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48 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Fundamental, Core Values Issues (Most of these are Deal Breakers!)

1. What are your spiritual beliefs?
2. Are you committed to practicing what you believe?
3. How important are they to you?
4. Do you think marriage is for life?
5. Do you consider marriage a contract or a covenant?
6. Are you comfortable discussing everything? (sexual expectations, religious beliefs, money
management, practical responsibilities, children)
7. When do you get angry?
8. If we have troubles in our relationship, are you willing to go to counseling with me?
Previous Relationships
9. Have you been in a serious relationship before?
10. Was it a sexual relationship?
11. What did you learn about yourself?
12. Discuss whether or not you think there is emotional baggage being brought in from other
Marriage Roles
13. When two people live together, one usually leads. Who will be the leader in our marriage?
14. What will this kind of leadership mean in the context of our marriage?
15. What are your past and present financial obligations?
16. How do you handle your money: are you a spender or saver?
17. How much will we earn together?
18. What are our financial goals?
19. How will we budget?
20. Who will do the record keeping?
21. How will we make financial decisions together?
22. Where will we live?
23. Who cleans the house?
24. Who makes the meals?
25. Are you willing to negotiate household chores?
Sex (Answers here are Deal Breakers!)
26. What are your expectations about sex?
27. Are you willing to read books together that will help to prepare us
28. Have you ever had sex? (If yes, other issues--emotional and health-related--are now vital to
talk about!)
29. Are you willing to take pre marriage counseling with me?
30. What do our parents think about our plans for marriage?
31. How will we relate with our parents?
32. What will be the frequency of visiting or socializing?
33. How can we protect our new relationship, while still honouring our parents?
34. What do you think about having children?
35. When?
36. How many?
37. What were your personal “growing up” experiences like?
38. Do you think you’ve seen good parenting modeling?
39. How well do we handle conflict? (Take a personality test online: it will help asses your
tendencies in this area.)
40. How will we make decisions when we disagree?
41. Does conflict make you angry? (This may be a Deal Breaker!)
Full Disclosure (These answers speak to identity issues. Some of these issues are
Deal Breakers!)
42. Is there anything about your past that I don’t know, but should be aware of?
43. If you could change one thing (anything!) about me, what would it be?
44. Do you view pornography?
45. What are you NOT willing to give up for our marriage?
46. Can you identify inner fears about our future relationship?
47. Describe yourself to me.
48. Can you talk openly about everything?