Not So Happily Ever After After All

A Comedy in 1 Act
by
Brittany Marshall

















Brittany Marshall
307 N Ben Butler Street
Hebron, Indiana




Cast of Characters
In the order of their appearance
Narrator
Snow White
Man 1
Girl 1
Man 2
Trainer
Ariel
Nurse 1
Nurse 2
Pocahontas
Indian
Doctor
Belle













SCENE
Museum Exhibit at Smithsonian in London
TIME
The Present

Act I
Scene 1
Scene Opens up on Narrator
standing surrounded my encased
artifacts from fairytales. Dressed
in a tuxedo. Hes holding a large
book open in his hands.
NARRATOR
(Looks at book) And they lived happily ever after. (Looks up
to audience) Weve all heard this before. Every fairy tale we
heard as kids. Thy told us if we can somehow manage to get what
we want in life, whether that be freedom, a kingdom, or say
marriage to a complete stranger, everything after that will be
all hunky dory, right?
(Pauses shortly then slams book
closed making loud noise)
WRONG! Truth is no matter what we get out of life, we all get
crap to deal with afterwards, even in fairy tales. Why am I
telling you this you ask? Because today, Im going to show you
the truth. Turns out all those happily ever afters didnt quite
turn out to be so happy after all. Heres what really happened
after all their dreams came true.
(Walks over by display of an able
bitten out of it and leans against
case)
First, well start our journey with the darling little Snow
White. Im sure you all remember her. That cute little thing
that was almost killed over and over again until she found her
precious little prince charming? (Pauses with sarcastic
quizzical look) Yea. Well after her and princey tied the knot
things went pretty well. Unfortunately, her prince wasnt very
fond of her relationship with the dwarves. After a while, he
got fed up and booted her out. Lets see how shes doing know.
(Turns to stage left where lights
come up on a ratty hotel room.
Snow white enters with
questionable man)

SNOW WHITE
Come on in darlin. Let me know what you looking for tonight and
well discuss price from there. (Sits on bed and light a
cigarette)

NARRATOR
Uh oh. Hope this isnt that kind of client.

MAN 1
(Stutters) I-Im just lo-lookin for a f-f-fix, S-Snow. You kn-
now that.

SNOW WHITE
Always same old thing with you, huh? Nothing exciting or new to
go along with that buzz. (Gets up and pulls baggy out of small
box from under the mattress then sits back down again) Well,
here ya are hun. Fifty bucks and its all yours.

MAN 1
(Astonished) Fifty! But i-it was only f-f-forty just last week!

SNOW WHITE
What can I say? Business has slowed down since then.
(Impatiently) Now ya want it or not.

MAN 1
Yeah yeah. Here y-ya go. (Hands wad of bills to Snow White)

(Snow give him the baggy and takes
the bills. Begins to count them
while finishing her cigarette. As
she finishes counting she gives a
look of anger and disbelief.
Jumps up and turns to door.)

SNOW WHITE
That little shit gypt me! (Tosses cigarette and goes after man
slamming door behind her.)
(Lights dim off on room)

NARRATOR
So there ya have it. Little Snow took a turn for the worst and
is now the local drug pushing hussy.
(Slowly walk to another display)

Scene 2

NARRATOR
(Picks up silver fork off display stand) Next we will visit
Ariel. As Im sure you all remember, she gave up being a
mermaid for her own prince, Eric. How sweet. Unfortunately,
Ariels hygiene habits with her fork turned from being sweet and
adorable to Eric soon became rather disgusting. Go figure.
Soon Ariel got sick of being ridiculed for smelling like fish as
though it was a bad thing and returned to the ocean. And to
make matters even worse, dear Ariel got caught in an oil spill.
After that some animal rescue group got ahold of her andwell
youll see.
(Lights come up on a performance
pool at sea world)

GIRL 1
Look daddy, the mermaid show! Can we go? (Grabs his hand and
starts jumping up and down) Please? Please? Please? Please
Please? Please?

DAD
(Sighs) Yes, dear, we can go.
(Walks to empty bleachers and sits
down. Trainer turns around and
notices the girl and dad.

TRAINER
(Nervously surprised to girl) Oh. Hey their kiddo. I dont know
if theres ganna be a show. Shes not all that trained yet.
(girl lowers head sadly. Trainer
looks guilty)
But we can always try.
(Girl perks up and claps in
excitement while trainer calls
Ariel. Ariel come up from under
the water and rests on the edge of
the pool.)

TRAINER
Behold! Ariel, the little mermaid.
(Girl applauds)

ARIEL
Oh gimme a break. (Rolls eyes)
(Trainer picks up fish out of
bucket.)

TRAINER
Alright, Girl come on. Up ya go. You can do it. Come on.
Please.


ARIEL
Aint happening doll face.

(Trainer pleads with Ariel then
throws fish at her as a last
resort, hitting Ariel in the
face.)

ARIEL
(Angrily)You are so lucky I dont have my legs any more or Id
get right outta this damn pool and kick your tail!

TRAINER
(Turns to girl)Sorry hun, looks like todays just not her day.
GIRL
(Yells) BOO! You suck!
(Girl storms out in a fit followed
by her father trying to console
her. Lights dim off on pool)

NARRATOR
Well wasnt that a nice trip to Sea World. Needless to say Ariel
grew a bit bitter being the latest and greatest attraction at
her new dwelling.

Scene 3
(Narrator slowly walk to another
display stopping at and case with
an ear of corn.)
Now, Im sure you can all only guess as to who we shall be
visiting next. She was visited by a man from another world.
Pocahontas fell in love with a seaman named John. After they
both nearly died, the two went their separate ways. John
returned to England and Pocahontas awaited a fait we have all
learned about in school.

(Lights come up on a teepee in the
desert with Pocahontas sitting
sharpening a handmade spear. An
Indian walks out of tent.)

POCAHONTAS
Those men dont know what they are messing with. They will pay
for what they have done to our people

INDIAN
So much for your Englishman romance, huh Pocahontas?

(Pocahontas sneers at Indian)
POCAHONTAS
One small lapse in judgment and Im marked as the cause to the
ravaging of our people. You guys cant really believe this is
all my fault can you?

INDIAN
No but its easier to play the blame the girl that sang with
the enemy rather than killem game.

POCAHONTAS
Yea, yea, yea. I know paint with their blood not the colors of
the wind. I cant wait to get my hands on the throat of those
damn Spaniards that gave me this terrible rash.

INDIAN
Oh you mean from when you-

POCAHONTAS
(Angrily jumps up and grabs Indian)Shut it or youll be getting
a pretty little scare yourself.

(Horn is sounded and the two head
to a field. Indians on one side
and English men on the other.
Indians yell out warrior calls and
the English men yell charge and
they start running toward you.
Pocahontas sees John on the field)

JOHN
Pocahontas is that you. (drops weapon and runs toward her)

POCAHONTAS
John? (quickly becomes enrages and charges his weapon up) You
son of a bitch left me to die with you sickness!

(John becomes startled and fumbles
back just as Pocahontas stabs him
killing him. Pocahontas leans
over his body panting.)

POCAHONTAS
Welcome back darling. How was your trip?

(Scene goes dark.)
NARRATOR
So Pocahontas went from the peace keeper of her village to
searching for blood soaked vengeances (Pauses) and possibly
some special ointment for that rash.
Scene 4

(Narrator walks to fourth display
of a rose. Slowly lifts the glass
off the exhibit as the rose begins
to glow.)

NARRATOR
Now we visit our last lady. She came from a small town only to
end up in a palace with a beast. You guessed it. The beauty
Belle. Now she and her beast had a distant relationship. Belle
had grown egotistical about her appearance. As she grew in
years so did her face. This led her to a rather unheard of
addiction.

(Lights come up on an office in
plastic surgeons clinic. Belle
sits in seat across from desk with
Doctor 2 at the desk. Belle has
enlarged lips, skinny, long nose,
large breasts and skin tight
against skin.)

DOCTOR
Well Belle, I see you have returned for yet another consultation
about (reads papers with quizzical look.) for cosmetic surgery
on your feet? Im lost. What exactly are you looking to change
about your feet?

Belle
(Nonchalantly) Well ya see Doctor, I love the work you have done
for me, and lately I just feel as though my feet should be more
narrow to fit my new body we are creating together.

DOCTOR
You realize that in order to do such a thing we would have to
reconstruct the bone structure of your foot completely.

BELLE
Sounds reasonable enough to me. So when do we get started?

DOCTOR
Let me make this a bit more clear to you. You could lose your
ability to walk.

BELLE
Whats your point, Doc?

DOCTOR
You still want to do the procedure regardless of what it could
do to you?


BELLE
If thats what it takes to be the most beautiful me I can be,
then yes.

DOCTOR
Fine. Ill schedule the procedure as soon as we work out the
financials.

(Belle pulls her credit card out
of her purse and hands it to
Doctor 2. Doctor 2 scans card.
Card is rejected)

DOCTOR
Let me try it again.

(Card is rejected again)

BELLE
It has to work keep trying.

DOCTOR
Its not going through Belle. I dont know what to tell you.
Maybe you should go talk to you husband and work out

BELLE
(Yells in rage) What? That beast cut me off! I cant believe
this!

(Belle throws the chair back and
storms out slamming the door
behind him. Doctor 2 puts his
head in his hands and shakes it.
Lights go out on office.)

NARRATOR
So dear Belle here became obsessed with her beauty and became
addicted to getting that regular lift from the dear old doc
here. Although from the looks of things the beauty of this
story became the beast, if ya know what I mean.

(Narrator places glass cover back
on display. Walks to center stage
and directs the audience.)

So there you have it. Even fairytales dont get their happily
ever after. While some hit rock bottom and scrap for the scum,
others are seen as on top but cant let go of the past. Now I
ask you, will your happily ever after be more promising than
theirs, or will you be the next tales to join my collection?

(Narrator smiles manically and
lights go out.)