HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND - Stephen Nash (CEIC) I worked with two clients recently who both asked me to summarize

how it is that I help guys with this age-old question: How To Get A Girlfriend I realized this was such a clear request that I ha!e handled in my ebook" but I thought it might be useful to briefly co!er this in an article - as a sort of primer - so that guys who ha!en#t yet purchased the book can ha!e a clearer idea of what we#re all about here at $utting %dge Image $onsulting &$%I$' It is rather an audacious claim ( to say that we understand how to help )*+ get a girlfriend ,ut" !ia tons of research" loads of inter!iews" massi!e trial and error" and a solid education at the school of hard knocks" I do belie!e we#!e found an answer.eduction is a huge catch word out there for guys ( the image of you seducing women left and right is dangled in front of your nose ten times a day if you surf the web without your brain turned on /isten" seduction is fine and dandy" if you know how to meet women" and are looking for the 0IGHT kinds of women into a relationship It#s not how to get a girlfriend thoughI am not a fan of using seduction as a trick to get laid-or as a way of manipulating women into thinking you like them when you don#t-and I learned about that the hard way-%nough said 1or most guys who suffer from a lack of success with women" what they really want is more options" better options" and ultimately" an awesome girlfriend 2ating is tough because most people gi!e themsel!es to the laws of chance when seeking a mate 1inding a lasting relationship is hugely important to most people" so why should this be left to chance33 4y belief is that a guy who is not meeting enough women" or the right women" is simply not li!ing in the right way If you want to meet MORE women, do you put yourself into circumstances where you can interact with them? If you want to meet the RIGHT women, do you do things which naturally bring you into contact with people who share commonalities with you? 4astering the abo!e two questions is crucial to your dating success If you aren#t meeting enough women" and you want to get a girlfriend" you#d better find natural ways to socialize 4*0% 5oin some clubs or take some classes Get on email lists for e!ents that interest you Go to a party Throw a party In!ite people out after work This is the first step

)ou then need to focus on meeting more of the right kinds of women ( which only happens as we gain more and more clarity on what it is that we like to do7don#t like to do and start doing it more and more If you are really pursuing aims in this world" which means taking lots of action" you will naturally be more and more in community with like-minded people Also" don#t go places where you don#t want to go" 8ust to meet women 9hat you need to do is to meet more people" in en!ironments that interest you The ,%.T way to meet women is along the way to doing something else How To Get A Girlfriend" you say3 The short answer : do the things you lo!e" and meet the others who are there doing it with you;nowing skills like flirting" complimenting" storytelling" teasing" engaging con!ersations etc are critical if you want to streamline and ma<imize your success in the dating world-being e!ol!ed socially means learning through e<perience how to relate to others Ha!ing an e<pert like me allows you to massi!ely speed up the process" while helping you also to round out your social acumen ,ut" ultimately" /I1%-skills are what is attracti!e to women 4en who lead meaningful li!es are the men who end up with meaningful relationships How a man li!es" is how a man lo!es-so" when a woman peers behind the looking glass and sees what is 0%A//) going on in your world ( that will tell her how you will lo!e her as well /ife and women are !ery similar The main life skill that we ad!ocate" and teach guys to pursue is: Autonomy ,eing autonomous means being .%$+0% .ecurity is what women biologically7intuiti!ely seek from men ,eing secure means that you are balanced and leading a healthy lifestyle There are a number of areas that I ask men to be accountable in ( and when I work with you" we go through a series of e<ercises within each area to fully focus you and pinpoint areas of de!elopment An autonomous lifestyle = impeccable social skills : real $H*I$% in dating and relationships This combination gi!es you power without sneaky" manipulati!e gimmicks It also gi!es you the label >man? rather than >@+A? I ha!e met !ery few guys who want to be pick-up artists-but I ha!e met plenty who feel that that is their best option That is simply not the truth Ha!ing a balanced" healthy lifestyle allows you to lead your own li!es without needing to >sarge?" and naturally places you in front of the women that are right for you Ao more target practice" if you wish

Mailbag: One-itis, Toxic Women

T!e Genesis o" #T!e Game$

This post could be called: the opposite of How To Get A Girlfriend Today I want to discuss a phenomenon in the dating world called >one-itis? %!er hear of it3 *r" worse yet - e!er e<perience it33 +gh" I hope not man This is where you" the guy" become so obsessed with a woman that you literally cannot see other options which e<ist The man afflicted with >one-itis? is consumed with the girl#s beha!ior" her e!ery word" the meaning of all of her actions He is searching for some clue that will enable him to know that she likes him This is no way to get a girlfriendI make the argument that women who trigger one-itis are T*CI$ for the guy &not A// guys" but only for the one who has the *ne-itis' The best course of action here is to drop her immediately .top any and all pursuit of her If she changes her beha!ior" and chases the guy after he drops her" this is *;-but in my e<perience" highly unlikely *ne-itis is D%0) different from the feelings associated with falling in lo!e 4y girlfriend and I are !ery much in lo!e with each other" and ne!er ha!e I felt an ounce of to<icity akin to >oneitis? 4utual lo!e rarely de!ol!es into obsession" and when it does" it is usually quickly assuaged by true and sincere contact between the two people in!ol!ed 0eal lo!e is when both parties are interested and a!ailable >*ne-itis? is when only one party is a!ailable &e!en though the other may be interested'-confused yet3 I remember during the @ro8ect Hollywood e<periment" we A// had one-itis at one point 4ystery for ;atya" T2 for some girl named $eleste &can#t remember if that#s her real name' and I for a girl named Ananda 9e would wake up controlled by the obsession of Ewinning# her o!er" of making her Eours# I went to incredible e<tremes to try and make Ananda my girlfriend I would dri!e to her home unannounced" I would engage in absurd te<t message con!ersations T2 and I once went to her home after a night out" and we did indeed hook-up 2id this satisfy me3 2efinitely not

There is something so uncontrollable and slippery about women who are not 0%A//) a!ailable to us They might say they are" they might e!en indicate physically that they are &ha!ing se< with us" for e<ample'" the might contain .*4% interest for us" but in their hearts - they are una!ailable .o" they engage us in Ea game# They are intrigued" and interested enough in our approach that they allow us to dangle on the line of pseudo-interest while they get their kicks *h" and I should add" we men are A* differentG How many women ha!e I had on the line as Ean option# only to see them become so obsessed with me that they call7email7te<t more and more" trying to be reassured that I am truly interested *nce I stopped doing this to women" I also stopped e<periencing the obsession of >one-itis? 9hat you gi!e is what you get" in other words This brings me to a !ery interesting mailbag question I recei!ed o!er the weekend /et#s hear from him now: Here s my dilemma! I lo"e your boo#! I ha"e been following your ad"ice$ lifting weights, getting into health and fitness! I am ta#ing a computer science class at night school, so I feel li#e my career is going somewhere too! I signed up for a series of dancing lessons and and there were fi"e girls in the class! %fter the class, I suggested that we all go across the street for a drin#! %fter a couple of wee#s, the cutest one and I hit it off! &he is a smart girl! &he taught school and is now going bac# for her 'H(! &he reads a lot, has a really close family life and is especially close to her father! &he is #ind, happy, beuatiful and has similar spiritual beliefs to my own! )e flirted o"er drin#s with the gang a few times and te*ted each other! I organi+ed a party and she wor#ed the door for a coule of shifts and I hung out with her! &he is a great flirt and I tease the hell out of her! I called her on the phone and we had a great con"ersation for o"er an hour! ,ater that wee#, we went out on a picnic and gently #issed for two hours! &he must ha"e said about fi"e times what a great time she had! -ow we ha"en t tal#ed for two wee#s. I call her e"ery few days and lea"e a message, she waits a wee# to call me! %ll told, I "e left fi"e messages, she s left me two! I thin# she went home from our picnic, pic#ed up her copy of /The Rules0 and said /OMG. I forgot, I am supposed to play hard to get!0 )ell, if the purpose of /The Rules0 is to get a guy to obsess o"er a girl!! it s wor#ing. 1ut this is not fun! )e had a real connection and it would be bad enough if two wee#s went by without

seeing each other, but two wee#s ha"e gone buy without e"en tal#ing! Twice already, I ha"e said to myself /)ell, I guess it didn t wor# out with her, time to mo"e on20 only to ha"e her call me the ne*t day 3and I missed the call4! I ha"e gone on dates with other women in the mean time, not real #eepers li#e her, and I wouldn t worry about her, e*cept she is a real girlfriend$5uality woman! %ny ad"ice? .o" the natural impulse here is T* $*AT0*/ 9e want to formulate strategies that will enable us to reduce the pain we are e<periencing by being unable to control the woman and dictate a certain outcome 9e want to win" we want to feel good .o" we seek out ad!ice for how to >get the girl? 9e want some blueprint which will safely guide us to the finish line of !ictory It does not e<ist 9hat is interesting about this guy#s question is that is really highlights that she I. interested in him .he calls him" she kissed him" she gi!es 8ust enough interest to keep him - in her mind - as Ean option# He emailed me a few days later remarking that: .he finally called me" so I in!ited her to go see a parade with my friends and I .he didn#t show up or call" so I >fired her? I said in my email" >I wouldn#t worry about her" but she was a real girlfriend quality woman?- but it turns out she was totally not 2enial is not only a ri!er in %gyptIt took him one more stab to re!eal to him that she was not good for him Good for him for recognizing it" and dropping her The mind is a !ery intelligent thing" and my belief is that when we slip into obsession we are attempting to control something which is uncontrollable 9e ha!e picked-up cue#s which inform us that she is not a!ailable These fly in direct conflict with our desires to date her *bsession" >one-itis? is the result of this conflict >The Game? is a natural result of this phenomenon The desire to control women is an age-old struggle The pain e<perienced by a broken heart is easily one of the greatest known to mankind

9hy wouldn#t we then attempt to control or go!ern an outcome3 4y argument to guys is when a woman produces such to<icity within you" it is your responsibility to let her go asap The >one-itis? obsession is e<tremely painful and imparts tremendous stress and pain in our li!es The arrogance is that we can >win? her e!en while she impacts us this way This is precisely the point at which we 4+.T drop her and we 4+.T mo!e on *ur self-esteem depends upon it

AT FIR%T GLAN&E There you are" walking down the street" and you lock eyes with an attracti!e woman )ou both hold this stare for as long as you possibly can Then" you pass her" and after a few paces" glance back only to find she has done 8ust the same thing )our hear skips a beat" and you wonder" >should I talk to her3? If you are like most people you keep walking" regretting that you didn#t take the ob!ious opportunity to go for it 9hy is this3 9hy is it that we recei!e an *,DI*+. social signal from a person we are clearly attracted to" only to find oursel!es walking away from a golden opportunity3 @art of it is conditioning and part of it is fear 1ear" a most de!astating force" trains us o!er time not to trust oursel!es If we did" we would know the door was wide open" and would walk up and start a con!ersation Think about how many similar opportunities you ha!e had" and with a simple change in your thought pattern" what kind of difference in your life would that mean3 If a girl gi!es you eye contact" and holds it for 8ust a bit longer than is the custom" it means %CA$T/) what it means when you do the same thing-she feels that 8olt of attraction .he sees you" and feels her chemistry change in that moment It is the magic of attraction - when you see each other" and something in you says >yes? 9hat usually happens is that we pass these open doors all the time .ometimes it is not feasible to approach the girl

9e might ha!e a meeting" or might be running late to work There are many !iable reasons not to stop and talk I think most of us intuiti!ely know what this magic moment means" and we simply don#t trust oursel!es to go for it Aike said it best - 5ust 2o It Another definite signal she is definitely into you is if she smiles at you .ounds ob!ious - and it is ob!ious .he wouldn#t smile at you if she wasn#t attracted to something about you I once knew a guy who was abo!e a!erage in attracti!eness" who had smiles from women all day long-he thought they were >8ust being nice? In fact" this is an opening to begin a con!ersation It is a signal that her first impression of you is a good one" and that she would be interested in meeting you /et#s say you are in the office cafeteria" ha!ing lunch with some colleagues )ou are chatting away" when someone at a nearby table catches your eye )ou and she look at each other a bit longer than is normal in such a situation )ou guys ha!e all been there - you see her" she sees you" and there is a moment" albeit brief" where you really see each other )our heart likely speeds up in that moment" your breath shortens" there is something electric about it ,oth she and you decide to allow the other to notice that you are being checked out This is a great signal that there is some initial attraction between you and a woman Another way to tell if a woman is into you initially is to notice her body language and beha!ior If you see that she goes out of her way to pass your table" or office" or your location" so that you can check her out - that is a good sign I recall once being at a restaurant with some friends of mine I had made eye contact with a woman a few tables away .he kept getting up for one reason or another" and each time she would she would glance our way" and then parade by our table to reach her destination A friend of mine pointed this out to me I then made my introduction to her later in the night" and e!entually dated this woman Also" if a woman is in your !icinity" and she opens her body language to you by facing you" this also is a good sign that she is open to meeting you Imagine you are in a group of people" carrying on a con!ersation 9hen you speak" she faces you with her body ,ut" when someone else speaks" she turns her head to hear them" but her body still faces you This indicates that she is more interested in talking with you than with anyone else in the group

Also" pay attention to your body language in social situations 9hen you see someone that you find attracti!e" don#t you subtly open your body to them3 9hat we are doing is signaling the other person" subconsciously" that we are interested in ha!ing a con!ersation with them These subtle cues occur within social settings constantly If you can recognize them" you will begin to see that women are communicating with men !ia their beha!ior and body language all the time These are signs that" initially" she feels some attraction for you ,y noticing these" you will feel a greater amount of confidence when making your introductions later *ne last point on these initial signs: if you notice a woman" and she does not signal you in any of the abo!e ways" it might simply mean that she is preoccupied or that she simply hasn#t noticed you In any e!ent" go ahead and make your approach" what do you ha!e to lose3 There are no hard and fast rules here as that would be way too easy" and therefore" unrealistic Go for it anyway 9ith some good con!ersational skills and a solid personal style" your first impression will be great anyway )our chances are then !ery good for entering into a positi!e interaction with the woman you ha!e approached Here is a list of twenty-fi!e ways women signal initial interest to us: 6' 0epeatedly glances at you from across the room B' 9alks by your location" going out of her way to be noticed by you F' .miles at you H' @ositions herself so that her body is open to you" wanting you to see her I' In a tight en!ironment &say" by the bar or on the subway'" will subtly" and purposely" bump you to get your attention and prompt an >e<cuse me? J' .tands close to you" subtly encroaching on your personal space K' 0epeats herself" and talks about boring things to keep the con!ersation going L' Asks you personal questions M' Ignores her friends or cellphone to keep talking with you 6N' Touches you in any way while speaking with you 66' $ompliments you 6B' Talks about you in any way to other people 6F' Introduces you to her friends 6H' 1lirts with you 6I' .he asks you your name early in the con!ersation 6J' ,rags about something in her life" trying to impress you 6K' /aughs at things you say 6L' Talks for a longer than normal amount of time 6M' .he fills in awkward pauses

BN' .he agrees to spend time alone with youO e!en a small side con!ersation at a party" bar" or other social setting B6' Asks if you are single BB' 1i<es her hair" clothes" makeup" etc BF' @lays with her hair while talking with you BH' Agrees with e!erything you say BI' Has that >doggy dinner bowl? look - her eyes glaze o!er and her lower lip pouts This one#s a biggieG )ou don#t ha!e to witness all of these to know if she is into you or not As few as one or two may all you get That is why it is important to pay attention to her beha!ior" as well as what she says

FIR%T IM'RE%%ION% I was recently out with some female friends of mine here in Aew )ork $ity 9e were mostly talking about dating and socializing &for some reason" con!ersations seem to end up on that topic when I am around - haha' *ne of my closer friends" let#s call her Amy" was talking about a guy she recently met at a party .eems innocent enough" right3 9ell" what she disclosed to me in the ne<t three minutes was like getting more than 8ust a peek behind the !eil I was totally shocked at what she told me ,efore I del!e into what her mental processes were" let me remind you - with women" you A%D%0 get a second chance at a first impression I find that men tend to reser!e 8udgment for a few moments before arri!ing at an opinion of a person 9omen" howe!er" tend to form this in a matter of .%$*A2. .o" if you don#t ha!e your look" !ibe P life HAA2/%2" you are destined for the bottom feeding e<tra!aganza known as sarging" and spending time with G+). who like to talk about &but ne!er actually 2AT%' attracti!e and interesting women 9omen ha!e de!eloped a system of sensiti!ity o!er the years that we can A*T relate to They ha!e a >$reep 4eter? &now known fore!er as $4' that is designed to protect them from predatory" disingenuous posers who masquerade as ha!ing their shit together when in reality they are arrogantly assuming that it is *; to play in the >land of make belie!e? And" 8ust so we all know" what is small subset of these ne#er-do-wells3 - @+As &aka" pick-up artists' - @layers - .erial daters - Aicely dressed dudes" pockets filled with >things to say? only seeking se<ual fulfillment &aka" pick-up artists'

Hopefully this will be a bit repetiti!e to you who consistently read this blog" but the abo!e subset only attracts its reciprocal ( meaning" dimly lit hotties or player girls-which is why they are all chronically single" and mostly spend time with members of their *9A se< @retenders attract pretenders-the $4 is much too high for women with a reasonably high IQ )ou should be suspicious of the >women e<perts? out there whose entourage consists of lapdog boys !aguely dressed as the guru-and who >8ust broke up with their girlfriend? .o" back to my story-what I did was ask her to put her thoughts into 9*02. &in an email' so I could directly reproduce it here with no editorializing on my part Here is the precise mental process of Amy: 1irst" I noticed his body language ( it was like he was subtly leading with his dick The guy had his head slightly tilted back" like an arrogant snob or something I felt like he was looking down on me I then quickly read his tone" it was tense ( like he had something to hide It was too highpitched for his >too big? posture I ne!er trust a guy with tense !ocal chords" I don#t really know why either Then" I noticed he was wearing a necklace" and when I asked him about it he had A* idea that the icon in it was in fact an Asian fertility symbol ( what a poserG His shirt collar had ring around the collar ( how tacky is thatG Ae<t" his belt buckle was 9A) o!er the top ( classic try hard I hate it when guys o!ercompensate for their lack of personality with flash and glitz He had a slight unibrow" which is often not a huge issue for me" but combined with e!erything else" made it yet another piece of e!idence His fingernails were all dirty ( which is completely ine<cusable ( and his shoes did not match his clothing )ou know" all of this may seem small" and petty ,ut" I gotta say" all of these small things were completely congruent with his DI,% ( there was something about him which was like a real estate salesman who wouldn#t take you into the basement cause he knew it was flooded I can#t put my finger on it" but he was 8ust $0%%@) That#s the best I can doG Amy 1labbergasting I mean" what#s a guy to do with all of this analysis going on33 Is there any hope for us3 At first" I thought that Amy might be the problem ,ut all of the other women at the table completely AG0%%2 9hat I later learned was that many of these small things are not a big deal if the DI,% seems cool and trustworthy A woman is willing to o!erlook a zit" or a dirty fingernail" if the o!erall picture is together .o" how do you know if the o!erall picture is together3 4y ad!ice ( /**; A0*+A2 )*+ Are there women in your world3 2o you ha!e female friends in your life3 If not" you might be setting off $4#s when you meet women 9omen 9AAT to meet and date cool guys who ha!e 0%A/ li!es If you are not dating interesting" attracti!e women ( you are probably creeping them out

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)ou can dress this up as much as you want" you can learn all the gimmicks you can get your hands on" you can e!en model the D%0) ,%.T in the world-and still be single" horny" desperate-and alone Hell" at the end of @ro8ect Hollywood" we" the so-called ,%.T" were A// single 9hat a 8oke rightG There were guys there teaching men how to pick-up girls who hadn#t been kissed in 4*ATH. The message here is ( G%T A /I1%-and get a 0%A/ one That is the *A/) way to meet women And" as you get that life" /%A0A social skills the hard way ( by practicing Guys who set off the $4#s of the world are unsocialized" and are unwilling to practice in order to normalize their beha!ior around women The whole reason I wrote >How To Get A Girlfriend? was to put a system into place that would help de!elop a guy#s social skills so that he could approach and attract the women he desires ,ut" also" to pro!ide a way for a guy to fi< his internal self-image and ha!e that align with his /ook and Dibe

WHAT #ATTRA&TION$ REALL( I% .o many words in our le<icon are tossed around with such a !ariety of meaning" that it#s a true wonder that we understand each other in this culture This is @A0TI$+/A0/) true in the world of dating *ne basic concept that you guys HAD% to grasp is the nature of ATT0A$TI*A Attraction" in brief" is simply when someone feels a romantic impulse towards another It is the first step in building a meaningful relationship 9hat follows are chemistry" connection" compromise and commitment Initially" if a woman is attracted to you and you to her" you ha!e accomplished the simplest and most elusi!e building block in a relationship I ha!e met many men o!er the years" and ha!e studied the nature of what is attracti!e to women Initially" each woman &and man' has a certain >type? that triggers the potential for attraction This does not mean that if you don#t fit that type that you are out of luck It does mean that your chances of engaging her in a flirtatious con!ersation increase As a man" it is !ery hard to know what type a particular woman is attracted to ( and there is only one way to find out ( initiate a con!ersation with her The best way to increase your chances with women" is to increase the attracti!eness of your world and the daily life you lead 9omen" intuiti!ely" are looking for a man that fulfills her innate need for security This is why insecure men ha!e trouble attracting a mate A secure man tends to embody a sense of humor" focus7determination &he li!es with purpose'" leadership" humility and !ulnerability Healthy" attracti!e women cra!e this combination

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These traits are challenging for many men" which is why I belie!e a guy who struggles with women is li!ing out of balance with himself His outlook is normally negati!e" and he seems to respond to life" rather than act or mo!e towards it Insecurity is a result of being prey to negati!e emotions" such as depression" anger" en!y" greed" lust etc If a guy struggles with en!y" he will find himself walking through the world comparing himself to e!eryone he meets" subtly fulfilling his internal prophecy of >I am not enough" look at that guy" he#s got it all-? T!e essence to being an att)acti*e man is being a +ositi*e man If you are a guy who struggles with dating and relationships" you must ask yourself these essential questions: R 2o you see problems in front of you" or challenges3 R Are you willing to accept yourself as you are" for the moment" and take on the responsibility of creating a life that is truly your own3 R Are you focused on short-term sur!i!al" or long-term prosperity3 History pro!es that" biologically ( and therefore" intuiti!ely - women seek out men that gi!e them a sense of security In order for a man to pro!ide this" he must be secure in himself A secure man is an autonomous man-he is the elusi!e one within each of us who cra!es to call his life his own If you desire to persuade people into your life in order to build relationships" you will be far more compelling to others if what you are offering promises to be a positi!e e<perience for them This is a simple sales model ( in order to sell a product" it needs to promise a positi!e e<perience for the consumer If your world is filled with positi!e emotions &humor" happiness" passion" to name a few' you will magnetically bring like-minded people into your life 1or e<ample" when you are talking to a woman on the phone" and she asks you >what#s up3? )ou might reply by painting an interesting and e<citing !iew of the world in front of you ( be original 0ecently" I was chatting with a girlfriend of mine" and in the middle of the con!ersation" I described to her the !ery funny scene happening directly in front of me ( which was of two kids playing with a puppy It was a !ery humorous way to in!ol!e her into my world" one that helped her understand that I see the world as a li!ely and fun place" and that I am not afraid to share that with her ( doing things like this says so much about you as a man" but do you take the time to consider it3 Another great way to reflect a powerful image into the world is in how you dress /ook at your wardrobe Are you up on the latest fashion3 Is your look something you are proud of" that you en8oy3 2oes your look work for your career path3

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If not" you might want to consider at least enhancing your wardrobe a bit with some of the basics or by buying a !ery nice pair of shoes for e<ample *r" seek out some help in defining a look which works with both your personality and lifestyle" and then find a way to incorporate that ( hire an image consultant" get your stylish sister to go shopping with you" buy men#s magazines for ideas-the possibilities are endless here guys 5ust remember" the most critical aspect in considering how you dress is to reflect your personality in a powerful way" that also works for the en!ironment or scene that you are in 4ight not be best to wear a really cool t-shirt to your corporate 8ob" for e<ample If you can be someone who sees the world in a positi!e light" you will naturally bring people closer to you 4en who are successful with women are those who are autonomous and embody a spirit of security by ha!ing a full" meaningful and positi!e lifestyle In short" they are happy

HOW TO A,OID -EING #./%T FRIEND%$ 2on#t worry" it happens to each and e!ery one of us 9e meet a woman" she is gorgeous" intelligent" and seems into us And then" 8ust as we are about to mo!e to kiss her" she throws up her hands and deli!ers the $/A..I$ line:A /et#s 5ust ,e 1riends +gh-our hearts drop" we feel embarrassed" and our masculinity plummets 9hat happened3 9hat went wrong3 There is no fail-safe method to pre!enting this" but there are some tried and true tips to help sta!e-off this dreaded phrase Here we go: 6' -e +!0sical Ao" I don#t mean wrestle with her" but I do mean for you to T*+$H her @erhaps you 8ust met her" and ha!e been talking for I-6N minutes ( touch her lightly on the hand or the shoulder *r" you are out on your first date" offer your arm to her as you cross the street or subtly place your hand on her lower back These are masculine mo!es" which signal to her that this is a romantic interaction" not a >friendly? one B' -e bol1 +ltimately guys" she is looking to you to be both sensiti!e to her and to the moment If the window opens for a kiss" be bold" and go for it If you allow too many of these to pass" the energy changes" and you classify )*+0.%/1 as a >friend? %!en if she re8ects your ad!ance" it is far better to go for it than not )ou get nowhere fast by hoping a kiss magically happens If she does re8ect you" this doesn#t mean you cannot try again later Also" she may be sa!ing you a lot of time by indicating that she simply is not interested in you ,etter to find out nowF' &!allenge !e) Too often we are so eager to please the woman that we fail to be oursel!es If we are really focused and mo!ing our li!es forward" our attracti!eness to women increases tremendously A woman" intuiti!ely" biologically" is seeking a man who will be firm and steadfast

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in his resol!e" and his purpose The way we demonstrate this is in not accepting her at her fullest .o" if you feel that she is not really li!ing up to her potential" T%// H%0 If she is allowing herself to slip into mediocrity" T%// H%0 2o it tenderly" and with lo!e" but be sure to do it 2on#t accept less than her best There you go guys If you can do these three things with consistency" you will ne!er find yourself hearing those awful words again-?/et#s 5ust ,e 1riends? There will be times when you do not get the girl" but you will always be firm in your purpose maintaining your integrity And" you will be better prepared for the A%CT girl" 8ust around the corner THE RE,ER%AL Had an interesting con!ersation the other night that I wanted to share Is it 8ust me" or do the best inspirations always come when you least e<pect them3 Anyway" I am a pretty dri!en guy ( and usually find myself out too late working on pro8ects that interest me I#!e been getting interested again in the arts recently" and this guy is a painter friend of mine" who is about to open a gallery show He#s a really cool guy" but a bit clueless when it comes to women He#s got a cool place to li!e where he also works" so whene!er we meet up we always go to his place so I can see what he#s up to As usual" anytime I am hanging with a friend" they always Edownload# their recent girl dramas And this time was no different 4y friends all get a kick out of my 8ob" and they also know that I /*D% hearing stories from >the field? He had recently hit up this bar downtown" and wanted to try out some approaches He#s not a @+A per se" but he does like to engage women in con!ersation Here#s what he told me: Him: >.tephen" I know you guys used to script these things to a tee-and I understand that and all" but I disco!ered that the ,%.T way to open up a con!o is to 0%D%0.% their e<pectations from the get-go? 4e: >Hmmm-I ha!e this image of you approaching them and pretending to be gay and completely disinterested-true3 @lease say no-? Him: >Ao way Aot at all ,ut take the most common scenario" a guy rolls up and says E$an I buy you a drink3# ( right3 Isn#t that the most common scenario3? 4e: &ugh" he#s building a Eyes# tree here-he#s a great salesman' )%. Him: >.o" what if you ( IA.T%A2 ( said to her: #He0 gi)ls 2 listen, I3*e got a little c!allenge 2 0o4 4+ "o) it5 6t!e0 al7a0s sa0 80es39: I" 0o4 can g4ess m0 "a*o)ite 1)in;, I 7ill b40 0o4 a 1)in;: In "act, I3ll gi*e 0o4 t!)ee s!ots at it$

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4e: Hmmmm-that#s interesting-tell me more &aka" )%.' Him: >9ell" it immediately puts a fun frame around the interaction" and separates you from the pack Isn#t that what you#re always saying .tephen3 AA2" I got three numbers last 1riday night using 5+.T this method ? He was and I. right I was so glad he brought this up" because it is so .I4@/% and useful to guys who dislike routines" but who also want some sort of structure to use when beginning the con!ersation It reminded me of a con!ersation .tyle and I had years back at @ro8ect Hollywood 9e were rehashing an old 0oss 5effries routine that I used to use when I was !ery new It goes like this: >%<cuse me Are you confident enough to accept a sincere compliment from a complete stranger3? I#!e always liked this script" and used it for a long time I e!en e<perienced results with it" unlike most who use 05#s stuff .tyle and I howe!er concei!ed of a new way of wording it ( by adding the below to the end &after she says Eyes#' >Hey" so am IG )ou go first? 9hat you do is completely re!erse the e<pectation and cause her to ha!e to think on her feet This ob!iously separates you from Ethe pack# while also causing intrigue .he HA. to engage you" as she can#t rely on her own bag of tricks .o" engage her in con!ersation by using her e<pectations 1*0 you The only difference ( 0%D%0.% this so that you get the ad!antage Take an ob!ious source of con!ersation" and simply re!erse it on its head so that you are challenging her Here are some e<amples &all said with a smile btw-otherwise you#ll come off as an ass': >If I gi!e you guys some cash" do you mind bringing drinks to me and my friends throughout the night3 9e#re really tired and would lo!e to 8ust kick back without running back and forth to the bar? or >Aice bag $ould I borrow it for say fi!e minutes3 I want to impress someone? or

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&if someone is ha!ing a cellphone con!ersation nearby' &roll your eyes' >/et#s pretend to be the other person on the line 9e#ll take turns I#ll go first: >aah" but I lo!e you 5im" I think about you always-? &turn it into a soap opera' ,e challenging and engaging ,e 2I11%0%AT +se something happening and turn it on its head Instead of asking a lame question about it ( turn it into something +.%1+/

%TOR(TELLING Ha!e you e!er found yourself in a con!ersation with A*THIAG to say3 Are you the kind of guy who Edefaults# into asking questions when the discussion dries up3 If so" I ha!e the perfect solution for youTell A .T*0)G .torytelling is an age-old art form" but for our purposes I want to keep things simple-this is 8ust an article" right3 9ith women" it is important that you tell a story in a way that captures and leads H%0 imagination" so that it brings her into your world-which is a nice place to be" right3 4en who are naturally successful with women almost always ha!e a sincere interest in life" and in li!ing it to the fullest I talk at length about passion" and its rele!ance to being attracti!e in the final chapter of >How To Get A Girlfriend?" but I will touch on it here as it relates to storytelling These >naturals? ha!e a lot of acti!ities going on" where they are able to test themsel!es" and grow as men Their life is interesting It brings a lot of fascination and intrigue" all because they ha!e an open mind and choose to e<plore it *ne way that this ser!es to help them in their li!es with women is that they ha!e interesting stories to tell 9omen &and all people' are capti!ated by a good story The best storytellers always fill their words and tales with drama" humor" passion" intrigue and mystery

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Ae<t time you are at the beach" notice what kinds of books women are reading while they sunbathe This summer" I seemed to see a lot of romance no!els" as well as mystery and suspense no!els 9omen are most often led by their emotional center" and when they find something &or someone' who understands how to communicate with them in an emotional way" they get interested 9hat might be some topics to focus on when considering what stories to tell while in the presence of women3 Here#s a list: - @op $ulture - .pirituality - %motionally charged memories P e<periences - Tra!el - Ad!enture - Humorous stories from your life These topics are great because they are entertaining" e<citing" funny and generate positi!e emotions Also" the more interested you already are in a certain topic the better This helps you to be enthusiastic when telling your story" a D%0) necessary prerequisite for capturing someone#s attention If you ha!e a natural interest in one of the abo!e topics" it makes sense for you to want to share stories from your life that reflect this interest Get that3 .o" what are some ways that we can de!elop this skill called storytelling3 6' @ay attention &see the world around you" and de!elop an eye7ear for a good story' B' /earn to communicate !ia emotions &as opposed to logic' F' /i!e passionately /et#s spend a ,0I%1 minute now with each of these topics 'a0 attention: @eople tend to sleep walk through their li!es Great poets seem to always highlight this when they discuss the smallest things" which most of us don#t see and appreciate As you go through your life" pay attention to what you see Also" remember to paint the picture for someone Get them in!ol!ed by creating clear images of what is happening Great storytellers are comfortable using their body" facial e<pressions and !oice to illuminate the story This allows them to enter into that world" and ha!e a similar e<perience of the story as you had when witnessing it This strengthens the connection between the two of you" painting an attracti!e portrait of your world 4akes sense right3 %ach day of your life is full of scenes" scenarios" and happenings that make for good stories

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Also" many men forget that women like it when we make fun of oursel!es It communicates that you are secure with yourself If you can tell a funny story which pokes fun at yourself" illustrates that you are human and are comfortable with that" you will get great reactions from women ( T0+.T 4% I want to emphasize the importance of paying attention to what is happening around you This can help you in all areas of your life" not 8ust in relating to women Ao one#s life is so boring" so lacking in humor" beauty and drama" as to pre!ent them from ha!ing any interesting stories to relate to others Here is an appropriate mindset: you find your life interesting" and the world fascinates youO you" naturally" wish to con!ey this to others as you are a !ery social guyO you want others to come into your world so you in!ite them in with a story Lea)n emotional comm4nication: If women could hit us all o!er the heads" and in a flash change one thing about men" it would be that we are not in touch with our emotions In order to communicate emotionally" we first must be in contact with our own emotional li!es This means being open to how we are feeling" each and e!ery moment &$heck out 2a!id 2eida#s >,lue Truth? for more on this' %motional communication is where you speak in a way that creates emotions in the listener The way to do this as a storyteller is to in!ite the senses and emotions into the story This means to recreate the images that you obser!ed" and sounds and smells you e<perienced" and anything you physically felt as a result of the e<perience )ou must do this with your words" con!eying these words with feeling and emotion 4en tend to be stoic" stiff" logical people" go!erned more by their intellect while women tend to be more emotional" centered in their feelings The >natural? is not stiffO he is rela<ed and unafraid to con!ey emotions He relates a story from his life with real feeling and he sympathizes with women intuiti!ely At the same time he offers them strength and challenges them to face things in a more balanced way He is unafraid to gi!e himself to something with a great deal of passion The ne<t time you go to a bar" or club" or somewhere where people are socializing" notice the men who ha!e women with them Are they the stiff" ner!ous-looking guys who are mostly silent and appear as a deer in headlights when face-to-face with a beautiful woman3 Aope

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Are they the rela<ed" confident guys who are 8ust ha!ing fun" 8oking around with people" sharing the moment and their life lightheartedly" without the appearance of being under a lot of pressure3 )es *nce you open up and begin to trust and listen to yourself" you will begin to notice many cues that were always there before" but that you were unaware of-why3 )ou weren#t paying attention" that#s why This is an in!aluable skill when storytelling because it adds a dimension to it that women strongly relate to ( an emotional dimension THE ATTRA&TI,E NI&E G/( 9e#!e all heard it-and" to a degree" its true - >nice guys finish last? 9hy is that3 I mean" wouldn#t )*+ be flattered with someone who buys you e!erything you want" arri!es promptly on time" thinks of you day and night" and always answers the phone on the first ring33 Actually" A*" I wouldn#t at all.ee where I am going with this33 Guys ( women want us to be nice to them" but more importantly they want us to ha!e our own /ID%. 9hen" we shower and flatter them constantly" well that 8ust shows them that they are D%0) important to us ( which might 8ust scare the hell out of them @erhaps we need to rethink this word >nice? and frame it in the conte<t of being attracti!e *;3 An attracti!e guy is someone whose life is in balance" and is focused on an aim In fact" eac! a)ea o" a g403s li"e s!o4l1 be "oc4se1 on an aim: his careerO his healthO his relationshipsO his hobbies etc In fact" a guy who begins to realize on a deeper le!el his true nature might e!en feel a sense of harmony with all of these areas" creating the necessary >balance? of autonomy Aow" don#t let me lose you here I realize I am getting a bit heady" but 8ust know that aiming to7a)1s a goal is somet!ing 7e t)4l0 nee1 in eac! a)ea o" o4) li*es The feeling most guys pro8ect is a sense of desperation" and a lack of a strong footing *nce a guy can arrange his lifestyle in such a way as to help harness his focus &and energy' the sense of desperation !anishes His relationships with women lose the importance that they once had Interestingly enough" he then is more attracti!e &0%A2: less desperate' to women *nce a guy is centered in this place of" dare I say" personal power" he can then be truly nice to women The former e<ample is mere manipulation" and any woman with a head on her shoulders

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will smell you from ten miles away .o" sto+ see;ing *ali1ation ")om 7omen, an1 get 0o4) li"e in o)1e) *nce this happens" feel free to be as nice and considerate as you want I e!en tell some guys to .T*@ dating for some time while they get the rest of their li!es in order *nly then is it fair to put yourself on the market +ntil then" you will not attract a healthy mate to you" and will instead be looking for someone to fill a hole which they can not fill-that hole is your responsibility" not theirs.o" 8ust now" take a look at the following areas of your life: Health71itness $areer .ocial7friendships 1amily 1inancial Hobbies7*ther .piritual And score yourself from 6 to 6N 9e ha!e a more sophisticated way of breaking this down with our clients" and in our seminars" but for now this should suffice ,ased on your H*A%.T answers" where do you need to put some focus3 How much time do you realistically need to meet some goals3 Also" if you were to raise your le!el in each of these areas" would you attract someone different than you might be now3 I think that#s enough for now ( and you thought you were going to hear a discourse on how to be nice Trust me" each of you knows how to be nice" but what your missing is a self connected with a true source of masculine power +ntil you reach that" you will settle across the board" for less than you deser!e&/LTI,ATING A #LOO<$ If you want great relationships with quality women" what we feel is that you#!e got to get your life in order And one thing you can do is think outside of this bo< and build a look that works for you .o" if your image is that of an a!erage guy" this encourages you to fade away" ne!er standing out Aow I#m not talking about showing up to work in an outrageous costume e!ery dayG ,ut what I am talking about is finding an image that works for you" and that helps you to be seen .o ask yourself these three questions when you#re building your look and enhancing your image-ready3 Ao 6: 2oes it help me feel more powerful and confident3 Ao B: 9ill it help me achie!e the aims I stri!e for in life3

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Ao F: 2oes it work for my body type and personality3 Take those three questions with you as you begin to culti!ate and design for yourself an image .o you might consider a certain garment" 8acket" pants/et#s use an ob!ious e<ample - If you ha!e an office type of 8ob" and you want to dress better at the workplace" di!ing into the 8eans rack at the Gap might not be a wise choice 9hat I would suggest" in that case" is going to a good men#s store" perhaps not something that#s o!erpriced here in Aew )ork we ha!e Sara" which is great for men" particularly of my size" who are fairly thin and tall - they ha!e great pants there %!ery ma8or city typically has e<ceptional stores for clothing" mid-range stores for clothing" and then the a!erage stores for clothing I would stay away from the a!erage stores" and shoot for the middle rack )ou know" you#re not going to go to .aks 1ifth A!enue" here in Aew )ork" if you#re not loaded with green ,ut you might go to 4acy#s" or Sara" or you might go to good" intelligent thrift stores like Housing 9orks" where they often ha!e hand-me-down#s worn by people who ha!e great taste in clothing I recently found a THN pair of ,oss slacks at a thrift store which fit me perfectly that are a huge steal They would easily retail for four or fi!e-hundred dollarsG .o" you ha!e to think outside the bo< Here#s a couple of websites: ,luefly com and )oo< com" where you can buy contemporary clothing that is suited" hopefully" to your body type and color scheme" which you ha!e to consider Also" here#s an e<ercise" and I want you to ask yourself these questions - write them down 0eread this tonight or tomorrow if you need to" and then write down the answers And from those answers begin to try to conceptualize for yourself a new look" or at least the ne<t step in a new look )ou#re going to be asked here to become your own image consultant because you#re not here in front of me and I ob!iously can not work with you directly" but I can gi!e you something to think about There are eight of them-here goes: Ao 6: Go to a mirror and notice your body language And ask yourself what does it communicate3 )ou might e!en in!ol!e a friend It could be male or female - if it#s a guy that you like to go out with" fineO if you ha!e a female friend" fine Ask them to help you here" because you might not be the best 8udge

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Ao B: 9hat body type are you3 Thin" medium build" muscular" or are you o!erweight3 Try to keep this answer simple Ao F: Thumb through a men#s magazine" and ask yourself which fashion ads grab your attention and why3 9hat about the look of the men in the picture grabs your attention3 This is important in order to see what stimulates your imagination 9hat it is that you might begin to feel great wearing3 Ao H: Imagine a scenario where you are successful in the workplace or in your career And ask yourself what is it that you are wearing in that image3 How is your posture" what is your !ibe3 Are you confident and assured3 Are you meek and timid3 ,e honest with yourself and write this down Ao I: Imagine a scenario where you are going out on the town with the woman of your dreams )ou#re arm in arm" headed to a concert perhaps" or a show )ou are both !ery comfortable and happy with each other 9hat are you wearing" how is your posture" what is your !ibe3 Again" is it confident and assured" meek and timid3 .omething else7something in-between3 9rite it down Ao J: +se your imagination to determine what type of look you picture yourself in Is it casual3 2ressed up in suits3 Is it preppy3 2ressed down perhaps in the latest street-wear3 $onsider your day-to-day life" and what image you need to pro8ect to fulfill your aims .ee yourself successfully achie!ing these goals and notice the look you embody That one is H+G% If you ha!e any impressions or images of yourself as you read this" I would encourage you to e<amine those and look into them and see how far you can take that Ao K: $onsider the roles that you play daily that impact your style Are you an e<ecuti!e" student" a 253 These are common sense If you#re stuck" think of someone whose clothes you like" someone that you think dresses stylishly and con!eys the right things with their look At the same time look at yourself and be honest 9ill this work for you3 )ou know" I personally lo!e the way 4ick 5agger dresses" but I can#t imagine myself wearing his clothing out in my daily life That 8ust wouldn#t be intelligent" so you#!e got to be smart here That#s ob!iously an e<treme e<ample" but I think it communicates a point And then lastlyAo L: 9ho do you look like3 Ask yourselfO do you look like 4ick 5agger3 2o you look like Tom $ruise3 2o you look like a friend of yours3 2o you ha!e a similar body type as he3 2oes your hair kind of mirror each other#s in some way3 Take a look at that %<amine that .ee what looks good on those body types" and then maybe adapt that to your own look A friend of mine was recently approached by someone who said that he looked like @ierce ,rosnan This guy kept getting people coming up to him saying E)ou look like @ierce ,rosnan)ou remind me of @ierce ,rosnan# .o" what did he do3 He looked at photographs of @ierce ,rosnan" and didn#t e<actly mirror his style necessarily" but did take on certain looks that he wore" e!en in ,ond films" but certainly publicity photos of him coming in and out of theatres

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He took on some of his looks" which looked G0%AT A GREAT DATE A really great date idea is something that is often !ery challenging for men It#s hard to really know why it is that so many of us struggle with coming up with original and interesting ideas for acti!ities and locations for where to take women for a night out How many guys out there ha!e consistently fallen back on the >2inner P a 4o!ie? idea3 @robably most" if not A// of you .o" what I wanted to do with this post was to gi!e you one of my fa!orite date ideas" break down why it is so !ery good" and then toss the ball to the guys reading the blog out there for your ideas - as I am sure some of you ha!e de!eloped good ones yourself 1irst of all" you gotta understand that what you choose to do with a woman on a date re!eals a lot about your personality .o" if you fall back on >ordinary? acti!ities" you will be seen as - well ordinary 2o you want that33 In my ebook" How To Get A Girlfriend" I discuss how important it is for you to get in!ol!ed in your community This is key for many reasons" but two that I want to highlight now are: 6' ,y being really >in? your community" you ha!e more 1+A" andO B' )ou consequently know of more interesting and 1+A date ideas@retty simple ,ut" if you ne!er branch out and try new things you will ne!er ha!e a better idea for when it comes time to plan the date )ou will then default to what e!eryone else doesdinner and a mo!ie Aotice I highlight 1+A abo!e &actually" I all $A@. it" to get your attention-master keystroke3 9e#ll see-' - when considering the where7what7how7when for your night out with >her?" this should be the guiding principle for your decisions - is it 1+A ,efore we completely bemoan the classic >2inner and a 4o!ie?" let#s at least see why it is effecti!e" if not completely ordinary: 6' It has T9* different acti!itesO B' It has T9* different !enues As principles" these are !ery good and useful If you are dead-set on this" at least take her to a cool restaurant" and an interesting flick &for Aew )orkers" we are about to ha!e the Tribeca 1ilm 1esti!al - so" that would be far more interesting than taking her to the TB cinema to watch >*ld .chool? for the fiftieth time' In case you are counting" we now ha!e three guiding principles in formulating a date: 6' It must be 1+AO B' It must in!ol!e more than one acti!ityO F' It must happen in more than one !enue *;" so after all of that - here is a fa!orite" ine<pensi!e" 1+A" date idea: A few years ago" I met a younger girl in /os Angeles I was out at dinner with some friends" and noticed that she and her friend were glancing our way from a few tables down .o" I drew up a hangman game on a napkin and sent it o!er I think the final answer was >I /ike @uppy 2ogs? or something like that - funny and cute &yes" this is a fun way to meet women in restaurants-' *nce she got the right answer" she sent it back with her cellphone number on it I called her the ne<t day &yes" always call the ne<t day - the two7three day rule is no longer Ecool#'" and we arranged for our date I knew that I needed to chat with her for a bit" so that we

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could at least get to know each other some - because at this point" all we knew was that we were both fun and attracted to each other-but there were no commonalities" and no comfort - which is really important if you want to con!ince someone to car!e out an e!ening from their schedule for you' After about 6N minutes" I suggested we get together and she agreed 9e met at an arcade off of Hollywood ,l!d Aow" it might seem childish to meet at an arcade for a first date - but we both had fun attitudes about it" and I think she got a kick out of seeing me try to play !ideo games &I am ,A2 at !ideo games ,T9" but skill le!el doesn#t matter - it#s about ha!ing 1+A' 9hen we entered the arcade" I decided to raise the stakes a bit I purchased about TI worth of tokens" and told her that we would play as many games as we could" but that the o!erall loser would ha!e to buy dessert &incidentally" I try to a!oid dinner on a first date - because if there is no chemistry" I don#t want to be stuck at a restaurant with someone for two hours" nor do I want to pay for the time - a first date is a time to get to know each other" and a second date is a time to go deeper" o!er dinner' .o" we played a bunch of different games" and I was the e!entual loser The important thing here is that we had 1+A" and there were no awkward moments as there usually are on a first date - we had instant con!ersation fodder" the acti!ity we were sharing Then" I took her to a fa!orite dessert spot in 9est Hollywood where we had coffee and cake After sharing a fun hour or so with each other" mo!ing into a more real con!ersation was easy because the ice had been broken long ago 9hat makes this so effecti!e is that it is comfortable for her and for me 9omen are also reluctant often to go for a dinner date &unless they are more familiar with the guy' because they too don#t want the discomfort of being stuck at a dinner table with someone they don#t really know ,y ha!ing the first section of our date together be with an acti!ity helps us both to rela<" and open up Then" we sit down and share some con!ersation - which is much easier now *h" and in case you were wondering" if you ask the girl out" you @A) for e!erything" got it3 As you get to know each other more" the pay-burden can be shared" but on a first date" the guy always pays.o" to sum-up: 6' 1+A - try to plan an acti!ity at the beginning of the date which will automatically break the ice" and help you both rela< Galleries are great places to go" for e<ample B' 4ore than one acti!ity - two things >to-do? at least 2inner and a mo!ie are two different acti!ities I like to be more creati!e and in!enti!e .tep out of the bo< and show her that you see the world differently than the a!erage chum-being ad!enturous is attracti!e F' 4ore than one !enue - ,y going to different places" not only do you both rela<" but you also get to see more than 8ust one side of someone %n!ironments help people socialize around different topics $hange en!ironments at least once on a date Also" by ha!ing to 4*D% from one to the other helps people to rela< too as their bodies are now engaged 4ay seem like a small detail" but in my e<perience" this can be !ery helpful to both of you %n8oyG

GOING FOR THE <I%% Here we go ( the step-by-step guide to being super smooth when it#s time to smooch:

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In my estimation" this is where most guys blow it They know the girl is ready to be kissed" yet they freeze up and pass a bunch of good opportunities to make a mo!e" waiting for that perfect one %!en worse" they#ll wait hoping the woman will make the first mo!e If you#re the kind of guy who hesitates" I got news for you- There are no perfect windows of opportunity" 8ust many good ones" and MMU of the time she will not be the first to initiate any form of intimacy If she does" consider yourself lucky How do we handle this slightly awkward situation3 Dery simply The key here is spotting these good" small windows of opportunity and then taking ad!antage of them .till better is to 8ust create these windows yourself I ha!e co!ered a lot more steps in my e-book >How To Get A Girlfriend? but for now I ha!e 8ust illustrated a basic technique /et#s co!er this point-by-point: 6' The first thing to make sure of is that you#re both ha!ing a good time" getting along well and physical contact has been established It could be anything from holding hands" to a playful push on the shoulder At this point it is important that she has touched you in some way indicating interest on her part B' 9hen you feel you ha!e reached this point" start slowing down the energy of the interaction .tart subtly mo!ing a bit closer to her" slowing down your speech" and take longer pauses between sentences The thought here is .+,T/% F' Aow here#s the secret" the one mo!e that will assure you to be remembered by her as the smoothest guy e!er- 2uring each of those pauses in your con!ersation" stare at her lips )ou can e!en start talking again" though slowly" still staring at her lips .tart slowly mo!ing in closer The words you#re saying at this point become irrele!antO the se<ual tension in the air will be too thick H' .lowly mo!e your eyes from her mouth to her eyes and back again If she has not mo!ed away" or shown any sign of unease" you can place a hand on her hip and bring her in closer I' +sually she will lean in the rest of the way and kiss you After all" at this stage" your lips should only be an inch or two away from hers $ongratulationsG In her mind" you are the world#s smoothest man

W!at is I1entit0 -4il1ing, an1 W!0 #T!e Game$ is Fla7e1 I had a recent email from an A)$ guy named A5 with an interesting question about identity building

BI

There is a lot of talk and writing about identity in the pick-up community" most of which is based in >the game? mentality I discuss what I learned from that former life in my ebook >How To Get A Girlfriend?" while mi<ing in a ton of healthy" H%/@1+/ ad!ice-tested in the real world and e!erything.ince I am no longer at all interested in anything based in games" I thought it might be helpful to write a bit about what identity means from the standpoint of a guy seeking a girlfriend" and a healthy social life If you look up the word >identity? in the dictionary" it will tell you this: 6 a : sameness of essential or generic character in different instancesO B a : the distinguishing character or personality of an indi!idual >.ameness? and >2istinguishing? are the critical words here 9hat is constant about you3 9hen you relate to others" what is it that you notice about them that distinguishes them from others3 9hat might someone say about you3 1eel free to ask people" if you want Typically" a person has a chief feature which somehow defines them to others It might be that they are generous" open" or happy *r" it could mean that they are suspicious" thrifty and negati!e This little e<ercise is useful" but not really what we are looking for here 9hat is more useful to men looking to impro!e their relationships with women" is to both understand themsel!es internally and then how that manifests e<ternally &which is the entire point of my company" $%I$' 2are I say" the entire point of >the game? is to refuse what is internal and attempt in e!ery way possible to create an entirely new >identity? to manifest e<ternally This leads to the ongoing pattern of guys seeming >incongruent? They seem incongruent because they A0% incongruent Here#s the rub though" when a guy tries through whate!er measure to become congruent with this new identity" material" routine" clothing etc " he denies his true nature" his true identity 4ost guys in the community ha!e a D%0) apparent strangeness to them - no one I ha!e met well" sa!e a !ery few &4ike" my former partner" was one of them" >BJ?" who worked with us at @ro8ect Hollywood" another'" are cool" laid-back guys with a real life" and a real sense of their identity The others ha!e filled their brain with beha!iors" thought patterns" and enforced circuitry which is !ery unhealthy" and ironically" furthers them from their goal It IA$0%A.%. the real space between them and themsel!es" e<acerbating the issue of being incongruent 9hat happens then3 9ell" the only women who would be attracted to such a confused and childish specimen would be someone equally confused and lost )ou attract AT your le!el /et this be a warning against pick-up" or at least most offerings of pick-up: that you can only de!elop yourself by becoming and e!ol!ing as yourself in the end" you will fool A* *A% by playing in

BJ

the land of make belie!e If you want better relationships" and higher-quality women7people in your life" you ha!e to de!elop yourself first Also" an identity is A%D%0 built - it is something that we disco!er along the path of leading a healthy lifestyle Identity" in the $%I$ le<icon" is the same as >self-image? The only time a man needs to build his identity is when he refuses to disco!er and de!elop the one gi!en to him This arrogance makes the host pay dearly down the road - this is your second warning .o" how then do we de!elop our identities in a healthy way" which can naturally attract likeminded people into our li!es3 V6' 0efuse" right now" to e!er play games with women or people again Ao more gimmicks" no more routines" no more 10s" /0s" 2HDs etc $#mon guys - are you still playing this ,.3 VB' 9hat do you 9AAT out of life3 9hat do you feel is your purpose for being here3 It certainly isn#t to manipulate and lie" I can assure you If you were to die today" what would be the deepest source of sorrow for you3 If you can sincerely face this question" you ha!e a chance of really growing-up The key to knowing and feeling your identity" is in first knowing and feeling your purpose )ou might not know the true meaning of your life" but you might at least be curious enough A*9 to begin to stri!e to understand that VF' ,ased on knowing your real purpose" how then should you spend your time3 If you could architect your calendar" what would it look like3 *ne thing that can directly help impro!ing my self image" is to spend time with people whom I feel happy to be with" and in doing things that fill me with passion and 8oy Taking action in the direction on 0%A/ self-de!elopment and lifeenhancement is the best way to impro!e self-esteem VH' .peaking of who you spend your time with - how acti!e is your social circle3 How often do you need social interaction3 4ost of us need a balance of being alone" and being with people 2o you ha!e this balance3 Also" how often do you !enture out with them and try new things3 Aew restaurants" e!ents" galleries" mo!ies" parties - there is certainly a lot more than meets the eye happening in your neck of the woods" are you acti!ely e<ploring this3 Try doing one new thing7restaurant7!enue per month with your friends VI' 9ith intelligence" can you grow this social circle3 $an you in!ol!e more people who share like-minded interests and perspecti!es3 This is where social skills actually come in handy so that you can present yourself in a socially intelligent way to people" not in a socially manipulati!e way - ,IG difference ,y meeting new people" and by encouraging your friends to bring along new people" you !ery naturally are able then to meet new people If you do interesting and cool acti!ities" these people will be e!en more interested in being in!ol!ed 9hat happens if you can master these fi!e points is that you really begin to grow and build selfesteem by honoring your true nature There is nothing that can be gained by denying your true nature Also" you begin to magnetize like-minded people to you" including 9*4%A The best way to meet women for relationships is to attract them to you by li!ing autonomously and honestly If your lifestyle is acti!ely social you will ha!e A* problem meeting women AA2

BK

they will ha!e things in common with you Also" women &and men' tend to want to meet someone for a relationship in a safe and healthy way The healthy women don#t 9AAT to meet anyone !ia a cold approach" they want it to happen as it happens normally - through the process of li!ing and socializing .o" in short" there really is no >identity building? in real life &there might be in the >2onky;ong? game lifestyle' 9hat there is is identity disco!ery and de!elopment" but from the insideout not from the ego-in This is the only way to e<perience real self-esteem de!elopment" and therefore real" healthy relationships with people in general" and with women in specific

BL