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Building A Sanctuary in the Heart II

Translator's Introduction Anyone who has read the Bilvavi books knows that generally speaking, there are no short cuts. It is consistently emphasized that we must take one step at a time, even if that means working on one area for years. We are exhorted to be patient and persistent qualities that do not come naturally to most of us. In addition, we are told of all the levels of growth expected of us, most of which we have long ago allowed ourselves to ignore. The reader is urged to realize that acquiring spiritual knowledge and tools are a process. For the most part, therefore, a new concept will not be fully explained immediately, but rather in a step-by-step manner. The truth is that deep down, we all know that we have the potential to rise far above the plateau where each of us has stopped, and we feel unfulfilled. For the most part, we arent lazy; we have just become very confused. Most of us have read or heard much information about self-improvement, all of which may be true, but we dont know where to start. Every book or lecture gives a dose of inspiration, but the next one causes us to look elsewhere. After a while, our enthusiasm wanes, and we come to expect todays message to be erased by tomorrows. What is more, we realize that were not even quite sure what spiritual growth really is. How often have we convinced ourselves that we understood a truth and have changed as a result, only to collapse as soon as we are put to the test? And so, we slowly slip into skepticism, albeit reserving inside a spark of hope that one day, we might find help. It is this help that is offered in the Bilvavi books. Indeed, there is no quick fix; all we are given is a ladder to climb, one rung at a time. But we need not ask for more. Since the first rung is clearly defined, as well as each one after that, we are free to confidently focus our energies on a single particular area and set aside every other level for the time being. We know that change will take time, but we can finally be free of the self-doubt and confusion that has been plaguing us for so long. In many cases, the reader might not have even been aware that what seemed like one level is really two or more. Love of G-d, for example, comprises conditional love followed by unconditional love; fear of G-d comprises five phases. This is another example of the clarity that pervades this work. In this book, we also gain from a clearer kind of self-knowledge. We may think that our motives are simple, but in truth, as the author teaches us, we are much more complex. He shows us how to find many distinct elements of motive, and clearly identify each one. That new degree of understanding will be the springboard for truly elevating our intentions. Yet perhaps the most important contribution of this work is indicated in the one word that has come to refer to the series and its author Bilvavi (in my heart). In this work, we learn about the difference between knowledge of the mind and knowledge of the heart. Our ingrained outlook that is responsible for our deepest feelings and instinctive reactions are found in our heart. It turns out that we have in our personalitys two very different components: one that grows almost as quickly as we can read and comprehend, and the other that moves much more slowly and needs to be reached and nurtured in its own a particular way. While these books certainly expand our minds, more importantly, they give us specific methods for working with the heart the primary gauge of our inner growth. We sense that the author has a special ability to penetrate our hearts. This second volume, based on a lecture series of 28 classes, returns to the themes of Part One, but offers even greater clarity by devoting a full chapter to each distinct aspect of spiritual growth, as well as providing sources from classic literature for further research. The nature of the heart is treated at length, as well as how it can truly be reached and changed. We trust that the reader who studies this work seriously will once again feel enthusiasm about spiritual growth, gain new insights into self-improvement, and find the motivation to really change and to feel closeness to the Creator.

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Chapter 1 - The Righteous One Lives by his Faith Chapter 2 - "You Shall Know Today, and Settle it in your Heart" Chapter 3 - Hashem and the Jewish People - Bride and Groom Chapter 4 - The Senses of the Soul and the Ability to Uncover Them Chapter 5 - The Power of Speech and its Inner Essence Chapter 6 - Gentle Words Flow from Inner Clarity Chapter 7 - The Way to Sense Hashem's Existence Chapter 8 - The Heart's Awareness and its Ability to Sense Chapter 9 - "For You are with Me" Chapter 10 - The Clarification of a Life with Hashem Chapter 11 - Divine Providence Chapter 12 - "And I am Prayer" Chapter 13 - The Form and Inner Essence of Prayer Chapter 14 - The Way of Achieving Palpable Closeness to Hashem Chapter 15 - The Way of Avodah-"A Tzaddik Falls Seven Times and Rises Chapter 16 - Fear Chapter 17 - The Ways to Acquire Fear of Punishment Chapter 18 - Fear due to Perfection and the Building of the Will Chapter 19 - Fear- A Sensitive Feeling Chapter 20 - Loving Hashem Chapter 21- Hashem's Love for Man, and Man's Love for Hashem Chapter 22 - Unconditional Love Chapter 23 - Removing the Obstacles to Conditional Love Chapter 24 - Acquiring Emunah by Contemplating Suffering Chapter 25 - Recognizing the Essence of the I Chapter 26 - Our Will is to do Your Will Chapter 27 - Proper and Improper Motives Chapter 28 Simplicity

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Chapter 1 - The Righteous One Lives by his Faith "Indeed, You are a Hidden God" To begin, we will present an introduction. In every new endeavor, especially when it relates to clarifying the ways for a person to serve his Creator, one must strive to do it for the sake of Heaven, so that one's intent will be sincere and acceptable to Hashem. Therefore, we present a tefillah (prayer) to Hashem that our words and deeds will be acceptable, and the presentation of the matter, in its entirety, will be in accordance with His will. Because if Hashem does not desire it, it will not help at all. The things we will say are apparently obvious. They are obvious to someone who doesn't really understand them, because they mistakenly seem that way to him, due to their simplicity. But the truth is that Chazal (our Sages) have said (Rosh HaShanah 26b), "The simpler one's mind is, the better." A person's main avodah is to attain simplicity; in fact, the most simple point. There is a known parable from the Dubna Maggid on the pasuk (Yeshayahu 43:22), "You have not called Me, Yaakov, for you have tired Me, Yisrael." We will not elaborate on the parable, but only mention the main point. When it seems to a person that avodas Hashem requires tremendous effort, because it is a huge mountain that is very difficult to climb so as to reach true levels - when he senses he is in a state of "you have tired me, Yisrael," that is a sign that "You have not called Me, Yaakov." He is not serving Hashem properly. The matters we will present here are "in your mouth and heart to fulfill it" ( Devarim 30:14) - clear matters, that are organized and very understandable. The world is called olam, based on the word he'elem (hiddenness), because it hides the truth of Hashem's existence. Before creation, He was one and His name was one, but when the world was created, there was also a creation of the hiddenness, and Hashem became a "hidden God." A person's task throughout life, both in this world and in the next, is to reveal the presence of Hashem. However, there is another aspect of hiddenness, which is the most difficult of all. A person begins to serve Hashem in various ways - learning Torah, focusing on the tefillah (prayers) and such, and he meets with difficulty. The yetzer hara (Evil Inclination) sees to it that the true way to serve Hashem is hidden from him. After a few times when he meets with difficulties, the yetzer hara plants in his mind this thought: "All of this is correct and true, but it is so difficult! I personally cannot deal with this; maybe one day I will..." However, when one has the merit to see the truth, he uncovers a completely different perspective. Of course, avodas Hashem (service of God) doesn't happen by itself, with great ease, but it is also not as difficult as the yetzer haraportrays it to be. The approach the yetzer hara takes in order to distance a person from avodas Hashem is such: He places him in a state of confusion, showing him that there are so many things to do, such as learning Torah, observing the mitzvos, praying, doing acts of chessed (kindness), and so on. From the onset, he portrays the Torah as "broader than the length of the earth" (Iyov 11:9) and if so, it is very difficult to attain. And such, even from the onset, one's lofty desires weaken, because it seems to him that what he must achieve is very far away. But when a person understands that all these thoughts are untrue, and are actually the fruits of the advice of the yetzer hara, he is already able to begin entering into avodas Hashem. The true path for serving Hashem is hidden from practically everyone. Why? Because that is the way of the world. It is called olam based on the word he'elem, as we said. For one, this is because Hashem is a hidden God. But what is more

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difficult is that a person does not know the true path so serving his Creator. If one does not have a path, he will read one book of mussar, and then another, hear inspirational talks about various subjects, and all of it is true, but there is no order to it all. Where does the avodah start, what comes next, and so on? In this way, it is very difficult to succeed, and one falls again and again, until he is liable to fall into despair, and G-d forbid, flee from avodas Hashem. The main point is that even before you start, you must know what the foundation is, the first area one must work on when beginning to serve his Creator. Is the first thing to accept to learn Torah 12 hours each day? Is it proper intent duringtefillah or birkas hamazon (grace after meals)? Or is there a more basic point that comes before all of this? Emunah- The Work of Life The gemara says (Makkos 24a), "Chavakuk came and placed [the mitzvos] on one foundation, as it says (Chavakuk2:4), "and the righteous one lives by his emunah (faith)." If one has not entered into the inner depths of the world of avodah, he might believe that emunah need only be explained to those who are not yet part of the community that keeps Torah and mitzvos. But I (he thinks), who do observe Torah and mitzvos, and know the thirteen principles of faith, and such, basically possess clear and strong faith. This is an error! Everything needs strengthening! Most likely, the first error that pulls with it all the falls and failure inavodas Hashem is the lack of awareness that the emunah one received as a child is not sufficient. One imagines that he needs to work for only half a year or a year in order to settle the emunah in himself. This thought derives from a lack of understanding as to the nature of emunah. Before we describe the nature of emunah, we must make the point very clear. "The righteous one lives by his faith." This means that the greatest tzaddik, even Moshe Rabbeinu, the choice of mankind, primarily worked his entire life on the element of emunah! There is a deep level of emunah, but it is not philosophy. With Hashem's help, we will try to clarify the nature of suchemunah. First of all, we must understand that the true point, the root of all of avodas Hashem, for each person on any level - from a person in the lowest depths to the one who merits being attached to Hashem, like Moshe, the choice of all the creations - is emunah! When one has the main thing, he can progress further. Our teacher, the mashgiach (the spiritual guide in yeshivah), HaRav Yechezkel Levinstein, zt"l, once stood at the bimah in Ponevezh yeshivah, and proclaimed: "Rabosai (Gentlemen)! I have been young and become old (he was nearly ninety at the time), and I have been speaking for decades about emunah, and yet, I feel that if I forget about emunah for a few minutes, I fall from my level!" When we hear such words from a man who was known as one of the "giants," who testifies that he needed to work on his emunah every moment, we learn from him the true foundation of life: The avodah of each moment, the basis of all inner growth, is emunah. Certainly, this doesn't just mean the basic faith that there is a Creator. But at first, it must be very clear what the main avodah of a person in this world is. The mashgiach zt"l spoke about many topics over the years, but the one topic he kept returning to was the matter of emunah. When he came to Radin, to the yeshivah of the Chafetz Chaim, he heard his first discourse from R' Yerucham zt"l, who was the mashgiach there at that time. This discourse dealt with emunah. From then on, the matter of emunah never left him. The more a person understands that one's avodah is to work on his emunah, and that his Torah and mitzvosmust be built upon that emunah, so does he live with the truth. But if he thinks: "I already believe, I was raised as a religious person and I already know the principles of faith," he is very far from the truth of life.

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The yetzer hara regularly tries to deceive a person to think that his main avodah must be in other areas. One person might call it mussar, another will discuss character improvement, and in truth, there are many areas to work on. We, however, wish to establish the most basic issue, the matter we saw and heard about from the tzaddikimthat are with us, and from those that have passed on. The matter that sustained them each moment, which was the most important thing in life for them, was emunah. It would be worthwhile for a person to spend his entire fortune just in order to know this fact! If a person never hears this from his teachers, he could try throughout his life to work on one issue or another, choosing various stringencies and acts of kindness, and yet, be lacking solid ground on which to stand. This is the true "hiddenness" of this world: the notion that people have already attained emunah, and that it is already in their pocket. The Beginning of Avodah - Palpable Emunah We will try to explain the nature of the simple faith that every child feels, and what is the faith that a person must cultivate throughout his life. In general, a person possesses information about some things, and an inherent awareness of some things. We will describe this in a simple way. For example, a person knows that five plus eight equals thirteen. When very young, he didn't know that. He was later taught it, and now, thank G-d, he knows it. In contrast, a person has a hand and a foot. Does he know that he has a hand? Yes, he certainly knows! But the mental knowledge that he has a hand is besides his inherent awareness of it. First of all, he has a hand, and that is a fact, and he senses the fact. Besides that, if he has a hand, he intellectually knows about it, and if he doesn't, G-d forbid, he certainly knows that. There are two aspects to this. First of all, a person senses the reality, and in addition, there is the intellectual knowledge of this reality. Thank G-d, each one of us has the merit to know that the world has a Creator. Let us know ponder the example we mentioned, and see which category of knowledge applies to our knowledge of the Creator. Is this like the knowledge that five and eight are thirteen, or is it like the inherent knowledge that one possesses a hand and foot? The Alter of Novardok zt"l wrote a book called Madregas HaAdam. Therein, he explains at length that there is the knowledge of a thing and the experience of the thing, and they are worlds apart. Intellectual knowledge is wonderful, important, and most precious, but there is a huge difference between that and the actual sense of a thing's existence. A person does not forget that he possesses hands and feet, or that he sees and hears. These are things that he senses each moment. This is the true definition of emunah. Hashem is the truest being that exists, and everything else is only a creation. Only Hashem is the First Being, He was, is, and will be, but we are all His creations. Hence, the true absolute existence is Hashem, while our existence is secondary and new. If we consider ourselves to be existing, all the more so that we must consider Hashem as existing, because His existence is prior and more real than ours. When emunah is not only in the mind, and not only an emotional feeling in the heart, but becomes part of one's sense of self, he may know that he is then progressing on the proper path in avodas Hashem, and he will receive an entirely new perspective on his avodas Hashem.

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The difficulties one will encounter in his avodah will not be the same difficulties as encountered earlier. It will be an entirely different world. The root of the difficulties, the root of our distance from the true avodah of becoming close to Hashem, stems from the fact that the emunah we recognize from our youth is only one of intellectual knowledge. It is not a heartfelt emunah, through which one feels and recognizes that Hashem is absolutely real (but clearly, an entirely unique kind of Reality). Anyone with an inner recognition of these matters knows that this is nothing new. As we said, these are the words of the Alter of Novardok, who referred to this as emunah of the senses. He elaborated on this topic, in order to bring people close to it. Whether in the school of Kelm (a great school of mussar) or in the Chassidic courts, the matter of emunah was the focal point of avodas Hashem. Repetition of the Simple Point If upon hearing these ideas, they seem novel, the yetzer hara certainly has succeeded in tricking you and concealing from your eyes a very simple point. The Ramchal has already written in the introduction to Mesillas Yesharim that when it comes to these matters, "as public as these matters are, and as revealed their truth is to all, so is their neglect prevalent, and the forgetfulness of them common." In this book, we will speak of the simplest point, with which a person must live. This is like the simple and initial stage of "one who comes to convert." Each day, we must be newly penitent, as our Sages said (Chagigah 15a), "Each day, a heavenly voice goes forth from Mount Sinai and proclaims, Repent, wayward children.'" How are we to repent? Should we change our actions? Should we correct our hearts or our thoughts? Should be improve what we allow our eyes to see? This is all correct, and all these need fixing. But the initial repentance is to clear the ground, to prepare solid ground for building a solid structure. We will provide a simple explanation of this, starting with the simplest point that exists. But just as it is simple, so is it very fundamental; in fact, the foundation of everything! When the foundation is weak, chas veshalom, the building placed over it is liable to be weak. First of all, a person must instill in his mind, and achieve as a way of thinking, that the central point of life is emunah. It's not enough to just say, "I heard it! I know! That's a good point!" Rather, just as one understands that if they block his mouth and nose so that he cannot breathe, he will immediately die, chas veshalom, so must he understand (at least intellectually) that emunah is the very breath of life for a Jew. It is the root of all. This is really how each person must live. First of all, one must fulfill (Devarim 4:39), "And you shall know today." A person's thought process must be as follows: "What do I seek? What do I want? What is my purpose right now in this world? What is the most fundamental aspect of my purpose throughout life? It is emunah!" So that this knowledge will be fixed in the soul of man, he must live with the thought for a long time. He cannot just hear the concept and say, "Good, I know..." There is one kind of knowledge (yedia'ah) which is only information (yeda), but there is another kind of knowledge which is a connection to the thing, as it says ( Bereishis 4:1), "And Adam knew (yada) Chavah his wife." Having the information is like being informed that in Israel there is a city called Jerusalem. Once one hears about this, he knows it. Here, though, we refer to the other kind of knowledge, through which a person is attached to the matter with all his soul and being. This achievement demands a long process, which we will try to explain, but first of all, a person must think again and again: "Why am I here? To be a Jew with emunah! This was the way of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov, and all the tzaddikim. What was their work in this world? Emunah! What is required of me in this world?Emunah! What must I think about during my life? About emunah! One must consider and know that the essence of life is emunah!

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There is no way for a person to totally change his way of thinking by merely hearing this one time. Even if he is intellectually one hundred percent convinced (which in itself is no simple feat), it will not become his natural thought process unless he accustoms himself to think as follows: "I have heard the idea. Is it true or not?" After he accepts it as true, he must start contemplating it. When he goes to sleep, he must ask himself, "What did I hear today?" If it was true, it must be considered. True, the person does not yet understand what true emunah is, and why it needs so much effort, but he has faith in the great rabbis who taught this basic concept (Makkos 24a): "The prophet Chavakuk came and determined that there is one foundation for the mitzvos-the righteous man lives by his faith.'" This is his avodah and his entire mission throughout life. The details are numerous, but the foundation and the root of all is emunah! May Hashem help that the ideas presented here be accepted by you, because they are words of truth. May we all merit coming close to Hashem with truth and perfection.

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Chapter 2 - "You Shall Know Today, and Settle it in your Heart" Intellectual Knowledge and Experiential Knowledge As was explained in the previous chapter, the most central aspect of life for each person in every time is the matter of emunah. Even if he is awoken in the middle of the night, and he is still blurry and cannot think clearly, and he is asked, "What are you thinking about?" his immediate answer must be, " Emunah!" This is not some kind of information which needs reminding and prodding in order to be recalled, but rather, a knowledge that must be deep in the heart. We have begun to explain the concept of emunah, and we will now develop the theme. There are two ways in which one gains knowledge about something. There is information, and there is an experience of the thing. For example, if a blind person is given an object to feel, he cannot see it; he just feels it through his sense of touch. After he touches and feels it, he knows there is an object, because if the object were not there, he would not have felt it. If so, his first awareness of the object comes from the sense of touch, which generates the knowledge of the object. These, then, are two kinds of knowledge: intellectual, and experiential, and the intellectual knowledge in this case results from the sense experience. Let us now contemplate this: How do we begin to know that there is a Creator? Is it from the sense of touch, or from intellectual knowledge? With Hashem, "No thought can grasp Him at all" (Tikkunei Zohar 17a), "He has no body or resemblance to a body" (siddur). Thus, He obviously cannot be touched with the hands. Clearly, this knowledge cannot start with touch, but it is an intellectual knowledge. How, then, does one know that there is a Creator? In general, this knowledge is built on two simple foundations: First of all, there is a tradition from our ancestors, generation after generation, reaching back to the Revelation at Sinai, and even before then, back to the times of Avraham Avinu and Adam. That is to say, we are believers, the children of believers, as the Ramban writes that Moshe received the Torah from Sinai, and from there proceeded the chain of Jewish tradition. Secondly, even if one were born in the desert, and does not know that he is Jewish or even that there are other people in the world, he must behave as Avraham Avinu, reaching the simple recognition that nothing comes into being by itself, and so, there must be a Creator. A chair is not created by itself, a table does not fashion itself, and so, they must have a Creator. These two kinds of proofs generate a simple intellectual knowledge: the world has a Creator! This intellectual knowledge is not like that of the blind man who begins to realize there is an object by discerning its existence through feeling it, because one cannot feel the Creator. Rather, one begins with the intellectual knowledge itself. Now that we have attained this perception, we must consider if this degree of knowledge is desirable. Is this the beginning and end of one's avodah? Is this meant to be the basis of one's Torah, mitzvos, and acts of kindness? Or perhaps, this knowledge is merely the root and the beginning, and from there on, the knowledge must continue and spread until it is somehow sensed and experienced. Yet, this seems difficult. How could we talk about sensing Hashem? Is this not heretical? After all, it says (Shemos 33:20), "for no one can see Me and live." We cannot see or hear Hashem, and even the prophets did not sense Him in such ways.

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In fact, we definitely did not mean to imply that one can sense Hashem through the hands, as we mentioned, but rather, to sense Him through the heart. This is the real essence of emunah. We will describe the foundation of this concept, and from there, build the rest, but first of all, the foundation must be clear. We will discuss the nature of this emunah. Every Jew has the basic intellectual knowledge regarding matters of emunah. But how often does one think of this? Here, there already is a distinction between people. A person doesn't naturally spend any time thinking even about the very basic fact that the world has a Creator. And certainly, he doesn't think about Divine Providence. He assumes that he knows, and this knowledge is present in his mind. There are two issues to consider here: 1) The knowledge itself that there is a Creator. 2) The frequency and quality of this thought, in which he applies himself to simply think, "There is a Creator Who created me," and so on. The main avodah is to ensure that the knowledge of the Creator is not only intellectual, but will be transformed into a palpable sense of Hashem's existence. This is not to merely grasp with the mind, but to sense it in the heart! In summary, this is the definition of the matter: There is knowledge of the intellect, which can come from tradition or the simple recognition that things don't come into existence on their own, and there is also knowledge of the heart, as it says (Devarim 4:39), "And you shall know today and settle in your heart that Hashem is God... there is no other." What does this tell us? First of all, there is "you shall know today," which is intellectual knowledge, and after that, there is "and you shall settle in your heart." This does not refer to lofty feelings during the prayers or during Shabbos. Rather, this refers to the basic principle that "there is no other." The heart must feel this. We will explain this and expound upon it. May Hashem help us to attain experiential emunah, which is sensed in the heart. The Understanding of the Heart - an Inherent Ability A person has senses. For example, one has the sense of touch. He feels things with his hands. There is a law with regard to shechitah (slaughtering an animal) that the knife must be checked for small nicks. The poskim (authorities) mention that the sensitivity needed to catch these nicks is dependent upon the feeling of the heart. If the shochet passes his hand over the blade, but his mind is elsewhere, he will not be particularly sensitive to existing nicks. To feel the nick, one must be focused, and devoted to one single matter. The more focused one is, the more he will be attuned to the subtle sense of a nick in the knife. Which senses of the heart are referred to here (with emunah)? The senses of the heart that we generally recognize are love, hatred, anger, and so on. These are emotions, in which the individual is moved. A person likes something and is drawn after it, or to the contrary, he fears it, and distances himself from it. Likewise, if he hates the thing, he is repelled by it. All of these are movements and feelings of the heart. But here, with regard to feeling the knife, there is an entirely different point. To discern if the knife has a nick or not has nothing to do with love or fear. It is the ability to sense the existence of a thing. Is there a nick in the knife or isn't there? Is the knife smooth or not? The sensitivity in the hand is not strictly in the hand. Ultimately, it stems from the heart, and from there, it extends to the hand and then back to the heart. In this way, the person is feeling with his heart, not with his hand. The hand is merely a tool for transmitting the feelings to the heart, but the real sensitivity to the existence of a thing is in the heart. When we contemplate this, we will understand that the heart's ability to sense something is not necessarily dependent on the hand. The heart possesses its own ability to discern and sense things. What is this discernment? The simple items we discern can be discovered through touching with the hand. That is how one can sense an item. But here lies the depth of sensing Hashem. The pasuk says (Tehillim73:26), "God is eternally the

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Rock of my heart and my portion." Hashem is, so to speak, concealed in the minds of the Jewish people, but revealed in their hearts. "In my heart, I shall build a sanctuary for the glory of His majesty." Hashem is present in the heart of every single Jew. "And they shall make for me a Temple, and I will dwell amongst them" (Shemos 25:8) - in the heart of each of us. In the heart of each Jew, there is the presence of Hashem. This sense, the ability to sense Hashem in the heart, is not related to the hands. It is an independent ability, through which the heart senses the reality, the presence of Hashem! There are perceptions that exist outside of the person. For example, when one wants to perceive a chair, table, or house, he perceives it through sight or touch. But, let's say you ask someone if he has a leg or not, and he responds in the affirmative. If when you ask him, "How do you know?" he says, "I saw it," or "May father told me," and such, then he is in a pathetic condition! It must be that his leg is paralyzed, because he cannot feel it. Thus, he needs to see it, or be told of it. If a healthy person has a leg, he feels his own existence, and his leg is part of that existence. If so, the heart senses in two ways: either it perceives something external to it, or something that is part of its own being. Hashem, who is the "Rock of my heart and my portion" is part of a man's very existence. "I am asleep and my heart is alert" (Shir HaShirim 5:2). Chazal say, "Who is the heart of the Jewish people?" The Creator of the world! Certainly, one cannot feel Hashem with one's hands, because He is not outside of the person. He is found (sensed) in an inner true place in the heart. To feel Hashem in the heart, to attain emunah in the heart, so that one feels His existence, one must really be in touch with himself. Only then can he sense Hashem. As long as a person does not sense Hashem, he is like a person who doesn't sense his own hand, as in the example above. This is a dead limb, G-d forbid! If one does not sense the Creator, he and the Creator are disconnected from each other. If a person would simply be connected to Hashem, he would feel Him like he feels his own hand, his foot, and other limbs. Certainly, a lot of explaining is needed to describe the path to achieve this, but first, we must understand the fundamental point of what it is we are trying to create. What is the simple element of faith that the sefarim hakedoshim (sacred works) expounded upon and Chavakuk prophesied, "the righteous lives with his faith"? This is a very special matter! The prophet was not talking of mental knowledge, but of the inner essence of every single Jew, which is "In my heart, I will build a sanctuary." A person must sense that "Hashem and the Jewish people are one." Just as one senses his own hands and legs, so must he sense Hashem. Hashem, the Torah, and Israel are One It is advisable to hear this and contemplate it again and again, and we will try to repeat it from many different angles. It this way, we can discover our current level of faith, and what the next step of emunah is for us. The emunah with which we are familiar is the emunah we were raised with and taught its fundamentals - an intellectualemunah in the Creator. But in order to know Hashem in the heart, to really feel Him, one cannot suffice with what he has heard from others. Each person must exert himself to achieve it. The question we must ask is, "What degree of emunah have we achieved, and what kind of emunah does Hashem expect from every one of us? As long as one does not grasp the emunah of which Chavakuk spoke, he will not grasp what we want from him. He hears a talk about emunah, and another one, and he thinks thatemunah means this: when, G-d forbid, one has no livelihood, or there are illnesses, or other problems, one must strengthen his faith, and believe that Hashem is good and bestows goodness. Hashem knows what He is doing, and everything is from Him.

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Certainly, all this is true. These are principles of emunah. But when we think about this, we will understand that we are lacking the basis for properly feeling emunah! Emunah in Divine Providence, Emunah in Hashem's actions and dealings with people, His love, His concern, are all of the next stage. Before all that, one must sense Hashem in his heart. Then, he will certainly feel Hashem's love and concern. The mere knowledge of Hashem's love and concern based on familiarity with the relevant pesukim will not instill an emotional connection to these truths. There must be an inner recognition that Hashem is part of my being, so to speak. Just as one who has an injury in his leg will care for it, so does Hashem necessarily care for every Jew. This awareness will come from the heart's ability to sense Hashem as part of one's being. If you contemplate this, you will see how simple it is, and yet, how much the yetzer hara tries to conceal from us the basic aspects of our avodah, which relate to each Jew. He encourages the Jew to run forward, telling him, "You already have emunah, now you must only learn Torah and fulfill the mitzvos." In this way, he uses the 613mitzvos for his own ends! Of course, you must learn Torah. The Torah requires us to study it, and the Torah is the root of all existence, but if one does not sense Who it is that gave the Torah (not in an intellectual sense, but in his heart), can its study be as valuable as it should? "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one" (Zohar 3:73a). The Torah we learn each moment is attached to Hashem. When a pure person learns Torah which is attached to Hashem, he too, feels attached to Hashem, and then, there is the "threefold string" of Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael in oneness. But if a person approaches Torah with a heart that is, chas veshalom, separate from Hashem, which feels like a separate entity and only mentally knows of the Creator based on tradition, but without a sense of connection, how could he sense that Hashem is attached to the Torah? Nothing connects a person to his Creator more than the Torah, but this connection primarily depends on the person's ability to sense in his heart that the Torah is really joined with Hashem! In summary, a person must know that the purpose of life is emunah. We must review and repeat this point countless times. But we must also understand which emunah is meant by this: not intellectual emunah, notemunah that is considered once in a while, but emunah in the heart. But this is also not the kind of emunahthat is a feeling of excitement and emotion, but a grasp of the reality of "Hashem is the rock of my heart and my portion." When a person attains this experiential awareness in his heart that he is joined with Hashem, he will be able to guard and fulfill the entire Torah! May Hashem help us so that these matters will be understood properly, and we will have the privilege to truly please Him.

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Chapter 3 - Hashem and the Jewish People - Bride and Groom "Arranges Matches" Until now, we have stated that the central point of life, the root, the principle, and purpose of all of one's life - whether in this world or the next - is emunah. "Chavakuk came and placed them on one foundation: "the righteous one lives by his faith." We went further and explained at length that there are two aspects: emunah of the intellect, which is the awareness of concepts, and emunah in the heart. The essence of emunah in the heart, as we explained, is the recognition that Hashem is a definite existing Being, and that the heart must feel that He is part of the person, so that the Jew likewise feels he is bound with Hashem. We will now continue with this topic. There is a well-known incident found in the Midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 8:1): "A Roman matron asked R' Yosi ben Chalafta, How long did it take for Hashem to create the world?' He said, Six days.' She asked, And what has He been doing since then?' He answered, He arrang es matches; this one's former wife will marry this man, this one's daughter will marry that man.'" Certainly, this cannot be taken literally. The commentators have asked, "How long does it take to arrange matches? How, then, can He be spending all day on this?" We will try to explain the matter, and we will see how it relates to each individual, and how it is a basic issue for each and every Jew. First, we will consider the first people, Adam and Chavah, and then, we will understand the matches that Hashem arranges. Initially, Adam was created alone, without a partner. After that, it says (Bereishis 2:20), "And Adam named all the animals, the birds, and the wild animals of the field, but he found no helpmate for himself." Rashi there comments: "Hashem first brought them to Adam as male and female. Adam said, Each of them has a partner, yet I have no partner.' Immediately, Hashem placed a deep sleep upon Adam and he slept, and He took one of his sides and closed it up with flesh. Hashem then fashioned the side which he had removed from Adam into a woman.'" That is to say, the partner of Adam came from a part of Adam himself. Before she was separated from him, she was a part of him. Then, there was a separation, Hashem fashioned her, and "He brought her to Adam." From this original match in history, we learn that a match is not merely a connection of two separate things, but the discovery of part of one's self. Chazal have thus said that a man is "half a body" (Zohar 3:7b). This is based on the literal reading of the Torah, and it likewise says there, "the woman you have given with me," meaning that she is part of the man's being. From contemplating the example of a physical match, we can begin to understand the matches that Hashem arranges every day. Simplistically, it sounds like Hashem is busy arranges marriages between men and women. When we think more deeply, though, an entirely different message appears. It is not merely matches between people that Hashem arranges. Throughout the words of Chazal, the Jewish people are referred to as the wife and bride of Hashem. At the Revelation at Sinai, Hashem went out to greet His people Yisrael as a groom goes forth to greet his bride ( Pirkei D'Rabbi Eliezer, ch. 40). The Jewish people, is, so to speak, the spouse of Hashem, and Hashem is all day drawing the people toward Himself!

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It says (Devarim 4:39), "And you shall know today and settle in your heart that Hashem is the G-d in the Heavens above and on the earth below; there is no other." What is meant by, "And you shall know today (veyadata)"? Yediah("knowledge") refers to connection. This refers to the connection between a person and his Creator. There is an Inherent Connection between the Bride and Groom Upon reflection, we will see that the matter is simple and clear, but as simple and clear as it is, it is even more hidden from people. Imagine a young man in the prime of his youth. He has reached the age of eighteen, and Chazal have said (Avos 5:21), "Eighteen is the age for marriage." (One who is learning Torah may wait a few more years.) The time has arrived for this man to find his partner. Now, a shadchan (matchmaker) approaches him and suggests a shidduch (potential marriage partner). "Well?" he asks, "Who is she? How old is she? What are her good qualities? What is she like?" "No, no!" responds the shadchan. "I have a very special suggestion for you!" "What is the suggestion?" he asks. "I have an idea," he responds, "and I think you should marry it and build your home with it." Our young man would understand that such a shadchan is mentally ill, speaking senseless words. He might treat him with dignity, because he is created in "the image of God," as are all people, but he will totally ignore the content of his words, because they are senseless and illogical. (In a deeper sense, there is such a thing as connection with an idea, but here is not the place for that.) We understand well in this example from the material world that we may know ideas, but a marriage partner is more than a mere idea. It is a real entity! Of course, one must mentally notice the good qualities of the spouse, and it is a mitzvah to praise the bride in the presence of the groom, but if there are only praises and the groom doesn't actually get anyone tangible, nothing will come from the match! There will be no wedding canopy, no marriage, and the young man will have no one to marry. In the material life, when it comes to "It is not good for a man to be alone" ( Bereishis 2:18), a person realizes that he needs a real partner, a human that can be touched and felt, a personality with whom one can share life's experiences, toward whom one can have feelings of pleasantness, closeness, and friendship. It is known that all of Shir HaShirim is a parable, and the corresponding theme is the relationship between Hashem and the Jewish people. Just as in the parable, it is clear that information is not enough to make a marriage, and with praises and an awareness of qualities alone one does not attain a life's companion, so it is with our relationship to Hashem. However, it is clear that in the corresponding theme, in which Hashem is the groom and the Jewish community is the bride, it cannot be taken literally. A person knows in his brain and thought that there is a Creator. This is a wondrous piece of information, the foundation and basis of life. He praises Hashem in the prayers daily, saying, "the King glorified with praises" and "my honor (soul) shall praise You," but all this derives only from an intellectual knowledge that there is a Creator. There is no way to perceive Him as one would perceive a physical partner. Hashem is concealed and hidden from people, but the person knows that there is a hidden Being Whom he praises and Whose greatness he recognizes. He knows that Hashem has no body or any corporeal qualities. Nonetheless, once one has attained a sense of Hashem in his heart, he should relate to Him like a marriage partner, so to speak. The Deceit of the Yetzer Hara In fact, the yetzer hara always tries to deceive people, and he does his job well, in line with his Divinely-decreed responsibility.

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He plants a thought in the mind that the aforementioned parable is not at all like its corresponding theme. In the physical example above, it is clear that one must find a tangible partner, but how can one imagine that he will find Hashem? Hashem is hidden from all the living, He has no bodily attributes, and so in this sense, there is no comparison between the parable and its message. Accordingly, the person sets this aspect aside, and begins to serve Hashem with this principle in mind: we cannot perceive G-d, we must only be his servants, pray to Him, thank Him, recognize His existence and His Providence, and so on. Of course, it is true that we must do these things. The problem is that the yetzer hara pulls out the basic point of the connection between the Jew and Hashem - between the Groom, the Creator, and the bride, the Jewish people - and when this foundation of life is missing, which is the essential understanding of life, one is liable to build for himself "towers suspended in the air." With the Discernment of the Soul, One can Sense the Creator This must be such a clearly understood concept that even a child could understand it. Of course, a child cannot understand the same way as an adult would, but even he should know that mere information, as clear as it is, is nothing like the experience of the thing. To illustrate the concept, let us imagine that on the night of Pesach, a boy steals the Afikomen matzah, as is customary, and asks his father to buy him a bicycle in exchange for the matzah. The father responds, "I consent, but since we cannot buy it on the holiday, let's wait until after the holiday, and then, I will buy you the bicycle." After the holiday, the boy turns to his father, and reminds him of his promise. The father says, "Listen. The bike weighs this much, looks like that, and one rides it in such and such a way," and thus, he praises and describes to the boy the promised bike, day after day, week after week. The following year, he is still praising the bike. His son, though, does not give up and demands, "Father, you promised! Please keep your promise! You must buy the bike!" No child will be satisfied with stories, information, and praises. He knows full well that a bike is a tangible thing that one rides on and plays with. In every area of life one encounters, it is clear to a person that one who deals with unreal entities is delusional, and the more one lives with delusions, the harder it is to live with him. Yet, when we come to the most basic and simple point of life, to emunah, the knowledge of the Creator, the yetzer hara succeeds in forming a concept that this matter is different from everything else: there is a Creator, but (chas veshalom) it is impossible to sense Him (because He is like an unreal entity)! If a person will start being realistic, and know that the true Reality is Hashem, he will understand that we are not requesting from him things that are beyond the ability of human intellect. We want him to recognize, envision, grasp, and understand that the existence of Hashem is mush more real and palpable than all other entities that exist! Of course, the tools for sensing physical things and the tools for sensing Hashem are different, as we discussed above at length. Physical entities can be seen, smelled, and touched, while Hashem is only felt in the heart and soul. But yet, there must be a recognition that just as in the material world, everyone has the ability to touch, feel, and sense, so too, when the inner soul discerns, one is able to sense Hashem just as much, and even more! This awareness must lead a person to the realization that the life with which he is familiar is not the one which Hashem wants him to live! A Jew is used to learning, davening, and performing the mitzvos, but he must check if he tries to sense the spiritual just as he senses the material!

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Gan Eden - A Real Entity, Not Just an Idea We will add a story that might clarify the matter a little. We all believe, as did our parents, that there is a Creator. He is true, and His Torah is true, and all His words are true. He promised us in His holy Torah that there is reward for fulfilling the mitzvos. Chazal have explained that the main reward is not here in this world, but "today to perform them, and tomorrow to receive their reward" (Eruvin 22a). The future reward is Gan Eden (Paradise), the days of Moshiach, the World to Come, and all the eternal worlds. Consider this simple point: In this world, when one gets enjoyment, he knows that it is enjoyment. Imagine that after many years - depending on the amount decreed by Hashem - the person leaves this world and reaches the Heavenly court. They weigh his merits and sins, and with the help of Hashem, they declare that he is righteous! What joy! He is all ready to enter Gan Eden! He was waiting for this his whole life. He worked a lot, did manymitzvos, and always longed to reach Gan Eden. Thank G-d, his dream is about to become a reality. (Understandably, in this example, the person has not been serving Hashem with the highest possible motives.) He asks the angels, "Where is Gan Eden? Where will they take me?" Then, the angels explain to him, "Gan Eden is not exactly what you had in mind. When you were in that world, did you feel Gan Eden with your hands? Certainly not, because it cannot be felt there. Rather, you believed in it. Well, you should know that theGan Eden you knew about is only a concept, not more. The intellectual awareness that there is such a thing asGan Eden is itself Gan Eden." If they would say such a thing to a person, this is how he would respond: "I have left the world of falsehood, but I have not yet arrived in the world of truth. I don't know where exactly I am, but this can certainly not be called "the world of truth." Why? Because if Chazal tell us that there is a Gan Eden, it must be a real entity. There is a real place in which the soul delights. (Although the higher Gan Eden is a place where the soul attains spiritual perceptions, that only describes the soul's type of delight, yet it is a definite place.) It is simple and clear that Gan Eden is not just some piece of information; it is a real perceptible entity. Although we cannot sense that entity, that is only because we lack the spiritual tools for feeling such things. Yet every single person with sound faith believes clearly that Gan Eden is a place with delight as perceptible as the delight of this world. What exactly does the delight look like and what is its form? We don't know, but we do know one thing. When a person leaves this world, and he is found meritorious in his judgment, he enters a real and perceptible place called " Gan Eden"! Essentially, this is the meaning of the verse (Devarim 4:4), "And you, who cleave to Hashem, your G-d, are all alive today." Likewise, the Ramchal explains the matter of Gan Eden at length in Mesillas Yesharim (ch. 1), and says, "The true perfection is only attachment to Hashem." If so, just as with the matter of Gan Eden, it is clear to us that it is a real and perceptible entity, and that one who is found meritorious will enter it and partake of the delights bestowed there, so precisely should the existence of Hashem be perceptible and clear to the soul! Furthermore, the Ramchal writes that even now, in this world, a person must cleave to his Creator. We learn from this that even here, in this world, one can sense Hashem as an absolutely real Being! Hence, the matter which is apparently simple to all - the faith that there is a Creator - is not only a matter of intellectual knowledge, but a real perceptible world. Just as this world, and the world in the days of Mashiach, and Gan Eden can be personally experienced, so are "closeness to Hashem is good for me" and "a person is only created to delight in Hashem and benefit from the radiance of his Presence" absolute realities. In fact, they are more real than anything else.

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One must contemplate these ideas. He must note what he has thought and understood until today, and what he understands from now on. If the Torah he has learned and the prayers he has prayed until today have not brought him to the state of feeling in his heart that Hashem is a real perceptible entity Whom it is pleasant to live with and cleave to, his Torah and mitzvos were only in the mind, but the heart was not functioning properly. It is important to emphasize that we still have not touched the issue of how exactly to achieve all this. We have only clarified one point: what is the purpose, the true kind of existence that is incumbent upon us. Still before embarking on the practical work, each person must take these words and review them again and again, contemplating and fixing them in the mind, until they gradually enter the heart, cleave to one's inner recesses, and generate a deep yearning to serve Hashem perfectly

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Chapter 4 - The Senses of the Soul and the Ability to Uncover Them Can be Felt Only through the Soul We have explained that there is emunah in the intellect and emunah in the heart, and that the difference between them is that with the intellect, one only knows about concepts, but with the heart, one can really feel the existence of a thing. Just as one can see and hear, so can one (with the heart) sense the Creator. So that one will in fact sense the Creator as a real entity, he must awaken in himself a certain faculty. If we have not yet been able to feel Hashem, we can be sure that this faculty is still dormant within us. What is this faculty that allows us to sense the Creator, and how do we uncover it? As we explained, a person must sense the Creator as one feels his own hand and foot. One does not need to externally touch the hand, but rather, he feels it as part of himself. A person has 248 limbs and 365 sinews, and the sense that feels these limbs is the sense of one's own being. Let us now contemplate and understand: If a person wants to sense the Creator, to feel that Hashem is part of him, is this a bodily faculty? After all, of the Creator, it says, "He has no likeness to a body and has no corporeal qualities." Hashem is totally beyond physicality. It is simple and clear, then, beyond a doubt, that there is no way in the world to feel Hashem with the bodily senses. When Chazal that "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one," they refer to the soul, which is a "portion of Hashem from above," a Divine element, so to speak, emanating from the Infinite. If so, when one portion seeks to sense the other portion of the same entity, it can. But the body, which is not Divine, certainly cannot sense Hashem. The only way in which one can sense his connection with the Divine and feel inherently attached to Hashem is through the soul. The soul is, so to speak, a "portion" of the Creator. (Note: This concept is mentioned many times in this chapter, and it may not be taken to literally mean that Hashem, the Infinite, is divided into pieces. Hashem is One and indivisible. The idea, rather, is that the soul is very closely associated with Hashem. The author writes in the following chapter that the soul comes from the World of Atzilus, which is not the Infinite, but the highest of the four worlds. The translator was instructed by the author to clarify this point.) If a person uses his body, he cannot sense that the Creator is part of him, and if he does, he is tremendously delusional. Only if a person uses his soul, the Divine aspect that exists in every Jew, can he feel the Divine emanation, and its source - Hashem. This is the simple reason that one who does not toil in a manner that brings him to deveikus cannot feel Hashem as a reality. As long as a person uses the bodily senses and the recognition of the intellect, there is no way for him to reach Hashem and sense Him. The body - including the intellect, which is a component of the body and its highest element cannot sense Hashem in any way. The body does not have a Divine quality, and cannot sense the Divine. Hashem and the body are of two different worlds. Bodily senses and Hashem are two things that cannot join together. (Certainly, in a deeper sense, there is the concept of "no place is void of Him [ Tikkunei Zohar 122b]," but here is not the place to elaborate on that.) If so, first of all, the main task of a person is to recognize his soul, to sense the G-dliness in it, and to thereby sense its "other part," which is Hashem.

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Emunah in the Heart - Only for a Jew, not a Gentile Anyone, even a Gentile, can possess intellectual faith, but only a Jew can achieve emunah in the heart, because his Divine element is that which senses the Creator, and a Gentile does not possess this Divine element. It specifically states, "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are One," but a Gentile cannot sense the Creator as a real entity. He can notice Hashem's Providence, and realize that He is the ultimate G-d and Master, but only Jews can relate to Hashem as a Reality that can be sensed. As long as the faith is only in the intellect, as ordinary information, one is still on the level of a Gentile. He is not using his uniquely Jewish faculty. He is using the capability described in the phrase (Eichah Rabbah 2:13), "Believe that there is wisdom among the nations." However (as the phrase concludes), "Do not believe that there is Torah among the nations." Since "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are One," just as the Gentiles do not possess the Torah, so do they not have the ability to actually sense Hashem. If so, if a person really wants to achieve true emunah, the kind that can be sensed, so as to feel Hashem as a real Being and part of one's existence, he must reach his own soul. Once he reaches the soul, he will certainly be able to sense the Creator. When a person has been successful in reaching his soul, by its very nature, the soul will sense Hashem, because the Creator and the soul are one. No specific work is needed for the soul to sense the Creator, because the soul naturally senses its other part, Hashem Himself. The main question is, how can a person reach the state where his soul will be exposed, and he will live with it and feel it, and thereby, feel the Creator? (It's true that in a deeper sense, there is the avodah in which one nullifies his soul to G-dliness, but here is not the place to elaborate on that.) We shall consider a bit of the beginning of creation. With Hashem's help, we will see how clear this all is, so that it will become "in your mouth and heart to fulfill it" ( Devarim 30:14). "Man Became a Living Soul" - A Speaking Spirit The formation of the souls of Israel preceded the world. In creation, the physical tools were created, but the pure soul of each one of us preceded the creation of the physical world, as Chazal stated (Bereishis Rabbah1:4), "The idea of creating Yisrael was the original thought." If so, we must wonder, what was created on the sixth day, when man was created? The pasuk says (Bereishis 2:7), "Hashem formed man from dust of the earth, and blew into him a soul of life." In other words, the soul of life was not created on that sixth day. Rather, it is as the well-known comment of the Zohar, that "He who blows, blows from within Himself." This is part of Hashem's being, an element of the Divine from above. The Divine soul preceded creation, but on the sixth day, Hashem attached the soul to the physical body. What was the result of that formation of body and soul? The pasuk says, "and man became a living spirit." The words of the Targum are known: "and it was in man a speaking spirit." This pasuk contains the entire true way to awaken the soul of man. When we understand Hashem's bonding of body and soul, and the result of this bonding, we will understand how to return to the pristine element, the soul. "And man became a living spirit - a speaking spirit." This pasuk teaches us an awesome secret: the connection of body and soul forms in a man the power of speech. The power of bonding of body and soul is the faculty of speech!

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From this, we learn the true foundation for perfect avodah: the ability to awaken the soul comes from the "speaking spirit" in the person! Through it, the body bonds with the soul, and when a person uses the power of speech properly, he can awaken the soul which preceded the world. He will access the condition of "He who blows, blows from within himself," and really connect to G-dliness. When a person has the privilege to use this power in order to awaken and recognize the soul, he will naturally be privileged to recognize the soul's "other part," Hashem. Speech Bonds the Body with the Soul We will simplify the matter a little, so as to understand it well, with Hashem's help. Here is a parable: A person enters a store and buys a mixer. He receives a large box with many pieces. One is for the frosting, one is for kneading, one is for grinding, one is for crushing, and so on. When he gets home and wants to use the mixer, he takes it out of the box, assembles it, puts the dough in, but the appliance doesn't work! He doesn't understand what happened. He considers that perhaps the part used for mixing the dough was ruined, so he tries to use another part. He puts together the part used for frosting cakes, and that doesn't work either. The same applies with the tool for cutting vegetables. "It seems that the whole appliance is damaged," he says to himself. "Not terrible, that's why I have a warranty." He returns to the store and approaches the salesman and says, "I'm very sorry, you are fine people, and a respectable store, but even in such a store, things sometimes go wrong. It seems that this appliance is damaged. I have no complaints, but I paid a lot for this, and I want a replacement." "Fine," says the salesman, "let's check it out." He takes it out of the box, assembles the parts, places the plug in the socket, and everything works just fine. The salesman turns to the buyer and says, "Perhaps there is a problem with the electric power in you house, or there is a problem with the socket you used? "No, no!" responds the buyer, "there's a totally different problem. The instructions don't state that the plug must be put in the socket, so it remained out. I assembled everything as written, pressed the button, and the appliance didn't work. This was carelessness on the part of the manufacturer for not mentioning it in the instructions." The salesman answered with a smile, "The manufacturer didn't think there are people like you. He was certain that everyone understood this simple point. But maybe it is a good idea to tell him add to the instructions, Place the plug in the socket.'" Hashem created man, and we refer here to every Jew in every situation. Hashem gave each individual the Torah. We were all at Mount Sinai and received the Torah, as it says (Devarim 29:14), "He who is with us here today before Hashem our Gd, and he who is not here today." Hashem says to us, "See, I have placed before you today life and good, death and evil... I summon heaven and earth as witnesses, I have given you life and death, blessing and curse; choose life." If so, a person must seek this "life." What does he do? He starts learning, fulfilling mitzvos, and so on. But we have apasuk going back to the time of creation saying what life truly is: "And man was a living soul," and this life comes from the combination of body and soul. If one learns Torah and fulfills mitzvos without involving the living soul that Hashem gave us, he cannot attain a palpable closeness to the Creator. A person has a tool, the body, in which is the inner source of life the soul. If one only uses the body, without involving the soul, it is no wonder that he does not cleave to Hashem and

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sense Him through all his Torah and mitzvos. The person then wonders: why do his Torah and mitzvos not make him close to Hashem? The answer is that just as in the example with the mixer, it has no life without electricity, so in our topic, a body can be devoid of the life of the soul. Our avodah is to "choose life," and without a soul, one cannot choose life. With the body alone (and even the intellect, as great as it is, is only an aspect of the body), a person cannot attain the "living soul." Without using the real faculty called the "soul," there is no hope for one to reach Hashem! The one faculty with which one can reach Hashem, to feel Him as a real entity, as it says, "He who blows, blows from within himself," is the power of the soul. The soul is present in the body, and the body conceals it. How can one reach the state in which his soul will be exposed? He must use the faculty formed from the body and soul, the power of speech. When he uses it, he attaches the soul to the body, and then the soul can become exposed. King Shlomo, alav hashalom (of blessed memory) taught us an important principle. "All a person's effort is for his mouth" (Kohelles 6:7). We must know that this pasuk is not just a magical remedy, or some nice idea. Here is a fundamental point about how to serve Hashem! "All a person's effort is for his mouth," means that speech is the faculty through which one can truly serve Hashem. If one wishes to overlook it, he cannot reach Hashem! Two Kinds of Speech Let us now consider the following: Moshe Rabbeinu, when sent to Pharaoh, had a "heavy mouth and a heavy tongue" (Shemos 4:10). Where was he healed? When did he merit a complete recovery? Only at Mount Sinai, when Hashem tore through all the heavens and displayed that "there is none other than Him." The power of "there is none other than Him" was the force that cured Moshe's power of speech. As long as the soul was not exposed, Moshe's speech was not complete. Only once there was a total revelation of G-dliness, Moshe's speech reached the level of real speech. One may ask: Why, then, are we able to speak properly? Most people, after all, have not exposed their soul. Sadly, because this is the case, the truth of the matter is hidden from us. The truth is that Moshe's soul didn't allow him to speak, because it wanted his speech to be an expression of the soul. When the speech was about to emerge from his body, the soul blocked it, and didn't allow the body to speak. A person can, chas veshalom, take the power of speech, lower it from its proper level, and speak with the body. This is speech of the body, not of the soul. Likewise, we find that animals have their own "language" and birds communicate by chirping, while it never says of them, "a living soul - a speaking spirit." If so, a person can speak, while his words will be like those of the beasts and birds, merely empty chattering! In other words, a person learns Torah and speaks, does mitzvos and speaks, but one kind of speech awakens the soul, while the other is just noise and chatter. The essence of Torah, the essence of the Divine portion, which awaken within the person the point of truth, are missing. There is a wondrous comment about this in the Yerushalmi (Berachos ch. 1). Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai said, "If I would have stood on Mount Sinai when the Torah was given to Yisrael, I would have asked Hashem to create for people two mouths, one for Torah and one for worldly matters. Just as a person has two ears and two eyes, he would have requested two mouths. Why, for what purpose? The reason our speech doesn't connect us to our souls is that we have lowered our speech to the level of "bird chirping." If man would have had two mouths, as Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai wanted, even if with one mouth, he would talk like a bird, he could still arouse the soul with the other.

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But Hashem's will was that man should not have two mouths, but only one that would be either holy or profaned to the level of bird chirping. We have learned a great principle: The way to reach palpable emunah, to awaken the soul and reach true closeness to Hashem, is "I believe because I spoke" ( Tehillim 116:10). In the coming chapters, we will, with the help of Hashem, explain at length how to use speech in a way that will awaken and expose the soul within us. May Hashem help us to attain true knowledge about each aspect of His service

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Chapter 5 - The Power of Speech and its Inner Essence "The Soul Fills the Body" In the end of the previous chapter, we explained that the way to awaken and expose the soul is through the power of speech. "And He blew into his nostrils a soul of life, and the man became a living soul." The bonding of body and soul generated the "living soul," the "speaking spirit." Speech, when proper, flows from the soul. When the soul is not exposed, the speech is practically on the level of bird chirping. This is the essence of what we said. To get a deeper and clearer understanding of speech, we will preface with a known statement of the Sages ( Berachos10a): "Just as Hashem fills the entire world, so does the soul fill the entire body." To what may this be compared? A person wears a glove on his hand. Each finger fills part of the glove, and the glove as a whole covers the hand. What do we have? A hand wearing a glove. What will happen if, chas veshalom, the person is missing a finger? The part of the glove that is supposed to hold that finger with collapse, because there is nothing to hold it in place. When it says, "the soul fills the body," it means that the energy of the soul spreads through all the 248 limbs and 365 sinews of the person. When we see that chas veshalom a person has a part of the body that is lifeless, like a hand or foot, the depth of the matter is that the energy of the soul has not spread into that limb, and since the inner energy is lacking, the limb becomes dead, with no vitality. In other words, the soul constantly fills the body, and if the soul totally departs the body, there is death. If it departs from one limb, that limb loses its life and is "dead." Based on this, we can understand that there are three levels: Hashem, the soul, and the body. The inner essence of everything is Hashem. The soul, so to speak, is a garment over the Creator, and the body covers the soul. If a person wants to reach Hashem, he must first leave the garment, the body, and enter into the soul. From there on, he will have a clear path to cleave to the Creator, the inner essence of everything. (How to fully reach from the soul to Hashem is a deep matter and special path.) "And man was a living soul." Chazal have explained, "He who blows, blows from within himself." Let us consider this: When we use the power of blowing, what do we do with it? There is a coal, and in it, is a hidden fire. By blowing, one flames the fire that was hidden in the coals, and exposes it. The point of "He who blows" in the case of a person is for the sake of bringing the flame from potential to actuality. This is the concept of "and He blew in him a soul of life." In other words, the ability to awaken the inner point, which is the soul, and the point which is further inward, which is G-dliness, comes from the "blowing!" Just as one's formation comes from blowing, so is the constant awakening achieved through this "blowing." Let us consider our example, and understand the matter clearly. Just as through blowing, a person brings a real fire out from a coal, a real entity that becomes exposed, so through a person's blowing, he brings the soul from hiddenness to exposure. Just as Hashem is the real entity, so is the soul of each person. The soul is a real entity, just as the body is a real entity, and the "blowing" done by the person exposes the soul as a real being. This is not merely inspiration or excitement or joy. Those are only products of the soul. The root of it all is to discover the reality of the soul. The Soul Must be Awakened in a Language Appropriate to It We will now continue and consider the type of speech required to awaken the soul. We will start with a parable: Some people are standing and talking to each other. One is called Reuven, the other, Shimon, the third, Levi, and so

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on. Someone arrives, and calls, "Reuven!" Of course, Reuven will respond, not Shimon or Levi, because he called Reuven's name. If he would call, "Shimon," Shimon would respond. Another example: In a group of people, there are those who understand different languages: one knows Hebrew, the second knows Yiddish, and the third knows English. Even if one does not call a person by name, but speaks in a specific language, only the one who knows that language will respond to him. Certainly, this example does not adequately present the message, but we will try to clarify the point. Anything you want to summon must be called in a way appropriate for it. You don't speak to a child as you speak to an adult, because he won't understand that kind of conversation. If you want to awaken something, expose it, and elicit its attention, you must use the "language" it understands and grasps. We primarily recognize the language of the body. Let us ponder: What kind of speech does the soul understand? The soul exists, and it only needs to be brought from potential to actuality. How, then? What is the language through which one reaches the soul? You must speak to the soul with the language of the soul! As long as one speaks with the language of the body, only the body listens, and only it is awakened, not the soul. If a person is not familiar with the language of the soul, his soul is like the case of a meis mitzvah (a corpse with no one available to help with the burial), where you call out for help, but there is no response (Eruvin 17b), because here, too, no one responds. Eliyahu arranged a test on Mount Carmel (Melachim I 18:21): "If Hashem is the G-d, follow Him," but if not, go after the other deity. What was the test? They called with a loud voice, and waited for a response. In fact, the ba'al deity did not respond, because it does not have the means to hear. The holy soul is attentive, but it is listening to hear its own language, words of the soul. Just as when you call a person by name, he will turn and look for the person who called him, so it is precisely if one speaks the language of the soul, it will certainly turn to Him! It is waiting for a long time for someone to call it! However, a person's responsibility is to learn its language. Let us then consider what the language unique to the soul is. The Language of the Soul - a Gentle Expression The world was created with ten statements, and the Torah was given with ten commandments. The pasukstates (Shemos 19:3), "So shall you say (somar, based on the word amirah) to the house of Ya'akov and tell to the children of Israel." Rashi comments: "Say to the house of Ya'akov"- "these are the women; speak to them gently." "Tell to (saged) the children of Israel"- "punishments and details must be told to the men; words harsh as sinews ( gidin)." Chazal have defined two kinds of speech. There is speech described as dibbur, and there is speech described as amirah. Women must be addressed in the form of amirah, in a gentle manner. Men are addressed in the form of dibbur, a form harsh as sinews. Certainly, the simple meaning of this is also true. A woman has a gentle nature, and it is not her way or nature to hear harsh words, but a man can hear harsh words. However, these words of Chazal also contain a deeper message. It is known (Nidah 45b) that Hashem endowed women with an extra measure of binah(understanding). A woman discerns with her power of binah. The pasuk says (Iyov 32:8), "the soul from G-dwill give them understanding (binah)." If so, since the women have more binah, we see a great principle, that the soul is more exposed in a woman than in a man! (Although there certainly is an opposite aspect, that a woman is closer than man to matter, there is the aspect of the lights and there is the aspect of the vessels. Here is not the place to elaborate on that.)

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This is explicit in the sefarim hakedoshim. The soul of the feminine aspect is more exposed than that of the masculine. If so, we learn an awesome principle: the language of the soul is a gentle expression, while the language of the body is a harsh expression! What is a gentle expression? The pasuk states (Devarim 18:13), "Be simple with Hashem, your G-d." The nature of a simple person is to hear and accept. A sly person analyzes everything. "The snake was the slyest of all the animals in the field" (Bereishis 3:1). That lead to the sin of the Tree of Knowledge, which caused a refusal to accept things. Of course, there is also a negative kind of simplicity. A simple person can easily be fooled. But there is a holy simplicity, which is the inner essence of the soul. The soul by nature has the quality of simplicity. (The root of Jewish souls is the world of Atzilus - Emanation - which is above the world of Beriah - Creation, wherein there are intellectual ideas. So writes the GRA.) Yaakov Avinu, who was called a "simple man," is considered "the choice of the Avos," because the soul is more exposed in a simple person. When speaking to a person who is attentive and receptive, who needs practical information, there is no sense in saying harsh words. To the contrary, you should use gentle words, which are enjoyable to hear. He already wants to accept, and is yearning to hear. When, chas veshalom, you meet one who displays "the inclination of man is evil from his youth" (ibid. 8:21) and is stubborn, his stubbornness and evil inclination must be broken, so there is a need for harsh words. The body is tough, but the soul is gentle and delicate. The soul naturally seeks Hashem, and it need not be pressured by using harsh words. Every true word, every simple word, gives pleasure to the soul, and it will yearn to connect to the message. But when using simplicity to talk to the human intellect (which is of the body), since simplicity is the opposite of the intellect, the intellect naturally resists. The rule is "With a saint, be saintly, with a simple man, be simple, and with a crooked man, be devious" ( Shmuel II 22:2627). Therefore, as the soul is simple, one must approach it with simplicity. One should use pleasant talk, softness, and supplication, as it says (Mishlei 18:23), "The poor one speaks with supplication." Ordinary human intellect, though, has become sly through the Tree of Knowledge, and it needs harsh words, such as deep intellectual ideas or a very sharp mode of expression. When one uses human intellect, he might be able to break the body's resistance, but due to the nature and external quality of such speech, he will not be able to turn to the soul, call it by name, and awaken it. He is only using the language of the body, and only the body hears it, not the soul. The soul hears only "soul language." Words that Come from the Heart However, there remains a matter of difficulty, and we will try to explain it. In order for a person to speak gently, there must be a source in his soul which is already exposed, from where these gentle words will come. If his words will come only from the intellect, their source is not one of gentleness. He may try to speak gently, but if they come from the intellect, there will be an inherent contradiction. The source is the body, and somewhere along the way, one is trying to change them to words of the soul, to awaken the soul. To awaken the soul, one must use words that come from a gentle source, and such words can only come from the soul itself. Only if the source is the gentle soul, the words will awaken the soul. Chazal say, "Words that emanate from the heart enter the heart." Why? Because if they come from the intellect, they come from the body, and are harsh. The soul can only be touched with words that really come from the heart. If so, a person's condition is that his soul is concealed, and if he wants to expose it, he must speak gentle words. When the soul hears the gentle words, it understands the language and awakens. The question is, how does one find the source of gentleness?

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With Hashem's help, we will expand on this later, but the first suggestion is that when another person speaks from his soul, listen to the "soul" in the words, not just the intellect contained in them. When one speaks from the soul, and another listens, if he focuses only on the ideas, he ignores the inner gentleness underlying the words, and relates to the external aspect, the garment, and the words cannot expose his soul. Words which are not of the intellect, but simple soft words, come from the heart of the teacher, and will enter the heart of the listener, to allow his soul to emerge. He may hear even words of intellectual ideas, but know how to remove their outer form and receive the inner point from the heart and soul of the speaker. However, it is not practical to always need others to inspire him. Each person must find a way to speak gentle words on his own, coming from the soul, which will awaken and expose his soul, as it says (Avos 5:18) "the tongs are made from tongs." Every person must discover the soft point in himself and awaken the soul with it. This is the basic issue. With Hashem's help, we will try to elaborate, until each person understands, and the soul recognizes the revelation of its Creator

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Chapter 6 - Gentle Words Flow from Inner Clarity Returning to Hashem through an Awakening from Above As we mentioned in the beginning of our words, the fundamental point, which we must constantly repeat, is "Chavakuk came and placed [the mitzvos] on one foundation, as it says (Chavakuk 2:4), "and the righteous one lives by his emunah(faith)." We explained at length that emunah is not only an intellectual acceptance based on tradition and proofs, but primarily it is in the heart. Emunah in the heart is an awareness of the existence of Hashem. It is not merely a matter of emotions and excitement; rather, just as one is intimately aware of his hand and foot, so should one be aware of the existence of Hashem. It is the soul that has this sense. The soul is a "Divine portion from Above," but the body is not. The body is separate, but the soul is a Divine portion, and so, it yearns for and seeks its partner, Hashem: "Hashem is my portion, says my soul" (Eichah 3:24). Hashem is the "portion" of Israel. Therefore, one's main work in emunah (which is one's main task in life, as it says, "the righteous lives by his emunah) is the clear recognition that there is a Creator, and that He is bound with our souls and is the reason for our holiness. How do we expose this? In Kiddushin (2b) there is a principle that "the way of the male is to seek out the female; it is not the way of the female to seek out the male." It is known that the Jewish nation is compared to a woman, while Hashem is compared to a man, as when He is called "a Man of War" (Shemos 15:3). That being the case, it is the way of Hashem to seek the Jewish people, not the way of the Jewish people to seek out Hashem. In other words, of course each Jew must seek out Hashem and find Him, as the pasuk says, "And you will seek from there Hashem, your G-d, and you will find Him, if you search with all your heart and all your soul" (Devarim 4:29). However, the root of it all must be an awakening from Above. This awakening from Above comes from that Heavenly voice that daily goes forth and proclaims, "Return, wayward children." The essence of repentance is a return to Hashem, an uncovering of "Hashem is my portion, says my soul." This is really a return to the true condition. Just as if, chas veshalom, a hand is dislocated, it must restored to its position so as to make the body complete, so must each Jew uncover his true essence, the Divine portion. This is teshuvah ("return," repentance). How do we awaken this? We elaborated in the previous chapter that the soul's condition is "So shall you say (with the verb amirah) to the house of Yaakov," using gentle words, while the body is addressed in the manner of "and tell (with the verb dibur) to the children of Israel," words harsh as sinews. Through the power of gentle amirah, one can awaken the soul, and through harsh words, one can break through the screen that covers over the soul, which is the body. What are the gentle words? Here is an example: Reuven and Shimon are walking on the road together. Suddenly, Reuven stops Shimon, points to the ground, and says, "Look, there is a hundred dollar bill here!" Shimon hears, and immediately bends down to pick it up. Reuven didn't need to speak harshly to convince Shimon to pick up the money; he only needed amirah, speaking simply and gently. Why? The money was real, and the person's need for money is real, so once he is aware that the money is there, it only takes a small hint to get him to do the act which he will be happy to do.

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Harsh words are needed when the act opposes one's nature, and the person is not interested and is trying to avoid it. When you want to break through such nature, and uncover the true inner will, so the person will be drawn to the matter, you must employ harsh words. The soul's condition is "So shall you say to the house of Yaakov." This amirah comes from the soul's high level of clarity. The soul sees things clearly. It has nothing inherently stopping it from wanting holiness, so once it finds some guidance, and one points the way, it naturally goes to the holiness. A Clear World In order for a person to awaken his soul, his soul must be in a state of a "clear world." The words cannot be "dim," vague, and unknown. He should only discuss points that are clear to him, as Chazal said about Torah (Shabbos 145b): "Say to wisdom, You are my sister'" (Mishlei 7:4) - If it is as clear as the fact that your sister is forbidden to you, say it; if not, don't say it." Here, too, if the message emerges from a very clear understanding, it is a basic point, but if said at a time or state when the soul doesn't have it clear, the message does not come from the soul. This can be further clarifies through this example: A person is driving a car, and he wants to reach a certain place. He was never there, so he doesn't know the way. Before he embarks, he receives instructions: "Go to the light, turn right, etc." Even after he gets clear directions, he worries that he hadn't heard clearly, or didn't exactly understand, or didn't remember everything precisely. He doesn't know what a particular street looks like, maybe the sign is covered by the trees so he can't see it, and so on. On the other hand, if the person was there once, even though it was a long time ago and he doesn't exactly remember the way, once they remind him of the directions, he will recall the old information and then, know clearly the proper way to get there. There is a fundamental difference between the two cases. If the person was never there, even when he hears the directions, he still doesn't know them clearly, and his heart is not satisfied. But if he knew it, but forgot, once he is reminded, his heart is at peace and he confidently knows the proper way to proceed. The soul is in the state of a "clear world." The gemara (Bava Basra 10b) states that Rav Yosef the son of Rav Yehoshua returned from the World of Truth (after a severe illness). He told people that what he observed there was a topsy-turvy world, because the higher people were low, and the lower people were high there. He was told that in fact, he saw a clear world. What is the meaning of a clear world? When the soul departs the body, it sees a clear world. This clarity must revive and awaken the soul. As long as a person uses for avodas Hashem concepts that are not totally clear to him, these dim matters cannot awaken the soul, because they are not words of the soul. The soul can only be awakened by points that are one hundred percent clear and simple to the person. When employing such ideas, there is an agreement between the knowledge of the intellect and the recognition of the heart (the soul) and the soul can awaken and emerge. If one hears a very deep idea, he tries to awaken the soul with it, he has a small chance of success. Only people with very subtle perception can awaken their souls in such a manner, because generally, the deeper concepts are more complex, and one cannot sense with them real simplicity, so there is no way to awaken the soul. We will provide a wonderful example of a very simple point that can be used to awaken the soul. Approach Hashem and say to Him, "Master of the World, You are our Father!"

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This fact, that Hashem is our Father, is fixed in every believing Jew. Even if it is not so settled in the heart, the awareness that Hashem is called "our Father" is a well-known concept, and can be used to awaken the soul. If a person takes a simple point and analyzes it in depth, he loses its simplicity and falls from the soul to the body. To awaken the soul, each person must take the simplest points and say them, not with intellectual analysis, but with an understanding that these are clear realities. A Real Feeling and Clarity - Conditions for Uncovering the Soul We will summarize. We made two points about the nature of the soul: 1) The soul can sense the spiritual-Hashem-as a reality, as opposed to the intellect, which only knows that there is a Creator, but doesn't sense Him. 2) The soul is in a "clear world." Naturally, to awaken the soul, both of these conditions must be net: The person must clarify to himself to the extent possible that these facts are clear and lasting. For example, we mentioned the point that Hashem is our father. Just as one recognizes his physical father well, so in the spiritual world, one must contemplate and reach the awareness that Hashem is no less a "father" than one's own physical father! In fact, Chazal said (Niddah 31a), "There are three partners in man: Hashem, one's father, and one's mother." The parents supply the physical limbs, and Hashem blows in the soul of life. The body recognizes its physical father, and so, precisely, must the soul recognize its spiritual father. In fact, it does! However, the soul is dormant. To awaken and uncover the soul, one must try to approach the awareness that the spiritual Father is every bit as real as the physical father. The second condition needed to awaken the soul is that one should not have "doubtful lineage," not realizing Who his Father is. Just as in the physical realm, it is generally clear to a person who his father is, so must this be very clear in the spiritual realm. If there is not this degree of clarity, the soul cannot be awakened! With such points, we may continue and try to uncover the soul. We will only employ very simple points, which are already known by the mind, as it says (Devarim 4:39), "And you shall know today." These are at least superficially known by all, but the heart does not yet sense them. With them, we can try to awaken "and you shall settle it in your heart," so that anyone can uncover his soul. If, however, we will need to delve into the depth of the concept, it is valuable for the mitzvah of Torah study, but for awakening simple faith, it will not be effective (except for people with subtle minds, as explained above). The truth is that even in the material world, if one senses "taste" in something, he can repeat it many times. For example, with regard to the sense of taste itself (the highest of the senses, as is written), if one enjoys a particular food, even if he already ate it many times, and there is nothing new about it now, such as eating fish every Shabbos, he nonetheless enjoys eating it each time. A person can continue with a certain food for a long time, and the food will always taste pretty much the same, and yet he will desire it from week to week, and enjoy it. Similarly, a person can hear a song which touches him deeply, and he is able to listen to it again and again, even tens of times. Although he is listening to the same recording, and there is nothing new from one time to the next, since the soul connects to it, it loves it! We see, then, that even in the material world, if one enjoys something and finds it meaningful, he will want it again and again, and never tire of it.

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Where is the root of the problem with regard to our avodah? So that a person will want to review something again and again, he must live up to the pasuk (Tehillim 33:4), "Taste and see that Hashem is good." When one feels this "taste," it will be no less enjoyable than a food enjoyed time and again. The root of the problem is that as long as the soul is not exposed, it is difficult to sense this "taste" of Hashem. Even if one does sense it, it will be on very rare occasions. Naturally, it will be difficult for him then to use simple points time after time. But simplicity will only be hard in the beginning. After one is privileged to achieve this "taste," he will be drawn after it like "iron to a magnet" (to use the words of the Ramchal in Mesillas Yesharim, ch. 1). We have said that to awaken the soul, one must employ two powers: 1) the power of perception, to perceive the reality of the matter; 2) the matter must be clear in his mind. If there is no sense that the matter is real, or one does not have a clear idea about it, the soul cannot awaken. From here on, we will try to use some simple and clear ideas, and clarify each point in detail. What is the need for all this? Why must we go down to the smallest details? As we have said, if the matter is heard superficially, and there is no absolute clarity, the soul cannot be aroused and uncovered. For example, Hashem is called "our Father." Every Jew who observes Torah and mitzvos knows and recognizes this description of Hashem. But we would stop a person and ask, "Your biological father is called your father because he caused your birth, but why is Hashem called your Father if he is not like your biological father? What is it about the relationship between Hashem and us that makes Him our Father? Some will respond that this is only an allegory, but the opposite is true. A human father is the allegory for the Father in Heaven, but He is inherently our Father. Some will respond that He is like a father because He has compassion like a father has on his children. This is correct, but not complete, because the compassion is only an outgrowth of fatherhood. A father is a father because that is the reality, and once he is a father, he naturally shows compassion. If we say that Hashem is a Father only because He is compassionate, we lose the real understanding of "Father." So even an idea as simple as the fact that Hashem is our Father is not understood clearly, unless one has invested effort in study or heard something clear about it. Let us consider, then, the true meaning of Hashem's Fatherhood, because we cannot even begin to work on awakening the soul with this concept until it becomes clear. In summary, we will try to make every point clear, and we hope that Hashem will give us the privilege to awaken the soul to uncover the Creator among each and every one of us.

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Chapter 7 - The Way to Sense Hashem's Existence The Beginning of our Avodah is "I have Placed Hashem before Me." Up to this point, we have been dealing with the fundamentals of avodah. Now we will begin to present practical guidance. It is best not to actually put these words into action until you have achieved the big picture of the process, but the method will be presented as if you are going to immediately put it into action. The Shulchan Aruch begins with the law, "One must be courageous as a lion to rise in the morning for the service of one's Creator." The Rama there begins his commentary with the words, "I have placed Hashem before me always' (Tehillim 16:8). This is a major principle in Torah and the levels of the righteous who walk before G-d." From the fact that the Rama begins specifically this shivisi (the awareness of Hashem's presence), we learn a very fundamental idea: together with the study of Torah, such as halachah (practical law), one is expected to constantly strive to achieve this state of shivisi. Torah and shivisi are not opposing endeavors; they are both needed for the goal. The Torah study of a Jew must progress in the way that is in agreement with shivisi. If not, we would be very troubled by the Rama's placement of that principle in the beginning of his commentary. If that level only applies to the unique few who have reached high levels, how could he begin the part of Shulchan Aruch that is a basic manual for every Jew with the idea of shivisi? Evidently, the Rama is telling us that halachah study, and in fact, all Torah study, must be carried out together with Hashem! "I have placed Hashem before me always" must be closely bound with Torah study. Our avodah must begin with the basic awareness of the presence of Hashem, and after that, we will, with Hashem's help, attain love, fear, attachment, and more. If one wants to drink water, he must first check if there is water, and then he can ascertain if it is hot or cold. Without water, one cannot check its temperature. So too, before we serve God and reach love and fear, there must first be the simple recognition that there is a Creator! The first task is for one to reach the state in which he will sense the Master of the World. After that, he can attain love, fear, and deveikus (attachment). Deveikus means that the person is already attached to Hashem. There is the existence of the Creator, and one may be distant from Him, as it says ( Yirmeyahu 31:2), "From afar, Hashem appears to me." One may also be close, as David HaMelech said (Tehillim 73:28), "Closeness to Hashem is good for me." But before this, there must be the recognition that there is such an entity, and then, one must try to decrease the distance between oneself and one's Creator, but without a sense of His Presence, there is nothing to which to become close. Therefore, when we come to discuss a practical method, the first goal is to feel Hashem in your heart as a real entity. How is this accomplished? We will use the principles presented thus far, and see how to apply them. Stopping to Think about Simple Points A person must dedicate a quiet hour for contemplation, in which he will be free from all the distractions of the world and can be focused on his thoughts. He must then start with something simple, namely, the questions Avraham Avinu asked when he sought his Creator, such as, "I am in this world; how did I get here?" This does not mean to ask because we don't know the answer. Obviously, we are believers, the children of believers, but these are like the questions the night of the Pesach seder. The halachah is that if there is no son, the wife should ask her husband, and if one is alone, he must ask himself.

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Evidently, the story of Pesach, which is the foundation of our faith, must always be learned through the process of question and answer. This is not because the person does not know the answer, but because the method of question and answer clarifies the issue properly, and in this way, one enters the world of clarity mentioned above. One must present questions to which he already knows the answer. However, it is imperative that he have inner calm, so that he can really ask and answer, and not merely rush through the process in a way that the question and answer come simultaneously. This is somewhat subtle and deep. A person must devote an hour of quiet and ask, "Am I here?" He feels himself and responds, "Yes!" "Do I exist?" "Yes!" "How did I get here? Who placed me here? Can a chair or a table move by themselves?" Does the light come on by itself? Does water flow on its own (if not going downwards)?" In this manner, the person develops in a structured way a sense of clarity that nothing happens on its own. Then, the question screams out: "How did I get here? And further: "How is there an entity called I'?" You must take this question, sit calmly for a minute or two, contemplate and see that this is really a very serious question! The proof is that many people have still not arrived at the true answer. It's wonderful that we know the answer from tradition and from our intellect, but deep down inside us, the answer is not as clear as it seems. We know the truth, it all seems very clear, but deep in the heart, the clarity and certainty are not complete! In order for the heart to attain total clarity, one must take the basic points and make them clear. We must start with the simplest and most fundamental points that are apparently known in the minds and hearts of all, but are really not all that clear deep down. A person must take hold of himself and say one clear fact: "Nothing happens on its own! If there is a cabinet in this room, someone must have made the boards and prepared them for the cabinet, and someone must have built it, and someone must have brought it here. Precisely so, I must have been created." This is the first principle. "I did not have eternal existence; I was created. And if there is a being that was passively created, there must be an active Creator. The question is, who is the Creator?" Avraham Avinu lived with this question for a very long time. We have no doubt that there is an omnipotent Creator, and in fact, it is not worthwhile to spend a lot of time analyzing this, because few people have minds great enough for such speculation, but the basic point that there is a Creator must be clarified and repeated tens and hundreds of times, without rushing to proceed further. A person should take this simple point and say to himself, "Could I have been made without a Maker? Is it possible that "yesterday" I did not exist, and today I exist automatically? Now that I came into existence, Who put me in this world?" A person must take these questions and repeat them again and again, speaking to himself and saying, "Am I certain or not?" Do I entertain the possibility that everything happened on its own?" A person must talk to himself for a day, then a second day, and at least for months, until he realizes a very simple point: "It is clear to me in the depth of my heart that the world has a Master! If I was created, there must be a Creator!" That is to say, first of all, we must attain the intellectual awareness of the existence of the Creator. Certainly, everyone knows about this, but it must become absolutely clear. After that, it must be instilled deep in the heart.

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Constant Contemplation without Distraction Any point one is developing, such as this point that there is a Creator, must be remembered all day. Every half hour, one must stop for a few seconds and say to himself, "I was created and there is One Who created me. I was created and there is One Who created me." More than this is not necessary. Thus, throughout the day, a person stops himself at intervals and says, "I was created and there is One Who created me," so that this will be a unifying thought to connect the entire day. Gradually, the mind will become accustomed to thinking about this and feeling it. This is how we begin to instill the concept. It is a gradual process, but very solid and definite. That is to say, besides the time devoted to contemplation for clarifying the matter, the goal is for the mind to be constantly involved in it. It cannot be an ordinary piece of information that one merely has to learn and needs to do no more, but it must be alive and clear in his mind. There are two ways in which an idea can be alive with a person. On one level, the person needs to awakened to the matter so that it lives with him, but otherwise, he is "sleeping." On a higher level, he is always alert, and he walks all day with the idea he wants to attain. This is a fundamental rule about the ways of avodah. Anything a person wants to internalize, settle, and build within must not be out of mind for the rest of the day that is not his contemplation time. If it is, it will be too sporadic, and the idea cannot be attained. The way to attain levels in the service of Hashem is to keep awakening the matter again and again, with only brief intervals between the reminders. One must determine a certain point to develop throughout the day, and go through the day with that point, with absolute clarity. If not, it is like the example mentioned by Rav Chaim Shmuelevits zt"l, in which one puts the kettle on a fire for a minute and then removes it for a minute, and keeps repeating the process. The water in it will never boil! We are not talking inner "boiling" and excitement, but rather, inner awareness. If a person wants da'as, not just knowledge and understanding, but a real connection to an idea (it will be alive with him, as it says, "With da'as, the chambers will be filled with precious and pleasant riches - Mishlei 24:4), he must not allow even a half hour without remembering the true point he wants to attain! Of course, at first, one will be affected by forgetfulness, and one will meet with defeat many times, but one who panics because of defeat has not yet attained the concept of avodah. The rule (Mishlei 24:16), "A tzaddik falls seven times and rises" is an axiom of anyone who lives in the inner world. Even if one forgets about all this for half a day, he must not panic. He simply will return to the basic point and set up external reminders to alert him to the matter, but he will never give up. He will continue working on the simple point, and remind himself each half hour, "There is a Master of the world! I am a creation! If I was created, there must be a Creator," and so on. Understandably, it will take much longer to apply this than to talk about it. If one wishes to buy a house, he is given the key, but then he needs to enter the house and live in it. How long does it take to receive the key? Just a second. How long does it take to inspect the house, see what is needed, and settle in it? A long time! Words are like a key, and the individual must take the key and see how to instill the teaching in each of his inner "chambers," as it says, "With da'as, the chambers will be filled."

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Advancing Slowly, not Hastily You must know that there is an inherent problem with the way this message is being presented. The pace at which the concepts are stated is very fast, and the readers need to gain the big picture of the matter. However, to put all this in action takes a very long time. Therefore, as long as one is working on a specific matter, one must review the relevant material again and again, to the extent possible. This is needed to keep the topic alive in ones heart and make it clearer. One who wishes to rush and advance very quickly is building a tower in the sky, which will have no permanence. When developing a quality in a solid and healthy fashion, everything built on top of it will be good and sound. But one's reaction might be, "Well, I know there is a Creator, I know I am created, so do I need to spend three weeks on this. It is a waste of time, I want to progress! I was hoping to learn here some practical advice about becoming close to Hashem, so I could achieve deveikus (cleaving) quickly!" This is a guaranteed formula for failure! We must know that just as there is a holy quickness and alacrity of the soul, so is there the haste and rashness of the evil side. It removes from man the trait of patience, and takes from him the simple understanding that this is like planting a seed in the earth, which can take half a year until something sprouts. Likewise, a tree cannot be enjoyed (because of the laws of arlah and neta reva'i) until the fifth year. That is to say, a person invests days, weeks, and months in the tree, until three years are complete, and he still cannot benefit from even a single fruit! But in fact, this is how building, planting, and growing works. Results are never instant. The process takes years from the time of planting, but after the fourth year, there are good, ripe fruit that one can properly enjoy. When the world was created, it took but six days, and man could have entered to partake of the "feast" immediately.Chazal say that if he had not sinned, he would have entered the ultimate Shabbos, with eternal and total rest and repose. This is still a potential contained in the soul. Each of us feels the inner element that expects to quickly enter "the world that is wholly good." This element is hidden deep in the soul. But since our sins place us after the sin, not before it, we cannot in reality achieve what would have only taken until that original Shabbos, but we must wait until the end of the sixth thousand to reach that world that is wholly good. "A thousand years in Your eyes are like the day that passed" (Tehillim 90:4). Instead of requiring a few moments to enter the world that is wholly good, man entered the world of "In the morning, plant your seeds" ( Kohelles 11:6), and Chazalsay that one must always be involved in "planting," but we cannot know exactly when we will be able to harvest. Had Adam guarded himself for a few hours, he would have seen the "building," the day that is entirely rest and repose for all eternity. But once the sin came, all of this changed, and now, much time and patience is needed. In summary, we must be very firm in our work. 1) One must think about the ideas throughout the day, not just once a day or night. 2) One must proceed slowly, without haste. May Hashem help all of us to build a true structure and truly cleave to our Creator

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Chapter 8 - The Heart's Awareness and its Ability to Sense Constant Thought Enables One to Recognize the Existence of Hashem In the previous chapter, we began providing provide practical advice about developing the desired qualities. The first point we presented is that one must begin with the essential awareness that there is a Creator. Each person must devote time for contemplation daily, when his mind will be free of other thoughts. Then, throughout the day, he must repeat and remind himself of the concept time after time, until it is literally part of him. This was the essence of our words, and we will now elaborate a little. As we mentioned, in order to properly build anything, there must be a firm foundation. How do we create the foundation of the knowledge that there is a Creator? Everyone knows that there is a Creator. The question is: how do we develop and sharpen this knowledge, so it will be attached to and fixed in one's mind and heart? We will provide some examples. A person leaves his house in the morning and goes on his way. He sits at the bus stop and waits for the bus to arrive. He now has a few free minutes, during which he can contemplate. He looks around and sees a tree. He studies the tree and begins to ask himself, "Was this tree always here?" The answer is, "No! There was a period of time, from the creation of the world and on, in which this place was not yet settled. There were only mountains and rocks here. At some point, people prepared the place, built houses on it, and near them, planted a tree. In other words, this tree is not an eternal thing without a beginning. There was a time in which it did not exist, and now it exists. "Where was the tree before it was planted here? The true and simple answer is that it was not exactly a tree, but there was another tree from which they took a branch to plant this one. But one thing is clear: this tree was not here, and now, it is here." This is the first point. Another thing that must be clear to the person is that when the tree was planted here, it was not created out of nothing. It is a product of another existent, another tree. Now, the person stops and asks himself, "Throughout the generations, one tree produces another, and that, another, and so on. But from where did the first tree come?" Of course, we know the answer, but to live with the idea, we must advance gradually, like a newborn baby. If so, the person should stop and contemplate the origin of the first tree. He should open up the portion of Bereishis and finds that in the discussion about creation, it says (Bereishis 1:11), "And Hashem said, Let the earth give forth vegetation, grass with seeds, a fruit tree with fruit of its own kind.'" He then should say to himself, "One thing is clear to me: this tree is a creation. It came from another tree which in turn came from another tree, but the first tree in the world was the original tree created by the Creator Himself. Just as this tree here could not be here without a person bringing and planting it here, so too, the first tree could not have arrived on its own, but it needed the Creator. Of necessity then, there is a Creator." (There are two aspects here: there is a Being that exists, and that Being is the Creator.) One who is impatient will find this process very difficult. People want to run and progress, but we must work with this idea again and again, for weeks and perhaps longer, each person according to his nature and level. He must contemplate each thing that he sees. Of course, this will not be someone's activity all day. One must primarily be involved in Torah study, but in the free moments throughout the day, he should contemplate these ideas, each person according to his level.

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Another example: A person should sit in his house and think, "Was this house always here? Certainly not! Who built it? People, creations of God, built it. From where did they get the material to build it? How did they make the bricks? Did a building ever rise up by itself? Just as a building needs people to build it, so does the original material need to be created. Who made these things? There must be a Master of the world Who created the world. If not, how could these things come into being; certainly not on their own!" And so, in every detail of life, if one ponders well, he will arrive at the conclusion that there is a Creator. We have mentioned only two examples, but to internalize this principle, one must take these thoughts and examples, and extend them to other creations. Instilling the Point in the Heart is Achieved the Way a Father Teaches his Son This is not a simple task. One must think this thought thousands of times, and this is not an exaggeration. This will not happen between today and tomorrow, but it must happen once, and then again, in a patient, careful, calm, and clear manner, knowing that this is how to speak to one's heart. This is the way to implant the true principle that there must be a Creator, and it requires much patience. When a person sits and teaches his son the letters of the alef-beis (Hebrew alphabet), he can sit with him for a half hour or an hour, and repeat the letters again and again, with endless patience, until his beloved son catches on. Although the father's own intellectual level rises far above the knowledge of these letters, and he would not have any patience to sit and read letters on his own, he does have the patience to teach his son. Why? Because he knows that his son is young, and he needs to be taught on a level appropriate for him. A person is capable of teaching his son the simplest facts, things which are obvious to him. His son might ask all kinds of questions, and the father yet has patience to explain things slowly. He knows that if he doesn't give careful explanations, his son will never clearly understand the material. Therefore, he tries to explain everything clearly from the beginning, and proceeds from one step to the next. One must understand that the heart understands in precisely the same manner. A person comprises two parts that are presently as far from each other as East is from West. The intellect is on its own level and world, but the heart is in a world of its own. When a person appreciates this current condition of disparity, he understands that it is of the utmost importance to explain to the heart the fundamental concepts. We are familiar with the words of Chazal concerning the incredibly high level of children's teachers: "And those who lead the many to righteousness will be as the starts, forever" - "This refers to the teachers of children" (Bava Basra 8b). When a person teaches his heart, this is no less valuable than teaching a child, and of him, too, it may be said, "And those who lead the many to righteousness will be as the starts, forever." This is Divine service, perhaps the primary Divine service, in which one takes his wisdom and understanding, and sees to it that they will lead to da'as, the knowledge of the heart, so that the heart, too, will understand all this. If one does not work in this manner, he is like a man to whom a son is born, but the son does not speak at first, so the father waits for him to grow up a little. Two and three years pass, and the boy begins to speak. At age four, when the boy speaks properly, the father begins to teach him Zohar. "Why not?" he claims. "If he can speak, I will teach him Zohar. He can repeat after me. I will read every word, and he will repeat it."

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Any stable person can see that there is no connection between the words said by the boy and his level of understanding of them. His is merely repeating words as a parrot does, but he doesn't even have the most minimal understanding of the concepts! His grasp of ideas is so weak and shallow. Once a person realizes that his heart understands at the level of a small child who merely parrots his father's words without any real understanding of the concept, he will make the following discovery: A new world is now exposed to him, and he must begin to study it. When he was a child, his father taught him step after step, level above level, until he reached his current intellectual level. Now, he has a new task. He has within, so to speak, a new "child" to teach, namely, his heart, which receives the products of the brain. He must begin to teach it as one teaches a two year-old child. Chazal said, "When a child knows how to speak, his father should teach him Torah and the recitation of the Shema. What is meant by Torah'? Rav Hamnuna said, Moshe commanded us to keep the Torah, a heritage to the congregation of Yaakov'" ( Succah 42a). In other words, we must begin by simply teaching ourselves the same way we were taught when we were young and uneducated. Certainly, our main task is to learn Torah, but together with this, one must cause the simplest and most basic point to penetrate into the heart, namely, that there is a Creator to the world! Water Grinds the Rock through Constant and Extended Effort We will go back to an example, and understand the matter in depth. A man has a small child, and he wants to teach him the fundamentals of faith. When the boy turns three years old, the father calls him into his room and says to him, "I have important information to tell you; something you must remember your entire life!" "Well," asks the boy, "what is it?" "You must know that there is a Creator, and He created everything. This is the important information I wanted to pass on to you, but I will not mention it again. This is it; you must know that there is a Creator, and don't forget it!" The three year-old boy cannot grasp very lofty ideas, and his level of judgment is very low. Naturally, after a day or two, and certainly, after a month or two, if the father does not mention again that there is a Creator, the son will almost certainly forget it. The father might come and cry bitterly, "I told my son that there is a Creator, and I warned him that I would not be repeating it." Obviously, this is nonsense, because the child does not have the power and capability to understand the severity of the father's warning. If one wants to work with his son properly, if he walks on the street and it is raining, he should ask his son, "Who makes the rain come down?" The boy answers, "I don't know; could you tell me?" Then the father should say, "It is the Master of the World Who causes it to fall." And so, he instills the principle time and again, until the point is instilled in the soul of the child. One who relies on the hope that the child will grow up and hear speeches and such should know that the boy's faith will be weak. If it was not implanted as the "learning of youth," if the boy did not "breath in" emunah in the atmosphere of the home and live with it, even if he knows the information, it will remain far from him, and he will not live with it.

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This is true with the education of a child, and this is equally true when educating ourselves, when it comes to each person's heart. Together with Torah study on a high level, such as deep analysis and the study of halachah (practical law), one must take the simple fact of the existence of the Creator and work with it, pushing it into the heart. Just as one realizes that he cannot start by teaching his son deep points such as Divine Providence, but he must patiently and slowly teach the simple concept (of Hashem's existence) again and again, so it is with one's own heart: if one seeks to immediately rush to lofty ideas, he is essentially escaping from his heart to run to his mind. This is a major error, because the mind grasps and knows far more than the heart can internalize. If one jumps from a simple point to a deeper one before he has worked on the first one for weeks and even months, and thought about the idea that there is a Creator thousands of times, he is jumping from the heart to the intellect, and from then on, he has nothing but a "castle hovering in the air"! In order for the concept to be absorbed in one's soul, not intellectually - which demands that one constantly finds new insights - but inwardly, deep in the soul, he must repeat them again and again. From the story told of Rabbi Akiva (Avos D'rebbi Nassan 6:2), we learn how to make a truth penetrate into the heart. He saw that the water wore away at the rock, one drop at a time for many years, until a hole was formed in it. You do not make a hole in a rock by pointing a strong stream of water at it (like from a fire hose), but you take simple drops if water. For our purposes, this is the simple knowledge that there is a Creator. With that, you can break through your heart of stone until you attain a heart of flesh. We must take these ideas and live with them. Even if one needs to repeat this fact to himself for half a year or a year, but he truly works with it and acquires it, happy and fortunate is he. The Proof of a True Acquisition of this Point We must emphasize again and again that the primary obstacle in our avodah is rooted in the speed and haste with which we attempt to advance. When a person is truly in touch with his heart, he will relate to it properly, and teach it as R' Preida taught his student (400 times!). If so, he will have the privilege to acquire a true level. In fact, we will continue and discuss more concepts, but we do not expect you to be ready to put them into action yet. Just take what we have said and apply this first stage to your life. As to the words that will come, you should learn them in order to get the big picture of the proper way to live, but it can take years until they can be put into action! Once a person is privileged to have inner clarity concerning the existence of the Creator fixed in the mind and heart, without a half hour or hour in which he doesn't think of the Creator, he may continue onward. If a person wants to ascertain if he has really internalized the concept, or if it is only words that have not penetrated into the depths of the soul, there is a reliable touchstone. Man has two forces that cause him to remember things. There is an external force, which in turn is divided into two parts: a completely external force, such as an alarm clock, and there is also a less external force, such as mental habits. Both of these, ultimately, are on a superficial level. But there is also an inner force that stirs up a demand from within. For example, if one has not eaten for a day or two, and he is starving, the feeling of hunger does not derive from the fact that he sees food before him and naturally recalls the concept of food. Nor does it derive from the fact that he ate two days ago and therefore should presumably eat today. Rather, he is hungry because the inner nature of the body demands to be fed. If the reminders of a person every quarter of an hour or half an hour are like an alarm clock, namely, external reminders, he is still in the middle of his avodah. He is working well, and he must continue, but he has not yet attained the inner level that is sought.

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If the reminders to the soul are mental habits, meaning that one has accustomed himself to think certain thoughts, so that the thoughts frequent the mind and naturally surface like dreams that surface based on one's sights of the previous day, he has progressed. He is no longer in the totally superficial stage of outer reminders, and now he has memories induced by the thought process. However, he has not truly reached the requisite inner level. Only once one reaches the stage in which the soul, of its own accord, demands and desires the memory of the existence of the Creator, even if for a brief period, he has a sign that the faith is truly present in his soul, and the soul has indeed acquired this level! This is certainly a difficult task, as it says, "difficult as gold to attain, yet easy as glass to lose" ( Chagigah 15a). One must guard this state carefully so as not to lose it. It is now exposed in the soul, and one can build another structure upon it. If one has attained this remembrance from the soul, he will entertain no doubt if the source of the remembrance is the mind or the soul. But if one is on the middle of his path, and is trying to test himself to see where he is, he must be very careful to be able to discern if in fact the thoughts are coming from the mind or if in fact they are flowing from the soul. The test of this is very subtle and sensitive. It is hard to define, because people have the tendency to fool themselves, and one must pray to Hashem at all times to be cognizant of the truth. We will provide an example of how to check one's thoughts, but this, too, demands much care. A person must check himself in times when he is very calm, and then relax his thoughts and give them free reign. Then, he can consider and see the orientation of the yearning of his soul. This is a task of it own. Generally, one who is always rushing cannot understand this. When free, he finds for himself other activities. He has many responsibilities and many jobs to complete. But most people have no concept yet of setting aside a fixed time for relaxing and seeing what one really wants. When one enters the inner world, and wants to attain emunah, he must invest time! One must take some time, sit quietly, and let the thoughts roam free in the realm of his choice. Then, he will see toward where his thoughts gravitate. If the content is forbidden, G-d forbid, he must stop immediately, and realize that the soul is still wrapped in many covers. If the soul roams in neutral areas, he must examine them. This requires extensive work. If we have the merit, we may be able to describe it later. In each event, one must see if emunah carries significant weight in his awareness. If one does not feel an inner pull to contemplate, but only a mental pressure to think about it, he is still guided by the force of the mind, not the knowledge of the soul. But if the emunah flows from within, and one gets pleasure from reviewing it again and again, and it comes forth naturally, one has reached the point of truth, and he should then develop it further. These last concepts are somewhat lofty and difficult to grasp. Their comprehension depends on the delicateness of one's soul. Thus, it is best if one can be checked by another person. Primarily, one should always pray to Hashem that the remembrance of the Creator should not only come from the knowledge of the mind, but should arrive from the depths of the soul, so that he may truly recognize his Creator.

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Chapter 9 - "For You are with Me The First Stage is where the Soul Demands to Recognize its Creator We have explained that a person's avodah is to see to it that the knowledge that there is a Creator is fixed in his heart. As we said, there are two fundamental principles involved. One principle is that the avodah should essentially be performed through the power of speech. That is to say, if a person wants to awaken his heart to uncover the awareness that there is a Creator, he must first contemplate the fact that Hashem created each particular thing, but after that, speech must be involved. He must verbalize the thought, and say, "This object could not have been created by itself; Hashem must have made it..." The second principle is that one must set aside each day a time devoted to contemplation, as the Ramchal writes in Derech Etz Chaim that one must sit for an hour, being free of all the activities of this world, and think only about this. Throughout the day, about every half hour, he must reawaken it. If one of these conditions is lacking, it will be very difficult to apply what we have been discussing. If one does not devote an hour daily to contemplation, the thoughts throughout the day will have no power. If one does not verbalize these concepts, the thoughts will just "hover in the air," as Chazal said: "Thoughts have no permanence." Now we will continue, expand, and progress. The first stage of avodah, which applies to every single person, is to fix in oneself the principle that there is a Creator. We mentioned briefly that the sign that one can proceed further is that not only outer reminders and mental habits force him to feel that there is a Creator, but the soul itself demands the constant remembrance of the Creator. The soul demands what it desires, what it senses to be a source of life. If one only has a habit because of self-control, the soul will not yet feel any vitality from it, and the inner feeling will not be awakened in a way that it could truly enter one's life. But once the soul demands it, this feeling certainly has become part of one's life. We have only been dealing with the very beginning, the knowledge that there is a Creator. But this is not merely a stepping stone that allows one to progress to the next step. Rather, this knowledge itself sustains the soul, as we mentioned before: "Chavakuk came and placed the mitzvos on one foundation - and the righteous one lives by his faith.'" In other words, he gets a sense of vitality from his faith. The body inhales air, but the inside, the heart, "inhales" faith! Just as the body needs material food, so does the soul need spiritual food: "For man does not live on bread alone, but man lives on all that comes from the mouth of Hashem" (Devarim 8:3). The explanation of the Arizal is known: The soul receives its vitality from the Divine element in everything. Naturally, the body, the outer component, receives vitality from physical things, but the soul receives vitality from the element of faith. If one gets a sense of vitality from other things, and the truth is merely some dry information, one has not uncovered the inner essence of the soul. But after one has the privilege to live with the knowledge of the Creator, and the soul demands to live with it and experience it, he may progress to the next stage. Where can the Creator be Found? What is the next step to be reached? There are many paths. The order of growth varies from one person to the next, depending on each individual's stage and level. Once a person knows that there is a Creator, two questions arise: 1) What are the attributes of the Creator and how do they relate to me? 2) Where can the Creator be found?

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In general, we may say that these are the next two areas of avodah. We will first deal with the second one: where is the Creator found? Eventually, we will also get to the first area: what is my relationship to the Creator? That relates to loving Hashem and Divine Providence. Therefore, after a person has attained an intellectual and inner spiritual awareness that there is a Creator, and derives a sense of vitality from it, he must stop and ask himself: "Where is a Creator found?" In fact, Shlomo HaMelech already said, "Behold the heavens and the higher heavens cannot contain You" (Melachim I8:27). Yirmeyahu the prophet prophesied in the name of Hashem, "Behold, I fill the heaven and the earth, said Hashem" (Yirmeyahu 23:24). Hashem was, is, and will be. "You existed before the world was created, and You are after the world was Created." Just as before creation, Hashem was in every place and every time, so too, after creation, Hashem is everywhere, as Chazal said in their well-known dictum, "There is no place void of Him." This is essentially the meaning of the words of the Rema in the beginning of the Shulchan Aruch, mentioned above: "I have placed Hashem before me.' This is a major principle of Torah and the levels of the righteous who walk before Hashem." Let us first consider an example from the material world: A person has a watch, and he places it somewhere, but now he can't remember where he put it. What does he do? He begins to look for it. He goes from room to room, from one drawer to another, and checks to see if the watch is there or not. Once he notices it, the watch has been found. As long as he doesn't notice it, the watch is still missing. You cannot observe the Creator with physical eyes! "For no man can see Me and live!" (Shemos 33:20). Hashem is a "hidden God" (Yeshayahu 45:15). It is impossible to see or hear Him, and certainly, one cannot feel Him with one's hands! How, then, can we know where the Creator is? To grasp this, we need emunah! We must have faith in Chazal who informed us that Hashem is everywhere, and we must have faith in the words of the prophets, who wrote in Hashem's name, "I fill the heaven and the earth." If so, a person's avodah is to reach the true awareness that Hashem is with us in the room, and He is with each person, wherever that person may be. This is the work of emunah: to settle this emunah in one's heart. Once a person has attained true faith, he can actually feel that Hashem is present in his heart. The first thing, though, is emunah! How do we accomplish this? Here, too, we will start with an example from the material world. If an object is 1000 kilometers away, one cannot see it. If it is close by, he can see it. Hence, the inability to see an object stems from the distance between the person and the object. When there is no such distance, and the person comes closer to the object, he is able to see it. When it comes to Hashem, the reason we don't see Him is that it says, "No man can see Me and live." The reason a person does not see Hashem is not that He is in some faraway place. There is only one reason that Hashem is not perceived: the soul conceals Him. Hashem is, so to speak, a kind of Being that cannot be seen. One may then ask: if I cannot see Hashem, how can I live with the feeling that He is here? When a person is already pure and Hashem is revealed in his heart, he will no longer entertain such questions. But until one reaches this state, the matter is only one of faith. He trusts Chazal, so he knows that Hashem is present where the person is. He cannot see Hashem, but he does have faith. However, we have mentioned above that there are two kinds of faith: the knowledge of the intellect and the emunah of the heart. Emunah of the heart is the ability to recognize that this is the absolute fact, as when one feels a thing with the

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hand. If one knows that there is a G-d Who has no body or corporeal concepts, Who has no beginning or end, and so on, it is clear to him that Hashem must be present wherever one is. But the question is, how do we awaken the soul to this simple recognition that Hashem is present? Awakening the Soul through the Power of Speech As we mentioned before, avodah must always be accompanied with the power of speech. Here, too, we must use this power. A person must sit during his hour devoted to contemplation (as discussed above) and ask himself, "Where is Hashem?" He should respond to himself, "Hashem is here, right next to me!" He then should say to himself, "Can I see Him?" "No!" "Do I believe that it is so?" "Yes!" "If I believe it is so, but I do not sense it, how can I live with it?" This is how he should present the question to himself. The answer he must provide to himself is that the reason he doesn't sense Hashem here is that he is too focused on himself. If one will only stop thinking about himself all the time and stop his self-absorption, he will naturally sense Hashem. Chazal said concerning a conceited person (Sukkah 5a), "Hashem says, We cannot live together in the same world.'" What does that mean? Hashem fills the entire world, and there is no place devoid of Him. Can we imagine that Hashem is really not present where the conceited person is found? Of course, He is there, as He is everywhere, but Chazal are telling us that He cannot be felt in this place. It is not that He is not there, but one's conceit prevents the awareness of His existence! If so, the reason each and every one of us does not feel Hashem is conceit, which is possessed by each person in one way or another. Seemingly, we should recommend now that one should start working on the trait of conceit. However, in order to achieve true humility, one must feel the Creator, and in order to feel the Creator, one must be humble. This seems to be a vicious circle, and one is left wondering how to attain the awareness that the Creator is with him. We know that the reason we are prevented from attaining this recognition is that the soul has a strong sense of self, which causes one to be involved and absorbed in himself. The way to attain the recognition of Hashem is through words and prayer. A person should turn to Hashem and speak directly to Him, saying, "Master of the World, I am here. Are You also here? Certainly! Can I see You, Master of the World? Certainly not! I cannot see You! But this much is clear: I am here, and You are also here. I don't feel that You are here. I just know it, because I trust in the words of Chazal." A person should take this sentence and repeat it with deep sincerity. He should say to Hashem, "I don't see You, but I believe You are right here. I don't see, but I believe that you are right here." When a person says this sentence, it must emerge from the depths of his soul - not from the intellect that knows that Hashem must be here, but from the inner feeling of emunah that Hashem is here. It's not that the person feels it yet, but the soul trusts Chazal who taught that Hashem is present.

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Contemplation through Illustrations So as to make this idea more comprehensible, let us imagine that right now, Moshe Rabbeinu is in our house, and we have the privilege to sit with him and talk to him. Suddenly, we see him lift his arm, and from the movement of the arm, it seems that he is shaking someone's hand. We look around, but we don't see anybody. We ask him, "Whose hand did you shake?" and he answers simply, "Eliyahu HaNavi's." If these words would come explicitly from the mouth of Moshe Rabbeinu, anyone with simple faith would believe him that in fact Eliyahu HaNavi is present here. If an ordinary person would say such a thing, we could disregard his words and say that he is fantasizing. Moshe Rabbeinu, though, is on a much higher level than Eliyahu HaNavi. Is there any doubt if he could see Eliyahu? Of course he could see him. Anyone would believe Moshe Rabbeinu if he says that Eliyahu is here in the room. This faith would not only be in the mind. The soul would also be completely convinced that Eliyahu is here! If Moshe Rabbeinu says so, it must be the fact. And he didn't merely say so. We clearly see his hand reaching out to grasp a hidden hand. We clearly see Moshe Rabbeinu acting in a way that indicates that Eliyahu is here. This was our illustration. If this is the case with regard to Eliyahu HaNavi, one must understand that the belief that Hashem is here is more simple and clear than the faith that Eliyahu is here! Thus, a person must use examples to attain the awareness that Hashem is certainly here. We will provide another example. A person is sitting in a room near a wall. He is engrossed in his studies, and he has his chair and shtender (book stand). Suddenly, someone comes from behind and places his hand on this person's shoulder. When he feels it, he is briefly taken aback. He says to his friend who just entered, "I didn't hear you come in." He was so engrossed that he didn't hear that someone entered the room. What can a person derive from this example? It was possible for someone to walk around in his room, and even make noise, and yet he didn't hear a thing! Why was this? Because his mind was engrossed in something else. Therefore, his sense of hearing was not alert and free to hear. One may ponder these examples and say to Hashem, "It is clear to me that although I cannot, with my bodily senses, perceive Your presence here, I believe, and wish to believe even more, and to feel, that You are right near me. "Even when I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil." Why? "Because You are with me." One should take this point and repeat it with simple phrases, time and again, using one example, and then another. He should say to Hashem, "I don't feel it, but I know You are here, just as I know that there are bacteria in the room that I cannot see or feel. Master of the World, I want to feel that You are near me!" A person awakens in the morning and goes to the bus stop and waits there. He should think to himself (and if no one else is there, he can even speak this quietly), "Master of the World, am I alone, or are You with me? Does someone see what I am doing now, or not? Master of the World, I am not alone; You are with me and You see what I do." And so, throughout the day, one must remind himself at intervals of the existence of the Creator, and speak to Him for a minute or two. Understandably, all this is provided that there is already the base of the one hour of the day, in which the person takes this point and develops it. On this base, one can return to the matter time after time, even repeating the very same words, because he knows that these words are the essence of his life. Although he doesn't yet feel it, he intellectually knows that this is a vital matter. May Hashem help each of us to truly seek his Creator, and gradually, by seeking sincerely, may we merit feeling the proximity of Hashem and cleaving to Him for all the days of our lives.

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Chapter 10 - The Clarification of a Life with Hashem Recognition of the Creator Takes Many Years As we explained, after a person has been privileged to really feel that there is a G-d, and his emunah gives him a sense of vitality, the next step is to strive to clearly recognize, in a way that the heart will really perceive, that Hashem is right nearby. This will literally take years of effort. In fact, in the Mesillas Yesharim, in the chapter on fear of sin (Ch. 19), it states that for one to sense that Hashem is nearby is "the most difficult thing to be really grasped by the heart, because the senses don't assist at all." The senses only grasp material entities, but they cannot perceive the Creator. The only faculty in the person that can sense this is the Divine element that is in the soul. Nothing can be perceived without tools of the same kind. The physical world is grasped through the bodily senses, and Gdliness can only be sensed with the Divine element that is present in each person. "The soul You have placed in me is pure." It is a Divine portion from Above. That is the only entity that can sense the Creator Who has no body or corporeal qualities. Therefore, as long as one has not succeeded in awakening the Divine element within, the holy soul - as least to some extent - one cannot feel that Hashem is nearby! Our main avodah in this area is to escape from the material world, and begin to live in the spiritual world, which means more than merely knowing about it. Even when a person learns Torah and fulfils mitzvos, although he is dealing with Divine principles, there is no guarantee that his soul will be engaged in the act. One can learn Torah with a worldly intellect and perform mitzvos with only his physical hands. There is no guarantee that the real person is involved in the mitzvos and that the soul is at the fore! In order to feel and recognize the existence of Hashem, one must involve more than the various parts of the body. He must first reach his soul. Therefore, it is very difficult to get this feeling, because the path to the soul is very long. Even if the soul does become somewhat exposed, if one returns to deal with material things, the soul goes again into hiding. One might attain a certain level, but of such cases, Chazal have said (Chagigah 15a), "They are as hard to attain as vessels of gold, but as easy to lose as glass vessels." You don't just acquire this condition and keep it with you. Rather, you will be in the state of "rushing and turning back." At first, one feels it for a moment. Then, the feeling disappears for a week and then returns, and so on. The soul's bond with the body is a wonder (as said in the blessing of Asher Yatzar; see Tur Orach Chaim 6). Essentially, these two should be in conflict. Just as water and fire cannot naturally join, so is the bond of body and soul precluded by nature. If not for the fact that Hashem is constantly holding them together, a person would die! The general state of the connection between soul and body is that in fact, the soul is in the body, but it is hidden within, so one cannot feel Hashem. In order to feel Hashem, one must strive so that both the soul and body are manifest. This achievement is actually a greater wonder than that of the basic connection between the soul and body! In fact, the moment one returns to engage in the body's matters, and especially, if his thoughts are engrossed in bodily needs, he will forget about the revelation of the soul, and will require much difficult work in order to reawaken his prior condition! To what can this be compared? To the familiar gas stove (with no pilot light), with its various degrees of flame intensity. If one turns up the fire to the highest degree, but after half an hour changes it and lowers the flame, if he wants to restore the flame back to its prior level, he only needs to slightly turn the knob to accomplish this. Why is this? Because the fire was not extinguished. It is still burning, but there was a change in the intensity of the flame, so the adjustments are relatively easy. But if the flame is entirely extinguished, one will need to bring matches and create a new fire.

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So, too, is it in our situation. If a person is distracted for even a moment, the fire will disappear, and the person will need to awaken the power of the soul anew. After one has managed to maintain "the fire burning on the altar, never failing," on his inner altar, building an altar with a constant fire in the sanctuary of the heart, he will still have ups and downs regarding the soul's feelings. But it is will be much preferable to the prior state of "difficult to attain as gold vessels, and easy to lose as glass vessels." Thus, one must know that this point of recognition of the Creator is one of the most basic points of life. One must later become closer to Him, but this prior stage is essential! If one does not recognize the Creator, he cannot become close to Him! One must work on this initial step for years, but in a true, patient, and calm manner. Throughout the Generations, the Tzaddikim Lived with Hashem We will try to provide a general approach to understanding this. A person awakens in the morning. He rises and says, "I thank You Hashem (Modeh Ani)...." Whom is he addressing? Hashem. While one is working on this step, he must start with a more basic point before saying, "I thank You." If we say, "I thank You," there must be someone we are thanking. If there is someone to thank, where is He? The initial thought that must accompany someone at this level upon awakening is (addressing Hashem), "I am not alone. You are with me. You awakened me." Only after that, should the person say, "I thank You, Hashem." The initial idea that should form the basis of one's awakening for the new day must be this: "Master of the world, I did not awaken into a world in which I am alone. I awakened into a world in which I have a "companion." My "companion" is You, Hashem! Certainly, it takes time until one succeeds in reaching the state where this is his first thought upon awakening in the morning. At first, one will forget, and then remember it only two hours later. Gradually, he will learn to remember, until it becomes a habit. This avodah can take weeks or months, until one finally achieves the condition in which his initial thought of the day is that he is living with Hashem. This does not mean that he will actually feel Hashem's presence, but rather, as we elaborated before, that he will have clear faith that Hashem is present nearby. He might or might not sense it, but he will possess complete faith that Hashem is present. Here is an example: In recent years, the cell phone has come into common use. Imagine that someone arrives from a faraway country, where they don't know about the cell phone yet, and he asks a resident where there is a public phone, so he can contact an acquaintance here whom he needs to meet. The resident responds, "Don't trouble yourself. The public phone is far from here." He pulls out from his pocket a small box, and says, "Please." "What is this?" asks the guest. The resident responds, "A cell phone, a portable phone. It has no wires, and you can use it to speak with someone very far away." The tourist looks at him quizzically, and wonders to himself: "Did they really invent a new thing, or did I just meet someone who is mentally unstable." He then says, "Pardon me, thank you!" and goes on his way. He turns later to a second and then to a third person, and everyone has the same response: there is in fact a wondrous tool that can be used for speaking, just like a regular telephone! He then thinks to himself, "If three people have said the same thing, apparently, I just haven't yet heard about this new wonder, but it really can be used for conversing." He then takes the tool in his hand, dials, and begins to speak.

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In this case, when he starts speaking, he shouldn't think, "Maybe they hear me, but maybe they don't." If he would have taken it from the first person and tried to speak while still doubting if the tool works and can be used for conversation, then he would naturally have reservations. But if three people said the same thing, and he sees tens of people walking around and talking with this tool, he will understand clearly, "Until now, I didn't know, but now I know." Even when speaking to an acquaintance 1000 kilometers away, he would have a clear inner feeling that the person hears him. Why is this? Because even though he never tried to speak by means of this amazing tool, since he sees that everyone else does, it must be the reality. A boy grows up in his parents' home and sees his parents talking on the telephone. Gradually, he understands that one speaks here and can be heard elsewhere, and this information remains in his mind forever. This was our example. We will now consider its message. Not only one and not two people lived with the feeling that Hashem is really with them. The holy prophets spoke with Hashem "as a man speaks with his friend," and so did the wise of each generation. We find thousands of people who acted in this way, and this was how they related to Hashem. When one looks at the issue with this perspective, and does not think of himself as some strange exception who is beginning to talk to Hashem, but as a continuation of thousands of tzaddikim throughout the generations who sustained a live contact with Hashem, he will be able to speak to Hashem as if he is holding a phone in hand and conversing with someone hundreds and thousands of kilometers away. Certainly, this requires tremendous effort. One must keep thinking about this and keep trying to feel it. But the main thing is to not give up! One must keep trying and be confident that Hashem is here and He is listening. In the holy works, there is found a principle that "everything follows the beginning." If one takes the awareness that Hashem is nearby, and starts his day with it, it will become the key to living all day with such a feeling. One rises, washes hands, and goes toward the bathroom. In the process, he should think, "Am I alone, or am I with someone?" Then, he turns to Hashem and says to Him, "I know that I am not alone. I know You are here with me." He goes to the synagogue, and if he is privileged to be among the first ten there (which is a very high level), he should say to Hashem, "Am I alone in the synagogue, or are You with me?" And so, he should repeat this point again and again, without fail, until he has the privilege to live at all times with the feeling that Hashem is present with him. There are many events and examples, for each person according to the nature of his day and his situation, but the common theme is that half an hour must not pass (and with time, even less than that) without remembering and saying to Hashem, "I am not here alone; You are with me!" The True Purpose of the Feeling of Loneliness Where should all this lead the person? What is the measuring rod by which one knows if he has acquired this quality? It is written in the pasuk (Bereishis 2:18), "It is not good for man to be alone; I will make for him a helpmate in front of him." This is how man is made. It is not good for him to be alone. Everyone has an inner need to connect to something. Each person has moments (and for some, these are long periods of time) in which he may be in the company of other people (and even with his own family members, depending on the case) and is surrounded by a crowd, yet inside, he feels lonely. Everyone is affected by this, but there are various levels. For some, this occurs rarely, and there are some poor souls whose whole life is this way. But this does apply to each person in one way or another. Let us imagine that a person is alone late at night. No one is home. He feels lonely. What does one do? He immediately tries to call someone. It's hard to be alone. "It is not good for man to be alone."

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But the truth is that the real company for a person should be Hashem! Whenever you feel lonely, you should recognize this truth. Sure, it's not always possible to act upon this awareness, but you must first attain the recognition of this truth, and when alone at home and feeling lonely, you should not rush to the phone to speak, but rather, stop and think: "Why did Hashem create in me this feeling of loneliness? Why did he cause me now to feel so lonely?" After thinking, you will understand that loneliness is a tool for realizing that one cannot live here alone. The way to solve the problem of loneliness is not the one people superficially imagine. Hashem wants to bring one to the truth, so one will not feel lonely. How? By connecting to the Creator! When one sits at home and feels lonely, he must first remember the first point, which is that this loneliness derives from the soul not feeling that Hashem is here. He must collect his thoughts and say to himself, "I know that the truth is that Hashem brought me to this situation of loneliness so that I will connect with Him. I also know that I am not yet on that level, and I can't do that yet, but Hashem wants me to get to that level. He is not allowing me to forget the truth. That is why He is constantly arousing in me the feeling of loneliness, so that I will be inspired and remember that the only way to fill the inner emptiness is through Hashem. On the pasuk, "And Yaakov remained alone" (Bereishis 32:25), there is a well-known comment of Chazal that this relates to the phrase, "And Hashem will be alone on that day" (Yeshayahu 2:11). That is to say, the "alone" of Yaakov Avinu must be joined to the "alone" of Hashem. The pasuk likewise states, "Behold a nation that dwells alone and is not counted among the nations" (Bemidbar 23:9). The "alone" of a Jew must connect to the "alone" of the Creator, and then there is real companionship. If one allows his feelings of loneliness to go away, and tries to dispel them by getting together with other people, without considering at first the whole point of the loneliness, he has missed the point of being placed by Hashem in that state. Hashem directly gave a person a gift, and reminded him, "Know, Jew, that the reason you feel lonely is that you don't feel Me. When you will truthfully feel Me, you will never again feel lonely! Every taint of loneliness must be used to instill in the soul a greater recognition that the purpose of it all is to feel the Creator, so that He will fill the emptiness. Even if one does decide to soften the loneliness in other ways, he must first stop and say to Hashem, "I know why You really gave me loneliness. I know the real way to fill the emptiness of loneliness. This loneliness came to me so that I would connect to You, but I am not yet worthy. Master of the World, help me so that my soul will not feel lonely, and if a moment of loneliness does come, I will find fulfillment through You." One should elaborate in this fashion, according to his ability, and only after that, go to connect with others while sustaining the recognition that he is not yet on the proper level. How will one know that he has reached the proper level? When he reaches the state in which he never feels lonely, he will know that he has attained the proper awareness that there is a Creator. As long as one is seized by feelings of loneliness, even if rarely, he has certainly not fully acquired this level. It may not be possible to perfectly acquire such a level, but one must acquire it to the extent possible. It takes years to attain this awareness. It is not that one works for years without feeling a thing. Of course, when one strives, there are degrees of advancement, but one must yearn for the state of "Behold a nation that dwells alone," the level of "And Yaakov remained alone." May Hashem help each of us to identify the source of loneliness, to recognize this gift that Hashem gives to the soul of each person, until we all have the privilege to cleave to Hashem and arri ve soon at "Hashem will be alone on that day

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Chapter 11 - Divine Providence Strength and Joy are in His Place" We will summarize the most practical points discussed until now. One point that a person must work on is the remembrance of the Creator. We explained at length that one must contemplate this literally thousands of times. One must contemplate and then say, "Who created this object?" and so on. Throughout the day, at first, every half hour, and then, more frequently, one should articulate, "There is a Master of the World," until this truth is fixed and exposed in one's soul. The second point is that one must live with the reality that Hashem is nearby. In the previous chapter, we elaborated on how this can be accomplished. The ultimate of that level is, as we said, where one is in a state where there can be no sadness, because he always has the "company" of Hashem. He never feels lonely. "Strength and joy are in [Hashem's] place, and Hashem is everywhere, so at all times and in all places, one can sustain the clear awareness that Hashem is nearby, and naturally live with this strength and joy. To reach this level, one must first feel a love for Hashem that is very passionate and alive, as will be explained. When one senses that Hashem is with him, and he has a true inner love for Hashem, with no ulterior motives, one can indeed live with the sense of "strength and joy are in His place," with no feelings of loneliness whatsoever. But in truth, this level can only perfectly be attained in the World to Come. We must be clear about this, to avoid any error: If one only feels Hashem's presence, but there is no love, one cannot live with joy! You need both together, a burning love for Hashem and the recognition of His presence. With Hashem's help, when we will talk about loving Hashem, we will return to this concept. The Faith in Hashem's Existence and His Involvement In the beginning of our words, we mentioned emunah with regard to the existence of the Creator. In truth, even when we speak of Divine Providence, the holy works refer to it as emunah, but one must have faith in His involvement. With each thing, there is the entity itself, and there are the actions it can accomplish. For example, with a car, there is the ability to move from here to there, to travel at a certain speed, and to hold a certain number of passengers. So there are two aspects: the car, and the activities carried out through it. If there is no car, these activities naturally cannot occur. A non-entity cannot do an action. We must first acknowledge that there is a car, and then, we can see how to use it and what it can and cannot do. The same is true with emunah in Hashem. The first step is to recognize that Hashem exists and is present everywhere, including one's own location. After that, one must see His actions, seeing how He acts in each thing and in every situation in the world. We will now focus on this step. Firstly, every Jew must know with absolute clarity the established principle that each thing and detail in the world is guided by specific Divine Providence. Although this is deep, and the acharonim (recent authorities) explained it in depth, it is still a simple truth. In other words, even a child (or an adult) who has not studied all the texts and understood their tremendous depth with clarity must first know the most simple and basic fact: there is a Master of the World! This is the recognition of His existence. In addition, he must know that Hashem absolutely controls everything, as the Talmud states ( Chullin 7b), "One does not bang his finger down here unless there is a proclamation from Above." Hence, each thing in creation, with no exception, is guided by Hashem!

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One must first know these things in his mind, and gradually settle them in his heart! The question is, how can we experience this knowledge? How do we awaken the soul so that it will be exposed and live with the sense of Divine Providence? One does not Bang his Finger Down here unless there is a Proclamation from Above We will provide some examples, but we must stress that these are only examples. Each person must find a meaningful illustration and develop it for himself. We have already said many times that a person must devote an hour daily to contemplation, which will be the point of origin for his daily avodah, so that throughout the day, he can keep returning to the object of his thought of that hour. Thus, a person should sit alone in that hour of quiet, lift his hand and move it around. He should ask himself, "Who moved the hand?" And he will answer, "I did!" He should then ask, "Did Hashem determine that I would move the hand, or did I determine it?" He should think and contemplate this well. After a while, he should be able to say, "It seemed to me that I moved the hand. It's up to me: if I want, I move it, and if not, then I won't. That was my feeling. But I know the words of Chazal, whose words we must accept like those of Hashem. What do they tell us? "One does not bang his finger down here unless there is a proclamation from Above." "If so," he should say to himself, "My feeling that I am in control and can decide if I want to move my hand or not is in error, according to Chazal. This mistaken notion comes from blindness and the feeling that the evil inclination is trying to plant in my heart! This is not the feeling of my soul, but of my body. The absolute truth is that only Hashem determines whether or not I will move my hand! One does not bang his finger down here unless there is a proclamation from Above.' If so, at the moment I am moving my hand, Hashem Himself is proclaiming that I will do so!" The person should take this idea and repeat it again and again. He may be sitting at a bus stop and move his hand there, and repeat to himself, "Am I moving this by myself, or was there a Divine proclamation to that effect?" One can add and expand to this point. For example, a person may be sitting at the bus stop and see a cat passing by. He will look at it and think, "Did it decide to move, or is Heaven causing it to move? Does it have the ability not to move, or is there no such possibility? What is the ordinary perspective? That it has both options." But then he should say to himself, "The ordinary perspective is incorrect! It is Hashem Who is directing it to move, especially since it is an animal, which does not have free will. Certainly, each of its moves is directed by Hashem." To take this further, after one has finished waiting for the bus, it arrives. The person notices the wheels of the bus turning, and he might ask himself, "Who is turning these wheels now?" He might answer, "It seems that the driver is making the wheels turn. He pressed on the accelerator and made the bus move. He decides now if the bus should stop or not. That is how it seems. But (he should add and say to himself) that is an error! Every moment the bus moves is a decree from Hashem. Hashem Himself is causing the wheels of the bus to move!" And in this way, one must repeat this point again and again, thousands and tens of thousands of times! This is not an exaggeration. It can take a year or two until one attains this state, but it must be done properly, repeating contemplation of the smallest and simplest details, until the heart finally feels the emunah that exists in the soul. One Must Begin in Peaceful Periods We must emphasize an important point here. At first, one should not focus on situations where there are problems or distractions. For example, a person might be home and hear a terribly loud crash. He looks around and sees that an

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expensive object fell and shattered. Naturally, a person will get emotional and angry and become aggravated over the major loss. The truth is that one who lives with real emunah will find that the more strong and firm his emunah is, so will his anger and rage in such situations be weak. He knows that is was not his son and not the strong wind that broke the object, but Hashem Himself! However, it is very difficult for one to react this way in such a situation. If one does not first strive to live with the simple feeling that Hashem runs the world when it relates to simple things and there is no internal opposition, when he is in a tense situation, the evil inclination will be very strong and his sense of sound judgment will generally be missing. Even when it will return, the inner anger will be so powerful that it will prevent him from contemplating the simple truth. Therefore, at first, one should not primarily work on this in difficult times. These rare occurrences disturb one's capability to sense that Hashem is causing the event, due to the financial loss or whatever it may be. One should rather take some very simple points and work with them. When one moves his hand, besides his inner ego, there is no reason for him to oppose the fact that Hashem is the One doing it. There aren't other factors that arise, such as a financial loss or stress. Therefore, one must work specifically with these simple examples and live with them for a long time. Even when there is a financial loss, and one initially gets upset, when he finally calms down, he should spend time in contemplation, and stop himself and say, "This event occurred today, and I lost money. Intellectually, I know that Hashem Himself caused this, but what does my heart feel? Not that Hashem did it. Yet I clearly know there is a G-d, so should I get angry at Him? He knows what He is doing, and He only wants to bestow good upon me, but the foolishness of my heart does not allow me feel that this is from Hashem." He should continue and think to himself: "I know that the truth is that this is from Hashem. I also know that I feel that it came from another person, such as a family member, not from Hashem. That's why I became upset. My anger was not correct, it was not justified." However, he may not accept upon himself a commitment that next time he will not get upset in such a situation. Such commitments are illusions that come from self-deception. Rather, he should commit to working on sensing Hashem's guidance, so that the next time such an event occurs, he will not get as upset. But one must not expect a dramatic change in the span of a week or so. First of all, one must recognize his level. After he became angry, he must realize that the anger came from a lack of faith. An awareness of one's state and the source of one's feelings is itself progress in avodas Hashem, in relation to the prior failure. The person should continue and say to himself, "I know that this scenario may very well repeat itself. I might become angry again, but I will not give up. I will instill faith again and again, until I truly feel that Hashem is the One Who is doing everything." In other words, one must take the simple, small daily events that present no difficulty to emunah, and work with them. When those difficult times arise, one should contemplate. If one can think properly during the difficulty itself, that is ideal, but if he forgets all about Providence at the time (which is common), his avodah will be to realize that his reaction was wrong, and to sense the contradiction between his mind and his emotions. This process of considering one detail after another can take a year, two years, or more. There is no fixed schedule for this progress. One must deal with the pace of his soul, and work with small and simple, yet fundamental, points.

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Working with Hashem, not Alone There is a particular problem with our presentation of the principles until now. In this way, the person is essentially living alone. He considers the fact that Hashem is doing everything. He knows that his body doesn't sense it but his intellect does, and he tries to instill in himself the true fact that everything comes from Hashem. As we mentioned, while instilling this, one says to himself, "I know that the only One who determines things is Hashem. He alone controls the world, and He causes my hand or a chair to move, and He guides the clouds, the sun, the moon, and all the heavens." The person should take one detail and develop it tens, hundreds, and thousands of times. What is lacking here is that he is not working with Hashem, but alone! He has emunah in Hashem, but not with Hashem. It is better to do this with Hashem, not alone! For example, we mentioned a statement before: "One does not bang his finger down here unless there is a proclamation from Above." A person might move his finger and say, "Who is moving the finger, I or Hashem?" He may speak in this way, but he can also switch it and speak in second person: "Who moves the finger, I or You, Master of the World?" Thus, he will be speaking with Hashem in second person, not in third person! One's avodah must not be with a sense of separation. Rather, one should instill the emunah with Hashem, not only aboutHashem. This way is truer and purer, because it creates in a person both emunah and a connection to the Creator. One will instill emunah while he is talking to the Creator. A person will move his hand and say, "Master of the World! I feel as if I am moving my hand, but I know that You determined that I would move it, and it isn't really up to me." And this is how it should be with every aspect of contemplation. One will see the clouds moving, and speak to Hashem, and say, "Who is moving the clouds? Is it the wind, or is it You? I feel, or it seems to my eyes because of my feelings, that the wind is moving them, but in fact, I know that, as Chazal revealed to us, You are the One Who moves them." It's true that there is the idea that a person should first contemplate by himself, and then speak to Hashem, and with Hashem's help, we will explain that later, but nonetheless, the process of contemplation must lead to speaking to Hashem and instilling the emunah together with Him through the speech. The Avodah Must be as a Structure, with Level Above Level If a person doesn't do this, he is liable to lose all the effort he invested when striving to attain the awareness of the presence of Hashem. He will be so involved in the work on Divine Providence that he will lose the feeling of Hashem's presence. This is a level that is "difficult as gold vessels to acquire, and easy as glass vessels to lose." He could lose all his effort invested in the recognition of Hashem, chas veshalom! If this is done properly, though, even while one is working on emunah in Divine Providence, he will not lose what he has attained until that point. To the contrary, because he is aware of the existence of Hashem and feels His presence nearby constantly, he develops the matter further and builds upon it. This is a basic principle of avodah. We cannot always stay in the same place; we must advance. "Scholars have no rest in this world or the next, as it says, They will go from strength to strength, to appear before Hashem in Tzion'" ( Tehillim, 84:8;Berachos 64a). They always advance from one level to the next. If, G-d forbid, the next level allows to the prior one to be forgotten, one will lose his earlier attainment.

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You must therefore know that much wisdom is needed for this. This requires great skill, so one can build each step on the one before it. We will use the three aforementioned levels for example. At first, one strives to sense the existence of the Creator, until he acquires that sense. Upon that, he builds the sense that the Creator he knows about is with him at all times. That was the second level. The third level is that this Creator guides everything. Here, one is liable to separate between the second level and the third. He might attain the feeling that the Creator dwells in the Heavens and from there controls the earth. If so, while working on the faith in Divine Providence, he is forgetting that Hashem is nearby! The true way, then, is to build each level on the previous one: there is a Creator, He is near me, and I can speak to Him at any time and say, "I see that You are here and are guiding everything. You are not only in the Heavens, but right here. You are here and are causing the bus to move, and the clouds...." Hence, the sense of Divine Providence is rooted in the recognition of a Creator Who is right near me! The concept of Divine Providence is broader than the sea. There is, in fact, a problem with the quick way it is being covered here. We must remember that each step discussed here requires literally years of effort. This is true effort day after day. There must be an hour for contemplation, as the Ramchal taught us, and then, throughout the day, one must remember the idea each half hour, and then every 25 minutes, then every 20, and then every 15 minutes, and so on. At first, it is necessary to attain a clear picture of the ideas, but it is essential to remember that one cannot rush to the next stage. To rush from the stage of remembering the existence of the Creator to the stage of feeling His presence, or from that stage to the stage of His guidance of every detail, can ruin and damage the attainment of the previous stage. These are the principles of inner work. One must take every aspect and work with it day after day. Even if one fails, he must never give up. He should just continue forward. But one must see to it that he is actually building something within, not merely knowing and wanting to advance. One must sense that this is the essence of life. Because it is true, it is the reality! One must build level above level and place them deep in his soul. One must attain a palpable sense of the existence of the Creator, of His presence, and of His Providence. Then he may advance to the next stage, that of prayer, as we will explain further, with the help of Hashem.

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Chapter 12 - "And I am Prayer If Only a Person Would Pray all Day Long" At the end of the previous chapter, we presented a fundamental principle concerning the way of avodah: one must speak to Hashem in the second person, not in the third person. This is one of the most fundamental concepts: that one must live with Hashem, and not deal with Him from a distance, chas veshalom. Now, with Hashem's help, we will discuss the idea of tefillah (prayer). The true way of tefillah is as David HaMelech said of himself, "And I am tefillah" (Tehillim 109:4). His entire being, his entire life, from beginning to end, and his whole source of vitality was tefillah! That is to say, beyond the three prayers that Chazal have established to say each day, the proper approach is "If only a person would pray all day long" (Berachos 21a). What does this mean? Above, we mentioned that Hashem is next to a person, and we spoke of Divine Providence, but we did not include the principle of tefillah. We stated that one must recognize Hashem's presence and His Providence, but in fact, every challenge in one's avodah, every spiritual attainment, must be joined with tefillah, as we will describe. We stated above that a person must recognize Hashem's precise Providence; for example, a person moves his hand. He then asks himself, "Who moved it? With my physical eyes, it seems as if I moved it, but I know, Master of the World, that the One Who is truly moving my hand is You, and no one else! "No one bangs his finger down here unless there is a proclamation from Above." Here, there is the additional aspect of tefillah. A person stands and says to Hashem, "Intellectually, I know that You guide "the palace," that You move my hand, but my feelings tell me that a person controls himself. I ask of You, Hashem, that my intellectual knowledge should influence my heart so that it, too, will really feel this idea!" In other words, besides the infusion of the awareness of Hashem's Providence, one must join the aspect of tefillah. One feels the contradiction between mind and heart, and he wants to instill a real feeling about the matter, so he must add atefillah and entreat Hashem, "Master of the World, if You don't help me to feel Your Providence, all the effort in the world will not help! I can only make some lower awakening,' but the main success comes from striving and finding (the gift), meaning that You will help me attain this level in my heart." And so, one must speak to Hashem in the second person. Such words bring one to the state of "And I am prayer." So that one's prayer should be proper, during the daily contemplation, he should consider the basic and simple concept of prayer: "And the vegetation of the field was not yet on the land, and the grass of the field had not yet sprouted, for Hashem had not yet sent rain, and man was not there to work the land" (Bereishis 2:5). Rashi explains, "Why was there no rain? Because man was not there to work the land. There was no one to recognize the value of the rain, but when Adam came and knew that rain was needed for the world, he prayed, and rain fell, and the trees and vegetation sprouted." Here we see the well-known principle, that anything one seeks, be it material or spiritual, must be attained with prayer. Without prayer, one cannot achieve anything! When one is working on this point, he stops and says before Hashem, "Master of the World, I see that even one who does not observe Torah and mitzvos receives blessing from You. It seems, then, that one can receive blessing even without prayer. On the other hand, I believe the words of Chazal who said that prayer is needed for any blessing. Master of the World, I pray that my faith in the words of Chazal will be true and whole, and that although my eyes of flesh and blood cannot see this truth, I will have the privilege to believe in it completely."

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Certainly, this is a need to clarify this intellectually and perhaps at length, but one still must pray to have the emunah that nothing can be achieved without tefillah. This itself requires tefillah. As long as one believes that tefillah is only needed to grant aid from Above - in other words, he just wants some help, but he feels that essentially, it's up to him and he can take care of himself and get what he needs, he doesn't realize the nature oftefillah, and he naturally will not feel that tefillah is that valuable and important. If one really wants to attain the level oftefillah, he must attain the sense in his heart that without tefillah, he can achieve nothing! One must really contemplate this point, and review it again and again. He must speak to Hashem and say to Him, "I know that if I don't pray, I won't achieve anything. I don't feel it so much, but it is clear to me in my mind. I ask You: help me to feel the importance and need for tefillah, and to live accordingly." He should say this to himself time after time, until he feels in his soul that in fact, without prayer, nothing can be attained. Nothing can be Attained without Tefillah We have learned, then, that there are two aspects to tefillah. First of all, tefillah demands avodah of its own. In other words, in order to reach the level where the tefillah will really be true and come from the depths of the soul, one must strive and recognize that without tefillah, nothing can be attained. One must work on this a great deal, until the soul feels that withouttefillah, nothing can be attained. The second point is that tefillah encompasses all avodah. There is no aspect that does not require tefillah first. If a person wants a livelihood, he must pray; if he wants to get married, he must pray; and if he wants children, he must pray for that as well. This is all with material concerns, but the main need is when one seeks spiritual attainments: in every aspect of avodah, if one really wants to attain a level, he must join tefillah to his efforts. We will provide some other examples in order to make this concept more realistic, but the principle remains one: when people live without tefillah, the fourth leg of the chariot is missing. David HaMelech, who embodied "I am prayer," is the means for achieving each thing. Avraham Avinu represents the attribute of love. One who wishes to attain love for the Creator must cleave to the attribute of Avraham. Yitzchak is the attribute of fear, and Yaakov is the attribute of compassion. The Torah commands us to cleave to Hashem's attributes: "As He is compassionate, so shall you be compassionate" (Maseches Sofrim 3:12). But if we do not join tefillah to all of this, these attributes will have no permanence. As long as there is no proper prayer in the world, whether it is in the world as a whole, or in its smaller aspects, we cannot merit redemption. Only when redemption is joined with prayer (geulah next to tefillah) can redemption come. There can be no true acquisition without tefillah, and if one imagines that he has attained something without praying for it, it must have come from the world of illusions. One must understand that he and tefillah are inseparable. Tefillah is not merely an important detail, a nice thing that ought to be attained. It is vital, and nothing can be acquired without it! What is an example of this? A person approaches a store and asks for a bottle of a drink. The storekeeper takes a bottle out of the refrigerator and hands it to him. Then, as the storekeeper is stretching out his hand and giving the bottle to the customer, the customer pulls back his hand and the bottle falls to the ground... Tefillah is like a hand; it is a receptacle. If there is no hand to receive, no matter how many bottles the storekeeper offers, the customer will not be able to take them from him. All the bottles will fall and shatter, and he will have nothing to drink. Tefillah applies to every aspect of our avodah, to whatever you want to attain: love of Hashem, fear of Hashem, compassion, Torah study, mitzvos, etc. All these must be preceded by tefillah.

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When we begin our day, Chazal hakedoshim have ordained that we must pray. It says (Tehillim, 72:5), "They shall fear You when the sun rises." Tefillah is needed at the point of transition from darkness to light. To have the ability to learn Torah properly throughout the day and perform mitzvos, the day must begin with the process of tefillah. The beginning of the day will then extend throughout the day. If the entire day is under the effect of tefillah, the Torah can last, the mitzvos can last, and everything else accomplished throughout the day can last. But if the beginning is not with prayer, but one chas veshalom tries to cleave to Hashem without even praying to Him, he is like the person in the previous example with the storekeeper, the customer, and the bottle. Tefillah with Tefillah, not with a Sense of Separateness One must attain the habit of uttering words of tefillah to Hashem throughout the day, in second person. For example, he wakes up in the morning, leaves his house, and goes to pray. If Chazal say that nothing can be attained without prayer, then even prayer must need prayer. If so, he must pray to Hashem before his tefillah that he will be able to pray properly that he will have peace of mind without distractions from the outside or from the surrounding people, or distractions from the inside, such as troubles in the heart and mind. He will turn then to the Creator and say to Him, "Master of the World, I wish to pray to You. I know that I need to pray and that tefillah is the main force that affects the day. But I also know that if You don't assist me in my prayer, I won't even be able to pray. Please, Hashem, help me so that my prayer will be done properly, that I will be able to focus correctly, etc." (One might ask, "If prayer is indeed needed to attain anything, from where does one have the ability to articulate that firsttefillah?" This is a good question, and there is much to be said about this, but we will briefly mention that the initial prayer is from the soul, not from the brain. But here is not the place to elaborate.) Everyone wants to say pesukei dezimra (verses of song said toward the beginning of the morning prayers) as they should be said, and to reach the Shemoneh Esreh ("the eighteen blessings") - the main part of the prayer - without being distracted by other kinds of thoughts. Naturally, a person will struggle against such thoughts time and again, but it doesn't help. However, our avodah must be totally different. Since a person knows that he prayed yesterday and the day before, and each time, distracting thoughts came to him, he must stop himself before prayer and request of Hashem, "Master of the World, I ask You: I have been trying for days and years to pray properly, but there are always distractions. I personally don't want distractions. Please help me by removing them, and help me to truly have proper intent in my prayer." If the tefillah is not preceded by a tefillah, the main tefillah will also not be a real prayer, as it will be lacking its inner essence, and it will only be superficial. Prayer must generate the main prayer, so that the prayer will not be with a sense of separateness from Hashem. Tefillah for Every Detail That was one example, but this attitude must be expressed throughout the entire day. When a person concludes his tefillahand turns to the work of his day, he must pray for each act he is about to do. If he is about to eat breakfast, he should pray to be able to eat properly, which means that while eating, he will not be engrossed in the food, but will be engrossed in spirituality, such as Torah and the love of Hashem. If one goes to learn Torah, he should pray for the merit to understand it properly. If he is on his way to work, he should pray to be saved from disturbances, such as forbidden sights.

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As long as one is alive in this world, he must take this method and develop it. For example, if one is working to attain the awareness of Hashem, and for half an hour, he totally forgets about it, and then remembers afterwards, he should turn to Hashem, and say to Him, "I know You are here, but I keep forgetting it. Help me, Hashem, to remember this important principle for longer periods of time, and to have a deeper remembrance of it." Another example: One may be developing his faith in Divine Providence. He should contemplate various matters, and say, "Please, give me the privilege to have the kind of faith in You that will be truly take root in me!" There are many details, but there is only one underlying point: When a person lives with the truth, he should not let ten minutes pass without some kind of prayer. This is literal, with no exaggeration! Of course, there is a long road needed until one reaches that level, but nonetheless, the true way of life is for one to always have the company of Hashem. Of course, there will be intermittent periods of forgetting, but they will be followed by remembrance. There are high levels achieved by the great people in history, who embodied (as said in the prayers of Rosh HaShanah), "Happy is the man who does not forget You," but only the precious few can live without ever forgetting. The average person must yearn to orient himself and the direction of his life toward feeling that companionship can only be found with Hashem. There is a well-known Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah 14:9): "Said R' Levi in the name of R' Chaninah, One must praise Hashem for each breath he takes, as it says ( Tehillim 150:6), "The whole soul (neshamah) will praise Hashem," meaning that we must praise Him for each breath (neshimah).'" The second step is where one praises Hashem, but first of all, there must be clear remembrance that one's very life comes only from Hashem. Naturally, if a person lives this way, he will reach a condition in which Hashem guides him each moment. The common thread of each moment of his life will be the element of tefillah. This avodah does not necessarily require an hour; it can be less than that, for each person according to his level. In a few minutes, one can pray to Hashem and ask, "Help me to not forget You, to feel that You are here, and to love You, etc." Each person should fine the appropriate aspect, but the main idea is that from the beginning until the end of the day, one should be tied to His Creator. These ideas that we have mentioned require steps, one above the other, but the process is one: to bring a person to the state where he can directly address Hashem and pray to Him. The real purpose is not that which is requested, such as children or a livelihood, or even spirituality! Of course, we need spirituality, but Hashem can bestow it even without ourtefillah. Necessarily, then, the tefillah has a goal of its own. Besides that it bestows spiritual and material blessings, its main purpose is a bond with Hashem! "Tefillah" is related to the phrase "Naftulei Elokim Niftalti (I have been bound with bonds of G-d)," and we know from the sacred works that tefillah is the main thing for connecting one with his Creator. One must always strive to speak to Hashem in the second person, and yet know that He is a "hidden G-d," because He is infinite and incomprehensible. This is the proper way: on a basic level, live with the feeling that You can relate to Him, but know deep down that He is hidden and concealed. In summary, to reach the goal of tefillah, which is emunah and "Naftulei Elokim Niftalti" (attachment to Hashem), one must fulfill these two conditions: 1) the tefillah must exist at all times, each person as much as he can. 2) the tefillah must be stated in the second person, so that one is with Hashem at the time. Certainly, when one is learning Torah, he cannot pray each moment, because them he would not be able to learn. However, the sacred works write that even when learning, when one cannot understand something, he should pray to Hashem for help in understanding. Once he has the privilege to understand it, he should say to Hashem, "Thank You for giving me the privilege to understand, and now I ask You for help me to continue to understand." In this way, he will give thanks for the past and make a request for the future.

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Thus, the learning itself will be saturated with the process of tefillah. If Torah is not joined with prayer, there is chas veshalom a spiritual separation (mekatzetz bin'ti'os-lit. "chopping down the trees"). The Chazon Ish writes that Torah andtefillah are to be in perfect unity. If there is one without the other, one is completely separate from Hashem! Of course, on some level, there is a connection, but it is not present in one's inner essence, and there is no real attachment! Of course, to attain attachment, love is required, and with Hashem's help, we will elaborate on that in the following chapters, but we must know that tefillah in one's life is a process that can take years of effort, and then, we can attain it truly in the soul, with the help of Hashem

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Chapter 13 - The Form and Inner Essence of Prayer The Ultimate State of Tefillah is "Pour out your Heart as Water in the Presence of Hashem" In the previous chapter, we discussed the principle of tefillah, and explained that it not merely a detail of ouravodah. We find in the sefarim hakedoshim that just as Torah is equal to all the 613 mitzvos, so it is with tefillah. In other words, each of the 613 mitzvos and each aspect of avodah must be preceded by tefillah. We will now consider how one's tefillah should be expressed. It says in the pasuk, "The pauper speaks with supplication" (Mishlei 18:23). In fact, there are many forms of tefillah, as we find in Chazal (Devarim Rabbah 2:1) that there are ten terms used to describe prayer. When we speak of tefillah that should exist continually throughout the day, it can certainly not always be expressed as supplication. There is some degree of supplication, but one cannot sustain all day the sense of ( Eichah 2:19) "Pour out your heart as water in the presence of Hashem." There are particular moments, particular times, in which Hashem grants one the privilege to have his heart "opened" and then he can be in the state of "Pour out your heart as water in the presence of Hashem." He is "in front" of Hashem and pours out his heart before Him. But (except for the precious few) one cannot live in this lofty state all day. Therefore, the most clear and practical way is to address Hashem all day directly, speaking to Him naturally, as it were. It says (Shemos 20:21), "Wherever I will [allow you to] mention My name, I will come to you and bless you." When one says to Hashem "You," Hashem comes. The "mention of Hashem's name" means that a person really wants to speak to Hashem, and when that is one's inner, true will, Hashem will certainly come to Him! When Hashem is present next to a person, it must be as the Mesillas Yesharim says, "as a man speaks to his friend." It will be as if one is requesting from his family, "Please bring me that object," or "Could you do that for me?" And in this way, one must speak clearly to Hashem, and ask Him, "I wish to learn; help me to understand the subject. I wish to pray; help me to pray properly; I am going to walk on a city street; protect me from seeing something forbidden." For these aspects, and for other issues that trouble a person, he should speak to his Creator. During one's time of solitude (as the Ramchal writes in Derech Etz Chaim that one must fix for himself a time each day for solitude and contemplation) or at certain specially blessed moments, one should try to pour out all of his feelings before the Creator, and then he will be in the state of "Pour out your heart like water." But throughout the day, one should speak to Him as if speaking to a friend, literally. Just as there is a chair and table here, so too, and more so, is Hashem here! Just as one speaks to his family members and is certain that they hear him, so must it be with Hashem. "I will Walk before Hashem in the Land of the Living" One of the ten terms of tefillah is "crying out," as it says (Eichah 2:18), "Their heart cried out to Hashem." We will first consider a worldly example. When does a person cry out? There are two cases: The first is when a person attempts to speak with a friend. If he sees that the friend is ignoring him and is not interested, he finally loses patience and starts screaming. He is not shouting to him, but at him - so the person should pay attention to him and treat him properly. This is one form of shouting that we find among people. The second kind of shouting is when someone is on one side of the street and he sees a friend walking on the other side. He needs him badly, and he knows that if he doesn't yell, his friend will go on the bus and go far away, and he will not be able to reach him and get from him what he wants. He loudly screams out the person's name, and says, "Wait a minute, I need you!" In other words, such a shout comes from the fact that one knows that his friend won't hear him if he speaks softly. Therefore, he must shout to him loudly.

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Now we will consider: when we speak to Hashem, what kind of shouting might we be doing? It's simple and clear that the first kind, where one shouts because someone isn't listening or paying attention, cannot apply to Hashem. It says, "For You listen to the prayer of each mouth." Hashem listens to every Jew. The sefarim explain that each prayer is answered, but it isn't always seen in the open. Nonetheless, there is no doubt that Hashem listens to the prayer of every individual of the Jewish people. There is no need to shout so that He will listen. Hashem always listens, and when He sees that it is good for a person to have his request filled, he will be answered, but when He sees that it is not in the person's best interests, he will not be answered. But we may not mention the concept of shouting at Hashem! This would be a lack of emunah and of understanding what the Creator is! This all relates to the first kind of shouting. What about the second kind? That was where a person is distant, and you shout because you might miss the opportunity to reach him. If you speak quietly, he won't hear. Yet thegemara (Berachos 31a) learns from the prayer of Chanah many fundamental laws concerning prayer, and one of them is "and her voice was not heard" (Shmuel I 1:13) - "from here we learn that it is forbidden to raise the voice in prayer." This law of prayer in silence applies specifically to the Shemoneh Esreh. However, during the other parts of the prayer, there is no specific prohibition against raising one's voice and praying aloud. We must consider, then, what is the basic difference between the prayer of Shemoneh Esreh and the other parts of the prayer? Why is there this law of praying in silence specifically there, while one may raise his voice during other parts of the prayer? The simplest explanation (without getting into deep concepts) is that Shemoneh Esreh is recited "as a man speaks to his friend." When a person is in the state of "in front of Hashem," he is right with the Creator, and there is no need to shout. When one is in the state of "Hashem is in the Heavens, and I am on the earth," he senses deep down that Hashem is far, and if He is far, I naturally need to shout. But when one senses that Hashem is right nearby, just as when he speaks to his family members, he does not need a loudspeaker, and he does not need to raise his voice, so too, when he speaks to Hashem, it is calm and gentle. With the people of Nineveh, it says (Yonah 3:8), "And they called out to G-d with force." The Kotzker rebbe said that such is the way of the people of Nineveh, lowly people, who think they need to shout with force so that Hashem will hear them. A Jew, who is pure and sensitive, knows that he can live in the state of "before the presence of Hashem." He speaks to Hashem not with shouts and not with force, but as one speaks to a friend. A person who lives with Hashem throughout the entire day lives in a state of "I have placed Hashem before me always." He is aware that "no place is void of Him," that Hashem is everywhere, and so, deep in his soul, he senses that Hashem is nearby. If a person feels that he needs to shout, he may be certain that he still lacks the sense that Hashem is nearby! When speaking to a relative outside of the country, even if there is a good connection, since one senses that he is speaking with someone far away, there is a tendency to speak loudly. The sense of the distance between the speaker and the listener makes a person raise his voice and even shout. The more one is able to sense that Hashem is really nearby, the more he will speak in the way of "as a man speaks to his friend" and in the manner of (Kohelles 9:17) "the words of the wise are heard when gentle." But if he needs to shout, there must be a lack of inner awareness of Hashem's closeness. Certainly, one does not at first sense that he is talking to a friend. This requires tremendous effort and only after a while, will one see its effect. All we are doing here is presenting the path of advancement. One starts with the feeling that Hashem is not that close (unless he already has the privilege to sense that, but for one not as pure, there is this process), and goes to level after level, feeling more and more that one is really speaking to the Creator and that He is present.

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This is the aspiration and the goal - to live with Hashem here in this world. "I will walk before Hashem in the land of the living" (Tehillim 116:9). When a person has the privilege to cleave to Hashem, as it says ( Devarim 4:4), "And you, who cleave to Hashem, are all alive today," then even this world changes to become for him a "land of the living," and he will "walk for Hashem in the land of the living," even here in this world. Prayer is a Vessel for Holding the Faith in Divine Providence Tefillah is a complete means for sustaining a person from beginning to end, every step of the way. One must, then, strive to ask from Hashem concerning every detail. Once, a person with torn shoes went in to see the Chazon Ish. When the Chazon Ish asked why he doesn't buy new shoes, the person answered that he doesn't have the money. The Chazon Ish asked him, "Did you already ask Hashem for the money to buy shoes?" "No," answered the man, "I am ashamed to ask Him for shoes; it's not dignified." The Chazon Ish told him, "You should know that your behavior doesn't stem from a fear of the holiness, but from a fear due to shame! There is a lack in your relationship with the Creator! If you would really feel that Hashem is your Father and that He is here, you would not be ashamed! When you were a child and your shoes tore, you weren't ashamed to ask your father to buy you a new pair, unless you knew that your father didn't have money and that his financial situation was very difficult. But if you knew he was wealthy and that he lacked no money, would you have been ashamed even for a moment to ask him for shoes? Certainly not! And so" the Chazon Ish concluded, "Can the hand of Hashem be limited?' (Bemidbar 11:23) Certainly, Hashem does not lack anything!" When a person has the merit to feel that Hashem is near him, he will pray for each detail of his life, even for the smallest ones. Why is this? The depth of the matter is: Who made the shoes? Did they tear on their own? Why don't you have money to buy new shoes? This all comes from precise Divine Providence! A person bought these shoes, and had them for a year. As long as they were needed, they did not tear. The moment the Divinely ordained time for their use was completed, Hashem tore them! It turns out, then, that the One Who tore them was the Creator Himself! Concerning the Bais HaMikdash (the Temple), we find in the gemara (Bava Kamma 60b), "When a fire goes out and finds thorns' - when it goes on its own - the one who lit the fire shall pay'- Hashem said, I must pay for the fire I lit. I lit a fire in Zion, as it says (Eichah 4:11), "And He lit a fire in Zion and consumed its foundations," and I will rebuild it with fire, as it says (Yirmeyahu 15:20), "I will be to it a wall of fire around it and for honor I will be in it."'" When one recognizes that it was Hashem Who destroyed the Bais HaMikdash, he turns to the One Who destroyed it and asks Him to rebuild it. This is true not only with the most important thing - the Bais HaMikdash - but with every detail in life. If one applies this idea and understands that when his shoes tear, it is from Hashem, and it is in the same category as "He ignited a fire in Zion," then in a deep sense, "I will rebuild it with fire." He goes to Hashem for his needs, because he understands that there is no other address at which to seek. If Reuven broke something, he must pay for it, but if one understands that the address for everything is simply Hashem, and only He causes each detail, it is clear without any doubt that there is no address toward which to turn and seek things. The sense that one must only ask for big things and not small ones comes from a lack of appreciation of Divine Providence. That is to say, the tefillah and the awareness of Divine Providence are interdependent. When a person recognizes Divine Providence, the aspect of tefillah naturally becomes stronger, and in this way, he grows "from strength to strength." The more one does pray for each detail, the more this prayer will instill in his midst the emunah in detailed Divine Providence. Chazal have said, "Words that come from the heart enter the heart." The sefarim hakedoshim explain that they enter the heart from where they came! They can certainly enter other hearts, but if words come from the heart and don't enter the heart of the one who said them, they cannot enter the heart of one who hears them! If the one who speaks is not himself a receptacle for his own words, there will be no receptacle for the listeners, because he needs to deliver to them even the

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receptacle for his words. How is this? If he himself strives with all his might to receive the words he says, the words come with their receptacle, and he automatically transmits that to the listeners, as well. When a person prays, and his words come out from the heart, those words must return to his own heart! Hisemunah must strengthen through the force of tefillah! If a person is working on acquiring the belief in Divine Providence, and he prays for this, the tefillah itself will in turn instill in him this belief more deeply. If one really wants Hashem to accept his tefillah, he must be able to receive the words himself. This can be understood through the example brought before: A person enters a store and asks for a bottle to drink. When the storekeeper hands it to him, he pulls back his hand and the bottle falls to the ground. Tefillah, as we said, is a "hand," a receptacle. We have a lot of requests from Him, and we are not always answered. One of the reasons is that the tefillah itself must have a receptacle. If a person is receiving emunah through his tefillah, the tefillah is a receptacle of emunah, and then, he has a receptacle for all he needs: livelihood, other blessings, success, etc. But it the tefillah is only for a detail, and one seeks only shoes or a livelihood, but he does not form a receptacle for the tefillah, it is not a real tefillah! And if so, it cannot accomplish! If the tefillah is in order to fulfill a request, but it does not instill in the person a greater emunah in Divine Providence, the inner essence of the tefillah is lacking. One Drop Joins with Another Here we must add a simple point. To help understand, we will use the known example in the incident of Rabbi Akiva with the water that wore away at the rock, of which the sefarim hakedoshim spoke at length. If one would examine each drop on its own, one would not notice any effect with his eyes. Only after tens, hundreds, and thousands of drops, the significant effect of the drops becomes apparent. So, too, in our avodah, both in general, and specifically in the area of tefillah we're now discussing, there is the principle of one drop after another, until they join and "wear away at the rock." Tefillah must place in the heart of each person the belief in Divine Providence, but one cannot examine his heart each day and say, "A moment before tefillah, I felt like such and such, and now, after the tefillah, do I feel more emunah?" There is no tool in existence that can measure this! What then? The tefillah must be done in a way of strengthening the principles of emunah in a person, but one will only be able to check its influence after a long period of time, as with water wearing away at a rock. But when a person engages in tefillah, he must approach it as a way of instilling emunah in his midst. This is a basic introduction to the entire process of tefillah. When a person speaks to Hashem, this is an unparalleled opportunity. If one recognizes this, and he knows that such is the real value of tefillah, it will naturally be carried out with joy and inspiration. May Hashem help us to continue and clarify the matter, and may we have the merit to truly cleave to Him always.

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Chapter 14 - The Way of Achieving Palpable Closeness to Hashem Three Levels of Prayer In the previous chapter, we explained that in general, there are three aspects of tefillah: 1) A prayer for a specific request, in other words, for personal needs, such as a livelihood, health, clothing, etc. 2) When a person recognizes that Hashem is the One Who withheld this from him, and thus, He is the only address at which to seek to full this lack, the tefillah becomes a means to instill emunah in Divine Providence. 3) The highest aspect, the speech itself with the Creator! "He shall kiss me with the kisses of His lips, because Your closeness is better than wine" (Shir HaShirim 1:2), and of Moshe Rabbeinu, it says, "Mouth to mouth I speak to him, and with a vision, not with riddles" (Bemidbar 12:8). In addition, we find in the words of Chazal (Eliyahu Rabbah 18), "Whenever a Torah scholar sits, reciting and learning Torah by himself, Hashem sits opposite him and recites and learns with him, as it says, "opposite the presence of Hashem." On the verse (Tehillim 121:5), "Hashem is your shadow at your right side," Chazal taught (Vayikra Rabbah 14:5), "What is the meaning of Hashem is your shadow'? He is like your shadow. Just as your shadow will laugh if you laugh, cry if you cry, and will respond to your sad or friendly countenance, so does Hashem respond to You in accordance with the way you deal with Him." The meaning of "Hashem is your shadow" is that Hashem relates to a person the same way the person relates to Him. If one employs his mouth by speaking to the Creator, there is the element of "Mouth to mouth I speak to him." Certainly, we cannot be on the level of Moshe Rabbeinu, because "No prophet like Moshe has risen in Israel" ( Devarim 34:10), but everyone has a little "Moshe Rabbeinu" within, and through that, he can attain such a level, which is available for each individual! The very fact that a person can talk to the Creator is the greatest level of all. As we have discussed at length, there are two kinds of speech: there is the way of crying out, which is speech that comes from distress - from an inner disturbance - and there is also speech that comes in the way of "as a man speaks to his friend" - as one speaks to his family: simply and naturally. He senses that the Creator is nearby, and he speaks to Him. He speaks to Hashem from the simple feeling that He is listening to his words, as if the Creator has nothing else to do other than to listen to his words. As we explained, this is the level of the prayer of Shemoneh Esreh, which is recited quietly, in "a small, still voice." When one screams, he feels as if Hashem is far away, but in Shemoneh Esreh, one speaks as if to a friend standing nearby. This is the summary of what we have said, and we will now continue onward. Advancing in Stages until the Inner Point of the Soul We see that when we daven (pray), we do not start immediately with the Shemonah Esreh, but the order is: birkos hashachar(the morning blessings), korbanos (the sacrifices), pesukei dezimra (the verses of praise), yotzer ohr (the blessings before the Shema), the Shema, and only after that, comes the Shemoneh Esreh. The inner meaning of this is that one naturally lives separately, in a state of being alone, and when he approaches tefillah, he must leave this separateness and approach the Creator. Every stage of tefillah is an ascent, and the depth of this is that one must leave the stage of separateness and enter more and more to the stage of speaking with the Creator. At first, one feels relatively separate. Later, he is less separate and is closer to the Creator. And so, he becomes closer and closer, until at Shemoneh Esreh, he reaches the stage of "a man speaking to his friend."

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To what can this be compared? Someone is on one side of the street, and his friend is on the other side, and he shouts to him to wait for him. His strong desire to tell him something prevents him from waiting until the friend goes to greet him from his side of the street. He first screams to him to stop, so that the person will know that he has something to tell him. As they become closer to each other, and the distance between them shrinks, he will still speak loudly so that the person can hear him, but he will gradually lower his voice. When they finally meet, they can speak to each other softly and even whisper. This is the simple meaning of "as a person speaks to his friend." This is the parable. The inner lesson is that the closer one gets to his Creator, the weaker is the degree of the inner cry of his soul. He can then speak more softly, until he reaches the condition of "a still, small voice." One cannot immediately start with Shemonah Esreh, because, as the sefarim hakedoshim say, even a person who cleaves to the Creator all day reaches the highest level of attachment during tefillah, especially during Shemoneh Esreh. Even if a person remembers Hashem throughout the day, unless he is talking to Hashem, he will generally be involved in other endeavors, such as Torah study or other matters. Since his head holds additional thoughts, his attachment to Hashem is not absolute, depending on each person's level. When a person comes to daven before Hashem, he detaches from everything around him in the world, and he is totally devoted to speaking with Hashem. But this detachment generally cannot come radically, but in gradual stages, as one would climb a ladder - one level after another. Thus, when one starts to daven, he cannot immediately move from his ordinary state of the day to that of Shemoneh Esrehwith deveikus (attachment). There is a progression when one enters to speak with Hashem. Slowly, one feels more and more closeness to Hashem. If one wishes to jump right away to Shemonah Esreh, he is seeking kefitzas haderech (a miraculous contraction of his path). In the physical world, we know that only very few tzaddikim earn this miracle; so too, we must know that there is generally nokefitzas haderech in spiritual growth! Therefore, as a rule, a person must proceed gradually. At first, he will speak to Hashem with a certain sense of being distant; then, he will feel closer and closer, until he reaches his inner point of closeness to the Creator. Certainly, every rule has an exception. There are days in which there is a stronger feeling of distance, and there are days in which one feels closer, but in general, one must go one step at a time. One starts with the lowest stage of the soul, the point furthest from the Creator, and he delves deeper, step after step, until he reaches the inner point of the heart that lives and feels the Creator clearly. In fact, one does not always have the privilege to reach this inner point. Sometimes, there are outer distractions and a person remains in the outer layers of his soul. But even when a person does have the privilege, the process is one of entering level after level, from palace to palace in the inner soul, until one reaches, as it were, the throne of the king, Hashem's Throne of Glory, on which "sits" the "One Who dwells in the highest realms," Hashem Himself. But one must be careful that the advancement, the progress from one high level to the next, should be done calmly, not with an inner sense of pushing and pressure. When one pushes himself to want to speak to Hashem, the push is a point of pressure, and understandably, there is no freedom. Some people feel pressured to be calm.... Such people inwardly do want to be calm, but since their will is under pressure, they withhold from themselves the achievement of this desire! The pressure itself is a cause that prevents them from the point of calmness! When a person knows that he can only advance step after step, and is not pressured to immediately enter the inner point, he will naturally work in a structured and calm way, and will be able to gradually enter further inward, until he reaches the inner point of speech with Hashem.

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One who is unaware of these ideas thinks that he must immediately enter all the way inside and really speak to Hashem on that level, and when he can't do it, he feels pressured. In this way, he surely will not progress! Therefore, one must know that such is the way of the matter. This is Hashem's will, and this is how He created man and the world. His will is that a person should progress from strength to strength, and all the worlds, including this one, are made in the form of different levels. Every step of the way must take time. Some steps require months and even years, and some minor steps allow one to enter more deeply each day, until one reaches inner quiet, is totally calm, and can then really speak to Hashem. This is one point, and it is relatively simple and easy to understand (as opposed to the following discussion). Starting the Avodah from the Point of Separation There is a deep question found in the sefarim hakedoshim. We must first comment that this is a very subtle point, and one must toil to understand it well. In the process of avodah we are discussing now, there has been an emphasis on inwardness. A person must be p'nimi(inward), not chitzoni (superficial), so as to reach deeper levels of the soul. The question is: When a person comes to speak to Hashem, he is apparently communicating with a force outside of himself, namely, the Creator. If so, he is not involved with his inner essence, but with something external, the Creator! If this is one's feeling, he will gradually lose touch with himself and become chitzoni, dealing with only external entities. Of course, this kind of chitzonius does not mean that one will start looking at store windows, but if one is not focused on his inner essence, but on the Creator, he is apparently focused on an exterior entity. He gets used to thinking that he does not need to work with his very being, but to be involved with the Creator, and he leaves himself to go to the Creator. This can be very dangerous. If one is used to speaking with Hashem and is not sensitive to this danger, he might not know himself at all. He is always involved with the Creator, and he himself disappears! One must know, then, how to take the concept of tefillah properly. We will first explain the proper, inner essence of the matter, and describe the nature of a person who has not been privileged to reach the desired state. A person who has the privilege to cleave to the Creator fulfills the pasuk (Tehillim 73:26), "G-d is the rock of my heart and my portion." Hashem is then inside his heart, in the true innermost point of the person, and there is nothing deeper in the person. This applies to one who has reached the "fiftieth gate" of wisdom, as explained in the sefarim hakedoshim. He then feels that Hashem is part of his being, and when he speaks to Hashem, he is not speaking with a separate and external entity, but with his deepest essence. However, since one cannot attain this level without long and difficult work, when a person speaks to the Creator, he does not feel that he is speaking to his own highest essence, but to an external entity. There are, then, two forms of avodah. In one way, the individual is working with himself, and in the other way, he is working with the Creator. In other words, the starting point is generally one of separation. After that, one must go out of himself toward the Creator, then return to himself, then go back to the Creator, then return to himself, and so on, continuously.

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At first, one must recognize himself. If there is no personality, who is it that is talking to Hashem? Therefore, one must first recognize clearly that he wants to speak to Hashem. There is an "I" who is coming to speak to Hashem. "I give thanks to You, Hashem," implies that there is first an "I," and then, one can give thanks "to You." There is a higher level, in which the "I" (ani) changes to nothingness (ayin). This was mentioned before, but at first, in order to have "to You," there must be an "I." Before one speaks to the Creator, he must start with a simple state. When he comes to speak and instill the basic point that there is a Creator, he does not start and say, "Master of the world, I know that You exist, and I also know that You created the world." Before he speaks to Hashem, he must clarify from a perspective of separateness that the world has a Creator. He must contemplate and think, "Is it necessary to accept that the world has a Creator? Maybe not, G-d forbid? But, then, how did these things come to be on their own?" The person should work with this point and clarify it on his own, until it is absolutely clear. Only after that, may he come before Hashem and say to Him, "Master of the World, I have thought and contemplated, and I understand that there is a Creator. I know that You exist." This is a subtle point that must be grasped! There are tens and perhaps hundreds of delusional people walking around who have lost touch with this point. They always speak to the Creator, but there is no person there. They don't live their own lives, and there is a disconnection between the one worshipping and the One being worshipped. If they fall into this error, they can lose the whole process of avodah that we have been discussing. Three Stages - Thought, Speech, and Action We must mention another point, so that the ideas will be clear and solid. In general, we may say that there are three garments on the soul: thought, speech, and action. In order to speak to Hashem, one does not need action. One must, of course, fulfill the 613 mitzvos, but no action is needed when one comes to speak to the Creator. It's true that there must be action, and that's very important, as the Ramban says that every "light" must have a "vessel" (an action) to contain it, but this does not relate to our topic. But what is important is that in order to speak to Hashem, one must first have thought. If thought does not precede the speech, then, it is, G-d forbid, without any da'as! Let us now consider how to attain the proper speech. A person might think for a second, or ten seconds, or twenty seconds, and then start talking right away. He first talks to himself, and then, he talks to the Creator. This method is akin to producing a miscarriage! Every level and every world must be properly built! If there is no solid process of thought before one comes to speak, a person falls too quickly from the world of thought to the world of speech. His thought is too weak, and thus, the speech based on it is not solid, and the entire structure is only like a castle built in the air. What is the proper kind of thought? First of all, one must know that there is a Creator. He starts thinking about it. He doesn't say anything, but in his thought, he thinks, "Who created the world? There must be a Creator, etc." He contemplates this (each person according to the time needed), until the intellect clearly recognizes that there is a Creator. In the second stage, he takes this point, and speaks about it to himself: "This is what I thought, and it became clear to me that there is a Creator, because if not, where did the moon come from? From where are the stars? From where are people?" and so on. Only in the third stage does he approach Hashem and speak to Him.

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In other words, there must be three well-established phases. The first phase is real contemplation, spending a long time contemplating well about the matter. The second phase is that after the contemplation, one begins to speak to himself: "The world has a Master, He controls the palace, and I see His Divine Providence." The third phase is where he speaks to Hashem and says, "Master of the world, I have clarified for myself that there is a Creator, that You exist, that you control the palace, that every detail happens through You," and so on. If one jumps immediately to the third phase, we can anticipate a total collapse! Even if one only skips over the first phase, the phase of thought, and jumps right away to the second phase, that of speech, it will still be difficult for his efforts to have any lasting value. Clarifying the Will These are three of the phases, but in truth, there is an additional phase, a deeper one, which comes first, and that is the ratzon (the will)! A person begins to clarify that there is a Creator. Essentially, why does he care if there is Creator or not? What pushes him to clarify this? The fear of gehinnom (Purgatory)? A lack of inner satisfaction, or perhaps the desire to succeed? What pushes him? Whenever someone thinks about something, there must be a cause that makes him think. If a person is approached and requested to ponder the current events of a certain city in a distant land, he will certainly answer, "That does not interest me! I don't live in that country, and I don't know the person who lives there whom you want me to be interested in." Even if he doesn't have time constraints, he will not agree to think about that, because he has no interest in the matter. For there to be interest, there must be a connection and a certain ratzon concerning the matter. When a person clarifies that there is a Creator, he must first consider why he wants to clarify this! One might respond that if we would go on the street and turn to people and ask if they know there is a Creator, most would surely answer, "I don't care if there is or isn't! What difference is it to me? I'm fine!" "So isn't it enough," he would respond, "that I am interested in the existence of the Creator?" Yet this is a mistake! One must clarify for himself why indeed he is not one of those people who don't care, and why he does want to know about the Creator. Is the only reason that his father told him about this? Or perhaps he thinks he sees that it's not correct, or maybe he's just afraid of gehinnom, or he doesn't find satisfaction in this world? What moves him to want to go through this? There is tremendous depth to the concept of the ratzon. Yet even if a person has not attained the awareness of why he wants, it must be clear to him that he really wants it. There are many people who begin to get involved in all kinds of endeavors, and they keep up their interests for two weeks, or a month, or two months, but they eventually quit. They started, saw it was hard - not as easy as they had thought - and thus, they quit. Why did they quit? Because their will was not on a very high level. They wanted to attain money, they thought it was an easy task, but when it became clear that it requires more effort and investment than presumed, they simply gave up. Their level of will did not have the power to push them to progress in the face of such difficulties. In order for one to truly serve the Creator, he must really want to. After one really wants to, he must contemplate properly! After the contemplation, one must speak to himself, and only after that, can he speak to the Creator. Here we must repeat and emphasize: one must first gain a general picture of the matter, and then apply the information. Only with the Creator, do we find, "Guard' and "Remember" in the same statement." The created beings must pause between one section and the next, and it's impossible to say everything all at once. The big picture will become clear at the end, after we explain everything, with the help of Hashem, to the extent of the time available to

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us. But at first, one must know clearly what the first phase is, what the second is, the third, and the fourth. If it's not clear, there will be confusion about the topic. In conclusion, then, there must be a real desire. Once there is this real desire, there must be a structure of thought, during which one contemplates for a long time that there is a Creator, and that He is nearby, and that there is Divine Providence, and so on. He then discusses these things with himself, and from there, he goes on to the last phase - the speech with the Creator. One must not jump right away to the phase of speaking to Hashem. Even if one has already spent half a year working on an earlier phase, he must still spend the first few minutes each time going through this process. Certainly, this depends on the time, and the times vary, but in general, this is how the structure is formed. There are times when a person is in pain, and his whole being begins to scream, and he pours his heart out before Hashem. This is not a negative occurrence, but you must know what the true process is, and what the exception to the rule is. In general, this is the process of building oneself. This has been a brief discussion, but it is very fundamental, and any error in these details can generate inner confusion, chas veshalom, and remove a person from his true world. May Hashem help us to make these words perfectly clear and accepted by your hearts.

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Chapter 15 - The Way of Avodah-"A Tzaddik Falls Seven Times and Rises Will, Thought, and Speech At the end of the previous chapter, it was explained that the avodah of tefillah begins with the ratzon (the underlying will). This itself is a great avodah. At first, one must discover the source of the ratzon, and after that is clarified, he engages in the long process of strengthening the ratzon (there is a "will deeper than a will"). The first stage is the will to serve the Creator in general and with all the details. The second stage is thought, contemplation, and delving, in order to understand things. This is the order: chochmah(knowledge), binah (understanding), and da'as (connection). With chochmah, one knows the information. Then, one contemplates it (binah). After that, comes the stage in which the idea is fixed deep inside a person (da'as). After this stage of thought, one goes to the world of speech. He first speaks to himself, and then to Hashem. Even in the speech with Hashem, there are two stages: speech, and then prayer. First, one speaks to Hashem, and says to Him, "I want such and such, I thought in such a way, and I spoke to myself in such a way." He tells Hashem about everything that happened to him, and enters the process of conversation with Him. After he concludes relating everything, he presents this all as a tefillah. In other words, one must involve Hashem in all that has happened until that point in one's life. If a person comes before Hashem with only his conclusions, and presents them before Him without laying out all the prior doubts and difficulties, there is no real partnership! To what can this be compared? A husband and wife are trying to decide if they should buy a new cabinet or not. Two days later, the husband approaches his wife and tells her, "I decided to buy a cabinet," without telling her why. It is difficult to live with someone who does not include the spouse in his decisions. The only way to truly include Hashem in one's life is if even the subtle feelings of the heart, the thoughts that never led to fruition, the failures and the tests, are all shared with Hashem, and one discusses all of them with Him: "I tried this and that, and I thought this and that, but then it became clear to me that it was a mistake. I thought this and that, and I found a support for it." These are the kind of things one should say. Speech can include everything. It is known from the sefarim hakedoshim that speech is the vessel for everything, and the vessel must include everything that preceded it. If a light does not enter a vessel, it disappears and returns to its source, and naturally has no permanence in the soul. "The Tzaddik Falls Seven Times and Rises" "And this obstacle is under your hands" (Yeshayahu 3:6) - "One does not find the truth of the Torah's words until he stumbles in them" (Gittin 43a). The depth of the matter is that the obstacle is inseparable from the avodah. It says in the pasuk (Mishlei 24:16), "A tzaddik falls seven times and rises." You must know that not only does one fall in the world of action, but even in thought, there is this process. In every world, these seven levels exist, and one must try and fall, try and fall, etc. It's not as it seems on the surface - that only in action is there the principle of "the tzaddik falls seven times and rises." If this exists in action, then it certainly exists in ratzon (will), thought, and speech. After the stage of "A tzaddik falls seven times and rises," when one reaches eight (not necessarily the eighth time literally, but the eighth level, which transcends nature), all the merits of the tests come together, as Chazal said (Berachos 34b), "Where penitents stand, perfect tzaddikim cannot stand." Every person is essentially a penitent, due to the earlier sins.

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And when he "rises," he repents for the seven falls that came before. His repentance then receives the light of the seven falls. If a person has reached the stage of being a tzaddik but does not include his earlier seven falls, he loses the high level of "Where penitents stand, perfect tzaddikim cannot stand." The light that one receives from the tests and the falls, whether they be in one's will, thought, speech, or action, is a great light that is essential if one is to acquire anything! Relevant to this, there is a wondrous and profound story. As is known, the Gr"a carried out a long period of exile. Some time after he returned, Rav Chaim of Volozhin visited him. He wanted to know if he should accept exile upon himself, as well. (It is known from the sefarim hakedoshim that a Jew must participate in the pain of the Shechinah [Divine Presence] that is in exile. "When they went into exile, the Shechinah went with them." As long as we do not have the Bais Hamikdash [the Temple], the holy Shechinah is in exile. Hence, Rav Chaim of Volozhin wanted to emulate his rebbe, and accept a period of exile, as many tzaddikim did.) The Gr"a said to him, "I did so, and I regretted it." We will not enter here into the reason for his regret. Certainly, the exile itself was good, but there were other side issues, such as the disturbance of his learning. Rav Chaim of Volozhin gave a very profound response: "I, too, will do it and regret it!" If one hears this without thinking about it, he will not understand: if the Gr"a tried and saw that exile is not helpful, and regretted it, why wouldn't his student learn from his rebbe's error? But the truth of the matter is that Rav Chaim's words contain a deep and important principle: Certainly, the Gr"a did it, and regretted it, but from the very act and the regret, he attained something. Rav Chaim wanted to go through that process of "atzaddik falls seven times," in order to later reach the level of "and rise." The attainments that one gains from an area in which he tries and does not succeed are impossible to gain in a straightforward manner. Times of Falling - Times of Growth Here we must add an important point. Many times, a person falls spiritually. Not all times are identical. Sometimes, a person's heart is open in prayer, and he prays from the depths of his heart. His heart pours out just as it says (Eichah 2:19), "Pour out your heart as water before the Presence of Hashem." But there are states of "their heart is closed" (as in Hoshea13:8). The heart is sealed and the person feels tremendous difficulty in his avodah. Human nature causes one to feel that the days of growth, when he can pour out his heart to his Creator as a son would relate to his father, are his successful days, but the days with difficulties seem dark, and he wishes they would just be over, so the light can shine again. Of course, it is good to hope that the light will shine, but while one is in darkness, he should have the proper perspective. If one will recognize the great achievements attainable from the difficult tests, and recall that these tests are essential for those achievements, he will have a positive attitude about his current state. One must delve into this. "Where penitents stand, perfect tzaddikim cannot stand." This applies to the small events in life, as well. Anytime one "rises" after a "fall," he is a penitent in that regard. He must realize that the difficult days allow tremendous attainments to sprout forth, which will become evident once he "rises." However, while someone is going through the process of "a tzaddik falls seven times," he cannot see the light he will attain when it will be over. Even when he rises after the first, second, or third time, he cannot see the light. Only after finishing

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the whole set of tests indicated by "a tzaddik falls seven times," and then rising, do the powers he earned become revealed to him. There is, then, a double concealment. During the fall, one does not see the light, and even after he picks himself up, he does not see what he gained from the fall. If so, the next time he falls, he doesn't know that when he picked himself up from the previous fall, he gained something. He only remembers the difficult days and the suffering he experienced then, and he is naturally very concerned about the fall. But when a person has absolute faith in the words of Chazal that "where penitents stand, perfect tzaddikim cannot stand," he knows that he will attain more from his fall than from the times when things went well, and he will be happy even in times of a fall. Merely knowing and believing in this fact will afford the person the ability to cope properly during the difficult times. One Should Include Hashem Even in the Times of Tests and Difficulties In general, the way of tefillah should be that one will pour out his prayer to Hashem both in times of "smallness" and in times of "greatness." One can attain great things both in times when one seems to be succeeding and in times when one seems to be failing. In prayer, one should discuss his successes and his failures, whether they relate to will, thought, speech, or action. If one has not properly instilled emunah, he will think that the tests he did not pass were like worthless things that came by mistake and now have passed, and that it is a shame that they came at all. But when a person lives with emunah, and he knows that Hashem prepared these tests for him with great precision, and that the depth of the matter is that these tests came to give him attainments which he could not have received any other way, he understands that he must include Hashem even in his tests and failures (through tefillah). What this really means is that one must live completely with Hashem! We find various kinds of sacrifices in the Torah: olah (burnt offering), chatas (sin offering), shelamim (peace offering), and so on. There are sacrifices that the Yisrael eats from, and some that he may not eat from, because the Kohen eats part and the rest is for Hashem, and there is the olah, which is totally for Hashem. A korban (sacrifice) is so called based on the word kirvah (closeness), as is written in the sefarim hakedoshim. When a person understands that there is no part of him that does not belong to Hashem, and that the closeness must embrace all 248 limbs and 365 sinews, he becomes like an olah for Hashem, and he has the opportunity to totally cleave to the Creator. But if a person includes Hashem only in part of his affairs, and excludes him from part, he cannot have total closeness to Hashem! Every heart contains two inclinations: the yetzer tov and the yetzer hara. The yetzer tov pushes one to succeed, and theyetzer hara pushes in the opposite direction. Man must choose between them. If one only includes Hashem in his positive aspect, in his successes, but not in his failures, he will never be like an olah. Akorban that has a yetzer hara (a sense of separation from Hashem) cannot be an olah totally for Hashem. Some people may say that one should do teshuvah (repentance). In fact, one would repent before bringing a korban to theBais HaMikdash, as the gemara says. But the question is: how does one come to teshuvah? If he is alone during his falls, and does not include the Creator, he will never reach Him! The Admor, Rabbi Moshe of Kuvrin, would say, "A person who, chas veshalom, has fallen by committing a real sin and cannot immediately go and speak to Hashem has not entered the gateway of chasidus!"

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This is the point: in order for one to bring his negative and separate component to Hashem, he must include Hashem in all his affairs, without exception! For example, at times, heretical thoughts enter one's mind, chas veshalom, and a person naturally rejects them. This certainly doesn't happen to every single person, and is not necessarily frequent among those who do suffer from this, but the phenomenon does occur. A person has a heretical thought, chas veshalom: "Perhaps there is no Creator?" He will immediately push it out of his mind. What is the proper way to act in such cases? One must stand and speak to Hashem and tell Him everything: "Master of the World, I suddenly had a thought that You might not exist. But who sent me that thought? It was You Who sent it! And why? Obviously, not so I would accept it, but so that I would reject it and not think about it. But it is clear to me that You were the One Who sent me that heretical thought, and it is clear that it was Your will that I would take that thought and remove it from my mind." In other words, not only a thought that represents a "fall" in one's avodah, but even what seems to be the worst possible thought - that there isn't even a Creator, a thought that is not at all from the world of kedushah, which the sefarim hakedoshim say comes from the world of emptiness, the original void - must be taken and returned to the Creator. It is written (Devarim 4:39), "Hashem is the G-d in the Heavens Above and on the earth below; there is no other." Chazalexplained, "What is the meaning of there is no other'? Even in the void of creation." For our purposes, this means that one must bring Hashem into every aspect of one's life. There should be no aspect of life in which one does not include Hashem: successes, failures, times of happiness, and times of sadness. One should always say, "Please, Hashem, save me now!" When Hashem is with a person, the person attains a salvation, but if He is separate, one must contend with the tests all alone. But Chazal have taught us that "one's evil inclination overpowers him daily and seeks to kill him, and if not that Hashem helps, he could not succeed, as it says, "Hashem will not abandon him in [the yetzer hara's] hands" (Kiddushin 30b). Restoring the Powers to the Creator Chazal have said, "Every day, a heavenly voice goes forth and proclaims, Return, wayward children'" (Eichah Rabbah,pesichta 25). What this means is that one must restore all of one's powers to the Creator. How is this done? How can one restore to Him a force that is separate from Him, chas veshalom? This can be explained through an illustration. In order to transport water from place to place, one needs a pipe. The water flows through the pipe and goes to the other place. One needs a vessel to move the water, and the vessel is the pipe. "Return, wayward children," means that you must restore all your powers, your whole existence, to the Creator. How does one do this? First of all, one needs a vessel. What is the vessel for doing this? It is the power of speech. If one does not speak to the Creator, and one wishes to restore his thoughts to the Creator, the sefarim say that he is delusional! If one does not orally restore every single detail to the Creator, he is lacking the vessel for transporting the "water." If one connects everything to the Creator (every thought, desire, word, and even a faint deep-seated ratzon), and says to Him, "Master of the World, You sent this to me," then there is a "direct light," and there can be a "reflected light" for restoring everything to Hashem. But if a person does not consider the source of the thought, there is no capability of restoring the thought. Through speech, one forms a vessel. He recognizes that the light came from Hashem, since He sent the thought or theratzon. One should first deal with the thoughts, and then restore them to Hashem.

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Whether it is a thought, or ratzon, or desire that is improper, one must stop himself and say, "Master of the World, You gave me this thought, and You don't want me to use it. Please, then, take it back." "If Hashem does not help, one cannot succeed." How does He help? By taking back the power he sent to the person and restoring it to its root. In this way, one can succeed in the war against the yetzer hara. "VeAhavta (You shall love) Hashem, your G-d, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your wealth." Ahavah (related toVeAhavta) has the numerical value of thirteen, which is the value of echad (one). A Jew must love Hashem with "all his heart," so that all this thoughts will be together with Hashem and he bonds them all to Him. He knows that Hashem sent the thought and that it will return to its source. "With all your soul" is taught by Chazal (Berachos 54a) to mean, "even if He takes your life." The soul is bound with the Creator, and one must be ready each day to restore it to the state of unity with Him. "With all your wealth" means that even the distant sparks of a person that are in his money must be harnessed for love and unity with Hashem. If one does not restore all the thoughts of his heart, and his very soul, and his distant projections (his money), he has not yet reached the state of love! May Hashem enable our prayer to be a true vessel for bonding our 248 limbs and 365 sinews to Him, and allow us to be truly close to Him.

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Chapter 16 Fear Fear and Love of Hashem We have explained that in a general sense, there are four stages: 1) remembering that there is a Creator; 2) recognizing with the inner senses that Hashem is nearby; 3) faith in Divine Providence; 4) tefillah for each detail of life. Tefillah is built on the principle that a person must feel that the Creator is nearby. However, there is no absolute order, and each person is different: some people must first remember that there is a Creator and that there is Divine Providence. Then, they pray to the Creator, and this helps them feel Hashem's Presence. With others, the order is different. The next stage of avodah is ahavah (love) and yirah (fear). Here, too, there are two approaches that our teachers followed as to which of these comes first. It says in the pasuk (Tehillim 34:15), "Turn from evil and do good." This pasuk places "turn from evil" before "do good." Seemingly, one turns away from evil because of yirah and does good because of ahavah. Likewise, the Ramban writes in his commentary to the Torah (Shemos 20:7), "The aspect of zachor (remember the Shabbos) relates to the positive commandments. It is an outgrowth of ahavah, and relates to the attribute of compassion. One performs the command of his master because he loves him, and then his master will be compassionate to him. Shamor (guard the Shabbos) relates to the negative commandments and the attribute of justice. It comes from the sense of yirah, because one who is careful not to do anything bad in the eyes of his master fears him." Thus, the pasuk places yirah before ahavah, and so, the way of many of our great leaders was that yirah should precedeahavah. On the other hand, as known, the Ba'al Shem Tov explained the phrase "turn from evil and do good" as follows: "How does one turn from evil? By doing good! The advice for turning from evil is to first do good. In other words, yirah can be attained through ahavah. These are the two paths we have found. We will start here with yirah, but we must emphasize that this order does not necessarily determine that such must be the order of one's avodah. Everyone should learn all the material, and then see which path - yirah before ahavah, or ahavah before yirah - is more appropriate and close to his soul, and act accordingly. In fact, this avodah of feeling one's own soul and seeing its propensity is not at all simple. Everyone must pray and beseech Hashem to guide him in the path of truth, and to give him the da'as to do not what is easiest, but what is truly most appropriate for him. Five Levels of Yirah In a general sense, it may be said that there are five levels of yirah, and they are all described in the Mesillas Yesharim. The first three levels: fear of punishment, fear because of one's own honor, and fear because of the drive for perfection, are placed by the Ramchal in the beginning of a person's avodah, and they are explained in his chapter on watchfulness (according to the order of the Beraisa of Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair). The next two levels are placed in the second to last chapter, in the level before the highest one. They are fear of sin and fear of Hashem's greatness. The simple and well-known kind of fear (not that it is attained by all, but it is known by all) is fear of punishment, whether of punishment in this world or in the next. In other words, one might fear lest Hashem punish him in this world through various forms of suffering, and there is a fear that one might after death suffer terrible punishments such

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as gehinnom and kaf hakela (a kind of terrible turmoil for the soul). Both kinds of fear are needed. There is a fear that considers the garment, the body, which is suffering in this world, and there is a fear without the garment, which is that of the suffering of the higher world. This is the first stage of yirah, of which the Mesillas Yesharim writes that it is "only fit for the ignorant and simpleminded women, but it is not the yirah of the wise and intelligent." But we know the word of Rav Yisrael Salanter, who said that if only we would be at the level of those simpleminded people who did attain that level of fear! Later, we will explain why it is difficult for a person to attain this level. In any case, this is the first level of yirah - fear of punishment. The second level is fear due to honor. The Mesillas Yesharim writes that the inner force of the soul that pushes it to all its actions is honor. If not for honor, a person would not attain anything. The main force that pushes a person is honor - not only external honor so that people will see, but inner honor, so that a person will not inwardly feel that he is lowly. Sometimes, this is conscious, and sometimes, it is in the subconscious. But the essence of the soul is honor, as it says (Tehillim 30:13), "so that the honor (soul) will sing before You." The second level of yirah is that one fears that when he leaves the world and reaches Gan Eden, he will receive a low level of honor. Of this, Chazal said (Bava Basra 75) as an illustration, "Each person will be singed by the canopy of the other." This is a deep comment, but the simplest point is that one is not prepared to be lowly in Gad Eden! Thus, one fears sin and an imperfection in his service of Hashem because he is concerned about his spot in the next world in relation to othertzaddikim. This is the second level. The third level, explained by the Mesillas Yesharim in the chapter dealing with watchfulness, is fear due to perfection. This level is for those of sound wisdom, who seek true perfection, namely, deveikus (attachment) to Hashem. Perfection is closeness to Hashem, and the word "aveirah" (sin) is similar to the phrase "me'ever lanahar" (across the river), because it transfers a person from alignment with Hashem to being on the other side. Naturally, one will fear sin, because sin chas veshalom creates a barrier between one and his Creator. In summary, the first three stages of fear are: 1) fear of punishment, whether in this world or the next; 2) fear that one might not attain the proper honor in Gan Eden; 3) the soul's fear that it might not attain deveikus to the Creator. These three levels are defined in Mesillas Yesharim as avodah for oneself. One does not fear because of Hashem - because one worries about His honor, or because he wants to please his Creator - but because he himself may be lacking, either through suffering, honor, or an absence of closeness to Hashem. The common denominator is that the person places himself in the center. Above these three levels are two higher levels: fear because of Hashem's greatness, and fear of sin. Fear due to His greatness is explained by the Mesillas Yesharim to mean that a person is cognizant of Hashem's greatness and highness, and is concerned and fearful that he might not be behaving properly before Him. This concern is only present when he is engaged in some form of avodas Hashem, such as learning Torah or performing other mitzvos, but while engaged in mundane matters, such as sleeping, eating, and such, he is calm. The highest level of fear is fear of sin. This is where a person feels at all times that Hashem is right nearby, and he always fears that he might not be acting properly. If so, the distinguishing point between fear of His greatness and fear of sin is that fear of greatness only applies while one is engaged in avodah. Only then does he think of Hashem and feel His presence. This engenders fear. But at other times, he does not connect to the Creator and does not feel His presence nearby, so he does not fear Him then.

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On the other hand, when one fears sin, he senses that Hashem is present at all times, and he naturally fears Him even if not engaged at the moment in avodah. Essentially, fear of sin is related to deveikus. Deveikus is a state in which one is attached to Hashem each moment, and this state causes one to always be fearful, lest he is not acting properly before Hashem. But if one does not possess completedeveikus, his fear of sin cannot be complete. In conclusion, in the first three levels of fear, one fears for himself, but in the two higher levels, he is so concerned about Hashem's honor that he does not want to belittle it in any way. The difference is that fear due to Hashem's greatness is only present during worship of Hashem, but fear of sin applies at all times. We will now return and define the levels of fear in depth. The Difficulty with Attaining Fear of Punishment The lowest level of fear, fear of punishment, seems easy to attain, but the deep truth of the matter is that it cannot be easily attained. We will explain why this is so. A person is a combination of body and soul. The body hears things of this world, sees things of this world, and feels things of this world. The neshamah is a Divine entity from Above, and it sees, feels, and smells the spiritual world. If gehinnom would be in this world, the organs of the body would be able to sense it, and the body would naturally fear the punishments of gehinnom, just as it fears the fire of this world. But since gehinnom is in the spiritual world, and is not seen or sensed with the bodily organs, it can only be sensed by the neshamah. The neshamah senses the spiritual and the body senses the material. Fear of punishment, then, comes from the senses of the neshamah, but here is the root of the problem. If one is already in touch with his neshamah, he can generally already use a higher form of fear. For example, the Ramchal has said that wise people fear because they seek Hashem, and they feel lacking without that closeness. But as long as one is only with his body, not his soul, the only way he can attain the fear of punishment is through the power of his mind. This is referred to in the literature as "the faculty of envisioning." By envisioning the spiritual world as if it is material, one can attain fear. The problem is that in our times, the minds are generally weak, and the vast majority of people are not adept at envisioning, so people in our times (unless they have powerful minds) find it most difficult to attain fear of punishment. Therefore, our great teachers had various different approaches. Some simply stopped speaking about fear of punishment, since they knew how hard it is to attain with the tools at our disposal, but some felt that to the contrary, the main thing is fear of punishment, and we may not ignore it, and that as long as one has not attained fear of punishment, he may not move on. There is a tremendous danger involved in skipping over the fear of punishment. In this way, the person advances, and can attain love and closeness to Hashem (often, this is a delusion), but he will not have something strong enough to prevent him from sins! We will explain. We have mentioned the three lower levels of fear found in the Mesillas Yesharim: fear of punishment, fear due to honor, and fear due to the perfection of closeness with Hashem. Let us consider: who is it that wants honor, and who is it that wants to cleave to Hashem? The desire to cleave to Hashem comes from the neshamah, and so does the desire for honor, because "honor" is the essence of the soul, as it says (Tehillim 30:13), "so that honor will sing to You." But sometimes, this

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force is channeled through the body, and then one yearns for honor of this world. The root of it, though, is the soul that seeks the glory of Hashem. On the other hand, fear of punishment is simple language that even the body understands! One does not need to be on a high level in order to flee from a burning fire! Everyone flees from the fire (except for a lunatic)! Honor does not always motivate one's heart, and each person is affected differently, but the fear of fire moves everyone, in every time and situation. If so, when one is particularly uninspired, the only force that can stop him from sinning is the fear of punishment, the fear of the judgment of gehinnom! We see this even in worldly matters. Sometimes, a person is exhausted, and doesn't have the strength to do anything. Even if told that he can now profit greatly, he will say, "I have no strength!" He may be told that if he does a particular action, he will gain much honor, and again he will say that he is tired and can't do it just then. But if told that a fire has spread and he must escape, he will not say that he's tired and has no strength. He will simply get up and escape! Why is this true in spiritual matters? Because when a person has da'as and vitality, his power to seek honor is more alert, but when more overcome by physicality, the one thing that can motivate him to do a positive act or avoid a sin is fear of punishment - to flee from the fire! When one has mental clarity, he will seek Hashem because of honor, but when weak, only fear of punishment can prevent his deterioration. Therefore, if one skips over this step, he loses that which could protect him from sin, and he is in great danger! On the other hand, those who emphasized fear of punishment so as to avoid the aforementioned danger have an opposite problem: since it is most difficult to attain fear of punishment, they had to toil for a long time to attain it, and did not progress. People have worked with this for a year, two years, ten, twenty, and even thirty years, and still remained with one thing: fear of punishment! It turns out, then, that both methods are risky, and we need to know how to safely navigate through them. The Possibilities of Avodah through Fear of Punishment There is a certain cure for this problem, but it is not a perfect cure. It is meant only for one whose mind is very weak and cannot work on fear of punishment through the simple power of envisioning. This method is to read and study the worksReishis Chochmah, Maseches Gehinnom, and Maseches Chibut Hakever (these two are also found in Reishis Chochmah), and consider the suffering in this world, as well. We will try to describe the depth of fear of punishment in its true form, and each person should try to benefit from these words to the extent of his ability. Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein zt"l made a very deep comment related to this. When delving into the depth of it, we can learn how to reach closeness to Hashem through fear of punishment. The root of the problem of those who have worked only with fear of punishment is that they sometimes forget Hashem, chas veshalom, and focus always on their own fears of the punishment. This is where they begin their avodah, and this is where they end it, chas veshalom. The mashgiach zt"l (Rabbi Levenstein) explained how fear of punishment should be a means of serving Hashem, not the self. This is the essence of his idea: Before a person begins to work on fear of punishment and focus on gehinnom, he must first ask himself, "Who created gehinnom?" (The answer is obvious, but we have already explained at length in the previous

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chapters that contemplation must come in the form of question and answer.) The answer is, "Hashem! He created gehinnomat the time of the creation of the world!" He should continue: "Who burns the wicked in gehinnom?" The true and clear answer is that the fire is from Hashem, as it is from His constant will! This is the healthy way of looking at gehinnom. Before considering the awesome punishments, one must consider the simple truth that even in gehinnom itself, it is the Creator Who is punishing. If one fears gehinnom as a separate entity, he is separate from Hashem, chas veshalom. The true form of fear of punishment is to recognize that Hashem is the One Who would punish me! After that, one should understand that the tool He uses for punishing is gehinnom (and others), but the fear comes from the fact that Hashem will punish. One fears punishment not because he remembers the punishment itself, but from an inner recognition of He Who has given the warning and will collect His debt when the time comes! When a person remembers this, even while thinking of punishment, he is not separate from the Creator. If so, before working on envisioning the punishment, one should speak to the Creator and say to Him, "Master of the World, I have read in the words of Chazal that there is gehinnom. Who created this gehinnom? You did! Who maintains it each moment? You, Hashem! Master of the World, You said that if a Jew sins, You Yourself will punish him. I am afraid of Your punishment." In this way, one connects to the Creator while contemplating His punishments. Without the ability to effectively use the power of visualization, if one wants to attain fear of punishment, he must first read on the sayings of Chazal who spoke about it. In addition to that, he should pray to Hashem and say to Him, "Master of the World, why did You create gehinnom? So that I would be afraid! What should I fear, gehinnom, or You? I should fear You, Hashem! But I don't feel afraid. I know intellectually that there is gehinnom, and I know that You created it and punish the wicked with it, but the feeling of fear is weak. Please help me fear Your punishment, both of this world and of the next." In this way, he should elaborate and ask Hashem to grant him this quality of fear. There is a deep point in this matter: how fearful must one be? If one already has fear, he may feel a need to attain a higher level of fear, so that he will not fear, and so on. In other words, he does fear, but he fears the fact that he does not fear enough, and he should ask Hashem to enable him to fear enough to avoid sin. If one does not feel much fear of gehinnom - and most people lack this simple faith - he should turn to Hashem and say to Him, "Master of the World, had You not told us through the sefarim that we must work on fear of punishment, I would not have done so. Why, then, am I working on it? Because I know that it is Your will, and it is the proper way. I ask You, then, to help me attain fear of punishment because You want me to fear Your punishments, and when people fear Your punishments, it gives You honor." What is this like? A father says to his son, "If you don't do what I say, you may not come on the trip." The son says back, "So I won't come! I don't care about it at all!" Besides the lack of interest in the trip - which doesn't make a difference to the father - the son's words display a lack respect for this father's warning. It is Hashem's honor that gehinnom should cause us to tremble, while recalling Who created it and punishes there. When one does not feel fear of gehinnom, he should ask Hashem to help him fear His punishment. This is the first aspect of fear, called "fear of punishment." May Hashem enable us all to attain it, and to build thereon love of Hashem, closeness to Hashem, and attachment (deveikus) to Him.

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Chapter 17 - The Ways to Acquire Fear of Punishment Contemplating the Suffering in this World As we explained, there is a certain difficulty in attaining fear of punishment. If a person tries to fear the punishments of gehinnom, it will be difficult, because gehinnom is a spiritual entity which relates to theneshamah, and so, the only way to attain that yirah is through the neshamah, not through the body, because the body senses only material entities, not spiritual ones. The first suggestion is for a person to not focus so much on the suffering in gehinnom, but primarily, on the suffering in this world, which the body does understand, because the eye sees and the ear hears about it. For example, a person may see ill people, or other suffering in the world. He must contemplate and understand that "there is no suffering without sin," as Chazal have taught us. Before, we elaborated on the form of contemplation (spending an hour a day on contemplating, in a calm way, first speaking to oneself, and then, to Hashem, and so on). We will show how to do this with fear of punishment. A person may be sitting next to a particular object and say to himself: "I see an object that is not mine. I seemingly have the ability to take it. No one sees me. Why won't I do this? The only reason is that Hashem commanded me not to take it, not to steal!" This is true, and a person knows this intellectually, but he might not feel it, so he needs to attain the fear of punishment, which is the simple kind of fear. Therefore, he should continue and say, "What would happen if I would go over to it, stretch out my right hand, and take the object without the owner's permission? I would violate the Torah's prohibition against stealing. What happens to a person who, chas veshalom, steals? A hand that steals certainly will pay the price. The hand might contract some illness, or chas veshalom, be cut off, depending on the severity of the sin." This is how a person should work on yirah due to the suffering in this world. This is relatively simple, because we all see the suffering in this world. What, then, is the problem? We see that many wicked people sin with their entire bodies and do not receive the proper punishments for their deeds! That is to say, when a person suffers, it is not necessarily all the suffering he deserves, and one is not punished for all of his sins in this world. Hence, the yirah one might attain by considering the suffering of this world is only partial, because in this world, we do not see the full extent of the punishment for sins. Attaining Fear of Punishment through Tefillah and Imagery In general, there are two ways to attain this yirah. The first is through tefillah, and the second is through imagery. The power of imagery is the faculty used by the masters of mussar, especially with regard to fear of punishment. But with most people, the power of imagery is weak. Very few people have a strong power of imagery. One of them was R' Yisrael Salanter zt"l. He would make fear of punishment meaningful to himself by placing a finger in the fire for a short time and then removing it. He used a physical example in order to relate to the spiritual entity, so as to grasp that the fire of gehinnom burns! This method is certainly true, but in general, our teachers have seen that this generation is too weak to use it, and (except for the rare few) this is beyond the abilities of most people.

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If so, the simplest way is to use the power of tefillah. One should contemplate the very fact that Hashem created the concept of fear of punishment, and that nothing exists for no reason. Each thing has a purpose. Every person has times when uplifted and times when low. When uplifted, the primary fear is the higher fear, the deeper fear of sin and of Hashem's greatness, and so on. But when when one is on a lower level (and everyone has such times), the lofty thoughts do not affect a person. As Chazal said (Nedarim 32a), "At the time of theyetzer hara, no one remembers the yetzer tov." That is to say, when the yetzer hara is strong, the ability to contemplate and think lofty thoughts disappears! Then, one must break the yetzer hara from within its own level, by fearing harm, not by thinking of the value of good or the highness of Hashem. One must then employ the fear of punishment. If a person does not have the fear of punishment, all of his avodah is in danger! When a person is inspired, and his da'as is expansive, he can serve Hashem with excitement and desire, but when he is in a low state, the excitement fades, and if he doesn't fear the punishment, he can fall, chas veshalom, into very low sins! Therefore, each person needs the fear of punishment. This is not just a bediavad (after the fact) requirement. Hashem intentionally created man in a way that there must be times when higher and times when lower, and He gave man two methods to use, each one in its proper time. When uplifted, he must use the higher yirah, and when lower, the inferior yirah, the fear of punishment. That was Hashem's will. When small, low, and sad, and he has fallen to the element of "earth," the earth of the material, he must use fear of punishment. A person cannot at all times be in a state of "shake off the dust and rise." There are times when one is in the dust and still cannot get out of it. At such times, his job is to work with fear of punishment. This is Hashem's will, and this was his initial plan (lechatchilah) in creation. Hence, when a person is working on fear of punishment, he must understand that the purpose of his work is not just to avoid gehinnom, but he must clearly recognize that Hashem's will is for a person to fear the punishments ofgehinnom. Tefillah for Divine Help in the Matter of Yirah To attain fear of punishment, one must read the words of Chazal that speak of yirah, and their stories that inspireyirah. One should also read works like the Reishis Chochmah, Maseches Chibut HaKever, or the book by R' Yehudah Fetaya called Minchas Yehudah-HaRuchos Mesapros, which relates stories about neshamos that came to him for tikun (rectification) and told of their state in the next world and the punishments they suffer ingehinnom. Such stories, which relate the severity of the punishments, inspire a person to fear Hashem if one contemplates them. Even so, one must know that even if he reads and contemplates these writings, the attainment of yirah is primarily in the hands of Hashem: will He grant the quality of yirah, or not? Therefore, when a person works on fear of punishment, he should speak to Hashem and say to Him, "Master of the World, You have created in me a body and soul. When the loftiness of the soul and the desire of the heart are more apparent, You have taught that I should work with the fear due to Your greatness, but in times of lowliness, You have taught that I should work with fear of punishment. Therefore, I want to attain the fear of punishment." He will continue: "Master of the World, how can I attain the fear of punishment? The simple way, based on the writings of our teachers, is the faculty of imagery. But my faculty of imagery is too weak. Even when I try to contemplate in that way, it is weak and does not affect the heart much. I request of You, then, to either give me the tools for attaining the fear of punishment, or to just put it into my heart, but I know one thing: It is up to You to help me attain yirah! I will try to do what I can, by reading the material that should inspire yirah and contemplate it, but I beseech You to cause the yirah to enter my heart!"

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When one proceeds in this way, and regularly prays for this from the depth of his heart, Hashem will surely help him. A true and good prayer that bursts forth from the depth of the heart will surely be answered! "Happy is he who Always Fears" As we said, fear of punishment must be attained by each person, and this is the ideal way, not bediavad! In general, we see even in the material world that there are times of closeness and times of distance. The distance comes from the sin of Chavah, and now, women have two weeks of purity and two of impurity. During the weeks of purity, there is closeness, bonding, and love, but in the weeks of impurity, there must be distance, difficulty, and pain. This is the way of creation: the moon wanes and waxes, wanes and waxes. Just as a person understands that love is an essential and clear element of Divine service, so must he understand that there are various ways to rectify the body. The first method of rectifying the body is through the light of the neshamah. The light of the neshamah comes from the love of Hashem and attachment to Him: "My heart and my flesh sing to the living G-d." First of all, one must work with the heart. There, the soul appears, and the heart sings to Hashem. After that, even the flesh sings to the living G-d. All spiritual energy, whether from Torah, mitzvos, or acts of kindness, generates at least a little light for purifying the body. In this way, "a little light will dispel a lot of darkness." The second method is to rectify the darkness directly. This comes from fear and from suffering. Each person has fears, and it says (Mishlei 28:14), "Happy is he who always fears." Thus, a person should always be in fear! When one is worthy, the yirah will come from the concern that he is not adequately serving Hashem and reaching the truth, and so on. If he is not worthy, his sin makes him fearful due to its true nature and its punishment, as it says (Yeshayahu 33:14), "Fear in Zion, you sinners." We must know that the way of yirah, of "Happy is he who always fears," is a true way. Since "there is no tzaddik in the land who does only good and does not sin," and each person knows his level of avodas Hashem, each of us knows that our fear does not only stem from a concern that we might not be fulfilling the Torah properly. If a person really had no sins, the proper way for him would really be to just fear because of avodas Hashem. But since a person does have sin, each of us according to his level, there must also be the condition of "Fear in Zion, you sinners." The sin generates yirah, and the yirah because of the sin and its punishment is itself the rectification for the sin. Accepting Suffering with Joy When a person knows that yirah is the proper way (lechatchilah), and that in his current state, he should employ fear of punishment, he will surely rejoice greatly when fearing the punishments! This is a deep point. The pasuk says (Tehillim 2:11), "Rejoice with trembling," meaning that where there is rejoicing, there should be trembling. Simply, we understand this to mean that where there is rejoicing, closeness, and friendship with Hashem, there must also be the awe of His greatness. That is certainly correct, but there is a very deep point concerning fear of punishment. When a person fears, but cannot rejoice because of the fear, he becomes disconnected from Hashem! He is like someone approached by a large, frightening dog, who becomes fearful and is totally involved in that yirah. He had heard that of late, there are dangerous dogs with diseases walking around, and the proximity of the dog frightens him. Just as there is a halachah that a mitzvah must be performed with the proper intent, and a mitzvah without the proper intent is inherently lacking like a body without a soul, so do suffering and the fear of gehinnom require proper intent.

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We also find in the words of Chazal (Kiddushin 39b), "If one sits still and refrains from a sin, he receives reward as if he performed a mitzvah!" This is only when he resisted the temptation to sin. He used his intent to avoid the sin, and then, it is considered a mitzvah. When a person undergoes some suffering, he should rejoice in the suffering. This does not only apply when there is physical suffering, like illness or pain. Even when one is working with fear of punishment, the fear itself is unpleasant, and there, too, one must rejoice in the suffering. If there is no joy, the person is missing the main point of the suffering! Of course, even such suffering will cause some purification, but he will lose the main purification if he is not happy! One who has not accustomed himself to rejoice with suffering will find it very difficult to do so when troubles come. The proper avodah is to attain a sense of joy before the suffering comes and before one attains the fear of punishment. He should speak to the Creator and say, "You have given me times of greatness and times of smallness. In a time of my greatness You want me to serve You with a sense of Your greatness, and then, I will surely rejoice. In a time of smallness, You want me to serve You with fear of punishment. Master of the World, just as I know that in a time of my greatness You want me to serve You with a sense of Your greatness, and that will make You joyous, so is it clear to me that You will be pleased with my avodah with fear of punishment in a time of my smallness!" "As a Man Afflicts His Son, so does Hashem, Your G-d Afflict You" There are two kinds of yirah. When a person fears something, he might flee from it. For example, a person fears a dog, so he flees to the other side of the street. This is a fear that causes distance. If a person fears gehinnom because of gehinnom itself, he is disconnected from Hashem, because he fearsgehinnom, not Hashem. One must fear Hashem, who punishes in gehinnom, not gehinnom itself. Fear ofgehinnom itself distances one from Hashem. One will fear Hashem's works, instead of Him. Even if a person fears gehinnom and also the One Who punishes there, this can generate a feeling in the soul of distance from the Creator. He fears Hashem, and just as he runs away from a dog that he fears, so does his fear of Hashem make him flee from Him! We likewise find that after Adam HaRishon sinned and ate from the Tree of Knowledge, and heard Hashem's Presence approaching, he simply hid from Him! This is the wrong kind of fear because of sin. The fear made him want to hide from Hashem, and this is not the proper behavior! The proper way is that when a person realizes that Hashem wants him to fear, he should realize that in this way, he is fulfilling His will. The fear is a mitzvah, meaning that it will make him close (tzavta) to Hashem! This is a very deep feeling in the soul, and requires tremendous effort. It seems that this is one of the major errors made by people who serve Hashem. A person is involved in yirah. He might fear gehinnom and thereby become distanced from the Creator, or he might fear Hashem Who is punishing there, and then Hashem is perceived as some kind of frightening thing that we may not express. Both of these ways might lead a person to fear, but such fear will distance one from Hashem! We must understand this fundamental point: there is no aspect of avodas Hashem that does not bind a person to his Creator! Love and attachment of course bind a person to his Creator, but yirah must bind a person to Him just as much! When we understand this, we gain two things: One gain is that we will work properly and not become distant from the Creator. The other is that many people are afraid to start working on fear of punishment, because they are concerned about getting depressed and living always in fear. They would rather live in a calm world, knowing that Hashem loves them

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and wants them, and so on. But when they will understand the true way of fear of punishment, they will understand that "as a man afflicts his son, so does Hashem, your G-d afflict you" (Devarim 8:5). A father punishes his son because he loves him. With each hit, although outwardly, it is a hit, the inward flow is "my father!" Thus, one can find the Creator in the fear itself. He will take the hand hitting him, and "kiss" it, because this is the hand of his Father, and he feels the real love inside the fear of punishment. HaRav Shach zt"l once stated that a person who lives with the Creator can be bound with Him even in gehinnom! There is no such thing as being separate from Hashem, whether one is involved in love, tefillah, or emunah. One must connect to Hashem from every point, situation, and way of avodah, including the fear of Hashem. Fear of punishment is first of all fear of Hashem, not just plain fear. When fear of Hashem is written somewhere, people think it refers to yirah because of His greatness or perhaps, fear of sin, but in fact, even fear of punishment is absolutely fear of Hashem. With this attitude, one can become as close to the Creator as he would be had he been involved in fear because of His greatness. There is a known incident involving the Rebbe, R' Chaim of Tzanz zt"l. When he was returning from the funeral of his son, he appeared happy. He was asked about this, and he responded with an example: A person is walking on the street and he receives a slap on the shoulder. He flinches and turns to see who hit him, and behold, it was his close friend slapping him on the shoulder as a sign of closeness! May Hashem help us to become close to Him in every stage and situation, and to cleave to Him at all times!

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Chapter 18 - Fear due to Perfection and the Building of the Will Fear due to Honor - a Level for the Few We have explained that there are five levels of yirah: fear of punishment, fear due to honor, fear due to Hashem's greatness, and fear due to sin. We have elaborated on the first level, fear of punishment. The second level, fear due to honor, is somewhat similar to fear of punishment. Just as with fear of punishment, it is naturally difficult to fear gehinnom, because gehinnom is not sensed by the body but only by the soul, so it is with the honor in Gan Eden. That place is intangible and can only be perceived by the soul, not the body. Hence, to attain that state, one needs to activate the faculty of imagery. There are some rare people who naturally have a very strong desire for honor, and it is easier for them to attain the fear due to honor even without the faculty of imagery, but with most people, the desire for honor is not so apparent, and so, they can only attain the level of fear due to the honor of Gan Eden if they use imagery. Since we have said that the faculty of imagery is weak with most people, in general, it may be said that one should not work too much with this kind of yirah. If one is able to, that is wonderful, but if one will need a lot time for it, it is preferable for him to first attain the simple fear of punishment, and then skip to fear due to perfection. Certainly, there is some danger any time one skips a level, but since it is relatively difficult to attain that level, and it requires a significant investment of time, and sometimes, excessive involvement with honor causes more harm than good, we will skip to the next stage: fear due to perfection. Awareness and Will Bring one to Fear Due to Perfection "Fear due to perfection" means that a person desires and yearns to be perfect! What is perfection? The Ramchal has already taught in the first chapter of Mesillas Yesharim that "the true perfection is only attachment to Hashem, as David HaMelech said (Tehillim 73:28), And closeness to Hashem is good for me' and I have asked one thing from Hashem, that I do ask: to dwell in the house of Hashem my entire life' (ibid. 27:4) because only that is good. Anything else considered good by people is only vanity and deceptive emptiness." If so, there must first be the awareness that perfection is attachment to Hashem. Once there is that awareness, there must be a ratzon (will) for that perfection, and when there is a true ratzon, one fears lest the ratzon not be satisfied. What is this like? A person is invited to a wedding, and he wants to be there for the ceremony, which is called for 7 PM. There is a bus that leaves at 6, and he knows that if he catches it, he will arrive on time for the ceremony. He arrives near the bus stop, and sees the bus approaching while he is still far from the stop. Now, he fears that he might not catch the bus. The more he wants to be at that wedding, the stronger is his fear of missing the bus. But the less he cares about being there, the less troubled will he be about missing the bus and the ceremony. Here, too, the stronger and more manifest one's ratzon for closeness to Hashem is, the more will he fear a sin, since it prevents closeness to the Creator. But the more concealed that ratzon is (because the knowledge is only in the mind), the weaker is the fear that his ratzon might not be fulfilled. There is a big difference between knowing something in the mind and having an open ratzon for it. Really, anyone who learns the words of the Ramchal fully believes that a person's purpose is to be close to the Creator. Each person knows this. The question is: how strong is one's ratzon for that which he knows? If all he has is information, he is not so attached to the concept, and he won't fear not achieving it.

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There are many people who really know that it is very important to know the entire Talmud, and yet, they could be idle for five hours at a time. Even though it is obvious that they could learn a lot of Talmud in those five hours, that knowledge is removed from the ratzon, and so it does not lead to expression in the practical realm. If the knowledge becomes one with the person, his desire and ultimate aspiration will be evident, and any obstacle to achieving it will be opposed with all his might. Hence, there are three stages to achieving this yirah. The first stage is the clear knowledge in the mind that the purpose of a person in his world is to be close to the Creator, then, the knowledge must be translated into a consistently intensifying ratzon, and the third stage is a clear awareness that sin contradicts his ratzon for closeness to Hashem. It is possible for a person to want closeness to Hashem, but hardly feel that sins prevent this. If when a person would speak lashon hara (gossip), he would feel that he is destroying his spiritual sensitivity, the yirah would be very strong. But we are tested in this world by sensing that "the way of the wicked is successful" when we are tempted by a sin. And the sense is not only that one can attain material success, but one doesn't even sense that when sinning, he disconnects himself from Hashem. Therefore, even if a person has a clear awareness that the goal is closeness to Hashem, and he has a strong ratzon to get close, there is no guarantee that the knowledge and ratzon will generate any fear of sin. He feels aratzon to become close to the Creator, but he doesn't sense any contradiction between that ratzon and a sin. He doesn't sense that a sin will disrupt his desire for closeness to the Creator. Hence, one must know and internalize two facts: one must know that the purpose of life is to become close to the Creator, and also develop a ratzon for it; one must also know that sin opposes that ratzon and blocks closeness to Hashem, and internalize that fact. Each of these points requires a long period of work. We will attempt to briefly deal with these issues to the extent possible. The Work with the Ratzon Differs from Person to Person We will start with a simple point: A person knows that his purpose is to be close to his Creator. The question is: how does this become his daily and hourly feeling? If this is not achieved, the whole process of avodas Hashem is lacking. The Chazon Ish has already written that "one hour of learning with exertion is better than many hours of lazy study." That is to say, if there is strong ratzon, the result will be lasting, but if the ratzon is weak and flimsy, there is almost no hope for anything true to come from it. Very profound effort is needed in order to build true ratzon! Although here, in the discussion of yirah, we are bringing up the issue of ratzon, the truth is that it is necessary even prior to this level. Each person is unique: One person has no natural ratzon to attain emunah, and he must arouse a ratzon for it. Another has no natural ratzon to daven (pray), because he doesn't feel that tefillah is essential for life, and he must arouse that ratzon. Each person is born with a certain degree of ratzon, and it differs depending on the issue. One person will naturally want to perform acts of kindness. Another will want to learn Torah, but it will be hard for him to do acts of kindness. A third will want both, but it will hard for him to daven. Therefore, whatever one is working on first requires an arousal of ratzon, so he will truly want to work on that matter.

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The Methods for Awakening a Strong Inner Ratzon The most inclusive and fundamental point, the goal of all, is for a person to have a true ratzon to become close to the Creator! Sometimes, a person wants to become close to the Creator, but the ratzon is not strong enough. One must want that itself: that his ratzon for closeness to Hashem will be strong and deep! Even though each person knows this in his mind, in order to apply it as a way of avodah, there must be a trueratzon. If the person wants to build for himself a ratzon, he must still be lacking the ratzon, and without it, it is hard for him to want to want. This is one of the real difficulties in our service of Hashem. Most people do not advance past their spot in avodahbecause they lack a true ratzon to get closer to Hashem. Each one, according to his level, has some kind ofratzon, but everyone without exception, even those on a high level, have a ratzon that stops at a certain level. They certainly want more, but there is no strong evident ratzon for more. This issue applies to everyone, but the question is: how much does it affect the person and on what level? But the inner point is identical to all: a person must constantly intensify his ratzon. How do we arouse the ratzon? There is a method mentioned in the Holy Zohar (3:168a): "If the body is not enlightened by the soul, it must be beaten, so that the soul can give it light and the two can unite." That is to say, it is achieved through suffering and affliction one brings upon himself. However, not everyone is capable of this, and in this generation, most people cannot handle difficult things; they like pleasant things. Thus, we will not focus on this so much; we will just discuss it in few words. The "beating" is achieved either through self-affliction, such as fasting, or through self-criticism. In fact, there were tzaddikim who were able to seclude themselves and scream at themselves over this very point: "How low I am that I do not really want to be close to the Creator, etc." And so, they would speak many words from the depth of their heart. But this has two dangers: First, one might be screaming from his mind, without real feeling. Second, tzaddikimare able to be bitter for a while and then switch to joy, but many people might fall into constant bitterness, which will damage their avodah, because without joy, there is nothing! Therefore, one should only do this if he feels that he can be bitter for a time and then serve Hashem with pleasure and joy, but many people are made in a way that if they start yelling at themselves and placing severe demands on themselves, they will get depressed and will despair, and will lose some of their vitality. If this way will bring someone there, he may not enter! We will try to focus on an opposite approach. A person should devote an hour, and just pray for one thing: that he will truly want! Even though he senses that saying that he wants to want is not being said with enough ratzon, that may be true, but one must know that it is impossible that he doesn't want at all. The soul surely wants, and even openly, there must be some small spark of true ratzon. Then what is the problem? This spark, in relation to the veils that conceal it, seems nullified. Yet one must be stubborn and not give up, and day after day ask Hashem the same request: "Master of the World, I want to want to be close to You! This is not yet a request for closeness itself, but for theratzon to be close to the Creator. Once the ratzon is attained, there will be a place for asking for the closeness itself.

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A person can spend a very long time working on this aspect. If one does not have a lot of patience, he will give up, but that itself is because he does not have enough ratzon! If a person does not have enough ratzon to stubbornly pursue ratzon, and he is not able to scold himself about it (as the Tania states that one should be bitter about this very fact that he doesn't want to want), he should go totzaddikim and listen to them and their rebukes daily, until something in him will crack open. In other words, if he cannot accomplish this on his own, either through bitterness, or through stubbornness, he needs an outer force to arouse him, namely, people who speak words of truth, and the words that emanate from their hearts will enter his heart. He must pay attention well to their words again and again, and fulfill "I have held fast and will not let go," until something budges inside him! But he must know that this is only the beginning of the path. One cannot conclude his life's work with listening to other people. This is only meant to arouse the inner ratzon, so that one can progress further. We have presented three ways to arouse ratzon in a person. The Inner Essence of Ratzon is Pleasure As we said, one who can be bitter without losing the joy is fortunate, because this bitterness can be used to break the heart of stone that does not want closeness to Hashem. The very bitterness over the lack of ratzon for closeness to Hashem will improve him a great deal! But in addition, even such a person may not suffice with bitterness, and he must focus also on the positive, by praying to Hashem to draw him close, employing "the left hand pushes away and the right hand pulls close." Since he already has the "left hand pushing away," he must continue with the power of the "right hand pulling close." The request from Hashem to want to be close to Him is itself an essential element meant for each person! It seems that the point of ratzon is what prevents a person from advancing in the various aspects of avodah. A person might start working on his tefillah. He will learn the words of Chazal, and see their truth, but it all remains information, without any strong ratzon. He tries for a week or two, and does not succeed! He has all sorts of excuses, but the real problem is that he started working before he really wanted it. It is a great privilege for a person if his ratzon is alive, burning, and strong. Here is a simple example: There were great tzaddikim who did not waste a minute of their time. They were always learning Torah, serving Hashem, or doing acts of kindness. Even while speaking with other people, there was always a clear calculation of how much time to speak, how much gratitude to express to people, what should be done so as to help a person forget his troubles, and so on. A person will stand at the side and be amazed: How can a person live under such pressure, with each moment being calculated? Such a life of constant pressure and utilizing each moment seems superhuman and impossible! What is the answer? There is depth in this matter, but first, we must consider the basic point. This is the explanation: If someone takes a person and holds his nose and mouth shut, he will try with all his might each second to open them. If he succeeds for a moment, he will take a breath, and then continue in his struggle without pause. If a person feels that his very life depends on a certain action, he has no difficulty with doing it each moment. The less vital it is, the harder it is to do each moment. The more vital it is, the easier and more possible it becomes.

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If something does not seem vital, it is work, but if his life depends on it, the action is a pleasure and he has a real desire to do it. A person delights in something that he wants to connect to. So that a person can live with this spiritual pressure, he needs ratzon! The sefarim hakedoshim write that trueratzon and pleasure are one: "inside ratzon, there is pleasure." Once a person has attained the pleasure, he no longer needs a ratzon for work, but for the pleasure he will attain. Once a person has delighted in Hashem through Torah and mitzvos, he pursues them because of the inner delight he gains from them. The problem is that as long as a person has not attained pleasure, he tries to build ratzon without pleasure. That is the source of the difficulty! It is very hard to maintain a strong ratzon when there is no pleasure. Why? As long as a person does not want something with all his might, he doesn't feel his lack, and he will take it easy. But if he wants it, connects to it, and delights in it, he feels each moment a lack and a need to fill it. The intermediate stage of ratzon without pleasure is called in the sefarim hakedoshim "the slingshot in this world." Everyone who wants to serve Hashem must undergo the "slingshot." Either he will suffer with it in this world, or if not, chas veshalom, he will suffer with it in the next world. But every person must undergo this suffering of unfulfilled ratzon. If one is not worthy, he will first suffer this in material issues. He will want money, gold, apartments, and other desires that he cannot satisfy. But these desires might not be strong. There must be a strong, real desire that is not satisfied! The intensification of the ratzon without satisfaction strengthens the lack, and consequently, the pain. If one knows that this unfulfilled ratzon is Hashem's will, that will ease things a little, but in general, when one is working on his ratzon, it is hard to appreciate that such is the will of Hashem. The building of this structure of ratzon is the true entry into the world of avodas Hashem. As long as there is no real ratzon, there is nothing to really push a person in his service of Hashem, and he cannot succeed. When the ratzon comes with pleasure, it is as if one is already in the world of reward, referred to by Chazal as "you will see your world in your life." When a person has the merit, he desires each moment to cleave to Hashem and to learn Torah. The problem people have is that they often have a superficial desire to become close to the Creator, but they have no inner desire. They would like an inner desire, but they still feel no fulfillment, so it is easier to abandon their desire than to maintain an unfulfilled desire. These are very fundamental points, and this is an avodah needed by everyone who seeks the truth. One must know that no one goes through this world without suffering. Happy is he whose suffering comes from the Torah: "Happy is the man who is afflicted by Hashem, and You teach him from Your Torah" ( Tehillim 94:12). Happy is the man who knows that he must receive his suffering from his service of Hashem. Each person has come into this world with a quota of suffering. One who understands that he cannot escape suffering prefers to willfully accept suffering by working to become close to Hashem without receiving satisfaction, rather than suffering in some other manner. When one does not understand this, he tries to escape this kind of suffering, and wants to live in peace: "Yaakov wanted to live in peace, and so the agony over Yosef jumped upon him." A person must persist for a long time in building a structure of ratzon even though it will have no fulfillment. Only when he reaches a certain degree of ratzon, as Avraham Avinu cried, "the waters are about to kill me!" Hashem will reveal the true light, so that he will feel Him. But as long as the ratzon is not strong and with the person each moment, he will not have the privilege for the light of Hashem to truly rest on him. May Hashem help us to attain a true ratzon to be close to Him, and through it, find satisfaction. Amen.

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Chapter 19 - Fear- A Sensitive Feeling Working to Attain Fear due to Perfection In the previous chapter, we spoke of fear due to perfection - a fear due to a lack of deveikus to Hashem. We touched on it briefly, but in general, the avodah is to only have one ratzon for our Father in Heaven. The ratzon for closeness to Hashem must fill the entire space of the soul, its full interior, and naturally, one will fear lest it not be achieved. How do we attain this level? First, a person must accustom himself to think and talk about this point. For example, one may be standing near an object which does not belong to him. He ponders, and says, "This object is not mine. May I take it, or not? It is forbidden, because Hashem has said, "Do not steal." If, G-d forbid, I would take it, would it make me closer to Hashem or further from Him? It will make me further." He thinks about this and articulates it. "This act of taking the object, which is stealing, would distance me from the Creator." Deep down, the soul feels that the act would distance one from the Creator. But this is a hidden feeling. How does one awaken the feeling? The same way as was mentioned with other kinds of avodah. One must contemplate and articulate it again and again. A person must accustom himself, but not wait until a test comes. When he is tested, there is already an inner struggle if he should sin or not. Rather, this avodah must take place in a normal time: to habitually think, "Will this act bring me close to Hashem, or far from Him?" This thought should gradually become implanted in the mind, and that will awaken, to a certain extent, the soul's feeling that a sin distances one from the Creator. The more sensitive one's soul is, the more he will be able to sense this yirah, but the coarser it is, and the less pure it is, the harder it will be for this yirah to be manifest. We will take an example from this world. Some people are very sensitive and delicate, and so, they are fearful of people, animals, and so on. Others are bold and tough. They can have love, but it will take a lot of time until they can become afraid of something. We're not yet talking in relation to serving Hashem, but the general expression of yirah is more difficult for such people. In our generation in particular, there is a lot of chutzpah, as Chazal said of this period before the coming of Mashiach. There is some love, although not in a proper way if one has not channeled it, but there is much less yirah. The rejection of a yoke (authority), which has especially intensified in recent generations and in particular, this one, affects each person in some way. This rejection essentially contradicts yirah. Since such winds blow in the world, and stick to our souls, the sense of yirah is hidden. Chazal have said (Avos 3:2), "If not for the fear of the king, one would swallow the other alive." Kingship inspires fear. But today, we do not have kings, and people treat their leaders with the disrespect they have earned, so practically, there is no feeling of yirah. Not only is the outer kind of kingship gone, but even the awe of the inner of kind of kingship - "Who are the kings? The rabbis" - is gone, as Chazal have said (Sotah 49b), "Before the period of the Mashiach, the wisdom of the scholars will be denigrated, and people who fear sin will be loathed." Today, ahavah is stronger than yirah. Therefore, it is much more difficult to attain yirah than ahavah. Withahavah, the heart is open to love in this world, and one just needs to channel it properly (though that itself is a whole process), but yirah is weak among most people even in worldly matters. Yirah does not have expression even with material issues, so there are two kinds of avodah: to awaken fear, and to direct it properly. People have many ways of expressing love, through all the material things they pursue, but most people do not express yirah.

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Sensitivity of the Soul - a Tool for Yirah It is very difficult to attain any of the forms of yirah we have been discussing. But as a person becomes more refined, delicate, and sensitive, yirah, which is the sense of meekness, will appear in him. On one hand, the Jewish people have the quality of boldness ( Beitzah 25b), which should be used for holy matters, but it should be coupled with an inner sense of meekness. This meekness is the root of yirah. The more coarse a person is, screaming and talking loudly without due composure and calmness, the further he is from yirah. Before actually developing religious fear, one must first accustom himself to be meek, to be refined and not coarse: to eat, drink, speak, and act calmly. Such gentle behavior calms the soul, stops it from unbridled expression, and makes one more refined. When one is more refined, he will be able to sense things greater than himself, and relate to them with the proper sensitivity. Yirah is not like seeing an animal and being afraid of it. It comes from a subtle and delicate sense in the soul. As long as the soul is not open to sensing delicate and subtle things, it will be difficult for yirah to be expressed. Nowadays, most people can stand near anyone and speak loudly and confidently. They are capable of standing right next to true gedolim and feeling no shame when talking in any way about anything that pleases them. They don't understand that they should be quiet, and relate with a feeling of honor. Each person is different, but this lack of appreciation of greatness gives one an inner coarseness. People speak in the shul (synagogue). It's not just a matter of a wrong idea; they should have an inner sensitivity. Even before sensing the Divine Presence, one should sense that the dignity of the place does not allow talking there in a certain way. It's not about fearing the Creator; it's about relating inwardly to the place one is in. This is an essential element for serving Hashem. A person must attain this inner fineness, which comes from the inner soul. It is one of the most basic needs. It is not an external thing to attain, or something that can be expressed, but an inner feeling of the soul. Chazal have said (Sotah 49b) that in the period before Mashiach, "the wisdom of the scholars will be denigrated, and people who fear sin will be loathed, truth will disappear, and the young will humiliate the elderly." This occurs because the young man does not sense the difference between himself and the elderly man. He doesn't even want to disgrace the older person, but he has no awareness that an older person is in a completely different world than a youth. It is an inner sensitivity in the soul, not something that can be explained logically. Such a person does not sense the difference between a man of twenty and one of seventy! A servant of Hashem must attain this. Of course, you would not listen to even an older person who advises sins, but you must know how to relate differently to different levels. Otherwise, there is no way to work on yirah. Yirahcomes from a sense of the relationship between a higher and a lower level. Without it, one can feel, "I and Hashem will stroll together in Gan Eden." Without yirah - not terror, but a sense of a greater person - it is most difficult to attain yirah from the Creator. One must work to be sensitive, pure, refined, and to understand, so that he will relate to things with proper dignity, depending on the situation. This has been a brief discussion, and there is a lot more to say about all of this.

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Feelings of the Body and Feelings of the Soul We will explain this a little more deeply. The feelings are rooted in the soul, but appear in the body. For example, a person has the quality of love. This stems from the soul's love of Hashem, the Jewish people, and the Torah. When the soul enters the body, the body takes this love for its own ends. A child, with rare exceptions, has love only for candies, and games, and such. What is the fundamental difference between the feelings of the body and those of the soul? The soul has spiritual feelings, which must be subtle. Its nature is submissiveness, so it cannot be coarse. The body's feelings are not just material; they are coarse. A person likes to eat, and that itself is much more coarse than whatever the soul loves. But even with food, let us consider further: some people like to eat foods that are more refined and pure, while others prefer foods that are more coarse. This reveals the degree of the soul's revelation in the person. If one's tastes are refined, the refined nature has not been lost. If one prefers coarse things, then not only has the desire for the spiritual changed to be coarse and material, but whatever feelings remained from the soul have become coarse. If the only "thickening" is from the spiritual to the material, while there is still an appreciation for subtle pleasures, he only needs to move one level - to take those material desires and restore them to the spiritual realm. But if the "thickening" is twofold, and even the material desires are coarse, there are two tasks ahead: to refine and purify the desires, which will remove one veil of the body and begin to expose the soul due to the refined feelings, and after that, to make the shift from the physical to the spiritual. There is a difference whether one is working on ahavah or yirah. With ahavah, one can shift from the material to the spiritual even before refining the pleasures. Although the veil of coarseness will remain, one will be able to love. The Kotzker rebbe commented on the pasuk about the people of Nineveh (Yonah 3:8), "and they called out to G-d with force," that such was the way of people of Nineveh. They screamed loudly! They left the material world by fasting and afflicting themselves and connected to the spiritual world, but even their relationship to the spiritual world was coarse. They felt they had to call out with force. A true person, he said, doesn't scream. He calls out with a "still, small voice." Nonetheless, we see that with ahavah, it is possible to place the transition from the physical to the spiritual even before the transition from coarse to refined, and afterward, work on refining the feelings. But with yirah, one must first refine the senses, and then shift to the spiritual. The whole nature of yirah is a refined feeling, and without refinement, it cannot exist. A normal person has no concept of inner yirah. If we would ask people if they love Hashem, one who would absolutely answer, "Yes!" does not understand what love is. Even one who says, "No," is not correct. Every person must have felt at least once some feeling of love for Hashem. If we would ask people if they have feared the Creator, anyone who doesn't fantasize would have to admit that he has not felt a true fear of the Creator. One might fear punishment, but not the Creator. It is possible to feel some real love, but it is much harder to feel some real fear. "The Words of the Wise are Heard When Gentle" This avodah of refining the senses is a long process in the soul of a person. The first principle is "The words of the wise are heard when gentle" (Kohelles 9:17). This is not only a matter of words, but all of one's deeds and life must be done with gentleness.

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We will provide some simple examples, but each person must try to grasp the point and translate it into the practical realm for his life. We find in the halachah that on Shabbos, a person can cut a large piece of bread, because of the honor of the Shabbos, but on a weekday, he should cut a smaller piece, so as not to appear as a glutton. What does this teach us? If a person is capable of taking a whole loaf of bread and biting into it (and we see gentiles who do this), it reflects an inner coarseness of the soul. It's not just a matter of permitted or forbidden. It is, in fact, forbidden based on the laws of proper conduct, because one should not eat from more than a kezais (olive's bulk) at one time. But even before learning the law, a sensitive person will feel that this is not the way to behave. The halachah in Maseches Derech Eretz (ch. 4) that one should not bite from a large piece of bread stems from the need to sense that eating a large quantity is a sign of coarseness. A refined soul cannot eat that way. Of course, one must obey the halachah regardless, but the halachah should instill in the person this sensitivity. If one cuts large pieces of bread, there is some kind of roughness in his soul's feelings. A more refined person deals with things more delicately. If the halachah teaches this, it must be a real condition in the soul. Because of the honor of the Shabbos, one can take more, but he will still be refined. His inner refinement will prevent him from doing certain things. Here is another example: People go on buses and speak on their cell phones. We're all familiar with this. The person will be sitting and talking, with someone in front and another behind, and even if they try to block their ears, it will be impossible for a long trip. Everyone hears what he is saying; all his stories, his whole way of life, all are forced to know about this. Besides that he is stealing from them by disturbing them, let us consider his inner state. If one speaks private matters with family members while people are all around him, there must be a deep crudeness in his soul! A person should not feel capable of discussing personal issues when many ears are partners to the conversation. And even if these aren't terrible secrets that no one needs to know, but plain conversation that is not particularly personal, there should be an obvious sensitivity that conversations should involve only the person being spoken to, and not become public property. One who speaks on the bus, even if not about private matters, in a way that three rows ahead and three rows behind hear him is already not a mensch, he's not a real human! He might be a horse or a donkey, but there is no "image of G-d" here anymore. A human must not be public property. He must be pure and clean, and speak softly. As long as this is not the case, it is impossible to talk about real yirah; there can only be illusions of yirah. He might fear lions or dogs, but he cannot truly have yirah due to Hashem's greatness or due to sin. One might mentally know that a sin distances him from his Creator, but to feel this, one must be sensitive and pure. This point requires a lot of attention. A habit of self-exposure contradicts the essence of the soul. The body's nature is a "loud commotion," and the soul's nature is a "still, small, voice." The more a person is involved in commotion, whether of loud activity, or loud speech, or yelling - speaking to someone from a distance of 15 meters, and such - the more he becomes distant from his soul. Of course, there are exceptional cases, like if a person is about to fall, and someone screams to him to prevent him from falling, but in general, if one wants to build a true inner life, he must act calmly. He must move carefully and calmly, speak more slowly and think first. He should generally not be hasty, but be quiet and calm. When a person departs from the condition of the loud commotion, and enters deeper and deeper into the state of quiet, he can penetrate all the way into the inner serenity deep in the soul. There were tzaddikim who heard a bas kol (Heavenly voice). Did the bas kol scream? No, it is a subtle spiritual voice heard only by a person whose inner state is a "still, small voice."

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"Each day, a voice emanates from Mount Chorev and declares, Return, wayward children" ( Eichah Rabbah,pesichta 25). The question is known: who hears the Heavenly voice? The Ba'al Shem Tov's answer is also known: these are basic feelings of the soul, which feels daily a need to repent. Who hears this? A person in the state of a "still, small voice" hears this voice for teshuvah (repentance) loud and clear. But one in the state of a loud commotion, who is hasty and tumultuous, will not hear the voice because of the loud commotion. This is the meaning of the statement in the Talmud (Yoma 20b) that the commotion of Rome prevents the sound of the spirit. Yirah is an inner, quiet voice in the soul. To hear it, one must go away from the commotion, and be pure, calm, and thoughtful. These ideas are broad and deep. We have tried to give a general picture, a way of thinking about a person's proper inner state. May Hashem give us the privilege to leave the way of the body and enter the way of the soul, and thereby, cleave to Him.

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Chapter 20 - Loving Hashem The Mitzvah of Ahavas Hashem Until now, we have discussed yirah. In the coming chapters, we will deal with ahavah, with the help of Hashem. We have mentioned that some people should work on yirah first, and others should first work on ahavah, and each person should decide what is appropriate for him. Ahavas Hashem is a mitzvah in the Torah, as it says (Devarim 6:5), "And you shall love Hashem, your God, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your resources." This teaches that each person is required to have love for Hashem, and the pasuk lists the three different levels of this love. Love can be divided into conditional and unconditional love. Conditional love is the way of the gentiles. As long as they receive blessing from the Creator, they love Him (assuming that they are on the level to recognize Him), but when they don't receive, they don't love. As is says in the Talmud (Rosh HaShanah 4a), "If a Jew gives charity on condition that his son will live, he is a tzaddik, because even if the result does not come, he doesn't regret the gift, because his soul loves Hashem and he wants, so to speak, to give to Him. But a gentile will regret the act if the desired result is not attained. Certainly, unconditional love is on a higher level than conditional love, but in one's avodah, he must first start with conditional love and then rise from there to unconditional love. Each person has both capabilities, and one must develop them both. The Requirements for Conditional Love Conditional love requires an awareness that Hashem gives to us. "Hashem said to Moshe, I have a gift to give to the children of Israel, called Shabbos. Go tell them about it'" (Shabbos 10b). Without getting into the topic ofShabbos, we see that we need to know about Hashem's gifts so as to love Him. For example, a person may be sitting at a table, and someone brings him a cup of water to drink. Before he has a chance to notice who gave it to him, the person disappears. He has gratitude, but he doesn't know where to direct it, because he doesn't know who gave it to him. There is a different situation: A person sees the water on the table, and doesn't realize that someone brought it there. He assumes that he put it there himself five minutes prior. He has no love for the one who brought it because he doesn't even realize that someone else brought it there! So there are two stages: one must realize that someone did the favor, and then identify who it was. Otherwise, there cannot even be conditional love. When one does know both of these facts, and the person brings him water other times, the love can intensify. Hence, if one wants to develop even conditional love for Hashem, he must realize that a person on his own has nothing. Then, he must realize that all is from Hashem, and he can thereby attain conditional love. "You must remember that Hashem gives you strength" (Devarim 8:18). Hashem gives us the strength to do all that we do. To illustrate: A person buys an apartment for a specific price. Over the years, the price doubles. The person feels that through his own wisdom and understanding, or his "good fortune" ( mazal), he became wealthy. His first mistake lies in the fact that he thinks his acquisition made him wealthy. The Targum on the pasuk quoted above renders, "He advised you to buy the property." Even if a person puts forth effort, and it seems that the benefit came because he purchased something and prices rose, the truth is that Hashem is the One Who ensured that he would profit to that particular extent.

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A person must first negate the notion that he gave benefit to himself, and then he must realize that Hashem is the Source. This needs thought, because human nature will attribute 95% of success to himself, and the other 5% to Divine Providence. The truth is that in material areas, there is hardly any significant human input. Everything comes as a decree from Above. Everything one has is from the Creator, including the effort that brought the profit, and even the ideas that lead to it. This is described (Iyov 41:3) as "Who came before Me, and I will pay?" The beginning is always from the Creator, and everything beyond that is also dependent on Him. So a person must first get rid of the notion that he achieved, and then realize that Hashem gave him the ability. Recognizing One's Weakness How do we reach this awareness? We will give some examples to make it practical. A person has a spouse. He will consider and ask himself, "How did I get this spouse? He can think that since he has certain good qualities, people sought him out, so he had a choice, and found the one he chose. This is the normal way would think. But we must consider that "Hashem gives wealth and poverty" (Shmuel I 2:7), "He gives wisdom to the wise" (Daniel 2:21), and so every quality one has is from Hashem. If one is wise or wealthy, that is all from Hashem, as the Ramban writes in his letter. Even with all the right conditions in place, there is no guarantee that a person will find a spouse. The good qualities do not belong to him; they come from the Creator, and are still his. They are like garments that Hashem puts on a person. If a bank messenger is sent from the main branch to another branch with armed guards to deliver $100,000, no one would consider him wealthy. He is just like a purse that is temporarily transporting money from one place to another. Whatever a person has, wisdom, property, and any other advantage, is not part of him; these are his garments. Hashem has lent these garments to a person to use them. All of these belong to Hashem, and He can take them back at any moment. And even while one still has them, there is no guarantee that he will succeed with them. "The swift cannot run, the strong cannot wage war, the wise do not have bread, the intelligent do not have wealth..." (Kohelles 9:11). There is no guarantee that wisdom will bring wealth or that a swift person will be able to run. When one considers this, he reaches the awareness of "what are we?" "I am nothing!" This is not deep humility, but a simple recognition of the truth of Who is the Master of the world Who gives and controls everything. A person is only a guardian over all he has. His children are not his; he just guards them. He is responsible for them, and must return them as perfect as is possible. The body belongs to Hashem, and it must be returned untainted. Even the neshamah is just a deposit: "The neshamah You gave me is pure... You will take it from me." When this is clear to a person, he will know that on his own, he is nothing. Contemplating that all Belongs to Hashem How do we attain this feeling? We will continue with the same basic approach we have been using, but make it specific to this issue. A person may have a watch in his hand. He will ask himself, "Is this mine, or not? The simple answer is that it is mine, because according to Choshen Mishpat (monetary laws), if one would steal it, he would be a thief and would have to return it. So in that sense, it is mine. But what does that mean? It is given to me as a deposit to use for serving my Creator!"

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"The Heaven belongs to Hashem, and the earth He gave to man" ( Tehillim 115:16). The Talmud (Berachos 35a) says that this is only after one has made a berachah (blessing to Hashem). That means that each thing is given only as a tool for serving the Creator. If one is given a car by the company he works for, it is not his; it is just lent to him for the job. So, too, a watch is only lent to person for serving Hashem. My ownership according to Choshen Mishpat lies in the fact that I should use it for serving Hashem. In a deeper sense, nothing is mine. It is only in my possession for serving Hashem. The person may continue: "How could it be that this watch is not mine? I worked and earned the fifty shekalim needed to buy it!" But then he must develop his thought further: "How did I attain those fifty shekalim? I worked. But how did I get the physical and mental ability to work? Did I create myself? Did I fashion my hands and brain? Only Pharaoh thought that way: The Nile is mine, and I made myself.'" One should consider further: "Who enabled me to get out of bed? I walk with my two legs, but who gave me the legs? Who gave me the intelligence to walk from the bed to the door? Some people have no intelligence, G-d forbid. Some have it, but have no legs, G-d forbid. Without legs, a brain, and feet, I couldn't go to work, and I couldn't do my job. So those fifty shekalim used for buying the watch are not really mine. I attained them because Hashem gave me legs, hands, intelligence, and a brain, and sustains them all! I used His tools for getting that money, so the money is His." There is also no guarantee that just because one works, he will get paid at the end of the month. People work, but by the end of the month, something might happen, and they don't get paid. These are simple examples, but there is one point: there is nothing that is really mine. Not only my external acquisitions, but even my existence - my body, my wisdom, feelings, and even my neshamah - are made by Hashem, and He is the only Master. This kind of contemplation must be long and broad. One should consider his objects in the house, and his feet, hands, brain, and so on. He should consider one thing after another. Here is another example: One will be thinking, and then stop himself and ask, "How am I able to think? With what tool do I even think about my thought? I use the brain and the intelligence in it. Where do they come from? They are from Hashem, and there is no guarantee that He will still give in another minute." Eventually, one will attain an inner sense that all he has are tools belonging to Hashem. Anger and Distress Come from a Sense of Ownership How does one measure if he has in fact attained this feeling? There are many tests, but we will provide one simple way. A person has some kind of loss. Normally, he will get angry, unless he has worked on emunah and believes that everything comes through Divine Providence, in which case he will not get upset over this. But according to what we have been saying, there should be a completely different understanding. This will be like one walking on the street and seeing a cup with water that spills. He inquires as to the cup, and is told that the water rained in the cup three days ago, and that it doesn't belong to anyone. He certainly won't be upset about the spilled water. But if a person is home, and he had bought some drinks and they spill, and he can't obtain more because it is Shabbos, he will naturally get somewhat upset. Where does this feeling come from? "I bought drinks, I wanted to drink, and now, I don't have it!" If a person will internalize that these are not his, and the fact that they were in his possession a minute ago does not prove that they must now be in his possession, then when it was given, it was given, and when it was taken, it was taken. Even

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when it was given, that was only so that he could have peace of mind to serve Hashem properly, and when Hashem decided that it should no longer be there, He took it back. When a person feels this way, he will not feel that something was taken from him. It was never his. Just as he feels no loss when water on the street spills, so will he feel no loss when things in his house are taken away. Everything belongs to the Creator! There are people who have a hard time letting people use their apartment when they go away for Shabbos. They have a feeling of ownership. This is an error! There is no real ownership! Our possessions are given to us for the service of the Creator. When we use them, wonderful, but when we are not using them, let others use them! Of course, every situation is unique, but we are talking about the principle. There is no real concept of ownership of a thing! If one finds it difficult to lend things to other people, or he is upset when something is lost, that is a sign that he does not live with the sense that these things are not really his. Working with Hashem A person must take this idea and really live with it. Besides the ahavas Hashem it will inspire, as we will explain, it enables a person to be truly detached from the material world. The feeling of ownership ties a person to the material world. As one disconnects from the feeling of ownership, he relates to the whole world as if everything is a disposable container. Even a disposable cup might be used ten times, or more. But one will not be upset if it gets ruined. It will just go in the garbage. We are not saying that a person should be careless with his property. Yaakov Avinu valued his small jugs and went back for them, but that value comes from the fact that Hashem gives one things to use for his avodah, and he values them as a means for serving Hashem. This is an avodah that will take more than a month or two. One must work with this idea and detach from ownership, whether of outer possessions like money and the home, or of the bodily organs, or even of the wisdom and the feelings. But we must repeat a point we have stated before: we do not work alone; we work with the Creator. One should not just say, "Hashem gave this to me, this object belongs to the Creator." This is certainly true, but in this way, one loses the simple closeness to the Creator. The proper way is that one should speak directly to Hashem, saying, "Who gave me this watch? Am I the owner, or are You the owner? Is this house mine, or Yours?" He should place the world between himself and the Creator, and say, "Is the world mine, or Yours? Is the object mine, or Yours? Is my energy mine, or Yours?" In this way, he will live in Hashem's presence. Otherwise, while detaching from acquisitions, he can lose the closeness to Hashem he had attained. And even if he had not yet attained closeness, these words can bring it. If one is working to attain a level by contemplating and speaking to Hashem, besides the attainment of that thing, he will attain closeness to Hashem. One must consider that his energy and possessions are not his, but are from the Creator. He should speak to Hashem directly about this: "It's not mine; it's yours, Hashem, and You gave it to me." Furthermore, he should say, "I know that You gave me hands, feet, a mind, and so on." Then, he should ask to really feel what he knows. So there are three stages: recognize that everything is from Hashem, talk to Hashem about this, and ask to be able to really feel it.

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As long as one does not live with this feeling, it is difficult to progress to unconditional love. One will feel deep down to a certain extent that his hands, feet, mind, etc. are not gifts from Hashem, and he will not be able to sense the love behind the gifts. We hear many stories about Divine Providence, and hundreds of these stories are printed. One who lives with some inwardness finds it difficult to hear these stories, because they diminish the proper relationship to daily life. Instead of waking up and sensing that Hashem enables one to stand up, he sees the Creator only through special Providence that occurs but occasionally. Certainly, if one is far from emunah, these stories will be the first stage to get him to appreciate the concept of Providence, by relating wonders. But to stop there, and get one's perspective from such rare stories is a disgrace to Hashem's guidance of the world. The proper way to live is that just as one feels Hashem's guidance when special, miraculous events occur, so must one feel His guidance each day and each hour! This has nothing to do with getting all excited; it is about the basic way to live. Again: those stories aren't worthless; they can help bring someone closer. But if one stops there, he will not really progress.

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Chapter 21- Hashem's Love for Man, and Man's Love for Hashem The Recognition of Hashem's Love for us Causes us to Love Him In the previous chapter, we spoke of conditional love for Hashem. We said that first of all, one must recognize the source of the things he has. This has two aspects: he must realize that he is not the source, and that everything is from Hashem. When a person gives to another again and again, the giver and recipient become attached. It is not that the gift itself attaches them, but as the Talmud says (Bava Basra 65a), "A person gives a gift with a generous feeling." The act of giving bonds the two people. When Reuven gives repeatedly to Shimon, Shimon feels that Reuven loves him, and he, in turn, feels a love for Reuven. This is conditional love, because it depends on Reuven's giving. If he will give for a week or two, or a month, and then stop for years, the lack of giving will weaken the prior feeling, and there might even be a feeling that the giver doesn't like him anymore. Unconditional love cannot disappear, because it is inherent. With conditional love, if the person stops giving, the cause of the love is gone, and the preexisting love weakens. When a person really wants to attain conditional love, he must consider all that Hashem gives him. But he should not just think of the things he is getting, but of Who is giving to him, and the love it expresses. What is this like? A person is in a forest with nothing to drink. A Jew with a jug of water walks by and gives him water to drink. The recipient would have tremendous gratitude toward the giver. He was dying of thirst, and this man gave him a drink. But he will not think that the man gave him water because of love. There is a basic human feeling that if someone is dying of thirst, you must try to save him by giving him a drink. He will, nonetheless, feel some love for the giver, because the gift was so significant to him. Yet that love comes due to the greatness of the gift, not because he feels the other person's love. Thus, there are two kinds of gifts. Sometimes, the gift does not express great love, but the recipient feels love for the giver, because he gave to him and saved his life. The other kind is when one gives because he feels tremendous love. The recipient senses the heart of the giver, as it says ( Mishlei 27:19), "As water reflects a face, so does a heart reflect another person." When working on conditional love, one must know that Hashem gives not just because He is compassionate and doesn't want a person to die. Hashem loves His creations, and wants to give to them. One must focus not on the gift, but on the reason for it, which is the love toward the person, and thereby awaken love for Hashem. Conditional love is bilateral: the Creator loves man, and man loves the Creator. One should not try to directly awaken the hidden love for Hashem within, but find the love from Hashem, and then react with love, "as water reflects a face." Internalizing the Awareness of Hashem's Gifts How do we sense Hashem's love for His creations? The first point is what we mentioned last time. A person must first recognize that everything he has is from Hashem. This must be fully internalized. How? Here is an example: A person may be at home near a table and chair. He looks at the table, and says to the Creator: "Master of the World, from where did I get this table? From You! Why did You give me the table? Is it that You didn't have what to do with it in Heaven, and decided to throw it out, and I am the garbage can You threw it in? Obviously not! Why did You give me this table? Did You owe it to me? This also can't be. So what was the real reason? It is clear that the reason You gave it to me was that You love me, and You wanted to make things easier and more pleasant. Because of this table, I know and feel that You love me, because otherwise, You would not have given me the table."

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And he should reflect on the chair in the same way. "Why did You give me the chair? Because You love me, and don't want me to suffer by having to stand." A person should take one object in his possession after another, and ponder over each detail patiently. "Why did Hashem give this to me?" The answer will be the same, but one must think: "Without a table, I would have to hold the books and plates in my hands, and since You love me, You gave me a table to make things easier. You gave me a chair so I wouldn't suffer." He should consider one detail after another, and say, "You gave me this, because You love me." At first, one will consider his acquisitions: the house, table, chair, and so on. Then, he should consider the limbs of his body, thinking patiently of each limb separately. He should consider his abilities or his feelings, which are more internal than the other things, and think why Hashem gave him those things. There are people with lesser abilities. "Why did Hashem give me this? Because He loves me!" And so, one must work on this for days and weeks, only contemplating this point, and speaking to Hashem: "Master of the World, I know You love me. How do I know? I see it every moment!" A person must feel that Hashem is giving to him all the time. The less one feels that he is receiving from the Creator, the less he will feel the Creator's love. The more he feels that he is receiving from the Creator (and he receives everything from Him), the more he will feel His love. This feeling should overwhelm a person! For example, a person is about to eat, and the washes his hands, and says hamotzi (the blessing on the bread). He should not suffice with that, but also say, "Master of the World, You gave me bread. I feel that You love me, because You gave me something to eat." When a person gets used to the words of the bracha (blessing), although the words include everything, the habit of the format diminishes the proper feelings. One must also get accustomed to speaking from his own personal feelings, not just in order to express gratitude, but to feel that the bread shows Hashem's love. And so should one express himself when drinking a glass of water. This attitude should be all-encompassing. When learning Torah, he should feel "from the light of Your countenance You gave us a Torah of life!" He might say, "Why did You give me Torah, so that I would suffer? No! You wanted to bestow good, and Torah is the true good, because it enables one to be close to You." When one goes deeper, he should consider that one of the basic reasons for creation is that Hashem wanted to bestow good. From our perspective now, one should focus on His love. He will turn to Hashem, and say, "Why did You create me at all? Because You love me and want to give to me. Not only are the details of life expressions of love, but so is creation itself love and benevolence. When a person lives this way, the love of Hashem encompasses his whole heart. Understandably, it starts with just words, and only a little feeling, but gradually, the feelings grow, until one will naturally comes to say to Hashem simply, in the middle of the day, "Master of the World, You love me, You keep me alive this moment, and I feel that my life comes from Your love. These feelings will truly flood the heart. Such feelings will flow simply throughout the day, from the plain feeling of the soul. Just as people without strength might scream, "Oy, vey!" so will one scream - without even thinking, but from within his soul - "Master of the World, You love me!" Of course, one cannot start off with screaming. He must go in order, but this is the process. Prayer We will return to a fundamental point stated before. Whenever a person wants to attain something, there is his effort, and Hashem's gift, and the intermediate element, which is tefillah. A person should do his part, and davento Hashem to give the blessing as needed. And he must know and recognize that the main success comes from Hashem.

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We will explain in detail: A person will be holding a cup of water, and say to Hashem, "Why did you give me this water? I know clearly in my mind that it is because You love me." To the extent that he really feels this way, he should express himself, but beyond that level, he should daven to Hashem: "Master of the World, I feel that You gave me the water because You love me, but I don't feel it enough. Help me to feel Your love in truth, so the feeling will be true and deep in the soul, so that the love will plainly live in me, and burn inside me all day." One should do his part and speak to Hashem about the fact that He loves him, as evidenced by His gifts, and always daven to be able to feel Hashem's love more and more. The more a person feels in his heart, not just his mind, that Hashem loves him, the more he will reciprocate and expose love for Hashem. This will surely require some work, but it will be relatively much easier. Once a person feels in his heart Hashem's love, he says to Hashem, "If You love me so much, I also love You." If he still feels no love, he should daven as follows: "You truly love me. I must have a hidden ability to love You in return, according to the principle of As water reflects a face, so does a heart reflect another person.' Please awaken that feeling. I know it is in my soul, but I don't feel it." But in general, everybody feels some love for Hashem, so a more common way to say it is: "I feel that I love You, but not nearly as much as You love me. Your love is infinite, so I ask to be able to love You more and more." Love of Hashem in the Heart, Not the Mind! Ahavas Hashem should fill a person from head to toe. If a person is capable of lying in bed and not remembering the Creator and automatically loving Him, he is not properly bound with Him. He is in the midst of the path, and must progress further. The test of ahavas Hashem is that it is not just a thought, but a feeling coming from a pure heart. There is a very fundamental difference between thoughts coming into one's mind and a real feeling. For example, if one has many debts, he may be thinking about them very often, but he is far from loving them! Cold mental thought can generate stress and pressure, but not love. A person might get used to speaking and thinking, and the thoughts get a habit, but they come from the brain which relates to the cold "fundamental element of water." Ahavas Hashem cannot just be in the brain. Its whole nature is to be in the heart. Love of Hashem must be "flashes of fire, a Divine flame"; "Many waters cannot extinguish the love" ( Shir HaShirim8:67). The waters indicate the brain, and it means that even if one's thoughts are elsewhere, the inner love will burst forth with "flashes of fire"! If a distraction can make one forget the love, it is certainly not be fixed properly in the heart! Here is an example: A boy goes to kindergarten, and his mother is at home. Often during the day, she will feel a longing for her son. But how long has it been since he left? Two, three, maybe five hours, so what is so terrible? But when the soul is attached to something, even a pause of a few hours stirs up a longing. In our case, the longing should be even stronger. The measure of ahavas Hashem is that an absence of the closeness should cause a longing. The love isn't just accomplished out of a sense of obligation, but there is a natural longing for Hashem. Certainly, as with everything else, there will be ups and downs in the ahavah. In better times, one will feel the ahavah more strongly, and when one has fallen, it will be weak. But if in those times, one yearns for the feelings he had, every half hour, or hour, or even every two hours, he will still be tied to it, because the soul will be demanding to fill the lack. This does not mean that in that low time, he will be able to fill the lack, but the longing will show that the soul is still attached to the love. If in low times, the ahavah is forgotten from the heart, and only appears occasionally in the mind, that is a sign that it was not properly internalized. Although when one is in a lower state, the love is not so apparent, the yearning for the higher state must be apparent. If not, it must be that even in the higher state, it was not properly internalized in the heart.

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We are talking here about the highest degrees of ahavah, in order to present a big picture. But the order is as we said: A person should speak to the Creator, and express that he knows that He loves him, etc. But you must know that as long as the ahavah does not fill the heart, one cannot progress further. It may take weeks or months and more, each person according to his soul and level, but the ahavas Hashem must be one's very being. It's not an external point; it is one's existence. When one understands more deeply, he sees that the energy of the middos (qualities) comes from the ahavah, as the sefarim state. If one loves foreign things, his vitality comes from that foreign love, but if his ahavah is for Hashem, his vitality comes from Hashem Himself. May Hashem enable us all to cleave to Him and truly love Him.

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Chapter 22 - Unconditional Love True Love is in the Neshamah, not in the Body Last time, we spoke of conditional love; now we will speak of unconditional love. First, we must understand what it is, and then see how to attain it. Ahavas Hashem means to love Hashem, but what does that mean? What part of a person loves the Creator? A person has three basic components: the external organs, known as the "outer tools;" the inner organs, such as the brain, heart, and liver, the "inner tools;" and the deepest part, the neshamah (the three parts of the soul are referred to by this general term). When we come to speak of loving the Creator, although there us such a thing as loving the Creator with the body, that is a very high level, referred to as, "My heart and my flesh will sing to the living G-d" (Tehillim 84:3). That can only apply once the inner love is very powerful. If one loves with the heart, since the heart is the heart of a human, and it relates to external things, its love will be conditional. If one feels that he is receiving something, he will love, and if not, he will desist from loving. Unconditional love of Hashem is only in the neshamah. It is not a love with the external part of the body, or of the heart, but of the neshamah that rests in the body. When a person's neshamah is with him, and he senses it, and is openly attached to it, there can be unconditional love. In this world, everything is conditional. There is nothing constant in this world. This is a world of constant change. One time you are here, and another time, elsewhere; one time attached to something, and another time, separate. For a time, a son is with his father, and later, the father passes on. There are connections in this world, but they are temporary. This is conditional love, which eventually stops. The sefarim hakedoshim write that in a high place in Gan Eden, there is no concept of father and son. Why is this? The parent-child relationship is based on the body: the parent begat the child. When the neshamaheventually is able to detach from all bodily feelings (except for very rare individuals, this does not happen right away), the neshamah exists on its own, and there is no father-son relationship between the two souls anymore. (There are parent-child relationships in neshamos, as well, but that is a different issue.) True love is beyond the conditions of this world. A love in the level of this world is dependent and limited. It will last for a time, and then disappear. It may last even for a long time, but "there is a decree that the deceased must be forgotten from the heart" (Pesachim 54b). This holds true even with the strong loves of parent-child and husband-wife. After a year, the strong feeling dissipates. Throughout the time Yosef was in Egypt and Yaakov thought he had died (22 years), he did not forget Yosef, because deep down, there was a feeling that he was alive! But had he really been dead, he would have been forgotten. Even the strongest love known in this world ceases. After a wife dies, the husband can remarry, and after the husband dies, the wife can remarry. This bond, then, is not absolute. The nature of this world does not allow for real unconditional love. There are various degrees of love, but it cannot exist without being dependent on something. It should be understood that when we speak of true love - "You shall love Hashem, your G-d, will all your heart, all your soul, and all your resources"- in order to love Hashem with such a real yearning, one must leave the constraints of physicality. To enter the world of love, one must first of all, correct his worldliness: his lower qualities, and his attachment to this world. On top of this, he can build unconditional love. As long as one does not have proper conditional love, the

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ground on which he needs to build unconditional love will cave in, and without a foundation, there can be no structure, and no higher floors. (As an aside, it should be noted that there are individuals who from birth, or due to some kind of suffering, are able to access their neshamah to some degree. They can feel some measure of unconditional love, even if their lower levels are not fully corrected. A regular person will only feel some little sparks of the neshamah and improve himself gradually, until finally rising above this world. But those rare people have some "crack" in the body, and the neshamah gives forth its light through it, or they were somewhat purified through suffering, and they can grasp higher states even if they have not worked on the lower levels. On one hand, they have an advantage, because they are in touch with a high state, but on the other hand, there is a great danger. If the foundation is not solid, this love can mingle with many imperfections that exist below in the soul. One in this situation should be happy with his gift, but also be very afraid of the situation he has been put in. Although he has attained love, he must be afraid of becoming a "building hovering in the air," totally disconnected from reality.) Unconditional Love - Unity with the Creator A person wants to awaken unconditional love. First of all, as we said, he must identify its source. "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one." As is known, the numerical value of "ahavah" is 13, the same as the value of "echad" (one). That is to say, the true nature of unconditional love is unity with Hashem, attachment and integration with Him. This is true love that is not dependent on anything at all. Why is this considered unconditional love? A person has an inherent love for himself, and so will he have love for anything bound with him. If the unity is superficial and temporary, so will the love be. But if the unity is inherent, the love will be inherent. It cannot be cancelled. Conditional love comes about through expressions of love, such as giving, and so the attachment comes from a cause that is occasional, and so, it can cease. Unconditional love is based on "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one." This is not accidental; it is due to the inherent bond of the Jewish soul with the Creator and His Torah. As the Nefesh HaChaim wrote, "The world cannot exist without the Jewish people or Torah study." Until a person has sensed that the unity of his neshamah with the Creator and the Torah, his love must be but conditional. There might be momentary rays of real love, but they will only be momentary and only rays, not the real love. Real love only applies when one is inherently attached to the Creator, not just from thought. Just as a person naturally is attached to himself, so must he feel attached to the Creator. Two Levels of Attachment One might cleave to Hashem as a separate entity. It says (Bereishis 2:24), "Therefore, a person will leave his parents and cleave to his wife." Apparently, that kind of cleaving is of two separate beings. As strong as the attachment may be, it is an attachment of two separate things. But in depth, man was created as one formation with his spouse, and later separated, so marriage is really a return to the original oneness. However, there is no guarantee that a bond with a wife will be on the level of the original oneness of formation. They may bond, but since in this life, and in previous ones, they arrived in the world separately, it could be a bonding of two separate beings. So it is when one cleaves to the Creator. One may cleave with the awareness that Hashem is his root and source, but still feel that they are two separate entities that happen to be attached. If so, he has not attained the sense of "they are one" stated in Chazal. A person who enters more deeply discovers the oneness with the Creator. This is the general definition of unconditional love. It is a revelation of the essence of the soul.

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"They are One" - With Hashem and Yisrael The Talmud (Bava Basra 16b) says of the friends of Iyov that when one was not well, the others knew of it. It discusses an external way they knew of it (crowns or trees representing each of them that would alter), but what is the root of this ability? It comes from a revelation of oneness in the soul. Just as when one's foot hurts, the whole body is in pain, because it is all one, so too, when one feels united with other Jews, the Torah, and the Creator, he will feel them. It is known that tzaddikim felt the pain of the Jewish people, and before or while another person was suffering, the tzaddik suffered, as well. The tzaddik felt united with the other souls, so when the "branch" suffers, the source feels it, as well. To attain unconditional love, one should adopt the process of "remove your body from on your soul," so that bodily conditions will hardly affect him. It is not just that he should not consider it important, but that the soul should be fixed and attached to the spiritual world. As long as the entry into the spiritual world is only occasional, there cannot be unconditional love. The difference is as we said: conditional love is extrinsic, and can come and go, but unconditional love is intrinsic, and can never cease. If one is only occasionally bound with the spiritual world, his unity with it is not inherent; he might be there now, but he can leave it. Such an attachment is only occasional, not constant, and so he can only attain conditional love. Only a person whose life is essentially attached to ruchniyus (the spiritual realm) can attain unconditional love. A Level Above Human Abilities This does not mean that a person should not eat and drink and engage in physical matters. Even Moshe Rabbeinu, who did not eat and drink for forty days when on the mountain, did eat and drink when he was here on earth. Chazal taught that when it says that Moshe was a "man of G-d," it means that his upper half was G-dly, and his lower half was human. Being in a world of ruchniyus does not mean that one should fast from week to week, and such; rather, even while a person is immersed in the physical (when needed), the mind and heart must be focused and attached to the Creator and to ruchniyus. When one lives this way, there will be no fundamental difference between when he is involved in ruchniyus and when he is involved in gashmiyus (the material). The only difference will be in the actual involvement of the hands, but the soul will be attached to the spiritual. The Mesillas Yesharim writes that this level is beyond human capability. A person is naturally rising and falling, but to have a constant revelation of G-dliness is above the level of a human. A person is made of body and soul. At first, only the body is apparent, and then, the soul appears. From then on, there are constant fluctuations in either direction. To constantly be in touch with the soul and the spiritual world is beyond human capability. When a person dies, and the soul leaves the body, it lives in the spiritual world. But as long as it is in the body, it is subjugated to the body, depending on the person's level. Naturally, the body will try to somewhat lower the soul. It is beyond the normal condition of the world for the soul to cleave to Hashem while still in the body. In this world, since the container is the body, and the soul is the light, the container will try to pull down the light. Therefore, the Mesillas Yesharim writes (ch. 26) that this level "starts with work and ends with reward, starts with effort and ends as a gift." Only if one really uses all his might to try to live in a world of ruchniyus,ahavah, and deveikus (cleaving) to the Creator, and he reaches the limits of his ability, Hashem will shower on him superhuman abilities. We must remember: This level is very high. If one has not achieved the lower levels, and attempts to break through to this level, if his soul is from an extremely high place, he might be able to hold on, but if not, he is trying to fly in the sky, and who knows where he will fall and crash!

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There must be a definite yearning to reach this level, but certainly, one cannot start there. It is impossible to gain that sense unless one has traversed the entire path presented until now: 1) simple faith that there is a Creator, and the attempt to try to feel His Presence a little; 2) to feel Divine Providence; 3) to daven for each thing; 4) conditional love. When a person goes through this whole process, his lower levels are solid, and he has, to a certain extent, rectified his physicality, and then it is possible for the soul to radiate, without the body interfering so much. But if the body is not rectified, it will pull down the soul; sometimes, one will win, and sometimes, the other will win. The war will be strong and harsh. One should generally not place himself in such a war, as we say daily, "please save me from being tested." One must progress responsibly, and then, if he has reached this stage, he should try to enter the world of unconditional love. When one has unconditional love, he has only Hashem in his life. He will have no involvement with anything besides Hashem. There were great tzaddikim who testified of themselves that they loved every Jew as much as their own children. How could this be? A child is loved because of the physical relationship. When a person leaves the constraints of the body, there must appear a different kind of love. Not only will the nature be different, but the causes will be different. A relative is attached through the physical world, but love from the soul is due to the unity between the souls. "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one." If one has reached true ahavas Hashem, he must also have true ahavas Yisrael. Just as the Creator is one, so are the Jewish people one, and a person must feel one with the Jewish people. If one thinks he feels ahavas Hashem without true Ahavas Yisrael, he should realize that he is living in a world of illusion. Conditional love could exist toward Hashem and not toward people, because one only loves someone who gives to him. He receives from Hashem, not from people, so he loves only Hashem. But when one feels a love for the Creator because of the sense of unity with Him, his exposed neshamah should feel unity and love with all Jews. Without ahavas Yisrael, there can only be conditional love. Obviously, the concept of unity with the Creator cannot be explained rationally. It is extremely deep. It is theneshamah's deep sense of its unity with its Creator. The more one realizes this unity within, the more will there be a love binding him to the Creator and the Jewish people. As we have said, as long as a certain level has not been attained in the person so that it is simply there, one may not leave it to advance further. The rush to progress too quickly reflects a kind of passion for new levels, not a sincere search for growth. May Hashem help us to cleave to Him and do His will forever.

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Chapter 23 - Removing the Obstacles to Conditional Love Suffering - a Contradiction to Conditional Love We explained that to reach conditional love, a person must feel that everything comes from Hashem, because He gives everything to a person. Suffering can contradict conditional love and remove it from a person. Conditional love is dependent on Hashem's bestowal of goodness. When He stops bestowing goodness, and in fact, brings suffering to a person, the cause for that love is gone, and there is even a motive for the opposite feeling, because one might feel that Hashem wants to harm him. Certainly, this is a delusion, but this is how it seems until one has the right perspective. If a person wants to love Hashem, he must make sure that suffering will not be a cause for the love to stop. Even if this obstacle is removed, there is no guarantee that one will attain love, but at least, one should take this initial step in removing the obstacles that prevent love. The first obstacle is suffering. A person may have physical suffering, emotional pain, or financial troubles. It is difficult to feel Hashem in these cases. How do we reach the level of "Just as one blesses Hashem for the good, so must he bless for the bad" (Berachos 9:5) or, as stated elsewhere, "Those who rejoice with their suffering are described as, those who love Him are as the sun coming out in its full force'" (Shabbos 88b)? We will soon explain how, but first, the goal must be clear. Just as one feels Hashem's love when He bestows goodness, so he must one feel when suffering. There is no difference between the two. Both require a berachah(blessing), which is an expression of thanks. If one must thank for it, it must be a gift from Hashem. As long as one makes a distinction between the good and the bad, and when receiving good, is happy and feels love, but when suffering, does not, the suffering will be an obstacle to love. No person lives without suffering. There is no such concept. The only difference is in the nature and extent of the suffering. And every person has times when completely surrounded by suffering. Sometimes, one senses that Hashem is kind and blesses him from all sides, and sometimes, one feels that Hashem places obstacles every step of the way. What is the proper way to look at things? There are many different levels, but there is a shared goal: to see the gift in the suffering, so that the suffering will not be an obstacle in one's avodah. Suffering - for a Person's Benefit The first point is already familiar, but we will not skip over it, but mention it simply. It says (Mishlei 13:24), "He who spares the rod hates his son" and (ibid. 29:17), "Discipline your son and he will give you peace and give pleasure to your soul." Anyone who wants his son to behave as a son should behave toward his father must discipline him and occasionally hit him. We are not talking about a case when it is done improperly, out of anger and such, but when there is a true evaluation and a calculated decision that it is for the sake of the child's growth. When one hits his son properly, he will be both happy and sad. He will be happy that hopefully, the boy will return to the proper path and be improved by the hitting, but he will be sad that he needs to set him on the straight path in this manner. In this case, he certainly has the proper intent. He was hit by his father, and he hits his son as a father does.

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If a person would look at suffering as hits from a father to son, he would have a different attitude. We already mentioned the story with Rav Chaim of Tzanz zt"l. When he was returning from the funeral of his son, he appeared happy. He was asked about this, and responded with an example: A person is walking on the street and he receives a slap on the shoulder. He flinches and turns around angrily to see who hit him, and behold, it was his close friend smiling at him, who says "Good morning" in this way. He calms down, and is even happy to see him. It all depends on how one looks at the Creator's guidance. If one takes literally the comment that Hashem is angry for only a moment (Berachos 7a), he will think that just as he sometimes loses control and can hit his son out of rage - not from love, but from a lack of patience and as an outburst - so does Hashem do such a thing, chas veshalom, it will seem as if the suffering comes from such an anger of the Creator. But when one realizes that the concept of Hashem's anger is extremely deep and beyond the perception of most people, he will set aside that comment of Chazal since it is incomprehensible, and look at the matter simply: the purpose of creation is the bestowal of goodness to the creations, and so, each event is kindness. It is not that the path is not good now, but after the six thousand years of this world, it will become good. Since the goal is goodness, the means must match with the end. Every single event that occurs to a person must be absolute goodness! Learning the Hidden from the Revealed The perception that all is absolute kindness has two point, and we will begin with the easier and simpler one. We are all familiar with stories where a person was late for the bus or train, and was upset, and then, there was an accident, and he thanks Hashem. We will not elaborate on the stories, but focus on the point for our purposes. We see that even in this world, events that seem like suffering can be exposed as absolute kindness. When the perspective is limited and partial, one does not see the context, and it appears as suffering. Later, he sees the more inclusive and broad perspective of the Creator's guidance, and sees His will to bestow good. From the revealed, we can learn about the hidden. A person must realize that Hashem is always kind; sometimes, we see it and sometimes, we don't. When we don't see it, that is because we only see part of the picture. If one would have a broader perspective, seeing all the prior gilgulim (incarnations), he would gain a totally different perspective on the world. We know the parable of the Chafetz Chaim zt"l. A guest visits a city and sees the gabbai (synagogue manager) calling up people for aliyos to the Torah randomly. One time, he calls up someone from one row, then, from a different row, seemingly without any order. After the tefillah, he approaches him and says, "Why do you go out of order, first from one row, and then from another? Wouldn't it be better just to honor one after the other, according to the way they are seated in the synagogue?" The gabbai explains, "You are a guest here, so you don't know what is going on here. We cannot just go in order of how they are seated. One week, someone has a bar-mitzvah, so he gets an aliyah; another week, someone has a yahrteit, so he gets an aliyah, etc." If someone just comes one week and takes a look, it will seem disorganized, but if one observes for a full year, he will clearly see the perfect order and the fairness in the division of the aliyos. When a person looks at the world, his perspective is constricted to that moment. Even if he has a broader picture, he will at most see a week or two, or maybe a month. But he won't be able to look back thirty years. There was an incident with the Chafetz Chaim zt"l. A landlord cruelly threw a widow and her children out into the street because they had not paid the rent. Decades later, the man was attacked by a viscous dog, which bit him and dragged him all over the town. The Chafetz Chaim said, "I have been waiting for decades to see how Hashem would punish this man! I was certain that Hashem would repay him for his terrible act!"

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One needs patience for decades until he can see the picture completed. The Chafetz Chaim had such patience, but we only look at very short periods, so our perspective is lacking. But even if one does remember for decades, unless one is on a very high level, he will only know what happens in this gilgul. Since we have all gone through several gilgulim, and the account from the various gilgulim adds up, and there are issues that must be fixed from each gilgul, we cannot understand why Hashem does things as he does. When a person understands this clearly, there is one conclusion: The acts of Hashem are kindness, but because my view is limited to a short period of time, I can only see parts of the picture. Therefore, I may not see the kindness, but only the part of the picture that is the suffering. But since in certain cases, I have seen or heard stories that show how the picture comes together and the full structure of the kindness becomes revealed, so it is with everything in creation. Therefore, when a person suffers - physically, financially, or emotionally - he must first recognize, even before he internalizes it, that the event was pure kindness! He should use the examples we stated, and any other stories he knows he knows, and say to himself, "I will learn from the revealed about the hidden." In those incidents, the people didn't know at the time what the point of the suffering was, but they saw the kindness once they gained a more inclusive picture. This is the simpler point, but it is very true. May Hashem grant us the privilege to attain it. There is a deeper point. If one needs it, he should use it, but if one feels that it is above him, he can set it aside. He does not need it. We present this for the benefit of those who need it. Hashem's Kindness is Beyond our Perception It says (Tehillim 92:7), "Your works, Hashem, are so great; Your thoughts are so deep; An unintelligent person cannot know, and a fool cannot understand this." We will provide an example, but the point is much deeper than the example. A one year-old child is in the kitchen. He goes to the cabinet and takes out a bottle of bleach. He tries to put his finger in the liquid and put that in his mouth. His father sees this, and quickly grabs the bottle forcefully before he has a chance to drink from it. The baby will burst out in tears. If he is two, he will be very insulted that something was taken from him. The father, who took it away, clearly knows that he is doing a kindness, but the child himself does not understand what they want from him. He is thirsty, so why wouldn't they allow him to drink something sweet on such a hot day? The example seems clear, but we must contemplate the depth in it and the difference between the prior point and this one. Until now, we have worked with the assumption that Hashem's kindness is within our comprehension, but we lack the details needed to give us the proper perspective. Once one knows all the details, whether from twenty year ago or from a previous gilgul, he will understand. The kindness is presumably understandable to the human mind, but one doesn't see it because he lacks some details. One knows that he doesn't have all the details, but he understands that just as in the cases when he sees the details, he sees the kindness, so too, even when he doesn't see the details, it must clearly be a kindness. But in the current example, the point is much deeper. Even if the father will sit with the infant for three days and nights, he will not be able to explain to him why he can't drink the bleach. The child cannot understand. The problem is not a lack of information or data. The problem is that the child is on a much lower level of comprehension. It will not help for the father to try to give more information to the child. If he tries to explain that the bleach has a certain constitution, and the body has a certain constitution, and that the bleach will harm the body's internal organs, the child will not grasp what they want from him. He is only two. When we consider this example, we can attain a much greater appreciation of Hashem's kindness with us. Normally, a person looks at everything with his own perspective. For example, Hashem gave him a large amount of money, and he can purchase a car with it. He thinks, "This gift is certainly a kindness, because now, it will be easier for me to travel, and I won't have headaches and such." This is true and can bring a person close to Hashem, but there is a much higher concept. When Hashem gives something to a person, He gives with the perspective of the Creator, not with the

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perspective of a created being. Hashem's intent when bestowing kindness on His creations is beyond our comprehension. "Taste and See that Hashem is Good" - the Awareness of the Soul We will give another example, and perhaps, this will become clearer. The Talmud says (Kesuvos 11a), "a slave prefers looseness." He would rather be a slave and be permitted to live with a maidservant than to be free and not be allowed to live with one. It is clear that if he will leave this world as a slave, his spiritual level and closeness to Hashem in the next world will be much lower than they would be if he would be free and become a full-fledged Jew. What, then, is really better for the slave? Certainly, to be free and become Jewish. What does he think, though? He wants to remain a slave. Even if you would sit with him for days and explain that it is so good to be Jewish, and that "taste and see that Hashem is good," it will not help at all! This is not an intellectual matter; it is an awareness of the soul. You can try to explain at length to people that they should want to be close to Hashem, but you cannot give them the wonderful taste of true closeness to Hashem. It is impossible! This is called a sod (secret). A sod cannot really be explained. The taste of something, like the taste of closeness to Hashem, cannot be explained. When Hashem wants to bestow good on His creations, the nature of the goodness is a sod. There is such a concept as "the sod of Hashem is for those who fear Him" ( Tehillim 25:14), but even when He tells them a sod, there are secrets that even they do not know. The acts of Hashem are very deep kindnesses. If one tries to evaluate them, he does not even possess the tool for doing so. In the examples we gave, the father takes away the bleach and the master wants to free the slave, and they cannot explain what they are doing. The master understands the value of closeness to Hashem, and the father understands the danger of drinking bleach, but the slave and the child remain insistent with all their might. In truth, kindness can only be understood from a G-dly perspective, not from the perspective of the created beings. Certainly, we do see parts of the kindness, on a certain level, but no one, even Moshe Rabbeinu, was able to grasp the full depth of Hashem's kindness with each person. Moshe Rabbeinu grasped more than anyone, but Hashem's kindness is infinite, and only He can grasp the infinite. Two Reasons We Cannot Evaluate if Something is a Kindness According to the first perspective we mentioned, when a person evaluates an event, he must believe that it is a kindness, but he does not have the totality of the details so as to see how it is a kindness. According to the second perspective, one does not even have the tools with which to evaluate what is and what is not a kindness. As the Rambam writes about Heavenly justice (Hilchos Teshuvah 3:2), "this is evaluated according to Hashem's understanding, and only He knows." The sefarim hakedoshim state that even in Gan Eden, a person will not be able to grasp the ultimate kindness in each thing. He will grasp deeper and deeper ideas, but the ultimate depth is infinite and incomprehensible. Again, the first point is that we only see individual details, not the big picture. One knows that in certain cases, he sees the kindness where it first seemed to be suffering, and in certain cases, he does not, and he must learn the concealed from the revealed. Anyone can understand this method, and all must use it.

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The second point is that not only do we not understand suffering, but we do not even understand kindness. Even when we say the blessing, "He who is good and bestows good," we do not understand the depth of the goodness. When one realizes that he does not grasp the kindness, it is clear that he does not grasp the suffering. A person thinks he understands kindness, but not suffering, but in fact, we understand neither, and must have faith in Chazalwho said that the whole creation is for kindness. According to the first way, one works with the idea that he does not yet see the kindness, but it will become apparent when he leaves the world, or after the six thousand years, when Hashem will show us all He has done. But according to the second way, one lives with emunah that Hashem's kindness is very deep, and is infinite and incomprehensible. In the next chapter, we will try to describe the way to bring these ideas into the heart, but first, it must be clear to a person that all of Hashem's acts bestow kindness, without a single exception! When a person senses that there are events that are not kindness to him, he becomes distant from the Creator, but when he understands that each event is true kindness, nothing can distance him from the Creator, and he will be able to become close, both through what seems like kindness and through what seems like suffering. His joy with them will be equal, because they are all from Hashem. May Hashem enable us to cleave to Him and please Him at all times

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Chapter 24 - Acquiring Emunah by Contemplating Suffering Unconditional Love - through the Power of Emunah We explained above that conditional love differs from person to person, depending on the degree of his recognition of Hashem's kindness. That is why it is called "love dependent on a thing." We spoke at length about that there are two ways to reveal that even suffering and events that seem evil are really kindness from Hashem. 1) There are many events that seemed at the time to be bad, but later turned out to be kindness, and one must learn from such revealed cases to the hidden cases. Even when we don't see the kindness, there is absolute kindness. 2) Not only do we not understand the suffering, but we do not even understand the kindness, because it comes from the infinite Creator. We can only see parts of the kindness, but not its full depth. Once a person realizes that he does not even grasp the kindness, then he knows that he does not understand the kindness or the suffering, and he just has simple faith that all the works of Hashem are truly good. The first level, learning from the revealed to the hidden, relates more to conditional love. By seeing that suffering which seems bad is really absolute kindness, there is no obstacle to conditional love. When good things happen, one thanks Hashem and loves Him. When bad things happen, he knows that they are ultimately good, as well. If so, there is nothing to block conditional love. The second level, which is the recognition that the human mind cannot grasp either the kindness or the suffering, is closer to unconditional love. Conditional love still relates to the intellect, but unconditional love is unification with the Creator, as it says, "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one." This is not a matter of the intellect, because it is a level above the intellect. As long as a person tries to understand the kindness and the suffering, he is still working with the intellect, and it is a kind of love that relates to the created beings: conditional love. When one looks at it with greater depth, and understands that he cannot even begin to understand Hashem's Providence, and that all of Hashem's acts are in the category of "Your thoughts are very deep," he cleaves through his emunah to a level beyond the creations, and then his love is unconditional. When a person leaves the level of the creations through such emunah in the Creator, he binds himself to a higher level, and is able to cleave to unconditional love. This is very profound. There is a Creator and there are creations. How can a created being connect to the Creator? If one worships with the understanding of a creation, he remains a creation. There can only be truedeveikus to the Creator when a person strives to leave the conditions of a creation and unite with the Creator. How does one do this? After all, we are creations! With our own understanding, it is in fact impossible, but if we have emunah that Hashem is infinite and therefore, His kindness is infinite, we can connect to Him. Emunah is the only method through which we can have, in a certain sense, a relationship to the Infinite. When one attains such emunah, he can relate to unconditional love. The Work of Contemplation on the Kindness in the Suffering We will first explain how to acquire the first level. We have mentioned that a person must have an hour each day for contemplating the level he is trying to attain. At this stage, one must contemplate the fact that events that seemed negative at the time turned out to be for the best. He can consider events that occurred to him personally, or read books of such stories, considering tens and perhaps hundreds of stories that show that what seemed bad and full of suffering turned out for the best.

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After his mind grasps this information, he should check if his heart feels this, as well. It is almost certain that after mental contemplation, his heart will in fact still not feel it. The way to progress is as we said: A person should speak to the Creator. He should think and contemplate, and speak to the Creator, and say, "Master of the World, I know that all You do is perfectly good. I have seen in many cases that events that seemed bad and full of suffering turned out to be totally good (and he should spell out the incidents). Based on this, I have clear emunah that all is good, but I don't adequately feel it. Please help me, Master of the World, to be able to feel the goodness in every case." One should elaborate in tefillah, asking Hashem to help him feel in the heart, not just know in the mind, that whatever happens to him or anyone else is perfectly good. This is the avodah for that hour in the day that is devoted to contemplation. Besides that, there is the avodah that should take place throughout the day. We often see throughout the day occurrences that seem to be forms of suffering, sometimes, small problems, and sometimes, big problems. We will provide some examples, to make this practical. A person will be walking on the street and hear a baby in a stroller crying. With the little time and energy available, he can simply consider: what is happening? Suffering! If all were well with the baby, he would not be crying. If he is crying, something must be bothering him. Maybe the pacifier fell down, maybe he is hungry, etc. But simply stated, he is suffering. He then continues and thinks: Is this suffering good, or not? Simply, if a child is crying, it doesn't seem good. He is in pain. Then, he should think: Why is there suffering at all? Chazal have said (Shabbos 55a), "There is no suffering without sin (unless one is a great tzaddik)." If someone, such as this baby, is suffering, he must have a sin. But how is this possible? A baby is exempt from all the mitzvos! Many, including great people, have struggled with this question throughout the generations. Then, the chachamimrevealed to us the concept of gilgul (reincarnation). Now, this is well known, but there were generations when it was unknown. So if a child is suffering, he must be correcting a fault from one of his previous lives. Then, the person will consider: If this baby is suffering, he must have committed some sin. I don't know what it was, but there must have been something. If so, there are two possibilities. He could remain with the sin, and chas veshalom stay far from the Creator, or he could receive some suffering to cleanse the sin and become close to the Creator. A person will say to himself, "Since it is clear to me that the true perfection is attachment to Hashem, and anything else considered good is vanity and deceptive emptiness' ( Mesillas Yesharim, ch. 1), the only true good is closeness to Hashem. Thus, when evaluating suffering, there should be only one test. It is not a matter of if the suffering is pleasant or not, but of the inner purpose of it all. Without the suffering, a person is far from the Creator, and the suffering makes him closer, so it is really absolute kindness. What superficially seems bad is in fact a total kindness. Without the suffering, a person would be further from Hashem, and he would be somewhat lacking in the true good, but now, the suffering brought him closer, so it is true kindness." This is one example among many. This world is filled both with obvious kindness as well as suffering. Some people have financial problems, some have a hard time with their children, some have marital problems, and there are many other kinds of troubles. But the common denominator is that each trouble comes from a sin, and its goal is to truly bring one close to Hashem. As we said, there are two ways to see the kindness in all of Hashem's acts. Sometimes, one sees events that are positive, and sometimes, he does not see the kindness at the time, but he can employ a broader perspective to learn from the revealed to the concealed. If one delves deeper and is freed from the superficial perspective of needing to understand the

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good in each event, he sees the good by fully accepting that suffering comes dues to some sin, either of this life or a previous one, so each pain that comes to a person is truly kindness. Contemplating One's Own Suffering and that of Others Essentially, this contemplation of the kindness in suffering has two divisions. There is suffering one sees in other people, and there is suffering one sees in oneself. In the example of the crying baby, another person is suffering, and it is easier to contemplate during the event. The observer is not suffering, and if he is not on a very high level of ahavas Yisrael, he does not feel the pain of another person that much. Even if he sees it, it is almost as if he doesn't. Therefore, he will have the peace of mind needed for contemplation. Even if he sees a person suffering, as long as the suffering isn't horrible, but simple, like a baby crying, or a person losing ten shekalim, it is easy to contemplate. He can consider that although outwardly, it seems bad, it really is good, either because something good will come from it later, or because his sins will be cleansed so he can attain closeness to Hashem. This is when one considers the suffering that befalls another. But there is additional thought when the person himself suffers. There are light troubles, such as what is mentioned in the Talmud ( Arachin 16b), where one wanted to take three coins out of his pocket and he only got two. But there are more severe troubles, such as bodily illness or emotional problems. We will start with the easier case. We mentioned the case where a person suffers by not taking as much money from his pocket as he had hoped. There is a deep concept here. Imagine a person is in a store, and he needs to pay 120 shekalim. He puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out 50. Who even thinks of this as suffering? It will not even occur to someone who is not seeking Hashem in every situation. He will just stick his hand in his pocket and take out the rest of the money. If you ask, "Were you suffering?" he won't know what you are talking about. Hashem had sent him some suffering, and with the proper perspective, he would have been able to use this simple event to become closer to Him. But because he didn't think, he passed over it, and lost the wonderful gift Hashem had sent him. Contemplating Light Suffering Makes it Easier to Accept Harsher Suffering If one has the custom of seeing the Creator during the light suffering, he will have it easy even if he receives harsh suffering. But most people don't see the minor troubles as suffering, and accept them out of habit, so when harsh suffering comes, such as the death of a close relative, one feels hopeless, because he has not toiled to develop emunah and ahavas Hashem. The proper way to build emunah is to start with the easiest and simplest situations. If one put his hand in his pocket, and did not pull out the proper amount of money, when he puts his hand back in his pocket, he should think and say to Hashem (at least in his thoughts): "Who decreed that the first time, I would pull out the wrong amount of money? It was You, Hashem! If so, it was Your will that I would need to put my hand in my pocket twice. If that is what You want, it must be good for me!" Then, he joyfully puts his hand again in his pocket. If a person will take these minor annoyances and relate to them properly, he will be able to attain tremendous happiness. These situations come up every day and every hour, and we generally ignore them. But then we lose the tools that Hashem sends to each of us for the sake of living with Him with love. If we don't think, we don't notice, and if we don't notice, we skip over the opportunities and do not reach ahavas Hashem. If one will live with the simple and true contemplation that even the most minor event that doesn't work out as was hoped is a form of Divinely-ordained suffering, the events will instill in him emunah and true ahavas Hashem.

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We cannot elaborate with more details, but if one takes the lesson and works to truly attain it, it will change his whole life. The value of his attainment will be indescribable. Experience has shown that those who live that way are calm, peaceful, and happy. We have here a simple and true method for correction the middos (attributes). From these simple events, one can attain emunah, ahavas Hashem, and patience, and can correct his anger. But this is provided that one pays attention to every event, small or large, and sees the Creator in it, and says to Him simply, "Master of the World, if You want this, I accept it with great joy, because I am certain that it is good." Another common example is when a person feels an itch and wants to scratch it. Before doing so, he should acknowledge that it came from Hashem and is a kindness. When one becomes used to living with Hashem with love in these small incidents, he will be able to handle bigger problems. One must progress gradually in this area. At first, one will need to awaken and live with emunah and ahavah in the suffering that occurs thirty to fifty times a day. Then, he will have a means for having ahavah even in the events that are not just daily annoyances. An appliance in the home, such as a refrigerator or washing machine, might break, and it will cost thousands of shekalim to replace. He doesn't know where he will get the money (and most of us don't have a lot of extra money). This is a big problem for him! He should stand next to the appliance and say to Hashem (in a clean area), "Who enabled the appliance to work until now? You, Hashem! Who broke it now? You, Hashem! Why? Is it because You to harm or to help me? I'm sure that You want to help me. True, it will be hard to pay for, and I don't know how I will do it, but before I buy a new one, I must think: Who broke it? He Who made it work until now is the One Who broke it now! Just as when You made it function, that was a kindness, so I would not need to wash everything by hand, so too, now that You broke it, it is a total kindness. Just as I thank You for making it work until now, I thank You for breaking it now, because I know that it was an act of pure kindness!" If a person does not properly accept the small troubles, when a big one, like a large financial loss, comes, he will feel sad and depressed. He will wonder why this tragedy happened, and how he must improve. He might wonder what good deed he has neglected. Indeed, one must make a self-accounting, but first, one must awaken the emunah and the ahavah. Woe to the selfaccounting that comes in a state of sadness! There must first be emunah and joy, and then a self-accounting with the joy. We have seen that the greatest gedolim (Torah leaders) rejoiced even when affected by terrible tragedies. Why? Because they lived with emunah during the simple daily events. The more one lives with emunah on a daily basis, the more it will be implanted inside him. One must contemplate this for an hour daily, and then apply it throughout the day, and thereby instill emunah and attachment to Hashem with love. May Hashem give us the privilege to see His hand in each event, feel His love in each aspect, and be close to Him forever.

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Chapter 25 - Recognizing the Essence of the I The Effect of Adam HaRishon's Cheit We stated earlier that certain factors can interfere with conditional love, and described how to remove the first of these factors, namely, suffering. Now we will discuss another factor that prevents a person from attaining conditional love. This matter is the root of all work with middos (character traits), and we will first explain the principle. Adam HaRishon was created to have free will. Hashem created a yetzer hara in the form of the snake, to challenge him and Chava with the test of eating from the Etz HaDa'as (Tree of Knowledge). As known, the Nefesh HaChaim writes that there is a fundamental difference between the kind of yetzer hara that existed before the cheit (sin) and that which was after thecheit. Before the cheit, it was external, and after, it became internal. What does this mean for our practical avodah? We will mention what the sefarim say, and build our avodah on that. Each person has his own individual essence, which is his "I." This is the root of one's inner self and ratzon (will). The "I" wants, and then, the person thinks about it. One will not think about something he doesn't want. Sometimes, the ratzon is strong and apparent, and sometimes, it is in the subconscious. But if there is no ratzon at all, he will not think about it. He might see something, but not pay attention to it. Only if what he sees relates to a ratzon will one pay attention to it. The soul has the faculties of thinking, contemplating, loving, fearing, hating, and so on. But where does it all come from? Does a person naturally desire to do good, but there is an external force that disturbs him and tries to convince him to do evil, chas veshalom, or does the soul really desire evil, except that there is an external force pushing him to do good? For example, if one has a son, the son may want certain things, and the father will try to impose upon him an interest in other things. The boy may want to play, and the father will convince him that it is worthwhile for him to learn. Essentially, the child wants to play, and the father tries to convince him to learn. But if the son would have no interest whatsoever in learning, the father could not convince him, because that would be a "creation out of nothing," and no person can do such a thing. Certainly, the child has both a ratzon for learning and for playing, but he feels the ratzon for playing much more strongly. The ratzon for learning seems like some kind of outer heavenly voice telling him that the truth is that he should learn Torah, but the ratzon to play pushes it away. What does the father do? He takes those positive thoughts in the child, which tell the truth but are pushed to the side by the desire to play, and tries to magnify and expose them. Gradually, the two desires will become equal, and then, the ratzon to learn will become even stronger, and he will do so. The child has two desires. It is possible that he will feel that his main desire is to play, and the desire to learn, while the truth, requires a struggle, and it is possible that his real desire will be to learn, and the desire to play will just be seen as a distraction. This is a question with each person: Does one identify with the ratzon for the good of Torah and mitzvos, or does he identify with nonsense, except that there is some force that pushes him to choose good? In simple words, is the yetzer tov the "I," with the yetzer hara trying to take him away from the goodness, or is the person essentially in an evil state, and the yetzer tov tries to take out of that and place him in a good state? This is the fundamental change that occurred to Adam HaRishon through the cheit. When the Nefesh HaChaim stated that the cheit placed the yetzer hara in a person, the meaning is that before the cheit, man was in a perfectly good world, and theyetzer hara tried to take him out of it and place him in an evil world. After the cheit, "the inclination of a man is evil from his youth" (Bereishis 8:21). The soul is in a world with much evil, and the yetzer tov needs to extricate him from there and place him in a good world.

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This is a fundamental and deep distinction. It is much more difficult to remove a person from his current state than it is to maintain him where he is. If a person is in the shadow of evil, it is very difficult to move from there, and so it is if he is in the shadow of good. If a person were essentially in a positive state, and the yetzer hara would try to remove him from there, it would have a difficult task, while the task of the yetzer tov would be relatively easy, because it is easier for a person to remain in his place. That was the condition before the cheit. After the cheit, when one is in the state of "the inclination of a man is evil from his youth," he has a great connection to evil, and the yetzer hara's task is much easier than that of the yetzer tov. The yetzer tov needs to move him to a world of total goodness. In fact, the state of before the sin is not only a matter of the distant past, but both states exist in each of us! "The heart of the tzaddikim is in their control." They have placed themselves in a world of goodness, except for one branch that leans to the evil and must be restored to the good. But the wicked are not in control. They are under the power of the yetzer hara, and they must struggle with each negative desire and restore it to the world of goodness. These matters relate to the soul and body. The soul seeks to do the will of its Creator, but the body has its own physical interests. Adam HaRishon's soul before the cheit was manifest, but afterwards, it became more hidden, and the body became more manifest. A person's avodah is to leave his body and return to his soul. That itself is a departure from the world of evil to the world of good, a departure from the cheit of Adam to before the cheit. "Tzaddikim are in control of their heart," because their neshamah radiates light and is in control. But the wicked have no control over their heart because the body rules over them. This is a person's avodah his entire life: to leave the body and return to the soul, and thereby return to the pristine state of Adam before the sin. Hence, a person's avodah is about returning to the state prior to the cheit. This is a very fundamental concept, because we must understand the root of evil and where we must be oriented. The Need to Recognize the Soul before Starting Avodah It is known that whenever one wants to work with something, he must understand its nature in full. For example, a person might go inside a car and want to drive. If he doesn't understand how it works, he will almost certainly crash. He must understand what all the controls in the car accomplish, and then, may start using it. The same is true with avodas Hashem. Before a person wants to work with his soul, he must understand its nature. Then, he will be able to direct all its faculties and bring them all back to the Creator. Each person has a yetzer tov and yetzer hara, and the first step is to recognize these powers. He must identify what each one is telling him, and what the balance of power in his soul is. The First Step - Entering the World of Good We will provide an example: A person may have a desire to eat a particular food, and he decides to grapple with this desire. He decides that he will only eat certain foods, but not that food. This is a very superficial form of avodah, and is most likely to fail. He is working without understanding the basic principles. He may have read in sefarim that physical desire is a lowly trait which distances a person from his Creator, and he decides not to eat. Each day is a new struggle. He wants to eat, it is very hard not to, and he finally decides not to. We cannot say that he will certainly fail, but it is almost certain. We see that in general, such commitments last for a very short time, and then, nearly all fade and come to an end.

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What is the root of the problem? Before a person accepts upon himself to not eat a certain food, he must first think: "Do I want to eat, or not?" He should then become aware of the two forces operating in him: the force that desires to eat, and the opposing force that seeks to abstain. It is not enough to know that in Chazal it is said that a person has a yetzer tov and yetzer hara, but he must also find these forces in his heart. If one suffices with the faith in this concept, although faith is wonderful, he cannot work with his heart based on a mere mental awareness of the concept. One must see how this relates to his inner self; otherwise, the words ofChazal will be disconnected from the awareness of the soul. A person must connect to the words of Chazal and see where these ideas are manifest in his heart. He should be sensitive to his feelings about food, and then, relate the words of Chazal to those feelings. On one hand, he will notice a will to eat, and on the other hand, a will not to eat. Based on what Chazal have taught us, the yetzer hara is telling him to eat, and theyetzer hara is telling him not to eat. Then, he should consider: "What do I really want? Which ratzon is primary, and which is secondary? Or perhaps the two wills are equal. This is the first avodah in this area. He must determine if the will to eat is primary and the will not to is secondary, or if it is the other way around. If he discovers that his will to eat is the primary ratzon, it will be very dangerous for him to try to work against that. If theratzon not to eat is weaker, how will it have the strength to fight against the stronger will to eat? He is trying to take upon himself an avodah that is above his level, and so he is very close to failure. He cannot work on not eating that food, but he must first work on strengthening the proper ratzon. A person cannot just start by working on things he has read in sefarim, although they are important and wonderful. He must first recognize his soul and its desires, and only after that, determine the level of avodah appropriate for him. In our example, as long as a person's primary ratzon is to eat that food, his soul, with regard to that, is in the world of evil, and he is trying to stop eating while yet in that state. This is very difficult avodah. Rather, his initial effort must be to develop the desire to abstain. In this way, he will place the main part of his soul in the world of good, and it will be much easier to deal with those branches that remain in the world of evil. If the person is essentially in the world of evil in an area such as physical desire, and he tries to employ practical avodah to remove himself from there, even if he works with tremendous force, he is trying to wage war with a yetzer hara that is the "master of the house" by coming at it from the outside, and that is extremely difficult. Therefore, one must initially awaken the true ratzon to avoid that kind of eating, and make it strong so it becomes the "master of the house." He will then be in the world of good, and his struggle will only be to reclaim those branches that remain in the evil domain. Understandably, this issue of the desire for food is only one example among many, but the message is very essential. We will try to make this clear, because clarity is fundamental if one is to carry it out. Without clear understanding, it is very difficult to succeed in action. The Essence of Life and its Imitation Each person has a ratzon. If one would lose what he wants more than anything, he could die! For example, there is a kind of person who is consumed by the desire for money. He may have $200,000 dollars, and he thinks each day and every hour about how to profit with and invest the money. If he would be suddenly informed that the money is gone, he could faint and even die! Why? Because he sees life as all about money, and if his money is taken, it is as if his life is taken and he is like dead.

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You must not take away what a person perceives as the point of life on his level. If you do, he could die! And if something is close to his life, its absence could make him ill. Our avodah is not to take away what seems to be our life, but first, to appreciate what life is really about, and to give that more weight than other interests, and to feel the true life. Then, one can take away what had seemed like life. But if one thinks that a different interest is his life, it cannot be taken away. The first step is always to sense life properly, to know what life is really about, and what is merely an imitation of life. One must leave the world that pretends to be life, and enter the real world. Returning to the desire for food, the question of eating is not merely a practical issue. One must understand the root of the matter. There are two underlying forces. One is Hashem's will, and one is the person's will. These are two distinct worlds. The transition between these two worlds is not quick; it is a gradual process that takes an entire lifetime. When considering if he should eat, there are two factors: "What do I want, and what does the Creator (or the yetzer tov) want?" It is most difficult to say, "I will forgo my interest, and choose what the Creator wants." This is self-sacrifice, and not everyone is capable of it. The simpler way for most people is to explain to the "I" that it should want what Hashem wants. One should not jump to ignore the "I." Rather, the responsible way to go about this is to work gradually, identifying Hashem's will and the person's will, and to look for ways to come to want what Hashem wants. "Our Will is to do Your Will" If a person's soul would not have any expression of Hashem's will, he would never be able to leave the will of the "I" and accept the will of the Creator. Because there is some expression of Hashem's will deep in the soul, one can "enter" Hashem's world! Every Jew has an inner sense of "our will is to do Your will." This has two elements: The soul is inherently bound with Hashem's will, and even the will of the "I" is a garment over Hashem's will. Deep down, the "I" which wants material things and even forbidden things is only a covering over Hashem's will. If so, there are three levels in the soul. Deep down, there is Hashem's will. There is also the personal will to do Hashem's will, and also the will to oppose Hashem's will, chas veshalom. One cannot jump from his improper will to Hashem's will. He must first traverse the intermediate stage in which the "I" also wants to do Hashem's will. "When Hashem favors the ways of a man, even his enemies will make peace with him" ( Mishlei 16:7). When the "I" forgoes its personal interests, it will attain a will for Hashem's will, and will no longer have this struggle. What prevents unconditional love? A person senses only the will of his "I," and does not feel Hashem. As long as the personal interests are dominant within, and Hashem's will is not, one is far from the proper oneness with Hashem. How do we attain the sense of "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one"? If we have the same ratzon, we can feel as one. But if the wills are disparate, there cannot be an inner oneness with the Creator. There is more to say about this, but the point here is that one must abandon his prior personal interests and approach the will of Hashem by way of the understanding that even the "I" really wants what Hashem wants. May Hashem help us to always truly want to do His will.

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Chapter 26 - Our Will is to do Your Will Three Parts of a Person We explained at the end of the previous chapter that a person is made of three parts: the Divine aspect deep in the soul, which is Hashem's will; the inner personal neshamah of the individual, of which it says, "our will is to do Your will; and the third, most exposed part, of which it says (Berachos 17a), "but what can we do, as the sourdough in the dough prevents us," referring to the most external part of the self that wants the opposite of Hashem's will. The level of unconditional love is based on "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one." One can only reach this level when accessing the depth of the neshamah and finding the agreement of "our will" and "Your will." But as long as the "sourdough" interferes, even if one avoids aveiros (sins) through the force of the intellect, since the desire is still for evil, there is no manifestation of "our will is to do Your will," and one cannot join with the Creator. A person's avodah is to escape from the interfering "sourdough" and enter the state of "our will is to do Your will." As we said, one cannot immediately leave from the "I" that wants to do evil to immediately access Hashem's will within. He must first awaken the true ratzon of the neshamah, the sense of "our will is to do Your will." Once that is awakened and the neshamahis somewhat exposed, one must move from the lower will of the "I" to do evil and enter the inner will of the neshamah to do the will of its Creator. After a person has become deeply immersed in the state of "our will is to do Your will," he approaches the inner G-dly point of the neshamah, and can access the state of "Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one." We will start with the lowest level, showing how one can escape the ratzon of the superficial part of the "I," which is the will for evil, and enter the ratzon of the "I" in the inner neshamah that embraces the will of its Creator. Eating with Contemplation and Thought As we said, before we get into the practical avodah, there must be clarification. How do we achieve this? We will return to the example of eating, with the understanding that it is merely an example. A person may be sitting in front of a food and sense a desire to eat it. He will think to himself, "Do I really want to eat this, or not?" As we said, one may have both feelings. He should then examine the two wills, and say to himself, "The desire to eat is an outer will, not my deepest will. It is a lower component that covers the neshamah, and is referred to as the animal soul.' The inner ratzon of the soul is not to eat, and this is the will of Hashem, as well." (Obviously, we are talking about eating for pleasure, not eating for sustenance.) He should take the food in hand, and say, "I know that my inner component does not want this, but my outer component does. I know that the outer component controls me more than the inner one. Since I know that I am more controlled by the outer than the inner, I should not fight against the outer because I do not have the strength to do so. Therefore, I will eat the food. It is cleat to me that my true ratzon is not to eat, but I cannot yet overcome the outer ratzon, and therefore, I will eat!" What has he accomplished here? He is not eating out of habit. He first considers: "Is this food good for my avodas Hashemor not?" This is before he considers his own feelings. Then he asks, "What do I want? The I' of my neshamah does not want to eat, and the I' of the body wants to." He notices that in this area, the body, namely, his animal soul, rules over him. This is the first step. One must fashion a state of clarity, to clearly identify his inner forces. If one tries to work practically without such clarity, there is no proper basis, and the results will not be proper. Before practical work, one must clarify:

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"What do I truly want?" In this way, he will gradually separate his desire for this world from his inner spiritual desire, and give each its proper place in the soul. Certainly, one act, such as clarifying the desire for food, will not make the change. This was just a single example. One must work on many such cases. The first step will be to contemplate this during the hour devoted to thought, by considering many relevant situations. Then, he should remember it at intervals throughout the day. Contemplation When Going to Tefillah We will provide some more examples. A person sits and thinks: "Do I want to go to daven in the morning, or not? There is no definite answer. "My laziness gives me a desire to stay in bed. It is pleasant and comfortable here. But my inner ratzonis to daven to Hashem. Why? On a simple level, I am afraid of punishment, because there is a rabbinic requirement todaven in the morning, and I would get punished if I don't. This is a deeper ratzon, because the desire to stay in bed is a momentary gratification, while the fear of punishment is a deeper and long-term concern, but it is not the deepest ratzon. "There is another reason for davening. I want to take care of my worldly needs, and tefillah is a means for doing so. In this way, I am using something spiritual to obtain a physical need." In this way, one will go through the various stages of the superficial desires, until he reaches the inner point. "I want todaven because that is the will of Hashem! My neshamah has a true inner ability of our will is to do Your will.' Since You want me to daven, there must be such a ratzon in my neshamah. But I only know of this in my mind, yet it is usually not apparent in my heart." This is what should be done: When a person wakes up and plans to daven, he should not just go without thinking, but turn to Hashem and say, "Master of the World, I am coming to daven before You because I want to, but why do I want to?" He then enumerates the reasons before Hashem, until he eventually reaches the true, inner reason: that it is Hashem's will. He should then say to Hashem, "I am certain that I really want to please You, and I believe that I have such a ratzon deep down, but I don't feel it!" Contemplation when Approaching Torah Study In the hour of contemplation, one should also consider if he wants to learn Torah. He should ask himself, "Do I want to learn Torah, or not?" The answer is not definite. Sometimes, he does, and sometimes, he doesn't. "When I don't, why not?" There can be various reasons. He might be too lazy to exert his mind and body, or he might prefer to fulfill his desires elsewhere, rather than learning Torah. In this way, he should clarify the reasons he does not want to learn. After that, he should consider why he does want to learn. There may be various reasons. He might be afraid of being punished in gehinnom if he violates the laws he didn't study. He might be afraid of violating the mitzvah to learn Torah and being punished for that. He might be embarrassed of being considered an ignoramus. He might also seek honor for reaching a certain level of Torah scholarship. There are many factors, and each person should examine himself. He should continue searching, until he finds the deepest reason: "I want to learn because Hashem said I should!" Then, when he starts learning, he should turn to Hashem and say, "Master of the World, it is clear to me that my neshamah really wants to learn deep down, but I don't feel this ratzon!" Clarifying Each Ratzon in the Mixture We have given an example for tefillah and for Torah. Now we will examine the matter further. Before a person comes to learn or daven, he should ask himself if he wants to do it or not. He should identify why he wants to and why he does

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not. He should identify who wants to learn or daven, in other words, which part of him wants, and which part doesn't want. What is the benefit of all this? Whenever there is a mixture of different ingredients, nothing is recognizable. When the desires are not distinct, but mixed, no ratzon can be clearly sensed. At one time, a desire for bodily pleasure will surface, at another time, pride will pop up, and another time, there be a desire to serve Hashem, and so on. There will be a mixture, a salad of desires, one surfacing after the other. One must separate each ratzon and understand it. Then, each ratzon will receive its own strength and light. To give a simple illustration, if one eats a salad made of tomatoes, red peppers, green peppers, cucumbers, and lettuce, he will not taste clearly any of the foods. The mixture may present an enjoyable taste of the combination, but one will not really taste each individual ingredient. The same applies to one's soul. When the wills are mixed, not a single ratzon can attain its true force and give off the proper light. Only once each one becomes distinct, the mixture disappears, and each ratzon shows its true nature. When the ratzon is clear, one can work with it; if not, he cannot. The Revelation of the Inner Ratzon The main benefit of this practice relates to our discussion above. Deep down, each person has a ratzon to do the will of the Creator, but if one does not focus on it, he does not allow it to surface. The other desires are more apparent, while thisratzon is hidden, so they are the ones that generally are in control. One can hardly hear the voice of the ratzon to do Hashem's will. When a person separates each ratzon, he enables the ratzon of "our will is to do Your will" to begin to appear. He clarifies why he wants to do something, and why he doesn't want to do it. Within the understanding of why he wants to do a mitzvah, he discovers level above level, until he reaches the highest point of "our will is to do Your will." The contemplation itself, along with the deep emunah that one really wants to do Hashem's ratzon, itself awakens thisratzon! If a person doesn't think about something at all, it becomes hidden from the mind and the heart. When one wants to awaken a faculty, he must first think about it. The very thought about it lifts it from the state of forgetfulness to the state of remembrance. Certainly, this is only remembrance in the mind, not the heart, but through "you shall know today," he allows it to be revealed. Until then, the state of "our will is to do Your will" was nearly forgotten, or mixed with many other wills, and so, it did not have its own strength to give light. By contemplating that the neshamah contains such a will, one allows that inner will to become somewhat exposed. The first step, then, is for a person to think and know that such a force exists in his neshamah, and this itself will awaken that ratzon to some extent. Emunah in the Existence of the Inner Ratzon The next stage, which is very fundamental, is the emunah in the ratzon. This is the idea: A person does not need to believe that he wants to eat. The hunger is sensed and is clear. When he wants to eat, the ratzon is beyond doubt, and he feels with certainty that he is hungry. However, most people do not sense that they have a true will to do the will of Hashem. Everything seems to be focused on the self - "What will I get out of this?" The pure ratzon of "our will is to do Your will" might be known in the mind, but it is not really felt!

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To awaken this feeling, we said that the first step is to think about it. The next step is to believe in its existence. If one does not believe that something exists, there is nothing to reveal and actualize. This emunah does not mean to intellectually accept its existence. This is certainly essential as well, but primarily, it isemunah in one's heart. This work of emunah, awakening the inner point in the soul of "our will is to do Your will" is essential, because if the emunah is not exposed, the feeling of "our will is to do Your will" cannot even begin to surface. Once there is this heartfelt emunah that such a force is hidden within, the soul can allow it to surface, and then, one can work with it further. Acquiring Emunah in the Heart through Contemplation and Speech How do we attain such an emunah? Intellectually, most people believe it, because it is written in Chazal and we trust them. But how do we awaken this feeling in the heart, as it says, "And you shall know today, and settle it in your heart"? One must proceed in the way we have discussed until now, following the pasuk, "in your mouth and heart to fulfill it." Before each action, one should spend a moment in thought, and clarify to himself that he has a true ratzon to do the will of his Creator, by learning Torah, davening, and all of the 613 mitzvos of the Torah and seven rabbinic mitzvos, with all their details. Then, he should turn to Hashem and say, "Master of the World, I have all kinds of improper interests related to this mitzvah, such as the desire for honor. But I know clearly that You have planted in my neshamah a true power to do Your will. Now, I don't sense it. But I do have a complete emunah that my true ratzon is to do Your will." In this way, one should accustom himself to live with emunah. The next step is tefillah. One should say to Hashem, whether during the daily period for contemplation or before each action, "Master of the World, I am certain and I have emunah that You have given me the power to do Your will, but I don't feel it. Please help me to sense this ratzon openly in my soul!" There are three stages: 1) to awaken this power by contemplating that it exists; 2) to have emunah in the heart, which is attained through much speech; 3) tefillah that this ratzon will emerge from the potential to the actual. This all takes place before practically working on correcting the middos (character traits) and ta'avos (bodily desires). If one attempts practical work before going through this process, he will be working with only his intellect, but will not have the inner tools in the soul needed to fight against opposing drives. With Hashem's help, we will continue to elaborate on this, but the clear idea stated here was that one must awaken the feeling of "our will is to do Your will" in his neshamah, and only after that, fight against the evil he faces.

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Chapter 27 - Proper and Improper Motives Contemplating Each Ratzon It has been explained above that a person has three components. The most inner force is Divine. It is Hashem's will, which is referred to in the sefarim hakedoshim as the "point of the Shechinah" that rests in the neshamah. The force outside of that is the inner will of the "I," which is referred to as "our will is to do Your will." The third force is the outer "I" that often chooses the opposite of Hashem's will, chas veshalom, and is referred to as the "animal soul." In every area that one confronts, these three forces will either want to do an act or to avoid it. All of our work with middos depends on contemplating these forces. In every middah and every aspect of avodah that one wants to improve, one must first examine what it is that moves him to do a particular act. What are the causes that might have an impression here, and what does one feel is motivating him? We will discuss the attribute of anger, for example. When one gets angry, his avodah is to contemplate (usually after the event, because at the time, the anger is strong and one does not have much control): from which ratzon does this anger come? Does Hashem want me to get angry? Is it from the inner "I"? Or perhaps it is just the outer "I" that chose anger? Of course, one must work gradually, but we will speak of the general goal. A person must consider every detail of his life - Torah, tefillah, good deeds, eating, neutral matters, etc. - and examine each act, seeing if it is good or bad. That is to say, who wants to do this, and who does not? This exercise will afford him great clarity in life. He will know which acts foster closeness to Hashem, (since those acts stem from the inner will to do Hashem's will) and which acts are not positive. He will also identify the acts that are positive but performed with the wrong motives. Any area one is working on must be clearly analyzed, both during the time set aside for contemplation, and when confronting the issue in daily life. Then, the avodah divides into a number of stages: The first stage is, as we said, clarification. One identifies all the ingredients, and sees "who" wants and "who" does not. Why does he want, and why does he not? The next stage is to daven to Hashem that he will only do proper and sincere acts, and will not perform improper deeds. The third, highest stage is to perform each act lishmah (with pure intent) as well as lo lishmah (with ulterior motives). Of course, each Jew should strive to live only for Hashem! We should always strive and push to reach that level. But we must take one step at a time, and not attempt large leaps. We cannot suddenly switch from lo lishmah to lishmah, as mentioned before. We cannot jump from the world of evil right to the world of good. One must go through the entire process. After a person goes through contemplation and tefillah for a long period of time, he should start adding lishmah to the lo lishmah in each act. Strengthening the Element of Lishmah We will provide some examples to bring this principle to life, but there is one point: One can never move from lo lishmahright to lishmah; he moves to a mixture of lo lishmah and lishmah. For example, a person sits down to learn Torah. He begins to clarify his desire to learn. There may an outer will not to learn, because he is too lazy to exert his mind. There is an inner will to learn, because that is what Hashem wants, in accordance with the halachah. The inner "I" has a feeling of "our will is to do Your will." That is to say, "I, too, want to do Your will and learn Torah. I might not feel it, but the will is there." The outer will has a mixture: it wants, and doesn't want.

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It doesn't want, because of its laziness, but it wants to learn for honor, or fear of punishment, etc. Each person has his own reasons. Ultimately, the person sits down to learn. Why is he learning? If he does so lo lishmah, it is because of honor, pride, or fear of punishment. Hence, it is all lo lishmah. In fact, to learn purely in order to please Hashem, with no thought of pride, or honor, or fear of gehinnom, or desire for Gan Eden, is extremely difficult. What, then, is the proper way to approach the learning? After one has clarified the various wills, he must daven to Hashem to show him the true ratzon, so as to act perfectlylishmah. He will say to Hashem, "I know that my inner ratzon is to engage in Torah in order to please You, and my outerratzon is filled will all sorts of ulterior motives, but I do feel a small ratzon to learn lishmah! How much? Maybe one percent, maybe less, maybe more. And so, Master of the World, I come to learn, both in order to please You and in order to satisfy my personal interests. Help my point of lishmah to become stronger, and my lo lishmah to become progressively weaker." If one doesn't even feel a slight ratzon for lishmah, he should daven to attain that itself, but it is highly unlikely that one who has reached this point will not feel any such ratzon whatsoever. And so, slowly, one will come to magnify his inner ratzon to learn with more and more lishmah. Each time, he will add a bit more inspiration. It should not be with great excitement, but with an inner sense of quiet, step by step, with stability. He makes himself closer to lishmah and slowly disengages from the wills of lo lishmah. All of this must come with tefillah to Hashem to help him progress according to his pure yearning. That was one example. Here is another one: A person decides to perform an act of kindness. He hears that someone is ill, and decides to make a trip to visit him in the hospital. Before he embarks, he should pause and clarify for himself why he wants to travel and why he might not want to. The reasons not to go are that the trip costs money, it will be difficult, uncomfortable, exhausting, and so on, depending on the situation. After that, he should clarify why he does want to go, either from his higher level or from his lower level. He will say to himself: "Does Hashem want me to go? Yes! (This is where it is clearly a mitzvah to go; sometimes, this is not the case.) Does my inner point of our will is to do Your will' want to go? Yes! If so, deep down, I want to go. On the other hand, the outer part of the I' must be examined. On one hand, it does not want to go, because there are expenses and exertion. On the other hand, it wants to, because after the person will be discharged from the hospital, he will return to the neighborhood, and when he will meet me, he will ask, Why didn't you visit me?' I will feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. To avoid that shame when facing him, I want to visit him lo lishmah." After one has concluded this analysis, he should stand in tefillah before Hashem and ask, "Master of the World, I know that on the current level of my heart, the will to make the trip stems from superficial motives. Please help that the only true motive for the mitzvah will be so as to please You, and not for vain reasons!" A person should be aware of his motives, and discover that many, possibly the vast majority, are lo lishmah, and then ask Hashem that the true motive, that of "our will is to do Your will," should become apparent in the soul and then, he will really want to do each act lishmah. After that, he prepares to embark, and again says to Hashem, "Practically speaking, why am I going? I have pure as well as ulterior motives. I have a slight ratzon to please You, and a lot of self-interest." He continues and asks Hashem that his will to act lishmah will be alert, vibrant, and revealed, but knows that in the meantime, he only has a little lishmah and much lo lishmah. This is the proper order.

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Strengthening the Power of Lishmah in the Soul Understandably, the details are many, and we come across innumerable situations. One example mentioned before was the desire to eat. A person must clarify if he wants to eat that food or not. On one hand, he wants, because he has a desire due to the animal soul, but Hashem might want him to only eat a part, or perhaps even to eat all of it, but with less focus on the taste, and so on. He approaches the act of eating this food, knowing that from a perspective of lishmah, there is no reason to eat it. He might already be full, and this food might have no value other than its taste, but he feels that he cannot withstand the temptation. In fact, there is no sin involved. He might make a berachah (blessing) before it with great intent, and yet, he must realize that from the standpoint of the inner truth, Hashem is not involved in this act of eating and will derive no satisfaction from it! What should he do? He should eat, but he must stop for two minutes and turn to Hashem in prayer and say, "Please, help me to merit truly feeling that I do not need to eat this food!" In this way, although he ate the food in the end, he removed its "sting." He may continue to eat, but he is also suffering. The main desire has faded, and the pasion for it has fallen. He should hold the food in hand and continue to daven. If thetefillah is sincere, he will gradually find that the desire weakens. There are other ways to serve Hashem in this area, but they all have the same general approach. One starts with a mixture of lishmah and lo lishmah. At first, the lishmah is minimal, and the lo lishmah is dominant, and one's avodah is to change the percentages through his work, increasing the lishmah and decreasing the lo lishmah. The work will take a long time, and one must progress gradually, but thoroughly. There will be more lishmah and less lo lishmah, and so, one will gradually progress. As a person's level rises, he will reach a stage where he will be able to forgo some things. It will not be a result of a struggle over it, but he will simply feel that he doesn't need them. The aspect oflishmah has become stronger, and the lo lishmah weaker. Understandably, in some areas, the lo lishmah will be very strong, in some areas, the two forces will be almost equal, and in some areas, the lishmah is stronger. As one strengthens the force of lishmah, it will not only reside in that one area of his efforts, but will become an evident strong force in the soul, and thus spread to other areas. Everything must progress gradually, as one slowly weakens the force of the lo lishmah, until the lishmah becomes the dominant force in the soul. There will still be many areas in which one acts shelo lishmah, but the general yearning that fills his heart will be to please Hashem. In this way, the lishmah will be a powerful force throughout the day, and he should daven to Hashem that the small element of lo lishmah will be nullified by the predominance of the lishmah. His avodah will be much easier, because the lishmah will be the dominant force in his soul, and he will naturally think a great deal throughout the day in a manner of lishmah. Not merely his mind, but mostly his heart, will yearn to please Hashem. Examining the Inner Truth of the Lishmah A person should work step after step, making the lo lishmah weaker and weaker. He will sense that his deeds are performed with pure intentions. Then, the task will be much more subtle: one must examine each act, and suspect that what seems to be lishmah is all fantasy. Hence, in the beginning, a person examines each of his acts, to see if it is done lishmah or lo lishmah, and continually strives to strengthen the lishmah and weaken the lo lishmah. Once he feels that his main motive is lishmah, he is faced with a completely different kind of avodah.

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At first, the yetzer hara convinces a person to act lo lishmah. In other words, that is one's initial level. Once a person seeks to serve Hashem lishmah, it tries to confuse him to think that his intent is lishmah even when it is not. The deep selfinterest of a person affects him in many ways, and he may think that he is acting with pure intentions, while in fact, much of what he does is for ulterior motives. Deep down, the motives may be lo lishmah, and one must examine himself deeply to see where he really is! This is a lifetime struggle, and even the greatest of the great tzaddikim always suspected that they might not be acting with the proper motives. Even if on the surface, something seems to be lishmah, it can really be lo lishmah! If a person does not sense even the slightest element of lo lishmah, he must know that he is in a world of fantasy! There is no such thing as an act that is totally pure. If one feels he is so pure, there must be a major error in his whole path! There will always be elements of self-interest, and even if they are a very small percentage, one must keep davening that Hashem will remove them from his midst, as we mentioned before. Once a person is primarily immersed in the world of lishmah, he must check if his lishmah is genuine, or only an illusion. Often, a person will say, "I am doing this for the sake of Hashem," but these are only words. Deep down, his soul has no sense of lishmah. To perform this kind of self-examination, one must possess a high degree of sensitivity to subtle feelings. One who has this sensitivity immediately feels the falsehood in each act, and never ceases to distrust his motives. In each act, one must suspect that the true motive is lo lishmah, and that the lishmah is false - a ruse of the yetzer hara that tries to delude him in this way. To live this way all the time, one must be on a very high level, with the strong capability for inner self-doubt. On one hand, a person must always suspect himself, but on the other act, he must act, and not allow all his doubts to stop him from acting. The Chovos HaLevavos states that included in the value of caution is the need to careful not be overly cautious. Caution can prevent a person from everything, and he won't accomplish anything. There is no precise answer as to how cautious one must be. It depends on each person's level. But we must remember one fundamental point: a person must pour out his heart each day before Hashem, asking that He will direct him to the truth. If one does not do this from the depth of his heart, it is likely that at the very root of his outlook, he has been duped, and then, his whole avodah is an error! The Search for Truth - the Avodah of our Life This principle, although mentioned in the context of lishmah, encompasses all the areas we have discussed from the beginning until now. A person needs to look at situations with his own eyes, and he does not always have the opportunity to ask someone. Even if he asks, there is no guarantee that the other person will understand him properly. A person might create entire structures of thought, but it will all be built on faulty foundations. He may have heard correct principles, but did not grasp them properly. He thinks he understood, and builds his whole avodah on what he thinks he heard, and continues with what he is doing, thinking that he is succeeding in general, with just occasional setbacks. How, then, can one be confident that his path of avodah is proper? The truth is that no one has the right to be confident of his way. If one claims to be certain, that it his most fundamental problem! A person must always suspect that he is in error. Every day, one should daven to Hashem and cry from the depth of his heart, "Master of the World, maybe I am in error! Please place me on a true path!"

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The Alter of Novahrdok zt"l, even when very old, said that if he would know of someone who could talk to him and show him the truth, even if the person would be in a different country, he would travel to meet him to receive the truth from him! Every day and every period, he would reevaluate his way to see if it was true, and even if it was true, he would ascertain that it was right for him, and so on. A person can never be confident! Only the wicked are confident, but the tzaddikim always question themselves, lest they not be doing what is required of them. Along with the questions, they serve Hashem with joy, because they are doing their best, using all their abilities, davening to Hashem to be saved from error, and thus, hopeful that Hashem will show them the truth. But this is contingent on a person always doing what he should, and davening literally each day, and several times a day, "Master of the World, maybe I am mistaken! I might be making a minor error, or a major error!" There is no confidence in this life! Only after a person leaves the world, he can know if he acted properly or not. The Heavenly court will examine his heart, and he will then know the truth, but in this world, there are no guarantees. "Behold, He does not trust His holy ones" (Iyov 15:15). Not only Hashem doubts us, but we must also have self-doubt, asChazal said (Avos 2:4), "Do not trust yourself until your day of death." Not only is there a concern that tomorrow I might stumble, but even today, I might be on the wrong path! If great people followed a certain path, it is true, but perhaps I don't understand it properly, or do not apply it properly to myself. One cannot be sure of anything in life, other than the need to daven to Hashem daily and hourly that He show one the truth! The great danger in all we have said in this series until now is that one might now think he has a clear path, he already knows, he can try to start, and he will surely succeed. In fact, he will only succeed in trying, but cannot be sure that he will really succeed in obtaining results. He must cry to Hashem each day and beseech, "Allow me to know the truth. Maybe I didn't understand properly. Maybe the one who gave a talk made a mistake, etc." One must always ask for the truth about life, and about his general behaviors, as well as the details: "Master of the World, show me the truth. Maybe I am in error." The more one knows, the more he can err and think that he knows. On one hand, a person needs to work with a definite path, but on the other hand, he must suspect that he is in error. May Hashem help us to truly merit trying to become close to Him and having the right intentions. At the same time, one must always ask to truly be close to Him, to be saved from error, and to be placed on the proper path.

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Chapter 28 Simplicity Doing Without Questioning In this final chapter, we will deal with another point, without which one cannot attain oneness with Hashem. People have all sorts of questions about life: They don't understand the Shoah (Holocaust), they wonder why one person suffers while another leads a happy life, and so on. There are many things they don't understand, and they ask, "Why is this so?" A question implies that while some things are clear to a person, and so, he doesn't ask about them, there are certain things that are confusing, about which he does ask. But the truth is that the whole world is one big question. The answer to all the questions is very simple: Hashem responds, "Don't ask questions!" On Pesach (Passover), there are questions and answers. Pesach is the first of the holidays, and the beginning of one's avodah is based on questions and clarifications. But the last of the holidays (in the yearly cycle) is Purim, and "Purim" has the same numerical value as "she'eilah" ("question," i.e. 336), because on Purim we rectify the problem of questioning. In the process of one's avodah, a person enters more inward, and yearns to reach the truth. He must then understand one fact: we don't ask "Why" about the world, we ask only "What?" - "What does Hashem request of me?" One must know what his responsibility is, but he needs no answer to why Hashem requires something or why He did a certain act. There are two deep reasons for this: The first reason is that man is a creation and Hashem is the Creator, and we cannot understand anything about His acts. We don't even have the beginning of an understanding of His world. The attempt to understand His works - the mere thought of it-shows the pathetic lowliness of the created being who thinks he can understand it. We can't understand anything! We don't know why we wash our hands, why we must learn Torah, or why we must keep the mitzvos! We know what we must do, and we do it because we were commanded to! Chazal ask (Rosh HaShanah 16a), "Why do we blow shofar on Rosh HaShanah?" They answer, "Hashem said to blow!" There is no question as to why we blow. Hashem said to blow, so we must blow, without asking questions! We cannot understand anything! The only thing we can understand is that we must observe the 613 mitzvos of the Torah, the 7 mitzvos of the rabbis, and all the details. Other than that, we know nothing of Hashem's thoughts. Our avodah in Torah is to understand what we can, but we must remember that we don't understand the essence of the Torah. Why, then, must we engage in the study of something that we cannot fully grasp in any case? The answer is that Hashem said we must learn! If He would have said, "Count from morning to night, 1,2,3,4...' until reaching a certain number, and then go to sleep, that is exactly what we would have to do! Why does Hashem care if we count? I don't know, but if He said, I will do! Hashem did not tell us to count from morning to night, but He ordered us to learn Torah and keep the mitzvos, and thus, we do so! What does He get out of the Torah and mitzvos? It really makes no difference! We can't understand why we learn or do mitzvos, or why there is a world, but Hashem tells us, "Listen to what I say, and do it!" Another reason we should not seek answers to the questions of life is that every moment and every power we have is given to us so that we can serve Hashem. If one uses his time and energy to figure out why things are as they are, he is investing them in matters that are not Hashem's will. Hashem does not ask us to understand "why;" He only says, "Do!" When a person asks a lot of questions, he is wasting his precious time and energy.

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Thus, there are two general reasons why we should not ask questions: 1) We cannot receive answers, because a mortal cannot understand such concepts with his intellect. 2) Our resources and time are limited, and we must utilize them for their intended purpose. Every moment must be devoted to serving the Creator, and if He has not commanded us to ask questions, it is not our avodah to do so! Comprehending that I Cannot Comprehend This principle cannot just be heard and grasped to be adequately absorbed. It is not enough to intellectually be aware of the fact that we cannot understand Hashem's ways. We have a heart of stone, and the heart always demands to understand. We must take this desire for understanding and nullify it. Although the nature of the heart is to understand, we must strive to understand only what Hashem wants us to grasp, such as the Torah. Beyond that, there is no need to understand anything! Any attempt to understand Hashem and His ways is automatically a fault! Although we find that the sefarim hakedoshim do explain much about the ways of Hashem, we must know that those explanations are only for one who has not yet perfected himself. If we do not give explanations to calm his heart, his heart will oppose the ways of the Creator, and he will not be able to progress in his avodah. Therefore, in the beginning, the avodah is to explain to the heart, just as on Pesach we ask and give answers. But you must know that this is not the goal; it is only a means, so as to calm the heart while one is on the path! One can utilize information from these sefarim to answer particular questions: "Why would such a thing happen?" "It is to rectify a certain sin." Why did that tragic event happen to him?" "It is to rectify something from the previous gilgul (incarnation)...." If one asks why he was punished, and is not calmed until he learns that he is punished for a certain sin or a previous gilgul, he does not possess simple faith in the Creator! What difference does it make to you? Did Hashem do it? Yes! Does He know what He is doing? Yes! So what does it matter why He did it? If you ask, "Now that I have suffered, perhaps I need to correct something," that is an acceptable question. But there is no real place for merely asking, "Why did this happen to me?" All the explanations written in sefarim are just to calm a person who is in the process of avodah. But when a person wants to reach the inner essence of avodah, "the goal of knowledge is to know that we do not know." One must comprehend that he cannot comprehend anything. This work of understanding in our heart that we cannot understand is an inherent contradiction to the heart's own nature, for it is called "the understanding heart." The nullification of one's wisdom is a nullification of a created being's natural yearning. If one nullifies himself and is full of emunah, he is no longer a separate entity, but an agent of Hashem. If he insists on understanding things and tries to fit Hashem's acts into a human's vessels, he separates himself from Hashem and cannot be one with Him. Every one of us will eventually reach this level of emunah, but the question is if it will be in this world or the next. The path to this level is long, and one must fulfill all that has been presented up to this point, but the inner goal is for one to realize that he is here for one purpose: to do the will of Hashem and to understand that he cannot understand! This comprehension that one cannot comprehend is an awesome level that only very few people truly attain. Many can say the words, "I understand that I don't understand," but the way of their heart is completely otherwise. "Be Simple - with Hashem, your God." If one is truly on the level where he is not bothered by the fact that he does not understand, if suffering comes to him, not only will he not be angry, but he will have no questions! He will say to Hashem, "Even if this suffering does not rectify any sins, I don't care why they came. If you did this, Hashem, it must be perfectly fine!"

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As long as one seeks answers, he is far from this point. If when receiving some form of suffering, one thinks, "Thank God, this is a rectification for my sins" (or, as people say, "an atonement for sins"), he should know that he is not yet on this level. If he thinks that suffering must atone for sins, and calms his heart that way, he still has a desire to understand suffering. A person must feel inside that he doesn't care why he suffers! One thing must be clear to him: Hashem sent the suffering, and He knows very well what he is doing! That's all! One doesn't need to understand any more than that. Even if Eliyahu HaNavi would come and reveal to him that there is no such thing as reincarnation and rectification of sins (he wouldn't say that, because the sefarim hakedoshim have already stated these truths), he would not be bothered at all. It is clear to him that the One who brought the suffering was the Creator, and there are no questions on Him! We are familiar with innumerable questions: "Why is he having such a hard time finding a wife? Why does that kind person have financial troubles...?" The truth is that there isn't even a single question; essentially, there are no questions in Hashem's works. One must live with true simplicity with the Creator. "Be simple with Hashem, your God" (Devarim 18:13). A simple person has no questions. It is not that he doesn't understand enough to ask, because that person is on the lower level known as "he who knows not how to ask." A simple person is on the level where he doesn't ask because he understands that there is no need to ask. He has no interest in receiving answers. He yearns only to do the will of Hashem, without knowing why. When a person lives this way, he reaches the true inner state of simplicity. With simplicity, he has no questions at all throughout life, and if he fulfills, "Be simple," he is "with Hashem, your God" - he attains awesome deveikus (attachment to Hashem)! The Inner Recognition of "He said, and it came to Be" As in all areas of middos (character traits), which exist both on the conscious and the subconscious levels, so, too, there are questions in the conscious mind and those in the subconscious. Even if a person thinks that he has no questions, he must check very deeply within: is there really nothing about life that bothers him, or are there certain details that do bother him? If one feels pain - not physical, but emotional - due to any problem in life, he is not yet at this level to the fullest extent. Certainly, to reach this level, one needs tremendous effort, and each person should take these ideas and progress with them as much as he can, but the goal is to live with simple emunah in the Creator, without any questions. No matter what happens to a person, he should accept it literally with joy, with the faith that "He said, and it came to be," and accept that Hashem knows what He is doing. In the previous chapters, we dealt with emunah: "Chavakuk came and placed them (the mitzvos) on one pillar - "the righteous man lives with his faith." This is the inner sense of the emunah; there are no questions! This is not just theemunah that there is a Creator, and not just the sense of Hashem's Presence, but an emunah that makes a person calm and serene his entire life! As we said, the numerical value of "Purim" is the same as "she'eilah" (question; 336). It is also the value of shalev (serenity), because when one nullifies all his questions, he has true serenity, "a repose of truth and faith, a repose of peace and serenity." This is the deepest concept that a created being can grasp. On this level, one totally nullifies himself before Hashem. He asks no questions, but walks with Hashem with simplicity. The more one is close to the awareness that he can have no questions, and is always happy with Hashem's actions, the closer he is to Hashem. The further one is from this awareness, the further he is from Hashem.

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The Goal is One - "I Shall Walk Before Hashem in the Land of the Living" Throughout this entire series of classes, we have had one goal: to bring a person to the state of being attached and bound with the Creator! The reader must take one important message from this book: there is nothing to do in life other than to serve Hashem and truly be close to Him! We must, of course, work with all the methods that have been presented at length, but the main impression that one must attain from all of this is that there is nothing to do in this world other than to serve Hashem! This is not a matter of working to nullify the material, but a feeling that comes from a pure soul. One will feel in his heart the words of the wisest of men (Shlomo HaMelech), "Vanity of vanities, said Kohelles" (Kohelles 1:2). The Mashgiach, Rav Yechezkel Levenstein zt"l, said that every Jew must write with the blood of his heart the pasuk, "Vanity of vanities, said Kohelles, vanity of vanities, all is vain." It is not enough to just trust Shlomo HaMelech. Of course, we must trust our Sages, but one must really sense that there is nothing else to pursue here in the world - whether silver, gold, food, or anything else of this world! It is normal to have a fleeting pleasure when eating, but one must in general have a tremendous feeling that something is missing, a feeling that there is nothing to do here in the world other than to serve Hashem and be close to Him! This does not only apply to people on a high level. Anyone who considers the world a bit sees all the instability, day after day, hour after hour. Everything is confused; nothing has permanence. If someone has bright expectations about the material world, he must be very delusional. One should reach a simple discovery about life: either we serve Hashem, or we are lost! We must instill this deep in our hearts. On one hand, there is nothing to do here, but on the other hand, there is much to do: we can become close to Hashem here in this world! Our avodah must be based on one simple point: to negate the material world while truly entering the awareness that there is what to do in this world: "I will walk before Hashem in the land of the living." This is all we can do here - to walk only with Hashem! Certainly, the way to get there is through Torah and mitzvos and the methods we have discussed, but the goal is one: to live with the Creator! There is nothing else to do; either we live with the Creator, or we have nothing! "Even when I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I shall not fear, for You are with me" (Tehillim 23:4). If we don't live with the Creator, we are in the shadow of death. We have nothing. One who thinks a little sees that our world is literally a valley of the shadow of death. Everything is like a fleeting shadow. If one has "for You are with me," he has everything; if not, he is totally empty. We must realize that even if one has the gifts of this world, such as a family, it is nice, but that is not the goal! The goal is one: to use everything in this world for coming close to the Creator! The goal is one, but the means change from one person to the next. The pace one adopts for his own work is not the pace required when guiding family members. Not everything taught here is appropriate for everyone. It can be most harmful if one tries to impose levels on his family for which they are not prepared. One always must think very carefully about this when trying to guide them, and daven from the depth of his heart. May Hashem enable all of our work here to be beneficial, and may each one us receive from this what he must. May we all have the privilege to become close to the Creator and please Him - as it says (Berachos 17a), "Happy is he who is raised with the Torah, toils in Torah, and pleases his Creator" - and may we draw every single Jew close to Him.