Allison Jones

Professor Hofmann,
When looking thought the different forums many of the ones I commented on
were within the same forum just on different people that were in my group. Most of the
responses that I had were within my group so we all had them on differences accounts by
different people, but there are the ones that I posted on Crystal, Micaela and Phillips
annotated bibliography, they were all different ways that I felt they could improve for the
final draft.
Crystal:
1. There needs to be an MLA formal for website. Need to address more of the three points that are talked
about. Needs A LOT more detail. 2. Need to connect to how this relates to your topic and paper. 3. Only
has 2 of them that say if theyre credible, expand on your source and the things that make it credible.
Micaela:
1. Need 2 more sources. Much more elaboration, these arent really summaries there more just a topic
sentence for the whole thing. 2. Go more in depth about how these sources relate to your topic.
3. Explain why it is credible, more than just saying its from a website thats .go, most of your sentences are
very repetitive.
Phillip:
1. Only have 4 sources, make sure your sources are in hanging indent, pretty well at summarizing but
make them longer. 2. Good job at writing about your own reaction and connecting it to your topic. 3.
Make sure you explain why you think these are credible sources.
For me Ive always felt that getting feedback from people was the place that I
always struggled in, most people just read things that said they were good without
actually looking for detail. In my first example is what I experienced a lot of, for most of
the semester not much feed back on how to actually improve the paper because nothing
can actually be finished. Then once we started doing things with out research papers
more we began to do things with different groups and I began getting a lot more
feedback.
It is a strong question and compares across cultures.
Very good questions.
Based on the questions and the well-done inquiry question you seem very enthusiastic and we
know it is related to your major. Including the fact you want to go on a mission trip.
Clearly have a concise working knowledge on the subject.
It is common knowledge to readers that Africa has poor health care.
Strongest part: the questions. Work on finding reliable sources.
This is the feedback that I got from my group on the research proposal. There is noting
really there on how to make my paper better. But by getting these types of responses is
what prompted me to email you about what my semester had been like so far, and then I
got a lot better responses. On our inquiry draft I got the letter from Andrea and it was
very helpful for working on my final draft because she gave very good feedback on
different aspects of my paper.
Dear Allison,
After reading you paper I have come to find it very interesting. I knew right from the beginning
what topic your essay was on and you did a great job of incorporating your question. Your topic on
nursing was very intriguing to me and I enjoyed reading your paper because your topic wasnt boring and
strictly factual. With that being said, I think that you did a wonderful job to keeping your essay in the
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mindset of inquiry. However, I would go back to some of your main paragraphs and reread them and make
sure you stay away from saying things like this just proves. Id also like to say that the tone of you
essay was perfect. Your essay sounded very professional, formal, and appropriate. A couple things that
just made it difficult to understand at times were grammatical errors but those can easily be fixed by just
rereading what you have already wrote! Unfortunately, I do have to say that as I read your essay I didnt
find it very conversational, because at times I felt like you may have not been connecting with the audience
of your paper, which is sometimes really tricky to do. I suggest that maybe you think more about who the
audience of this essay is and maybe it could help you! Another great thing about your essay that I would
like to add is that you have plenty of credible sources and you did an awesome job incorporating that in
your paper. If you happen to add in any quotes just remember to think about how to set it up in your
paper! These sources really made it sound as though you understand what you are talking about which is
exactly what you need to do in essays like these. Overall, you rough draft so far has been pretty good aside
from some grammatical errors. The most interesting part of your essay was the part about meningitis
being the most deadly disease and how you discussed the ways of preventing this disease in other countries.
Hopefully, it can continue to be helpful all around the world! Another thing I really enjoyed was how well
you incorporated your personal outlook on many topics discussed in your essay. For example, you outlook
on receiving shots as a young child was a great way to interact with the audience of this essay! If I had to
leave you any final suggestions, I would just definitely reread you essay more than anything. Rough drafts
are usually meant to be sloppy, which is fine but it never hurts to reread multiple times to save you from
small grammatical errors. Lastly, I am going to leave some comments on your draft about some places
that I felt were unclear. All in all, great job on your essay so far! Andrea

For other in-class assignments that I have there are a lot of reflections on different
articles we read or our own writings. The first one was the Say Back reflection where
we read the passage and has to write what we thought the article was talking about. For
me this was one of the more challenging pieces we worked with because it was more in
depth with what it was talking about. (I was having trouble getting the picture in the
document so I placed it in the in-class assignments tab of the portfolio). My second
writing was when we wrote the conversation with ourselves to talk about our topic for
our paper. It helped me a lot to be able to look at how much information I actually had
compared to what I should have had at that point in the process.

Allison Jones
My third writing assignment was Tims Inquiry Question this activity was interesting
because it wasnt just reflecting on a reading but also on my own writings styles
compared to what Ballenger said was a good technique for writing. For me its hard to
work on a paper starting a long time before its due I like to do things when I know its
close to the time that its due and I can sit down and focus.















For homework a lot more of the assignments were a lot more in depth and stronger
writing than the normal writings we did in class. One of the assignments was the rough
draft of our final essay; I feel that my rough draft was very lacking in strength especially
my opening paragraph, thats where I usually struggle. The first draft of my opening
paragraph was very weak but I definitely feel it got stronger in my final draft.
The idea of nursing within different countries has always been a controversial one because of the
different access to training and supplies that certain countries have compared to others. For me, I wanted
to look in the differences in the United States compared of Africa and how these difference elements are
affecting nursing. One time I was talking to a friend who had gone on a mission trip to Africa and they told
me about how in smaller villages the most trained had the knowledge of about a late elementary school
student her in the US. They knew only most of the basic first aid skill, but in a country like Africa you need
so much more than just that. So after hearing this I was very intrigued to find out more and see what truly
is making these countries different.
For my second assignment I chose my post library memo, I fell that this was something I
did very well on as an assignment. We had to talk about the things we had learned from
going to the library and do a three paragraph annotated bibliography on one of the
sources we found which I feel was one of my best that Ive done so far. This assignment
helped me to look more in depth at one of the main sources I used.
A. Do nurses in different countries such as Africa get trained differently than in the United States? Is their
basic knowledge different?
B. Foreign nursing, nurse training, nursing, middle east nursing, nursing requirements, education of nurses,
nursing history
C. 1. Kinfu, Y, et al. "The Health Worker Shortage In Africa: Are Enough Physicians And Nurses Being
Trained?." Bulletin Of The World Health Organization 87.3 (2009): 225-230. CINAHL with Full Text.
Web. 20 Feb. 2014.
2. This article discusses the countries of Sub-Saharan Africa and the completely shortage of health
care workers to sufficiently take care of the entire growing population. A lot of the article discusses
how training can be advanced more to be able to reach a greater population that is currently not being
reached. There were studies done by United Nations Population Diversity and World Health
Organization and found that these countries are worse off now than they were just a few years prior in
the previous study. It also discusses how for their desired goal of nurses and physicians it would take
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around 35 years to reach this goal because of the mortality rates, but even some counties would never
be able to reach that goal.
I feel that this article is a very good aspect for part of my project on how other countries are
trained differently than the United States. It gives facts and statistics on the ratio of doctors/nurses to
the current population and the amount that is actually being reached by these people. It also talks about
a plan that they have to grown this ration in the future and why they are not being reached right now.
To me this article is a good basis for understanding what it is like in other countries compared to the
United States.
I do feel that this source is credible because it was written by someone who worked for the World
Health Organization at the time of the research and was involved in the process. Something that could
make a difference in research is how long ago this was written, it was made in 2009 which means that in
the past 4/5 years statistics and information could have changed. But I do feel that the base principles
of the research are still relevant to the idea of my inquiry question. Even though it is not the most
current information I do feel that it is very useful when looking at an overview of other countries and
their differences in the United States. Also I feel this is credible because at the end of the article it gave
a list of the authors sources he used and you could look up those sources for even more information.

D. Going to the library helped me a lot in shaping my project because after the speaker talked about what it
means to be an inquiry project I decided that my first idea didnt quite fit. But I knew that I still wanted to
do something with nurses so I decided to compare other countries to the United States because I have heard
that there is a large difference in the training of nursing staff. I now have a much clearer idea of the things
that I want to talk about and research in my project after hearing more about an inquiry based question.

My last assignment that I chose was the official annotated bibliography that we did on all
10sources that we possibly planned on using. I do feel that it was much less in depth than
the original one we did but it was very helpful to do this one because it helped to be able
to see all of the things that that I could possibly use as resources in my paper.
Handbook of water purity and quality. (2009). Amsterdam: Academic Press.

This book gives an overview of actual water purification, the methods used, and its safety from contaminants
from natural and man-made water. It also covers the issues that other countries are facing with water scarcity. It goes
into the different ways of purification, water analysis, sampling, and investigations into the water quality. This book
will be very beneficial to writing my paper because it covers all of the main topics that I can covering in my research
question, how they purify water and also the quality of their purified water.


WHO/UNICEF Joint Water Supply and Sanitation Monitoring Programme. (2005). Water for life: Making it happen.
Geneva, Switzerland: World Health Organization

This book was written by UNICEF and World Health Organization, written in 2005 about the water supply
and sanitation for the next ten years. Its helps understand the quality of the water that people are drinking right now
and the things that are being done to improve them. This book interests me because it is specifically talking about the
sanitation of water in the world which I want to focus my paper on, the different qualities of water in different counties.

Botes, M., & Cloete, T. E. (January 01, 2010). The potential of nanofibers and nanobiocides in water
purification. Critical Reviews in Microbiology, 36, 1, 68-81.

This article focuses specifically in bacteria that could be infecting our drinking water. It talks about different
studies that have been done to tests the different qualities of water. These things that are being found in water can
reduce the quality and begin to cause major problems in the future. This will help in my project because I am going to
end my paper taking about the different health aspects of different qualities of water from different places.

Pritchard, M., Edmondson, A., Mkandawire, T., Kululanga, G., & O'Neill, J. G. (August 04, 2009). Potential of using
plant extracts for purification of shallow well water in Malawi.Physics and Chemistry of the Earth, 34, 799-
805.

This Article focuses on a specific plant that could possibly be used to help purify the contaminated wells
specifically in Malawi. The well is the only source for most people who live in these types of countries and they are
usually gone untreated which is causing health effects on the people of these regions. They think that using this type of
plant will reduces the cost of purification and be much more manageable. This will come into play in my essay when
talking about different ways that other countries are purifying their water compared to the United States.
Allison Jones

Arvai, J., & Post, K. (January 01, 2012). Risk management in a developing country context: improving decisions about
point-of-use water treatment among the rural poor in Africa. Risk Analysis : an Official Publication of the
Society for Risk Analysis, 32, 1, 67-80.

This article focuses of finding and promoting effective and sustainable ways of providing clean and drinkable
water to other countries. The main part of this article to talk about finding ways to improve water quality and make it
a wide-spread idea. This will work with my essay because it is focusing on this is being done in other countries and
new things that can be done in the future to make a lasting effect.

"Presutti., & Carolyn". (n.d.). Students Invent Water Purification Disc.VOA - Voice of America English News.
Retrieved October 2, 2013, from http://www.voanews.com/content/water-purification-africa-/1679934.html

This is a video that shows a group of students that have created a tool that will be put into water and will
automatically purify when placed into it. It is something that can be made in a lab and the main ingredient is silver.
When the Madi Drop is placed into water the silver atoms release a electrical charge which purifies the water. This
new invention could be revolutionary which is something to report about in my paper because it is a new invention in
purifying water.

Three different approaches to water purification in Africa | Gemini News Service. (n.d.). Gemini News Service | A new
way to get your news. Retrieved October 2, 2013, from http://www.gemininews.org/2011/03/30/three-
different-approaches-to-water-purification-in-africa/

This website gives likes to three different countries in Africa and talks about how each country purifies their
water differently. Each country has different approaches to cleaning and purifying their water and this website
discusses each of them. This will help my article because it will add even more examples of how each country has their
own style of purifying and I will be able to compare them to see with one of them shows signs of being the cleanest.

Schiermeier, Q. (January 01, 2008). Water: purification with a pinch of salt. Nature, 452,7185, 260-1.

This article talks about the growing concerns all over the world that countries are facing. It focuses on the
costs of water consumption here in the United States right now and how much it is continuing to grow each year. Then
it discusses a new idea that uses carbon nanotubes, saline water and a mixture solution to produce clean purified
water. This will help with my paper because it is discussing a new way that can be used that is more effective and also
cost-effective.


Hunter, P. R. (January 01, 2009). Household water treatment in developing countries: comparing different intervention
types using meta-regression. Environmental Science & Technology, 43, 23, 8991-7.

This article talks mainly about household water treatment because of the negative effects that would water
waste is having on undeveloped countries, there are many waterborne diseases that we could fix. It largely discusses a
study that was done on household water treatment and how the things we do and the water we waste is negatively
affecting other parts of the world. This will help my essay because it will be able to relate the United States to other
underdeveloped counties.

Duse, A. G., da, S. M. P., & Zietsman, I. (January 01, 2003). Coping with hygiene in South Africa, a water scarce
country. International Journal of Environmental Health Research, 13, 95-105.

This article talks about the negative effects of under-developed counties having a very scarce amount of
water. Without water a person is not even able to have personal hygiene, which can cause infections in the person and
also make it much easier to spread infections to others. It goes into talking about the statistics of the scarce water and
the growing effects of it. This will contribute to my paper because it is talking about the effects that it has on other
countries, which is what the second half of my paper is going to be.

Allison Jones
There were many sections of Ballengers book that helped make a difference between an
inquiry question
and just a research
question. One of
the first things I
chose as very
helpful was on
page 29-30,
Building and
Interesting
Inventory. I feel
that for this paper
one of the hardest
things to do was
actually find a
topic that was
considered and
inquiry to this
activity helped a lot to get started in the right direction. It was the first step to finding the
topic that I chose to talk about.

The second section that I chose to talk about was Developing Focused Knowledge on
page 81. For me this part was hard, I was not use to actually having to sit down and talk
about or write out off the top of my head the things that I have actually learned from my
research. So when I read this section it helped to kind of know where to start with what
is considered important information to know and be able to talk about.

The last things I choose as helping me thought out the inquiry process was the Writing
for Reader Interest on page 193. For me this can be a challenging thing to do because
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you never know what you may find very interesting everyone else could find extremely
boring. But no one wants to have a paper the reader isnt going to enjoy so the questions
that it gave at the bottom of the page were very helpful to direct what I talked about.


If I were to teach this class I think that I would emphasize the section about how
to choose an inquiry question and also the section on what it means to be an inquiry and
not just a research question. I feel that these are the two things that helped me the most in
the class though out the whole writing process.

When designing my portfolio I wanted to make it very easy to read but also fun so
I chose something that has a lot of color, so pink was perfect. I feel that for my reader it
will be very easy to understand the things they are looking at and what specific section
there in because I had sure it all had very clear labels for everything. There wasnt many
things I got as feedback on my portfolio except from you after the midterm. I found the
process pretty easy because I had used the same website or my English class last semester
so I was very familiar with weebly at this point. The hardest things I had trouble with
was choosing the things to put into my paper/portfolio. But other than that I didnt really
have any problems with anything specifically.

When reading my midterm Thinking Ahead section my question were more
focused on my inquiry paper than anything:
Thinking Ahead:
1. From a professional standpoint does this question seem to fit what an inquiry question is?
2. Are there other resources where I could find sources with interviews of people in this field?
3. What about my project and research needs more clarification, what can be improved?
For my first question looking back I do think I had trouble at first decided if that
was an appropriate topic or not but after a while I did decide that thats exactly what I
wanted to talk about for my paper. In my second question I feel I definitely found better
sources as the semester went on because I was able to narrow down my topic more and
more. I had a content problem through out the whole paper with making sure that
everything I was writing about was clear and covered correctly. I can sometimes get
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carried away on my writing and not realize that Im not quite on the topic I should be.
Now that I am completely done with the inquiry project I feel that my questions to ask
would be:
1. Did my paper flow and stay consistent with the topic I was talking about.
2. Does my writing see to be professional enough for upper level division classes
that I will begin taking soon?