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Country: Slovensko (Slovakia)
Ethnicity: Slovenka (Slovak)

Re: Jokes about the stereotypes of Slavic peoples
Reply #1 on: November 09, 2011, 10:48:30 AM
Hehe - the last one

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A SLAV WHEN:

1.You had to share a room until you were 21.
2.Everything you eat is savored in garlic and onions.
3.You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
4.You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think its normal.
5.All your children have nick names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
6.You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
7.Your mom tells you you're too skinny even though your 30 pounds overweight.
8.Your house is full of medicine from your old country and it's probably all illegal here.
9.You and your friends have ever been kicked out of a restaurant or recreational park for being
too loud or rowdy.
10.You dont know how to use a dishwasher because u are the dishwasher.
11.You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
12.You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
13.Your dad ever butchered a pig or lamb.
14.You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
15. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's
midnight.
16. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last
two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
17. Its "normal" if youre wedding has 600 people.
18. Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any American guy.
19. You drive a nicer car than your parents.
20. Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car.
21. You have all brand new appliances in your kitchen but your mom cooks in the basement
with the stove from your old house.
22. Your parents have gone on vacation ONCE and it was to your home country.
23. You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup.
24. Your parents still prefer to buy cassettes instead of CDs.
25. Your non-english speaking grandmother gives a shocked looked when you say 'pizza'.
26. You wear french connection and other designer clothing when going to work out
27. You carry liquor back here from your country in plastic sprite bottles under tons of clothing
in the suitcase
28. You have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name.
29. Youre actually nodding and laughing at most of these things.

1. You put ukrop (dill) on everything. I mean EVERYTHING.
2. Youre not scared of the street dogs.
3. You know how to shout at taxi-drivers to get a better price.
4. You have two SIM cards.
5. Cyrillic doesnt confuse you.
6. You understand that if you put your girlfriends handbag on the table or (god forbid) the
floor she will probably leave you.
7. You have perfected your own borsch recipe.
8. You can pronounce Dnipropetrovsk without having a seizure.
9. You walk past a litter bin which is on fire and has flames coming out of it, and you think
its normal.
10. You say pajowlusta without thinking when someone says thanks.
11. You only wear a black jacket in winter and think anyone in a sports jacket must be a
foreigner.
12. You have forgotten that the fur industry is cruel and inhumane and started to think that
fur is glamorous.
13. Unless its +20C you would never let a child out of the house without a hat and gloves.
14. You want to drive a large 44 to make yourself feel like a man.
15. You start to hate Marshrutkas.
16. You can drink beer like you used to drink coffee morning, day and night.
17. You can eat semki with one hand and finish a whole bag during a 90 minute football
game.
18. You have developed a working system for separating all the Yulias and Marias in your
phonebook.
19. You accept that your date will be 30 minutes late.
20. Youve forgotten what a queue is.
21. You stop calling it PECTOPAH and start calling it a restaurant.
22. You are able to get on the bus before the babushkas.
23. You have discovered a certain charm in the absolute rudeness of shop staff
24. People stop assuming you are a sex tourist
25. You buy flowers for people and you think its sweet.
26. You play Mafia and take it seriously.
27. You love Karaoke.
28. You can use the squat toilets without having an accident.
29. You go into an Italian restaurant and expect to be able to order Japanese food.
30. You have forgotten how to use definitive article.
31. You look at peoples shoes and make judgments about their personality.
32. You let yourself wear a vest, white trousers and white shoes.
33. You boil eggs and make a picnic before you take a train.
34. Youve forgotten what the following words are or mean: copyright, eco-friendly,
modesty.
35. You are comfortable sitting naked in the sauna.
36. You give confusing and contradictory answers like da nijet, mojit bit da and mojit bit
nijet.
37. You stand still and dont talk on the metro. In fact, youve pretty much stopped any
public displays of emotion.
38. You fear drafts and think youll die if you walk on a cold floor without shoes.
39. You stare at foreigners out of curiosity. Especially people with dark skin.
40. Youve stopped trying to teach people that politics and governance can be different
41. For no obvious reason, you know the name of 6 oligarchs.
42. You do NOT think rules are for breaking, no matter how stupid or petty they are.
43. You no longer need to be drunk to dance and sing.
44. You ask complete strangers for a cigarette.
45. You know what a gopnik is.
46. You dont panic or call a plumber when your hot water stops. In fact, you dont even
think twice when the water stops altogether because you know someone else will fix it.
47. You keep a large water bottle behind the toilet to flush when theres no water.
48. You can walk on anything. Broken paths, ice, half-a-meter of snow you can keep your
balance on anything. If you are a girl, you can walk on anything in high-heels.
49. Buying a ticket for the train, which once took 2 minutes, now takes you 15 minutes
because you have a long discussion with the ticket officer about all possible options and
prices.
50. You can (and do) run down the escalators.
51. You make your self look beautiful whenever you leave the house, even if you are going
to buy toilet paper or potatoes from the supermarket.
52. You speak Russian but think Ukrainian should be the only national language.
53. You are not surprised by anything and you dismiss everything by shrugging your
shoulders and saying its Ukraine
54. and finally, the absolute test of your Ukrainianess you can sit/squat on your feet
and smoke for more than two minutes. This squat (also known as the Ukrainian
chair), is the ultimate test of how Ukrainian someone is. If you can do it, your at least
95% genetically Ukrainian.