Yvonne Whittal Web of Silk 1982 There was no denying that Carl Ziegler was sensationally attractive, nor

that he was very attracted to her b!t where was that going to get her" #organ $ield wondered r!ef!lly% $or if she gave in to hi& he wo!ld break her heart and then walk away fro& her' he was e&(hatic that the last thing he wanted was any kind of co&&it&ent to any wo&an% )ven so, how dared he !se her as a cover*!( for his affair with a &arried wo&an" Wo!ld #organ ever &anage to esca(e fro& this silken web he had woven aro!nd her"

C+,-T). /0) , W,.#, s!nny day in &idwinter was nothing strange in .oss&ere, which nestled a&ongst the hills ninety kilo&etres north of -retoria, b!t the &o&ent the s!n di((ed behind those hills the te&(erat!re dro((ed several degrees below 1ero, and for this reason alone #organ $ield was deter&ined to soak !( every scra( of war&th that Sat!rday afternoon on the terrace of her father2s ho&e% She lay back on the cane recliner, and her thick dark lashes fanned her cheeks when she closed her eyes% +er titian*colo!red hair lay s(read o!t in an a!reole abo!t her head against the floral c!shions, and her s&all, thr!sting breasts rose and fell gently beneath the green silk blo!se% 3elow the he& of her white woollen skirt one sha(ely calf and ankle was e4(osed to the s!n, while her right leg was encased in a heavy (laster cast fro& below the knee down to 5!st above the toes% The cast was an !nco&fortable re&inder of how she had allowed herself to be coerced into going horse*riding% The tetchy &are had thrown her after a few nerve*racking &in!tes, and she had been l!cky to esca(e with nothing &ore serio!s than br!ises and a broken leg% #organ felt (leasantly drowsy, and she &!st have do1ed off for a while, b!t when she once again beca&e aware of the birdsong aro!nd her, she had the !neasy feeling that she was being observed% She stirred, her lashes lifting to reveal eyes which were a &i4t!re of grey and green beneath dark, winged brows, and her heart l!rched violently when she fo!nd herself staring !( into the bl!est eyes she had ever seen% Those eyes belonged to a &an whose hair was so fair it was al&ost white in the s!nlight, and it contrasted heavily with the dee(ly tanned skin stretching across his strong feat!res% +is sho!lders were broad beneath the (erfectly tailored bl!e 5acket, and his th!&bs were hooked into the (ockets of his grey corded (ants which cl!ng to lean hi(s and long, &!sc!lar legs% +is 5aw was s6!are beneath the chiselled, frankly sens!o!s &o!th, and he e4!ded a raw &asc!linity which reached o!t to her and left her incredibly aware of her own fe&ininity%

Startled, and faintly a&!sed at the feelings he aro!sed, a slow, s(ontaneo!s s&ile lifted the corners of her wide &o!th% 2+ow long have yo! been standing there"2 2, few seconds, no &ore%2 +is voice was dee(, velvety, and !n&istakably ,&erican, b!t it was the teasing, al&ost &ocking light in his eyes that ca(t!red her attention% 27 give yo! &y word that yo! didn2t snore%2 27 sho!ld ho(e not82 she 2la!ghed lightly, b!t her la!gh had a c!rio!sly breathless so!nd to it which vag!ely irritated her as she sw!ng her legs off the recliner and reached for her cr!tches% 29on2t get !(,2 he ordered at once, thr!sting his hand o!t towards her, and it was a nice hand with neatly cli((ed nails she noticed% 272& Carl Ziegler%2 2#organ $ield,2 she res(onded (olitely% +is hand e&braced hers% There was no other way to describe 2it, she decided% /thers shook hands, or clas(ed, or gri((ed, b!t the to!ch of this &an2s hand was like an inti&ate e&brace that sent a tho!sand little shock waves tri((ing across e4(osed nerve ends% 27 didn2t know ,ndrew had a da!ghter%2 #organ felt as if so&ething had a stranglehold on her throat, b!t she was saved fro& &aking a s!itable re(ly when her father ste((ed o!t on to the terrace at that (recise &o&ent% 2Carl,2 he s&iled at his visitor, and it needed only a 6!ick glance to s!& !( the sit!ation% 27 (res!&e yo! two have introd!ced yo!rselves"2 2We have,2 Carl Ziegler re(lied, his hand releasing #organ2s at last and allowing her to breathe a little easier% 27f yo!2ll co&e this way then we can talk (rivately in the st!dy,2 ,ndrew $ield s!ggested after an awkward (a!se, and Carl nodded before he t!rned to s&ile at #organ in a way that s!cceeded in sending the blood ski((ing thro!gh her veins%2 2Yo! will e4c!se !s, won2t yo!, #iss $ield"2 2Yes, of co!rse,2 she was s!r(rised to hear herself re(ly in a (leasant yet dece(tively cal& voice% The two &en disa((eared into the ho!se and #organ sat there wondering if she had not i&agined her brief yet electrifying enco!nter with this &an who called hi&self Carl Ziegler% 0o &an had ever affected her in 6!ite this way before% She was level*headed and sensible, and 6!ite content with the way her life was (rogressing, b!t in the s(ace of a few &in!tes he had &ade her aware of herself as a wo&an, soft and totally fe&inine, and 6!ite s!ddenly !nknown forces were cla&o!ring for an o!tlet within her% 7t was dist!rbing, and &ore than a little frightening% Who was he" What was he doing here in the s&all ind!strial town of .oss&ere" She co!ld not find the answer to these 6!estions, b!t so&ething warned her that this &an co!ld (rove to be dangero!s to her (eace of &ind% #organ levered herself !( on to the cr!tches and entered the ho!se laborio!sly% She was no longer in the right &ood to en5oy the war&th and tran6!illity of the terrace, b!t

&ost of all she did not want to be aro!nd when Carl Ziegler left the ho!se% +e was the ty(e of &an she was certain she co!ld take in s&all doses only, and the initial dose had been a&(le to leave her shaken beyond her !nderstanding% She (assed the st!dy on her way to her roo&, and heard the word 2Triton2 being &entioned behind the closed door, b!t she did not linger to hear &ore% 7t was a b!siness disc!ssion, that &!ch was obvio!s, b!t e4actly where Carl Ziegler fitted in she was c!rio!s to know% The Triton Co&(!ter Co&(any had (!t .oss&ere on the &a( a n!&ber of years ago, and her father, ,ndrew $ield, was one of the senior directors of a fir& which was headed by a cr!sty old &an na&ed .andol(h +illier% #ore than that #organ co!ld not recall% She had never been all that interested in co&(!ters, and her father had seldo& disc!ssed his work, or those with who& he worked% When ,ndrew closed his office door behind hi& in the evenings, or at weekends, that was where it all re&ained, and it was totally !n!s!al for hi& to have so&eone co&ing to his ho&e to disc!ss anything connected with b!siness% 7t was this realisation that &ade #organ Wonder once again what Carl Ziegler2s connection was with the co&(any% That evening, while #organ and her father were having their after*dinner coffee in front of the living*roo& fire, she co!ld no longer contain her c!riosity% 2Tell &e abo!t Carl Ziegler,2 she said with as &!ch cas!alness as she co!ld &!ster% 29oes he work for the Triton Co&(any"2 2Carl Ziegler is the Triton Co&(any,2 her father infor&ed her drily, and when he &et her c!rio!s ga1e he la!nched into a lengthy e4(lanation which s!r(rised her even &ore% 2When .andol(h +illier retired last year his ne(hew, Carl, ca&e o!t fro& ,&erica at .andol(h2s re6!est to take the chair% +illier2s decision to install Carl as (resident and chair&an of the co&(any ca!sed a tre&endo!s stir a&ongst the e4isting directors, b!t we have all had to ad&it that he2s a geni!s with co&(!ters, and his b!siness ac!&en is ra1or* shar(% 0o one can deny that the co&(any has e4(anded !nder his g!idance over the (ast &onths% Sales have risen to (heno&enal heights, and bigger and better contracts have been co&ing o!r way%2 2So he has brain as well as brawn,2 she re&arked absently, and her father2s face creased into an a&!sed s&ile% 2The &en &ost certainly a((reciate his brain, b!t 7 have no do!bt that the wo&en are &ore interested in the brawn%2 27s he a bit of a wolf"2 2+e had a re(!tation, 7 believe, for changing his wo&en &ore often than there are seasons in a year%2 2+e2s obvio!sly of the o(inion that variety adds s(ice to life,2 she &!r&!red, staring tho!ghtf!lly into the fire% 27ntrig!ing tho!ght%2 2What did yo! think of hi&"2 ,ndrew shot the 6!estion at her% 27 can2t really say,2 she frowned, being deliberately vag!e, b!t she recalled only too vividly her feelings when he had held her hand% 27 only &et hi& briefly this afternoon, as yo! know%2

2Stay o!t of his way, #organ% +e2s not yo!r ty(e%2 She glanced shar(ly at her father, taking in his dark hair which was greying so attractively at the te&(les, and the concern of his stiff yo!thf!*looking feat!res, then she la!ghed lightly% 2:ood heavens, 9addy,2 she (rotested% 2With this heavy cast on &y leg 7 can2t very well get into his way, now can 7"2 2Yo! know what 7 &ean,2 her father scowled% 29on2t enco!rage hi&, whatever yo! do%2 27 (ro&ise to wear &y ;<ittle #iss -r!ne; face the ne4t ti&e he calls,2 she said, adding the action to her words% 23e serio!s, #organ,2 he scowled, &eeting her &ischievo!s glance% 27 know yo!2re old eno!gh to do as yo! (lease, b!t do be caref!l where Carl Ziegler is concerned%2 27 didn2t know that .andol(h +illier had relatives in ,&erica,2 she re&arked, deciding it was safer to steer the conversation on to fir&er gro!nd% 2+illier2s sister &arried an ,&erican% Carl was born here in So!th ,frica, b!t when he was fifteen his (arents went to ,&erica, and 7 s!((ose twenty years in that co!ntry was long eno!gh for Carl to (ick !( their accent%2 That &ade hi& thirty*five, #organ tho!ght after a 6!ick bo!t of &ental arith&etic, and so&ehow, even tho!gh their disc!ssion had ended there, she co!ld not rid her &ind of the &an who had re&inded her of a =iking god% +e invaded her drea&s that night, along with the warnings her father had iss!ed, and when she awoke on S!nday &orning she was of the sa&e &ind as her father% The less she saw of Carl Ziegler, the better for her, and she ho(ed that he wo!ld cond!ct all f!rther b!siness disc!ssions with her father d!ring co&(any ti&e, and on co&(any (re&ises% ,ndrew $ield went off to his !s!al ga&e of golf that S!nday, and #organ settled down with a book on the terrace% 7t was not often that she had the o((ort!nity to catch !( on her reading, b!t this enforced holiday had given her (lenty of ti&e to ind!lge in her favo!rite (asti&e% The en5oy&ent of it was beginning to (all slightly, b!t she nevertheless settled down with one of her favo!rites in the ho(e that she wo!ld beco&e totally absorbed in it% #organ had been reading for &ore than an ho!r in the shade of the bo!gainvillea when a sleek silver -orsche (!rred !( the circ!lar drive and sto((ed 5!st below the ste(s, and to her consternation Carl Ziegler got o!t of it and &o!nted the ste(s with lithe, easy strides% #organ held her breath as she watched hi& a((roach her, and for so&e !nacco!ntable reason there was a nervo!s fl!ttering in her breast as his (otent &asc!linity reached o!t to her once &ore% 2:ood &orning,2 he s&iled, drawing !( a chair and seating hi&self close to her% 2:ood &orning, #r% Ziegler,2 she ret!rned his greeting stiffly, setting aside her book and folding her hands rather (ri&ly in her la(% 2#y friends call &e Carl%2

7n a beige lightweight s!it and brown o(en*necked shirt, he looked absol!tely devastating, b!t #organ was deter&ined to re&ain o!twardly !ni&(ressed% 2#y association with yo! is too brief for &e to think of yo! as a friend%2 27 &ake friends easily%2 29o yo!"2 she &ocked hi&, while withdrawing &entally fro& the sens!al attraction that e&anated fro& hi&% 27 detect a certain reserve in yo!r &anner,2 he re&arked 6!ietly, al&ost challengingly% 272& always reserved with strangers,2 she lied, her voice a little h!skier than !s!al% 2That wasn2t the i&(ression 7 got yesterday%2 2That was yesterday,2 she walked !ns!s(ectingly into the tra(% 27 get it,2 he s&iled, and her bones see&ed to &elt at the sight of it des(ite the &ockery c!rving his chiselled &o!th% 2Yo!r daddy has told yo! not to &ess with the big bad wolf, and nice little girls like yo! !s!ally do what their daddies tell the&%2 20ice little girls !s!ally heed the warnings of their elders, b!t that sho!ld still leave the& free to &ake !( their own &inds abo!t so&ething or so&eone,2 she corrected hi& (ri&ly% 2,nd are yo! free to &ake !( yo!r own &ind"2 She looked !( into those la1y, heavy*lidded eyes, and said abr!(tly, 272& over twenty*one%2 27 bet yo!2re &aking that !(, and that yo!2re not a day older than eighteen,2 he la!ghed, dis(laying strong white teeth% 2$lattery will get yo! nowhere, #r% Ziegler%2 2Carl,2 he corrected, and she fo!nd it !nnerving that he sho!ld observe her so intently% 2+ow old are yo!"2 2, gentle&an never 6!estions a lady abo!t her age,2 she (revaricated &ockingly% 2That2s correct, &a2a&, b!t 72& no gentle&an, so 72ll ask yo! again,2 he said% 2+ow old are yo!"2 27 don2t see that it2s any b!siness of yo!rs,2 she re(lied with !n!s!al ha!ghtiness, 2b!t 72& twenty*fo!r%2 20ice age %%% twenty*fo!r,2 he &!r&!red, and she wished he wo!ld sto( looking at her in that (ec!liarly intense fashion as if he was conte&(lating &aking a &eal of her% 27f yo! were ho(ing to see &y father, then 72& afraid yo!2ve &issed hi&,2 she said, ho(ing he wo!ld go away and leave her in (eace% 2+e !s!ally (lays golf on a S!nday%2 27 ca&e to see yo!, not yo!r father%2 #organ felt as if the breath had &o&entarily been s6!ee1ed fro& her l!ngs, and she was s!ddenly terrified that he &ight hear the erratic beat of her heart% 2Yo! ca&e to see me?'

2Yo! find that hard to believe"2 +er hands were s!ddenly shaking so &!ch that she cl!tched the sides of the recliner in an effort to hide the fact% 2Why sho!ld yo! want to see &e"2 2Yo!2re a very (retty lady, and when 7 saw yo! yesterday 7 said to &yself, ;0ow here2s so&eone 72d like to get to know better;%2 2What gave yo! the idea that 7 wo!ld feel the sa&e way abo!t yo!"2 she de&anded stiffly% 272& seldo& wrong abo!t s!ch things%2 Those very bl!e eyes flicked over her, challenging, ra1or*shar(, and &issing nothing fro& the !ncertain fl!tter of her hands to that frightened little (!lse at the base of her throat% , tri!&(hant little s&ile c!rved his sens!o!s &o!th, and she felt her cheeks grow war& with e&barrass&ent% 2#r% Ziegler 2 2Carl,2 he interr!(ted !rgently, leaning towards her and tra((ing her within the a!ra of his dist!rbing &asc!linity% 'Say it!' #organ stared !( into his r!ggedly handso&e face% She saw the tiny la!ghter lines beneath his eyes, the bone*&elting (ers!asiveness of his s&ile, and so&ehow she heard herself co&(lying with the co&&and he had given% 2Carl,2 she said his na&e in her faintly h!sky voice% 27 knew it82 he anno!nced abr!(tly, sna((ing his fingers and leaning back in the cane chair with a satisfied e4(ression settling on his face% 2>new what"2 she 6!estioned conf!sedly% 27 knew that when yo! said &y na&e it wo!ld so!nd (leasantly different fro& the way anyone else said it%2 Their eyes &et, and #organ felt as if she were hovering on the brink of a dee( ravine% 27 think yo!2d better go%2 27 can hear tea c!(s rattling inside,2 he anno!nced s&oothly% 2Yo!2re going to invite &e to stay and have tea with yo!, aren2t yo!"2 20o, 72& not82 the words hovered on her li(s, b!t she realised in ti&e that this &an was not only the (resident and chair&an of Triton, b!t her father2s senior, so she sighed and said resignedly, 27 s!((ose it wo!ld be i&(olite of &e not to ask yo! to stay to tea%2 2,nd 7 acce(t yo!r gracio!s invitation %%% #organ%2 +e was &ocking her, b!t it was the so!nd of her na&e on his li(s, &ore than anything else, that did strange things to her% -a!lina2s arrival with the tea was a welco&e diversion% 7t gave #organ so&ething to do, and ti&e to gather her scattered wits abo!t her, b!t even while she sat !( to (o!r the tea she was intensely conscio!s of Carl Ziegler2s forcef!l (resence% +e was seated &!ch too close to her for co&fort,

and one careless &ove&ent wo!ld have bro!ght her hand into contact with a &!scled thigh% 7t was totally !nnerving, and she co!ld not 6!ite disg!ise the tre&or in her hands% 29o yo! take &ilk and s!gar"2 she en6!ired (olitely% 2#ilk, b!t no s!gar,2 he re(lied, then the !ne4(ected br!sh of his fingers against her own al&ost &ade her dro( the tea c!( as she handed it to hi&, and the glea& in his eyes &ade it e&barrassingly clear that he was aware of her nervo!sness% 2+ow did that ha((en"2 he asked at length, gest!ring with a strong, well*sha(ed hand towards the cast on her leg% 2,gainst &y better 5!dg&ent 7 went horse*riding on a friend2s far&, and the ani&al b!cked &e o!t of the saddle,2 she e4(lained, &entally recalling those terrifying &o&ents when she had fo!nd herself so !ne4(ectedly airborne% 27 broke &y leg in two (laces%2 2When was this"2 2Three weeks ago%2 27 s!((ose this doesn2t allow yo! &!ch freedo& to get abo!t,2 he concl!ded gri&ly% 27 &anage on cr!tches,2 #organ s&iled r!ef!lly, 2b!t 7 was advised to stay off &y leg to allow the bones to knit (ro(erly, and !nder no circ!&stances a& 7 to (!t &y weight on to that foot%2 Those incredibly bl!e eyes st!died her tho!ghtf!lly, sliding over her la1ily as if to ac6!aint the&selves with her slender fe&inine c!rves !ntil she felt her body beco&e heated beneath the floral silk of her dress% +e looked at her as if he was well aware of the &ysteries of the fe&ale anato&y, and she felt oddly fl!shed and naked% 27 can2t !nderstand why we2ve never &et before,2 he said, his eyes lingering on her bright red*brown hair which t!&bled in thick, l!stro!s waves down on to her sli&, straight sho!lders% 2-erha(s beca!se 7 don2t live and work here in .oss&ere,2 she &anaged in a tight, controlled voice% 2Where do yo! live"2 2-retoria%2 +is eyes flickered strangely% 27 go down to -retoria 6!ite often on b!siness%2 29o yo!"2 she asked, atte&(ting to so!nd !ninterested, b!t Carl Ziegler was not to be (!t off% 2What kind of work do yo! do"2 he contin!ed his ra(id in6!isition% 272& (rivate secretary to an attorney%2 2When do yo! e4(ect yo!r father ho&e"2 +e switched the to(ic of conversation so swiftly that, before she co!ld (revent herself, she was saying, 2When &y father (lays golf it2s an all*day ga&e%2 2Wonderf!l82 Carl e4clai&ed, a satisfied glea& in his eyes%

27 beg yo!r (ardon"2 she blinked, not 6!ite s!re what to &ake of hi&% 2What abo!t co&ing for a drive with &e"2 he invited !ne4(ectedly% 27t2s a lovely day, we2ll sto( so&ewhere for l!nch, and 72ll have yo! ho&e safe and so!nd this afternoon%2 #organ shrank inwardly fro& the idea% 2Thank yo! for asking, b!t 7 29on2t say no,2 he interr!(ted hastily% 272& afraid 7 2 27 co!ldn2t bear to s(end this bea!tif!l day all on &y own,2 he c!t into her ref!sal once again% 272& s!re yo! &!st know (lenty of wo&en who wo!ld be only too willing to dro( whatever they2re doing to hel( fill the e&(ty ho!rs for yo!,2 she arg!ed &ockingly, 2/h, s!re,2 he gest!red e4(ressively towards the inside (ocket of his 5acket% 27 have &y little black book handy for e&ergencies, b!t 72d &!ch rather s(end the day with yo!%2 +is hand was on her knee with a fa&iliarity she had des(ised in others, and his s&ile was (ers!asive% 2Won2t yo! say yes, #organ ? (lease"2 She stared at his hand, wanting to br!sh it away, b!t she had neither the strength nor the will to do so% The sensations s(iralling !( her thigh were (ositively electrifying, and at that &o&ent she was willing to do al&ost anything to esca(e his to!ch% 27 shall have to change,2 she croaked, !nable to tear her eyes off that brown hand resting so nat!rally on her knee% 2Yo! look fine 5!st as yo! are,2 he insisted, sliding his dist!rbing glance over her% 27f yo! wo!ldn2t &ind giving &e a hand !(, then 7 wo!ld like to go and (!ll a co&b thro!gh &y hair and leave a &essage for &y father in case he arrives ho&e before we do,2 she tried again, and this ti&e he released her knee to clas( her hands fir&ly% Carl very gallantly hel(ed her !( on to her cr!tches, and his nearness was so dist!rbing that she felt a tre&or of alar& (ass thro!gh her% :od hel( her if this &an ever tried to &ake love to her, she tho!ght, b!t the ne4t instant she was ad&onishing herself severely for even thinking s!ch tho!ghts% 272ll be waiting right here, honey,2 he s&iled, trailing a (layf!l finger along her cheek, and it was like fire against her fl!shed skin% #organ &oved away fro& hi& and went into the ho!se, her hands gri((ing the cr!tches so tightly that her kn!ckles showed white thro!gh the skin, and when she reached her bedroo& she closed the door behind her al&ost as if she were afraid that he wo!ld follow her there% This was ridic!lo!s, she told herself, leaning against the door for a &o&ent to catch her breath% She had been o!t with &en before, so why sho!ld she let Carl Ziegler affect her in this alar&ing way" +e was attractive, s!ave, and not at all like any of the &en she had known before, b!t that, she told herself severely, was no reason to behave like a girl on her first enco!nter with the o((osite se4% She was being over*ca!tio!s and over* sensitive beca!se of what her father had told her abo!t this &an, she finally decided% 7f she co!ld sh!t her &ind to that, then she &ight be able to rela4 in his co&(any% 2

When #organ ste((ed o!t on to the terrace a few &in!tes later she saw that the door on the (assenger side of the -orsche had been o(ened, and Carl was co&ing swiftly !( the ste(s towards her% 2<ean on &e, and (!t yo!r cr!tches against the wall,2 * he ordered% :!essing his intentions, she shied away fro& it &entally and said hastily, 272ll &anage, thank yo!%2 29on2t be s!ch; a st!bborn yo!ng lady, and do as yo!2re told,2 he co&&anded, and for so&e reason she obeyed the a!thoritative note in his voice% With her left hand on his sho!lder, and her weight fir&ly on her left leg, she (laced her cr!tches against the wall beside the entrance of the ho!se, and the ne4t instant she was lifted high in his, ar&s and carried down the ste(s towards his car% 0ecessity forced her to (lace her ar&s abo!t his neck, b!t the feel of that hard &ale body against her own sent a 6!ivering awareness swee(ing along her nervo!s syste&% +is ar&s were hard as steel abo!t her waist and behind her knees, and he see&ed to be carrying her as if she were no weight at all% When, at last, she was lowered caref!lly on to the front seat of the -orsche, he s&iled down into her eyes% 2That was &!ch 6!icker, and &!ch easier, wo!ldn2t yo! say"2 he asked% 2Thank yo!,2 #organ &!r&!red faintly, having diffic!lty in controlling the ra&(ant beat of her heart% 2#y (leas!re, &a2a&,2 he sal!ted her co&ically% 2#y cr!tches82 she re&inded hi& an4io!sly when he was abo!t to close the door% 2Yo! won2t be needing the& while yo!2re with &e%2 2Yo! can2t (ossibly carry &e aro!nd all over the (lace,2 she (rotested with frantic visions of Carl (erha(s having to carry her into the ladies2 cloakroo& so&ewhere% 2Yo! have a (oint there%2 +is eyes la!ghed la1ily down into hers as if he had read her tho!ghts, then he fetched her cr!tches and dro((ed the& !ncere&onio!sly on to the back seat% 2We2ll 5!st leave the& there and forget abo!t the& !nless yo! need the&%2 +is hands were strong and ca(able on the wheel, she noticed so&e &in!tes later, and so&ehow she fo!nd herself rela4ing in the l!4!rio!s interior of Carl2s -orsche% +e had driven several kilo&etres o!t of .oss&ere in a northerly direction when he sw!ng the car off the road and (arked it beneath the overhanging branches of a tall acacia% 2@!st s&ell that air,2 he said, letting down his window and drawing the air a!dibly into his l!ngs, then he leaned back in his seat and s&iled% 27t2s good to be back in So!th ,frica, and 72ve been telling &yself that al&ost every day d!ring the (ast &onths%2 #organ eased herself back against the door to st!dy hi& closely% +is hair was so incredibly fair, and his skin so dee(ly tanned, that the contrast was striking% +is eyes were heavy*lidded and dece(tively la1y, b!t there was nothing la1y abo!t that a!ra of s!((ressed energy that cl!ng to hi&% +is &ind was alert, his 5aw deter&ined, b!t she s!s(ected that &any (eo(le were deceived by his o!tward a((earance which gave the i&(ression that he was a 9on @!an, and no &ore than that% 29o yo! still have fa&ily and b!siness co&&it&ents in ,&erica"2 she fo!nd herself 6!estioning hi&%

20o fa&ily co&&it&ents, b!t b!siness, yes,2 he re(lied, resting his ar& along the seat behind her sho!lders% 27 co!ldn2t si&(ly discard what 7 was doing to co&e o!t here and take over &y !ncle2s co&(!ter fir&%2 27 s!((ose that re6!ires a lot of travelling back and forth"2 272ll say it does,2 he ad&itted forcef!lly% 23!t 72& ho(ing it won2t be for &!ch longer%2 29oes that &ean yo! &ight ret!rn to the A%S%,% (er&anently, or do yo! intend to &ake yo!r ho&e here in So!th ,frica"2 she (robed c!rio!sly% 27 haven2t decided yet%2 +e waved an e4(ressive hand, and t!rned in his seat to face her% 2+ey, gorgeo!s, 7 didn2t bring yo! o!t on this lovely day to talk abo!t &yself%2 2What shall we talk abo!t, then"2 #organ s&iled !nwillingly% 'You for a start%2 +er s&ile fro1e% 272& rather a d!ll s!b5ect%2 27 can2t believe that%2 27t2s the tr!th,2 she insisted cal&ly% 272ve always led a terribly ordinary, d!ll life, and there2s really nothing interesting or e4citing abo!t &e%2 2That2s a lie,2 +is bl!e glance slid over her with the sens!al thoro!ghness of a (rofessional% 2.ight now 7 can think of several interesting and e4citing things abo!t yo!%2 2Yo!r idea of interesting and e4citing doesn2t necessarily tally with &ine,2 she arg!ed away the s!ggestion of inti&acy in his dee( voice% 29oesn2t it"2 +er heightened colo!r did not esca(e hi&% 27 bet there2ve been (lenty of &en in yo!r life%2 2/h, yes, (lenty,2 she lied with a hint of &ockery in her voice% 2So &any that 72ve lost co!nt of the&%2 2,ny of the& serio!s"2 he asked, st!dying her intently% 2/h, all of the& were serio!s%2 The brief silence was filled with birdsong and the shrill screeching of insects, then Carl said abr!(tly, 2Yo!2re not telling &e the tr!th%2 2+ow clever of yo! to g!ess,2 she s&iled sarcastically as she ca(it!lated% 2There has been no &an in &y life% 0o one s(ecial, that is,2 she finally confessed% 27 g!ess what yo!2re saying is that yo!2ve been o!t with a co!(le of g!ys, b!t none of the& have ever taken yo!r fancy%2 2Yo! co!ld say so, yes,2 she nodded, growing tired of the to(ic of conversation% 2What do yo! look for in a &an"2 he (robed relentlessly% 27 don2t look for anything in (artic!lar, b!t 72ll know when the right &an co&es along, and then %%%%B 27 know,2 he gr!nted al&ost as if he were in (ain% 2#arriage, a ho&e, and children%2

2What2s wrong with wanting &arriage, a ho&e, and children"2 she de&anded defensively, eyeing hi& s!rre(titio!sly% 20othing, believe &e,2 he la!ghed cynically% 27t2s 5!st not &y style, that2s all%2 #organ was not s!r(rised, b!t she co!ld not resist (rodding hi& with, 27s yo!r freedo& so i&(ortant to yo!"2 20o one is ever free, &y dear lady% We all have certain things that tie !s, down, s!ch as o!r obligations to those we work with, or work for, whichever the case &ay be, so there2s really no s!ch thing as total freedo& in this life, b!t &arriage is so&ething 6!ite different% #arriage is a total co&&it&ent of oneself, and 72& not the ty(e to co&&it &yself to one wo&an only for the rest of &y life%2 They sat there for a long ti&e witho!t s(eaking while the scent of the veld was all aro!nd the&, then he glanced at her and s&iled &ockingly% 2Yo! don2t have anything to say to that"2 2What is there to say"2 she shr!gged her sho!lders lightly 2We all live o!r lives in the way that s!its !s best, and it2s not for &e to conde&n yo! for wanting to live yo!r life free of the co&&it&ents involved in a &arriage%2 23!t yo! don2t a((rove%2 She looked into those dist!rbing eyes, and away again 6!ickly before he saw 5!st how &!ch their conversation was affecting her% 2Whether 7 a((rove or disa((rove is inconse6!ential, #r% Ziegler% 7t2s really none of &y b!siness%2 +e reached o!t, and this ti&e those strong brown fingers gri((ed her right hand tightly% 2+ow &any ti&es do 7 have to tell yo! that &y na&e is Carl"2 +is to!ch had an odd effect on her vocal chords, and she had to take a dee(, steadying breath before she said haltingly, 2Sorry %%% Carl%2 2That2s better,2 he s&iled, and her heart did an !nco&fortable so&ersa!lt in her breast at the sight of it% 2Wo!ld yo! &ind giving &e back &y hand"2 she asked in a voice that was s!r(risingly cal& considering the way her nerves were reacting to his to!ch, and his &ocking la!ghter was soft on her ears as he released her hand and started the car%

C+,-T). TW/ C,.< (!lled in at an o(en*air resta!rant abo!t thirty kilo&etres fro& .oss&ere, and witho!t the slightest sign of e&barrass&ent he lifted #organ o!t of the car and carried her to a vacant table% She (rotested, b!t he (aid no sheed, and they ate their l!nch beneath the da((led shade of a &ar!la tree, b!t #organ was &ore aware of her co&(anion than of what she was eating% 2#organ is an !n!s!al na&e for a girl,2 Carl re&arked when they finally lingered

over their coffee% 27t was &y &other2s s!rna&e before she &arried &y father,2 she e4(lained with a gri&ace% 27 think they had ho(ed for a boy, b!t when 7 ca&e along they &!st have decided that it wo!ld s!it &e 5!st as well%2 27t does s!it yo!,2 he said, his glance sliding over her% 27t goes with yo!r hair, yo!r eyes % % %2 27 believe yo! said so&ething abo!t having no fa&ily ties,2 she changed the s!b5ect hastily% 27 said 7 had no fa&ily co&&it&ents,2 he corrected, looking a&!sed% 2#y &other died so&e years back, 7 have a sister back in the States, b!t &y father and 7 have never seen eye to eye, and we sort of drifted a(art, if yo! know what 7 &ean%2 #organ eyed hi& c!rio!sly% 2Yo! don2t see hi& often, then"2 20ot often,2 he confessed cynically, 2and when we do &eet the &ost we can &anage is ;+i;, ;+ow are yo!;, and ;:oodbye;%2 2That doesn2t so!nd like a very healthy relationshi( to &e,2 she observed drily% 2The less we see of each other, the healthier it beco&es,2 he la!ghed derisively% 29o yo! get on well with yo!r father"2 2=ery well,2 she ad&itted tho!ghtf!lly% 2We have been even closer these (ast two years since &y &other2s death%2 2What did yo!r father tell yo! abo!t &e"2 #o&entarily ca!ght off g!ard by his 6!estion, she very nearly bl!rted o!t the tr!th, b!t she took her ti&e re(lying, and when she did there was a gli&&er of a&!se&ent in her grey*green eyes% 27 don2t think it wo!ld be good (olicy to disc!ss what &y father said abo!t the (resident and chair&an of the co&(any he works for, do yo!"2 20ow yo!2ve &ade &e c!rio!s%2 +is narrowed eyes glittered with cynical h!&o!r% 2Co&e on, honey, yo! can tell &e%2 2+e said absol!tely nothing to discredit yo!,2 she (revaricated, shifting !nco&fortably in her chair% 27n fact, he co&(li&ented yo! by saying that yo! were e4tre&ely clever with co&(!ters, and that yo! had an e4cellent head for b!siness%2 2That2s not all he said,2 Carl (ro&(ted shrewdly% 20o, that2s not all he said,2 she re(lied with inherent honesty% 2,re yo! going to tell &e the rest"2 27 tho!ght wo&en were s!((osed to be the nosey ones,2 she la!ghed nervo!sly% 2Tell &e, #organ%2 The la!ghter had left his eyes% 2Tell &e what he said that changed yo! fro& the friendly girl 7 &et yesterday, into the reserved yo!ng wo&an 7 enco!ntered this &orning"2 #organ hesitated% Wo!ld he !nderstand her father2s concern, or wo!ld he take e4ce(tion to it" 7f she had been better ac6!ainted with Carl Ziegler then she &ight have

known what to say, b!t !nfort!nately she knew so very little abo!t this &an seated o((osite her% She sensed an inner thread of steel behind that (leasant e4terior, and so&ething else she co!ld not define% Co!ld it be anger" She was a bad liar, she decided event!ally, and Carl did not look the ty(e of &an who wo!ld acce(t half*tr!ths fro& anyone% 2#y father warned &e to stay o!t of yo!r way,2 she said, watching the wild doves (eck !( the cr!&bs which the (eo(le were throwing to the&% 2+e said yo! had a re(!tation for changing yo!r wo&en &ore often than there were seasons in a year,2 she concl!ded, re(eating al&ost verbati& her father2s words, and holding her breath for so&e reason% 27s that a cri&e"2 Carl asked, co&&anding her attention, and she &et his cool glance with so&e tre(idation% 27f no one has been h!rt in the (rocess, then 7 s!((ose not,2 she vent!red to give her o(inion% 2,re yo! afraid of being h!rt"2 2,ren2t we all"2 +e shr!gged his broad sho!lders nonchalantly% 2So&e (eo(le &ore than others, (erha(s, b!t 72ve always chosen &y victi&s caref!lly, and thert 72ve never (ro&ised anything 7 wasn2t (re(ared to give%2 There was a s!dden coolness in the air, or was it a coolness which ca&e fro& within herself" 2Yo! s(eak of victi&s, and not wo&en%2 27f 7 have a big bad wolf i&age, then 7 i&agine yo! wo!ld consider the wo&en 72ve known as victi&s of &y l!st" +is &o!th had tightened and his eyes had narrowed to slits of !nfatho&able bl!e fire% She wondered nervo!sly what he was thinking, and before she co!ld (revent herself she heard herself asking, 2,re yo! angry"2 20o, 72& not angry, b!t 72& downright c!rio!s,2 he re(lied tho!ghtf!lly% 27 was wondering what &ade <ittle .ed .iding +ood co&e o!t and (lay with the 3ig 3ad Wolf%2 She did not need to be told that he was referring to her (resence there with hi&, and the corners of her wide &o!th lifted in an invol!ntary s&ile that conveyed the h!&oro!s side of her nat!re% 2#y &other once told &e that a &an2s behavio!r towards a wo&an de(ended largely on the wo&an2s behavio!r towards the &an%2 27n other words, a &an shan2t atte&(t to sed!ce a wo&an !nless she has shown that she2s willing to be sed!ced"2 he 6!estioned &ockingly% 2)4actly%2 27 hate to say it, b!t yo!r &other was right,2 he said, leaning his elbows on the table, and st!dying her with a look in his eyes that sent the blood tri((ing a little faster thro!gh her veins% 2+ad yo! been any one of a do1en other girls we wo!ld have been at &y (lace &aking love instead of sitting here innocently, sharing a &eal in the bea!tif!l o!tdoors%2

2Talking of food,2 she changed the s!b5ect hastily, ho(ing he did not notice her heightened colo!r, 2we2ve had l!nch ages ago, and 7 really do think it2s ti&e yo! took &e ho&e%2 +is strong, sens!o!s &o!th c!rved in a &ocking s&ile, then he settled the bill and lifted her o!t of her chair to carry her back to his car% 2#y (lace or yo!rs"2 he asked finally with an ele&ent of sed!ction and &ockery in his dee( voice when he slid behind the wheel and leaned towards her% 2#ine,2 she stated fir&ly% 2#y father sho!ld be ho&e any ti&e now%2 2,h, well, it was a lovely, fleeting ho(e, b!t 2 +e s&iled at her with disar&ing confidence% 2,nother ti&e (erha(s%2 #organ2s colo!r dee(ened, b!t she said nothing, and they drove back to .oss&ere in silence% Carl Ziegler was tr!ly the &ost e4traordinary &an she had ever &et% +e &ade no secret of what he wanted, and she wo!ld have had to be blind and senseless not to realise why he had so &!ch s!ccess with wo&en, b!t she was deter&ined not to be added to his long list of con6!ests% 7f she ever decided to give herself to a &an, then it wo!ld have to be for no other reason b!t love, and she do!bted if Carl Ziegler wo!ld ever know the &eaning of the word% When they arrived at her ho&e he lifted her in his ar&s for the fo!rth ti&e that day and carried her !( on to the terrace% #organ sat rigidly on a cane chair which he had lowered her into, and her body still tingled after co&ing into contact with his as she watched hi& while he fetched her cr!tches fro& the car and (laced the& close at hand for her% 272ll call yo!,2 he said abr!(tly, taking her hand and raising it to his li(s, and &o&ents later his -orsche was s(eeding down the drive% #organ felt &ore than a little be&!sed as she sat there staring blindly after hi&% $or so&e !nacco!ntable reason the to!ch of his li(s against her fingers had see&ed to brand her for life, and she wondered cra1ily what it wo!ld feel like to have those very &ale li(s (ressed (assionately against her own% ,ngry with herself for thinking s!ch abs!rd tho!ghts, she levered herself !( on to her cr!tches, b!t before she co!ld enter the ho!se she saw her father2s #ercedes co&ing !( the drive, and she decided to wait for hi& instead% 2Was that Carl Ziegler 7 (assed on the way"2 ,ndrew wanted to know when he finally 5oined her on the terrace% 2Yes, 9addy%2 ,ndrew2s eyes narrowed angrily% 2What did he want"2 2+e ca&e to see &e,2 she re(lied tr!thf!lly% 2+e arrived here 5!st before tea this &orning, and invited &e o!t to l!nch%2 2,nd yo! went with hi&"2 27 did ref!se at first, b!t 2

2+e (ers!aded yo!,2 her father filled in for her shrewdly, and she la!ghed softly and a little cynically% 2/h, he2s very (ers!asive%2 2,nd"2 her father de&anded an4io!sly% 2,nd nothing,2 she said, &oving awkwardly on the cr!tches as she (receded her father into the ho!se% 2We went for a long drive into the co!ntry, we sto((ed at an o(en* air resta!rant for l!nch, and we talked%2 2#organ %% %2 27 know,2 she interr!(ted, (a!sing to ga1e serio!sly !( at her still handso&e father% 29on2t get involved, yo! said, and 7 shan2t, b!t 7 did en5oy his co&(any, and it did hel( to (ass the day%2 2,re yo! going to see hi& again"2 2+e said he wo!ld call &e, b!t 7 so&ehow do!bt if he will,2 she s&iled a little r!ef!lly% 272& not really his ty(e, yo! see, and neither is he &ine%2 ,s #organ had (redicted, she did not hear fro& Carl d!ring the ne4t few days% She deliberately avoided disc!ssing hi& with her father, and neither did her father &ention his na&e% Carl Ziegler had co&e in and o!t of her life so swiftly that she co!ld al&ost convince herself that it had not ha((ened, b!t he was not the kind of &an one co!ld dis&iss entirely% +e was too dyna&ic, too vital, and &!ch too dist!rbingly &ale for any wo&an to ignore his e4istence, and, even tho!gh #organ &ade an atte&(t to do so, she; fo!nd hi& lea(ing into her tho!ghts at the oddest &o&ents% ,l&ost two weeks had (assed since that S!nday she had s(ent with Carl, and she was s!nning herself o!t on the terrace one afternoon when -a!lina2s b!4o& fig!re ca&e waddling towards her, her ro!nd black face wide*eyed and an4io!s% 2Tele(hone for yo!, #issy #organ,2 she said in her own (ec!liar brand of )nglish% 27 tell the baas 7 take a &essage b!t he say no, he s(eak only to #issy #organ%2 29id he give his na&e"2 #organ asked frowningly, reaching for her cr!tches, and getting awkwardly to her feet% 20o, #issy,2 -a!lina shook her t!rbaned head, 2b!t he talk f!nny% 0ot like o!r baas.' Carl, the na&e lea(t into #organ2s &ind, b!t she dis&issed the tho!ght at once as ridic!lo!s, and glanced reass!ringly at the &aid who stood hovering with !ncertainty abo!t her% 2Thank%yo!, -a!lina% 72ll &anage%2 #organ entered the ho!se as 6!ickly as the cr!tches wo!ld allow her, and &ade her way thro!gh the living*roo& into the hall% 2#organ $ield s(eaking,2 she said when she leaned against the wall and lifted the receiver to her ear% 2+i there, s!nshine%2 That dee(, velvety, and !n&istakably ,&erican voice al&ost &ade her dro( the receiver, b!t she gri((ed it with renewed strength, and said cal&ly, 2+ello, Carl%2

272& sorry 7 took so long to call yo!, honey, b!t 72ve been in Washington on b!siness, and 7 only got back late last night%2 2Yo! don2t owe &e an e4(lanation, Carl%2 27 wasn2t e4(laining, 7 was stating a fact,2 he answered abr!(tly, and there was a strained little silence before he asked softly, 29id yo! &iss &e"2 She felt her heart ha&&ering ridic!lo!sly against her ribs, and her breathing 6!ickened as she asked, 2Sho!ld 7 have"2 27 &issed yo!%2 29on2t be silly82 she la!ghed away his re&ark, b!t she co!ld not la!gh way that little thrill of (leas!re that shot thro!gh her% 2When can 7 see yo! again"2 , &ocking s&ile c!rved her &o!th% 272& afraid 7 have a rather f!ll sched!le ahead of &e% 72& going dancing this evening, and to&orrow 72& (laying tennis at 2 2#organ82 he interr!(ted shar(ly% 2+ave dinner with &e this evening"2 +er heart ski((ed a beat, b!t she said evasively, 27 shall have to cons!lt &y diary%2 2#organ,2 he groaned i&(atiently at the other end, 27 have a board &eeting in two &in!tes flat% :ive &e a straight yes or no%2 /h, :od, she wanted to see hi& again, it was no !se denying it and, against her better 5!dg&ent, she heard herself say, 2Yes, Carl%2 272ll call for yo! at seven,2 he said, and the line went dead before she co!ld retract her acce(tance of his invitation% +er hand was shaking visibly when she ret!rned the receiver to its cradle, and des(ite all her efforts there was an !nfa&iliar e4cite&ent welling !( inside of her% Dinner with Carl. What on earth had (ossessed her to say yes" )very instinct warned her to stay away fro& this &an, yet the so!nd of his voice had been eno!gh to dissolve all her fir& resol!tions into nothing% 7t was cra1y, and totally illogical, b!t she was looking forward intensely to seeing hi& again% 272& having dinner with Carl this evening,2 she infor&ed her father when he arrived ho&e late that afternoon% 2+e2s calling for &e at seven%2 ,ndrew frowned fiercely% 27 don2t like it, #organ, and yo! know that%2 272ll be caref!l,2 she (ro&ised% 2Yo!2re going to get h!rt%2 20ot if 7 can hel( it,2 she insisted% 27 wish it was yo!r ar& that was broken, then yo! co!ld always take a swing at his head if he tries any f!nny b!siness%2 2/h, 9addy,2 she giggled !ncontrollably, 2what terrible tho!ghts are &illing thro!gh yo!r head" 9o yo! i&agine he2s going to cart &e off to his love*nest with the intention of &aking (assionate love to &e on his settee"2

,ndrew (o!red hi&self a stiff drink and swallowed down al&ost half of it before he saidC 27f yo! don2t know it yet, then yo!2ll find o!t soon eno!gh that that2s his style e4actly, or so 72ve been led to believe%2 2+ow enthralling82 she la!ghed &ockingly% 29on2t 5oke abo!t it, #organ,2 her father reb!ked her with a tro!bled e4(ression on his weary face% 2Sorry, 9addy,2 she sobered instantly, b!t &ischief still danced in her eyes% 27 co!ld always kick hi& hard on the shins, 7 s!((ose%2 ,ndrew2s &o!th twitched, a sign that he a((reciated her h!&o!r, b!t the frown re&ained, and #organ co!ld not e4actly bla&e hi& for being concerned% 7f she had to be honest, then she was e6!ally concerned abo!t herself, b!t not for anything in the world was she going to let her father discover this% She wo!ld have dinner with Carl, there was no har& in that, b!t she knew that she wo!ld have to watch her ste( e&otionally% #organ was in her roo& that evening when she heard Carl2s -orsche co&e !( the drive, and when she went into the living*roo& a few &in!tes later she fo!nd hi& ind!lging in a serio!s conversation with her father, b!t he t!rned at once at the so!nd of her cr!tches on the car(eted floor% 2#organ, honey, it2s good to see yo!,2 he s&iled, the devastating length and breadth of hi& in a dark evening s!it blotting o!t her father2s tro!bled face as he ca&e towards her, and a devilish light lea(t into his eyes as he s(oke to her father witho!t taking his glance away fro& #organ2s sli& fig!re in the long*sleeved, f!ll*length e&erald green evening dress% 2Yo! have a bea!tif!l da!ghter, ,ndrew,2 he said with obvio!s de* liberation% 2She2s 6!ite the &ost bea!tif!l girl 72ve seen in a long ti&e, and 7 can2t wait to get her to &yself%2 2Carl82 #organ hissed ad&onishingly so that only he co!ld hear, then she glanced beyond hi& at her father% 27 shan2t be ho&e late, 9addy%2 272ve s!re got yo!r old &an worried, haven2t 7"2 Carl re&arked &ockingly when they were in the hall% 2Yo! have,2 #organ ad&itted with a 6!iet reb!ke in her faintly h!sky voice, 2and it wasn2t very nice of yo!%2 27 co!ldn2t hel( it,2 Carl confessed% 2+onest, &a2a&%2 2Yo!2re i&(ossible82 she sighed, a hint of la!ghter in her eyes, b!t the la!ghter faded when he took her cr!tches fro& her and lifted her effortlessly into his ar&s% 2This really isn2t necessary, yo! know,2 she (rotested% 27f this is the only way 72ll get to hold yo! in &y ar&s, then 72ll willingly carry yo! wherever yo! want to go,2 he said, his breath fanning her cheek as he carried her o!t of the ho!se to where he had (arked his car% The &oon t!rned his hair to (!re silver, and the woody scent of his &asc!line cologne 6!ivered in her nostrils% 7t stirred her senses, and t!rned an innocent sit!ation into so&ething dangero!sly inti&ate when he t!rned his head slightly to look at her% +is ar&s tightened abo!t her, and his eyes glittered strangely in the darkness as he &!r&!red, 27 like yo!r (erf!&e% 7t re&inds &e of a s!nny s(ring

&orning with the dew lying heavy on the grass% 7t2s fresh, clean, and e4citing%2 29on2t overdo it, Carl,2 she warned hastily, conscio!s of his li(s so close to her own, and that &ad, s!rging desire to know their war&th against her own% 27 &ight 5!st beco&e s!s(icio!s and change &y &ind abo!t having dinner with yo!%2 She felt hi& shaking with silent la!ghter% 2Yo!2re a to!gh n!t, honey, b!t 72ll crack yo! yet82 2Where are we going"2 she asked so&e &in!tes later when she realised that they were not driving in the direction of the town% 2To &y (lace,2 Carl anno!nced, and a little shiver of shock &ade its !n(leasant way thro!gh her% 20o co&&ent"2 #organ2s fingers c!rled tightly abo!t her evening (!rse% 27 can2t say that 72& (leased abo!t it, b!t 7 s!((ose 7 sho!ld have e4(ected so&ething like this%2 2There aren2t &any decent resta!rants in .oss&ere, and 7 have an e4cellent chef at ho&e, so what better (lace to have dinner with yo!"2 272& not co&(laining %%% yet,' she said stiffly, casting a 6!ick, nervo!s glance in his direction, and finding nothing reass!ring in the brief s&ile he directed at her% 2That2s &y girl,2 he &!r&!red, and for one shattering &o&ent his hand rested on her knee before he ret!rned it to the steering wheel% While .andol(h +illier en5oyed his retire&ent in his cottage along the 0atal coast, Carl had co&e to consider his !ncle2s ho&e his own% The s(rawling, whitewashed &ansion stood on several acres against one of the slo(ing hills s!rro!nding the town, and the interior was even &ore i&(osing than #organ had i&agined% 7t (ossessed a &i4t!re of all the &odern conveniences one co!ld wish for, as well as e4(ensive anti6!es which the Triton2s fo!nder had (icked !( on &any of his travels across the world% Carl had &ade a few alterations in the living*roo& to s!it his own (ersonality, b!t basically it was still the sa&e as before, Carl e4(lained when he (a!sed with her in his ar&s in the centre of the roo&% 29o yo! like it"2 he asked abr!(tly close to her ear% #organ stared at the 1ebra skin on the floor in front of the fire(lace, the &o!nted k!d! horns and ancient rifles against the wall above the &antelshelf, and felt a little stifled% 27t2s all very &asc!line,2 she ad&itted, adding rel!ctantly, 27t2s nice, tho!gh%2 Those la1y bl!e eyes so close to hers &ocking her s!ddenly% 27 knew yo!2d say that%2 That ele&ent of, danger was there between the& again, &aking her aware of the hard war&th of his ar&s, the solid wall of his chest against which she was resting, and a tingling sensation in the ti(s of her fingers as she knew a desire to stroke his sleek fair head% , s&othered feeling settled in her chest, and an erratic little (!lse was beating in her throat as she said with forced cal&ness, 2Yo! can (!t &e down now, 7 think%2 2,re yo! co&fortable"2 he 6!eried when he had lowered her on to the sofa in front of the fire, and she was arranging the skirt of her long dress abo!t her%

2=ery %%% thank yo!%2 2,re yo! afraid to be here alone with &e"2 he 6!estioned her &ockingly while he (o!red a glass of wine for her, and so&ething &ore lethal for hi&self% 29o 7 have reason to be afraid"2 #organ asked when he handed her her glass and seated hi&self on the sofa beside her% 272& the big bad wolf, re&e&ber, and 7 devo!r little girls like yo! for breakfast every &orning,2 he re&inded her with a leering grin% 2+ow terribly bad for the digestion82 2Yo!2re !ni6!e,2 he la!ghed, swallowing down a &o!thf!l of whisky% 27s that a (olite way of telling &e that 72& a freak"2 27 &eant it as a co&(li&ent%2 +e loosened his tie and discarded his 5acket, his &ove&ents accent!ating the (lay of &!scles beneath the white silk shirt, and the ice tinkled in his glass when he finally swallowed down another &o!thf!l% 272ve never &et anyone like yo! before, and 72& downright intrig!ed%2 , s&ile 6!ivered on her li(s% 2+ave yo! never &et a wo&an before who2s ca(able of resisting yo! for &ore than half an ho!r"2 2That2s the (roble& with &ost wo&en%2 There was a devilish glea& in his eyes% 2They s(oil the chase by giving in too soon%2 2The h!nter and the h!nted,2 she re&arked drily, regaining her confidence% 29oes it e4cite yo! to know that 72& h!nting yo!"2 27 don2t feel as tho!gh 72& being h!nted,2 she lied cal&ly, and a little daringly, while her nerve*ends 6!ivered at the very sight of a &!scled thigh so close to her own% 272ve been here al&ost a half ho!r, totally at yo!r &ercy, and yo! haven2t so &!ch as to!ched &e !nnecessarily%2 2Yo!2re on the &en! as an after*dinner delicacy,2 Carl warned, and #organ co!ld not (revent the la!ghter which b!bbled (ast her li(s% 29o 7 re&ind yo! of bisc!its and cheese"2 2+& %%%2 he s&iled, leaning towards her in a way that 6!ickened her (!lse alar&ingly% 2,s fragile as a bisc!it, and as s(icy as cheese% When 7 sink &y teeth into yo!, yo!r defences will cr!&ble%2 2Yo! scare &e o!t of &y wits,2 she infor&ed hi&, feigning fear% 2Yo!2re a liar, #organ $ield,2 he anno!nced, his eyes searching hers% 272ve &ade yo! aware of &e, yes, b!t 7 don2t scare yo! at all and, if 72& not &istaken, then yo!2re act!ally la!ghing at &e%2 +e was clever, she tho!ght% #!ch too clever to be fooled by her, or anyone else% 2Wo!ld it dent yo!r ego if 7 ad&itted that 7 fo!nd yo! a&!sing rather than frightening"2 27t wo!ldn2t dent &y ego at all% 7n fact it wo!ld be a refreshing change to know that yo! don2t take &e serio!sly%2 Their eyes &et and held for breathtaking seconds% 272& not

really the big bad wolf, yo! know%2 27 know,2 she heard herself re(lying in a faintly sarcastic tone% 2Yo!2re &erely a virile &an in search of so&eone to satisfy yo!r (hysical needs, and it doesn2t really &atter to yo! where or with who& yo! find it%2 Carl flinched dra&actically, and howled like a wo!nded ani&al% 27 think 7 (refer the big bad wolf i&age to the latest tag yo!2re wanting to (in on &e82 2The tr!th !s!ally h!rts, doesn2t it"2 she s&iled faintly% 2/!ch82 he winced realistically% 27 hit the target every ti&e, it see&s,2 she observed, st!dying hi& closely% 2Yo! were a little offsides, #organ honey,2 he told her with an odd tightness abo!t his &o!th% 27 en5oy the co&(any of bea!tif!l wo&en, what f!ll*blooded &ale wo!ldn2t, and if the relationshi( leads to so&ething &ore, then 7 wo!ld be the last one to co&(lain% 72& willing, if they2re willing, and that abo!t s!&s it !(%2 She si((ed at her wine to steady that (ec!liar little 6!iver racing thro!gh her insides% 27 ho(e yo! don2t i&agine 72ll beco&e a willing (artici(ant in these ga&es yo! (lay"2 2This is no ga&e, #organ,2 he warned with a look in his eyes she co!ld not fatho&% 27t2s, real, it2s fact!al, and the reason 72& biding &y ti&e with yo! is beca!se it isn2t often that 7 &eet an intelligent, 6!ickwitted yo!ng lady who sti&!lates &e &entally%% %2 +is eyes wandered over her, lingering a((reciatively on the clearly denned c!rve of her breasts and hi(s, 2% % % as well as (hysically,2 he added% #organ felt her skin b!rning as if he had act!ally to!ched her inti&ately with one of those strong, ca(able*looking hands, b!t she (!lled herself together shar(ly% 2Yo!2re a rog!e, Carl,2 she acc!sed% 23!t a nice rog!e, wo!ldn2t yo! say"2 , s&ile (l!cked at her li(s% 27 haven2t 6!ite &ade !( &y &ind abo!t that%2 +e leaned towards her, and she knew instinctively that he was going to kiss her, b!t the ne4t instant a so!nd at the door &ade hi& glance over his sho!lder, and a white* coated servant a((eared, to anno!nce that dinner was to be served% #organ felt relieved, b!t Carl a((eared to be faintly irritated at what she had felt was a ti&ely intr!sion% Their &eal was served to the& on trays in front of the living*roo& fire, eli&inating the e&barrassing necessity of her having to be carried into the dining*roo&% Carl2s chef had (re(ared crea&y &!shroo& so!(, the tiniest (otatoes, garden fresh carrots and (eas, and the &ost delicio!s chicken (ie #organ had ever tasted% They drank wine, and they talked a great deal, and they finished off the &eal with a fr!it salad, and the inevitable cheese and bisc!its * before their coffee was served% 2What b!siness co&&it&ents do yo! still have in ,&erica"2 she 6!estioned hi& event!ally when the trays had been re&oved% 2/r sho!ldn2t 7 be (rying"2 2There2s no reason why yo! sho!ldn2t know%2 +e stirred his coffee tho!ghtf!lly and stared at the fire as if he were seeing &any kilo&etres across the ,tlantic /cean% 27 have a co&(!ter co&(any in Washington, 9%C% that2s doing e4ce(tionally well, then 7 have a

s&all ranch o!t in Wyo&ing where 7 kee( a few h!ndred head of cattle%2 #organ felt vag!ely s!r(rised at the latter% 27 (res!&e yo! have so&eone taking care of all this for yo! while yo!2re here in So!th ,frica"2 27 have, nat!rally%2 +e &!st have felt her st!dying hi& intently, for their eyes &et s!ddenly, and she (l!nged bl!shingly into an e4(lanation% 2Yo! have the i&age of the s!ccessf!l b!siness&an sta&(ed all over yo!, and 7 can2t so&ehow i&agine yo! on a cattle ranch%2 +e s&iled la1ily% 2Can2t yo!"2 2Yo!2re too (olished for that kind of life,2 she arg!ed% 272d like to take yo! o!t there so&e ti&e 5!st to show yo! how wrong yo! are%2 #organ felt it safer not to co&&ent on that re&ark% She wo!ld have loved to travel to ,&erica to see his ranch, b!t &ost certainly not !nder the circ!&stances he envisaged% 2#ore wine"2 he offered, re&oving her e&(ty c!( when she had finished her coffee% 20o, thank yo!%2 2Co&e on, 5!st a little%2 2,re yo! trying to &ake &e ti(sy"2 she de&anded s!s(icio!sly, (lacing her hand over her glass to (revent hi& fro& filling it% Carl grinned wickedly% 2The tho!ght did cross &y &ind%2 2That doesn2t s!r(rise &e at all,2 she declared, wondering whether she sho!ld kick hi& in the skins now, or later% 2With &y head s(inning 72d be easier to sed!ce, wo!ldn2t 7"2 2.ela4, #organ,2 he la!ghed easily, sliding his ar& along the back of the sofa, and r!nning his fingers lightly thro!gh her hair% 2+aven2t 7 behaved &yself i&(eccably all evening"2 2Yo! have,2 she ad&itted at once, trying to ignore the tingling sensation racing across her scal( with his fingers br!shed against the na(e of her neck% 2Then what are yo! worried abo!t"2 272& si&(ly trying to decide when yo!2re &ost likely to (o!nce,2 she confessed bl!ntly% 272d like to be (re(ared for it, yo! see%2 27 never (o!nce,2 he ass!red her, his voice vibrantly low and sed!ctive% 27 (refer to take it nice and easy% 7t2s &!ch &ore en5oyable that way%2 There was so&ething so boldly se4!al in his state&ent that every instinct within her warned her to steer clear% 27 think we sho!ld change the s!b5ect%2 29o yo!"2 +e leaned towards her, his fingers like fire against her skin as he raised her face to his, and so&ething in the way his eyes lingered on her &o!th &ade her realise the danger she was drifting into% 2Carl82 she warned shar(ly and, al&ost as if he antici(ated her (hysical withdrawal,

he slid his hand beneath her hair !ntil it rested against the na(e of her neck% 2Yo!2re bea!tif!l with the firelight dancing in yo!r eyes%2 29on2t be ridic!lo!s,2 she reb!ked hi&, hiding her (anic behind a shield of &ockery% 29o yo! know so&ething"2 he said, the sheer &ale*ness of hi& setting her (!lses racing wildly% 2We2ve been talking too &!ch%2 She knew she sho!ld have (!lled away fro& hi&, b!t so&ething &ore than 5!st the light to!ch of his hand at the base of her sk!ll held her i&&obile% +is face beca&e a bl!r, and her eyelids fl!ttered down a fraction of a second before his li(s br!shed against hers% +is kisses were e4(loratory, testing and tasting al&ost as if he were savo!ring her li(s and trying to decide whether he liked it or not% They were (assionless kisses, b!t dee( down inside #organ so&ething 6!ivered to life' so&ething which she fo!nd diffic!lt to s!((ress, and which she fo!nd vag!ely dist!rbing when she recognised it as an aching longing% She was kissing hi& back witho!t act!ally intending to, and a tho!sand little nerves ca&e alive beneath his fingers as they trailed caressingly along her throat% She raised a hand to (!sh hi& away, b!t her fingers so&ehow sli((ed between his shirt b!ttons to co&e into contact with war&, hair*ro!ghened flesh% She heard the shar( intake of his breath, and the ne4t instant his ar&s, were like steel bands abo!t her, cr!shing her softness against the hard wall of his chest so that she co!ld feel his heart beating hard and fast in !nison with hers% She tried to str!ggle free, b!t there was no esca(e, and the hard, sens!al war&th of his &o!th drove her li(s a(art% She tried not to res(ond, b!t his inti&ate invasion of her &o!th sent her s(inning into a vorte4 of e&otions that &ade her &ind reel cra1ily% She had been kissed before, b!t never like this, and never had she been &ore rel!ctant to leave a &an2s ar&s than she was at this &o&ent to leave Carl2s%

C+,-T). T+.)) T7#) see&ed to stand still for #organ% She was conscio!s only of Carl2s &o!th against her own, his hands &oving !rgently against her back, and her own cla&o!ring res(onse% 7t wo!ld be so easy to lose herself in his e&brace, b!t she had to re&e&ber that this was (!rely a ga&e to Carl, a brief enco!nter which he wo!ld soon forget% +er s!rrender wo!ld &ean no &ore to hi& than that of any other wo&an he had known in the (ast, while to her % % %8 She halted her alar&ing tho!ghts abr!(tly, and stirred against hi&% 2Was that so bad"2 he asked, his eyes 6!i11ical as he drew a little away fro& her% #organ (!lled herself together with an effort, and shifted f!rther o!t of his e&brace% 27 co!ld think of worse things that have ha((ened to &e%2 2Shall we try it again"2 20o82 +er hands were flat against his chest, holding hi& off when he wo!ld have drawn her closer% 27 think it2s ti&e yo! took &e ho&e%2

23!t it2s still so early,2 he, &ocked her% 27t2s al&ost eleven,2 she arg!ed, her voice s!r(risingly even as she glanced at the clock on the &antelshelf, 2and 7 know &y father won2t slee( a wink tonight !ntil he knows 72& safe and so!nd at ho&e%2 Carl released her slowly, b!t his &ocking eyes never left her face% 2Yo! think he2s sitting at ho&e biting his fingernails to the bone and wondering whether 72ve s!cceeded in l!ring yo! into bed with &e"2 272& s!re he is, and 7 think he has every right to be concerned,2 she re(lied coolly, taking into consideration how she had reacted to his kisses% 2#y re(!tation &!st be (retty bad,2 he observed drily% 27t2s not yo!r re(!tation that bothers &y father, it2s &y ine4(erience with &en like yo!rself that tro!bles hi& &ost,2 she retorted honestly% 2+e thinks of yo! as his innocent little girl"2 Carl la!ghed shortly, a &eas!re of disbelief in his e4(ression% 2+e doesn2t think it, he knows it%2 Carl2s fingers were beneath her chin, forcing her to &eet his eyes% 2Yo! &ean no &an has ever &ade love to yo!"2 29oes that s!r(rise yo!"2 27t (leases &e &ore than anything else,2 he said, his &o!th c!rving sens!ally% 27t &eans that 72ll be the first%2 20ot if 7 can hel( it,2 she retorted shar(ly, br!shing his hand away% 272& old*fashioned in that res(ect% 7 believe in &arriage with all the res(onsibilities and co&&it&ents attached to it, and se4 will si&(ly have to wait !ntil then%2 +is hand lifted a thick wave of hair away, fro& her fl!shed face, and his eyes had a near*hy(notic effect on her as he &!r&!red thickly, 272ll have to see what 7 can do abo!t changing yo!r &ind on that score%2 2Take &e ho&e, Carl,2 she whis(ered !nsteadily, knowing that if she (rolonged this &o&ent she wo!ld have no will left to resist hi&% 2-lease, Carl"2 +is eyes &ocked her as if he was totally aware of the str!ggle going on inside of her, then he s&iled faintly% 2+ow can 7 ref!se when yo! ask so nicely"2 +e (!t on his 5acket, then he (icked her !( in his ar&s and carried her o!t of the war& ho!se into the cold, star*st!dded night% There was no way she co!ld avoid this (hysical contact, and even tho!gh those hard ar&s held her i&(ersonally, her th!dding heart see&ed !naware of the difference% Carl drove her ho&e in silence, and neither did #organ atte&(t to &ake conversation% 7t was, after all, a (leasant silence between the&, witho!t any t!rb!lent !nderc!rrent of e&otions, and it gave her ti&e to think% Where was this association with Carl leading to" -erha(s it wo!ld have been &ore to the (oint to ask herself where she wanted it to lead to% That shook #organ considerably% Where did she want it to lead to" , lighthearted affair with no co&&it&ents on either side" She shook her head ada&antly

in the dark interior of the car, gratef!l that Carl co!ld not see her (ro(erly while he concentrated on his driving, and a few &in!tes later he was (arking the -orsche in the driveway of her ho&e% +e carried her into the ho!se witho!t s(eaking, b!t instead of relin6!ishing his b!rden when they entered the di&ly*lit hall, she felt his ar&s tighten abo!t her% 2Yo! can (!t &e down now, Carl,2 she said 6!ickly, looking into those very bl!e eyes and seeing the& darken with so&ething close to desire% 2#y cr!tches are there against the wall, and 72ll &anage,2 she tried to distract hi&% +e lowered her !ntil her feet al&ost to!ched the floor, b!t, instead of releasing her, his ar& tightened abo!t her waist, and his li(s descended towards hers% She tried to t!rn her head away to avoid his kiss, b!t his hand was in her hair, holding her head still, and des(ite her valiant efforts her li(s 6!ivered res(onsively beneath his as he held her s!s(ended against the hard length of his body% +is &o!th was war& and sens!al, aro!sing her with a (ractised ease !ntil it felt as if her head was s(inning with the r!sh of blood (o!nding thro!gh her veins% ,n eternity see&ed to (ass before he raised his head, and her heart was beating so hard and fast that it took her a while to find her voice% 2Thank yo! for an en5oyable evening,2 she said, tre&bling fro& head to foot, and looking everywhere b!t into those &ocking bl!e eyes as he handed her the cr!tches% 2:oodnight, #organ honey,2 the dee( velvet of his voice caressed her and, taking her face between his hands, he kissed her lightly on the li(s once &ore% 29rea& of &e, will yo!"2 #organ was still standing there in the hall with a be&!sed e4(ression on her face when Carl drove away fro& her father2s ho&e% The feel and taste of his li(s was still on hers, and she was not yet ready to confront her father when she heard his fir& ste( behind her% 2,re yo! going to s(end the rest of the night in the hall"2 he de&anded c!rio!sly, and the colo!r in her cheeks dee(ened with annoyance and e&barrass&ent% 20o, of co!rse not,2 she said abr!(tly, the r!bbers on the cr!tches th!&(ing al&ost agitatedly on the floor as she &oved% 2#organ %%%2 She knew instinctively what was on her father2s &ind and, glancing at hi& over her sho!lder, she said reass!ringly, 20othing ha((ened, 9addy%2 272& not so s!re of that%2 +er eyes widened% 2What do yo! &ean"2 29on2t fall in love with hi&, #organ%2 +is 6!ietly s(oken warning triggered off her sense of h!&o!r, b!t her la!ghter was stifled in her throat before a so!nd had (assed her li(s% 2:oodnight, 9addy,2 her own voice reached her ears as if fro& a distance, and a few &in!tes later she was alone in her bedroo& witho!t act!ally being aware of how she had got there%

She (!lled herself together with so&e diffic!lty% This was the third ti&e she had seen Carl Ziegler in a &atter of two weeks, and she was not going to allow herself to think anything beyond the fact that she had en5oyed his co&(any% Within the ne4t week she wo!ld be ret!rning to -retoria, and after that she did not i&agine that she wo!ld see hi& again% Carl was not the ty(e of &an to waste his ti&e with one wo&an while there were so &any others who were only too willing to fall into bed with hi& at the sna( of his fingers% 7t wo!ld not &atter to her at all if she never saw hi& again, and she wo!ld forget hi& as easily as she had forgotten all the other &en who had wandered in and o!t of her life% #organ felt cold and &iserable when she got into bed that night, and the cast on her leg felt heavier than ever before% She tried not to think of Carl, b!t he was there in her &ind as if he intended to stay% +e was not so&eone she wo!ld forget in a h!rry, she ad&itted with so&e rel!ctance% +e was too vital, and too s!(re&ely &asc!line, for any wo&an to forget hi& the &o&ent he was o!t of their sight% 3esides that the &e&ory of his kisses was still too ha!ntingly fresh, and witho!t any considerable effort she co!ld still feel those strong ar&s holding her% +is &ere (hysical (resence had &ade her aware of her fe&ininity in a way no other &an had done before, and his kisses had aro!sed e&o* tions which she had not known she (ossessed% 7t had%*not frightened her at the ti&e, b!t it frightened her now% /h, he was very clever where wo&en were concerned, and she had no do!bt that his e4(erience had ta!ght hi& a great deal too &!ch, (erha(s, for the co&fort of so&eone like herself% 29rea& of &e,2 Carl had said before he had left her that evening, and that was e4actly what #organ did% +er drea&s revolved aro!nd hi&, then with one wo&an, and then with another clinging to his ar&, and inviting his kiss% #organ saw it all as if she were standing o!tside a sho( window looking in, b!t he never looked her way, not even to acknowledge her e4istence, and it h!rt % % %oh, how it h!rt8 When she event!ally awoke fro& this drea& there were tears on her cheeks, and a terrible tightness in her chest% 7f he co!ld do this to her in her drea&s, then how &!ch &ore co!ld he do to h!rt her in reality, and it was then that she decided not to see hi& again% There was no diffic!lty in avoiding Carl d!ring the re&ainder of her stay in .oss&ere% +e tele(honed her on the Th!rsday evening to tell her that he was flying down to Ca(e Town on b!siness the following &orning, and he did not e4(ect to be back before the, Wednesday evening of the week thereafter% That s!ited #organ (erfectly% She wo!ld be leaving .oss&ere the &orning i&&ediately after Carl2s ret!rn% She wo!ld write hi& a brief, friendly note thanking hi& for his kindness, and that wo!ld be that% 7t did not work o!t 6!ite as #organ had ho(ed it wo!ld% She was (acking her s!itcases the Wednesday afternoon when -a!lina told her that she had a visitor waiting to see her in the living*roo&, and her heart al&ost lea(t o!t of her breast a few &in!tes later when she saw the tall, fair*haired &an at the window t!rn away fro& his Conte&(lation of the garden to face her% 2Carl82 she croaked nervo!sly% 27 tho!ght yo! said yo!2d be back this evening"2 27 concl!ded &y b!siness a day sooner than 72d e4(ected%2 $or the first ti&e since

knowing hi& his hooded eyes were cold and angry as he lessened the distance between the& with a few lithe strides% 2Why didn2t yo! tell &e yo! were ret!rning to -retoria to* &orrow"2 #organ2s cal& e4(ression belied the !tter chaos of her e&otions at that &o&ent as she fo!nd herself looking a long way !( into his face% 27 didn2t think it wo!ld interest yo!%2 29a&&it, of co!rse 72& interested82 he barked f!rio!sly% 2Why"2 she s&iled, resorting to sarcas&% 23eca!se yo! still haven2t s!cceeded in getting &e into bed with yo!"2 +is 5aw hardened, and his nostrils flared with anger% 2That2s one of the reasons%2 2-lease do tell &e the others"2 272ll tell yo! when 72& good and ready for it%2 2Why don2t yo! ad&it that it2s the only reason"2 she chided hi& relentlessly, and a dangero!s light entered his heavy*lidded eyes% 2Why don2t we 6!it this ridic!lo!s arg!&ent"2 he gro!nd o!t the words, and the ne4t instant his ar&s were locked abo!t her waist% The gri( on her cr!tches broken, they fell with a th!d on to the car(eted floor, b!t she was only barely conscio!s of it when his &o!th swoo(ed down to clai& hers with a (assionate anger that left her shaken to her very fo!ndations, and her heart was (o!nding so wildly against her ribs that she co!ld hardly breathe when he sli((ed an ar& behind her knees and carried her towards the sofa% 2/h, Carl, this is all really too abs!rd,2 she (rotested weakly when she fo!nd herself lying down against the c!shions while he leaned over her with a &enacing glea& in his incredibly bl!e eyes% 2Why didn2t yo! tell &e"2 he de&anded bl!ntly, his hands against her sho!lders forcing her to re&ain where she was when she tried to get !(% 27 was going to leave a note for yo!,2 she defended herself% 2Yo! were, were yo!"2 he re&arked scathingly% 2,nd 7 s!((ose it wo!ld have been an i&(ersonal little note saying, ;7t was nice knowing yo!, and goodbye;"2 ,n invol!ntary s&ile (l!cked at the corners of her &obile &o!th% 27t wo!ldn2t have been 6!ite so abr!(t%2 2/h, yeah"2 2Yeah,2 she &i&icked hi& daringly% 2Yo!r accent2s lo!sy,2 he acc!sed in a less aggressive &anner% 2So is yo!rs,2 she hit back% 2Yo! don2t even s(eak the D!een2s )nglish%2 2Witch,2 he grinned% 2+ow dare yo! criticise &e82 27 dare beca!se yo!2re behaving like a (ositive beast, and 2 +is &o!th covered hers, sealing off the rest of her tirade, and her li(s (arted al&ost

as if she had invited his inti&ate invasion of her &o!th, and the erotic sensations it aro!sed% +is &ale war&th see&ed to envelo(e her, and she welco&ed it !ntil his hands &oved fro& their e4(loration of her sli& sho!lders down to her breasts% Thro!gh the thin cotton of her blo!se her body res(onded diabolically to the caress of his fingers, and she stirred (rotestingly beneath hi&, forcing her hands between the& !ntil she &anaged to thr!st hi& fro& her% 2Sto( it, Carl, and let &e go,2 she insisted, her voice a little h!skier than !s!al, and her cheeks fl!shed% 27 have a lot of (acking to do before 7 leave here to&orrow &orning, and &y father wants to leave early%2 2Yo!r daddy2s not taking 2yo!,2 Carl anno!nced cal&ly, br!shing a strand of hair away fro& her cheek and twisting it (layf!lly abo!t his finger% 27 a&%2 2/h, no82 2/h, yes?' he la!ghed softly down into her s!r(rised face% 27t2s all arranged, and 72ll be here at eight in the &orning to (ick !(%2 23!t 7 2 , wave of hel(lessness swe(t over her, and her hands fl!ttered in an e4(ressive gest!re against his chest% 27 give !(%2 , wicked look lea(t into his eyes% 29oes that &ean 2 20o, it doesn2t,2 she interr!(ted hastily, her colo!r dee(ening and her (!lse 6!ickening at the se4!al !nderc!rrent in the conversation% 2-ity,2 he &!r&!red &ockingly, his glance on the agitated rise and fall of her s&all breasts% 272& not going to ho( into bed with yo!, Carl,2 she insisted 6!ietly and ada&antly even while every nerve 6!ivered in res(onse to his nearness% 20ot today, not to&orrow, not ever,' she added fir&ly% 27 wo!ldn2t bet on that, honey,2 he s&iled, his fingers sliding in a sens!al caress across her cheek to seek o!t that sensitive hollow beneath her ear, and she co!ld not s!((ress those delicio!sly (ri&itive sensations that shivered thro!gh her% 29on2t yo! ever give !("2 she croaked% 20ot when 7 have a h!nch that 72& on to so&ething good,2 he stated blandly, and he had the look of a =iking who knew he was &ore than halfway to victory% +is confidence in hi&self frightened her% 7t frightened her even &ore when she tho!ght of how v!lnerable she had beco&e% +e attracted her (hysically in a way she had never tho!ght (ossible, and even now those caressing fingers against her cheek and throat were kindling fires that filled her with a dee(*seated longing she had never known before% +er father had been right all along% She sho!ld have taken a fir&er stand that very first ti&e Carl had invited her to have l!nch with hi&, b!t he had been so incredibly (er* s!asive, and she had been so da&nably easy to (ers!ade, she recalled agitatedly% 2Wo!ld yo! &ind handing &e &y cr!tches, and allowing &e to get !("2 she broke the silence between the&, a coolness in her voice which he co!ld not avoid hearing% Those caressing fingers stilled against her throat, and a few &o&ents later she was

standing !(right, and leaning heavily on her cr!tches while she tried to avoid the (robing intensity of his eyes% 2Why do 7 get the feeling that yo!2re annoyed abo!t so&ething"2 he de&anded, sensing the change in her &ood acc!rately% 27 can2t (ossibly allow yo! to take &e to -retoria to&orrow,2 she anno!nced on an !n&istakable note of (rotest% 27 have to see the s(ecialist to have this cast re&oved, 72ll have to be E*rayed, and 6!ite likely another cast will have to be (!t on% 7t &ight take all day%2 27 will have the entire day to take yo! wherever yo! want to go%2 23!t, Carl, 7 2 #organ2s eyes traced the !nrelenting line of his 5aw, and she knew witho!t being told that she was fighting a losing battle% 2/h, what2s the !se82 she sighed irritably% 2Yo! don2t want &e to take yo!, is that it"2 She looked !( into those heavy*lidded yes, and felt co&(elled to say, 2To be 6!ite honest with yo!, Carl, 7 think o!r association *sho!ld end right here and now%2 2Why"2 he shot o!t the 6!estion% 23eca!se yo!2re wasting yo!r ti&e,2 she answered tritely, aware of the tension between the& which she had (laced there% 27 don2t want to find &yself ca!ght !( in a senseless affair with yo!%2 +er words hovered like an acc!sation in the air between the&, and his tight*li((ed e4(ression sent a s!dden chill !( her s(ine% 2Wo!ld yo! settle for friendshi("2 2/h, Carl82 she la!ghed hel(lessly at his !ne4(ected 6!ery, and her la!ghter see&ed to fan his anger% 2What2s so f!nny abo!t wanting to be friends"2 he de&anded harshly, and she sobered at once only to find that she was horrifyingly close to tears% 2Yo!r (ersistence is flattering,2 she said, controlling herself ad&irably, 2b!t we can never be friends %%% and yo! know that%2 +is eyes narrowed (erce(tibly% 23e ready at eight shar( to&orrow &orning%2 7t was only when she heard his car go down the drive that #organ realised she was shaking all over as if she had ca!ght a chill% She had angered hi&, she knew that, and 6!ite s!ddenly she felt sick inside% She felt heavy*hearted when she contin!ed her (acking that afternoon, and it was not !ntil she had had dinner with her father that evening that she2 had the o((ort!nity to s(eak to hi& abo!t Carl% 29id yo! tell Carl 72d be ret!rning to -retoria to&orrow"2 she 6!estioned ,ndrew, and an angry frown creased his brow% 2+e &!st have fo!nd o!t so&ehow that 7 wo!ldn2t be co&ing in to the office to&orrow, and 6!estioned &e abo!t it%2

2+ow co!ld yo! have agreed to let hi& take &e"2 27 (!t !( an arg!&ent, b!t he was insistent,2 ,ndrew ad&itted rel!ctantly% 272& sorry, #organ% Yo! know 7 wo!ld have done anything to avoid this, b!t Carl wo!ldn2t take no for an answer, and 7 co!ldn2t very well tell hi& to go to the devil%2 272& well ac6!ainted with his (ersistent attit!de,2 she sighed resignedly% 2/h, well, 7 shall 5!st have to &ake the best of it, shan2t 7"2 ,ndrew had nothing to say to that e4ce(t to shr!g his sho!lders with a hel(lessness which she felt e6!ally ac!tely at that &o&ent as if a weight had invaded her li&bs% She felt tra((ed, and it was a feeling that (ersisted !ntil she finally &anaged to fall aslee( that night% Carl arrived (!nct!ally at eight the following &orning, and even at a glance she co!ld see that his &ood had not changed fro& that of the day before% +is c!rio!sly detached attit!de dist!rbed her intensely, and their conversation was brief and stilted while he de(osited her s!itcases in the boot of his car and hel(ed her into the (assenger seat% They travelled for al&ost twenty kilo&etres witho!t s(eaking a word, and #organ began to sense that he was waiting for her to &ake the first &ove% .esent&ent stirred within her, b!t she finally relented when she co!ld bear the silence between the& no longer% 27f 7 so!nded terribly !ngracio!s yesterday, then 7 a(ologise, and it2s really terribly kind of yo! to have offered to take &e to -retoria this &orning,2 she &anaged so&ehow% 2#y reasons for wanting to take yo! had nothing to do with kindness, honey%2 +er nerves 5arred !nco&fortably% 2What were yo!r reasons, then, if it was not o!t of kindness"2 27t2s an o((ort!nity to s(end so&e ti&e with yo!, and also to see where yo! live%2 #organ folded her tre&bling hands tightly in her la( and, taking a caref!l breath, she asked warily, 2Yo! have intentions of visiting &e in f!t!re"2 2Wo!ld yo! ob5ect"2 he co!nter*6!estioned, his eyes &ocking as he glanced at her briefly% 27 do!bt whether it wo!ld &ake any difference to yo! how 7 felt abo!t it,2 she acc!sed with an inward sigh of resignation, and once again they la(sed into an awkward silence% She stared straight ahead of her at the ribbon of road that wo!nd its way thro!gh the s!n*drenched, (ict!res6!e co!ntryside, b!t she was !naware of anything e4ce(t that sinking feeling at the (it of her sto&ach for which she co!ld find no e4(lanation% 2What ti&e is yo!r a((oint&ent with the s(ecialist"2 Carl asked s!ddenly, and she al&ost 5!&(ed nervo!sly at the so!nd of his dee( voice above the h!& of the engine% 2Ten*thirty,2 she answered hi&% 2There2s ti&e to !nload &y s!itcases at the flat, and we co!ld have a 6!ick c!( of coffee before we call on the s(ecialist at the hos(ital%2 2That so!nds great,2 he s&iled, and her heart lifted fractionally at the sight of it%

<ess than an ho!r later Carl2s -orsche slid to a halt o!tside a block of flats close to the city centre in -retoria, and when he walked ro!nd the bonnet to her side with the intention of carrying her into the b!ilding, #organ drew back shar(ly% 2#y cr!tches, Carl%2 2Yo!2re being st!bborn,2 he acc!sed% 2-lease, Carl, 7 insist%2 Their glances clashed, and this ti&e #organ won% +e took the cr!tches off the back seat and handed the& to her, then he walked ro!nd to the boot and ha!led o!t her s!itcases% They took the lift !( to the seventh floor and, when they (a!sed o!tside her door, she t!rned to hi& and slid al&ost a(ologetically, 29on2t e4(ect too &!ch, will yo!" 7 rent a f!rnished flat%2 Witho!t a word Carl took the key o!t of her hands and inserted it in the latch, then he (!shed o(en the (anelled door, and stood aside for her to enter% The flat had been cleaned and aired reg!larly d!ring her absence, and the (olished (ine f!rnit!re, with its bright floral c!shions, was a welco&e sight after her long so5o!rn in the co!ntry% 20ot bad,2 Carl re&arked, glancing abo!t hi& a((reciatively, then he gest!red towards the s!itcases in his hands% 2Where do 7 (!t these"2 27n the bedroo&,2 she said, (ointing towards the short (assage which led off the lo!nge% 2Thro!gh there%2 While he de(osited her s!itcases in the bedroo&, #organ went into the s&all kitchen, b!t she was still str!ggling to ta( water into the electric kettle when Carl walked in, and his large fra&e see&ed to dwarf the roo& considerably% 27f yo! tell &e where everything is, 72ll &ake the coffee,2 he offered, and she did not (!t !( an arg!&ent when he took the kettle fro& her and filled it with water% Seated on a high stool beside the co!nter which served as a table, she told hi& where the c!(s, the s!gar and the coffee were ke(t, then she left hi& to it% 2What abo!t &ilk"2 Carl asked at length% 2There sho!ld be so&e in the refrigerator,2 she told hi&% 2When 7 tele(honed yesterday the caretaker offered to get whatever s!((lies 7 &ight need%2 2#ale or fe&ale"2 27 beg yo!r (ardon"2 she blinked at hi& in blank conf!sion% 2The caretaker,2 he e4(lained his 6!ery% 2#ale or fe&ale"2 2/h82 She colo!red slightly and s&iled% 2#ale, &arried and elderly%2 2That2s a relief,2 he grinned% Their eyes &et across the short distance se(arating the&, and she la!ghed for no other reason than to relieve the tension between the&% 2Yo! so!nd like a 5ealo!s h!sband%2 2+eaven forbid82 he gri&aced% 272ll never be a h!sband, 5ealo!s or otherwise, b!t 7 a&

very (ossessive abo!t &y wo&en%2 272& not one of yo!r wo&en, Carl,2 she (rotested distastef!lly% +e did not co&&ent on her state&ent as he (laced her c!( of coffee on the co!nter at her elbow, and 5oined her there on the s(are stool% +e raised his c!( and s&iled at her across the ri&% 2Cheers%2 'Gesondheid,' she res(onded, raising her own c!( to her li(s% 7t was a strange e4(erience to be sitting there with Carl in her cra&(ed kitchen% She was not in the habit of entertaining &en in her flat, and his &ale (resence in her strictly fe&inine do&ain filled her with an !neasiness she co!ld not e4(lain% +is knee br!shed accidentally against hers when he shifted his (osition, and she al&ost s(illed the re&ainder of her coffee when s(arks of awareness shot !( her leg% 2)4c!se &e,2 she said abr!(tly, (!tting down her c!( and arranging her cr!tches so that she co!ld ease her weight on to the&% 2We haven2t &!ch ti&e left, and 72d better get &yself ready%2 She felt his eyes following her as she esca(ed laborio!sly into the bathroo&, and when she enco!ntered her i&age in the &irror above the basin she co!ld not hel( thinking she looked like a very seared rabbit% +er grey*green eyes looked enor&o!s, and her f!ll, sensitive &o!th had a tightness abo!t it that s!ggested an inner tension% 2-!ll yo!rself together,2 she told herself severely% 2Carl Ziegler is a &an, not a &onster%2 +er i&age in the &irror see&ed to &ock her% 27t2s not Carl Ziegler yo!2re afraid of, is it" 7t2s yo!r own reaction to hi& that frightens yo!%2 She (assed a tired, shaky hand over her eyes% 7t was cra1y to feel this way, b!t right fro& the start he had awakened the &ost (ri&itive e&otions within her, and yes, it frightened her to think that one &an had s!ch a dist!rbing ability to shatter her well* ad5!sted life% She fo!ght a silent battle with herself while she freshened herself !(, and she was relatively cal& when she 5oined Carl a few &in!tes later, b!t he &!st have sensed so&e of the t!r&oil in her so!l as he ca&e towards her and fra&ed her face in his strong, sensitive hands% 27 never want to h!rt yo!, #organ,2 he said, his voice like soft velvet caressing and soothing her 6!ivering nerves% 2Yo! &!st believe that, honey%2 She tried to s(eak, b!t her throat felt too tight, and then the o((ort!nity was lost when his &o!th covered hers with an !ne4(ected tenderness which was al&ost her !ndoing% The desire to lean against hi&, to feel the rock*hard s!((ort of his body against her own, was so intense that she had to rely !(on every vestige of strength she (ossessed not to give in, and she was tre&bling with the effort when he finally eased his li(s fro& hers% 2We2d better go, or yo!2ll be late,2 he said, his eyes lingering on her soft, 6!ivering &o!th, then he released her abr!(tly and walked away fro& her to o(en the door%

The rest of the day (assed swiftly and witho!t f!rther e&otional incidents, b!t that did not &ean it was a day witho!t tra!&as of a different nat!re% #organ2s leg was E* rayed after the cast had been re&oved and, as she had feared, her leg was once again encased in a (laster cast which she wo!ld have to wear for yet another three weeks, b!t this ti&e they (!t a &etal, r!bber*wedged ob5ect into the heel which wo!ld at least allow her to walk abo!t witho!t the aid of those infernal cr!tches% 7t was an all*day b!siness, as #organ had warned Carl, and there had been ti&e for no &ore than a 6!ick l!nch at a resta!rant not far fro& the hos(ital% 7t was after fo!r o2clock that afternoon when they finally ret!rned to her flat, and it was there that Carl, who had been a tre&endo!s hel( all day, asked c!rio!sly, 2What ha((ens ne4t"2 27 shall be ret!rning to work to&orrow,2 she told hi& fir&ly when they sat in the lo!nge si((ing a &!ch*needed c!( of coffee% 272ve been away long eno!gh, and 72& at least &ore &obile than 7 was before%2 2What will yo! do for trans(ort"2 27 have a s&all #ini, b!t 72ll &ake !se of o!r e4cellent b!s service !ntil this cast is re&oved%2 27 don2t fancy the idea of leaving yo! here alone%2 2:ood heavens, Carl82 she la!ghed incred!lo!sly% 27 shall be (erfectly all right%2 27 don2t know when 72ll be able to see yo! again,2 he said at length, (lacing his c!( on the tray and getting to his feet to (ace the floor as if he were agitated abo!t so&ething% 272& going to be rather tied !( d!ring the ne4t few weeks%2 She stared at the back of his fair head and the width of his sho!lders in the brown s!ede 5acket, and tried des(erately not to read so&ething into that state&ent which was not there% 27 know how b!sy yo! are, and 7 want yo! to know that 7 do a((reciate the fact that yo! (laced yo!rself at &y dis(osal for the entire day%2 2That isn2t what 7 &eant, and yo! know it82 +e was beside her on the sofa in an instant, and he gri((ed her hands so tightly that she al&ost cried o!t with the agony of it% 2Yo! co!ld at least tell &e yo!2ll &iss &e, and that yo!2ll be thinking of &e while 72& away,2 he (ro&(ted, his eyes seeking hers% 272ll &iss yo!, and 72ll be thinking of yo!,2 #organ felt co&(elled to say% 2Yo! don2t so!nd as if yo! &ean it%2 2/h, Carl82 she croaked, hovering so&ewhere between the desire to la!gh and cry% 2#!st yo! &ake everything so co&(licated"2 2,& 7 e4(ecting too &!ch"2 2Yo! s(oke of friendshi( yesterday,2 she began, forcing herself to &eet those dece(tively la1y eyes% 2<et that be eno!gh for now"2 27 acce(t that,2 he nodded, (ressing her hands against his chest where she co!ld feel the hard war&th of his body thro!gh his e4(ensive silk shirt% 2Yo! will &iss &e, won2t yo!"2

2Yes,2 she heard herself whis(ering with &ore conviction this ti&e, 272ll &iss yo!%2 #organ was never certain afterwards whether she had &oved towards hi&, or he towards her, b!t s!ddenly she was in his ar&s with her head b!ried against the hollow of his wide sho!lder while his &o!th devo!red hers with devastating effects% When, at last, he released her and got to his feet, she felt (ec!liarly drained and lightheaded% 2,ny &essages for yo!r father"2 7t took a few &o&ents for his words to sink in s!fficiently for her to gras( his 6!ery, then she shook her head abr!(tly% 272ll tele(hone hi& this evening%2 There was a hint of &ockery in his s&ile as he leaned over her and br!shed his li(s lightly against hers% 272ll be seeing yo!, honey%2 +e was gone before she co!ld think of anything to say which wo!ld detain hi&% 9id she act!ally want to (ers!ade hi& to stay longer" 0o, of co!rse she didn2t, b!t his vital (resence still lingered in the roo&, and her li(s still tingled with the &e&ory of his fierce kisses% I'll be seeing you, he had said, and even while her &ind re5ected the tho!ght, her treachero!s heart was whis(ering, 2#ake it soon82

C+,-T). $/A.

#/.:,0 was back at her desk the following &orning at the offices of >elly, )aton F 9e =os, ,ttorneys at <aw, and when .ichard >elly bree1ed in shortly after nine that &orning, his r!gged feat!res creased into a welco&ing s&ile at the sight of her% /nly a few inches taller than #organ, and stockily b!ilt, he (a!sed beside her desk% 27t2s good to have yo! back, #organ,2 he anno!nced in his gravelly voice as he gri((ed her hand briefly% 27t2s good to be back, #r% >elly,2 she re(lied with an eagerness and sincerity her e&(loyer wo!ld not have !nderstood !nless he had lived thro!gh weeks of idleness which had been concl!ded in an e&otional t!r&oil% +e glanced down at the new cast on her leg% 2Yo!2re not o!t of the woods yet, 7 notice%2 2Three &ore weeks, that2s all%2 27 ho(e yo! think twice in f!t!re before yo! acce(t another invitation to go riding,2 he observed with a certain severity% 27 never was very good with horses,2 she la!ghed lightly, 2and now, 7 think, 72ve lost &y nerve co&(letely%2 272& relieved to hear it,2 he sighed, t!rning towards the co&&!nicating door% 2When

yo!2re ready, 7 have a few letters to dictate%2 .ichard >elly was a strange &an, #organ decided while she shar(ened her (encil and searched for her notebook% +e was always reasonably friendly, b!t also strangely aloof, and after working for hi& for three years she still had no idea what went on inside that clever head of his when he was not working on a case% +e was a bachelor, and he lived alone in a ra&bling old ho!se on the o!tskirts of -retoria, b!t he ke(t his (rivate life very (rivate, and #organ had never (ried, even tho!gh at ti&es she had been c!rio!s% She ta((ed briefly on his door a few &o&ents later, and li&(ed inside% +is grey eyes s&iled at her across the wide e4(anse of his desk when she had seated herself, he en6!ired (olitely whether she was co&fortable, and then he started dictating in earnest% 9!ring the co!rse of the ne4t two weeks it see&ed to #organ as if she had been away fro& the office for a year instead of si4 weeks% The work had (iled !( to the e4tent that she fo!nd herself working thro!gh her l!nch ho!rs, and going ho&e an ho!r later than !s!al in the afternoon in order to catch !(% The relief ty(ist had obvio!sly done only what had been absol!tely necessary, b!t the rest of it had been left on #organ2s desk to await her ret!rn% ,fter those la1y days in .oss&ere with nothing to do b!t lie abo!t in the s!n, #organ was s!ddenly working her fingers al&ost to the bone% She barely had ti&e to think of herself, let alone Carl, and when at last it was ti&e for her cast to be re&oved she had been left with no o(tion b!t to have it seen to d!ring her l!nch ho!r as there was no (ossibility of taking ti&e off% The s(ecialist was (leased, the bones had healed well, and #organ was 5!stifiably relieved to be free of that weight she had l!gged aro!nd with her for so long% +er skin was (ale where the cast had shielded it fro& the s!n, b!t that was the least of her (roble&s at that &o&ent, she realised as she glanced at her watch% She wo!ld have to h!rry, or she wo!ld arrive late at the office, and .ichard >elly had not been in one of his best &oods that &orning after a lengthy session with a diffic!lt client% Witho!t the awkward cast on her leg #organ co!ld at last settle back into her nor&al ro!tine, of driving herself to and fro& work each day% +er office ro!tine also began to show signs of regaining nor&ality, and when the tele(hone on her desk rang shrilly one &orning she fo!nd herself far less inclined to want to take an angry swi(e at it% 2#r% >elly2s office, good &orning,2 she said into the &o!th(iece% 2+i, sweetheart,2 that !n&istakable ,&erican accent drifted across the line, and her heart &issed an !nco&fortable beat% 2Carl82 she e4clai&ed in s!r(rise, gratef!l that he co!ld not see her hands tre&bling as she cl!tched the receiver to her ear% 2Where are yo! tele(honing fro&"2 she asked when she co!ld hear !nfa&iliar so!nds in the backgro!nd% 2@an S&!ts ,ir(ort,2 he re(lied briskly% 272ve been in the States these (ast weeks, and 72ve only 5!st flown in%2 2/h,2 she said st!(idly, wondering why her father had not bothered to tell her that Carl had been away, b!t then, she s!((osed, what b!siness was it of hers where Carl was, and for how long%

2What ti&e is yo!r l!nch ho!r"2 his voice c!t i&(atiently into her tho!ghts% 2/ne o2clock%2 2+ave l!nch with &e, honey"2 272d like that,2 she said at once, glancing !( to see .ichard >elly gest!ring fro& the co&&!nicating door that he wished to see her at once% 272ll (ick yo! !( o!tside yo!r offices at one shar(,2 Carl said abr!(tly% ;3ye for now%2 The line went dead and, thankf!l that he had not (rolonged their conversation' #organ re(laced the receiver and walked 6!ickly into her e&(loyer2s office% 272& looking for the Wheeler v% Carter file,2 .ichard >elly told her irritably% 29o yo! think yo! co!ld find it for &e"2 #organ sighed inwardly% This was going to be one of those &ornings8 The girl who had relieved her had obvio!sly filed it incorrectly, as she had done with so &any others, and #organ knew fro& e4(erience that she co!ld forget abo!t her l!nch ho!r if she did not find that file, and find it 6!ickly% 7t was a few &in!tes to one o2clock when her frantic search was rewarded and, with an a!dible sigh of relief, she (laced the Wheeler v% Carter file on her e&(loyer2s desk% 27 ho(e yo! won2t &ind if 7 r!sh off, b!t 7 have a l!ncheon a((oint&ent,2 she &!ttered a little breathlessly, and barely waited for .ichard >elly2s a((roval before she r!shed o!t of his office, snatched !( her handbag in (assing her desk, and headed towards the lift% The silver -orsche slid to a halt at the entrance of the b!ilding 5!st as #organ ste((ed o!t on to the (ave&ent, and she h!rried towards it% Carl s&iled at her briefly when she sli((ed in beside t!rn, his glance taking in everything fro& her hair, twisted into a neat knot at the na(e of her neck, down to her shoes, which &atched her beige o!tfit% 23less yo! for being (!nct!al,2 he said% 2There2s never any (arking in these b!sy streets%2 27 nearly didn2t &ake it,2 she la!ghed breathlessly, hardly able to take her eyes off hi&% 2#r% >elly !rgently re6!ired a case file which had disa((eared &ysterio!sly, b!t it had si&(ly been filed incorrectly, and 7 was l!cky to find it so 6!ickly%2 She had a horrible feeling that she was babbling !nnecessarily, b!t she was nervo!s and e4cited, and her heart was beating &!ch too fast, for co&fort% She knew a cra1y desire to to!ch hi&, to r!n her fingers thro!gh his short, silver*fair hair, b!t she fo!ght it down, and clenched her hands tightly in her la( while he drove a few blocks away to a s&all resta!rant she had never been to before% They both ordered a light l!nch, settling for a s&all sole and a salad, and it was only then that she saw the greyness of his (allor, while fatig!e had (lanted dee( grooves fro& his nose to his &o!th% Their eyes &et, and she was a little disconcerted to discover that he had been st!dying her as intently as she had been st!dying hi&%

2Yo!2re looking good, #organ,2 he said, resting his elbows on the table, and st!dying her with renewed interest% 27 wish 7 co!ld say the sa&e abo!t yo!,2 she re(lied with a &eas!re of concern% 2+as* it been an e4ha!sting tri("2 2Yeah,2 he drawled gri&acingly, br!shing a hand over his face% 27 was so b!sy going over contracts and what*have*yo! on the (lane that 7 never sle(t, b!t now 7 co!ld certainly do with a co!(le of ho!rs2 sh!t*eye%2 29o yo! have to ret!rn to .oss&ere this afternoon"2 20ot necessarily, why"2 he asked blankly% #organ chewed tho!ghtf!lly on her botto& li(, and ca&e to a hasty decision% 2Why don2t yo! &ake !se of &y flat, and rest a few ho!rs before yo! atte&(t the car 5o!rney back to .oss&ere"2 +is eyebrows rose &ockingly% 2What will yo!r hono!rable caretaker have to say when he sees a strange &an going into yo!r flat in the &iddle of the day"2 2+e won2t say anything,2 she s&iled enco!ragingly% 272ll give hi& a ring to let hi& know that yo!2re a friend who2s badly in need of a (lace to rest !( for a few ho!rs before yo! travel f!rther, and that will be that%2 2Well, 7 %%%2 2+ere2s the key,2 she interr!(ted what see&ed like a ref!sal and, taking it o!t of her handbag, she (assed it to hi& across the checkered tablecloth% 2Yo!2re s!re yo! don2t &ind"2 ,n ine4(licable tenderness welled !( inside of her% 2Yo!2re tired, Carl, and 7 see no (!r(ose in going into a hotel for an ho!r or two when yo! can !se &y flat%2 2Thanks,2 he s&iled briefly, his hand covering hers where it lay on the table, and her fingers c!rled abo!t his of their own volition% 7t was cra1y, she s!((osed, b!t she knew now that she had &issed hi&, and she had longed for his to!ch, however i&(ersonal it &ight be% 29on2t fall in love with hi&,2 her father2s warning lea(t into her &ind, and she was wondering how to e4tricate her hand fro& Carl2s when their l!nch was served% They ate their &eal witho!t atte&(ting to &ake conversation, b!t the at&os(here was not !nco&fortable% There was, strangely eno!gh, no need to search her &ind frantically for so&ething to say, and she fo!nd herself rela4ing in Carl2s co&(any while they en5oyed their l!nch in co&(anionable silence% +e looked !( when she (assed hi& his coffee, and when his tired eyes &et hers, she saidC 2Yo!2re working too hard%2 27 have to if 7 want to kee( abreast of develo(&ents%2 20o h!&an being can co(e (hysically with being in two (laces at the sa&e ti&e,2 she re&onstrated with hi&, 2and that2s what yo!2re atte&(ting to do%2 2,re yo! concerned abo!t &e"2 he 6!estioned &ockingly%

20at!rally 72& concerned abo!t yo!%2 2,ny s(ecial reason"2 +er breath ca!ght in her throat when she realised how easily she had walked into that tra(, and her cheeks went a delicate shade of (ink as she said defensively, 2Wo!ldn2t yo! be concerned abo!t a friend if yo! knew he was working hi&self to a fra11le"2 +is eyes, dark and co&(elling, held hers ca(tive as he leaned towards her across the s&all table% 29o yo! know what 72d like to do this very &in!te"2 2Yo!2d like to go to slee(,2 she cl!tched nervo!sly at the &ost logical answer, b!t he shook his head slowly% 272d like to kiss yo!,2 he &!r&!red so that only she co!ld hear, and her cheeks went a &!ch dee(er shade of (ink% 2-lease, Carl,2 she (rotested, lowering her eyes to the checkered tablecloth% 27s that an invitation"2 2Yo! know it isn2t, so behave yo!rself,2 she answered crossly% 2Yes, &a2a&%2 She looked !( into those &ocking bl!e eyes, and s!ddenly they were la!ghing together with a certain inti&acy that &ade her (!lse behave 6!ite irrationally% , few &in!tes later a 6!ick glance at her watch &ade her say a(ologetically, 27 hate to r!sh yo!, Carl, b!t it2s al&ost two o2clock%2 2Co&e on,2 he said, not atte&(ting to detain her, and he held her hand as they walked o!t of the resta!rant, his (al& war& and slightly ro!gh against hers% 2When yo! leave si&(ly sli( the key into &y (ost bo4,2 she said when he dro((ed her off at the office% 272ll do that, honey,2 he s&iled briefly% 2See yo!82 She stood there for a &o&ent staring after hi&, then she t!rned and 6!ickly entered the b!ilding% Why did she feel so desolate all at once, as if the war&th had gone o!t of the day" She th!&bed the lift b!tton and sighed, wishing s!ddenly for so&ething she co!ld not even e4(lain to herself% #organ was too b!sy that afternoon to allow her tho!ghts to dwell on Carl, and she worked al&ost witho!t a break !ntil it was ti&e to go ho&e% 272ll be in late to&orrow &orning,2 .ichard >elly warned her on their way o!t of the office% 272ll be in co!rt !ntil eleven, b!t 72ve (re(ared a brief which 72d like yo! to ty(e for &e% Yo!2ll find it on &y desk blotter%2 #organ nodded tiredly, and they (arted co&(any &o&ents later when they ste((ed o!t of the lift, each going their own direction to where their cars were (arked in the base&ent% When she arrived ho&e fifteen &in!tes later she fo!nd her key in the (ost bo4 as she had re6!ested, and beside her bed, in a sli& white vase, there were three long*

ste&&ed (ink roses% She stared at the& a&ost in o(en*&o!thed fascination, then she leaned over to inhale their sweet fragrance and to ringer the soft, velvety (etals% , s&all white envelo(e stood (ro((ed !( against the vase, and her fingers tre&bled slightly as she lifted the fla( to e4tract the card on which a &essage had been written in a bold, &asc!line handwriting% ovely lady, your kindness has been a!!re"iated. I'll see you #riday evening, and kee! the weekend $ree $or me i$ you "an. Carl. There was a fl!tteringin her throat, and her heart was singing o!t wildly, 2$riday, $riday8 72ll see hi& on $riday82 /h, :od, it was cra1y to feel this way' to be so terribly elated at the tho!ght of seeing hi& again soon% She sat down on the bed and br!shed her hand lightly over the (illow where she co!ld still see the indentation of his head, and she felt c!rio!sly choked at the tho!ght that he had lain there only a few brief ho!rs ago% 29on2t fall in love with hi&, #organ,2 she lect!red herself sternly as her father &ight have done% 2+e doesn2t believe in the things that are i&(ortant to yo!% +e2ll love yo! now, and break yo!r heart into a tho!sand (ieces to&orrow witho!t thinking twice abo!t it%2 ,ngry and agitated with herself, she th!&(ed the (illow into sha(e to wi(e o!t the i&(rint of Carl2s head, b!t the roses were still there' a tangible, fragrant re&inder of his (resence and, as she reached o!t to finger the soft (etals, she knew that it was ho(elessly too late% She had been ca!ght and fatally tra((ed in the silken web of his (ractised char& like an in6!isitive fly attracted to a brightly colo!red s(ider, and for her there wo!ld be no esca(e fro& this (rison into which she had (l!nged herself% +er insides began to shake% +ow had it ha((ened" +ow co!ld she have allowed it to ha((en" She (!lled the (ins o!t of her hair and shook it free, then went thro!gh her !s!al rit!al of changing into so&ething &ore co&fortable, and (re(aring a &eal for herself, b!t her &ind was not on what she was doing% When she finally sat down at the co!nter in the kitchen with her (late of food in front of her, she fo!nd that she had no a((etite at all and, after forcing herself to take a co!(le of &o!thf!ls, she (!shed aside her (late and hel(ed herself to a c!( of coffee% #organ2s (eacef!l evening at ho&e beca&e a night&are of ebbing and flowing tho!ghts% 23e sensible8 Think rationally82 she told herself when she crawled into bed &!ch later that night% 2See Carl Ziegler for what he really is' a &an who has an interest solely in yo!r body% +e co!ldn2t care less abo!t yo!r &ind, nor yo!r so!l, and once he2s taken his fill of yo!r body he2ll discard yo! like an old shoe for which he has no f!rther !se% Constancy, where wo&en are concerned, has no (lace in his life, and yo! know that%2 She sighed and tried to go to slee(, b!t in her &ind she saw Carl2s &ocking bl!e eyes observing her beneath straight brows a shade darker than his hair, and the sens!ally chiselled &o!th above the s6!are, deter&ined 5aw s&iled at her in that bone*&elting way%

2Yo!2re a to!gh, honey, b!t 72ll crack yo! yet,2 his state&ent of a few weeks ago rang in her ears, and she t!rned her face into the (illow with a groan of des(air on her li(s% 2:od hel( &e,2 she &!ttered in a &!ffled, choked voice, 272ve cracked already, b!t he &!st never know it% %ever!' When ,ndrew $ield tele(honed #organ on the Th!rsday evening she (rided herself on being co&(letely in charge of herself once &ore, b!t this feeling lasted only !ntil her father saidC 2There are r!&o!rs floating abo!t that the Triton is to beco&e a s!bsidiary co&(any of Carl2s fir& in Washington, and that he2ll soon be stationing hi&self there%2 +er heart sank like the &erc!ry in a ther&o&eter on a free1ing night% 2Yo! &ean he2ll be living in ,&erica and co&ing o!t to So!th ,frica only occasionally"2 2With a good &an at the hel& of the Triton Co&(any there2ll be no need for Carl to co&e o!t here !nless it2s absol!tely necessary,2 he confir&ed% 2/h82 she breathed as the &erc!ry dro((ed several degrees &ore to send an icy chill along her veins% 20othing is definite yet,2 ,ndrew ca!tioned% 2The disc!ssions and final decision will have to take (lace at a board &eeting, so it2s all still r!&o!rs%2 2/f co!rse,2 she &!ttered thickly, feeling as tho!gh so&eone had ca!ght her by the throat and was taking a great delight in strangling her slowly% 2#organ"2 2Yes"2 she croaked% 2Yo!2re not !(set, are yo!"2 20ot at all,2 she lied, &aking a des(erate atte&(t to (!ll herself together, and s!cceeding (artially% 272ve act!ally been e4(ecting so&ething like this%2 2+e told yo! abo!t his (lans"2 her father 6!estioned shar(ly% 20ot e4actly,2 she re(lied h!rriedly, not wanting to give the wrong i&(ression% 2Carl did ha((en to &ention once that he &ight not always be travelling back and forth between the two continents the way he had been doing since his arrival in .oss&ere%2 2So there co!ld be so&e tr!th in those r!&o!rs"2 2There co!ld be,2 she ad&itted rel!ctantly, 2b!t as Carl always says don2t bet on it%2 27 won2t,2 her father agreed with a s&ile in his voice% They talked for a while longer, b!t #organ fo!nd it diffic!lt concentrating on the rest of their conversation, and when she event!ally (!t down the receiver she was shivering as if it was &idwinter instead of Se(te&ber, when the earth started co&ing alive again after the cold, frosty &onths% So Carl was thinking of ret!rning to ,&erica, and if there were r!&o!rs to that effect then they &!st have co&e fro& so&ewhere, b!t now, at least, she was (re(ared for it% She wo!ld know how to deal with the sit!ation, and herself, in f!t!re, and that was so&ething she o!ght to be gratef!l for% She had been warned%

#organ was soaking herself in a hot, scented bath later that evening when the tele(hone started ringing in the lo!nge% She decided to ignore it at first, b!t the caller was nothing if not (ersistent% Sighing irritably, she ste((ed o!t of the bath and wra((ed her towel aro!nd her wet body while she walked 6!ickly fro& the bathroo& into the lo!nge% 2+i, honey,2 Carl2s voice ca&e over the line when she had lifted the receiver to her ear% 27 knew yo! were ho&e beca!se 7 tele(honed yo!r father not half an ho!r ago, and he told &e that he had s(oken to yo! earlier this evening%2 There was a brief silence while #organ Stood there cl!tching the receiver as if she had t!rned to stone, then he asked with a faintly sens!o!s la!gh, 2were yo! in bed"2 27 was in the bath, and 7 ha((en to be dri((ing water all over the car(et at the &o&ent,2 she told hi& coldly, des(ite the heavy th!&(ing of her treachero!s heart% 2+& %%% a delightf!l (ict!re co&es to &ind%2 The raw sens!ality in his voice sent a 6!iver along her rece(tive nerves, b!t she cla&(ed down on her feelings and de&anded abr!(tly, 2What did yo! want"2 ,gain there was a brief (a!se% 2,re yo! angry abo!t so&ething, honey"2 20o,2 she lied, 2b!t 72d like to get back to &y bath%2 27f 7 were there wo!ld yo! have let &e soa( yo!r back"2 She felt herself bl!sh fro& her toes !( to the roots of her hair, and her voice was !nco&&only shar( when she saidC 2Say what yo! have to say, Carl, or 72ll (!t the receiver down%2 2S!re, sweetheart,2 he la!ghed softly% 272ll call for yo! at si4*thirty to&orrow evening, and 72ve &ade arrange&ents for !s to dine at a (lace that a((arently has an e4cellent floor show%2 2Yo! had no right to si&(ly ass!&e that 72d be free to see yo! to&orrow evening%2 The line see&ed to crackle with static electricity before he s(oke% 2Yo! got &y &essage, #organ, and if yo! weren2t free to&orrow evening yo! wo!ld have let &e know at once, so, whatever it is that2s &aking yo! behave so obstinately this evening, it had better be good, beca!se 7 shall de&and an e4(lanation when 7 see yo! to&orrow%2 +is voice was harsh with an anger she had never heard before% 272ll see yo! at si4*thirty, and be ready%2 2Carl, 7 Carl? The line went dead before she co!ld finish what she had been abo!t to say and, sla&&ing the receiver back on to its cradle, she &!ttered f!rio!sly, 'Damn!' She was shaking all over when she ret!rned to the bathroo&% Damn Carl Ziegler for having this effect on her8 Who the devil did he think he was, and what did he think he was (laying at" , sob rose in her throat, b!t she choked it back% 2/h, why can2t yo! leave &e alone82 she cried o!t, her voice hollow with ang!ish, b!t the fo!r walls of the bathroo& re&ained silent witnesses to her aching &isery% #organ sle(t fitf!lly that night, and she was not in one of her &ost cheerf!l &oods when she arrived at the office the following &orning and sat down behind her ty(ewriter%

.ichard >elly dictated letters like a fiend that &orning for al&ost two ho!rs, and before she left his office he thr!st a cassette ta(e into her hand% 27 recorded &y notes on the @acobs case, and 72d like the& ty(ed and filed before yo! go ho&e this afternoon,2 he instr!cted, (!tting on his 5acket and (icking !( his briefcase% 27 shall be in co!rt for the rest of the day, if anyone sho!ld en6!ire, and if there are any &essages, leave the& /n &y desk%2 +e &arched o!t of the office, leaving #organ with a (ile of work which co!ld 6!ite easily &ean that she wo!ld have to Work thro!gh her l!nch ho!r if she ho(ed to have it all finished before five that afternoon, b!t she was &ore gratef!l than angry when she sat down behind her desk and thr!st the first sheets of (a(er and carbon into the ty(ewriter% +er fingers (o!nded away at the keys, leaving her no ti&e to think, or feel, as the day (rogressed, and she was tired b!t satisfied when she (!lled the cover over the ty(ewriter late that afternoon% 9es(ite all the tele(hone interr!(tions, and the 6!eries which she had had to deal with, there was a neat (ile of letters on her e&(loyer2s desk awaiting his signat!re, and his notes on the @acobs case had been ty(ed and filed for his ins(ection in the &orning% She co!ld go ho&e at last, b!t her s&ile of (leas!re vanished at the tho!ght of what lay ahead of her% , few evenings ago she had looked forward elatedly to seeing Carl again, b!t now she shrank fro& the tho!ght% 7f she did not take care he wo!ld bend her to his will as easily as one &ight bend a sa(ling, and it was this knowledge that frightened her &ost% She was not a coward, in nor&al circ!&stances, b!t she knew when she was !( against so&ething which she co!ld not co(e with, and Carl Ziegler was that something& that i&&ovable ob5ect which see&ed to be intent !(on destroying her (eace of &ind% When her doorbell rang at si4*thirty shar( that evening, #organ felt *a shiver of a((rehension race along her s(ine, and she &!ttered a little (rayer for hel( as she walked stiffly across the lo!nge towards the door %%% and o(ened it% Carl stood there, the height and breadth of hi& filling the doorway, and his dark, i&(eccably tailored evening s!itdending a for&idable air to his already i&(osing a((earance% 2+i, gorgeo!s,2 he said with a s&ile in his voice, b!t that s&ile was not &irrored in those hooded eyes that swe(t her fro& head to foot% 2+ello, Carl,2 she greeted hi& with a cal&ness she was far fro& e4(eriencing as she ste((ed aside for hi& to enter% 2The last ti&e we &et 7 fo!nd &yself thinking we were getting along like a ho!se on fire,2 he re&arked when she had closed the door and they stood facing each other in her bright b!t chea(ly f!rnished lo!nge% 2What ha((ened between then and now to change yo! into a cool, aloof yo!ng lady once &ore"2 272ve co&e to &y senses,2 the words hovered on her li(s, b!t instead she said bl!ntly, 20othing ha((ened%2 2Co&e off it, #organ,2 he ordered harshly, his hands biting !ne4(ectedly into her sho!lders, forcing her to face hi& when she wo!ld have t!rned away% 2/ne day yo! give &e the friendly co&e on, b!t not a week later yo! give &e the br!sh*off% 7 think 72& entitled to know why, and 72& de&anding an e4(lanation%2

+is eyes were no longer la1y, b!t bla1ingly intent !(on her face, and she looked away fro& hi&, afraid of what he &ight see% 2Why &e, Carl"2 she asked !nsteadily, still not able to look at hi&% 2There are so &any wo&en who wo!ld be only too willing to co&(ly with yo!r de&ands, yet yo! choose so&eone who2s not interested in the fleeting entangle&ents yo!2re searching for%2 2Yo!2re bea!tif!l, #organ%2 272& not,2 she sna((ed angrily, br!shing his hands off her sho!lders and t!rning away fro& hi&% 2#y &o!th is too big, and &y nose is too s&all%2 27 like yo! 5!st the way yo! are%2 2/h, 72& s!re yo! do,2 she re(lied sarcastically% +is hands were on her hi(s, drawing her back against his hard body, and his war&, sens!al &o!th trailed a (ath of fire across her bare sho!lder that sent a s(ate of (leas!rable sensations ri((ling thro!gh her% 2Yo!2re also very desirable,2 he &!r&!red against her throat, his hands sliding (ossessively across her sto&ach% 2/nly beca!se 72& !nobtainable,2 she arg!ed in a voice that so!nded abo&inably faint as she fo!ght against the longing that was like an ache dee( down inside of her% 27 can2t acce(t or believe that yo!2re so totally !nwilling,2 he gr!nted, taking her by the sho!lders and swinging her ro!ghly ro!nd to face hi&% 272ve said it once before, Carl, and 72ll say it again,2 she bit o!t the words as she bravely &et the shattering onsla!ght of his eyes% 20othing on earth will ind!ce &e to go to bed with yo! si&(ly for the sake of (roviding yo! with a few ho!rs of (assion82 27 want &ore fro& yo! than that%2 2S!ch as"2 she de&anded s!s(icio!sly, neither e4(ecting nor ho(ing for anything (er&anent% 272& working on it,2 he s&iled &ockingly% 2Yo!2re wasting yo!r ti&e,2 she told hi& crossly, trying to break free of those hands which slid down her back to draw her so relentlessly towards hi&% 272ll decide that for &yself%2 2/h, for heaven2s sake82 she e4(loded, her hands fiat against his hard chest in a f!tile atte&(t to ward hi& off% 2Why won2t yo! believe that 72& not yo!r ty(e"2 23eca!se yo!2re very &!ch &y ty(e, honey, only yo!2re too st!bborn to see it,2 he la!ghed cynically, tra((ing her sli& softness hel(lessly in his ar&s% +is &o!th swoo(ed down on to hers, giving her no o((ort!nity to avoid his kiss, b!t she re&ained (assive in his ar&s with her li(s tightly (ressed together in an atte&(t not to res(ond% Carl was in no h!rry to release her, she soon discovered% +e took his ti&e, e6!ally deter&ined to break down her resistance as she was to !(hold it, and he s!cceeded in a diabolically clever way% +e forced her backwards over his ar&s, leaving her no o(tion b!t to cling to his sho!lders for s!((ort, and &aking her so intensely aware

of the do&inance and need of his hard &ale body that the shock of it vibrated thro!gh her and shattered her resistance% She yielded against hi& !ntil her wo&anly softness was cr!shed against rock*hard hi(s and thighs% +er li(s (arted of their own volition beneath the insistent (ress!re of his, and then she was lost in the ever widening whirl(ool of her e&otions% With one hand still cla&(ed fir&ly against the hollow of her back, he slid the other !(wards in a leis!rely caress fro& her thigh to clas( her breast thro!gh the (each* colo!red silk of her dress, and :od hel( her she was doing nothing at all to sto( hi&% The sens!al (ress!re of his caressing fingers sent a sh!dder of the &ost incredible desire thro!gh her, and when he finally eased his &o!th fro& hers she fo!nd herself clinging to the la(els of his 5acket like so&eone in a dr!nken st!(or% +is hands were cla&(ed abo!t her waist, giving her the necessary s!((ort while her legs felt as if they wo!ld cave in beneath her, and several seconds (assed before she fo!nd that she co!ld breathe and think nor&ally again% She &oved away fro& hi& 5erkily at last to (ress her hands against her fl!shed cheeks% 2Yo! sho!ldn2t have done that, Carl%2 2Why not"2 27f yo! e4(ect &e to s(end the evening with yo!, then 7 &!st ask yo! to behave yo!rself,2 she re(lied, regaining her co&(os!re (ainf!lly and slowly% 272ll behave &yself, b!t 7 shan2t (ro&ise not to kiss yo! again,2 he warned, (icking !( her wra( and dra(ing it caref!lly abo!t her sho!lders, then he thr!st her evening bag into her hands and said cal&ly, 2Shall we go"2 +is hand s!((orted her beneath her elbow as they walked fro& her flat into the lift% +is to!ch was (ro(rietorial and conveyed his !ndeniable confidence in hi&self, or was it si&(ly a dis(lay of arrogance" +e had won this ro!nd witho!t &!ch effort, b!t she was deter&ined that he wo!ld not win the ne4t% She still had so&e fight left in her, and soon he wo!ld discover this%

C+,-T). $7=)

T+) resta!rant Carl took #organ to that evening was filled to ca(acity, and she s!s(ected that the s!(erb c!isine was only one of &any reasons why co!(les who had not &ade a booking had to be t!rned away at the door% 9iners co!ld en5oy their &eal while watching the e4cellent floor show, and a s(ace had been cleared for those who wished to dance d!ring those &o&ents in between (erfor&ances% 7t was on one s!ch an occasion that Carl took #organ2s hand and !rged her on to the floor, and when he took her into his ar&s she felt again the shock of his body against her own% The &!sic was slow and drea&y, and Carl was an e4cellent dancer, b!t his li(s

br!shing against her hair and his hard thighs &oving against her own were too &!ch for her to bear% 2#!st yo! hold &e so tight"2 she co&(lained event!ally, straining against the i&&ovable steel of his hand against the hollow of her back% 27 like to feel yo!r body &oving against &ine%2 There was so&ething cr!dely se4!al in his state&ent, and she ca!ght her breath shar(ly% 272& not going to arg!e with yo!, b!t 7 wo!ld (refer not to be held so tightly, if yo! don2t &ind%2 +is ar& rela4ed abo!t her, allowing a little s(ace to co&e between the&, and when she ha((ened to look !( at hi& she fo!nd hi& frowning down at her% 2Yo!2ve been s(arring verbally with &e all evening, and kee(ing &e at ar&2s length,2 he growled% 2,ny girl in her right &ind wo!ld do that,2 #organ told hi& coldy, and his li(s twisted cynically% 2The big bad wolf, h!h"2 She lowered her eyes to concentrate on the knot in his black silk tie% 2Yo!2ve given &e no reason to believe otherwise%2 2+aven2t 7"2 he de&anded, (!lling her !( against hi& and swaying backwards to avoid a collision with a co!(le (rancing wildly across the floor% 20o, yo! haven2t,2 she (ersisted, breathing a little easier when he slackened his hold once &ore% 2+aven2t 7 been re&arkably (atient with yo!"2 2-atient, yes %% % b!t yo!r !lti&ate ai& re&ains the sa&e%2 272& a &an, honey, not a saint,2 he la!ghed softly close to her ear% 2Show &e a &an who doesn2t get ideas when he sees a bea!tif!l wo&an, and 72ll show yo! a fossilised h!&an being%2 #organ did not re(ly to that, b!t when the &!sic ended, the n!&b (ain in her right calf forced her to say, 2Co!ld we sit o!t the ne4t dance, do yo! think"2 2S!re,2 he agreed at once, his ra(ier*shar( glances gli&(sing that flicker of (ain on her face as he linked her ar& thro!gh his% 29oes yo!r leg ache"2 2, little,2 she confessed as they ret!rned to their table% 27t2s been a long ti&e since 72ve ind!lged in so &!ch dancing%2 272& sorry, honey,2 he &!r&!red with to!ching concern, bending over her chair to &ake s!re she was seated co&fortably% 27 didn2t &ean to tire yo!%2 2Tell &e abo!t yo!r last tri( to the A%S%,%,2 she changed the s!b5ect when he had seated hi&self o((osite her% 29id yo! have ti&e to visit yo!r ranch"2 2There wasn2t ti&e to go o!t to Wyo&ing, 72& afraid%2 +e gest!red vag!ely and sighed% 2#aybe ne4t ti&e%2

2Were yo! terribly b!sy"2 she asked, deciding it was a safe to(ic to stick to% 2Terribly,2 he echoed, frowning down at the tablecloth% 27 worked days, and 6!ite often nights as well%2 2+ow long do yo! think yo!2re going to be able to kee( !( the (ace"2 % 2/nly as long as 7 have to%2 The conversation she had had with her father lea(t into her &ind, and she asked ca!tio!sly, 2,re yo! considering &aking a few changes"2 27 don2t want to talk b!siness when 72& with yo!,2 he said abr!(tly, his &o!th tightening (erce(tibly, and she felt her back go rigid with distaste% 29o yo! consider 7 don2t (ossess the &ental ca(acity to !nderstand"2 27 think yo!2re a bea!tif!l and very intelligent yo!ng wo&an,2 he sighed, a hint of irritation in his dee( voice, 2b!t right now 7 want to forget abo!t work and the (roble&s arising fro& it%2 The candle flickered between the& on the table, cr!elly accent!ating the lines of strain on his face, and that ine4(licable tenderness swe(t thro!gh her again% 272& sorry,2 she heard herself whis(ering a(ologetically% The &ood of the evening altered abr!(tly% #organ rela4ed for the first ti&e, and they drifted into a light hearted conversation that eased that (ec!liar tension which had hovered between the&% They left the resta!rant later that evening, shortly after a &ale vocalist had gr!nted his way thro!gh a love song, and #organ was feeling (leasantly tired when they arrived at her flat% She &ade coffee and they drank it in the lo!nge where Carl sat s(rawled on the sofa% #organ had kicked off her shoes and sat c!rled !( in the chair*facing hi&, b!t when she got !( to (lace her e&(ty c!( in the tray, his fingers snaked abo!t her wrist, and she was (!lled down on to the, sofa beside hi&% +e stared down into her wary eyes and s&iled &ockingly% 2Yo! still re&ind &e of bisc!its and cheese fragile, s(icy, and 6!ite delectable%2 -lay it cool, she warned herself, and witho!t averting her eyes fro& his, she saidC 2The way yo! say that &akes &e think 7 shall need to defend &yself shortly%2 2Yo! &ay not want to defend yo!rself,2 he warned her with a devilish glea& in his eyes as they roa&ed the delicate *conto!rs of her feat!res% 2,s a self*confessed sed!cer of wo&en yo! wo!ld know e4actly how to deal with any for& of resistance,2 she re(lied, recalling only too vividly how he had broken down the rigid barriers she had erected earlier that evening% 2While 72& still in co&(lete control of all &y fac!lties, however, 7 &!st warn yo! that 72& very !nwilling to be sed!ced%2 29on2t yo! like &e"2 +e ado(ted an e4(ression that &ade hi& look very &!ch like a (athetic little boy, so&ething which she was certain he had never been, and she co!ld not (revent the la!ghter that b!bbled (ast her li(s% 2/h, Carl, of co!rse 7 like yo!, b!t 72ve told yo! this

before

72& old*fashioned%2

+e leaned towards her (!r(osef!lly% 272& te&(ted to refor& yo!%2 2/h, dear, and here 7 was ho(ing we co!ld still be friends,2 she re&arked airily, deter&ined not to take hi& serio!sly% 27t2s nat!ral for friendshi(s to ri(en into so&ething &ore cosy,2 he e4(lained, and the blatant sens!ality in his dee( voice bro!ght a cynical s&ile to her li(s% 2S!ch as a frolic in bed"2 she asked bl!ntly% +e flicked her cheek with a la1y finger% 2Yo! have a one*track &ind%2 2When 72& with yo! that2s hardly s!r(rising%2 She co!ld have bitten off her tong!e the ne4t instant, and her face went hot as he la!ghed that soft, dee(*throated la!gh and said &ockingly, 27 adore yo! when yo! bl!sh%2 2Yo! have that effect on &e so&eti&es,2 #organ tried to salvage what was left of her cr!&bling co&(os!re% 2/nly so&eti&es"2 he de&anded with a sly grin, his eyes a((raising her with a deliberate slowness fro& head to foot !ntil she felt hot and fl!stered% 2Sto( it, Carl,2 she ordered h!skily, 2and don2t look at &e like that82 2<ike what"2 he asked witho!t taking his eyes off the enchanting c!rve of her breasts which were beginning to rise and fall agitatedly !nder his sens!ally dist!rbing s!rveillance% 2Yo!2re looking at &e in a way that that &akes &e feel 6!ite 6!ite !ndressed,2 she sta&&ered annoyingly, her nerves 6!ivering in res(onse to his nearness% 2Yo!2re wearing a bea!tif!l dress, b!t yo! wo!ld be e6!ally bea!tif!l witho!t it, and yo!r skin wo!ld be 2 2Sh!t !(82 she hissed in alar&, her colo!r rising shar(ly, and her heart behaving like a wild bird in a cage% 272& not &ade of stone, Carl% 72& flesh and blood, and what yo!2re saying is (ositively indecent82 2Why"2 he de&anded softly, his voice like a (hysical caress against e4(osed, rece(tive nerves% 29o yo! consider se4 indecent"2 #organ ca!ght her breath shar(ly, and lea(t to her feet% She had end!red eno!gh, her senses had been sti&!lated to breaking (oint, b!t she wo!ld not allow it to contin!e and, staring down at hi& coldly, she saidC 2Thank yo! for a delightf!l dinner as well as a &ost entertaining evening%2 27f 7 had a hat then that wo!ld be &y c!e to (ick it !( and leave,2 he la!ghed, raising his ar&s and locking his hands behind his fair head in a way that (arted his 5acket to &ake her aware of the (lay of &!scles in his broad chest beneath the tight s(an of his white silk shirt% 272& sorry to disa((oint yo!, honey, b!t 72& not going to leave 5!st yet%2 She clenched her shaking hands at her sides, and wished s!ddenly that she had not taken off her shoes when she saw his glance slide down to her stockinged feet% 27 won2t change &y &ind, yo! know, and 5!st think how !ndignified it wo!ld be if we had to

ind!lge in a brawl while yo! forced &e to give in to yo!%2 Carl2s eyes flickered dangero!sly% 29on2t (!t ideas into &y head%2 2That wo!ld hardly be necessary,2 she retorted stiffly% 2Yo!r head is cra&&ed so f!ll of ideas where wo&en are concerned that 7 do!bt if there2s roo& for one &ore%2 +e la!ghed lo!dly at that, white teeth flashing against his tanned co&(le4ion, then he l!nged forward !ne4(ectedly, and his fingers snaked abo!t her wrist before she had ti&e to &ove o!t of feach% She tried to 5erk herself free, b!t his fingers &erely tightened abo!t her wrist, and she was (!lled ro!ghly down into his ar&s so that she fo!nd herself lying (artially in his la(% 27 know 72ve said it before, b!t yo!2re absol!tely !ni6!e,2 he said, la!ghter glinting in his eyes as he observed her frantic efforts to free herself% 2Yo! find &e !ni6!e beca!se 7 ref!se to fall into bed with yo! like a &eek little la&b, is that it"2 she de&anded breathlessly% 2$or that reason,2 he ad&itted, 2and 6!ite a few others, b!t yo! &ight as well get !sed to the idea that 72& going to &ake love to yo! in the not too distant f!t!re, and there2ll be no need to ind!lge in an !ndignified brawl, beca!se yo!2ll want it as &!ch as 7 do%2 +is li(s against hers silenced her re(!diating re&arks, and d!ring the ne4t few &in!tes #organ was &ade frighteningly aware of how little resistance she act!ally had against a &an of his e4(erience% The sens!al war&th of his &o!th was like a (otent dr!g sa((ing her strength, and it ignited a strange fire in her body% +is fingers were against her scal(, scattering the (ins so that her hair t!&bled in a red*brown clo!d abo!t her face% +e caressed her throat, her sho!lders, and finally vent!red beneath the (encil*thin stra(s of her dress% She felt so&ething give way, and felt the coolness of air against her body, b!t she had reached the stage where she neither knew nor cared what was ha((ening% +is hands had gained access to her breasts, his fingers (robing and caressing, and she &oaned against his li(s, locking her ar&s abo!t his neck as a sh!dder of desire shot thro!gh her% #organ was lost, ca!ght !( in the stor& of (assionate desire that swe(t thro!gh her like an alien force against which she had no (rotection% Carl2s &o!th was like fire against her skin as it trailed across her throat, then his &o!th di((ed lower to her breast, and her breath ca&e 5erkily over her (arted li(s% 2/h, Carl, Carl.' she breathed his na&e in ecstasy as his tong!e &ade la1y, erotic circles ro!nd the swollen (eak of her breasts before taking it into his &o!th, and s!ddenly her body was (!lsating with a need so intense that it was a (hysical (ain% +is &o!th so!ght hers again, and he kissed her h!ngrily as if he were drinking nectar fro& her li(s !ntil she was no longer conscio!s of anything e4ce(t the s!r(rising softness of his hair beneath her fingers when she sha&elessly g!ided his h!ngry &o!th down to her breast once &ore% She felt hi& sh!dder against her, and felt the al&ost conv!lsive tightening of his ar&s abo!t her as he cr!shed her to hi&, then he released her abr!(tly and, breathing heavily, sat staring down into 6!estioning eyes which had beco&e stor&y with the (assion he had aro!sed% With his war&th no longer there to shield her, the cool air r!shed !( against her to bring her back to her senses, and only then did she realise what had ha((ened% She was

lying f!ll*length on the sofa with Carl seated beside her% +is heavy*lidded eyes slid over her in a caress, and she was horrified to discover that the bodice of her dress had been (!lled down to her waist% Sha&e b!rned like acid dee( into her so!l and, covering herself hastily, she scra&bled to her feet with a choked cry on her li(s% She was al&ost feverish in her atte&(ts to restore so&e order to her a((earance, b!t she was shaking in every li&b, and her 1i( chose this &o&ent to be obstinate% 2<et &e,2 Carl said ro!ghly behind*her, and she was 1i((ed into her dress before she co!ld !tter a (rotest% +e to!ched her sho!lder in an atte&(t to t!rn her to face hi&, b!t she 5erked herself free as every h!&iliating detail of what had occ!rred s!ddenly lea(t to the s!rface of her &ind and, &ortified, she b!ried her face in her hands% 2/h, &y :od82 she croaked in a &!ffled, disg!sted voice% 2,ll &y glib talk has a&o!nted to nothing% Yo! co!ld have had &e 5!st now, and 7 wo!ldn2t have sto((ed yo!%2 2#organ %%%2 2Why didn2t yo! take &e"2 she de&anded incred!lo!sly, her voice tinged with sarcas& as she scra(ed together s!fficient co!rage to t!rn and face hi&% 2@!st think how yo! co!ld have gloated afterwards as a res!lt of yo!r easy victory82 2Yo! said 7 wo!ld know how to deal with any for& of resistance well, (erha(s 7 do,2 he ad&itted with s!r(rising gravity% 2Yo! also said that yo! were !nwilling for &e to &ake love to yo! while yo! were in co&(lete control of yo!r fac!lties, and that is what sto((ed &e% 7 want yo!, #organ%2 The desire s&o!ldering in his eyes confir&ed that% 27 want yo! badly, b!t for the first ti&e in &y life 7 find &yself wanting a wo&an2s &ind as well as her body, and 7 won2t &ake love to yo! !nless yo! stand there with all yo!r fac!l* ties intact and tell &e yo!2re willing%2 , &i4t!re of cynical disbelief and s!s(icion was &irrored in her eyes% 27s this so&e new angle of a((roach"2 27t2s not a new a((roach, and neither is it a for& of (ers!asion,2 he stared gri&ly% 27t2s the si&(le tr!th%2 /h, :od, 7 love this &an, she tho!ght as she searched his handso&e face and fo!nd nothing b!t gri& sincerity there, then she lowered her eyes nervo!sly and, taking a dee( breath, whis(ered, 27 believe yo! really &ean that%2 27 &ean it,2 he said, taking her hot face between his hands, then he lowered his head and br!shed his li(s lightly against hers% 272ll see yo! to&orrow%2 When he closed the door behind hi& &o&ents later the latch sna((ed into (lace a!to&atically, and the so!nd of it 5arred against her raw, sensitive nerves% 7t was a long ti&e before her &ind gave her s!fficient o((ort!nity to fall aslee( that night% =ivid visions of her (assionate s!rrender ta!nted her !ntil she was bathed in a fiery sha&e% What on earth had (ossessed her" ,nd what, in heaven2s na&e, &!st Carl think of her" '(ut I love him!' the cry was wrenched fro& her, and only in that did she find a degree of solace and co&fort%

#organ fo!nd a bl!e air&ail envelo(e 5!tting o!t fro& beneath the sofa the following &orning% 7t contained a b!lky letter, and the envelo(e was addressed to Carl in what looked s!s(icio!sly like a fe&inine handwriting% She fli((ed the letter in her hand and read the na&e on the fla(% ). Grayson. Who was T% :rayson" /ne of his &istresses fro& the (ast, or was she (erha(s so&eone who was still very &!ch in the (resent" #organ fingered the fli&sy envelo(e, te&(ted to read its contents, b!t she was disg!sted with herself for entertaining s!ch a tho!ght even for a fleeting &o&ent, and she flicked, the envelo(e with its contents intact into the drawer of her s&all writing desk% She ate a slice of toast and drank a c!( of coffee while she wrote o!t her sho((ing list, b!t her glance travelled re(eatedly towards the drawer of her tlesk% Was it an i&(assioned love letter fro& so&e de&ented fe&ale who had lost her heart to this &an who had no !se for it" #organ held the (encil so tightly between her fingers that it al&ost sna((ed% Was that not what she had beco&e" She was not de&ented yet, b!t she had given her heart to a &an whose only interest was in her body% *eaven hel! me, she tho!ght des(airingly, br!shing away a thick strand of titian*colo!red hair that had fallen across her face% She had been a cra1y, idiotic fool8 +er father had warned her' her own co&&on sense had warned her, b!t she had walked right into the silken web Carl Ziegler had s(!n, and last night%% %8 +er (encil clattered on to the co!nter as she b!ried her hot face in her hands% She did not want to think of last night% 7t was so&ething she des(erately wanted to forget, b!t her &ind was like a de&on bent on destr!ction, and she s6!ir&ed inwardly with renewed sha&e% She had never lost her head like that before% #en had held her hand and kissed her on the li(s, b!t she had never allowed nor wanted the& to tres(ass beyond that, and she had always been controlled eno!gh to (!t a sto( to their a&oro!s advances before the sit!ation co!ld get o!t of hand% 3!t with Carl %%% oh, :od %%% he had si&(ly swe(t aside her rigid (rinci(les, and she had been a willing and eager (artici(ant in his ga&e of love% She sh!ddered now to think of what &ight have ha((ened had Carl not &aintained s!ch a tight leash on his desire, and she had to &ake s!re, so&ehow, that a si&ilar incident did not occ!r in f!t!re% #organ went to town a little later than !s!al that Sat!rday &orning, and as a res!lt it was diffic!lt, at first, to find (arking% +er sho((ing list was long, and her shoes were (inching her !n&ercif!lly when she event!ally &ade her way back to her car% 7t was twelve*fifteen when she (arked her #ini in the base&ent of the fiats, and she was labo!ring !nder the weight of her (!rchases when Carl a((eared as if fro& nowhere at her side% 2<et &e hel( yo!%2 2Thanks,2 she &anaged !nsteadily, relin6!ishing so&e of her (arcels, b!t she co!ld not bear looking at hi& when the lift doors slid sh!t and closeted the& together for a few &in!tes in the confined s(ace of the air*conditioned cage% Seeing hi& again bro!ght the incidents of the (revio!s evening shar(ly into foc!s, and she cringed inwardly as the i&age of his fair head against her breast lea(t !nbidden into her &ind% She felt hot and e&barrassed, and aware of Carl2s virile (resence with every fibre of her being% She felt his eyes on her, willing her to look at hi&, b!t she co!ld

not' she dared not8 She was afraid of his &ockery, b!t &ost of all she was afraid of what she &ight let hi& see in an !ng!arded &o&ent% 27 tho!ght we &ight go o!t for a drive and have l!nch so&ewhere,2 Carl s!ggested when he de(osited her (arcels on the co!nter in her s&all kitchen% 272ve also &ade arrange&ents for !s to have dinner at &y hotel this evening,2 #organ kicked off her shoes and leaned tiredly against the c!(board, (raying silently for the co&(os!re she so des(erately needed% 2What abo!t having l!nch here and going o!t afterwards"2 2That so!nds even better%2 +is hands were on her sho!lders, t!rning her to face hi&, b!t when she still ref!sed to look at hi& he (laced his fingers beneath her chin and ti((ed her face !(, forcing her to &eet his (iercing glance% 29id 7 (!t those dark s&!dges !nder yo!r eyes"2 0othing esca(ed those dece(tively la1y eyes, she realised as she br!shed aside his 6!ery with a cas!al, 27 didn2t slee( very well%2 20either did 7,2 he said ro!ghly, his eyes holding hers ca(tive while his fingers trailed a light caress across her fl!shed cheek and down the col!&n of her throat to where her (!lse was beating so erratically% 27 co!ldn2t sto( thinking abo!t yo!%2 29on2t, Carl %%% !lease!' she begged, her colo!r dee(ening as she recalled the inti&acies she had allowed% 27t2s the tr!th, so hel( &e,2 he insisted 6!ietly% 27 can i&agine what yo! &!st think of &e%2 27 think yo!2re very lovely%2 +is eyes darkened with a h!nger that frightened her as he groaned, 2,nd 7 want yo! very &!ch%2 #organ was conscio!s of a 6!ivering ta!tness in his tall, &!scled body so close to her own, and her senses res(onded wildly to the &agnetis& he e4!ded% She swayed towards hi&, reaching o!t blindly, then she broke free of his s(ell, and (!t the length of the s&all kitchen between the&% 272d better see to the l!nch,2 she said, !n(acking her (arcels, and sla&&ing c!(board doors with !nnecessary violence% She felt his eyes on her as she &oved abo!t the kitchen, then he sa!ntered o!t into the lo!nge and &ade hi&self at ho&e in front of her hi*fi% She whi((ed !( o&elettes and a salad to +elen .eddy singing eave me alone, won't you leave me alone, !lease leave me alone now, leave me alone! 9ear :od, #organ tho!ght, if only Carl had left her alone right fro& the start8 7t was too late now to say, leave me alone or was it" #organ served their l!nch on trays in the lo!nge, and when she got !( to (o!r their coffee she re&e&bered the letter in her writing desk% 2This belongs to yo!,2 she said, taking it o!t of the drawer and handing it to hi&% 2Where did yo! find it"2 he asked, staring at the letter in his hand with raised eyebrows% 27t was lying !nder the sofa this &orning,2 she told hi& as she handed hi& his coffee%

29id yo! read it"2 272& not in the habit of reading letters that are not addressed to &e,2 she retorted with a &eas!re of distaste, 2b!t it2s obvio!s that it2s fro& a wo&an, and she &!st be so&eone s(ecial for yo! to have ke(t the letter%2 +e sli((ed it into the inside (ocket of his 5acket and s&iled faintly% 2Ta&&y is so&eone rather s(ecial%2 So it was )ammy! 9a&&it, why did it have to h!rt so &!ch8 2Yo! visit her, 7 s!((ose, on yo!r fre6!ent tri(s to Washington"2 she twisted the sword in her own heart% 27 !s!ally &ake ti&e to see her, yes%2 +is eyes raked her &ockingly% 29oes it &ake yo! 5ealo!s to know that"2 29on2t be silly,2 she sna((ed, looking everywhere b!t at hi& when she felt a g!ilty fl!sh stain her cheeks and, (icking !( the trays, she esca(ed into the kitchen% 2Shall 7 hel( yo! with the dishes"2 Carl2s &ocking voice followed her, and she clenched her hands tightly on the kitchen sink in a des(erate atte&(t to (revent herself fro& throwing so&ething at hi&% 272ll &anage on &y own, thanks,2 she re(lied in a cool, controlled voice that didn2t see& to belong to her% #organ had regained her co&(os!re when she ret!rned to the lo!nge so&e &in!tes later, b!t she co!ld not forget entirely abo!t the letter he carried aro!nd with hi& in his (ocket% 0ot even the e4cite&ent of the yacht race at the +artebees(oort 9a& that afternoon co!ld dis(el her dis6!ieting tho!ghts entirely, and when Carl dro((ed her off at her flat at five*thirty that afternoon to change for her dinner date with hi&, she fo!nd herself hovering so&ewhere between e4hilaration and des(ondency% 7t had to end, this f!tile relationshi( with Carl, b!t her heart cried o!t for her to say and do nothing !ntil it was al&ost ti&e for hi& to ret!rn to .oss&ere% This one weekend, altho!gh it was not idyllic, wo!ld have to last a lifeti&e% When they sat facing each other across the table in the hotel2s resta!rant, Carl looked !( fro& his steak and (inned her to her chair with those very bl!e eyes of his% 2Yo!2ve been (reocc!(ied since this afternoon%2 2+ave 7"2 she asked evasively% 29o yo! think 7 co!ld have yo!r !ndivided attention this evening"2 ,n invol!ntary s&ile (l!cked at the corners of her &o!th and, (!tting down her knife and fork, she saidC 2Yo! have it%2 2:reat82 he grinned% 2What have yo! (lanned for this evening"2 2When we2ve had dinner we2re going so&e (lace we can rela4 and en5oy a good show, and afterwards %%%2 +e (a!sed effectively, and her (!lse rate 6!ickened as her &ind lea(t to the obvio!s concl!sion% Carl s&iled wickedly as if he had read her tho!ghts, then

he added softly, 2<et2s wait and see, shall we"2 Devil! she tho!ght, her cheeks fl!shed with e&barrass&ent% +e had done that on (!r(ose, and he had s!cceeded in &aking her feel as if she had (!t ideas into his head, instead of it being the other way ro!nd% /h, he was clever, she tho!ght wryly as she tried to concentrate on her food, b!t he was not clever eno!gh as far as she was concerned% The (lay they went to see was a satire, and it wo!ld have been a&!sing had she not been so intensely aware of Carl2s sho!lder (ressing against hers in the narrow theatre seats% +is hand event!ally fo!nd hers in the darkness, and altho!gh her initial reaction was to 5erk herself free, she decided against it and left her hand in his war& clas(% 2#y (lace or yo!rs"2 he asked when they drove away fro& the theatre that evening, &aking her recall that first afternoon he had taken her o!t to l!nch in the co!ntry, and she glanced covertly at his handso&e (rofile in the dashboard light% 2Yo! don2t ever give !(, do yo!"2 2@!st testing,2 he re(lied with an abr!(t h!&o!r% 2Which is it to be"2 2#y (lace,2 she said fir&ly, 2and 7 don2t &ean it the way you do%2 She saw the &ocking twist of his li(s, b!t he said nothing, and neither did she !ntil they stood o!tside her door% 2,& 7 invited in for coffee"2 he asked when he had !nlocked her door and dro((ed the keys into her o!tstretched (al&% 27f yo! (ro&ise to leave as soon as yo!2ve had yo!r coffee,2 she told hi& warily% 27 (ro&ise%2 #organ &ade coffee and when she ret!rned to the lo!nge she fo!nd Carl s(rawled on the sofa once &ore as if he belonged there% +e had re&oved his 5acket and tie, and he sat !(, (atting the s(ace beside hi& invitingly, b!t she ignored his gest!re and (laced his c!( of coffee on the low table beside hi&% She had had eno!gh for one night of his dist!rbing nearness, and she did not want a re(eititon of the (revio!s evening% 29o yo! en5oy working for an attorney"2 Carl 6!estioned her at length% 27t2s an interesting 5ob%2 27s yo!r boss any good"2 2+e2s a very clever attorney,2 she ass!red hi&% 27 watched hi& once in co!rt, and 7was relieved afterwards that 7 wasn2t the (oor so!l in the witness stand, b!t o!t of the co!rtroo& he2s really 6!ite a nice &an%2 Carl2s eyes were narrowed and watchf!l% 2Yo! think a lot of this g!y, don2t yo!"2 G7 res(ect and ad&ire .ichard very &!ch,B she re(lied ca!tio!sly, (!tting her e&(ty c!( on the low table beside her chair% 29o 7 have a rival"2 #organ felt her nerves 5ar, b!t her e4(ression re&ained cal&% 27t2s late, Carl, and 7 think yo! sho!ld go%2

2Yo!2re not going to invite &e to stay the night"2 She knew he was teasing, b!t she co!ld not bear it, and her eyes were &ore green than grey in that &o&ent as she flashed hi& an angry glance% 20o, 72& not82 2Then there2s nothing else left for &e to do b!t ret!rn to &y lonely hotel roo&,2 he sighed &ockingly as he got to his feet and (icked !( his 5acket% 2:oodnight, Carl, and thanks for a lovely day,2 she said when they reached the door% +e (!t on his 5acket, b!t, instead of leaving, he (!lled her ro!ghly into his ar&s and kissed her so thoro!ghly that she was breathless and shaking when he event!ally released her% 2:oodnight, honey,2 he s&iled derisively, and then he was o(ening the door and closing it fir&ly behind hi&, leaving her alone in her flat while she fo!ght down her cla&o!ring e&otions% #organ went to bed that night with her (lans fir&ly sorted o!t abo!t the f!t!re% She wo!ld have a serio!s disc!ssion with Carl when she saw hi& the following day, and she only (rayed that this ti&e she wo!ld s!cceed in convincing hi&% So&ething warned her, however, that it was not going to be as easy as she ho(ed, b!t it was late, and she was tired, and her do!bts co!ld wait !ntil &orning% She sle(t as if she had taken a sedative, and the ringing of the tele(hone woke her at nine o2clock on the S!nday &orning% #!ttering a silent c!rse, she st!&bled o!t of bed to answer it, and the s!nlight strea&ing in thro!gh the lo!nge window al&ost blinded her% 2:ood &orning, sweetheart,2 the dee( velvet of Carl2s voice 5erked her wide awake% 2-!t on so&ething co&fortable% 72& (icking yo! !( in thirty &in!tes and we2re going o!t on a (icnic2 #organ d!g her bare toes into the car(et% 23!t 7 2 20o ;b!ts;, honey,2 he interr!(ted harshly% 2@!st be ready when 7 call%2 There was a decisive 2click2, and the ne4t &o&ent the dialling tone was (!rring in her ear% She frowned down at her toes witho!t act!ally seeing the&, then she raised her glance and ca!ght a gli&(se of her fl!shed face in the &irror against the wall% +er eyes were still heavy with slee(, and her hair h!ng abo!t her sho!lders in total disarray, b!t when Carl2s instr!ctions finally (enetrated, she sla&&ed down the receiver and fled to the bathroo& with a s&othered cry on her li(s% She co!ld not recall ever showering and dressing in s!ch record ti&e before, b!t when Carl rang her doorbell a half ho!r later she was dressed e4ce(t for the scarf with which she was still tying her hair back% She drew a breathless r!sh of air into her l!ngs to steady herself as she checked her a((earance, and only then did she go and o(en the door to let hi& in% 2+i,2 he said, looking her !( and down, and finding obvio!s (leas!re in her sli& s!((leness clad in white slacks and green sweater, then he was !shering her towards the lift which swe(t the& down to where he had (arked his -orsche%

C+,-T). S7E

C,.< drove to a (icnic s(ot on the o!tskirts of -retoria, and there, on that war& S!nday &orning in &id*s(ring, they s(read a blanket beneath the trees% 7t was (eacef!l and 6!iet with not &any (eo(le abo!t, and it was a (erfect setting in which to rela4, b!t #organ felt like a tightly wo!nd s(ring which needed only the gentlest (rod to sna(% Carl see&ed to sense her &ood, and he did not try to (ress!rise her in any way% +e si&(ly talked 6!ietly abo!t his ranch in the &o!ntain state of Wyo&ing, and of what he still ho(ed to achieve there% +e told her that the first white &an to e4(lore Wyo&ing had been a f!r tra((er, and that the first (er&anent settle&ents were si&(ly f!r trading (osts% 2There2s (lenty to do in Wyo&ing,2 he said, lying on his back with his hands locked behind his head, and his eyes narrowed against the s!n filtering thro!gh the trees% 2/ne co!ld go h!nting, riding, or hiking, b!t 7 (refer the tro!t fishing% 7t2s e4citing as well as rela4ing%2 2Yo! so!nd like a travel agent,2 #organ la!ghed, her insides !nwinding slightly% 29o 7"2 +e looked faintly s!r(rised% 27 like Wyo&ing% So&e of &y ha((iest years were s(ent there%2 The hint of nostalgia in his voice &ade her ask, 2Was that when yo!r &other was still alive"2 2Yeah,2 he drawled% 2She was a terrific wo&an% She gave !( the co!ntry of her birth, and (lenty &ore besides, for &y father, and he 2 2,nd he what"2 #organ (ro&(ted, rolling over on to her sto&ach and (ro((ing herself !( on her elbows to watch hi& closely% 2+e cheated on her,2 ca&e the harsh re(ly% 2+e had affairs"2 2-lenty,2 Carl ad&itted, his &o!th thinning into a hard line% 27s that why yo! don2t see eye to eye with yo!r father, or is it beca!se yo!2re so like hi&"2 She held her breath, wondering whether she was (rying too dee(ly into so&ething which did not concern her, b!t he raised hi&self !( on to one elbow and faced her with a sardonic glea& in his la1y eyes% 2, bit of both, 7 g!ess, and that2s why 7 don2t believe in &arriage,2 he answered her 6!ery% 2+ow can 7 be s!re when 7 co&&it &yself to a wo&an that 72& going to feel the sa&e in twenty or thirty years fro& now"2 2That will de(end a lot on the wo&an%2

+is eyebrows &et in a straight line above narrowed eyes% 2,re yo! s!ggesting, by any chance, that &y &other drove &y father into the ar&s of all those other wo&en"2 27 wo!ldn2t dare s!ggest anything of the sort,2 she retorted, sitting !( abr!(tly, 2b!t how &!ch do yo! know of what went on between yo!r (arents when they closed their bedroo& door at night"2 20othing, of co!rse, b!t 2 2Then how can yo! re5ect &arriage and conde&n yo!r father witho!t a hearing"2 she interr!(ted shar(ly% 27 know what he did to &y &other,2 Carl insisted st!bbornly% 2+ave yo! ever tried to find o!t what she did to hi&, (erha(s"2 29a&&it, #organ82 Carl roared, his face dark with anger as he sat !( and faced her% 2#y &other was a wo&an in a &illion82 27 don2t dis(!te that%2 2Then what are yo! trying to do"2 he de&anded harshly, &aking her shrink inwardly fro& the angry fire in his eyes% 2#ake &e hate her"2 She gest!red hel(lessly with her hands and sighed, 2Yo!2ve &is!nderstood &e%2 27 don2t think so%2 2Yes, yo! have,2 she insisted tersely% 272& s!re yo!r &other was a wonderf!l wo&an, b!t 7 haven2t worked for an attorney for al&ost three and a half years witho!t learning that there are always two sides to every story%2 ,n angry silence hovered between the&, b!t before she co!ld for&!late so&e sort of a(ology in her &ind, Carl saidC 2#aybe it2s ti&e 7 had a chat with &y father%2 2#aybe it is,2 #organ agreed weakly, e4(elling the air slowly fro& her l!ngs% The hotel had (acked the& a (icnic l!nch which was &ore like a feast% There was chicken, a salad, fresh bread rolls, tiny a((le (ies, and a bottle of wine chilled between ice (acks% ,fter the first glass of wine #organ felt herself rela4, after the second she felt lightheaded and giggly, and after the third she was definitely in the &ood to do al&ost anything% The latter was a dangero!s &ood to be in when she was with Carl, and she had to re&e&ber that% Think sober tho!ghts and don2t rela4 yo!r g!ard too &!ch, she told herself as she hel(ed herself to a s&all a((le (ie, and slanted a nervo!s glance at his handso&e (rofile% 2Will yo! be ha((y when 72& gone"2 Carl asked so&e ti&e after the effects of the wine and good food had worn off% 2:one where"2 she asked abr!(tly, a coldness shifting over her heart as she rolled over on to her sto&ach and (l!cked nervo!sly at a blade of grass% 2.oss&ere, of co!rse,2 he s&iled faintly% 'Did yo! en5oy it"2 , 29o yo! want &e to say that 7 didn2t en5oy this weekend with yo!"2

This was her o(ening, the o((ort!nity she had waited for, b!t she was rel!ctant to take it as she shr!gged and saidC 2Yes and no%2 2What does that &ean"2 he de&anded, lying on his back with his hooded eyes fi4ed intently on her face, and it &ade her feel decidedly !nco&fortable% 27 7 en5oyed the weekend, b!t 7 2 23!t yo! what"2 he (ro&(ted harshly% There was no way o!t of this e4ce(t by telling the tr!th, and as the blade of grass sna((ed between her agitated fingers, she said tritely, 27 don2t think we sho!ld see each other again%2 The strained silence between the& lengthened !nbearably, then Carl got to his feet and said bitingly, 2Co&e on, 72ll take yo! ho&e%2 #organ felt absol!tely wretched as they b!ndled everything into Carl2s -orsche and left% +er &ind was in a t!r&oil' a (art of her arg!ed that she had done the right thing, b!t there was another (art that c!rsed her for being s!ch a fool% S!rely it was for the best that they did not see each other again" 0othing co!ld co&e of this association with Carl%% % only (ain % %% and then there was Ta&&y' Ta&&y who waited for hi& in Washington, and who& he &ade a (oint of seeing each ti&e he was there% /h, :od, why did it feel as if her very so!l was being torn to shreds" 0either of the& s(oke !ntil they stood facing each other in the lo!nge of her flat, and then it was Carl who was de&anding harshly, 29id yo! &ean what yo! said back there" That yo! don2t think we sho!ld see each other again"2 2Yes, 7 &eant it,2 she heard herself saying% 2Why"2 he bit o!t the 6!estion, his eyes slicing her like lasers% 23eca!se beca!se 7 2 23eca!se yo!2re scared"2 he finished for her in a derisive voice% 2Scared"2 she blinked !( at hi& st!(idly% 2/f yo!rself%2 2Yo!2re cra1y82 she was al&ost sho!ting now as he vent!red too close to the tr!th% 2Yo!2re cra1y, do yo! hear &e82 20o, 72& not,2 he barked, gri((ing her sho!lders and shaking her% 2Yo!2re scared stiff that yo! &ight find yo!rself ad&itting that yo! want &e%2 She was breathing fast, and her te&(les were (o!nding% ,nger was her only defence against the tr!th and, forcing herself to &eet the f!ll i&(act of his f!rio!s glance, she sna((ed, 2:et o!t of here82 Carl see&ed to go white beneath his tan, then he released her abr!(tly and snarled savagely, 2With (leas!re, &a2a&82 #organ flinched as he sla&&ed the door behind hi&, then an o((ressive silence descended which was broken only by the (ainf!l (o!nding of her (!lses against her te&(les% She wished it had ended differently' a little &ore (leasantly (erha(s, b!t she had

no do!bt that it was to her own advantage not to see Carl again% She swallowed down a co!(le of as(irins to ease her th!&(ing headache, and she so&ehow &anaged to convince herself that the heavy, e&(ty feeling in her chest had nothing at all to do with Carl Ziegler% Two weeks (assed, d!ring which she barely had ti&e to think abo!t herself, let alone so&eone else, and she was 6!ite often e4ha!sted when she crawled into bed at night% /n the $riday &orning of the third week she went into .ichard >elly2s office as !s!al to take dictation, and when, an ho!r later, she closed her notebook and rose to her feet, her e&(loyer gest!red that she sho!ld sit down again% 272d like those letters ty(ed and ready for &y signat!re as soon as (ossible,2 he instr!cted her !nnecessarily, al&ost absent&indedly, and she glanced at hi& c!rio!sly not for the first ti&e that &orning% 2Yes, #r% >elly%2 +e dithered a &o&ent and fiddled with the blotter on his desk, then he asked abr!(tly, 2,re yo! doing anything s(ecial this evening"2 20o,2 she re(lied, s&iling faintly% 29o yo! want &e to work late"2 272d like yo! to have dinner with &e%2 2/h82 she said foolishly, and totally (er(le4ed by this !ne4(ected invitation fro& her e&(loyer% 27 have an i&(ortant client who (refers to see &e at &y ho&e rather than here at the office, and 7 shall need yo! to take notes,2 he e4(lained with a hint of e&barrass&ent in his voice% 27 know this is an !n!s!al (roced!re, b!t will yo! co&e"2 2Yes, of co!rse,2 she re(lied at once, !nderstanding clearing her brow% .ichard >elly nodded with satisfaction% 272& e4(ecting &y client at seven, so 72ll (ick yo! !( at si4, and that sho!ld give !s (lenty of ti&e to (re(are for her%2 '*er?' #organ echoed, her eyes widening in s!r(rise% 2Yo!r client is a wo&an"2 , d!ll redness s!rged !( into his cheeks% 2That2s why 72d like yo! to be there%2 #organ rose to her feet and there was a hint of &ischief in her eyes when she saidC 272& at yo!r service%2 , sit!ation s!ch as this had never arisen before, and #organ fo!nd herself feeling a&!sed rather than c!rio!s when she ret!rned to her desk% +er e&(loyer had invited her to dinner to &eet a client, b!t she s!s(ected that the invitation had been iss!ed for his (rotection rather than for taking notes, and she fo!nd it diffic!lt to s!((ress the a&!sed s&ile that contin!ed to t!g at the corners of her &o!th at odd ti&es d!ring the rest of that day% .ichard >elly2s ho&e was not at all what #organ had e4(ected% 7t was f!rnished with odd (ieces of f!rnit!re, &ostly old, which had been renovated e46!isitely for co&fort% 27t2s a hobby of &ine,2 .ichard e4(lained cas!ally when he gli&(sed the c!riosity in

her glance% 27 b!y old (ieces of f!rnit!re and re(air thenvin &y s(are ti&e%2 #organ acce(ted a glass of wine fro& hi&, and changed the s!b5ect as she lowered herself into a co&fortably (added ar&chair% 2,& 7 allowed to know the identity of yo!r client"2 29oes the na&e 9e <a .ey &ean anything to yo!"2 he asked, s(lashing soda into his whisky before he seated hi&self in a chair that &atched her own to so&e e4tent% 2There2s a 9e <a .ey who2s one of the b!siness giants in the steel ind!stry,2 she re(lied after a tho!ghtf!l (a!se% 2That2s the one%2 2Yo! &ean it2s his wife"2 she gras(ed the sit!ation at once% 2That2s correct,2 .ichard s&iled at the s!r(rise &irrored on her face% 2She wants a divorce, and she wants it done as 6!ietly and discreetly as (ossible%2 2+ow 6!iet and discreet can one kee( a divorce when the (eo(le involved are so well known"2 +e shr!gged and swallowed down a &o!thf!l of whisky% 2That de(ends on what is involved, and how it2s handled%2 2Yo! &ean if there2s no dirty washing to hang o!t, then there2s a reasonable chance of no one knowing !ntil it2s all over"2 she 6!estioned with faintly cynical interest% 2So&ething like that,2 .ichard grinned% 2When the (ress are e4cl!ded fro& co!rt it shan2t even a((ear in the news(a(ers%2 They disc!ssed so&e of the diffic!lt cases he had handled over the years, and #organ was beginning to wonder what s!r(rises the 9e <a .ey divorce case wo!ld s(ring on the& when they heard a car co&ing !( the drive% .ichard went to the door to ad&it his client (ersonally, and #organ fo!nd herself holding her breath when he !shered the tall, dark*haired wo&an into the living*roo&% #organ had seen :loria 9e <a .ey2s (ict!re &any ti&es in the news(a(ers, b!t none of those (hotogra(hs had done 5!stice to her flawless skin and flashing dark eyes, and it was not diffic!lt to see now why she had been 5!dged one of the &ost bea!tif!l wo&en on the .eef% 2#rs% 9e <a .ey, 72d like yo! to &eet &y (ersonal assistant, #organ $ield,2 .ichard was introd!cing the&, and #organ only 5!st s!cceeded in s!((ressing a s&ile at the verbal (ro&otion she had received fro& her e&(loyer for the occasion% 27 tho!ght this was going to be a (rivate disc!ssion"2 :loria 9e <a .ey de&anded ha!ghtily% 2#organ can be tr!sted i&(licitly,2 .ichard >elly ass!red her hastily% Those dark eyes looked #organ !( and down with wary sce(ticis&% 27 sincerely ho(e so%2 .ichard2s client was nervy and in no &ood for the !s!al (leasantries, and he &!st have sensed this, for he ski((ed the rit!al of offering her so&ething to drink and said

br!s6!ely, 2#ay 7 s!ggest that we sit down to dinner, and disc!ss the (reli&inaries to yo!r case while we eat"2 2That s!its &e (erfectly,2 :loria 9e <a .ey anno!nced in her s&ooth, &elodio!s voice, and .ichard hel(ed her sli( o!t of her lightweight coat before he led the way into the dining*roo& with his client2s hand on his ar&% #organ followed at the rear and realised, with so&e a&!se&ent, that she had not s(oken a word since :loria 9e <a .ey2s arrival, b!t then, she knew, she had not been invited to &ake bright conversation, &erely to listen and take down notes when necessary% :loria 9e <a .ey ate s(arsely, and her sli& fig!re in that (lain b!t (erfectly styled black evening dress was obvio!sly the res!lt of a caref!l diet% ,t close 6!arters her face showed signs of strain, and the fingers that c!rled abo!t the ste& of her wine glass see&ed a little shaky when her h!sband2s na&e was &entioned% She glanced re(eatedly at her dia&ond*st!dded wrist watch al&ost as if she had another a((oint&ent for later that evening, and #organ fo!nd herself taking a closer look at this wo&an who was wanting to instigate divorce (roceedings against one of the wealthiest &en in the co!ntry% They ret!rned to the living*roo& after the e4cellent dinner .ichard >elly had (rovided, and the infor&ation which his client finally gave hi& was si&(le and to the (oint% She had &ade the discovery recently that her h!sband had had a brief affair with a yo!ng wo&an in his office% 7t was, as far as .ichard and #organ co!ld gather, the first ti&e her h!sband had ind!lged in an e4tra*&arital relationshi( with another wo&an, b!t :loria was ada&ant abo!t not giving hi& the o((ort!nity to save their &arriage% She wanted a divorce, and that was that% .ichard asked the !s!al 6!estions while #organ took down notes, and in less than two ho!rs after her arrival :loria 9e <a .ey was driving away fro& the ho!se at a s(eed which &ade #organ s!s(ect once again that she was on her way to another engage&ent% 2Yo!2re looking rather (ensive"2 .ichard >elly re&arked when he ret!rned fro& seeing his client off the (re&ises and fo!nd #organ staring frowningly at the -ersian car(et beneath her silver*sandalled feet% 2What are yo! thinking abo!t so dee(ly"2 27 was thinking that #rs% 9e <a .ey hasn2t told !s the entire tr!th% 7 have a higgling s!s(icion that her desire to seek a divorce fro& her h!sband is not so &!ch beca!se of his affair with that other wo&an, b!t beca!se #rs% 9e <a .ey herself has her eye on so&eone else%2 27 have that sa&e feeling abo!t her,2 .ichard observed drily% 2She2s hiding so&ething, or (rotecting so&eone, and !ntil 7 know what it is 7 can2t take this case into the co!rtroo&%2 2She2ll confide in yo! event!ally,2 #organ reass!red hi& confidently% 29o yo! think so"2 2Yo!r clients !s!ally do,2 she s&iled, (!tting her notebook and (encil away, and in a h!rry s!ddenly to go ho&e%

27 co!ldn2t te&(t yo! to stay a little longer, 7 s!((ose"2 he asked, eyeing her s(ec!latively, b!t she shook her head% 2The dinner was s!(erb, and &eeting :loria 9e <a .ey was an e4(erience 7 wo!ldn2t have &issed, b!t 7 &!st go ho&e now%2 .ichard nodded soberly% 27 a((reciate the fact that yo! ca&e at s!ch short notice%2 They did not s(eak on the way to her flat, and he left her at her door with a c!rt 2goodnight2% +e was a strange &an, she tho!ght as she watched hi& ste( into the lift, then she t!rned and inserted her key into the latch% #organ2s hand fo!nd the light switch, b!t when she t!rned to close the door behind her it was thr!st o(en with a force that sent her staggering% +er heart lea(t into her throat, and fear sent several terrifying tho!ghts racing thro!gh her &ind before she recognised the fair*haired &an who stood towering over her in the s&all, di&ly*lit entrance% 2Carl82 she breathed his na&e with a &i4t!re of relief and shocked s!r(rise, b!t a new kind of fear gri((ed her when she beca&e aware of his th!ndero!s e4(ression% 2Who2s the d!de"2 he de&anded harshly, kicking the door sh!t and standing so close to her that her nerve ends see&ed to vibrate in alar&% 2The who"2 she asked conf!sedly% 2The fancy (ants who bro!ght yo! ho&e,2 he e4(lained i&(atiently% 2That was &y boss, .ichard >elly,2 she &anaged when her &ind cleared s!fficiently for her to gras( what Carl was talking abo!t% 2,re yo! in love with hi&"2 She recoiled fro& hi& in anger% 2That2s none of yo!r b!siness82 272& &aking it &y b!siness82 +is hands shot o!t and gri((ed her sho!lders so tightly that a n!&b (ain shot down into her ar&s% 29id he &ake love to yo!"2 She &ight have la!ghed had she not been so close to tears, b!t she bit down hard on her li( to steady it% 2Yo!2re h!rting &e82 'Did he make love to you?' he re(eated savagely% '%o!' she cried hoarsely, and when his hands released her she leaned weakly against the wall to stare !( at hi& in bewilder&ent% +is feat!res were distorted with rage, or so&ething close to it, and he was breathing heavily as if he had ind!lged in a (hysical e4ertion to which he was !nacc!sto&ed% 2What2s the &atter with yo!, Carl"2 she asked at length, wondering if he were not (erha(s ill% 2Why are yo! behaving so strangely"2 272ve been standing aro!nd here since seven o2clock this evening waiting for yo! to co&e ho&e,2 he said acc!singly, and she felt her anger ret!rn swiftly% 2Yo! s!rely didn2t e4(ect &e to sit at ho&e every night, did yo!" ,nd besides %%%2 she led the way into the lo!nge,2%%% 7 tho!ght we2d decided not to see each other again%2 2That was yo!r decision, not &ine,2 he re&inded her, taking her by the ar& and swinging her ro!nd to face hi&%

2/h, Carl!' she sighed e4as(eratedly% +is eyes were narrowed to slits of bl!e fire% 27 can2t stay away, honey% 0ot when 7 know as well as yo! do that we2ve got so&ething going for !s%2 +er heart lea(t in res(onse, b!t her &ind warned against it% She felt as if she was being torn in two, and she cried o!t in e4as(eration and anger, 2$or heaven2s sake, leave &e alone82 29a&&it, #organ, will yo! listen to &e"2 he th!ndered% '%o, I will not!' She tried to break away fro& hi&, b!t he (!lled her ro!ghly into his ar&s, and witho!t any visible effort he s!bd!ed her frantic )fforts to esca(e% +is hard body against hers ignited a fla&e within her, and when his &o!th to!ched hers her li(s (arted of their own volition to res(ond to his kisses with a h!nger she co!ld not s!((ress nor deny% She &elted against hi&, her body (liant and tre&bling beneath those clever hands caressing her so freely, b!t she knew she wo!ld des(ise herself later for having so little strength to fight against the e&otions he so s!ccessf!lly aro!sed% She wanted hi&, she co!ld ad&it that to herself, b!t she did not want hi& on the basis he had dictated, and for that s(ecific reason she had to hide her tr!e feelings fro& hi& no &atter what the cost% 2<ook at &e now, honey,2 he said when at last he raised his head, and his voice was a little !nsteady% 27f yo! can tell &e honestly that yo! felt nothing when 7 kissed yo!, then 72ll walk o!t that door and never co&e back%2 7t was diffic!lt to think clearly while she stood in the circle of his ar&s with the woody scent of his cologne stirring her senses, b!t she knew she had to answer hi& with a se&blance of tr!th, if not with co&(lete honesty% 2Yo!2re a very attractive &an, Carl, and as 72ve told yo! before, 72& not &ade of stone, b!t 2 29on2t say &ore than that,2 he interr!(ted softly, his fingers t!cking a stray strand of hair behind her ear% 2<et2s give o!rselves a chance, and see where it all leads%2 7 know where it will lead, she tho!ght% Yo!2re going to break &y heart before yo! walk away fro& &e, and 7 shall have no one else to bla&e b!t &yself% She sho!ld have re5ected his s!ggestion and told hi& to go, b!t instead she e4tricated herself caref!lly fro& his ar&s and saidC 272ll switch on the kettle and &ake so&e coffee%2 That was, obvio!sly, eno!gh for Carl% +e knew he had won, and #organ hated herself for allowing hi& s!ch an easy victory, b!t she was ho(elessly tra((ed by her own feelings for this &an% She took their coffee thro!gh to the lo!nge so&e &in!tes later, and while they drank it she &arvelled at how very &!ch alive she felt in Carl2s co&(any% She realised now that she had si&(ly e4isted these (ast three weeks witho!t his occasional visits, and she was s!ddenly ridic!lo!sly ha((y that he had not taken her too serio!sly when she had s!ggested their not seeing each other again% She was heading towards (ain and disill!sion&ent, she warned herself, b!t for so&e !nknown reason she no longer cared% 272& flying to the States on T!esday,2 Carl c!t into her tho!ghts% 27 have b!siness to

attend to in Washington, then 72& going o!t to the ranch in Wyo&ing for a week or &ore%2 +e (!t his e&(ty c!( in the tray and 5oined her on the sofa% 2Co&e with &e, #organ"2 9elighted yet shocked at this !ne4(ected invitation, she stared down at the hands that held hers so tightly, and shook her head &iserably% 27 can2t%2 2Why not"2 27 won2t be able to get off fro& work for one thing and, for another, 7 don2t relish the tho!ght of what (eo(le &ight think and say if it was discovered that 7 s(ent so&e ti&e alone with yo! on yo!r ranch%2 2$or :od2s sake, #organ82 he e4(loded so fiercely that she 5!&(ed visibly, then he got to his feet and (aced the floor like a f!rio!s ani&al% 2,ll 7 want to do is show yo! aro!nd one of the few (laces where 7 can !nwind fro& the rigo!rs of work% 72& not inviting yo! to &y ranch for the (!r(ose of sed!cing yo!82 She felt her cheeks grow war& with e&barrass&ent% 27 know that, and you &ay know it, b!t there are &any who wo!ldn2t believe it was si&(ly an innocent e4c!rsion%2 272& here now alone with yo! in yo!r flat,2 he arg!ed harshly% 27f yo!2re so concerned abo!t what (eo(le will say, then don2t yo! think we2re already &aking the& talk abo!t !s"2 She shook her head and forced a s&ile to her li(s% 2Yo!2re here, yes, b!t yo!2ll leave at a res(ectable ho!r% 7f yo! were seen leaving here in the early ho!rs of the &orning, then (eo(le wo!ld have reason to s(ec!late abo!t yo!r (resence here%2 +e t!rned abr!(tly and stared down at her with eyes that were narrowed and intent% 2Yo!r re(!tation is that i&(ortant to yo!, is it"2 272ve always lived by certain (rinci(les, and 7 wo!ldn2t en5oy wearing a label 7 didn2t deserve,2 she re(lied with inherent honesty% 272& sorry%2 , strained silence lingered in the roo& for several !nco&fortable seconds, and when at last he s(oke his voice tri((ed (ainf!lly across the raw edges of her nerves% 2There2s nothing &ore to be said then, is there"2 +e t!rned away fro& her abr!(tly, and she sat there staring at the car(et in st!nned silence !ntil she heard the door o(ening% When it clicked sh!t again she co!ld no longer kee( the tears in check% They s(illed over onto her cheeks, blinding her, and it was only when she felt the sofa give way beside her that she realised Carl had not left after all% 2$orgive &e, #organ,2 his dee( voice washed over her soothingly as he (!lled her a little ro!ghly into his ar&s% 2There2s nothing to forgive,2 she said !nsteadily, her voice &!ffled against his beige 5acket% 272ve &ade yo! cry%2 27t2s only beca!se yo! don2t !nderstand,2 she e4(lained, drying her tears with the handkerchief he had (laced in her hand% 27 do !nderstand,2 he said, his fingers2 caressing her da&(, fl!shed cheek% 27 so des(erately wanted to show yo! &y real ho&e in Wyo&ing, and 7 wanted to share its

bea!ty with yo!% 7 was disa((ointed when yo! ref!sed, and beca!se of it 7 behaved like a st!(id idiot%2 2Carl, 7 2 29on2t say anything, honey,2 he silenced her with his fingers against her li(s, then he (ocketed his handkerchief and lowered his &o!th on to hers% +is kiss was war& and gentle, soothing away the h!rt, b!t (assion sli((ed in !nnoticed, and its fire see&ed to cons!&e the& both% +is fingers trailed a sens!al (ath down the hollow of her back as he !ndid the 1i( of her evening dress, and her body was achingly eager for his to!ch when his hands c!((ed her breasts% +is fingers (robed and caressed !ntil her body ca&e alive to his to!ch to leave her 6!ivering and ta!t with desire% Shefelt the heat of his &o!th against her throat, her sho!lder, and the scented hollow between her breasts, and only then did she s!rface s!fficiently fro& her dr!gged, ha((y state to realise what she was allowing once again% 27 7 think yo! yo!2d better go,2 she &anaged haltingly, her breath shallow as she cl!ng des(erately to her sanity while every nerve and sinew in her body was crying o!t with the aching need for the ra(t!re of f!lfil&ent% 27 wish 7 didn2t have to go,2 Carl &!r&!red thickly, his &o!th against the hollow of her throat where her (!lse beat o!t a (agan rhyth&% 272d &!ch rather stay here with yo!, to hold yo! in &y ar&s, to to!ch yo!, and to feel yo!r heart beating against &y li(%2 2-lease, Carl, 7 2 +is &o!th shifted over hers, silencing her (rotests, and she was lost for a ti&e, her ar&s locked abo!t his neck as she res(onded with a fire of her own to his (assionate kisses and wild caresses% 7t wo!ld be so easy to s!rrender, she realised% So very easy% The only thing that held her back was the s!re knowledge that she wo!ld find it diffic!lt living with her conscience afterwards% She had always secretly des(ised &any of her friends for having so little control over their e&otions, b!t she co!ld no longer des(ise the&' not when she was having s!ch diffic!lty in controlling her own% She was allowing Carl to caress her with an inti&acy she had always denied to others, and the te&(tation to give herself co&(letely was intensely strong% +er body craved satisfaction, b!t she knew that her heart, her &ind, and her so!l wo!ld re&ain !nto!ched if she s!rrendered herself% 7n the giving of her body, she wo!ld be giving her all, b!t if Carl co!ld not do the sa&e then she wanted no (art of hi&% Carl see&ed to sense her s!dden withdrawal, and he eased hi&self away fro& her% +is eyes were dark with desire, and his voice was ro!gh with the effort to control hi&self when he saidC 272ve never wanted anyone as &!ch as 7 want yo!, #organ, and that2s the gos(el tr!th%2 She o!ght to have felt flattered, b!t instead she fo!nd herself wondering how &any wo&en he had said those e4act words to% in the (ast% She esca(ed fro& his ar&s and &anaged to restore a certain a&o!nt of order to her a((earance, and only then co!ld she bear &eeting those eyes that were watching her so intently% 27 really think yo! o!ght to go now,2 she &anaged so&ehow witho!t a tre&or in her voice%

29o yo! realise that 7 shan2t be seeing yo! again !ntil 7 ret!rn fro& the States"2 he de&anded, and she was s!r(rised to see his hands shaking when he (!shed his fingers agitatedly thro!gh his silvery hair% 2Yo!2re going back to .oss&ere to&orrow"2 272& going back tonight%2 #organ leaned back weakly against the sofa and stared at hi& in% co&(lete bewilder&ent% 2Yo! &ean the only reason yo! ca&e thro!gh to -retoria this*evening was to see &e"2 27 was ho(ing 7 co!ld (ers!ade yo! to go to the States with &e,2 he s&iled r!ef!lly, and she lowered her eyes hastily to hide her feelings% 272& sorry%2 2So a& 7%2 +e got to his feet and drew her !( with hi&, then he looked down into her eyes searchingly% 2,re yo! going to &iss &e"2 272ll do &y best,2 she teased, b!t in her heart she knew that she was going to &iss hi& very &!ch% She walked with hi& to the door and o(ened it, b!t Carl lingered with a rel!ctance that &atched her own% +e took her chin between his fingers and raised her face to his% 2,bo!t Ta&&y :rayson,2 he said, referring to the letter she had fo!nd, and she felt herself go rigid% +ow co!ld she have forgotten Ta&&y :rayson" 2Ta&&y2s &y sister, she2s &arried, and 7 have two lively yo!ng ne(hews who drive &e cra1y at ti&es when Ta&&y brings the& o!t to the ranch%2 3efore #organ co!ld s!rface fro& her shocked s!r(rise he had kissed her fiercely on the li(s, and had closed the door behind hi&% *is sister! The words echoed re(eatedly thro!gh her &ind, &ocking her, and 6!ite s!ddenly she was la!ghing !ntil there were tears in her eyes% *is sister! /h, if only she had known this before, then she &ight not have behaved as she had done that weekend he had s(ent here in -retoria, b!t it was too late now, and she wo!ld not see hi& again for at least three weeksC three endless weeks d!ring which anything co!ld ha((en% +e co!ld &eet so&eone else he &ight even decide not to ret!rn, and %%% 2/h, :od,2 she fo!nd herself (raying softly% 2-lease hel( &e% +lease!2

C+,-T). S)=)0 272# seeing #rs% 9e <a .ey again this evening .ichard >elly told #organ on the following $riday afternoon% 23!t this ti&e she insists on seeing &e alone%2 2-erha(s it2s better that way,2 #organ agreed readily% 2She &ight give yo! the infor&ation she withheld fro& yo! the other evening%2

27 sincerely ho(e so, beca!se 7 can2t work on the scra(s of infor&ation 7 already have%2 +e2 frowned at her tho!ghtf!lly fro& the co&&!nicating door% 29id yo! ty(e the notes yo! took down that evening"2 2They2re in #rs% 9e <a .ey2s file,2 she told hi&, (!shing back her chair% 2Shall 7 bring it thro!gh to yo!"2 2-lease,2 he nodded c!rtly% 272d like to go thro!gh the& again before 7 see her this evening%2 #organ (laced the file on his desk a few &o&ents later, and ret!rned to her own desk, b!t several &in!tes ela(sed before she was able to concentrate on her work once &ore% What, she wondered, wo!ld this second &eeting with his bea!tif!l client reveal" Several (ossibilities ca&e to &ind, b!t #organ knew the f!tility of s(ec!lation in these &atters% She wo!ld si&(ly have to wait and see% She was not looking forward to the weekend ahead of her% The (revio!s weekend had see&ed endless, and she felt certain that this one was going to be &!ch worse% She was &issing Carl, &ore than she had tho!ght (ossible, and if she felt like this after only one week, then how was she going to feel in another three weeks fro& now" )errible! she answered her own 6!estion with a gri&ace% She wo!ld have to kee( herself occ!(ied, and not give herself &!ch ti&e to think, b!t that was rather diffic!lt over a weekend when there was so little to do% The traffic was heavy late that afternoon when she went ho&e to her flat, and it was with considerable relief that she finally (arked her car in the base&ent garage of the b!ilding% She &ade herself so&ething to eat, listened to records for a while, and event!ally went to bed, b!t her tho!ghts wandered, and her last waking tho!ght was of Carl% What was he doing" Was he thinking of her" Was he &issing her as &!ch as she was &issing hi&" #organ filled her Sat!rday with sho((ing for s!((lies and seeing to her clothes, b!t she dreaded the S!nday &ost of all% She went o!t for a drive in her #ini, b!t wherever she looked (eo(le were together in fa&ily gro!(s, or (airs, and it increased that feeling of loneliness% 7t was ridic!lo!s that her entire e4istence co!ld de(end so &!ch on one &an, and it was ti&e she (!lled herself together, she severely re(ri&anded herself% She was intensely relieved when the S!nday drew to a close, and when she went to bed that night she act!ally looked forward to the following day, and the work which wo!ld be waiting for her on her desk% Working for .ichard >elly was sti&!lating, if nothing else, and her &ind was !s!ally f!lly occ!(ied with legal &atters and the !(dating of files on the vario!s eases her e&(loyer handled% The (ersistent ringing of the tele(hone dist!rbed her d!ring the night, and she switched on the bedside light as she st!&bled slee(ily o!t of bed% #our o'"lo"k! Co!ld there be so&ething wrong with her father" 7t was a frightening tho!ght, and she was wide awake now as she (!lled on her robe and stor&ed barefoot into the lo!nge% 2+i, honey,2 a faint b!t fa&iliar voice greeted her% 2Carl82 she gas(ed, relieved and a little angry% 29o yo! realise that it2s fo!r o2clock in the &orning here in So!th ,frica"2

27 know, b!t 7 was lying here in bed thinking abo!t yo!, and &issing yo!,2 he e4(lained witho!t atte&(ting to a(ologise% 27 knew 7 wo!ldn2t slee( !ntil 7 heard yo!r voice%2 2/h, Carl82 she la!ghed a little !nsteadily, blinking back the tears that lea(t into her eyes% 2,re yo! &issing &e"2 2Yes%2 The line crackled with silence for a &o&ent, then he said distinctly, 27 wish yo! were here%2 +er heart was beating so hard and fast that she co!ld hardly breathe% 2,re yo! tele(honing fro& Washington"2 2Yes%2 2+ow long are yo! still going to be there"2 she asked, deter&ined to kee( the conversation at an i&(ersonal level% 27 shall have to stay on another day or two, then 7 leave for Wyo&ing%2 The line cleared slightly while he s(oke, and she heard so&ething in his voice that (ert!rbed her% 2Yo! so!nd tired%2 27 a&,2 he confessed, and before she co!ld think of anything to say he groaned, 2:od, #organ, 7 wish 7 co!ld hold yo! in &y ar&s this very &in!te82 +er (!lse rate 6!ickened and her cheeks were fl!shed as she stood there s(eechless with a &i4t!re of e4cite&ent and longing% 2,ren2t yo! going to say so&ething to that"2 he de&anded, with a hint of derisive la!ghter in his voice% 29o they have a shortage of !nattached fe&ales in ,&erica"2 she 6!estioned, forcing herself to so!nd fli((ant% 2There2s no shortage, honey, only none of the& have yo!r delectable sha(e and si1e,2 he 6!i((ed back% 2Yo! flatter &e82 2#organ,2 he gr!nted fro& a long way away% 2When are yo! going to sto( thinking of &e as the big bad wolf"2 2When yo! can (rove to &e that yo!2re not,2 she re(lied witho!t hesitation% 27f that2s a challenge, than 7 acce(t it%2 27t wasn2t a challenge,2 she ass!red hi& hastily% 27 was being serio!s%2 27 was serio!s too, #organ% =ery serio!s%2 +is voice ca&e low and vibrant across the line, and when her senses res(onded to it she des(erately tried to change the s!b5ect once &ore% 2This tele(hone call &!st be costing yo! the earth82 27t2s worth every cent 5!st to hear yo!r voice%2

2Yo!2re cra1y82 2Yes, honey,2 he agreed% 272& cra1y for yo!, if only yo!2ll realise it%2 29on2t say things like that,2 she reb!ked hi& shakily% 27t2s the tr!th,2 he insisted ro!ghly% 27f 7 co!ld s(an the &iles se(arating !s then 7 wo!ld be there with yo! this &in!te, and holding yo! in &y ar&s instead of lying here b!rning !( inside with longing for yo!%2 +er own longing beca&e a living, throbbing thing between the&, binding the& together across the vast distance that se(arated the& (hysically, b!t she was still wary to acce(t witho!t reserve what her heart craved &ost% 2Can 7 believe that yo! &iss &e that &!ch"2 she heard herself asking a little breathlessly% 2Yo! can believe it,2 he said si&(ly and decisively% 2Carl% % %2 She (a!sed, too choked, and too incredibly ha((y to s(eak for a &o&ent and, when she did, the words ca&e straight fro& her heart% 29on2t stay away too long%2 272ll be there as soon as 7 can &ake it, sweetheart%2 9id she i&agine it, or was there a certain war&th in his voice which she had never heard before" They said goodbye, and when the tele(hone link was severed between the& #organ b!ried her face in her shaking hands% 29on2t do this to &e, Carl, !nless yo! really &ean it,2 she &oaned2into her (al&s% 29on2t &ake &e ho(e when there2s nothing to ho(e for%2 #organ co!ld not go back to slee( after that% She &ade herself a c!( of coffee and wondered ti&e and again whether she had not given away too &!ch of her feelings% She wo!ld have to be &ore caref!l in f!t!re% Carl was weaving his web of silk abo!t her with e4(ert (recision, and altho!gh she was ca!ght there was still a slight chance of esca(ing before she &ade a total (risoner of herself% She felt e4ha!sted by the ti&e she arrived at the office that &orning and, to &ake &atters worse, .ichard >elly ke(t her in his office for al&ost two ho!rs to take down dictation% /n any other &orning she wo!ld have welco&ed it, b!t on that (artic!lar &orning she was finding it diffic!lt eno!gh to concentrate with .ichard r!shing thro!gh so&e of the letters as if the devil was on his tail, and she sighed inwardly with relief when he finally leaned back in his chair, an indication that the session had co&e to an end% 2We were right abo!t :loria 9e <a .ey,2 he sto((ed her when she had al&ost reached the door% 2She is shielding so&eone%2 2, &an"2 #organ 6!estioned witho!t &!ch s!r(rise, and her e&(loyer nodded gri&ly% 2+e2s at the head of a fir& which is negotiating with her h!sband2s organisation at the &o&ent, and she2s afraid that if her h!sband fo!nd o!t before the contract is signed he &ight r!in this cha(2s b!siness%2 2Wo!ld he really do that"2 she frowned%

2She wo!ld know her h!sband better than anyone else,2 .ichard re&inded her% 2+e2s not too ha((y abo!t divorcing her, yo! see, b!t at the &o&ent :loria is !sing his ad!ltery as a leverage%2 2,nd if he fo!nd o!t abo!t her boy*friend it &ight be stale&ate"2 she added al&ost tho!ghtf!lly% 2)4actly%2 2What ha((ens now"2 2The divorce (roceedings go ahead, of co!rse,2 .ichard re(lied al&ost as if her 6!estion s!r(rised hi&% 2Sho!ldn2t her h!sband be allowed a second chance, considering that this was his first offence"2 she wanted to know% 27 &ean %%% &arriage isn2t so&ething one enters into lightly, and there &ight still be so&ething to salvage in their relationshi(%2 2#y dear #organ, 72& an attorney, not a &arriage co!nsellor,2 he la!ghed scornf!lly% 27f :loria 9e <a .ey wants a divorce, and she2s ada&ant abo!t it, then she2s going to get it%2 2Yo! don2t really care, do yo!"2 she acc!sed, seeing for the first ti&e a side of hi& that she did not like% 27t2s not &y 5ob to care,2 he e4(lained tolerantly% 2:loria 9e <a .ey has gro!nds for a divorce, and so has her h!sband, b!t she is &y client, and 7 don2t intend to s(ill the beans, so to s(eak% 7f her h!sband so&ehow finds o!t abo!t her boy*friend, and if it2s not too late, then he &ay la!nch a co!nter*attack to sto( the entire (roceedings, b!t !ntil then 72& going ahead with what infor&ation 7 have%2 7t was logical, #organ s!((osed, b!t she didn2t like it, and, t!rning towards the door, she said coldly, 272d better get back to &y desk and ty(e these letters%2 She ha&&ered away at the ty(ewriter for the ne4t ho!r, and only when a &ove&ent ca!ght her eye did she look !( fro& her work to find .ichard >elly leaning against the door 5a&b with a 6!i11ical look on his r!gged face% 2Yo!2re annoyed with &e, aren2t yo!%2 7t was a state&ent, not a 6!estion, and it took the (roverbial wind o!t of her sails% She stared at hi& for a &o&ent, !nable to think of anything to say, then she shr!gged hel(lessly and s&iled% 27t2s yo!r 5ob, as yo! said, to do as yo!r clients re6!est, and 5!st as long as it2s within the confines of the law,2 she acknowledged gr!dgingly% 27t2s 5!st as well that 72& not an attorney, beca!se 72d end !( caring too &!ch for all the (arties concerned, and that wo!ldn2t (!t the b!tter on &y bread82 +is grey eyes lit !(, crinkling at the corners as he s&iled% 272& relieved to know that yo! see it that way% 7 was beginning to think that &y loyal secretary s!ddenly disliked &e%2 27 was thinking with &y heart instead of &y head% 272& sorry,2 she a(ologised la&ely% 2Yo!2re forgiven,2 he ass!red her, and #organ felt the tension ease o!t of her after

that% She had been silly to let his state&ent anger her, and she was annoyed with herself for dis(laying so little !nderstanding for a &an who has always given only of his best to his clients% #organ was ke(t b!sy d!ring the rest of that week, and she was gratef!l for it% 7t gave her less ti&e to think of Carl, b!t the weekend followed its !s!al agonisingly slow (attern% /n the Th!rsday of the week thereafter she arrived ho&e to find a letter fro& Carl in her (ostbo4, and her heart see&ed to do a do!ble so&ersa!lt in her breast as she cl!tched the letter against her and h!rried towards the lift that wo!ld take her !( to the seventh floor% She was an4io!s to read his letter, b!t also afraid' so afraid that, when she reached her flat, she (!t the letter on the low coffee table in the lo!nge, and left it there while she &ade herself a c!( of coffee% +er heart was bo!ncing wildly against her ribs, and her fingers were shaking when she finally slid her th!&b nail beneath the fla( and ri((ed o(en the envelo(e% She e4tracted a single sheet of thin air &ail (a(er and, taking a dee( breath, she !nfolded it and started to read what he had written in his bold, &asc!line handwriting% ,organ honey. She co!ld al&ost hear his dee(, velvety voice as she read those words% I've been away $rom you be$ore, but this time it's really got me where it hurts most. I $ind mysel$ thinking so mu"h about you that I "an't "on"entrate on what I have to do, and I "an't slee! nights without dreaming o$ you. You're with me in everything I say and do, and God only knows what you've-done to me, be"ause I think I'm going slowly "ra.y. #organ lowered the letter on to her la( and closed her eyes% Stay cal&, she warned her (o!nding heart% Co!ld she believe what he had written, or was she reading so&ething between the lines which was not there" Was she so h!ngry for so&e indication that he cared that she wo!ld acce(t si&(ly anything as a b!dding declaration of love" +ot tears st!ng her eyelids and bro!ght a l!&( to her throat, b!t she controlled herself with an effort, and tried to read the rest of his letter ob5ectively% H met my $ather in /ashington one evening, and we had a long talk. I think there's a !ossibility that we should get along a little better in $uture, but I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. They co!ld only have disc!ssed his &other, #organ decided, and she co!ld only ho(e that their disc!ssion had led to a better !nderstanding between the&% )ammy and the boys will be "oming to the ran"h $or a $ew days ne0t week, and I'm ho!ing it will ease the loneliness and the longing. I miss you, ,organ. )he ran"h has always been like a little bit o$ !aradise to me, but !aradise has be"ome hell this time around, and i$ there wasn't so mu"h to do I'd leave here tomorrow. She was doing it again, #organ reb!ked herself% She was reading too &!ch into what he had written% With Carl it was a clear case of so&ething o!t of reach see&ing to be &ore attractive than so&ething which was easily obtainable, and she had to cling to

that tho!ght for her own (eace of &ind% )hink o$ me kindly, sweet lady, he ended his letter, and, don't $orget me while I'm gone. Yours, Carl. +er vision bl!rred, and the bold handwriting beca&e distorted before her eyes% She wo!ld have been the ha((iest wo&an on earth if she co!ld have taken his letter at face val!e, b!t she dared not% She had to re&e&ber that what he had to offer had nothing to do with love, and the !s!al co&&it&ents that went with it% What Carl wanted was an affair with no strings attached% 7t wo!ld last only !ntil his interest waned, and that was the co&(lete o((osite of what she wanted where he was concerned% She dashed away her ridic!lo!s tears and read his letter thro!gh once again% When she ca&e to the end she co!ld not hel( b!t ad&ire hi& for that to!ch of sincerity he had &anaged to weave into it, b!t then Carl was very clever, and very e4(erienced in this sort of thing% +e knew wo&en like a har(ist knew the strings of his instr!&ent, and he knew e4actly which strings to (l!ck for the desired effect% Carl had always s!cceeded in the (ast, and she s!((osed that he i&agined he wo!ld event!ally s!cceed with her% 3!t not this ti&e, she vowed silently, and not with &e% +e (ossessed her heart, and if that &eant nothing to hi& then that was all that he wo!ld ever (ossess% She folded the letter and sli((ed it back into the envelo(e% She was not going to be fooled by what he had written, b!t there was nothing she co!ld do abo!t that little voice in her heart that cried o!t in des(air, 23!t 7 want to believe what he i&(lied in his letter82 #organ co!ld not face another weekend alone in -retoria% She was awake before dawn on the Sat!rday &orning and, on the s(!r of the &o&ent, she (acked a s&all s!itcase, and decided to drive !( to .oss&ere% The s!n was barely rising when she left -retoria behind her, and if nothing !nforeseen ha((ened she 5!dged that she wo!ld arrive ho&e in ti&e to have breakfast with her father% There was little traffic at that ti&e of the &orning on the :reat 0orth .oad, and when she had (assed the granite 6!arries at 3on ,ccord she switched on her car radio% She en5oyed travelling to the acco&(ani&ent of &!sic, and it always &ade the two*ho!r 5o!rney see& so &!ch shorter% .oss&ere had once been a &ining town, b!t the ind!strialists arrived after the l!ckless &iners had left their diggings, and factories had risen al&ost overnight like &!shroo&s% That era had ended as well, and the factories had &ade way for office b!ildings and sho((ing centres which still stood today% .oss&ere had been no &ore than an average si1e town, b!t .andol(h +illier had considered it the ideal (lace to begin his co&(!ter co&(any, and he had e4(anded it into one of the &ost i&(ortant co&(!ter centres in the co!ntry% #organ did not want to think of the Triton Co&(any% Tho!ghts of the Triton inevitably led to Carl and, as it was, she had tho!ght abo!t hi& too often since receiving his letter two days ago% She concentrated on her driving, and with the hel( of the radio she so&ehow &anaged to channel her tho!ghts into a different direction entirely for the d!ration of her 5o!rney% This was the first weekend she wo!ld be s(ending at ho&e since her ret!rn to -retoria to have her cast re&oved and, when she event!ally drove thro!gh the (illared entrance at the botto& end of the driveway, she wondered nervo!sly whether it had been

s!ch a good idea to co&e ho&e after all% This was where she had &et Carl, and the &e&ory of the i&(act he had &ade !(on her at their first &eeting was so&ething which wo!ld re&ain with her for always% ,ndrew $ield ca&e o!t on to the terrace when he heard her car, and the ha((y s&ile on his ang!lar face was eno!gh to dis(erse with her do!bts% 27 wasnBt e4(ecting yo! ho&e this weekend,2 he said, taking her s!itcase fro& her and dra(ing an ar& abo!t her sho!lders as he kissed her on the cheek% 27 only decided to co&e at the last &in!te,2 she e4(lained as they went into the ho!seC 27 si&(ly co!ldn2t face this weekend on &y own in the flat%2 +er father, fort!nately, did not 6!estion her state&ent, and -a!lina2s dark face brightened with a toothy s&ile when she was instr!cted to serve breakfast for two o!t on the side terrace% There was (lenty of news to catch !( on' news of old friends and fa&ily, b!t ,ndrew ty(ically refrained fro& talking abo!t his work, and on this occasion #organ was gratef!l for it% She talked instead abo!t her own work, and abo!t so&e of the a&!sing incidents which had occ!rred d!ring recent weeks to brighten her own as well as .ichard >elly2s often (ainf!lly serio!s lives% She told her father abo!t :loria 9e <a .ey, knowing that he wo!ld kee( this infor&ation to hi&self, and they la!ghed a little abo!t .ichard >elly2s initial hesitance to see this wo&an alone at his ho&e% ,s the day (rogressed, however, #organ fo!nd less to talk abo!t, and long silences (revailed which were !nerringly filled with tho!ghts of Carl% What was he doing" Was his sister still visiting on the ranch with her children, or had they ret!rned to Washington" Dammit, she did not want to think abo!t hi&, b!t he stor&ed into her tho!ghts d!ring every !ng!arded &o&ent, and it took a tre&endo!s effort of will to thr!st hi& o!t again% 7t was a lovely war& /ctober day, and she did not want to s(oil it with !nha((y tho!ghts, b!t she was not entirely s!ccessf!l% ,fter dinner that evening, when she sat o!t on the cool terrace with her father, he broke one of those long silences by saying, 2Whatever it is that2s on yo!r &ind, #organ, if yo!2d like to talk abo!t it, then yo!2re welco&e to do so%2 +er father2s (erce(tiveness startled her, and for a &o&ent she did not 6!ite know what to do% She felt as if she were being torn in two, and it was with a great deal of !ncertainty that she finally saidC 272d like to talk abo!t it, b!t 7 don2t think yo!2re going to be ha((y with what 7 have to say%2 +is chair creaked beneath hi& in the &oonlit darkness, and he lit one of those long cigars he occasionally s&oked% 27f it will ease yo!r &ind to talk, then 72& (re(ared to listen o(en*&indedly%2 #organ clas(ed and !nclas(ed her hands nervo!sly in her la(% 27 think 2 she began, then she (a!sed and shook her head% 20o, it2s gone beyond that% 7 know 72& in love with Carl% 7 tried very hard not to love hi&, b!t 7 7 co!ldn2t hel( &yself%2 The (!ngent aro&a of ,ndrew2s cigar &ade her nostrils 6!iver, and she s!ddenly fo!nd herself fighting des(erately against the ridic!lo!s desire to la!gh and cry si&!ltaneo!sly% +earing her own voice confessing her feelings for Carl had so!nded like

so&ething close to a death sentence, and d!ring the strained silence that followed she wondered how her father was taking it% 2+ow does Carl feel abo!t yo!"2 he finally asked, and she felt his eyes observing her intently in the darkness% 27 know he wants &e,2 the words were torn fro& her, then she gest!red hel(lessly with her hands% 2/h, 9ad, 7 don2t know what to do82 2,re yo! considering having an affair with hi&"2 +is 6!estion shook her, &aking her recall one (artic!lar occasion when she had been terribly te&(ted to cast aside her rigid (rinci(les, b!t she ke(t this to herself and said 6!ietly, 27f 7 had an affair with hi&, then 7 wo!ld be acting against everything 72ve always held &ost sacred%2 ,n agitated g!st of cigar s&oke drifted her way% 2What are yo! ho(ing for, then"2 272& not s!re,2 she sighed, getting !( fro& her chair and crossing the terrace to lean against one of the tall, concrete (illars% The stars glittered brightly in the night sky, and crickets chir(ed in the shr!bs below the terrace, b!t she neither heard nor saw anything at that &o&ent% 27 received a letter fro& Carl on Th!rsday, and he wrote certain things in it that &ade &e think he &ight care for &e in a s(ecial way, b!t 2 She (a!sed abr!(tly and, swinging ro!nd to face her father, she asked with a note of ang!ish in her voice, 2+ow will 7 know if he2s absol!tely sincere" +ow can 7 ever be s!re that 7 can tr!st hi&"2 ,ndrew was silent for a &o&ent,; his cigar forgotten between his fingers while he (ondered her 6!estion, then he said (hiloso(hically, 27n every sit!ation, or relationshi(, there2s a cr!cial (oint that &!st be reached, and when yo!2re there yo!2ll know whether he2s sincere, and whether yo! can tr!st hi&%2 2/h, lord,2 she la!ghed !nsteadily a &o&ent later% 2This is all s(ec!lation to which 72ve added a large slice of wishf!l thinking, really% Carl told &e hi&self that he wasn2t the &arrying kind, and 7 can2t see a f!t!re in any other kind of relationshi(%2 2$orgive &e for saying this,2 her father said darkly, 2b!t 7 did warn yo!%2 27 know,2 #organ swallowed conv!lsively% 27 tho!ght 7 co!ld co(e% 7 fo!nd his advances a&!sing at first, and 7 &ocked hi& beca!se of it, b!t &y strategy didn2t work% 7 no longer find it f!nny, and 7 wish to heaven 7 co!ld%2 2When the heart is involved it beco&es a deadily serio!s ga&e%2 2,nd a (ainf!l one%2 she added bitterly, ret!rning to her chair and hovering on the brink of tears% 27 wish 7 co!ld hel( yo!,2 ,ndrew said sy&(athetically% #organ ad&ired her father very &!ch at that &o&ent% +e had warned her against Carl, and he had never liked the idea that she was seeing hi&, and yet he was still willing to hel( if he co!ld% The tears were very close, b!t she (!lled herself together fiercely, and changed the s!b5ect% 2,re there still r!&o!rs that the Triton &ay beco&e a s!bsidiary co&(any to Carl2s fir& in ,&erica"2

2The r!&o!rs are still rife,2 ,ndrew ad&itted, 2b!t Carl has called for a board &eeting d!ring the first week in 0ove&ber, and 7 have a feeling that we2ll all know e4actly where we stand afterwards%2 She digested this in silence for a &o&ent% 27 wonder how .andol(h +illier will feel abo!t this%2 2When +illier retired he stressed the fact that he was leaving all f!t!re decisions in Carl2s ca(able hands% +illier is, of co!rse, still the fo!nder*director, and as s!ch a &e&ber of the board, b!t when he retired he deno!nced his right to vote on any b!siness level%2 27n other words, he2s welco&e to attend the board &eetings, and to enter into the disc!ssions, b!t if so&ething were to be (!t to the vote he wo!ld have to ste( aside"2 2That2s it,2 ,ndrew confir&ed, (!ffing at his cigar and sending a clo!d of aro&atic s&oke her way% 2+e co!ld infl!ence the decision of the other &e&bers, tho!gh,2 she re&arked tho!ghtf!lly% 2+e co!ld, b!t 7 do!bt if he wo!ld stand in the way of (rogress,2 her father (ointed o!t% 2With Carl2s fir& in the A%S%,% behind the Triton, there2s only one way the co&(any co!ld go, and that2s !(%2 #organ felt a little st!nned% 2Carl2s co&(!ter fir& is an infl!ential one, then"2 2/ne of the biggest and &ost infl!ential in the States,2 ,ndrew confir&ed, br!shing ash off his tro!sers% 272ll say this for Carl Ziegler, he works hard, and seldo& s(ares hi&self% +e2s !s!ally the first to arrive at the office in the &orning, and the last to leave at night% +e sets high standards for hi&self, and he seldo& tolerates anything less fro& his staff%2 2+e2ll b!rn hi&self o!t if he2s not caref!l,2 she co&&ented to no one in (artic!lar% 2Tell him that, not &e,2 ,ndrew la!ghed% 27 have told hi&, b!t there2s no reason why he sho!ld take &y advice%2 She glanced at her father s(ec!latively% 2Wo!ld it (!t less strain on hi& if the Triton beca&e a s!bsidiary co&(any"2 27t wo!ld (!t considerably less strain on hi&, yes,2 her father agreed% 2,ll he wo!ld need wo!ld be so&eone with s!fficient knowledge and a!thority who co!ld hold the Triton reins fir&ly%2 27s there s!ch a &an"2 2There are several%2 2Co!ld yo!"2 she asked c!rio!sly% 27 co!ld, b!t 7 see no reason why Carl sho!ld consider &e &ore ca(able than any of the others,2 ,ndrew re(lied &odestly% 272& not so s!re that 7 really want that kind of res(onsibility at &y age%2 27t wo!ld be a challenge,2 she (ointed o!t%

2Who needs a challenge when they2re seven years away fro& the retire&ent age"2 he la!ghed scoffingly% 2Yo!2re not decre(it,2 she al&ost scolded hi&% 2<isten, &y girl,2 he said, leaning forward and (atting her ar&% 2We2re s(ec!lating again, and that co!ld be dangero!s%2 27 think 72ll go to bed,2 she said event!ally, stifling a yawn behind her hand as she got to her feet% 27 want to leave after breakfast in the &orning%2 ,ndrew2s face &irrored his disa((oint&ent% G7 tho!ght yo! were going to s(end the day here to&orrow as well%2 2What abo!t yo!r S!nday golf cha&(ionshi("2 she 6!estioned with a s!ggestion of a s&ile hovering abo!t her &o!th% 2Yo! co!ld always co&e with &e,2 he s!ggested% 29addy, 7 love yo!,2 she la!ghed, 2b!t not to the e4tent where 7 wo!ld en5oy trai(sing aro!nd after yo! on a see&ingly endless co!rse in the hot s!n%2 2So yo!r love has li&its"2 he teased% 2=ery definite li&its,2 she 6!i((ed back, dro((ing a light kiss on his forehead% 2:oodnight, 9ad%2 #organ lay in bed that night and once again her tho!ghts revolved aro!nd Carl, b!t this ti&e she realised so&ething which she had &issed before% +er father had seldo& (aid &!ch attention to r!&o!rs, so there had to be so&e tr!th in the r!&o!r concerning the Triton2s &erger with Carl2s co&(any in the States, and if Carl was thinking of ret!rning (er&anently to the A%S%,%, then where, e0a"tly, did that leave her" 0othing &ade sense, and the &ore she tho!ght abo!t it, the &ore baffled she beca&e% 7f she co!ld believe what Carl had written in his letter, then what did he have in &ind for her when he left So!th ,frica" /r &!st she inter(ret his letter as a last des(erate atte&(t to (ers!ade her into a brief affair with hi& before he walked o!t of her life (er&anently" 7t &ade (ainf!l sense, she had to ad&it it, b!t dee( down in her heart she co!ld not wholly acce(t it, and that tiny flicker of ho(e ref!sed to be do!sed entirely%

C+,-T). )7:+T

#/.:,0 ret!rned ho&e fro& work one afternoon d!ring the following week, and sensed that she was not alone in her flat even before she saw the s!(erbly b!ilt &an who !ncoiled his great length fro& its reclining (osition on the sofa% +e had !nknotted his tie,

and his shirt had been !nb!ttoned al&ost to his waist to reveal the tight c!rls of golden body hair against his tanned chest% +er hands s!ddenly ached to to!ch hi&, and her heart see&ed to be beating in her throat% 2Carl82 she breathed his na&e, &eeting the onsla!ght of those la1y eyes observing her with a faint s&ile in their bl!e de(ths% 2+ow +ow did yo! get in"2 2The caretaker very kindly let &e in with his skeleton key after he2d checked o!t &y credentials with yo!r father%2 +is &o!th c!rved into that &ocking s&ile she re&e&bered so well as he lessened the distance between the&% 29o yo! &ind"2 2/f co!rse 7 don2t &ind,2 she whis(ered hoarsely, her eyes sliding h!ngrily over the length and breadth of hi&% T wasn2t e4(ecting yo!, that2s all%2 #organ fo!ght des(erately against the wild longing to fling herself into his ar&s, b!t his nearness st!nted her reasoning, and she swayed towards hi&% She was ca!ght at once and cr!shed against the hard length of hi& in a fierce e&brace, and when he set his &o!th on hers she felt as if she were drowning hel(lessly in the wave of e&otions that swe(t over her% She cl!ng to hi&, her hands &oving h!ngrily over sho!lders that see&ed too wide to acco&&odate the white silk shirt, and she felt the &!scles ri((ling beneath her fingers as his ar&s tightened abo!t her al&ost conv!lsively% +e kissed her again and again' long dr!gging kisses that see&ed to draw her very so!l thro!gh her (arted, eager li(s, and when at last he eased his &o!th fro& hers she felt drained and weak% 29o yo! know how 7 feel at this &o&ent"2 he asked while his eyes devo!red her, and she shook her head, her heart too f!ll to s(eak% 27 feel as tho!gh 7 5!st want to hold yo! in &y ar&s like this, and never let yo! go%2 +is &o!th descended to ca(t!re hers this ti&e with a sens!al h!nger that seared thro!gh her, and robbed her of the desire to resist when his hands roa&ed her body as if to reac6!aint the&selves with every conto!r% 7t was a long ti&e before he finally released her and, when he did, she fo!nd she was shaking with the longing to fling herself back into his ar&s, b!t with a tre&endo!s effort she &anaged to control herself% 27 e4(ected to see yo! looking refreshed after yo!r so5o!rn on the ranch,2 she said with re&arkable cal&ness when she noticed at last the lines of tiredness beneath his eyes and along the sides of his &o!th% 27t wasn2t e4actly all (leas!re, honey% There was a lot to do on the ranch, and 7 was also in daily contact with the office in Washington%2 Carl (!shed his fingers thro!gh his hair and it feel back !ntidily across his broad forehead% 27 was in the thick of a very i&(ortant negotiation, and it was so&ething 7 co!ldn2t leave in the hands of &y second in co&&and%2 9id these i&(ortant negotiations have anything to do with the Triton" she wondered as she said ho(ef!lly, 2Want to tell &e abo!t it"2 2So&e other ti&e,2 he sighed, taking her hand and drawing her towards the sofa% 29id yo! get &y letter"2 2Yes,2 she said as he (!lled her down beside hi&, b!t she shied away nervo!sly fro&

its (ersonal contents% 2Tell &e abo!t yo!r father%2 +is eyes &ocked her &o&entarily as if he had sensed her tho!ghts, then his e4(ression sobered% 2Yo! were right, yo! know, abo!t there being two sides to every story% #y father was rel!ctant to disc!ss the s!b5ect and re&ained oddly loyal to the &e&ory of &y &other, b!t 7 so&ehow gathered that their &arriage had lost its s(ark long before he2d ste((ed over the line to seek fe&ale co&(any elsewhere% We talked a long ti&e, b!t 7 didn2t get &!ch &ore o!t of hi&% 7 finally called on a wo&an who !sed to be a very close friend of &y &other2s, and she told &e everything 7 wanted to know% 7t a((ears &y (arents discovered soon after Ta&&y2s birth that their &arriage had been a &istake, b!t for o!r sakes they re&ained together, and they were ha((y in a sense even tho!gh their &arriage wasn2t f!lfilling in every res(ect% #y &other knew abo!t &y father2s affairs, b!t they2d both forfeited the right to ob5ect abo!t what the other did, and %% % well, that2s the story as 7 know it now%2 272& sorry,2 #organ whis(ered, staring down at the large hand clas(ing hers, and &arvelling at the fine white hair on the back of it which contrasted so heavily with his tanned skin% 2The tr!th isn2t always (leasant%2 2>nowing the tr!th has &ade &e realise once again how dicy &arriage is if yo!2re not absol!tely s!re it2s what yo! want,2 Carl told her ro!ghly, then he raised her hand to his li(s and she felt their war&th against her kn!ckles% 29id yo! &iss &e"2 The tr!th lea(t into the grey*green eyes which were raised to his, and she had no o(tion b!t to confir& it with a h!sky, 2Yes, 7 &issed yo!%2 +e raised a hand and t!gged the (ins fro& her hair before she co!ld sto( hi&, and it fell in thick silken waves on to her sho!lders% 29id yo! &iss &e eno!gh to 2 20o,2 she interr!(ted hi& abr!(tly, steeling herself against the (leas!rable sensations aro!sed by those clever fingers caressing the na(e of her neck% 27 haven2t changed &y &ind abo!t going to bed with yo!%2 2Yo! really are a to!gh n!t to crack, aren2t yo!"2 he la!ghed softly, trailing tantalising fingers along her throat and down to the = of her blo!se% 2Wo!ld yo! like a c!( of coffee"2 she changed the s!b5ect, &oving beyond his reach before his fingers co!ld e4(lore the hollow between her breasts% 2Yes, and then 7 &!st be on &y way%2 Carl stretched o!t his long legs and laced his fingers behind his fair head% 27 co!ld do with a good night2s slee( before 7 ret!rn to the office to&orrow%2 29id yo! fly in this &orning"2 #organ asked as she got to her feet% 2Yes, b!t 7 stayed on in @ohannesb!rg !ntil 6!ite late this afternoon%2 +e saw the flicker of s!s(icion in her eyes before she co!ld veil it, and his &o!th twisted derisively% 27t was b!siness, not (leas!re%2 272ll &ake the coffee,2 she said tersely, t!rning fro& hi& abr!(tly to hide the fl!sh that s!rged !( into her cheeks% She stood there in the kitchen waiting for the water

to boil in the kettle, and realised the hel(lessness of the sit!tation% There wo!ld always be that little s(ark of s!s(icion and do!bt to &ar their relationshi(, and it wo!ld (revent her fro& tr!sting hi& as i&(licitly as she wo!ld wish to% With no written, or verbal co&&it&ent to bind hi&, he wo!ld be free to walk o!t on her whenever it (leased hi&, and what wo!ld be the sense in lea(ing into a relationshi( with a &an who was (lanning on leaving the co!ntry soon% 7f the r!&o!rs concerning the f!t!re of the Triton were tr!e, then she do!bted very &!ch whether he wo!ld stay on in So!th ,frica, and she was not so s!re that she wo!ld acco&(any hi& to the States %% % i$ he asked her to% #organ berated herself &entally% She was ind!lging in wishf!l thinking again, and that was a f!tile occ!(ation% There was no reason at all why Carl wo!ld ask her to acco&(any hi& to the States and, even if he did, she wo!ld not go with hi&' not !nder the circ!&stances which she knew he (referred% When Carl left half an ho!r later she felt restless and dist!rbed% She tried to read, b!t that didn2t hel(, and neither did she &anage to rela4 while listening to her favo!rite records% She finally went to bed and, s!r(risingly, sle(t away the ho!rs !ntil &orning% #organ was taking a welco&e break with a c!( of tea on the $riday afternoon of that sa&e week when she looked !( to see .ichard >elly a((roaching her desk% 27 have a rather diffic!lt brief here that 72d like to work on over the weekend,2 he e4(lained, handing her a file which contained his handwritten notes% 29o yo! think yo! co!ld stay on a bit later this evening to ty(e these notes for &e"2 27f yo! won2t &ind giving &e a lift ho&e afterwards,2 she s&iled !( at hi& a(ologetically% 2#y car is in for a re(air 5ob and 7 ca&e to work on the b!s this &orning%2 .ichard nodded and gave her one of those absent little s&iles% 27t will be a (leas!re to take, yo! ho&e%2 There was nothing !n!s!al abo!t staying late at the office to ty(e o!t his notes on a certain brief, she had done it often eno!gh in the (ast, and she was 6!ite ha((y to do so on that (artic!lar evening !ntil the tele(hone on her desk rang a few &in!tes later% She lifted the receiver to her ear and held it there with her sho!lder while she fed a clean sheet of (a(er into the ty(ewriter% 2#r% >elly2s office, good afternoon,2 she said into the &o!th(iece% 2+i, #organ%2 +er hands stilled on the &achine at the so!nd of Carl2s voice% 272& co&ing to -retoria late this afternoon, and 72ll be staying at the sa&e hotel as always% What abo!t &eeting &e there after work for a 6!iet drink and dinner"2 272& afraid 7 can2t, Carl,2 she declined regretf!lly% 272ll be working late this evening, and 7 have no idea what ti&e 72ll be finished%2 272ll give yo! !ntil seven*thirty,2 he said a&iably% 27f yo!2re not there by that ti&e then 72ll have dinner and treat &yself to an early night for a change%2 272ll try &y best, b!t 7 can2t (ro&ise anything%2 2That2s good eno!gh for &e,2 he re(lied h!rriedly% 2See yo!, honey, and if it2s not this evening, then it will be to&orrow so&e ti&e%2 #organ re(laced the receiver &o&ents later and allowed herself the2 l!4!ry of

n!rsing her disa((oint&ent for a few &in!tes before she settled down to work once &ore% She worked on steadily d!ring the re&ainder of the afternoon and into, the early evening, (a!sing only briefly when .ichard ca&e in with a f!rther batch of handwritten notes% When she finally (!lled the last sheet of (a(er fro& the ty(ewriter she glanced at the clock against the wall and was s!r(rised to see that it was a 6!arter to seven% +er heart lifted, there was still ti&e to &eet Carl for dinner, and her hands were al&ost shaking with e4cite&ent when she cleared her desk and handed .ichard the file of ty(ed notes% 29o yo! think yo! co!ld dro( &e off at a hotel in the city"2 she asked when she sat beside hi& in his #ercedes% 2Certainly,2 he s&iled at her, and when she gave hi& the na&e of the hotel he asked, 2,re yo! &eeting so&eone there"2 2Yes, a a friend,2 she sta&&ered a little foolishly, and she was angry with herself for bl!shing like a schoolgirl% .ichard drove on in silence' a silence which he broke a few &in!tes later by saying cas!ally% 2There2s the hotel yo! want, straight !( ahead%2 #organ nodded witho!t s(eaking, her heart bo!ncing in her chest, and when he (arked his car a little distance fro& the entrance, she (!t her hand o!t rather blindly towards the handle and said gratef!lly, 2Thank yo! very &!ch, 7 really do a((reciate yo!r co&ing o!t of yo!r way, and 7 2 She (a!sed abr!(tly, the words stilling in her throat, and an icy coldness s(reading thro!gh her body when she saw two (eo(le e&erge fro& the entrance of the hotel% 7t was Carl, and his fair head was lowered towards a bea!tif!l, dark*haired yo!ng wo&an who was leaning rather heavily on his ar&% #organ recognised the wo&an as well' it was :loria 9e <a .ey, and they were both so absorbed in each other that neither of the& noticed the two (eo(le staring at the& fro& within the #ercedes% They got into Carl2s silver -orsche and drove away at s(eed, and only then did .ichard notice the white, shaken e4(ression on #organ2s face, and the tort!red look in her eyes as they followed the -orsche !ntil it disa((eared fro& sight% , 27s so&ething wrong, #organ" ,re yo! feeling ill"2 he asked, leaning towards her an4io!sly% She swallowed conv!lsively, b!t that tightness in her throat re&ained i&&ovable% 272& fine, 7 7 2 +e st!died her closely when she faltered to a sto(, and asked shrewdly, 2Was that the cha( yo! ca&e here to &eet"2 2Yes,2 she croaked, feeling as tho!gh the earth2s solid fo!ndations had dro((ed o!t beneath her, and her insides see&ed to have diffic!lty in righting the&selves after the severe 5olt it had received% Carl had wasted no ti&e in finding so&eone else when he had tho!ght that she &ight not &ake it, and of all (eo(le his choice had to fall on :loria 9e <a .ey, #organ tho!ght bitterly%

27t see&s he got tired of waiting,2 .ichard 5abbed a cr!el finger into an o(en wo!nd, 2b!t now we know the identity of the other &an in &y client2s life%2 #organ had not given the latter a tho!ght !ntil that &o&ent, and altho!gh a (art of her re5ected the idea, it so&ehow see&ed as tho!gh the last (ieces of the (!11le were falling into (lace% Carl was a b!siness&an% 7t was (ossible that he co!ld be negotiating so&e sort of deal with :loria2s h!sband, and it was (ossible it h!rt to think abo!t it, b!t she had to it was (ossible that Carl had been !sing her to cover !( his relationshi( with :loria 9e <a .ey% 23!t what abo!t that letter he wrote to yo! fro& ,&erica"2 her heart 6!estioned% 2That was intended to (!ll the wool &ore sec!rely over yo!r eyes,2 her &ind re(lied bitterly% /h, :od, b!t he was des!i"able! 2What abo!t having a (late of so!( and a sandwich so&ewhere with &e"2 .ichard interr!(ted her tho!ghts% #organ drew a (ainf!l breath% 2That2s very kind of yo!, b!t 7 2 272& not taking ;no; for an answer,2 he c!t in ada&antly, and she felt too &entally e4ha!sted to arg!e% 2Thank yo!,2 she nodded listlessly% 27 acce(t yo!r invitation%2 .ichard took her to a cosy little diner in the city which was not too crowded, b!t she felt she co!ld not face the chicken sandwiches after she had forced herself to swallow down a (late of tasty vegetable so!(% .ichard insisted, however, and she so&ehow &anaged to satisfy hi& by eating one sandwich% When they finally lingered over their coffee she felt that cold, n!&b feeling sli((ing slowly away fro& her, and it was re(laced by a war&th that stole thro!gh her body% 2Wo!ld it hel( at all to talk abo!t it"2 .ichard asked event!ally% 20ot really,2 she shook her head, that ha!nted look still very &!ch in her eyes% 29oes he live here in -retoria"2 .ichard contin!ed to 6!estion her in a &anner tr!e to his (rofession% 2+e2s fro& .oss&ere,2 she re(lied, not elaborating f!rther% 2So he2s here for the weekend"2 27 (res!&e so%2 2+e asked yo! to &eet hi& at the hotel this evening"2 She looked !( into those grey eyes observing her so intently, and afraid of what he &ight be thinking, she e4(lained hastily, 2+e invited &e to have dinner with hi&, and when 7 told hi& 7 wo!ld be working late he gave &e !ntil seven*thirty to get there%2 2,nd it2s only seven*thirty now,2 .ichard re&arked, glancing at his watch% 2Yes,2 she whis(ered, lowering her glance to the !nto!ched c!( of coffee in front of her, and wishing s!ddenly that she were dead%

2+e2ll have a lot of e4(laining to do when yo! see hi& to&orrow,2 .ichard observed drily, and an !ne4(ected wave of anger s!rged thro!gh her% 27 don2t want to see hi& again,2 she sna((ed fiercely% 27 don2t ever want to see hi& again82 +ot tears st!ng the back of her eyelids, b!t she blinked the& away ra(idly% She was not going to waste her tears on so&eone as !ndeserving as Carl% +e had al&ost s!cceeded in &aking her believe that he cared, b!t she saw hi& for what he was' a &an who had !sed% her sha&elessly as a cover*!( for his affair with a &arried wo&an% 7t was disg!sting and degrading, and she co!ld never forgive hi& for doing this to her% .ichard drove her ho&e a little while later, and when they arrived at her flat she t!rned to hi& and said (olitely, 2Thank yo! very &!ch for being so kind, #r% >elly%2 27t was a (leas!re,2 he ass!red her hastily, 2and don2t yo! think we2ve known each other long eno!gh for yo! to call &e .ichard"2 27 7 co!ldn2t82 She stared at hi& in s!r(rise%, 2Yo!2re &y e&(loyer82 2Then 72& &aking it an order,2 he anno!nced witho!t s&iling% 2$ro& now on yo! call &e .ichard% 9o 7 &ake &yself clear"2 She hesitated, not 6!ite knowing what to say at first, then she nodded and saidC 2-erfectly clear %%% .ichard%2 , brief s&ile to!ched his li(s, then he sobered once again and said abr!(tly, 2:oodnight, #organ%2 She re&ained where she was !ntil the lift doors had closed behind hi&, then she went into her flat and locked the door behind her% .ichard >elly had been very kind and considerate% +e had hel(ed her thro!gh those first (ainf!lly awkward &o&ents, and she wo!ld always be thankf!l fort that% #organ felt strangely cal& as she bathed and went to bed% 7t felt as if her heart had been wrenched o!t of her chest to leave her with no feeling at all, b!t when she switched off her bedside light her cal&ness s!ddenly deserted her, and she cried herself to slee(% +er tears did nothing to ease the sit!ation, it si&(ly &ade her feel heavy*eyed and e4ha!sted the following &orning% She went o!t early to collect her #ini at the garage, and to do her sho((ing for the weekend% When she ret!rned to her flat two ho!rs later the tele(hone was ringing, b!t she did not answer it% She sensed that it wo!ld be Carl, and he was the last (erson on earth she wanted to talk to at that &o&ent% She still felt too raw inside, and too angry% She had had no b!siness falling in love with hi&, and now she was rea(ing the res!lts of her foolish behavio!r, b!t this was where it wo!ld all end8 The tele(hone contin!ed to ring and, when it finally sto((ed, a new fear took (ossession of her% What wo!ld she do if Carl ca&e to the flat" She bit her li( nervo!sly, and, &aking a sna( decision, she h!rried o!t of her flat and took the lift down to the caretaker2s flat on the gro!nd floor% 2#r% /livier,2 she began al&ost breathlessly when the elderly, rob!st*looking &an o(ened his door% 27 wonder if 7 co!ld ask yo! to do &e a favo!r"2

2Why, certainly, #iss $ield,2 he ass!red her at once in his !s!al friendly &anner% #organ hesitated only briefly, then the words ca&e o!t in a r!sh% 27f a #r% Carl Ziegler sho!ld 6!estion yo! abo!t &y whereabo!ts so&e ti&e d!ring today or to&orrow, wo!ld yo! tell hi& that 72ve gone away for the weekend with friends"2 2Yo! don2t want to see hi&, is that it"2 he 6!estioned with a swift !nderstanding that s!r(rised her% 2)4actly,2 she confir&ed tr!thf!lly% 272ll give hi& that &essage,2 #r% /livier (ro&ised, and she sighed inwardly with relief% 2Thank yo! so &!ch,2 she breathed, then she took the lift !( to the seventh floor again, and closeted herself in her flat% The tele(hone rang several ti&es that &orning, b!t she did not risk answering it% 7f she s(oke to Carl now she wo!ld b!rst into tears, and that was the last thing she wanted to do% +er doorbell rang shortly after two that afternoon, and the so!nd 5arred her nerves% +er hands cl!tched the ar&s of her chair so tightly that her kn!ckles showed white thro!gh the skin, b!t she sat there, not daring to &ove% The doorbell rang again, i&(atiently this ti&e, and altho!gh everything within her s!ddenly cried o!t for her to o(en the door, she bit down hard on her li(, and re&ained seated% She did not want to see Carl, and she did not want to s(eak to hi&% +e wo!ld have a glib answer ready if she sho!ld 6!estion hi& abo!t last night' &en like hi& were always clever at wriggling o!t of a diffic!lt sit!ation, b!t she was tired of being &ade a fool of% She had known what kind of &an he was right fro& the start, b!t, like a g!llible fool, she had co&e close to letting hi& convince her that he was serio!s' that she was so&eone s(ecial to hi&, and that had been her biggest &istake% +er father had warned her, every instinct within her &ind and heart had warned her, b!t she had ignored all those warnings, and had gone ahead !ntil her heart had beco&e ho(elessly involved% +er doorbell did not ring again, and so&e &in!tes later the caretaker sli((ed a note !nder her door to tell her that he had (assed on her &essage to Carl% +er hands shook and her eyes bl!rred with tears as she fo!nd herself facing the agonising tr!th% She co!ld avoid seeing Carl, b!t she co!ld never avoid the (ain of loving hi&% +e had lied to her, and he had !sed her in the &ost des(icable way, b!t she wo!ld love hi& !ntil the day she died% She c!rled herself !( on the sofa and we(t !nrestrainedly, the choking sobs tearing at her insides, and she did not sto( !ntil, drained and e4ha!sted, she drifted into a dee( slee( fro& which she awoke several ho!rs later% +er li&bs were stiff and cra&(ed when she got to her feet, and her eyelids felt swollen and heavy% She washed her face and br!shed her hair, then she tried to eat so&ething, b!t nothing wo!ld go down, and she finally settled for a c!( of strong coffee to revive her% )o the devil with Carl! she re&onstrated with herself event!ally% She had got along witho!t hi& before, and she wo!ld get along witho!t hi& again% 7t &ight take a little ti&e to ad5!st herself, b!t she wo!ld s!cceed in the end%

#organ s(ent the rest of the weekend with the tele(hone !n(l!gged at the wall, and on the #onday &orning, when .ichard >elly was half way thro!gh his dictation, he looked !( abr!(tly to say, 27 wanted to (hone and find o!t how yo! were, b!t 7 had a feeling that yo! wo!ldn2t be taking any calls%2 27 !n(l!gged the tele(hone,2 she confessed g!iltily 27 tho!ght so,2 he &!r&!red, observing her intently 29id he try to contact yo! again"2 2+e ca&e to the flat on Sat!rday afternoon, and 7 knew that he wo!ld event!ally &ake en6!iries abo!t &e when there was no answer, so 7 took the (reca!tion of asking the caretaker to tell hi& that 7 was away for the weekend%2 2,re yo! serio!s abo!t not wanting to see hi& again"2 2Wo!ld yo! want to see a wo&an who had !sed yo! to cover !( her affair with another &an"2 she co!nter*6!estioned tritely% 2Yo!2ve &ade yo! (oint,2 .ichard re(lied in a tight*li((ed &anner, then he contin!ed his dictation as if there had been no interr!(tion at all% #organ2s tele(hone at the flat rang incessantly on the T!esday evening, and she was serio!sly thinking of !n(l!gging it again when the tho!ght crossed her &ind that it &ight be her father trying to contact her% +e often called to hear how she was, b!t she co!ld not take that chance% She waited instead !ntil it had sto((ed ringing, then she lifted the receiver 6!ickly and dialled her father2s n!&ber in .oss&ere% 2Were yo! (erha(s trying to get thro!gh to &e, 9addy"2 she asked when her father answered the tele(hone al&ost the very instant it started ringing% 27 was, b!t there2s obvio!sly so&ething wrong with yo!r tele(hone,2 he re(lied e4as(eratedly, and she did not advise hi& to the contrary% 2Were yo! away this (ast weekend, #organ"2 27 was,2 she lied !nco&fortably, and s!r(rised that he sho!ld ask% 2Why do yo! want to know"2 2Carl see&ed to be rather concerned abo!t yo!,2 ,ndrew e4(lained% 2+e told &e he2d s(oken to yo! on the tele(hone the $riday afternoon, andithat yo! never said a word abo!t going away, b!t after several !ns!ccessf!l atte&(ts to contact yo! he fo!nd o!t that yo!2d gone to friends%2 #organ felt*herself stiffen% 29id he ask yo! to ring &e"2 27 so&eti&es worry abo!t yo! too, yo! know,2 said ,ndrew, and she s!ddenly felt asha&ed of herself% 272& fine, 9addy,2 she said event!ally% 2There2s nothing for yo! to worry abo!t%2 272ll (ass that on to Carl as well%2 2Yo! don2t have to (ass anything on to hi&,2 she al&ost sna((ed% ,ndrew $ield was silent for a &o&ent, then he asked abr!(tly, 2+ave yo! and Carl had an arg!&ent abo!t so&ething"2 2There2s been no arg!&ent,2 she said, choosing her words caref!lly, 2b!t 72ve finally

realised what a fool 7 was to think 7 co!ld tr!st hi& in any way%2 2Yo!2ve reached that cr!cial (oint, then"2 her father 6!estioned, referring to the disc!ssion they had had d!ring her recent visit to her ho&e% 2Yes, 7 have%2 27 see%2 The line crackled with silence for a &o&ent, then he saidC 272& sorry, #organ% 7 was afraid all along that yo! wo!ld be h!rt, and now &y fears have beco&e a reality%2 272ve been h!rt,2 she said 6!ickly, and with false bravado, 2b!t 72ll get over it%2 27 sincerely ho(e so,2 ,ndrew re(lied% #organ went to bed shortly after s(eaking to her father, b!t it was a long ti&e before she went to slee(% She was not a baby, she told herself fir&ly% She was al&ost twenty*five, and she was not going to fall a(art at the sea&s beca!se one &an had s!cceeded in &aking her heart beat a little faster% She loved hi&, b!t so what? She wo!ld learn to love again in ti&e, and with any l!ck she wo!ld feel that way abo!t so&eone who was &ore worthy of her love% These tho!ghts s!stained her d!ring the week, b!t her co&(os!re sli((ed badly when the tele(hone on her desk rang the $riday afternoon and Carl2s fa&iliar 2+i, honey2 rang in her ears% The blood s!rged into her cheeks, then receded to leave her deathly (ale, and% it was at this (oint that .ichard walked into her office% 2+ello, Carl,2 she said in a dece(tively cal& voice, and at the sa&e ti&e she answered .ichard2s silent 6!ery% 2Why didn2t yo! tell &e when 7 s(oke to yo! last $riday that yo! wo!ld be going away for the weekend"2 Carl de&anded witho!t (rea&ble% 27t sli((ed &y &ind,2 she lied% 2Will 7 see yo! this evening"2 2This evening" Well, 7 %%%2 She felt tra((ed, then she looked !( to see .ichard gest!ring and &o!thing the words, 2Yo!2re having dinner with &e this evening%2 272& afraid 7 can2t see yo! this evening,2 she told Carl while casting a gratef!l glance in .ichard2s direction% 272ve already acce(ted an invitation to dinner%2 2Will 7 see yo! to&orrow"2 2To&orrow"2 she echoed st!(idly and once again .ichard threw o!t a lifeline which she gras(ed at des(erately% 2Yo!2re s(ending the weekend with friends,2 .ichard &o!thed the words in a whis(er, 5abbing his th!&b into his chest% 27 72& sorry, Carl, b!t 72& s(ending the weekend with friends,2 she re(eated like a (arrot co(ying its &aster% 29a&&it, #organ, when a& 7 going to see yo!"2 Carl2s voice e4(loded in her ear% 27 don2t really know,2 she re(lied evasively%

2What abo!t ne4t weekend"2 272& not 6!ite s!re abo!t ne4t weekend, b!t there2s a (ossibility that 7 &ight be going away as well,2 she lied, her heart beating so hard and fast d!ring the ens!ing silence that she was al&ost certain Carl co!ld hear it% 2,re yo! giving &e the br!sh*off, #organ"2 he de&anded in a dangero!sly 6!iet voice% 2What on earth has given yo! that idea"2 she asked with &ock innocence% 2#y instinct warns &e that for so&e reason yo!2re trying to avoid &e, and 72& seldo& wrong%2 27 can2t neglect &y friends si&(ly beca!se of yo!, Carl, and 72& s!re yo!2ll have no diffic!lty in finding so&eone else to s(end yo!r ti&e with,2 she told hi& coldly% 20ow yo! really &!st e4c!se &e, b!t 7 have a (ile of work on &y desk that 7 have to wade thro!gh before 7 can go ho&e this evening%2 She said an abr!(t 2:oodbye2, and only when she had to f!&ble the receiver on to its cradle did she realise how &!ch she was shaking% 2,bo!t this evening %%%2 she began when she had s!cceeded in gathering her scattered wits abo!t her% 2Yo!2re having dinner with &e, as 7 said,2 .ichard told her% 27 acce(t gladly, b!t the weekend %% %2 272& having a few friends over at &y (lace,2 he interr!(ted her, 2and 72d like yo! to 5oin !s%2 23!t yo!r friends &ight think that that yo! and 7 2 2That we2re &ore than fond of each other"2 he finished for her with a twisted little s&ile% 2Yes,2 she nodded, her cheeks colo!ring with e&barrass&ent% 2They2re free to think what they like as far as 72& concerned%2 he br!shed the &atter aside% 2.ichard % %%2 She hesitated, not wanting to h!rt hi&, b!t she had to s(eak her &ind% 27 acce(ted yo!r invitation in theory, and it served its (!r(ose% Carl won2t be co&ing to -retoria this weekend, at least not to see me, so there2s no need to carry o!t yo!r invitation in (ractice%2 2<ies have a way of s!rfacing when yo! least e4(ect it,2 he e4(lained tolerantly% 27f yo! acce(t &y invitation for the weekend then yo! haven2t lied abo!t it%2 She stared at hi& a little conf!sedly% 27 don2t know why yo! sho!ld go to s!ch lengths to hel( &e in &y (ersonal life%2 27 was there when yo! saw hi& leaving the hotel with :loria 9e <a .ey, and 7 saw what it did to yo!,2 he e4(lained in a harsh voice that she had never heard hi& !se before% 27 don2t ever want to see yo! h!rt that &!ch again%2

+e t!rned on his heel and disa((eared into his office, leaving #organ to stare after hi& in bewilder&ent% She wo!ld not &ind so &!ch if .ichard >elly si&(ly felt sorry for her, b!t she sincerely ho(ed that he was not develo(ing stronger feelings for her% She wo!ld hate to h!rt hi& after all the kindness he had showered on her%

C+,-T). 070)

.7C+,.9 >)<<Y had been #organ2s e&(loyer for al&ost fo!r years, b!t when she faced hi& across the s&all table in the resta!rant with its &irrored walls and concealed lighting, it felt to her as if she were dining with an old friend instead of the &an who (aid her salary every &onth, and she rela4ed to the e4tent where she &ight have s!cceeded in sh!tting Carl o!t of her &ind had .ichard not &entioned his na&e% G7 have so&e news for yo! which 7 think &ight alter yo!r feelings with regard to Carl Ziegler,2 he anno!nced while they were waiting for their coffee to be served% 2:loria 9e <a .ey tele(honed &e at &y ho&e earlier this evening and cancelled her a((lication for a divorce%2 #organ digested this in silence before she s(oke% 2That doesn2t alter &y feelings at all% 7t si&(ly &eans that she2s finally discovered, like so &any other wo&en, that Carl has no intention of &arrying her%2 2What &akes yo! so s!re that that2s the reason"2 2What wo&an in her right &ind wo!ld leave her h!sband for the insec!rity of living with a &an who &ight walk o!t on her to&orrow, or the day after"2 she answered his 6!estion with one of her own, then she added derisively, 2Carl2s not the &arrying sort% +e told &e so hi&self%2 .ichard2s eyebrows rose shar(ly% 2Then why%%%"2 2Why did 7 let &yself care for hi&"2 she voiced the 6!estion he see&ed to be having diffic!lty in (hrasing, and her &o!th c!rved with the bitterness that welled !( inside of her% 27t isn2t easy dictating to one2s heart% 7 knew what he was, 7 knew all the dangers involved, b!t for so&e ine4(licable reason 7 fo!nd &yself ho(ing for the i&(ossible, and 7 was al&ost beginning to believe that 7 act!ally &eant so&ething to hi& when when 7 saw hi& with #rs% 9e <a .ey the other evening% 7 realised then that he2d been (laying a do!ble ga&e, and now 7 des(ise hi& for it%2 2We haven2t any (roof that he is the &an she was having an affair with,2 .ichard arg!ed% 2Co!ld yo! give &e any other valid reason why they sho!ld have been together that evening"2 #organ de&anded sarcastically, b!t she winced inwardly as she e4(erienced again the (ain and disill!sion&ent she had felt that evening a week ago% 2What yo! have is nothing &ore than circ!&stantial evidence% +e co!ld have been

with her for any n!&ber of reasons%2 2Yo!2re arg!ing like an attorney,2 she acc!sed with a &irthless la!gh, 2and yo!2re totally contradicting &y state&ent the other day that yo! didn2t care abo!t (eo(le%2 27 do care, #organ,2 he ass!red her !rgently, leaning towards her slightly, 2b!t in &y 5ob 7 have to deal with facts, and if yo! were the o((osing co!nsel in this instance 7 wo!ld tell yo! 6!ite bl!ntly that yo! haven2t eno!gh fact!al evidence to convict yo!r &an of the cri&e he2s acc!sed of%2 2Whose side are yo! on"2 she de&anded &ockingly% 2Yo!rs, nat!rally,2 he re(lied drily, 2b!t 7 feel it2s &y d!ty to (oint o!t certain flaws in the fo!ndations of yo!r case% ,t first, when 7 saw &y client with Carl Ziegler, 7 5!&(ed to the nat!ral concl!sion that this was the secret &an in her life, b!t 72ve been doing a great deal of thinking since then, and 7 realised that 7 had no (roof at all in this &atter% #y investigations have led nowhere, and least of all in Carl Ziegler2s direction%2 #organ stared at hi& aghast% 2Yo!2ve had Carl investigated"2 27 have,2 ca&e the abr!(t re(ly, 2and 7 fo!nd absol!tely nothing to connect hi& with &y client in any way%2 #organ e4(erienced a twinge of do!bt% -erha(s she had 5!dged Carl too hastily, b!t that still left !ne4(lained the reason why he sho!ld have had :loria 9e <a .ey hanging on his ar& with s!ch fa&iliarity% Circ!&stantial evidence" Coincidence" +er heart fl!ttered ho(ef!lly, b!t her &ind re&ained stoically !n&oved% 7t was too &!ch of a coincidence that Carl sho!ld have been with that (artic!lar wo&an that evening, and that &ade it all the &ore diffic!lt for her to believe that there had been nothing to it% .ichard changed the s!b5ect after their coffee had been served, and told her briefly abo!t his friends, :raha& and Sandra <arkan, who& he was e4(ecting fro& @ohannesb!rg for the weekend% 2:raha& and 7 st!died <aw together, and we2ve ke(t in to!ch ever since,2 he e4(lained% 2Yo!2ll like his wife, Sandra% They2ve only been &arried a little over two years, and they2ve been doing their level best d!ring that ti&e to enco!rage &e into what they call ;&atri&onial bliss;%2 2+ave yo! never tho!ght of getting &arried"2 #organ 6!i11ed hi& tentatively% 272ve tho!ght of it &any ti&es,2 he grinned, 2b!t what2s the !se of thinking abo!t it when the right wo&an hasn2t co&e along to fill the vacancy"2 27 don2t think yo!2ve act!ally taken the ti&e to get to know &any wo&en% Yo!2re always sh!tting yo!rself away with a brief, and (lanning a defence, and yo! won2t &eet the right wo&an that way%2 2,re yo! s!ggesting that 7 sho!ld neglect &y work in favo!r of leading a &ore social life"2 .ichard asked &ockingly% 2There2s a ti&e to work, and a ti&e to (lay,2 she arg!ed 6!ietly, thinking &o&entarily of Carl who so&ehow s!cceeded in doing both so 1ealo!sly% 2Yo! think 7 don2t set aside s!fficient ti&e for socialising with the o((osite se4"2

.ichard broke into her tho!ghts, and she s&iled at hi& a(ologetically% 27 don2t think yo! can honestly say that yo! do%2 +e did not re(ly to this, and her tho!ghts drifted irrevocably back to Carl% +e was al&ost the e4act o((osite to .ichard >elly% , wo&an wo!ld never need to do!bt .ichard% +e was (erha(s a bit d!ll at ti&es, b!t he was as de(endable as a rock% Carl, on the other hand, was e4citing to be with% +e co!ld char& yo! into a state where yo! act!ally believed yo! were so&ething s(ecial, b!t he was reliable and de(endable only where his work was concerned% .ichard had given the i&(ression that he wo!ld welco&e &arriage if he sho!ld &eet the right wo&an, b!t Carl only welco&ed the tho!ght of a wo&an in his bed with no legal co&&it&ents% #organ groaned inwardly% She was being &ade increasingly aware of what a fool she had been to allow herself to fall in love with a &an who was the e4act antithesis of everything she had always ho(ed for in the &an of her choice% She co!ld al&ost la!gh at her st!(idity if it were not so tragic, b!t at that &o&ent she felt &!ch closer to tears% When .ichard took her ho&e that evening it was arranged that she wo!ld be at his ho&e at ten o2clock the Sat!rday &orning, and she was s!r(rised to find herself looking forward to the weekend which she had viewed with s!ch rel!ctance initially% #organ en5oyed the drive o!t to .ichard2s ho&e the following &orning% The 5acaranda trees were abla1e with &a!ve blosso&s that s(illed on to the streets and (ave&ents like a flowery car(et, and #organ loved -retoria at this ti&e of the year when it lived !( to its na&e of the 2@acaranda City2% ,t ten o2clock shar( she (arked her #ini in .ichard2s driveway, and, when he ca&e o!t to &eet her, she discovered that his friends had arrived a few &in!tes earlier% She was !shered into the ho!se, and while her s&all s!itcase was being taken to her roo&, #organ was introd!ced to :raha& <arkan and his wife Sandra% :raha& was tall, lean, and severe*looking, b!t his feat!res were lightened by a hint of h!&o!r in his eyes% +is wife was s&all and fair with an e4(ressive, decidedly &ischievo!s face, and #organ fo!nd herself liking the& instantly% The <arkans acce(ted #organ2s (resence in .ichard2s ho&e with no o!tward sign of c!riosity, b!t that afternoon, when #organ fo!nd herself alone with Sandra beside the swi&&ing (ool, there was !ndisg!ised c!riosity in the eyes of :raha& <arkan2s wife% 2$orgive &e for asking, b!t % % % are yo! and .ichard %%%"2 20o,2 #organ re(lied fir&ly when Sandra (a!sed self*conscio!sly% 272& his secretary, 7 was at a loose end this weekend, and he si&(ly invited &e to &ake !( a fo!rso&e%2 2/h % % % (ity,2 Sandra s&iled &ischievo!sly% 23!t 72& glad he invited yo!, or 7 &ight have fo!nd &yself beco&ing bored with &y own co&(any while the &en lose the&selves in their !s!al disc!ssions involving their (rofession82 The conversation drifted on to safer gro!nd, b!t #organ fo!nd herself thinking of Carl, and wishing f!tilely that things co!ld have been different between the&% When the &en 5oined the& later beside the (ool for a drink, #organ co!ld not (revent herself fro& envying the <arkans% There was that so&ething s(ecial between the& that ste&&ed fro& their co&(lete tr!st in each other, and one had only to look at the& to know that they

loved each other to the e4cl!sion al&ost of all else% ,n intense sadness swe(t thro!gh #organ, b!t she was not given &!ch ti&e to brood as the weekend (rogressed, and she was gratef!l to .ichard >elly for giving her this brief o((ort!nity to get her life into (ers(ective once &ore% She had neglected her friends over the (ast &onths while she had lived in a fool2s (aradise, b!t it was not going to ha((en again% 2-lease kee( in to!ch,2 was the last thing Sandra said to #organ before they ret!rned to @ohannesb!rg on the S!nday afternoon% #organ wo!ld have liked nothing better than to retain Sandra <arkan2s friendshi(, b!t she s!s(ected that Sandra still n!rt!red the secret ho(e that so&e thing &ight develo( between .ichard >elly and her self, and for that reason alone #organ decided it wo!ld be advisable to &aintain a low (rofile% 27t was kind of yo! to invite &e here to yo!r ho&e this weekend, and it was a (rivilege to &eet :raha& and Sandra,2 #organ told .ichard as he acco&(anied her o!t to her car% 272& (leased yo! decided to co&e,2 he s&iled d!&(ing her s!itcase on to the back seat, and taking her hand% 2Yo! were co&(any for Sandra, and &ore than &ade !( for the ti&es :raha& and 7 neglected her% 2See yo! at the office to&orrow,2 she s&iled, (rising her hand caref!lly fro& his, and a few &o&ents late she was driving thro!gh the gates of his ho&e, and heading towards the centre of the city% 7t was only when #organ was alone in her flat that evening that she realised how &!ch it had hel(ed to have (eo(le aro!nd her d!ring the (ast two days% This e&(tiness and loneliness of her flat de(ressed her for the first ti&e in all the years she had lived alone in -retoria, and her tho!ghts t!rned inevitably toward Carl% +er atte&(ts to thr!st hi& fro& her &ind on this occasion were !ns!ccessf!l, and that night she cried herself to slee( for the second ti&e in a little over a week #organ had (l!gged o!t her tele(hone at the flat b!t she co!ld not do the sa&e at the office, and when it rang shrilly on her desk three days later, she had no way of knowing that it wo!ld be Carl !ntil she heard his dee(, oddly br!s6!e voice at the other end% 2,bo!t this co&ing weekend, #organ,2 he began witho!t (rea&ble, and she felt her insides coiling the&selves into a tight knot% 272& afraid 7 won2t be here,2 she lied des(erately, and she was gratef!l that he co!ld not see the g!ilt staining her cheeks% 27 have to talk to yo!%2 2Yo!2re talking to &e now,2 she re(lied st!bbornly, and she co!ld al&ost feel his anger vibrating across the line all the way fro& .oss&ere to -retoria% 27 can2t say the things 7 want to say on the tele(hone%2 27n that case 7 can only (res!&e that what yo! have to say isn2t i&(ortant%2

There was an e4(losive silence that sent a shiver of a((rehension !( her s(ine, then he de&anded harshly, 2What2s got into yo!, #organ"2 20othing,2 she sna((ed nervo!sly% 2Will yo! e4(lain to &e, then, why yo!2re &aking it so da&n diffic!lt for &e to see yo! or s(eak to yo!"2 She sighed inwardly and realised at last that being evasive never really served a (!r(ose, b!t Carl was being (artic!larly tireso&e in thinking he co!ld contin!e &aking a fool of her% 27 don2t want to see yo! or s(eak to yo! again,2 she told hi& coolly% 2Why not"2 he had the gall to en6!ire, and it &ade her anger rise like those swift s!&&er stor&s on the reef% What kind of idiot did this arrogant, egotistical &an think she was" 2Yo! know the answer to that 6!estion better than 7 do,2 she told hi& icily, and sla&&ed the receiver down on to its cradle with a force which she ho(ed wo!ld 5olt hi& at the other end% 2Conde&ned, convicted and sentenced,2 an acc!sing voice re&arked softly, and she looked !( shar(ly to find .ichard observing her fro& the co&&!nicating door with a wry s&ile hovering abo!t his li(s% 27 think 7 can safely say that 7 know Carl Ziegler better than yo! do,2 she re(lied f!rio!sly, her hands shaking so &!ch that she hid the& in her la( and clenched the& tightly% 2-erha(s,2 .ichard conceded with an inf!riating cal&ness, 2b!t even the &ost hardened cri&inal is entitled to a hearing%2 +e had entered his office and had closed the door behind hi& before she had ti&e to think of a re(ly, b!t later, when she had cal&ed down s!fficiently to think rationally, she was forced to ad&it that there was so&e tr!th in what .ichard had said% She had con* de&ned, convicted, and sentenced Carl witho!t a hearing, b!t what wo!ld be the (!r(ose of s!ch a hearing when she knew that it wo!ld only (rolong and intensify the agony of loving a &an with who& there was no f!t!re" #organ fed a sheet of (a(er into the ty(ewriter, absently ty(ed a few words, and (!lled a face when she realised she had &ade a &istake% She ri((ed o!t the (a(er, tore it to shreds before she dro((ed it into the waste(a(er basket, and tried again% She wo!ld have to concentrate on what she was doing, or she &ight find herself working late that evening to co&(lete the brief .ichard was waiting for% The afternoon so&ehow (rogressed witho!t f!rther &isha(s, and when she arrived at her flat she ke(t herself b!sy washing her hair and &aking herself so&ething to eat% With nothing left to do event!ally, she (icked !( a book and tried to read, b!t instead she fo!nd herself thinking of the conversation she had had with Carl that afternoon% -erha(s she sho!ld have agreed to see hi&, b!t then again, what (!r(ose wo!ld it have served" +e co!ld be very (ers!asive, and she did not want to believe in hi& again only to be disill!sioned% She tried to thr!st these tho!ghts fro& her &ind to concentrate on her book,

b!t she felt angry and g!ilty at the sa&e ti&e and, e4as(erated, she finally fl!ng the book aside and went to bed% #organ was still awake at nine*thirty when so&eone rang her doorbell insistently% 0ot bothering to (!t anything on her feet, she (!lled on her silk dressing gown and went to answer it% 7t co!ld only be the caretaker, she decided% 7t was his habit to call on each resident occasionally to en6!ire whether everything was in order, b!t #organ had to ad&it that he had left it a bit late on that (artic!lar evening% 27s that yo!, #r% /livier"2 she asked &o&ents later, o(ening the door a fraction, b!t her heart al&ost sto((ed beating when she recognised her late visitor% 7t was Carl, and the e4(ression on his face was s!fficient to send a chill of fear thro!gh her when he thr!st his way into the flat and closed the door fir&ly behind hi&% 2+ow dare yo! force yo!r way in here witho!t an invitation"2 she de&anded at once, hiding her feelings behind a dis(lay of anger% +e br!shed (ast her witho!t s(eaking and, before she co!ld g!ess what he intended doing, he strode into the lo!nge, and &o&ents later she saw the !n(l!gged cord of the tele(hone swinging fro& his hand% 2So this is why there2s never a re(ly when 7 try to get thro!gh to yo! in the evenings,2 he re&arked harshly, his eyes narrowed slits of bl!e fire as he fl!ng the cord to the floor and t!rnedto face her acc!singly% 27f 7 choose to !n(l!g &y tele(hone then it2s no b!siness of yo!rs%2 +er chin lifted defiantly% 2What do yo! want"2 2Yo! and 7 are going to have a talk,2 he re(lied gratingly, taking her ar& in a (ainf!l gri( and &arching her ro!ghly across the roo&% 2<et &e go82 she sna((ed f!rio!sly, trying to break free, b!t his fingers &erely tightened like a vice abo!t her ar&, and she had to bite down hard on her li( to (revent herself fro& crying o!t% 2Sit down82 Carl barked, thr!sting her so violently into one of the chairs that it al&ost ti((ed backwards in the (rocess% 2Yo!r behavio!r is loathso&e82 she acc!sed, anger s(arking fro& her eyes% 'Shut u!!' The savagery in his voice &ade her recoil inwardly fro& hi& as he stood towering oyer her, and so&ething warned her that she wo!ld regret it if she tried to esca(e fro& hi&% 2The last ti&e 7 saw yo! everything was still (retty h!nky*dory between !s,2 he lashed her verbally, 2and 7 think 72& entitled to know what ha((ened between then and now that yo! sho!ld want to avoid &e as if 72ve got so&e kind of infectio!s *disease82 #organ looked away fro& those narrowed, (robing eyes which !s!ally saw too &!ch, and decided that, if he co!ld (!t on an innocent act, then so co!ld she% 27 don2t know what yo!2re talking abo!t%2 +e leaned over her, his hands on the ar&s of her chair i&(risoning her, and his face so close to her own that she co!ld see the (ores in his skin% 29on2t (lay d!&b with &e, baby, beca!se 7 know yo!2re not,2 he warned in a dangero!sly 6!iet voice that s!cceeded in driving the colo!r fro& her cheeks% 2Yo! owe &e an e4(lanation, and 72& not going to

leave here !ntil 7 get a satisfactory answer%2 +e &eant it, she co!ld see that, and, swallowing conv!lsively, she asked nervo!sly, 2What e4actly do yo! want to know"2 2Why a& 7 being given the br!sh*off"2 he de&anded, straightening and &oving a little away fro& her to lean against the wall beside the hi*fi% +er throat ached and her (!lses were dr!&&ing against her te&(les while she tried des(erately to regain her co&(os!re, b!t that was rather diffic!lt when she was so e&barrassingly aware of those incredibly bl!e eyes s!rveying her with a certain insolence fro& head to toe !ntil her body felt heated beneath the silk of her robe% She stared fi4edly at the s&all shaggy car(et beneath her bare feet and, taking a dee( breath, finally said with icy cal&ness, 27 think yo!2ll !nderstand when 7 tell yo! that 7 ha((ened to see yo! with :loria 9e <a .ey%2 9!ring the ens!ing silence she looked !( to see the blankness of his e4(ression re(laced by dawning co&(rehension, then his eyes narrowed to angry slits once &ore% 27 get it82 he &!ttered thro!gh his teeth% 2Yo! &anaged to leave yo!r office early after all, and arrived at the hotel that evening to see &e leaving with said lady, b!t yo! didn2t think to go inside and &ake en6!iries, did yo!" 7f yo! had, then yo! wo!ld have been given the note 7 left for yo! with the desk clerk, and that note wo!ld have e4(lained everything%2 2What was there to e4(lain"2 she de&anded scathingly% 2That yo! were having an affair with her beca!se yo! fo!nd her &ore acco&&odating in that category while yo! were negotiating on a b!siness level with her h!sband"2 Carl went white abo!t the &o!th% 2So 72& still the big bad wolf, a& 7"2 2Was there ever a ti&e when yo! were not"2 +e (!shed hi&self away fro& the wall to tower over her once &ore, and her insides 6!aked nervo!sly when she saw his hands clench and !nclench the&selves at his sides as if he were conte&(lating (!tting the& aro!nd her throat% 2$or yo!r infor&ation, &ada&,2 he e4(lained with heavy sarcas&, and a glittering hardness in his eyes that changed his a((earance so totally she al&ost wanted to wee(, 2the lady in 6!estion was s!((osed to have dined at the hotel that evening with friends, b!t before her friends arrived she received a tele(hone call to infor& her that her h!sband had been involved in an accident o!t at the steel (lant% 7 ha((ened to be in the foyer at the ti&e, and 7 realised that the lady was too distra!ght to drive herself to the hos(ital% 7 intro* d!ced &yself and, in distress as she was, she acce(ted &y offer to take her to her h!sband who&, by the way, 7 have not had the (rivilege of &eeting% 7 waited for her at the hos(ital !ntil she had ass!red herself that he was no longer in danger, then 7 drove her back to the hotel% 7 followed her to her ho&e at a discreet distance, 5!st to &ake s!re that she arrived safely, and after that 7 ret!rned to the hotel% 7 was told that yo! hadn2t called to (ick !( &y note, and nat!rally ass!&ed yo! hadn2t &anaged to co&e, then 7 went to bed alone!' +e (a!sed as if e4(ecting her to say so&ething, then his &o!th twisted with a

cynicis& that sliced dee(% 2,s for the acc!sation that 72& negotiating a b!siness deal with her h!sband %% % well, there2s no tr!th in that at all, and yo! &ay check that o!t if yo! wish% 7 ho(e that &y e4(lanation satisfies yo!, b!t if there2s still so&e do!bt in yo!r &ind, then 7 s!ggest yo! tele(hone the hotel and s(eak to the cha( at the rece(tion desk% +e sho!ld still recall vividly the incidents that evening while 7 stood aro!nd in the foyer ho(ing yo! co!ld &ake it%2 2That won2t be necessary,2 she said !nsteadily, her colo!r co&ing and going with regret, g!ilt, and several other e&otions which b!ilt !( to a (itch to leave her feeling disg!sted with herself% 2Conde&ned, convicted, and sentenced,2 .ichard2s acc!sation rang in her ears, and she felt like crawling into the nearest hole to hide*herself in sha&e% 29on2t tell &e, #organ,2 Carl de&anded derisively, 2that yo!2re going to acce(t the word of a sco!ndrel like &e"2 +er cheeks were b!rning when she got to her feet and t!rned blindly fro& the scornf!l acc!sation in his eyes% 2:loria 9e <a .ey is .ichard >elly2s client% We knew that she was having an affair with so&eone, and when we 2 '/e?' Carl interr!(ted shar(ly% 2#y car was in the garage for a re(air 5ob, so .ichard gave &e a lift to the hotel that evening,2 she e4(lained h!rriedly% 2:o on,2 Carl (ro&(ted after a &o&entary (a!se% 2Yo! were saying that yo! knew she was having an affair with so&eone%2 2Y*yes,2 she heard herself sta&&ering like an idiot% 2When we saw yo! together, 7 we 2 2Yo! tho!ght 7 was that g!y,2 he filled in for her harshly% She gest!red hel(lessly with her hands, and t!rned to face hi&% 272& sorry,2 she &!r&!red la&ely% 'You're sorry!' he re(eated savagely, advancing !(on her and shaking her by the sho!lders !ntil she was afraid her neck wo!ld sna(% 272ve gone nearly o!t of &y &ind this (ast week wondering what 72d done to deserve the cold sho!lder, and all yo! can say is yo!2re sorry!' 2What What else can 7 say"2 she asked haltingly, fighting frantically against the tears that threatened to s(ill fro& her lashes% 27 can think of 6!ite a few things yo! co!ld say, b!t 72& da&ned if 72& going to (ro&(t yo!82 sho!ted Carl, thr!sting her away fro& hi& with a force that sent her staggering back against a chair, and she was still trying to regain her balance when he let hi&self o!t of her flat and sla&&ed the door behind hi&% She felt the vibration of it beneath her feet, and for several da1ed seconds she stood there staring blankly at nothing in (artic!lar then she colla(sed into the chair and b!ried her face in her tre&bling hands% She tried des(erately to hold the tears in check, b!t she co!ldn2t, and they trickled thro!gh her fingers while she we(t long and silently, c!rsing herself for her st!(idity%

#organ had never tho!ght Carl ca(able of s!ch terrible anger, b!t she had 5!dged hi& witho!t s!fficient evidence, as .ichard had warned, and Carl had had every right to be angry with her% +is error was (erha(s !nderstandable !nder the circ!&stances% )verything had see&ed to fit so (erfectly' knowing Carl and being aware of the details of :loria2s divorce, b!t that was no e4c!se, and it did not (revent #organ fro& feeling &ore than 5!st a little sick inside% 7t was over, she tho!ght &iserably% Why she sho!ld feel at all h!rt abo!t it, she co!ld not say% This was what she had wanted' a nice clean break in their relationshi(, and that was e4actly what she had got% It was over. She wo!ld think abo!t it again in the &orning, she wo!ld $eel again to&orrow, b!t right that &in!te all she wanted was to crawl into bed and, she ho(ed, never wake !( again% $alling aslee( was not so easy when her &ind was in a (ainf!l t!r&oil, and her eyelids swollen with tears which contin!ed to flow des(ite her efforts to control the&% )4ha!stion finally took its toll, and she went to slee( with her hot face b!ried in her da&( (illow, b!t Carl2s angry face ha!nted her even in her slee(%

C+,-T). T)0

#/.:,0 sat heavy*eyed, (ale and listless behind her desk the following &orning when .ichard arrived at the office, and one glance in her direction was eno!gh to &ake hi& (a!se abr!(tly beside her desk% 2Yo! don2t look so well this &orning,2 he anno!nced, eyeing her c!rio!sly% There was no sense in hiding the tr!th fro& hi&, so she said tiredly, 27 saw Carl last night%2 2,nd he told yo! that, on a certain $riday evening not so long ago, he gave &y client a lift to the hos(ital to see her h!sband beca!se she was in no fit state to drive herself%2 +er head shot !( and her eyes widened with incred!lo!s s!r(rise% 2+ow did yo! know that"2 27 had a lengthy disc!ssion with :loria 9e <a .ev and her h!sband last night,2 he e4(lained with a tolerant s&ile, 2and yo! will be ha((y to know that they2ve decided to (atch !( their differences%2 7f #organ had wanted (roof, then here it was, and self*disg!st rose like a wave of na!sea within her% 27 think 72& going to be sick%2 27 tho!ght yo!2d be (leased to know that they are atte&(ting to save their &arriage,2 .ichard re&arked with a (!11led look on his r!gged face% 27 am (leased for #rs% 9e <a .ey2s sake, b!t when 7 think of what 7 7 acc!sed Carl

of, 7 co!ld

2>ick yo!rself"2 he 6!estioned with a wry when she (a!sed abr!(tly% 2So&ething like that,2 she nodded !nha((ily% 2,nd Carl, of co!rse, was very angry%2 2+e had every right to be%2 She winced inwardly% 29on2t r!b it in, will yo!"2 27 gather yo! didn2t straighten o!t this &is!nderstanding afterwards"2 he asked shrewdly, st!dying her closely, and she shook her head% 2+e was too f!rio!s with &e, and 7 do!bt if 72ll see hi& again, b!t % %% (erha(s it2s best that it ha((ened this way%2 .ichard stared at her for inter&inable seconds, then he shook his head in a (er(le4ed fashion and t!rned away% 27 don2t think 72ll ever !nderstand wo&en82 #organ s&iled wanly, b!t did not co&&ent on his state&ent, and a few &in!tes later he b!11ed her to co&e in and take dictation% The re&ainder of the week (assed with co&(arative ease, and so did the weekend, b!t her heart felt like a (ainf!l (iece of lead in her breast, and she seldo& sle(t thro!gh one night witho!t waking and thinking of Carl% She was not a child, she ca!tioned herself often whenever the tears threatened% She was an ad!lt, and she was going to be sensible abo!t the whole thing% There was no s!ch thing as a broken heart' that was si&(ly a lot of ro&antic r!bbish% She had e4isted (erfectly witho!t Carl before, and she co!ld do so again% The (ositive a((roach always worked, she tried to convince herself, and it did, b!t only !( to a (oint% There was nothing (ositive, however, in the way she felt when, on the Wednesday of the following week, the ringing of the tele(hone awakened her in the &iddle of the night% She st!&bled o!t of bed and gro(ed wildly for the light switch% +er eyes, heavy with slee( and narrows against the brightness of the light, foc!sed in dis&ay on the alar& clock beside her bed% )welve-$orty-$ive! 2Who on earth co!ld be calling at this ti&e of the night"2 she &!ttered to herself, agitatedly br!shing her hair o!t of her face as she staggered o!t of the bedroo& and into the lo!nge to answer the tele(hone, b!t a few &o&ents later she was s!r(rised at herself for not having g!essed that there was only one (erson who was &ad eno!gh to call her !( at that ti&e of the night% 2#ay 7 co&e and see yo!, #organ"2 Carl2s dee( voice &ade her heart behave like a wild bird fl!ttering wildly against the bars of its cage% 29o yo! realise that it2s al&ost one o2clock in the &orning"2 she de&anded incred!lo!sly% 27 know, honey, and 7 a(ologise, b!t there2s so&ething i&(ortant 7 have to disc!ss with yo!, and it can2t wait%2 23!t s!rely it 2 272ll be there in a few &in!tes,2 he interr!(ted her (rotests, and the ne4t instant she was left holding the receiver with the dialling tone (!rring in her ear%

She dro((ed the receiver back on to its cradle and stood for a &o&ent as if she was not 6!ite s!re what to do, then she fled into her bedroo& and dressed herself hastily in slacks and a cotton blo!se% She washed the slee( o!t of her eyes, a((lied a little (owder and li(stick to her face, and br!shed the tangles o!t of her hair% She was still fiddling aro!nd with her hair when the doorbell rang, and sheer nervo!sness &ade the br!sh sli( fro& her fingers to fall on the car(eted floor with a th!d which she ho(ed had not awakened the (eo(le in the flat below her% +er insides were shaking when she h!rried towards the door and !ttered the (reca!tionary, 2Who is it"2 27t2s Carl,2 his dee(, fa&iliar voice reached her ears% 2/(en !(, will yo!"2 +er fingers f!&bled nervo!sly as she lifted the latch, and her heart was beating s!ffocatingly fast when the door sw!ng o(en to ad&it Carl% +is (resence, as always, &ade her feel a little shaky in the knees and, angry with herself for being so weak, she said shar(ly, 2Yo!2re "ra.y, co&ing here at this ti&e of the night82 2We have to talk, #organ,2 he said, following her into the lo!nge% 27 tho!ght we2d said all there was to say the other night%2 20ot 6!ite%2 2Yo! look terrible,2 she told hi&, noticing the grey*ness of his (allor and the gri&ness of his e4(ression when she finally allowed herself to take a long, hard look at hi&% 27t2s been a hectic day,2 he s&iled faintly% 2,nd a hectic evening, no do!bt,2 she added drily when her sensitive nose (icked !( the scent of cigar s&oke and whisky% 2Yeah, yo! can say that again,2 he gr!nted, taking off his 5acket and tie, and flinging the& on to a chair% 27 wo!ld have been here earlier if 7 hadn2t had to wait for a call fro& &y office in Washington%2 Tiredness had etched dee( lines into his attractive face, and her heart &elted with tenderness, des(ite her efforts to the contrary% 27 s!((ose yo! co!ld do with a c!( of coffee%2 2<ater82 +is fingers latched on to her wrist, and his to!ch sent that fa&iliar c!rrent of awareness s!rging thro!gh her% 272ve got to say what2s on &y &ind first%2 27t &!st be i&(ortant if it co!ldn2t wait for a &ore o((ort!ne &o&ent,2 she said, !nable to kee( that hint of sarcas& o!t of her voice, b!t he see&ed not to hear it% 2We had a board &eeting this afternoon, and everyone2s in favo!r of the Triton being incor(orated into &y co&(any in the Anited States% 72& ret!rning to the States in a little &ore than two weeks to finalise everything%2 +er heart l!rched (ainf!lly and, when she said nothing, he frowned down at her% 2Yo! don2t see& s!r(rised%2 She (!lled her wrist free of his light clas( and, for her own co&fort, she circled a chair so that it stood directly between the&% 2There were r!&o!rs to that effect, and r!&o!rs have a way of circ!lating%2

Carl acce(ted that witho!t co&&ent as he lowered hi&self tiredly on to the sofa and stretched his long legs o!t before hi&% 2Yo!r father has been elected to take over as &anaging director of the Triton%2 27 see,2 #organ &!r&!red nonco&&ittally, wondering what her father tho!ght of the whole thing, and she s&othered a s&ile when she recalled their conversation in connection with this &atter% 2#organ, honey %%%2 Carl was on his feet again, a restless, al&ost agitated look abo!t hi& which she co!ld not f!lly !nderstand% 2Co&e to the States with &e"2 She was, at first, too st!nned to gras( what, he was asking of her, b!t when she had recovered s!fficiently, she sna((ed cynically, 2,s what, &ay 7 ask" ,s yo!r &istress"2 2,s &y wi$e.' +er breath locked in her throat, and she felt &o&entarily winded as she stood there staring !( at hi&% She had to be drea&ing, or (erha(s she was going &ad, b!t, either way, she was not going to have her ho(es raised for the sake of a &irage% 29on2t be ridic!lo!s82 she croaked cynically% 2#arriage isn2t yo!r style% Yo! told &e so yo!rself, re&e&ber"2 Carl gest!red angrily with his hands% 2That was a cra1y thing to say, and 7 know it82 2Yo!2re even cra1ier if yo! think 7 don2t realise that yo!2re offering &e &arriage si&(ly beca!se yo!r ego has been b!sted,2 she acc!sed hoarsely% 2Yo!2ve always*been able to get any wo&an yo! wanted, b!t yo! failed with &e, and now yo!r only sol!tion to the (roble& is marriage!' +e took a ste( towards her% 2<isten to &e, #organ%2 20o, you listen to me! 7n a year or two, (erha(s even sooner, yo!2ll have grown tired of &e, and what ha((ens then"2 +er legs were shaking so &!ch beneath her that she had to cl!tch at the back of the chair for s!((ort as she contin!ed scathingly, 29oes o!r &ar* riage end in divorce" /r do yo! si&(ly go ahead and have yo!r little affairs, while 7 have to sit at ho&e and be satisfied with those in between &o&ents when yo! have no one better in yo!r sights" 7s that what yo! have in &ind for &e"2 7f she had not been so concerned with the agonised conf!sion of her own dis(osition, she &ight have noticed the danger signals in those narrowed eyes observing her so intently, b!t she was blind to everything at that &o&ent e4ce(t the aching des(air that &ade her writhe inwardly% 27t2s not like that at all82 Carl contradicted her harshly% 27sn2t it"2 she &ocked hi& now% '%o, damn you, it isn't!' +e (icked !( the chair that stood between the& and fl!ng it aside with a total disregard for the (eo(le in the flat below% +e had &oved so 6!ickly that there had been no ti&e for her to back away, and she was lifted high in his ar&s as if she weighed no &ore than a feather to hi&% 2-!t &e down82 she begged frantically, fear dr!&&ing against her te&(les when she

realised that he was carrying her into the bedroo&% 2Carl %% !lease!' +er str!ggles were f!tile, and he was beyond hearing her (leas% +is eyes were hard, and his 5aw !nrelenting% There was no esca(e, and #organ was horrifyingly aware of this when he dro((ed her !ncere&onio!sly on to the bed and held her ca(tive there with his hard body% +e had &ade !se of sens!al (ers!asion before, b!t on this occasion his &o!th br!ised hers cr!elly into s!b&ission, and his hands on her body were &erciless in their de&and% Ca!ght between fear and a terrible longing, she was too &!ch to resist, and the raging torrent of his (assion swe(t over her !ntil she felt as tho!gh she were drowning in it% +is angry desire was a fla&e that seared her to her so!l, b!t while her body 6!ivered beneath his with an aching need, her &ind was filled with cold re5ection% This was l!st, not love, and she tasted the salt of her own tears in her &o!th when his li(s fo!nd hers once &ore% 2/h, &y :od, what a& 7 doing82 he groaned at length, and thro!gh her tears she saw his feat!res distorted with self*derision% With gentle fingers he br!shed the da&(ness fro& her cheeks, then he lowered his head and kissed away the teardro(s which still cl!ng to her lashes% 29on2t cry, #organ,2 he &!r&!red thickly% 27 want yo!, b!t not like this% 7 know yo!2re convinced that 72& the worst cad to ever walk this earth, b!t 7 beg yo! to believe that 72ve never wanted to do anything to h!rt yo!%2 The tears contin!ed to flow, she co!ld not sto( the&, and he &oved away fro& her abr!(tly to sit on the edge of the bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands% She had never seen hi& look so !tterly de5ected before, and she knew then that, no &atter what, she co!ld not bear to see hi& that way% 2Carl%%%2 she began haltingly, not 6!ite s!re what to say or do as she raised herself !( on one elbow% 27 don2t really deserve the re(!tation 72ve been saddled with,2 he confessed, see&ingly !naware that she had s(oken% 2There2ve been (lenty of wo&en in &y life, 7 ad&it that, b!t very few of the& were serio!s affairs% 72ve been too b!sy &ost of &y life getting &y b!siness off the gro!nd, and &arriage was o!t si&(ly beca!se 7 never tho!ght 7 wo!ld ever &eet a wo&an who& 7 co!ld feel so strongly abo!t that 7 wo!ld want to s(end the rest of &y life with her%2 +e t!rned towards her then, and his gri&, tort!red e4(ression tore at her heart% 27 don2t want an affair with yo!, honey% 7 want to marry yo!% 7 want to &ake a total co&&it&ent, and 7 want to swear before all that2s holy that 7 shall love and cherish yo! for the rest of &y life%2 The &ost incredible 5oy, (iercingly sweet in its intensity, s!rged thro!gh her and, with a heart too f!ll to s(eak, she held o!t her ar&s to hi&% Carl stared at her for a &o&ent with a to!ching !ncertainty &irrored in his eyes, then he ca&e into her ar&s and b!ried his face against her throat% They cl!ng to each other fiercely, al&ost as if they were afraid to let go, and his whis(ered words of love fed her h!ngry heart !ntil she felt 6!ite delirio!s with ha((iness% 29o yo! think yo! co!ld tolerate &e for the rest of yo!r life"2 he asked event!ally when he raised his head to look down into l!&ino!s grey*green eyes that no longer hid her feelings%

2$or the rest of &y life, and beyond,2 she whis(ered h!skily, r!nning her ringers thro!gh his short fair hair, and loving the feel of its softness beneath her fingers% 27 love yo!, Carl% Yo! &!st have g!essed that a long ti&e ago, and that2s why 7 was so afraid to contin!e o!r relationshi(% 7 didn2t think yo! co!ld ever love &e % % % really love &e, 7 &ean%2 ,n odd little s&ile to!ched his &o!th and dis(ersed with so&e of the gri&ness% 2That letter yo! fo!nd was &y sister2s re(ly to a letter in which 72d told her that 72d at last &et &y fate% 7f yo!2d read it yo! wo!ld have known long ago%2 2Yo! loved &e then already"2 #organ asked incred!lo!sly% 27 was lost that first day when 7 called on yo!r father and fo!nd yo! slee(ing on the terrace,2 he la!ghed softly against her throat% 27 tho!ght then that 72d never seen anything 6!ite so lovely, and 7 knew that 7 had to have yo!% ,t first it was si&(ly a case of wanting yo!, b!t it didn2t take &e long to discover that what 7 really wanted was a lifeti&e affair, and this last tri( to the Anited States really clinched it for &e%2 +is &o!th fo!nd hers and he kissed her with a renewed h!nger as if those days and nights away fro& her was a &e&ory he wished to erase (er&anently fro& his &ind% 2That letter yo! wrote to &e % % %2 #organ began when she was allowed to catch her breath% 272d (layed !( the bad g!y bit so long that 7 was afraid yo! wo!ldn2t believe &e if 7 ca&e right o!t with it and told yo! that 7 loved yo!, so 7 tried to tell yo! in so&e other way how &!ch yo! &eant to &e, and how &!ch 7 needed yo!%2 Those dece(tively la1y eyes &et hers 6!i11ically% 29idn2t the &essage co&e across that way"2 27t ca&e across lo!d and clear,2 she sighed tre&!lo!sly, 2b!t 7 was too scared to acce(t it at face val!e, and then, when 7 saw yo! co&ing o!t of the hotel with :loria 9e <a .ey, 7 decided that it was 5!st as well that 7 didn2t read too &!ch into yo!r letter%2 2Tr!st &e, honey,2 Carl said thickly, br!shing a silky strand of hair away fro& her fl!shed cheek% 27 give yo! &y sole&n (ro&ise here and now that 72ll never (!r(osely let yo! down in any way%2 She had never seen s!ch a wonderf!l &i4t!re of love, tenderness and (assion in a &an2s eyes before% 7t al&ost s!cceeded in taking her breath away, and it felt as if her heart wanted to b!rst with ha((iness% 2/h, Carl82 she whis(ered ecstatically, flinging her ar&s abo!t his neck and (ressing closer to hi&% 2+old &e %%% hold &e, (lease, and hel( &e to believe that this isn2t a drea&%2 +e held her close against his hard body and kissed her tenderly at first, b!t (assion flared between the&, and the b!ttons down the front of her blo!se gave way beneath his fingers to (ave the way for his seeking &o!th as it roa&ed the c!rve of her ta!t breast% , sh!dder of desire co!rsed thro!gh her, and her hands ached to to!ch hi& as he was to!ching her% She t!gged i&(atiently at the b!ttons of his shirt and slid her hands across the hair*ro!ghened wall of his chest towards the s&oothness of his wide sho!lders% The &!scles ri((led beneath her !nt!tored fingers as she caressed hi& eagerly, and it was only when she felt hi& sh!dder against her that she realised what she was doing%

2#organ darling,2 Carl ca!tioned hoarsely, 2don2t be so sweet and willing in &y ar&s% 7 want yo! so &!ch at this &o&ent, and yo!2re not &aking it easy for &e to behave &yself%2 With every nerve and sinew still throbbing with desire, she esca(ed fro& his ar&s and f!&bled the b!ttons of her blo!se into (lace% 27 72d better &ake a fresh (ot of coffee, and then yo! really &!st go%2 +is eyes followed her fro& the roo&, and it felt oddly as if she were walking on air% *e loves me, her heart ke(t singing, and it was al&ost too incredibly wonderf!l to believe% Carl ca&e !( behind her in the kitchen, his strong ar&s circling her sli& waist while she set o!t the c!(s and waited for the coffee to (ercolate% 27 can2t bear to be away fro& yo! for even a &in!te,2 he said with his li(s against her hair% 27 don2t s!((ose there2s any chance of yo!r co&ing back to .oss&ere with &e, is there"2 20o chance at all,2 she confir&ed, a s&ile on her li(s as she t!rned in his ar&s and linked her hands behind his silvery head, then her e4(ression sobered% 2,re yo! really going straight back to .oss&ere fro& here"2 27 have to be at the office at eight to&orrow &orning,2 he said, kissing the ti( of her s&all, straight 23!t yo! can2t (!t in a f!ll day2s work when yo! haven2t sle(t a wink all night,2 she (rotested, concern clo!ding her eyes% 272ll &anage,2 he grinned down at her% 23!t yo! 2 +is li(s silenced hers in a long, satisfying kiss, and she lost herself in his e&brace !ntil the b!bbling of the (ercolator bro!ght her to her senses% 27 s!ggest yo! wait in the lo!nge while 7 (o!r the coffee,2 she s!ggested a little breathlessly, wriggling o!t of his ar&s, and he obeyed her with a certain a&o!nt of rel!ctance% 7t was two*thirty in the &orning when they finally (laced their e&(ty c!(s in the tray, and #organ la(sed into a conte&(lative silence where she sat beside Carl on the sofa% She dreaded to think what the neighbo!rs wo!ld say if they sho!ld hear of her &idnight caller, b!t &ost of all she dreaded the tho!ght of having to confront her father with the news that she was going to &arry Carl% 2, (enny for yo!r tho!ghts"2 Carl asked event!ally, sliding an ar& abo!t her sho!lders, and raising her hand to his li(s% 27 was wondering what &y father will have to say when he hears abo!t !s,2 she re(lied witho!t hesitation, and her teeth nibbled absently at her botto& li(% 2Yo!r father knows already%2 +er eyes were a little bewildered when they &et his% 2+e knows"2 272ve for&ally asked his (er&ission to (ro(ose &arriage to his da!ghter,2 Carl s&iled, drawing her wholly into his ar&s% 2That was one of the reasons why 7 was so late in

getting here this evening%2 2/h, &y gosh82 she e4clai&ed an4io!sly into his sho!lder% 2What did he say"2 2+e gave &e his (er&ission to ask yo! to &arry &e, b!t he also said he ho(ed yo!2d ref!se &e%2 29id he honestly say that"2 #organ asked nervo!sly, not 6!ite s!re whether Carl was being serio!s, or si&(ly teasing her% 2+e said he wasn2t at all in favo!r of his da!ghter beco&ing the boss2s wife, b!t if that was what yo! wanted, then he2d give !s his !nstinted blessing,2 Carl s&iled broadly, allaying so&e of her fears% 2+e was in a (retty good &ood, 7 &!st say%2 There were so &any 6!estions that still needed answering, b!t Carl2s &o!th got in the way, and for several heart*sto((ing seconds she was s!b5ected to a dis(lay of (assion that left her tre&bling in his ar&s with a desire that was beco&ing achingly fa&iliar% 29o yo! think yo! co!ld be ready to &arry &e before 7 have to leave for the States"2 he asked against her throat% She tried to ignore the sens!al to!ch of his fingers thro!gh the cotton at her breast while she did a swift &ental calc!lation% 2, little over two weeks is rather short notice, b!t 7 dare say 72ll &anage%2 2Will yo! &ind living in the States"2 the inevitable 6!estion was asked and, drawing his face o!t into the o(en, #organ allowed hi& to see into her very so!l where no f!rther do!bts l!rked% 27 don2t &ind where we live% ,ll 7 want is to be with yo!%2 She felt his &!scled chest heave against her, and a tender tri!&(h flickered in his eyes as he cr!shed her against hi& with a fierceness which threatened to crack her ribs% 2Sweetheart, 7 love yo!,2 he gr!nted, and a barrage of kisses followed that left her feeling weak with 5oy and intense ha((iness% 27f yo! don2t go now yo!2ll still be here when the s!n co&es !(,2 she finally warned hi& !nsteadily% 2When will 7 see yo! again"2 he de&anded when she had so&ehow &anaged to get hi& to the door% 272ll drive !( to .oss&ere for the weekend,2 she (ro&ised% 272ll be co!nting the ho!rs82 She was ca!ght !( in a swift e&brace, then Carl kissed her hard on the &o!th, and left her feeling da1ed, b!t ha((y% The ti&e (assed swiftly and ha((ily for #organ% .ichard >elly acce(ted her resignation 6!ite ha((ily, and her father a((eared to be (leased abo!t her co&ing &arriage to Carl, b!t she so&ehow sensed a hidden an4iety% Carl had &ade (lans for the& to s(end a few days at a holiday resort along the =aal river before they flew to 0ew York, and #organ was far too b!sy training .ichard2s new (rivate secretary to feel at all

5ittery abo!t her &arriage to Carl which was so close to beco&ing a reality% /n her wedding day, however, when she was alone with her father for a few &o&ents before they were to be driven to the ch!rch, he voiced his !ncertainty for the first ti&e% 2,re yo! s!re this is what yo! want, #organ"2 he asked% 272ve never been &ore s!re of anything in all &y life,2 she re(lied witho!t the slightest hesitation, and ,ndrew2s feat!res rela4ed as he nodded briefly% 2That2s all 7 wanted to know,2 he s&iled at her, and after that #organ had no ti&e to brood over their h!rried conversation% Their car was waiting, and so was Carl% That night, when she stood in the circle of her h!sband2s ar&s in their hotel roo&, she recalled her father2s !ncertainty, and she al&ost wished he co!ld have been there to see the e4(ression on Carl2s face at that &o&ent% +e was looking at her with s!ch infinite tenderness in his eyes that it al&ost bro!ght a l!&( to her throat, and his hands were shaking with the e4tent of his feelings as they &ade their way thro!gh the silken &ass of her titian*colo!red hair% 27t feels as if 72ve been waiting a lifeti&e for this &o&ent,2 he said, his dee( voice vibrating with e&otion% 2-oor darling,2 she teased gently, sli((ing her ar&s abo!t his waist and resting her head against his broad chest where she co!ld hear the 6!ick, heavy beat of his heart% 2+as the waiting been so terrible"2 27t2s been rather wearing on the nerves,2 he confessed with a s&ile in his voice% 2There2s so &!ch 7 want to show yo! and share with yo! in the States, and % % %2 +e raised her face to his, and s!ddenly everything else was forgotten% 29o yo! tr!st &e"2 27&(licitly,2 she confessed witho!t hesitation as he lifted her in his ar&s and de(osited her gently on the bed% +e switched off the bedside la&(, bathing the roo& in &oonlight, then she felt his li(s against her hair, her forehead, her eyes, and her cheeks, and when at last he (arted her eager, waiting li(s, she knew that she was half way to a (aradise where only he co!ld take her% She was tra((ed in the silken web of Carl2s love, and she no longer had any need or desire to esca(e%