I think that every marriage should include an, "We Can't Break Up Because We Jus

t Got Done Banging" clause in the draft of the prenuptial agreement.

(1) Would I drink her bathwater?
(2) Could we use the same toothbrush and it not be disgusting.?
(3) Cannot be over 40.
(4) Cannot be more than 3 inches taller than I am.
(5) Must be single/over most recent relationship.
(6) Must love smoking weed.
(7) No skinny girls.
(8) Or stupid girls. (Airheads are acceptable. CRAZY IS PREFERABLE.)
(9) Knowledge of pop-culture/tabloidesque celebrity goings on should be minimal.
(10) Is she still mad hot with a dykey haircut?
(11) Do you see yourself reading or playing on Twitter for hours while Im wasting
time at the skatepark?
*NOTE*
- I dont want to hang out with your friends. Any of them. Ever.
- I dont want to hear about the cute things your ex used to do.
- I dont want to hear about the awful things your ex used to do.
- When you tell me youre with your Dad, I assume you mean your male parent. If Im i
ncorrect, at least keep your stories straight. Im in no way prepared nor psycholo
gically sound enough to deal with some dude answering your phone, saying huh? and t
hen hanging up, then calling back and getting your voice mail.
- When you go out with your friends all that it means is that I get a few hours
to myself.
- When you get back from going out with your friends understand that Im not jealo
us, Im irritated that you expect me to care that other guys paid attention to you
as though thats some foreign concept.
Speaking as someone that was a teenager in their 2nd period high typing class du
ring the 9/11 tragedies, there's a certain comfort in knowing that Bush's first
and probably only response to the middle east conflict was "Blow shit up in that
region" reminiscent of Samuel L. Jackson's "Well allow me to retort!" line in P
ulp Fiction.
I'm probably one of a select few on Earth that enjoys being high around their pa
rents.
I sometimes sit and imagine what a massive combination it would be for the east
coast hip hop world if Mase and Cam'ron put aside their differences, same with C
am and Jimmy, and all recorded under the Diplomats banner.
**Pre-Mortem**
the big picture, as i see it, is merely stimuli response. that's it. the nature
of your response to external stimulation determines the tapestry of your existen
ce. viscera.
trust is basic. so basic that by the time you've begun to have doubt it's seldom
that you realize how cold and calculating you can become yourself without any i
ntention or ulterior motive beyond shielding yourself from the prior hurt that y
ou've experienced by virtue of having the open heart required to trust in the fi
rst place. the pattern continues, lather, rinse, repeat. the fact is that it's c
onstant to trust, automatic almost yet it's still easy to get stuck on the reaso
ns not to, it's the far simpler and more carnal option to ssspend life manipulat
ing as opposed to accepting aand forming responsible judgements and reactions to
emotionally tormenting thoughts.
for a dude like me, though, there's no greater joy than peeling open a wound to
expose the depth of hurt beneath the surface and then naturally, moving past it
because life is way bigger, moves way faster and won't miss you as much as you'l
l miss it.
I think that if sex weren't so unbarably amazing, people would never fuck and th
e species would die out. I wholeheartedly believe that God had to add that pleas
ure feature to humans and dolphins because intelligence tends to create a selfis
hness in beings that works at odds with perpetuation. Shame and self consciousne
ss are powerful motivators. What does any of this mean to me? Humanity as a whol
e is to blame for our own shortcomings, failures and disasters, handing down inh
ibitions and fears through heredity and environment instead of encouraging and e
xploring new territories within and beyond our own human condition.
Fear is unfortunately the main motivator, as most people tend to be driven b
y avoiding that nagging thought that maybe none of this toil and emotional stres
s is what matters. At all. That we distract ourselves from the great unknown, th
ough it stares at us every day, waiting to be endeavored towards, but never full
comprehended. Like a friend that's always there for you to remind you what happ
ened the last time you mixed alprazolam and dextromethorphan in an effort to era
se your personality before you figured out that inhalants like keyboard duster a
re like Lysol for your brain. At least for a little while, at least.
I've started, in my mid twenties, to accept that in some small way I'm going
to feel ostracised or even martyrized for some of the thoughts I have that I co
nsider mundane yet seem somewhat bizarre to others. Jesus carried his cross, kno
wing that what he did on Earth mattered not by comparison to what his legacy wou
ld be. Why should we put our stock on what we do here unless it leaves a lasting
impression, an example to follow for those to come?
**All is Vanity**
it's been said that you can't keep a good man down. that's one of many universal
truths that i hold dear to my heart. what frightens me as i venture toward my l
ate 20s is that there exist people that continuosly attempt such an impossibilit
y. is it intentional, and are these people evil? or is it an error in judgement,
due to their own personal experiences or lack thereof, that cause an inability
to differentiate between righteousness and the more common appearance of societa
lly accepted correct choice of actions?
that's the balance i tend to find myself teetering on the edge of throughout the
course of my daily life. i've been through life altering, psyche scarring traum
a from as far back as i care to remember, to the point of accepting it as par fo
r my own personal affairs while all the while holding myself to a standard that
transcends what a laymen would expect of or for me.
this brings me to the question of God. another popular saying is that God has a
strange sense of humor. Whatever your deity, whatever belief system that brings
you out of your carnal nature and attunes you to the innerworkings of things bey
ond your physical and mental grasp, I can wholeheartedly say that is God's way o
f letting you in on his joke.
you ever hear the expression, "there are 3 sides to every story, what you see, w
hat they see, and what no one sees?" or something to that effect? thing is, as a
society, a culture, and even a species, we operate in the realm of what no one
sees. instead of focusing on the conflicting parts of whatever your particular s
piritual text is (jesus was a jew...he was a gentile etc.) why not focus on the
inarguable parts? thou shalt not kill because it will weigh on your conscience s
omething awful. thou shall not steal because it does something to your brain to
get something with intrinsic value for the cost of adrenaline that cheapens your
enjoyment of earning something through skill or labor ... if you do good things
, good things come back to you and any trial is merely an opportunity to learn,
grow and triumph? any major religion worth it's weight in grains of rice has an
underlying theme of maintaining righteousness in spite of what it may cost you o
n the earthly plain, as well as a loophole or two for when you fall short (sayin
g 3 glorias for the next 8 years, praying towards mecca, meditating, or killing
yourself).
ready to have your mind blown? jesus is mentioned in the koran more than the pro
phet mohammed. there's a plant known as khat that chemically resembles crystal m
eth, a man made drug, that grows naturally in areas surrounding the gaza strip.
here's where i go full blown hippy conspiracy theory. but does anyone know the a
ctual cause of one of the longest running holy wars in history? my guess is that
the brown people are fighting the jews over whose fault it is that they buckled
to the roman government. you add 200 degree desert heat, natural amphetamines a
nd no naked chicks, and the fear that my ancestors were too pussy to stand up to
jesus's assailants and i'd throw rocks at tanks or blow myself up in the middle
of traffic to send a statement, no doubt. but truthfully, if we could have save
d jesus, his spirit wouldn't resonate the way it does.
to expain why the last year of my life shook me up so badly, i'd have to start a
lmost two to three years ago, and i dont have the time to tell a story no one wa
nts to hear. that, and i've been on something of a bender for almost a full year
of that time. point is, i actually had to slow down and remind myself that i'm
only 25, its okay to enjoy life from time to time. at that point, a lot of thing
s that had been pressing at me for so long seemed so unimportant, all the stress
of bad relationships, not getting to grieve the loss of my father fully, my dru
g problem, it all went by the wayside and i was stuck in the moment. and in that
moment, everything was just as it should be. i went from there.
i stopped masturbating in prison. simple logic. i'm 5'7, 160 lbs. soaking wet, i
didn't want to give off any sexual vibes surrounded by the greasiest, most trea
cherous, murderous psychopaths in florida given the fact that some of them would
never see a woman not wearing a state uniform again and i had been in society r
ecently enough to still have stories about weed and pussy that occured in the la
st decade. well that's a lie. i remember watching the simpsons in the dayroom on
e evening and the thought "damn, lisa's new hairdo is pretty decent" hit me in a
strange new way and i had to go empty one off, so i borrowed a copy of "thrashe
r" skate mag from the homeboy j.d. flynn so i could stare at the hubba wheels ad
d girls. such is life. point is, i like to make out more than i like to fuck, al
ways have, always will. does that make sense?
i cried twice, momentarily, about my father's death. it happened once on the rid
e home while i was looking at pictures of him and my sister a few months before
it occured, and again on good sunday on the way to brunch.
i'm perfectly well adjusted. the shit i'm well adjusted to is the problem. don't
be too surprised if i pop off with a heartfelt, "nigga the fuck you starin at?"
from time to time.
on an ideal midweek getaway from the normal stresses of not doing a fucking thin
g with my life, i realized that on average i'd watch the cash money movie "balle
r blockin" twice per every 18 hours.
there's only so much relief a half an ounce can offer on a day when you go from
happily engaged to being the last to know that you've been declared a bachelor w
ithout your permission. to keep from toppling over stones better left unturned y
ou may find that there's something worse than breaking up. that's an amicable sp
lit. none of the bitter emotional drama or turmoil, just the sombre realization
that for the most part what's meant to be probably already was but there was no
harm in not being strangers for a good while. if you love something don't let it
go. don't test it. just love.
wearing a bathrobe at noon makes you feel safe. very little harm can come your w
ay at that point, one would hope. i figured out that whenever you can use the wo
rds "sordid web of deceit" in reference to your own life, you've fucked up. that
, and "maury pauvich algebra" in reference to your ex-fiance's baby daddy's wife
's son.eating too much xanax at the suggestion of your ex-fiance's ex-boyfriend'
s stepmother turns you into that old dude at the skatepark, typing his errantsto
nedthoughts on a laptop, lurking for some kid that sucks worse than him so he ca
n skate for 15 minutes because the santa mueurta claimed your last deck when you
overdosed that one night.
**Malcontent**
Stuck. Stuck in a rut of karmic blockage and unpaid debt to a jealous saint.
It's easy to lose sight of the good when all of the wrong is just out of your gr
asp and seems to enjoy conjuring ways to stay just slightly out of reach. Why am
I reaching for it? Because it soothes. Simple. I don't have any particular qual
ms about why I do it, that's where the powers that never were tend to get me con
fused.
There was a time when I could hand a dope boy forty or fifty dollars and he'
d hop on a bicycle toward the forgotten part of town and come back in twenty min
utes with the dankest nuggets of hydroponic grade reefer there was to be found i
n the city. You used to be able to skateboard with a 6-pack in the downtown dist
rict and only have to worry about being asked to leave, or at worse a tresspassi
ng ticket. I never thought I'd get robbed trying to score after leaving the club
feeling just free enough of my burdens to attempt to capture that moment in son
g. Times change. Or maybe I just got old.
My lack of focus was once my saving grace, as I floated through life haphaza
rdly avoiding any responsibility or thoughts of the future. I lived my late adol
esence and early to mid twenties the way that I lived the rest of my life, as th
ough I'd be called upon to recount the emotions and perspectives that I experien
ced in some sort of narrative, most likely through song. As of late, though, the
reservoir of inspiration that I'd become accustomed to drawing from had become
an oasis leaving me with the task of moving on with my life or getting more deep
ly involved in a game that I was always on the periphery of but never really wan
ted to play.
A lot of bad habits were starting to catch up with me. On the surface I appe
ared to be working towards rebuilding my relationship with my mother after my f
ather passed, getting my first degree, and picking up the pieces after having sp
ent the bulk of the last three years of my life in some form of the penal system
. Beyond that, I wanted to build a foundation from which I could begin my usual
process of coasting on my laurels but opportunities for that mode of thought wer
e few and far between because I seemed to be pulled into a mindset where each ne
w face, each overly friendly junky might be the connect that got me through the
next drought. Whenever it would be. And there was going to be one.
Generally, you can guage these kinds of things. Certain days of the month co
ps are looking to meet quotas for certain kinds of arrests. Have you ever been c
aught in a speed trap while doing 63 miles per hour in a 55 mile an hour zone an
d you know that the only reason you got pulled over is because it's the end of t
he month, meaning officers have to show returns for all the unneccesssary fundin
g they receive? Well, it works that way with narcotics as well. Certain times of
the year it's harder to find decent dope than others, and the factors that play
into this are multiple. Jail is politics at its lowest level. A steroid addled
stockbroker once told me that, "A democrat is a republican that's never been to
jail". Depending on where your heart is, that saying works both ways. Supply, d
emand, whether or not it's an election year, whether or not school is in session
, if there's a bizarre liquor ordinance that runs everyone out of the bars befor
e a certain hour, or any number of similar variables all determine the availabil
ity of your favorite substance.
I'm what's known as a "garbage pail junky". No poison du jour, no particular
method of ingestion so long as it gets me where I need to be. That was the prob
lem. Nothing was doing that and my old haunts had turned into a scene full of zo
mbies convinced that they still had anything to do with society. The kinds of hu
stlers that deteriorated into full fledged addiction and needed me to fall over
the edge so that they could get high at my expense. But even they were nothing c
ompared to the dealers. Those fuckers were ruthless.
I'd gotten used to trips to the country jail at the most inopportune times,
as though there's an ideal moment to be kidnapped by a pig and taken to a buildi
ng where you and the other 3,000 felons in your region sit and discuss other cri
mes you've commited. It gets hectic and at times unbearable to know that it all
boils down to consumerism. The name of the game, once again, is money. You can l
iterally buy your way out of trouble, all that was required was money for bail,
and retainers for attorneys. Ever since my first arrest I'd started paying atten
tion to that cycle because in my heart of hearts I never saw myself quitting, b
ut I knew that if I was to remain what's known as a "functional addict", I'd hav
e to cross the line.
It breaks down like this. Under a certain amount you won't be given an "atte
mpt to distribute" charge, merely possession and in the course of an average wor
k day a judge sees enough of those that so long as there aren't any strange circ
umstances you won't be given that harsh a penalty. Of course, the way to avoid a
ll of that was to buy in bulk. But that required connections. And those connecti
ons scared the piss out of me. I'd hung around long enough to know who was who.
Who was a steerer, who was holding, who would show up for a hot minute to drop s
omething off, where the cameras were and in which direction police were likely t
o stop traffic.
I noticed when things came to a halt, when almost out of nowhere these fake crea
tures more concerned with how much you would pay for something they don't have t
he self control to sell came out of the woodwork. That's when everything went to
hell. I had never been a drug dealer, at least not intentionally, but even I kn
ew that the buck had to stop somewhere.
A war on guns is better than a war on drugs. At least its in the right direction
. Especially considering this president probably has higher security than any ot
her in world history.
Stoner Checklist:
- fresh white t
- cup of tail
- half a pack of non menthols
- cant never find shit
Subject is considered armed and extremely harmless. Proceed with indifference.
Dear White America,
At least black kids wait til after school to shoot at each other.
Brads law of nature:
Drug goes in brain
Dread goes with Book
Gun goes with Bag
If fruit grows on trees, stuff I want grows on store
Reaganomics was the prevailing system when I was born. No president ever repeale
d it in my lifetime. And as an Anarchist Im wholeheartedly in favor of what was r
eferred to as Voodoo Economics. Its the reason T.I.s kids look half retarded from ea
ting too much Gucci ice cream or whatever the fuck. Point is, throwing money at
situations very rarely doesnt solve a problem.
**Placeholder**
Creative Ways to Tell Someone Fuck Off:
- You can get the fuck from round me or you can get the fuck from round me.
- Do me a favor? Go to the store and get this shitwhats it called? Oh yeah, lost
- Im gonna hold this cumbersome rock in place, similar to a placekicker in footba
ll. Id like
for you to run full speed and punt it.
- I got this hammer and a bag of sand that Id like for you to pound with said ham
mer.
Racism is bullshit and in fact goes against God for the simple fact that none of
us chose our nationality or heritage.
Any and every situation can be improved by giggling girls
Music is such a major part of my life that my thoughts have scores.
When faced with a crucial fork in the road remember to ask yourself Is it worth i
t? before uncertainty sets in.
Ive been taking time to evaluate my station in life and realized that I needed to
improve the way I handle business. These are some of the conclusions Ive come to
.
First, you gotta get the moves together. Figure out how to exist with minimal co
nflict and some degree of effortlessness. Gotta stack, and continue to take note
of where you can improve. You also have to be able to separate friends from foe
s. It sounds easy, but it can be a task figuring out who you can and cant fuck wi
th. All in all though, I lead a relatively fulfilling life.
When did people forget to mind their own god damned business? As a society are w
e so base and empty that judging other peoples personal affairs has taken the pla
ce of having a private life of your own?
I love to learn, but I hate school.
I dont not give a fuck because it sounds cool. This is who I am as a person. I dont
give a fuck because that involves being at all concerned with the petty shit peo
ple focus on in order to distract from their own boring ass lives. I gotta get m
e me, and that can be an all day process depending on how much of the night before
I still have on me, your opinions on my lifestyle arent an issue.
Hey honey, I dont mean this in a bad way. But you remind me of a stripper that I
used to be real close to.
The hardest part of being an artist is hands down having to say Im an artist with a s
traight face. I dont expect to be taken seriously though so its not all bad.
Take the time to sort out your own feelings before you bring them to me and expe
ct me to make sense of that shit.
I think that a lot of people that do me dirty tend to take for granted that I ha
ve nothing better to do with my free time than think of ways to get revenge.
**Jails, Institutions, Death**
In a past life I was an off duty cop that had a coke problem and was half a fag
as well as a rank in Masonry. I have nightmares in which Im deceased on a regular
basis. I have recurring thoughts of death, not of dying but thoughts that caus
e me to wonder if Im already in the afterlife and each moment that I experience i
s just the remnance of a memory from a life past, my own. I havent been asleep fo
r more than 6 hours in almost 4 years.
As ignorant as it sounds, Im glad to have gone to prison in a time in my life, my
early twenties, where chain smoking hand rolled cigarettes, binging on ramen an
d instant coffee, reading entire books in a day and trying not to get stabbed in
between drug transactions was just par for the course. Maybe now Ill finish coll
ege. Finally.
Im glad that the diverse nature of the experiences that Ive had in life do not aff
ord me a narrow perspective on it. I have my own fears, phobias and paranoias th
at have zero to do with what the average person I encounter would expect me to w
orry about. What Im realizing is that the shit that you wade through in life does
nt make you special, the way that you get through obstacles does.
People that believe that race dictates behavior are called racists. Id like to thin
k that term doesnt apply to me. I just like to think of myself as intelligent eno
ugh to not want anything to do with caucasians dilluted enough about how the wor
ld works to believe that being born white is an accomplishment. Its only seen tha
t way in the United States, and even then only in backwoods places south of the
Mason Dixon line. The truth hurts, that doesnt make me hateful.
The Pinellas County Judicial System is a lot like sport fishing except that wher
e an angler has the wherewithal to throw a can back when it gets caught in the n
et, the law here scales and guts the can, makes filets and grills them and wond
ers why its bleeding internally.
Its only cheating if you forgot to ask or get caught. Even then I reserve the rig
ht not to give a fuck.
Homer Simpson in Japanese Jail mode.
Im on hiatus from trendy and narrow-minded hillbilly heroin addicted college kids
that are going to get eaten alive in the real world. There is no place for you
in my life, beat it.
All that Im searching for in a female is someone to fall in love with, raise chil
dren and remain faithful to. All of that other stuff is secondary.
I meet a lot of self important people in my life and its almost as if in the mids
t of their non-problems, most of which are their own selfish creation, they forg
et that no one else cares, least of all me. Thats the trick to life. No one gives
a fuck about you or your feelings, when youre lucky enough to be in the presence
of someone that breaks that mold, savor it.
Someone, somewhere will take that shit seriously, but again, it wont be me. The b
asic flaw in the logic of the people that I tend to find myself at odds with is
that they operate under the assumption that I care about petty, materialistic pu
rsuits. If thats the foundation for your understanding of who I am as a person, n
o matter how quickly you stack a house of cards on that foundation, it will even
tually topple. And personally, just so that were clear on how I feel about you si
mpletons now that the truth of your intentions has come to light, I hope that yo
u overdose in front of your children and they think that youre asleep and dont cal
l 911. Not in a vindictive way, just so that you spare them the burden of having
you as parents.
There are worse things than men that think with their dicks, and those are women
that think with their pussies.
If youre unable to think beyond basic preconcieved notions and suppositions of so
mething you admittedly dont understand and/or have no knowledge of, you are ignor
ant. Forming a belief system that doesnt involve educating yourself and filling i
n the voids of misinformation and lack of understading is folly.
Im almost certain that the failsafe in my brain that allows me to recognize but n
ot indulge in or believe the lies and manipulation that Im privy to that in fact
saves my life a lot of the time. I guess thats why they say God looks out for chi
ldren and fools, and I meet that criteria a decent portion of the time.
Im a lesbian. There are several women who in fact consider me their girlfriend. I
put Ellen to shame.
**A Container for Baskets*
This is how Dave Chappelle felt before going to Africa. The question remains tho
ugh, what crackhead turns down $50 million?
This is how Brittney Spears felt before she shaved her head. I used to work for W
alt god damned Disney, and now I have to pay my back up dancer, whose claim to f
ame is knocking up a Moesha co-star, child support? The fuck was I thinking? And
why wont Justin answer his two way? Its that void where you cant tell if the last th
ing you said was out loud or in your head, where it takes a second for the tempe
rature of running water from a faucet to register. If you have even a basic unde
rstanding of Freud take into account that Im the kind of guy that leaves tips, I
dont have trouble getting laid and Im not that horny. Thats not sex at my feet.
The people that I used to hang out with, the places I chose to congregate werent
pretty. Very few things worth writing a song or short film or taking notice of e
nough to craft an idea around are. Very few classics came from Applebees or Wal-
Mart. Ive had a crush on Jessica Simpson since I was in high school but have stil
l never seen Employee of the Month in its entirety for that same reason. I just do
nt want to ruin the magic, especially after Nick and her broke up.
If youre curious what its like for someone like me to get arrested and wind up in
jail, just imagine that feeling you get when you trip on the sidewalk and try to
act like you didnt. Picture my dumbass trying to keep a straight face around rea
l criminals and Im there for my own legally obtained prescription or an unloaded
handgun.
Skateboarding as a lifestyle choice is the shit because it requires being posted
in the cut somewhere in the middle of some bizarre spot without even a clue as
to why youre there or what you did to get there.
**Biggie Small's "Ten Crack Commandments" is the Best Song Ever Written**
There is no more thorough explanation of the rules of drug transactions than in
this three minute and twenty six second masterpiece. Its mere existence is a test
ament to Americas self destructive, cannibalistic capitalist nature. It speaks no
good or evil moralistic judgement towards the Reaganomic crack epidemic catastr
ophe; the devastatation of its impact on the minority and underpriviledged and ot
herwise misfortunate that suffered its effects of degradation to both supplier an
d consumer as the profit margin to be gained and the grip that hardened crack co
caine has on its habitual users still being felt is without comparison, and stand
s as the most unequivocal example of the crux of consumerism: supply and demand.
Instead, crack king Frank White, a.k.a. Biggie Smalls, a.k.a. Christopher Wallac
e gives bits of wisdom pertaining to avoiding the pitfalls and mistakes that the
narrator had seen befall countless others before himself being slain while leav
ing a party celebrating the success of his most recent musical effort, Life After
Death, the violent turmoil of the life hed admittedly led, idolized, and extolled
the virtues and tragedies of would claim his life, a particularly short lifetim
e full of the impersonally common and bussinesslike, universally recognized hand
to hand drug for cash transactions that are currently taking place by the hundr
eds of thousands time and time again in most inner city neighborhoods stuck in a
self depreciating all consuming cycle of destruction and above all else, greed.
This ballad is, in fact, an informed, intricate and self proclaimed step by step
booklet/for you to get/your game on track/not your wig pushed back, an explanatio
n of how to compose yourself in a criminal underworld where $15 worth of bastard
ized cocaine byproduct is more valuable than the average human life in some of t
he neighborhoods where the distribution of crack is most heavily concentrated. I
ts a view into the world of day-to-day drug sales where the money, violence and d
epravity is both unceasing and uncontrollable barring methods determined in past
to resemble genocide on scale with the Holocaust or the crack trades creation it
self, as most conspiracy theorists believe or support information that the subst
ance is a U.S. government creation designed solely to destroy the segments of so
ciety its original chemists financial backers werent all that fond of in the first
place.
**St. Kanye's Mama**
Is God a spiritual giant or a giant spirit?
Print dollar bills on coca leaf and snort weed.
In moments when I start to feel self-pity I tend to find solace in the fact that
my parents raised me well enough to know who I am as a person even when others
can be extra judgemental and misinterpret my motives and intentions either on pu
rpose or otherwise.
I try to keep the rules of karma somewhere in my brain so that when shit hits th
e fan and Im standing there trying to put the pieces back together, I dont lose si
ght of the fact that I probably deserve whatever Im going through because Ive done
shit that Im not proud of without regard for the consequences and the universe i
s just kicking that negative energy back at me.
if god is a woman then racism was created by a male.
how do you cuckold a dominant black man? leave his shirt alone.
United States of America: We Brought Our Own Lower Class
The best part of porn to me is the dialogue, but its hard to catch it between the
sounds of faux passion.
Heres a little tidbit of information youd only know if youre bout it bout it: The lit
tle dude that wears his asswhoopin usually gets more props than the dude that pi
cked a fight with him just to get off.
And I dont mean some pussy ass were you lookin at my girl, bro? bar fight. I mean a
nigga just came back from an attorney visit in county and theyre trying to give h
im 15 years for cocaine possession beat down.
**A 10-Step Program for the Rest of Us**
1. stop giving a fuck
2. shave differently
3. develope your own sense of style
4. never get enough of getting yours
5. think of the little people
6. resort to random acts of vandalism to blow of steam
7. take inventory regularly
8. make everything that goes on around you and in your life seem worse than it i
s in order to stay motivated.
9. try that crazy sounding restaurant
10. dont sell yourself short
**Destruction of Justice**
I have this theory that the reason woman scream like they saw the devil when the
y encounter cock roaches is because the way that they lay eggs is similar to the
way that human males impregnate women, without the obligation to carry them the
way human females do. Kind of a Freudian desire/fear, if that makes any sense.
In order to go crazy you have to have been anywhere else. Never been a problem of mi
ne. Bitch fuck you, my familys from Harlem.
Listening to Madonna is how you get AIDS. Its a simple process. First, you listen
to Madonna, then you head to the bar, cover yourself in glitter and meet a dude
named either Lance, Bruce or Julian. Next thing you know youre plugging some dud
e in the rear with Erotic playing in the background. Like I said, simple process.
I think both crack and AIDS were created by surviving Nazis in south America as p
ayback towards the United States for defeating Germany during WWII. I dont think
the American government has that much smarts. Maybe Im wrong. Who knows?
I think both crack and AIDS were created by surviving Nazis in south America as p
ayback towards the United States for defeating Germany during WWII. I dont think
the American government has that much smarts. Maybe Im wrong. Who knows?
Whoever came up with the Yoplait slogan didnt even try. And I quote, its so good. It
took a team of advertisers to come up with that. They had at least one meeting
and they all settled on that one. Then some other suit shelled out millions of d
ollars to pay for the ad campaign. Thats criminal.
If life has taught me anything at such at the tender age of 26 its that understan
ding takes its own sweet time to untangle the knots of misconception so I may as
well just enjoy the ride instead of getting bent out of shape when people get me
fucked up.
The only jealousy I have as a soon to be 27-year-old black man is towards people
that can listen to an entire 2pac set list and not want to burst into tears bec
ause of how raw and pertinent his lyrics are and how much relevance they still r
etain almost 20 years after his death. Black Jesus Nucca!
Im realizing this industry is more grimey than the streets could ever be. Not tha
t Im an expert at either side of the game. But its 70% image and 30% hindsight, wh
ich means youre almost required to make errors, mistakes that cost you what took
years to build in a matter of seconds. Snakes, treachery and phony motherfuckers
at every angle.
It still seems like a bad punch line. America has a black presidentget the fuck ou
tta here!
**Destruction of Justice**
I have this theory that the reason woman scream like they saw the devil when the
y encounter cock roaches is because the way that they lay eggs is similar to the
way that human males impregnate women, without the obligation to carry them the
way human females do. Kind of a Freudian desire/fear, if that makes any sense.
In order to go crazy you have to have been anywhere else. Never been a problem of mi
ne. Bitch fuck you, my familys from Harlem.
Listening to Madonna is how you get AIDS. Its a simple process. First, you listen
to Madonna, then you head to the bar, cover yourself in glitter and meet a dude
named either Lance, Bruce or Julian. Next thing you know youre plugging some dud
e in the rear with Erotic playing in the background. Like I said, simple process.
I think both crack and AIDS were created by surviving Nazis in south America as p
ayback towards the United States for defeating Germany during WWII. I dont think
the American government has that much smarts. Maybe Im wrong. Who knows?
Whoever came up with the Yoplait slogan didnt even try. And I quote, its so good. It
took a team of advertisers to come up with that. They had at least one meeting
and they all settled on that one. Then some other suit shelled out millions of d
ollars to pay for the ad campaign. Thats criminal.
If life has taught me anything at such at the tender age of 26 its that understan
ding takes its own sweet time to untangle the knots of misconception so I may as
well just enjoy the ride instead of getting bent out of shape when people get me
fucked up.
The only jealousy I have as a soon to be 27-year-old black man is towards people
that can listen to an entire 2pac set list and not want to burst into tears bec
ause of how raw and pertinent his lyrics are and how much relevance they still r
etain almost 20 years after his death. Black Jesus Nucca!
Im realizing this industry is more grimey than the streets could ever be. Not tha
t Im an expert at either side of the game. But its 70% image and 30% hindsight, wh
ich means youre almost required to make errors, mistakes that cost you what took
years to build in a matter of seconds. Snakes, treachery and phony motherfuckers
at every angle.
Rosie Peres on Arsenio HallI feel like I fell asleep and woke up in 1991
It still seems like a bad punch line. America has a black presidentget the fuck ou
tta here!
It sucks that Paul Walker is dead, big time, but at least now theyll stop making
Fast and Furious movies. I hope.
a steady diet of benadryl, anti-psychotics and the 24 hours news channel has bro
ught me to a few realizations.
how hard can it be to keep a minority happy? on the same note, how hard can it
be to keep a majority happy? these tea party fuckers should take their own advic
e. remember when not supporting bush during the iraq war was considered unpatri
otic? and the age old if you dont like america get the hell out was always on the t
ip of most conservatives tongues? heres a thoughtmost of you soulless douchebags ha
ve boats and prop planesbeat it. get the fuck out.
i see it like this. if that dontae cop killer dude gets the death penalty, zimme
rman should have to do at or around 35-45 minutes of prison time. thats just long
enough for him to get the dog shit whooped out of him and gain a new reverence
for the life he took. and fuck all that other shit, to my understanding nothing
trayvon did is punishable by death, no matter what county in the gunshine state
you happen to reside in.
and why is he so calm for a dude that just beat a murder?
Trey Radel, that congressman that got caught with blowhow in the fuck did he get
misdemeanor cocaine posession? I thought it was always a felony.
**Affirmations**
- The liar is always worse than the person that believes it.
- If no good deed goes unpunished, no wrongdoing goes unrewarded.
- Strength is measured more by the lessons learned from, and survival of pain in
flicted, as much
as if not more than, the ability to damage or control another.
- Those that percieve kindness as weakness are the weak.
- Those that attempt to measure anothers happiness arent capable of experiencing a
ny themselves.
When you get down in the dumps try to remember: something cool might happen tomo
rrow.
**20 Random Facts**
Im pretty sure that if I died right now it would be like the best orgasm that I n
ever had with that ex-stripper I would have kids with if we could stop getting o
ff on cheating on eachother.
I dont watch television and I only listen to classic rock and NPR.
Im covered in unfinished tattoos.
Ive played the guitar since I stole my youger sisters acoustic from her when she w
as 12.
I started skateboarding in 1998.
My mom is my best friend, but basically an older sister since my dad died when I
was in prison. My actual sister is basically the stand in guardian in case the
state tries to take my children.
My drugs of choice are dextromethorphan/promethazine, marijuana and benzodiazape
nes.
I was diagnosed with bipolar PTSD at the age of 16.
Im a half-assed vegetarian, but I can still tell the difference between a McDoubl
e and a double cheeseburger the way normal people can tell butter from margarine
.
I practice vhatsayana yoga and meditation.
Ive read the Bible, Torah and Quran in entirety. Im working on finishing the Baghav
agita.
If I were a King of the Hill character I would be Boomhauer.
Im practicing celibacy. Practice makes perfect.
Im going to teach my kids that Jesus is 2pac reincarnated.
I met George Steinbrenner in 1997 at a scholarship award ceremony.
My dream job is conspiracy theory author.
Ive still yet to play PS3 because there are series on the PS2 that I havent finish
ed.
I embody the term I make niggas want to rob me so I try not to go to the club unle
ss I have a few goons and no white girl (either).
Ive been engaged twice to someone I have no carnal knowledge of.
I plan to spend the next two years of my life earning degrees, hopefully itll be
the most rewarding period of my adulthood.
After Biggies Ten Crack Commandments, the second best song ever written is Hotel Cal
ifornia. Anonymous apathy like the middle of a porn disc that says 8 hours but is r
eally only two and a half. Its not what you signed on for, but who could you poss
ibly complain to?
I could never be Snoop Dogg because I, in fact, LOVE hoes.
Dear White Supremacists, If youre really the supreme race, why does the sun make
your skin peel?
**Ne Cede**
Why is the idea of violence/murder so heavy on my mind? Well, the answer isnt eas
y. Im a fairly passive, peaceful person. Ive been through a lot in life but the ma
jority of it has always sorted itself out. The problem is that once you reach a
certain age, e.g. post-adolescence/adulthood you encounter people and situations
in which the behavior is childish. People that will never graduate to the next
stage of life because theyre constantly burdened by the poor choices of their pas
t and the bad karma of trying to drag others down with them in order to justify
their own sick way of life. The primative response is to respond in kind, and gr
anted there are situations (self defense etc.) where such behavior is warranted.
The thing about being the kind of person that you can look at in the mirror wit
hout flinching is that you have to let a lot of things go. You have to let some
nitwit that doesnt have the capacity nor the life experience to insult you in a w
ay thats anything more than an ill formed character judgement based on their own
idiocy lodge slurs and jokes they heard on tv at you as though they apply. You h
ave to deal with the pain that comes from females that think their sole worth on
the planet stems from their vagina treat you as less than a man (as though theyd
recognize one) because you didnt do to them what theyre accustomed to (lying, che
ating, physical abuse, headgames etc.) and have come to accept as par for the co
urse. How long does it take for the emotional energy of these events to wear off
? When do you stop seething inside and not entertain homicidal fantasies of thei
r demise at your hands? When does one stop giving a fuck what fake tough guys, f
ake hood rats turned wanna be classy females and other non-factors that otherwis
e have nothing to do with the world you live in passing judgement on it? Thats th
e difficult part. Im starting to realize that I have to look at my own judgement
and question the errors in it, analyze what allowed me to let snake-brained base
rs into my life and begin to unravel the effects of being around them. Life does
nt stop coming at you in those moments of clarity in which you can accurately ass
ess what the fuck went wrong, but enough effort and you can trudge forward enoug
h to put it behind you.
How do you persevere when succumbing seems the easier option? Recognize that its
not the BETTER option.
**Deeper Hatred of Hypocrisy**
Thats all that the last year of my life has given me in spite of the best efforts
of simpletons to make me as hopelessly hatefilled and deceitful as they are. I
count that a victory beyond measure to not have lost myself to a world of emptin
ess and self delusion.
I realized that on the morning my ex stabbed me in the back (no, literally), it
couldnt have been my cousin that set me up because she wouldnt have known Id call h
er that morning. Thats a major relief, but a while too late. I have to let a litt
le more time pass to let the wounds heal before I can fuck with my cousin again.
For a good while before I sobered up I was reaching Taxicab Driver levels of ins
anity to the point that I was literally trying not to dole out bullets like Opra
h giving away presents under her guests seats. AND YOU GET A BULLET! AND YOU GET O
NE! AND ONE FOR YOU! AND YOU!
[Yes, Im fully aware that these kinds of thoughts tend to get someone flagged as
a lunatic and put on a special watchlist, but its an outlet for me and hopefully
keeps the wrong kinds of people at bay. I remember pre-9/11 America when you cou
ld use the internet to vent without it all being sent to the NSA. At least not k
nowingly.]
Ive reached a point of understanding in relationships lately, and that is that Im
the kind of dude that would do well with a trophy wife. The kind of understandin
g that though were both in it on a surface level (e.g. bout that life) but also, a
nd heres the important part, both there for eachother primarily in ways that othe
rs arent capable of. Typical conversations:
"Hey honey, you got problems? No? You want any? No? Okay, good, Im going to bed.
See you in the morning".
I know a few people I have that bond with, but not entirely sure I want to ruin
a decade long friendship by adding children and shared bills to the equation.
In Florida, theres this thing called a Baker Act where you can be held up to 72 hou
rs in a mental health facility when its deemed that you may be a threat to yourse
lf or others (homicidal/suicidal). Its an almost common occurence for me to end u
p in the back of a police car on my way to the loony bin but grateful Im not goin
g to county. Here are a few things Ive screamed out of unadulterated rage for eit
her not being given the medication I want, or not being released after that 72 h
ours was up or just frustration at some mundane bullshit going on in my life:
"IM NOT ONE OF THE GOOD ONES GOD DAMNIT, I JUST WANT TO BE 70 ONE DAY"
"LET ME OUT OF THIS MOTHERFUCKER OR ILL STILL BE HERE TOMORROW"
Its kind of a mess that Ive gotten to the point that when I arrive at the county j
ail or the mental health part of a hospital they know me well enough that theyre
like Ohh, right this way Mr. Hunt, would you like your usual quarters?. No joke.
My truth is scarier than any lie that could be concocted.
**Soul Manifest and the Anti-Universe**
After race is out of the equation for me, class comes into play. To me though, t
hese reasonably wealthy upper middle class types with their attitudes of indiffe
rence to middle class and lower class issues are starting to look like something
to eat. As in, Give me everything you got on you.
Maybe history is happening in reverse and were on a negative trajectory toward th
e beginning.
Hung jury in the court of Public Opinion.
If you cant enjoy the disparity, then you arent ready for clarity.
Some hoes are documenting dick like its their purpose.
You ever wonder about Satans soul or spirit? I mean, he has to have one, right?
The boarding house months, thats how Ill refer to this part of my life. The ultima
te reminder that living with people that you dont love for purposes of money, con
venience or necessity is always a terrible idea.
Cheap sex, bootleg drugs, the kind of mentally ill roomates that psychology cant
fix. The constant thought that if you were any better a human being youd be in be
tter company. This one broad called the police because someone used all the hot
water. Its just life, I tell myself as the warm slumber that antipsychotics create
is roused by some bumpkin screaming Nigger whore! at the bitch across the hall.
When you quit the game, you dont always get severance pay.
A teenager fresh off the bus from Nebrahomalaska just lost what she didnt know th
at she had to lose. A college aged party girl just took her for real for real last
hit.
"Dude, wheres my purse?"
Books are still free.
There is something inherently wrong with sex, and I mean sans the feelings invol
ved. Like there is something more productive or meaningful to be done with those
organs.
I love black women, and think they're beautiful. I just don't want to fuck them.
I'm particular about how thick they are when I do date them.
Cheating works like this. If you're secretly in love, "having an affair" that's
beyond the pale. If you get drunk and carnally you're full of lust and need some
guy to nut in you at club, that's forgivable. Or better yet deal with your own
guilt like an adult. A girl's gotta have her secrets. If you're nailing someone
to get back at me I wanna watch.
Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Well...at l
east when you've lost it you've experienced something new that you can share wit
h other people.
When selling weed to buy a car certain rules must be adhered to:
- separate what is for sale from what you intend to smoke
- get two to three different strains (can be accomplished by buying from multipl
e sources and comparing potency)
- purchase appropriate paraphenalia e.g. Scales, baggies, bowls, bongs, one hitt
ers, papers, cigars
- keep a small pistol, clip separate, in a safe place
- deposit money in savings. DO NOT SPEND unless pre-approved
- Learn to savor, prolong and most importantly delay the moments when you sacrif
ice the sacred plant.
**Prison System**
I'm a firm believer that no one understands, and if they had the capability, the
y might not care once they did.
Rehabilitative Qualities of Incarceration
- Learning to eat, sleep, shower, and move your bowels with an audience
- The guy with the longest dreads, most gold teeth and tear drop tattoos is the
leader. He will fuck you
up if you change the channel from Dancing with the Stars.
- How to become basically MacGyver from activities such as lighting cigarettes u
sing the spark
from two AA batteries, a paper clip and wadded up toilet paper.
Rehabilitative Qualities of Probation/Parole
Somehow the knowledge that no matter what you do to avoid it, any and all parts
of your life can come to a complete halt if your probation officer gets a hair u
p his ass and decides that at this stage in his career he or she would like to f
ollow you into a locked bathroom to observe you as you urinate so that he can ma
il said urine to a laboratory where it's chemical content can be evaluated, ther
eby deciding your value to society.
**Get High and Meditate**
I don't necessarily respect the things that I worry about throughout the course
of an average day.
If you remove the formality of most day to day relationships and just call it li
ke you see it, things can become quite depressing. I'm only now starting to come
out of my stagnance. Getting over the feeling of being almost physically weighe
d down by bad choices.
There's vomit on the wall and cigarettes put out on the China. I cheat, I lie, I
drink, I steal. I have promiscous sex. I've even paid for it a handful of times
. I drive under the influence without a license. I like the smell of gasoline. T
his unregistered pistol isn't mine. Same with those pain killers.
I'm kinda upset that there will never be a "Friday" movie with both Smokey (Chri
s Tucker) and Roach (Justin Pierce). R.I.P. Casper
Unless parts of the moon start landing on Earth's surface and Mormon's continue
to think that it's Jesus's voice or whatever and the CIA packages and distribute
s it as "crack" in the inner cities of the United States, again, I don't think t
he world will come to an end any time soon.
My theory on aliens is that that's who picked up the signals emanating from the
Native American's rain dances and spiritual practices, but by the time the visit
ors from other planets landed near what's known today as Roswell, Indians had be
en for the most part eradicated and what remained was a primitive version of wha
t it is today, and the "conquerors" ignorantly responded to "We Come In Peace!"
violently.
It's one of those things that makes you wonder about consciousness. I mean think
about it, damn. "Terrorists" fly planes into our important buildings and we tur
n it into a holiday that has nothing to do with tolerance. They must think that
as a society we're fucking retarded.
Dear White America,
Black people are a MINORITY in this country. If you feel it necessary to oppress
a minority, you fucked up somewhere. We're already numerically at a disadvantag
e. The only reason you should fear us is the inevitable payback for the oppressi
ve nature of this country's foundation. And really, that's in God's hands.
The game as we play it never stops or changes.
**American Jesus**
I think Suge Knight is responsible for 2pac's death for the simple fact that he
grabbed Pac and kept him from jumping into the back seat, thus keeping him in th
e line of fire, using him as a human shield. I try to put myself in his position
though, driving forward he would rear-end the car in front of him, but if you d
on't come off the gas eventually the driver of the car ahead of you will catch o
n that someone opened fire and get the fuck out of the way. I can imagine that
his reasoning for holding pac in his seat would be to shield himself and remain
in control of the vehicle to make a getaway, take his bleeding homie to the hosp
ital that did in fact save his life. He lived for approximately 7 days before be
ing taken off of life support at the request of blood relatives. Suge's car was
pulled over, and the assailant's car wasn't followed. If that doesn't spell out
government plot after figuring out that Tupac Amaru Shakur is the son of black p
anther revolutionary groups that armed young, impoverished blacks against the ty
rannically racist FBI (formed by closet fag J. Edgar Hoover, a notorious racist.
Compare 2pac's life to Jesus Christ, and you have at the very least an American
prophet in the vain of others worthy of worship. A child born to the Black Panth
ers (almost born in jail), forced to live in secrecy under assumed identities fo
r a large portion of his life. The ruling class, in the case of 2pac the America
n Government, the FBI and their COINTELPRO investigations, in the case of Jesus
the Christ the Roman government. The American Government used blacks as slaves p
reviously, the Romans the Jews. Judas sold out Jesus, FBI informant Jacques Agna
nt with the alleged involvement of former accomplice Biggie Smalls had a hand in
the '94 set up and robbery, later Suge Knight was believed to be involved in hi
s death. Heavy. The comparisons don't end there.
Jesus was in a tomb for three days before his disciples went to his grave only t
o find an empty tomb, meaning that the son of God had risen. Pac often predicted
his death in song, his heaviest lyrics pertaining to fighting back against a co
rrupt government. Jesus Christ, an anarchist, strongly opposed the Roman governm
ents practices to the point that they labeled him a threat.
"real niggas don't die/we just retaliate with hate/and we multiply"
2pac "Nothin to Lose" from the album "R U Still Down?"
Maybe he's in a mansion in Brazil, planning his next posthumous release.
Black guy in a trailer park mode. Whenever I start to totally hate the U.S. Gove
rnment, I remember that they had enough money to afford other human beings, mayb
e they had some forethought and remember in a lot of ways it is an amazing count
ry. At which point I write "I'm with the white girl, officer." on a fresh white
t-shirt. Tuck the heat and take a binger...You say to yourself "work this shit l
ike a prison yard" and you'll get through it. Gimme 50 feet.
My method of creating music or film tends to be generally raw and unfiltered. T
he Spike Jonze Method is basically capturing a lot of footage and editing it lat
er. Musically, I consider my style more like mining gold. First you get the raw
materials, find the right equipment and break it down to it's purest form for di
stribution. My goal is to make i-tunes obsolete so that audiences have to go bac
k to consuming an album within the context of a body of work to be enjoyed from
beginning to end.
Here's something that I think about on a regular basis whenever I'm listening to
music produced by Dr. Dre. But let's say Dre had a disease that could only be c
ured by Eminem blowing him, Shady would do it in a heart beat. Snoop might give
him a handjob or get one of his hoes to do it. 50 Cent might take it in the ass
from him. The Game would be pushing Em's head down and telling him "Hurry up, it
's my turn. Don't let Daddy die!"
I usually stop thinking about this by the time I get to Snoop. Maybe I should ha
ve.
I respect violence as long as something can be learned from it.
I had a dream in which I died at the end of it. What the fuck?