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Dionisio de Jesus Lopes

Title: Groom-pride
Cultural Critiques article

East Timor, located in Southeast Asia, was colonized by Portugal in the 16th
century and remained a colony until the 20th century. It was then occupied
by Indonesia. Each colony contributed different values and practices that
enriched East Timor’s culture. The origin of some values and practices can
easily be identified while the origin of some remains elusive. One of these
practices is the dowry. Dowry is a deplorable practice. It is not a practice
sanctioned by any religion or belief but it continues to enjoy popularity
throughout the tiny country today.

Dowry is one of those social practices that both educated and uneducated
sections of society Timorese would own up with pride, although many still
adhere to this much deplorable practice. Dowry is something to be given and
taken. According to my father, dowry is very much a status symbol and he
further justified that it is meant to help newly-weds set up their own home.

The explanation seems logical but he cannot explain how it originated. In the
old days, the grooms did most of the physical labor and menial work. The
coming of a bride into the family meant an increase in the number of
members who could work along with other members and become a source of
income for the family. While the family from where the bride came suffered
the loss of one earning member. Hence, a bride-price was paid to the bride's
parents to compensate for this loss.

A marriage meant an additional member who was to be supported and was

considered a burden on the groom's family since the bride is unable to earn
and contribute to the family income. A dowry would then be collected to
compensate for the additional burden resulting from a bride's entry into the
groom's family.

My father even recalled the moments when he married my mother and pay
the dowry consisting of 45 living buffaloes and horses plus some money.
Despite this practice remaining a part of East Timor culture, there are times
when marriage-negotiations break down if there is no consensus between the
bride and groom’s families. The origin of groom-price could have taken place
in opposite circumstances where the sex ratio favored males and as there
was a large number of females for every male, polyandry and bride-price
could have been the result.

I have witnessed many different marriage-negotiations over the dowries. One

of those involved my sister and my cousins negotiating with the families of
their husbands. There was also an asking price of more than US$ 2,000.00.
The payment was given as compensation to the brides’ parents for the
amount my father and my relatives have spent in educating and upbringing
them (my sister and my cousins). It must be paid before their wedding day;
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otherwise, the wedding would be postponed. When I look at this kind of

practice I wonder why they shall compare the dignity of my cousins and my
sisters as money and animals.

Through the challenge to the forces of modernity, the practice of dowry has
been lessened and is sometimes considered only a voluntary gift of the
groom’s parents and relatives. It is no longer as important as before during
the marriage-system. During that time the burden of dowry was too
demanding that it had become impossible for the parents of the men.

Indeed, many accomplished men were rotting unmarried because their

parents were unable to meet the heavy demand of the bride’s family. Some
educated girls of the middle class was found to be demanding, among other
things, thousands of dollars or any of passage money in the past, gold,
chains, horses, buffaloes in return for giving away of the girls or bride. Hence
groom-price has the character of an exchange.

Aside from witnessing first-hand the practice of dowry, I often assume that
there were factors specific to different situations which gave birth to dowry
and groom-price. These factors can be identified with more certainty. These
were results of the caste system and the burdensome responsibility of
supporting the girls for the rest of their life. It could be a preventing inter-
marriage between members of different dialectics.

The more I explore the different modern values and practices I consider as
an educated person and I should think and analyze how unholy it is to
demand either a poor or rich dowry for taking the hand of a bride. I come to
be aware that my parents, my relatives and my fellow countrymen should
know that it is immoral and sinful to demand dowry and postpone marriage
because of this practice. While demanding dowry I and my parents should
think of my unmarried sisters and future daughters so that we can steer clear
of this ugly demand. We should realize that dowry has never changed the
fate or financial position of any one in this world. If we do not realize these
simple truths, girls should organize themselves to such an extent that no
man will marry a girl whose parents demand a rich dowry for his hand.

It is never the government nor is the religious’ business to check the system
of dowry in my country. As a result, members of future generations who
become “knowledgeable” and possess global understanding as I do shall be
slowly discouraged, starting with my own family.