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Jamal Murchison
Linda Hoffman
ENGL-1102
March 31, 2014
My computer, unfortunately, does not allow me to make comments on specific lines within
the essay. All of the changes Ive made have been to enhance clarity and understanding for
the reader. Most of the changes are due to peer review. So of the things changed were just
careless mistakes. The revisions are in yellow and the explanation is in blue. The revisions
arent done. Im having trouble finding a place for my interviews. Everything else seems to
be falling in place just fine.
What are the benefits of tailored education?
Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you of your acceptance to a University
Somewhere. Almost every high school senior cannot wait to get a letter of acceptance into a
University. They have waited so long and worked so hard to get to that moment. Some go to
college on full scholarship while others are just happy to get in somewhere. Most seniors wait to
hear from their top four or five schools. After they receive the acceptance letter, and telling
everyone about it, they begin to plan based off a level of excitement. Thats not a bad thing to
do; Im guilty of it also. I myself was one of the many to say, I cant wait to get to college. It
is one of the biggest moments for a high school senior.
College orientation finally arrives and the high school graduates are just bubbling with
excitement. This is where you get all the information you need. Some probably got a check-list
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of what to bring. They spend whats left of the summer checking items off of the list. Once you
check everything off, you believe that you are now ready for the college experience. But what
exactly is the college experience? Mostly students believe that once they leave for college, they
are free. They are free to live and do as they please. The most important change that students can
think of is the change in the way they learn. In the past, they were stuck with doing the same
things every day because they were stuck in the traditional education system. Theyre education
in college is more tailored to their interests and potential/future careers. Are you or were you
really prepared for this big move? (I included this change to explain the college experience and
to allow the reader to get a sense of where Im heading)
Congratulations! You have been accepted to attend one of the forty-four Big Picture
schools in the United States. This situation is similar to the high school senior being accepted
into college. In this scenario, an eighth grader (who has just finished middle school)(Some
believed eight grade was a part of high school where Im from) was just accepted to a school
with a tailored curriculum. The lucky eighth grader has just gained the opportunity that only
about five thousand eighth graders get to experience each year. In a tailored education system
they are really being prepped for their future. Students have a chance to get a little taste of some
of the freedom they will experience in college. In the tailored education system the focus is on
the student and a more individualized curriculum. In a sense, its all about you. Students have the
chance to tailor their classes to what theyre interested in for the future. They have options and
opportunities that you cant get in the traditional education system. (I felt that adding this
information would enhance the topic and educate the reader with better structure in the essay)
This is an opportunity most students have never heard of and most will never hear of. Just think
of your experience after eighth grade. I was just happy to be going to high school. The transition
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to high school is a big transition to say the least. That moment is similar to the transition from
high school to college without the individualized learning. Were you prepared for that big move?
High school is a pivotal point when it comes to education. I like to think that high school
is the beginning foundation if a student is interested in attending an institution of higher learning.
All levels of education are essential, but high school is the most critical. This is when you start
planning your future. Along with attending classes and playing sports, you are asked to make
decisions that will affect the rest of your life. Was there any help?
At a Big Picture school, you have the support and help of your advisor, mentor, and your
parents. All of the people listed are concerned about you. In most public high schools, students
rarely have any interaction with a guidance counselor or an advisor. That interaction is
important. In The Problem: The Failure of Traditional Education, an article written by a group
of researchers, they explain that in the United States a student drops out of high school every
twelve seconds (Bromley, Bare, & Garcia). As of March 2014, over one million students have
dropped out during the 2013-2014 school year. Maybe interaction with that counselor could have
changed things. The article also explains the consequences of dropping out of high school. The
article states that high school drop outs are less likely to own a home and they will have higher
rates of health problems. (Bromley, Bare, & Garcia) How many high school drop outs were
aware of the lifelong consequences that they would face (Bromley, Bare, & Garcia)? Without
any of the help like a Big Picture school can offer, most drop outs would not have known about
the consequences. Parents could have provided the information, but most schools associated with
traditional education have let the students down.
Paul Houston wrote in his book, No Challenge Left Behind, that he doesnt believe that
there is anything wrong with the traditional education system (Houston 2008). Houston is an
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expert in the field of education, so it seems likely that he would be aware of the biggest problems
that the traditional education system and its students face. Around the same time No Challenge
Left Behind was published, Bromley, Bare, and Garcia had just written The Problem: The
Failure of Traditional Education. That article reveals the alarming high school dropout rates.
Maybe Dr. Houston wasnt aware of the research.
The traditional education system has been around forever, so there is or was a formula
within the system that worked. Yet as Houston explains, the demands of the world are constantly
changing; subsequently, the way we operate within our schools has to change. (Houston 2008)
There have been changes to the curriculum since the turn of the century but you have to question
whether the changes were in the interest of the student or just an effort to keep up with a global
education competition. In a conversation I had with Stephanie Smith, one of my
peers(Provides clarification on who Stephanie is), I found out that some principals actually push
students through just to receive a high graduation rate percentage. That only hurts our students.
The Big Picture school system has a graduation rate of ninety-two percent. My high schools
graduation rate was only at seventy-seven percent. What are the two school systems doing
differently?
Just think back. What made you prepared for college? Every student that attends a
college got there on a different path. "The Big Picture: Schools Tailored to Students Individual
Needs, an article published in USA Today, explains that Big Picture students are accepted into
college one hundred percent of the time (USA Today 2004). Every student in the traditional
education system will not make it to college. Congratulations, you made it. Its often that we
associate not going to college with a students work ethic, but is that always the underlying
reason? No. Just think to yourself about how many students in the traditional education system
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have not or will never make it to college because of the education system they were exposed to.
Now tell me, where do the benefits really lie? (This whole paragraph was changed in an effort to
get the reader engaged and thinking about what Ive said)
















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Works Cited
"The Big Picture: Schools Tailored to Students Individual Needs - See More At:
Http://www.bigpicture.org/2004/11/the-big-picture-schools-tailored-to-students-individual-
needs." USA Today 24 Nov. 2004: n. pag. Web.

Bromley, David, Christine Bare, Edward Garcia, and Anne Saporito. "The Problem: The Failure
of Traditional Education." (n.d.): n. pag. Web.

Houston, Paul D. No Challenge Left Behind: Transforming American Education through Heart
and Soul. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin, 2008. Print.