Behavioural Communication and Relationship Management

Behavioural Communication / Nonverbal communication (NVC) is usually understood

as the process of communication through sending and receiving wordless messages.
i.e., language is not the only source of communication, there are other means a
lso. NVC can be communicated through gestures and touch (Haptic communication),
by body language or posture, by facial expression and eye contact. NVC can be co
mmunicated through object communication such as clothing, hairstyles or even arc
hitecture, symbols and info graphics. Speech contains nonverbal elements known a
s paralanguage, including voice quality, emotion and speaking style, as well as
prosodic features such as rhythm, intonation and stress. Dance is also regarded
as a nonverbal communication. Likewise, written texts have nonverbal elements su
ch as handwriting style, spatial arrangement of words, or the use of emoticons.
Intrapersonal Communication
Intrapersonal communication could be called our inner monologue. When we sit dow
n to think of ways to solve a problem, we're communicating intrapersonally. Even
during those moments of quiet reflection about ourselves, our goals in life, ou
r beliefs, values and expectations, we are communicating with ourselves. Intrape
rsonal communication also includes dreams, fantasies, talking out loud to yourse
lf and writing, such as in a journal.
Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal communication takes place between at least two people. A conversat
ion over a candlelit dinner, a phone call and this article are all considered in
terpersonal communication. One person sends a message, either by talking or writ
ing, or even with body language, and at least one other person receives that mes
sage. Effective interpersonal communication depends on the messenger's ability t
o convey their exact meaning without ambiguity.
Types of Behavioural Communication
Distance.
Distance. The distance one stands from another frequently conveys a non-verbal m
essage. In some cultures it is a sign of attraction, while in others it may refl
ect status or the intensity of the exchange.
Posture. Obviously one can be lying down, seated, or standing. These are not the
elements of posture that convey messages. Are we slouched or erect ? Are our le
gs crossed or our arms folded ? Such postures convey a degree of formality and t
he degree of relaxation in the communication exchange.
Facial Expressions.
Facial Expressions. A smile, frown, raised eyebrow, yawn, and sneer all convey i
nformation. Facial expressions continually change during interaction and are mon
itored constantly by the recipient. There is evidence that the meaning of these
expressions may be similar across cultures.
Gestures. One of the most frequently observed, but least understood, cues is a h
and movement. Most people use hand movements regularly when talking. While some
gestures (e.g., a clenched fist) have universal meanings, most of the others are
individually learned and idiosyncratic.
Eye Contact
Eye contact is a direct and powerful form of non-verbal communication. The super
ior in the organization generally maintains eye contact longer than the subordin
ate. The direct stare of the sender of the message conveys candor and openness.
It elicits a feeling of trust. Downward glances are generally associated with mo
desty. Eyes rolled upward are associated with fatigue.
Silence and Time
Silence can be a positive or negative influence in the communications process. I
t can provide a link between messages or sever relationships. It can create tens
ion and uneasiness or create a peaceful situation. Silence can also be judgmenta
l by indicating favor or disfavor - agreement or disagreement.
Transactions Analysis
a psychological theory, sometimes used in education and training, tha
t describes patterns of feeling, thought, and behavior that influence how indivi
duals interact with, communicate with, and relate to each other
Transactions refer to the communication exchanges between people. Transactional
analysts are trained to recognize which ego states people are transacting from a
nd to follow the transactional sequences so they can intervene and improve the q
uality and effectiveness of communication.
Parent, Adult and Child
We each have internal models of parents, children and also adults, and we play t
hese roles with one another in our relationships. We even do it with ourselves,
in our internal conversations.
Parent
There are two forms of Parent we can play.
The Nurturing Parent is caring and concerned and often may appear as a mother-fi
gure (though men can play it too). They seek to keep the Child safe and offer un
conditional love, calming them when they are troubled.
The Controlling (or Critical) Parent, on the other hand, tries to make the Child
do as the parent wants them to do, perhaps transferring values or beliefs or he
lping the Child to understand and live in society. They may also have negative i
ntent, using the Child as a whipping-boy or worse.
Adult
The Adult in us is the 'grown up' rational person who talks reasonably and asser
tively, neither trying to control nor reacting. The Adult is comfortable with th
em and is, for many of us, our 'ideal self'.
Child
There are two types of Child we can play.
The Natural Child is largely un-self-aware and is characterized by the non-speec
h noises they make (yahoo, etc.). They like playing and are open and vulnerable.
The Adaptive Child reacts to the world around them, either changing them to fit
in or rebelling against the forces they feel.
The Ego State
Model
________________________________________
Managing Individual differences:
1. Speak a little less, listen a little more
Most people get tremendous pleasure from speaking about themselves. But, here we
have to be careful; if we always speak about our achievements or tribulations,
people will get fed up with our egoism.
If we are willing and able to listen to others, we will find it much appreciated
by our friends. Some people are not aware of how much they dominate the convers
ation. If you find you are always talking about yourself, consider the advice of
the Greek philosopher, Epictectus:
Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak
.
2. Which is more important being right or maintaining harmony?
A lot of problems in relationships occur because we want to maintain our persona
l pride. Dont insist on always having the last word. Healthy relationships are no
t built through winning meaningless arguments. Be willing to back down; most arg
uments are not of critical importance anyway.
3. Avoid Gossip
If we value someones friendship we will not take pleasure in commenting on their
frequent failings. They will eventually hear about it. But, whether we get found
out or not, we weaken our relationships when we dwell on negative qualities. Av
oid gossiping about anybody; subconsciously we dont trust people who have a reput
ation for gossip.
4. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not just a clich; its a powerful and important factor in maintainin
g healthy relationships. However, real forgiveness also means that we are willin
g to forget the experience. If we forgive one day, but then a few weeks later br
ing up the old misdeed, this is not real forgiveness. When we make mistakes, jus
t consider how much we would appreciate others forgiving and forgetting.
5. Know When to Keep Silent
If you think a friend has a bad or unworkable idea, dont always argue against it;
just keep silent and let them work things out for themselves. Its a mistake to a
lways feel responsible for their actions. You can offer support to friends, but
you cant live their life for them.
6. Right Motive
If you view friendship from the perspective of what can I get from this? you are m
aking a big mistake. This kind of relationship proves very tentative. If you mak
e friendships with the hope of some benefit, you will find that people will have
a similar attitude to you. This kind of friendship leads to insecurity and jeal
ousy. Furthermore, these fair weather friends will most likely disappear just wh
en you need them most. Dont look upon friends with the perspective what can I get
out of this?. True friendship should be based on mutual support and good will, ir
respective of any personal gain.
7. Oneness.
The real secret of healthy relationships is developing a feeling of oneness. Thi
s means that you will consider the impact on others of your words and actions. I
f you have a true feeling of oneness, you will find it difficult to do anything
that causes suffering to your friends. When there is a feeling of oneness, your
relationships will be free of jealousy and insecurity.
For example, it is a feeling of oneness which enables you to share in the succes
s of your friends. This is much better than harboring feelings of jealousy. To d
evelop oneness we have to let go of feelings of superiority and inferiority; goo
d relationships should not be based on a judgmental approach. In essence, succes
sful friendship depends on the golden rule: do unto others as you would have done
to yourself. This is the basis of healthy relationships.
8. Humour
Dont take yourself too seriously. Be willing to laugh at yourself and be self-dep
recating. This does not mean we have to humiliate ourselves, far from it it just
means we let go of our ego. Humour is often the best antidote for relieving ten
se situations.
Bridging Individual Differences:
1. Perceived Interdependence
2. Shared goal
3. Sense of Crisis
4. Respect
5. Trust
Relationship
If you break down the word Re-la-tion-ship: Taking a journey on a ship with your
partner and learning how to relate to one another. It is a journey to relate or
learn from each other and from everything around you. You are taking this life
journey together, creating magic moments and working through the hard or tough t
imes, and most importantly growing stronger together. It is like you are conscio
usnesses merging to become one - not just getting along
Definition: A relationship is a bond between two individual or more.
Stages of Relationship:
There two key role in the life span of relationship. The actual task of the role
holders is dynamics and changes at different stages of the relationship.
The Good Time: The role of the individual here is fairly straightforward provide
a loving, Attentive environment for one another where trust and communication a
re vital factors.
The Bad Time: In this stage trust and communication breakdown. Now the role of t
he middleperson change dramatically, their role is now to provide the glue in the
relationship.
The End Time: This is the end stage of relationship, if the Middleperson succeed
to maintain relationship then both individual move back to the first stage othe
rwise relationship break.
Ten Tips For Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships bring happiness and health to our lives. Studies show that
people with healthy relationships really do have more happiness and less stress
. There are basic ways to make relationships healthy, even though each one is di
fferentparents, siblings, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, professors, roommates
, and classmates. Here are Ten Tips for Healthy Relationships!
1. Keep expectations realistic. No one can be everything we might want him or he
r to be. Sometimes people disappoint us. Its not all-or-nothing, though. Healthy
relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them!
2. Talk with each other. It cant be said enough: communication is essential in he
althy relationships! It means
Take the time. Really be there.
Genuinely listen. Dont plan what to say next while youre trying to listen. Dont int
errupt.
Listen with your ears and your heart. Sometimes people have emotional messages t
o share and weave it into their words.
Ask questions. Ask if you think you may have missed the point. Ask friendly (and
appropriate!) questions. Ask for opinions. Show your interest. Open the communi
cation door.
Share information. Studies show that sharing information especially helps relati
onships begin. Be generous in sharing yourself, but dont overwhelm others with to
o much too soon.
3. Be flexible. Most of us try to keep people and situations just the way we lik
e them to be. Its natural to feel apprehensive, even sad or angry, when people or
things change and were not ready for it. Healthy relationships mean change and g
rowth are allowed!
4. Take care of you. You probably hope those around you like you so you may try
to please them. Dont forget to please yourself. Healthy relationships are mutual!
5. Be dependable. If you make plans with someone, follow through. If you have an
assignment deadline, meet it. If you take on a responsibility, complete it. Hea
lthy relationships are trustworthy!
6. Fight fair. Most relationships have some conflict. It only means you disagree
about something, it doesnt have to mean you dont like each other! When you have a
problem:
Negotiate a time to talk about it. Dont have difficult conversations when you are
very angry or tired. Ask, "When is a good time to talk about something that is
bothering me?" Healthy relationships are based on respect and have room for both
.
Dont criticize. Attack the problem, not the other person. Open sensitive conversa
tions with "I" statements; talk about how you struggle with the problem. Dont ope
n with "you" statements; avoid blaming the other person for your thoughts and fe
elings. Healthy relationships dont blame.
Dont assign feelings or motives. Let others speak for themselves. Healthy relatio
nships recognize each persons right to explain themselves.
Stay with the topic. Dont use a current concern as a reason to jump into everythi
ng that bothers you. Healthy relationships dont use ammunition from the past to f
uel the present.
Say, "Im sorry" when youre wrong. It goes a long way in making things right again.
Healthy relationships can admit mistakes.
Dont assume things. When we feel close to someone its easy to think we know how he
or she thinks and feels. We can be very wrong! Healthy relationships check thin
gs out.
Ask for help if you need it. Talk with someone who can help you find resolutionli
ke your RA, a counselor, a teacher, a minister or even parents. Check campus res
ources like Counseling Services at 532-6927. Healthy relationships arent afraid t
o ask for help.
There may not be a resolved ending. Be prepared to compromise or to disagree abo
ut some things. Healthy relationships dont demand conformity or perfect agreement
.
Dont hold grudges. You dont have to accept anything and everything, but dont hold g
rudgesthey just drain your energy. Studies show that the more we see the best in
others, the better healthy relationships get. Healthy relationships dont hold on
to past hurts and misunderstandings.
The goal is for everyone to be a winner. Relationships with winners and losers d
ont last. Healthy relationships are between winners who seek answers to problems
together.
7. Show your warmth. Studies tell us warmth is highly valued by most people in t
heir relationships. Healthy relationships show emotional warmth!
8. Keep your life balanced. Other people help make our lives satisfying but they
cant create that satisfaction for us. Only you can fill your life. Dont overload
on activities, but do use your time at college to try new thingsclubs, volunteeri
ng, lectures, projects. Youll have more opportunities to meet people and more to
share with them. Healthy relationships arent dependent!
9. Its a process. Sometimes it looks like everyone else on campus is confident an
d connected. Actually, most people feel just like you feel, wondering how to fit
in and have good relationships. It takes time to meet people and get to know th
emso, make "small talk"respond to otherssmilekeep trying. Healthy relationships can
be learned and practiced and keep getting better!
10. Be yourself! Its much easier and much more fun to be you than to pretend to b
e something or someone else. Sooner or later, it catches up anyway. Healthy rela
tionships are made of real people, not images!
Individual Differences:
A learner's personal characteristics that can affect how he / she learns. Indivi
dual differences are often explanations for differences in learning and performa
nce among learners. The ways in which people differ in their behavior, thinking,
working style, Attitude, values etc.
Bridging Individual Differences:
6. Perceived Interdependence
7. Shared goal
8. Sense of Crisis
9. Respect
10. Trust
11. Speak a little less and listen a little more
12. Flexible
13. Feeling of oneness
Communication Style:
1. Assertive Communication: The most effective and healthiest form of commu
nication is the assertive style. It is how we naturally express ourselves. We co
mmunicate clearly and forthrightly. We care about the relationship and strive fo
r a win win situation.
2. Aggressive Communication: Aggressive Communication always involves manip
ulation. Although there are a few arenas where Aggressive behaviour is called fo
r (i.e., sports or war), it will never work in a relationship.
3. Passive Communication: in this mode we dont talk much, question even less
and actually do very little. Passive have learned that it is safer no to react
and better to disappear than to stand up and be noticed.
Types of Interpersonal relationship:
1. Family
2. Friends
3. Co-worker
4. Enemy
5. Teacher
6. Counselor
7. Mentor
8. Advisor etc.
Categories of Relationship:
1. Kinship Relationship: Which we got through genetically and marriage like
- Father, Mother, Father in Law, and Mother in Law etc.
2. Formalized relationship: for example Boss, co-worker, doctor, counselor
etc.
3. Non-formalized relationship: friends, family member, boy friend, girl fr
iend etc.
Impression Management
Impression Management is the goal directed activity of controlling or regulating
information in order to influence the impression formed by an audience.
How to leave a positive impression:
1. Eye Contact (70% to 80%)
2. A firm handshake
3. Smile on your face
4. Sit with your back straight
5. Never ever cross your legs or fold your arms.
6. Wear blue cloth, blue gives the impression of loyalty and respect.
7. Your tone of voice
8. Social skills
Communication Style Quiz:
Read each phrase and check the word that best describes you. Then count up the c
heck marks in each of the four columns and consult the scoring key to find deter
mine your dominant style.
SN. Select any One
1. Manner is Basically Accepting Friendly Controlling
Evaluative
2. Decision making Slow Emotional Impulsive Fact base
3. I talk about Personal things People Achievement Organization
4. Using time Not rushed Socializer Rushed Runs lat
5. Relates to other Accepting Empathizer Commands
Assessing
6. Gesture Sparse Open Impatient Closed
7. Clothing Conforms Very stylish Formal Conservative
8. Work pace Steady Enthusiastic Fast Controlled
9. Listening Interested Distracted Inpatient Selected
10. Work area has Keepsakes Pictures Awards Charts
11. Oriented towards Support People Results Facts
12. Basic personality Easy going Outgoing Dominating
Nonsense
13. Communication Low-key Animated Direct Reserved
14. Responsive to others Steady Friendly Restless Distant
Totals:
1. Listener: _____ 2. Creator: ______ 3. Doer: _____ 4. Thinker: ____
__
Scoring Key:
7 or More = Strong Preference
5 6 = Moderate Preference
0 2 = Low Preference
Interpretation:
Listener
1. People oriented
2. Believe there is more than one method to achieve the same results
3. Demand a voice in decisions that affect them
4. Place a high premium on relationship
5. Can be slow decision maker
6. Conflict: Mainly with doors
7. Advice: Try to be more assertive focus on task rather than relationship
Creator 1. Enthusiastic, Excitement driven
2. Like public speaking and attention
3. May be too talkative
4. Creative
5. Good sense of Humor
6. Conflict: mainly with thinker
7. Advice: Slow down. Try to be less intense
Doer 1. Assertive
2. Result Oriented
3. Competitive
4. Competent
5. Very verbal
6. Excellent Problem Solver
7. Can be poor listener and impatient
8. Conflict: Mainly with listener
9. Advice: learn to be a good listener
Thinker 1. Detailed oriented
2. Can be slow decision maker
3. Lowest risk taker
4. Analytical
5. Can be rigid
6. Conflict: Mainly with creators
7. Advice: learn to move faster

Activity 2
Are you good at understanding and maintaining relationships?