
VERDICT: Bust.
FRASCHILLAD MOMENT: Interesting story about Dante Exum, you guys: When he was 12, he
already wore a size 14 shoe. His dad told me that he could never find a shoe store that carried big
enough shoes for Dante, except for one place in Melbourne that was right next to a Lebanese
restaurant. And thats why Dantes favorite food is falafel. Back to you guys.
Dario Saric (Croatia)
Oh look, its another TooMainey Production! If Sarics mixtape turns out to be as boring as Exums,
Im going to suspect Mr. Mainey of trying to ruin these players futures. Lets take a look.
WHOA. Now THAT is a mixtape. I think I just fell in love with a Croatian who will be out of the league
in four years. This does not bode well for Dante Exum.
Lets start with the obvious: Saric oozes confidence. If he ends up having any success in the NBA, hes
so cocky that hell almost certainly become the most hated player in the league. Its not that his
theatrics are worse than what many NBA players do. But Saric is Eastern European, and if professional
wrestling has taught me anything, its that Americans HATE cocky Eastern Europeans who can back
up their talk. (Also, that any contract signing done in a ring is guaranteed to end in a brawl.) Did you see
that celebration at 2:36? The man interrupted a Jason Terry airplane celebration to rub on his
European mull-hawk (mullet/Mohawk). Im ordering customized jerseys of every NBA team with
Sarics name on them, just so I can wear his jersey as soon as he gets drafted.
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As for the basketball, Saric looks not bad, right? He showcased everything in that mixtape a
smooth jumper, solid handles, blocked shots, no-look passes, multiple authoritative dunks, some post
game, finishes with both hands, and a few plays that leave you thinking hes got a high basketball IQ.
And best of all, he did it against competition that doesnt look like it won fourth place in the Gus
Macker Toilet Bowl.
I wonder how big and old Saric is. Im worried that hes only 6-foot-7 and that he looks so physically
mature because hes actually 27. I know I promised to evaluate these guys using nothing but their
mixtapes, but Im breaking that rule because I need to know whats really good with Saric if Im going
all-in on him. Lets see
Google says 6-foot-10, 220 pounds! And hes only 20! Im sold.
VERDICT: First-ballot Hall of Famer.
FRASCHILLAD MOMENT: Its funny that you guys mentioned Joel Embiid being born in Cameroon
earlier, because Saric has a similar story a woman also gave birth to him. And one summer he and his
uncle went fishing in Zagreb, where they caught what Saric describes as the biggest tuna Ive ever
caught in my life. Then they went home and made that tuna for dinner. And now his uncle is here at
the draft with him. Amazing how things work out.
Jusuf Nurkic (Bosnia and Herzegovina)
Great. Another big, foreign, white guy who exceeds at being big, foreign, and white. Nurkic showed a
couple of basic post moves and he hit that half-court bomb toward the end of the mixtape, but for the
most part each of his highlights could be chalked up to him being bigger than the guy guarding him. If
hes 7-foot-3 and 290 pounds, then hell be able to keep it up in the NBA. I dont know. Im pretty sure
that if you took Big Country Bryant Reeves out of whatever Oklahoma body shop he works at, shaved
his flattop (I know this is sacrilegious to even joke about), and tossed a Nurkic jersey on his back, I
probably wouldnt notice the difference between them.
VERDICT: Nurkic will suck through the entirety of his rookie contract, before the Spurs sign him to
what looks like an insanely generous contract when he hits free agency. Well all laugh at the Spurs for
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overvaluing a player who just spent three years getting dunked on by the entire NBA. Then theyll turn
him into a serviceable big man who starts for their 2020 title team alongside a 44-year-old Tim
Duncan, because they are the Spurs.
FRASCHILLAD MOMENT: Whats amazing about Nurkic is that he actually grew up playing
handball and was a world-class player. He told me the first time he came to America was to take part in
Jake Plummers handball camp, but he didnt find out until it was too late that Plummers handball is
not the same as European-style team handball. He quit after one day of camp, then spent the rest of his
time in the States watching movies in his hotel room. One of those movies was Charlie St. Cloud with
Zac Efron. Efron, of course, is famous for playing basketball star Troy Bolton in High School Musical.
You have to think thats how Nurkic fell in love with basketball, right?
Kristaps Porzingis (Latvia)
(WARNING: The song on this mixtape has really strong NSFW language, so if you are reading this in a
public place, mute the video. Actually, you should do that even if you arent in public. Were watching
YouTube basketball mixtapes, after all. Theres zero chance youll like the music in any of these
videos.)
It took less than two seconds of highlights for me to like Porzingis more than Nurkic. By the end of the
mixtape, I was debating whether I like him more than Saric. Without knowing exactly how big
Porzingis is, he looks like hes a taller-but-not-as-strong Saric minus the sweet celebrations.
Porzingis still has some flair, though. Just look at him try to dunk on the world and do chin-ups on the
rim every time he delivers a two-handed flush. Best of all, as much as I liked Sarics mull-hawk,
Porzingiss look reminds me of Guile from Street Fighter. This is why I am demanding that the local
broadcasters of whatever team drafts him turn SONIC BOOM! into the catchphrase for every
Porzingis dunk.
And you can bet your ass there will be plenty of Porzingis dunks. The big takeaway from this mixtape is
that Porzingis attacks the rim fearlessly. Just wait until he hits puberty and puts on some muscle. Hes
going to be a 15-time champion of the dunk contest and send at least one center (probably Roy Hibbert)
into early retirement after humiliating him with a face-melting dunk.
Saric still has the edge as my new favorite player because he plays with the swagger turned up to 11 and I
cant wait to watch America hate him. But based on the YouTube mixtape test, I think its safe to say
that Porzingis will be the biggest foreign star in this draft.
VERDICT: First-ballot Hall of Famer.
FRASCHILLAD MOMENT: Guys this is a great pickup. I was at the 1994 Junior Goodwill Games in
Los Angeles, where I saw Gunnar Stahls triple-deke get stonewalled by Julie The Cat Gaffney to give
Gordon Bombay and Team USA the gold. Now, Porzingis wasnt yet born, so he wasnt at those games,
but you know who was? A young man by the name of Charlie Conway. Some of our younger viewers
might not remember, but Conway courageously gave up his spot on the team so star player Adam Banks
could return from a wrist injury. You dont see leadership like that very often these days, guys.
6/13/2014 Tituss NBA Draft International All-Stars
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Clint Capela (Switzerland)
Lets see if Capelas mixtape can shed some light on why hes the only international draft prospect
besides Exum whose name I knew before last week.
YES. Yes it can. I get the feeling that the sequence that starts at 2:00 is Capelas game in a nutshell: He
uses his long arms to get a steal, then he methodically and awkwardly races up the court, and just when
you think hes going to dribble off his foot, he jumps out of the gym and craps all over the face of the
defender who tries to block his shot. That sequence is why were going to hear the word raw a million
times when Capela gets drafted. On one hand, he possesses long arms and ridiculous athleticism. On
the other hand, the only jump shot we saw him attempt came against no defense, and for all we know
he air-balled it.
Was it just me or did Capelas body look different in every clip? One moment he looks like a bruising
power forward, and then 10 seconds later he looks skinnier than Kevin Durant. Are the skinny clips a
few years old and the muscular ones more recent? Does his size fluctuate? Is that even the same guy?
Maybe scouting players based on three-minute highlight reels isnt the best way to go about it.
Whatever the case, Capela is clearly a superb athlete who might sneak into the first round thanks to his
physical attributes. I have no idea how skilled he is and, weirdly, no idea what his body actually looks
like, but Im thinking hell have a solid NBA career. I mean, his mixtape DID make me cover my mouth
twice, and I said Holy balls! once. That means something.
VERDICT: Role player who puts up good numbers and becomes famous for dunking on people, but
who never makes an All-Star team. So basically DeAndre Jordan.
FRASCHILLAD MOMENT: Heres a cool little nugget about Capela, guys: I was hiking in the Alps
one day and got a little light-headed, so I checked myself into a local hospital. They actually put me in
the same room as Capelas mom, who I got to know pretty well because she went into labor right after
the doctor left the room, and I had to deliver the child! As you might have guessed, that childs name
was Clint. Capelas father entered the room right as I was cutting the umbilical cord, and I asked if they
decided to name him after Clint Eastwood, and Ill never forget what he told me: No.