Waldor 1 Casey Waldor Ms.

Rand ENGL 1102 1 April 2014 Living the Life of a Liar People feel that being considered a liar is immoral, yet they still do it. Lying is becoming more acceptable within society. The question is why do people lie? In some situations, it makes sense to lie, but the fact that people lie just for the fun of it makes no sense. It would be logical to just tell the truth to someone, but logical is not a word in some peoples vocabulary these days. Lying comes down to the selfishness of someone. People dont lie for the good of others; they do it to protect themselves. The negative environment that is created from lies should motivate a liar to change their behavior. Even though a behavior change is evident, liars dont see it that way. In some occasions, people do not even realize that they are lying. They have becomes so accustomed to telling lies that it has become a part of their every day life. A lie is defined as a false statement made with the deliberate intent to deceive (Eaves). People should not consider lies as a normal aspect of life, they are wrong and should not be accepted so easily among society. Can you tell when someone is lying to you? The closer that an individual is to you, the easier it is to tell that they are lying, but why? Learning the behaviors of someone can help you realize when they are being honest or when they are hiding something (Rykrsmith). But, if you do not know someone, you do not know their behaviors so it is difficult to detect when they are being honest or being dishonest. Spotting a lie is one of the most difficult things to accomplish. Each person develops a unique set of characteristics when they are lying (Rykrsmith). Some

Waldor 2 people have a set pattern that they have in common with others (Rykrsmith). When it comes to lying, each person has a different way of expressing it. The more confidence a person has, the better they will be at lying because they are more believable. It is hard to be able to learn enough about someone to be able to distinct the difference between them telling the truth or if they are lying. All the different types of lying are what make the topic of lying so interesting. The most common reason that people lie is because they do not want to hurt someones feelings. But if you think about it, they do not really care if they hurt the persons feelings; all they care about is not having that person view them negatively. It is all about their self-image and making sure that others view them in a positive way. Refusal to admitting the truth can actually cause more damage then just admitting the truth in the first place. It makes sense to not want to hurt someones feelings, but you can also hurt their feelings by lying. Sometimes the truth hurts, but lies will hurt worse then the truth ever could. There are four types of lies- the white lie, the beneficial lie, the malicious lie, and the deceptive lie. The white lie has become a part of society and stops us from emotionally hurting or insulting each other with the cold, hard, and sometimes-painful truth (Pease). Everyone lies a little; most people can not go a day without lying. This is used as a way to get through life without violence and aggression, and to avoid hurting people. A person with the intent to help others uses the beneficial lie (Pease). For example, doctors may lie to a patient that is on their deathbed to lift their spirits or prescribe fake medication, placebos, to patients, are technically lying, but they are doing it for the good of their patient (Pease). Malicious lies, rumormongering, are often used as weapons in competitive situations (Pease). Malicious liars set out to destroy the character and reputations of their victims. This is usually done with devastating and lasting

Waldor 3 results. For example, a company may spread false information that its main competitor is in financial difficulties. The most severe type of lie is the deceptive lie. A deceptive liar can be a dangerous person because the liar intends to harm or disadvantage the victim for his or her own benefit (Pease). There are two main types of deceptive lying- concealment and falsification. In concealment, the liar doesnt actually tell a lie, but they withhold information (Pease). In falsifying, false information is presented as if it was true. This is done intentionally. Different types of liars tell these lies (Pease). The two most easily recognizable types of liars are a natural liar and an unnatural liar. A natural liar is someone who does have a conscience but is confident of his or her ability to deceive (Pease). They have been doing this usually since childhood. In most cases, they learned to lie to their parents to avoid terrible punishments that would be handed out if they were to tell the truth. Many natural liars exploit on this ability as adults by becoming trial lawyers, salespeople, negotiators, actors, politicians and spies (Pease). An unnatural liar is a person who, as a child, was convinced by his or her parents it was impossible for him or her to lie and that the parent and others would always be able to detect it (Pease). These unfortunate people live their lives by telling everyone the truth about everything, insisting that they can never tell a lie. This causes anger and trouble amongst everyone that they meet. These two types of liars are not necessarily harmful, but there are liars that can be dangerous to themselves and to others. Pathological liars are someone who tells lies habitually, chronically and compulsively (Bauwens). Lying has simply become a way of life for this person. They tend to start making up things for a variety of reasons. Eventually, being able to tell the truth is just generally an uncomfortable experience for them. Pathological lying tends to develop early on in someones life. It is often as a response to difficult home or school situations that seemed to become

Waldor 4 resolved if the child lied (Bauwens). Many people consider it to be a manipulative trait, but it is just a bad habit. There are a few ways to tell if someone is pathological liar or not. First, you need to determine whether the persons details and information come across as consistent every time they tell a story (Bauwens). If a person truly is a pathological liar, you will notice that the stories they tell are never consistent and will vary in some way every time the story is told. The best thing to do is to compare stories with mutual friends of both you and the person you suspect of being a pathological liar, to determine if the story has changed or reshaped to accommodate certain personalities (Bauwens). Certain details may be altered to create drama or to draw attention to the liar (Bauwens). Also, it is important to consider whether the person is lying to gain attention or not. Part of the reason that the pathological liar feels compelled to lie is because that he or she may feel the need be the center of attention at all times. Another less common issue of a pathological liar is to look whether the person has an addiction or secret habits that are potentially harmful (Bauwens). Having underlying issues can cause someone to become a pathological liar in order to keep those issues hidden. When a person gets caught in a lie, look to see how they react (Bauwens). For some liars, it can be the worst thing that could happen if they get caught in a lie. The most drastic issue that can evolve from being a pathological liar is that they can think they are living in reality but they really arent. A pathological liar is one who typically does not live in reality and has trouble maintaining any consistency in his or her life (Bauwens). Pathological liars are becoming more common due to drug addictions and other personal issues that people do not want others to know about. This type of lying is a lot more serious than it may seem because it can cause a lot of issues for the liar over time. A pathological liar can also be considered a compulsive liar, which can now be considered compulsive lying disorder in certain cases. Compulsive lying disorder, also known as

Waldor 5 mythomania, is a condition that describes the behavior of a habitual liar (What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?). Psychiatrists and psychologists consider compulsive lying disorder as a mental disorder even though it is not actually included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM-IV (What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?). People that inhabit this disorder are not able to control their lies and experience little to no guilt regardless of how the lies may affect themselves or others. There are a few main characteristics of compulsive lying disorder. The stories that are told are not entirely improbable and tend to have at least some truth (What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?). They are not a manifestation of delusion or some broader type of psychosis. Upon the actual confrontation, the teller can admit things that they say to be untrue, even if they do it unwillingly (What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?). The tendency to lie is long lasting. It is not provoked by the immediate situation or social pressure as much as it is a distinctive trait of the personality. A definitely internal, not an external, motive for the behavior can be determined clinically (What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?). For example, long-lasting extortion or habitual spousal battery might cause a person to lie repeatedly, without the lying being a pathological symptom (What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?). The stories that are told tend to lean toward presenting the liar in the most favorable way possible. For example, the person might be presented as being fantastically brave or knowing or being related to many famous people (What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?). Psychiatrists and psychologists use these characteristics and behavioral patterns to determine a diagnosis. Other forms of lying do not have the same characteristics as a compulsive liar. Therefore, they cannot be medically considered a mental disorder, but that does not mean they are not a form of a mental disorder. These liars are difficult to distinguish between when they are lying or not. Other types of lying can be easier to notice.

Waldor 6 There are seven main types of ways to detect that someone is lying to you. Some of these can occur unintentionally. Error is a lie by mistake (Rykrsmith). The person believes that they are being truthful, but what they are saying is not true. Omission is leaving out relevant information (Rykrsmith). This is easier and the least risky. It does not involve inventing any stories. It is passive deception and less guilt is involved for the liar. Restructuring is distorting the context (Rykrsmith). This is saying something in sarcasm, changing the characters in a story, or altering the scene. Restructuring tends to happen unintentionally and is not meant to cause any harm to the person that is being lied to. Denial is refusing to acknowledge the truth (Rykrsmith). The extent of denial can be quite large for the liar. They may be lying only to you just this one time or they may even be lying to themselves. This can be one of the most harmful types of lying (Rykrsmith). This can cause harm to not only someone else, but also to the person that is telling the lie. Minimization is reducing effects of a mistake, a fault, or a judgment call (Rykrsmith). This happens on a daily basis because people will do anything to get themselves out of a mistake that they made. Exaggeration is representing as greater, better, more experienced, and more successful ((Rykrsmith). People exaggerate to increase their confidence and make them feel better about themselves. They feel that the more confidence they have, the better they look to others. Lastly, fabrication is deliberately inventing a false story ((Rykrsmith). This happens a lot more then one would think. People create stories mainly so that they fit in or to sound cool. It is sad that lying is the only way that they can feel this way, but people will do whatever it takes to fit in with the popular crowd. It is not easy to detect when someone is lying to you. There are a few things that people do to make it more noticeable. You need to watch the body language of the person that is speaking to you (Eaves). Liars stories often lack detail so it is best to seek out detail when they

Waldor 7 are speaking to you. Liars are often noticeably less cooperative than truth-tellers. Because of this, you will need to beware of unpleasantness (Eaves). If the person you are speaking with cannot make eye contact that is often a sign of deceit (Eaves). Make sure to obtain eye contact and see how well they respond. One of the top reasons people begin to lie is that they are under a lot of stress. Look for dilated pupils and a rise in their vocal pitch (Eaves). It has been discovered that both of these phenomenas are more evident in liars than truth-tellers (Eaves). If you listen for a pause, you can tell if someone feels they are being forced to make something on the spot. People will take a minute or two to collect their thoughts before responding. If you suspect someone is lying to you, ask him or her to repeat his or her stories (Eaves). Listening closely, you may be able to pick out inconsistencies, which shows you that they are lying about something. The only issue with that is smart people tend to maintain the consistency of lies better than dumb people (Eaves). Beware of those who protest too much. People will inject the phrase to be honest continuously to make you think that he or she is being honest, when in reality, they are lying (Eaves). One reason liars succeed in the act of lying is that the listener does not really want to know the truth. It is best for the listener to be honest with himself or herself about what it is that they want to hear. Discovering the truth about lying is not an easy task. Most lies are not meant to be hurtful to others. They are meant to help the individual that is lying. These are the top six ways that people lie. First is lying to save face. For example, someone that was late to work could say, Sorry Im late, but there was a huge pileup on the freeway (McCarthy). People do this for selfpreservation. Even though this can be instinctual, people that regularly cover up simple and innocent errors develop the feeling that they have gained permission to be irresponsible (McCarthy). It is difficult for the liar to keep track of the frequent deceptions that they tell. This

Waldor 8 can be easily avoided. Thinking long-term, when being tempted to be less truthful about something, consider an ultimate goal (McCarthy). For example, having a happy marriage or a solid friendship (McCarthy). Then, decide if being truthful or telling a little lie will bring you closer to that goal. In most cases, telling the truth is the best option. It is also easier to just keep it simple by saying a short apology. You can overlook some of the details while still telling the overall truth of the situation. Second is lying to shift blame. For instance, in a work environment, an employee can say Its my bosss decision, not mine (McCarthy). This is done to give away power and control so that all of the weight is not on your shoulders. If this is done consistently, it can begin to diminish a persons ability to deal with the bigger problems they may encounter in life (McCarthy). If a person constantly is handing his or her responsibilities that are too overwhelming to someone else, that other person can grow resentful of getting stuck carrying the burden. The deceiver keeps fielding requests, but it is only postponing the inevitable (McCarthy). To avoid this happening, dig deep. In certain cases, blame shifting can signal difficulty with wanting to accept responsibility for your actions (McCarthy). For example, a person could have been criticized for making mistakes as a child and now is afraid to own up because of what other people may think of him or her (McCarthy). It can be difficult to realize that this is a behavior that can be changed. Once this realization occurs, you can start to regain the power that you may have thought you lost. In addition, try to flip the situation around. Think of how the other person would feel in the same scenario. If deception puts other people in an unfavorable situation, it is best to leave them out of it (McCarthy). Third is lying to avoid confrontation. For example, someone may say, Youre doing a great job, but we cant afford a housekeeper anymore (McCarthy). A believable excuse may

Waldor 9 help someone avoid an uncomfortable situation or keep that individual from feeling guilty. When avoiding confrontation with someone that you are on a very personal level with, it can have an overall deadening effect on these connections (McCarthy). When continuously lying to someone, you have to keep track and live by those lies, even if the person you are lying to is not someone that you are close with. The issue is that even though he or she may have avoided the confrontation at one point, they may still have to deal with the consequences of the lie anyway (McCarthy). Referring to the example before, this could happen if the housekeep you fired finds out that you hired someone else. There are many options when it comes to ways that this type of lying can be avoided. Before telling a lie, it can be beneficial to make a list of all of the different ways that the situation could be handled (McCarthy). If you feel that lying is still the best option out of all of the choices that you listed, it may signal that you do not value having an honest relationship. On the other hand, there may be an option that will allow you to tell the truth, but it will still provide the desired outcome that you are looking for (McCarthy). Fourth is lying to get ones way. Some examples are saying, I wont be at work today. I caught that bugs thats going around or Officer, my speedometer must be broken (McCarthy). This is done simply for personal gain. When lies like this are uncovered, the person being lied to is very unlikely going to have sympathy for the liar (McCarthy). The mort hurtful the lie, the more likely the lie will not be forgiven. One will not earn peoples trust or love if getting what he or she wants drives his or her every word and action. To avoid this hurt from happening, you need to stop rationalizing between the truth and the lie. If you have to convince yourself that they lie is okay to tell, chances are that its not okay (McCarthy). Think of an alternative. You need to consider if honesty could still bring out a positive outcome.

Waldor 10 Fifth is lying to be nice, the most common form of lying. For example, someone may say, That dress looks fantastic on you or This is the best meat loaf Ive ever tasted (McCarthy). But, they dont mean what they say. In some cases, the little white lie is acceptable. But when it is used excessively, it can make interactions with people less sincere (McCarthy). In the worst situations, some people may feel that the person isnt trustworthy since they feel the need to lie so often. To prevent this from happening, take a walk in the other persons shoes. People often underestimate the information that others can handle and even benefit from (McCarthy). If you feel that a certain amount of truth stretching is absolutely necessary, the best thing to do is to avoid it. An interesting way to prevent yourself from lying out of kindness is to keep a tally of the tales that you tell for a day or week (McCarthy). This will help you distinguish between the times where being truthful mattered and where it didnt. The sixth and final reason is lying to make one feel better. For example, a parent on a diet may say, Eating my kids French fries doesnt count (McCarthy). Liars do this to reassure themselves. The major problem with this is that people start to believe their self-deceptions (McCarthy). This can cause a snowball effect, which is especially dangerous. To avoid reassuring yourself by lying, plan honesty ahead. Since self-deception can almost be automatic to liars, it isnt easy to catch yourself from lying in the middle of a situation (McCarthy). Plan to face reality in situations where you know you are likely to deceive yourself or others. Learning more about lying showed me how selfish liars truly are. It is not easy to stop lying to the severity that these liars do. A liar is not someone who just tells little fibs here and there. A liar causes true harm to themselves and everyone in their life that they continuously feel the need to lie to. Deceiving others is a major issue. It should not be an automatic response for someone to just make up something on the spot. The automatic response should be to tell the

Waldor 11 truth. Honesty in the eyes of a liar is there lies. They believe that their lies are there reality. Which in the end is very scary and can cause a lot of damage. These people have become true liars because lying has become so acceptable within our society. It is not acceptable to the extent that these liars believe it is though. They have taken advantage of others through their lies all for their own self-benefit. Lying is nothing but a selfish act and should not be acceptable to the extent that it is now. It is a mental disorder that needs to be stopped in order to save those that lie and those that the liar has lied to. We lie for no one but ourselves.

Waldor 12 Works Cited Bauwens, Daniel. "How to Spot a Pathological Liar ." Lies and Fabrication . Mediawiki, 23 Apr 2013. Web. 1 Apr 2014. Eaves, Elisabeth. "In Pictures: 10 Ways To Tell If Someone Is Lying To You." Forbes. Forbes.com LLC, 22 Jul 2010. Web. 1 Apr 2014. McCarthy, Jenna. "The Truth About Lying." Real Simple. Time Inc.. Web. 1 Apr 2014. Pease , Alan, and Barbara Pease . "Types of Lies and Liars." Why Men Dont Have a Clue & Women Always Need More Shoes. The Unbounded Spirit, n.d. Web. 1 Apr 2014. Rykrsmith, E.. "Know When Someone is Lying: 7 Types of Lies." The Fast Track . Intuit Inc. 19 Mar 2012. Web. 1 Apr 2014. "What is Compulsive Lying Disorder?." . Compulsive Lying Disorder , 10 Jan 2014. Web. 1 Apr 2014.

Waldor 13 The Reflection 1. This inquiry project taught me a lot about liars. The most interesting thing that I learned is that compulsive lying is starting to become considered a mental disorder. Although the other forms of lying dont have such an addictive behavior, lying in general can be considered a mental disorder when a person has severe lying issues. 2. The hardest part about the research was that a lot of the sources said the same general thing. It was difficult to find sources with information that actually varied enough to be able to use it as an additional source. The most difficult part about the actual writing process is organization. Since there is so much information, I was unsure of what order to put it in. To overcome this obstacle, I created an organization map using general information from the sources I had found. I drew arrows to which sources connected and it allowed me to find a way to make all of this information flow. 3. My inquiry question has changed over time and will continue to change if this generation continues in the path that it is going in. Over time, lying has become more and more acceptable within our society because society has become more selfish. The more selfish the generations get, the more lying will occur, and the more lying will become a social norm. 4. It is important to look at a historical view because many topics change as time goes on. Since society is changing, the actual answer to my question is different today then it would have been fifty years ago. 5. I believe that my analytical skills have changed for the better because of this project. Having so much time to look up all of the information helped me analyze it better to develop a greater understanding of the material. 6. I am proud that I was able to take all of these different sources with different information and be able to put them all together in one paper. I am also proud that I was able to re word some of the information and interpret it the way I wanted to. 7. I would like to know more about why it is becoming to common for people to lie and how much that comes from how we are raised.