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Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.)

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Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) Net-Burst.Net Net-Burst.Net Christian Index of Help for Multiple

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Christian Index of Help for Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.)

Free Resources for Hosts, Alters (Insiders or Parts), Counselors and Friends of People with “Multiple Personalities”

Confused, lonely and scared are the most common feelings among people coming to terms with Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you have D.I.D., the following free resources provide the comfort, answers and support you need.

Even if you do not have Dissociative Identity Disorder, many of these webpages will bless you, especially those quoting alters.

For a very short, simple explanation of D.I.D. see Dissociative Identity Disorder Explained

Ministering to alters has been one of the most beautiful spiritual experiences I have ever been privileged to have. People with Dissociative Identity Disorder have known trauma and heartache like few people have, and yet it is typical of God that these are the very people he grants spiritual revelation and such an exceptionally deep, highly personal relationship with him that leave most other Christians in awe. Jesus‟ relationship with alters (also known as insiders or parts) highlights his humility, gentleness, tenderness and patience to the most astounding degree.

Christ is divinely anointed to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release prisoners from darkness (Isaiah

61:1), for “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who

are crushed in

wounds” (Psalms 34:18; 147:3).

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their

Invaluable Help:

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An Alter‟s Plea to all Hosts

“I Thought I Was the Opposite Sex!” Help With All the Confusion of Being an Alter

Learning How to Feel, & Enjoy Health An Alter Learns How to Enjoy Life

God‟s Love for Alters A Word from Jesus to an Alter, For all Alters

When Inner Pain Returns Help with Emotional Pain

To Protector Alters from a Protector Alter Understanding Alters who Feel the Need to Protect Other Alters

Free Therapy:

Afraid of God:

Stories for Young Alters Heartwarming & Healing Stories for Child Alters Helping You Comfort, Heal, Lead to Christ and Empower Child Alters

God‟s Extreme Patience With Alters:

“I Kept Trying to Force God to Reject Me” Encouraging Testimony of a Man with D.I.D. (Alters not specifically mentioned but feature strongly)

Satanic Ritual Abuse / Sadistic Ritual Abuse:

Gender Issues:

The Positive Benefits of Multiple Personalities:

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How to Identify a Good Counselor:

Demons & D.I.D.:

Imaginary Friends (The person who battled demons in this testimony has D.I.D.)

See also the Second Link Below

You Can Be the Therapist! (Easy and Highly practical):

Model your approach on real examples of counseling Leading an Alter to Christ

Real-Life Counseling of a Demon-Possessed Pedophile Alter Invaluable but lengthy and triggering

Diagnosing D.I.D.:

Other Valuable Resources

Self-Injury, Self-Inflicted Pain A Cure for Self-Harm

Free help for male and female survivors of all forms of sexual interference:

Valuable Links on Many Topics Hurting? Help, Answers, Support, Hope

Facing the Truth vs Suppression

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Depression When Things get Tough Keep following the main link at the end of each page

An End to Guilt Cure for Guilt

Deepening Your Awareness of God‟s Love for You How Much Does God Love Me? Your Personal Revelation

Toilet Difficulties Toilet Fear Survivors of abusive potty training and those with baby alters often have difficulties using the bathroom

Can God be Trusted? Why Does God Allow Suffering?

Porn Filters:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:

General Help:

Pages in Other Languages:

Personalized support

Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

Hurting Pages in Other Languages: Swahili Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net Change of pace 5

Change of pace

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Exciting webpages by Grantley Morris on many other subjects:

Dissociative Identity Disorder Explained

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Dissociative Identity Disorder Explained Net-Burst.Net Net-Burst.Net Net-Burst.Net When people suffer something so

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Identity Disorder Explained Net-Burst.Net Net-Burst.Net Net-Burst.Net When people suffer something so horrible that

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When people suffer something so horrible that their mind recoils from the very thought of it, we can understand their mind trying to suppress all memory of the event. A simple blocking of the past would not work, however, if a person were continually reminded of the trauma by, for example, the trauma being repeated every few days. When the trauma is on-going, the mind has to employ a more sophisticated approach to maintaining sanity by giving itself as big a reprieve as possible whenever the trauma is not occurring. The mind divides itself so that part of it is kept unaware of the bad times. That way, whenever the bad times are not occurring, part of the mind can function without being oppressed by an awareness of the horrors that occurred yesterday nor by the paralyzing fear that the horrors might be repeated tomorrow.

Additional sources of trauma can cause further fragmenting of the mind. The advantage of fragmentation is that the mind-crippling task of trying to cope with an awareness of everything at once is broken down into smaller, though still highly challenging, pieces. It is not only memories that are divided up, but with them go other intellectual abilities as well. Some abilities can be replicated in another part of the brain, just like right-handed people can further develop the side of their brain that controls their left hand so that they can write with their left hand almost as well as with their right. Not all abilities are replicated, however. Some parts of the person end up with skills that other parts do not have. As a result, people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are usually more skilled than they realize until they become fully aware of all their other parts.

Previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder, the newer term sounds like gobbledygook but it is actually more

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Net-Burst.Net meaningful than it first seems. If you were suffering, you might make it more

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meaningful than it first seems. If you were suffering, you might make it more tolerable by seeking to lessen your awareness of your current situation and imagining you were somewhere nice. This is called dissociation and although it would not stop all pain, it is likely to genuinely help. Instead of thinking of yourself as being somewhere else, an alternative is to think of yourself as being someone else someone who is never subjected to this distress. That is called taking on a dissociative identity. This would become an obvious choice if, for example, you were a little child singled out for severe beatings simply because of who you are the child of an abusive parent.

This coping mechanism becomes a disorder a disadvantage rather than an advantage if part of you got trapped in that dissociative state and could not return to normality even when external circumstances become normal. Becoming permanently disconnected from part of yourself would not be because of an inadequacy in you but because of the severity and prolonged nature of the trauma you suffered and because it began in your formative years.

On-going disconnection could occur if, for example, you remained too scared to let yourself remember what happened when you were in that dissociated state. Being unable to access unpleasant memories might superficially seem desirable but it is likely to keep you from ever healing from those memories. How could anyone resolve a problem that he refuses to think about? To live in denial is to let a problem grow. Moreover, you would probably lose not only access to certain memories but to skills you had developed while you were in that state and to certain intellectual potential that this part of you has. So remaining disconnected would prevent you from being as consistently skilled as you have the potential to be and keep you from accessing the full extent of your intellectual capacity.

If you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, healing involves reconnecting with those parts of you that had become disconnected from you. False healing occurs if a person is still disconnected but mistakenly supposes nothing is missing, simply because the person has lost all awareness of disconnected parts.

As a child‟s brain grows it becomes increasingly rigid and the ability to compartmentalize itself through Dissociative Identity Disorder is lost if the process is not initiated by around about seven years of age. If someone learns the technique when young, however, the person can continue

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further compartmentalizing his/her brain later in life.

Far from being freaks, people with D.I.D. have, from an early age, stumbled upon an ingenious mental strategy for coping with situations that are almost beyond human endurance. It is an emergency response to an extreme situation, however. There are significant disadvantages to remaining fragmented, such as the inability to simultaneously draw upon one‟s full intellectual resources to solve problems and heal from trauma.

For further explanations, see The Inner Child.

For much more help in understanding and healing from D.I.D., see Christian Index of Help for Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Powerful Answers & Surprising Help For People Traumatized as Children

& Surprising Help For People Traumatized as Children Healing your “Inner Child” / Inner Pain Help

Healing your “Inner Child” / Inner Pain

Help for Alters (Insiders) and Sufferers of Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) or Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)

If you suffered trauma as a child, the traumatized part of you could have separated from the rest of you and need special attention. Understanding this can be crucial for healing.

you could have separated from the rest of you and need special attention. Understanding this can

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Is anyone too macho or mature to have ever been a child? No matter how much you might hate it, you are human.

We all long to push a distressing experience out of our mind and just get on with life without mentally coming to terms with it, but this is not nearly as heroic nor as helpful as we would like to think. Denying the reality of an inner wound does not prevent a suppressed part of us from acutely suffering, nor does it stop the pain from spilling over to the rest of our lives in ways that can make the cause frustratingly hard to identify. Unlike the power of resolving inner pain, the burden of trying to suppress pain is a dead weight keeping too many of us from the joyous freedom that would otherwise be ours.

I challenge you to embrace reality, embarking on a terrifyingly exciting adventure of self-discovery that could lead to more peace and fulfillment than you have ever dared believe possible. You can end inner pain.

Nevertheless, desperate times call for desperate measures. If, for example, an emergency were sufficiently serious, you might be brave enough to sacrifice a limb, cutting it off to save the rest of you.

Pain avoidance is not nearly as simple, however, as trying to cut unpleasant memories out of our lives. Consider someone with a seriously wounded leg. Pain in the injured leg might push him to opt for amputation but after surgery he could be devastated to find himself hounded by phantom limb pain in which he suffers pain as if the amputated limb were still there and as wounded as ever. Likewise, cutting ourselves off from painful memories is more drastic than we realize and rarely as effective in ending our distress as we suppose.

Such are the mysteries of inner (emotional) pain that to deepen our insight it will help to continue to look briefly at something slightly easier to understand: physical pain. If a gang of thugs kept beating you, it would hurt, of course, but by releasing such chemicals as adrenalin, your brain would temporarily shut down some of your consciousness of pain, thus helping you to flee from your attackers. Running when seriously injured brings great risk of inflaming the injuries perhaps raising the risk to life-threatening levels but the temporary necessity of escape overrides other vital concerns. So during the emergency, your mind‟s partial suppression of your awareness of pain is a precious gift of God. Despite your understandable longing never to feel pain, however, once you are safe, continuing to have little consciousness of pain

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could be counter-productive. Without pain signaling the extent of your injuries and hence alerting you to the urgency of seeking medical treatment your well-being could be seriously impaired.

This natural response to physical trauma parallels our natural response to severe inner pain. In the short term, the suppression of your inner pain can be a blessing by helping you cope with the necessities of life. For as long as this suppression continues, however, it will keep you from healing.

Being human means we have an inbuilt need not merely to store facts but to process events both mentally and emotionally. That does not necessarily mean crying, but accessing the full range of human emotions and analyzing the experience until we fully come to terms with it, before finally offloading the pain in an emotionally healthy way. When we suffer something highly unpleasant we long to disconnect from the entire event and live as if it had never happened. But the memory and the need to respond to it in a fully human manner remains a part of us.

So to emotionally disconnect from the event is to disconnect from an essential part of who we are a part of us that continues to exist and feel and attempts to grapple with the experience in an authentically human way no matter how much we wish that part of us would die. We either help that part of our humanity find peace or we keep our lives in needless turmoil.

When people have something so horrible in their past that their mind recoils from the very thought of it, we can understand the mind trying to suppress all memory of the event. A simple blocking of the past would not work, however, if a person is continually reminded of it by, for example, having to endure similar trauma every few days. If the trauma is on-going, though less than twenty-four hours every day of every week, the mind has to employ a more sophisticated approach to maintaining sanity by giving itself a big a reprieve as possible whenever the trauma is not occurring. The mind has to divide itself so that part of it has the capacity to function whenever the person is being re- traumatized and another part is kept from awareness of what is happening so that it is able to function at times that are less traumatic without being hampered by conscious awareness of the horrors that occurred yesterday and the paralyzing fear that they might recur tomorrow.

Additional types of trauma or trauma multiplying beyond the capacity of one part of the mind to cope can cause further fragmenting of the mind. That way, no part has to cope with every horrific memory and the consciousness that more such horrors are likely. The mind-crippling task of trying to deal with everything at once is broken down into smaller, though still horrific, pieces.

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It is not only memories that are compartmentalized because the person has to be able to function often at quite a sophisticated level while being traumatized. So intellectual abilities have to be divided up as well. Some abilities can be replicated in another part of the brain, just like a right-handed people can develop the side of their brain that controls their left hand so that they can get better at writing with their left hand. Not all abilities are replicated, however, with the result these people are usually more skilled than they realize until they learn about all their other parts.

Far from being a freak, these people have, from an early age, stumbled upon an ingenious mental strategy for coping with situations that are almost beyond human endurance.

As a child‟s brain grows it becomes increasingly rigid and the ability to compartmentalize itself this way is lost if the process is not initiated by around about seven years of age. If someone learns the technique when young, however, the person can continue further compartmentalizing his/her brain later in life.

So traumatized children especially those who are artistically and/or intellectually gifted have a remarkable ability. They can suppress inner pain by splitting into a functioning part of them that is fully aware of their suffering, and a part of them that is much less aware. It has been theorized that the split might come about through them trying to cope by intensely imagining that the horrific experience is happening to someone else, but even babies can split. Because each part of the person grapples alone with a different set of events, each part has a unique awareness of certain emotional pain, and hence a distinct consciousness.

Many people call these disconnected parts of a person alters. Sometimes they are referred to as insiders. Some people simply use the term parts. I very much like this last term, even though I don‟t use it much in my pages because the word is so common that it would not help search engine users find the webpage. “Alter” sounds too alien and even “insider” sounds a little spooky. “Part” helps reinforce that each alter is a part of the one person. Each time a new alter is discovered, it is finding a vital part of oneself that you were not even aware was missing.

Alters act like persons within a person. They are part of the full person (although they might not realize it) and they make their own decisions and have feelings, intelligence, and an individual personality.

Writes one of Alice‟s alters to one of Jake‟s alters (two of my friends who have let me share this with you names changed to protect anonymity):

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I want you to know that I respect and admire you for your courage to split off and keep this secret from Jake so that he could survive. What a sacrifice you have made. It is like agreeing to live with a knife in your heart for the sake of the others.

The benefit of splitting is that the part of the person not conscious of the worst aspects of the trauma is better able to soldier on with life‟s daily demands. As we have seen also applies to a wounded person fleeing an attacker, a lowered consciousness of the severity of the trauma can, in the short term, prove a clever coping mechanism, but there is a serious downside.

A part of you could have been so desperate to protect the rest of

you by keeping unpleasant feelings and information from you that

it severs lines of communication with you. The unintended

consequence, however, is that the restricted flow of information operates in both directions. The price of making painful information inaccessible to you is that vital information you discover later in life cannot get back to the hurting part of you.

That part of you left to cope alone with the full force of the trauma not only continues to reel in pain, it never gets to move on or grow up. The isolated, hurting part of you remains trapped at approximately the same mental age and limited knowledge, year after year. Usually it cannot benefit from new insights you gain later in life insights that would otherwise have enabled the hurting part of you to heal. For example, the inner child in a sex abuse survivor remains unable to see through the abuser‟s former lies that the adult part of the person can see through. So the damaging power of those haunting lies continues, and the person fails to heal.

Similarly, the suppressed, hurting part cannot access the spiritual understanding that the person gained later in life. Thankfully, the disconnected part can be taught these liberating, healing truths but usually this can happen only if that part of the person is acknowledged and dialog takes place in which these truths are taught as one would teach anyone else of similar “age” and experiences. Unless this happens, the deeply hurting, unhealed part will remain with the person for life, and make its presence felt in mysteriously vague, unpleasant ways.

Sadly, fear of the unknown and false shame make it exceedingly difficult for most people to face the possibility that they have alters. In actual fact, if I discovered I had multiple personalities, I‟d be excited about it, but I have the advantage of understanding all the benefits flowing from such a diagnosis.

No matter how much you suppress alters and live in denial, if you

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have alters, they are an inseparable part of you. Keeping them suppressed would sentence you to remaining only a shadow of the wonderful person you could be. Yes, when alters first surface they have pain and problems, but the key is not to try to rid yourself of these essential parts of you but to help them heal and this is fairly easy. Anyone trying to suppress alters is like someone with injured fingers and toes who, instead of tending the wounds, wants to hack off all his arms and legs! Each alter has unique gifts or abilities, such as creativity or a special skill or valuable character trait or a key to healing that will empower you to soar beyond what you could otherwise achieve.

empower you to soar beyond what you could otherwise achieve. If You Don‟t Have Alters You

If You Don‟t Have Alters

You don‟t need multiple personalities to have a wounded inner child. A woman, who as far I know does not have alters, has given me permission to share the following:

Just over a year ago I purchased a Christian CD of baby lullabies and sent it to my new grandson. I kept thinking about that CD. The next time I was in town I purchased one for myself. I would have never thought of it on my own. I‟ve never known anyone to suggest such a thing. It was a revelation from the Holy Spirit. For weeks that turned into months I had this music playing softly while I read my Bible and prayed. I was absolutely amazed at the nurturing and healing that came to me from such music in the background. It was an inexpensive investment that paid big dividends for me.

You just might want to give some thought to purchasing a children‟s Christian CD to see if it doesn‟t help heal the inner child in you that was neglected (or at least not supported very well) in childhood. Sometimes we need to become that little child again before we can move on.

Sometimes we need to become that little child again before we can move on. How Can

How Can You Know if You Have an Alter?

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Should you have alters, becoming aware of this fact is unlikely to be easy. After all, they formed to keep things from you. Moreover, needless fears and misconceptions about the implications of having alters cause most people‟s minds to recoil from the thought of having alters. The result is high psychological pressure for people with alters to remain unaware of their alters. So despite all the healing advantages of finding that you have alters, things are stacked against you discovering them.

Winning the trust of a terrified jackrabbit might be less of a challenge, but the only sure way to discover an alters is to so win their confidence that they decide to talk to you regularly. Until alters feels safe to do this, you can only look for vague clues. Should you have alters, do not expect to have any awareness of, at best, more than a few of the symptoms mentioned below.

Although some people with alters have obvious gaps in their memory of the distant past, there are some who, even before healing begins, have a more detailed and complete memory of their childhood than average people who have never had alters. This is because alters do not necessarily retain sole memory of certain events. What they keep to themselves (until they begin to heal) is the deepest emotional reaction to certain traumatic events. Rather than mere facts, it is particularly emotional ownership of these events that they keep from the rest of the person.

So people with undetected alters might not necessarily have missing years. They might, however, have the occasional missing moment in everyday life that cannot be attributed to alcohol or drugs. They might, for instance, lose keys or other personal items and find them in places where they cannot recall putting them. Other possibilities include goods appearing that they cannot recall purchasing, inexplicable bank account withdrawals, finding themselves somewhere with no recollection of how they got there, or having no memory of doing things in the recent past that other people claim to have witnessed them doing.

Sometimes people with alters discover that they can protect themselves from self-harm or other unwanted behavior by hiding from themselves knives, credit cards or whatever. They know where they placed the objects, and yet putting them in an unusual place works when an alter does not observe the hiding.

If you have sole access to your computer, check History on your Internet Browser to see if you have visited websites you cannot recall having seen. If you retain electronic copies of sent emails, check them to see if you recognize them all. An itemized phone bill, credit card account, or anything else tracking your actions might also be revealing.

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Of course, we all have memory lapses but with alters, lapses are usually more pronounced than for most people. Some people have even feared Alzheimer‟s, when their lapses were simply due to a suppressed part of the person taking over for a while and doing and thinking things that it keeps hidden from the rest of the person. It is tragically common for people with alters to be called liars when their denials are simply because they genuinely don't remember certain things.

Until healing progresses, alters are particularly active when the rest of the person is asleep. You could wake up to find things moved. It might just be sleepwalking but it could be more.

I provide e-mail support for abuse survivors. With several different survivors I have suddenly received an e-mail that seems out of character for that person. Besides the subject matter seeming unusual, the grammar and spelling is often more childlike than their usual standard. Sometimes I initially thought that maybe the person wrote the e-mail while under the influence of drugs or alcohol but often it turns out that it is the child part of them temporarily taking over. When I send a copy of the e-mail to the person, he or she is often shocked, having no recollection of having ever written it.

Had the correspondence been handwritten, most likely there would be a noticeable change in handwriting. So another clue to the presence of alters is changes in handwriting in, for example, one‟s journal. In fact, keeping a journal is a good idea, especially doing so at different times of the day (different times and situations are more likely to reveal different alters). You might be surprised what you find later when re-reading your journal.

Some adult survivors sometimes find themselves acting in a childlike way. They might, for example, have a collection of children‟s toys. Again, to some extent, we all have times when we act a little childlike, but when it is more pronounced, it could be the inner child temporarily making its presence felt.

Another possible indicator of an alter is sometimes having certain abilities and sometimes not. You might, for example, have created artwork or poems of a standard far beyond what you think yourself capable of. Or you might be mystified as to why you are occasionally unable to do something perhaps to spell or read music or some other skill that at other times you can easily do.

Since she was seven, a friend of mine was hopeless at mathematics and yet she kept getting high marks in the subject. She could ace a test, go home and find herself quite unable to solve simple math problems. At college she elected to complete the same algebra course with the same teacher not once, not twice but

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three times because, despite continually getting high grades, she didn‟t have a clue about the subject. Determined not to let it beat her, she even tried to do the course a fourth time, but her teacher forbade her on the grounds that she was too good at the subject to keep repeating it. It was not until she was in her late thirties that she discovered an alter of hers, formed at age seven, who not only specialized in mathematics but who, out of fear of being pushed aside by other parts of the person, deliberately kept the rest of the person mathematically ignorant.

Another possible clue is having extended times in which one feels unreal, as if in a dream or not really there. Some describe it as like observing everything from behind a glass wall. It is known as co- consciousness.

Another possibility, is sometimes thinking of oneself as “we” or “us,” or feeling as if there is another person inside of you.

Hearing voices that seem to come from inside you is yet another possibility. What these voices say could seem a little strange as might be expected from someone who has suffered bizarre and terrifying abuse but, in contrast to people with certain other conditions, the voices are relatively rational and sane.

Another clue is occasionally having two conflicting emotions; perhaps, for example, feeling happy and yet deep inside feeling sad and trapped.

All of the above are common symptoms of what therapists call Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.). Not everyone has every symptom and any supposed symptoms should only be regarded as clues, not diagnostic proof. For example, an embarrassed woman confided to a friend of mine that she kept losing her keys. “What is emotionally upsetting you?” asked my discerning friend. The problem turned out not to be D.I.D., nor Alzheimer‟s, but simply a reaction to stress.

There are questionnaire-type psychological tests designed to diagnose D.I.D. They can only be administered by professionals and are expensive. See Psychological Tests to Diagnose Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Tests to Diagnose Dissociative Identity Disorder. Not as Weird as You Think An older term for

Not as Weird as You Think

An older term for Dissociative Identity Disorder is Multiple

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Personality Disorder (MPD). Regardless of name, its existence has been recognized by researchers at least as early as the 1800s.

In a sense, we all have multiple personalities and switch between them according to our circumstances. We would act differently, for instance, in each of the following circumstances:

* In the presence of a head of state

* When alone with our spouse

* On a night out with the girls/guys

* When playing with children

* When depressed

In other ways, too, everyone has “multiple personalities.” For example, we might say, “My heart says one thing, but my head says another.” The ability to see things from such different perspectives can be a significant asset. When indecisive, we speak of being “in two minds.” When dieting we are not sure which part of us will win the part wanting to be thin or part wanting to keep eating. In Romans 7, Paul devoted almost an entire chapter detailing the battle within myself between the part of him wanting to obey God and the part wanting to indulge himself. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15).

So having multiple personalities is not nearly as abnormal as it first seems. Moreover, dissociation is normal. In order to focus on the task at hand, all of us sometimes temporarily put unpleasant memories out of our minds, or tune out to such distractions as background noises. It is just that for some people this natural tendency is done to a greater extent. For them, shutting off awareness of certain distressing things is done so effectively that a separate consciousness forms within the person, with part of the person knowing, feeling and thinking some things that the other part does not.

Therapists sometimes call each distinct identity an alternate personality or, to use a term already introduced, alter for short. As mentioned, the term insider is also sometimes used, and some feel more comfortable with the term part. The personality that controls the person most often is usually referred to as the host.

The distinction between host and other parts is seldom set in concrete. A part that has been host for years might suddenly feel overwhelmed or experience new trauma that causes it to go into deep hiding. Another alter is then forced to take over, or a new one is formed for the purpose. The new host might later on split and form new alters who see themselves as having split off from the new host, and feel more connected to the new host than to the former host. Over a lifetime, someone might end up having had

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several hosts. Sometimes more than one alter might simultaneously share the role of host.

Since the host is the part most seen in public, other alters often sacrifice themselves to “protect” the host from distressing feelings and/or memories, thus enabling the host the public face of the system of alters to better maintain the appearance of normality. They also do this to free the host from oppressive distractions that would hinder the host‟s ability to perform important functions such as succeeding in school or employment.

A part might become host due to having the best selection of natural abilities for the role but, if for no reason other than having the most relevant experience, the host usually ends up with the best social skills and other abilities, such as work skills, needed for everyday living. So a change of host is not only usually precipitated by a trauma, it is itself traumatic because the host takes into hiding with him or her vital information needed for everyday living. The new host is left to flounder, having to try to pick up knowledge on the fly.

The host might have had the most opportunities to develop, but every part of a person is important. While they remain separated, each part has exclusive access to part of the person‟s intellectual capacity. To be whole, a person needs every part. Moreover, given half a chance, other parts can develop astonishingly and in ways that the host could never achieve.

People (hosts) who are just becoming aware that have D.I.D. are often tempted to feel superior to their alters and regard them as little more than nuisances. A friend of mine, who is himself a host, beautifully corrects this mistaken notion:

In my system, I‟m the “host”. By that I mean I‟m the one my alters laid their lives on the line to protect. I‟m the one for whom my alters gave up so much in order to keep safe. I‟m the one they held above the water, while they drowned, as it were. They gave up living in this life and held on to agonizingly painful experiences and situations so that I could survive and move on, while for years they were locked away in the dark haunted by those experiences without contact with the outside world.

I owe them everything, and each time I communicate with any of them I do my best to treat them with the same respect that I would treat someone who lost their legs diving under a truck to save the life of one of my children. Yes, they can be very angry. Yes, they can be annoying, controlling, distracting, painful to live with, but so might someone dealing with the consequences of having lost their legs

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saving my child. Regardless of that anger, I would happily immerse myself in it to give them one ounce of relief, especially after what they went through for me. It‟s the least I could do.

The exciting thing is that I‟ve found that as I treat them with respect and let them know that their needs are important to me by working with them on getting those needs met and allowing them time to just be themselves in a safe environment where they aren‟t judged, they heal. They start to realize that those situations they held deep inside themselves have now past, and that they are now safe. As they are cared for, they start to use their skills to contribute meaningfully to our family the whole person of whom I am a part.

For example, I have an alter called Do, who is very fast at getting things done. He now helps when we have limited time to get things done really quickly. This morning he came out to help me get my kids ready for swimming lessons. He managed to get them completely dressed, bags packed, everything in under eight minutes. Normally that would take me around an hour.

As mentioned, if you suspect you have an alters, conversing directly with them is the only sure way to confirm their existence, but that can be as challenging as trying to entice undercover agents to admit they have been spying on you and freely tell you everything. Moreover, getting to this point with an alter is a life- changing step not to be taken lightly. Once one alter begins spilling the beans and finding acceptance, others are likely to become emboldened to likewise make themselves known, and your life will probably never be the same again. Even if as I expect will happen – by the journey‟s end it proves highly beneficial, there will almost certainly be times when you regret ever starting this journey to peace and wholeness. I warn you not to start this process without being sure you are led of God in every step of the way, including your choice of counselor. On the other hand, doing nothing (and so keeping alters feeling rejected and in more or less enforced solitary confinement) is also strewn with dangers. In fact, doing nothing could be the worst mistake of your life.

Alters typically carry so much pain that ignoring them might be all it takes to make them suicidal. I wish I didn‟t have to give this chilling warning, but to end up with a suicidal alter could be more than just unpleasant for you, it is at least theoretically possible for that alter to succeed in killing you despite you wanting to live.

The most knowledgeable people say you should never act solely on the basis of written information about Dissociative Identity

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Disorder but should seek an appropriately qualified and experienced professional, and that even such experts, like other health professions, need liability insurance. Certainly, this webpage is no do-it-yourself manual and despite my considerable experience helping people with alters I should not call myself an expert. On the other hand, I know of only one infallible expert the Lord Jesus Christ and I plead with you to earnestly seek his guidance before doing anything, and likewise before deciding for the exceedingly risky option of doing nothing.

It is not uncommon for abuse survivors to go through life unaware that there are suppressed parts of them (alters) until one of the alters finally makes his/her presence felt when the person is beginning to heal. Alters have two pressing, but conflicting, needs. One is to burst out of the agony of solitary confinement by communicating with someone. The other need is to avoid further rejection and ridicule by remaining in isolated silence. When their host begins to seem more accepting of them or they find someone such as a trustworthy, understanding counselor or friend who they think might accept them, the balance between these conflicting needs could tip in favor of the alters believing it seems safe enough to risk revealing themselves. So they might suddenly start communicating for the first time. If they think they can trust someone more than their host, they might briefly switch off their host‟s awareness so that the host knows nothing of the conversation.

So despite alters longing to end their isolation, it is rare for them to reveal themselves if they think they are likely to be rejected or thought lowly of. If you have alters, they will probably be able to hear your thoughts and words on some occasions but not on others. So an alter could perhaps be enticed to converse with you if you were, on several different occasions, to say to yourself something along these lines:

If anyone can hear me, I want to apologize for any way I have offended you. I didn‟t want to believe you were real but I now understand that I was wrong. I want to love and accept you and would value you sharing with me. Please speak to me.

Don‟t try this right now, however. There are dangers to avoid that are explained in the rest of this webpage and the two webpages it leads to.

It usually helps if you speak out loud (or at least in an audible whisper) to your alters. If you suspect you might know the alter‟s name or something about the alter, use this information as you speak. This, too, might increase the chance of a reply.

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Understanding Alters Even though having alters is a common, well-documented reaction to childhood trauma, it

Understanding Alters

Even though having alters is a common, well-documented reaction to childhood trauma, it is usual for people, upon first discovering that they have alters, to find it deeply disturbing and seek repeated assurance that they are not going insane. In reality, for any of us who have alters, the discovery is a very healthy sign and

a significant step towards far more peace, joy and fulfillment than we have ever known.

As explained in a link at the end of this series of pages, I believe that Dissociative Identity Disorder develops the brain beyond what

it otherwise would have, such that when a person begins to heal

from the disorder, having had multiple personalities actually turns

out to be an intellectual advantage. Of course, until healing commences, having Dissociative Identity Disorder is primarily a disadvantage because and each alter (and the host) has access to only a portion of the person‟s brain.

Feelings of confusion as well as strange symptoms are normal for people recovering from D.I.D. From time to time, a friend of mine would ask the Lord what was wrong with him. Each time God would simply but very tenderly reply:

You have alters. I‟m healing you.

It is most unfortunate that in old, ill-informed circles, schizophrenia was mislabeled “split personality.” This grossly inappropriate name might cause someone unfamiliar with psychology to wrongly imagine there could be a link between schizophrenia and what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. There is not even a superficial similarity. Unlike schizophrenia, Dissociative Identity Disorder does not cause bouts of insanity, nor is it helped by medication (although someone with D.I.D. might have additional conditions like depression that might be helped by medication). The differences go on and on.

The term bi-polar is even less likely to be confused with Multiple Personality Disorder but just to be sure, let me assure you that this condition is also very different to what we are discussing.

A friend of mine was seeking a prayer partner that he could be

transparent with. The man he had in mind was a psychologist who attended his home fellowship. My friend prayed fervently before

approaching the man and wisely tested the waters by asking his

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view of Dissociative Identity Disorder. His response being favorable, my friend confided that he had alters. The psychologist‟s response was, “Wow! That‟s usually only reserved for the highly intelligent or artistically gifted!”

In telling me about the incident, my friend said he was obviously

an exception to this trend. That‟s the response I expected from him

and from you, if you have D.I.D

so tragically hit by low self esteem that they do not presently realize how gifted they are. Though the significance of his abilities seems not to register with my friend, he is both artistic and of well above average intelligence. In fact, his childhood abuse and putdowns had squashed his artistic leanings, and befriending one of his young alters is releasing his beautiful artistic gift within him. In addition to the huge handicap of battling emotional pain and other unhealed effects of his past, his poor spelling contributed to him feeling intellectually inferior. He is actually so intelligent that in a college course he took there was a firm rule that no one with poor spelling could graduate. Those in charge were embarrassed

into breaking their own rule. How could they “fail” their top student? He was so exceptional that he was tutoring his fellow students. Yet still he thought he was stupid. And if you have D.I.D., you‟ll agree that he was smart but are likely to still be convinced that you are not.

People with D.I.D. tend to be

Here‟s an interesting sidenote: This man emailed me frequently for about a year before I discovered that he had alters. I had come to recognize his intelligence and assumed the atrocious spelling in his e-mails was due to dyslexia. A while after I encouraged him to recognize and be kind to his alters (he had previously mistaken them for demons) he began to send near-perfect e-mails. Alters that were good at spelling had surfaced.

It is not without reason that D.I.D. has been called “sophisticated” and “one of the most functional responses a child can make to a very traumatic childhood.” That is not to suggest, however, that it is desirable for people facing new crises to yield to the temptation to split yet again. Just how counterproductive splitting can be was rammed home to me when a friend of mine was learning a very stressful new job. She needed every bit of previous experience and more. Despite us not wanting it to happen, in an unconscious attempt to cope with the stress, a new alter formed. This poor alter was formed with all of the host‟s years of extensive work experience wiped from her memory. Trying to cope under these circumstances greatly magnified the stress. Thankfully, little damage was done because I was able to immediately support the new alter and my friend changed jobs. Very many years before, my friend‟s trauma had caused an alter to form that did not even know how to read or write. Trying to cope proved exceedingly challenging. This alter eventually relearned and developed such

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courage and skills that she ended up a significant help to her host.

It was a very tough journey, however.

An alter e-mailed a man with Dissociative Identity Disorder who in despair had called himself a freak:

We are not freaks; we are people forced to carry burdens beyond human endurance. We were smart enough not to go insane but to split. It was the best we could do. That isn‟t a freak; it‟s someone being denied the help they desperately needed and resorting to extreme measures to save themselves. Would you call a shipwreck survivor who got an infection and had to chop of his own arm to save the rest of him a freak? No, you‟d say, “Wow, that was brave” Well, that is what you are: brave. You hid the pain to protect yourself and did what you had to stay alive. That is brave, not freaky.

It has been estimated that between one to three percent of the

general population in western countries suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder. I expect it would be far higher in, for example, war-ravished countries.

would be far higher in, for example, war-ravished countries. The Amazing Healing Power of Dealing with

The Amazing Healing Power of Dealing with Alters

A man would not only sometimes wet his bed, he found himself

peculiarly reluctant to clean up afterwards. He preferred to lie in the mess. You might find this bizarre, but it was equally inexplicable to him until he discovered he had alters. After gaining the trust of one of his child alters, the alter confided that he had learnt that a wet bed was the only way to keep a family sex abuser out of his bed. Not only was the man relieved to know for the first time that there was a rational explanation for his disturbing behavior, he now had a strategy for finding a cure. He began prayerfully focusing on finding ways to convince his alter that he was now safe. He could experiment, for example, with assuring the alter than the abuser had left and that never again was he in

danger of being molested in bed.

A woman decided to conquer her fear of driving by becoming a

professional truck driver. After years of driving experience she had

abundantly convinced herself that she was a safe and highly capable driver, and yet she still felt uncomfortable about driving. Finally, rather than remaining only vaguely aware that she had alters, she began befriending them. She discovered a child alter who, not surprisingly, had no consciousness of driving expertise

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gained later in life, and was scared of riding in vehicles. Empowered by this awareness of the alter‟s fears, the woman was able to work towards curing the discomfort the alter felt when driving. She was able to try such things as informing the alter of her driving expertise (this proved a significant source of relief), and encouraging the alter to enter into faith-filled prayer, trusting in divine protection when traveling on the road.

A Christian woman knew the Scriptures affirming that her sins

were forgiven but still she was plagued with strong guilt feelings. It

turned out that her child alter had a lesser understanding of the gospel than the adult part of her. Once the child alter had the good news of God‟s forgiveness more fully explained to her, the relief was remarkable.

An abuser said he would chop off a little boy‟s penis. The threat

was so convincing and terrifying that at that very instant an alter formed. Since, as previously explained, alters have access to only

a fraction of the information that is known to the person as a

whole, it is not surprising that this alter was left unaware that the threat was never carried out. The alter spent decades of needless torment until finally it was specifically explained to the alter that he

had not been maimed. From then on the host enjoyed relief and no longer awoke fearing that he had been maimed.

A woman often used to walk in her sleep. She got little sleep as it

was, without having a disturbed sleep. Sometimes her son would find her wandering the house. Sometimes she would wake in the morning to find things rearranged and most frustrating of all she would have to hunt everywhere for her keys that were not where she had left them.

One day as I was chatting with her child alter, the alter mentioned in passing that last night she had slept all night. That immediately got my attention. “What do you usually do?” I asked.

It turned out that the alter only felt safe to play without ridicule

when everyone else was asleep. She particularly liked playing with keys and her host had moved her other toys away from the bed, so she had to get up to access them.

“I try not to wake Mommy (her host),” she said. “Please don‟t tell her.”

I gently persuaded her that her host would not be angry and obtained her permission to let the host know. It turned out that the host had overheard part of the conversation anyhow.

The host and alter were able to work out some amicable and effective solutions. An obvious start was to keep the toys by the

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edge of the bed, so that the alter could play with them in bed. Better still, the host explained to the alter how they would both feel more refreshed if they slept at the same time, and the host began slotting into her waking hours a time when her alter could play in privacy. She also purchased a pocket doll for her alter to play with when she was at work. Both alter and host benefited from this new level of mutual understanding and cooperation and enjoyed better quality sleep.

One woman was tormented by horrific flashbacks of the abuse she had suffered as a child. Then her child alter was taught that because she was a child of the King of kings, she was a princess, and since princesses must be obeyed, she had the God-given authority to command abusers, demons, and so on, to leave. Soon after, the woman was having one of her terrifying flashbacks. Suddenly the child alter rose up and told the abuser in the flashback that he must leave her because she was a princess. In her mind‟s eye the abuser left and the flashback abruptly ended. Similar things happened during nightmares and demonic appearances. Not surprisingly, the woman found peace like she had never before known.

A woman used to find clothes shopping and even dressing so

distressingly confusing and frustrating that she would often end up in tears over it. When she learnt about her alters, she discovered that the source of the confusion was that each alter had completely different tastes in clothes. Since they had a beautifully close relationship with God, they agreed to let God select their clothes each time they dressed or shopped. It worked.

It is not impossible for alters to believe they are the opposite sex to their host. Such alters form because of the need to feel safe, not because of homosexual tendencies. One can well understand abused children supposing that being the opposite sex would lower their chances of further abuse and so wish they were that gender. Both boys and girls have thought this and, in the case of their particular abuser, they are often right. Moreover, if children are sexually abused by a member of the same sex, it can be expected to affect their sexual identity and they might even be labeled by their abuser as being the opposite sex. It is not surprising that some alters suffering this fully take on this false identity and genuinely believe they are the oppose sex. They can have so little body awareness that they believe their actual body is fully the

opposite sex to what it really is. Not surprisingly, sexual confusion results, but this can be resolved by helping them realize that there

is no need for them to be of their imaginary gender in order to be

safe or loved. Only after ensuring they realize that their safety and acceptance is not at stake should the actual gender of their bodies be pointed out to them. This delay is necessary because knowing their real gender is likely to be a significant shock to them, and one

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that would be most disturbing without the preparation just mentioned. Great care must be taken in dealing with this sensitive issue. Imagine your reaction if you were to discover that you are not the gender you had always thought you were.

With many of his alters thinking themselves to be little children far too young for marital relations and a few of his alters thinking they were the opposite sex, it is no wonder that a man I know often had great difficulty making love to his wife. Identifying alters, helping them to discover their true gender and helping them to mature was the key to healing his sexuality.

The above are just eight of many examples I could cite from people I know that demonstrates what a powerful key to healing it is to listen to alters and tenderly address their needs and fears. Unknown to you, a traumatized part of you could be sabotaging your eating habits, your determination to resist temptation, your will to live, your Christian walk all sorts of things. No matter how devout and determined you are, trying to do the right thing is an oppressively hard, discouraging slog when part of you is surreptitiously sabotaging your efforts, or is unaware of key spiritual truths. Life fills with joy, peace and victory when alters are helped and every part of you knows God and is drawing upon the power of Christ.

I have found that if you treat alters as real, the breakthroughs in a person‟s long term problems is phenomenal, provided you minister to each alter in the power of Christ as you would to a normal person who had suffered that way. In fact, I have never seen anything so powerful in bringing about speedy transformations in hurting people.

Christians commonly suffer the frustration of what they might call being unable to turn head knowledge into heart knowledge. Some might think of it in terms of knowing intellectually what should be a life-changing spiritual truth and yet the knowledge does not set them free because their “subconscious” has not grasped it. Speaking to alters enables one to minister directly to that “subconscious,” normally unreachable part of the person; achieving in minutes what might otherwise take years. It‟s nothing like hypnosis. It is simply enabling people to liberate a suppressed part of them that, through being kept ignorant of certain truths, had been surreptitiously undermining their well-being.

Humans can concoct a hundred theories as to the best way to treat anything, but any scientist will tell you that going by one‟s personal experience with treating people is a very unreliable way of proving which treatment is the most effective.

Like any Christian, I try to be led of God in the way I minister to

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people. Unlike some, however, I seem unable to hear God speaking directly to me. I‟m embarrassed to admit that I usually seem able to do little better than just pray and hope for the best. As I have continued ministering to alters, however, I have been staggered to note how exactly the way God ministers to alters coincides with the way I have felt led to do it. (For an example of how God relates to alters, see the first link at the end of this series of webpages under the heading, “Related Pages.”)

No matter how many human theories there are, I want to imitate God‟s approach, since he knows infinitely more than any of us as to what is truly best. The apostle Paul displayed this attitude of seeking to imitate God:

1 Corinthians 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

And Christ himself had this same attitude:

John 5:19

by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.

I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing

As is the case with belief in demons, or opinions about the most appropriate treatment for a specific disease, or almost anything else in the world, there is a wide range of theories about Dissociative Identity Disorder and whether it even exists. One reason for the confusion is that alters, having suffered devastating levels of rejection in the past, are highly sensitive and will go into hiding in the presence of anyone they fear could reject them (including a counselor, researcher or even the host person). If anyone were to convince a host that alters are not real and that the host should reject as an illusion any manifestation of an alter, alters would panic and quickly go into hiding, rather than risk rejection. At the apparent disappearance of alters, the host will temporarily feel relief, rather like the cruel relief felt by a cancer patient wrongly declared to be cancer-free. It will seem like a magical cure, but the person‟s underlying problems will remain and his/her true relief will be greatly hampered.

Someone might possibly reach the point where he or she is enabling continued dissociation. For example, child alters can be so cute that it is tempting to hold on to them by hindering them from maturing. At least in early counseling or relating to alters, however, it seems to me best to ensure one has thoroughly ministered to each alter, rather than frantically rush into trying to get the alters fused into one person. Like being opened up by a surgeon, treating alters as individuals makes wounded parts accessible for treatment. It would be foolish for a surgeon to sew up a person while there are still inner parts that need attention.

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Moreover, people with Dissociative Identity Disorder have been cruelly robbed of the childhood they deserve. Having childlike alters who are relieved of their pain provides these deserving people the privilege of re-living childhood for a while as it was meant to have been enjoyed. Yes, there is a time to move on, but there is also a time to enjoy. In fact, one host who was continually frustrated over what to him seemed the slow rate of healing, actually felt guilty about enjoying legitimate pleasures. This false guilt, quite typical of people suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder, was the product of his abusive upbringing in which he was usually punished for acting like a normal fun-loving child. He found it wonderfully liberating to discover that God delighted in him catching up on missed childhood pleasures by enjoying them now, even though he was an adult. Ironically, his frustration at not integrating sooner was actually slowing his healing because he would keep suppressing (and so hurting) alters who wanted to play.

Another reason for not trying to force the pace is that the very thought of being united can initially be traumatic for alters because it could be misinterpreted as an attempt to annihilate them. When the matter is treated gently, however, alters can be encouraged to see union as a maturing and as a marriage in which two (or more) truly are better than one and no one loses his or her identity but each contributes his or her own strengths and retains his or her own memories and benefits from the other‟s strengths. Like marriage, it should be a union in which partners are so self-assured that they feel no need to keep asserting their independence. One alter described it as becoming more alive than ever. It is very fulfilling. The decision is up to each individual alter, however. Moreover, what is often the first stage towards merging alters learning to value each other and work together as a team is far more important than merging.

together as a team – is far more important than merging. Discerning Between Demons & Multiple

Discerning Between Demons & Multiple Personalities

In an attempt to keep secret their crime, abusers with occult knowledge sometimes deliberately transfer a demon to their victims to keep alters too terrorized reveal themselves and the abuse they suffered. Even when this occurs, it might not apply to all the alters a person has. For example, once a person learns how to split, further splits could occur in response to new traumas after the original abuser has left. Of course, if any alters are suppressed by demons, those alters are free to reveal themselves once the demons are ejected.

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Even though the above was not the specific reason, I know several people who discovered they have alters only after being delivered from demons. Not only are alters not demons, however, confusing them with demons could prove disastrous. Nevertheless, we are about to see that, especially with some alters, many things make them disturbingly easy to mistake for demons. The three main reasons are that before alters begin to heal:

1. Some can seem evil

2. They can give themselves bizarre names

3. They themselves can be confused about their identity.

Let‟s explore this.

Why Alters Can Seem Evil

Early contact with an alter is likely to be unpleasant because this is when an alter is most raw and hurting. Some alters even choose to test whether they will be rejected by deliberately acting offensive in their initial contact. Others can do nasty things in a frantic attempt simply to break out of their isolation and get their host to listen to them. An alter once seemed to try to seduce me. She later admitted that she had observed my moral standards with her host before she revealed herself and she was actually trying to offend me by her apparent seduction because she expected that I‟d reject her and she thought she might as well get the rejection over with. On the other hand, great integrity is needed when relating to alters because they can be so desperate for love and approval as to be tempted to do almost anything to obtain it.

We have noted that when alters first make their presence felt they are likely to have been cut off from many years of developments in their hosts‟ life. Alters that formed before a person became a Christian or when the person was backslidden are therefore likely to have been cut off from exposure to the Gospel and know nothing of a living relationship with Christ. So we can expect them to act like non-Christians. Moreover, alters have suffered almost beyond the realms of human endurance. So it should not surprise if, in their attempt to cope with severe suffering, they gained an undesirable addiction, or are filled with hate or rage because they misinterpreted their misfortune as abandonment by God, or they use strong language to forcefully express their pain or pent up anger and frustration.

Bizarre Names

Any of the factors so far mentioned are enough for alters to act in a manner that is out of character for the host person, as he/she is

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today, and for such alters to superficially seem demonic. Even more confusing is that alters can give themselves names that anyone not experienced with alters might assume would be the exclusive domain of demons. In the webpages you are reading, almost all the Spirit-inspired quotes from an alter are from one who originally called herself “Reject.” A sister alter called herself “Pain,” another, “Failure,” and another, who felt so rejected by God that she wanted to set herself up as her own god called herself “Divinity.” I have yet to come across alters that that assume the name “Evil” or “Devil,” but such names seem quite likely, given the strong tendency of abusers to keep authoritatively telling their young, impressionable victims that they are evil.

Alters Confused About Their Own Identity

In the battle not to mistake an alter for a demon, it is confusing enough finding alters who hate God, act in nasty ways that for the host person is out of character, and give themselves bizarre names, but it is made even worse by many alters doubting or denying their humanity.

It is common for alters to yearn to be human but to have doubts about whether they really are. Part of this is because they were formed as a result of abuse in which they were treated as objects, rather than as humans who had feelings and a will of their own. Also, to dull their pain, many alters have blocked off almost all feeling and this can make them feel less than human.

On the other hand, some alters do not want to be human. One alter who kept telling me she was not human revealed that she did not want to be human because humans feel (and are thus exposed to feeling pain) and humans must cope with their sexuality (she feared she was gay and in any case, to her, sex meant abuse). She added that if she were human she would have to relate to other humans and so be exposed to the possibility of rejection. Ironically, this alter was highly offended by the thought of anyone mistaking her for a demon, and unlike demons, who like living in human bodies, she wanted to leave earth completely and live in her imaginary spaceship.

We must remember that fantasy can be a powerful way of escaping an intolerable reality and that children are both highly imaginative and impressionable.

It would be easy to mistake for a demon an alter who kept insisting he was a dog. I have spoken to such an alter. The man with this alter was traumatized as a child by being sexually molested by a dog. The alter hated what had happened and concluded that only a dog could be treated that way.

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On a more positive side, when we consider children‟s love of animals and the peaceful lives that animals often seem to have, it should not surprise us that in a desperate attempt to feel safe and escape the reality of their suffering, some alters might choose to convince themselves that they are animals. And given the alienation that abused children often feel, or their longing to escape human suffering, some might choose to convince themselves that they are aliens, fairies, monsters or some other mythical being.

Recently, an alter told me of a brother alter who believed he was a bear. As is common for recently surfaced alters, Bear, as he called himself, was too shy to speak, but was listening. So I began gently speaking to him. I had assumed he had chosen to believe he was a bear to help himself feel safe, since few people would dare mess with a grizzly bear. After I spoke to him along those lines for a few moments he interrupted, saying that he was not an animal but was a tattered teddy bear, because, he said, “stuffed toys can‟t feel.” (It is common for hurting alters to feel disconnected from their feelings and, of course, anyone who is hurting would prefer to feel unable to feel pain.)

Although in seeking comfort, certain alters might assume a false identity, their suffering and memories are real.

In the light of what we have so far discovered, it is not hard to conceive of some alters mistakenly supposing they are demons. A common reason is the low self-esteem of alters coupled with the fact that abusers often do their utmost to brainwash their victims into thinking that these innocents are “evil,” or “of the devil.” I have also heard of one alter formed in exceptional circumstances who thought he was a demon. In this case, abusers were trying to plant a real demon in the person, and having an alter capable of giving a convincing impression of a demon having been successfully planted was a clever way of foiling the abusers‟ evil intention.

These exceptions aside, however, alters usually appear as human, whereas demons only sometimes pretend to be human. Demons are external beings that might enter a person and mess with one‟s mind but they are no more part of the person than a leech is.

Despite it being easy to mistake some alters for demons, alters could no more be cast out than anyone‟s past experiences and memories could be cast out. And because every alter has deep feelings and sensitivities and is as much a person as the host is, how an alter is treated is critical. You cannot drive alters out, but you can drive alters in; forcing them deeper into a person, where they hide, reeling in the pain of being grossly misunderstood, and unwilling to risk further contact with people even with people

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who have great potential to help.

Usually within just a few days of contact with a loving, accepting person, an alter will begin to heal and feel more peace and so become increasingly delightful to converse with. Even alters that initially seem obnoxious can quickly become devoted, Spirit-filled Christians, deeply in love with Jesus, and highly moral. Tragically, however, some counselors or hosts can be so hasty in misjudging alters as demons that alters withdraw in terror before these self- proclaimed experts or hosts have a chance to truly interact with them and discover how loving, spiritually enlightened and authentically Christian, alters can become.

It would be upsetting enough for someone to believe you have a demon, but consider how offended would you feel were someone to believe you are a demon! To further understand why alters panic and go into deep hiding if labeled supernaturally evil (demonic), it is critical to keep in mind it will become even clearer as you keep reading that alters are usually already hurting immensely and highly sensitive to perceived rejection, and fear that their former abusers‟ slanderous insults that they are evil and worthless might be true. Even worse, counselors who fail to distinguish between demons and alters slip into the delusion that an alter falling into gut-wrenching silence means they have cast out a demon, thus inspiring these well-meaning but tragically mistaken “helpers” to continue their reign of terror on other innocent victims.

Counselors who don‟t even believe in demons but refuse to accept the reality of alters can have a similar, dangerously negative effect.

of alters can have a similar, dangerously negative effect. Caution If alters began to make their

Caution

If alters began to make their presence felt in you, fears, feelings and battles with temptation would probably resurface that you had thought you were over, but had actually been plaguing you for years in less obvious ways and for reasons you couldn‟t identi fy. To the untrained person, this reactivation of unpleasant feelings and ungodly desires might seem undesirable but in reality it is the best thing that could ever happen. It is like a person finally discovering the cause of the poor health he has endured for years, and learning that through surgery he can enjoy health like he has never before known. Ignorance might seem like bliss because it delays the pain of surgery but it is actually a curse because it keeps the person below full health.

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An inner voice was making all sorts of false accusations against Alice. By this time, Alice and I had had considerable experience with alters. Not only was this voice not one of her twenty-five alters that we had identified, it seemed quite different to any alter we had ever encountered. In fact, no new alters had surfaced in Alice for quite some time and we expected that there were no more. Along with some of Alice‟s discerning alters, I was fairly sure that the source of this hate and false accusations was a demon. Nevertheless, I decided to be cautious. Rather than aggressively rebuke it as a demon, I compromised by gently affirming that Alice belonged to Jesus, and that because she had his righteousness, no accusations applied to her.

Although I affirmed the truth, I wondered if I were being a wimp for not getting more aggressive. The voice, however, soon turned out to be an alter who said she hated both God and Alice and sometimes wanted to kill people. (This was just because she was deeply hurting.) She called herself Accused because she had taken on board all the false accusations that had been hurled at her. In fact, she was so sensitive that she sometimes took even innocent remarks as accusations.

Even though I had been unaware of this alter, she had become aware of me and thought warmly towards me. Imagine the damage I would have caused had I added to this alter‟s near- suicidal state by falsely accusing her of being demonic. Because I didn‟t make that mistake, the alter quickly healed. She discovered that God loved her and all her hate and bitterness left.

It should be becoming progressively clearer to the reader why in the early stages of dealing with an alter when it has had little chance to heal it is tempting to despise the alter. Rather than joyfully embrace the healing opportunity, we can react like a sick person who thinks he would prefer the illness he is familiar with, over the unknown pain and dangers of surgery. Naturally, while a person is recovering from surgery he may temporarily feel worse than ever, but now, for the first time, full healing is on its way. People with alters have the same assurance that, despite initial discomfort, things will get better when they let Jesus minister to their alters.

If ever a little knowledge were dangerous, it is on this important subject. There is so much more you need to know, so please proceed to the NEXT PAGE

dangerous, it is on this important subject. There is so much more you need to know,

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What You Need to Know About Alters

Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.)

How to Find Every Alter

&

How Get Each Alter to Talk

Help When You Have Little Or No Contact With Certain Alters

Net-

Burst.Net

Little Or No Contact With Certain Alters Net- Burst.Net This webpage is important to everyone with

This webpage is important to everyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder: from those who are certain they thoroughly know their every alter, right through to those in the frustrating position of being unable to contact any of their alters. This page was originally crafted specifically for those in the latter extreme, so if you currently know none of your alters, this webpage will help change that. My goal, however, is not just to get you started but to help you keep the momentum going. You will spend most of your healing journey knowing some of your alters and needing to know still more. So please do not despise those parts of the webpage especially the early sections that assume you know more than you currently do. Later in the webpage will help you with the basics. From the moment you contact your first alter, however, these sections that currently seem advanced will begin to be relevant. I seek not just to give you some methods and then expect you to mindlessly follow them. I want to empower you with a deep understanding of what makes alters reluctant to reveal themselves so that you will be able to apply your own intelligence and skills to this challenge.

Don‟t Presume to have Discovered All Your Alters

It is much harder to find if you don‟t seek. If you have been on the healing journey for quite some time, a very common reason for not seeking is thinking that you have already

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Finding

Your

Insiders /

Alters

discovered your every alter.

Once alters start revealing themselves, it is typical for them to appear one after another in fairly quick succession, and then for no more new ones to appear for weeks or months. This pattern is likely to lull you into the presumption that there simply are no more alters. You are quite likely to reach this mistaken conclusion dozens of times before your every alter has revealed himself/herself.

Other than divine revelation, I have no idea how anyone can be sure if every alter has surfaced.

Understand How Critical it is to Find Your Every Alter

Since one of the biggest hindrances to finding new alters is simply having little desire to find them, let‟s briefly examine from three different angles what makes finding every alter so vital.

1. The Positive Benefits of Befriending Every Alter

If you let them heal, all of your alters, without exception, will end up being amazing friends and confidantes and helpers. They are the key to you finding peace and fulfillment and achievement. Only through helping them will you find the true end to guilt feelings, fear and inner pain.

You might long to keep suppressed within you horrific memories and/or awareness of your current emotional reaction (such as fear, pain or shame) associated with those unhealed memories. For as long as a part of you has memories and/or emotional reactions that you have no access to, however, you will be unable to find true peace and healing. Unpleasant feelings will be nagging away at you just below the surface of your consciousness. And, alarmingly, you will be are unable to access significant parts of your brain that store this information. Moreover, if you have an alter you have little interaction with, those parts of your brain that you have lost access to almost certainly hold not just memories and emotions you would rather ignore but invaluable skills and intellectual abilities that will make life easier and more fulfilling than you dare hope.

Of course, not everyone has every ability, but people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are likely to feel

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Getting

Alters to

Speak with

You

certain they do not have certain abilities and yet have those very abilities locked away in a part of their brain that is currently controlled by another alter. These abilities could already be quite developed but if not, they can be developed at remarkable speed.

I am not sure that you can grasp how passionately I wish I had a fraction of the potential for intellectual development found in people who are beginning to discover their alters. For me to not have Dissociative Identity Disorder but to know so many people who do, is like a starving person who cannot eat, acting as waiter at a feast. I would be out of my skin with excitement if I discovered I had alters.

The possibilities are almost limitless and will vary from person to person but the following are some examples that someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder might discover. By connecting with his or her alters, a person might end up with remarkably improved:

* Eyesight (Example)

* Manual dexterity

* Ability to use the non-dominant hand

* Surefootedness, such as ability to climb rugged terrain

* Athletic ability

* Short-term or long-term memory

* Musical ability

* Speed reading skills

* Creative cooking

* Mathematical ability

* Direction finding and navigational skills

* Ability to thoroughly enjoy marital relations

* Grammar and spelling

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* Creative writing * A flair for public speaking * Sense of humor * Linguistic

* Creative writing

* A flair for public speaking

* Sense of humor

* Linguistic ability

* Artistic ability

* Dress sense

* Parenting skills

* Ability to handle stress

* People skills

* Freedom from certain phobias

* Spiritual abilities such as spiritual warfare

* Intimate experiences with God

I have no idea which of the above list will apply to you but there are sure to be at least several.

2. Ending Your Alters‟ Needless Torment

For as long as you have one alter who remains hidden from you, part of you is in needless agony, even if you remain unaware of it or have grown so used to it that you cannot imagine the relief of it being over.

Continual solitary confinement is a psychologically damaging form of torture and this is just the beginning of what an alter walled up inside you suffers. Alters cut off from your help are needlessly tormented by hopelessness, devastatingly low self-esteem, terror, horrific guilt, inner pain as well as torturously starved of love and approval.

Here is not the place to expand on this but an example is an alter terrified that the abuse could recommence at any moment, unaware that so many years have passed that the abuser has not only stopped the abuse, he is dead. Another example is an alter who fled into hiding when it seemed an abuser was about to chop off a vital

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part of his body. Thereafter, the alter was sure he was shamefully maimed; unaware that

part of his body. Thereafter, the alter was sure he was shamefully maimed; unaware that the abuser never carried out his threat. Just one more of countless other examples: it is common for alters to blame themselves and be riddled with horrific guilt, knowing nothing of the fact that Christ has totally cleansed her, making her spotlessly pure.

Even if in some cases you lack the skills to bring an alter to full healing, you can at least introduce the alter to God (and perhaps a counselor) who can.

3. The Scary Possible Consequences of Not Finding Alters

Before mentioning some scary things that might not even apply to you, it is vital that you view them from the reality that if you really have D.I.D., you are already a master survivor who has kept winning against the odds without even the greatly increased resources that will be yours through putting this webpage into practice.

People have put you down for most of your life, leaving you with such battered self-esteem that this alone is enough to cause you to woefully underrate how intelligent and capable you really are. This appalling underrating of your capabilities, however, is made many times worse if you are not aware of all the survival stories and abilities of other parts of you.

You have managed to survive devastating crises for years and years with parts of you having to cope, not merely alone, but cut off from even the help, maturity, wisdom, knowledge, abilities and encouragement of the rest of you.

You do not have to fear the full truth because it will empower you to pour additional help and resources into parts of you that have already survived. With your help these parts of you will not merely survive but will begin to thrive. No matter what you face in the future, the worst is already behind you because never before have you had such maturity, spiritual resources and the ability to draw upon the skills, knowledge and understanding that have been locked up in other

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parts of you. No one, no matter how capable, can be sure of making smart

parts of you.

No one, no matter how capable, can be sure of making smart and safe decisions without knowing all the relevant facts. Whether you realize it or not, there are facts that will remain hidden from you unless you connect with every alter that is currently hidden inside you. No one knows how vital these facts are to your welfare until all your alters reveal themselves and fully share all they know. I have met many people who have ended up exceedingly sorry they had not tried harder and much earlier to get to know their every alter. They could have been spared much heartache.

It is with great reluctance that I alert you to the magnitude of the very real dangers of not connecting with all your alters. You have more than enough stress without me adding to it, but it would be irresponsible of me not to warn you of what could be at stake.

Picture several infants and young children who have access to guns they do not know are loaded. You are unable to physically touch the children or the guns. So you cannot prevent them from pointing the guns at family members and strangers and playing with the trigger. All you can do is coax and train them to leave the guns alone. It is no exaggeration to say it is equally as dangerous not to do everything you can to discover and interact with every one of your alters. It is not at all that your alters are evil; they simply lack your understanding. Now that you know this, however, to remain willfully ignorant and not seek out every last one of your alters is irresponsible and would render you accountable for any disasters that result.

Alters are ordinary people (frequently little children) cut off from vital information and subjected to mind- numbingly horrific situations. Think of normal little children who have been fed lies and are beside themselves with pain, terror, confusion and hopelessness. These darlings have not only been cut off from almost all that you know about life and God but have been tricked, groomed, manipulated and even brainwashed by someone terrifyingly evil.

Despite having surprisingly good intentions, such confused and traumatized alters could unwittingly cause you enormous distress. A huge range of alarming things

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could be happening without your knowledge. Here are a few real life examples: * You

could be happening without your knowledge. Here are a few real life examples:

* You would never let yourself be driven around

town by a five year old and yet an alter with no more ability could end up driving your car in dangerous traffic with your loved ones in it.

* You would never let an eight-year-old child have

access to your credit card and yet you could have an alter who sees the world as an eight-year-old

does and has worked out how to use your credit card.

* You could be confidently allowing someone

access to you or your children, unaware that another part of you knows for sure that he is a dangerous predator.

* It is very common for people with D.I.D. to end

up with a reputation for lying because in their ignorance of their alter‟s actions they adamantly

deny doing something that other people witnessed them doing.

* You might be desperate to break an addiction

and have no idea that a part of you has no understanding of the value of quitting and is sabotaging your efforts. Or you could have eating disorders you are unaware of, causing you to whack on weight through binging or to dangerously deplete your body through bulimia.

* I have not encountered it in counseling but it

seems quite likely that one could end up arrested

for shoplifting because of the forgetfulness, ignorance or desperation of an alter.

* I have given mild examples. If you are still only moderately motivated to endure whatever it takes to know your alters‟ every secret, see More Serious Consequences of Not Knowing Your Alters.

How Easily Despicable Alters Can Change

You will lack the motivation to find alters if you fail to understand how easy it is for alters who are currently

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acting despicably to be transformed into beautiful friends and helpers who make you proud. Alters

acting despicably to be transformed into beautiful friends and helpers who make you proud.

Alters respond amazingly to unconditional love and approval. They will do almost anything to please you, once they sense that they can find in you the unconditional love they crave. On the other hand, it is virtually impossible to win over any alter that you continue to hate. Love transforms. Hate and suspicion breeds hate and suspicion.

Scripture reminds us that we love only because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). As God transformed us by taking the initiative in loving us while we were sinners, so we must follow his lead in loving alters before they become Christlike.

1 Corinthians 13 says that love believes all things or, as some versions put it, love thinks the best of a person. Once we get to know and understand alters it becomes easy to see them as misguided and by no means irredeemably evil. You will most likely discover an alter for whom this initially seems impossible to believe, so I should provide you with a few examples of what motivates alters.

* An alter might cruelly enforce a former abusers

rules, such as harshly punishing any alter who reveals details about past abuse. Usually, this is because the alter mistakenly believes the abuser still has full access to you. This misunderstanding leaves the alter terrified that if any part of you breaches the abuser‟s rules, the abuser will do to you worse things than the alter did when he tried to get you to avoid the abuser‟s wrath.

* An alter might be filled with hate and anger

solely because he or she believes that maintaining this front is the only way to scare off

potential abusers and so keep you safe.

* It is not uncommon for alters to convince

themselves that they are the opposite sex. If you have such alters, it is not because they are homosexual but because they have a desperate need to feel safe and their experience has led them to presume that being the opposite sex will lessen their likelihood of being abused. Once they

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understand that they can be their real gender and be safe because they are no

understand that they can be their real gender and be safe because they are no longer helpless children whom authorities would not believe but are in the strong body of an adult, it becomes easier for them to accept their gender and they will eventually begin to enjoy it.

* Without your love and an awareness of God‟s love for them, some alters might feel so useless and unwanted that they grow so desperate as to be willing to trade sexual favors for someone‟s shallow pretense of love and approval. Abusers frequently convince their victims that they have no other value and no other chance of “love” except through sex. Having been repeatedly forced to have sex against their will, it is also not uncommon for alters to try to cope with this almost intolerable situation by doing their utmost to convince themselves that like the sex that they actually despise.

This webpage is not the place to keep piling on more examples but the above should suffice to help you understand why it turns out that alters are not only capable of totally changing, but they are usually eager to do so once they realize that they have been acting under a false presumption.

The Story So Far

Little children naturally believe whatever older children and especially significant adults in their lives insist is true. Have only highly moral and trustworthy people had access to you during your most vulnerable, impressionable years? Unless you had such a protected life, it is very possible that there are parts of you that you have not yet met who accept as unshakable truth put-downs and dangerous or even perverted lies maliciously fed to you at a time when you lacked the maturity to see through the lies. Through befriending and understanding your alters, even the most confused and brainwashed of them can find peace and change so profoundly as to make you proud. There is no such guarantee, however, for any who are left to flounder without any input from your maturity and insight.

No matter how awful facing suppressed memories is,

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there is always something worse: not facing them. D.I.D. is like curable cancer. Get it

there is always something worse: not facing them.

D.I.D. is like curable cancer. Get it treated and you will be fine. Ignore it and you might get away with it for a long while but eventually the consequences of procrastinating will be bitter indeed. An ignored alter, reeling in pain and confusion, could end up causing you to lose your job, sabotage valued relationships, commit adultery, accidentally or deliberately kill you or even murder someone. As I have stressed, certain alters have the potential to act this way, not because they are evil, but simply because, without your help, they are alarmingly confused. Such alters have my full sympathy and understanding. Whether the law or your loved ones would be so understanding, however, is a very different matter. You need to intervene as quickly as possible.

Within the same person, and from person to person, alters differ significantly. Not all alters be will so potentially dangerous if kept cut off from you, but until discovering each one, you will never know how suicidal and misguided a lost part of you is. Like cancer, problems do not disappear by pretending or hoping they do not exist. All they do is get more serious and prolong your distress. When ignored, some alters are not only your most valuable neglected assets, they are a ticking time bomb that could blow your world apart. By connecting with them you will end up rendering them not only safe but a beautiful source of comfort and support to you and an astounding intellectual, spiritual, social and emotional boost.

God is eager to restore every part of you to sweetness and innocence. Nevertheless, the Almighty, being the extreme opposite of an abuser, will not force himself on any part of you. Out of the infinite integrity of his heart, he will keep restraining his yearning to intervene until that part of you willingly gives him permission. Helping an alter reach that point of trusting God is likely to require your cooperation.

Don‟t Leave it to a Counselor

Some counselors refuse to converse with alters and focus exclusively on the host. Having spoken to many alters who feel deeply hurt by this approach, I don‟t recommend it. This approach to counseling usually leaves alters feeling ignored, rejected, unimportant,

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and sometimes even less than human. Abuse typically creates these same feelings, so the last

and sometimes even less than human. Abuse typically creates these same feelings, so the last thing you need is for a counselor to unwittingly add to this deep wounding.

On the other hand, if you or your partner were undergoing marriage counseling, it would be total failure if your partner fell in love with the counselor or ended up ignoring you and sharing exclusively with the counselor. Likewise, you do not want your alters to prefer speaking to a counselor rather than with you.

Let‟s put it another way: alters are a vital part of you. They hold the key to your past and to you achieving your full intellectual, emotional, vocational and spiritual potential. If a spinal cord injury caused a part of you your legs to no longer respond to messages from your brain, healing is not about a therapist learning how to get that part of you to respond to messages from his brain. They are your legs and healing hinges on you learning how to walk with them. So it is with your alters.

Sometimes a counselor might initiate contact with an alter but you need to strive to catch up and become your alter‟s best friend and confidante.

Whether you connect with your alters is largely up to you, not your counselor. You can, however, ask your counselor to help you by encouraging your alters to feel positively about you and by keeping you informed about your alters, as much as your alters will allow.

Why Alters Hide from You

To learn how to help your alters feel secure in revealing themselves and their secrets to you, it is vital to understand the many valid reasons for their reluctance to do so. We will later uncover things that could hinder alters from speaking to anyone but first we will examine how you might have unknowingly scared, traumatized or hurt some of your alters, causing them to fear or despise you or be infuriated with you, even more than with a kind stranger.

Regardless of whether they have Dissociative Identity Disorder, it is normal for people to engage in self-talk, and for anyone with low self-esteem or low tolerance of

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imperfection, self-talk can get quite ugly. Often we would not speak to anyone else as

imperfection, self-talk can get quite ugly. Often we would not speak to anyone else as abusively as we speak to ourselves when frustrated. For example, if we make a mistake we might get angry and blast ourselves with the words, “You idiot!” Or if we get emotional or feel insecure or feel the urge to do something that is more common for little children, we might angrily tell ourselves, “Stop being a baby!” An alter is likely to assume you are speaking directly to him/her when you say such things, especially as it could well be that alter who made the mistake or felt scared or had a deep need for the comfort of a teddy bear or even a pacifier or something else that adults denigrate as babyish.

Here are some additional common examples of reasons why, without you realizing it, an alter might feel scared of you or resent you:

* An alter might have bravely and very

tentatively shared a memory or deep secret with you and you rejected it as “stupid” or “false” or

blabbed it to someone the alter fears is untrustworthy. (Abusers typically terrify alters with horrific threats as to what would happen if ever they told anyone about the abuse. Adults might see through the threats, but not little children.)

* You might feel you are being godly by getting

angry with yourself for having the urge to engage in a habit you regard as wrong. Quite likely, however, what is sabotaging your efforts and so feels the force of your anger could be an alter who lacks your understanding that it is wrong or who lacks your spiritual resources to resist temptation.

* An alter might feel terrified of something

because it is linked, in your alter‟s memory, with an horrific event. Being unaware of the full extent of this, you might make yourself and your alter do it. Forcing this upon your alter can feel as abusive to the alter as forcing someone‟s head under the water until he nearly drowns. Sometimes an alter‟s fear was not just valid in the past but is based on genuine danger even today. For example, you could be letting someone have access to you or your children without

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realizing that one of the things suppressed from your memory is that he has already

realizing that one of the things suppressed from your memory is that he has already proved himself to be highly dangerous.

* You might have unknowingly made decisions that have endangered, physically hurt or traumatized alters. I will provide just three of many possibilities.

1. Many abuse survivors occasionally view

or deliberately fantasize about pornographic material, hoping it will help desensitize them and mistakenly thinking it might contribute to healing; not realizing that it is traumatizing certain alters who, more than

is realized, are carrying the pain of past abuse.

2. Your alters might have “protected” you

from knowing that a relative you like has molested you at every opportunity he/she has had. Dismissing your inner qualms are ridiculous, you decide to visit your relatives or let them visit you, spending a couple of nights in the same house as this offender. You lose consciousness as soon as the

offender approaches you and another alter perhaps several alters during the course of the assault is forced to take over and endure the agony.

3. You might have initiated a friendship with

someone, not understanding the horrors that would follow, nor even now knowing the extent of what happened. Here‟s one of countless scenarios. You might have been seduced as a little child and come to enjoy it because it was never violent and, though by no means love, it was the closest imitation you were able to get. This abuser moves on and in your continued craving for love you eagerly approach another abuser, expecting gentleness but it turns out he is violent. You quickly escape by forming another alter who is forced to endure it while you remain oblivious to the torment that followed.

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* At times you might even get so frustrated and hateful towards yourself that you

* At times you might even get so frustrated and hateful towards yourself that you engage in self- harm inflicting pain and wounding the body you share with your alters.

* Sometime in the past you might have sunk even to the ultimate insult of mistaking the already highly traumatized alter for a demon. How would you feel about someone who claims to be morally superior and concludes you are not only eternally dammed and unredeemably evil but considers you to be so disgusting that he genuinely believes you are not even human but some form of hideous lowlife?

So there is a vast range of possible reasons for an alter regarding you as untrustworthy or even as an abuser. It is normal for all of us not just for alters to shrink from anyone who gets angry or harsh towards us. Unlike most people, however, alters have already been deeply traumatized, which puts them on hyper-alert for anyone else who might possibly hurt them. When treated as a useless annoyance or as an enemy, alters can be expected to feel deeply hurt and rejected and want nothing to do with you.

Before some alters would even consider sharing their hearts with you, you would have to do much to convince them you have changed and to overcome the resentment they feel towards you.

Perhaps even now you fear, despise or even hate certain alters. I have several webpages to help you sympathetically understand and be a catalyst in the transformation of alters who are initially angry, hateful, dangerous, lustful, perverted and/or anti-God. Some of these pages are listed at the end of this webpage

The Other Factor

Yet another reason for alters clamming up is that many alters can feel that it is their life-long duty to care for you by keeping information from you. They will need to know that you are now strong enough to face the truth and that you are eager to do so.

The truth will set us free, and ignorance can have terrifying implications, but many of us still fear the

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truth. Yes, the truth might initially hurt but, like going to a dentist, the alternative

truth. Yes, the truth might initially hurt but, like going to a dentist, the alternative will end up being far more painful. To quote what I wrote elsewhere:

Living in denial can never change reality. Not even embracing the truth can change the past, but it empowers us to change our future reality and find true healing.

Here is some encouragement: a part of you already knows the truth and has coped it with it ever since the event happened, without even having the maturity, spiritual resources and human support that you have.

How to Win Alters Over

We will soon discuss how to detect hints as to when an alter could be more likely to be able to hear you. Having just mentioned some of the fears and resentments that alters might have towards you, however, makes this the appropriate place to mention how these barriers might be overcome. Thankfully, although it can be challenging, you have something huge in your favor: underneath all the hurt and suspicion, your alters are still desperate for your genuine love and approval.

Here are some suggestions as to what to tell alters, even if you are not sure they are able to hear you:

* You are more important to me than I ever

realized. I should have valued you, listened to you and been a good friend to you. If I have ignored you or done anything to hurt you or annoy you, I was wrong and I want to do everything I can to put it right. Please tell me what I can do to make it up to you.

* I am grateful to you and forever indebted to

you for all the times you spared me pain and distress by bearing it for me. From now on, I want to do all I can to help you bear this pain and find full healing from it.

* What can I do to help you feel safer and more cared for?

* If you would like me to hug you or listen to you,

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I would love to do so. [To hug an alter, regard your alter as a

I would love to do so. [To hug an alter, regard your alter as a full person with a body, and vividly image yourself hugging him/her. Try to both see and feel this in your mind.]

* Is there something affordable I can buy you?

Alters desperately need unconditional love and tenderness, patience, kindness and encouragement. They need to feel valued and believed and liked. You cannot expect them to share with you if they feel unable to trust you to respect their confidentiality or cannot trust you to handle upsetting information without you either freaking out or thinking they are liars or stupid.

The Power of Being Kind to Every Alter You Discover

It can be hard to get the ball rolling but once you start befriending one alter, it will get easier and easier for others to connect with you. When other alters who have remained hidden see you believing, encouraging and building up an alter, it will help them believe it is now safe to reveal themselves to you. As they slowly become aware that you have warmly accepted, befriended, believed and supported another of your alters they will gradually begin to think that it could be safe and/or advantageous for them to likewise reveal themselves to you. So once there is a breakthrough with one alter, it will be a little easier for a second alter to follow, easier still for a third, and so on. Moreover, alters you have befriended might not only put in a good word for you but might even introduce you to some other alters.

For each alter you discover, find out his/her favorite food, music, color, clothes, activities, books and so on. Providing these things, plus daily talking with each alter and building up each one‟s self-esteem can be most helpful in enticing alters to stay out or come out again after going back into hiding. The more often alters are out, the stronger and more healed they will get, the bigger help they will become to you and the more likely it is that other alters will be encouraged to reveal themselves to you. In the early stages it will feel as if you could not cope with more alters but as you build up those alters you know, they can be inspired to greatly

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ease your workload by comforting, supporting and training other alters. Just as babies start off

ease your workload by comforting, supporting and training other alters.

Just as babies start off being a huge drain to parents but can grow up to be an invaluable support, so it is with alters, only the transformation can be much quicker. Far more than you currently realize, you need for your alters to reach their amazing potential. This cannot happen if they spend most of their time suppressed or in hiding. Your alters healing and remaining out is critical to your wellbeing, so keep encouraging them and assuring them that you want and need them.

One of my friends who is healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder writes:

We try to make sure every alter is able to get the time to do what he/she would like to do, both in processing things [mentally coming to terms with new information] and in fun. This often means making schedules and arrangements. When two of us like the same activity we can share it, which leaves more time for one who needs a more solitary activity. We are not always good at this but we try.

It being counterproductive for an alter to go back into long-term hiding is one of several reasons why it is beneficial to create in your powerful imagination several large, beautiful areas, each of which is securely sealed off, preventing everyone else from entering. The only entrance to each sealed off area is an impenetrable door that can be solidly bolted from the inside. On the outside of the door is a “Vacant” sign that immediately changes to say “Occupied” when it is bolted and at the same time the name of the occupant appears on the door. Anyone inside is to be left alone. Next to the door, however, is an intercom that is heard throughout the sealed-off area and cannot be switched off. If it is deemed important, a person can speak on the intercom or leave a message for the alter inside but it must be very short. The message may be longer only if the alter in hiding is happy for the conversation to continue. Even God agrees never to enter without first using the intercom and being allowed in by the alter, and he will leave again whenever the alter tells him to.

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There are various unpredictable events where the intercom could prove quite important. One is a

There are various unpredictable events where the intercom could prove quite important. One is a need to tell the alter if outside circumstances have changed so much that he/she can now feel safe to come out. Another is to give reassurance and encouragement to the alter. Yet another is if alters left to carry on without this alter desperately need certain information known only to the alter who is hiding. Merely knowing where an alter is hiding can help calm alters who are left to cope.

Believe What Alters Reveal

Often a key factor in the formation of alters is that the person received no support because no one would believe the very real danger he/she was in. So not being believed is most likely already a sore point with many of your alters. Please don‟t add to it by not believing them. Also, them telling you probably took a lot of courage on their behalf. You need to make them feel it was well worth them taking the risk in sharing with you.

Alters were formed to keep from you and even each other upsetting information. Especially if you are the host, you are likely to have been deliberately kept in the dark to allow you to function in everyday life without having to cope with awareness of devastating events. For example, it is very common for some alters to be kept unaware of cruel things done by a loved one. It is quite likely that alters have been so good at keeping information from you all these years that when they eventually begin to spill the beans, what they share will seem unbelievable to you.

Believe your alters, but be aware that, especially in traumatic circumstances, a person can switch rapidly from one alter to another and then another, thus preventing any single alter from knowing everything about that event unless all alters involved were to share all that they know. So even for events that an alter knows a lot about, both you and the alter might lack certain critical details and be almost unknowingly relying on guesswork or presumptions to fill in the gaps. Each alter is a vital part of the jigsaw but none, including yourself, has all the pieces until every alter has shared everything.

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This makes it is important not to jump to conclusions. For example, you might see

This makes it is important not to jump to conclusions. For example, you might see in a flashback part of a person but not enough for certain identification, Avoid presumptions as to the person‟s identity, even though it might look rather like someone you know or as far as you know only one person had access to you at that time.

Another important thing to be mindful of is that abusers often deliberately feed their victims false information and some use horrific tricks to traumatize them into submission. For instance, they might make a victim eat animal parts, claiming them to be human. Some abusers are skilled at using conjuring tricks (it is especially easy to convince a young, highly traumatized child). They might, for example, get a sadistic accomplice to pretend to be Jesus or fool a child into believing the child killed someone.

Name Your Alters as Soon as You Can

Nowadays, whenever a new species of plant or animal is found, it is usually not something that has never been seen before, but it looks so much like another species that it had never previously been distinguished from that species. Likewise, you need to know each of your alters well, or you could miss the fact that you are talking to an alter you have never previously met.

As much as they will allow, learn the name of each alter, or name them yourself. Regularly asking which alter is talking will give the alter the opportunity to indicate that he/she is not an alter you have previously met. “Take a roll call,” suggests a friend who has so far discovered several alters, “and ask if anyone else is there.”

More than this, however, when you have found more than one alter, continually checking the identity of the alter you are speaking with (if there is the slightest doubt) will help you keep building as clear and detailed a picture as possible of each alter‟s character. This detailed understanding of each alter will help you avoid confusing an alter that is new to you with one you already know. What makes this important is that sometimes, out of shyness, newly surfaced alters pretend to be another alter. So be on the alert for alters

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who seem to be acting out of character. You are likely to be surprised at

who seem to be acting out of character.

You are likely to be surprised at how you come to expect different levels of maturity, knowledge and so on from different alters. If you mistake one alter for another you could hurt that alter‟s feelings by expecting too much from him or her.

Ideally, keep a record of every alter and jot down details about each of them. Even if you are sure you will remember all of this, something unforeseen could happen that causes you to go into hiding and another alter who lacks this information would, at least temporarily be forced to replace you.

Practical Communication Issues

You might be asleep or lose awareness of everything whenever a certain alter takes over. Likewise, the alter might usually be unconscious when you are conscious. In such circumstances, speaking directly with the alter is not an option but you can leave each other written notes. You might, for example, leave notes around saying something like this:

You have multiple personalities. This is nothing to be afraid of. It is just how we survive at present. I am a part of you and I would like to speak with you. If you leave a note on this page I will reply.

If you do this, maintain the habit of checking the notes every day, or the alter could reply and give up looking for your response.

An alternative is to leave verbal messages using a recording devise. You might need to leave simple instructions as to how to operate the devise.

If real time, non-written communication is possible, speaking in your mind or even vividly picturing something (such as imagining yourself hugging an alter) might work. When convenient, however, it is often clearer and more effective to speak out loud to your alters. If, for example, people who might not understand D.I.D. are in the next room, use an audible whisper.

“How do I know when an alter is speaking? Is there a

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difference between when an alter is speaking and my own thoughts?” asked someone desperate to

difference between when an alter is speaking and my own thoughts?” asked someone desperate to learn.

I replied, “Especially in the early stages it is likely to seem very vague. If you think there is a slight chance that you could be hearing from an alter, proceed as if you really are. If it truly is an alter, it might take days or even weeks and you are likely to often be tempted to doubt, but you will gradually receive more and more confirmation as to whether what you think might be an alter really is one.”

“I feel silly. It seems as if I am just talking with myself,” she said.

“I won‟t always know whether they are hearing you or not,” I replied. “Whether certain alters are likely to be active or not depends not only on the time of day but on circumstances. For example, certain alters might help you when you are at work, others when you are parenting, others might be more likely to be present when you are relaxing and still others when you are feeling scared or upset. And sometimes alters who are usually out can get freaked by something and go into hiding.”

out can get freaked by something and go into hiding.” Ways of Discovering New Alters Tune

Ways of Discovering New Alters

Tune in to Your Feelings

If you are feeling anything that seems peculiar because it does not line up with your current circumstances or thoughts, it could be because an alter is active. It might be fear, sadness, hopelessness, anger, self-hate, isolation, loneliness, bitterness, frustration, excitement, wonder, or whatever but if, under the circumstances, it seems at odds with what you would expect, the feeling could be washing over you from an alter.

I can only provide a few examples from a vast range of other possible clues to the unannounced presence of an alter. You are unlikely to experience more than one or two of them. Just remain alert for such things. You

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might suddenly feel out of place. You might feel small, or everything around you might

might suddenly feel out of place. You might feel small, or everything around you might seem unfamiliar. You might even get lost for no obvious reason. You might feel disconnected from yourself or even hardly recognize yourself in the mirror. You might even find yourself unable to walk, or unable to control bodily functions, or crave a pacifier or a toy or something else inappropriate for adults, or simply desire something that you usually have little or no desire for. Or you might feel ill at ease about something that would not normally bother you.

It is important not to get impatient with yourself or to tell yourself you are stupid for having such a feeling. Instead, if anything like this happens, it is an ideal time to try to make contact with an alter. Proceed on the assumption that what you are feeling is emanating from an alter who is currently close to the surface and able to hear you. If you happen to be writing at the time, then write to the alter. Otherwise, tenderly and reassuringly speak to the alter out loud if circumstances permit using the feeling as a guide to what the alter most needs to hear. For example, if you are safe but feel timid or fearful, say such things as, “It‟s okay, dear one, you are safe now. The scary things have come to an end. How can I help you feel safe? Can you tell me a little about why you are afraid?” Using words that little children can understand could be helpful in case the alter only has a child‟s vocabulary.

If the feeling you are picking up is one of confusion or

of being small, it could be because the alter has been inside for years longer than he/she realizes and present-day reality is very different to what the alter expects. Say such things as, “It‟s okay, you have just been asleep for years but you are safe. Things are different because life is much better than it used to be. Would you let me be your friend?”

Even if you receive no reply, continue to softly chat for

a while. If you receive no response and the feeling that

made you wonder if an alter were present suddenly goes, it could be that the alter has fled back into hiding and will come out again a little later.

Note Your Inner Talk

A friend who has Dissociative Identity Disorder gives

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this suggestion for becoming aware of alters: Pay special, sensitive attention to things you might

this suggestion for becoming aware of alters:

Pay special, sensitive attention to things you might have thought were just ordinary. When I sensed a baby crying in the back of my mind, for example, I thought I was just tired. Or when I heard a little song repeating itself in my thoughts, like something a child would sing, I again thought at first that it was just normal background “noise.”

You might occasionally hear a sentence or two spoken in your mind that seems out of place. For example, you might be feeling content and suddenly hear in your mind, “I wish I were dead.” You might not be surprised by such events. After all, if you have D.I.D. you have lived with alters for most of your life, even if you have dismissed them. From now on, however, be on the alert for any such times and treat them as opportunities to attempt contact with alters.

The Surprising Power of Journaling

Journaling is an excellent way to make contact with alters and to come to grips with deep issues in one‟s life. This journal is private and God loves honesty. He is not afraid of truth or surprised about your deepest doubts and concerns. So let go of inhibitions and pour out your heart your feelings, your fears, frustrations, childhood memories, how you feel about family members, and so on. Don‟t evaluate its accuracy or in any way analyze it you can do that another time. For now, just let it flow.

As already mentioned, different alters are likely to be active at different times of the day and can be triggered by d ifferent events into hiding or becoming active. To make the most of this, try to journal at various times of the day and night and maintain this practice over a long period, preferably indefinitely.

Every now and then, read back through all you have written. Some entries might be in a different handwriting style or use different (often more child- like) spelling and grammar to what you would normally use, or the content might surprise you. It might take months for anything significant to appear.

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Try to make a copy of what you journal and store the copy elsewhere because

Try to make a copy of what you journal and store the copy elsewhere because it is quite possible that at some point an alter might destroy it in a cleaning spree or a moment of panic. Possibilities for creating a copy include photocopying, scanning or typing it into a computer and putting a copy on a USB (thumb) drive.

Retain copies of such things as emails that you send and treat them as additional sources of information. If you already have writings from the past even if it is just such things as old e-mails to friends or counselors treasure them. They can end up being valuable sources of information. Even if you get no response, try discussing their content with alters.

Another friend of mine with Dissociative Identity Disorder shares this thought:

We offer a drawing pad/journal/notebook to alters that they can keep private from the rest of us if they wish. We have a basket of our journals. Sometimes we share but we never read without permission. Often the alters who had been asleep for years journal a lot privately for the first bit before they start really sharing with us in other ways. It‟s kind of like learning you can trust the others by making sure they keep their promises in not reading what you write.

Don‟t Waste Dreams and Flashbacks

Dreams and flashbacks can be exceedingly unpleasant, so don‟t waste them. They contain valuable information, so record them. The obvious place for this is in your journal. Writing them out and thinking about them when relaxed and fully conscious can help remove some of their terror (which might possibly be beneficial, should the dream recur). The practice also provides a good opportunity to ask alters about the dream or flashback what does it mean to them, how do they feel about it, and so on.

Dreams can sometimes be like flashbacks accurate memories of past events that you may or may not be aware happened. Alternatively, some dreams are the mind trying to come to terms with things that have been bothering you. Sometimes you were not even conscious that these matters were bothering you. Both

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of these types of dreams can be valuable in giving you insight into what some

of these types of dreams can be valuable in giving you insight into what some of your alters might be coping with. However, some dreams can actually be alters seeking to communicate with you, either by symbolically revealing how they feel or by sharing accurate memories. Additionally, some dreams are alters trying to come to terms with things by imaging themselves in various scenarios.

Don‟t Underestimate Art

Although you might not feel artistic or even like art, most children like expressing themselves through art and so it could be a way of enticing quite young parts of you to express themselves (and so begin to communicate), especially as deep feelings can be impossible to put into words.

Don‟t forget that art can include collage, montage, using such mediums as Playdough (Play-Doh). Be cautious about using paint, however. Some alters find the fluidity of pain frustrating or even triggering. Try visually expressing feelings, as well as portraits, self- portraits, and anything else that you feel the urge to portray. I encourage you to sometimes try art as therapy and a means to contact your alters. This will probably involve a different approach to art than you usually do. In this case, say out loud at the beginning and several times during the session, something along the lines of, “This is your turn to paint [or draw or whatever], and to have fun or express deep feelings and I promise to try hard not criticize or interfere.” Then keep letting the artistic expression flow. Don‟t worry if you think it looks hideous, childish, weird, dark or whatever. Don‟t judge it negatively, or try to correct or improve it. Just let it flow, saying out loud encouraging things about the art like, “Good!” Even if it seems you are just talking to yourself, towards the end of an art session or at the end (but before that part of you leaves), speak to the part out loud, saying such things as, “What feelings are you expressing through this art? Is there an event in your past that moved you to express yourself this way? What does this artwork mean?” And so on. Even if it is vague, take great note of what response comes to you (it might be good to write it down or audio record it for future reference) and dialog with the part of you that is revealing these things, coaxing that part to tell you more. Don‟t

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comment negatively or say such things as, “That can‟t be true.” Instead, listen carefully and

comment negatively or say such things as, “That can‟t be true.” Instead, listen carefully and express empathy and offer comfort and encouragement.

It has been suggested that talking when being artistic should be minimized as it can interfere with the creative process. Nevertheless, it is quite possible that by striving for perfection or getting impatient with yourself in earlier attempts at art, you unknowingly pushed aside an alter, hurting his or her feelings and making the alter reluctant to try again. This makes it necessary to reassure alters that nothing like that will happen this time. How much approval and convincing is needed will vary from alter to alter.

Try Poetry, Even if You Hate It

You might hate poetry or be convinced you cannot write it but that might not apply to another part of you. In fact, the very attempt might encourage that part to take over during the writing session.

Buy Toys Etc.

If you feel yourself drawn to an affordable toy or game or something else that would normally be out of character for you, buy it and, when you feel the desire, play with it or use it.

Use Reminders from Your Past

Seek out things that remind you of various stages of your past photos, school year books, mementos, music, old movies or television series (including those for children), Facebook pages of people you have lost contact with, and so on. Other possibilities include following an old family tradition, seeking out old familiar smells (perhaps pine, bacon, cinnamon, aftershave, and so on) or cooking with a family recipe. Such things could elicit a response from alters.

If you are really desperate for a reaction you might actually visit areas where you once lived, make contact with people you knew at those times, and so on. I don‟t recommend it, however. It could provoke extreme reactions from alters. You have Dissociative Identity Disorder only because you have suffered horrific things. You might expose yourself to predators you have

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always mistakenly thought were safe, and a highly vulnerable part of you might take over

always mistakenly thought were safe, and a highly vulnerable part of you might take over to “protect” you – an alter who feels too little to resist the predator‟s advances.

Use Your Non-Dominant Hand

From time to time, try such things as writing, art work, playing sport or manual work, using the hand you do not normally use for that task. This might possibly entice out another alter, as some alters might be better at using that hand than you are or, even if they are not, your attempts at using that hand might be no better than that of a young alter. After using that hand for a while, talk out loud to yourself in the hope that an alter might hear and respond.

Make Full Use of Inside Information

If you have reached the point where you are friends with some alters, make full use of this advantage by asking them to search for more alters and, with the new alter‟s permission, to tell you about him or her. If they discover any alters, ask them to put in a good word for you

discover any alters, ask them to put in a good word for you Reasons for Alters

Reasons for Alters Being Silent

We previously mentioned why alters might have personal issues with you. That is obviously important because you can adjust your behavior, but now we will discuss why various alters might not want to speak with anyone.

Alters Threatened into Silence

Neither I, nor my friend, had the slightest idea that one of her young alters had been tricked into being utterly convinced by her abuser that he had placed a demon inside her who would kill her the instant she revealed herself to anyone. Thankfully, quite out of the blue, this alter suddenly spoke to me. It turned out that she had heard me speaking kindly to other alters and she grew

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to like me so much and became so desperate to break her own isolation that

to like me so much and became so desperate to break her own isolation that she decided to speak to me even though she was certain that the very act would kill her. Naturally, that touched me deeply.

There can be cases where real demons can be involved and, of course, they need to be cast out before certain alters feel able to communicate, while being extremely careful not to confuse a very angry, misguided alter for a demon.

There might be no hint that alters terrified into silence exist and they might never think it worth getting a few words out before what they believe will be certain death (or torture, or the death or torture of a loved one). It would therefore seem wise to occasionally speak to any alters who might be listening (even though you are totally unaware of any), reassuring them that it is safe for them to speak with you and that any threats they might have been told about the dire consequences of speaking with you are nothing but cruel deceit. Since one never knows at what time of day or on what occasion such an alter might be listening, this would best be done on a number of random times and occasions.

Baby Alters Too Young to Speak

Mothers speak to their babies because this is how babies eventually learn how to speak, and because babies and people learning a new language are able to understand more than they can speak. Mothers also communicate through touch, body language and through guessing the babies‟ needs and meeting them. Do likewise with any baby alters who are too young to speak. Like many alters who for various reasons do not speak, baby alters are likely to communicate through giving you feelings or flashes of their visual memory. The baby might cry a lot but eventually it will respond to your soothing attention and will begin to speak. The process of learning to speak might be much quicker than for a normal baby because this ability is stored in your brain that the baby shares. All that is required is for the baby to learn how to access this part of your brain.

Other Alters Unable to Speak

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Some alters, even though formed at an age when other parts could speak, might have

Some alters, even though formed at an age when other parts could speak, might have never spoken in their lives. They could take a while before they learn how to speak or gain the confidence to do so.

Communicate with them as you would baby alters. Try to guess their fears and concerns and give them much reassurance and keep chatting to them about yourself, even if they don‟t reply. Sometimes such alters communicate by thought to another alter who then acts as the alter‟s spokesperson until the alter is ready to speak for himself/herself.

Alters Who Cannot Understand Your Language

If you only learned at the age of five the language you now use and prior to that you knew another language, an alter formed before that age is likely to not understand you or be able to communicate in your current language. It is not impossible for an alter to know only one language and for you to know only another language.

Protector Alters

It is not uncommon to have a key alter who not only believes it is dangerous for alters to reveal themselves but actually stops them from doing so. Such an alter might use threats or force or simply convince alters who respect his/her judgment that speaking with anyone is too dangerous. Winning the confidence of this alter and persuading him/her that it is safe for other alters to communicate with you or a counselor will therefore be a significant breakthrough in your quest to communicate with other alters. For a webpage devoted to further help with protector alters, see Protector Alters.

Sleeper Alters

You could easily have one or more sleeper alters, whose role is to remain inactive (and thus undetectable) unless triggered by certain rare events. An example is an alter created for the purpose of committing suicide (i.e. killing all of you) if the alter concludes on the basis of his/her limited perception of events that there is no acceptable alternative. A significant factor in keeping oneself from suicide can be compassion for loved ones

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(including other alters) hurt by one‟s death. So this alter could feel duty-bound to have

(including other alters) hurt by one‟s death. So this alter could feel duty-bound to have no contact with anyone in order to avoid risking any emotional bond that could hinder his or her resolve to kill the body if circumstances deteriorate.

I have not come across it but it is theoretically possible for a sleeper alter to be formed whose mission is to commit murder if ever the alter decides that his or her safety is sufficiently threatened.

It is obviously very important to persuade any such alter that there are always better options or at least options more pleasing to God than suicide or murder.

The problem, of course, is that if you have such an alter you are likely to be completely unaware of it. It is therefore important to regularly explain to yourself why killing oneself or anyone else is never acceptable. Hopefully, this message will eventually get through to, and begin to convince, any sleeper alters.

Here is a suggested plan of action if suicidal thoughts come:

1. Take the matter seriously. Assess how great

and immediate the threat is. For example, is it just a feeling or is there a definite plan to commit suicide?

2. Quickly check all the alters to ascertain from

which alter the plan is coming. Analyzing what triggered the suicidal feeling can be a clue as to which alter it could be. Speak to the alters until the alter is identified. Then give that alter whatever comfort, support, encouragement, prayer etc. is needed.

3. If your attempts to help the alter are

insufficient or the alter cannot be identified you

might need to activate the anti-suicide plan. This has four levels, depending on the seriousness of the situation:

(1) Break the isolation. Don‟t be alone, even if it is only going to a store so that you are around people.

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(2) Call a friend and speak to him/her without mentioning the suicidal thoughts. (3) Tell

(2) Call a friend and speak to him/her without mentioning the suicidal thoughts.

(3) Tell the friend you are feeling suicidal.

(4) Urgently call a counselor or a suicide help line.

Undetected Abusers?

Some people do not realize they have alters who are still being controlled by an abuser. Sometimes they have no idea the person is even an abuser. Don‟t be surprised if alters stay silent while the abuser still has access to them by phone, Internet or in person.

Alters who disappear

Alters you have known will sometimes disappear. Occasionally, such alters are feared to be dead. In fact, even the alters who disappear can sometimes believe they are dead, and sometimes alters go to be with God to be comforted. However, alters cannot die while the rest of the body is still alive. They are simply out of contact, and you are likely to see them again when they feel that outside circumstances have changed enough for them to feel safe about returning.

When an alter is not around for a while it is common for people to mistakenly assume they have merged or integrated with another alter. If this really has happened, then the alter or alters with whom this alter has integrated will be very aware of it. They will feel more empowered because they will have this alter‟s strengths and abilities in addition to their own. What usually happens when an alter disappears, however, is that something the alter found scary or disturbing has caused him/her to panic and flee from contact with the outside world, and sometimes from contact with other alters as well.

Alters who are just getting used to being out of hiding are particularly jittery and confused. The slightest thing is likely to send them scurrying into hiding so that they can work though the implications of what they have just learned. Usually they will be back out again fairly soon.

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For alters who have been out much more, it usually takes something more significant to

For alters who have been out much more, it usually takes something more significant to spook them. It could still be quite harmless but it is something that deeply upsets them, such as something that vividly reminds them of some past terrifying experience. When the alter who vanishes is one who has been out a lot, the loss is likely to be severely felt because that alter could have exclusive access to knowledge and skills that are vital to employment or everyday life. (This is one reason why other alters should ideally be trained up to cover such a loss.) How long the alter will be in hiding is anyone‟s guess.

We mentioned earlier the value of creating in one‟s imagination a safe and private place for alters to retreat to and how this place should be fitted with intercom. We have also mentioned the importance of continually communicating with, nurturing and encouraging alters so that they are less inclined to return to hiding.

Prayer

I urge you to pray that God reveal every alter to you in the sequential order and timing that would be best for you. He knows far more about this than you or any counselor.

you. He knows far more about this than you or any counselor. The Bottom Line Dissociative

The Bottom Line

Dissociative Identity Disorder begins as an extreme response to an extreme situation, but it ends up a nightmarish addiction to not facing issues that desperately need facing. It starts off as a child having no choice and ends up a way of life with the potential to ruin your adulthood because even though you now have a choice, acting like the helpless child you once were has become a crippling habit. Put in monetary terms, it is like going into unavoidable debt, hurtling towards financial ruin, and then you finally begin to earn an income and have the potential to end the nightmare but you find yourself continually overwhelmed by devastatingly powerful temptations to block from your consciousness your economic crisis and plummet

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headlong into disaster by reckless spending. This addiction to living in denial is as cruel

headlong into disaster by reckless spending.

This addiction to living in denial is as cruel as forcibly injecting a child with heroin until living without the drug seems intolerable. Being healed from Dissociative Identity Disorder is so much better that it is worth any cost, but it involves facing memories and issues that will take an iron will to face. No matter how weak and useless your battered self-esteem tricks you into thinking yourself to be, however, with God you can become one of the heroes who heal.

Discovering alters is an exciting adventure, with significant challenges but immense rewards. I do not claim to have addressed every possibility but I believe I have provided you with enough to further your healing journey. Moreover, I believe you are now empowered with the understanding of what keeps alters silent so that you can develop your own techniques for furthering your healing.

Related Pages

Help If You Fear, Despise or Even Hate Certain Alters

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Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net © 2012 Grantley Morris . or in part provided :

Personalized support

Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net © 2012 Grantley Morris . or in part provided : it

or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the

author.

May be freely copied in whole

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Burst.Net

How to Speed Healing

How fast is too fast?

Net- Burst.Net How to Speed Healing How fast is too fast? With Vicki Morris Counselors and

With Vicki Morris

How to Speed Healing How fast is too fast? With Vicki Morris Counselors and others will

Counselors and others will benefit from this webpage, but the primary focus is the people my wife and I especially admire: everyone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D., formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder). These are people who, simply to survive, have already overcome astounding obstacles and afflictions. They will become great achievers when they heal.

I vividly recall the first friend I helped heal from the negative aspects of Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a hard, exhausting slog to assist the first few parts (also known as alters or insiders) who revealed themselves. We would have felt particularly daunted had we known back then that we would end up discovering over sixty parts and some people have very many hundreds of parts.

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Fast Healing of D.I.D.

Thankfully, the process gradually got easier and easier, and faster and faster as we found out what to tell each part whenever we first discover one we have never met before.

The following is a detailed suggested outline of what to tell your parts as soon as you can after first meeting each one. I encourage you to always use this outline so as not to miss critical points. Nevertheless, you will need to tailor it to your situation and to the specific alter you are talking with, such as simplifying the language if the alter is young. It is particularly important to introduce the following information at whatever pace this part of you is able to go. With some alters you are likely to be able to say very little at first and will instead need to spend much time winning their confidence and proving by your actions that you truly understand and care for them. For an explanation as to why alters can fear or despise you and how to overcome these serious obstacles to healing, see How to Find Every Alter & Get Each Alter to Talk.

Especially when parts have not been around for years, they often find almost any information overwhelming because what you share is likely to clash alarmingly with their expectations. They might suddenly retreat into hiding after you say a few words. That‟s fine. They are just taking needed time-out to think through the new information and come to terms with it. When they are ready, they will pop out again and then, after gently reassuring and comforting them, they can be told a little more until they again feel the need for a break. They will recover from the initial shock and adjust (often in a matter of just a few days) and get stronger and stronger.

Obviously, any of your parts who are capable of reading could read the following without your help. If possible, however, it is highly preferable for you to go through it with each part, sensitively expanding on anything you think would be helpful, responding to any questions, and modifying anything, as you see fit.

A significant advantage of your contribution is that it will immediately help the part feel less alone and more a valued member of a close-knit group of friends that truly care about each other, help each other and are working towards a common goal.

The following is what a part who fully understands D.I.D. might tell a part who has been kept out of the loop for a long

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Christian Help with Multiple Personalities

while and so knows very little. Text in square brackets like [this] are notes to the more experienced alter.

Why We Need Each Other

Hi, my name is [the alter who understands D.I.D. inserts his/her name]. You are important to me and if you let me, I would love to be your friend. I have information that can help you and you have knowledge and abilities that can help me, too.

If you know me and I didn‟t treat you right, I am deeply sorry and I long to make it up to you. I should have listened to you and supported you. I never understood how important you are and how much respect and kindness you deserve. How can I put things right? How can I be the friend to you that you deserve?

I would like to explain what I have discovered about who you and I are and why you are so important. Through no fault of our own we suffered awful experiences. As a result, we found ourselves faced with this daunting challenge: how can anyone survive when faced with multiple problems, just one of which is so overwhelming as to be almost beyond human ability to endure? How could anyone put aside all the pressures and distractions of one mind-numbing problem long enough to focus on other vitally important, highly demanding matters? Consider, for example, a child whose home-life fills her with terror. She is safer at school but when she is there she needs to somehow block from her mind awareness of her home-life in order to function at school without being incapacitated by anguish over what she suffered yesterday and paralyzed with fear about what might happen tonight. Here‟s another type of problem: children have a deep need to believe they have a kind mother who can be trusted to keep them safe. As much as possible, a child needs to be able to enjoy times when her mother is nice, without those times being ruined by the knowledge that occasionally her mother acts toward her more like a terrifying monster than a mother.

Out of absolute necessity, a person having to cope with any such traumatic, conflicting situations, is forced to become very skilled at blocking out awareness of some parts of her life in order to sufficiently focus on other necessary aspects of her life that must be attended to. Such a person‟s mind becomes rigidly divided into various parts, each of which is freed up to focus on certain tasks by being kept unaware of

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highly distracting and upsetting matters that other parts of her mind must deal with. You

highly distracting and upsetting matters that other parts of her mind must deal with.

You and I are parts of one clever mind that was forced by the immensity of what we have had to cope with to be divided and kept unaware of the distressing concerns of other parts.

Circumstances are now improving, however, and we no longer need to be so divided and unaware of each other‟s problems. From now on, the more aware of each other we become, and the more we do things together, the more we can achieve and the better we will feel and the safer we will be.

Things are Better Than You Realize

Reality was once so horrible for us that to give ourselves a necessary break from it and help us feel safer, we partly withdrew into a fantasy world. We were so good at it that our fantasy world began to seem completely real. As a result, the truth can be staggeringly different to what we expect it to be. Once we get used to it, however, we will discover that reality is actually a pleasant surprise.

Life is now better than it ever used to be and it is now safe and good to come out of our fantasy world and re-enter the real world. [Explain to the new alter why things are now safer than when that part was formed. You might have moved location so that your former abusers no longer have ready access to you. Perhaps your former abusers are even dead or infirmed. Your body is more mature, which means you are no longer dependent upon abusers. Perhaps you are also stronger and less easily overpowered physically. Being older means you are more likely to be believed if you report abuse to authorities, thus making abusers more frightened of you. You are likely to now have greater resources and maturity to cope, and greater ability to see through the scary and condemning lies abusers told you. Also share with the part lots of good things you have experienced since that part was formed. It might take an effort to think of good things, but they are there.]

You used to be surrounded by people who, despite claiming to be right, told you horrific but convincing lies to trick you into making you feel bad about yourself and scared. You did not deserve to be lied to and put down. You might have been treated as if you were less than human, or you might have

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wished you were less than human. Or you might have longed to be the opposite

wished you were less than human. Or you might have longed to be the opposite sex because it seemed that if you were you might have been treated better. But now it is safe to be fully human and to be the gender that your body is, and now you have the support of the rest of us who live in this body. We believe in you and respect you and long to be your warm, safe friends, if you want us.

For a long while we did not understand that being treated badly had split us into different parts, all of whom are good and important, share the same body and belong to each other. This, and other misconceptions, caused some of us to ignore each other and accidentally and sometimes even deliberately hurt each other. We are very sorry about this. Thankfully, those days are over and we all want to be best friends with every part. We are now kind to each other, respect each other, listen carefully to each other, are truthful with each other, believe each other, comfort and encourage each other, and try hard to help each other feel good about himself/herself.

For some of us, the bad things that happened to us are so strong in our memories that they seem only like yesterday when they actually happened a surprisingly long time ago and many good things have happened since. We will not have to suffer from the bad memories and distress for all of our lives. These things will slowly fade in our memories and life will get better and better.

Finding the Best Friend

Our lives are far more valuable than we had thought and we are headed for good things. We had bad people in our lives who claimed to be right but were cruel and nasty. There were some others who genuinely tried to help us but they still ended up letting us down. Not everyone is like that, however. There are some good people in this world, even though they can sometimes be hard to find. Nevertheless, humans are not perfect.

We need a friend who will never, ever hurt or disappoint us or make a mistake or not fully understand us or not always like us or not always be available when we need a friend. The only person like that is not human. He is God. Because he is God and not human, he is not sexual and he is utterly selfless.

Many people lie about God, saying awful things about him

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that are totally false. Sometimes evil spirits pretend to be God or his Son Jesus.

that are totally false. Sometimes evil spirits pretend to be God or his Son Jesus. The real God, however, is good and kind and thinks highly of you and of the rest of us. He is gentle and patient and forgiving. He never tricks us nor forces us to do things. He never touches us in a bad way. Anyone claiming to be God or Jesus who is not like that is bluffing. Such a being is a fake and we can totally ignore him. Moreover, because the real God is on our side, we can order any such deceiver to leave.

People have blamed us for things, and we have blamed ourselves for things, but despite what people might say, God does not blame us at all. And the exciting thing is that God is the Judge of all the world. What he says is right and his opinion of us will stand for all eternity. Anyone who disagrees with him will be proved wrong.

Rather than let us be blamed, the Son of God cares for us so deeply that he came to earth so that he could take upon himself all of our blame and shame and suffer all the punishment and disgrace that we and others think we deserve. The punishment was so torturous and he absorbed it so fully that it killed him. Nevertheless, he suffered it willingly so that we could be made totally innocent and blameless in God‟s eyes. It seems far too good to be true but we have discovered that Jesus is so amazingly good that it is absolutely true.

So although we do not always realize it, all our shame and blame has totally gone because of Jesus. And because he himself was totally innocent, he was able to come back to life again after fully extinguishing all our blame and punishment. He considers all his suffering worth it when we no longer blame ourselves and no longer believe that we are guilty or think that we still deserve to be punished. He likes us so much that when we are happy, it makes him really happy and when we feel sad, it makes him feel sad. He is the best friend anyone could ever have and he would love to be your friend, just as he is my friend.

It will be a slow process but all of us will end up finding life enjoyable and fulfilling and we will be a blessing to God. Many people will spend eternity thanking us for the great help we have been to them. It might not seem that way at present, but it will happen.

Sharing the Same Body

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We all share the same body. So if any of us killed himself/herself, it would

We all share the same body. So if any of us killed himself/herself, it would kill us all, and if anyone hurt the body, it would hurt us all. It will take a while, but you will end up feeling better, and those of us who are already beginning to feel better do not want to die or have our body hurt. So we beg you, for their sake, don‟t hurt yourself, even when the urge to do so is strong. There are much better ways of ending your distress than hurting yourself. These ways might take a while to work but you will end up really happy that you chose them rather than hurting yourself.

Even baby parts who cannot even talk can learn in a matter of weeks not only how to talk but to read and write, but even if they still play with children‟s toys, they can develop skills that not even adult parts can equal. So you are now part of a team of highly capable parts and some of them are quickly becoming even more capable. You are no longer in the scary situation where everything depends solely on you. So you can at last relax. You are surrounded by parts who are keen to support you and ensure your safety. Even more amazing and reassuring is that God, who never needs to rest, is forever looking after us, every moment day and night and if there is anything we need to be aware of when we are sleeping or distracted, he will alert us the instant we need to know.

Keeping Safe

It is of extreme importance that all of us you and all the other parts of you always make good decisions that end up being in your best interest and keep you safe. The danger, however, is that no one, no matter how intelligent, caring and capable, can be sure of making safe decisions without knowing all the relevant facts.

You are of extreme importance in deciding what should be done because you know things that no one else knows. Your other parts need you. Each of your other parts, however, are equally important because they know things that you don‟t. This is because you and each of your other parts have had times when you were asleep or in hiding, when other parts of you were actively observing or learning or doing things of great significance in deciding the best course of action.

There are a million of possibilities, but here‟s one example. An alter who is active most of the time might have been “protected” by another part from unpleasant information about her parents. She believes her parents are safe but

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another part of her knows that her father regularly attacked her. Without her knowing this

another part of her knows that her father regularly attacked her. Without her knowing this about her father, it could be highly dangerous for her to make the decision to visit her parents, spending several nights in their home. [Vicki and Grantley, the authors of this webpage, have had friends who have ended up suffering horribly because of such a decision.] On the other hand, another part might be horrified about her making this decision and doesn‟t know how to gently persuade her. So in utter desperation this part does something harmful to the body in order to try to prevent the trip to the parents. This could cause needless suffering if the alter taking this desperate action did not realize that it is safe to go home because the father has died. Such a situation is common, as parts are often totally unaware that for them time has flown because they had been unconscious for many years while one or more other parts were getting on with life.

To keep onesel f safe, every part of you needs to meet each other and share what each of you knows. Only then will you be able to piece together all the facts that will empower you to choose the safest and wisest course of action in each situation you face.

Any sharing of information will be invaluable, but it is almost impossible to be certain that there are no other parts of you with critical information who have so far remained in hiding. Even when every part has fully shared, however, there is still someone who knows even more. No, it is not a counselor. The one who knows absolutely everything in the entire universe is God. And he alone has infinite intelligence. Anyone who has him as a friend has an enormous advantage. If you are afraid of him or don‟t have him as a friend, we will not force you in any way, but there is no need for that situation to continue.

Have you had people say bad things about you that are not true? Well people treat God that way all the time. He is actually the best and safest friend anyone could ever have and, despite what you might imagine, he thinks the world of you. Even if you struggle with that at present, you have some parts who have made this discovery and are friends with God. So if those parts have heard from God on a matter, that is immense wisdom that you can benefit from.

Meetings

We have meetings, where all parts get together and discuss

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important decisions, and so on. You, along with all parts get to fully explain your

important decisions, and so on. You, along with all parts get to fully explain your views and wishes and when everyone has shared their insight into the matter, you and the rest of us get to vote on it. We all agree to follow whatever decision wins the majority vote. Agreement is important because we all live in the same body. United we stand; divided we stumble.

[Note to the more experienced part: if what is described in the following paragraph has not yet occurred, I strongly suggest that you let it happen because God deeply wants it and you will all greatly benefit from it.]

One day, God offered us the incredible privilege of letting him be a part of us. Some of us saw immediately what an astounding opportunity it was. We would have access to all his unlimited kindness, knowledge and help. Others of us were worried about what it might mean. We discussed it in depth with each other, voicing hopes and fears about this momentous decision. Finally we decided to put it to a vote, agreeing as always that we would all abide by the decision of the majority. God won the vote. Even those who originally voted against having God as one of our parts now agree that it was the smartest decision we have ever made. God never forces us. He simply discusses things with us and votes on them just like any other part. He encourages us, laughs at our jokes, answers our questions and makes us feel so much better. If we disagree with each other on anything, we go to him to sort it out. We can trust his decision because he likes each of us equally. He is totally fair and he is the smartest person in the universe.

Making Life Easier and Better

When parts of a person know much about each other, they become warm, wonderful friends who help and support each other and have lots of safe fun together. When they know very little, however, a few parts that some people have, can seem nasty. They have a good, kind heart but having been cut off from important information sometimes forces them to take drastic action in a desperate attempt to protect themselves and others. We mentioned an example of this with someone‟s part who believed they were about to be exposed to immense danger by returning to the parent‟s house. This part sincerely believed there was no other way to stay safe other than take drastic action. When a part learns more of the facts and learns how to more gently and more persuasively help other parts not make dangerous

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decisions, everything calms right down. It is far easier to ask a friend to do

decisions, everything calms right down. It is far easier to ask

a friend to do something for you than to try to convince an

enemy or someone you have been nasty to. People trust and believe friends, not someone who threatens them. So becoming friends with your parts not only makes life much more enjoyable and safer, it actually helps you get your own way.

All of us agree to be nice to each other. If a part mistakenly thinks that hurting us will keep us safe or some such thing, we discuss it with the part, helping him or her to understand.

[When convenient, it would be helpful provide to this part of you with a timeline of significant events in your life, both good and bad, such as abuse, education, marriage, family, and so on, along with photos and mementoes and a map showing where you have lived and how far away you now live in relation to everything that has happened in the past.]

That ends my suggestion of what to explain to alters who have been out of the loop to help them to come up to speed as quickly as possible. I would now like to move on to other things that can help fast-track healing. We all want healing as fast as possible but, sadly, many attempts to speed healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder sabotage the entire healing process.

Identity Disorder sabotage the entire healing process. Thanks for the Memories? A woman with Dissociative Identity

Thanks for the Memories?

A woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder approached me

with this prayer request:

I want to heal without recalling all of the memories.

I understand exactly where this dear woman is coming from.

Bad memories can terrify us. The problem, however, is that

it is our refusal to face those memories that causes

Dissociative Identity Disorder. Remaining unaware of what part of us is doing (or has done) is at the very heart of D.I.D. So her prayer request makes as much sense as praying, “Lord, I don‟t want to be separated from my husband but I want nothing more to do with him.” Some

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things are logical impossibilities – insane absurdities that not even God can do. All guilt,

things are logical impossibilities insane absurdities that not even God can do.

All guilt, fear and torment associated with memories need to end but this is not the same as losing those memories. What this woman has not yet grasped is that her continued inability to remember unpleasant events would be a tragedy, not a blessing. There are several aspects to this, so it will take a few paragraphs to explain.

To run from memories would be to cave into false feelings of shame, fear or inability to cope. It would be to languish in needless defeat. That‟s not God‟s plan for you. Christ took all your shame, blame and pain, bearing it all in his own naked, tortured body so that you can lift your head high. Through Christ, you are a winner; not one who runs away, but a hero clothed with divine majesty in God‟s royal family.

Our walk with Christ is about love, adventure and glory. It‟s not about escapism, wasting one‟s life and trashing opportunities for greatness. It has no partnership with cowardice and the eternal regret it brings. We might be born failures but through Christ we are transformed; born anew for achievement, heroism and honor. God has astounding faith in what you can do empowered by him. You are called to jettison shame, defeatism and self-indulgence to enter into holy union with the all-powerful Conqueror and, thus endowed, to reign with him in regal splendor:

2 Timothy 2:12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with

him

(KJV).

Romans 8:17

co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

we are heirs heirs of God and

Re velation 3:2 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.

Don‟t dare dishonor the Lord of glory by thinking this is beyond you. For Christ, who has invested the last drop of his blood into ensuring your success, impossibilities are playthings. You are one with the Almighty Lord. You are in him and he is in you; melded together in the most thrilling of unions.

Furthermore, even if full healing without recovery of

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memories were neither irrational, nor a needless defeat, it would render much of your past

memories were neither irrational, nor a needless defeat, it would render much of your past agony a useless waste. You are passionately loved of God; the darling of his heart. He is far too devoted to you to want you to undergo such a tragic loss. Instead, his plan is to transform your past suffering into something that exalts you to eternal heights of glory like nothing else could ever achieve. His goal is not to destroy your memories but to heal your memories so that they no longer distress you and so that your past suffering becomes something uniquely valuable. Remembering your past will not only enable you to better comprehend the love of God but will equip you with the ability to minister with unique experience and conviction to other hurting people. This is the path to eternal glory.

Astoundingly, not even the Eternal Son of God, the Infinite Lord of Glory, could be granted the authority to fulfill the exalted role of Ultimate High Priest without his familiarity with, and memory of, his own suffering (for a short explanation, see The Unexpected Value of Bad Memories).

Someone who finds study highly taxing devotes year after arduous year to medical studies. Finally he qualifies as a doctor. Now all the hard work is behind him and at last he can truly help people, save lives and reap all the benefits of his study. Can you imagine him rendering all his efforts a useless waste by praying to forget everything he has learnt?

We don‟t need more self-proclaimed experts who trample on other people‟s feelings; arrogant theorizers exposing themselves to the wrath of God by ignorantly thinking they are helping when they are devastating people who are already writhing in inner agony. The world is filled with in fact has had its fill of such people. What are as rare as diamonds, however, are people who truly understand; people whose advice does not come from a book or vain imagination but from genuine experience; leaders who, like Jesus, can say, “I‟ve been there – follow me.” You‟ve endured what it takes to qualify as one of those rare and valued people who truly know. Now, with almost all the sweat and tears behind you, will you throw it all away by praying to forget it all?

The great apostle Paul seems to have suffered no loss of memory when reeling off the precise number and ways in which he was tortured:

2 Corinthians 11:24-25 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was

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beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a

beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea

In fact, he seems to have seen his suffering as something to boast about:

2 Corinthians 11:23, 12:1 Are they servants of

Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been

exposed to death again and

I must go on

You might long to keep suppressed within you horrific memories and/or awareness of your current emotional reaction (such as fear, pain or shame) associated with those memories. Disturbingly, however, for as long as a part of you has memories and/or emotional reactions that you have no access to, you are unable to access that part of your brain in which those memories and emotions are stored. Of particular concern is that for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (often called alters or insiders) have not just memories and emotions but other intellectual abilities. So if you have an alter you have little interaction with, those parts of your brain that you have lost access to almost certainly hold not only memories and emotions but valuable skills and intellectual abilities. I have already detailed this in another webpage so you can skip this if you wish but it is worth repeating here, just in case you missed that page.

Of course, not everyone has every ability, but people with Dissociative Identity Disorder are likely to feel certain they do not have certain abilities and yet have those very abilities locked away in a part of the brain they are currently too scared to access. These abilities could already be in a quite developed form or able to be developed far quicker than most people are capable of. The possibilities are almost limitless and will vary from person to person but in a previous webpage I provided a few examples of improved abilities that people who, in an attempt to protect themselves from unwanted memories or feelings, could be cutting themselves off from. In case you missed that list, I will repeat it here. By connecting with his or her alters, a person might end up with remarkably improved:

* Eyesight (Example)

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* Manual dexterity * Ability to use the non-dominant hand * Surefootedness, such as ability

* Manual dexterity

* Ability to use the non-dominant hand

* Surefootedness, such as ability to climb rugged terrain

* Athletic ability

* Short-term or long-term memory

* Musical ability

* Speed reading skills

* Creative cooking

* Mathematical ability

* Direction finding and navigational skills

* Ability to thoroughly enjoy marital relations

* Grammar and spelling

* Creative writing

* A flair for public speaking

* Sense of humor

* Linguistic ability

* Artistic ability

* Dress sense

* Parenting skills

* Ability to handle stress

* People skills

* Freedom from certain phobias

* Spiritual abilities such as spiritual warfare

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* Intimate experiences with God The above tiny overview should suffice to give a little

* Intimate experiences with God

The above tiny overview should suffice to give a little insight into the tragic implications of an intellectual loss, so let‟s move on and gain a little insight into the seriousness of an emotional loss. We will start with an analogy: if you were desperate enough to avoid seeing anything evil, you could blind yourself. The problem, of course, is that no matter how much this way of rendering yourself unable to see evil things might feel like protecting yourself, it would mean that you could never see beauty and things you desperately need to see. You would be severely handicapped, thus reducing the amount of good you could achieve. Likewise, totally cutting yourself off from unpleasant feelings cannot be done without cutting yourself off from certain good feelings. You would lose your zest for life and various enjoyments that God longs to bless you with. Moreover, it would emotionally handicap you, thus lowering the amount of good you could do.

To suppress an alter will do more than diminish your intellectual and emotional capacity, however. It will directly diminish you spiritually. Christians sometimes talk of head knowledge versus heart knowledge. Head knowledge lets you know a spiritual truth intellectually but it does little or nothing for you. This is because, even though you might be unconscious of what is happening within you, the life- changing power of that truth is being sabotaged by inner doubts or fears or lack of conviction or tightly held presumptions that are contrary to that spiritual truth. If you remain cut off from awareness of what is going on within you, or have little or no interaction with an alter, that part of you is cut off from your spiritual experience and insight, thus condemning yourself to having a part of you that will continually undermine the strength of your spiritual convictions and relationship with God.

There are also moral implications. You might, for example, be desperate to break a sinful habit but a part of you has no idea that the habit should be broken and/or that part has no conception of how to draw upon the power of Christ to exercise self-control. So, unknown to you, part of you could be sabotaging your good intentions, not because any part is incurably evil with God nothing is incurable but simply because you have not sufficiently interacted with a part of you for that part to know and benefit from your understanding of Christ.

So to suppress an alter, or to avoid befriending that part of

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you, is to diminish your intellectual, emotional and spiritual capacity. The only way to honor

you, is to diminish your intellectual, emotional and spiritual capacity. The only way to honor the God who gave you all this amazing potential is to get to know that alter, courageously embrace the unpleasant memories and feelings the alter has, and to increase your abilities by allowing the alter to develop spiritually, intellectually and emotionally.

Ironically, facilitating this can only occur by empowering that

alter, even if that alter is currently anti-God. This can seem a terrifying thing to do. It might seem that the alter is evil, and you could wrongly imagine that to empower him or her

is to increase evil in your life. The reality, however, is that if

you have found Christ and been empowered by the good Lord, then so can this part of you. And the only way this alter can be transformed into someone kind, loving, gentle and devoted to God is to be allowed to surface and to interact with you, or with others, who can help that part discover that Jesus is safe, kind, gentle, patient, wise and the best friend that anyone could ever have.

No matter how strange they might initially seem, no alter is

a non-human invader; a demon squatting in your brain to be

fought, rebuked or resisted. On the contrary, even the most

obnoxious alter is a long-lost but indispensable part of a

person for whom Jesus gave his life to redeem. Each alter is

a lost sheep that the Good Shepherd never forgets or

neglects. Rather, our Lord focuses all his attention on it. He cares so deeply that he lovingly leaves the ninety-nine to devote all his effort to search for the lost one so that he can rejoice over lovingly restoring it to the fold.

We are called to be like Jesus, the Good Shepherd, who lays down his life for the lost. Even if you mistakenly see an alter as an enemy, remember that the One you are called to emulate loves his enemies more than his own life and is continually working on wooing them so that they will eventually discover that he is their best friend. We are called to turn the other cheek, rejoice when we are persecuted and win to Christ those who do not know him. Learning to do this begins with doing it with one‟s alters.

Each of your alters is a vital, irreplaceable part of you. So for any alter to develop in any way means that you are developing. Empowering your alters to develop transforms you into the faithful servant in Jesus‟ parable, rather than the one who buried his talent. Loving your alters and giving them the freedom to develop is Christlike behavior that

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glorifies God. The Story So Far & Beyond Anyone not totally healed from D.I.D. is

glorifies God.

glorifies God. The Story So Far & Beyond Anyone not totally healed from D.I.D. is in

The Story So Far & Beyond

Anyone not totally healed from D.I.D. is in the exciting position of being blessed with abilities that have yet to be fully discovered. If you have D.I.D, then both intellectually and in terms of spiritual development, emotional wholeness and fulfillment, alters are your most valuable asset. Wanting brain damage would make as much sense as wanting to be rid of your alters. Yes, without your alters you might temporarily be rid of some inner pain, conflict, sabotaging of your good intentions and shaming yourself but the way to permanently be rid of this is not through suppressing or oppressing your alters but by giving them every opportunity to heal and develop so that they can do you immense and continual good.

Like a troubled marriage resulting in separation, an alter going into hiding is a defeat, even if it might seem more peaceful than the alter regularly interacting with you. For as long as the alter is in hiding, that alter‟s unique help, insights, abilities and emotional support is lost, as is the opportunity for that alter to heal and for the alter‟s abilities to continue to develop. The result might in the short term seem deceptively easier but it intellectually cripples and emotionally handicaps the person and it chokes healing, even though the person is typically unaware of the extent of the tragedy.

It is like a child imagining it would be a gain if a baby brother died. Yes, both rivalry and the baby‟s annoying crying would cease. The older child, however, has little conception of how the baby would have changed if allowed to grow and how he would have become a much-needed companion, playmate and support.

It often turns out that the alter who seems the most annoying and useless ends up developing into one of the most needed, in regard to the invaluable abilities and the emotional support and the deepening of your relationship with God that the alter ends up providing.

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Contrary to what might seem intuitively right, your spiritual, intellectual and emotional development hinges on

Contrary to what might seem intuitively right, your spiritual, intellectual and emotional development hinges on you continually empowering your alters. Both you and they should see integration as merely a further step in this long process. Integration is not getting rid of alters; it is joining forces with them. And the more alters that a particular alter merges with, the more empowered this alter will be. Any merging, however, is usually a long way down the healing/empowering process and any attempt to force the pace is likely to prove counterproductive.

It is tempting to romanticize the strategies the minds of highly distraught children develop just to survive. In order to increase motivation to heal, however, let us be brutally honest.

Sometimes called Multiple Personality Disorder (M.P.D.), Dissociative Identity Disorder occurs when a person‟s mind, instead of remaining one harmonious whole, gets broken up into fragments. In this reaction to emotional trauma, a part of the person‟s awareness is cut off from other parts of the person. The result is like a committee in which no one knows what anyone else is planning. The attractive side to this chaos is that it allows a form of escapism, giving part of the person a vacation from dealing with consequences of the trauma. Like cutting off a limb to temporarily reduce pain, however, the cost of this escapism is enormous. It both significantly reduces mental function and prevents the person from healing from the devastating effects of past hurts.

For as long as there is inadequate communication between parts of a person‟s mind, the person will not only fail to reach his or her full intellectual potential but will remain in emotional torment. This has spiritual and relationship ramifications and keeps its victims far from peace, happiness and fulfillment that would otherwise be theirs. If someone in this situation never makes sufficient effort to understand and cooperate closely with other parts of his or her mind, this needless tragedy will grind on for an entire lifetime. Such people will have an awareness of how hard their life is but will have little comprehension of how wonderful their life would have been if only they had courageously persisted in reconnecting with their other parts. On the other hand, those who persist on the healing journey are repeatedly amazed to discover talents and abilities they never knew they had and keep finding deeper peace, fulfillment and achievement.

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What makes reconnecting so complex is that it is not reassembling a machine, but reconnecting

What makes reconnecting so complex is that it is not reassembling a machine, but reconnecting parts of the human mind, each of which has gained full and independent access to human intelligence, emotions, will, memories, and so on. Each part has become so adept at functioning individually that each has become like an individual with distinct desires, agenda, and all the complexities of a full human being.

agenda, and all the complexities of a full human being. The Seldom-Understood Goal of Healing Sometimes

The Seldom-Understood Goal of Healing

Sometimes a host (the alter who is most often in control) sees it as a failure to let other alters ever take control and interact with the real world. For a host to retreat from the real world out of fear and leave other alters floundering might indeed be a failure on the host‟s part but it is entirely different to let other alters take over for a little while in a safe environment so that they can break their mentally crippling isolation by expressing themselves and learn about the real world. If it can be achieved, the ideal safe environment is where a more experienced alter remains aware of what is happening and is able to guide the alter should the need arise and even, in an emergency, regain control. If this skill has not yet been learnt, however, letting the alter take over is still safe and desirable if a trustworthy counselor or friend who understands D.I.D. is present.

Some hosts (or even counselors) might mistakenly regard it as dissociation to let other alters come out and relate to the real world, but it is actually the opposite. Whereas to dissociate is to be in denial of an aspect of reality, freeing one‟s alters to relate to the real world is both acknowledging the reality of having alters and is helping alters discover current reality.

If for years you kept a baby locked in a room 24/7 with nothing but four walls to see, no one to communicate with and nothing such a book or television to learn from, the baby might grow physically but mentally he would never grow. Likewise, not letting alters interact with the real world is an act of cruelty that stops little alters from ever growing up and prevents older alters from learning new things and seeing through the lies that have kept them reeling in the

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inner pain of fear or guilt or with shattered self-esteem or unaware of God‟s eagerness

inner pain of fear or guilt or with shattered self-esteem or unaware of God‟s eagerness to befriend and help them.

The goal of healing is not to gain control of your alters nor to end switching from alter to alter. Rather, the goal is to gain control of your full intellectual, emotional and spiritual capacity, and switching is a vital stage in achieving that goal. Not every counselor realizes this. Some mistakenly presume that if switching has ended, the person has become “normal” and so must be “healed.” In reality, however, if parts of the person are still suppressed, that person is functioning far below his or her full capacity.

If all alters are sufficiently allowed access to the real world they will each gradually mature and grow more and more alike, thus making switching increasingly less dramatic for the person and less detectable by other people. Eventually, the alters will become so alike that they will see no point in remaining separated from each other and they will gradually merge until there is no switching, simply because they are all empowered and truly one. To stop switching while there are still separate alters, however, would be to short-circuit the entire process and prevent healing.

Alters who have been kept in isolation might initially be so angry about what they have suffered or have had no opportunity to mature or know so little about the adult world that they temporarily embarrass the host. Anyone who understands D.I.D., however, regards this as perfectly normal and knows that it is only temporary while the alter is at last being given the opportunity to normalize.

The brutal truth is that if you have alters who are just in the early stages of healing, you might find some of them not just an embarrassment but a huge source of emotional pain and confusion. They might even try to kill you in which case you have an urgent need to win them over; turning them into friends who trust you. Nevertheless, as you continue your healing journey you will discover that not only are alters not your enemies, they are, next to God himself, your greatest asset. It is smarter to hack off your arm and leg than to keep your alters suppressed or deny them the sometimes inconvenient and embarrassing things they need. To disregard them is to perpetuate your inner pain and the fragmenting of your intellect and keep you from the heights of fulfillment and achievement that you would otherwise reach.

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For Christians, the real goal of healing is not the ending of discomfort, but every

For Christians, the real goal of healing is not the ending of discomfort, but every part of you falling so in love with Christ as to eagerly yield to him, thus empowering you not only to reach your full intellectual, emotional, social and vocational potential, but your full spiritual potential; maximizing your ability to know and glorify the God whose love and devotion to you defies comprehension. That alone is the path to true fulfillment, and achievement that will last for all eternity.

and achievement that will last for all eternity. The Challenge Anyone who forces his/her will on

The Challenge

Anyone who forces his/her will on someone or puts someone down, silences him/her, suppresses him/her or despises the weak and the hurting, is an abuser. To be like Christ is to have a heart that continually seeks to encourage, uplift, buildup, liberate and empower people. It is to love the unlovely, to do good to those who are nasty. Who have you made your hero, the one you model your life on? Christ or an abuser? Who are you currently most like? What does the way your treat those closest to you who share your body tell you?

If at present you act more like an abuser to certain parts of

you that Christ loves more than his own life and let himself be tortured to death to redeem, you can end your shame. You can look to Christ and let him transform you into someone who loves as he does.

A common but serious mistake is for people with D.I.D. to

make decisions against their alter‟s will. Whether this happens simply because they are unaware of their alter‟s wishes or because they assume they know better than their

alters, the results can be equally damaging.

There are three reasons why disregarding an alter‟s wishes can stop healing.

1. It is a law of nature that anything that grows must

go through stages that cannot be skipped and there is

a point beyond which these stages cannot be sped up. Alters must be allowed to develop at their own pace.

2. Forcing change upon alters triggers panic that

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paralyses them, preventing further growth. 3. Disregarding the wishes of one‟s alters breaks down trust

paralyses them, preventing further growth.

3. Disregarding the wishes of one‟s alters breaks down trust and cooperation with one‟s alters, thus perpetuating fragmentation.

As already touched on, two other essentials for ending fragmentation and becoming whole are the courage to let oneself remember and the courage to let oneself feel.

Healing from trauma and reconnecting with alters requires more love and wisdom and trust between alters than humans are likely to ever muster. With such vast reserves of love, wisdom and trust required, anyone would be a fool to rob himself or herself of full healing by remaining distant from the only Source of infinite love and wisdom and from the only Person who is fully trustworthy God himself.

Now let‟s move beyond this overview to the nitty gritty.

Now let‟s move beyond this overview to the nitty gritty. Why Forcing Change Upon an Alter

Why Forcing Change Upon an Alter Makes Things Worse For Yourself

God has worked into the very fabric of creation this law of nature:

Mark 4:26-28

like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head

This is what the kingdom of God is

This applies to almost every living thing. If, for example, you want an acorn to grow into a mighty oak that everyone admires, you have no option but to let it slowly progress through every stage from tender shoot to spindly sapling, all the way through to full maturity. Refuse to let it go through the sapling stage and you will never get the oak you long for. Refuse to treat a shoot with greater tenderness than you would a tree and you will never get a tree. In the same way, if you want a little alter to grow up, you must let the alter go through childish stages. Should you not let an alter have its

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fill of childish things, that part of you will remain emotionally trapped as a stunted,

fill of childish things, that part of you will remain emotionally trapped as a stunted, hurting alter and, without you realizing it, this will in turn stunt your own intellect and your emotional maturity. Moreover, no matter how much you pretend it is not happening, the alter‟s unhealed inner agony will flood over to you.

So if you feel embarrassed about little alters, let that embarrassment drive you to facilitate their growth by meeting their current needs for childish things. Only when those needs are fully met are they able to grow up and leave childish things behind.

To understand why forcing your will upon alters or making decisions without their consent can stop healing, we need to remember that alters were formed by trauma they had no control over. When new decisions are made without consulting one‟s alters, it triggers panic by reminding them of the most horrific time in their existence a time that corresponded with them having no control over what happened to them.

What complicates things still further is that panic freezes one‟s mental processes. So even if the initial panic is an over-reaction, it hinders sane evaluation of the implications of the new event. In order to think clearly, the panic needs to subside. So alters need time to ponder the implications of a change, not so much because they need an unusually long time to think but because they need long enough to calm down in order to think clearly.

To disregard an alter‟s needs and fears is to act like an abuser. This will almost certainly throw them into panic and perhaps even trigger flashbacks and other horrific reactions. How could this not destroy trust between the alter and the part of the person that acted like an abuser by disregarding the alter‟s need? And how could fragmentation – and all its associated ills end, without all the fragmented parts of a person trusting each other so much that they work together as one harmonious whole? So trust is critical.

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parts of a person trusting each other so much that they work together as one harmonious
The Surprising Importance of “Childish” Things One of the most common causes of lost trust

The Surprising Importance of “Childish” Things

One of the most common causes of lost trust between parts of a person revolves around failing to understand the importance of “childish” things in the healing of an alter. Let‟s start with what for brevity we will call dolls, but they could be stuffed toys or figurines or other objects, such as a favorite blanket or article of clothing. It can just as easily apply to pets but since most adults can better understand an attachment to pets, they usually cause less bewilderment and embarrassment to adults.

Safety is of paramount importance to anyone who feels seriously threatened, and most alters were not only once in grave danger but until they are healed they are petrified of a return to that danger. So if they find anything no matter how pathetic that helps them feel a little more secure, it will assume enormous importance to them, even though certain other alters (especially older ones) might not understand this.

Many alters are terrified that anyone else might end up judging them or turning on them, but they know a doll will not. This is why for many young alters, a doll could be the only thing in the universe that helps them feel safe.

Furthermore, trapped within alters can be such horrifically intense and painful feelings that it is not unusual for them to worry that their feelings could kill them or drive them insane or make them dangerously ill. They are petrified about getting in touch with their feelings or expressing them and yet those feelings are so horrendous that they scream for attention.

Whether it be through hugs or actually talking to the doll, a doll can be the one thing that they feel able to bond with, and express their feelings to, thus making their almost unbearable life a little more tolerable. With nothing else able to fill this desperately needed role, a strong dependence upon the doll is inevitable.

More than some concession to childishness, our experience with alters has convinced us that dolls are a therapeutic tool. Moreover, we are convinced that using them has divine approval. At the end of this page is a link describing how an alter received a doll in a manner that was so obviously of God that we are left certain that God considers the use of

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dolls important. Dolls can be so important, and yet adults can be so embarrassed about

dolls important.

Dolls can be so important, and yet adults can be so embarrassed about allowing their alters to benefit from them that if you require further persuading to let your young alters have the dolls they need, besides the above-mentioned link we have prepared additional information, including scientific evidence. See More About Dolls.

including scientific evidence. See More About Dolls. Way Beyond Dolls We have devoted so many words

Way Beyond Dolls

We have devoted so many words to dolls solely because they are one example of a vast range of possible things that alters might crave that anyone with little understanding of alters could be tempted to dismiss as stupid or trivial. If you disregard anything that an alter indicates as being important to him/her, you could end up making the serious mistake of denying them what they and hence you need to heal.

Other than God himself, the greatest expert in knowing what a specific alter needs in order to heal is that very alter. Like all people, alters are individuals. They have unique past experiences that create unique needs. To highlight how critical it is to listen to each alter and not presume we know best, we will now seem to undo all our previous arguments about the benefits of dolls by stating that for a particular alter, a doll might not have the positive effect it has for other alters, and could actually hinder growth. If you would like to know what sort of experiences could cause an alter to react so differently to dolls, see Alters Differ.

So our point is not that you should always give young alters dolls but that you should always take very seriously whatever they indicate is important to them, no matter how much it clashes with your own priorities and presumptions.

If you have alters, there are many things critical to their emotional well-being that you are likely to find even more bizarre than needing a doll. Here‟s one example: even something as seemingly insignificant as washing an old sweater can traumatize an alter. As was the case with dolls, we‟ll give a brief explanation to help you understand the

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reason for it, but nothing an alter says should need to make sense to you

reason for it, but nothing an alter says should need to make sense to you before you take it seriously. If an alter tells you it is important to him/her, that should suffice. If it isn‟t sinful or harmful you should very strongly consider doing whatever the alter wants.

That washing an old sweater could be upsetting will seem bizarre until you consider that quite average young children can become deeply attached to, for example, a blanket (fans of the Peanut‟s cartoon strip will recall Linus‟s “security blanket”). Moreover, some women can feel ugly and hence insecure about wearing almost everything except for one piece of clothing that they feel covers them better, or fits better. Furthermore, an alter could in the past have had a bad experience akin to having a sweater washed, such as something treasured being destroyed by washing. This does not mean you could never wash the article but that you need to proceed slowly and cautiously, patiently explaining and carefully listening to the alter‟s concerns until all concerns are allayed.

Alters need age-appropriate means of comfort and to deny themselves that comfort is a double-whammy. Not only does denial mean they are missing out on comfort that since they are deeply hurting they desperately need, but to deny them is to act like an abuser and so trigger fears and painful memories associated with past abusive disregard for their needs. It could also drive them to try to seek destructive forms of “comfort,” such as self-harm or over-eating or chemical highs.

For alters formed as babies, age-appropriate means of comfort could include such things as lullabies, pacifiers or drinking formula milk from a bottle. Again, it is not for you to decide what they need. Your role is to get to know them and give them whatever they indicate they want. The only usual exceptions should be if what they request would expose yourself and the alter to ridicule, or is unhealthy:

* physically such as candy if you are diabetic

* psychologically such as illicit drugs or porn

* spiritually such as occult practices or hurting people.

If there are serious obstacles to granting your alters what they want, lovingly explain the reasons and seek to find

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acceptable alternatives. Strive diligently to find workarounds, such as buying candy suitable for diabetics, finding

acceptable alternatives. Strive diligently to find workarounds, such as buying candy suitable for diabetics, finding times and places where it would not result in ridicule, reading them uplifting stories instead of porn, getting pocket dolls so you can take them with you inconspicuously, and so on.

For babies not yet potty trained, diapers can be comforting, rather than exposing them to the possibility of soiling clothes or bed. Moreover, you may find diapers necessary when baby alters make their presence felt. Yes, by suppressing baby alters you might reduce, or perhaps even eliminate, the need for diapers but suppressed alters never heal.

the need for diapers but suppressed alters never heal. Building Trust Since D.I.D. handicaps people by

Building Trust

Since D.I.D. handicaps people by fragmenting intellectual abilities, healing involves reconnecting all the fragments (alters). Put another way: in order to regain full mental capacity, alters must cooperate; working together as a team. Such teamwork (and associated healing) is impossible without all of a person‟s alters valuing and trusting each other. Since disregarding an alter‟s feelings and wishes undermines any such trust, it sabotages teamwork, bringing healing screeching to a halt.

Simple things can help build the trust that is so critical to healing. For example, tell an alter worried about the washing of a sweater, “How about we consider washing it in two days‟ time, so you have time to think about it.” Then, when the time arrives, ask if it is okay to proceed. When the clean sweater is returned, the alter can see that you kept your word and trust begins to grow.

It is frightfully easy to dismiss alters as embarrassing nuisances and treat them as rivals or even enemies when they are actually your greatest assets. And rather than want to hurt or embarrass you, they crave your love and approval. They respond powerfully to praise and compliments. Unconditional love will win their desire to please you, whereas criticism, disapproval, rejection or punishment will have the opposite effect.

Until they heal, alters are in inner agony and, despite one‟s

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best intentions, people who are hurting are very vulnerable to further hurt. As Grantley wrote

best intentions, people who are hurting are very vulnerable to further hurt. As Grantley wrote in a webpage about how to comfort people who are:

If you were treating the open wounds of accident victims you would realize that the most gentle, well- meaning touch could send patients reeling. You would not be offended if someone you were seeking to help lashed out in pain with almost involuntary action. You would half expect it. But imagine the confusion if the wounds were invisible and the person looked uninjured. Consider the further complication if in that person‟s experience everyone who had tried to help (and how does he know you will be any different?) had in their ignorance done little but inflict pain.

That‟s the norm for someone who is hurting inside.

Emotionally wounded people cannot help but be highly sensitive. Words hit them like whips. It is vital that they be treated verbally with the careful tenderness you would use if you were dressing gaping physical wounds. Once we understand the seriousness of emotional wounds, it‟s surprisingly easy to employ the Christlike graces of turning the other cheek and using the soft answer that turns away wrath. When we realize an outburst is just the pain talking, we no longer take it to heart. Only a fool takes personally the actions of someone drunk with pain.

It could be helpful to preface one‟s remarks to a sensitive alter with, “I approve of you. I believe in you and think the world of you. So nothing I say should ever be interpreted as a put down or rejection.” Such wording helps keep alters from jumping to wrong conclusions, and frees them up to understand what you are really saying.

Simple things like tucking young alters into bed at night, reading them age-appropriate books that they like, giving them special time to be alone with their toys, putting their favorite sweater under the pillow, or letting them hold it while they sleep, can go a long way to provide the security from which healing flows. Another important thing is to defend your alters if they are ever threatened or criticized. If they publicly say or write something you approve, try to publicly honor their statement. If they receive criticism, be diplomatic but stand by your alters. Never betray their trust by revealing their secrets or even their existence until

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they are ready to do this themselves. Be aware that alters might overhear you at

they are ready to do this themselves.

Be aware that alters might overhear you at a time when you have assumed they have not tuned in to what is occurring.

Next to encouraging each alter to interact with God, these things are powerful in bringing healing.

A friend of mine with Dissociative Identity Disorder went to

considerable effort to obtain a bracelet displaying the words Stronger Together. Those two words form a truth that

should be impressed upon the heart of everyone wanting to heal.

If you have alters, they have a deep need to be heard and

you have a deep need to listen to them. Until they start communicating, alters have been kept in psychologically crippling solitary confinement, and you have been kept cut off from a significant part of your mental capacity, your emotions and your memories.

In addition to merely being heard, alters need to be believed. Most likely, they suffered horrifically and no one believed it. You need to begin to undo the damage by believing them. They could well have been formed precisely to “protect” you from the truth because at the time you were not psychologically strong enough to take it, but this situation must end. You must muster the courage to face the truth so that you can regain your full mind, and if what they reveal seems unbelievable it could well be because you are still preferring to live in denial; preferring perhaps to believe the lie that your abuser really was the respectable person he or she pretended to be.

Nevertheless, just as sincere children can sometimes get things mixed up, so can little alters. For example, we know a dear alter who was sexually abused in a carnival “haunted house.” She was too young to understand that the “haunted house” was make-believe. The fear was real, however, and so was the abuse. Additionally, any alter who is trying to piece together just fragments of surfaced memories could make a sincere mistake. For example, we know someone who mistakenly concluded that it must have been her father who abused her because she could not recall her father allowing her to go anywhere without his supervision and because she could only remember the face of only one of what seemed to be two abusers. After prayer her memory became clearer and it turned out that what had seemed like

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a second abuser was an image that had somehow formed in her mind representing the

a second abuser was an image that had somehow formed in her mind representing the abuser‟s demon.

formed in her mind representing the abuser‟s demon. The Courage to Let Oneself Remember It is

The Courage to Let Oneself Remember

It is impossible to have a mind that is whole if part of you knows things of extreme significance that another part of you knows nothing about. It is impossible to heal from all the damaging effects of a fractured mind without having the courage to remember. Whatever happened in your past, it happened when you were younger and so had less mental and spiritual maturity/resources than you currently have plus the situation has most likely changed such that your tormentor now has less power over you.

When they are kept in the dark, things seem scarier than when brought into the light. Likewise the truth ends up being much easier to cope with than the unknown. It is far easier on yourself to face things and get them resolved than be haunted by fears of the unknown for the rest of your life.

Encourage your alters to share their secrets with you. It will relieve them of isolation and horrific burdens that they have far less resources than you have to cope with. For example, they are probably riddled with guilt over something they will never know was not their fault unless they open up to you so that you can give them the benefit of your adult understanding.

If you are tempted to keep yourself ignorant (with all the intellectual handicaps and emotional agony that entails) because you worry there might possibly be some skeleton in your past that you could not forgive yourself for doing; your fears are groundless. Once the full, liberating truth of the Gospel is understood and tragically vast numbers of Christians do not understand it you can live peaceably with yourself no matter what atrocious sins filled your past.

The Bible strips away all human pride by revealing that the wages of sin – just one “little” sin – is death. You cannot get deader than dead. Since everyone has sinned, no one can be more lost or more depraved than anyone else. Just as an athlete and an invalid are equally unable to reach the moon

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by jumping, so the most saintly person on this planet and the most sadistic serial

by jumping, so the most saintly person on this planet and the most sadistic serial killer and rapist are equally unable to reach God‟s minimum standards. Outside of Christ, the most “godly” person on this planet is just as much a moral failure and has just as much reason for abject shame as the most obviously wicked person. Each need Christ equally and if either of them can find cleansing and forgiveness and total acceptance in God, the other can receive it just as easily and as fully.

No matter what your past, you can be cleansed and granted virgin-innocence and honored by all of heaven for your crystal purity.

The same applies if you worry that a loved one might have committed some grievous offense.

that a loved one might have committed some grievous offense. The Courage to Let Oneself Feel

The Courage to Let Oneself Feel

To be mentally whole while cutting oneself off from feelings is just as impossible as it is to be mentally whole and cut oneself off from memories.

Healing requires you to get in touch with all your feelings. This seems scary at first because of the strong, unpleasant feelings buried within, but by connecting with those feelings they are able to be released so that they no longer haunt you, and then you are free to connect with wonderful feelings and come fully alive.

to connect with wonderful feelings and come fully alive. Play It is highly beneficial for alters

Play

It is highly beneficial for alters to regularly play games with each other and have fun together. It is not only enjoyable, it builds trust and teamwork. And it not only promotes healing, it helps them develop valuable skills. What alters enjoy doing together will differ from person to person. It might be reading or telling stories, or working on an art project or playing computer games or dancing or chasing each other.

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The possibilities are almost endless, but you will discover which activities appeal most to you

The possibilities are almost endless, but you will discover which activities appeal most to you and your alters.

which activities appeal most to you and your alters. The Most Effective Way to Heal Fast

The Most Effective Way to Heal Fast

All alters desperately need Jesus. They are usually tormented by guilt and shame and feel so worthless that it is not uncommon for some to even be convinced that they are evil. Jesus‟ whole reason for coming to earth was to resolve these stupendous needs in a way far beyond what anyone in the universe and most certainly more than any counselor could ever achieve. He, alone, as the utterly Innocent One took upon himself all our guilt; suffering our full punishment and then cleansing us utterly and granting us his moral perfection, purity, goodness and exalted status with God, the Holy Judge of heaven and earth. Obviously these truths should be explained more simply and in more detail, but it is imperative that alters be made aware of them.

Alters also usually need someone to mother and father them, but because they are now in an adult body this is rarely possible, nor is it usually safe to seek it from anyone other than Jesus for this role as it could expose both alter and host to ridicule or abuse, or to devastation if the mother/father figure needed to leave at some later stage. Only Jesus is utterly safe in giving hugs, tucking alters into bed and so on, and fully understands the best way to help at every stage of healing, and offers the total security of never getting sick or burnt out, changing, moving away, or dying. And no one understands any of us like Jesus does, nor has his wisdom. Moreover, Jesus fervently loves alters with total selflessness without any sexual overtones and longs to comfort and heal them.

There is a critical blockage to receiving Jesus‟ help, however. Because Jesus is not an abuser, he will not force himself upon alters, no matter how much he yearns to help and knows they need him. A further hindrance is that alters often have such distorted ideas about Jesus (confusing him with abusers, for example, or believing lies people have said about him) that they can be terrified of him.

So the greatest of all things that anyone can do for alters is to reassure them of how gentle, kind, caring, patient,

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understanding and comforting Jesus is and how much he wants to take their pain upon

understanding and comforting Jesus is and how much he wants to take their pain upon himself bearing their guilt, fear and inner pain as the alter‟s Alter – and be their devoted friend and have lots of safe fun with them. (Yes, because play is important to every young alter he longs to play with them in a way that builds them up intellectually and in self- esteem and shows them great respect.)

Encourage alters to dialog with Jesus. Assure them that he will respect whatever boundaries they put up and that he will wait for as long as it takes for them to be sure that they are safe with him. Jesus is the perfect counselor and the ultimate healer. Once they commence talking with Jesus, the door to wondrous things has opened.

talking with Jesus, the door to wondrous things has opened. Conclusion We might have imagined that

Conclusion

We might have imagined that doing away with childish things speeds an alters‟s growth but it can actually bring to a grinding halt not just the growth of one alter, but all healing. In fact, almost any decision made without an alter‟s consent has the potential to be highly triggering and often cause pain, resentment, and withdrawal, which will in turn keep a person‟s mind divided against itself.

You‟re a leader, not a loner. It might be frustrating to have to go slow for the sake of the others, but a general who charges off at his own pace is in for a rude shock when he encounters the enemy and looks behind to find himself alone because his army was unable to keep up with him. Together you are strong.

Healing requires almost superhuman reserves of courage, love, patience, insight, and so on, but that‟s okay because through Jesus you have access to all that you need.

insight, and so on, but that‟s okay because through Jesus you have access to all that

Related Pages

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How to Turn Nasty Alters into Nice Alters And links Resolving Conflict With Insiders Coping

For much more insight and help, see Christian Resources:

Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

© 2010, 2012 Grantley Morris.

provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author.

May be freely copied in whole or in part

I seem to be getting worse!

I seem to be getting worse! Help For Multiple Personality Disorder Net- Burst.Net

Help For Multiple Personality Disorder

Net-

Burst.Net

Help For Multiple Personality Disorder Net- Burst.Net Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D. – also known as

Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D. also known as Multiple Personality Disorder) is primarily about hiding from yourself emotional pain and sometimes facts that, at least in the past, you would much rather forget. The dilemma, however, is that whatever is hidden can never heal.

Moreover, discovering all your alters is essential not just to emotional wholeness but to intellectual wholeness. Until you win their confidence and coax them to share everything with you, each alter has exclusive access to part of your brain. This exclusive access includes far more than bad memories but good memories, valuable information you have learnt and abilities you wish you had. Since everyone is different, I

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cannot specify what exciting abilities you will discover, but by befriending alters you are likely to become better than you dreamt possible at some of the following:

* Courage

* Eyesight

* Singing in tune

* Rock climbing

* Short-term memory

* Long-term memory

* Creative cooking

* Humor

* Public speaking

* Artistic ability

* Poetry/creative writing

Dissociative

* One or more foreign languages

Identity

* Mechanical ability

Disorder

* Spelling

* Mathematics

* Enjoyment of marital relations

Intimacy with God, hearing from God, spiritual warfare, etc

*

*

And the possibilities keep going

There are also less easily quantified benefits of discovering new alters. One woman, a mother of two who has quite a few alters, told me the following today:

It is no exaggeration to say that some of the most precious moments in my life have come by having interaction with my alters.

Multiple

Last night, for example, I worked in a soup kitchen to feed the homeless. The supervisor of the kitchen asked me to stir a huge pot of soup. My arm got tired. I‟m right handed by my alter, Princess is left handed, so I

Personality

Disorder

told her, “Princess, I need your help. Can you stir this for me?”

She replied, “I‟d love to, Mommy!” With a grin she took the spoon and stirred and I could see her put her four year old arm around me and I heard a soft “I love you, Mommy.”

I‟ve had many a moment like this in my journey of healing from D.I.D. If I all my alters had instantly integrated with me, I might have gained the skill of using my left hand, but I might lose the precious

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moments of seeing my four year old embrace me and speak of her love for

moments of seeing my four year old embrace me and speak of her love for me.

That moment carried me through a wonderful evening and helped me be more present to enjoy the evening than I would have ordinarily been able to.

The territory I feel I‟m gaining in wholeness is make all the sweeter through interaction with my alters. I am taking back ground that is rightfully mine. I have worked long and hard for this and I feel that I deserve it. I will let no one take it from me.

If you are devoted to Christ, however, you have an even more powerful motivation than so far mentioned for persisting in the discovery process: glorifying God. It is hard to know for sure when your every alter has fully revealed to you every secret, but until then there are probably parts of you that do not know God, are terrified of him, hate him, or are even sold-out to Satan. These parts of you are not in love with God, nor in submission to him, nor able to glorify him by reaching anything like their full emotional, intellectual and spiritual potential. Burying your pain can turns out as spiritually serious as burying your talent (Matthew 25:25-30).

So discovering what has been buried is essential for healing and emotional, intellectual and spiritual wholeness. This necessitates courageously facing the unknown and the unpleasant.

It is as if you live in a cramped corner of a squalid house that has the potential to be a magnificent mansion. The tiny part you currently occupy is relatively clean but is regularly invaded by pests and disgusting smells because behind barricades and closed doors are filth and vermin that when cleaned away reveal everything you have always wanted but dared not even hope for in a house. Behind one door you have never opened is a swimming pool. Hidden underneath trash in another part you have never ventured into is a spa. Other unexplored areas when cleaned up would reveal a sauna, an entertainment area, a studio, office space you have always craved, a library filled with dust covered books you have always wanted, hidden behind trash in various rooms are priceless masterpieces, antiques, and other treasures you have not even imagined. So much can be yours; all you need do is be willing to endure the initial stench and clean up.

If you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, hiding things from

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yourself usually continued for very many years, so you can expect the uncovering of all

yourself usually continued for very many years, so you can expect the uncovering of all these things to take a long while because of the sheer volume of material but especially because of a natural reluctance to face the unpleasant and unknown, and then because of the time it takes to resolve whatever issues are uncovered.

Even when proceeding superbly with this process, it is inevitable that you will have times when it feels like you are going backwards. This is because you will not only be continually resolving matters and healing from them, you will be continually discovering new things that are so disturbing that you had hidden them from yourself all your life.

Obviously, the resolving and healing will make you feel better but each discovery of new matters will initially make you feel worse. So by its very nature, the healing process involves many ups and downs.

Let‟s put it another way: whenever you make progress in healing, alters that until now have kept hidden but are desperate for relief will be encouraged to reveal themselves so that they, too, can heal. Whenever new alters surface it is a huge step forward because it is the only way they can heal, and their issues have been adversely affecting you, even though the distress has largely been in the background. When an alter begins to surface, however, whatever has been pushed down comes to the fore, and the new alter‟s raw feelings will flood over the rest of you in a torrent so overwhelming that it dazes you. For example, the new alter will be disturbingly confused over suddenly discovering that many years have passed without him/her knowing it, The alter‟s bewilderment is likely to be so strong that feelings of confusion sweep over the rest of you.

When this process begins, it is likely to feel so vague and the alter so shy that you do not even realize that a new alter is surfacing. If ever you start feeling weird, there is quite a chance that this is what is happening.

For perhaps as long as a few days, the effect of a new alter‟s ignorance can be so strong that it seems as if almost everything you have learnt about D.I.D. has been knocked out of you and you seem to be back to square one. Moreover, you will be hit not only by the alter‟s ignorance but his/her pain, anger, bad habits, attitude towards God and so on. Then the alter will begin to come to terms with all the changes that occurred since he/she was last active and begin benefitting

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from you sharing your knowledge and your understanding of God, and the alter will gradually

from you sharing your knowledge and your understanding of God, and the alter will gradually find peace. As a result, you will gradually feel better again.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is like having been injured so severely that in order to heal fully a surgeon must take you through a series of major operations over several months. Just when you are healed enough from one operation to start enjoying the benefits, it means you are strong enough for the next operation. Even though you are making continual progress towards full recovery, you can be sure it will not feel like it immediately after each operation.

it will not feel like it immediately after each operation. The following, shared with permission, is

The following, shared with permission, is adapted from an email exchange I had with someone with D.I.D. She starts; my replies are in a different color:

Lately, a while after I have a conversation with someone, I think back and can‟t remember if I actually had that conversation or if it was a dream. If I approach the person later on and ask if I had had the conversation, sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no.

This is quite common. It is just that your alters have been “out” more than usual. Sometimes when an alter has been in the fore you have been present, but only in the background (this is known as co-consciousness). Since you were not the main participant but only overhearing the conversation, you have only a vague recollection of it. This explains times when the answer was, “Yes.”

On the other times, you planned to say it but never got around to it. People without D.I.D. have such experiences but what makes you even less sure as to whether it actually happened is because of experiences like the first that you described when vague recollections proved accurate.

I feel like I am losing my mind and becoming more detached rather than being put together.

Not only are you not losing your mind, you are actually in the process of gaining your mind like never before.

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Having your alters “out” more often is the means whereby you will end up discovering

Having your alters “out” more often is the means whereby you will end up discovering parts of your mind that have been hidden from you and eventually gaining control of your mind like never before.

Yes, in a sense you are temporarily becoming more detached, but remember this: if you wish to repair a complex machine you must first dissemble it. If you want more control of your mind you must first discover those parts that you had previously been unaware of. And to bring a machine to peak performance you must carefully examine every part and ensure it is fully restored. So it is with bringing yourself to peak condition; you must carefully examine and restore each part of you.

I think I was recently sharing with my Pastor a memory I had about a doctor‟s visit when I was quite young. But I‟m not sure whether I actually told him.

Most likely that‟s because the part of you that had stored the memory was in the fore during the conversation, whereas you were only in the background and so it seemed less vivid to you.

I was pretty shocked that I recalled that childhood doctor‟s visit after all these years. Where had the memory been all this time?

The memory had been with an alter, locked away from your conscious, and this alter was sharing it while you were co-conscious.

See! You are regaining access to lost memories. This is the opposite of losing your mind, even though it will initially seem quite confusing.

Recently my son was reminding me that he was working a particular night. I replied that he had never told me he had that job and that I don‟t want him to work that night. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me we had spoken about it and I said it was okay to work. He was definite about the conversation but I do not remember having it with him.

This is common with D.I.D. and you have to be careful. If people claim you had a conversation that you know nothing of, don‟t deny it, or people might think you are

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lying. Just fish for more information. My husband has been asking me what is wrong

lying. Just fish for more information.

My husband has been asking me what is wrong lately. He says it‟s like my head is in the clouds. I am losing things and putting things away in odd places. He says I seem preoccupied, forgetting what I say and sometimes I stutter my words.

The storing of things in places you don‟t recall is being done by other alters. Instead of being hidden deep inside of you, too terrified to interact with the real world, they are gaining confidence and coming out. They are not used to doing things the way you currently do them, so articles could end up in what to you seem strange places. It is disconcerting for you at present, but it will pass as you and your alters get used to conversing with each other and start keeping each other informed of what each one does.

Whether you realize it or not, however, the alters are benefitting from being out. For example, they are beginning to realize that they are not living in the place they grew up in. This will be confusing for them at first but when you are eventually able to freely converse with them they will find it easier to believe you when you tell them they are now in a safe location and that their abuser no longer has access to them. This will be a huge relief to them, and for you it will probably mean a lessening of what to you had felt like years of inexplicable anxiety.

The stuttering is also an alter speaking. Stuttering is not unexpected in traumatized little children.

I‟ve been wondering if I am thinking of all this D.I.D. stuff too much and it‟s getting to me. You see, things like this never happen to me. I am very organized and I know what I say when I say it. I have always been focused and in touch with what‟s going on.

Your alters are gaining confidence through you and your counselor accepting them and so they are coming out more. This is essential for healing. It is just a stage you are going through. In time, your alters will keep you better informed as to what they do. It‟s a just matter of learning how to work as a team work.

Keep remembering that these alters are vital parts of

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you that you very much need. By them coming out more you will end up

you that you very much need. By them coming out more you will end up not only being able to access their memories etc that are critical keys to your healing, but also access to intellectual abilities that you never imagined you had.

Even though as you persist with healing there will be ups and downs, the overall trend will be up, and things will gradually get easier and better. You will understand yourself far better. Mysterious aspects of your life will at last make sense. Alters will grow until they are able nurture and assist needy alters, thus easing your workload with new alters. You will become increasingly capable. Uncontrollable habits will fade. Frustrating and/or embarrassing limitations will disappear. Life will become more fulfilling and enjoyable, you will be more empowered to help other people, and God will be glorified. But it all hinges on your willingness to explore areas of your life you have never before had the courage to face.

of your life you have never before had the courage to face. Related Pages For much

Related Pages

For much more insight and help, see:

Personalized support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net

support Grantley Morris: healing@net-burst.net © 2011, Grantley Morris . May be freely copied in whole

© 2011, Grantley Morris. May be freely copied in whole or in part provided: it is not altered; this entire paragraph is included; readers are not charged and it is not used in a webpage. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings available free online at www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give. For use outside these limits, consult the author.

Resolving Conflict Between Insiders